Dream: Fire With Fire

I had an interesting evening yesterday. One of my husband’s old school buddies visited from California and all three of us had an enjoyable conversation on various subjects. He was very interested in my spiritual experiences and abilities, asking tons of questions. I had been struggling to talk early on in the conversation because of my throat and congestion. However, the frog in my throat cleared as the conversation progressed and eventually I felt completely well and clear. He put me on the spot, asking me to give him a reading right there in my kitchen. It completely threw me and I got super nervous. I swear the heater turned on in the house. lol

Eventually I agreed and did give him a short reading but it was an unusual one because both my husband and his friend would interject here and there with a story or experience of their own. I was only able to read his spiritual and physical aura and give him an impression I received from Spirit. Everything I told him he validated, though, and he seemed genuinely impressed with my ability.

What is really funny is that this friend called my husband out about our differing belief systems. He said, “I wonder how you two get along with her being so free-flowing.” He had difficulty believing that my husband would be affiliated with religion and dogma. I was silently laughing the whole time because my husband and I have had many conversations on the topic with little or no progress made. My husband always defends himself but to his friend he was silent and contemplative. Also to hear someone describe me as “free flowing” surprised me, not because I’m not but because I don’t think anyone has expressed this as their first impression of me. I was flattered. 🙂

His friend had many questions on why I stopped giving readings. He told me several times that I should start up again rather than suppress my abilities. Again, my husband was silent.

His background and appearance threw me. He works in international trade, speaks three languages, lived in Sweden most of his life, and had a very professional appearance. Yet it was obvious straight away there was much more to him than that. Interestingly, he is a Capricorn (had to throw that in). I’ve not met many other than my middle son and it was intriguing to feel out his energy – very forward speaking, intelligent and hard working while also giving and obviously heart-led. His divorce had just finalized and he was grieving still. He said he decided to avoid the dating scene because he found single women his age (my age, too) to be very cynical. He did ask me what I saw for him regarding a romantic partner. Before he completed his sentence I had his answer. I love how that works!

When he left I felt my energy shift. I definitely received the message to stop blocking my abilities loud and clear. He also offered to help me get my book published. He is writing his own and has tons of connections.

Dream: Fire With Fire

I struggled to fall asleep because as soon as I was in bed my congestion returned and I couldn’t breathe. Grrr! It was well after midnight before I managed to drift off.

I had a vivid dream that began with me talking with a man about WWII. Specifically, we were discussing a Japanese man and his family relations. I can’t recall the specifics now but I remember this man was very anti-American and his energy was resistant, almost angry. There was discussion about him “commanding a war” but it was with family not nations. The entire discussion had a deeply personal feel to it.

Strangely, I remember speaking another language during this discussion. I am not sure what language but it sounded Germanic.

The next thing I recall is being at a bus station on the platform with several groups of people. I was with one group who I considered my family but I did not recognize any of them as my physical family. There were three blue school buses (about to embark on important life journey) expected but my group was late to the platform and missed them (feeling left behind). Another group was waiting there and the bus just passed them by. A man from the other group told us not to worry, that the bus would pick us up on the way back.

I had forgotten to take a snack for my journey so went to the store. Inside the store I ran into a man who I recognized. I mentioned I didn’t have time and he told me he would buy my things for me. I picked up a bag of potato chips (over indulgence) and handed them to him. I tried to hand him my money and he wouldn’t take it saying he would pay. I remember he had $13.54.

At the platform the man handed me my potato chips and some other things. I divided everything up. He took a four pack of tomato soup (domestic harmony) and had bought me some antiperspirant (nervousness perhaps?) with the words “Wonder Woman” written on it (message to have courage). lol I thanked him and thought him quite the gentleman.

This is when the dream gets more lucid. There was a definite energy between myself and this “stranger”. We had a relationship unlike any I have ever had in this lifetime. It was a strong friendship but there was something else, too, something extraordinary in our bond. We seemed to like to argue in jest, pushing each other’s buttons playfully. I remember us discussing getting on the bus and knowing that doing so would lead us to challenges. He actually outright challenged me, asking me if I was “ready” and suggesting that I was a wuss. lol I challenged him in return. I believe he said, “I dare you.” I replied with, “I double dare you.” And he said, “I triple dare you.” LOL In the end he won, of course, but only because I let him. 🙂

This is when I really saw him clearly. Prior to this he was just a man with dark hair who knew how to treat a lady and make her feel special (which impressed me and won me over). I remember finding him quite handsome and beautiful. I focused in on his mouth for some reason and said something I can’t recall now, something playful. I noticed his lips (communication) were sealed with clear tape (limitation). I pulled it off. I remember hearing it as it came off and seeing his brilliant smile when his lips were freed. We were laughing really hard about something and I was filled with this amazing feeling. I have only felt it once before, in a dream earlier this year. It does not radiate from the heart center but the feeling is similar. This feeling is all-over from head to toe. I remember it as pure joy. It was like I was overflowing in joy and excitement. There was a deep, abiding love, too. Whoever he is, I loved him so much I was bursting. The word I would use to describe him is “fun” and he was inviting me to have fun with him, to “play” with him. It felt like we had tons of fun together often and that he was my partner in crime. Hahaha I suspect we get into lots of mischief together.

