From Ecstasy to Tears

It seems the Kundalini is not letting up. I had another visit last night. She seems to be more intense with each visit and I ever more enchanted by her. I anticipated her this time, though.

I can’t recall the specifics of the dream I was having when she visited. There is a vague memory of circling a room and of circles in general. Even I seemed to be a circle with no beginning or end, just a continuous loop of energy.

My lucidity was peaked when my root chakra began to expand with a pleasurable energy. It moved upward and each of my other chakras expanded in a similar fashion. The energy would pulsate, rising and falling, each rise bringing more lucidity and more ecstasy. At the time I remember I had a male partner but only recall that he also was circular and seemed to curl around my own energy. My memory now only gives me a golden and white glow of our combined energies, a few flashes of his face and the sensation of kissing.

The energy rose to my heart chakra this time, waking me up prematurely. It has been so long since my heart has activated like this that it triggered too much lucidity. When I woke the Kundalini did not stop but continued her enchantment of me. I did not resist nor would I expect anyone in a similar situation would for the experience is beyond extraordinary. Whenever I feel it I think, “How can anyone survive this?” Yet every time I do survive.

I happened to check the clock – 1:30am. Over the next hour the Kundalini raged.  My lower chakras were all exploding with a pleasurable energy and my heart was super expanded, surging upward into my throat to the point of sending shooting pain into my left ear for a few seconds. No matter how I moved my body (yes I could move) she raged and did not stop even when I began to try to sleep.

Interestingly, there was communication during this time from my guide, Chris. It was more that I had sudden Knowing and he would confirm, though. I knew the warning I had not long ago about October – that I would “die” this month – was about the Kundalini. I had no doubt. The Kundalini feels so different, so much more comfortable now, that I can’t help but think something big is on the horizon. Even as I had these thoughts she raged and I, despite experiencing her amazing power, was able to think and communicate without being completely overcome. It’s like I’m getting use to her, something I didn’t think was possible.

Two songs came to my mind as well. The first was one that has already come about – “I know I can treat you better than he can”. However, there was another line from a song after – “By the time we are through the world will never ever be the same….”

Dreams and Tears

Somehow I was able to fall to sleep. I recall drifting in and out of sleep for a while because the Kundalini from my heart chakra would pull me out of sleep, burning pleasurably in my chest. There is nothing like the heart bliss. I love it so!

The first dream I had was located on a craft of some sort, either that or a train because I was inside a very narrow, white, metallic room with a bed. My “husband” was with me. We had just been married. He wanted me to do something with crystals and showed me a small, heart-shaped one, I believe it was amethyst. He wanted me to place it on my root chakra and do a ceremony with him.

I agreed and we went into a room where we sat down to do the ceremony. He positioned the crystal but I had no reaction to it. I told him it was likely I needed a different one and suggested Carnelian. Then others began to come into the space and sit in a circle with us. Someone brought in salt and poured it around the outer edge and then everyone began to chant a prayer and mudra in ancient Sanskrit. I was caught off guard, and sat there bewildered as more people, mostly women, joined and expanded the circle.

Then an older man who I knew was called Orin, came into the circle carrying a fish bowl with three goldfish (an important emotional matter) in it. I said to him that he was the only other Orin I had ever known besides my own son. He ignored me and asked me, “What do you think would happen to this fishe’s eyes if I squeezed them?” He did this as he asked. I watched as the fish exploded. The evil intent from him came at me like a forceful wind. My reaction was to take the bowl from him and leave the room. I said to him, “How can you be so cruel?” Then I burst into tears. The feeling I had was that the fish in the bowl represented my children and that this man intended them harm and would do so without a thought. To think he could do something like that was incomprehensible to me.

I woke up crying and the feeling in my chest remained. It was like my heart was being gouged out. The tears lasted for a while and the Kundalini energy was gone. It was 4:30am.

I returned to sleep and fell into another dream. I had just moved into an apartment (financial or emotional state) with my new husband. Unfortunately he changed his mind about being with me and at the last minute left me alone in a brand new apartment without a job or money or anything. I was beside myself with worry about how I would manage. A stranger then appeared at my doorstep with his young daughter and told me he was to be my roommate. I let him in and he took a bedroom. He was older than me, with dark hair and seemed to be of another ethnicity, perhaps Indian. He was very kind, though, and I felt reassured with him there.

I was completely alone and super depressed. The man was friendly and compassionate and I grew to trust him as a friend. I recall laying with my head on his shoulder in his bed and feeling comforted. I also remember becoming hopeful of my future despite being all alone.

I woke from this dream feeling confused. The night began with Kundalini ecstasy and then quickly turned into a night of tears. Was this the Kundalini doing it’s work, clearing away blockages? It appears my upsets are still clearing. I fear being abandoned and left all alone. I also have issue with how heartless mankind can be.

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Lascivious Kundalini

Prior to sleep last night I relaxed into a light meditation and had energy moving up and down my spine and through my body. This energy was brought on simply by my intention to feel it – to remember it. I wanted to see if I could “call it” and it worked. When the energy arrived so did the obvious presence of my current main guide who calls himself Chris. It felt like he was giving me a huge bliss hug. I told him, “I want the truth about myself and what is going on – all of it, even if it is something I don’t want to know.”

Dream: Hotel Guest

I recall being in another country. It felt like Europe and the time frame seemed to be Victorian or maybe later because of the type of clothing I observed around me. I was outside walking on cobblestone streets. In front of me was a large, stone building with stairs leading up to an entrance. The gray stone is still very vivid in my memory as is the heavy, wooden and ornately carved door I walked through.

I was with others in a group and we were staying in the building – a grand hotel (shift in personal identity, transition from old to new) – for the night. We were given rooms and keys and sent on our way. I remember my room number was 186 . I went looking for my room alongside a man with dark hair and a mustache. There was also another young woman with us. I could not find my room at first but finally located it. I remember wondering why the three of us were separated from the others in the group. I found out everyone had been separated into groups of 3 around the hotel. None of the groups were close to the others.

