Emotional Overload, Cardiff and Walk-In

I broke down crying again last night. I don’t remember what triggered it but I was overwhelmed by grief over the state of the planet and the people who inhabit it. I could not understand how everything got so off track. I felt so small and unable to affect any of it.

I asked my HS to take the pain away. I didn’t want to feel it. I want to be numb to it. That is the problem though and why I and so many others like me are feeling it now. The apathy has to be eliminated. Only when we allow ourselves to feel completely are we ready to make a change.

I knew that my upset was purposeful. My heart must be open, not only to receive but send love. And love is not just the pleasant feeling one gets from others that tells us we belong and are accepted, it is also everything in between. It is accepting others for what/who they are regardless of the pain they are experiencing or pushing onto others. In order to accept others we must accept all of them – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Fitful Sleep and Messages

I slept light and had numerous dreams. I woke so often I lost count. I recall at one point waking and feeling discombobulated. As I remembered my dreams I felt amnesia closing in like a big, black hole. I had to fight it off to get to the content. Sadly, I could not recall the dreams I fought so hard to remember. I should have gotten up and written them down.

My last waking I sought to remember what has occurred in my sleep. I only remember bits and pieces.


Cardiff. This was a word I awoke with. I was hit with a memory from the night of briefly seeing a bright light in the peripheral of my vision and hearing, “It is coming”. I automatically said something like, “I will be transferred” but this isn’t quite right. I then heard a word which I said over and over and knew was the name of my ship which was still near the Pleiades. When I awoke and searched for the name, I got, “Cardiff”. I thought, “That’s not a ship, that’s a city, isn’t it?” Sure enough, it is in the U.K., the capital of Wales.

I honestly don’t think this is the word I tried to remember in the night. I am not sure why I got it but there it is. Another word/message to add to the long list I may never find reason for.


This is another word I heard upon waking. Why I heard it, I don’t know, but the last time I heard it there came the most intense spiritual experience I have ever had. I felt to be hosting another person inside this body for a period of two weeks. It was not invasive and I did not reject it. Quite the opposite. I welcomed it.

When I heard this I instantly felt something would occur in five days. I tried to reject this but it kept coming back to me. What it means, I don’t know. I will put it up there on the shelf with Cardiff. Who knows what any of it means.


I asked my HS to explain what was going on last night. I got an image in my mind of energy anchors coming down from my energy field and anchoring into the Earth’s energy field. I heard with this vision, “Your energy is being stabilized”. This is why I currently am not being allowed OOB. This is a preparation for something to come. When “it” happens I must be firmly anchored to the Earth grid/energy. I saw the anchors coming off the outer areas of my aura/energy (head, shoulders, arms, hands). There was energy arching like electricity off my aura to the Earth. The energy colors was green and blue and each beam looked like a laser beam but thicker.

It was not what I expected as an answer and I really don’t know what to make of it.




Dream: Baby Snails

I slept really hard last night and had many strange dreams, the kind where nothing really makes much sense and blend together. When I woke up, 10 hours later, I felt drowsy and didn’t want to get out of bed. I asked to astral project but was told, “We are working on you [energetically]” so I knew it was a no-go.

Dreams About My Nanny

For two nights in a row I’ve had dreams about my grandmother who died last year not long after the birth of my son.

In the first dream my grandmother was on the floor of her home cleaning it vigorously with a large towel. Her poodle was nearby watching. I asked her, “Nanny, why are you on the floor?” She said, “It’s dirty and my knees are out”. This was typical of her in her later years as her knees both went out.

Last night I dreamed of her again, but this time I did not see her. Instead I was inside her home where her things were being laid out on the kitchen table. There were many small jars and a strange looking vibrating thing. I picked up the latter and was asked if I wanted it by my mom. I knew it was a dildo and said, “No. Gross”. Then my mom showed me the attachment and it was this foot long, smooth and flat rod. It looked more like a sword than a dildo. It was really weird! I remember not wanting to think about my grandparents using it together.

