2 OBEs and More Tears

Today the repairman is returning to finish the repairs on my broken refrigerator. He needs to replace the heater and thermostat so it doesn’t freeze up again. When he left last Friday he asked me to unplugged the fridge 8 hours before his arrival today at 9am. That meant either turning it off before bed or waking in the night to do it. I opted to wake during the night. Prior to bed I asked for more clarification as to what is going on with me. Still feel unsure of this “process” I am going through.

I meant to wake at midnight using my internal clock but ended up waking at 2:30am instead. After unplugging the fridge I was wide awake and it took me some time to settle down. I should have known I would end up going OOB, but I didn’t ask to do so.

OBE: Visit From MIL

I vaguely recall rising up from my body in bed and traveling downstairs to the kitchen. I was not fully lucid when I did so and believed I was awake repeating the steps I’d taken earlier in the night. When I got to the kitchen I saw that someone had been there and plugged the refrigerator back in. This upset me and I tried to figure out what had happened. I noticed some things laying here and there (bags and such) indicating that my mother-in-law had paid us a visit after we all went to bed. This isn’t uncommon for her so made sense. She often leaves us loaves of bread and other groceries for the kids and will clean up the kitchen if she has the energy.

I turned toward the living room still upset over the fridge but I never unplugged it. Instead I noticed there was an opening in the living area where normally the fireplace would be. Another entire room extended for many feet and the floors of both were carpeted. Instantly I knew something wasn’t right and said to myself, “This is a dream”.

Nothing about the feel of my energy body or the dream really changed after this realization. I already had my full perceptions but had just not been focused on them. My vision was the one I was most focused on at the time anyway. It brightened slightly and I decided to explore this new section of my house.

I floated into the new space and noticed someone sitting in a chair facing away from me. I recognized my MIL and went up to her. Facing her confirmed it was her and I remember speaking to her but she just stared at me zombie-like. I remember saying, “Wake up! You’re asleep!” She didn’t respond, just stared into the distance as if preoccupied with something else. My last thought before returning to my body was that she looked so similar to what she looked like in waking life.

When I came back into my body it was ablaze with a comforting energy. I was surprised I had gone OOB and amused that my preoccupation with the coming appointment and refrigerator had been the focus of the OBE. All I wanted was to get some much needed sleep so I turned to my side and drifted off.

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OBE: NOKEY

Again, not fully lucid, I walked into a gym (apply what has been learned) that was familiar. Inside things had been moved and the equipment that was there before was mostly gone. I noticed people standing on circles (cycles, repetition) painted on the floor. They were spaced as if in some kind of grid and all facing in the same direction. Not letting this bother me, I went toward the dumbbell rack but did not use any of them. Instead I was holding onto what resembled black, weighted handcuffs (feeling held back, trapped). I was talking to someone doing exercises with them but can’t recall what I was saying.

A man approached me and asked me when I would be done. I remember being irritated at him but finishing quickly. When I got up I sat in a chair and got out a computer (information). On it I could see the entire layout of the building. Circles represented each person and they moved like chess pieces (loss of control).

A man sitting next to me spoke to me about the ceremony that was going on. One of the owners of the gym was retiring (transitioning, endings) and they were setting up for a celebration. I saw the owner as he walked in. He was graying and had a pleasant face and energy. Someone asked me to put away my computer, so I did, opting to get out my phone which was the size of a tablet. The man had mentioned a word that sounded like Jockey – NOKEY – so I did a Google search for it. The results showed information about baseball (contentedness and peace of mind) and I saw a large 15% that took up my entire tablet.

A woman rudely interrupted me telling me I had some nerve still using my cell phone when the celebration was about to begin. She demanded I leave, saying I had broken the rules and was no longer allowed inside. I stood up and told her it was fine and that I wasn’t a member anyway and had just come in to check it out but found it changed and unusable. I was just as rude to her as she was to me.

She followed me outside. Her demeanor changed when we were alone and she turned more friendly, apologizing for the changes and asking me for suggestions to improve it. She asked me what gym I frequented that I liked. I thought about it and said, “Lifetime Fitness” (which is a gym in real life but one I’ve never been to). Something about saying this brought me into full lucidity and the word “lifetime” echoed in my mind.

I turned and walked away. When I looked to where I was heading I saw beautiful green hills and a vast, sparkling lake. There were people here and there seemingly floating across the fields and water. The sky was brilliant with a rising sun whose rays were illuminating everyone with a silvery sheen. The whole scene sparkled like a million jewels.

I noticed a man was with me at this time. It was like the woman had morphed into a man. He remained with me and spoke with me for the remainder of the experience.

I stopped, filled with awe and said, “It is SO beautiful!” My heart began to overflow and I burst into tears. The scene changed and I could tell I was shifting away from it. In front of my eyes gray clouds floated in and covered the brilliant landscape. Tears poured out of my eyes, my body shuddered with intense vibrations and my heart stung.

In the in-between I lingered for some time. I could sense the presence of someone to my right. The vibrations were still strong and hypnagogic images of millions of tiny, yellow circles flooded my vision, pulsating and breathing in unison. I was still crying, my heart inundated with energy and my entire body pulsing and vibrating. My tears were a mixture of joy and grief. I understood the messages from the OBE and the male presence acknowledged this.

He said to me, “I’ve loved you for a long time.” It reminded me of the song that had been sung to me only a few nights prior: “Don’t you know I’m in love with you. I will be with you for a long time”.

I asked him who he was and the name “Chris” came to mind. Not recognizing the name I just allowed the comforting vibrations to wash over me. He spoke to me at some length about my sadness and exhaustion, telling me, “We will help you” and “It will be okay”. Throughout his messages tears would erupt sporadically. He said that my grief must be experienced and not suppressed.

At one point there was a brilliant circle of light that I identified as a full moon. It got so large that it took up my entire vision and it seemed to intensify the vibrations. Eventually I realized it was not the moon at all but a giant light. I had seen it before while OOB and usually it is associated with E.T.s.

While we communicated two songs came into my mind. The first was the song, All of Me and the specific part I heard over and over was, “My head’s under water but I’m breathing fine. You’re crazy and I’m out of mind. ‘Cause all of me loves all of you……’Cause I give you all of me and you give me all of you.”

The other song was Hold My Hand. “I’m ready for this” repeating over and over.

It didn’t take long for me to understand the second OBE. The messages were obvious. The scene at the gym is me being tired of repetitive cycles, feeling trapped by them and looking for a way to end them. The NOKEY word is actually – No Key – no admittance, no entry, no access. I can’t go where I wish to go. The 15% is still a mystery. I suspect it may indicate my “battery” level, how far I’ve come or where I am at currently in whatever this process is. Maybe I am 15% way through a process that will bring me peace and contentedness? The “Lifetime” reference is to this lifetime.