Then I was seeing him close up again and he was so familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. He was radiant and his smile blew me away. In fact, his lips and the feeling that came with seeing him smile was what woke me up. When I woke up I was tingling with an all-over energy and pure joy. I said to my guidance, “He’s HOT!” lol But the “hot” was not in reference to anything sexual. When our energies mingled like they were in this dream there was a raging fire ignited. And OMG what a feeling! It was like we energized one another; like he added to me and I added to him and what resulted was pure perfection. I remember thinking, “He’s Fire. I’m Fire. Fire with Fire.” Even now just the memory of the feeling makes me so perfectly happy and fills me with optimism and excitement.

I said to my guides, “I want to meet him.” Yet I was not sure who exactly he was. I had an idea but the feeling from our dream meeting was so unlike other times that I was not/am not certain. But then that seems to be how this works anyway – always a mystery. I will say that his energy when mixed with mine changes me. It pulls out of me my True Self, brings it to the forefront. I see life as exciting and full of possibility. I want to “play the game” and enjoy a good challenge.

I am still wondering about the taped lips. Is this a message that he has finally found his voice? Or is this a message that I have found mine? It seems significant nonetheless.

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Dream: It is Written

It took me a while to fall back to sleep. I was too energized from the dream. Once I did fall asleep I was discussing a book (knowledge) that contained within it a prophecy (guidance). I was telling a woman her future but at the same time it was my future. I would shift into this woman and then back to myself over and over. I read from the book what was to come for the woman. She would ask questions and I would answer them. The dream was somewhat confusing because I would shift into different scenes as I read from the book.

In one scene I went into a gym (apply knowledge) but all the gym equipment, weights and cardio machines, were gone. All that was there was a jump rope (coordinate, make plans) laying on the floor. I picked it up and began to use it and suddenly there were two people holding the ends and I was jumping in the middle. There was a discussion about how I didn’t need to do this anymore. What “this” was I am not sure but the jump rope disappeared and then I was standing in front of the woman and talking to her about her future.

A man appeared in front of her. I was telling her that she already knew the man and that they were meant to be together. The woman was dark haired and the man was fair haired. Then I was giving the man vitamins and supplements (need to strengthen one’s willpower; stand up for self) and he was asking questions about it. The woman was nervous, telling me she was unsure about the prophecy from the book. I was encouraging her, telling her that it would all work out.

The dream gets fuzzy here but I remember seeing the number 38 and also having a mirror put in front of my face more than once. The mirror is very prominent in my memory actually. I also saw what I knew were soul “pods” or families but they looked like blue spirals inside of circles or miniature galaxies. I also saw dolphins, but I think this was to remind me of what a “pod” is.

Considerations

Despite still being sick I am still energized and hopeful from the first dream. I wish I could have dreams like that every night. Upon waking there was a feeling of “fate” that was quite profound. The feeling of excitement at what is to come still lingers. I don’t know, though, if what is coming is something to anticipate or dread based upon the dream. If I am excited about a “challenge” then there is no telling what kind of challenge is ahead of me (us). It could be something the human me does not like.

The song, Afterlife, was also going through my mind upon waking – “You and me, we got this. You and me we’re beautiful, beautiful.”

 

Kachina Dream and OBEs

I’m still sick. Yesterday I felt like I had taken a sleeping pill – sluggish and tired all day. This morning my eyes are watering and bloodshot on top of the wonderful congestion that never seems to end. Didn’t I just have this stupid cold? WTF?

On top of being sick all day yesterday, I couldn’t shake a feeling that something is about to happen. It was a “heads up” feeling but not one that makes my stomach sink or gets me nervous. My guidance has been mostly quiet, but then I’ve been shutting down their communication during the day because I am too sick to care what it is they have to say and I don’t trust my monkey mind right now. When I’m sick, the monkey mind (Ego) comes out to play more than ever and I really don’t want to chance it interfering with communication from my guidance.

Despite being sick still, my dreams were abundant and I got to go OOB this morning several times.

Dream: Kachina

I was with a group of people who were putting on a play (life roles) in an amphitheater (spreading of knowledge). I was standing in line with some others and felt distinctly like a student. In my hand I was holding a big, beautiful rose quartz crystal (wholeness). I was explaining to another student how I had drilled a hole through it and placed a candle wick in the center (unfulfilled). Yet it was most obviously a crystal, not a candle. The other student was sharing her creation with me as well but I can’t recall it now.

