Uranus Retrograded Me

Wow. I don’t even know where to start for this post! SO much going on, this time mostly spiritually but also in this physical reality experience.

My me-time is so preciously scarce since I started working full-time that I don’t get to blog near as much as I would like. I tend to use my me-time to exercise, do yoga, and be with my kids. That leaves close to no time to write, though I do sneak it in on my private blog/journal when something pops up that I feel I need to document. Usually I jot some things down on a piece of paper as I rush to get ready in the morning and then write a quick account in my private blog when I get to work.

But I’m not complaining. I am enjoying life much more now. Busy = no time to over think things (my nemesis).

There are now SIX planets retrograde and I think the day Uranus went retrograde was when I started noticing a shift in my universe. It started with the sudden onset of post-nasal drip on Tuesday night alongside a nasty sinus headache. That night I didn’t sleep. The next morning my head felt to be in a vice and my throat hurt from the post-nasal drip. I felt like shit but took some Ibuprofen and went to work anyway. The Ibuprofen lessened the pain but I felt wiped out and zoned out most of the day. That night I took a dose of NyQuil and passed out. The next morning, as if by a miracle, I was cured! I have no idea if I was actually sick, if it was allergies or if something spiritual (ascension flu) was the culprit. I may never know, but afterward was when the vivid dreams started.

I’m still not sure how to relay all that occurred but I will do my best to organize it in a way that makes sense to you all while not eliminating too much detail/importance.

Synchronicities

The night of the 6th I was browsing FB and ran into a video of The Tonight Show with Will Ferrell. I rarely watch videos like this but this one I did. I liked it so much I shared it. I thought nothing of it at the time. Here is the video. Make sure to watch until the end:

That night I had this dream:

I was with my family waiting on my husband to get ready so we could go fishing (bring up repressed emotions for inspection). He was taking a long time, purposefully it seemed. It was getting later and later so I opted to go fishing without him. I took the kids with me and we drove off.

On the way we ended up on a mountain road. The mountains were a rusty red color and it was like we were in Arizona. At one point we stopped and Orren wandered across the road to look over the edge. I went to grab him with my other two kids. Somehow all three kids ended up falling over the edge (difficult time/fear of what lies ahead). I dropped a cardboard box (attempts to preserve and protect aspect of life) over the edge. They clung to it and I pulled them up. In the dream it was a heart pounding, scary experience.

We then headed back stopping at a restaurant on the mountain. Inside we ran into my husband who had followed us to catch up. He was hanging out with two cyclists in their gear being social with them. Me and my daughter looked through a store in the restaurant at a menu of items. The items were Thanksgiving meals made to order ahead of the holidays. The prices for a full meal were around $300. I opted not to buy anything and a nice lady gave us a beautiful metal container with scallops (female sexuality) inside as a gift. She told us how to make them, indicating how long to cook and giving us tips to make a quick meal with red sauce. The scallops were very memorable. I tasted one in the dream.

We then ran into a family who had moved to the area. A map was out and they were talking about what school the daughter would go to. A woman pointed to a school on the outskirts of town and I said it was likely new and had lots of kids like schools do these days. The girl would be in 10th grade and I commented on how I would be nervous to go to a school with so many kids. I told them of my teaching experience and how I was intimidated by all the tall (looking down on self) students. The mother and daughter looked bored and the mother said, “Well we aren’t worried about it.” As they turned their backs on me as if shunning me I noticed they were both very tall and said, “You shouldn’t worry. You are tall.”

As I woke the song, “Don’t Fear the Reaper” was going through my head. I fell into the in-between and got another message to go with it but can’t recall it now. It was something about getting ready to deal with change.

Then, I had a mini-dream where I let my dog outside and he wouldn’t go. I saw a big skunk (not expressing my true feelings even though I don’t agree with something) in the yard and it woke me.

Later, I told my husband about the song and how I had watched a FB video of it the night before. I shared it with him and explained how I it was going through my head when I woke and how I believe it was meant to warn me of coming change.

When we got to work the secretary had music on. Guess what song was playing? Yep. Weird!!!!!!!! Take a look at the lyrics, too.

Throughout the day I saw at least three skunk references, too. The basic message of the skunk is, “Do no harm”.

Blast from the Past

To continue the intensity of Tuesday (7th, Uranus retro), that morning I woke up with a song on my mind that had nothing to do with my dreams or anything. In fact, it was completely out of place. The words, “‘Cause I miss you…so I turned the radio on….” were repeating in my mind. Here’s the song:

When I got downstairs there was a FB messenger message from my high school best friend. I have not heard from her in years! Her message was:

“Listening to Counting Crows tonight and thinking of you. Hope you are well.”

When I saw the message I knew song I heard upon waking was about her missing me/thinking about me. “Cause I miss you….turn the radio on…” Ha! It would have been even more awesome had I heard a Counting Crows song when I woke. lol

It took me a couple of days to reply to her because it caught me so off guard. She wants to meet up for lunch in a couple of weeks. I have mixed feelings about it. We are so different now, our lives went in opposite directions. But we live literally 10 minutes from each other so there is no reason not to reconnect.

Intensity Hits

This is what I wrote in my private blog:

Woke up crying and feeling a familiar pain. 

Dream 1

I only recall a brief part of this dream. I was outside my grandmother’s garden. It looked like it did when I was little, green and full of life. I heard a ruckus and saw some kids messing with a large cat (cougar). It jumped over the fence and came toward me, most of it’s tail skinned of flesh. I scolded the kids saying, “Why did you do that?” I felt sorry for the cat.

Dream 2

I was in a large, open room with a group of people I recognized. We were all enjoying our OOB freedom and many of them didn’t even realize they were OOB. I can’t recall the specifics of our discussion but the feeling I had was happy and care-free.

At one point the discussion shifted to being able to talk to Spirit, or those who were unreachable from where we were. I told the group I could contact and talk to Spirit. They didn’t believe me. One did, though, and said they had recently lost their mother and could I contact her. I took the opportunity to show the group I could. When I “called’ to Spirit I took my hand, palm facing down, and slammed it against the ground invoking Spirit. When my palm contacted the ground there was a lightening flash of white light. When the light faded a pile of clothes and bones was left on the ground. I said it indicated that Spirit had not transition and to wait for her.

Dream 3

I recall sitting in a living room with someone next to me, likely my guide. Projecting on the wall were all my memories. It reminded me of the old movie projectors the way the image shifted and jumped about. I recall seeing my BIL and being focused on him. The film was paused and I was asked why I preferred to focus on him rather than another image. I could not see the image I was avoiding. In my memory it is a just a big, black, moving blob almost like an ink blot. The feeling when I tried to focus on it was what I recall the most. It was very familiar and I had thought it resolved. But in touching up it, it was like a wound partially healed being poked and prodded again until it bled. The pain of it hit me full force and I began to cry. The feeling is so hard to describe. It is so agonizing that even as I type this I struggle not to burst into tears. I miss him (the person the blob represents) so much that it is beyond my ability to manage. I don’t know how to process it, at least not in this human body. The closest I can come to describing the feeling is how a child must feel when they are ripped out of their mother’s arms unexpectedly and not allowed to return. They can see their mother, they know she is alive and well, but they are not allowed to return to her.

As I cried I was asked to consider focusing more on this blacked out memory. In my attempt to do as I was advised, a rush of memory hit me. The only thing I recall of the memory was the insurmountable pain, resulting regret and the conclusion that I had made the wrong decision. I remember saying, “I shouldn’t have. My heart will never stop breaking now.”

My guidance continued to nudge me. I said, “I can’t. I don’t think I am capable of it in this form (body).” The emotion was overwhelming and woke me. I continued to cry, my heart breaking over and over again.

As I woke a song crept into my mind, slowly as if in the background, becoming louder and louder. It was the music to Madonna’s “Open Your Heart” and the chorus repeated, “Open your heart to me, I hold the lock and you hold the key.” Then, behind that, another song merged with it – “Just say you won’t let go…..”