Then I saw a machine and an attachment. The attachment was for an enema and I was again grossed out, imaging my grandmother giving herself an enema. lol

Finally, I began looking at the jars on the table. Inside one I saw a tiny brown and black puppy. I remembered my grandmother often froze dead puppies (not sure why). I looked closer and the puppy had two maggots on it. Yuck! The other containers also contained puppies. I looked in one and there were three.

I then went into a dream within a dream where I watched a mother dog and her three puppies. The mother dog refused to let them nurse and the puppies slowly starved to death. As I watched, a woman was telling me that she kept them together as much as possible. I kept asking why she didn’t feed them herself. The answer I got was she had to let nature take its course. This upset me quite a bit. I felt it was unfair and was sad about it.

Dream: Baby Snails

I had an odd, very vivid dream after that. In it I was in an apartment standing with others looking at someone who said, “When you come back for your friend you will die”. It looked like he threw something towards us and this force-field of blue shimmered. I didn’t worry about what he said because my friend was already with me.

We went into a room and I watched my friends sit on the floor and eat. I began to clean up the floor which was covered in crumbs and debris and asked them to please not eat in the living area. That is when I saw a plant that was doing poorly. I picked it up and found it had too much water in it. I squeezed out the water and these strange pods fell out.

I picked up a pod and wondered what it was. It reminded me of buckeye seed but it was light colored and smooth. Something was moving inside. I inspected it further and determined it was two baby snails.

I took the snails to a science lab and showed them to this guy. He dissected it, which upset me. I said, “You’ll kill them!”. I remember being fascinated by the baby snails.

The rest of this dream is confusing. The whole time it felt to me that we were hiding from a war that was raging all around us.


Prior to sleep last night I experienced a great emotional outpouring over the refugee situation in Europe. I had watched a video and was hit suddenly with a great sadness for them and their plight. It brought up to the surface past issues of loss, specifically loss of children and the innocent. Such emotional situations always make me wonder how people can be so cruel. I believe the dream I had in my grandmother’s home was about this.

The second dream also applies to this issue. Snails represent over sensitivity. They can also symbolize steady progress towards a goal and bring the message to go at one’s own pace.

I know without knowing how that I am currently focusing on my heart center, purging yet more from it’s depths. It would be nice to be able to be objective about the suffering on this planet and not be hit with the pain I did yesterday when thinking of the refugees. Similarly, I would like to not feel this way when considering the deaths of the innocent, animal and human alike. I am not sure there is even a way to avoid such emotion, though.



Manifestations of the Shift: Update

I have had a strange feeling this entire week. I do not know how to describe it other than to say I feel like something is coming, like on the verge.

I wanted to update you all on what I have been experiencing energetically and physically.

  • Almost constant third-eye activity, sometime intense
  • Heart chakra activity brought on at will with just a thought or intention
  • Second chakra activity – warm, buzzing, pleasant feeling
  • Strong connection with guide/HS, constant
  • HS connection accompanied by intense third-eye/heart/second chakra buzzing and warm energy that spreads from heart outward (wonderful)
  • Communication from HS integrating with everyday thoughts, as if streaming in continually and bringing a strong knowing unlike before
  • Energetic healing on all levels occurring day and night
  • Alignment between heart and mind on-going
  • Faint/dizzy feeling coming on without notice; tends to accompany a semi-trance state that I go into without recognizing I am
  • Tendency to hold my breath when receiving communication from Team (could be bringing on dizzy spells).

Overall I feel like my day and nights are merging; as if I am now living in a state that once I only experienced at night. In other words, I feel to be in the in-between, or very close, all the time. This sometimes leaves me feeling unreal or dream-like, but even this feeling is diminishing.

The constancy of the energy in my third-eye and heart is becoming a new norm for me. I have never experienced such strong sensations in either chakra all day every day like this ever. It comes with a feeling that this is how it is suppose to be, how we humans are meant to feel – energetically connected all.the.time.