Outside everyone was preparing for the play. It was a beautiful day with a clear blue sky. I looked up at the bleachers (reflecting on goals), silver and shining in the sun, and saw several groups of people settling in their seats. There was no concession stand so the food and drinks were just sitting on the bleachers. People were taking stuff without paying so I stopped and handled the situation telling them everything was 50¢.

I never saw the play. Instead I went with a man in a truck (hard work) to another part of the island to search for something. I can’t recall what now but I remember seeing something blue. At some point in the dream I saw a woman dressed in a white (purity) gown in the cabin of the truck. The truck began to move on it’s own and she began to get concerned. Eventually the truck crashed (painful experience). I found the woman laying in a pile of thousands of smooth, white, shiny discs (wholeness). I went to her, cradling her in my arms, and told her she would be okay. I called her by name – Kachina. I told her I loved her and held her against me. She opened her eyes and looked at me. Relief rushed over me. She was alive! I began to cry.

In-Between

When I awoke I was crying and my nose was so clogged I couldn’t breathe. The image of the woman laying on the pile of white discs was vivid in my mind along with her name – Kachina. I had that feeling that something big was about to happen but wasn’t sure what. I figured it must have something to do with the Blue Kachina Hopi legend. I remembered I dreamed of it before, back in February of this year. Why was it coming up again?

I drifted into the in-between with questions in my mind and entered into a conversation with my guidance. I saw a white disc very vividly in my mind. It then fell from space into the atmosphere of earth. As it fell, it was burned by the atmosphere and glowed blue like a meteor. I wondered if the blue kachina was likely a capsule of some kind, perhaps a space ship landing on earth? I remember thinking the word “contact” and saying the name “Toba”, or at least I think it was a name.

I came out of the in-between with a start after I said the name Toba to my guide. I figured it must be his name but who knows and I was too sick and congested to care. Yet I knew it was significant so I repeated in my head in order to recall it later.

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OBEs

The next thing I recall is being in a dimly lit house talking to my BIL and SIL about something. I realized I was OOB in the midst of talking to them and shut myself into a bedroom by closing both of the doors leading into it. The room was dimly lit and had blue undertones. I could sense both my physical body and my astral body at the same time. My physical body was struggling to breathe so I often shifted focus to it to adjust my breathing and then would return my focus to my astral body without losing lucidity.

I was talking with someone the entire time I was OOB. I never saw him but his responses were audible, though not enough to trigger me into waking up. I also felt distinctly male throughout this OBE. I also knew I was dark skinned.

At one point in the conversation I lost lucidity and returned to my body briefly. I could feel the vibrations and shifted immediately right back OOB without incident. However, my body was struggling to breathe, both nostrils clogged and causing major discomfort. I had to tend to this issue or I could not remain OOB. So I returned several times and adjusted the position of the body to compensate. What is amazing to me is that I did this shifting seamlessly and without ever losing contact with my astral self. I thought nothing of it at the time but looking back it amazes me!

When back OOB and while still standing in the bedroom I heard that I needed to replace something. I can’t recall the name now but it was some kind of machine that helped me adjust frequencies. It materialized in front of me. It was black or dark in color and looked like a sea urchin except that its spikes were very long like tentacles. It moved about on its own, its tentacles moving fluidly as if in water. It had a cord coming out of the top center of it that extended vertically up into the air above. I did not look for its source and the alien looking machine (or creature?) did not concern me one bit. In fact, I was completely at ease with it and happy to have it help with “adjustments”.

Now that I had this adjusting machine I opted to leave the bedroom via the ceiling. I succeeded without incident, flying right through the roof and out into the sky. Outside it was still dark. I noted it was not dark where my physical body was and knew I was elsewhere. I seemed not to care where I was, though. Instead I began to sing and fly, looking down on the city below. The conversation I was having with my guidance was flowing through the song I sang. I also heard music in the background. It reminded me of techno music.

I saw a building below that had rows of flowers of all colors surrounding it. I flew down toward it, knowing it was a church. There were people gathered in front of the doors. I wondered if they would see me so flew down and hovered in front of them. They smiled at me. Again I had the distinct feeling I was male and that I knew all of the people standing at the church.

I shifted back into my body quite suddenly and lingered a while, adjusting position again because I could not breathe. My nose was completely clogged and my lungs were screaming for air. While making adjustments I was talking with my guidance. I remember him giving me options on what to do. One option I recall is reviewing a life decision, specifically a relationship.

While we were talking I shifted back OOB to the church scene. This is when I chose to review a life decision. It felt as if I could change things about my life, like I could rewrite it. I said, “I loved her the minute I saw her.” I flew down toward a dark skinned woman but her appearance shifted from a woman into a man. I think this was because I recalled being a woman in this lifetime. I stood in front of the man and put my hands on either side of his face and then kissed him. He kissed back. Then I flew back up and my guidance asked if I would change anything. I said, “No. I loved him from the moment I saw him.” When I said this an image of a lightening bolt appeared on my left forearm.

