Another Reset and June Graduation

Despite feeling better, I still have lingering cold symptoms that just will not go away. It would be nice to feel 100% again. This prolonged illness is taking its toll on me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Since I felt better yesterday I attempted a trip to the gym. It didn’t go well and I had to come home early. It wiped me out. However, on the way home a familiar song came on that made me smile. You may know it if you are a child of the 80’s like I am. ūüôā

Instantly I was taken¬†to a time and place I had long ago forgotten. At that time in my life, my parents were divorced and my dad would take us on the weekends. He often took us to a particular skating rink. I’m not sure but I think he may have been part owner of it which makes sense because he was dabbling in many business ventures at the time. Anyway, I literally felt transported to a moment in my life around 1985. I was on the skating rink, multicolored lights were flashing and I could hear the above song playing loudly. It was just a brief moment from my life back then but it was vividly clear. One of those brief childhood reprieves in a very tumultuous time in my life. I can still remember everything about that skating rink from the rink itself to the arcade and the skate rental. My dad would leave us there all day while he went off and did others things. And even though I was especially traumatized during that time in my life (emotionally disturbed even) that memory is a cherished one.

I don’t know about you, but for me, each phase of my life has music attached to it in some way. Like the song above, that particular time in my life – 7-9yrs old, parents divorcing, moving to a new home, etc – is accompanied by specific music. When I hear the music it takes me back almost instantly to that time in my life. It is like I organize and categorize my life based upon the music I listened to. lol As I get older it seems to be even more pronounced. I even adjust my Ipod music selection now intentionally to block or¬†encourage certain memories/life phases. When I feel I am ready to let go of a certain time, I delete all songs connected to it. Then later, when I feel ready to reminisce or when it is time to deal with whatever is left of those times, I find myself drawn to play songs from that time period again. When the emotional reaction to the music is gone, meaning I can listen and just enjoy the music for what it is, then I know I have handled whatever lingering issues there are¬†from those time periods. The fact that I smiled when I heard the above song is positive. That was a very, very rough time in my life. Horrible, actually.

Avoidance

As you may have figured from yesterday’s post, my guidance is pushing me to action again. Action meaning that I need to make some changes in my life. I am hearing specifically, “What do you want?”, “Think about your life”, “It is TIME” and my favorite (not), “Are you ready to work?”

All of these except the last were common messages from my guidance back in 2011-2013. Back then I was in an especially horrible work situation, family and marriage were in upheaval, and I was miserable. It was like a mini-mid-life crisis. Just thinking about this time period and I get a song in my mind (yep!). This particular song was, It’s Time by Imagine Dragons. There’s that message literally in my face – IT’S TIME.

A little about me. ūüôā When I get to where I feel unhappy, bored or just generally dissatisfied with my life I typically bring in more doingness as a distraction. At that time I opted to get my Master’s degree and start weight lifting and transforming my body. I was doing this all with two young children, working a full-time stressful job, and other issues I was unwilling to confront. I tend to get myself so busy that I have no time to think or contemplate. It’s a great avoidance technique.

So where did this avoidance get me? Nowhere really. Yeah, I got a master’s degree which got me out of my stressful job situation only to lead me smack dab into another one. lol I also got a great looking fit, healthy body only to end up unexpectedly pregnant. Big LOL. All my hard work only led me back to where I started.

Back to present day. Here I am receiving similar messages. Here I am feeling similarly about my life. Here. I. Am. WTF, right?

We repeat lessons until they are learned. In fact, just yesterday I was thinking, “I need to find something to fill my time. To keep me occupied.” This is my avoidance technique at its best. In fact yesterday I was thinking, “Maybe I should look for a full-time job.” But just the idea of it made me feel exhausted and deflated. In the past I would steamroll over such a feeling. Now I can’t do that. How do you steamroll over a huge wall?

Since my normal avoidance techniques don’t seem to be working I am left not really knowing what to do. Maybe that is the point.

Reset

So to the heading of this section: Reset. It just came to me out of the blue and I thought that maybe I should check and see how many times I have written about a reset in this blog. Turns out it’s 2. And guess what? They are all spaced about a year apart from each other. Take a look: January 2015¬†and March 2016. HA! And I’m pretty sure I wrote about a reset in my older blog, I just couldn’t find it under that keyword and I’m too lazy to look further.

Last year I had been sick and going through a reset. It was caused by the Kundalini. In fact, both reset periods were linked to the Kundalini. I suspect this one is, too. I don’t remember any significant Kundalini episodes but this is likely because I have been sleeping so deeply. All I can remember is my root expanding once and some hazy recollections of energy in my upper chakras.

When I go through these periods my spiritual experiences slow down and I usually end up feeling similar to how I feel right now. Message: This is just a phase and it will not last forever. Allow it and breathe.

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Dream: June Graduation

One more thing. I had a brief dream this morning. In it I was at my mom’s house but my sister and her husband had built a house close by. I was obviously confronting a potential outcome of the current situation, that my mom will give in and build my sister and her family a home next to theirs. She actually mentioned this to me the last time I visited. I was telling my mom in the dream that she was enabling them and I was feeling very disturbed by how things were unfolding.

Then I was with my brother up by the front gate of my grandparent’s property. We were looking at a green mailbox and talking. He held up in front of me a giant calendar. It was as tall as he was and very vivid. The calendar front had information about his upcoming graduation on it. The calendar itself was of the month of June and the majority of the month was blocked out except for the last four days. I could see those days distinctly and knew these were the days of the graduation preparations and commencement.