As you can imagine this only made my crying worse. As I lingered in bed, trying to compose myself and breathe (stopped up nose), I realized that the Love that seemed to be the source of all the pain I was experiencing could not exist within this form(body) – this character I am playing in this life. The two are not compatible. I struggle because the Love I feel cannot exist in the presence of fear. Thus, the pain is the result of the incompatibility. Yet life is all about survival and with survival comes fear – fear of so many things related to survival. I saw no way of ever fully embodying the Love while in this body. The task seemed impossible.

The agony of this realization made my heart hurt even more. It was as if my chest were being stabbed thousands of times and never allowed to heal. Still the hardest part to endure was – IS – the heartsickness; I have never missed someone/something so much. Everyday that passes, everyday apart, I die a little more. 

It was painfully obvious that I was being asked to “open my heart” again; that I had closed it off to protect myself but in doing so was preventing progress in the intended direction. I need to open up but when I try it is just too painful and I feel decimated all over again. I realize that if I don’t open up on my own that I will be forced to. I told my guidance I don’t want that but at this time I am not sure I can avoid it. Doing it on my own seems impossible.

What I don’t understand is why this is happening now. I have finally been feeling a connection to my husband again. I have finally accepted my life “as is”, devoid of the kind of Love I now know exists. I am appreciating what I have, who is in my life and the path I chose.

In the in-between I heard, “Panoramic Airways.” I took this to mean a bigger picture is available to be viewed. 

Short OBE

Almost forgot! I got a mini-OBE this morning. Unexpected and with a message: “Wait for it.”

It was mostly hynagogic imagery of birthday cards. The first was a moving picture I can’t recall except that it was colorful and about a birthday. The second was childish drawings of elephants (like Dumbo). Throughout it I was talking to someone and I heard then reply, “Wait for it….” When nothing happened except more images, I realized I was was OOB but had not exited. So I looked beyond the images and a room scene materialized. I exited my body and out I went. My first thought was, “Wow, I am really stable!” My astral form was solid and my perceptions 100%. I was in my mom’s bedroom and so headed directly to the front door. When I reached it I got a message as I was sucked back into my body. It was a feeling more than words that said, “Nope.” lol

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Finally! OBEs!

After a very long time (months?) I finally got to venture OOB!

Lucid to OBE: Swan’s

I was at my Mom’s house standing on the back porch looking at the pool when I became lucid in this dream. My daughter and one of my son’s were running with floats toward the pool. This is when I noticed there was a whole flock of beautiful, white swans in the pool. I yelled to my daughter to stop but she jumped in anyway. As I made my way to the water to try and get a photo before the swans took flight I noticed the pool was empty, the water dark with tall grass surrounding the water.

A group of baby swans was left behind and one of them got into the pool with my kids. It seemed tame and was happily playing in the water with them. By this time I was in the water, too, snapping photos with my phone. The water was crystal clear blue and the pool looked like my mom’s pool.

At some point the baby swan left and my daughter went looking for it. She found a shriveled looking thing resembling the dried remains of a very large toad. We were all sad and tossed it into the bushes. Another, larger swan swooped into the pool and floated there gracefully for a while. We were all in awe of it’s beauty. My daughter said she felt the swan was the baby’s mother.

Something about the swans and situation made me super aware of my energy body. I lost solidity in the scene and shifted out. Grabbing the opportunity I shifted back OOB.

HD Wallpapers Desktop: Swan HD Wallpapers

OBE: “Power” Lines 

I ended up in my old room at my mom’s house. I went directly into the kitchen where I saw my mom and sister sitting at the kitchen table. I passed beyond that into my mom’s room. The room was completely different with a twin bed in the center. I commented to my mom about it but upon closer inspection realized it wasn’t her.

I went into the bathroom and saw three people inside getting ready. One was a tall, blonde man and the other two were women. None of them were familiar except the man and I had an out of character need to kiss him, but refrained.

I went back into the bedroom and approached the woman. Her face morphed and settled into one of a fairly attractive woman with dark hair. I didn’t recognize her. We talked but I can’t recall what was said. For some reason I bent down and kissed her. I recall the kiss vividly because it was so physically real feeling. She kissed back but then pulled away disgusted. I left the room and decided to go outside to explore.

I remember there were small dogs – pugs I think – that was inside growling at me. When I went outside, passing through the door with ease, I saw a large, red pick-up parked sideways on the lawn. It’s windows were tinted so dark I couldn’t see inside. The handles one with the door so that you could not open them without a key. Another growling dog was nearby and also a man but I only remember his presence, I never saw him.

Music began to play in the background of the experience. An entire band/orchestra and I seemed to automatically know the words to the song. I lifted up into the sky and began to sing as I flew up the drive and to the left. Higher and higher I flew until I began to feel pulled upward. I didn’t want to go up so I grabbed onto the power lines, following them as I sang.

I wish I could recall what I was singing because it was important (I repeated it in the in-between to try and remember) but I don’t. Instead, I remember seeing the blue sky dotted with clouds, the road below me and a man walking along it looking up at me. My pulling on the power lines knocked them on top of him and I lost visual and shifted back into my body.

OBE: Seeking My Partner

I shifted immediately back OOB and into my old bedroom. I went directly to the kitchen but all was dark. I could not find who had been there before and the whole place felt abandoned. I went back into the bedroom and saw the people who had been there before but their faces morphed and shifted and it felt off to me. I vaguely recall looking closely again at the woman and the blonde man but can’t remember what happened. I think they vanished when I tried to touch them.

I opted to go outside again and it was dark, so dark I couldn’t see much of anything. The entire time I was talking aloud, saying I wanted to find my partner and asking for help to find him. I recall thinking I was tired of being alone and feeling a need from deep within to locate this person.

I rose up into the sky intending to fly again and looked down at the house. I could not see anything but an outline of the rooftop and front yard. I remembered the growling dogs and swear I heard them barking at me. The feeling from the scene was that something was down there I should be wary of. I decided I wasn’t interested in exploring what that was.

I opted to give into my OBE and let myself be pulled up into the sky. I could feel myself surrender as I began to rise and spin faster and faster. My vision was in and out the whole time. Mostly I recall my intention, it was a warmth in my core that swirled as I spun around and around.

The scene went black and I settled down back inside the house. It was as if my HS was saying, “Look here.” I wasn’t interested in a repeat of the other OBE and so opted to shift back into my body. I lingered there in a very warm, peaceful state for a while.

After waking an Ed Sheeran song – Thinking Out Loud – was on my mind. I had heard it the morning before but I heard, “And darling I will be lovin’ you til we’re 70”. This time I heard a different part. This time I heard, “Maybe we found love right where we are.” Probably an answer to my search in the last OBE. 🙂

Considerations

The symbolism of the first OBE seems to be all about things not being as they seem. A swan starts out ugly but grows into a beautiful creature. Someone or something that may be initially unappealing can turn into quite the opposite. It is important not to prejudice a situation based upon appearance or surface value alone.

The second OBE seems to be more of an exploration. The truck was interesting. Perhaps there is a part of my “work” that I am not allowed to know yet? Then there is the whole section on the power lines. I suspect it could be symbolic of taking back my power, but I don’t know. I wish I could remember the phrase I was repeating over and over. It was a positive one but that is all I recall.

The final OBE seemed to be directing me to look at my mom’s house and that environment as well as the morphing faces of the people I encountered. Probably more lessons on things not being as they seem.

Overall, I feel I am being nudged to look right where I am for all I desire.

 

Dreams, Mini-OBEs and Higher Self Confusion

Lots to share so I hope you’re all ready for a long post…. 🙂

First off, this full moon has me in hyper-drive. I have gone from uninterrupted, deep sleep, to struggling to fall asleep, waking really early (3am!) and then being unable to return to sleep.

To top it all off, my joints are achy and stiff, specifically my knees and elbows. My stomach feels like it has a log in it and I have poison ivy and now more acne issues. But hey, the perpetual crick in my neck is gone so I’m not complaining. lol

Frustrated, I asked last night for some intel – Hey, what’s going on and why am I not in on it? 

Ask and you shall receive….

