Managing the Shifts

If you haven’t noticed, there is a lot going on right now energetically and it is trickling down into the physical in numerous ways. My personal experience with this shifting energy initially threw me into a mini-tail-spin but I am back on course now with a little nudging from my guidance. You can read about it here – Reminder: Mission Comes First.

The summer solstice is just around the corner. Personally, I don’t find the solstice to be a big deal and often forget about it altogether. It is the same for the equinoxes for me. Just another day in the year. However, there are some major astrological events shaking things up right now that have been coming to my attention (syncs) quite appropriately. You can read my friend Linda’s recent post to get an idea of some of the astrological events. This is also a great astrological post to reference if you’re interested –  “At present, the Sun is at 27 Gemini, making its annual opposition to the Galactic Center (27 Sagittarius). This year, Ixion (The Tyrant) conjuncts the Galactic Center, making this energy more challenging to navigate.”

A major change I noticed in myself were that I tend to not handle life’s BS as well as usual. One irritation is manageable but add anymore to that and it tends to push me over the edge. With the kids on summer break I have very little time to myself and am having to adjust to all the motion – and commotion – of three little Beings around me all.the.time. Plus, my husband was gone a full week for business the start of summer break and then again the next week for a couple of days. He also fills up his free time with projects, so it finally got to be too much for me this past weekend and I blew up in frustration over having absolutely no time to myself and feeling taken advantage of (again). With my Sagittarius moon most of the blow-up comes out of my mouth in extreme bluntness that tends to cut like a knife. After these blunt blow-ups I feel tons better and have no regrets because it needed to be said and heard.

Thankfully the intensity backed off a bit and by the end of the day yesterday I had a nice long talk with my husband that kept me up until near midnight (a rarity). It is not often that I go to bed after a talk with my husband thinking, “That was a nice”.

Despite all the energetic chaos of the past week/week-end today is calm and I even got a bit teary this morning after a chat with a fellow yogi on FB. The emotion was unexpected and connected to my current purpose/goal to get my body/mind/spirit in balance, the body being the most bent out of shape (literally). In the conversation it became clear to me that the entire left side of my body is lower (yep) than my right. Not only is it lower but it is tighter and more dysfunctional overall. Considering the left side of the body coincides with the feminine and the right to the masculine, it says a lot about me. Have I have been suppressing – holding back, beating down, tensing up in defense – the feminine and letting the masculine dominate? Probably.

Interestingly (another sync), the FB conversation came after I was once again second-guessing my intention to register for the Clubbell Yoga seminar in September. Last night during meditation and again upon waking I thought, “I keep avoiding registering for the seminar. I need to just do it.” Both times I opted to put it off until later. lol I keep back-pedaling because 1. the location puts me close to past events and people, 2. I don’t know if I can confront the energy of that particular location, 3. I am still feeling unprepared for the seminar and questioning my ability, 4. It’s scares the crap out of me all around. I keep telling myself, ” I can always do the seminar next year.” True but then should I?

I continue to be amazed at how yoga is expanding my awareness – awareness of my body but also of the connection between mind/body/spirit. Not only that but my body is responding, albeit slowly, as I re-train the muscle and joints out of dysfunctional patterns of movement into functional ones. There are moments, though, when I get frustrated because certain areas just don’t know how to relax and release never comes. I can’t even remember what it feels like to be relaxed in those areas either – that’s how long they have been tense!

But back on topic – the energy, its effects and how to manage them. There is a tendency for the Ego to rear it’s ugly head right now. For those who have gone through one or more Ego deaths this is a time to observe and manage the Ego. Keep it in check and if it gets out, pull it back in. Ask your guidance to help. All kinds of triggers will be available so just breathe through them to the best of your ability. Remember YOU (HS) are in charge.

Take time to yourself. As much as you need. Rest. Exhaustion is inevitable. I know I have been feeling it. I go from night’s of intense dreamwork to nights of exhaustion, sleeping so deeply that in the morning my dreams quickly fade from my memory.

Tune into your guidance as often as you can. They are there even though it may seem they have “abandoned” you (the Ego likes to play the victim). Ground. Be outside in nature or connect to the Earth in some way.

Breathe. When an event or a person triggers you, breathe before you react. A few breaths gives you a chance to calm yourself and let the thoughts go before they explode out of your mouth (my problem lol). If you still feel triggered then take a walk. Give yourself some space from the situation if you can. I know circumstances don’t always allow this so if you make a mistake be kind to yourself. Don’t judge yourself for being human. It happens. Ha!

Whenever possible tune into your body and your energy. How does it feel? Take note of it. Write it down even. Do this often. You will see changes and patterns. For example, when I am upset my shoulders tense, I hold my breath, I want to escape (thus the energy of my body does, too). Just learning to be aware of your body and your energy will lead to healing. Give it time. Give yourself time.

Finally, pay attention to the syncs/messages in life. Like the ones I mentioned above. Feelings and thoughts lead to interactions with others or coincidental happenings, little reminders to keep us on our path. The mind is full of booby traps. The heart isn’t.

You CAN do this!

Namaste,

Dayna

 

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I Can Feel It Coming Back Again

I’ve been sensing a new energy for a few days now. It comes with a sense that something important is about to happen. This feeling manifests in odd ways. For example, yesterday I kept thinking I had forgotten to do something important but never recalled what that was. The feeling followed me for several hours. Similarly, I kept checking my phone thinking I needed to because it felt like there was an important message but there never was one.

Yesterday morning I had several dreams in a row that woke me in tears. It felt like the beginning of another surge purge but has not since returned. The dreams had something in common – they were all about my family. And, as usual, the tears really didn’t make much sense.