Green mailbox – An important message is about to be received. Green = positive change and hope.

When I woke up the first thing on my mind was knowing that my sister and her family would likely be living on my mother’s property permanently. I wanted to be pissed about it but immediately thought, “That is likely what my sisters thought about me when my mom gave me 2 acres next to her and I built a home and linked to her water well.” My upset dissolved and I was just left with a sadness for the situation that I knew was about to unfold. I saw how my mom needed to feel needed and my sister provided her with that. A lesson was unfolding for them and it was none of my business. In fact, at that moment I thought that I could completely disconnect from my family – mom, sisters, cousins, etc – and not have any issue with it. I wanted to move out of state and never come back and this was not to punish them but because I felt done. Weird.

Then I considered¬†the part of the dream with my brother. I know without a doubt it was not my brother. No way. The person he represented and resembles is “family” and like my “brother”, though. And apparently he is going to “graduate” in June.

For some reason I got grumpy about this information. Maybe because it is two months away? I began to mull over disconnecting completely from this spiritual path again. Like I did in 2007. Just a total break; a hiatus. Feelings of disappointment were hard to push away. The Ego-child emerged and threw her tantrum. She is very impatient and when what she Knows and wants do not happen fast enough, she gets grumpy.

As I was feeling these feelings parts of songs came into my mind and I lightened up as I acknowledged them. The first was part of the above song – “Don’t you remember….” This repeated over and over. Okay. No, I don’t (curse word) remember! Then later I heard, “You and me, we got this. You and me we’re beautiful, beautiful….We’re gonna be alright.”

When I heard this I fell into my heart space and took a deep breath. It can be so hard to trust and so hard to navigate this life. Time is a curse to the impatient (like me).

So to my “brother” – the last four days in June are significant.¬†You will “graduate”.

Bird in a Cage

Yesterday I gave the cockatiel away to an older lady with two other birds, a female conure named “Red” and a female cockatiel named “Free-bird”. The decision was made when my daughter lost interest in him¬†and I ended up being the full-time caregiver for a bird that needed as much attention and care as a toddler. I recognized pretty quickly that I did not have the time/energy/stamina for him and that my 3-yr-old was going to compete for my attention every time I tried to interact with the bird (yes, funny I know!). Plus, I was sick most of the time the bird was in my home making it that much more difficult to care for him. FYI – My stomach condition is gone today. Yay!

Part of me misses the bird but then I know it was the right decision. I do not like the idea of keeping a bird or any animal in a cage. He will be much happier with other birds around him and someone who can be with him full-time. The woman who now owns him is widowed, older (60’s probably), doesn’t work and dotes on her other two birds. They are like her children. When she took him I could tell she was already falling in love with him and he was quite happy to be with her, too.

Blanket of Disconnection

Prior to going to bed I had a strange feeling descend over me like a blanket. It was a familiar feeling, too. When fully encapsulated in this feeling it was as if my entire life was not real. Like I was in the movie that is my life but not a part of it. The disconnect was strong. My initial reaction was a brief panic but my Companion sent a calming energy and a reminder that all was okay and to allow the feeling and experience. Instantly I surrendered to the calm and the panic vanished but the disconnect remained.

With the feeling came a familiar R.E.M. song – “It’s the end of the world as we know it.” At the same time¬†I began to think about death and what occurs after it. The show LOST came to mind, specifically the finale and how when each of them died they found someone from their life and reunited, but it was not all at once. Instead it was like they entered another lifetime altogether and slowly came to awareness of the life they just left behind. I began to over analyze for a moment, considering experience to be similar to that LOST finale but it began to overwhelm me. It all felt very surreal and with the song and thoughts coming together I briefly wondered, “Is the world ¬†ending or is it just beginning?” I felt a bit like I was tripping right then and it was difficult to locate reality. You can imagine how I might have felt, why I panicked. But the calm relinquished the panic and it was as if it were all real and normal. All a part of the moment.

As the experienced faded and this reality dominated, a song came to mind. “In a west end town in a dead end world. The east end boys and west end girls…” I had no idea why this song was coming to mind, though.

My Companion came through and I Knew more was coming. I said to him, “But I’m still sick.” He said, “Not for long.” The feeling followed me to bed along with a Knowing that I was to experience a big Shift soon.

Dream and Message: Bird in a Cage

Early in the night I had a vivid dream of a bird that kept going back to its cage despite being free to fly away in the wide open skies. I don’t remember much detail now, but when I woke this morning that dream is the only one that remained despite the many vivid dreams I had after it. Specifically, the dream was about the cockatiel I just gave away and his personality. There was a discussion about him and the dream images were a result of that discussion.

When I woke the previous day’s happenings rushed into my mind as if to remind me of the dream discussion I had just had. In the early afternoon a woman came to see the cockatiel. She was hopeful that it was her lost cockatiel who had been missing since October 2016. Unfortunately he wasn’t. But I expected that.

While she was at my house we talked about the cockatiel’s personality (the cockatiel I had, not hers). I told her what I had observed. He was people friendly, but not overly so. When we got him his cage he flew to it making happy noises. Once we got him inside he was reluctant to come out. We had to coax him out with treats or a mirror (he was obsessed with the mirror). Once out, he would fly but only to a human shoulder. I would also leave the cage open, hoping he would come out. I always knew when he would get out because he would start frantically crying. When I would check on him he would immediately fly to my shoulder in a panic and would only calm down if he got a mirror or his cage. I told her I believed his previous owner kept him in a cage most of the time with another bird. I think he was set free and not lost because he did not seem to want to fly far when he was let out. Also, his wings had never been clipped. He could fly far if he wanted, but he didn’t want to. She agreed.

