The tarot readings I did for myself yesterday prompted further explanation in dreamtime last night. I did not ask for elaboration. In fact I didn’t even wonder or attempt to think on the readings much past what I blogged. Here is the post for reference.
A recap in photos – Top is the full reading and bottom is the response to my question, “What do I need to know”:
The dream started with me in a movie theater (protecting myself from the emotion of the situation) with a man. He felt like my husband and even his looks were similar but his hair was lighter in color. We were not alone in the theater but sitting far enough away from others that we had privacy. I felt his hand move onto my leg and down into my crotch area. I remember meeting his hand with my own and holding it. I turned toward him and he kissed me. I kissed him back and then we kissed some more. The make-out session was short-lived, though, because I stopped it and said, “Someone will see us.” It felt like we weren’t suppose to be anything more than friends and that I was trying to hide that we were.
Thankfully the intensity of this part of the dream did not bleed through into the physical (thus the movie theater). There was a very strong attraction akin to a heart connection and a heightened awareness throughout.
Then I was with a group of students in a room. I remember the teachers whispering about me and a boy. There was a male teacher particularly concerned that me and this boy may be getting romantically involved. It was inappropriate for us to be together because he was so much younger than me. They watched us for a while and were unsure as to whether they should contact our parents. Instead they opted to observe us. We were always close to the point of touching but did nothing beyond that.
At one point a female teacher entered the room and called the boy’s name. He went to her and she began to take him out of the room. I ran up to them laughing and joking about the situation, saying that he was in 8th grade and then becoming confused and talking to myself saying, “Wait. I think he’s nine so he must be in third grade.” The teacher gave me a very serious look and took the boy out of the room.
I spent quite a bit of time trying to determine the age difference in the dream. I only got as far as to determine I was 18 and he was 9. I remember doing the math 18-9=9 at one point.
Then the dream shifted and I was in another room sitting on stools at a rectangular table with other students. The table was long enough to accommodate at least 10 of us. I sat facing the students and a male teacher walked out of the room leaving us alone to talk. One student was discussing an assignment and how when one student completed an assignment (in this case an essay) the others all had to complete theirs or risk failing. It was like there was no due date until one student completed the assignment. Domino effect comes to mind here.
I interjected and said, “Really? That’s interesting. I just completed an essay assignment.” The boy looked at me and said, “That’s not good. We could all fail now.” I told him that I had just done it because it was there and needed to be done. I hadn’t put any thought into it. It was easy. The boy was concerned about grades and had a very pensive look on his face. I said, “Don’t worry about grades. It doesn’t matter what grade you make. Once you graduate you won’t care. Trust me.”
The others in the class seemed concerned anyway but the subject changed to graduation. Another young man was expressing his worry over graduation. He said, “I don’t have anyone. I’m all alone.” He was concerned no one would be there to celebrate with him. In my mind I saw a visual of a cliff overlook. There was a blanket laid down and stuff indicating a picnic for more than one person but there were no people present. I asked the guy, “No mom? Dad?” He shook his head at both. “No pets? No dog? Cat?” He said, “No.” I laughed and said, “No pet rock?” lol He didn’t find it funny. He hung his head and I could feel from him how alone he felt. I told him, “You won’t be alone. We will ALL be with you.”
I woke up with the first two dreams on my mind despite them being earlier in the night. I knew the movie theater scene was intense and indicative of an intense heart connection. The dream after indicated that there was a connection, too, but with someone younger than me – 9 years perhaps.
Then I considered the tarot reading I gave myself indicating a “moral” situation would arise. My mind went to all the scenarios I could conjure. It seemed like I was to meet someone and they would be younger than me. This I don’t want.
An in-between “dream” came to mind from January, 2018 where I was shown three men. I don’t believe I wrote it down in this blog so I will include it now:
I was in the middle of my mom’s living room. To my right, sitting on the sofa, was a dark haired man wearing a dark t-shirt and blue jeans. He was very lean and seemed tall. I knew him to be a man of few words.
To my left was a younger man who was fair haired and quite intent on winning my affections. I knew him to be much younger than myself and it felt like he followed me around like a puppy dog. It was quite a turn-off because, though I was flattered, I was not interested in him. He was too naive and inexperienced. I thought of him only as a friend.
