My family went out to my mom’s for dinner last night. It turned out very well and was a nice evening. When I got home and was winding down to sleep, I was going over the night’s events, thinking of my mom, and suddenly began to imagine telling her things I should’ve when I was there. I often do this, going over past and even future moments and how I could enhance them by saying or doing things differently. So, I was telling my mom some things I think she needed to hear. I said to her (in my mind), “Mom, I’m so proud of you! You’re a good mom. You’ve done really good as my mom in this life.” Interestingly, I had a sudden flash of what I can only describe as memory when I wondered to myself, “Why did I want to say that to mom?”
The memory was of a visual from above of a young women who was very distraught. She was saying to herself, “I’m not a good mother. I want to be a good mother…” I could feel everything she was feeling. Then I heard myself say to her, “You’ll be okay. I’ll help you.” I don’t know if she actually heard me or not.
The memory was so quick that I almost didn’t think anything of it, but there was a sense in my heart that it was something that actually happened. I believe I witnessed my mother at some point in her youth, maybe after the birth of my older sister, and answered her call for help. My intention being to come down and help her be “a good mother” because she was so distraught and struggling with the difficult task ahead, specifically with my sister who was a colicky child. My mom has told me horror stories of her time as a brand new mother with a colicky baby who seemed to never stop crying. My dad would be off working and she would be alone, in an unfamiliar city (they were in New Jersey), a new mother, with no family around for support. She told me about her struggles and how, at that time, she had visions of throwing her baby (my older sister) against the wall just so the crying would stop. She was exhausted and needed help but had none.
I had a between life memory years ago in an OBE where I was in “heaven” in front of a curved screen going through what my life would be. I remember feeling “called” down to Earth after the birth of my older sister. The feeling was absolutely inescapable. I was going “down” and was nervously apprehensive. I wonder now if part of the call I answered was witnessing the struggle my mom was going through and somehow seeing her struggle solidified my decision to incarnate?
Regardless, it seemed like my imagined conversation with my mom at bedtime unlocked a deeper reason for me being in this life, one that helps me better understand the relationship I have with my mom. We’ve always had a strong connection.
I was a good baby according to her – quiet, content, and super easy compared to my older sister. Maybe I was that way to show her that mothering could be enjoyable, easy and natural?
I also recognized when I stopped feeling like my mom and sister were “safe”. A memory came to mind from when I was around 7-8 yrs old. I remember both of them coming into the bathroom and my mom telling my sister to help her hold me down over the toilet. Then my mom put soap in my mouth (Irish Spring, I can still taste it) and literally “washed” it out, reminding me not to say bad words. I have no idea what bad words I said but I do remember feeling completely betrayed by both of them. What was the worst part is that they were both laughing at my distress. So, my guess is that when the two of them are together I go on alert and am super suspicious of being betrayed again. That is how I am. When my trust is broken it is nearly impossible for the person to win it back.
What a long weekend! This was the second weekend we’ve been at the new property working to clean, clear and prepare the land and home.
Friday and Saturday was junk removal. When they arrived they cleared the mobile home very quickly. It was almost an entire trailer load! They returned the next day and got another two loads from there. There is more, still, but progress is being made. Below is an image of just one of the loads of junk that was removed.
We met the neighbors (my husband had introduced himself when we first saw the land) and they offered to help. They are very nice. The wife is close to my age, the husband is 63 and already retired. They also have a pond and have really created a wonderful space. They have several cabins dotting the area with a pavilion, kitchen/bathroom area and stage for live bands. They use it once a year for a family reunion. I got a tour and it was impressive, exactly what my mom wants her property to be but sadly probably will never create.
The husband is quite handy and built his own home. He owns a backhoe (or something close, I am not familiar with the name) and said he would be open to using it to help us. He and his wife even came over with their two riding lawnmowers and mowed a good portion of our land. The husband, Randy, mowed paths all over our property – to the pond, the the other buildings, along the fence and road. They also have a stocked pond and said our boys could fish and swim anytime. Since our pond is still not giving any fish (they are there but not biting I’m sure) I took the boys there and, after some coaxing since they are impatient, got them catching fish. Both are now super exciting about fishing and want to go back as soon as they can to fish some more. lol Both of my boys caught more fish than me and bigger ones even! There are bass, crappie, catfish and bluegill in abundance. They stock it and feed their fish often. They let us take some of the fish we caught to put into our pond. We are going to stock ours some point because we/they think our otters are eating up our fish.
The beehives are on the property now, too. We have eight and the beekeeper was very nice and navigated to our land without issue. I haven’t seen the hives yet because he asked us to not go around them that day because they tend to be grumpy after being moved. I will look at them next weekend and take pics. The beekeeper did say the hives will not be there to make honey. He uses them exclusively to help landowners get ag exemption. He said he may give us some of his other honey but he had a rough season last year and took losses. We are fine with whatever. He is a very nice and knowledgeable man.
Anyway, the inside of the mobile home is completely cleaned out except for the stuff we opted to keep (construction supplies). It makes such a difference in the energy! My husband spent the entire first day fixing the water. First he fixed the intake from the pond. The previous owner told us the beavers have chewed off the floats in the past and so my husband swam out and, sure enough, no floats. The water was being sucked off the bottom of the pond which made it stink really bad. Once he fixed it the water was perfect! It was deceptive enough to cause us to almost accidentally drink it – oops! When the water was turned on to the home he discovered several leaks under that he fixed. I think there was 5 with one he has yet to fix because he thinks he might just need to do a full re-plumb of the whole home. He also got the hot water heater going. So we have running hot and cold water now that doesn’t smell like death! I am so, so thankful to my husband. The second bathroom is completely disconnected though. Also, while he was under the home he encountered a dead raccoon. It was freshly dead and huge! He and the boys buried it.