Dream 

The dream began with me in the car (life path) with my husband. He was driving (masculine/logic in control) and in the middle lane stopped at a light. He realized that he needed to turn right (feminine/intuitive perspective) so moved the car sideways toward the right lane to turn only he couldn’t move because we were stopped at the light. When the traffic began to move he got stuck because everyone drove around him. I told him, “Just keep going straight, we can turn right up the road.” He stalled and I said, “If you don’t want to drive, I can…” So he shifted gears and went straight. I said, “Look for a large jail, the turn is right after.” We did see a large building on the right but it was not a jail. Confused I said, “Just turn up there.” So he turned right at the intersection.

The dream shifted and I was getting out of the car and heading into a building where a gathering was to take place. I remember being self-conscious because I had a large scab (healing process) on my left (masculine) cheek (intimacy or commitment) that I kept picking at (interfering with healing). It was about the size of a peanut. I picked thinking the scab was ready to come off but it bled a ton and I had to put tissue on it to get it to stop.

I went inside knowing I had no makeup to cover it up. Thankfully it was low light inside, like a bar setting. Several others were seated at the bar (feeling barred from something) when I sat down and a “bartender” was behind the bar (I’m creating the barrier). My friend Aryn came and sat down on my left and began to chatter away happily, wanting to catch up. I said to her, “Not now. I look like crap.” She stopped talking and I moved my hair over the scab on my face to hide it. I looked around at the others – there were only four – and the lady behind the bar mentioned it was almost time to start. I said, “Then no one else is coming? Good! I prefer it that way.” One of the other ladies said, “I’m sure the others will be here shortly.”

I walked over to the side where the meeting would be held and a man with orange-red hair came out of a door. Seeing him stopped me in my tracks. For some reason he stood out like a beacon in the darkness. He said to all of us, “Everyone grab a card and have a seat in the circle.” I looked over and saw oversized tarot cards with gold embellishments flash like a movie in my mind. The cards seemed to have images of people on them, people from ancient times.

I turned back to the man and said, “Ian. I know you. We have met before, haven’t we?” He smiled and I saw how odd his red hair was. It was like someone had cut his hair in a mullet but the top, shorter portion, was bowl-shaped and the bottom portion fanned out underneath touching his shoulders. He smiled a friendly smile and said, “Yes. We’ve met before. About two years ago now.” I said, “It’s been a long time, then.” He nodded and I felt somewhat uncomfortable, like I should have seen more of him but hadn’t.

I looked in my purse and noticed I had left my phone (communication/connection) in the car so went back to fetch it while the group waited for the others to arrive. I also hoped to look in the car mirror to reassure myself that I didn’t look as bad as I thought.

Inside the car as I was retrieving my phone a woman with brown hair popped in and said hi, calling me by the wrong name. I said, “My name is Dayna.” She said hi again and as I was about to ask her name she left. I remember recognizing her but was not sure how I knew her and this confused my dream self.

As I walked back inside I saw the sky was painted in purple (devotion, love, kindness, compassion). The clouds were also purple and dotted the skyline. My breath was taken away by the beauty of it. Another person mentioned it was not a good sign, like a storm was coming. I said, “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

The visuals woke me up and I was still face down, my neck feeling a bit stiff from the position I was laying in. I felt the familiar buzzing vibrations and warmth of my guidance/partner and smiled, rolled over and attempted to return to sleep.

Visions

I was greeted with several visions or mini-dreams. In one I was walking along and looked down at a tiny, toy car – a red sports car. It brought me out of my reverie very quickly and I noted the vision.  Seeing the car as so tiny and toy-like was a message about perspective.

In another vision I was inside what looked like an oversized birdcage (loss of freedom). My legs were scrunched up against my stomach and my arms wrapped around them. The bars were distinct and the meaning obvious. The message was that I was like a caged bird and I needed to free myself.

Mini-OBEs

Somehow I managed to return to sleep. In this particular ‘episode’ I was in a room with a couple who had a son. They looked Indian and were wearing Indian clothing, the woman especially beautiful in her flowing gown. I was inside a giant, clawfoot bathtub (self-renewal) and their son was standing outside of it talking to me. He wanted a cup of tea (life satisfaction/contentment). I had a kettle and poured him a cup of Chamomile (patience) tea but he wouldn’t take it. I set it down and said, “It’s Chamomile so it will make you sleepy…..You don’t want it? That’s okay. You don’t have to drink it. ” I set the cup down and realized the bathtub I was in was filled to the top with tea and I was bathing in it.

I smiled and the boy playfully began to push the bathtub to make it rock. It almost fell over but then stabilized. His parents had concerned looks but I reassured them we were just playing.

I watched the couple for a while. They looked so beautiful and connected in each other’s arms. I was a tad bit jealous, wanting what they had. That’s when I noticed I was completely naked inside the tub filled with tea. I stood up as I spoke to them and let them see my nakedness (accepting of myself, lack of shame).

The scene shifted and I was inside a home in the kitchen (transformation is about to take place) talking to someone. I don’t recall much of our conversation now but I remember him. He looked familiar but I’m not sure how or from where I knew him. He was tall, broad shouldered and had sandy blonde, thick hair. His face was a bit rugged looking like he had acne in his younger years. His voice was deep and familiar and reminded me of that of a good ol’ boy – typical Texas accent. Our interaction was friendly, like we knew each other well.

I went up to him to try and get his attention and he ignored me, busy doing something. I can’t recall what I was trying to talk to him about but his rebuttal was not mean and I playfully remarked that he was purposefully ignoring me. His eyes stayed focused on what he was doing. My memory only shows something mechanical but what, I cannot say.

At some point I recognized I was OOB and could explore, so I shifted out of my dream body and attempted to fly away. The free feeling was exhilarating! The response back was immediate and without words. It said, “You know better than that.” I was sucked right back into my body but bypassed the typical blackout and went directly back into the kitchen scene. I remember not caring and understanding that I needed to stay where I was, but that didn’t keep me from trying again.

This time, however, I did not attempt to take control of the “dream”/experience I was having. Instead I let myself stabilize in the scene and played along with it. The feeling here was that I “controlled” the playful side, pulling her “into” me and thus becoming both her and me at the same time.

I once again went up to my male friend. This time he was standing in the middle of the room looking away from me. I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward me into a hug. He seemed to be playing hard to get. It felt like we knew each other well and we were being playful. He continued to look away from me, pretending to ignore me. I was pressed up against him and said something indicating I wanted to dance (freedom, balance, harmony). He responded by stepping on my foot. I said, “So you’re going to step on my foot?” He said, “You know it.” We both laughed and then danced awkwardly for a bit, playing around, his foot continuing to get in the way of mine (my masculine side is slowing me down, getting in my way).

For some reason we stopped and stood there holding each other, face to face. I wasted no time. grabbed his mouth and kissed him. I could feel the sensation of his lips on mine as well as his arms wrapped around me and his body next to mine. It was so real and solid. Our kiss was like a half-French kiss, not full tongue but a little here and there. It was nice and familiar, like we had kissed a million times.

Sadly, the second kiss and the very physical sensations that went with it brought me out of the experience. Not long after I woke, I noticed a pain in my tailbone radiating through to my perineum. It was uncomfortable enough to keep me from returning to sleep.

Messages

As I lingered in bed the pain subsided. I suspect my root chakra had activated and some major blockage was clearing.

My partner/guide was close and I knew he was the man in my dream. I asked him why he looked different every time. I have asked this many times before. He said, “I have many faces, as do you.” I have gotten this answer every time but this time I understood what he meant because I have experienced it. We are One but the concept of Oneness is difficult for humans to understand. Human conceptualization of Oneness is a futile attempt at understanding something that cannot be understood from a position of separation. It takes Being it to understand it.

With this I told my partner how I would explain it to others. He complimented me on my ability to put into words something so few can. Of course, I can’t recall what I said now. lol I remember the visuals in my mind, though. I saw humans and how we try to put everything on a timeline, thus we see before and after; past, present and future. Events are all separate and occuring in an orderly fashion. In Spirit, none of this exists. Before/after – past, present, future – they are all NOW. The experience of NOW via human perception would seem very chaotic and jumbled; senseless.

