Glimpse of a Parallel Life

I’ve been sick for about five days now, ever since the K-index began to go into the red. Do I blame the geomagnetic storms? No. I blame my sick family members who passed the cold on to me. lol But it is interesting that the K-index was in the red at the beginning and is now in the red again as the cold is fading. All I’ve felt through these storms is sick so it is hard to say how else they may have affected me. Interestingly, I ran into several others who also had a cold the same time as me, all via the internet and from different states/locations.

Planetary K Index plot

Despite being sick, I’ve had some interesting dream experiences I want to share. It seems like I’ve been in class learning and practicing some of my skills.

Dream: Viewing a Parallel Life

I was given a photo album and asked to open it. Inside there were photographs attached to black pages. Each photograph was of a particular time in my life. I recognized them all but they were slightly different than I remember. Some photos would play videos if you touched them. I watched several of these and when I did it was like I went into the movie and experienced it first-hand.

Most of the videos I watched were from my school years. I recall seeing my family sitting in folding chairs waiting for a school function to begin. I must have been the one they were coming to see because I was not in the video or photos. I saw my little sister, grandmother and her sister, my great-aunt. I remember looking at how their appearances varied from this lifetime, noting the similarities and differences.

In another picture turned video I was shown how the color guard I was a part of in high school was a dance team primarily. In this life we primarily twirled flags.

I watched several movies but eventually an entire lifetime came into my memory, a lifetime very similar to this one with some differences.

I had attended the same school, still had two sisters, still had the same mother and father, still had the same connections. What was odd to me was that I was married to my ex-husband and my current husband was my ex and the father of my daughter. My two sons were not present. Never born. Instead, my half-brother, who my mom adopted in my current life, was my adopted son. Meaning I must have adopted him instead of her.

A huge amount of this parallel life centered around my half brother and his being admitted to a school related to a government program. The school was for an “elite” group of young people who would be groomed to be part of the government military. Strange thing is the government was a religious organization that had somehow been given the authority to rule the country. A theocracy I guess would be the right name. It was a honor to be in this school and my half brother was very proud. He spent his days in a very strict environment where electronics and computer devices were strictly prohibited. I saw the uniforms of the government military and they were all black with two stripes of parallel color from the chest to just below the hip. The colors varied depending on rank/level/appointment. I did not feel this government was bad, just different and in some ways much better than the current government of this lifetime.

When I woke I knew I had been viewing a parallel life and that it was just one of many others. Sadly, I was too sick to care much or to ask questions. I have no idea if I was happy in that life or not.

Dream: Practice

I had this dream this morning. What I recall most about it was being instructed on how to purposefully block and allow certain emotional experiences. The emotions first appeared in the dream as a swirling mass of energy above me. The mass was enormous, big enough to fill a large bedroom. My task was to select from this mass of emotions the ones I wished to experience without becoming overwhelmed by all of the emotion. I selected two and felt them full-on. They were positive emotions for the most part. I remember the feeling slightly and it was pleasant, like peaceful and happy.

There was a section during this time where I had a feeling of being transported in a vehicle. In the back was a blind girl who seemed to represent me in some way. The blindness was a positive in that it helped her to focus on the feelings. At this point I was feeling extremely vulnerable and there was with this an on-the-verge feeling, like a huge anticipation of something to come. Someone asked me if I wanted to stop experiencing the feeling. I said I did and the blind girl said very loudly, “I’ve had enough of feeling vulnerable.” The feeling stopped then and I woke very suddenly from the dream knowing something important had been going on.

I was told that I had been practicing choosing and blocking emotion. I was reminded that everything we experience is our choice.

Not long after I fell back to sleep and ended up with a massive energy in my root chakra that seemed to linger for a very long time. Again, I was too tired to care and despite being very lucid and even waking up several times throughout, I shrugged it off. That is a good sign because the root energy is not easy to ignore! Perhaps the lesson on choosing emotion extends to choosing sensation, too?




A Glimpse Behind-the-Scenes

Yesterday a friend on FB posted a link to a video interview of Mary Reed, author of The Journey of an Unwitting Mystic. I have never read the book so watched the video because my friend and others were saying great things about her.

My reaction was positive. I enjoyed every minute of the interview, especially her accounts of being cradled in the arms of Jesus and reunited with Source and her experience of complete surrender after an attempted suicide attempt. I saw so many parallels to my own experiences but also recognized just how unique each and every one of us is when it comes to our spiritual journey.