Friday night we stayed the night (with hot/cold, fresh water) and I, of course, was not tired. I was too excited about all the happenings of the day. When I did fall asleep I had an intense dream.
Dream: Mother Gaia
In the dream I was inside a bathroom with a heavy set woman. She asked for my help. She needed me to wipe her bum. She couldn’t reach it. I agreed, happy to help. When I wiped she winced. The poo had been there a while and she had “diaper rash”. I got her cleaned up and she was thankful. She then presented me with two DVDs or CDs saying they would help me. One was about Angels. I took it and told her thank you and hugged her. When I hugged her I could feel her voluptuousness wrap around me comfortingly. It felt like squishy blankets of love. I began to sob and sob, falling into her warm, squishy skin folds. The crying woke me and I continued to cry.
My guidance was there and I understood why I was crying. I am still recovering from so much loss. However, I knew this mobile home experience – clearing and fixing it up – was a physical representation of my healing process. I was reminded of many, many dreams I’ve had in the past of being in mobile homes with unsteady foundations (like this one) and full of junk. All pointing to me feeling unsafe and needing to de-clutter emotionally and spiritually. When I woke I told my husband, saying I think the entire process of clearing the home and land is helping me clear my own “junk” and that repurposing the home will also be therapeutic in that it will guide me through my own rebuilding process. He agreed saying he felt similarly.
The heavy set woman may have represented Gaia and her message was, “Heal the land and it will heal you.” Such love!
I was also told when I woke that “tomorrow” would be “magical”. I think it might be the day before the eclipse because I immediately thought of the Sunday before eclipse. How it will be magical, IDK. I did have a good day that morning, however, in that me and my boys had such a great fishing experience. Our neighbor, Sam (the wife), also seemed very interested in being around me. Her energy wasn’t needly or exhausting and we talked a while. When I told her about the land I almost started to cry and she understood because of her love for her land and her life. She says, “It’s heaven out here”. I told her I could tell before I even met her she was a very happy person. I heard her singing early in the morning as she gardened. When I was near her (she didn’t know I was there) I could sense she was genuine and good.
I also sense my husband is falling in love with the land. His connection with the neighbor, Randy, also shows promise. He is all about connecting with people and he and Randy get along really well. I could sense that my husband might actually end up wanting to live out there some day. This caused me to cry a little thinking how the land might help him, too. He needs it,
So, overall a great weekend!
Here are some recent photos of the property. The snake is a plain bellied water snake. He was living under the boat alongside a field mouse. Ha! The big tree is an ancient Elm. Isn’t it magnificent?
Woke at 11am in tears from a dream and then went on to have what I feel is a premonition in a dream.
Dream: All is Love
Despite the intensity of this dream, because it was so early in the night, I don’t recall many specifics now.
I remember walking through an empty house. It reminded me of my mom’s house but also of other houses I’ve lived in throughout this lifetime. A man had come to visit me. I recognized him in the dream as someone I love dearly but cannot place him in this lifetime based upon looks alone. My response to his visit was to make him wait. I was busy, with life I guess. In the midst of my busyness something told me to turn around. When I did, I realized the man was about to leave. I ran up to him and he turned around to face me. In his eyes I saw that his feelings for me had changed. I said to him, “You don’t feel the same, do you?” He told me he did not. I asked him if he still loved me, my heart beginning to ache and tears forming in my eyes. He said he did not, but those weren’t his exact words. What he said was much more kind. I began to sob. An indescribable feeling spread from my chest outward. This is when I began to hear Clair de Lune playing in the background. The feeling was hurt and grief – an overwhelming pain and loss/decimation. He attempted to explain that this was the way of things here (in the physical). It was difficult for me to hear, though, as the pain was to the point that it woke me. The last thing I heard him say was, “Let it go.”
Still crying but wide awake, the explanation was presented again. I was shown a crystal. A pure, white light went into one side and out the other came a rainbow of color. The love I am seeking is the pure, white light. The love of the physical is the rainbow. Love in the physical is broken into the many emotions we experience here – love, hate, guilt, pain, passion, envy, fear, etc. What I am seeking is the unchanging love I am use to but the love I find, over and over again, is not that. I am finding a love that changes as all things change here in the physical. What else did I expect?
Premonition Dream: On Watch
I was in Montana in college. I remember going to class and giving the teacher a name that was not mine: Heather Heather. I remember telling this name to the teacher, laughing uncomfortably at how nonsensical it sounded. I sat in my desk thinking about the name and how it would make all the coursework I was doing invalid when it came time to graduate because the name wouldn’t match my transcripts.
I must have left the classroom because next I was in a car traveling through the streets of a familiar city in Montana. It made me happy to see all the natural beauty around me and I began to think of my ex-father-in-law and wondered if I should meet up with him. It was something I very much wanted to do.
The scene shifted and I was with my father-in-law. He and I had gone on a hike. I heard/Knew of a young female student who had shown great promise and was now a professor at the university. She excelled in the study of plate tectonics. I saw a visual of her working over a map, using a device to sketch potential earthquakes in Montana. I saw her draw two circles, one very much in the west and the other to the east of that point. I heard, saw and even wrote her name, but all I recall now is the initials C.S.
There was a brief portion of the dream where I spoke with this seismologist. I asked her where the most recent earthquake was and she said, “Kalispell”. I told her I would avoid the town and then mentioned how many more people are likely to live there now. She then showed me the eastern location of a second earthquake. I felt forewarned.
Next, I was taken by my FIL to a dirt road. In the road had been dug four square holes. Inside was placed devices to measure the movement of the earth. There were also sign-in sheets near the holes. This is when I signed the name with the initials C.S.
