Reach

I was going to write a longer post but am instead going to keep it short.

This morning when I woke up my guide was very close. I heard him say a single word:

Reach.

I know what it means for me.

What does it mean for you?

If you aren’t quite sure what it means for you then here is some inspiration:

Image result for quote on "reach"

Image result for quote on "reach"

Image result for quote on "reach"

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Dream: Journey to the Seat

Very active dream night. I am not as tired this morning as I have been and so dream recall is higher than normal but still not at optimum.

Dream: Alma Mater 

I don’t recall much about this dream now, which is disappointing because the messages that came through are quite memorable. I like being able to explore the symbols. What I recall now is being inside a very fancy ballroom or somewhere similar. The walls were white paneling and the ceilings domed with similar paneling. I was with several others walking up a very fancy staircase discussing relationships.

From here it gets blurry. I mostly remember circles being cut in half. I am not sure if they were fruit or not but the one I recall was red like a cherry. There was food, though, because I was taking small chocolates and cutting them in half. Someone said to me, “Alma Mater” in the dream but I can’t recall why.

I began to cry during this dream. It was a feeling of regret mostly, regret of not seeing the good in my husband. Most of the dream was discussing all of his good qualities and viewing him as I did when we first met. Presently, it reminds me of how I use to grieve for the loss of my first marriage when I was recalling our history. One tends to look at all the negative in the moment but in hindsight you can see the good and how easily it is overlooked.

When I awoke I heard again, “Alma Mater”. I stopped crying and remembered what it meant: Bountiful Mother. I knew I needed to revisit a post I had written about it. There would be a message in it.

Here is the post. I had written it in my other blog on WP so it took me a while to find it. The picture is part of the post. Basically, the message is to “Be the Goddess”. However, the feeling I had upon waking was that I needed to somehow return to seeing my husband’s good qualities like I did when we first met and dated. I am not sure I can do that with all the time that has passed. We will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary Nov. 24th.

ceres

Dream: The Seat

This dream was so good I did NOT want to wake up from it.

It began with me driving on a small motorbike with another woman. She felt like my sister or a close, inexperienced friend. She was in control but I soon realized she could not drive well. I said, “You’re out of practice.” I took the handlebars and let her have control of the gas and brake. Steering her in the right direction was difficult because it was dark and foggy and the roads were unfamiliar. We eventually had to stop to wait for morning.

A traveler came and took us the rest of the way to a small town. There I met others, mostly women. One woman had an old leg injury that I healed with my hands. I remember feeling the intensity of the energy as it surged through me. She felt instant relief and thanked me.

Then we traveled to the next location. The woman with me was a traveler and the other woman from the beginning was no more. I believe the two of us merged into one and that is why she was no longer present.

At the new place I was washing my hair, putting conditioner in it. Then I went to a car, the traveler’s car, to get something but the key was stuck. I pulled it out, an alarm sounded, so I reinserted it and turned it to the left. The key released and the alarm stopped.

I exited through a building that had lines of students inside. They all recognized me asking me, “Did he really cry?” I felt like a celebrity based on the energy in the room. I said he did and passed through.

On the other side I was standing by the motorbike with a woman at the edge of a very large crater. A man was standing there with a woman. When we saw each other there was recognition. He left the other woman’s side and joined me. I knew we were married. We then each put on a parachute and jumped into the gorge. I remember thinking, “I normally wouldn’t do something like this!” I felt such excitement, though.

Somehow my partner and I were split up but I didn’t seem to care. I looked down at the landscape below. It was so beautiful and went on and on forever it seemed. The bowl-like depression was lined with jagged mountains. Each mountain tip seemed to be situated purposely like a flower petal around the center of the bowl. There was greenery intermittent with rocks. I was elated as I landed close to the center.

I saw ahead of me a brilliant white, rectangular platform in the center. I walked up to it and thought, “This is the seat”. In my mind I thought “government” and there was an image of the White House of the U.S. crumbling as if to confirm that I was at the location of the “new government” as the old one had fallen. I lingered only for a moment because I wanted to find my partner. I looked and saw his parachute in the distance and knew he had landed.