For a couple of weeks I’ve had a repeating dream symbol…..well two actually. The first is fishing. The second is that I catch a “fish” that is a white and glowing. The first time it happened I caught a glowing octopus. In the most recent dream I caught a puffy, toy-like, glowing, white fish and my sister caught a glowing, puffy, white dragon that was three times the size of us. The fish and dragon both resembled blown up balloons, not real-life creatures.

The recent dream reminded me of an OBE I had a while back where I caught a scary looking shark-fish with razor sharp teeth and kept wanting to throw him back. That OBE was around a difficult time in my life where I had opened a Pandora’s box and was attempting to correct the situation.

My guess is that I am handling repressed emotions. That is what fishing symbolizes – confrontation of repressed emotions. You “cast” out into the murky depths of your subconscious and bring forth a “fish” (repressed emotion) and then confront it. What the fish looks like indicates the type of emotion and issue. The gelatinous forms my fish take indicate the emotions/issues involve inability to assert myself, low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. The dragon-fish is especially interesting since dragons represent a fiery personality and strong will.

I Can Feel It

During the day I feel normal, somewhat disconnected spiritually but also tuned-in deeply to the cosmos. It is a strange sense of being very grounded while also stretching my spiritual branches high into mySelf.

I sense another embodiment phase approaching. When? It could already be here. I’m not sure but several times now I have caught myself saying it was coming. In fact, yesterday I was sad in Knowing this fact, already grieving the inevitability of loss that arises out of the ashes of the death that results. It’s a feeling of touching the face of God only to slowly fall back down to Earth and suffer the disconnect all over again. It’s hard to reconcile the experience once it passes, especially when the memory hits hard, at times making this physical existence so much more distasteful.

The balancing act is not overly difficult but it is challenging and I suspect this next “infusion of Self” will only exacerbate the difficulty. The Knowing is easy to accept in the midst of embodiment. It is the after-Knowing that is a challenge. The reaffirmation of my mission, the understanding of it at my Core, inundates everything to the point that rejecting it is impossible.

A good analogy of the process would be this: Imagine you get a cancer diagnosis. You are told you have six months to live at best and are encourage to accept your fate and come to terms with your life and impending death. The process seems unending as you face yourself, but in reality it happens in a blink of the eye. There is the grieving process, the fighting of it, the denial, the struggle against your fate. Ultimately, though, you succumb because there is nothing else you can do. The powerlessness you feel is the hardest. It is like Fate comes in and takes over. Your hands and body are no longer your own.

Of course, in this analogy the Ego is the one fighting and in denial. It is the one who feels “taken over” and “powerless”. The embodiment process does have that flavor to it – the flavor of dying, of death. It takes over and then you are no longer you. It is so fast, so streamlined, that you don’t even realize it has happened until you can no longer find your old self but instead are this new, amazing version that Knows so much and is outside of Space and Time.

I’m not afraid at all of it happening again. I look forward to it. BUT I do not look forward to coming back down and reality (this physical reality) setting in.

I hear audibly just now, “It gets easier.” I bet. I have no doubt.

A phrase from a song has been in my head this morning, thus the title of this post – I can feel it coming back again…..I can feel it.” Yeah, it’s coming….

Interestingly, this morning I had yet another clue provided via my own mouth. From upstairs I heard our dog whining to get let in, so I yelled down to my daughter, “Let Monty in.” This was what my mind sent to my mouth to say, but what came out was, “Let Monty walk-in.” Hahahaha I caught it immediately because it was like someone took over my mouth and voice and spoke for me. So odd and somewhat discombobulating but not a first for me, not at all.

 

Growing Up

Again I apologize for the long lag in posts. I just don’t feel motivated in this regard much these days. Since February my blog has become a non-priority. There are no considerations like I use to have such as – No one would notice if I don’t write. No one cares anyway.…etc. All those “poor me” thoughts desperate for some kind of acknowledgment and validation. Instead my mind is just blank and there is no desire to share like there use to be.

This shift includes a loss of desire and interest in dream interpretation for the most part as well. I do occasionally document a dream here and there but analysis is limited. I recognize that analysis of my dreams often leads me to speculation about future events. This in and of itself is not healthy for me. So, I can see the purpose behind it.

Of the dreams I do recall and take time to write down, there are themes indicating a “growing up” or maturation process is occurring. In fact, I had a string of dreams over the course of a couple of weeks where I observed the growth of my “daughter” from infancy to adulthood.

The only reason I recall the dreams about my daughter’s maturation process is that my partner in Spirit made appearances, sometimes within the dream of upon waking. Here is one example. This was from a dream in which my daughter, previously a toddler, had grown to the point of experiencing her first menses. I was washing her soiled garments when my partner approached me in the dream:

……..an older man who resembled Robert Redford came up and put his hand on my left hip. I felt our connection but ignored it all the while nervous he would instigate something more intimate and I would not be able to resist him. He was very gentle with me and kind……..Toward the end of the dream he came up behind me again and touched me gently on the shoulder. He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me from behind, and offered me a plate full of doughnuts and danishes – all sweet foods. I did not take one. I could feel the beautiful connection we shared intensify and it woke me up.

I have not spent much time analyzing what these dreams mean overall, but I suspect that a new aspect was born from my February embodiment and is in the process of maturing. Eventually she (me) will be ready for what lies ahead. I can only speculate as to what that is.

Life is to be Lived

In the meanwhile, I have been focused primarily on living life. A Zen proverb applies here – Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water. I’m not saying I am “enlightened” by any means, but I did experience or get a taste of it in February. There is no way a person comes away from such an experience unchanged; however, life goes on.

Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. -Zen ...