After watching the video I asked my Companion if I could receive Knowing like Mary. I heard back, “Yes, of course. What do you want to Know?” I said, “I don’t know, whatever I need to know to help me understand my journey and mission here.” I received confirmation that my request would be granted. I thought no more about it.

Lucid Dream: Soul Retrieval

I slept well and woke at 5:30am from a string of dreams indicating that I was learning how to cross between dimensions, how to analyze the energy in order to detect when I could cross and what to expect when I did. At the time I didn’t understand that I was learning a lesson. Instead I was mulling over my dreams wondering what they meant and finding myself confused. All along this song chorus was repeating in my head, “You and me, we’re beautiful, beautiful. We all, we all we’re going to be alright.”

Somehow I drifted off to sleep. I ended up inside a large house. It was hard to see, like the lights were out, and I was with a woman and her husband. It was apparent to me that I had been awakened by them but I didn’t know why yet. They were rushing about readying for something and I recall feeling I needed to get ready for work. Then I noted the time. It was far too early to go to work, yet it felt like mid-morning for some reason. I followed the couple into their bedroom and waited there. I noticed the dresser drawers had safety pins on them instead of knobs. I inspected them closely, curious as to why this would be, and saw the knobs had come loose and the safety pins were the replacements. These were the largest safety pins I had ever seen! I accidentally broke one as I fiddled with it, too.

Then I was laying on the bedroom floor but at the same time I felt to be in my own bed. In hindsight I realize now that I was firmly anchored to my reality while venturing into someone else’s reality. A woman was next to me on the floor and her husband was in the bed to our right. For some reason I felt like the woman next to me was my ex-MIL, though I know this is not accurate.

Some conversation went on between the man and woman and then a chair seemed to throw itself across the bedroom into the dresser. The woman reacted as if it had happened before. Both the man and woman were distressed. I asked the woman some questions because I sensed another presence in the room, one that was very upset and filled with many conflicting emotions. The woman told me who she thought the earthbound Spirit was. I asked her to tell the woman in Spirit what she needed to tell her. The woman was shaking with fear and said, “She can’t hear me. I can’t talk to her.” I told her she could and hesitantly the woman whispered to me, “I’m sorry. It was an accident.”

Sensing the emotional turbulence building in the energy that composed the earthbound spirit, I said to the spirit, “She says she’s sorry. It was an accident. She’s sorry!” There came back such an energetic rebuttal that I knew I had my work cut out for me. I sensed fear from my right, my fear, but ignored it and seemed to know exactly what to do.

I sat up and began to address the spirit though I could not see her or anything in the room. Light Language began to pour out of me in song and word. The sounds were beautiful yet there is no way my physical body could have produced them. Two distinct sounds, one low and one high, came out of my mouth. Eventually I even heard more than two. I recognized this as I sang and was impressed but knew not to focus on it and just continue to sing to the woman in spirit.

As I sang the woman in spirit resisted. The energy seemed to build up like a wall in front of me. It felt as if the spirit was about to hurl a huge wave of nasty at me and the woman on the floor. The man in the bed said, “I can’t sleep with this noise, I’m leaving.” He got up and I felt him leave the room. The feeling from him was fear. I turned to the woman next to me and asked, “How long has it been?” The woman replied, “Nine years. I’m so sorry. It was an accident (still talking to me)” Then she retreated and left the room, too. She did not want to deal with any of the energy coming from the woman in spirit.

I just kept singing. With the focus of her upset gone, the spirit began to calm a bit and that is when everything she held in her energy came into me. I knew her story and why she felt the way she felt. Without being able to control any of it, the only thing I could do was sing as tears just rolled out of my eyes like rain.

I still couldn’t see her but her story told me why she was where she was. Somehow her death had been caused by the woman who had left the room. In her death the woman in spirit had been unable to get to her baby, who was still alive. She blamed the woman who caused her death for her inability to get to her baby. The emotion of this was turbulent – anger, confusion, desperation, love, grief, hatred, despair – all swirling around chaotically and all hitting me full on in my heart center.

Again, I felt this fear coming from my right. I knew it was mine but ignored it again, focusing on the Light Language. By this time I was using my hands and seeming to do some kind of energetic surgery on the space in front of me. I still couldn’t see the woman in spirit, though. It was just blackness and the emotional turbulence she carried.

soulMy guidance came through, then, because I was wondering how long this would last. I had been crying and singing Light Language the entire time yet the spirit seemed intent on clinging to her self-created reality. I heard, “She is leaving.” I looked to see if I could detect the spark of light that often accompanies this, but saw nothing. Instead I felt the ridge of energy lessen and then crumble down to reveal a very small, grief-filled energy behind.