I was sitting on a sofa that is not in my mom’s living room in real life. To my right was the man from an earlier dream. I could see him clearly. He had reddish blonde hair and acne scars on his cheeks.
A young, dark haired boy around 13 years old was talking to me. He pointed to the dark haired man and said, “Isn’t that ______?” He gave the man a name that sounded Spanish in origin. All I remember now it that it started with an S. We talked about him for a bit and I remember saying that “S” didn’t talk much and was very intense. His personality was not suited for me as a potential partner because I liked to have long philosophical conversations (lol) and needed someone who would carry on conversations that sometimes lasted for hours.
Also, I sensed from “S” that he was interested in me but not pursuing me. Very nonchalant in his demeanor. The message from him was, “If you want to be with me, you have to pursue me. I won’t pursue you and am completely happy without you.” He was projecting this attitude with so much force it was like he was trying to convince himself of it. This was a turn-off to me because I need to feel desired. My suitor should pursue me at least a little bit. It can’t be a one-sided thing. Plus, the attitude of “I’m happy with or without you” repelled me. I need to be needed – my purpose is “to help” – and his attitude said, “I don’t need you” – his energy practically screamed it.
The dark haired boy then said, “What about him?” I looked at the young fair haired boy and saw him in a car (life path) driving on a highway. He seemed to be traveling parallel to me (parallel path to my own). I could see him inside the car only the back end of it was missing (incomplete path) and the front dash (interested in status and goals) was much longer than what a real car’s would be. I knew the “kid” was reckless and determined in his affections and that his interest was in me. He was too young for me, though, and I could sense his expectations and desires. It didn’t feel like he was only focused on the pursuit of me but more like he was nearing obsession and unable to control himself or his emotions.
I told the dark haired boy almost immediately, “No.” lol I knew I should stay far away from that boy.
All that was left was the man I was sitting next to. I snuggled close to him and felt safe. There was an odd feeling that though he was not my first choice he was a good choice. I could not determine much about his personality from his energy other than the “safe” feeling. His energy felt like cool, calming water washing over me.
There is more about the above dream but I won’t go into the details other than to say this was a glimpse into the planning of my future in this body. Contracts were being “reviewed” and I was being shown both past and future (pending) contracts.
When I woke this morning I put 2 and 2 together. I think I am being prepped for meeting the young “boy” mentioned in the dream from January.
This morning my main worry was about encountering someone with whom I have a strong heart connection with. If I should meet such a person I am not sure how I will react nor do I know if I can go through it again.
I heard from my guidance, “Weak” in response to my worry and knew that I was/am. If around someone with whom I have such a connection on a regular basis I think it would be very difficult to control myself.
I hope the “moral” dilemma apparent in the first tarot spread does not test me to the point that I cannot resist the advances of this man (if that is what it is). Based upon the dream insight about the young man, he will not give up easily. I could sense his pursuit of me and his obsessiveness. Not attractive or good. I hope it doesn’t arise from my response to him indicating my own interest and openness to explore our connection. That would mean it would all be my fault for leading him on. However, I may not have much control over that because if it is a Kundalini connection the young man may be pulled in and obsessive because of that.
I will take the tarot spreads and last night’s dream as a warning and “heads up”. When/where this will happen, IDK but my guidance made sure to tell me, “When you meet you will Know.” Yeah. Another one of those messages! I will likely be caught completely off guard. God.
As I lingered in bed I had a vision of a bath tub full of clear water. My first thought was “emotion” but then it could also be cleansing. It just added to the overall message. Emotional intensity. Test. Connection. Moral dilemma.
My first decision in response to this information was to tell my husband about my dream, the tarot spreads and what I believe my guidance is telling me. I made this decision because previously I did not do this and it blew up in my face. So, if there is another heart connection on the horizon I will be completely open and honest with my husband about it from the get-go. My intention is to make it known to this guy right away that I am absolutely not interested in exploring the connection. NOT AT ALL. I will be nice about it but I refuse a repeat of the past.
Interestingly, my husband’s response was, “What I am getting is that this is going to catch you completely off guard.” LOL I said, “Yeah, most likely.” He then expressed how he believes that such an encounter will only strengthen our relationship. Whether he will respond in such a way when/if such a connection comes about, I don’t know but I have hope.
Of course this could all be nothing and a test in and of itself. I will put it on “the shelf” and leave it for now and continue to pray that no such “test” is coming anytime soon.