I won’t say it is a blissful feeling, but it a comforting one. A constant reminder that I am not this body but a spiritual being and that I am not alone. I am never alone but joined with a larger part of myself at all times. In this I feel more whole and accepting of things. I experience being both the Experiencer and the observer at the same time.


3 Dreams

It was difficult for me to sleep last night. I kept waking up and it was too cold in our house. I finally got another blanket and fell asleep at around 2:30am.

My dreams were many and they had a similar theme. I was in another person’s life (or so it seemed) in each dream. In these lives I felt to be this other person fully.

Dream 1: Young Person in Greece

In the first dream, I was a young boy of about 12, maybe younger. I felt to be remembering a portion of my life. I recall running home from school. I took a route where there was construction and remember feeling tiny pebbles hurting my bare feet. I thought, “I shouldn’t have gone this way! I knew these rocks were here. Ouch!”

Around the corner I met up with an older boy and a girl at a restaurant. The boy offered to buy us food so I accepted. It was brought to our table by a round woman who we all knew. The food was not dissimilar to food I have eaten at Greek restaurants, which I why I assume I was in Greece.

After we ate, I ran home and remember again that I was barefoot because I could feel the wet grass under my feet and the cold concrete of the pavement.

Then I could see the young girl from the restaurant. She and the boy sat close and she knew he liked her. She was tall and very plain, most boys didn’t like her. But he did. I remember the round lady told the boy, “You would be better liked if you didn’t smell!”

Dream 2: Young Person in Japan

I was with a friend in an apartment. We were sitting and having tea. We heard our friend coming in and played a joke on her, hiding the tea under the table and then pretending to sleep. The tea was in small, Asian cups as was the teacup – my first hint of where I was.

We heard that the weather was changing and snow was forecast. I yelled, “Snow!” and my friend said, “We should go to _____ house” (can’t remember the name now). I said to him, “It is just snow, not an earthquake”, but I went with him anyway.

We arrived at his father’s house where soup was being served. We all sat down and it was suggested we invite the neighbors. We were in a large apartment building with many levels. A young girl came in and we both were happy she was there. I knew my friend was interested in her. He passed a spoon to her and their eyes locked. I saw he was Asian then, and knew I was also.

I remembered looking out the window and seeing that we were high up and across the way was another apartment building of many, many stories. We were obviously in a large city.

The feeling of the impending earthquake overshadowed the entire scene but I enjoyed the feeling that permeated the scene: everyone was family in that complex. We helped one another and enjoyed each others company.

Dream 3: Cleaning Fish Tanks

In this dream I was a child assisting my mother with cleaning out two fish tanks. I don’t recall much of this dream except that we transferred fish into the tank and one was near death. I worked to revive him by turning on the bubbler. I could vividly see the fish swimming around the 10 gallon tank and a frog-like creature swimming without its head (weird).

While in this dream I remembered a time in my own life when I had a nice 20 gallon tank in my apartment. I had to sell it when moving and wished I had not for it was much better than the one I was currently seeing in my dream.

I awoke at this time thinking of old memories, memories of times long past. I don’t remember the specifics now but I recall being told not to linger on them as I was purging unnecessary memories.


It is my feeling that these dreams were actual lives somewhere in present time. They could be in another dimension or in this one but for sure they are part of me, as in an aspect of myself living right now. I felt to be visiting in order to experience what they were. I remember the feelings the most. In the Greek life I remember the feeling of first love, when two young people are attracted but do not know how to proceed. The nervous-anticipation was palpable. It was the same in the Japanese life except there was this large, family group feeling – we all were family even though not by blood. The new love was also there but this time I recognized how it contrasted to my own life and the fear of rejection and ridicule that so often accompanied it. I knew in this Japanese life that no one would ridicule the new love but it would be accepted and honored.

I believe I was shown these lives to show me my connection to the world and the very different experiences others are having right now. The earthquake bothers me some because of the large city I was in. Is this perhaps meaning one is coming? I don’t know, but I know the people there will rely on one another in a way we Americans would find surprising.