Later, when the new owner came to visit we also talked about his personality. She mentioned that cockatiels could fly really far when their wings were not clipped, sometimes traveling up to 50 miles from home. She also told me that her other two birds also preferred to stay inside their cages and she never had to clip their wings. She had their cages located in her kitchen with open windows on three sides. She did not try to make them get out of their cages, but let them stay inside. She said some birds are more comfortable in their cages. I commented that her birds¬†were likely happy to be in their “safe” homes while also getting to view the big wide world.

These memories flooded my mind and synced with my dream memory. Right then the cockatiel’s message to me was very clear. I was like him. I was a bird in a cage. The door was open. My wings were not clipped. I was being coaxed out with “treats” and a “mirror” but continued to retreat back to my “safe” place. The big-wide world was just too scary and my cage was familiar and predictable.

My thoughts were, “OMG you’ve got to be kidding me!” followed by obscenities.

I began to feel hopeless. Suddenly the path I chose, my cage or “safe” place,¬†seemed pointless and without meaning or purpose. I began to ask my guidance,¬†“Is this it? Is this all there is to life?” I have asked that question before and it led to many spiritual experiences and insight, yet here I was again asking it seemingly back to point A, no progress made.

Then I heard the song again – “In a West end town in a dead end world….” This time, though, I understood the message because a¬†memory of an OBE I had a while back came to mind instantly. In the OBE I was trying to exit my bedroom via the closet door but I knew it was a closet. Symbols appeared on the door saying, “No Exit” and I received a¬†message that the path I was choosing would only result in a “dead end”.

At the time I did not know for sure which path was the dead end. The one I assumed it was referring to was the one it turned out to be – choosing the familiar, the safe, the same path.

More obscenities.

I got upset then because I knew the only way out of a dead end was to turn around and go the other way. To leave my cage. Of course, my immediate response was to ask to go Home because what I see in front of me are two options: stay put (in my cage) or go out on my own (fly free). I have been practicing doing what makes me happy. It is obvious that staying in my cage is not making me happy but the fear of flying free is just too scary. A tiny bird all alone in the big-wide world. Terrifying. I want a third option Рthe opt-out. Not happening (insert more obscenities).

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OBE: Goats

The last thing I remember saying to my guides was, “I want out!” Oddly enough I ended up drifting into the in-between. While there I had a lucid experience where I returned to another time in my life, way back in my early twenties. I was married to my ex and he was into country music and being a “good ol’ boy”. He and I use to get dressed up in country attire, cowboy boots and all, and go dancing. I remember I looked really good, specifically in the blue jeans. In this lucid experience I put on those jeans, went to my bathroom and looked at myself in them. The lights were low so I could not see well but I did see that my butt looked really good. lol I squinted to look at the shirt I was wearing. It had something written on it. It started with a “p”. Was it “peace” or “piece”? Or was it “property” as in “Property” of some jail?

I returned to my bed and tried to put another pair of jeans over the old pair. Then I realized that was stupid and stopped. Next, I decided to take off the ones I was wearing because they felt uncomfortable.

Then I was acutely aware of laying in my bed, I heard goats calling to each other. There was a distinct energetic shift and I knew I could exit my body. I sat up, thinking I was at my grandparents house, and tried to roll out of bed to my right. I couldn’t, so I attempted to roll to my left. I was able to but pillows were stuck to my face. I stood up and began to walk to the door pulling the pillow from my face. I don’t know where I was going, I just wanted out.

Then I heard my daughter calling. I recognized that she was up preparing for school and right outside my door. While OOB I saw the light under the door right as I heard her. Then I was back in my body. I knew instantly that my asking to get “out” had resulted in me going OOB. I said to my guides, “That’s not what I meant!” LOL

Not long after I realized the goats I heard were reminding me of a message I got a long, long time ago in an OBE. A message that keeps coming back to me time and time again. Meaning I probably haven’t really gotten it fully. The message back then was, “The goat will bite you.” So I’m thinking, “WTF! What does it mean then! What am I missing!!???”

So I looked it up. Again.

When the goat ambles onto your path, it might be a signal to contemplate your power as an individual. Is it time to separate from the herd? Launch into an independent direction? Often times, the solitary path leads us to great discovery. Goats respect distance and space. They also encourage independent adventures and explorations of high vistas for the sole purpose of personal/individual knowing. ~Source.

If the goat represents this, then what does it biting me mean? Does it mean that this urge to break free, this curiosity for what is waiting for me beyond the safety of my cage, is pestering me to the point of annoyance? Probably.

As I ponder this I am reminded of a part of the dream discussion. In the discussion I remembered the woman saying she was going to put the birds in separate cages but right next to each other. Each bird in their own safe cage but close enough to another bird to feel connected to it. I knew this represented me and many others on Earth right now. We exist in our own little worlds. I remember saying I wanted¬†to invite another into my cage, but it doesn’t work that way. We have to come out of our cages to be truly together.

 

 

Sick Again

My cold is still not completely gone and now I have some kind of awful stomach/intestinal virus. Maybe. Not sure what the hell it is or if it is even a virus. It feels like my stomach right below my ribs is getting kicked and it is nearly always aching. The pain arches upward toward my chest in a crescent shape and then hits my lower heart chakra. This started yesterday morning and has just gotten progressively worse pain-wise. My heart chakra even aches, which is really odd.