Similarly, people we encounter after we drop these human bodies and corresponding identities are all NOW, too. Thus, your father who passed before you would be familiar as your father in your most recent incarnation but you would also know him as all his past, present and future personalities as well, which are endless. His face may look as it did initially but the more you leave behind Time, the more your perception would change until all you see in him is You. The difference in perception comes with attachment (emotional/karmic). As you release the human tendency toward attachment you embrace your Infinite Self, thus recognizing your Oneness with All that Is.

I laughed as I considered my personality in this lifetime as a “child” of mine, one that I dote upon. For the first time in this lifetime, after years of being referred to my “partner” in Spirit as a “child”, I understood what it meant.

As I write this I recall part of my conversation with the man in my OBE. He said to me, “Be good”, which I have heard from him countless times and never quite understood. In the experience with him I recognized what he meant was in reference to an aspect or part of my personality I consider “good”. It’s the part of me that seeks to please others and is compliant and pleasant. She is happy-go-lucky, go-with-the-flow, innocent but not naive. I recognized her response within me to his request and then she “partitioned off” and become a separate identity. Yet I was still her and felt to be her. So there I was standing and watching this part of me come out of me, standing in front of us smiling. She was me and I her but she also had her own identity, separate and independent but cooperative and understanding of our connection and Oneness.

Imagine that, just multiplied by infinity. Then meet one of yourself and say hi. That was the person on the street you greeted with a smile. That was the man who accidentally cut you off in traffic and who you rudely honked your horn at and cussed out. That is your mom who you love with all your heart but wish would leave you alone. That is your son. Your daughter. Your worst enemy. Your best friend.

Yep. All you.

I am reminded now of the vision of the tiny car. Cars = life path. They represent us as individuals. It being super tiny indicates that I am being asked to take a larger view of my path and life, to see just how tiny I am in comparison to it all. This perspective is needed now.

crossroad at dawn in rural landscape

Critical Intersection Ahead

There was a message I forgot to mention. I remember hearing that a critical intersection was approaching and I was being prepared for it. Not everyone has reached this intersection. It was made clear that I am not to make those not yet at this juncture “wrong” for seemingly being “behind” because they are not behind but exactly where they should be. I understood but wanted to mention it nonetheless in case those of you reading who are also at this juncture, or perhaps way beyond it, find yourself falling victim to the “us vs. them” mentality. We are all equal in this race. There are no winners or losers. We all cross the finish line at different times but we are only victorious when the last runner crosses the finish line and not a moment before that.

Embodiment and Higher Self Confusion

It was also reiterated to me that I need to do my part and I said, “Of course. Anything. What do I do?” Though not directly stated, I was reminded of a visual representation I received not long ago about the Embodiment (soul transfer/soul exchange/walk-in) process. Then I heard the term, “Higher-Self Confusion”. I was shown how this is part of the process and that just because you have embodied your HS does not mean you somehow become flawless, perfect and without human Ego. It only means you are integrating aspects which have long been denied you in human form. Now, though, memory is returning. The HS Confusion comes in when you have recently undergone embodiment, experienced the transformative process and must integrate the experience. Your human consciousness is left confused.

HS Confusion occurs as we take the pieces of HS we embodied and mix it with our human self. I know I wonder each time, “Why am I seeming to ‘return’ to who/what I once was? Why can I not remain as I was during embodiment?” It feels like a let-down, like it was all a dream or fantasy as reality once again sets in. For me, I have experienced two MAJOR embodiment periods, the first lasted two weeks and the second three weeks (more actually).

This is where the “demonstration” comes in. I was shown how to show the embodiment process and told that if I do a video of this demonstration it will not only give you all an idea of what embodiment IS but also why it results in HS Confusion. What you will see is that as the HS comes into the human consciousness at first it is distinctly separate. You can see the individual stream against the backdrop of the human energy/consciousness. As time passes, however, the HS stream blends into the human consciousness stream and what is left is a brand new blended consciousness.

I have not even watched the video so I hope it is decent. lol Just no time to go back and refilm to make it “perfect”. I figure it says what it needs to say without lots of fluff.

I know I didn’t talk too much about my experience of embodiment so I will a little now. Like I say in the video, my embodiment experiences have lasted weeks. My first experience was two weeks and the most recent three weeks.

Each time I experience embodiment I have specific “symptoms”, the most prominent being that my crown is wide open. There is also a sense of being more than me; of being BIGGER than myself and Remembering SO SO MUCH. There is nothing but the present moment. Anything past or future is muddy, my mind seeming to forget the existence of both. I simply exist and enjoy my existence. It is magical and unforgettable. I am HOME.

Not everyone will experience embodiment like me. Some may have only hints of it lasting mere minutes while others may walk around like I did for much longer than I did. Some even say they exist in the embodied state all the time. I believe we will all be like that eventually, when we are “full up” and completely merged.

Anyway, if you got this far, hope you enjoyed the read and video. Please like and share both this post and the video if you have time/desire.

Namaste,

Dayna

Spiritual Retreat and OBEs

I recently went on a three day personal retreat to a nearby lake where I got some much needed me time. My package included a private room overlooking the lake, all meals, and two massage sessions.

My favorite part of the retreat was my morning yoga on the lake. It was so peaceful and relaxing.

The retreat property had trails that led to a place called Medicine Rock. It was blessed by a Native American Medicine Woman.

I even did some fishing while I was there. Sadly, the rod and reel I borrowed from my FIL must have been old and the string brittle. I caught a good sized black bass after my third cast but as I pulled it up onto shore the line snapped and it flopped back into the water. Later, when I cast, part of the reel flew off into the lake. LOL No more fishing for me, I guess.

It was fun. I hadn’t caught a bass in a long time and had forgotten just how hard they strike. I think my heart was pounding for 10 minutes after. The fish were so active I could see them chasing my lure to the shore sometimes. So, really bummed that I had to quit so soon. Super fun, though! Gotta do that again soon.

On the day I departed (same day as the fish that got away incident), I was blessed by a butterfly encounter. Twice. One before I went fishing and again while I was fishing. I took some photos and a video of one in particular. It was a large Tiger Swallowtail, about the size of my hand. He was nice enough to let me take several photos and a video. At the end of the video he actually flew into my phone camera and in my face. I could feel the wind from his beating wings. So beautiful!

swallowtail

Tiger Swallowtail on Texas Mountain Laurel blooms.

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OBEs

I had an OBE the morning I departed for my retreat. It was short and I only recall leaving my body and then being pulled back in quickly after. Then this morning I had a string of OBEs one after the other. There were so many I forgot most of them.

The first one began as a lucid dream. I remember walking into a store and seeing cars lined up outside, one was a VW van. I went inside and stood in line and soon realized I was butt naked. I got into the elevator to go to another floor to find clothing. I went to the 6th floor and inside I tripped an alarm and so got back into the elevator and selected the 5th floor but there were only two floors to choose from – 5 & 6. Eventually I looked up and saw a meeting taking place behind a pane of glass. I recognized the people inside and could hear them talking. There were adults and children and the light was bright and warm. They encouraged me to come to the meeting and told me how, instructing me to “leave it (my body)” and “come through”. So I went OOB and crossed into and through the pane of glass. On the other side it was dark, not light, and no one was around. I called for them but no one answered. It was like I went into a lower vibratory field and not the one I had seen. I felt an energy reach for me as I pulled back into my body. The vibrations were high and I immediately went back OOB.

The most memorable were the last OBEs when I decided to stop trying to control them and allowed myself to follow where they led. I saw a picture and went into it and found myself flying above a beautiful city on islands of land with trees that connected the islands with their branches. Water was beneath the cities but far below and I soon realized the islands were floating hundreds of feet above the water. I remember recognizing the place, knowing it’s name (can’t remember now) and thinking, “I’m home!” I began to sing loudly a song from The Sound of Music – “Doe a deer a female deer….”.  I flew all over as I sang but kept singing one line wrong – the Fa line. I would sing, “Mi a name I call myself, Sol a long long way to run…” lol I knew I was singing it wrong while OOB but didn’t care.