Dreams and Symbols

Yesterday I was visited by a familiar friend as I attempted to zone out while watching television. I heard, “Remember you are not this body. This is all an illusion”. When I heard this, I looked up at my living area and at my son who was sleeping silently nearby. My vision clarified and seemed to shimmer subtly and I felt very strange, as if I could leave the scene at any moment. Of course, I didn’t, but my attention had been diverted where intended. It was a reminder to not get caught up in this illusion.

Later, towards evening, I saw a symbol in my mind. It kept repeating and I was unsure what it meant exactly. However, it triggered a memory of the in-between and I knew I had seen the symbol along with others. The symbol resembled the fermata which is used in music to indicate that a particular note be held. Yet when I saw it I thought it looked like an eye.

As I slept, I had various odd dreams and the symbol reappeared.

Dream: Flooded Clean Bathroom

In this dream I recall only that I went inside my old bathroom at my Mom’s house. When I went inside it was obvious that a great flood of water had gone through. There was debris – leaves, twigs, dirt – piled up against the door and in other areas. The bathtub, toilet and floor was all spotlessly clean. I remarked that I had never seen it so clean in my life and began to clean up the debris.

horusDream: Painting an Eye

In another dream I was with a woman who was preparing to paint. She told me she needed an eyeball and opened up a cabinet to reveal piles of eyeballs. They appeared to be the real deal and I asked her about them. She said,”I need the real thing for this”.

She selected an eyeball and began to paint onto it an iris and pupil in 3D. When she was done, though, the painting was in 2D and very unrealistic, mostly in black and white. I remember when I saw it the symbol I saw prior to bed. I wondered what it meant and where I’d seen it.


I researched the symbol, first looking at ancient hieroglyphs and other writing, but I could not find it. It was then that I realized I had seen it in music and sure enough I found the fermata was exactly what I had been seeing.

I did find that the symbol I saw, when inverted, was part of the Phoenician writing, the dot representing a star or planet and the crescent representing the moon. The sign was also part of US Hobo signs and meant “Cops active”. The inverted version is part of the Aum symbol and represents a state of transcendental consciousness. Finally, the same symbol I saw is part of the Mayan hieroglyphic system meaning the new or waning moon together with Venus.

I can’t help but wonder why I keep seeing this symbol. I believe it is linked to the symbols I have been seeing prior to bed when I meditate. I see two triangles, one above me and one below, pointed toward one another. I then feel that I should put my hands above my heart in a diamond shape. When I do this, the two triangles intersect and begin to rotate. At the same time my heart chakra pulls considerably, almost painfully. I believe that this is a method of intense clearing and also linked my third-eye with my heart as my third-eye typically activates as well.

My dreams seem to go along with this clearing, especially the bathroom one. Such a positive dream indicating that much clearing out of negativity and “waste” has been done. The eye appears to be linked to the eye of Horus, though I am not sure the significance here.


Dreams: Crystalline Tube and Pregnant

I was all set to write about some intense dreams I had last night, but when I woke up my daughter tells me, “Mom, something’s wrong with te computer”. I asked, “What?” She said, “The screen went all blue on me”. Ahhh!

So I frantically went about my morning trying to figure out what went wrong, irritated with the fact that this “blue screen” happened last night and she did not tell me. Thankfully, it was not the “blue screen of death” but a blue tinged screen which allowed for the use of the computer. I discovered it was a simple fix – the cable in the back of the monitor had come loose and just needed to be tightened.

Satisfied that I had solved my most immediate problem, I sat down to recount my night’s journeys only to find they all vanished leaving only a trace of what I had planned to write about.