I’ve never had a stomach virus affect me this way. The closest I can recall is that I was sick way back in 2006 with a stomach virus that just made my tummy hurt and cramp all the time without any other symptoms. It lasted so long I went to the doctor, which is unheard of for me, and was told it was a virus that lasted up to two weeks and was told to take Mylanta which did absolutely nothing.

Whatever is going on I don’t think it is coincidence nor do I think my immune system is compromised or anything like that. I was told recently by my guidance that I needed to “rest” and I do rest, but probably not enough. I went to the gym even when I still felt pretty sick with the cold. I left early, though, and have taken it easy since then. Exercise makes me feel better usually so I opt to do it even when sick most of the time because it will lessen the symptoms temporarily giving me relief (cold symptoms especially). But this cramping stomach will definitely keep me inactive. Even walking to the park with my kids made it hurt more. ūüė¶

Interestingly, the pain in my stomach was preceded by several mornings where eating breakfast was making me feel queasy. I ignored it, though, assuming it was my cold causing the queasiness.

Several others I know online are mentioning trouble in the same area that has been going on for a week. I also noticed others with the full-blown stomach flu. One friend asked me if it was a dietary change thing because those are¬†the changes she is being asked to make. It reminded me of a message I received this morning. I heard “liquid diet” out of the blue. Yesterday I momentarily thought I needed to fix some things about my diet but ignored the message. Yet this morning I did opt for oatmeal over eggs and likely won’t eat much until this cramping crap passes.

So, I’m guessing this is just a warning to focus more on what I put into my stomach. I will likely get out my juicer and make more kitchari (Ayurvedic diet) and avoid meat. Sigh. I really like meat.

I am pretty tired of being sick by now as you can guess. These illnesses seem to put all my spiritual experiences on hold and have made dreamtime pretty boring because I am too tired to remember or care. This stomach trouble would not be so bad if I weren’t still coughing all the time and my nose was not still running incessantly. If this is chakra clearing then I must be clearing all of them except my root and crown!

Recent Symbols and Messages

For the first time in almost a week I am feeling better. This cold was a whammy but thankfully it is going away. Yesterday for most of the day I felt like I had taken a sleeping pill. So tired yet I couldn’t sleep even when I had the opportunity. Just a lethargy that wouldn’t let up. Emotionally I felt drained and depleted, too. It was difficult to stay centered but I managed it. Barely.

What is strange is that even though my guidance has been mostly quiet except for a few encouraging nudges, I received messages in the form of symbols that continued to show up. All messages pointing to the balancing of masculine and feminine and coming into Wholeness, indicating that despite the “rest” provided by my illness work was still being done.

The first symbol that has been recurring is the Yin-Yang symbol. First, I saw it quite unexpectedly in a piece of scrap paper I used to protect the counter from paint as I was painting my most recent painting. I just happened to glance down at one of the many structural drawings catching the fallen paint. There on the paper were several perfect Yin-Yang symbols. They are obviously used to represent something specific in the drawing but to me they said Yin-Yang. I stopped and time did that little pause it does when a message is being received. Here is the symbol amidst the drawing:

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This was earlier in the week. This morning I happened to noticed the symbol on a tile in my bathroom. I have seen the tile countless times but never saw the symbol. Here is the tile. See if you can locate the symbol:

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From where I was at, it popped out at me very obviously, but as you can see it is very difficult to see.

I outlined it in this pic so you can see it better:

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This in and of itself is one of those messages that I usually would shrug off. It’s easy to see anything you want to see in the patterns of a tile if you want, right? However, I had just had a dream earlier in the morning that led me to believe it was more than just me trying to make more of what was there. In fact, the Yin-Yang symbol was the farthest thing from my mind. My dream didn’t even lead me to look for it. Rather, my dream was of snakes. Two snakes coiled around one another similar to the caduceus. When I saw the Yin-Yang pop out at me, again time seemed to slow down and when it did my dream memory resurfaced and I knew it was a message. My first thought was the Kundalini and then I put it together with the Yin-Yang symbol and recognized the balancing of the masculine and feminine into Wholeness. Only then did I remember the message from the scrap paper earlier in the week. Duh.

Wholeness. Union. The message was clear.

Another interesting message, er well messenger, came later in the week. I was home resting and trying to recover from my illness. My husband took the kids to the park. They are in the process of erecting a new playground and it was nearly finished so my kids wanted to explore. To my surprise, my husband came back and told me, “There is a cockatiel in the garage. We found it in the park.” I didn’t believe him and went to the garage to investigate. I opened the door slowly not sure what prank he might be playing on me. I found my daughter in there with a small bird. He hadn’t been joking! Turns out, the little guy was on the ground near the new playground and had easily been captured by my husband but not before it pecked him hard enough to draw blood.

Seeing the little bird was a joy which surprised me. I am not into birds. I’m not scared of them but I never desired to have one as a pet. I prefer them to be in the wild where they belong. I was reminded of my trip to Australia in 2005. My sister and I got to feed all sorts of wild parrots. I did it, but I was uncomfortable because some of them were very big. Cockatoos were very common there. In fact, I remember them being all over the place and making a lot of noise.

The little bird was friendly but did not want you to pet it or hold it. It was happy to perch on my husband’s shoulder. He was also starving and very thirsty. It was obvious he had been out on his own long enough to seek out people to try and find food and shelter. We let him stay the night in our garage and the next day my daughter went around to try and find his owner without success. So we bought him a cage and he now lives in her room. His name is Dylan.