Once again I was pulled back into my physical body because of breathing issues. I ended up having to cough and this brought me fully back into my body. Then I heard my son pounding on the door and knew I had to get up.

 

Three Dreams and Messages

I had some interesting dreams and messages that I want to document.

Dream: Family Reunion

I was with my “cousin” and there was some serious conversation going on. I remember being in my childhood bedroom and seeing him standing there. His face was shifty as was his overall appearance. Sometimes he looked fair haired and other times dark haired. I kept confusing him for my actual cousin, but in reality he was just “family” of the soul kind. There was some resistance on my part at being in the situation. It felt like I was being asked to “allow” and “reconnect” with him but him being “family” caused internal conflict. In the end I succumbed and we embraced and kissed. I felt huge relief once I allowed and accepted our connection. All in all, it seemed like the internal conflict stemmed from my human conditioning. I was resistant to close family relations of the romantic sort yet when I finally allowed it, the feeling was not romantic at all but more a deeply loving friendship.

Dream: Renovations

In this dream I was walking the hallway of a dorm-type (learning) housing until. The hallway was larger than any I have ever been in, though. My room number was 74 (adds up to 11) and I kept forgetting it and having to be reminded of it. I also lost track of my keys (fear of losing control) on the way to class and when I went back to retrieve them found my dorm/apartment was unlocked. When I went inside someone had completely remodeled (change) it. I felt an unfamiliar energy inside, one that felt dark to me. It was unseen but very present in the space. This energy had remodeled the apartment, installing a huge fish tank (keep feelings in check) with strange, black fish (subconscious insight) inside. Just looking at them made me shiver, though in reality they were just normal fish. I’m not sure why I felt they were “dark”.

The rest of the remodel (life changes) was nice, though, and me and a male friend discussed the changes that were made. I remember there was new trim around the window and I began to take it down only to change my mind and put it back. The more I discussed the changes, the less dark the energy felt and the more helpful it seemed. I remember people kept asking if I was selling the old stuff that had been removed during the remodel. I kept saying no and eventually told a woman she could have the old ceiling fan(change) for $30.

Back inside we were using the new clothes washer (need to resolve past issues). When a button was pushed the thing expanded and looked like a shallow swimming pool (need to deal with emotion). The energy there kept moving things around. I felt unable to stop it from making changes. Eventually I gave in and allowed the changes, even accepting them fully. I jumped into the “pool” that was the washing machine toward the end.

Dream: Familiar Man

This dream was partially lucid. I mainly recall talking to a female friend who had long, dark hair. She and I were discussing a friend of ours. She told me that he was relocating to Austin. The news made me very excited and I was jumping about saying, “He’s moving to Austin! That’s great news! I have lots of past lives with him. You do, too.”

I mainly recall the excitement I was feeling. The images are blurry but there is a distinct memory of what this man looks like. I remember seeing him briefly a few nights ago in dreamtime, too. We were talking but I can’t recall what was said. Seeing him in my near-lucid dream woke me up, though.

Messages and Memory

Before I woke fully, I lingered in the in-between. There were messages coming quickly. The first message was written on the underside of a white bowl in black handwriting. The minute I saw it I protested reading it, telling my guides I didn’t want to know. So I have no idea what it said. The second message was spoken to me. It said, “May through June….pay attention to the changes and your neighbors…..You know you don’t belong there.” Most of the information I did not want to hear and so pushed it out of my head before I could recognize the messages.

A memory came to me out of the blue, though. It was a memory from years ago, around 2012 maybe. I was going home from work but stopped by Walgreens to pick up something. I lingered in my car before leaving. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a car pull into a parking spot a few cars down from me. Something told me to look. It was an odd feeling that sorta pushed me to look actually. So I turned and looked and locked eyes with a man.

My heart fell into my stomach and I began to panic. All kinds of alarms were going off in my mind. The guy was staring at me. At first he looked surprised, startled almost. Then he started to smile. I couldn’t look away but I knew if I didn’t look away he would get out of his car and come talk to me. I did not want that so I looked down at my lap and waited for what seemed like a very long time. My heart pounded the whole time and I thought over and over to him, “Don’t come over here. Don’t come over here.”

When I finally felt it was safe to look up, he was gone. I drove out of that parking lot feeling like something had happened, but I didn’t know what. I just wanted to get home as fast as I could.

When I recalled this memory I remembered what the man looked like. Actually, I have never forgotten what he looked like so it was not difficult to recall. And what is weird is the man in my dream looked just like him.

For a while after that encounter in the parking lot I wondered about it. I knew if I had allowed it something major would have happened. It was just a feeling, one that scared me. My thoughts to my guidance was, “Not now. I can’t. I’m married.” Sound familiar? lol Now to have this dream and memory come one after the other, it seems to indicate that I may be meeting this man again. Ugh. Why?