Then I noticed I was holding two thin slips of paper in my hand. It just appeared out of thin air. I saw writing on it in two columns. Each column had one word. The words had been crossed out to the point that I could only read a few. I knew the paper had significance. I held it up to the spirit who I could still only sense, and began to tear in in pieces. I kept speaking in Light Language throughout.

She was listening to me so I stopped the Light Language and began to talk to her. She was asking me why – Why did it have to be this way? Why could this woman live while she had to die? Why, why, why. On and on. The most concise and well-worded explanation came out of my mind/mouth. I explained how duality works, how we each choose our experience, how it all works out in the end. I said it so perfectly. I wish I could remember my words but all that is left now is awe at myself. I once again sensed the doubt and fear off to my right but ignored it. The woman in spirit was listening and accepting what I said.

Then my focus was on the space in front of the dresser in the bedroom. I began to sing in Light Language again and knew I was mending tears in the energy of the space. It was like a jagged crack in the energy and I knew somehow this was done by the spirit. Like it was a doorway of some kind that needed to be closed. I literally sewed it up with Light Language. I saw the energy as threads of light crisscrossing back and forth across the opening until it was sealed. It was fascinating!

I continued to sing in Light Language. Tears continued to flow out of my eyes and I felt them also coming out of my physical eyes. Again I was acutely aware of being in two places at once. I knew somehow it was not time to leave yet. I had to stay, but I could sense my departure coming.

That is when I felt an energy to the right of my physical body. I turned toward it and recognized a small child, maybe 13 months old, standing over me. She was full of love and gratitude. I knew her message to me was, “Thank you!” I reached out and touched her and her body felt solid and soft, so real! I saw she was wearing a diaper and was fair skinned with fair hair. Just like my own children. The tears were streaming uncontrollably from my eyes. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks and noticed I could not breathe well. The love from this small child was overwhelming.

As the child departed I felt the timing was right to return to my body. As I left the other reality and entered into the in-between I was visited by a woman in spirit. She sent me, “Moira”, first. Then she said, “I love you. Thank you! I love you. I love you…” I came fully into my body while she sent this message, but I could sense her to my left up near the ceiling. Tears were still streaming out of my eyes. I knew this was the woman I had helped. She had made it and departed the lower astral and was ascending through the physical where she had stopped to tell me thank you. Wow.


Soul Retrieval Work

After she left and I was fully awake I could not control the tears. I was not sobbing or even feeling sorrowful, yet tears kept coming and coming. My pillow was soaked, my nose clogged. I had a headache. It was obvious I had been crying for a while.

I began to try and make sense of what I had just experienced. I wanted to know the full story but was advised that it was not necessary. I knew what I needed to and should not over-identify with the situation. I had done my job and now needed to release what I had taken on in order to help the woman. I had revealed her core wound by taking on some her her burden so that she could see it for herself. In doing so, I now needed to cleanse myself of it.

Eventually, I had to sit up because the tears were not stopping. I spoke in Light Language with the intent to finalize whatever I had done. After I did this, the tears finally stopped and I felt unburdened.

It was clear to me that my request from the night before had been granted. My Companion told me that I “work” every night and was allowed a glimpse of that work. He kept telling me, “We are proud of you.” At the time I didn’t care and eventually, after hearing it several times I told him, “I don’t care.” lol I was still over-identifying with the woman in spirit. As a mother, I understood her pain at losing her child so prematurely, even if it was her that died and not her child. The loss is the same.

For a time I had trouble grasping what I had just experienced. The perspectives of all parties were jumbled. Was it my ex-MIL? Her MIL? Me that was the perpetrator? It felt like all of them at once – confusing! Was the woman in spirit really me? Or was she elsewhere trapped and I came to assist? Why was it dark? Where was the light? Was I the light? Was it the lower astral realms where the spirit was trapped? That seemed likely…

Eventually I Knew that all of the experience, all perspectives, were me. It was just so obvious. To differentiate between her and me and them was a human tendency. The reality is that we are all One and the same. There is no separation. In that very lucid experience my perspective was all perspectives at once. That is why to try and make sense of it was not advised. No sense in human terms could be made of it.

The congratulations came again from my guidance. I heard, “Well done.” This time, I said, “Thank you.” I knew what they were referring to. It was that I ignored my fear, which I noticed several times, and stayed the course in order to complete the task at hand. I did not reject the emotions of the woman spirit despite how “scary” they appeared/felt. I embraced them, taking them on as my own so that she could see the truth and be set free by it. It was/is beautiful.