I came back to my body briefly and then went outside a “window” to a red cable that linked trees and began to balance on the cable as I sang. This time I was singing a song about my life and how grand it was, how important it was to be patient and accept the concept of time while in this body and the importance of being joyful. The words were coming from a space deep inside me and flowing out of my mouth without me having to think of them first. Every word brought me pure joy. I was filled with acceptance and a warmth that is indescribable. I could feel just how tiny my human aspect is compared to the Whole that I AM.

I flew/balanced along the cable as I sang and noticed how the trees were a living network comparable to our telephone lines, linking the cities. Their branches stretched out and twisted far across the water. Soon I was walking along them as if they were roads to other worlds. At one point I flew up high over the island city below but never made it down to explore it. It was as if it were off-limits. I was pulled back to my body by my husband saying, “I made you a Greek omelet for breakfast.” LOL

4 OBE’s and Unsettling Message

Woke again at 5am. Seems to be the pattern these days.

Dream: Exchanging Glasses

When I woke I was having a dream of being with my “partner”. I don’t remember much of our conversation but we were lounging on a bed together next to busy area with a coffee machine (awareness) and refrigerator (accomplishments) with glass doors. At one point I remember ripping a bag of cereal (new stage in life) and it scattering all over the floor. I didn’t clean up the mess but left it there. The cereal looked like tiny pistachios (difficulties turning into opportunity). As I was leaving (waking up) my partner asked me to give him his glasses (new/different perspective). I had been wearing them and put them on a shelf. I retrieved them and gave them back to him. He was wearing my glasses and took them off and handed them to me. I put them on and the realization of what I had just done woke me up.

Unsettling Message

As I woke I was feeling weird and a bit panicked for no reason. Still very tired but unable to sleep, I remained partially awake because my “partner” from my dream was discussing things with me. I can’t remember it all but healing was part of it as was my present life situation and feelings/emotions. Familiar feelings of apathy and depression were visiting again and though they were easily shrugged off, their presence was unsettling. It made me feel like a failure and, as such, I wanted to give up. I was asking to go OOB and not come back.

Then, my guide said something then that was unexpected. He said, “When you have your heart attack….” I can’t remember the rest word-for-word (as you can imagine) but he indicated that clarity and a spurring into motion/action would be the result. This is typical of near-death experiences (or close calls with death) and makes sense, but the information pulled me completely out of my reverie. I said, “I thought it was a stroke?”, remembering the dreams and earlier messages I had received. The response was that the distinction was not important. In all honestly, it is to me, though.

I tried to ignore the message and return to sleep but there was a nagging that said, “Pay attention” and “Let’s talk about it.” I said, “I thought stopping birth control resolved all of this……and I’ve been eating better, exercising, not smoking, doing everything right…..(long pause)…..will I be okay?” I don’t think I wanted to know the answer, though, because I can’t remember the exact response but the feeling I continue to have is that it is not a big deal in the larger plan that is my life. However, I was thinking, “I will be damaged goods. A 40-something-year-old with a heart attack/stroke record already?”

My thoughts were then directed to May and then on to “six months”. Interestingly, August is 6 months away – my birth month.

By this time I was wide awake but the conversation continued. My guide/partner asked me, “Why do you want to be [in the in-between] (can’t recall his exact wording) to communicate with me?” I said, “Because then I know I’m not inserting what I want to hear. It is less adulterated.” He responded with, “We are One.” As if that explained it all clearly;  to me, though, it was confusing. Ultimately, he explained that we had merged successfully. I wondered when, but could not pinpoint any particular time. I must have slept through it. The whole walk-in/soul-exchange plan came to mind and I pushed it away but not before understanding how it all fit in this strange life experience I find myself in.

Our conversation continued. I kept asking why my partner couldn’t be here in the physical with me. He said, “I am”. I wondered what he meant but I fell further in to a trance-like state, shifting seamlessly into a dream-like reality as images replaced words.

4 OBE’s

Completely lucid, I felt to be in my bed only the room was my room at my mom’s. I was laying in the supine position with my arms over my head. Energy was building around my crown to an extreme and it traveled down, wrapped around my face and then went down my spine toward my chest, filling that area as well. It was a wonderfully relaxed feeling.

Buzzing with energy I heard noises from the other room. Children’s voices and music playing. I knew it was my family awake early and ignored the noises-off the best I could. I was still talking with my partner/guide but I can’t remember what we were talking about.

At one point I sat up and out of my sleeping body. I lingered there sitting on the bed as I took off what felt to be a giant pillow from my face. My vision was clear but shifty and I continued to feel strong vibrations/energy all over my body.

I went toward the door noticing just how vivid and real the experience was but lost lucidity almost immediately shifting back into my body that was laying in the bed.

Back in my body the noises-off were loud again and I shifted immediately back OOB. This time nothing barred my vision and I was able to go out of the bedroom into the living room. My children were inside with my husband sitting at a kitchen table. He had made them all French toast (life satisfaction) and I thought it odd and wondered why he would do such a thing. Also, the table was in the wrong place. The room was lit with a golden, shimmering energy. I walked outside and it was a bright, beautiful sunny day but the brightness was so intense I lost visual and went back into my body.

Once again laying in bed I lingered for a while, enjoying the soothing energy. My crown and third-eye area felt expansive with a peaceful, warmth. It was amazing!

I decided to go OOB again and lifted easily OOB, floating to the door and out into the living room again. I ignored the activity there and went to the front door. It was locked and I said to my guide, “Why did you lock it? I want to go outside. Do you want to show me something? It will unlock.” I unlocked it and went outside. It was still dark out and I remember commenting on that.

Outside I floated for a bit and noticed a massive building to my left. It was like an entire city! I have never seen anything like it. The building spanned acres to the left and right of my mom’s house and appeared to be floating just above the ground. It towered for at least a hundred feet over the tops of the trees.

I lifted myself up to get a better view and was awe-struck by it’s beauty. It was pristine! White and glistening as if made of diamonds or crystals, its walls and rooftops seamless  – no points or jagged areas.

I felt to be pulled up toward the stars and did not resist. As I soared higher I saw the city was more expansive, spreading out in all directions with trees positioned throughout. It was as if I were on another Earth/planet.

I went further up, stars swirling around me as I lost my sense of direction. My astral body felt to be tossed and turned as if going through a vortex. I held on, though, never losing touch with the experience despite my vision blacking out. I completely surrendered to the feeling despite it being disorienting. Never once did I feel fear.

I felt myself vertical again and the movement ceased. My vision returned and I was in a blackness surrounded by stars and galaxies. My body was then shot straight down and I knew I was heading toward a deep, dark lake. I felt myself enter the calm waters and I opened myself up, taking as much water into me as I could knowing that holding my breath was unnecessary. I could not die.

As I breathed in the water I felt myself go deeper and deeper straight down and then float softly back up like a buoy. At the top I knew not to struggle and let myself just float there staring up at the stars. The whole time I was talking aloud about how I knew not to struggle, I knew to just float without resisting and completely expected to be in the dark, calm water for an infinite amount of time. I remember wondering, “Is this all there is? Is this my eternity?” With this I fully accepted the void as my infinite reality. I was 100% okay with it.

The lake seemed to expand around me with no shore in site. Like I was lost in an endless sea of darkness. I continued to float full of acceptance in the middle of the expansive blackness. A round, white object was floating to my left as if to offer support, but I didn’t take it.

Then the water began to recede, or maybe I moved. Land appeared and I could feel sand beneath my feet. I crawled, water-logged, onto the shore and looked up. There, towering over me, was the magnificent city I had seen floating near my mom’s house. I felt a sense of “arrival” as I stared up at it.

The scene dematerialized and I was back in my bed with energy surging through my body. I shifted immediately OOB again and traveled back into the living room to focus on my children who I had previously ignored. There I found my children happily playing with all kinds of toys (domestic joy/harmony). There were also other children in the room who I didn’t recognize. My husband was in the center and to his right was a Christmas tree (family relationships/domestic stresses). I went up to my middle son and gave him a kiss on his forehead as I told him, “I love you.” I looked down at the small child next to him and ruffled his hair. Then I walked around looking at the toys scattered here and there, noticing the tree and wrapping paper. I said to them all, “Look at all these wonderful presents (recognition of gifts)….but it’s not Christmas…..”