 

 

 

South Padre

I’m back from South Padre Island. And guess what? I was sick the entire time. Ha!  The first morning I woke up with the worst sore throat ever.  It felt like knives in my throat every time I swallowed and the pain shot up into both my ears. My solution was to go to the beach and ignore the pain in my throat. Yet I had gotten barely any sleep that night before. My heart rate was super high and the energy of the condo was strange and erratic. I swear I could sense the previous group who had occupied it. I think I got maybe 3 hours of sleep. 😦

By afternoon my voice started to crack and by that night it was completely gone. GONE. Along with that my throat was getting worse and I had a headache.

I did get sleep that night at least, though the strange high energy was still present. When I woke my throat was a bit better but still hurting and my dreams were concerning. In them I was hiding from six dragons and planning my getaway. My guidance was advising me to not run and reminding me of my previous dealings with them which was to just calmly wait and let them devour me. The dragons were very brightly colored but I only remember the yellow one. The last thing I remember was watching all six of them surround a woman and eat her alive. Classic Kundalini dreams. What a way to wake up, huh?

My throat hurt all day but I did not let it get me down despite the laryngitis, headache and full-on congestion that accompanied it that day. I spent hours in the water but there was a really strong riptide and undertow and I got caught up in it more than once. It got to the point that I just opted to stay close to the beach. My daughter got caught in it, too, and I had to rescue her.

That evening my other BIL and SIL and their family came along with my SIL’s family to have dinner.  Since I couldn’t talk and felt so crappy it made more sense to avoid everyone so I stayed upstairs. I finally gave in and took some Ibuprofen that evening.

The next day, the final day, I woke up and my throat was only a bit raw but I was full of congestion. My voice was back, though a bit raspy. When I first woke the sun was just coming up and my nose was so runny that I could not return to sleep. So I jumped out of bed and ran to the beach to watch the sunrise still wearing my pajamas. lol I stayed there for an hour watching it. The beach was empty and the wind was calm. It was by far my favorite part of the trip.

Overall it was a good mini-vacation. Being sick was an inconvenience but it could have been much worse. I will take a sore throat over the stomach bug any day. Funny enough, not having a voice was actually a good thing. When I needed to communicate everyone got dead silent so they could hear me whisper to them, my kids included. Just goes to show how being loud is not necessarily the best way to be heard.

Here’s some pictures of the trip:

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Manifest Destiny

Ack! I’ve got a throat on fire this morning and so does my husband. Today we are driving to South Padre, too. The kids are super excited, their energy is so jagged feeling compared to my own. They tend toward more crying fits and arguing when it gets like this. My daughter has yet to go into anxiety/worry mode. She typically fixates on one certain future scene and if it changes even a little she has a melt down. Talk about “fixed” (Taurus). And I thought I was bad! Ha!

I am somewhat excited despite feeling crappy. This is a whole-family event (husband’s side anyway). One thing I can give my husband is that he has an awesome family. They don’t argue and know how to enjoy life and have a good time. My family, on the other hand, would be fighting or in tension mode most if not all of the trip. I would have to be in the ocean all day to avoid them (not a problem!). Also, with all the other family with us, my mommy duties will be lightened substantially. My BIL and SIL who just moved from CA are without children (though SIL is newly pregnant) and they LOVE our kids. I also know my SIL will watch my kids like a hawk. It is such a relief for me to know I have her as backup and don’t have to worry myself silly that one of my kids will drown when my husband is distracted. To know I can withdraw and have time alone on this trip, lay like a lump on the beach even, makes all the hassle and preparation worthwhile.

We rented a three bedroom condo on the beach, something I have only experienced once and that was when I was 13 on the beaches of North Carolina (pristine!). To be able to just walk out the back door and be on the beach is awesome! My kids will be in heaven, no doubt. My BIL and SIL rented an SUV for the drive, too. Another cool thing about my husband’s family – they like to travel in style and abundance tends to follow them.

Dream: Manifest Destiny

On to things of a more spiritual nature.

Despite my sickness I had vivid dreams. First there was one all about protection and circles. I don’t recall much of it now but protection was being emphasized again. Then I was a middle school aged girl in school. My focus was on my friends and socializing. I cared little for my grades. There was a boy I hung out with who I considered my best friend. I only recall now that he had dark hair, was somewhat aloof at times and more quiet than me. Honestly, I think my personality just overshadowed his but there was no irritation on his part. It was just the way we were.

