My middle child has been sick since Sunday. He missed the first day back to school and is home today as well. His symptoms are bad headache and low grade fever of around 100.3°. Yesterday he was well enough in the morning to go shopping with me so I thought he was recovering. Sadly, by evening he was complaining again but could not describe what was hurting him. He fell asleep around 5pm and slept until this morning waking occasionally in a delirium and talking nonsense. This morning he says he feels better. When I told him he once said he thought he was dying he said, “Yeah, I was worried I would have a headache forever.” We suspect he has the flu. 😦
His birthday is Friday. I sure hope he is fully recovered by then.
In thinking of his birthday story (I went into labor with him on 1-11-11 but he was born at just after midnight) I realized tomorrow is yet another version of 1-11-11 only instead of 1-11-2011 it will be 1-11 and then 2+0+1+8 = 11. It will be exactly 7 years from when I was in labor. Pretty cool! I wonder if anything significant is going to happen? Hmmm
BTW, the 1111 number continues to follow me as if reminding me my journey is not over.
Updates and Plans
Since I have written in a while on what is going on with me I figured I would do a little update.
I completed my online NASM course on Monday. My next step is to get First Aid/CPR certified and then take the NASM certification exam. Once I pass the exam I will be a certified personal trainer and can get a job. My plan is to do an 8 week internship at a local gym first via the program I enrolled in. After completing the internship I am guaranteed a job.
My motivation regarding this new career path is on-again-off-again. Some days I think it will be a good thing and other days I just want to drop it completely. It is hard for me to see myself doing anything in the workaday world right now. It is good that I paid so much for the program because it is the money that is making me keep at it. I hate to spend money and then not at least experience the end results of my efforts. Follow through and give it a chance, right?
I am still running and lifting weights and doing my fitness thang. lol I run three days a week and lift weights three days a week, neither on the same days. I found that separating the running and lifting was better for me. My body wasn’t tolerating that routine well. Honestly, I don’t think anyone’s body would tolerate a schedule like that long! I’ve maintained my weight and body fat and will continue to maintain it until I get bored. Ha!
The heart palpitations continue. Not sure exactly why but they are a daily occurrence. When they happen I feel it in my throat, which is odd. If I take my pulse I can feel my pulse rate slow and then catch up within a few seconds. I suspect the BC might be partly to blame but I am giving the BC at least 6 months. Thus far my acne has remained under control. I stopped taking the antibiotics three weeks ago.
Speaking of antibiotics, I think they have messed with my gut flora so I am going to revisit the GAPS diet to return the balance. I won’t be going full-out with the diet but using some of the components such as the broth, probiotics, yogurt/kefir (yuck) and lots of veggies. It will mean no non-fermented dairy and gluten-free for a time but that won’t be an issue. I am also toying with the idea of making my own yogurt. It sounds like a healthy and fun project. I haven’t started the diet just yet, need to review the book, but I am looking forward to relieving some of the side-effects of taking antibiotics for so long. Interestingly, the last time I did the GAPS diet was in January 2015 right after taking a round of antibiotics for exactly the same acne issue!
Someone asked about Monty not long ago so will update on him. He is doing well. He weighed 12.5lbs at his 14 week checkup. He is potty trained (yay!) though still has occasional accidents here and here. We recently leash trained him and he does well on a leash, already indicating he will be an excellent running partner in the future.
I was taken to a mountain town with a group of people. We walked up steep trails to a house that was in pretty bad shape. There was an interaction inside with a man who was using the house as part of his work. I soon realized my group were my coworkers and we were being introduced to a new part of our job.
After much discussion someone mentioned how the city was growing fast and asked if I wanted to work there. I was hesitant and they said, “We will pay all costs of relocating. You will have your own house and all expenses will be paid.” Still reluctant, I looked out the window and saw miles of pig farms (overindulgence, gluttony). I said, “I don’t think so. I couldn’t live in such filth.” I somehow knew the growth of the city relied upon pig farming.
They referred to the city as WOG but for some reason I called it WOD. In the dream these names meant nothing but upon waking I knew both well. Wog is a term used in Scientology that refers to non-Scientologists. A wog is a “common, everyday garden-variety humanoid … He ‘is’ a body. [He] doesn’t know he’s there, etc. He isn’t there as a spirit at all.” WOD is a cross-fit term that means “Workout of the Day”. Both terms make sense in the context of this dream. Wog indicates that I saw the groups of people I would be working with as unawakened. The pigs and shit they wallowed in indicate the state of the unawakened in the world. WOD indicates that I saw working with wog’s as part of my job (work-of-the-day) – just an everyday thing.
Eventually I was introduced to other coworkers who had relocated to the city. They were all having a party with the locals and pizza was ordered. I remember staying with a man inside the house. He showed me how to clean up the feces (materialism, possessions, pride, aggression) that was in abundance. I think he did this to try and convince me that all hope was not lost. The visuals are pretty gross. He showed me a huge barrel full of human feces. Then showed me how to contain it. I unpacked a box and carefully kept the contents, a bunch of kitchen materials, separated from the contaminated stuff. There was a small, plastic container in the box for the feces and it was explained that once contained the amount would never be more than the size of the container.