I wandered toward an open area noticing trays of food – candies (indulgences and forbidden pleasure). The candy was made to look like real fruit and placed on realistic leaves and trees. I selected some and ate it. A young girl with long, brown hair was there and spoke with me briefly. She was the one who told me about the groups being split up. This is also when I noticed we were both wearing corsets and elaborate gowns. Mine was yellow with white lace.

I stayed with the young girl for a while and we talked. She was telling me how she would never grow up and how she was stuck living life after life only as a child. Her age was approximately 12-13, maybe a bit older. I reassured her, seeming to know all about her plight. We sat together, me on the edge of a bed and her on a cushioned seat. I recall telling her how to stop the cycle she was in. My advice was for her to accept her life as it was, to accept that she would remain a child rather than resist it. If she did this, then the cycle would be broken and she would finally be able to exit into adulthood. Everything seemed crystal clear to me as I said this to her. I could see how many lives she had lived never growing into adulthood – hundreds of them.

While I was talking to the young girl I had some interruptions that were quite disturbing, though my reaction was to laugh. The first time it happened I was in the midst of telling the girl something and suddenly felt a large, cylindrical object inserted into my mouth and down my throat. In my mind I saw the bare chest of a man and then a very, very fat penis. I actually laughed when I saw the visual and knew who the man was. I said to him (after removing the object from my mouth), “Stop it. Not now.”

The girl I was talking to gave me a look like, “WTF?” LOL But I ignored the man and her look and kept talking.

Not long after I felt the object down my throat again and with it came a very strong feeling of sexual interest. Briefly, I felt pulled into the feeling. It was super intoxicating but I again rejected it. I pushed the man away and said to him, “I’m trying to tell her something!” Though it would seem I was irritated, I was actually smiling when I said it. It felt like a game between lovers, like he was trying to get my attention. And though what he was suggesting would be fun, I had “serious” things to say! lol

I remember the girl telling me how she felt stuck and then me telling her how to end the cycle. Accept it (her life) as is. Right after I said this I again felt something inserted into my throat but at the same time felt the feeling in my lower chakras that I had in the previous Kundalini dream. It was like my entire lower body became my root chakra and at the same time my upper chakras were melting down toward the lower chakras. Imagine yourself melting into your own center and you might get an idea of the sensation of it. I felt the two distinct energies converging in the space between my solar plexus and my heart chakra.

There was a surge of ecstasy that accompanied this. I felt like I was in the middle of an erotica film! All I wanted to do was surrender to this very “dirty” sexual game my partner was playing with me.

I woke up from the surge of ecstasy and it did not continue upon waking. My guide was nearby as I adjusted to wakefulness, energy still covering my body. The region between my solar plexus and heart was especially active and continued to feel pleasant for a while after I woke.

Discussion 

It was 4:30am when I looked at the clock. I told Chris, “What was that all about?” He said, “You wanted to know the truth.” I thought about it for a while and realized I had been talking to the girl, who was also me, and giving her the same advice I had been given previously – Accept it as it is. Apparently I am stuck in a cycle. This cycle keeps me from “growing into an adult”. The cycle involves rejection or non-acceptance of myself as a “child”. The advice is to accept myself as this “child” and only then will I grow into an adult.

Recognizing that, I questioned the strange method he used to get my attention in the dream. What was that all about?

He seemed amused. I received one word, “Lascivious.” HA! Yes indeed!! He said to me, “I will visit again soon.” Of course, I played along and encourage him feeling quite lascivious myself after the experience. lol

He said, “Sleep.” I said to him, “I’m still tired. I want to go back to sleep but you ruined it! How can I sleep after that!?” Yet not long after I did indeed fall asleep.

Dream: Pregnancy Advice

This time I was in a locker room (a new dream theme indicating need for time to recuperate/calm down) with a black woman who had just given birth. I noticed she was very tired and seemed sullen. I went up to her and hugged her, asking her if she was okay. We sat down on a bench and talked for a while. I told her she looked sad and advised her to give herself some time to adjust. “You just had a baby! Give yourself some time.” I said. I looked into her sad, brown eyes and felt so much love and compassion for her situation.

She stood up and stared blankly across the room. She said, “I know I just had a baby. It’s been 7 months but my body is still recovering.” I could feel her emptiness and apathy and sense that she wanted to do so much more but just couldn’t yet. I said, “This isn’t the end of your life, it’s the beginning.” In that instant I remembered how I felt after the birth of my first child. I felt like life as I knew it was over and knew I would never be able to live life for myself again. The recognition of my fate hit me hard and put me into a 9-month deep depression.

I took her hand and said, “You are sad.” She looked up at me, clarity in her eyes, and said, “Yes, but so are you.” This caught me off guard and the reality of the dream hit me full-on. Everything I said to the woman applied to me. Everything. I collapsed to the floor in heaving sobs and woke up feeling decimated.

zebra.jpgVision: Zebra Without Stripes

Wide awake again I recovered from my tears and let the messages sink in. 7 months echoed in my mind and I wondered about the symbolism. Did I give birth to a new version of myself but just not had time to fully recover from it? Am I grieving for what I lost like I did after the birth of my first child? Is this the beginning rather than the end like it seems?

I fell into the in-between while contemplating all of the above. I saw a herd of zebra (individualization, taking the middle ground, wild and free spirit). One was plucked up and out of the herd, it’s black stripes falling off and leaving it completely white. I knew the zebra lost its stripes and that it represented me.