I remember knowing that I was choosing socialization over academics and that this was not my norm. At one point we were sitting together at a table trying to focus on an assignment. We were paired up, working on it together, but neither of us was into doing it. There was a mother and her daughter sitting across from us quite focused on the assignment. I watched them getting the work done rapidly. I knew that if I didn’t do the work, it would not get done. It wasn’t that my partner was stupid, I just knew it wouldn’t get done if I left it up to him. School wasn’t his “thing”. lol

So I began to ask the mother about the assignment. “What are we suppose to do?” She said that we needed to review a book and then describe what was missing/lacking in the details and organization of it. What it came down to was the book had only an index. I said, “Well that’s easy. It needs a Table of Contents and a glossary.” The answer needed to be in essay format so I got to writing it straight away. I remember the mother asking me, “Don’t you want to read the book first?” I said, “No. I know what it says.” Then I began to tell them about it. It was a book about U.S. expansion West. Specifically, it was about Manifest Destiny. I even used that word and specifically tuned into the time when the “West” was not the West we know today but the mid-west U.S. around the Great Lakes. I told them the entire history. There was a particular feeling I had at this time. It was excitement similar to how one feels when they are passionate about a subject. I have always liked history but this was beyond that even. In the dream I knew that I would pass the assignment without issue. In fact, I wrote so much that I ran out of room before I even got to answering the question. lol

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Afterward, my friend and I went to his home and I met his parents. His father was suspicious of me but his mother liked me. I remember talking to his mom about a small object. I asked her if I could have one. The father disapproved of my asking but she smiled and said, “Sure.” She handed me a tiny, see-through heart. I was overjoyed to have received it.

As I was preparing to leave the father insinuated that I would steal one of their cars. lol I did end up driving out in my own car and the dream then meandered from there. I ended up getting assistance on a very steep, downhill path and was worried I would go too fast and lose control.

Messages

I woke with an uncomfortable soreness in my throat. My guidance was talking to me, asking me if I remembered our discussions. I only recalled that protection was needed and soon drifted into the in-between.

While in-between I saw myself inside a jet that at first resembled an airplane. It was sitting on something high up in the sky but not flying. I was told to look at it closely and when I did I realized it had no wings. I heard, “rocket” and then put two and two together. A “rocket” in the “sky” – skyrocket. Ha!

Then I was reminded of all the synchronicities lately. I have been noting them but at this time I was being shown all of them together. Some were songs, some were strange “coincidences” in meetings I’ve been having, some were gut feelings.

For example, you know the song, Hello, by Lionel Richie that I posted a while back? Well I keep hearing it. My kids are into the movie Trolls and that song is in it. The song, The Sound of Silence is also in it right before Hello. When I hear these songs I go into a kind of timeless state. Time stands still and I feel I need to listen. It is a strange kind of dejavu feeling every time and it’s happened twice now. I think I’m falling in love with the song Hello.

I’ve also been catching myself thinking, “I can’t do this” a lot. I stopped and considered what “this” is. What am I so nervous about? Perhaps it is not what I think?

There was also memory of a video I watched recently about knowing ones own future but losing faith along the way when it doesn’t manifest fast enough. I do this often. The video almost made me cry. It was like it was saying, “You KNOW. Stop doubting and just have faith.”

I was reminded how I recently came back into contact with a client from 2004. We’ve been chatting and it turns out the reconnect is not just for her benefit. She has something she can offer me. She even outright wrote, “I believe there’s a reason people CROSS PATHS!!” She then suggested we trade services. I give her mediumship (the group kind) and she refers me to her family business.

The service she can offer caught me off guard. The minute I read what it was, a path opened up to me that wasn’t there before. Just considering the path scares and exhausts me for all the “unknowns”. I am being asked to really be sure of what I want because if I choose this path there is no turning back. What is strange is that I know what to do. It was like instructions fell out of the sky and into my lap. There was a Knowing that sometimes we have to do things we don’t like to get what we want. And the feeling is that this is just the first part. I also know I can hold onto this option, like an ACE up my sleeve, as long as I want. To bide my time and make sure it is a path I wish to travel.

Manifest Destiny. Manifest your Destiny. Gives me goosebumps.

worthiness

Still in the in-between I saw and heard, “Worthiness.” Then I was reminded of something that happened many years ago. The first time I met my husband’s half-sister came to mind. She is a Sagittarius (ha! another sync) and we got along awesome. She heard that I could “see things” and that I was a medium so she sought my advice, asking me for a reading. I gave it to her freely. I had no issues because I hardly knew her. I was able to connect to her deceased father (my FIL) and able to give her answers about some of her questions. Her marriage was on the rocks. She wanted to leave her husband but was afraid of what it would mean for her daughter. So many unknowns and she just needed some guidance. I told her what I saw – her divorce, how the assets would be split, how her daughter would react, etc.

Skip to present day. She did get divorced. In fact everything I told her has come to pass. She had to leave her daughter behind, knowing her daughter would hate her. She remarried and is traveling and fulfilled. Her daughter is now coming around (which I assured her would happen).

All of this came to me because of the word “worthiness”. I knew I was seeing an example of how this can manifest in a person’s life. You have to feel worthy of having the things you want before you can have them. I was being asked if I felt worthy. Do I? Still working on that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More on the Ego Child

Got sick yesterday. I thought I would be able to avoid the chest cold (okay why did I just type “cost” instead of “cold”?) my two youngest got last weekend. Guess not. Sore throat and congestion with minor headache – yay. I’ve actually had a headache on and off for four days now. I rarely get headaches. Considering my family is suppose to leave tomorrow for South Padre Island (6hr drive), the timing of my sickness is not ideal. Not that I can’t enjoy the beach with congestion but it makes it less comfortable. Now if my husband were to get sick with this cold, well he would be bedridden and the trip would be cancelled. Ha! Men!