Then my father-in-law took me on a drive to another location. As we drove down a seemingly remote road the trees opened up to a small, circular town. We got out and went on a hike up the mountain. My father-in-law said his hands were cold and asked if I could warm them. I let him put his hands in my pockets with mine and warmed them. He was behind me, our bodies touching, as he warmed his hands. I could feel his interest and got somewhat uncomfortable. He is at least 25 yrs older than me. As I prepared to move forward he stopped me and put his face and lips very close to my own as he stared me in the eyes. It was intense and I waited. He then kissed me passionately. All I remember is the feeling of a sloppy kiss which was not that nice. He then turned and went back down the mountain, giving me a sausage stick and a banana on the way down. I rushed after him, eating the items quickly but discarding part of the banana, yet I did not feel hungry.
I began to wake but lingered in the in-between for a while. This is when I heard and saw written on a wall in my mind, “On watch” and I remembered vividly the map with the circles, the city of Kalispell and the warning of two earthquakes.
I had a string of interesting dreams last night. But first, I want to share a vision I keep having. I’ve seen it both in dreams and upon waking. In the first one, a dream, I saw myself with blue painted fingernails and wearing blue clothing. I inspected my fingernails, noting the strange blue tinge and trying to figure out why they were blue. In the visions I’ve had, the last of which was last night, I saw myself with blue skin.
At first, I thought it must be indicating a chakra, maybe the throat chakra, but this blue was not that color blue. Instead, it was lighter and seemed almost to glow.
My next thought was it was exactly the same color of the blue Hindu gods and goddesses. I did look up why the gods and goddesses of Hinduism are blue. Mostly the blue coloring is for Vishnu, meant to depict the color of rain clouds, so more of a steel gray, but sometimes it is brighter blue, like the color I have been seeing in my visions. Blue is the color of the sky and sea, one reflects the other and neither actually has any color at all. Thus, blue is the color of infinity. Hindu Scriptures declare the Ultimate reality to be inconceivable and inexpressible, beyond the grasp of the 5 senses. The only way to express the vastness (Brahman) which is Being, Consciousness and Bliss, is through the color blue.
So, in my vision, I seemed to become a blue goddess. Perhaps Kali?
Dream #1: Running from My Shadow
This dream was unexpected. I very rarely feel fear in my dreams now days but I definitely felt it coming on in this dream. I don’t recall many details now because it was so early in the night (woke at 11pm). What I most remember is that I was avoiding this negative entity that seemed like a giant shadow. It was trying to envelope me and I was resisting. There were many voices at the time, some my own, some my guides and some from this Shadow. The voices of the Shadow were recognizable and familiar. In fact, I’ve memory of chasing it away in my early twenties and calling it a “gin”. Towards the end of the dream I was putting up protection and pushing the negative voices out of my mind. I could sense a shield around my mind and, as I woke, my vision was filled with spheres of all colors floating and undulating as if alive (hypnagogia), indicative of entry into the OBE state.
Dream #2: Classroom in my Bedroom
I returned to sleep and the next thing I recall is having students sitting all around me in my bedroom. I was still in bed, blanket up around me snugly, but didn’t seem to think it odd that my room was full of students. It was an English class and the teacher, standing near my door, told us that we had to do a research paper. She gave us two topics to choose from and left. Everyone paired up and began discussing their assignment. I sat up in bed, looking at them sitting on my floor and leaning up against my walls and window, and protested loudly about the assignment. I said that I didn’t think it was a good one. What teacher limits her students to only two topics? Why not allow us to explore topics we are most interested in? I then told them I was going to drop out of the class. I didn’t need it. I already had a masters and bachelor’s degree and was just taking the class out of boredom. A male student said he was, too. I asked him if he had a degree and he said no. I told him not to bother, telling him all the jobs I used my degrees for were miserable for me. Only when I decided to follow a different path did I find a very unexpected job that made me happy. He asked what it was and I said, “Accounting.” The entire class was listening attentively at this point and it seemed I might have helped some decide that college was not the right path for them.
Dream #3: Black Hole Sun (Eclipse)
I didn’t categorize this as a Kundalini dream but it most definitely had elements of Kundalini energy.
My husband and I parked in an unfamiliar driveway. I was driving but didn’t know how I got there. I immediately got out, finding myself under a large, open, red umbrella. I was wearing my pajamas – a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt – and was barefoot. Still confused, I looked up to a tree and saw a sweatshirt (protection) hanging on it. I pulled it down but then threw it back up not wanting to take something that wasn’t mine. Then my husband drove away and left me there. Not sure what to do, I panicked a bit. I had no phone or any way of contacting help. I felt lost. So, I wandered down the road looking for familiar sign posts. Nothing.
Then I saw a big truck stop in the middle of the road. It opened its doors and out came hundreds of cats (feminine energy, sexuality). I stopped short and said, “Feral cats.” People were coming up and picking up the cats, though, leading me to believe they were not feral. I wandered closer, observing, and saw the cats were friendly. Still, I kept my distance.
As I turned to leave I saw a little boy crying. He was afraid of the cats. I comforted him and turned him towards the cats, telling him it was safe. I got an adult to assist and left the cats behind.
Then I was at a party. It was full of people I didn’t know, some speaking a language I didn’t recognize. I sat down and waited, still not knowing where I was. Then I noticed a man staring at me. With his stare came a strong, magnetic energy, one I was familiar with. I turned away, feeling immediately nervous, and then moved across the room to avoid him. In my hurry I bumped into my husband who had seen me avoiding the man. He laughed and told me, “He wants to take you into the bedroom.” I didn’t respond and found a corner to hide in.