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My youngest has it out for Dylan, though. He throws things at him and harasses him while he’s in his cage. This has made him very wary of all of us now. Plus, he is very territorial of his cage. When we showed him his cage he flew across the room to it and made all kinds of happy noise. Now we struggle to get him out of it. I think he missed his home and is scared to leave it now. The poor little guy.

Regardless, it looks like he is here to stay. I will talk to him in Light Language here and there and find he responds to me, though he doesn’t want to come to me. That is fine with me. I would rather not be pecked. lol

It was only today that I decided to see if cockatiels carry any kind of specific message. Turns out they do. Though the link I found was for cockatoos, cockatiels carry the same message – communication, socialization, mating for life, the art of survival. Additionally, it represents:

Spirit. Rain Magic. Travel. Joy. Crying with Joy. Emotional Freedom. Spiritual Freedom. Finding Spiritual Truths. Your Inner Fire. Creativity. The Muse. Inner Beauty. Inner and Outer Wealth. Preserving What You Care For. Drumming.

~ Source

It was a good thing we rescued this little bird when we did. That night a cold front came through and it got really chilly and windy. The little guy would have had a difficult time staying warm in 40 degree weather.

Preparation

While I was sick I received Knowing that my illness was purposeful. It was a forced down time to prepare me for what is coming next. Sometimes, when you are like me, you have to be made to stop and rest. While I was sick I went from motivated, optimistic, and positive to lethargic, unmotivated and at times irritable. I spent more time laying down than normal to the point that my husband began to nag me about it (which didn’t result in good things lol).

I discovered old, stale emotions coming to the surface during this time. They were not intense but there nonetheless. I had to keep my eye on my thoughts because these old emotions brought about thought patterns that would cycle through and if I didn’t catch them in time I would end up in an old, familiar place. Thankfully I was able to keep myself from falling into the old cycles and patterns but several times I did have to ask myself, “Is this making me feel good or bad?” If it was not making me feel good, I stopped thinking it and moved on. And you know what? It worked even though I felt like crap. lol

All of this is in preparation for the next section of that Equinox portal I brought up earlier in April. This section is quite long, spanning through the end of this month, but I am told the next one is soon, early May. I don’t have the exact date yet but thinking May 4-5th or around there.

Interestingly, my entire family almost went on a trip to Seattle to visit his cousin. We would have left on the 4th and returned on the 9th. We opted out because of the cost of flying five people there (over $2000) plus I was wary of taking my youngest. I had hoped to go so I could visit a friend there but it was not meant to be. Additionally, a friend of mine is having a Galactic Shaman training on May 5th in Tennessee. Out of the blue I had the idea to go and almost got my husband to say yes but then later knew it was not a good idea. Just after realizing this my husband got nasty about me going, so my intuition was right. It’s okay. The message was likely not that I needed to go on either trip but about the timing of it.

Glimpse of a Parallel Life

I’ve been sick for about five days now, ever since the K-index began to go into the red. Do I blame the geomagnetic storms? No. I blame my sick family members who passed the cold on to me. lol But it is interesting that the K-index was in the red at the beginning and is now in the red again as the cold is fading. All I’ve felt through these storms is sick so it is hard to say how else they may have affected me. Interestingly, I ran into several others who also had a cold the same time as me, all via the internet and from¬†different states/locations.

Planetary K Index plot

Despite being sick, I’ve had some interesting dream experiences I want to share. It seems like I’ve been in class learning and practicing some of my skills.

Dream: Viewing a Parallel Life

I was given a photo album and asked to open it. Inside there were photographs attached to black pages. Each photograph was of a particular time in my life. I recognized them all but they were slightly different than I remember. Some photos would play videos if you touched them. I watched several of these and when I did it was like I went into the movie and experienced it first-hand.

Most of the videos I watched were from my school years. I recall seeing my family sitting in folding chairs waiting for a school function to begin. I must have been the one they were coming to see because I was not in the video or photos. I saw my little sister, grandmother and her sister, my great-aunt. I remember looking at how their appearances varied from this lifetime, noting the similarities and differences.

In another picture turned video I was shown how the color guard I was a part of in high school was a dance team primarily. In this life we primarily twirled flags.

I watched several movies but eventually an entire lifetime came into my memory, a lifetime very similar to this one with some differences.

I had attended the same school, still had two sisters, still had the same mother and father, still had the same connections. What was odd to me was that I was married to my ex-husband and my current husband was my ex and the father of my daughter. My two sons were not present. Never born. Instead, my half-brother, who my mom adopted in my current life, was my adopted son. Meaning I must have adopted him instead of her.

A huge amount of this parallel life centered around my half brother and his being admitted to a school related to a government program. The school was for an “elite” group of young people who would be groomed to be part of the government military. Strange thing is the government was a religious organization that had somehow been given the authority to rule the country. A theocracy I guess would be the right name. It was a honor to be in this school and my half brother was very proud. He spent his days in a very strict environment where electronics and computer devices were strictly prohibited. I saw the uniforms of the government military and they were all black with two stripes of parallel color from the chest to just below the hip. The colors varied depending on rank/level/appointment. I did not feel this government was bad, just different and in some ways much better than the current government of this lifetime.

When I woke I knew I had been viewing a parallel life and that it was just one of many others. Sadly, I was too sick to care much or to ask questions. I have no idea if I was happy in that life or not.

Dream: Practice

I had this dream this morning. What I recall most about it was being instructed on how to purposefully block and allow certain emotional experiences. The emotions first appeared in the dream as a swirling mass of energy above me. The mass was enormous, big enough to fill a large bedroom. My task was to select from this mass of emotions the ones I wished to experience without becoming overwhelmed by all of the emotion. I selected two and felt them full-on. They were positive emotions for the most part. I remember the feeling slightly and it was pleasant, like peaceful and happy.