By this time it was 6am and I was definitely not going to return to sleep. I still had lingering energy in my solar plexus and third-eye. My thoughts went to everything going on in my life and to the dreams and messages I just received. That’s when Chris said to me, “Doors will open now.” I felt in my heart that this was true. All I have to do is knock and they will open.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unusually Powerful Kundalini

My Kundalini experiences have been intermittent as of late. I will get spurts here and there but nothing like the near continuous rumblings I had in 2016. For the last few months I have noticed a pattern, though. The Kundalini makes an entrance during specific phases of my moon cycle around ovulation and then again around menstruation. The time frame she chooses is interesting as I have read that for women Kundalini does tend to be more active at certain times in a woman’s cycle, specifically during spikes in estrogen levels (which would be around ovulation).

Currently I am approaching the end of my cycle, around two days from the end in fact. All has been quiet since mid-month when I ovulated and had a spike in Kundalini dreams that woke me up with uncomfortable root chakra activity.

Early last night I had a Kundalini visit that was unusually powerful. Thankfully I was so deep in sleep that I never became fully lucid.

The Kundalini presented itself via a connection with one of my guides. This is not uncommon. We were together having a conversation I can’t recall completely now. I do know this guide’s name was “Chris”. His appearance is blurry. I believe he had dark hair to his chin that was sorta messy. I also see him as muscular, though I have no specific memory of this either. In fact, I cannot recall seeing him even once in the encounter, though I do remember him being present. However, I recently had an OBE where this guide presented himself, so I have an idea of what he looks like.

To describe what I felt is always difficult with the Kundalini energy. There is nothing in my life experience, and I mean NOTHING, that even comes close. In the dream I recall talking to this guide one minute, standing next to him casually enjoying a conversation, and the next being literally overcome by a powerful sensation in my root chakra that surged upward ferociously, devouring any resistance I might have had and putting me completely out of commission. The Kundalini did not feel like I have ever felt it. My root chakra seemed to move upward and take over all of my lower chakras. It literally felt like my entire lower body became my root and the sensation of having a body at all was gone. I also have a vague memory of my guide pushing a “button” prior to the Kundalini rising.

As I was standing when these episodes would incite, I do not know how I didn’t fall to the ground! In those moments it actually seemed like I levitated and lost any recognizable form. The Kundalini would surge for what seemed like an eternity, I would lose myself to it and then it would subside. I would return to my conversation and then it would come again. And again. And again. Each time it surged it was like my entire body was orgasming! I could feel a central canal of energy extend up to my heart. It was like my vagina extended all the way to my heart! I know, weird, but like I said this was unusual even for me. My entire lower half felt like my root/genital area and was super, super stimulated to the point that I am not sure how I didn’t die from it. lol

After 7 or 8 rounds of this energy rising and receding, I finally began to have more lucidity. This is when I remember talking with my guide and discussing math of all things. lol My only specific memory here is of the number 38. I can still see it vividly in my mind as it was white outlined in silver floating in front of my eyes. I reached for it and touched it even and it converted into an equation of some sort, one with a square root sign. This is when the last surge of Kundalini energy hit and put me out of commission for a while. When it receded I began to wake up.

While in the in-between I received a message from my guide. He gave me the name “Chris” and another word came up but now all I remember is that it began with the letter “r”. I believe the word may have been “restore” but am unsure. I do know that I was being told why he was assisting me and that it had to do with some improvements being made as I saw the Kundalini as scrubbing/cleaning my energy body.

When I woke it was 1:30am and I easily returned to sleep because I had a feeling of being drugged. I had to get out of bed to get a drink, though, because I felt parched, and prior to sleep all of my lower chakras were active and felt merged as one with a comfortable, warm energy. I experienced the same raw ache I tend to get after a Kundalini surge but it was not uncomfortable as it has been in the past. The last thing I recall before slipping into dreamland is the energy reaching my lower heart chakra and the warmth of it spreading outward.

 

OBE Meeting

Very active projection morning!

I woke at 5:30am with no dream recall and feeling very drowsy but rested. A song was on my mind – Human – specifically the part, “I’m only human after all, don’t put the blame on me.” Wide awake but wanting more sleep, I tried to settle down. That last thing I recall is the clock saying it was 6:03am.

OBEs

Over the next hour I had several projections. The memory of the first few are hazy but I do remember sitting up out of my sleeping body with each of them. I also recall traveling to a city, flying high over it and seeing the stars in the night sky. When I dropped down near the ground to investigate I entered an open mall type setting but it was unfamiliar, like in another country. The entire time I was conversing with someone I could not see but could feel, happily jabbering about looking for someone. In retrospect I believe the person I was looking for was him because it felt like we were playing a game of hide-and-seek.

I went up to several people, talking to them and checking to see if they were who I was looking for. I recall a jeweler being one of them and another being some guy just walking along the street. I purposefully walked instead of flying. Somehow I knew it was not acceptable to fly where I was even though that is how I arrived. This was the longest of the OBEs. I went into several buildings, spoke to many people, and explored the place like a curious child would. The whole time I was talking to my friend – a guide I assume.

In another OBE memory I sat up out of my body and wandered my house but the house was nothing at all like the one in this reality. On the second floor there was a veranda that overlooked the city and the views were spectacular. My husband was in the OBEs situated inside the house. I would see him working on the computer or walking around. I also saw my daughter briefly. When I saw them I would talk to them, always happily, and they would greet me and act normal, as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

I remember specifically one time sitting up out of my sleeping body thinking I had finally awakened from all the OBEs. As I wandered the house I noticed things that were out of place and became very tired. I told my husband I wanted to sleep, went back to bed and then “woke up” again to realize I was projecting. lol Projection within a projection. 🙂

As I neared the end of my projecting my memory of them increases. In fact, the second to the last one I was telling my invisible guide friend how I was going to focus on remembering them because “it was so beautiful” and “amazing”. lol

january

OBE: January 1st

The second to the last projection began the same as the others. I sat up out of my sleeping body and looked around my bedroom. At the foot of my bed was a chest and on top of it a basket lined with fabric. Inside the basket were library books and a note that said, “Due January 1st”. I thought it odd that it was there and when I read the note all I initially recalled was “the 1st” but my friend said, “January 1st” and I saw it in my mind’s eye at the same time.