I felt this kind of work was better done from my position in a human body. I asked why. I received back that the lower realms where spirit becomes trapped are very dense, denser even than the realms of the living. Access from the “higher” realms is almost impossible. Those trapped there cannot see those coming from such a high vibration. However, when visiting from the realms of the living, the light carried via the human vessel is able to penetrate the lower realms, though even it takes time to be seen. It was apparent to me that the only way the woman in spirit would have ever seen me was for me to “lower” myself to her level by taking on her pain as my own. I had to be one with her first. My understanding is that it is easier to do this when occupying a physical body. It has something to do with being better able to handle the density of the emotion carried by earthbounds.

All of this is fascinating but at the same time very humbling. I feel deeply changed.

Dream: Meeting a Friend

Had a very long, in-depth dream that seemed to span the entire night last night.

Dream: Meeting a Friend

The dream began with me meeting up with a friend from FB. He appeared younger than he does in his photos and in the dream I knew he was a teenager. He asked me “out” but it was not a date, it was more like an introduction to his life. He wanted to share some things with me. I agreed and we seemed transported to a house.

I felt to be up north somewhere and the area was very green with few trees. He introduced me to his mom and sister. There was also a dog, though I can’t recall what the dog looked like. I met his mom, who had light hair (blonde I think) and was very nice but left us alone most of the time we were there. I don’t recall seeing his sister but he spoke to me about her at length and showed me some of her old toys which were in excellent condition. These were toys from the 80’s and 90’s. I recall talking about My Little Pony and how much the toys are worth now as they are collectibles. I even held one of the ponies in my hand. This is the most vivid part of the dream.

There was a section of the dream where he was braiding hair and I was spraying on color in rainbows. It was odd because my friend had a very long mullet that he was braiding. Since both of us had blonde hair the color I sprayed on our hair appeared very bright.

He and I decided to venture into town and he drove me out of his neighborhood and into a town. I remember paying close attention to the roads we traveled as if I wanted to remember how to get back to his house. We parked the car in a parking area next to a highway overpass. I recall thinking he had the wrong idea about me and feeling a bit uncomfortable because we were in a car alone together.

The dream seems to blend in with my current life then, so I assume we were sharing info from our lives with one another. At one point I began to nod off as I was looking at my phone. When I “woke up” there was a group of people in the back seat of the car with us. I asked how long I had slept and he said he had slept too so he didn’t know.

There is a long section of the dream here that is hazy, probably because I was “dozing off” still. I remember getting out of the car and talking with the group of teens who had been in the back. We went inside a warehouse for a while and there was discussion of a rival gang who was threatening the teens.

The next thing I know I am with another man who I can’t see. I assume it is my Companion. He is asking me about my friend and wanted to know if I knew how to get back to his house. I told him I did and we drove the route back toward his house, only I took a wrong turn and we ended up by a large lake. I said, “This is wrong. There was no lake. We have to turn back.” So we turned around and I recall viewing the route we took from above, as if viewing a map. I remember saying the name of the street he lived on several times but I can’t recall it now. It was a four letter word, though. At one point we asked some people for directions and I recall seeing lots of water and avoiding falling into it.

I don’t remember ever getting back to my friend’s house. I ended up with a group of people standing over a grave. The grave was an elevated box filled with dirt. There was not enough dirt and we needed to finish filling it. I observed trash and other debris was in the grave and attempted to redistribute the dirt so that it was even. The mound in the center where the body was disturbed me and I remember thinking there was a smell but I never smelled anything. When I shoveled the dirt it looked a lot like compost and I could see heat radiating off of it. Eventually, though, the man in the grave sat up and began talking to us. He said he was hungry and tired of waiting. The man looked like my BIL and the trash in the grave began to look less like trash. I recall seeing several grilled cheese sandwiches and told him he should eat them.


I have no idea what to think of this dream sequence. I slept really good and almost didn’t write it except that most of the dream involved a FB friend which is very unusual. This is the second night in a row now that I have had an online friend in my dreams. I am not sure why this is happening as I have not set any intentions to meet up with anyone. I was not very lucid in this dream and am surprised I remembered so much of it.

My main focus is on the rainbow hair painting part and the My Little Pony (MLP) part. They seem interconnected. MLP always has rainbows in it. lol Ponies are symbolic of unexplored and underdeveloped power/potential. I loved the ponies as a child and have over 50 ponies from my childhood wrapped and stored in my home. So the ponies could represent a discussion about my childhood. Rainbows represent good fortune but can also symbolize the bridge between the physical and spiritual. It can also be a message to look at the positive side of things. Braiding hair represents determination. It could also indicate the braiding of the the spiritual and physical (embodiment).