Eventually the man found me. He came up to me, face to face, and put his left hand on my right shoulder. Our eyes locked and I froze. The energy was super intense and magnetic. It terrified me. The man wanted me to come with him. His energy beckoned me and I knew I would not be able to resist for long. This is when a woman said something to the man. I think she was his wife. He lingered and the woman asked me, “Are you married?” I nodded yes. She told the man to leave me be. He listened and left. I watched the woman for a bit. She was with another woman and a child of around 3 climbed into her lap. I finally went up to her and asked her about the man. Though I don’t recall our conversation, I recognized that she was his wife and they had an arrangement that allowed them to be with other partners.
Then there was a commotion and everyone rushed outside to the driveway. It was really crowded and the sky was a weird shade of reds and oranges. I looked up. Realizing it was the eclipse I averted my eyes. I saw the woman from earlier and went up to her. I could see the eclipse shadow on the concrete. It was nearly complete, a blackness surrounded by a rim of fire. The woman turned to me and we embraced and I sobbed and sobbed as she held me in her arms. The entire time the crazy energy of the eclipse was all around me.
Then there was a hush and I turned and looked up. The sun was mottled red like it was going to explode.
Seeing the sun like this woke me. Tears were still in my eyes and a chorus from a song was going through my head: “Black hole sun won’t you come and wash away the rain…..”.
Discussion with Guides
After I woke, I couldn’t return to sleep. The energy from the encounter in the dream along with the emotional release at the end was hard to ignore.
My guidance was close, asking me about how I felt in certain parts of the dream. Specifically, the part where my eyes locked with the strange man. I told them it terrified me. When asked why, it was hard to explain. I think it comes down to total loss of control and not knowing what will happen if that happens. Yet everything in me yearns to follow the feeling and let go completely, to hell with the unknowns that follow. That part of me, the part that yearns, terrifies me.
When asked about how I felt when I was crying, I recalled a time in this life when I chose not to follow that yearning, choosing instead to complete a cycle/karmic contract. The feeling is beyond description. I recognized the feeling in the dream was the same – solid, unchangeable and full of regret.
Then there was the visual of the sun there at the end. It felt like a warning, or at the very least a message. Memory of OBEs I had years ago came to mind. In those OBE’s I would see the sun and the moon coming closer and closer together but they never quite touched. If they had, there would have been an eclipse that looked like what I imagine a “black hole sun” would look like. Those OBEs were indicative of Union, or the merging of masculine and feminine, yin and yang, hieros gamos.
I can’t help but connect the vision of seeing myself as a blue goddess with this last dream. Kali is the goddess of time, doomsday and death. She is worshipped as the Divine Mother and seen as a divine protector who brings liberation. During the discussion with my guidance about my feelings related to that intense, magnetic yearning of which I am terrified, it was relayed to me that “perhaps what lies on the other side is….liberation”.
Woke super early, around 5am, once again disappointed that nothing interesting occured in dreamtime. The almost complete absence of spiritual experiences, dream adventures and other similar experiences is really taking a toll on me. It is causing a deep-seated depression and the longer it goes on, the more depressed I become. My guidance happened to be talkative at this time and asked what would make me have more interest in life. I told them to please bring back what I feel to have lost, otherwise I can’t think of anything in physical reality that would make me want to stay.
Somehow I returned to sleep and, not surprisingly considering what I had just requested, ended up in a semi-lucid dream experience.
My dream recall is hazy, unfortunately. The dream began with me waking up in an unfamiliar bed and bedroom, feeling very drowsy and wanting only to sleep. Yet I was being beckoned to explore the space and as soon I listened and opened my eyes, a brilliant light sparked flashed, lighting up the scene and a view of a bedroom came to life around me. As soon as I recognized the dream scene, the brilliance faded away into a more dull, gray scene, reflecting back to me my energy level/mood.
I lingered in bed and from here it is hard to remember the sequence of events. I either got up and explored the area, which turned out to be (not surprisingly) my Mom’s house where I spent my teenage years, or I was thrust into a dream within a dream which revealed to me an alternate timeline.
In the first case, I went into the main house where the energy was very uncomfortable, almost repellant. So, I went out into the front yard and felt immediate relief. I looked up into the sky and saw dark clouds but there was no threat of storm or rain. I heard a loud, rumbling noise that seemed very off, coming from the road, so I went to investigate. There was a massive machine seeming to be grating the road (the roads are paved). I vaguely recall launching myself up into the air and scanning the horizon for anything interesting. Finding nothing, I set my sights back to the house.
Then I was in the back yard. My younger sister was present as were my boys. When I saw my younger sister, I hugged her and was really pleased to see her. I haven’t seen or communicated with her in waking reality for over 16 years. She responded as if in a trance state, completely flat with wide open, unfocused eyes. I remember recognizing her to be me and not questioning it. I placed everyone into the shallow end of the pool (mentally, it was a dream decision) and jumped in with them. I went up to my sister and kissed her on the cheek. I believe I was attempting to cleanse/heal them all as well as myself, knowing that what one accomplished, so did the other. I also recognized that my sister was likely asleep both physically but also consciously, going through life sleep-walking like so many others in this reality.
In the other case, I found myself in an alternate reality, one that is likely just as real as my present life just in another timeline. I somehow knew this, yet found it very disorienting in the dream because I kept jumping from one to the other. In this alternate reality, I was in a psych hospital. Doctors were questioning me and I remember being unhappy because I was not being allowed to return to my “fantasized” reality in my mind, a place I went to escape the uncomfortable position I found myself in. So, I would shift back and forth between this psych ward questioning and the lucid dream of my present life reality. Most of my memory is of being shaken into awareness of this alternate reality, awaking to see the faces of worried doctors with lights flashing into my eyes, their voices sounding like distant echoes.
