Revelations and Updates

Some messages I have received recently:

From Call the Midwife season 5 episode 7:

Prayers aren’t always answered the way one would hope but they are generally answered. And the answer He gave me was this: When things change we have to find a different way. Now whenever I do up a button or a shoelace I’m reminded of the need to keep learning.

A reminder we all need from time to time.

Nothing stays the same. We don’t stay the same ourselves. And all the time the world keeps spinning faster.

Another quote that caught my attention:

But my first child and my second child both died. One in my belly and one in my arms.

I’m sorry.

Why are you sorry?

It’s just something we say in England, when someone says something bad happened.

It is in the past now. This baby’s in the future, which is why you should never be sorry, just be glad.

And still another:

Sometimes there is no map for the road we find ourselves upon. It lies ahead, uncharted, unfurling into the mist. We are all travelling through one another’s countries. But it is no matter if we meet as strangers, for we can join forces and learn to love. And where there is friendship and affection there is the place we can all call home.

These quotes/scenes and more have been inciting tears. Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders; like torrents of flood waters pouring through my very Being and I can’t breathe for the ceaselessness of them. Last night I was overcome by the emotion yet again and rather than question it or judge myself for the feelings I was feeling, I just allowed them to flow because I knew it would not last long. A silent and reassuring voice from within said, “It will pass.” It always does and part of me saw the emotion and the experience of the moment as a Divine blessing. I understood that my human body and mind is not capable of holding onto it all. So, I need to give it up, to give it back to where it came from…..wherever that might be. In giving it up I am cleansed and one step closer to fully embracing the sanctity of this existence.

Amidst the emotional purging there has been clarity on so many things. Lessons are becoming obvious, gifts received finally opened. The exhaustion and apathy I’ve been feeling transforming into surrender, slowly but surely.

After several days of reflection, a thought continues to resurface: “If I had to do it over again, I would not do it again.” When asked why I would not do it again, I replied, “It destroyed me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel empty.” I heard in reply, “Now you can be filled.”

“It” here refers to what occurred in December, 2015, almost two years ago now. Basically, if I could turn back time I would turn the other way, listening to my inner silence rather than giving in to my human urgency to be loved. The connection that I felt was misunderstood and blown way out of proportion by my human self. I have concluded now that the “connection” was merely the result of a newly opened heart which revealed to me a glimpse of my True self. My human side attributed the very “new” feelings to all the wrong things and had not the experience nor knowledge with which to cope appropriately. I continue to feel ill prepared but recognize that my body/mind/spirit has to be re-taught how to handle that which is my natural state. It is very obvious that my natural state is beyond beautiful, beyond powerful, so much so that my human self struggles immensely because she is buried under layers of illusion and belief.

Another revelation….. I saw myself as the character I play in this life. She seems so boring, so nondescript, so lonely and forlorn. It occurred to me that I should step out of that Beingness and look at myself from outside myself, like I am watching a television show of my life. When I did there was just love for the experience and recognition that I chose it because I saw it as beautiful. Every “bad” feeling, low mood, negative reaction just as wonderful as every moment of laughter, excitement, love, and friendship. All moments “will pass”, it is only the clinging to one over the other that makes once experience seem fleeting while another seems to last forever.

Somehow I have to learn to reject nothing and embrace all and do so without judgment.

Spiritual Considerations

I continue to feel repelled by the online spiritual community, channeled messages and energy forecasts I use to follow prior to July this year. The repetitiveness of the messages is really bothering me. It occurred to me that nothing in the messages has really changed over the last few years. They still say the next big wave is upon us, the incoming energy will bring about transformations and huge changes, etc, etc. Then there is the abundance of people jumping on the ever-growing spiritual bandwagon. It all just bothers the hell out of me. Something is very wrong with it. Every day I stop following another person on WP. Every day I stop following another person on FB. Soon there won’t be anything left to read.

I have always been one to listen to my own self/heart first, so none of the above is really out of the ordinary for me. However, the feeling I get from most if not all of what I am reading is nearing repulsion now. I go back day after day to blogs I use to frequent and try again to read their posts but am turned off within a sentence of two. It just doesn’t flow with me anymore.

The only answer I have to the above is that I am focusing on what really matters: love, family, life. The spiritual is part of all of it. There is no need to follow some channel or some energy forecast. No need to validate my journey from without. All of it is right.here.inside.me. Some people still need to look outside themselves, some are still growing, building their foundations. So they can read or follow the blogs, channels, forecasts. There is nothing wrong with it and eventually they will come full circle, too. We all will.

Interesting little tidbit I want to add now. As if to remind me of my own need for validation there was a time last week when wherever I went I kept getting messages from the environment that said, “Walk-in”. It was ridiculous how frequent it was! I actually had a post on it and then opted to not finish it. That very day I saw this on my way to pick up my family photos:

IMG_1187

I actually laughed out loud when I saw it, thus I had to take a picture to document it.

Then, yesterday I think it was, someone commented on my other blog, the one about walk-ins. I didn’t know how to respond. How do I feel about the subject now? I didn’t know. Ultimately, I still don’t know what to say about it. Part of me is not even sure such a thing really exists. Something obviously happened, is happening to me, but really it seems more like a mental illness – a personality break of sorts – than a spiritual phenomena. At this time the best I can come up with is that I am in a transition period and at some point in the future it will all be crystal clear. All I can say for sure right now is that I have changed, am changed and will continue to change. Change is the only constant.

Kundalini

Last night the Kundalini visited more than once. Consciously I accepted it and even upon waking it swirled and raged, especially around my root and crown. At one point, when the energy was feeling quite strange and almost unsettling I heard, “Stay calm.” At that moment I became more alert to the energy in my crown area. Prior to that, I had received a long, rope-like object composed of tiny threads weaving in and out in spiral fashion. I was to attach one end to my crown and the other to my root. The Kundalini was everywhere but the feeling was unlike anything I have felt before. It was almost as if the space between my root and crown was a vast void with no beginning and no end.

I could not return to the in-between and began to think of all the things I needed to do, specifically that I need to get a run in today. I heard my guidance say, “You need to rest.” It occurred to me then that my recent lack of motivation and desire to “do nothing” in terms of exercise and running was likely more than just my being “lazy”.

Updates on Physical Issues

This morning I have a headache but nothing major. My acne ailment is almost completely healed. In fact, my complexion is glowing and radiant. I will be tapering off of my antibiotics slowly over the next couple of weeks.