There was a section during this time where I had a feeling of being transported in a vehicle. In the back was a blind girl who seemed to represent me in some way. The blindness was a positive in that it helped her to focus on the feelings. At this point I was feeling extremely vulnerable and there was with this an on-the-verge feeling, like a huge anticipation of something to come. Someone asked me if I wanted to stop experiencing the feeling. I said I did and the blind girl said very loudly, “I’ve had enough of feeling vulnerable.” The feeling stopped then and I woke very suddenly from the dream knowing something important had been going on.

I was told that I had been practicing choosing and blocking emotion. I was reminded that everything we experience is our choice.

Not long after I fell back to sleep and ended up with a massive energy in my root chakra that seemed to linger for a very long time. Again, I was too tired to care and despite being very lucid and even waking up several times throughout, I shrugged it off. That is a good sign because the root energy is not easy to ignore! Perhaps the lesson on choosing emotion extends to choosing sensation, too?

 

 

 

A Glimpse Behind-the-Scenes

Yesterday a friend on FB posted a link to a video interview of Mary Reed, author of The Journey of an Unwitting Mystic. I have never read the book so watched the video because my friend and others were saying great things about her.

My reaction was positive. I enjoyed every minute of the interview, especially her accounts of being cradled in the arms of Jesus and reunited with Source and her experience of complete surrender after an attempted suicide attempt. I saw so many parallels to my own experiences but also recognized just how unique each and every one of us is when it comes to our spiritual journey.

After watching the video I asked my Companion if I could receive Knowing like Mary. I heard back, “Yes, of course. What do you want to Know?” I said, “I don’t know, whatever I need to know to help me understand my journey and mission here.” I received confirmation that my request would be granted. I thought no more about it.

Lucid Dream: Soul Retrieval

I slept well and woke at 5:30am from a string of dreams indicating that I was learning how to cross between dimensions, how to analyze the energy in order to detect when I could cross and what to expect when I did. At the time I didn’t understand that I was learning a lesson. Instead I was mulling over my dreams wondering what they meant and finding myself confused. All along this song chorus was repeating in my head, “You and me, we’re beautiful, beautiful. We all, we all we’re going to be alright.”

Somehow I drifted off to sleep. I ended up inside a large house. It was hard to see, like the lights were out, and I was with a woman and her husband. It was apparent to me that I had been awakened by them but I didn’t know why yet. They were rushing about readying for something and I recall feeling I needed to get ready for work. Then I noted the time. It was far too early to go to work, yet it felt like mid-morning for some reason. I followed the couple into their bedroom and waited there. I noticed the dresser drawers had safety pins on them instead of knobs. I inspected them closely, curious as to why this would be, and saw the knobs had come loose and the safety pins were the replacements. These were the largest safety pins I had ever seen! I accidentally broke one as I fiddled with it, too.

Then I was laying on the bedroom floor but at the same time I felt to be in my own bed. In hindsight I realize now that I was firmly anchored to my reality while venturing into someone else’s reality. A woman was next to me on the floor and her husband was in the bed to our right. For some reason I felt like the woman next to me was my ex-MIL, though I know this is not accurate.

Some conversation went on between the man and woman and then a chair seemed to throw itself across the bedroom into the dresser. The woman reacted as if it had happened before. Both the man¬†and woman were distressed. I asked the woman some questions because I sensed another presence in the room, one that was very upset and filled with many conflicting emotions. The woman told me who she thought the earthbound Spirit¬†was. I asked her to tell the woman in Spirit what she needed to tell her. The woman was shaking with fear and said, “She can’t hear me. I can’t talk to her.” I told her she could and hesitantly the woman whispered to me, “I’m sorry. It was an accident.”

Sensing the emotional turbulence building in the energy that composed the earthbound spirit, I said to the spirit, “She says she’s sorry. It was an accident. She’s sorry!” There came back such an energetic rebuttal that I knew I had my work cut out for me. I sensed fear from my right, my fear,¬†but ignored it and seemed to know exactly what to do.

I sat up and began to address the spirit though I could not see her or anything in the room. Light Language began to pour out of me in song and word. The sounds were beautiful yet there is no way my physical body could have produced them. Two distinct sounds, one low and one high, came out of my mouth. Eventually I even heard more than two. I recognized this as I sang and was impressed but knew not to focus on it and just continue to sing to the woman in spirit.

As I sang the woman in spirit resisted. The energy seemed to build up like a wall in front of me. It felt as if the spirit was about to hurl a huge wave of nasty at me and the woman on the floor. The man in the bed said, “I can’t sleep with this noise, I’m leaving.” He got up and I felt him leave the room. The feeling from him was fear. I turned to the woman next to me and asked, “How long has it been?” The woman replied, “Nine years. I’m so sorry. It was an accident (still talking to me)” Then she retreated and left the room, too. She did not want to deal with any of the energy coming from the woman in spirit.

I just kept singing. With the focus of her upset gone, the spirit began to calm a bit and that is when everything she held in her energy came into me. I knew her story and why she felt the way she felt. Without being able to control any of it, the only thing I could do was sing as tears just rolled out of my eyes like rain.

I still couldn’t see her but her story told me why she was where she was. Somehow her death had been caused by the woman who had left the room. In her death the woman in spirit had been unable to get to her baby, who was still alive. She blamed the woman who caused her death for her inability to get to her baby. The emotion of this was turbulent – anger, confusion, desperation, love, grief, hatred, despair – all swirling around chaotically and all hitting me full on in my heart center.