Then I was introduced to a man with blonde hair and was told he was “our brother”. He was young, maybe 20-something, and very attractive. I looked to the man who had been teaching me, who I also knew was my brother, and said, “How is he my brother?” It was explained to me that we had the same father but I believe that is how my human mind interpreted because the explanation if very muddled in my memory. I recall looking around the room at all the others and thinking they were all my “brothers” and my family was really big.
Then I met a woman whose name was “Joy” but she was the complete opposite. I laughed and called her by her name and she got nasty with me. I knew I had made an enemy of her. I didn’t care, I was trying to lighten the mood because she was overly serious.
She stayed there with us as we prepared to go to the party outside. The weather had warmed substantially. Usually it was freezing but that day it was in the 60’s. I opted not to wear shorts even though most others were.
We went to the party and I was surprised to find that the celebration consisted of everyone driving go karts (ability to navigate life’s twists and turns) around a circular dirt track. There was a quick demo on how to use them and I was fascinated that a work party would involved something so fun. I watched as “Joy” stepped up to a go kart. Her response to me was the complete opposite of before. She greeted me like an old friend and told a woman next to me she was grateful to have met me, that I had helped her by something I told her. The woman told me and I said, “I don’t remember saying that to her.” It didn’t matter, though, Joy was now full of….joy. lol
OBE: What Nourishes My Soul?
I woke at around 6am with the dream on my mind. While going over it in my mind I must have drifted into the in-between because the next thing I recall is sitting at my computer with my children to my right. I saw the screen clearly. At first I was viewing FB. Something wasn’t quite right, though. It showed that I had no friends and I got a message that said, “Add friends”. Confused, I figured there must be a glitch with FB. I shifted to my website and noticed the format had changed. I could not see my followers and suddenly became aware that I had none.
As I looked over my website my screen went gray and a tiny message was written in the center. At first I thought I got an email from someone I hadn’t heard from in a while but turns out it was a message that someone had reblogged one of my posts.
The gray screen with the message in the center made me aware of vibrations. I could feel them and my physical body very distinctly. I could feel my heart doing weird things and the vibrations were similar to a feeling of restlessness. I knew I was dreaming and knew that the vibrations meant I could shift OOB but I was not 100% certain. I began to sway back and forth to see if I could feel the shift. It just felt like swaying, though. Still curious I opted to just leave my body and see what would happen.
So I turned to my left and stood up from my seated position. I disconnected and moved easily toward the window. On the way to the window I took off a pair of black sunglasses (not wanting to be seen, not wanting to see something, darkened vision) but my vision was not an issue. I could see clearly and vividly the window and white blinds in front of me. I unlocked the window and pulled it up. Then I went through the window to the porch roof. As I steadied myself I thought, “I don’t want to do the same thing I always do.” Then I said aloud, “I want to know what nourishes my soul.” I said this as I looked up at a brilliant night sky. In the center was a glowing full moon.
I stood there staring at the moon for a bit and thinking my intention again: “Show me what nourishes my soul.” Then I thought to myself, “Why am I asking that question?” lol And then I thought, “Now what do I do? Do I just wait for an answer?” With that thought I could feel the scene destabilize. I did not fight it because I was confused as to why I asked such a question. Where did it come from? Weird!
As I returned to my body I knew the answer: Love. I thought, “Duh! I know that!” lol
Lingering in the remaining vibrations, part of a song came to mind: “Two strangers in the [dark night] bright lights….” I messed up the lyrics and thought “dark night”. Here is the song:
Surprised that I even went OOB, I was unable to return to sleep and just lingered with the song going though my mind while I mulled over my dream. I remember thinking about nourishing my soul with love. It made me feel a bit sad and I began to feel depressed over the whole idea of living the rest of my life hungry….starving even.
In response to my growing despair at ever finding the nourishment I need, I heard, “Don’t give up.”
I had not expected to have such a revealing dream after yesterday’s decision to not fall victim to over-analyzing dream content. The dream says a lot about my path, my concerns and considerations regarding my path/life.
Meeting my “brother” and then knowing I had many, many “brothers” was interesting as well. It feels like my human self is trying to make sense of the connection I have with others. In the dream it felt like “brother” was a relative very similar to a half-brother or sister. The same “father”, which if you think about it, indicates that everyone in this world is our Spirit sibling. We all come from the same father-God-One-Source.
I am obviously struggling with the wogs – unawakened – here on Earth, and how they are caught up in materialism, over-indulgence and selfishness. It is akin to the world being covered in pig shit. LOL It is made clear to me that they (my family, the human race) wants me to “relocate” and do my job (meaning get my ass into gear doing my Earth work instead of hiding from it). My job seems to be taking the “shit”, cleaning it up and containing it. Ha!
It is dreams like this one that I wish I could remember what was actually being said rather than bringing back just symbolism. The feeling is there but it does not completely compute. There is still the question, “So I am here to help, but HOW?” Cleaning up pig shit I guess. LOL