My attention is also drawn to the map in my mind and all the time spent traveling roads. It could be there was a discussion about my life path and trying to find Home. The street name still eludes me but it was something like Ipal or Apal. Not sure. Maybe it represents “apple” which has to do with knowledge and wisdom like the apple in the Garden of Eden.

The grave section of the dream is also strange. Why was my BIL in the grave? lol Seeing a grave indicates there is an issue deep in my subconscious that needs to be put to rest. Since there is garbage in it, it could be the issue is particularly repulsive to me. Since I am trying to cover it with dirt, maybe I am trying to cover it up? My BIL could be a clue to the issue, but I have no idea. It was my BIL that just moved here from L.A. who popped out of the grave. He kind of looks like Paul Bunyan. lol Not sure on the sandwich either. It indicate lots of pressure is being put on me. My best guess is that the issue I am being asked to “put to rest” involves my family. The issue may be something I judge myself harshly for and feel is repulsive in some way so I try to bury it rather than confront it. I have no clue, though, what the issue might be.

More Preparation – Influence of the Four Directions 

This morning’s Kundalini experience. I’m researching the four directions and their link to the Kundalini and Hieros Gamos. Any input appreciated. Thanks for reading. 🙂

A Walk-In Life

I knew Easter day would result in another Kundalini experience, and I was not wrong. I fell asleep around 10pm. The last thing I heard was my Companion telling me, “See you soon”.

Sadly, most of the context of the experience is lost to me now. I must have been really tired so lucidity was low. What I do recall vividly is going through rooms with a woman who I considered my “best friend” and thus recognized her as my best friend from high school. I now know this was just my mind trying to make sense of an experience it could not fully understand. My “best friend” is, of course, my Companion. He has been slowly shifting his appearance for me as requested so I rarely see him in his typical brown hair, brown eyed form now days. Though he still does use it to mess with me (grrr!).

View original post 722 more words

Lucid to OBE: Breaking Through Barriers

I had a very busy night/morning. Not only do I remember most if not all of my dreams but most of them were lucid and I ended up in an extended OBE this morning that last about 3 hours.

Lucid to OBE: Breaking Through Barriers

I was in a school hallway when a saw a little boy go up to one of the male teachers. He pointed a gun at the man’s chest. Then he pushed the gun into the man’s chest and fired. The man fell to the ground and the little boy just stood there. I was shocked and upset.

The scene shifted and I was in my mom’s house looking down at the little boy who was laying on the ground. For some reason he had a bullet wound in his chest and the man was nowhere. I didn’t seem to remember the scene before at all. I contemplated calling 911 but waited because the boy was dead and I wanted to wait for my husband to arrive before I called anyone. Ultimately, I opted to call 911 because I didn’t want any suspicion. While waiting on hold the boy began to move and I realized he was still alive. As I was talking to the dispatcher I saw a car pull into the driveway. I looked outside and saw a van pull in and then back out. Then I saw an ambulance was already there assisting others who had been injured. It was like the front yard turned into a disaster scene.

When I went outside I became extremely lucid. When this happened the scene blacked out and the next thing I knew I was in the air flying over a foreign country. A FB friend of mine was with me, showing me where he lived. I recognized him and where I was and was conversing with my Companion about it as we flew. Below me I saw it was dark and could see forests of trees. We flew just over the tops of the trees and began to descend. I knew we were going to my friend’s house but I didn’t want to go there. With this decision I ended up in a city. While there we followed icy roads and watched as people slid through intersections. I recall telling my friend how when I lived in Montana we would buy studded tires. I said, “They wouldn’t slip if they had studded tires.” We had a whole conversation about it then because my friend was not sure what studded tires were and I was describing them to him.

We flew along the road which cleared of snow. By this time the sun was out and the black roads were glistening. We flew up to an outdoor ice skating arena. It was melting. I had never seen an outdoor arena before and commented on it. He told me it was named after a famous hockey player but I did not recognize the name and can’t recall it even though I repeated it several times.

My visit with my friend seemed over because I recall being alone flying over hills and low mountains covered in trees. There was still snow on the ground and the sky was once again dark. I ended up inside a house I did not recognize. My memories of what happened while I was inside are lost to me but I know I had a conversation with someone there.