My body seems to be adjusting to the birth control. I don’t know if the emotion I am having is related or not. Could be, I guess. The pain in my ankles is gone but I did burst a vein on my right ankle. It is likely it was caused by the BC because higher hormones do effect vein elasticity. It could mean more vein issues in the future.

I am still having panic/anxiety but mostly when I am running. I only ran once this week because the weather has been crazy here in Texas. One day it was near 80 degrees and the next it was snowing (yeah). On that one run I almost ended up in a full-on panic attack out of the blue. These moments of panic come from feeling like I am not in my body when I run. My legs contact solid ground but instead of feeling grounded I feel the opposite, as if I will leave my body via my crown at any moment. The panic comes from my human mind immediately worrying that I will not be in control of this body. Scenarios of passing out on the sidewalk or running into traffic shift me into panic mode. I have to tell myself, “I’m okay. Everything’s fine”. But on this particular day a part of me embraced leaving my body and had no concern or worry of what might happen if I did. Once I ignored the panicking side and listened to the other my anxiety lessened and then dissipated. After that I still opted to take a route away from busy roads just in case. lol

Family

I’ve been having disconcerting dreams about my sister lately. Her birthday is today but I am unable to communicate with her or send her a gift or card because she and her husband have purposefully withheld their address from family. The feeling is that either she is currently struggling or that more severe struggles await her and her husband. It saddens me, especially since she is mostly hurting herself by disconnecting like she is.

My family recently had family photos taken. Here are a couple of them:

Since these photos were taken I have been ever so grateful for my many blessings. At times I am overflowing with gratitude. The smallest of moments make me smile. For example, I have been reading to my youngest in the evenings. He has been requesting that I read to him nightly and brings book after book to me. Every time I read to him he snuggles up close and always either holds or strokes my arm or hand. It is the sweetest thing. I don’t think either of my other two children ever did that.

 

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Considerations and Lessons

Hope you are riding the energy of this full moon and not being drowned by it. I know that sounds a bit dramatic but then I’m a Leo and can tend towards the dramatic at times. 🙂 I believe Mercury also went retrograde recently adding to the mix, not that Mercury retro really is an issue for me. I rarely notice when it goes retro.

However, perhaps Mercury played a part in the wonderful fun I had yesterday morning. There was a text from my bank first thing in the morning about a charge on my debit card. Turns out, someone hacked my card and was using it to buy all kinds of things online. I spent my whole morning sorting it out on my own because my bank could do nothing until the charges went through. As long as they were pending I had to wait or contact the retailers myself. So…..I contacted the retailers and fixed it myself. The last place – DSW – was so grateful I felt like I had done my good deed for the day. Plus, I got the satisfaction of knowing whoever was trying to get a free ride off me FAILED. I hope DSW reports their address and they are caught but I doubt they are that stupid…..but maybe Mercury will work against them? I can only hope. hehe

Then this morning when I woke up my husband was in the mood to fight. It seemed he wanted to blame me for everything he saw wrong in our family and just be flat out negative and judgmental. I called him out on it because I was not going to have my morning ruined. Then he wanted to talk it out calmly but everything that came out of his mouth was the same stuff that I’ve heard countless times so I called him on that, too. I was not in the mood to talk and just listening to him hurt my brain. Sometimes I think being married to an air sign is painful, especially when they keep talking forever and I just woke up and want to be left alone in silence to drink my coffee.

Perhaps this full moon and maybe a dash of Mercury retro are also making me a bit inconsiderate of other’s needs, especially when I feel my own needs are being ignored? lol I just don’t want to deal with anyone else’s shit right now. I don’t have the time or patience for whining, ranting, raving, or complaining especially when it is something I’ve heard time and time again and the person doing it is using it to avoid taking responsibility. I call Bull Shit and do so in a very direct way. Thankfully my husband is the only one I have to deal with. He can handle it. Others, well not so much usually. This is a good time for me to hide out at home I think. lolol

Updates 

Good news – all my ailments previously mentioned are resolving. 🙂 The acne mess is still slowly healing but is not getting worse. My skin looks good except for the spots that are healing but they are going away. I can’t say what the main cause is – antibiotics, birth control, algae mask, using new cleanser – but I am grateful. Considering my mood (as mentioned above) it is good that I usually hide away from the world when I have acne.

No more incidences of panic or anxiety. No tooth problems, either. My cold is still lingering but is bearable. I mostly just have way too much snot (sorry if TMI) but at least I can breathe and my throat doesn’t hurt.

The BC does not seem to be causing me any issue. No migraines or hints of getting a migraine either. I have noticed that the skin on the inside of both of my legs near the ankles feels tight in the morning and I had a strange shooting pain in my left calf that went away quickly yesterday. These alarmed me because my doctor warned me that at my age BC can cause all kinds of fun side-effects, one being blood clots another increase risk for stroke. So far, though, there is no indication that a blood clot is forming but the strange sensitivity around my ankles is concerning. It reminds me of how my legs felt after I had vein surgery.

I have resumed exercise and today am paying for it. My lower body is stiff as hell. That’s what weight training will do, though. I will be slowly integrating running and weight training back into my routine but am not overly eager to do so. I still have the feeling I need to take it easy on my body so am going to follow that feeling. Thus, no running or weights today but I might do step aerobics to get my blood pumping a bit. 🙂

My husband’s raise turned out to be $800/month, exactly what I thought it would be when he told me. He still gets bonuses on top of that making it pretty obvious to me that the only reason for me to go back to work is because I want to. For most of my life I have told others (and my guides) that I don’t want to have to work. I am grateful to have gotten what I asked for. In fact, this morning I woke up thinking, “I am so happy that I don’t have to rush around in the mornings to get out the door by a certain time, drive in traffic and go to a job for 8+ hours only to come home and do all the “mom” things I have to do.” I can wear my p.j.’s all day, not worry about how I look or how much acne I have to cover up with makeup (lol), do whatever the hell I want, and not have to deal with people I don’t want to deal with. It really is THE LIFE. I am eating it up today, can’t you tell? Like my guides have been telling me, “Enjoy this time in your life.” Yes, siree, boss. 🙂

Considerations/Lessons

Again, perhaps it is the full moon or some other astrological event influencing me, but currently I seem to be fully realizing some of my past lessons. They are not easy to put into words but I am feeling so much better than I was just last week. It is not just physically, either. I feel more accepting of my life and circumstances when before I was so resistant, lingering in the past and wallowing in “what if’s”. Clarity has visited concerning some past experiences and it is helping me to cope and move forward.