Taking note of the message I moved on, gliding toward the kitchen. I remember being fully aware that I was projecting and not wanting the experience to end. There was a brief fear that I would lose my perceptions because they were so acute but I never lost lucidity. It was so real and so exciting in that moment that I felt giddy like a child.

I went out double glass doors in the kitchen out onto a veranda that overlooked the city. It was dark and the night sky was dotted with stars so brilliant that I was blown away by their beauty. I began to sing about the sky and the sunrise and sunset. As I sang I flew up into the sky to look down on it all. As I rose I paused to look closely at the leaves of the trees nearly and delighted in every minute detail of them. They seemed to sparkle and the green of the leaves brightened substantially.

While in the sky I paused, controlling my ascent before I ended up in space, and looked down as I sang about the sun rising. The dark sky began to lighten with the first rays of the sun. I knew I was controlling it and delighted in this, quickly shifting my song to sunset and watching it grow dark again.

I was pulled back toward my physical body and I felt a distinct shift in vibration. I shifted back into the scene of my bedroom and started over again.

OBE: Meeting

I moved back toward the veranda but cannot remember how I got there. All I recall next is sitting outside face to face with a man. We obviously knew each other because I was completely at ease with him and there was a strong bond of friendship between us that could be felt.

My memories here are mostly of him sitting there cross legged and completely naked. lol His nakedness was not my focus, though. In fact, I seemed not to care at all that he had on no clothes. He was talking to me like an old friend would seeming to be asking me for advice. Yet at the same time I knew he and I had been assigned to one another for a period of time. He was assigned to me to help me and I was assigned to him to help him. In fact, I remember saying to him, “They assigned me to you.” Who “they” are was not discussed.

As we talked I was very close to him. My treatment of him was like I would treat someone I loved dearly. I was caressing his cheek with my hand and stroking his hair. At the same time I was taking in his appearance. He reminded me of one of The Beatles – his hair was long and black and messy and he had a pronounced, large nose. He also had a slight beard that was long enough for me to pass my fingers through. It grew straight rather than coarse and curly.

He said to me, “I wonder what it will be like to meet God? Do you think he will approve of me?” He seemed very pensive about this and genuinely concerned that God would not be happy with him, who he was or what he had done. I thought about his question and moved closer to him because at this point I had moved away and sitting across from him again. With his question I looked at him and understood his concern thoroughly. In that moment I could see all of his mistakes, all of his “flaws”….. all of his humanity. I said to him, “I don’t think God will be upset with you. He created you as you are, so why would he not approve of his own creation?” My friend smiled and seemed reassured but I wondered about his question.

I remember briefly wondering, “Why would he ask me that? Doesn’t he know that we are God?” Yet at the same time I knew the question was also meant to make a point. He wanted me to see that I, too, am only human. There is no shame in being human, in making “mistakes”, in being what God created me to be.

There was so much power in that moment. Not power as in feeling powerful, but power as in awareness. This man, whoever he was, was my friend and teacher, as I was also to him. It is intriguing to me that I knew about our “assignment” to one another. I also knew this assignment was temporary. The feeling between us, the feelings I had for him, were unique. Unique in that my reaction to him was intimate and familiar yet nonsexual. Had the human me been in attendance I would have felt uncomfortable and likely sexually attracted to him despite him not being my “type” at all. He towered above me – he was at least 6’3″ – and was broad shouldered and muscular, so he likely would have intimidated me as well. This is probably why he remained seated.

I knew he appeared to me completely naked as a means to share himself fully with me, without pretense. Completely “exposed” and vulnerable. I don’t know if I was naked, too. Probably since I seem to delight in it while OOB. lol

Afterward

Not long after this conversation I returned to my body, the song Human still going over and over in my mind. Settling into my body I felt slight vibrations and, though I tried to linger in the in-between, I woke fully because my first thought was that I needed to remember.

The man from the OBE was present upon my waking. His energy was to my left and I recognized him immediately. I had asked prior to sleep that I project or at least have an experience that would make me smile because at the time I had been feeling homesick again. I thanked this man – guide, friend – for giving me something to smile about. The feelings from the experience are some that I will forever cherish because I don’t have any relationships like that in this physical reality. Gender roles and sexual urges inevitably get in the way of that kind of intimacy and love. If only I could shut those things off and push taboo and belief out the window. To be able to be completely exposed and vulnerable with someone like that is so beautiful and right. What a wonderful gift and lesson he provided me.

He told me that we would meet like this again, though he said it could not be often. I understood why and didn’t object to it. Just knowing more meetings would come was enough for me. There was a sense that we were helping one another, but I am not sure exactly how or toward what end. I asked him if he had a physical body and he said, “We all do.” This came with an explanation without words. The closest I can come to it is our multidimensional nature. I asked if we were going to meet in physicality and was told, “No.”

I inquired about the part where I said, “They assigned me to you.” Who were “they”? I said, “Are they the Council?” His answer was to suggest I not try and understand via the human mind. He said it would be impossible to get an answer I would be satisfied with.

Even now I remember how his naked body looked. I recall the broadness of his shoulders, his black chest hair and how it extended down to his male parts. I even remember his male parts. lol Mostly I remember being in awe of his form – of the human form. How perfect it is! He really was quite beautiful and I mentioned this to him saying, “It is funny but had I seen your picture or had you walked past me in a crowd I would have thought you plain and maybe even unattractive. I would have not given you a second thought. Yet when I was close to you I saw you as beautiful because our connection is beautiful.” It was obvious to me that it is not appearance that determines connection but something much deeper. Not only that, but this connection can exist with any “stranger” if we allow ourselves to look beyond this physical facade.