When these two experiences, seemingly happening simultaneously, ended, I “woke up” (genuinely thought I was awake) and began to write down what I had remembered. I wrote the message in the air with my mind. I heard a male voice as well as my own repeat it back to me. The message was (and there was Knowing with it): “We are all sharing (in) the same dream. We are America’s humanity.” The Knowing is hard to describe now but it was quite clear in the dream, one of those ah-ha moments where I Remembered something my human self forgot. Basically, what the dream experience was reminding me was that we are all connected. Each of our experiences has a ripple effect on the other (think the Matrix). What one heals, also heals another. What one learns, so does another. As one becomes more aware (like lucid in a dream), so then does another increase in awareness, though not necessarily on the same level, more in increments. There was also this Knowing of dimensions and timelines layered one on top the other, interconnected in such a way that confused my human mind.
I was shown scenes from my own life during this time as if to illustrate how this occurs. The memory that appeared to me was when I worked in the alternative school. I was pregnant with my second child. A student who had just had a baby was threatening to me so I asked the administration to put officers in my room. The student had said something (as I remembered anyway) about kicking me in the stomach. I got the officers and the student later told me she would never hurt a baby because she was a mother. She seemed sincere. When this memory came to me, I understood that this incident registered to the student subconsciously and changed her perspective which then changed her life trajectory.
Still thinking I am awake, I felt the familiar sensation of shifting OOB and so opted to go with it. The scene I found myself in was a court room. In front of me was a judge with a gavel. As I watch the court room and judge, my guidance was talking to me, their words blending with the dream scene and into the background. The judge was ruling in favor of a system that had a name I cannot recall now. The ruling was in favor of buying and selling data, personal data specifically. I then saw what looked like a barcode and heard the name of this system. I only recall it had a “J” name and I was told it was the name of the inventor, but the system was not called by that name. This barcode would be put on people.
Hopeless
When I woke recognized the messages and dream experience but was not very pleased with it all because it had not been the kind of lucid dream I preferred where the colors, events and sensations were ultra-real and vivid. It was, instead, more like a regular dream memory, fading quickly. My guidance was there and I remember feeling a question, “Do you understand?” I replied that I did. My actions directly impact others regardless of whether I choose to participate in life or not. All this stems from me wanting to hermit away from everyone, withdraw and wait until death removes me from this place. Thus, the “sleepy” feeling in my dreams. My lack of desire to participate in life has led to withdrawal far beyond the physical. I was asked to shift my focus from myself to others, i.e. “help”. But I’ve had so many losses in trying to help that I have given up trying. There is also this overwhelming sense that my help is like a raindrop falling into a vast ocean, a vast ocean of sewage. It all seems so pointless.
Before going into this dream, I wanted to share something that happened a couple of weeks ago. My youngest son lost his watch in the back yard because he took it off when jumping on the trampoline. He only told me when it was near bedtime. Still, I went out with flashlight in hand to search for it. No luck. He was very upset to the point of crying. It broke my heart. I reassured him I would look in the morning and this seemed to reassure him.
The next morning I went outside to look. Still no luck. I took a break to do something else, all the while thinking, “Where is it?” I heard an answer back, “It’s by a tree.” I ignored it but heard it again and then again. So, figuring I had nothing to lose, I went back out, this time focusing on further away from the trampoline. The first tree I checked – nothing. But, just as I was told, there was the watch right next to the second tree. Yay! My son was so happy when I gave it to him later that day.
This kind of Spirit help don’t happen often. In fact, I can’t think of another example quite like this one.
So, onto the dream…..
Dream: Anon 11 and Message
In the dream I was in a car feeling sleepy. There was a woman in the back seat with me and a man in the front. The woman looked different, so I took notice. She was very pale, almost white, and completely bald. Her eyes were a bit larger and somewhat slanted with Asian-like eyelids. Her nose and mouth were small and she had a tiny, pointy chin. Her ears were what was really odd. There were small ridges where the top of the ear was, almost like her human ears had been absorbed into her head. Where the opening to the ear would be was a thin, yellowish membrane. Below that was a circular lump about the size of a large mole that was a bit more orange. Somehow I knew that this ear membrane and lump were how the woman sensed her surroundings. She saw via her ears as well as with her eyes. She could also hear what I could not. Somehow I knew that if her membrane were covered it would be a kind of torture for her. It appeared that the man and her were “together”. I observed them communicating without words. She curled into a ball and went dormant (also normal for her) and the man and I communicated for a bit. IDK what we said now but the car disappeared. The next thing I remember was standing with them both and referring to them as my parents. The woman commented that it wasn’t quite the right word for who they were to me. They both seemed extremely amused by my comment.
At some point I became more lucid. I asked her name and heard, “Anon 11”. When I asked where she came from I got something I couldn’t understand. I was then shown something by being taken to a “rest room”. At first it resembled a human restroom, at least the door and size did. But when I went inside, a membrane wrapped itself around me on all sides. I was hoisted up horizontally and the ends twisted until I was snug inside, like in a cocoon. I began to lose lucidity because I didn’t quite understand what I was being shown. I lost time at this point. Maybe I fell asleep? I felt someone put their hand on my right shoulder in bed and shake me gently. It seemed like their message was, “Wake up!” I ignored it, rolling further onto my left side, feeling groggy. This is when I heard, “There will be retaliation against the US in June.” This woke me up and I couldn’t return to sleep.
Considerations
The ET in the dream was very curious to me and so most of the dream was me trying to memorize her appearance. Her ears reminded me of an amphibian’s ears; a tympanum. Her energy was soothing and calm. Observing her sleep was interesting. She curled up into a tight ball, so she must have been very limber. She was about my height and her skin had a bit of a shimmer to it. She was beautiful in her own way, though very odd for sure.
