Though it has only been two days since my last post, it feels like a week has passed. Lots going on energetically! I will share the last couple of posts in my personal journal to give you an idea of what I have been experiencing.
Journal Entry – December 20, 2018
Yesterday and for a couple of days before I have been experiencing odd emotions and energy. I’m uncertain to what it is all related to. Mostly I have a feeling of “I can’t do this for much longer”. It feels like I am about to crack, or like something is going to break soon. It is like a pressure building and I sense it. Is it mine? The world’s? I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Sometimes, when I feel this emotion/energy I cry, other times I feel like I need to run but can’t. There is definitely a “pressure” with it. Yesterday, at work, is when it hit me. I thought about going to my husband and saying, “I can’t take it anymore” and just walking away from everything – out of the office and home I suppose. An internal voice reassured me and I calmed substantially and returned to “normal” but the memory remained.
I questioned the source of this feeling/energy and could not locate it. The fact that I greeted this morning with tears probably has something to do with it.
Dream: Ice Cream for Breakfast
This dream began with me meeting with a woman whose specialty was a specific kind of Tantric massage. There was a lot of time spent adjusting my body and settling in. She explained that I needed to be receptive, to relax, and set me up with my head on something often used for babies. I recall her brushing my side with her fingers and feeling an electricity. Every time I got close to relaxing something would interrupt the process – either the wrong position or some nearby noise or person.
There was a family with a baby nearby having a picnic. Me and the woman were set up in a parking space (slow down, heal). She had put down a blanket and set up the entire area very nicely. The family’s car was beyond my feet (we were horizontal across two parking spots). As I lay down and was receiving the woman’s massage I turned my head and encountered the driver’s side mirror of a car. I looked up and behind me and saw the driver giving me an irritated look. So, I told the woman we needed to move and so we did and the driver pulled into the spot.
There was a commotion then from the driver and the family about the baby. I got upset and asked, “Why is everyone always worried about the baby?” Eventually the lady giving massage handed me keys and left. It felt abrupt, like too much was on my mind distracting me. The keys seemed to be mine and how they felt in my hand was memorable.
Then I was watching from above as I traveled along a highway (life path). I was talking to a man as if on the phone, telling him where I was going. As I drove/flew I came to an intersection and said, “I’m home. This was the faster route.” At the intersection I slowed. A familiar man was in the intersection directing traffic.Two individuals walked through, one right past my window. I drove straight through and the man smiled at me as I passed him.
I remember walking into a restaurant and seeing a young blonde man sitting at at table. I asked him if it was too early for lunch (it was around 9:30am) and he said it was. I had wanted to order a sandwich but was fine with breakfast. I sat down with him and asked for a menu. All that was on it were a few breakfast (new beginnings) selections and the rest was ice cream. As I waited for my fried egg (fertility, birth) and toast I saw the man was eating ice cream (good fortune). Three other men joined us, all eating ice cream. I mentioned it was not a healthy breakfast. The oldest of the men, whose appearance shifted from blonde to brown hair, said it had protein in it – double the amount. This man was attractive and I liked his energy. When the man left my husband took his seat and then the man had nowhere to sit.
I got up to leave through the front door. When I walked up to it, a large wooden door appeared that was locked with a latch. I unlatched it and walked in. Inside was a woman sitting at a table. The lights were dim but it felt warm inside, as if a fire were lighting it. The woman recognized me but I felt to be intruding since I unlocked the door to enter. She welcomed me and we went and sat down with another women.
The first woman (aspect of self) talked and talked about the healing she had just been through – how she was overwhelmed with all the anxiety she had taken on from the people she had been helping. I mentioned I had not gone to the healing. The woman talked and talked and even interrupted me when I tried to talk about my own experiences. She said, “I just want to be with my babies” and I saw dolls and doll clothes she would iron over and over until perfect. My advice was to focus on what made her happy. She agreed.
The woman left and the other woman and I were alone. She felt to be a friend I had not seen in a while. The other woman asked me how I was and opened her arms to hug me. I said, “I’m not doing well….” and burst into tears as I hugged her. I felt overwhelmed by life, feeling I could not pretend anymore. I woke up sobbing, pillow wet with tears.
After the company Christmas party last night something odd happened. I was in bed attempting to sleep when I heard what sounded like a child crying hysterically. Thinking it might be one of my children or some other child who needed help, I flew out of bed and went to the window to see. I saw a blur of a person running down the sidewalk crying and screaming. Without thinking, I ran downstairs and outside, no shoes or glasses on. I yelled out to her, “Do you need help?” I asked a couple of times. The girl stopped and turned to me. She said something about her boyfriend through tears. I went up to her and she hugged me tight. She was young and well dressed with brown hair. I asked her what happened and she pointed to a car I had not seen. It was parked in the middle of the street, running, both doors open, with lights still on. She told me her boyfriend just stopped the car and jumped out and ran away. I told her it would be okay and that the first thing was to move the car. I asked if she was okay to drive and she said she was. So she got in the car and moved it out of the road and turned it off. Then she wanted to chase after him again, saying that she was worried about him being all alone and cold. I asked if he was drunk and on drugs and she said, “No he’s depressed.” I was able to get her to stay by her the car and not chase after him. She told me she was 21 and from a nearby town. She also told me her name but I forgot it.