I went back in body and lingered there, enjoying the energy sensations and hearing noises-off. Eventually, though, I realized the noises were real and that it was time to wake up.

This song was going through mind, specifically: I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.

 

Unexpected OBE and Dream: Labels

Had another episode of intestinal upset yesterday which put me out of commission for half of the day. I must have pushed myself too hard thinking I was “all better”. Despite early morning signs of recurrence I opted to take a run. This was a bad idea. I pushed myself to run a little over 2 miles and paid for it. My heart rate took a while to recover and I felt nauseous for the first few minutes after stopping. I convinced myself that I was okay to run “slow” (10 minute mile) but obviously my body was not ready yet.

So the rest of the day was spent lounging about and reading through old blog posts from another blog I have. The day was nice so I even threw a blanket out on the grass and soaked up some sun with Monty for a half hour or so. Spring-like weather again here in Texas so I am taking advantage of it.

I continue to follow the Full GAPS diet to the best of my ability. Yesterday I popped a grass fed beef chuck roast in the crock pot along with lots of veggies to include potatoes. Potatoes and sweet potatoes are not allowed on the diet but I can’t quench my carb cravings without them. For dessert we had a GAPS friendly chocolate cake topped with almond butter icing. The kids weren’t impressed (not sweet enough) but it tasted awesome IMO. I’ve been making a new recipe pretty much every day partly because I like to cook and partly because every meal I prepare leaves no leftovers. lol If you want to see what I’ve been up to you can find me on Instagram.

I’m especially proud of the yogurt I’ve been making. I bought a yogurt maker and have thus far made two batches with success. Today I’m straining the most recent batch to make Greek yogurt – my favorite. I will be experimenting soon to try and get a batch of sour cream made. We go through tons of sour cream in my house.

For my first breakfast I have homemade yogurt with berries and a glass of fresh squeezed apple-carrot-beet juice. It seems to make my tummy happy. I then have another breakfast a couple of hours later with more substance. I haven’t given up my coffee but I suspect that it is the reason my stomach has convulsions (lol) in the morning. You’re probably asking, “Why the hell are you still drinking coffee!??” Ugh, because I LIKE it. I’m also still holding out hope that my issues are caused by a virus. I’ve had one like this before and it lasted 10 days, which is not uncommon. Today is day 8.

My cold is pretty much gone except for a stuffy nose upon waking. Glad to be rid of it but seasonal allergies are bad right now here in Texas due to a sky-high cedar count. We call is “cedar fever” and it really seems like a full-blown cold minus the fever and body aches.

I’ve decided to stop taking BC and see if it helps with the heart palpitations. So far I’ve already noticed a HUGE improvement. For example, just last week I was experiencing several an hour. Now I can’t remember the last time I felt one. Maybe one time yesterday? Not sure.

Dream: Labels

Long, intricate dream with message/counsel from my guides at the end. More “dream lessons” or “class” for me. Yay?

The dream began inside a very dark lit room. I was with a group and we were reviewing a band and discussing songs and eras to our liking. This band was an old one but I can’t remember which band so I will say it was Chicago since, well, it’s old (to me anyway). I remember looking at decades and stopping with the 1980’s since that is when I remember the band first entering my universe. Of course, it was around well before that. Just a little factoid about me – Chicago was the first ever concert I ever attended. Ha! I got a t-shirt and wore the hell out of it and thought I was super cool to have gone to see them in concert. lol Makes me ROFL now because I was such a dork.

Anyway, the group of people I was with were old compared to me and it was very obvious in the dream. One man in particular kept catching my eye, not because I was attracted to him in a sexual way, though. I was just overly interested in him and thought he wasn’t bad looking for an old guy. lol

At one point everyone in the group was working on Lego (pun to “let go”) puzzles, building various craft. I had an incomplete set, or so it seemed, and gave up quickly saying, “I don’t like Legos.” lol

Then we were all sliding down a slide (loss of control). I remember turning around as I slide down and laughing as I smiled at the old man who had caught my interest. I turned back around as I got to the bottom and then jumped up onto my feet in a successful landing. The old man landed roughly, flying right into the wall. lol I remember asking if he was okay and he nodded. This part of the dream was quite fun for me and also funny because of the man’s fall.

Next I was laying in my bed facing the wall. Next to me was the old man and it felt like the rest of the group was also in bed with us. I could hear the man’s thoughts and feel what he felt. He had quite a bit of interest in me. I slid as far away from him as I could. Though I was attracted to him I did not want anything to do with a man his age. He began to gently touch me, nothing sexual but loving. I remember freezing at his touch and panicking a bit especially when he touched my upper thigh and I realized I must be naked. The entire we were telepathically talking to one another but I only recall feeling uncomfortable with the situation because of his age.

Eventually he wrapped his arms around me. I gave in and melted into his arms. It felt so wonderful and safe that I couldn’t help myself. The me that was worried about his age didn’t care in that moment. In my memory he looked to be in his 60’s.

Then I was with the old man in a room. The room was reminiscent of another time, maybe the 1800’s, but I’m not sure. It was like I was instantly transported to this time/place and with this shift I became a different person. Past life memory maybe? IDK.

I sat quietly in the corner of the room while the man met with other men. It seemed to be a legal affair and the men all felt like lawyers. I think they were drawing up a contract.

I was dressed in a gown fitting of the period I felt to be in. I could see the window sill and there was a man outside cleaning the window. I commented on this saying, “What is he doing so high up?” The old man chuckled and said, “We aren’t high up. This is the first floor. Remember?” I took a breath and remembered. No, that was my old room, not this place. He said something to me then like, “You must have really kept to yourself.” I nodded and said, “Yes, I didn’t get out much.”

As I sat there another woman came up to me. She was wearing a fancy, vivid blue gown with lace around the bodice. She was absolutely stunning. Her hair was brown with ringlets coming down around her temples, just a few though. She smiled and got close, whispering in my ear, “You make a good couple.” Her words indicated that she thought the man and I were married and that she completely agreed with it. I looked at her shocked and said, “Oh no! He’s old enough to be my father.” Her smiled disappeared and she said something like, “Well, it’s okay if you are. At your age anyway.” I remembered I was an “old maid” and that I should be grateful that any man wanted me. The feeling was strange to me, though, and I knew I was dreaming because in my current life I was never an “old maid”.

Conversation and Message

I entered the in-between a bit shocked at what I had just dreamed/experienced. I was filled with the most uncomfortable feeling, one I have felt before but much stronger than this. The “split” feeling. Ugh. I also had the familiar warmth spreading from heart – the beginnings of the heart bliss.

A male guide was to my left and he asked me, “Do you like labels?” When I heard his question I knew why he was asking me the question. The dream was all about the label of “old” and my considerations of old age. It did not take long for me to answer, “Yes. They help make sense of things.” I saw a visual as I said this of categorizing things in life by giving them names and labels, putting everything into a white box with a nice, clear label on it and placing it in its correct place. He asked me, “Why do you like them?” I said, “They organize things. They make sense and make life safe.”

I thought about it and thought, “Labels are good.”

There was a pause and then he said something I can’t recall but it was with irritation like, “Cut the bull shit.” lolol Then he said, “Labels don’t suit you.”

We had a long discussion then about how putting labels on life and trying to organize everything in life is an attempt to control life, to make life safe and expected. This is why it didn’t suit me. It as suffocating me with sameness, with the illusion of “safety”. He helped me remember that coming here was meant to be exciting, fun – an adventure – not a repetitive, miserable, boring, experience focused on avoidance of everything unexpected or “unsafe”. He said something like, “Why not take a risk?”

There was also discussion about what I thought “old” meant. What did I equate with the word “old”. I listed off what came to mind – Decrepit. Unable. Wrinkly. Boring. Life is over. Waiting to die. He asked me, “Do you think you are old?” My answer came immediately – “Yes”. Then I stopped short in surprise and said, “No. No. I’m not old!” In my mind I saw the man in the dream and said, “He’s old. I’m still young.”