For me life consists of family obligations and the usual day-to-day tasks that go with it. The main difference now is that I perform the tasks of living with an awareness that was not present before. This new awareness reminds me daily, hourly, sometimes by the minute, to apply what I have learned in each new moment – surrender and acceptance is the lesson.

During my embodiment experience surrender and acceptance came easy. I lived and breathed it in every moment. Life was so much easier, much more beautiful and flowing, during that time. I got to experience the reality of a life of acceptance and ease. It was my reality for three solid weeks.

Since then that reality has broken down somewhat. This was/is purposeful, for the human experience is not meant to be easy but to challenge us to step up and into our full potential. Life and all the illusions that goes with this reality acts as barriers to the ease and acceptance that is our true nature as Spirit. The lesson now, for me and many others like me, is to learn to bring forward into this reality our Light; to embrace the “chop wood, carry water” routine without expectation, fully surrendering to the experience and the moment, and carrying with us the Memory of who We Are so that our Light can penetrate the density of this physical reality.

Additionally, I am learning how to recognize and prevent the Ego from taking over and resuming it’s dictatorial rule over this life, body and physical experience. Just because I experienced an “Ego death” does not mean the Ego was eliminated nor does it mean that it cannot return from the dead. This requires diligence and a conscious effort on my part. The Ego has the advantage. It has been ruler for this entire life and has established itself via habits and beliefs based upon the illusion of this physical reality. Tearing it down was just the beginning. Keeping it down is the real challenge.

My method is to not use force to keep it down but to instead use love and understanding. I listen to it without becoming the effect of it. Then I talk to it and help it to understand, to Remember, and show it my perspective. So far this is working, but there have been occasional upsets along the way. It is to be expected.

Plans

Currently, the plan is to “stay the course” in regards to my life situation. This means no major changes are to be made to my life path or circumstances at present. You can imagine how difficult these instruction are for the Ego to digest. It wants to know “how long?” and “then what?” It’s reaction is very similar to that of a two-year-old child and as such loving reminders need to be provided at consistent intervals in order to stave off tantrums.

At present the main objective on a personal level is, as I mentioned previously, live life with acceptance and ease. Personally, the focus has been on healing and balance of the physical body. Many lessons involved here, but the main ones are how to listen to the body and how to maintain it and avoid break downs. Similar to a car, we humans tend to use up our bodies until they break down and force us to listen and perform necessary maintenance. When young, it is easy to ignore the body’s cues to us because the signals it sends are rarely intensely painful or alarming. They are there, but overlooked as “growing pains” or some lesser condition.

If you are like me, then you just push past those minor body complaints. Most young people do this and, as there are no major complications to follow, continue to do so until such complications present themselves. This, I am learning, is a big no-no.

How am I learning this? Well, mostly I seem to have become hyper-aware of all sorts of body complaints that I was not aware of before. They were always present but I ignored them. I had become so use to ignoring my body that I didn’t even notice them. But now I am so much more in-tune with my body that I am noticing all kinds of things that are in need of repair. Nothing major, thankfully, but they could easily turn into much more complicated issues without proper rest and healing.

The main method of repairing my body for me continues to be yoga. The Ego and I have lots of arguments about it, though. “Yoga is boring” is the primary complaint. lol This is very true in comparison with all the high intensity exercise routines (running, weight lifting, HIIT, boot camp) that are my normal go-to stress relief. Yet I know deep down these high-intensity workouts are taking a toll on my body and are not conducive to a pain-free, healthy and functional body in the future. The message I received in February and continue to receive (Remember) is that less is more in regards to high-intensity exercise. My tendency is the opposite and my goal is to slowly work my way toward a more balanced fitness routine incorporating more yoga and mobility training while slowly eliminating high-intensity exercises.

What yoga does is force you to feel and listen to your body. It is very mentally and physically challenging in it’s own right. I attribute my new hyper-sensitivity to my body to all the yoga I have been doing. My HS and inner Knowing is saying, “More yoga please.” It is leading me toward certification but my Ego has a lot of fear regarding this path despite knowing it will lead to a much more balanced, healthy and happy life.

In February, I was excited about yoga and accepted the path toward certification without hesitation. Since then the Ego has worked hard to diverge from that path. Yet the messages still get through. For example, this week alone I had several messages all pointing to the certification path. There is a certification workshop in Atlanta, GA in September I figured I could go to and then visit my friends in TN. But it kept being put off and was all but forgotten until this week. Out of the blue a reminder came to mind. “Don’t forget,” it said. All kinds of reasons and excuses came to mind. So no decision was made.

A week passed.

Then, when running a 5K race, I met a guy who just kept talking to me and being friendly. He looked like a young Ewan McGregor. Really. lol Anyway, he talked to me before the race and then again at the end of the race. Turns out he won the 5K. 1st place. After some talking I discovered he was visiting Austin from Nashville. I thought it odd but ignored the “coincidence”.

Later in the day I went for a walk and parked right across the street from my house was a car with Georgia plates. It is still parked there. lol

All the while my SIL and BIL were visiting family in Dalton and Atlanta, GA and sending us photos of their road trip.

Eventually I was like, “Okay, what gives?” lol

Since then my guidance continues to nudge me toward attending the workshop, but I keep contacting an (illogical) fear of this path. So, we compromised by purchasing a yoga video package that will prep me for the workshop should I opt to go. I have until July to decide.

In the meanwhile, I opted to do the first video in the package I bought. It was a grounding flow that lasted over an hour. When I finished I felt….different. It is hard to say how really but my body felt lighter and more limber. My energy was light but grounded. It felt really good.