This morning I recognized one turning point occurred all the way back in June this year. At the time I had too much emotional interference to see it but now it is obvious. It all came down to standing firm in my convictions, which I did, but it also involved fear, which clouded my (and another’s) view of the big picture. The fear was not just mine and there is a whole story here I would love to tell but I will leave it at that. The moral to the story is that real love does not ask another to do something that goes against what they feel is right. Nor does one place conditions upon another based upon some unknown future possibility riddled with fear of a past injustice repeating itself. Any relationship developed under such circumstances is doomed to failure. However, all of the above does not diminish the love and friendship between two people, it is but a path chosen and a lesson to be learned. Ultimately, that love and friendship is fortified by the choice of each to stay true to their path (heart), undeterred by the inevitable abundance of emotion and confusion that served only to blind their human minds.

I would not have recognized all of the above had my husband not infuriated me this morning with his non-stop nattering. I told him that I long ago learned that lingering on could’ve/should’ve got me nowhere. It solved nothing and kept me pinned in place rather than allowing me to move forward. I said to him, “All we can do is take what we have learned and apply it to where we are now. From here (present) we can make a difference in the future, from there (the past) we are lost to it (the future).”

My guidance via the wonderful reminders, allowing me to taste Divine love and friendship via my dreams, has given me hope that all is not lost. I am so blessed to have experienced true unconditional love and friendship both in my waking life and during my dream encounters. I am indeed special in this regard and feel special every time I experience it. It has shown me just how unimportant and frivolous most of my considerations in this human experience are. Every day I let go of something else, some other human consideration, belief or expectation, because I can see more of the big picture. All this drama, all the pain and misery of life, everything that worries me or causes me to feel distress, sadness, grief, anger….a lack of Love…..is of no consequence. Eventually I will have let go of it all and all that will remain is that feeling, the blessed bliss of Divine love, and it will be everywhere and in everything, and I will Know that it is so.

 

 

OBEs – Lost Count

I got a wonderful morning surprise of 1.5 hours OOB. 🙂

Before I go into what happened I wanted to add that I find it no coincidence that the number of lucid dreams and OBEs I’ve had has increased since I took a break from my exercise routine. In observing my OBE patterns it’s obvious that when I am not exercising I have more OBEs/lucid dreams than when I am.

OBEs – Lost Count….

I went to bed nauseous but never got sick. I’m not sure what caused it. I attended my SIL’s baby shower and had several Izze drinks which I think were the culprit.

I woke at 3am from a dream that I have now forgotten but I know it was important because I reminded myself to remember. Yet I forgot. Ugh! I do remember asking to go OOB, though.

Woke again at 6am and felt disappointed because I had not gone OOB. Requested it again and went back to sleep.

It seemed like seconds only before I was rolling out of my sleeping body. I do not recall feeling vibrations but something alerted me to being able to exit. Once OOB I was in an unfamiliar house and my vision was on-again, off-again and shifty. I remember asking for my vision to clear but it was not listening to me. My vision seemed to have it’s own agenda as did the entirety of this experience.

I spent most of the OBE trying to get my vision to turn on and walking around blindly through the house. When I would do something that was not allowed I would shift back into my body temporarily and then shift right back out and back into the scene. This happened more times than I can count now – at least 7.

I encountered several others while in the house – men and women. There was an entire backstory to one man who I was interested in “calling” to the house. Apparently he was a coworker who I got along well with and we would meet up to have sex every now and then. lol I remember being pleased with the arrangement and wishing he were there so we could “play”. I remember seeing him in my memories and then trying to fit him in with my current life by placing the faces of the men I’ve been with. It didn’t work out and confused me a bit, like my astral mind and my physical mind were in conflict.

At one point I managed to go out a window where my vision turned on brilliantly but then faded and became hazy as if part of a psychedelic trip. There were others outside waiting for me and I greeted them warmly. One was a woman and I laughed when I saw her saying, “You came instead.” Then tried to kiss her and she dematerialized the minute I reminded myself that anything sexual was a waste of my time. Again it seemed like two versions of myself were in conflict.

When I turned to look with my newly found vision an entire scene opened up of mountains covered in a heavy fog. It reminded me of the Smokey Mountains and I was immediately in awe leaping up into the air to fly over the tops of them. The heavy fog would not dissipate despite my asking and willing it to but it didn’t prevent me from seeing the beautiful Fall colors of the foliage below me. The more I flew the more I felt pulled as if by a magnet up toward the sky. I said aloud, “Stop!” and the motion stopped but then I felt to be grabbed by both of my feet and pulled at high speeds across the sky. I didn’t resist but the speed was increasing so quickly that I closed my eyes and ended up temporarily back in body.

When I re-entered the scene I was again inside the house. My vision was spotty and it seemed like I had heaps of towels or blankets over my head. I kept peeling them off layer by layer but there was always more.

At one point my vision turned on suddenly as a portly man with reddish blonde hair came toward me to kiss me. He said, “You don’t like what you see, do you?” I said, “No” because he was not attractive to me. He attempted to kiss me but I again had the distinct recognition that sex of any kind here was a waste of my time yet I was aware of a part of me that missed it. In fact she said to me, “But it is a lot of fun!” LOL The other part was like, “Yeah but not now.” The me that was interested in sex was wanting to ignite the Kundalini but going about it the wrong way and I knew it. The part that wanted sex then mentioned my waking life to me saying it was a shame that I was not taking advantage of my husband who was “right there”. lol

After all this I had some excursions out the front door that were uneventful. Every time I went outside my vision would turn on and then quickly off again and I would end up returning to my body for a short while. One time when outside my vision showed something surreal rather than the trees and grass that should have been there. It was like pink swirls that moved and shifted with other colors; a psychedelic dreamscape.

Eventually I was thinking, “I don’t know what to do. I should just wake up.” I had gotten very bored. Yet my thought did nothing and I unable to shift back into my body despite trying to open my physical eyes. I realized then that someone was trying to tell/show me something. I said, “I’m not allowed to leave am I?” I paused feeling the answer was, “Yes”, and asked, “What do you want?”

My vision turned on as if I had said the magic word and I was standing in the middle of a golden hued living room. To my left was a TV. It was on playing cartoons, specifically Lego NinjaGo. The subtitles were on but the characters were speaking English. I could understand the cartoon as well as read the subtitles.

The longer I stared at the TV the more vivid it became which is not usual. Usually if I stare at something for too long I end up losing my vision or back in my body. Curious, I looked closer at the subtitles. Very clearly I saw words appear. It read, “Ask a question”.