There was a hell of a lot of energy swirling around me after the last OBE. The entire experience left me unable to return to sleep. I have no idea who this “Chris” person is, either. He was on my right, which suggests he is not a guide. My guides are typically to my left. His messages indicate he knows me, loves me and wants to help. I did not feel any particular connection to him, though.

My considerations now after these experiences are that I refuse to read anything into any of it, no matter how profound. Even if my heart blasts open again and the bliss is all encompassing there will be no reaction or longing or hope this time because I know how destructive the after-effects are. To attach to the feeling is destructive and I don’t think I can survive another round. I pray God spares me from ever feeling it again.

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Lucid Dream and OBE: Over and Over Again

After a two month WP break this morning’s activity prompted me to shift back here. Why? Well, you’ll see, but mainly because while I was in the midst of the lucid dream below I remember saying, “I need to remember this, to write this down and share it”.

If you’ve been following me on Blogger then you know what’s been going on these past couple of months. If you haven’t been, sorry, I’m not going to do a recap except to say spiritual experiences have been low, dream recall almost nonexistent, and focus has been on physicality and living life.

Up until two nights ago things have been quiet in dreamland. Woke up a lot last night. Assuming it has to do with the full moon.

Lucid Dream: Message

I was in school but can’t recall now the specifics of the situation. The next thing I know I am in a room that has no form or features and is dark except where I am. It is almost like I have a dim spotlight on me. I feel a distinctly familiar feeling and think, “I am about to meet someone.” The feeling brings on full lucidity. I think to myself, “Capricorn” and quickly conclude he must be a Capricorn. I’m not sure why I think this but I have no doubt of what I Know.

The feeling intensifies. It is the feeling of connection to another and it is strong, but not so strong it scares me. I can only describe it as an all-over body vibration where mine and the other person’s vibration aligns. The feeling is like my body is a living symphony where all the individual instrument parts are being played perfectly. My soul was literally singing.

A man appears from the shadows. When I see him I know he’s the one I’ve been feeling. He says to me, “I have a message for you.” Inside I begin to freak out a bit, anticipating the message and wishing he had not said that word “message” because it makes me anticipate what is coming next. I expected to wake up because I could feel my anticipation rising and my nervousness taking over. Yet I didn’t. Instead, he approached me and placed his hand on my left shoulder. It was so solid and real it surprised me. I looked up at him and could see him clearly. He was no one I recognized. In fact, he was quite plain in terms of human appearance with small red bumps (pimples?) covering his face, but the feeling I got from him was gentle and loving. He had medium brown hair and light eyes. In recalling him now he could have passed for my father in his younger years, though I did not see my father in him during the experience.

I wait for his message and he draws closer to me. He gently pulls me toward him and we hug. I feel every bit of it as real as in the physical yet this doesn’t wake me up. The hug is so wonderful, too, reminding me of how hugs felt when I was a child after being lost for a while.

When we are done hugging I keep looking up at him, focusing on his face trying to memorize every detail. He says to me, “You are better than this. You don’t need him.” I feel instantly humbled by his statement. It was like I had expected him to say it and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I replied, “You’re talking about (insert person’s name) right?” He says, “Yes.” I hang my head and say, “I know but it is so hard. I don’t want to be here. I can’t do this anymore.” He says, “Why don’t you leave then?” I say to him, “I don’t think I could do that.” He says, “Why couldn’t you?”

I have to interrupt the dream here to say our conversation is not what it seems. Don’t draw any conclusions here thinking we are talking about my husband because we aren’t. During the conversation I did mention a name but when I awoke I understood it to mean I don’t need anyone – male, female, or otherwise. When he says “Why don’t you leave?” I interpret it to mean “leave this life”, not a person, place or situation. In hindsight I believe the conversation has multiple meanings referring to multiple situations in my life.

There is a discussion then about my time on Earth and the choices I have made and the choices I have yet to make. Most of the specifics are lost to me now but I recall seeing a block resembling the days on a calendar but I think the blocks represent something larger, maybe years or lifetimes but I’m not sure. I recall knowing I could finish early, two blocks early, and that it would be okay if I did. The feeling I remember having the most was complete exhaustion and wanting to exit this life as soon as possible. There were so many words exchanged here but all that is left of mine is a feeling of being unable to progress past a certain point. If I had to put it into words it would be that I just can’t push past my feelings of responsibility towards those I love or past the feeling that whatever I do, I lose. I remember the man being very sympathetic and there being the message from him that I knew this might happen when I planned this life. We don’t always have the strength in life that we think we will have while we are in Spirit. The feeling of disappointment in myself was very strong. No matter how hard I try to do what I came here to do, I seem unable. It’s as if that part of me is broken.

The next thing I remember was him asking me, “How do you want to go?” I contemplated this aloud saying, “I don’t care” because I just wanted it over with, then changed my mind because I saw several scenarios flash through my mind – car accident, freak accident, suicide.  I saw my family’s reaction to these and it wasn’t good. I told him, “I prefer to go in my sleep. An aneurysm maybe…something that won’t hurt and won’t traumatize my family.”

Then I heard noises-off. It sounded like my daughter calling my name. By this time I was laying down with the man, curled up inside his embrace and very comfortable there with him. Safe. I knew hearing her meant he was about to go. I told him, “I don’t want you to go yet.” But I called back to her and felt his embrace around me lighten until it was gone. Yet I could still hear him. I asked him, “What is your name?” He said, “I have many names, as do you.” I understood this meant so much more than my human mind can comprehend yet in that moment I had no confusion whatsoever.

I lost some lucidity then and had a dream-within-a-dream. I saw a blonde woman resembling me. She laid down behind the back wheels of an SUV placing her head right behind a tire. The car backed up and crushed her head. The people inside the car panicked and got out. I was watching from a distance and saw the woman rise up out of her body and watch.

Then I was talking to the woman. We were face to face and I felt overwhelming love for her. I put my hands on her face and looked at her, smiling. I don’t remember everything we said but I do recall saying to her, “I love you” and my heart overflowing with love for her. We embraced and then I woke up feeling myself settle back into my sleeping body.

Even after I awoke I could still sense the energy of the man from my dream. He was still around me so I asked him again, “What is your name?” I felt a reply and slowly it formed in my mind – Sebastian. The sense at this time was that I was surrounded by love and it’s form is incomprehensible to my human mind. What I see in my dreams and in visions is nothing compared to the true forms of these Beings. I heard, “We are Many” and took a deep breath. Elohim. I knew They would come back. But I was/am so tired, so completely spent energetically, spiritually, physically, emotionally, that the thought of being “crazy” caused absolutely no reaction in me.

I couldn’t sleep afterward, tossing and turning because I was trying to remember as many details of the experience as I could. There were moments when I would drift and get visions, flashes of names or scenarios. I saw the name, “David” written clearly and remembered an entire dream from many nights before. Then I heard Ezekiel, Gabriel, and other Biblical names. I began to hear an old hymnal – Ten Thousand Angels – “He could have called, ten thousand angels, but he died alone for you and me….” I knew I was being told I had angels watching over me.