Dream: Crystalline Tube

All that was left was a vivid image of part of a dream. The image was of a crystalline tube of interconnected symbols. I recall holding it in my hand and inspecting it. It was solid and unbreakable and the size of a paper towel tube, but maybe a bit longer. The brilliant white, sparkly symbols resembled nothing I had ever seen. I catch a glimpse of what they looked like but I cannot recognize them as anything specific. It is like that part is not to be known. I will say, however, that I believe it was similar to the double helix of our human DNA but instead of one strand it was like to interconnected ones. But even that is not correct as the shape was not the same. It was more like snowflakes or something geometric.

I remember that when I awoke from this dream I immediately knew that the crystal tube symbolized our transformation to a more crystalline body. The indestructible nature of the tube was a solid part of my memory. The feeling is that once we make the transition we are indestructible.

Ah-Ha! I remember the other dreams now!

DNA-640x353Dream: Pregnant

I was at a beautiful convention-type center located in a town that was very clean and unlike anywhere I have ever been. It reminded me of a futuristic version of Earth with white buildings and green manicured lawns. I was to give people strawberry juice as part of a giveaway. Yet I had forgotten the cups and so went looking for them.

I went into a building and saw some small cups I could borrow. Yet a woman began to talk to me, mentioning my pregnancy. I suddenly was aware that I was very pregnant. She and the woman she was with began commenting on my due date. I said, “I am due in one month on the 18th, so if you are going to throw a party for me you don’t have much time”. I then got the cups.

When I awoke from this dream the 18th stood out as did my pregnancy. I knew this symbolized preparation for something to come, a “birth”,  new beginning, or new cycle of some sort.

Strawberries symbolize the feminine and sensuality. My goals and aspirations will be realized soon.

There was another dream where I was attending a party but I will not go into detail about it. In it I was clearing up debris that I carry with me (taking out the trash) and preparing for “birth”. There was a lot of water and waiting, relaxing.

Note: I chose the main picture because when I meditate now I feel urged to create with my hands a diamond shape over my heart chakra. When I do this it activates my heart and third-eye simultaneously. The picture reminded me of this along with the double triangles I often see over my body when I meditate.


A Future Exchange

I’ve been mulling over much of my experiences thus far. I’ve especially been thinking about what happened back in May when I felt to not be alone in this body. What was that? Was it the soul exchange I kept being warned about? Or was it a “visit” by another aspect of me?

As I consider the experience and how I felt while it was occurring, I suspect this was a visit by another aspect of myself, or the “we” in me. This is what feels appropriate. During this time, this other me brought with them a higher vibration and a purer energy which allowed me a glimpse of more of myself – a self in which the Ego was diminished and lessons here could be viewed as they are. The other me brought to my attention many lessons and insights I otherwise would not have had. All the while I experienced life differently and with more reverence than I ever had. I saw it through the eyes of the other me. I Remembered.

Ultimately this visit was in fact an exchange. But I wonder why it did not continue? Why was it so short lived? Was it a test to see if I would allow it to occur? Was it to prepare me for a more lengthy visit yet to come?

I am still reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 2 and recently read about soul facets which come into the body, taking turns and sometimes “braiding” one into the other for a period of time lasting  hours to days, weeks and even permanently. This resonated with me. In fact, the experience I had in May seems very much like a temporary braid-in where another facet of my soul came in and blended with me.

I must say that I long for a return of that experience. I am more than willing to allow this other facet to come in and take a turn, even permanently. Though I cannot say that I am willing to completely leave and allow them to permanently take control. Perhaps that is why the braid-in was only temporary? I changed my mind somewhere along the way and so it did not last. I keep being reminded of what my guide told me not long ago. He said, “You are ambivalent”. Perhaps that is the problem? One moment I do not want to be in life and am happy to let another aspect step in and the next I feel the exact opposite. I can relate to this very much.

Since I am told another exchange is to occur in the future, perhaps we are to give it another go and see what happens. Maybe this time the braid-in will be permanent? Or perhaps the new aspect will take over completely?

Right now I am eager to get to the moment when this exchange occurs. I can’t wait!




Healing from Evanlon

At about 3pm CST yesterday the energy began to intensify and my third eye and heart chakra were buzzing intensely. I also began to feel an energy wrap around the back of my head.