The name Anon was pronounced Ann-on. I wish I could remember the odd name of her origin. I have no idea about the membrane cocoon or what it means. Perhaps it relates to my sleep patterns lately? I am sleeping longer and deeper than usual and have been for over a year.
The message about retaliation against the US woke me because it was believable. My first thought was that those in power want war so that the current president has a better chance of staying in power. It is rare that the American people vote out a US president during wartime. It would be exactly the kind of political manipulation expected in times like these. I saw a quote on FB the other day – “War is young men dying and old men talking”. ~ FDR. Sigh.
Later, I told my daughter the about the ET and her name. She asked, “9-11?” I repeated the name. She said, “It sound like 9-11 to me.” I hadn’t even thought of the that. I find it interesting that Anon 11 sounds like 9-11 and then I got a message about retaliation.
It’s been a while since I posted and I apologize. Lots has been going on (I’ll write on that later) and my dry eyes are still making it difficult. I just can’t stay in front of a screen long enough to complete a post. I’ve also not had much to really write about; my inspiration has all but dried up.
This morning I did have an interesting lucid dream I will share. Enjoy!
Lucid Dream: City of Riza
I was in a gym preparing for my workout. I began to warmup with a light weight – one dumbbell. As I did so, I would occasionally look in a mirror. I noticed my thighs were quite big. I ignored it and continued to warm up. I believe I was talking to myself or maybe my guide throughout because I would become distracted and stop, zoning out, and then get back to my warmup. I believe we were discussing current life events, but I don’t really remember.
Eventually, I was doing some goblet squats with a tiny weight when I noticed a very obese woman on her phone sitting on a bench next to me. I stayed in the lowered position of the squat and looked over at her. She glanced my way. I lingered, sitting in this position for a while. Turning towards the mirror I noticed my butt and thighs were even bigger than the last time I looked. In fact, I was extremely obese, just like the woman sitting nearby. I stared at my thighs for a bit, noticing the pale skin and deep dimples of fat. Rather than be grossed out, I shrugged my shoulders, deciding I didn’t care. I turned to the woman and said, “I don’t think I feel like working out today.” I put down the weight and headed towards the exit, only I didn’t know where it was. I wandered toward a glass door that led outside. I walked through it into a parking area. I looked left. No car. I looked right. No car. Did I even drive here? Still confused, I turned and went back inside.
Once inside and still talking to my guidance, I had the idea that I was dreaming. I decided to test my theory by taking something (stealing) and walking out the front door. So, I grabbed a box of cigarettes and casually walked out the door telling the attendants, “I forgot something” to explain why I had come in and was going right back out. The attendant nodded and didn’t notice I had the cigarettes.
Again outside in the parking lot, I knew for certain I was dreaming. I thought about taking control of the dream. Maybe flying or changing the scene? I got a reply not to and accepted it. It seemed like I was meant to look around and take in my surroundings. So, that is what I did. The parking lot was small with few cars and the building I came out of seemed to be in a strip mall. The sky was gray and overcast. There were buildings in the distance. The minute I decided to investigate the buildings in the distance, I was there among them.
The city streets were narrow and tall, brick buildings were on all sides. I noticed vendors on the streets. It was no city I recognized. Where was I? I decided to ask a vendor and approached two young girls standing next to one of the stands. I said, “Hello.” One looked up and said, “Hi.” I asked, “Can you tell me where I am?” She gave me a quizzical look. So I asked, “What city am I in?” She said, “Oh. Riza.” Her friend came closer holding out a small object like a phone and her attention went to the object. I interrupted and said, “Thanks. What state…er province….um…is that in?” I didn’t know if where I was had states or provinces but wanted a better idea of the location. The girl thought a bit and said, “Well, Ga Ga Ga comes here sometimes.” I immediately thought of Lady Ga Ga but tossed the thought. The girls handed me the object to show me this Ga Ga Ga. It was a cell phone type object with a large screen. On it were images of a cartoon like character with blonde hair and large breasts. They swiped through several images, some cartoons, some not, completely immersed in this person. Not impressed, I clarified and they said, “Well sometimes it’s called Risha.” This didn’t help answer my question. Still not sure what they were communicating, I kept asking. They told me that also sometimes GM came.
This is when I gave up. Their answers were total nonsense and probably the result of the nonsense in my mind!
Briefly I “woke up” but I actually didn’t. It just seemed like I did. Instead, I remained in the dream but shifted to my bed where I tried to recall the entire lucid dream so that I wouldn’t forget it. Then I returned to “sleep” and entered a non-lucid dream in my old bedroom at my childhood home.
Considerations
This lucid experience is similar to others I’ve had recently. I know I’m dreaming but I don’t take control of the dream when I would really prefer to go off flying or changing the scene. Instead, I let the dream continue while being lucid. When I asked my guidance about this, I was told that I need practice being where I am.
The dream symbolism in the gym shows me some things about myself, things I am mostly already aware of. I am distracted, my mind not on the actual process of warming up. In life, I find my mind wanders frequently and I lose track of what I am doing in the moment or completely forget my intention. This also happens when I try to go to sleep. My mind is all over the place! My guidance suggested I count backwards from 100. I fail miserably at it! I end up forgetting what number I am on, usually before I get into the 80s, and have to start over again!
Me looking at my large butt and thighs in the dream is highlighting how much I focus on my appearance. Thankfully, in the dream I recognize it isn’t important, indicating I might be making some progress here.
And finally, the zoning out and preferring to sleep (the second dream was a sleepy one). I prefer to not be fully present in life. I want to sleep through it, go into oblivion, etc. At least this is what I believe the sleepiness in my dreams symbolizes. I am avoiding.