OBE: Over and Over Again

I almost got out of bed at 5:30am because I was so wide awake but instead I closed my eyes to meditate.

The next thing I recall was being inside a school sitting at a desk. I knew I had missed many classes. There were several “bad” students present. One male student was sent to get my mail and deliver it to me. Yet he didn’t give it to me but kept it and went through it. I went up to him and said, “You know it’s a federal offense to take someone’s mail.” Eventually I got my mail back and pulled out a large, wooden “S”, from inside an envelope. I knew it represented my last name.

My teacher told me that I needed to update my computer. I had a laptop in front of me and told her I had already updated it from home. I went to a seat and sat down for a while after that. The seat reminded me of a seat in a movie theater. As I sat there I entered into a meditative trance-type state. I can’t remember what I was thinking until the vibrations began to wake me from my meditative state. They were super intense, wrapping around me lovingly centered around my heart. I wanted to sink into them and let them take me away, into oblivion, when I thought suddenly, “I’m having a stroke.” Then I realized the energy and vibrations I was feeling were indicative of being OOB. I sat up and out of my dream body and faced myself, touching my own shoulder. I don’t remember looking at my face just being aware of being outside of the body I had just been in.

I immediately felt freer and happier. Looking to explore, I wandered out of the large, movie-theater-type place and into another room. Inside I found a large group of people standing together in formation seeming to be rehearsing something. They were all wearing what appeared to be costumes of other-worldly creatures. Some looked to be from the Renaissance while others looked like fairies or creatures only found in fairy realms. My attention went to a very tall, handsome man in front of me. I can’t remember his costume now but when I saw him I was intrigued. His eyes and mine locked and I smiled. I stood and watched them practice for a while, relaxed and enjoying myself. All of them were a good foot or more taller than me.

Then a young brown haired woman approached me. We knew each other. She began talking to the other me who apparently had followed me into the room. I interrupted their conversation and said to her, “It’s me. She (the other me) is me. You and I know each other, too.” The explanation continued but is lost to me now. Apparently I am able to split off from myself and interact independently of my other selves. This time I remember seeing the other me but now all I remember is a blur of her blue shirt and her shoulder length hair which seemed light brown/dark blonde.

I told the brown haired girl, “Come with me. I want to show you some things.” The girl followed. I was laughing by this time and jumped up into the air with her. I said, “We can fly, you know.” We lifted up and then drifted back down. Taking her hand I lifted her up with me and then we laid on our backs, floating. We glided for a while, facing the ceiling and then going through the windows out into the night. We could see the sky full of stars and I was laughing and singing by this time as was my friend.

We continued to float and then began to fly out and over the fields. I was singing about life and how we as eternal Beings live forever, experiencing lifetime after lifetime. The fields below me turned into giant life stories in the form of realistic books built into the scenery. The hills seemed to come alive with moving pictures of lives from different times and places. I sang, “We do it (life) over and over again….” As I sang I turned the pages of the Earth-book showing life after life after life. I did all of this full of a child-like joy.

It was around this time that I began to come back into my body. I felt the familiar energy of re-entry and my heart was beating rapidly.

A song was in my head when I woke up, “I’m still breathing. I’m still breathing. I’m alive.”

Putting it Together

The “Capricorn” reference was related to the month of December, not the man in the lucid dream. I don’t remember when I realized this but when I awoke I recalled seeing stars in the sky, as if being shown astrology and the time of the year when Capricorn rules. I also recall saying something in astrological terminology to the man. The term I used was “aspect” but I can’t make sense of what I said. All I recall is that I said some aspect would affect me and it is related to Capricorn. My feeling upon waking was that it would happen in December and I felt a bit sad because that time of the month has been bringing all kinds of crap into my life since 2015! I wish I could just skip the month this year rather than face whatever it is bringing me this time around.

I also want to reassure you all that though it appears I am planning my own demise, I do not feel upset, sad or otherwise concerning the conversation with the man in the lucid dream nor did I have any such feelings during the discussion regarding exiting this life. It was just a matter-of-fact conversation, like I got a sneak peek into what goes on in dreamtime – the planning and such.

There was also a message in the lucid dream I forgot to mention. I was told, “You are primed”. I have heard that before and so my reaction was not positive. I understand that it means I have been prepared/prepped for something – a task, situation, or experience.

Finally, there was a return of that familiar E.T. feeling that I have not had in a very long time. It is that multidimensional-connected-Source-Love-Oneness feeling. lol Hard to describe.

Kachina Dream and OBEs

I’m still sick. Yesterday I felt like I had taken a sleeping pill – sluggish and tired all day. This morning my eyes are watering and bloodshot on top of the wonderful congestion that never seems to end. Didn’t I just have this stupid cold? WTF?

On top of being sick all day yesterday, I couldn’t shake a feeling that something is about to happen. It was a “heads up” feeling but not one that makes my stomach sink or gets me nervous. My guidance has been mostly quiet, but then I’ve been shutting down their communication during the day because I am too sick to care what it is they have to say and I don’t trust my monkey mind right now. When I’m sick, the monkey mind (Ego) comes out to play more than ever and I really don’t want to chance it interfering with communication from my guidance.

Despite being sick still, my dreams were abundant and I got to go OOB this morning several times.

Dream: Kachina

I was with a group of people who were putting on a play (life roles) in an amphitheater (spreading of knowledge). I was standing in line with some others and felt distinctly like a student. In my hand I was holding a big, beautiful rose quartz crystal (wholeness). I was explaining to another student how I had drilled a hole through it and placed a candle wick in the center (unfulfilled). Yet it was most obviously a crystal, not a candle. The other student was sharing her creation with me as well but I can’t recall it now.

Outside everyone was preparing for the play. It was a beautiful day with a clear blue sky. I looked up at the bleachers (reflecting on goals), silver and shining in the sun, and saw several groups of people settling in their seats. There was no concession stand so the food and drinks were just sitting on the bleachers. People were taking stuff without paying so I stopped and handled the situation telling them everything was 50¢.

I never saw the play. Instead I went with a man in a truck (hard work) to another part of the island to search for something. I can’t recall what now but I remember seeing something blue. At some point in the dream I saw a woman dressed in a white (purity) gown in the cabin of the truck. The truck began to move on it’s own and she began to get concerned. Eventually the truck crashed (painful experience). I found the woman laying in a pile of thousands of smooth, white, shiny discs (wholeness). I went to her, cradling her in my arms, and told her she would be okay. I called her by name – Kachina. I told her I loved her and held her against me. She opened her eyes and looked at me. Relief rushed over me. She was alive! I began to cry.