After this meeting I feel different. I finally don’t feel alone. It is a relief because I have felt so very alone – abandoned –  for about a year now.

 

2 OBEs and More Tears

Today the repairman is returning to finish the repairs on my broken refrigerator. He needs to replace the heater and thermostat so it doesn’t freeze up again. When he left last Friday he asked me to unplugged the fridge 8 hours before his arrival today at 9am. That meant either turning it off before bed or waking in the night to do it. I opted to wake during the night. Prior to bed I asked for more clarification as to what is going on with me. Still feel unsure of this “process” I am going through.

I meant to wake at midnight using my internal clock but ended up waking at 2:30am instead. After unplugging the fridge I was wide awake and it took me some time to settle down. I should have known I would end up going OOB, but I didn’t ask to do so.

OBE: Visit From MIL

I vaguely recall rising up from my body in bed and traveling downstairs to the kitchen. I was not fully lucid when I did so and believed I was awake repeating the steps I’d taken earlier in the night. When I got to the kitchen I saw that someone had been there and plugged the refrigerator back in. This upset me and I tried to figure out what had happened. I noticed some things laying here and there (bags and such) indicating that my mother-in-law had paid us a visit after we all went to bed. This isn’t uncommon for her so made sense. She often leaves us loaves of bread and other groceries for the kids and will clean up the kitchen if she has the energy.

I turned toward the living room still upset over the fridge but I never unplugged it. Instead I noticed there was an opening in the living area where normally the fireplace would be. Another entire room extended for many feet and the floors of both were carpeted. Instantly I knew something wasn’t right and said to myself, “This is a dream”.

Nothing about the feel of my energy body or the dream really changed after this realization. I already had my full perceptions but had just not been focused on them. My vision was the one I was most focused on at the time anyway. It brightened slightly and I decided to explore this new section of my house.

I floated into the new space and noticed someone sitting in a chair facing away from me. I recognized my MIL and went up to her. Facing her confirmed it was her and I remember speaking to her but she just stared at me zombie-like. I remember saying, “Wake up! You’re asleep!” She didn’t respond, just stared into the distance as if preoccupied with something else. My last thought before returning to my body was that she looked so similar to what she looked like in waking life.

When I came back into my body it was ablaze with a comforting energy. I was surprised I had gone OOB and amused that my preoccupation with the coming appointment and refrigerator had been the focus of the OBE. All I wanted was to get some much needed sleep so I turned to my side and drifted off.

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OBE: NOKEY

Again, not fully lucid, I walked into a gym (apply what has been learned) that was familiar. Inside things had been moved and the equipment that was there before was mostly gone. I noticed people standing on circles (cycles, repetition) painted on the floor. They were spaced as if in some kind of grid and all facing in the same direction. Not letting this bother me, I went toward the dumbbell rack but did not use any of them. Instead I was holding onto what resembled black, weighted handcuffs (feeling held back, trapped). I was talking to someone doing exercises with them but can’t recall what I was saying.

A man approached me and asked me when I would be done. I remember being irritated at him but finishing quickly. When I got up I sat in a chair and got out a computer (information). On it I could see the entire layout of the building. Circles represented each person and they moved like chess pieces (loss of control).

A man sitting next to me spoke to me about the ceremony that was going on. One of the owners of the gym was retiring (transitioning, endings) and they were setting up for a celebration. I saw the owner as he walked in. He was graying and had a pleasant face and energy. Someone asked me to put away my computer, so I did, opting to get out my phone which was the size of a tablet. The man had mentioned a word that sounded like Jockey – NOKEY – so I did a Google search for it. The results showed information about baseball (contentedness and peace of mind) and I saw a large 15% that took up my entire tablet.

A woman rudely interrupted me telling me I had some nerve still using my cell phone when the celebration was about to begin. She demanded I leave, saying I had broken the rules and was no longer allowed inside. I stood up and told her it was fine and that I wasn’t a member anyway and had just come in to check it out but found it changed and unusable. I was just as rude to her as she was to me.

She followed me outside. Her demeanor changed when we were alone and she turned more friendly, apologizing for the changes and asking me for suggestions to improve it. She asked me what gym I frequented that I liked. I thought about it and said, “Lifetime Fitness” (which is a gym in real life but one I’ve never been to). Something about saying this brought me into full lucidity and the word “lifetime” echoed in my mind.

I turned and walked away. When I looked to where I was heading I saw beautiful green hills and a vast, sparkling lake. There were people here and there seemingly floating across the fields and water. The sky was brilliant with a rising sun whose rays were illuminating everyone with a silvery sheen. The whole scene sparkled like a million jewels.

I noticed a man was with me at this time. It was like the woman had morphed into a man. He remained with me and spoke with me for the remainder of the experience.

I stopped, filled with awe and said, “It is SO beautiful!” My heart began to overflow and I burst into tears. The scene changed and I could tell I was shifting away from it. In front of my eyes gray clouds floated in and covered the brilliant landscape. Tears poured out of my eyes, my body shuddered with intense vibrations and my heart stung.

In the in-between I lingered for some time. I could sense the presence of someone to my right. The vibrations were still strong and hypnagogic images of millions of tiny, yellow circles flooded my vision, pulsating and breathing in unison. I was still crying, my heart inundated with energy and my entire body pulsing and vibrating. My tears were a mixture of joy and grief. I understood the messages from the OBE and the male presence acknowledged this.

He said to me, “I’ve loved you for a long time.” It reminded me of the song that had been sung to me only a few nights prior: “Don’t you know I’m in love with you. I will be with you for a long time”.