Finally, I want to share a vision that continues to visit me in regards to this whole yoga path. It is really more of a feeling and sense than a visual, but I do get visual flashes here and there. The feeling is flowing and calm, without stress or anxiety. I feel centered and solid in this body and life. Purpose is present as well. Work isn’t “work” anymore. It is enjoyable and part of my daily, healthy regime that balances mind, body and Spirit. The visuals are mostly colors – muted blue, indigo and pink like stained glass. There is also a sense of belonging and a group of friends who are like family.

Of course, the Ego can’t accept any of this vision as a possibility. Stress and worry are her reality. Take that away and replace it with ease and acceptance and it scares her. She is left grappling for anything familiar to hold onto. So we ease into change, show her that it isn’t scary and IS possible.

Liberatus

I’ve been slowly retaining my dreams for a few days now. They are getting easier to recall and messages are seeping in.

Dream: Music of the Night

This morning I had a dream in which I was attending a party with a group of friends. I recall the space was dark, lots of wood undertones. There was a guy there that I liked and kept watching from a distance. I had trouble recalling his name and remember eventually settling on the name Sean (name means “gift from God”).

Discussion was going on about having to settle the winner of some contest. Me and another girl had tied. A man informed me that to determine the winner we would have to fold towels (a need to deal with emotions for resolution). The best 2 folded towels out of 3 won. I remember saying it was no fair and questioning what would happen if there was another tie. I can’t recall the other girl but she had longish, mousy brown hair.

I remember seeing the towels and folding (compartmentalization) one up nice and tight and neat. It was red (root chakra; passion) in color. I was very proud of how well I folded it and knew the other girl could not do better.

Then I went into a bedroom where I heard a song playing. I began to sing to it and dance, arms out as I spun around and around and sang the song. It was the Music of the Night song from Phantom of the Opera, but I was not singing the right lyrics I don’t think. I felt really alive and free and was smiling big when I noticed a group of Hispanic boys walking through the corridor outside the room. I had been looking at myself in a mirror smiling and feeling beautiful when I saw them. I looked away quickly and the guys laughed. I felt embarrassed. Then, I overheard them talking to the boy I liked, messing with him and joking around about me liking him. They asked him what he was going to do. He said, “She has liked me for a long time…. [pause as if trying to make a decision] but I don’t know what I want right now.”

When I woke up I remember what the boy said vividly and I said to myself, “Ah, he doesn’t know what he wants!” as if it was a huge revelation. I also recalled the song I was singing.

The song reminded me of when I was in high school. I was transported to the memory of being on the football field with the band waving my flag with the other color guard members to a flag routine I created to the song Music of the Night. Something about the song always made me want to twirl around and around, just like in the dream. 🙂 The lyrics are amazing. Take some time to listen and read. They are very suitable to my current “lessons” (on-going lesson really).

Let your soul take you where you long to be…..

There followed an in-between discussion regarding the numbers 4 and 2. I understood this to mean 6 months for some reason. That would be October. 4 months would be my birthday, then an additional 2. I have been getting October as significant for a while, specifically that I would have a “heart attack”. I suspect this is not literal. So then what does it mean to have a symbolic “heart attack”?? 😀

Dream: Liberatus

A couple of nights ago I had a vivid dream that lasted most of the night. It was one of those continuous dreams where I woke up and when I returned to sleep I went directly back into the dream.

In the dream I received a phone call from my former boss. She was one of the few boss’ I really respected in this lifetime. She was very spiritually in tune. She was also the kind of person that could get people to do what she wanted because of a presence she had. I really, really like/loved this woman. She was an older, black woman, prior military retired, tough in word and action but soft in Spirit. She helped me decided to leave my job and opt for part-time work so I could focus on my family. Something about her energy spoke to me but she was also very upfront and forward in her speaking. Just my kinda person!

In the dream she asked me to come assist her at another school. I agreed and arrived. The school had just been opened and they were having an ARD meeting on a new student who had a 30 day assignment at the school. I was being asked to attend the meeting because I knew the student. My ex boss asked me what I thought of him and I told them he needed to be watched. In my mind he was all my male, Hispanic students from the alternative schools I worked at.

Mostly what I recall from the dream is an overwhelming sense of belonging and purpose. I felt at home with the people there and even thought to myself, “I like this place. These are good people.”

When I woke up I was reminded of that boss and wondered about her before returning to sleep. She is old and so I worried she may have died. I also remembered her name: Rose. It felt significant.

Back in the dream I was dropped off at the school by my husband and left on the side of the road. I looked at the street and it seemed to be in a downtown area but not sure what city. The building was narrow with many levels. In the dream it felt like all the schools I had ever worked at mixed up into one. There was a sense of being advised to reconsider the path of education and helping kids, like a discussion.

During this time I was shown important papers regarding the school. It had just been opened and the paperwork was information on the school. I don’t think it was a contract, just information. I remember reading it over and over and out loud as if I was trying to remember what I read but I can’t recall one word now. I do remember that the information did not align with a school charter but something totally different. In fact, the words were foreign, like Latin, but I understood the language.

When I was picked up by my husband he was in a small, white car. This part is blurry but there was a lit cigarette and I burned myself with it (pun on “getting burned” maybe?). The car was white and I remember knowing it was a rental (temporary path). In the end I walked away from the car as the Fleetwood Mac song, Dreams, played: “Like a heartbeat drives you mad, in the stillness of remembering what you had, and what you lost…..”

As I was waking I heard very clearly, “Liberatus or Confinus?” Confused, I kept listening and heard, “It’s your choice: Libertaus or Confinus” – Liberty? or Confinement? 

I avoided writing down this dream for several days, yet here I am still recalling it and finally accepting that I will not forget it and should not. I have a choice, do I want to remain confined or do I wish to be free? I don’t want to confront this, obviously. My choice continues to be to remain confined because it is easier, safer and I know what to expect. My guidance is asking me to reconsider again whether this is the best path.