At some point I decided I wanted to go outside and explore. I recall the door vividly and pushing right through it. Outside I flew up into the sky and began to fly ridiculously fast over the treetops. It was exhilarating! Then I felt the familiar pull upward. I went with it and the speed was incredible. As usual, I began to feel fear creeping in and wanted to resist it. I always feel the pull and worry I will lose control. This time I decided rather than resist it, I would relax and state my intention. I said, “I am not going fast. I am slowing down.” The upward movement continued but slowed down significantly.

I could still see the trees and snow below me. It was a beautiful place, this mountain region I found myself in. It reminded me of pictures of Siberia. The wind was howling and quite strong, though. Still moving upward, I continued to look down but then I felt myself come up against a barrier and stop. I felt it and it was pliable like a latex balloon only softer. I pushed against it and it gave way. I pushed harder and broke through it. I popped my head through but my vision blacked out so I couldn’t see. I even said, “Why can’t I see?” I crawled through the other side. The whirling wind was gone and it was peaceful. I felt encouraged by this and began to fly through this empty space I found myself in.

My vision eventually came back and I was looking through trees again. I could see a city in front of me. It looked like some kind of hardware store next to a strip mall. I didn’t recognize it so went to investigate. As I moved closer the city vanished and it was all trees again. Curious, I kept flying and hit yet another membrane-type barrier. I pushed against it and broke through without issue.

Unfortunately, this time the blackout that resulted caused me to shift back into my physical body.


My friend on FB posted yesterday that he had set the intention to meet certain people and done so twice. I think that post caused me to somehow meet up with him, either that or he set the intention to meet with me. It was pretty cool, though. I have seen him two others time in astral which is a near record for me. I rarely encounter people who are not family in astral that frequently.

The membrane is a first for me. I have heard others’ accounts of encountering such a membrane but never had I encountered one. Now in this OBE I run into two! It was quite interesting to feel. It felt stretchy and pliable, almost like I was inside a balloon made of latex-type material. It seemed like what it might feel like to break out of an egg or an amniotic sac! I had hoped that something new and interesting would be on the other side of it but it only seemed to be more of the same. I’m not sure then why it was even encountered. Weird.

Psalm 37

Happy Easter everyone! I hope you have a beautiful day with positive interactions with friends and family.

I wanted to share with you a message I received this morning. I simply heard, “Slom 37” which I knew meant “Psalm 37”. The “Slom” was immediately understood to mean “sloth” (laziness).

If you read my post yesterday, then you know a little about the family drama surrounding my sister’s family. I believe this message was meant to help me manage my own reactions to this drama.

Psalm 37 basically gives advice on how to respond when we see undeserving people get rewarded for doing the “wrong” thing. Here’s an explanation of the meaning. In this case, it was sent to me because my sister and her husband fit in this category. The “sloth” part of the message refers to both of them. They choose either not to work or work very little hours in order to receive Welfare benefits from the government. My cousin (her husband) won’t work a normal job because his checks will get garnished by both the state and the IRS for back child support and taxes. My sister works a part-time job to keep her earnings low so she can be eligible for state aid as well. They rely on handouts from family and create their situation purposefully and with full knowledge of what they are doing. My sister even told me outright she was “learning how to work the system” after she got out of prison and planned to get pregnant because a child brings more free benefits. Everyone in my family is aware of this, even my mom, but my mom enables them far more than she should. Their child, her grandson, is mainly the reason and my sister and her husband recognize and exploit this.

This is just the short version. If everything I just wrote infuriates you, then you know how I felt for a long time. There is so much more, but I wrote all of the above without upset or annoyance. I know this is the lesson they came here to learn and it is also a lesson for me. Prior to coming into this life, the last memory I have of the Other Side is looking down at the Earth below and knowing my sister was already in life and needed me.

Psalm 37 from the King James version of the Bible:

Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.

Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth.

10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

11 But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

12 The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.

13 The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

14 The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.

15 Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.

16 A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the Lord upholdeth the righteous.

18 The Lord knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.

19 They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

20 But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the Lord shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.

21 The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.

22 For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.

25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

26 He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

27 Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.

28 For the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.

29 The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.

30 The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.

31 The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

32 The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.

33 The Lord will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.

34 Wait on the Lord, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

35 I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree.

36 Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.

37 Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.