Then I was asked to think about when someone was old in comparison to myself. When they are 50? 60? 70? I thought about it. Hmmmm. So I thought about it in the context of a romantic relationship. Would I be involved with someone who could be my father? Like that old man in the dream who had to have been in his 60s? My immediately answer was “Yes because it doesn’t matter how old in years he is if I love him.” And this I knew was true and had been in my life thus far. I have dated men much older than myself without any issues with their age or their looks. One was 15 years older than me and age was never a consideration. Yet he was in his 40s at the time and so really didn’t look “old” because he wasn’t yet, not in terms of physical appearance anyway. How would I react if the man I loved appeared old in comparison to me? Could I see past the wrinkles and sagging skin and other flaws that comes with age?

Each time I considered it I was pulled back to the feeling, the beautiful connection and love. Ultimately I decided that appearance would be the last thing on my mind if I loved him like that.

The conversation shifted then because I touched on the feeling of loneliness I carry around with me. My guide asked me to focus on it and on how I ultimately responded to the man in the dream, giving into his embrace and melting into it. I completely surrendered myself to him. It felt right. It felt like that was how I was suppose to feel in a man’s arms. I’ve lived my whole life never feeling like that in a man’s arms. I’ve always kept my guard up, never felt completely safe.

My guide said, “You’re lonely.” I said, “Yeah, yeah.” lol This we already know now let’s move on. I’m tired and want to sleep.

Unexpected OBE

I shifted deeper into the in-between, floating right on the edge of sleep. I was asked to take a good look at myself. When asked this I was standing in front of a mirror and saw my face clearly. Then something caught my eye and a fluffy squirrel (message to have more fun, take life less seriously) was crawling around to my left. I turned, noting the squirrel as a message, and looked at myself again. I saw every detail but what I noticed mostly was a mature beauty I hadn’t seen before. I also noticed that my eyes were deep and penetrating…..and full of loneliness. It was like my eyes were forever searching. This must be why I have been told by others that my eyes drew them in, why I have been told that my eyes are “wise” and “older than my years”.

Then a small, sphere of light flew into my view. It was made of all colors, but mostly I recall a vivid blue and a flash of white. It was alive with energy and about two inches in diameter. When I looked into it I could see pictures. It drew me into it and before I knew it it was taking me with it, flying and zipping along through old city streets filled with ancient buildings.

Eventually the sphere took me to the end of my mother’s driveway. It grew larger and opened up. Then I was floating there looking at the insides of it. It was like looking into an open skull. The inside was tan colored and dry and when I peered into it a memory of this lifetime sprung into being.

The memory occurred in the very spot I was visiting – the end of my mother’s driveway. I had been followed home by a classmate. I was getting the mail when he rolled down his window and asked me if I wanted to go dancing with him. I didn’t think and blurted out that I wouldn’t, I would never go “hick dancing”. I laughed uncomfortably and he said, “Oh, okay”. He drove off and I repeatedly criticized myself for saying such a stupid and mean thing to a guy I actually liked. In fact, I liked him a lot. So much that for years I would watch him get on the bus and fantasize that he would ask me out. Then when he did ask me out I was too proud to go dancing with him just because it was country dancing. WTF was wrong with me!?

Then my memory shifted to meeting him after graduation. We attended the same college and by chance bumped into each other – twice. The first time he was with a blonde girl and very happy. The second time he was sad because his girlfriend had just broken his heart. I was nice to him, listened and told him it was good to see him and that I wished him well. At the time I had already met my soon-to-be husband (now ex). The thing is, that husband was 100% country hick. I mean country dancing, country music, boots – the works.

My memory shifted to another meeting with this guy. We were at a street dance in the town where we graduated. I had taken my fiance and we were dancing in the street. Afterward the guy walked up to me and we talked, catching up again. He was still single and had bought property in the country with horses, etc. He asked me about my fiance and I told him we were to be married. I could see the disappointment on his face. Deep inside I was disappointed, too.

The memories were instant and so were the realizations. How did labeling effect my life path? What would my life have been like had I not labeled that guy a “country hick”? Did the label perhaps get in the way of a potentially good relationship? My conclusion was that it had. I had liked this guy since freshman year. My senior year he finally asks me out and I slam him. Hard. And the thing is I lied to him when I said that. The reality was I was terrified to go out with him because of what people would say. I had a reputation to live up to and I was all “grunge”, not “hick”. The me now yells at the me then and says, “Who the f*&^ cares!!??”

Every single time I saw him after that awful put down his eyes told me everything. I am sure my eyes told him everything, too. I could see into his soul it seemed and it told me he was a good man, loyal, loving, big heart, etc. And he never held what I did to him against me. He was always seeking from me some hint, anything, that invited him in. I sensed it every time and I never gave him that invitation. Never.

All because of “labels”.

I’m such an idiot.

Lesson learned. Again. The light took me to a hotel room. There were computer desks lined up against my bed. I looked around at the people sitting at the computers. There was a young boy being disruptive. I offered my help to the old lady that was there. When she looked at me I suddenly remembered the sphere of light. I thought, “Wait a minute. This is a dream. I can go OOB.”

I immediately stood up and out of my body. When I did this my face was covered with something. I ripped it off and saw the entire hotel room. My bed was at my feet. The covers were all messy and formed a pyramid in the center of the bed. There was another bed next to mine unoccupied.

The room was dark but I could see everything, so it was just low light. My vision was clear and I didn’t hesitate to head toward the door despite the window being right next to me. As I passed the bathroom I realized I had something tight around my mid-section, just below my breasts. I tugged at it and it fell to the floor. I was very aware of being completely naked as I reached for the door knob.

This is when my breathing became very obvious. My nose was clogged and it felt like I was struggling to get enough air. I paused thinking, “I can’t have a good OBE if my body is struggling to breathe.”

With this thought the scene seemed to dematerialize right in front of me. Then I was in my body and my nose was so clogged I had to change positions to breathe.

Music Messages

Two songs came to me after I woke.

All I can say about this song is, “Damn.” lol I never knew the lyrics before and reading them was like reading a message written just for me. Wow.

This song was playing in my mind in the background but only the chorus.

Man, all these songs make me feel old…..HA!

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Dream: WOD & OBE: What Nourishes My Soul?

My middle child has been sick since Sunday. He missed the first day back to school and is home today as well. His symptoms are bad headache and low grade fever of around 100.3°. Yesterday he was well enough in the morning to go shopping with me so I thought he was recovering. Sadly, by evening he was complaining again but could not describe what was hurting him. He fell asleep around 5pm and slept until this morning waking occasionally in a delirium and talking nonsense. This morning he says he feels better. When I told him he once said he thought he was dying he said, “Yeah, I was worried I would have a headache forever.” We suspect he has the flu. 😦

His birthday is Friday. I sure hope he is fully recovered by then.

In thinking of his birthday story (I went into labor with him on 1-11-11 but he was born at just after midnight) I realized tomorrow is yet another version of 1-11-11 only instead of 1-11-2011 it will be 1-11 and then 2+0+1+8 = 11. It will be exactly 7 years from when I was in labor. Pretty cool! I wonder if anything significant is going to happen? Hmmm

BTW, the 1111 number continues to follow me as if reminding me my journey is not over.

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January 8th, pre-workout. Strapped on my watch and this was the time. 🙂

Updates and Plans

Since I have written in a while on what is going on with me I figured I would do a little update.

I completed my online NASM course on Monday. My next step is to get First Aid/CPR certified and then take the NASM certification exam. Once I pass the exam I will be a certified personal trainer and can get a job. My plan is to do an 8 week internship at a local gym first via the program I enrolled in. After completing the internship I am guaranteed a job.

My motivation regarding this new career path is on-again-off-again. Some days I think it will be a good thing and other days I just want to drop it completely. It is hard for me to see myself doing anything in the workaday world right now. It is good that I paid so much for the program because it is the money that is making me keep at it. I hate to spend money and then not at least experience the end results of my efforts. Follow through and give it a chance, right?

I am still running and lifting weights and doing my fitness thang. lol I run three days a week and lift weights three days a week, neither on the same days. I found that separating the running and lifting was better for me. My body wasn’t tolerating that routine well. Honestly, I don’t think anyone’s body would tolerate a schedule like that long! I’ve maintained my weight and body fat and will continue to maintain it until I get bored. Ha!