I asked him who he was and the name “Chris” came to mind. Not recognizing the name I just allowed the comforting vibrations to wash over me. He spoke to me at some length about my sadness and exhaustion, telling me, “We will help you” and “It will be okay”. Throughout his messages tears would erupt sporadically. He said that my grief must be experienced and not suppressed.

At one point there was a brilliant circle of light that I identified as a full moon. It got so large that it took up my entire vision and it seemed to intensify the vibrations. Eventually I realized it was not the moon at all but a giant light. I had seen it before while OOB and usually it is associated with E.T.s.

While we communicated two songs came into my mind. The first was the song, All of Me and the specific part I heard over and over was, “My head’s under water but I’m breathing fine. You’re crazy and I’m out of mind. ‘Cause all of me loves all of you……’Cause I give you all of me and you give me all of you.”

The other song was Hold My Hand. “I’m ready for this” repeating over and over.

It didn’t take long for me to understand the second OBE. The messages were obvious. The scene at the gym is me being tired of repetitive cycles, feeling trapped by them and looking for a way to end them. The NOKEY word is actually – No Key – no admittance, no entry, no access. I can’t go where I wish to go. The 15% is still a mystery. I suspect it may indicate my “battery” level, how far I’ve come or where I am at currently in whatever this process is. Maybe I am 15% way through a process that will bring me peace and contentedness? The “Lifetime” reference is to this lifetime.

There was a hell of a lot of energy swirling around me after the last OBE. The entire experience left me unable to return to sleep. I have no idea who this “Chris” person is, either. He was on my right, which suggests he is not a guide. My guides are typically to my left. His messages indicate he knows me, loves me and wants to help. I did not feel any particular connection to him, though.

My considerations now after these experiences are that I refuse to read anything into any of it, no matter how profound. Even if my heart blasts open again and the bliss is all encompassing there will be no reaction or longing or hope this time because I know how destructive the after-effects are. To attach to the feeling is destructive and I don’t think I can survive another round. I pray God spares me from ever feeling it again.

Dream: Medical School

Just a little update on my husband in Clearwater and what happened with Hurricane Irma. Yesterday I texted him since he had not been in contact with me and the silence was unsettling. He texted back this when I asked him how he was doing:

“Very little action here in Clearwater at all. It is quite boring. It’s absolutely hilarious watching the media on TV! They are so disappointed and working so hard to try and find negative things. One of them announced that 5 people had died and then somebody had to come back later and say they had died of natural causes not related to the storm!”

He had been hunkered down on the third floor of his hotel with other guests waiting for the storm to hit like predicted but it never did. The electricity never even went out! Turns out the hurricane was downgraded to a CAT1 around the time it hit Tampa.

I posted this update on FB and got many responses indicating relief. Several people mentioned how all the prayers and manifestation efforts were the cause. Honestly, while I don’t doubt prayers and such helped – positive intention does help – my intuition from the very beginning, even before Harvey hit my own state of Texas, was that all the hype over these hurricanes was unfounded. I believe what my husband insinuated in his text says it all – the media wants things to be negative, they want people to be in fear because fear equals higher ratings.

 

Dream: Medical School

Last night I requested a meeting with my Council to help me better understand my current path. Though I did not have a lucid dream or OBE of such a meeting (didn’t request one either), the following dream indicates such a meeting did take place.

I was in a hospital (giving up control of one’s own body, seeking healing) setting with a group of others. The group was quite large, maybe 30, and we were all students but also teachers in our own right. There were teachers/mentors present who were leading the group there as well. I remember a woman and I having a discussion about my experience with babies. This surprised me at first but then I remembered I had been tending to a baby (new beginnings, innocence). During this conversation she mentioned our residency and that it was our first year. I told her I didn’t want to remain past that year. In this portion of the dream I felt very out of place, unsure of myself and surprised I was in medical school.

There were portions of the dream after this that are hazy. I recall being inside a large hospital doing my rounds. I saw a woman who had a rash (doubt/indecision, “rash” decisions) all over her body. I applied bandages and ointment to the rash (trying to resolve or heal the results of the decision).

The next thing I recall is boarding a plane (connecting with higher aspect of Self) with the rest of my group. We were going to a doctor’s house in Florida. I remember seeing this doctor (emotional and spiritual healing is needed). He was tall with light hair and glasses. My invitation was a surprise and it felt as if the doctor only invited a select few and that I should feel honored that he selected me.

When we arrived at the house I remember seeing that it was right up next to the water. The water was dark (the unknown, mourning) and areas had eddies and whirlpools indicating a strong current (emotional turmoil). The water made me a bit nervous because I knew we were set to go out in a boat (coping with/expressing emotion) and I did not want to drown (become overwhelmed by emotion).

Inside the house it was very nice, very much a man’s home. The floors and walls were wood (emotionally numb) and wood paneling. I remember being inside all alone and wandering around looking in each room. The kitchen (emotional healing) struck me as interesting. It was spotless with marble counter tops and sleek lines. What was really odd is that it had four stoves (developing awareness) and ovens (passion, loyalty, warmth, togetherness, devotion) and I remember thinking, “Why would anyone need that many ovens?” There was an area to the left where there were no cabinets under the counter. I looked and saw a tiny door on the wall at the back. I laughed and said, “That’s a gnome door!”

Eventually everyone came inside and began to mingle. I remember seeing three large jugs of soda (rejuvenation). Students were getting drinks from them. I recall getting Dr. Pepper (Dr = healing needed). Then we were preparing to go onto the boat (coping with/expressing emotion). A woman came up to me and mentioned that we were both wearing white (purity) shirts and how that would not be good if we were to get wet on the boat. I said I might have a black shirt and dug through my back. All I could find was a navy blue (openness to guidance) one.