The funk I have been in has all be self-imposed. Obviously. It always is. In the middle of the night I awoke and all of the funk and crap had vanished and I felt at ease with life. This is the “real” me. I know this. In fact, this version of “me” is what came out two days ago and sent me into this most recent “tantrum”. What did she do? Oh nothing but be happy with the way things are. She looked ahead at her (my) future, saw the mundaneness of it and thought pleasant thoughts about it. Actually, I will say she felt optimistic and pleased with the entire probable future of the current timeline we occupy.

Yeah, as you can guess I wasn’t having any of that. Hell no. I don’t want “normal”. I want “exciting”. I want to feel ALIVE. The same ol’, same ol’ doesn’t feel like living to me. So I replaced the happy, go-with-the-flow feeling with resistance. I gotta make things interesting, right?

The key thing here is I noticed both me’s and opted for the tantrum-throwing version. This I blame on the testing energy of June. It is so mental that it is easy to jump into old patterns and resistance is one of my top patterns. I just automatically tend to resist if I feel someone or something is imposing their will on me and my life. I’ve been like that all my life. You say yes, I automatically say no. Argumentative. Stubborn. I’ve gotta be the one with the idea. If you got the idea then you better make it seem like I was a part of it. Yeah, sad. I am aware, though. This, thankfully, is me at my worst. I’m not usually so bad but throw in a headache, cold, and three kids fighting and I break under the strain of it all.

This morning I am more agreeable despite the illness. My probable future is not so bad, it is just not exactly what I had hoped for or imagined. But in these moments we have to be willing to experience anything as resistance to any one thing will only delay things. What you resist, persists, you know?

There is a part of me that fears she will never be happy, she will never be in a fulfilling relationship based on real love or be with her soul family or fulfill her purpose. She feels she is being punished. Why should she sacrifice herself, her wants, needs, and desires, for everyone else? When will it be her time? She gets angry when she’s told to wait and in protest rejects her Knowing that she will get what she wants if she would just be patient. The thought of being old, fat, and unattractive bothers her greatly. She feels her remaining youth and health is being wasted. When I focus on her I feel restless, like a child who was told she gets to go to Disney World in a month but every passing day is agony.

It seems that this part of me has to come out, has to have her say, every once in a while. But being her is a miserable experience for me, albeit a learning one. What is most difficult is that I love her and want her to be happy. I want to give her what she wants when she wants it. I feel I am not a good parent. I’m too permissive. Perhaps I should be a more authoritarian parent? Yet, if you are a parent you know that if you give a child an inch they will take a mile. I’ve already given too many inches. The thing is, most of us in human bodies have already given our Ego child many, many inches. You can’t undo that. A friend of mine is opting to give nothing to the Ego child. Any want or desire of the Ego child is off-limits. But if you do that to a child who already has a taste of what they want, it won’t work. You will have outright rebellion of a serious nature at some point. You don’t want to try and beat them into apathy. It doesn’t play out well in the end for either the parent or the child.

We have to listen to the Ego child. The Ego child has a lot to teach us if we take a moment to listen and communicate with him/her. Communicate is the key word here. It’s a give and take relationship that will have the best results.

I am reminded of when I was a child and got in trouble. I often had no idea why I was being punished. This made me quite angry and vengeful. Not good for my mom. lol As an adult we talked about this. I said to her, “If you would have just taken time to talk to me, to tell me what I did wrong and explain things, I would not have gotten so angry and vengeful. I would have still been mad but I would have understood. That is all I needed. That is all I still need.” My mom’s method was get angry, spank, ground me to my room and demand I tell her what I did wrong. For a child who had no idea what she had done, the constant demand to say what I had done wrong caused me to feel I could do nothing right.

This is just me and my Ego child. Your Ego child may be way easier to manage. lol Maybe your parents did talk to you. Maybe you weren’t spanked all the time. Maybe you were lovingly disciplined. Maybe you were heard. I wasn’t. I was the middle child and the scapegoat. If something went wrong, I was immediately blamed. Not that I wasn’t doing bad things, oh I was, but I often was blamed when I had done nothing wrong. The pre-dominating feeling during my childhood was, “No one loves me” followed by, “No one wants me”.  Those feelings are what has to be confronted and handled now, just by me, not my parents.

Just know that whatever you did as a child, your Ego child will still do. It was life-saving at the time. If you closed off your heart then and it worked then closing off your heart now will be the go-to method of survival. If anger and revenge served their purpose then, it will be the go-to now. If you decided no one loved you then, well it will happen now, too.