Thinking it was the coolest thing I had ever seen I was delighted and wondered, “What should I ask?” The question that came out my mouth was, “Are my husband and I going to separate?” I saw distinctly at the bottom of the golden colored screen written in white letters, “Yes.”

Not believing I actually got an answer I asked, “How much longer will we be together?” I saw the number 72. I thought, “Weeks. It has to be weeks” because I had no idea what 72 meant. It could be that I am 72 years old when we are separated by death for all I knew!

To clarify I asked, “Does that mean we will be together for 72 more weeks?” I saw the number again but swear it was 70 instead of 72.

Something didn’t feel right yet the screen was still vivid, the cartoon still playing and subtitles flashing. I knew I wasn’t asking “the right” questions but my mind was blank. So I said, “Show me in a chart then.” The screen went to a solid gold color and then a chart began to draw itself in front of me. It was a bar-graph type chart I think but by the end it looked more like a staircase being drawn from right to left and moving down step by step. Then two-and-a-half steps were colored in slowly starting with the lowest step.

I thought, “2.5….What does that mean?”

Fed up with the confusing answers I was getting and not knowing what to do next I thought, “I should just wake up.” With that my vision began to fade out and was replaced with hypnagogia – millions of white bubbles on a black background that seemed to float upward.

Recognizing the hypnagogia meant I was back in my body, I opened my eyes and rolled back onto my back.

Considerations

Sometimes when I have these experiences I am “trapped” into a scene for a specific reason. I have been told in various ways that I am there to “see” something. Sometimes a guide will come into the experience and tell me directly, other times I will get hints such as in this experience.

In these instances I have learned to look for the symbolism to find the messages I am being asked to pay attention to. My vision was the main message in these OBEs. When they (my guides/HS) want me to see a certain thing and I am not cooperative then my vision is black. If I follow their lead then I am able to see.

The fog over the mountains is another clue. I wanted it to be clear and sunny but it remained foggy. Fog symbolizes confusion, uncertainty and worry. I am not seeing something in my life as it is. Mountains represent a higher realm of consciousness, knowledge and spiritual truth.

Being pulled by my feet could have been a sign that I am feeling a loss of independence and control or maybe it is a message to stop trying to control everything.

The whole time I was aware of two aspects of myself. One was very playful and interested in sex for some reason. She kept reminding me how much fun sex can be. lol The other was more focused and serious, very analytical in comparison. What is interesting is they both felt like me but I identified more with the serious one. It seemed like I was intent on a goal and did not want the other me to distract me from it.

As for the TV portion of the OBE, I can’t recall ever having such an experience and I am not sure what the answers mean. It is likely that the screen was just saying what I wanted it to.

 

A Warm Heart(h)

Life continues to be busy. It leaves me with little time to myself these days which means little time for spiritual considerations other than dreamtime. I haven’t meditated in a very long while, unless you count the moments prior to sleep when I check-in with my guidance and/or say a small prayer.

I want quickly update you all on the physical crap I have been experiencing.

My skin is finally clearing up, though slowly. I can look in the mirror without cringing now at least. I started using a seaweed treatment a couple of days ago that I believe is helping heal and calm my skin. It’s called Aalgo and I bought it a while ago for some mild eczema I had. It is known to help with all kinds of skin ailments including acne. I took a long, hot bath with it and also applied in in paste form to my face as a mask.

I’ve been on birth control for four days but already forgot to take a pill. lol No migraines from it but I have had a headache for three days on and off but I attribute it to the cold I’ve had that is finally letting up.

I got my crown repaired but it is a temporary crown meaning I have to return and go through it all over again in 2 weeks. My dentist ordered the new crown in some kind of high-tech polymer that is harder than the porcelain of my old one. The good news is I gave in and took the Nitrous Oxide and it really, really helped. I should have been taking that stuff all along. It was like being buzzed drunk and high at the same time. hehe I did have a moment of nearly passing out but I reacted to it like it was no big deal. I actually asked to stay longer because I was more relaxed than I have been in a very long time. In fact, the effects of it seemed to stay with me for over an hour after the procedure – a kind of happy, dreamy feeling. So I am looking forward to my next dose in 2 weeks and not worried if I have more dental work to be done in the future. At $22 a pop it is well worth it.

Yesterday was spent holiday shopping which, despite having my youngest with me, was a pretty enjoyable experience. I have decided to do the 12 days of Christmas theme with my kids this year meaning they will get to open one present a day for 12 days. The first will be the smallest and they will get increasingly bigger the closer to Christmas day we get. Believe it or not it will save us money. My daughter has mixed feelings about it. She wants to have 12 days of Christmas and then heaps of presents on Christmas day, too. Always wanting more….sigh.

My financial worries are lessening. I lost motivation to look for work and have not heard on the one job I applied for. I don’t much care because I am certain my mental/spiritual state is not ideal for working right now. Thankfully, my husband reported to me yesterday that he got a substantial raise for his excellent performance. It was a relief to hear. I really prefer to not work because with all I have to do as a mom it would just deplete me like it did before. I can’t handle that right now.

High emotion continues to plague me. I will get teary-eyed and sad out of the blue. It reminds me of when I was pregnant. It could be a hormonal issue or just part of the healing work I’ve been doing.

Panic has been low. I did have one moment the other day. It was an odd experience. I was out to eat with my youngest when I suddenly seemed to come into awareness of my life, like waking from a dream. The sudden acuity was overwhelming. I could hear every noise, feel every breath in and out, every heart beat, smell every smell. And it was all so new to me, like I had never been in a physical body before. As it began to freak me out and the panic rose from within I heard a quiet voice say, “It’s okay.” Immediately I relaxed and the experience stopped as suddenly as it began.

Dream: A Warm Heart(h)

My sleep continues to be deep but now the dreams are more lucid and memorable. It is like the heaviness of sleep is slowly being peeled away the closer to the full moon we get. I had two very memorable dreams last night, this one was quite thought provoking.

I was preparing for my wedding (union of masculine and feminine). The groom was very well-off financially and the preparations were underway for a very posh wedding. No expense was to be spared. My dress was of the highest quality – silky white, smooth and flowing.

As we were rehearsing I grew more and more nervous. The main memory I have is that I wanted everything perfect and was worried something would ruin my big moment. I don’t remember my husband-to-be much except for a vague image of a Ken Doll-like man wearing a gray tuxedo. My maid of honor was rushing about doting on me the whole time and in charge of the ceremonial arrangements. I remember her being with me most of the dream.