As I sat waiting with the others, the doctor came by and whispered (listen more carefully) to me something about how he was going to “cook (desire to be loved) my meat (matters, issues needing resolution)”. I assumed he was talking about steak but was surprised because he came up and put his lips to my ear to whisper it. It felt very intimate. While he did this he stuck a small folded note (message being relayed) into my hand. He left and I opened the note. It was in my handwriting. It looked like a worksheet (life and lessons in life) and I remember completing it prior to arriving. I saw several equations (solutions to waking problems) I had worked through with their circled answers. I wondered how he knew it was mine. The girl next to me said he had grabbed it from the other table where I had been sitting. Looking at my answers and hers I noted a difference. I got the answer of 76 and she got an answer of 75. I looked at others’ answers and most got 76 like me. The number was so prominent that it woke me up.

Considerations

The feeling I had when I awoke was that the 76 had to do with the year I was born. It reminded me of something that happened yesterday. I found four scratched off lottery tickets on the ground. I picked them up to throw them away and felt I should check them first. I discovered one had the number 41 as a match and was a $20 winner. The 41 seemed significant and later I recognized why – it is my current age. So it seems the 76 and 41 are pointing to me and my life.

The dream also reminded me that I knew on my 41st birthday that this year was different. I actually woke up that morning thinking, “This is the year I will die”. Lately my dreams indicate I am considering exiting this life, even practicing my own death. Recently I also had a Knowing that I will be off the spiritual path I was on from 2014-2016 for a year.

It felt like the above dream was indicating some in-depth healing and learning at other levels. My guidance and I were discussing this healing, how much time it will take and where it will lead. There is also an indication that I anticipated the problems I am currently experiencing and worked out solutions for the problems ahead of time (worksheet with math problems).

 

 

Gnomes, Hurricanes and Dreamwork

Things are finally settling down here after several days of crazy up’s and down’s. My joke has been that our family garden gnome has been wreaking havoc on our household. 🙂 Anytime strange, unexpected or unexplained things occur the gnome is who I blame. I tell my kids he sneaks out of his potted plant and wreaks havoc on our household while we sleep. They enjoy the laugh, as do I, and it helps relieve tension and make light of things. He’s like our Elf on the Shelf only he can come out anytime, any day, not just at Christmas.

So what has our little gnome been up to lately? First, my husband left for Clearwater on the 6th despite knowing Hurricane Irma was heading straight for Florida. I tried to get him to cancel his flight but he insisted saying it was unlikely he would be affected. Since he has left he has since realized he will likely be in it’s path. The last information he gave me was that his hotel was sandbagging and taping windows in preparation. He is in a voluntary evacuation zone and his hotel is one of the designated shelters. He will be staying to ride out the storm. If they insist he evacuate he will likely head north to Georgia and stay with his aunt and uncle.

Then, the morning of the 8th, sleep still in my eyes, I was pouring milk into my middle son’s cereal and clumps rather than milk came out. Ick! Spoiled. Okay. So out came the other gallon of milk. Lumps. Ugh! Neither was set to expire until the 18th of September so I knew something was up. My husband had mentioned he thought the fridge felt warmer a few days before and I hadn’t noticed. So I went to check and sure enough it felt very warm. Crap!

The milk went down the sink, the kids went without cereal and I put ice cubes in the fridge since the freezer was still good and cold. I spent the rest of the morning looking for a repairman. Thankfully I found one but not after several early morning phone calls.

The whole day I felt off, as if the other shoe would drop any minute. When the repairman arrived he located the problem right away and went to defrosting the freezer. As he was leaving we were talking, me relieved the issue was resolved. I said, “Well it could have been worse. Our a/c could’ve gone out.”

Later I went upstairs and found the a/c thermostat was offline. It was an error message I hadn’t seen. When I saw it and it was unresponsive my heart sank and the words I had just said echoed in my head. I had to call the thermostat company and go through all kinds of steps to see if I could resolve the issue, even calling my BIL in to help. By this time it was near 9pm and I was exhausted. I ended up bursting into tears because the day had just worn me out. The a/c issue was not resolved, it was not the thermostat but we were too tired to try and figure it out. Thankfully the cool front meant the a/c was not needed while we slept. My guidance was saying to me, “Don’t worry” sending me calming waves of energy that I listened to. I could feel the issue would resolve but despite this I could not help but be overwhelmed from everything that had happened that day.

When I woke the next morning the thermostat was miraculously on but set to “heat”. I adjusted it and it showed no issue – like nothing had ever happened. I was suspicious. The night before I had called the company that installed the a/c and made an appointment. I decided to keep it. When the repairman arrived he said the drain had clogged, switching the unit off. Turns out a clogged bathroom sink was the culprit! Stupid gnome! lol 😉

Now maybe all of the above is just normal and I shouldn’t have gotten upset, and honestly I normally wouldn’t, but for some reason that day did me in. I kept thinking about my husband being gone and so maybe on a subconscious level concern for his well-being was seeping in. There were, however, other issues bubbling up in dreamtime around the same time that likely were affecting me, too.

Dream: Dissed

I was standing in a crowded room wearing a white, no-frills wedding dress. I do not recall seeing or even looking at the groom but he was there. In front of me was our minister who was a female and very nice. There were many unknown people – friends – in attendance, but it was a small crowd. The time for the ceremony was quickly approaching but my mom was still not there, neither was the rest of my family. The minister urged me to continue anyway. It was 1pm and that was when the ceremony was suppose to start. Yet I was against it, wanting to wait. She told me the storm likely caused traffic jams and that they may not get through for hours. I asked if they could wait. She said she could.

I borrowed a cell phone and called my mom’s number. My older sister picked up. I could hear sounds of water and splashing in the background and knew they had opted to stay and swim rather than attend. I pushed it out of my mind hoping there was another explanation. I seemed to wait forever for my mom to get on the line. The longer she made me wait, the more sure I was that she was purposefully not coming to the wedding. I recall seeing an old family friend of my mom’s enter the church at the time and found it odd that she would be there but not my own mother.