I headed in the direction of the parachute and saw that he had fallen into deep water. The strange thing is that the body of water appeared like a channel that had been purposefully dug. It looked like one of the spokes of a huge wheel. In the water were three men all swimming but unable to get out without assistance. The first man called out to me. He had very blonde hair and was smiling. I remember thinking, “Ken” as in “Ken and Barbie”. I passed by him and the other man, my eyes on my partner at the end.

When I reached him I leaned down to help him out. I saw his dark hair and eyes and smiled in recognition. He grabbed onto my arm and pulled himself up but his weight was so much it pulled me down and almost into the water with him. I helped him out, though, and he fell on top of me.

He sat up, straddling me. He was completely naked. I assume I was, too, but that was not my focus. I was too happy to see him and kept kissing him eagerly. I wrapped my legs around him and we kissed and laughed for a bit. I kept pulling him toward me and not letting him get up. He said to me while motioning toward the seat, “We’ve got to get going…..” I said, “I don’t wanna….” I remember thinking to him, “Pleeeeeease” He was resisting my advances but I could feel what he wanted was the same as what I wanted. He was concerned others would see us. He felt exposed. I acknowledged him but sent him, “So? I don’t care.” It was understandable to feel exposed. There we were, both naked out in the open with at least two other men watching and who knows who else could see us.

I felt the moment he made his choice. He finally stopped holding back and gave in to what he wanted (and I wanted, too). In that instant I saw the number 111 flash behind his left shoulder. Then, I felt a surge of energy in my root chakra like a bolt of lightening. It came with a release, like years and years of pent up energy finally had somewhere to go. We both felt it but the intensity of it was too much for me and when the second surge hit, I woke up.

Afterward

When I awoke I was crying. I couldn’t help myself. It was just so beautiful. I was overjoyed, overflowing. I was also very upset to have woken up. What awful timing I have! I spent a good amount of time after that lingering in the memory of it, savoring it.

My mind then went to the dream before and all the symbolism. The two versions of myself becoming one – the experienced one and the one needing practice. I remembered the “traveler” and the strange key. The room of children asking over and over, “Did he really cry?”

The most spectacular was the bowl shaped depression we wound up in. I knew the “seat” was the “seat of the soul” and that the “bowl” was a chakra. The mountains around the edge were in the shape of a flower…..a lotus maybe? And the water was between each of the mountain tops in linear shapes all pointing to the center. It was as if we were in the center of the actual chakra!

The crumbling “government” and new government must be symbolic of the Ego and the Higher Self. One crumbled, “destroyed”, replaced by the better, more experienced one. Yet I did not linger at this new “seat”. Instead I helped my partner who had gotten stuck in the water (emotional overwhelm maybe?). I suspect we would both have gone to the seat together had I not awakened prematurely!

As I smiled at the realization of all of the above I heard very distinctly, “Pilgrim” and the Enya song came to mind.

 

More Sadness and Messages: Progress and Removal Order

Since my post on my last Kundalini experience I have been emotional again. It’s not all the time and mostly I have no clue from where the emotion originates. There was a bout of emotion prior to the Kundalini dream but it was nothing compared to the emotion since. I assume this crying is the result of clearing blockages, maybe in my “forest green” heart chakra, but I am long past caring now.

As has been the usual, the emotion usually hits me when I am alone. Sometimes there are thoughts that precede it but lately there has been nothing to indicate the source. In fact, one time, after a nice cry, when I attempted to figure out the “why” I actually gave up almost immediately. My thoughts were, “Maybe there is no ‘why’? Maybe it just ‘is’ and none of it is mine. None of it.”