On the big day while we were lining up to walk out for the ceremony, I suddenly needed to use the restroom (purification). I wandered into a bathroom and somehow ended up standing barefoot on the banks of a huge, swollen, muddy river (turbulent, cloudy emotion). I had to go across to get to my wedding and knew it would ruin my dress (expectation). Despite this I waded across the river and was met on the other side by a Hindi woman who would not help me but kept warning me of the deep water (emotional overwhelm) in front of me. I had to crawl up the muddy banks on my own and my dress was destroyed.

When I returned my maid of honor helped me picked another dress. I opted for a dated, lacy dress that did not match my modern wedding theme. It had a heavy veil (not wanting to see something) and wrap. I knew it was sub par but I had to wear something appropriate. When wearing it I felt to be wrapped up tightly in a blanket and could barely see through the thick, lace veil.

Because of the change in my dress we lost many guests and I knew they were never our friends anyway. I recall sitting with my husband with a group of people as the gifts were passed out. Instead of gifts, though, my husband passed to me wads of $100 and $50 bills (abundance). There was so much that it heaped up in a huge pile and he kept asking me to take a wad for myself. I didn’t know which to choose – the $50 or $100 wad of money.

As the wedding approached I became ever more nervous. The location of the wedding appeared to be in a large, open space like a concert hall (knowledge/wisdom). There were so many people in attendance – maybe a thousand or more.

When I was preparing to step out the ground I was on turned and became unstable. I stumbled off the turntable I was on and lost my veil. I quickly put it back on but as I did my entire gown fell off to the ground. I stood there stunned wearing only my slip and underwear (exposed/vulnerable). I froze thinking my worse fears had come to pass while at the same time how hilariously funny I must appear standing there near naked. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry but I felt utterly alone and exposed. I couldn’t move and stayed hidden there not daring to walk out into the open and stand on the white platform where I was to meet my groom and exchange vows.

Then my husband-to-be walked around the corner to the spot where I was hiding. He was wearing normal clothing and looked nothing like the Ken Doll man I had seen earlier. In fact he was fat and old and not at all someone I would be attracted to or want to marry. He was smiling and his smile calmed me substantially, making me want to giggle with relief.

He gently pulled aside the heavy, lace veil so I could see him clearly. Something about seeing him made me feel shy and awkward. Then he offered me his hand and introduced himself. There was a feeling from him of, “Let’s do this properly.” I shook his hand and introduced myself in return. I can’t recall either of our names now, not even my own.

He said, “Now, don’t you feel better?” He opened his arms inviting me to hug him. The feeling he sent me was that all would be okay and I was not alone. It washed over me like a blanket and I felt secure and safe. My heart warmed and began to buzz with love and friendship, spreading across my chest pleasantly. I replied to him, “Yes,” and hugged him tightly.

I remember thinking the man unattractive and knowing the old me would reject him. But the me in that moment didn’t care. He could have been the ugliest man in the world, old as dirt and fat as hell and I wouldn’t have cared. With him I could be fully myself. I could cry, be stupid, funny, bitchy, ugly, fat, clumsy, imperfect….and he would accept and love me. None of the rest of my considerations about life mattered anymore. With him I could move mountains.

Afterward

I woke up feeling warmth in my heart chakra and a bliss-type sensation I have not felt in a long time. There was an obvious lesson/message from the dream and I knew it all at once, like I had spent the entire dream in a conversation. The man from the dream was there still, a guide I suppose or maybe someone else, I’m not sure. He continued to talk with me, reassuring me and helping me understand what I had just occurred.

One message was that no plan of mine will turn out quite like I want. I can’t control everything. There will always be twists and turns, unexpected outcomes and challenges.

The dream also showed me how much I put on a show for others, putting all my energy into making others like/accept me, trying to fit in, trying to look good and acquire lots of things. In the end none of it matters, though and all of it, every single falsity will break down and crumble away. In the end I will be left with nothing, completely exposed. When this happens the only thing left is love. The message was that this love is always there, always with me and I am never alone. I felt it, too, in the moment when I hugged the man. I would have given everything in my life for the feeling, to be there with him. In that moment it was enough and nothing else mattered.

When I woke he told me, “You will always have enough.” I saw the path that is my life, the lesson I am learning and I understood. It is hard to put into words now but the feeling and understanding remains. The dream is wholly symbolic of the breaking down of the Ego, the shattering of false self and letting go of things that really do not matter.

The reason I named the dream A Warm Heart(h) rather than “heart” is because when I was typing it “hearth” was what I typed. I recognized the symbolism/message. Home…..Heart…..Hearth….they are all the same thing, bundled up together, warm and cozy and full of love.

Another message I received was that I would achieve the feeling and connection from my dream in this life. It is all I aspire to now anyway. The experience of coming face-to-face with love and friendship such as that has changed me. I can no longer accept anything less and now I struggle to find my way because of the feeling of it being entirely lacking in my life. It was obvious to me that the path ahead will be similar to the dream. I do not look forward to wading across that muddy river but the laughing bubbling up in the dream in response to my utter failure at holding my life together is memorable. I have never wanted to laugh so hard and I am certain had I given into it I would have felt immeasurable relief.

OBE: Pick-Up Truck

I had a post partially typed out and ready for yesterday and then never finished it. Too much in my head and not enough time/energy/motivation/focus to write it all down.

Sleep has been super deep these last two nights. It’s as if I took a sleeping pill. And my sleep is riddled with dreams, so many I can’t keep count or keep the story lines from overlapping. For example, I had in my mind an entire dream I wanted to document for this post and within seconds it vanished from my memory. WTF? It’s like someone wiped it from my mind. 😦

At some point early this morning I had two OBEs but they were intermixed with my other dreams and since I did not wake after the OBEs is it hard to recall the second one.

OBE: Pick-Up Truck

I distinctly remember becoming lucid, recognizing I could go OOB and then sitting up out of my sleeping body. The sensation of separating from my physical body followed. All of perceptions were present but it was dark and I was not in my room but standing outside in a subdivision somewhere. I could see houses lining streets and lampposts lit. My first thought was to try and change it from darkness to daylight so I said, “It will be light. It will be light.” Nothing happened, though.

In front of me was a parked pick-up truck. When I saw it the mischievous part of me took over and I climbed into the back daring the person I saw sitting in the cab to turn and look. I suspected he would not see me so was surprised when he turned around and his faced revealed he could. I purposefully began to push and pull on the sides of the bed of the truck, making quite a bit of noise, all to see if I could get his attention.

He said something to me which shocked me and I shifted back into my sleeping body.