When my mom finally did get on the line she was not very communicative. I asked her if she was coming saying, “We’ve been waiting for you!” She said she wasn’t coming. She didn’t say much else, communicating most without words that she was not in agreement with my marriage. I suddenly knew all that had transpired and why she was being so awful. She had allowed my sister and her family to live with them for many years. As a result I had not visited as often and so my mom had some resentment for that. At some point I had divorced my husband and met another man and my mom was not in agreement with how I handled the situation. I had been in love with another man while married and though I handled it appropriately and did not wander from my marriage, she didn’t like the new man nor did she like that I left my family/husband. So she was purposefully boycotting my wedding.

Sadness swept over me when I realized she was not coming and doing it on purpose. I felt cut off and abandoned. At the same time I had a “let her go” feeling that was stronger than my wanting to attack or defend myself and/or my actions to her, become bitter/vengeful or try to get her to understand. I hung up the phone and let the situation go but the feeling of sadness didn’t go away.

I woke up, eyes still closed, surprised and not knowing where I was or who I was for a moment. I searched in my mind for a focal point that made sense, a memory of date/time/location. What I recall of this time is seeing flashes of yellow tinged “memories”, like I was traveling along a memory path. I found a memory linked to this life and when I opened my eyes I wondered what I had just seen. It felt like a premonition.

Dream: Disturbing Facial

In this dream I had gone to get a facial. The women giving it to me seemed nice and I was making conversation. She had a peculiar look about her and I was curious. She was giving me a facial of some sort and I remember after it was over asking her about herself and her being quite closed mouthed. She made it seem like she was not allowed. She looked like she may have been a transgendered person because though she appeared feminine she had short hair and some masculine qualities. She had gotten her breasts done and was showing them to me through her clothing. This caused me to be more curious but she would not let me get too close and always backed away from me.

I left and when I returned at another time I found some suspicious activity going on in the same place. There were men with tattoos who seemed menacing and they were asking me if I wanted some of their “services”. The feeling was it involved drugs and sex but there was no evidence.

When I returned again there was a man passed out on the floor who had been given a drug of some sort. I watched them do the same with another man, tempting him with some large, green drink that caused him to immediately pass out after he drank it. The man had hundreds of dollars in his pockets but they didn’t steal it. Instead they stood staring at him and laughing.

That was when they took me and had me lay down on a table. They showed me some “ingredients” to make feces – a white, crumbly clay was one of them and some dark soil as well. They took the mixture and shoved it down my throat asking me how it felt/tasted. I immediately got up and retched, coughing it out and then asking for water to wash out my mouth. I had to swish water around in my mouth several times but could not get rid of the grit left from the mixture. The men were laughing at me.

I left in a hurry and brought back someone to show them what was going on. When we got there they had cleaned out the room and it was empty and spotless.

I ended up at my mom’s making myself lunch and getting ready to head to school. My sister, cousin and mom were present and I knew things were much different than how they are in this reality. My cousin was building a house on my grandparent’s land but had run out of money. My mom was to live with her. My grandfather was still alive and had been grumpy about helping build the house. My mom was not happy and very miserly. She was single and old and my sister was not like she is in this life but seemed independent and helpful. I recall making my lunch for school and then trying to leave but my car was blocked by tons of other cars.

 

Florida Prepares For Major Hit By Hurricane Irma

CARIBBEAN SEA – SEPTEMBER 8: In this NASA/NOAA handout image, NOAA’s GOES satellite shows Hurricane Irma (C) in the Caribbean Sea, Tropical Storm Jose (R) in the Atlantic Ocean and Tropical Storm Katia in the Gulf of Mexico taken at 15:45 UTC on September 08, 2017. Hurricane Irma barreled through the Turks and Caicos Islands as a category 4 storm en route to a destructive encounter with Florida this weekend. (Photo by NASA/NOAA GOES Project via Getty Images)

Considerations

When I awoke I felt like these dreams were either me visiting alternate timelines or the byproduct of some lesson/discussion going on in dreamtime. I felt like the first dream was a premonition. It felt very much like premonitions, do. The quality of them is different from regular dreams but it is hard to describe. It is like a “pay attention” feeling.

The other dream seems to be me confronting a part of me that is distasteful to me. It goes along with the ghetto dream I had not long ago where I visited a part of myself I felt was “unclean”. There is an inspection needed of the parts of myself that are lustful and sexual. That part of me tends toward addiction and seeks out pleasure over pain. Lately I have had images of sexual scenes in my mind that come out of the blue. They are quite orgy-like and likely from another lifetime, though I am not certain. I have a curiosity about them but do not linger on them. However, I am having a lot of root chakra Kundalini activity that makes me especially sexually aroused for no reason. I suspect the dreams, visions and sexual urges go hand-in-hand. Yet I cannot help but wonder if I have gone “sexually insane” or maybe I have entered into that talked about “sexual peak” that women in their 40s experience? There is from this unintended burst of sexual tension both an interest and repulsion in reaction to these sexual urges.

With all of the above going on in dreamtime it is likely it is bubbling up into my consciousness during my waking hours and influencing me more than I know. The hurricane and it’s path toward my husband does not feel to be an issue and overall I feel calm about his situation and know he will arrive home safely, though maybe a bit delayed. Last night as I was considering the three hurricanes now in the Gulf, the massive 8.0 earthquake that hit Mexico and all the fires in the Northwest, I can’t help but feel like my early premonitions of Earth changes are slowly coming to pass. My guidance has long urged me to “stay put” in Central Texas because it will be “safe”. I have seen the coastlines of the U.S. in visions and was told it was not advised that I live near any of them. On one coast the threat of earthquakes is high, on the other ocean surges will engulf the low lying areas time and time again. To think of it all made me shudder. No wonder I have been so uppity the last few days.