In-Between

When I awoke I was crying and my nose was so clogged I couldn’t breathe. The image of the woman laying on the pile of white discs was vivid in my mind along with her name – Kachina. I had that feeling that something big was about to happen but wasn’t sure what. I figured it must have something to do with the Blue Kachina Hopi legend. I remembered I dreamed of it before, back in February of this year. Why was it coming up again?

I drifted into the in-between with questions in my mind and entered into a conversation with my guidance. I saw a white disc very vividly in my mind. It then fell from space into the atmosphere of earth. As it fell, it was burned by the atmosphere and glowed blue like a meteor. I wondered if the blue kachina was likely a capsule of some kind, perhaps a space ship landing on earth? I remember thinking the word “contact” and saying the name “Toba”, or at least I think it was a name.

I came out of the in-between with a start after I said the name Toba to my guide. I figured it must be his name but who knows and I was too sick and congested to care. Yet I knew it was significant so I repeated in my head in order to recall it later.

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OBEs

The next thing I recall is being in a dimly lit house talking to my BIL and SIL about something. I realized I was OOB in the midst of talking to them and shut myself into a bedroom by closing both of the doors leading into it. The room was dimly lit and had blue undertones. I could sense both my physical body and my astral body at the same time. My physical body was struggling to breathe so I often shifted focus to it to adjust my breathing and then would return my focus to my astral body without losing lucidity.

I was talking with someone the entire time I was OOB. I never saw him but his responses were audible, though not enough to trigger me into waking up. I also felt distinctly male throughout this OBE. I also knew I was dark skinned.

At one point in the conversation I lost lucidity and returned to my body briefly. I could feel the vibrations and shifted immediately right back OOB without incident. However, my body was struggling to breathe, both nostrils clogged and causing major discomfort. I had to tend to this issue or I could not remain OOB. So I returned several times and adjusted the position of the body to compensate. What is amazing to me is that I did this shifting seamlessly and without ever losing contact with my astral self. I thought nothing of it at the time but looking back it amazes me!

When back OOB and while still standing in the bedroom I heard that I needed to replace something. I can’t recall the name now but it was some kind of machine that helped me adjust frequencies. It materialized in front of me. It was black or dark in color and looked like a sea urchin except that its spikes were very long like tentacles. It moved about on its own, its tentacles moving fluidly as if in water. It had a cord coming out of the top center of it that extended vertically up into the air above. I did not look for its source and the alien looking machine (or creature?) did not concern me one bit. In fact, I was completely at ease with it and happy to have it help with “adjustments”.

Now that I had this adjusting machine I opted to leave the bedroom via the ceiling. I succeeded without incident, flying right through the roof and out into the sky. Outside it was still dark. I noted it was not dark where my physical body was and knew I was elsewhere. I seemed not to care where I was, though. Instead I began to sing and fly, looking down on the city below. The conversation I was having with my guidance was flowing through the song I sang. I also heard music in the background. It reminded me of techno music.

I saw a building below that had rows of flowers of all colors surrounding it. I flew down toward it, knowing it was a church. There were people gathered in front of the doors. I wondered if they would see me so flew down and hovered in front of them. They smiled at me. Again I had the distinct feeling I was male and that I knew all of the people standing at the church.

I shifted back into my body quite suddenly and lingered a while, adjusting position again because I could not breathe. My nose was completely clogged and my lungs were screaming for air. While making adjustments I was talking with my guidance. I remember him giving me options on what to do. One option I recall is reviewing a life decision, specifically a relationship.

While we were talking I shifted back OOB to the church scene. This is when I chose to review a life decision. It felt as if I could change things about my life, like I could rewrite it. I said, “I loved her the minute I saw her.” I flew down toward a dark skinned woman but her appearance shifted from a woman into a man. I think this was because I recalled being a woman in this lifetime. I stood in front of the man and put my hands on either side of his face and then kissed him. He kissed back. Then I flew back up and my guidance asked if I would change anything. I said, “No. I loved him from the moment I saw him.” When I said this an image of a lightening bolt appeared on my left forearm.

Once again I was pulled back into my physical body because of breathing issues. I ended up having to cough and this brought me fully back into my body. Then I heard my son pounding on the door and knew I had to get up.

 

OBE: Meeting the Marlboro Man

Feeling somewhat more myself today after two days of emotional purging. The feeling didn’t level out until yesterday afternoon. I’m sure there’s an astrological explanation but I’ve not searched for one. I’m just happy to feel more balanced.

Prior to bed, feeling a bit worse for wear, I requested a reprieve. I said, “A lucid dream or OBE would be nice, please.” Anything’s better than waking up crying IMO. I heard from my Companion, “I will come to you.” I told him, “That’s what you said last night and you were a no-show. I don’t believe you.” I don’t know if he showed up, actually, I forgot most of my dreams upon waking, but he can affect that and he knows it. He repeated that I would be seeing him. I said, “We’ll see.”

Dream: Christmas Wedding

This dream took up most of the night and even after I woke at 5am it continued once I fell asleep. I’m not going to go into too much detail but will share the important points.

I was in a church (seeking guidance) most of the dream alongside a group of family who I didn’t recognize but accepted. We were discussing my upcoming wedding (transitions) and the details of it. Thing is, I had not planned in advance and was down to three weeks before the date was set.  I had not picked out my dress, the bridesmaid’s dresses or even ordered the invitations. Yet I was meeting with everyone discussing and practicing the ceremony. I recall most vividly the woman who I was speaking with and the priest (guidance) who seemed to be the one in charge.

The part that most stands out to me is looking at a calendar and choosing the date of the ceremony. I said, “Why don’t we make it on Friday?” I pointed to it on the calendar and someone said, “The 17th? That sounds good.” Yet in 2017 the 17th falls on a Sunday. I became somewhat lucid, remembering I was already married and it confused me. There was discussion about eloping and avoiding all the planning and guests.

I woke up then and was upset mostly because the dream seemed to indicate to me that the Union of masculine and feminine that I had been told to expect this summer would be in December. This is in fact the second dream indicating December, 2017, is significant. It did not make me happy to know I had six more months to wait. I prefer the three weeks like in the dream!

The second half of the dream I took it over and so it was about my current marriage (entering new phase) and vow renewal became the topic and the date shifted to April 21st which is the day we met 10 years ago.

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OBE: Computer Virus

I woke briefly, still in a sour mood over the dreams, and requested to go OOB. The next thing I recall is sitting at a desk in a darkened room. In front of me was a computer screen. Around me were many other people, most in the shadows. I knew I was dreaming and took control almost immediately. My computer screen flickered and adware popped up, freezing the screen. It was some kind of virus (feeling out of control). I had to shut down the computer. I then turned to the man sitting next to me, warning him about the virus. I recognized him as an ex-classmate. He had a laptop and it also had the adware on it but the game was playing and locked his keyboard. I told him to shut it down (resolve the problem), which he did, and we talked a bit. The only thing I remember saying is that my desktop was 10 years old and was faster than his laptop. lol

I looked around and saw the room was full of people. I felt very cheerful and curious and went up to people, tapping them to get them to turn around so I could see them. Eventually I came to a woman who I thought I recognized. I asked her, “Are you related to the Skero family?” She thought on it and said she might be. I told her I had a classmate named Michelle. We talked a while and I was sure I knew her. Since the woman was at the computer I turned and saw the same adware on the screen. The image began to flicker and my last memories are of feeling sucked up into the screen. I must have stared at it too long.