I immediately shifted back OOB and returned to the scene. This projection is hard to recall but I remember the man distinctly. He had dark hair and eyes and was very clean cut and familiar to me. It seemed like we knew each other but I can’t place how. It also felt like this person was OOB, too. It was as if we had planned our meeting. We had a conversation but there is no memory of it now.

Considerations

This is twice now that I have had two OBEs in what seems like the middle of the night. Usually I wake up after I go OOB for any length of time but I guess my sleep is so deep right now that I just shift back into dreaming mode. This is highly unusual for me! As a result I forget most if not all of the OBEs but retain the memory of leaving or re-entering my physical body. I am surprised I remembered so much of the first OBE last night but my lucidity was quite high as were my perceptions. It felt like I had woken, gone outside my house and played for a while only to return to sleep as if nothing had occurred. lol

Image result for image of cocoon

Dream: Cocoon 

Out of the blue the dream I had forgotten returned to my memory. 🙂

I was in a house in the kitchen (need for warmth, spiritual nourishment, healing) with a group. We looked up and saw the ceiling was beginning to crumble in a certain area. The area was just below my bedroom at the foot of my bed and I told the group this. We went upstairs to move myself and my roommate out, careful to avoid the area that was collapsing. We determined it had gotten wet from a leak but could not locate the source of the leak (Water damaged ceiling symbolizes unaddressed emotional issues).

I was told it would take 6 hours to repair the ceiling and relayed the message. Me and my group left to wait it out.

Then I was driving along dark, unfamiliar and winding roads (uncertain path) leading up a mountain (obstacles/challenges in life). My watch indicated it was nearly time to return home so I took a right (rational thought) turn toward the house. The road was steep and lined with rocks. I slowed and stopped by the side of the road to take photos (holding onto something). I remember getting out and taking a picture of my BIL and SIL. The rocks (looking for a solid foundation) behind them had faces (what one projects to the world), which was odd. Then I turned to take a picture of my mom and saw a witch (negative ideas of the feminine) with a green face had photobombed her pic. She looked just like the wicked witch of the East from the Wizard of Oz. It seemed odd to me and a bad sign.

We walked a path through the rocks that led to an abandoned city (feeling rejected by those around me). There was a sense that it was very old and I began taking photos (holding onto something, reliving memories) of the various buildings and pathways. One looked like an old factory (old ways of doing things) and another like a grown over vineyard (hard work not acknowledged).

I spotted a little boy (masculine attributes) and spoke to him but he seemed deaf, mute or both and looked horribly decrepit. He ran away and a woman appeared. She was nice and explained she was his caretaker. She told me he just needed to eat and then picked up a large bug and, like a spider (feminine power), encased it in thread. It looked like a cocoon (transformation) to me and I was horrified when she gave it to the boy and he devoured it savagely.

Realizing there was something very off about the situation I began to leave but members of my group were now investigating the place and had found a room that was curious to them. The woman went in and welcomed them and I followed.

The room resembled a chapel (spiritual nourishment) with no windows and dark, paneled walls and ceilings. There were overturned pews in the center of the room. There was discussion about how ancient the place was and then the woman invited my group to stay the night. They agreed.

When morning came the woman knocked on the door and then quickly slammed and locked it, trapping us inside. When I went to check the door she had inserted a shovel (seeking insight) loaded with dirt (trying to bury something) into the space between the door and the floor. I knew we would not get out and that her people planned to put all of us in cocoons and eat us.

Considerations

I believe this dream is a result of a thought I had yesterday about this time in my life. There was a fleeting consideration that I have entered the pupa stage, which would be the same as being inside a cocoon. I put it behind me because it made me sad. There is no telling how long I will be in this stage and it felt like it would be forever.

 

 

Updates and Dreams

Just some updates on the mundane aspects of my life. Nothing too exciting but in my Blogger blog I have been writing quite a bit more on such topics than here on WP. If you haven’t been reading that blog then you may not be aware of some of what I am about to update.

I am halfway through my NASM course and finding it harder and harder to stay interested. The course pace is slow compared to how quickly I work on my own and that is the main reason for my loss in interest. Not much else to say about this topic.

I have been struggling for almost two months now with horrible hormonal acne around both sides of my mouth. The antibiotics I was prescribed worked but then began to run out prior to getting another prescription. So the spots started recurring and I am having to go through the whole process of healing again.

When I say “horrible” compared to others struggling with acne it is really not that bad, but to me it is horrible because it is worse then the acne I had as a teenager. When I was a teenager I use to cry about my complexion and had some bad experiences with mean girls in high school picking on me for the one or two spots I would get around my monthly cycle. So having these kinds of breakouts at my current age is a miserable experience for me. I just want to feel on the outside as beautiful as I feel on the inside. I believe it is a life lesson on vanity and I am making progress. So even though I still get upset by the way my face looks I am able to suck it up and just take a deep breath and move on. I just remind myself that it is temporary, no one notices but me and no one cares really. Besides, when I look back on memories of my life I can’t recall what my complexion was like in any memory. So if I don’t recall it even if at the time it was upsetting then it is not a big deal in the big scheme of things.

Regardless, I don’t want to look like a teenager with skin issues and though it is not a consistent issue for me it is enough that I am FED UP. My dermatologist has been trying to get me back on birth control from the get-go because the location of the breakouts suggests it is all hormonal. I do not disagree but I got nasty migraines from BC in 2011 so stopped taking them and swore I wouldn’t take them again. Plus, with my tubes tied I don’t need to take them now. I have tried all kinds of natural remedies with some success but even those are not working now. I have run out of options and it comes down to the question of which is worse, taking antibiotics for months at a time or taking BC? Honestly, I think the antibiotics are the worse of the two evils. So I will be starting BC this week and keeping my fingers crossed that I do not suffer from the migraines I got in 2011. If I do get migraines I can’t take the BC and have to go back to the drawing board.

On top of the skin issues I cracked my one and only crown last weekend and so am headed in today to get it looked at. It doesn’t hurt but it was scary when it happened because I heard it crack. I’ve since had visions of my teeth cracking and falling out. Not a fun thing to imagine! I got the crown prior to getting braces and have had no issues but I suspect that it was cracked over the four days I had no braces and no retainer. I likely clenched or ground my teeth in my sleep and fractured it then so when I flossed it finished the job. I hate the dentist and am already anxious about having them drilled off the old crown and set the new one. I am also scared they will find several other cracked teeth and that I will need more crowns. If that is the case I wish they would just knock me out for the procedures rather than me sit there tense for over an hour. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Add to all of the above a sore throat and it is no fun being me right now. It is not a bad sore throat but it is bothersome and the first sign of illness since June.