Let There Be Light

The above dreams seem to support messages I’ve been receiving lately. I’ve been very restless since Uranus entered Taurus. Actually, since about a week before. It was like a fire was lit inside and I felt intent to change certain aspects of my life, specifically my financial dependence upon my husband. It was difficult for me to control and led to a tense discussion. Once Uranus entered into Taurus, though, I softened and became more patient and understanding of my situation. Mostly this is because I asked for help in controlling my tendency to act before thinking. It usually doesn’t lead to the best resolution of a problem. lol

The advice came in strange ways. Mostly signs from the external world but also a few messages upon waking. The messages from my guidance came in pieces. I heard, “You will go through an ordeal” and “Your impatience with be your undoing”. Then there were messages that were felt/intuited that said, “Wait”, “Remember”. These came with memory that cannot be put into words but feels like I am waiting for a series of events and a sense of Knowing before I make any decisions or changes.

The external message was mostly “Be the Light”. I can’t recall where I first heard it but the main one I recall came from a day of surfing Amazon to find something interesting to watch. I stumbled upon a movie called, “Let There Be Light”. I watched it for a while, knowing it was a Christian movie and low budget, but something kept me watching it. As I watched I had a sudden sense of not being alone and a strong urge to speak in Light Language. I allowed it and was covered in the most spectacular energy and felt to be communicating with several small, child-sized Beings. Ever since this experience I’ve been more accepting, patient and calm.

The next day I heard this song and the message was repeated. 🙂

Protection

As my dream-recall returns there is memory of several incidents in which I dream of surrounding myself in protection. The dreams themselves are lost but not the act of surrounding myself in white light and requesting angels be posted on the four corners of my room. One time I woke after setting up protection while still in the dreamstate and felt unsettled and nervous, as if I had been under attack. The most recent time it felt more like a precaution.

Similarly, dream snippets indicate I am seeking to protect myself form something, but it doesn’t appear to be an external threat but something deep within myself. I have witnessed many times now very erotic scenes in my dreams. Every time I am on the sidelines protecting my daughter (my “ideal”, or “better” Self) , shielding her view of people having sex. In the most recent dream scene my daughter and I are inside a bedroom where two women are having sex. I cover her eyes but watch for a while until I finally take myself and daughter out of the room.

Similarly, there was a dream in which I met up with a man and experienced a strong attraction of the Divine sort. We hugged and I resisted the rising of the Kundalini energy from my heart space. This shifted to me watching a group of 4 women having sex and then being aware of sitting in a movie theater and seeing the scene on the screen.

Dreaming of being in a movie theater indicates I am trying to buffer myself from some aspect of myself. The movie acts to “protect” me from an experience.

The only conclusion I can draw is that I am seeking to avoid feelings of sexual desire and strong Divine connections in dreamtime as a means to protect myself from the “dangerous” side-effects of such experiences.

Considerations

It appears I am trying to encourage my smaller self to stop blocking feelings of passion, Divine love and connection. It is understandable that she would seek to block out all such feelings but the end result is a return to severe energetic blocks in the lower chakras which can lead to a total disconnect from the pleasure centers of the physical body and overall emotional numbness.

We all seek to protect ourselves from that which we deem harmful based upon past experiences. It is part of human nature – the urge toward survival. A decision was made by my small self that feelings of Divine connection and love are linked to sexual passion and sexual passion = illogical, rash decisions that disrupt life and thus are threatening to the status quo. Her goal is no-change, so in makes sense in a way, but is not conducive to learning and spiritual growth.

Change is inevitable. The patience aspect here is that I cannot create change too quickly or else risk total shutdown of the smaller self resulting in regression and delay. Balance is key. We cannot shut out or disregard the needs and considerations of the smaller self. Instead we must be accepting and tolerant, while providing love, encouragement, and guidance.

The “partnership” I wrote about earlier is probably the best example of love I have ever encountered. Because We must love ourselves unconditionally in our human form in order to accomplish what we came here to do. It is very similar to a parent-child relationship. We are our own guides and we are our own children. 🙂 The more comfortable I become with this new perspective of partnership, the more I see how truly remarkable We are and how the key is unconditional love and always has been. Thankfully, now my perception is not always as the “child” as it once was. Now I am able to be both parent and child at the same time.

Having access to the “parent” perspective allows me, as the “child”, to feel the love, fall into the stillness within, and center myself. It gives me access to a well of resources and support that quiet the restlessness and turmoil of the [my] human mind.

Partners

This morning I transitioned from the dreamstate into the in-between. A tunnel appeared before me and within it a vision of a beautiful mountain lake. Everything had a purple/pink cast to it. The lake itself was indigo with purple and pink highlights. The sky mirrored this. The mountains were not towering high like the Rockies but subtler with varying shades of greenery. It was a peaceful, beautiful scene. I felt myself pulled into this window but my awareness peaked and so I did not go OOB.

Before I was pulled into full, waking consciousness, I found myself standing on the shore of this lake with a humanoid Being who felt very masculine to me. He towered above me, though, a good two or more feet. His form was very human-like, with broad shoulders, two arms, two legs, hands, feet and a head, but his arms were much longer than a human’s would be in proportion to his body and his head had no hair and appeared more rounded.

We stood and talked for a while. I took his hand and told him I wanted to go Home, that I disliked this human disconnect and empty feeling. I longed for the connection of Home – the love and deep friendship and peace that came with it. He acknowledged me and explained that I was here to learn, which I know already, but his explanation was more accepted than previous ones I have gotten. I understand now why I am here with more depth than ever before. It is a feeling I feel in my core and it always arises when my purpose is explored or questioned.