Again, I felt this fear coming from my right. I knew it was mine but ignored it again, focusing on the Light Language. By this time I was using my hands and seeming to do some kind of energetic surgery on the space in front of me. I still couldn’t see the woman in spirit, though. It was just blackness and the emotional turbulence she carried.

soulMy guidance came through, then, because I was wondering how long this would last. I had been crying and singing Light Language the entire time yet the spirit seemed intent on clinging to her self-created reality. I heard, “She is leaving.” I looked to see if I could detect the spark of light that often accompanies this, but saw nothing. Instead I felt the ridge of energy lessen and then crumble down to reveal a very small, grief-filled energy behind.

Then I noticed I was holding two thin slips of paper in my hand. It just appeared out of thin air. I saw writing on it in two columns. Each column had one word. The words had been crossed out to the point that I could only read a few. I knew the paper had significance. I held it up to the spirit who I could still only sense, and began to tear in in pieces. I kept speaking in Light Language throughout.

She was listening to me so I stopped the Light Language and began to talk to her. She was asking me why – Why did it have to be this way? Why could this woman live while she had to die? Why, why, why. On and on. The most concise and well-worded explanation came out of my mind/mouth. I explained how duality works, how we each choose our experience, how it all works out in the end. I said it so perfectly. I wish I could remember my words but all that is left now is awe at myself. I once again sensed the doubt and fear off to my right but ignored it. The woman in spirit was listening and accepting what I said.

Then my focus was on the space in front of the dresser in the bedroom. I began to sing in Light Language again and knew I was mending tears in the energy of the space. It was like a jagged crack in the energy and I knew somehow this was done by the spirit. Like it was a doorway of some kind that needed to be closed. I literally sewed it up with Light Language. I saw the energy as threads of light crisscrossing back and forth across the opening until it was sealed. It was fascinating!

I continued to sing in Light Language. Tears continued to flow out of my eyes and I felt them also coming out of my physical eyes. Again I was acutely aware of being in two places at once. I knew somehow it was not time to leave yet. I had to stay, but I could sense my departure coming.

That is when I felt an energy to the right of my physical body. I turned toward it and recognized a small child, maybe 13 months old, standing over me. She was full of love and gratitude. I knew her message to me was, “Thank you!” I reached out and touched her and her body felt solid and soft, so real! I saw she was wearing a diaper and was fair skinned with fair hair. Just like my own children. The tears were streaming uncontrollably from my eyes. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks and noticed I could not breathe well. The love from this small child was overwhelming.

As the child departed I felt the timing was right to return to my body. As I left the other reality and entered into the in-between I was visited by a woman in spirit. She sent me, “Moira”, first. Then she said, “I love you. Thank you! I love you. I love you…” I came fully into my body while she sent this message, but I could sense her to my left up near the ceiling. Tears were still streaming out of my eyes. I knew this was the woman I had helped. She had made it and departed the lower astral and was ascending through the physical where she had stopped to tell me thank you. Wow.

GuardianAngelandBaby

Soul Retrieval Work

After she left and I was fully awake I could not control the tears. I was not sobbing or even feeling sorrowful, yet tears kept coming and coming. My pillow was soaked, my nose clogged. I had a headache. It was obvious I had been crying for a while.

I began to try and make sense of what I had just experienced. I wanted to know the full story but was advised that it was not necessary. I knew what I needed to and should not over-identify with the situation. I had done my job and now needed to release what I had taken on in order to help the woman. I had revealed her core wound by taking on some her her burden so that she could see it for herself. In doing so, I now needed to cleanse myself of it.

Eventually, I had to sit up because the tears were not stopping. I spoke in Light Language with the intent to finalize whatever I had done. After I did this, the tears finally stopped and I felt unburdened.

It was clear to me that my request from the night before had been granted. My Companion told me that I “work” every night and was allowed a glimpse of that work. He kept telling me, “We are proud of you.” At the time I didn’t care and eventually, after hearing it several times I told him, “I don’t care.” lol I was still over-identifying with the woman in spirit. As a mother, I understood her pain at losing her child so prematurely, even if it was her that died and not her child. The loss is the same.

For a time I had trouble grasping what I had just experienced. The perspectives of all parties were jumbled. Was it my ex-MIL? Her MIL? Me that was the perpetrator? It felt like all of them at once – confusing! Was the woman in spirit really me? Or was she elsewhere trapped and I came to assist? Why was it dark? Where was the light? Was I the light? Was it the lower astral realms where the spirit was trapped? That seemed likely…

Eventually I Knew that all of the experience, all perspectives, were me. It was just so obvious. To differentiate between her and me and them was a human tendency. The reality is that we are all One and the same. There is no separation. In that very lucid experience my perspective was all perspectives at once. That is why to try and make sense of it was not advised. No sense in human terms could be made of it.

The congratulations came again from my guidance. I heard, “Well done.” This time, I said, “Thank you.” I knew what they were referring to. It was that I ignored my fear, which I noticed several times, and stayed the course in order to complete the task at hand. I did not reject the emotions of the woman spirit despite how “scary” they appeared/felt. I embraced them, taking them on as my own so that she could see the truth and be set free by it. It was/is beautiful.