It’s been a while and I apologize. The holidays are not a fun time for me and I have been sick twice, once after Thanksgiving and once after Christmas. I also continue to have debilitating dry eye that causes me to limit screen time to only that which is necessary.
I could write a recap of 2023, but I don’t want to waste my time on a year that I would much rather forget altogether. I could write about what I feel lies ahead for 2024, but I prefer not to look ahead that far.
Today I am going to post a short OBE I was blessed with around 4am this morning. It is so rare that I have OBEs, lucid dreams or other experiences these days that I cherish them when they do happen now. Even if they are super short, like this one was.
Short OBE
I woke abruptly around 3:30am. After some time in a discussion with a guide (private, sorry), I asked to be allowed to fall asleep. I was asked, “Do you promise to do something about it?” I said, “Yes.” This seemed to be what was needed to release my mind and I fell asleep.
The next thing I remember is talking to someone. I don’t remember the conversation and it stopped the minute I began to focus on my surroundings. It was dark and I was outside. I walked past a church on my right. I couldn’t see it but I knew it was a church. In front of me, growing along the edge of a parking lot, were shrubs. I noticed a new one had broken through the concrete. It was almost past my knees it had grown so tall. I reached down and touched one of it’s waxy, dark green leaves. The leaf was nearly as large as my palm, cool to the touch and smooth.
Something about the feel of the plant caused me to pause. I turned to look at the church, but couldn’t see anything except the image in my mind. It was a small church with large windows. I turned back towards the shrub and decided to touch it again. This time I focused on how it felt. The cool, smooth leaf confirmed my suspicion. I thought to myself, “I’m out-of-body (OOB).”
In recognizing I was OOB, I began to sense not only my astral body but also my physical body. They were superimposed and the sensation of it was familiar. I had nearly forgotten how it felt. I could shift from one to the other with just a thought. It’s hard to describe but it’s sorta like the energetic equivalent of jumping on a trampoline, one is heavy and pulling you down while the other is light and pulls you up.
I looked up into the darkness and decided I could see. My vision turned on immediately and the scene in front of me presented itself in full color. Seeing through closed eyelids never ceases to amaze me. It was not dark outside after all. I could see the church behind me more clearly and the glossy green leaves of the plants in front of me. The church was closed and no one was around. The area reminded me a small, suburban community.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold the scene because I became too excited. It had been too long and all I wanted was to explore; to feel the freedom and lightness I knew was within reach.
I settled into my physical body smoothly and lay there a moment, hoping I would be able to return, but I did not. So, I ended up mulling over the OBE. The symbolism seemed to point to new growth amidst a situation in which no movement had been made in a long time (parking lot). The church was a reminder that a place of spiritual nourishment is within reach and has been this whole time.
Hoping I would be able to succeed again, I returned to sleep with the intent to go OOB. I did not.
Many dreams followed but I don’t have the ability to stare at this screen much longer than I already have.
Woke up sick this morning. 😦 So far it seems to be a head cold. The good news? My eyes are watering so much that I have no symptoms of dry eye. Ha!
Anyway, cool dreams between bouts of coughing and snot. One seems like a past life memory.
Dream-Reverse Discrimination
Woke up crying from a dream. In it, I had arrived to a running event and was waiting to be given a partner. At first, I was the only woman but then two black women showed up one after the other. When the first arrived she wouldn’t look at me or acknowledge I existed. She was a fast runner and I told to coach that I would try to keep up but eventually give up and walk. The second one was nicer but wanted to partner with the first one. I finally confronted the first one, asking her if she had an issue with me and to tell me. She wouldn’t look at or answer me. I told her I couldn’t fix what it was if I didn’t know what it was. She finally answered me when I asked what I’d done. She said, “I don’t know.” I finally realized it was that I was white and so said, “Is it because I’m blonde and blue eyed?” She didn’t answer and looked down. I said, “Sounds like reverse discrimination to me.” She got irritated but still looked away. The other girl was talking and questioned me about it. I told her that if I had a choice I would look just like her, that I thought black women were beautiful and I had always wished I looked like them. I gently took her face in my hands and told her she was beautiful, looking her deep in the eyes. I said this over and over, tears streaming down my face. Then I put my hand on her heart and said, “You have a big heart.” I was still crying as I was telling her this. She finally let down her guard and started crying then hugged me tight. We cried in each other’s arms. I woke up.
Note: In this life I’ve always found black women beautiful and had a deep sympathy for what they endure in life. In a recent past life (died in 1963) I was a black woman living in Louisiana who endured domestic violence but went on to become a nurse and live a long, productive life as a single mother. I was very religious and got my strength from the black community, women specifically, who supported one another through thick and thin.
Dream-Indentured
Later, I returned to a dream with the two black women. I was a white maid who had been acquired as a young girl (orphan) and was working out my indentured servitude. Mostly I recall how the two women and I were like sisters. I loved them dearly. I remember watching the master and mistress arrive home in their car (older model, like 1900’s) and they had their two daughter’s sitting in the front seat (it was like a carriage more than a car). Both were blonde like me. I mentioned how grown up they looked but we knew they were very young still. The oldest was trying to look like a grown woman but was only in her early teens. She had braided her hair and I remember touching mine and knowing I looked a wreck. I said I should’ve braided mine and one of my sisters laughed and made a joke about how I couldn’t braid. We all giggled. I got a glimpse of myself at that time and I was plain and light skinned, with hair frizzy but combed neatly.
As the dream ended I realized the girls were my daughters and I had birthed many children for the master, all resembling me except one, the son, who resembled him. The wife had no choice but to claim them. Weird! Was this a past life recall? IDK.