Then we saw a man in the distance run across the road and then hide behind a tree. She yelled, “Jordan? Is that you?” I said to her, “I thought he ran that way?” She said, “I did, too. Maybe that’s not him.” I tried to get her to come into my house to calm down and she wouldn’t leave the car because he might come back. I asked her to wait by the car while and I went in to get my shoes. When I came back I saw the car driving away slowly.
It took me over two hours to go to sleep after that. I worried about her and worried I misread the situation. I kept thinking she would come back. I kept listening for her. I was upset with myself for not remembering her name. Just lots of “what if” type thoughts. But most of all, I could not understand my own actions completely. I did not for once think that I could be in harm. When I say I sprinted downstairs to help, I am not exaggerating. I ran as fast as I could and out the door and up to her. Barefoot. lol I also couldn’t see very well (no glasses on) yet I went right up to her and then hugged her back without restraint. In fact, when I think of how I felt, it felt like she was my own child even though she very obviously wasn’t. My only focus was on making sure she was okay. And when it was all over I was emotional and worried for her, as if she were my own daughter. It took me a while to shake the feeling. It felt very much like it does when I give a mediumship reading and connect with Spirit – the residual connection must be cut in order to properly recover.
I assume her boyfriend returned and she was relieved. And in the end I did exactly what I was suppose to do – console a frantic child and keep her safe. She was going to run after him, in the wrong direction, in the dark not knowing where she was. He obviously ran around the block and circled back to where he left his car. My best guess is that he was being dramatic to make a point. I was sad that she played right into his hands. I felt her innocence and naivety so completely and understood. And all the things I should have said but didn’t ran over and over through my mind. The urge to protect her and help her still is very real to me. When I go through my memory and see her and her energy, I think of how beautiful she is and how I hope she knows she is cherished.
The next morning I talked to my husband about what happened. I had awakened him when I came in to put on my shoes and asked him to help but he never came down because they drove away. My husband asked me, “Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” And I did ask myself that because the whole thing was just so bizarre and unreal. In many ways it felt just like many of my lucid dreams and OBEs, the kind where I am working to rescue lost souls.
Ultimately, I fell asleep by putting in earplugs to drown out the sounds from the street (I kept thinking I would hear her crying again) but I slept fitfully.
I had an experience not long after where I was laying on my side facing my night stand. I saw a man laying parallel to me and smiling, hand under his chin. He looked like he was playing around and teasing me. I still remember his face. Seeing him I questioned why he was there and how because he would have had to be floating to be where he was. I knew something was off and this peaked my lucidity. I “blinked” and he vanished. Not long after I woke up feeling energetically weird and knew I had been OOB but the experience had been so real that I was a bit shaken.
Note: When proof-reading this part of my post about the man laying there I got memory of the song from Aladdin, Friend Like Me, and memory of how in the movie the genie often was in a similar position – floating in air but laying down. Considering I got this message before, it is likely one of my guides being silly.
Then I woke up crying again from the only dream from the night that I remember. In it I was helping people but can’t recall specifically why or how. The end is the most memorable now. I was in a scene reminiscent of Star Wars standing on a white platform that stretched out as far as I could see. Two people were with me asking me to handle a man who looked similar to Luke Skywalker but he felt to be my father. I felt I had to do what they were asking or they would do it. Whatever I was doing was using something akin to “the Force” but the term wasn’t used, actually no words were. So I “pushed” him out of my dimension and into another one. I saw him vanish. I was emotional for doing it and cried. As I woke in tears I heard “One of” and then saw IX. I thought, “One of nine?”
It felt like I was saving the man somehow, that it was something that had to be done. Yet I was so sad to do it.
Considerations – Shake Up
I have also had other energetic “things” going on in between all this and still do. My best guess is that my heart is really open right now. When I was doing yoga last night the online teacher said to listen to my body and let it tell me what areas needed special care. My heart came to mind.
Last night’s bizarre experience in THIS reality was really a shake up for me. In many ways I feel like I walked into another world, or maybe I somehow merged my two realities and so experienced something akin to walking between dimensions and maybe that is what the Star Wars dream was all about. I was fully awake and in my body. It DID happen. There is a young women out there who in that moment needed consoling and I rushed to provide it as if I had been programmed to do so. Not just as mother but for some other reason. Maybe a reason I will never know but she will, or maybe she won’t either.
Happy winter solstice.