I’ve been having the urge to cut off all my hair again, too. Not sure why but I did cut it all off in 2014 and it was a relief not to have to do anything with my hair. I didn’t look bad either but I did look older. My hair is super thick and unruly and a pain to keep up with even when long. It grows fast and is an ugly color (IMO) and so the upkeep can be expensive and a PIA. When it is short I still have to cut it frequently but that is it and all I have to do when I wake up is put my fingers through it and go about my day. It is SO tempting to just chop it all off. I may just settled on cutting some bangs, though, because my daughter would cry if I cut it again. lol

As for my diet and exercise goals not much to talk about. Monday I woke knowing I needed to take a break from all running and weight training so that is what I am doing. Interesting it was yesterday evening when the sore throat began. It is not good to overdo it when sick so it works out well. I have been extra tired, depressed, unmotivated and not having any wins so it is likely I have overdone it anyway. My last run of 6.25 miles was a struggle and should not have been. In fact, most of my runs over the last couple of weeks have been slower and more tiring than usual. All of this points to REST. So be it.

Monty is doing okay but my youngest has it out for him and I have to watch him like a hawk. This morning he dumped the entire box of treats for Monty to eat and I had to work fast to avoid a sick puppy. Monty is still not potty trained either. I blame that on so many people being involved, a toddler who is constantly letting him into the living area and house and very little help from anyone but my daughter. He is 10 weeks old today and there is still time but I am losing hope and thinking he may end up an outside dog. 😦

elekmonty

Monty sleeping in Elek’s car seat with Elek. 

Spiritual Update

Not much to talk about here really. Most of my guidance is via my dreams or a silent Knowing. The message has been to focus on healing and request assistance. So I have been asking for assistance prior to bed and I believe it is helping.

Prior to bed last night I asked for assistance and healing. I specifically requested that I lucid dream and go OOB more frequently, experience more instances of Divine Love and friendship, have more Kundalini bliss or other spiritual interesting experiences. We’ll see what, if anything, comes from my request.

Dream: 44

In this dream I was having a discussion with a man who I called, “David”. In the dream I kept thinking of him as an ex-boyfriend by that same name only he preferred to be called “Dave”. Our discussion was about “retirement” (transition, end of stage, need to retire something) but I can only recall snippets of what was said. I remember saying that I felt to retire at so young an age would be looked down upon by others and was worried of being criticized. He said to me, “You can retire at any age.” The specific career path we were discussing was teaching/education.

When we were having this discussion I saw the number 44 floating in the air as it was mentioned. I remember thinking it was David’s age, yet a part of me was certain this was incorrect. Ultimately, this inner-disagreement over his age is what woke me up.

When I woke up I was still thinking of my ex and how there was no way he was 44 years old because when we were dating I was 29 and he was 36. That would mean he would be 48 years old now, not 44.

I lingered in bed suddenly remembering the entirety of the time I dated Dave – probably around 3 months. He was the only Scorpio I ever dated and one of the few men I met via a free online dating service. I met him right before I moved to Austin and got a job, toward the end of a nasty depression/low-point in my life while I was briefly living with my mom.

It was amazing to me just how much I recalled and I assume now the dream was meant to direct me to inspect that time in my life. Upon inspection I realized that I knew early on in my relationship with him that it would lead nowhere but I stayed because I didn’t want to be alone. When he broke up with me (yep him with me) I got furious and vindictive, which is very unlike me. In retrospect I realized I was angry at myself for not following my instincts and being “weak”. I was also angry at the universe for the obvious message that I was meant to be alone/independent at that time in my life.

Dream: Memory Spheres

In this dream I walked into a classroom to observe. This classroom was not inside a building but on the edge of a beautiful mountain yet there was a sense that it had walls that could not be seen – like an invisible boundary.

I went up to a desk near the teacher’s desk and sat down. A little black girl, hair all braided and neat, came and looked at me oddly. I asked her, “Is this your desk?” She nodded that it was. I told her it was the best desk in the room because from it one could see the entire classroom. She disagreed for she felt the desk to be her “punishment”.

There is dream memory loss here but eventually I was sitting facing up the mountain next to the girl and a male friend of hers. She was upset over feeling taken advantage of and used. This caused her to be very angry and defensive with people leading to problems in her life. I began to counsel her on how to handle her emotions. I showed her how to take her memories and push them out of her, form them into a sphere and then project all the emotions that went with the memories into the sphere. I formed a sphere for her and pushed it in her direction. I said, “Now you can make it any color you want. Then put all the emotion into it.” She struggled, saying, “I can’t” because there was so much memory and so much emotion. I suggested she section off the memories. I remember explaining to another person that this little girl was struggling with memories from lifetimes of being a slave. She objected to this at first because she presently was not a slave but then reconsidered as it became clear that “slavery” can be defined in more than one way.

The spheres we were working with were very vivid, the energy within them very much “alive” and the emotion placed within them tangible. When I tried to create my own energy sphere in the dream I could not, though. I assume it is because I had the same issues as the little girl – too much memory and emotion for just one sphere to contain. Yet I understood that once free of the emotion I could view the memories “objectively” and ultimately learn the lessons they were meant to teach.

I also had memory of learning to create spheres of energy. Long ago I had a dream/OBE in which I was creating energy spheres. It seems this dream was a continuation of that.

Dream: Fun Run

I was walking outside the gym of a school when someone told me there was to be a “fun run” and asked if I was going to join. I said I would and then began talking with the students, most of the male. We mostly spoke of music and I remember holding a large, computer-like screen in my hand while listening to various tracks. One guy was listening in and showed interest in a particular song. I remember liking it but noting it was too slow – 137bpm. I changed the music to something faster. The student then asked me if I was going to take the large screen on my run and I told him I had Bluetooth headphones.

As we were preparing to start the run (pursuit of one’s goals) we went inside the gym (application of lessons learned) and somehow I ended up on a large ship (need to release emotion) and nearly fell off. It was odd to me that there was a ship inside the gym but I accepted it as normal.

As we began to run we encountered various wild animals that were threatening. I remember seeing all kinds but not being deterred by them. Someone said to me as they ran past, “The animals are illusions meant to slow you down. Don’t let them.”

I topped a hill that morphed into the top of a very steep cliff (at critical moment in life, considering life-altering decision) that fell straight down. By this time I felt to be flying more than running. I saw many animals in my path all coming for me with great speed. One in particular was a large cougar/mountain lion (anger, aggression, raw emotion). It was huge and snarling but I just stepped on it’s head as I floated over it. It did not disappear like an illusion should but I had no fear.