It goes the same with what worked to make you happy and cooperative. If you liked love and cuddles as a child (who didn’t?) then that is what you really want now, too. If you enjoyed being praised and congratulated on your accomplishments, then that is what you want now, too. Think about the times you felt loved and cherished. What did your parents or others do to make you feel that way? This is what you give yourself now. This is the key to pacifying to Ego child.

The Ego child is not going away. It will not be subdued by force but through loving acceptance. It will come out and throw its tantrums. Sometimes it will take over. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you need to listen. Let him/her make their list of demands. Help them feel heard. Let them know they will have what they most desire and you will do everything in your power to make it so. But also let them know they will also have to do their part. Cooperation is key.

Music Messages

Now that we have all that covered (lol), I will share two songs that came to me this morning after a series of strange dreams.

Ho Hey, the Lumineers – “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart”. My Companion always calls me, “Sweetheart.” ❤

Followed by Renegades by the X Ambassadors – “Hey, hey, hey, living like we’re renegades.”

The songs didn’t mean much to me when I woke up hearing them really. Now, though, I am reminded that the real me, the me at the core of this personality in this lifetime, can also be found in the Ego child. The distinguishing characteristics of our core personality can be found in those things we did as a child that brought us joy. Not just the actions or hobbies, but also the underlying creative spark, our inner soul drive, can be found in those happy moments of childhood.

Here are the most obvious ones for me that come to mind:

Adventurer – I was always exploring. If it had a fence, I went over it, even if it was private property and I was not allowed. I would spend the entire day out exploring vacant lots, fields, the 52 acres at my grandparent’s. If there was an abandoned house, I went inside it. If the house wasn’t abandoned and unlocked, I would even go in to explore (I did this very rarely). This, BTW, is also how I am when OOB. LOL

Nature lover – I was always outside, rain permitting and sometimes even dancing or swimming in the rain. My favorite things to do? Fish, swim, hunt for crawdads in the mud, climb trees, find lost or stray animals and bring them home (lol), ride my bike, explore (see above). This later extended to hunting and camping but I learned I didn’t like hunting.

Fearless – goes with the two above. I didn’t care if I was caught or got hurt. Many times I should have been hurt, but wasn’t. This also applied to speaking my mind.

Artistic/Creative – I loved to draw and make up stories. If I wasn’t outside I had out paper and pencil and drew horses and unicorns, imagining entire stories in my mind as I drew. I also use to sing and dance around the house or outside, making up song and just feeling carefree.

Curious/Inquisitive – I loved to learn and try new things. I got bored easily so having many things going on at once kept me busy and interested. I was always asking “Why?” lol I wanted to know how things worked and would often watch my dad work on the engines of his cars and ask him questions, even help him.

Social/Bold – I always had a band of friends and I was the leader. If they questioned my leadership I was bossy and mean until they stopped questioning it or went away. I didn’t care if they liked me really, I just liked being in charge. Other kids just flocked to me without me having to do anything. This sometimes irritated me, though, as I also had a loner aspect, a wild independence that did not like to be slowed down by others. Most of my friends were boys. I use to make the girls cry (sigh lol).

Loving – I was generous with my love but if I felt my love was rejected I shut down to that person. Very possessive of those I loved. I wanted to be the only child so that I was the only one my mom loved. Early on I gave my love openly and without restraint but wanted to be loved the same in return. This was rare, though.

Intuitive – I had vivid dreams early on and could sense the feelings and true nature of other people keenly. I could foresee the future even then but it often made me fearful. Spoke with an imaginary friend until I was 3 and recall conversations with my guidance at an early age.

The key is taking these core attributes that were present when we were children and bringing them back into balance with who we have become as adults. We have to stop suppressing them and allow them to shine through.

 

 

The Hanged Man

The meaning of something I was told in the in-between yesterday morning came to me suddenly this afternoon.  This is what I saw/heard yesterday: “I remember hearing, ‘We will come get you.’ along with an image of me hanging upside down by a rope attached to one of my feet.”

So this afternoon I remembered this particular message and instantly knew it was a tarot card. At first I thought it was the Fool card, but it was soon obvious it was the Hanged Man card. This all came while I was thinking about nothing in particular. Quite weird, really.

I’m not going to go into detail about what it means other than to sum it up with – Let go. Surrender. Yeah, the same ol’ message.

Here is a good summary:

The Hanged Man has put himself in this position and there is no way he can win. And yet, that halo lets us know that he may be about to claim a sizable victory. He was not attacked, nor forced to be where he is, nothing is disheveled besides his hair hanging down due to simple gravity. With his hidden hands, he is not letting us see his manipulation of the situation. His bent leg indicates that he is getting quite comfortable being helpless.

…..If The Hanged Man represents you in your reading, you are being advised by the Tarot deck to surrender, to change course or to let the universe solve a situation without your input.

Guess I’m enjoying “hanging around” and my “friends” got a good laugh out of it saying they would come get me. Sure they will. Ha!