I felt this kind of work was better done from my position in a human body. I asked why. I received back that the lower realms where spirit becomes trapped are very dense, denser even than the realms of the living. Access from the “higher” realms is almost impossible. Those trapped there cannot see those coming from such a high vibration. However, when visiting from the realms of the living, the light carried via the human vessel is able to penetrate the lower realms, though even it takes time to be seen. It was apparent to me that the only way the woman in spirit would have ever seen me was for me to “lower” myself to her level by taking on her pain as my own. I had to be one with her first. My understanding is that it is easier to do this when occupying a physical body. It has something to do with being better able to handle the density of the emotion carried by earthbounds.

All of this is fascinating but at the same time very humbling. I feel deeply changed.

Dream: Meeting a Friend

Had a very long, in-depth dream that seemed to span the entire night last night.

Dream: Meeting a Friend

The dream began with me meeting up with a friend from FB. He appeared younger than he does in his photos and in the dream I knew he was a teenager. He asked me “out” but it was not a date, it was more like an introduction to his life. He wanted to share some things with me. I agreed and we seemed transported to a house.

I felt to be up north somewhere and the area was very green with few trees. He introduced me to his mom and sister. There was also a dog, though I can’t recall what the dog looked like. I met his mom, who had light hair (blonde I think) and was very nice but left us alone most of the time we were there. I don’t recall seeing his sister but he spoke to me about her at length and showed me some of her old toys which were in excellent condition. These were toys from the 80’s and 90’s. I recall talking about My Little Pony and how much the toys are worth now as they are collectibles. I even held one of the ponies in my hand. This is the most vivid part of the dream.

There was a section of the dream where he was braiding hair and I was spraying on color in rainbows. It was odd because my friend had a very long mullet that he was braiding. Since both of us had blonde hair the color I sprayed on our hair appeared very bright.

He and I decided to venture into town and he drove me out of his neighborhood and into a town. I remember paying close attention to the roads we traveled as if I wanted to remember how to get back to his house. We parked the car in a parking area next to a highway overpass. I recall thinking he had the wrong idea about me and feeling a bit uncomfortable because we were in a car alone together.

The dream seems to blend in with my current life then, so I assume we were sharing info from our lives with one another. At one point I began to nod off as I was looking at my phone. When I “woke up” there was a group of people in the back seat of the car with us. I asked how long I had slept and he said he had slept too so he didn’t know.

There is a long section of the dream here that is hazy, probably because I was “dozing off” still. I remember getting out of the car and talking with the group of teens who had been in the back. We went inside a warehouse for a while and there was discussion of a rival gang who was threatening the teens.

The next thing I know I am with another man who I can’t see. I assume it is my Companion. He is asking me about my friend and wanted to know if I knew how to get back to his house. I told him I did and we drove the route back toward his house, only I took a wrong turn and we ended up by a large lake. I said, “This is wrong. There was no lake. We have to turn back.” So we turned around and I recall viewing the route we took from above, as if viewing a map. I remember saying the name of the street he lived on several times but I can’t recall it now. It was a four letter word, though. At one point we asked some people for directions and I recall seeing lots of water and avoiding falling into it.

I don’t remember ever getting back to my friend’s house. I ended up with a group of people standing over¬†a grave. The grave was an elevated box filled with dirt. There was not enough dirt and we needed to finish filling it. I observed trash and other debris was in the grave and attempted to redistribute the dirt so that it was even. The mound in the center where the body was disturbed me and I remember thinking there was a smell but I never smelled anything. When I shoveled the dirt it looked a lot like compost and I could see heat radiating off of it. Eventually, though, the man in the grave sat up and began talking to us. He said he was hungry and tired of waiting. The man looked like my BIL and the trash in the grave¬†began to look less like trash. I recall seeing several grilled cheese sandwiches and told him he should eat them.

Considerations

I have no idea what to think of this dream sequence. I slept really good and almost didn’t write it except that most of the dream involved a FB friend which is very unusual. This is the second night in a row now that I have had an online friend in my dreams. I am not sure why this is happening as I have not set any intentions to meet up with anyone. I was not very lucid in this dream and am surprised I remembered so much of it.

My main focus is on the rainbow hair painting part and the My Little Pony (MLP) part. They seem interconnected. MLP always has rainbows in it. lol Ponies are symbolic of unexplored and underdeveloped power/potential. I loved the ponies as a child and have over 50 ponies from my childhood wrapped and stored in my home. So the ponies could represent a discussion about my childhood. Rainbows represent good fortune but can also symbolize the bridge between the physical and spiritual. It can also be a message to look at the positive side of things. Braiding hair represents determination. It could also indicate the braiding of the the spiritual and physical (embodiment).

My attention is also drawn to the map in my mind and all the time spent traveling roads. It could be there was a discussion about my life path and trying to find Home. The street name¬†still eludes me but it was something like Ipal or Apal. Not sure. Maybe it represents “apple” which has to do with knowledge and wisdom like the apple in the Garden of Eden.

The grave section of the dream is also strange. Why was my BIL in the grave? lol Seeing a grave indicates there is an issue deep in my subconscious that needs to be put to rest. Since there is garbage in it, it could be the issue is particularly repulsive to me. Since I am trying to cover it with dirt, maybe I am trying to cover it up? My BIL could be a clue to the issue, but I have no idea. It was my BIL that just moved here from L.A. who popped out of the grave. He kind of looks like Paul Bunyan. lol Not sure on the sandwich either. It¬†indicate lots of pressure is being put on me. My best guess is that the issue I am being asked to “put to rest” involves my family. The issue may be something I judge myself harshly for and feel is repulsive in some way so I try to bury it rather than confront it. I have no clue, though, what the issue might be.