When I questioned my Team, I heard, “We are here” and I felt a pang in my heart like I had been waiting for whatever it was that was happening.


My husband had given me time alone of almost 4 hours when all this intense energy began to materialize. I spent quite a bit of time doing relaxing things – I took a bath, I meditated and then I lay in the afternoon sun. It was nice!

Later I got a sudden strong emotional draw to my husband. All I wanted to do was be close to him; to feel him, hug him, love him. I got all giddy like a teenager in love! This surprised my husband and me, too. I have not felt this way in years, probably since right after my second son was born in 2011.

Healing Dream

I woke suddenly around midnight with thoughts of an awful Yahoo article I read yesterday. A baby had been found dead in the family’s oven. She had been put there by her two, 3-year-old siblings when all three of them had been left unattended. I could not get the upset over it out of my mind. How must her mother feel? How could she ever love the children who did this in the same way? Why would those children even do such a thing!?

I requested help and though I did not hear anything back I began to feel comforted in knowing that the little girl was okay and in good hands. She had wanted to experience this as had her siblings and mother. Though this helped somewhat it was still hard for me to understand why anyone would agree to die in such a way.

I fell into a dream in which I was meeting with a man who was quite eccentric in dress and manner. He was young, perhaps mid-twenties and was a Reiki practitioner. We were meeting because he was to give me healing.

I recall lots of things about the dream, which indicated the types of things I was healing. Issues regarding my mother, the oven incident I had just woke upset over, and other issues related to the lower three chakras. What was most interesting was the intense attraction I felt to the healer I was working with. I wanted to be close to him but he kept me at arms length always, yet somehow I received healing.

Meeting Evanlon (Ee-van-lawn)

I woke at 6:45am wide awake and in the midst of speaking with the man from my dreams. I knew much more than I usually do about what my dreams mean. In fact, I knew I had been with him to do specific healing to “clear away debris” from my lower chakras.

I asked who he was. He said, “I am an experiencer like you”. I saw him traveling between individuals he helped and remembered how my Companion told me that Earth travelers travel in pairs, one as the experiencer and the other as an assistant.

According to my guide, a spirit guide is “a traveler of the Earth Plane who is assisting others who are traveling the Earth Plane.” This assistance can take many forms, but essentially, the two travel the Earth Plane together – one as the Assistant (or Guide) and one as the Experiencer (us).

Excerpt from Spirit Guide Meditation by Dayna Stone

I said, “You mean Earth traveler?” He said, “Yes”.

I saw in my mind a map of the U.S. around the states of Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia. I saw that he traveled in this area, but that didn’t make sense.

map“Are you in a body, too?”

He said, “Yes”. I wondered if perhaps the map I saw was where he lived in the U.S. and traveled there as part of his “work”. I felt this to be true.

He then provided me with more answers. I knew he was part of my Team and that he was also “on assignment”. He told me, “We are not meant to meet [in the physical]. We have different courses”.

His primary role is as a healer, though he may not fully recognize this in his physical form. He assists others in his group when they need healing. He was now assisting me. I wondered if he was part of my Team. He confirmed he was. I asked if he had worked on me (healing) before and he said, “Yes, many times before and I will so in the future”.

I asked what my role was, was I also a healer? He said, “You have a different role”, but he did not tell me what it was. I knew/know it is more of an adviser-type role. Like a counselor or guide.

I began to fall into the in-between while speaking with him. I wanted to know more specifics and believe this occurred specifically so that I would not doubt the information I was receiving.

I heard a name that sounds strangely like Avalon. I wondered about it and then saw, “Evan” very clearly written in my mind. Then heard the name Evanlon. It was pronounced very slowly and clearly and I repeated it back. I wondered, “Strange name, should I call you Evan?” I received only a repeat of the full name. Now that I am waking I wonder if perhaps he was giving me his Earth name and that he is called Evan Long here? Not sure I will ever know.