This masculine presence explained to me that the human experience was unique and valuable, far beyond experiences in other realities and in other bodies. This came after I requested to change bodies, to get out of this human one. I seemed to remember the freedom innate in other forms and it contrasted greatly with the human form.

Timestreams were then discussed. It was explained that though we exist in multiple dimensions simultaneously, the human Timestream is separate from the other Timestreams (his wording not mine). I saw the Timestreams. They looked like colored waves of water or streamers floating or vibrating to their own rhythm and time. Most of the colors I saw resembled the lake vision in color – purple, blue, pink. This separateness is only present in our awareness here. When we extract ourselves from the human awareness we then can travel amidst all Timestreams and select ones we wish to experience at will.

Infinity was explored as well, or Remembered is a better word. As was perfection and the paradox of being perfect Beings attempting to perfect our reaction (experiences in) to the finite, which is impossible but achievable at the same time. It seemed as though our task/purpose as infinite Beings is to attempt to create perfection out of the imperfect. The feat seems insurmountable but within I found complete understanding and acceptance. It is not the end result that is important but the path we travel to get to an end that will never come. We are Builders and Creators but destruction is inherent in the process and all results are honored for their exquisiteness as if a dessert whose every bite is savored and relished.

I was then reminded of the vision I had yesterday. I saw the Earth going dark six times, one after the other. At the time I assumed the darkness was created by a great event like an eclipse. This morning, though, I realized it was likely much simpler than that. The darkness comes every night. What I was seeing was the passage of day into night six times. So the passing of six days. The lesson was that I need to take what I am shown at face value rather than looking for some deeper meaning.

The Experiencer and the Observer

A realization I’ve been having of late has been that I am experiencing this life now in two ways simultaneously. Life is viewed/experienced both as the Experiencer and the Observer. The Experiencer is familiar because that has been the viewpoint I have taken for the majority of this lifetime. Now, however, I am aware of the Observer as a constant. I am both Experiencer and Observer and recognize the purpose of both within this human experience.

The Observer viewpoint wants only to sit back and let the Experiencer experience life. She does not wish to interfere in the daily on-goings, actions and words, routines and challenges. Her job is similar to that of a scientist who is observing a closed experiment. She jots down observations, draws conclusions and makes hypotheses. Her viewpoint is objective.

The Experiencer is human and very reactive. She is suppose to react. Her job is to play her role and provide data to the Observer for improvement in the greater game. Her viewpoint is subjective.

Being able to view my life as both, simultaneously, is strange in a sense but perfectly normal at the same time. I have been doing this the entire time but was not aware of the Objective side except occasionally through glimpses here and there.

The Objective me has been with this body the whole time. I am aware of myself as this aspect. Fully. She is patient, focused, results-oriented and detailed. She makes adjustments to the experiement that then trickle down to the Experiencer as alterations in the path. Some are major, most are minor.

Currently, as the Experiencer, I am now able to identify the feelings and intuitions I have long had in this life as my “instructions” from the Observer. Before, the identification of these intuitions were lost on me resulting in mostly confusion and tantrums/resistance/impatience. For example, currently I feel as if in a void, and though I wish to take action I feel unmotivated toward any considered changes. There are often feelings of upset, irritation and impatience surfacing as a result. The Objective me understands the void feeling as an instruction to “take no new action” and “continue on course”. This Objective side learns a great deal from these periods and makes adjustments accordingly when learning plateaus.

As a result of this perception shift there is an increase of acceptance and balance within. I always thought the goal was to be the Observer but am learning this is only partially true. The Observer has its part to play as does the Experiencer. We are partners.

Nothing Really Matters

Hola muchachas and muchachos! 😀

Not sure why I was thinking in Spanish but it made me smile.

Sorry I have once again been silent. Life has me moving and shaking more than usual. My daughter’s birthday is today. She is 10 years old. Can’t believe it has been a decade since her birth already. Time really does speed up as you get older. Before I know it I will be a grandmother wondering when my kids grew up.

 

In the period of time since my last post we have been all going through a “growth period”. These periods consist mostly of being tossed full-on back into life, the physical and all that goes with it. The spiritual is there but it seems silent in contrast to the goings-on around us. At times one might wonder during these periods if they have been forgotten by their guidance but I assure you, you have not. It is merely a period of transition; a time to perform and perfect what you have previously learned.

Everyone goes through these spiritual growth periods. No one is immune.

For me, personally, I have been noticing some minor ascension “flu” symptoms, or perhaps it is just allergies, a side-effect of living in Central Texas. 🙂 Every morning for a while now when I wake up I experience an hour or more of runny eyes, coughing and clearing my lungs, runny nose and massive amounts of sweating. After I do my morning yoga practice and get on with my day most of my symptoms vanish with the exception of my runny nose which is on and off throughout the day.

I am also sleeping very heavily and dream recall, though present, does not extend beyond my yoga practice either. My intention is to write out my dreams but once I sit down at the computer my dream memories just aren’t available anymore….and I don’t care one bit.

Another odd occurrence related to memory is I often forget what I am about to do while in the midst of doing it. It is like I leave my body, go on a trip somewhere, and then return and am unable to recall what I was doing before I ventured off. This is not abnormal. I’ve been experiencing something akin to this on and off since I had children, but these instances are different. In the past it was more of a forgetfulness. When I realized I had forgotten something the location and retrieval of what was forgotten took seconds, 30 seconds to a minute at most. This forgetfulness is like I black-out without loss of perception. It is very similar to the episodes I’ve had where I wake from a dream and am unable to get a grip on the reality that I wake up in. Thankfully, there is no panic related to these episodes. I eventually (sometimes a half hour later) recall what it was I was intending to do. lol Usually, it is not a big issue but it happens enough that I am wondering where it is I am going to incur such a disassociation from this reality.