I remember checking my watch and noting that I had run 3.5 miles and had yet to complete the “Fun Run”.

Last Night

Last night I had a lucid dream sometime in the early morning. I lost memory of most of it now but I had been flying and smoking pot. lol There was a mountain scene that materialized out of nowhere with a message about physicality but I only remember now that it had to do with being aware of how one’s thoughts affect the present moment.

The most vivid dream memory I have this morning was of being in a classroom full of kids. Two girls from high school were talking about another classmate’s children and I asked a question about how many kids he had. They both looked at me rudely without talking and I felt their judgement strongly just as I had felt it in high school. Later, another classmate came in and started giving me orders, telling me I was to watch the kids in the class. I told her it was not my assignment and refused to do it, walking out of the room mumbling how I had not gotten sleep for three nights in a row from being woken at 4am every night. I went to the lounge to get a much needed cup of coffee and a woman introduced me to a man and said I was to work with him on donations. I got furious because no one had asked me and I had never agreed to doing any of it. I began to tell her that I was done with school, that I had already graduated and did not need to be there anyway. I knew when I was saying this that graduation was three weeks away but I didn’t care.

 

2 OBE’s and Informative Links

Two OBEs to share and some considerations, also.

OBE: Crocodiles in the Water

Woke at 5:30am and rolled back over feeling a bit sad that I had not had any lucid dreams or OBEs in quite some time. I even requested it two nights in a row with no success which is unusual. I have been very tired lately and sleeping for 9-11 hours a night. So, I figured I must just be too tired.

Within seconds (or so it seemed) of rolling over to return to sleep something alerted me to a shift in vibration, though I do not recall feeling any vibrations. I rolled out of my sleeping body and stood up. My vision was full-on, vivid and sharp and I was not in my bedroom. I was in the living room of what appeared to be a small house with white, lace curtains. I could see the front door and the adjacent window. Sunlight was streaming through the lace hitting a potted ivy plant sitting on a table.

I believe I had been laying on a sofa in the room but didn’t turn to look. My intent was to go out the door and get away from my sleeping body. I felt a bit unsteady in my astral form as if I would lose the OBE if I lingered or stopped to survey the scene. I talked to myself to get more stability but I can’t remember what I said now.

When I reached the front door I went to grab the door knob and thought to try and move through it instead. I met a solid surface so opened the door as normal and floated/walked through. Outside was beautiful and resembled a city park. There was a long walkway through green, manicured lawns with shrubbery out in front of me. To my left was a large, slow-flowing creek or small river. The waters were muddy and sluggish as if there had recently been a storm. Beyond the river to my far left were tall trees through which I could not see beyond for the thick undergrowth.

I went down the few steps from the stoop and did not hesitate to head toward the river/creek. For some reason I wanted to go straight into the muddy water. I jumped in right away and felt the cold water surround me. I never went all the way under, though. The water was only waist deep.

Once in the water I felt a strong current that from the surface was not noticeable. I looked to my right and thought, “There are crocodiles in this water. I better get out fast.” There was no fear with this thought only intent to exit the water. I never saw a crocodile. Note: Crocodiles symbolize some aspect of self I am avoiding. Muddy water is muddied emotion.

As I crawled up the side of the embankment onto the leaves and underbrush of the forest beyond I swear someone reached down to give me their hand and help me up. Yet I can’t recall seeing anyone just feeling support being offered by a male presence. Out of the water I stood and looked into the forest. My thoughts then were, “I don’t know what to do next.” I felt apathy hit me and became heavy, losing my astral sight and settling immediately into my sleeping body. Note: My apathy and not knowing what to do mirrors my physical life.

OBE: Friends

Once in my body I exited again but with less lucidity than the exit before. I could not see and once again felt someone was with me. I spoke to myself to get more stability and recall saying, “I can’t see. I need to see.” As I said those words my vision came on slowly and I could see my own eyelids slowly fade as my vision turned on. It was a really cool experience and I remember saying, “Oh yeah, I see through closed eyes here. Vision isn’t the same.” It was as if I had to remind myself of how things worked.

This time I was inside a house with several others who I seemed to know. We interacted for the entire OBE but I have since forgotten pretty much everything. I do know there was a very tall woman who was the focus of my attention. She towered above me and the others by at least a foot. I was aware of my “other” life while with these people but again can’t remember it.

The reason I can’t recall it clearly is because I entered into several lucid dreams after this last OBE, one right after the other and each with less and less lucidity. I woke briefly at one point but was too groggy to bother trying to remember the OBEs and dreams. I was also disappointed at how uneventful the two OBEs were. They seemed so boring and pointless so why try to remember them?

Difference Between OBE and Lucid Dream

Only recently have I been more intent on having more OBEs and lucid dreams. This is in part due to seeing so many of my online friends posting about their experiences. Some of them have OBEs almost daily! I use to have frequent OBEs but this year my stats have dropped significantly.

A few days ago someone shared a link that caught my attention. It was to an article about the difference between OBEs and lucid dreams. After reading it my feelings were mixed because for me the differences are not so cut and dry.

If I use the list at the end of the article to define the above experiences then I believe they qualify as OBEs:

Stable environment
Environment not under my control
Expectations did not affect the environment
Eyesight was vivid, vibrant; I could feel with my mind (this is always the case with me, though).
Body image – unknown, I did not care if I had a body or not
I was bored (seems to be big indicator of OBE)
Didn’t see my body but again, didn’t care
No sexual encounter

Most of my OBEs are transitions from lucid dreams, which is also mentioned as a possibility by the author (the fourth state).

I think that the list should include that the experiencer is aware of shifting out of their physical body with or without the presence of vibrations. For me, this is the #1 indicator that I was OOB because I am conscious of leaving or re-entering my physical body. In the case of it beginning as a lucid dream and shifting to an OBE I may not be aware of leaving my physical body in the beginning but but in the end I am conscious of re-entry. I also believe one can begin an experience as an OBE and then lose awareness and shift into a lucid dream.

Anyway, back to my renewed interest in OBEs…..

A friend posted a link to this website and I spent some time reviewing some of the articles. It occurred to me that if I could go OOB more that I could observe some of the same things the author of this site has observed. In fact, I already have. I know, though, that I need more uninterrupted time and more sleep to be able to go OOB as frequently as I would need to. I just don’t have that right now and it will likely be many years before I do.

I recommend you visit the above site as it has many useful article about consciousness, OBEs, lucid dreams and multidimensional states.