38 But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off.

39 But the salvation of the righteous is of the Lord: he is their strength in the time of trouble.

40 And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.

download (1)Guidance

My take on Psalm 37 is that it is reminding us that our purpose here is not to judge others but to help them and assist them in their life lessons whatever they may be. To remember there is much more going on “behind the scenes” of life than we are meant to know. Often these “injustices” are meant to teach us about ourselves and how to love unconditionally. To have compassion in our hearts for everyone equally. To view life from the perspective of another. This is extremely hard to do with family. We have history with them, a history of doing wrong to them and them doing wrong to us. A history of hurt feelings, guilt, jealousy and more. This doesn’t even include the karma from other lifetimes either. The key is to somehow wade through all of the above and center ourselves in the love we feel for our family member. We may think, “I don’t love them. I hate them!” but ultimately, at the root of all of the emotional charge related to our relationship with them there is love. You cannot feel so much and carry so much emotional baggage for someone you don’t love. If we can contact that love and stay centered in it all of the baggage falls to the side and compassion, support and well wishes reign.

What helps me the most is to remember that the other person is choosing this for a reason and I have no control over what they choose. For example, yesterday my husband was going to take my two youngest in a convertible to go swimming with the top down. I insisted he put the top up because my youngest would likely stand up and I had all kinds of fears arise about him flying out the back of the car while it was on the highway. My husband agreed after much resistance. I stayed home and nearly burst into tears right after. My Companion reminded me, “It is not in your hands. It is his (my son’s) choice.” I knew this was true. No matter what I did, it was his choice to live or die. My Companion then said to me, “You’ve lost many babies but you won’t lose this one.” I knew he was telling the truth but regardless it was hard to get my emotions under control. We love our children so much and we think we are keeping them safe, we find comfort in that. But ultimately this is an illusion we create to help ourselves feel safe. They are choosing each moment of each day of their life, not us. It is hard to find comfort in that sometimes, but with trust it is possible. It is the same with our friends and family members who constantly make life choices that create problems for them. We see it, but they don’t, and we want to protect them from themselves. But we can’t. It is not our place nor our lesson. Our lesson is how to learn to let go and allow them their choice and consequence, good or bad.


Flood Dream and OBE

Last night I struggled to fall asleep. It could have been my overactive mind which was going a 100 miles an hour. I was thinking of really random stuff, too. One minute I would be thinking of something going on presently and another I would jump to somewhere in my past. Even when my Companion stepped in and tried to help me clear my mind I would end up somewhere else in this lifetime mulling over this or that. I also had songs stuck in my head, which is infuriating when trying to get to sleep.

Sometime around midnight I finally drifted off.

Dream: Flood

I was with a male friend, a patriarch-type, driving/flying down a country road. We had to stop because the road leading to the place we were going was flooded. I wanted to drive through it but my friend said we had to wade through it because the water was too deep. I wanted nothing to do with getting wet and kept thinking of how cold the water was and how uncomfortable it would make me. He told me there was no other way and I recall watching myself wade through waist high, sometimes chest high, water to go to this white, plain looking house. My friend looked a lot like my neighbor, which was odd to me.

Then we were walking along the river. The water was up high. My friend pointed to a little chipmunk who was waterlogged on the banks of the river. He was exhausted but alive. He picked it up and tossed it back into the river and it swam back to the bank in a hurry, gulping water and panting. The message from my friend was something about how the chipmunk would just keep repeating the pattern regardless of how many times he was tossed back in.


This was a dream discussion with my Companion. I am avoiding certain emotions related to life issues (flooded road). I am told I must personally confront them (wade in the water) and doing so would lead to a breakthrough (feeling cold) and a spiritual rebirth (wet). Part of the discussion was how if I keep clinging to the past (chipmunk) and repeating patterns from it (returning to bank repeatedly) then I will get nowhere.

Dream: College Symposium

I was heading to class at a university but the door of the classroom had a note that class would be meeting elsewhere but it didn’t post the room number. Another woman approached and seemed to no where to go. I followed her but then seemed to morph into her telling the other me where the new class was.

We arrived and I met with my friend Sophia. We sat in auditorium style seats and waited for class to start. There was great anticipation here but I don’t know why. It seemed we were both excited and Sophia was telling me about something I can’t recall now.


This dream is all about personal growth and anxieties related to it.

OBE: Warts

I woke up wide-awake, my mind very active once again. The thoughts going through my mind were more incidents from the past that seemed random and unrelated. I recognized this and thought, “I’m doing some kind of life review again.” I remember my Companion asking me if I would allow him to take over. I didn’t hesitate to say, “Yes.” Then I started to feel my heart, third-eye and crown light up with energy. It created this warm area from my heart to the top of my head and it lulled me to sleep.