Nothing Really Matters

I continue to have moments in which I am the Observer of myself in this life. During these periods I am being instructed by my guidance, though I do not “hear” a voice or have any memory of internal conversations. There is just an awareness of my on-going lessons.

One such lesson has been on non-attachment, and I wrote briefly about it in my other blog. This lesson came to my human mind as a song at first but I immediately recognized it was not as it seemed. In fact, those last words – “not as it seemed” – is another lesson I am currently learning but I won’t go into that now.

The song was, of course, Bohemian Rhapsody, one of my all-time favorites. The part, “Nothing really matters, nothing really matters, to me.”

I have long had this part of the song come to mind in my life. In the past I viewed it in the negative. It often led to “poor me” thoughts about life and how nothing I did made any difference. Eventually I would think, “What’s the point?” and go into apathy over life in general. In terms of human experience this is normal. It’s the Ego throwing one of it’s tantrums.

This time, however, it brought on memory of my origins; specifically of my most recent embodiment experience when I was One with Source, with my “Higher” Self. This put an entirely new spin on the “nothing really matters” thought/statement. The feeling of nothingness I experienced during embodiment matched up with the statement perfectly. I understood – still understand – that the statement encapsulated that experience.

It is non-attachment to outcome. It doesn’t mean one gives up. There is no despair or apathy. In fact, it is full of possibility but possibility without attachment to a particular path.

It is ALL that IS and it is beautiful, sublime and beyond imagination or limitation.

It can also be looked at this way……

The scientific definition of “Matter” – That which occupies space and has mass; physical substance.

Ahhh! Then it is even clearer, isn’t it?

But back to the subject of non-attachment……A Facebook friend asked me this morning what the difference between non-attachment and detachment was. I explained via a link. It may be helpful to you all as well, so I will share the link it here. Non-attachment is the “nothing really matters” statement without all the human and Ego-related analytical tendencies attached – hehe “attached”.

Living life, experiencing this physical experience, as I am now is so different from what it was prior to February, prior to the embodiment and transformation that ensued. My “growth period” this time around is incorporating what I experienced during those three+ weeks of wonderful connectedness……of holding – Being – Divine Presence……into this very human, dense and forgetful, time-infused illusion.

The illusion appears to me so vividly, right in front of my “eyes”, creating a strong disconnect with everyone and everything here in the physical. I see what I have not seen before, am aware in ways my human consciousness could never be. Yet at the same time I must somehow express mySelf through this illusion, incorporate into it, without being lost to it.

The challenge, then, is to balance the two – my reality with this reality. That has always been the challenge, only now I really see. Two realities, superimposed. Beyond that, multiple realities superimposed, spiraling for infinity and all at my disposal.

If all of what I just wrote goes over your head don’t fret. I – this Beingness of mine in this physical reality – have changed and have no other method of expressing that change except through words, which are grossly inadequate for such purposes.

Namaste,

Dayna

 

Message for the Masculine

Masculines…..this post is for you.

Dream: Impending Death

I was traveling to Montana (higher realms of consciousness) to meet up with my ex-husband (masculine aspect) for a long overdue reunion. When I arrived there was a parade (sidetracked from achieving goals) in the middle of the road. A man stopped and told me to avoid the right side of the road because that was for the teachers (guidance). I told him, “I am a teacher, just not in Montana”.

Then my ex-husband (masculine aspect) met up with me and went to visit his parents (merging of masculine and feminine). When we arrived the exterior of the house was being renovated (transformation of self).

Inside it was dark. In the kitchen someone had been repairing the microwave (quick thinking/action). I quickly found a bedroom and tried to nap (avoiding awareness). My ex came in and woke me and told me his parents were home.

Their old dog (protection/loyalty) was the first thing I saw when I got out of the bed. He looked on his last leg and my ex’s mom told me they were looking for someone to take over for the dog’s upcoming death. She gave it a name like “death march” or similar.

My father-in-law came in and I was shocked to see how old he was. He also looked near death. He could barely walk, his face was gray and gaunt and his hair all but gone. I remember looking out at the back yard and noting also that there were now tall trees (growth) where there had been none before.

I went outside with my FIL and we entered a small room that was just his, like a man-cave. Inside, I watched my FIL as he fiddled with a huge, metal box reminiscent of a box one would see for ammo during one of the world wars. He began to talk to me about his upcoming death, mentioning how he wanted me to safeguard his transition.

Something that really caught my attention was that he kept quoting a poem. I don’t remember the words now but he said more than once that it was a written by “Keats”.

After he recited the poem one last time I felt the seriousness of the situation and realized he was about to in fact die and very soon. I went up to him and gave him a hug, wrapping my arms around his broad, fragile shoulders. All at once I was overcome and began to cry in heaving sobs. The love was so overpowering that I could not contain it.

I woke up crying.

I believe this was the poem he was reciting in the dream:

On Death

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,
And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?
The transient pleasures as a vision seem,
And yet we think the greatest pain’s to die.

How strange it is that man on earth should roam,
And lead a life of woe, but not forsake
His rugged path; nor dare he view alone
His future doom which is but to awake.

When I awoke I assumed the dream was a message about my ex-FIL. I figured he must be sick or dying, or at the very least getting very old. I thought, “He is the same age as my mom – 69. That isn’t very old.” But my tears convinced me I must be clearing my own past and my own feelings of guilt towards my ex’s parents.

Dream: The Replacement

Much to my surprise, I returned to sleep quite easily.