The heart palpitations continue. Not sure exactly why but they are a daily occurrence. When they happen I feel it in my throat, which is odd. If I take my pulse I can feel my pulse rate slow and then catch up within a few seconds. I suspect the BC might be partly to blame but I am giving the BC at least 6 months. Thus far my acne has remained under control. I stopped taking the antibiotics three weeks ago.

Speaking of antibiotics, I think they have messed with my gut flora so I am going to revisit the GAPS diet to return the balance. I won’t be going full-out with the diet but using some of the components such as the broth, probiotics, yogurt/kefir (yuck) and lots of veggies. It will mean no non-fermented dairy and gluten-free for a time but that won’t be an issue. I am also  toying with the idea of making my own yogurt. It sounds like a healthy and fun project. I haven’t started the diet just yet, need to review the book, but I am looking forward to relieving some of the side-effects of taking antibiotics for so long. Interestingly, the last time I did the GAPS diet was in January 2015 right after taking a round of antibiotics for exactly the same acne issue!

Someone asked about Monty not long ago so will update on him. He is doing well. He weighed 12.5lbs at his 14 week checkup. He is potty trained (yay!) though still has occasional accidents here and here. We recently leash trained him and he does well on a leash, already indicating he will be an excellent running partner in the future.

Dream: WOD

I was taken to a mountain town with a group of people. We walked up steep trails to a house that was in pretty bad shape. There was an interaction inside with a man who was using the house as part of his work. I soon realized my group were my coworkers and we were being introduced to a new part of our job.

After much discussion someone mentioned how the city was growing fast and asked if I wanted to work there. I was hesitant and they said, “We will pay all costs of relocating. You will have your own house and all expenses will be paid.”  Still reluctant, I looked out the window and saw miles of pig farms (overindulgence, gluttony). I said, “I don’t think so. I couldn’t live in such filth.” I somehow knew the growth of the city relied upon pig farming.

They referred to the city as WOG but for some reason I called it WOD. In the dream these names meant nothing but upon waking I knew both well. Wog is a term used in Scientology that refers to non-Scientologists. A wog is a “common, everyday garden-variety humanoid … He ‘is’ a body. [He] doesn’t know he’s there, etc. He isn’t there as a spirit at all.” WOD is a cross-fit term that means “Workout of the Day”. Both terms make sense in the context of this dream. Wog indicates that I saw the groups of people I would be working with as unawakened. The pigs and shit they wallowed in indicate the state of the unawakened in the world. WOD indicates that I saw working with wog’s as part of my job (work-of-the-day) – just an everyday thing.

Eventually I was introduced to other coworkers who had relocated to the city. They were all having a party with the locals and pizza was ordered. I remember staying with a man inside the house. He showed me how to clean up the feces (materialism, possessions, pride, aggression) that was in abundance. I think he did this to try and convince me that all hope was not lost. The visuals are pretty gross. He showed me a huge barrel full of human feces. Then showed me how to contain it. I unpacked a box and carefully kept the contents, a bunch of kitchen materials, separated from the contaminated stuff. There was a small, plastic container in the box for the feces and it was explained that once contained the amount would never be more than the size of the container.

Then I was introduced to a man with blonde hair and was told he was “our brother”. He was young, maybe 20-something, and very attractive. I looked to the man who had been teaching me, who I also knew was my brother, and said, “How is he my brother?” It was explained to me that we had the same father but I believe that is how my human mind interpreted because the explanation if very muddled in my memory. I recall looking around the room at all the others and thinking they were all my “brothers” and my family was really big.

Then I met a woman whose name was “Joy” but she was the complete opposite. I laughed and called her by her name and she got nasty with me. I knew I had made an enemy of her. I didn’t care, I was trying to lighten the mood because she was overly serious.

She stayed there with us as we prepared to go to the party outside. The weather had warmed substantially. Usually it was freezing but that day it was in the 60’s. I opted not to wear shorts even though most others were.

We went to the party and I was surprised to find that the celebration consisted of everyone driving go karts (ability to navigate life’s twists and turns) around a circular dirt track. There was a quick demo on how to use them and I was fascinated that a work party would involved something so fun. I watched as “Joy” stepped up to a go kart. Her response to me was the complete opposite of before. She greeted me like an old friend and told a woman next to me she was grateful to have met me, that I had helped her by something I told her. The woman told me and I said, “I don’t remember saying that to her.” It didn’t matter, though, Joy was now full of….joy. lol

OBE: What Nourishes My Soul?

I woke at around 6am with the dream on my mind. While going over it in my mind I must have drifted into the in-between because the next thing I recall is sitting at my computer with my children to my right. I saw the screen clearly. At first I was viewing FB. Something wasn’t quite right, though. It showed that I had no friends and I got a message that said, “Add friends”. Confused, I figured there must be a glitch with FB. I shifted to my website and noticed the format had changed. I could not see my followers and suddenly became aware that I had none.

As I looked over my website my screen went gray and a tiny message was written in the center. At first I thought I got an email from someone I hadn’t heard from in a while but turns out it was a message that someone had reblogged one of my posts.

The gray screen with the message in the center made me aware of vibrations. I could feel them and my physical body very distinctly. I could feel my heart doing weird things and the vibrations were similar to a feeling of restlessness. I knew I was dreaming and knew that the vibrations meant I could shift OOB but I was not 100% certain. I began to sway back and forth to see if I could feel the shift. It just felt like swaying, though. Still curious I opted to just leave my body and see what would happen.

So I turned to my left and stood up from my seated position. I disconnected and moved easily toward the window. On the way to the window I took off a pair of black sunglasses (not wanting to be seen, not wanting to see something, darkened vision) but my vision was not an issue. I could see clearly and vividly the window and white blinds in front of me. I unlocked the window and pulled it up. Then I went through the window to the porch roof. As I steadied myself I thought, “I don’t want to do the same thing I always do.” Then I said aloud, “I want to know what nourishes my soul.” I said this as I looked up at a brilliant night sky. In the center was a glowing full moon.

I stood there staring at the moon for a bit and thinking my intention again: “Show me what nourishes my soul.” Then I thought to myself, “Why am I asking that question?” lol And then I thought, “Now what do I do? Do I just wait for an answer?” With that thought I could feel the scene destabilize. I did not fight it because I was confused as to why I asked such a question. Where did it come from? Weird!

As I returned to my body I knew the answer: Love. I thought, “Duh! I know that!” lol

Lingering in the remaining vibrations, part of a song came to mind: “Two strangers in the [dark night] bright lights….” I messed up the lyrics and thought “dark night”. Here is the song:

Surprised that I even went OOB, I was unable to return to sleep and just lingered with the song going though my mind while I mulled over my dream. I remember thinking about nourishing my soul with love. It made me feel a bit sad and I began to feel depressed over the whole idea of living the rest of my life hungry….starving even.

In response to my growing despair at ever finding the nourishment I need, I heard, “Don’t give up.”

Considerations

I had not expected to have such a revealing dream after yesterday’s decision to not fall victim to over-analyzing dream content. The dream says a lot about my path, my concerns and considerations regarding my path/life.

Meeting my “brother” and then knowing I had many, many “brothers” was interesting as well. It feels like my human self is trying to make sense of the connection I have with others. In the dream it felt like “brother” was a relative very similar to a half-brother or sister. The same “father”, which if you think about it, indicates that everyone in this world is our Spirit sibling. We all come from the same father-God-One-Source.

I am obviously struggling with the wogs – unawakened – here on Earth, and how they are caught up in materialism, over-indulgence and selfishness. It is akin to the world being covered in pig shit. LOL It is made clear to me that they (my family, the human race) wants me to “relocate” and do my job (meaning get my ass into gear doing my Earth work instead of hiding from it). My job seems to be taking the “shit”, cleaning it up and containing it. Ha!

It is dreams like this one that I wish I could remember what was actually being said rather than bringing back just symbolism. The feeling is there but it does not completely compute. There is still the question, “So I am here to help, but HOW?” Cleaning up pig shit I guess. LOL