OBE: Meeting Linda

I briefly felt a shift back to my body and within moments shifted back OOB. I was back in the darkened computer room next to the woman who I felt so familiar with. I ventured out of the room and found myself standing in my mother’s living/kitchen area. The lights were on and golden and the room was full of children (looking to satisfy hopes/desires) of all ages playing and seeming to be having a party. A group was gathered by the front door in front of a large T.V. and another group was to my right. It was noisy but the ambiance was golden and full of laughter. I could see some adults to my left observing the scene. I believe there were three and though they were older they appeared to be in their teens or twenties.

My friend was standing to my right and I turned to her. We both seemed very short for some reason. I could see her brown hair and her face. She was smiling and at ease. I turned to her and in fully recognizing her as one of my guides I hugged her and said, “I remember your name now. Melinda. It’s Melinda.” With a short laugh she said, “Yes. Me-Linda but I go by Linda.” I briefly remembered other encounters with her, other OBEs and experiences in this body where she had been present. It was a surreal feeling and it disoriented me to think of this body/life and I was pulled back into my body.

mm

OBE: Meeting the Marlboro Man

I felt firmly back in my body and was talking to someone. I don’t recall what was said but at some point I realized I had not fully returned to the physical. With this realization I simply stepped out of my body and into the brightly lit living room I had been in previously. There was barely a noticeable shift in doing this and I briefly thought I had been mistaken and was awake.

The room was once again very brightly lit. I don’t think I have ever seen so much light in my mom’s living/kitchen area. Children were everywhere and the colors they wore seemed to explode in my vision like fireworks – red, orange, white, yellow, purple, blue. Mostly there was red and yellow. In considering it now I am not sure the colors were from their clothing, either. I think I was seeing their Light.

They were all gathered to my right in front of a large screen. A young girl had made a video and everyone was watching it, proud of her accomplishment. I walked into the center of the room and looked at the screen. I could see images on it but heard/felt I should not focus on the screen. So, I continued to the door and put my hand on it. I asked, “Can I go outside?” I felt it was okay and with that the door vanished and I was standing outside.

It was bright outside but the sky was overcast. I felt elated to be standing there even though it was my mom’s front yard, a place I find myself frequently when OOB. I felt the sensation of snow hitting my arms and looked up. It was snowing! I was super excited about it, but then in Texas it rarely snows. lol I remember saying aloud, “It’s snowing!!” I let it hit my bare arms and looked around as it dusted the ground and then melted (releasing repressed emotions) just as quickly. In front of me, barring my path, were structures made of lumber (need for a fresh start). When I saw them I thought, “Christmas trees” (familial relationships) and felt my mom had put them there. In my memory I still see them but they looked like the frames of pyramids (change will occur over short time), each of them a few feet taller than me. They had no lights or ornaments so I’m not sure why I thought them Christmas trees.

I wandered to my left and saw the ground was flooded (emotional issues/tension), the standing water moving like a small river. It was clear (clear emotions) and I walked into it. I felt the cold on my bare feet (self-identity) and laughed, kicking and splashing water. It was no deeper than my ankles. I continued and found more standing water, each pool flowing into the next. The whole yard was flooded it seemed.

I looked up and asked if I could fly. I heard/felt it would be okay so I lifted myself up into the sky and took off. I stopped and soared over the swollen ground. I was high enough to see the entire landscape and it no longer resembled my mother’s place. I could see a vast, shallow lake formed by the flood surrounded by coniferous forest. The water was crystal clear. I noticed a small child (inner child perhaps?) curled up on a tiny piece of land in the center. I wanted to turn back but knew not to and so continued on.

While I was flying I could sense I was not alone but I could see no one. I had a thought that if I wanted they would show themselves. In my mind I was even conversing with them, but I can’t recall what I said now. I had turned back and was hovering in the sky feeling weightless and focusing on the energy with me. I don’t know why but I knew there was a rope (safety line?) being thrown to me. I reached into the empty sky and sure enough I felt a rope there. I grabbed hold of it. I was laughing and full of joy. I felt so free of all worry and the heaviness of life. I could have stayed there forever.

Within moments of grabbing onto the rope I felt I would soon meet whoever was with me. I dared him to grab/hug me. And with that I felt him embrace me from behind. He said, “Here I am” in a deep voice. I laughed out loud and fell into the embrace. No fear or concern. Pure trust.

My vision blacked for a brief moment, or maybe I closed my eyes while relishing the feeling of the embrace. When I opened my eyes I was standing face-to-face with my Companion. We were standing under and against a huge oak tree (wisdom and prosperity). His arms were wrapped around my waist and my hands were resting on his shoulders. We were very close, only inches separated us.

I said, “I knew you were there all along!” He laughed and I took a really good look at his face. I could see all the fine lines and details of it. He did not look like I had ever remembered seeing him, though, yet at the same time he was familiar. His hair was brown as were his eyes and he had a bushy, brown mustache. I reached up and touched his cheek and traced his lips with my finger. I gently parted his lips to see his teeth, though I’m not sure why. He opened his mouth a bit and I even saw his tongue which looked to be speckled with little black specks that reminded me of pepper.

I tried to memorize his features as best I could but was distracted by a distinct smell. It was the smell of alcohol. I looked at him and said, “Did you use to drink?” In considering this now, I think the alcohol smell is a message to me that I’m trying to escape certain issues rather than confront them.

I don’t remember his reply, but I know he replied because I remember the timbre of his voice. It was deep and familiar. Just hearing it brought a feeling of satisfaction. I wish, wish, wish I could have recorded it.

I came back to my body flooded with memories of the first time I saw Steven (my Companion) in my mind’s eye. He presented himself to me as a cowboy with a mustache riding a horse. I use to call him the Marlboro Man jokingly because that is what he looked like in my mind. In this OBE meeting he looked exactly like that! Ha!

I also heard a song and remember that it was in the background of the OBE while I was flying. Why I didn’t notice it at the time, I don’t know, but the melody followed me back to my body along with the words, “By the look in my eyes….” I asked my husband if he knew the song and it didn’t take him long to figure it out and play it for me.

You should’ve seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin missing
You should’ve known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn’t listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin
And though I know all about those men
Still I don’t remember
Cause it was us baby, way before then
And we’re still together
And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

When I read the lyrics I laughed because the woman he’s talking about does sound like me – playing “dead”, not listening, “all coiled up and hissin'”. I’ve been dealing with lots of anger and when I’m angry I can get resentful/vengeful. Not pleasant but thankfully I have learned to control that reaction. The anger is the result of not confronting the real emotion underneath. Thus, all the grief I’ve been dealing with lately.