I walked up toward a city park lined with neatly trimmed hedges (obstacles in path). A man was with me and departed to my left, bidding me farewell. On my right was a man, standing alone and looking forlorn as he gazed off into the distance. I knew upon seeing him that he was “the replacement” for the man who just departed. My immediate response was to go to him and assist him however I could.

I climbed over a hedge and stood next to him. He was still staring off into the distance. I took his hand and said something positive to him. His response was to answer in a dull tone and continue to stare. I noticed we were standing on a circular (completion) walking track (life track, path) in the park. I said, “Why don’t you go for a run?” He said nothing so I took his hand in mine and said, “I’ll go with you!”

I led him forward gently and he responded by following. I picked up the pace and we ran, side-by-side, along the track together. I said, “See! Isn’t this nice?” He said nothing, continuing to stare as if in shock.

Eventually we cut across a field full of briars (past trauma) and tall grass (balance/protection). I stumbled and lost his hand. Stopping I said, “I shouldn’t be running in flip flops (relaxed state or lack of commitment)!” Laughing, I put on my flip flop with help from a woman and her grown daughter. We began talking and walked together back to the car.

We passed a car, a Honda CRX, which seats only two. I commented on how awesome the little cars were, getting 42mpg (path of Wholeness is more efficient).

We all climbed into another car – me, the man and the mother and daughter. The mother and I discussed the job prospects of her daughter and asked if I had difficulty getting work. I said no because I was in education. The daughter was in business (rational/logical) and I remember feeling sorry for her for being in the line of work. I also thought the mother must think I was her daughter’s age and was curious as to why. Did I look so young to her?

As we drove on the highway it became apparent that the man, who was driving, was “under the influence” of some “drug”. He began to fall asleep and was talking to someone in his head. Noticing I tried to wake him up as the car veered toward the right (conscious action). Thankfully we just ended up on an exit ramp.

The car stopped and I said, “You obviously can’t drive in your condition.” I got out and wandered up the road a bit to a construction site looking for food. It turned out the construction site looked like the set of a movie or play. I found a large tortilla (wholeness) and took it back to the car offering it to the others.

Inside the car we and the other woman discussed how we would all get home (Home). It was decided that I would drive myself home. Then the mother and daughter would drive themselves home. The man would be left alone to drive himself home. I remember saying, “He will just have to manage it somehow.”

As we departed, we took a left (passivity/subconsious) turn across many lanes of traffic. I remember saying, “Good thing it’s not a one-way street!”

I began to talk to the man, now in the back seat. He allowed me into his “dream”. In the dream we were both underwater (overcome with emotion) aboard a large, wooden ship (emotions/subconscious) that reminded me of a pirate ship. The ship was sailing along freely. Then the man threw out an anchor and the ship stopped and floated upward but not all the way to the surface. I realized he was showing me a representation of his life not in a body (free) and in a body (anchored).

We then boarded his “ship” and went directly to the kitchen (transformation). It looked like a modern kitchen and I remarked that one of his cabinets was warped (secrets).

I awoke suddenly with full awareness of the true meaning behind both dreams.

yin-yang-symbol-variant_318-50138Message

The Divine Masculine and the masculine in general is part of the upcoming “critical juncture” I was recently warned about. The masculine is undergoing – or will be – a massive death/rebirth. This is not the typical death process, for we undergo many within a lifetime. This is an overhaul, a “replacing” of the “old” with the “new”.

If you pay attention to both dreams the symbolism is obvious. The old man and father figure is the “old” masculine. He is preparing for death but the poem indicates that it is more than a death, it is an “awakening”. In the second dream I actually witness the masculine departing and his replacement standing alone seemingly confused and distant. Then I guide him along his path, encouraging him the whole time. This suggests the path of the feminine is to lead the way for the masculine which makes sense because all the focus has, up to this point, been on the “return of the Divine Feminine”. Since we have already undergone the death/rebirth process then it is up to us to help the masculine in his death/rebirth process.

My last post in which I discuss a mini-OBE with my “partner” also points to the “critical juncture” being all about the masculine. It was made clear to me that my inability to move forward was because my masculine side was “stepping on my toes”, which symbolically means interrupting/blocking my path (toes). It was suggested that I be patient with the process and “play” with and “nurture” my masculine side (the boy in my dream).

The message made me smile in awe of the way it was brought to me and how my dreams have shifted since my own transformative “event”. My tendency is to view my dreams as “all about me” but in this instance I recognized how now my dreams are all about collective humanity. My inner-expansion has resulted in an outer-expansion.

Similarly, I was able to see how the imbalance of the masculine (collectively) is directly linked to the inability of the feminine to “act”. We have been “stuck” for some time, unable to act or move forward on our collective missions. My personal experience confirms this. I have felt “ready” for some time but my motivation is nil. Sometimes I will be hit with an urge and begin to act only to find myself losing momentum quickly and retreating.

Within ourselves there is also a transformation occurring. The masculine side/aspect must be redeemed. There is healing along these lines and as a result physical symptoms may persist until the healing completes. Most symptoms will be related to the lower chakras but will vary by individual.  For me, I have been wracked with seemingly unrelated symptoms the past three days alone.

At first it was just minor issues – achy joints and skin ailments. But yesterday I woke with a sore throat that resolved within minutes of waking. Then came minor gastrointestinal upset. I did one hour of yoga which seemed to help. Feeling better, I went on an easy run/jog. When I returned home I was violently ill within 5 minutes only to have the illness vanish after a total body “purge”.

So men, it’s your turn. Get ready. We (the Divine Feminine) are here to support you but we cannot DO it for you.

Note from me – Please get your shit together so I can stop being sick….LOL Just kidding. I do recognize it is MY SHIT, too.