The weird physical ailments that have plagued me this year continue. This time it is my eyes. I am experiencing horribly dry and painful eyes, especially when looking at screens. At times the pain is so bad that my eyes throb. This has been going on since mid-October. I thought at first I must’ve gotten Covid again because that was the main symptom I had when I had it before. However, when it didn’t subside after 10 days, I began to worry. Finally, after almost a month, I went to my eye doctor who checked me out and diagnosed it as a flare-up of dry eye. She gave me a prescription for a steroid eye drop and other eye drops and sent me home. Today I went in for my follow-up. While my eyes are somewhat better, I am still experiencing pain and discomfort on and off. So it is another week of eye drops. I cannot wear my contact lenses because when I do, my eyes throb horribly when I take them out. So, I’ve been Ms. Four-eyes for a month. Yay! Actually, I don’t mind because I think glasses suit me now that I’m older. Still, it would be nice if they eliminated the pain and discomfort. Even now, as I type this, I am squinting and closing my eyes frequently just to get through it. Please pray my doctor is right and this is just a temporary condition. Otherwise, I have to go to a dry eye specialist. Ugh!
Two nights ago I had a recurrence of the “off” feeling upon waking I’ve written about before. It always puts me into a panic when it happens. I always check my heart rate (sleep monitor) and it has been fine. No spikes, no big drops. So, I have no clue what it is/was. When this episode happened I was actually getting a driving lesson from a guide in a very vivid dream. I was so completely happy in the dream that waking feeling like I had just risen from the dead was very disconcerting!
Thankfully, last night I slept wonderfully and had no weird episodes.
Dream-Dance Class
The first part of the dream I was in school and part of a dance (self-confidence, happiness) group. The teacher was showing us what our next dance routine would look like. We were suppose to try and follow along as she showed us the moves. The teacher started doing a reverse pike and as she did this, she removed her underwear (hidden aspects revealed). I immediately walked away saying I was not going to do something like that. The other girls huddled together to the side whispering. I went over to them and told them I wouldn’t do the underwear move. They were saying they struggled with doing the pike. I said I could do that and would show them.
Then I went to the bathroom (need to find relief) which was small as if made for very young kids. I sat on the tiny toilet but don’t remember actually using the toilet. When I wiped, the TP was covered in sticky poo (unwanted things) and I got it on my fingers. Grossed out, I tried to get the TP off of my hand and put it in the trash but it stuck to me. When I finally got it off, I stood up to wash my hands at the sink. I was squished over to the right and when I looked in the mirror I noticed a woman standing next to me on my left. She spoke to me but I don’t remember what she said. I thought of her as one my classmates.
Dream-More Than a Friend
Then I was having a discussion with a man whose face I couldn’t quite make out. We were talking about my choice to repeat high school (life lessons). The first thing I recall saying was that I wasn’t sure how this year, my senior year, would go because I didn’t have any electives left to take and the only class I had left was Calculus. I told him, “You know it is just trigonometry (enlightenment, inner completion)? I love Calculus (challenges and solutions)! .” He asked me if I had to pay to attend high school all over again being I was 47 years old. I told him, “No. They all think I’m 18.”
It was at this time I realized we had been talking for a long time. I said, “Wow! We’ve been talking all this time? I LOVE it when that happens!” It was a familiar feeling and one I enjoy. It means I have connected with someone in a way that is truly very rare. This is also when I noticed we were sitting inside a car (lifepath), engine running, parked inside my garage (stuck, parked). I was sitting in the passenger seat and he was in the driver’s seat. I tried to get a look at him, but all I got was a feel of him. He seemed like one of those nerdy types (typical for me lol); someone who was very smart and knowledgeable about many things. I could tell he was thin and quite tall, too, with dark hair. Besides, that, though, I had no idea who he was.
He got out of the car and left behind a small boy. The boy pointed at a light through the windshield asking, “What is that?” I peered through the glass but couldn’t quite figure out what it was. All I saw was a very bright, white light.
Then I was outside of a house standing on a stone pathway with the tall man from the car. Tall shrubs were on either side of us. We were chatting and laughing about something when a young man walked up to me. He was clean cut with strawberry blonde hair. He told me that he wanted to confess that he was my ex-boyfriend’s lover, someone my ex had cheated on me with. I was shocked because I hadn’t realized my ex had been interested in men. The man from the car leaned over to hug me and said, “I’m so sorry.” I remember being able to see the scene from outside of myself, so I saw my own face and the expression on it. I was horrified. I also did not resemble myself in this life at all. I had auburn hair that went past my shoulders. Then I saw the man from the car, still hugging me, move my hair aside and kiss me. My reaction to this was also shock and I pulled away. He whispered back, “I’m so sorry!” The other man was laughing at the situation.
The next thing I remember is going to look for the man from the car. My thoughts led me there as I had been confused by his kiss, thinking of him as only a friend. I returned to my garage where we once sat in the car. I walked through the door and instead of my house I found myself inside a book store or library (knowledge, wisdom) because there were books lining the walls. I went towards the area I knew my friend would be. It felt like a kitchen area. When I saw him he started immediately apologizing. I had something in my hand, like a long strip of photo negatives (memories). I’d had it with me since we last met. I was going to give it to him but when I saw him and how upset he was, I forgot about it. In that moment I remember deciding that he could be more than just my friend. I went up and kissed him back. He was so tall I had to stand on my toes. The kiss was very real and I became quite lucid in this moment. I remember telling him that I could kiss him forever. I did this telepathically, though, as I couldn’t speak. We kept kissing until I woke.
When I woke a pleasant energy was swirling in my second chakra.
This dream felt almost like I returned to a past life or maybe a parallel one. It was quite lovely. If I were to take anything from the dream it would be a message to remember that some of the best romantic relationships develop out of good friendships.
Living Life in Between 