I saw then a vision of a bright light in the sky. It looked like a meteor up close brilliantly blazing white but it was standing still. Then it began to fall down. I repeated, “It will fall three feet from you” over and over and this along with the repeating vision caused me to come out of my reverie.

When I awoke I knew the message was for me to expect a “visit”. The light in the sky was a ship, our ship. I heard Evanlon say, “We are helping you prepare for the exchange”.

“Exchange? Like what you told me about before?” I asked, surprised.

“Yes, but it is not as you expect. You are preparing. Enjoy this time of preparation”.

I got a feeling that this “preparation” was a time of calm in my life when I could fully immerse myself in experiencing. This exchange to come was not as clear to me and I am not sure I will ever be able to understand it completely. I actually thought it had already occurred. Perhaps not?

I saw then a vision of the inside of this “ship” and it was very plain with whitish-silver looking walls that appeared seamless, as if dome shaped. I saw others but only as silhouettes. I tried to get a clear look at Evanlon but he kept referring me back to the image of the man from my dream.

“What do you look like?” I asked. He said, “We take many forms. To you I would appear to be silver”. I saw a rainbow of colors on a silhouetted form, as if the individual shimmered.

“What race are you?” I asked.

This did not register to him. I felt that he did not classify himself this way.

“Where do you come from?” I asked instead.

“From beyond your sun”, he said. I asked for clarification.

“Pleiades”, I heard back.

“Where is our ship now?” I asked.

“Beyond your sun but it is not in your time. It is of another dimension”.

I didn’t quite understand. He explained it was not in the realm of Spirit. The description I received was of an energy body with form and shape that could be changed/altered. I had seen this in my OBEs before. It is beautiful.

I fell into the in-between again and again saw a map of the U.S. This time I heard, “Detroit” and saw a fire blazing in a factory-like building. I associated it instantly with the auto industry. Whether this is a premonition or a past event, I do not know.

Awake again, I focused more on the feeling I had when I was with Evanlon in my dream. I asked him about it. He said, “You recognized me. You wanted to reUnite. But that cannot be. We will reUnite when you return to us.”

I asked if this was “sex” because that is how I perceived my attraction to him. The reply was that it was similar but much more. It was an submersion into the other. I saw an exchange of places but within a joined space/energy. The feeling of it is beyond bliss; beyond anything we humans could conceive of. It is not sexual, though sex is the closest we humans can come to its understanding. I also felt this happens when we return “home” – with everyone.

I laughed and thought, “So we have a big homecoming orgy?”

The response I got was that it was not something that could be explained in human terms and orgy was not a good word for the occurrence.


I feel strangely calm this morning after all that happened in the night and upon waking. All I can say is that I am open to whatever is about to occur. I feel ready, though I am not sure for what. I do not really understand what this coming “exchange” is.


Dream: Alcatraz Paradise

I slept a long time again, about 11 hours. In that time I had a long-running dream.

Dream: Alcatraz Paradise

I received a letter while in another dream. The letter was from my ex-husband. It was inside a brochure about an island paradise, but what was odd was that the island was Alcatraz!

I noticed the brochure had family-oriented activities. I remarked with surprise when I saw that one was, “Feed the jellyfish”. Really? lol

The letters mentioned that my ex had been sent to Alcatraz for 6 years. While there he could partake in any of the activities available but had to stay within the vicinity of the island.

I remarked, “That’s not much of a prison!”

I remember being taken down one of the corridors of the prison. Instead of bare gray walls it was a pathway to a pool and lagoon area with lush plants and birds of paradise. It was light and comfortable.

No one was inside a cell.

Then the dream shifted and I was taking my ex-husband to a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood. We stood in front of a house and rang the doorbell. It was his parent’s house and he wanted to see them. But he got shy at the last minute and stood back. I remember a prison guard was there but she was not wearing a uniform of any guard I have ever seen. It was plain gray and uniform-like but there was no badge or weapon. She was happy to let me escort him around and we were nowhere near Alcatraz!