Funny how I always get these old songs from my Companion. This one was released in 1980-81. I was just four or five years old back then.

 

Bird in a Cage

Yesterday I gave the cockatiel away to an older lady with two other birds, a female conure named “Red” and a female cockatiel named “Free-bird”. The decision was made when my daughter lost interest in him and I ended up being the full-time caregiver for a bird that needed as much attention and care as a toddler. I recognized pretty quickly that I did not have the time/energy/stamina for him and that my 3-yr-old was going to compete for my attention every time I tried to interact with the bird (yes, funny I know!). Plus, I was sick most of the time the bird was in my home making it that much more difficult to care for him. FYI – My stomach condition is gone today. Yay!

Part of me misses the bird but then I know it was the right decision. I do not like the idea of keeping a bird or any animal in a cage. He will be much happier with other birds around him and someone who can be with him full-time. The woman who now owns him is widowed, older (60’s probably), doesn’t work and dotes on her other two birds. They are like her children. When she took him I could tell she was already falling in love with him and he was quite happy to be with her, too.

Blanket of Disconnection

Prior to going to bed I had a strange feeling descend over me like a blanket. It was a familiar feeling, too. When fully encapsulated in this feeling it was as if my entire life was not real. Like I was in the movie that is my life but not a part of it. The disconnect was strong. My initial reaction was a brief panic but my Companion sent a calming energy and a reminder that all was okay and to allow the feeling and experience. Instantly I surrendered to the calm and the panic vanished but the disconnect remained.

With the feeling came a familiar R.E.M. song – “It’s the end of the world as we know it.” At the same time I began to think about death and what occurs after it. The show LOST came to mind, specifically the finale and how when each of them died they found someone from their life and reunited, but it was not all at once. Instead it was like they entered another lifetime altogether and slowly came to awareness of the life they just left behind. I began to over analyze for a moment, considering experience to be similar to that LOST finale but it began to overwhelm me. It all felt very surreal and with the song and thoughts coming together I briefly wondered, “Is the world  ending or is it just beginning?” I felt a bit like I was tripping right then and it was difficult to locate reality. You can imagine how I might have felt, why I panicked. But the calm relinquished the panic and it was as if it were all real and normal. All a part of the moment.

As the experienced faded and this reality dominated, a song came to mind. “In a west end town in a dead end world. The east end boys and west end girls…” I had no idea why this song was coming to mind, though.

My Companion came through and I Knew more was coming. I said to him, “But I’m still sick.” He said, “Not for long.” The feeling followed me to bed along with a Knowing that I was to experience a big Shift soon.

Dream and Message: Bird in a Cage

Early in the night I had a vivid dream of a bird that kept going back to its cage despite being free to fly away in the wide open skies. I don’t remember much detail now, but when I woke this morning that dream is the only one that remained despite the many vivid dreams I had after it. Specifically, the dream was about the cockatiel I just gave away and his personality. There was a discussion about him and the dream images were a result of that discussion.

When I woke the previous day’s happenings rushed into my mind as if to remind me of the dream discussion I had just had. In the early afternoon a woman came to see the cockatiel. She was hopeful that it was her lost cockatiel who had been missing since October 2016. Unfortunately he wasn’t. But I expected that.

While she was at my house we talked about the cockatiel’s personality (the cockatiel I had, not hers). I told her what I had observed. He was people friendly, but not overly so. When we got him his cage he flew to it making happy noises. Once we got him inside he was reluctant to come out. We had to coax him out with treats or a mirror (he was obsessed with the mirror). Once out, he would fly but only to a human shoulder. I would also leave the cage open, hoping he would come out. I always knew when he would get out because he would start frantically crying. When I would check on him he would immediately fly to my shoulder in a panic and would only calm down if he got a mirror or his cage. I told her I believed his previous owner kept him in a cage most of the time with another bird. I think he was set free and not lost because he did not seem to want to fly far when he was let out. Also, his wings had never been clipped. He could fly far if he wanted, but he didn’t want to. She agreed.

Later, when the new owner came to visit we also talked about his personality. She mentioned that cockatiels could fly really far when their wings were not clipped, sometimes traveling up to 50 miles from home. She also told me that her other two birds also preferred to stay inside their cages and she never had to clip their wings. She had their cages located in her kitchen with open windows on three sides. She did not try to make them get out of their cages, but let them stay inside. She said some birds are more comfortable in their cages. I commented that her birds were likely happy to be in their “safe” homes while also getting to view the big wide world.

These memories flooded my mind and synced with my dream memory. Right then the cockatiel’s message to me was very clear. I was like him. I was a bird in a cage. The door was open. My wings were not clipped. I was being coaxed out with “treats” and a “mirror” but continued to retreat back to my “safe” place. The big-wide world was just too scary and my cage was familiar and predictable.

My thoughts were, “OMG you’ve got to be kidding me!” followed by obscenities.

I began to feel hopeless. Suddenly the path I chose, my cage or “safe” place, seemed pointless and without meaning or purpose. I began to ask my guidance, “Is this it? Is this all there is to life?” I have asked that question before and it led to many spiritual experiences and insight, yet here I was again asking it seemingly back to point A, no progress made.

Then I heard the song again – “In a West end town in a dead end world….” This time, though, I understood the message because a memory of an OBE I had a while back came to mind instantly. In the OBE I was trying to exit my bedroom via the closet door but I knew it was a closet. Symbols appeared on the door saying, “No Exit” and I received a message that the path I was choosing would only result in a “dead end”.

At the time I did not know for sure which path was the dead end. The one I assumed it was referring to was the one it turned out to be – choosing the familiar, the safe, the same path.

More obscenities.

I got upset then because I knew the only way out of a dead end was to turn around and go the other way. To leave my cage. Of course, my immediate response was to ask to go Home because what I see in front of me are two options: stay put (in my cage) or go out on my own (fly free). I have been practicing doing what makes me happy. It is obvious that staying in my cage is not making me happy but the fear of flying free is just too scary. A tiny bird all alone in the big-wide world. Terrifying. I want a third option – the opt-out. Not happening (insert more obscenities).

goat

OBE: Goats

The last thing I remember saying to my guides was, “I want out!” Oddly enough I ended up drifting into the in-between. While there I had a lucid experience where I returned to another time in my life, way back in my early twenties. I was married to my ex and he was into country music and being a “good ol’ boy”. He and I use to get dressed up in country attire, cowboy boots and all, and go dancing. I remember I looked really good, specifically in the blue jeans. In this lucid experience I put on those jeans, went to my bathroom and looked at myself in them. The lights were low so I could not see well but I did see that my butt looked really good. lol I squinted to look at the shirt I was wearing. It had something written on it. It started with a “p”. Was it “peace” or “piece”? Or was it “property” as in “Property” of some jail?