Somehow I ended up very lucid and suddenly realized I was laying in bed next to a naked man. I sat up and looked at the man in front of me. My vision would go in and out as I blinked my eyes and I felt extremely exhausted, fighting to stay away and aware. I knew I was OOB and was aware of my Companion speaking to me telepathically. He was not the man on the bed, though.

My Companion was asking me to explore the situation. His intentions became mine, like we were the same person. His thoughts were separate from mine and recognized as such but there was no lag between what he thought/intended and what I did. I didn’t question any of this. It felt natural.

I reached out and touched the man, my vision blinking on vividly. He looked like my current husband but I never saw the man’s face so I don’t know. I recall my Companion commenting on what was being seen. He said something about the body hair and the body suddenly seemed to have lots of body hair. I passed my hand lightly over the body from head to torso feeling the hair. The sensation was very real and again I thought about being OOB and taking over but then suddenly felt exhausted and without motivation to do anything but remain where I was.

Then I recall hearing there was no hair at all on the body and instantly it had no hair. I recall feeling the difference and noting it and discussing my preference and why I preferred one over the other. I preferred the hairy body to the hairless one.

Then the body suddenly was covered in red bumps likes warts. The body also resembled that of my ex-husband then for some reason. I recoiled from it and felt myself return to my body.

I was congratulated by my Companion upon my return to my body but I couldn’t recall why. Maybe it was some sort of test?

Then I remember what he asked me prior to the OBE. He had asked if he could “take over”. This didn’t mean he took over my body but that I followed his lead without question. On considering the experience it seems like I was practicing doing this. His thoughts/intentions became mine. Instead of me running the show I completely gave control over to him. This takes a huge amount of trust on my part.

The symbolism is interesting. Hair has to do with sexuality and one’s attitude. The loss of it may indicate a fear of losing my sexual attractiveness. Warts have to do with acknowledging the beauty within me and is a message to stop punishing myself. Since the body with the warts looked like my ex’s it could be that I am still holding onto something from that relationship and punishing myself for it.

Other Random Memories

I am still having dream amnesia, the kind where I will suddenly recall an entire dream sequence only to have it immediately vanish from my mind. This morning I had such a dream memory. I can’t remember it now (of course) but I knew instantly what it meant. It seems that I am being prepared to confront certain life problems that up to this point I have avoided confronting. Most of these issues are related to my family and the relationships I have with certain family members.

Issues coming up for resolution (yay?):

Family drama.

My sister and her husband (my first cousin) recently got evicted from their house for non-payment of rent of a substantial amount. Prior to this, my sister had reached out to me just to reconnect (or so I thought) and asked for money for rent after several days of positive interaction. I recoiled from this, sensing an old pattern of hers, and told her no. Several days later I found out from my mom they were evicted before my sister reconnected with me. I realized she never intended to use the money for rent. I was sad and disappointed that my sister had not changed.

Currently my sister and her family live with my mom because they couldn’t find a place to rent. My mom was against it but was pressured to let them move in by her husband. Her husband creates a whole other issue in and of itself, too. The last time I visited the energy was so unsettled and jagged at my mom’s that I knew I would not be able to visit for a while. We are opting not to spend Easter at my mom’s this year because of it.

On top of that, my sister texted me Wednesday to tell me she and her husband have been asked to be on a TLC show about cousin couples. She asked me if I would consent to an interview. After thinking about it I knew it would be a bad idea. In fact, the whole thing feels bad to me. I told her no and felt her energetic reaction which was not good. My mom consented to an interview, though. Supposedly my sister and her husband could make a substantial amount of money for being on the show.

As you can imagine this is really testing me with all the spiritual changes I am going through now. Testing whether I can remain balanced throughout all of this drama. My little self wants to be angry about how “unfair” it is that my sister be given so much money and opportunity when she obviously doesn’t deserve it. It wants to punish her and be “right” in some way. I am constantly having to rein in these reactive thoughts because they come with a very heavy, nasty feeling emotion. It seems like all this family stuff is coming now in order to test me, to see if I can avoid falling into old patterns and behaviors. Mostly I am handling it by avoidance at the moment but I know this won’t work forever. Thankfully, my Companion interjects whenever I begin to fall into old reactive thought patterns. I listen and the thoughts/feeling vanish. It is the most amazing thing but I don’t know how I will respond when face-to-face with my family. We’ll see I guess!

My marriage.

Actually everything is “good” on the surface. It is the stuff underneath that still needs resolution. Neither of us is pushing to resolve anything. I won’t go into anymore detail than that.