I am pretty sure this dream was about how Earth, though it seems like a prison, really is not. Though it is limited and we cannot easily leave (we need an escort) there are plenty of activities to partake in as long as we stay within certain parameters.

I believe the part where I was taking my ex to see his parents was symbolic of how we are each able to visit with our families in Spirit whenever we want as long as we have an escort. This is allowed and encouraged. However, we must always return to our Alcatraz paradise.

The funny thing about this dream was that when I woke I thought for sure my ex must have died. I do not believe that to be true at all now. I think perhaps he symbolizes a time when I felt the most trapped here on Earth.

Lucid to OBE: Loving Earth

I awoke at 6:45am awake but not willing to get out of bed. I request to astral project and fell asleep talking with my guide.

Dream: No Check-Out

I was grocery shopping but didn’t really need groceries. Instead, I picked up two packs of cigarettes. I felt bad for doing it but justified it by thinking that I might as well since I needed to enjoy something while in this life.

I picked up some milk and went to the check-out. There was no one in line and so I went through fast. I gave the cashier my ID and card. She held it up and looked from me to the card and back again.

“The picture in this ID doesn’t look like you”, she said.

I said, “What? It is! I just renewed it and so the picture is brand new”.

She said, “Well this picture shows no freckles but you obviously have them”. She pointed some out.

I said, “Well I’m not wearing makeup so you can see them. It’s still me in that picture”.

She said, “I’m not so sure”.

I said,”I can prove it” and got into my wallet to get an older pic and was hoping my old ID was there. It wasn’t. None of the pictures were. Instead there were pictures of someone I did not recognize.

The cashier would not let me buy my stuff. I stood there wondering what to do. I decided to leave. I said, “Well, I guess I will go to Wal-Mart!”

As I left I told the manager, “She’s not a very good employee”. I left the two packs of cigarettes at the check-out and walked out the door.

Lucid to OBE: Loving Earth

I walked out the doors and found myself not where I thought I would be. I was at the bottom story of a gigantic grocery store and not outside. There were escalators going up all around me, but I stayed put. I needed to get outside and that would be at the ground floor.

I went through a door thinking it would lead outside and it led me into the store again. Disappointed, I sat down on a bench.

It was then I noted that I was sitting outside. How did I get outside? In front of me, standing perfectly still, was my sister, the one I haven’t seen in 9 years.

I thought to myself, “I guess I won’t go shopping. And I forgot to go workout”. I looked at my sister who just stood there and thought, “I don’t want to just sit here doing nothing”.

That was when I felt this strange energy. It poured through my body and seemed to cement me to the pavement at my feet. It was not uncomfortable but very intense and alive and it was traveling through my veins, or so it seemed. Just feeling it quickly brought me to the conclusion that I was dreaming.

I looked up at the sky and saw the blue and just lifted up into it. I looked down at my sister who was still standing there perfectly still. I left her behind despite thinking I should invite her with me.

I soared upward and my vision blacked out but I could still feel myself moving. I began to sing a song about the Earth then. The words are lost to me now but I remember saying, “Love the Earth”.

As I sang my vision returned and I saw tree upon tree in front of me. They were tall oaks and their branches spread out invitingly. I touched the top of them as I sang but my vision blacked out again. Then I felt the tree and knew I would see again. When I did, I saw I was low by the trunk.

I noted I was at my Mom’s house now. I went to the ground where the tall grass was and fell into it as if I was giving it a hug. I continued to sing, “Hug the Earth, Love the Earth”. I felt the earth and the cool grass.

My vision blacked out again and so I change my song to, “I wanna see sunshine” and soared up into the sky. I saw stars in the sky and tried to be happy about flying and being OOB but I could not. Then the sun began to show brightly and I saw an entire, brilliant scene in front of me with clouds and trees for miles. But I felt dead inside despite being free. A part of me knew I could not leave this scene; that it was self-created and purposeful to send a message.

I came back into my body quickly, my heart racing and my limbs heavy.