I returned to my bed and tried to put another pair of jeans over the old pair. Then I realized that was stupid and stopped. Next, I decided to take off the ones I was wearing because they felt uncomfortable.

Then I was acutely aware of laying in my bed, I heard goats calling to each other. There was a distinct energetic shift and I knew I could exit my body. I sat up, thinking I was at my grandparents house, and tried to roll out of bed to my right. I couldn’t, so I attempted to roll to my left. I was able to but pillows were stuck to my face. I stood up and began to walk to the door pulling the pillow from my face. I don’t know where I was going, I just wanted out.

Then I heard my daughter calling. I recognized that she was up preparing for school and right outside my door. While OOB I saw the light under the door right as I heard her. Then I was back in my body. I knew instantly that my asking to get “out” had resulted in me going OOB. I said to my guides, “That’s not what I meant!” LOL

Not long after I realized the goats I heard were reminding me of a message I got a long, long time ago in an OBE. A message that keeps coming back to me time and time again. Meaning I probably haven’t really gotten it fully. The message back then was, “The goat will bite you.” So I’m thinking, “WTF! What does it mean then! What am I missing!!???”

So I looked it up. Again.

When the goat ambles onto your path, it might be a signal to contemplate your power as an individual. Is it time to separate from the herd? Launch into an independent direction? Often times, the solitary path leads us to great discovery. Goats respect distance and space. They also encourage independent adventures and explorations of high vistas for the sole purpose of personal/individual knowing. ~Source.

If the goat represents this, then what does it biting me mean? Does it mean that this urge to break free, this curiosity for what is waiting for me beyond the safety of my cage, is pestering me to the point of annoyance? Probably.

As I ponder this I am reminded of a part of the dream discussion. In the discussion I remembered the woman saying she was going to put the birds in separate cages but right next to each other. Each bird in their own safe cage but close enough to another bird to feel connected to it. I knew this represented me and many others on Earth right now. We exist in our own little worlds. I remember saying I wanted to invite another into my cage, but it doesn’t work that way. We have to come out of our cages to be truly together.

 

 

Lucid to OBE: Breaking Through Barriers

I had a very busy night/morning. Not only do I remember most if not all of my dreams but most of them were lucid and I ended up in an extended OBE this morning that last about 3 hours.

Lucid to OBE: Breaking Through Barriers

I was in a school hallway when a saw a little boy go up to one of the male teachers. He pointed a gun at the man’s chest. Then he pushed the gun into the man’s chest and fired. The man fell to the ground and the little boy just stood there. I was shocked and upset.

The scene shifted and I was in my mom’s house looking down at the little boy who was laying on the ground. For some reason he had a bullet wound in his chest and the man was nowhere. I didn’t seem to remember the scene before at all. I contemplated calling 911 but waited because the boy was dead and I wanted to wait for my husband to arrive before I called anyone. Ultimately, I opted to call 911 because I didn’t want any suspicion. While waiting on hold the boy began to move and I realized he was still alive. As I was talking to the dispatcher I saw a car pull into the driveway. I looked outside and saw a van pull in and then back out. Then I saw an ambulance was already there assisting others who had been injured. It was like the front yard turned into a disaster scene.

When I went outside I became extremely lucid. When this happened the scene blacked out and the next thing I knew I was in the air flying over a foreign country. A FB friend of mine was with me, showing me where he lived. I recognized him and where I was and was conversing with my Companion about it as we flew. Below me I saw it was dark and could see forests of trees. We flew just over the tops of the trees and began to descend. I knew we were going to my friend’s house but I didn’t want to go there. With this decision I ended up in a city. While there we followed icy roads and watched as people slid through intersections. I recall telling my friend how when I lived in Montana we would buy studded tires. I said, “They wouldn’t slip if they had studded tires.” We had a whole conversation about it then because my friend was not sure what studded tires were and I was describing them to him.

We flew along the road which cleared of snow. By this time the sun was out and the black roads were glistening. We flew up to an outdoor ice skating arena. It was melting. I had never seen an outdoor arena before and commented on it. He told me it was named after a famous hockey player but I did not recognize the name and can’t recall it even though I repeated it several times.

My visit with my friend seemed over because I recall being alone flying over hills and low mountains covered in trees. There was still snow on the ground and the sky was once again dark. I ended up inside a house I did not recognize. My memories of what happened while I was inside are lost to me but I know I had a conversation with someone there.

At some point I decided I wanted to go outside and explore. I recall the door vividly and pushing right through it. Outside I flew up into the sky and began to fly ridiculously fast over the treetops. It was exhilarating! Then I felt the familiar pull upward. I went with it and the speed was incredible. As usual, I began to feel fear creeping in and wanted to resist it. I always feel the pull and worry I will lose control. This time I decided rather than resist it, I would relax and state my intention. I said, “I am not going fast. I am slowing down.” The upward movement continued but slowed down significantly.

I could still see the trees and snow below me. It was a beautiful place, this mountain region I found myself in. It reminded me of pictures of Siberia. The wind was howling and quite strong, though. Still moving upward, I continued to look down but then I felt myself come up against a barrier and stop. I felt it and it was pliable like a latex balloon only softer. I pushed against it and it gave way. I pushed harder and broke through it. I popped my head through but my vision blacked out so I couldn’t see. I even said, “Why can’t I see?” I crawled through the other side. The whirling wind was gone and it was peaceful. I felt encouraged by this and began to fly through this empty space I found myself in.

My vision eventually came back and I was looking through trees again. I could see a city in front of me. It looked like some kind of hardware store next to a strip mall. I didn’t recognize it so went to investigate. As I moved closer the city vanished and it was all trees again. Curious, I kept flying and hit yet another membrane-type barrier. I pushed against it and broke through without issue.

Unfortunately, this time the blackout that resulted caused me to shift back into my physical body.

Considerations

My friend on FB posted yesterday that he had set the intention to meet certain people and done so twice. I think that post caused me to somehow meet up with him, either that or he set the intention to meet with me. It was pretty cool, though. I have seen him two other times in astral which is a near record for me. I rarely encounter people who are not family in astral that frequently.

The membrane is a first for me. I have heard others’ accounts of encountering such a membrane but never had I encountered one. Now in this OBE I run into two! It was quite interesting to feel. It felt stretchy and pliable, almost like I was inside a balloon made of latex-type material. It seemed like what it might feel like to break out of an egg or an amniotic sac! I had hoped that something new and interesting would be on the other side of it but it only seemed to be more of the same. I’m not sure then why it was even encountered. Weird.

Flood Dream and OBE

Last night I struggled to fall asleep. It could have been my overactive mind which was going a 100 miles an hour. I was thinking of really random stuff, too. One minute I would be thinking of something going on presently and another I would jump to somewhere in my past. Even when my Companion stepped in and tried to help me clear my mind I would end up somewhere else in this lifetime mulling over this or that. I also had songs stuck in my head, which is infuriating when trying to get to sleep.

Sometime around midnight I finally drifted off.

Dream: Flood

I was with a male friend, a patriarch-type, driving/flying down a country road. We had to stop because the road leading to the place we were going was flooded. I wanted to drive through it but my friend said we had to wade through it because the water was too deep. I wanted nothing to do with getting wet and kept thinking of how cold the water was and how uncomfortable it would make me. He told me there was no other way and I recall watching myself wade through waist high, sometimes chest high, water to go to this white, plain looking house. My friend looked a lot like my neighbor, which was odd to me.

Then we were walking along the river. The water was up high. My friend pointed to a little chipmunk who was waterlogged on the banks of the river. He was exhausted but alive. He picked it up and tossed it back into the river and it swam back to the bank in a hurry, gulping water and panting. The message from my friend was something about how the chipmunk would just keep repeating the pattern regardless of how many times he was tossed back in.

Interpretation

This was a dream discussion with my Companion. I am avoiding certain emotions related to life issues (flooded road). I am told I must personally confront them (wade in the water) and doing so would lead to a breakthrough (feeling cold) and a spiritual rebirth (wet). Part of the discussion was how if I keep clinging to the past (chipmunk) and repeating patterns from it (returning to bank repeatedly) then I will get nowhere.

Dream: College Symposium

I was heading to class at a university but the door of the classroom had a note that class would be meeting elsewhere but it didn’t post the room number. Another woman approached and seemed to no where to go. I followed her but then seemed to morph into her telling the other me where the new class was.

We arrived and I met with my friend Sophia. We sat in auditorium style seats and waited for class to start. There was great anticipation here but I don’t know why. It seemed we were both excited and Sophia was telling me about something I can’t recall now.

Interpretation

This dream is all about personal growth and anxieties related to it.

OBE: Warts

I woke up wide-awake, my mind very active once again. The thoughts going through my mind were more incidents from the past that seemed random and unrelated. I recognized this and thought, “I’m doing some kind of life review again.” I remember my Companion asking me if I would allow him to take over. I didn’t hesitate to say, “Yes.” Then I started to feel my heart, third-eye and crown light up with energy. It created this warm area from my heart to the top of my head and it lulled me to sleep.

Somehow I ended up very lucid and suddenly realized I was laying in bed next to a naked man. I sat up and looked at the man in front of me. My vision would go in and out as I blinked my eyes and I felt extremely exhausted, fighting to stay away and aware. I knew I was OOB and was aware of my Companion speaking to me telepathically. He was not the man on the bed, though.

My Companion was asking me to explore the situation. His intentions became mine, like we were the same person. His thoughts were separate from mine and recognized as such but there was no lag between what he thought/intended and what I did. I didn’t question any of this. It felt natural.

I reached out and touched the man, my vision blinking on vividly. He looked like my current husband but I never saw the man’s face so I don’t know. I recall my Companion commenting on what was being seen. He said something about the body hair and the body suddenly seemed to have lots of body hair. I passed my hand lightly over the body from head to torso feeling the hair. The sensation was very real and again I thought about being OOB and taking over but then suddenly felt exhausted and without motivation to do anything but remain where I was.

Then I recall hearing there was no hair at all on the body and instantly it had no hair. I recall feeling the difference and noting it and discussing my preference and why I preferred one over the other. I preferred the hairy body to the hairless one.

Then the body suddenly was covered in red bumps likes warts. The body also resembled that of my ex-husband then for some reason. I recoiled from it and felt myself return to my body.

I was congratulated by my Companion upon my return to my body but I couldn’t recall why. Maybe it was some sort of test?

Then I remember what he asked me prior to the OBE. He had asked if he could “take over”. This didn’t mean he took over my body but that I followed his lead without question. On considering the experience it seems like I was practicing doing this. His thoughts/intentions became mine. Instead of me running the show I completely gave control over to him. This takes a huge amount of trust on my part.

The symbolism is interesting. Hair has to do with sexuality and one’s attitude. The loss of it may indicate a fear of losing my sexual attractiveness. Warts have to do with acknowledging the beauty within me and is a message to stop punishing myself. Since the body with the warts looked like my ex’s it could be that I am still holding onto something from that relationship and punishing myself for it.

Other Random Memories

I am still having dream amnesia, the kind where I will suddenly recall an entire dream sequence only to have it immediately vanish from my mind. This morning I had such a dream memory. I can’t remember it now (of course) but I knew instantly what it meant. It seems that I am being prepared to confront certain life problems that up to this point I have avoided confronting. Most of these issues are related to my family and the relationships I have with certain family members.

Issues coming up for resolution (yay?):

Family drama.

My sister and her husband (my first cousin) recently got evicted from their house for non-payment of rent of a substantial amount. Prior to this, my sister had reached out to me just to reconnect (or so I thought) and asked for money for rent after several days of positive interaction. I recoiled from this, sensing an old pattern of hers, and told her no. Several days later I found out from my mom they were evicted before my sister reconnected with me. I realized she never intended to use the money for rent. I was sad and disappointed that my sister had not changed.

Currently my sister and her family live with my mom because they couldn’t find a place to rent. My mom was against it but was pressured to let them move in by her husband. Her husband creates a whole other issue in and of itself, too. The last time I visited the energy was so unsettled and jagged at my mom’s that I knew I would not be able to visit for a while. We are opting not to spend Easter at my mom’s this year because of it.

On top of that, my sister texted me Wednesday to tell me she and her husband have been asked to be on a TLC show about cousin couples. She asked me if I would consent to an interview. After thinking about it I knew it would be a bad idea. In fact, the whole thing feels bad to me. I told her no and felt her energetic reaction which was not good. My mom consented to an interview, though. Supposedly my sister and her husband could make a substantial amount of money for being on the show.

As you can imagine this is really testing me with all the spiritual changes I am going through now. Testing whether I can remain balanced throughout all of this drama. My little self wants to be angry about how “unfair” it is that my sister be given so much money and opportunity when she obviously doesn’t deserve it. It wants to punish her and be “right” in some way. I am constantly having to rein in these reactive thoughts because they come with a very heavy, nasty feeling emotion. It seems like all this family stuff is coming now in order to test me, to see if I can avoid falling into old patterns and behaviors. Mostly I am handling it by avoidance at the moment but I know this won’t work forever. Thankfully, my Companion interjects whenever I begin to fall into old reactive thought patterns. I listen and the thoughts/feeling vanish. It is the most amazing thing but I don’t know how I will respond when face-to-face with my family. We’ll see I guess!

My marriage.

Actually everything is “good” on the surface. It is the stuff underneath that still needs resolution. Neither of us is pushing to resolve anything. I won’t go into anymore detail than that.