I use to think that in acknowledging the pain/emotion that it would lead to a full release of it. This has proved inaccurate in every way and has only complicated the process by tangling up my Ego in it. This isn’t Ego. That isn’t the source and it is obvious. This isn’t from something that has been done to me or that I have done to another. This isn’t a result. It is a process, a clearing, a moving along the correct path of the energy of Me. My trying to identify with the emotion that is coming up is not going to help nor speed up this process. The emotion is a side-effect and that is all. It is the direct result of imbalance in this system, this physical and energetic body being out of alignment and working hard to get back in balance.

Lately I have been having what I can only call “memories” that liken this experience to a class assignment that I am not enjoying completing for various reasons. It comes with a feeling of “I’m almost done” and an encouragement from within that says, “Don’t give up now. You’re almost there.” The sensation with these “memories” is of being in an alternate reality, like the assignment consists of stepping into this reality for a moment, learning and the stepping back to reassess. It is so real that it often makes this entire physical reality feel like a dream and the other one feel like the real deal. You can imagine how discombobulated it makes me feel. Thankfully I am usually at home and relaxed and so do not end up freaking out from it. It just IS and I accept it.

It is no coincidence that these reality checks came about while I was watching various television series that seemed aligned with my experience in some way. For example, I watched all of Westworld followed by a movie called Otherlife. I watched Awake (really good btw) in amidst the above two and most recently a movie called Never Let Me Go. I am now into season 2 of Stranger Things. All of these movies/series I highly recommend. Can’t wait for the next season of The OA to come out! Just so happens The OA and Awake feature the same actor. 🙂

I was brought to tears in all but the last one for different reasons but usually the emotion was not at all linked to what I was watching. If you have seen any of the above movies/series then you may see a pattern. They all have to do with living in or being aware of two realities at the same time and the struggles therein. This theme parallels one of my own life themes: how to function within one reality while simultaneously being aware of and drawn to another reality others do not acknowledge or believe exists.

I have come to identify the source of my emotional upheaval as homesickness/heartsickness that comes with Memory of this other reality. This is the only thing that feels right. I miss that other reality and the fullness of Self that exists only there (or seems to anyway).

Another interesting realization I had recently is that during the periods when I am having these bouts of emotion my mundane life seems to explode in activity. This busyness is a great distraction and seems to shift me into my “other” self so well that I feel almost normal and the memory of home so far distant that it seems like the dream. I go for what seems like months of normality only to be thrust against my will back into memory. It really is only a week or two, sometimes days that pass before this happens yet it feels like months. Timeline blips? Who knows.

houseDreams

Then there are the dreams. So weird. Last night I had quite a few indicating just how homesick I am.

In one dream I was with an older man who reminded me of my friend David. He and I were discussing something and then standing outside a very old looking mansion reminiscent of an old castle or manor. There was a large sign atop it that said, “PROGRESS” and then below the sign it said, “Home for Women and Mothers.” When I saw it I wrote it down and repeated it word-for-word several times. Then I woke up almost immediately the words still going through my head while seeing the number “9” and knew it was a message that progress is being made.

In yet another dream I was standing in a check-out line at a grocery store. People kept cutting in front of me because they had special reason. For example, one man cut in front of me because he had a receipt in his hand. He told me, “If you place your order ahead of time you get to go first in line.” I was not pleased and felt very impatient. Then the entire store went dark and the check-out ladies told us it was a mandatory 30 second break. The conveyor belts stopped and all movement ceased. I stood there even more impatiently and complained that I would never get out of there. The dream ended with the lights coming on but no one moving or making progress.

When I woke up I shifted into the in-between. I saw the conveyor belt full of groceries. Someone came and cleared it off and placed a piece of paper in front of me. It said, “Removal Order.” I knew it was a message that my removal order had been placed. This woke me up.

In another dream I was inside a bathroom printing off a worksheet. I recall printing two and then on the third try the worksheet printed wrong. It printed on the back of the two other worksheets a large symbol that was very beautiful. I remember then standing in the bathroom and staring at the wall. I visualized my other half coming toward me and kissing me on the cheek. I became very homesick and sad.

Similarly, in yet another dream I was in a living room feeling exhausted and unmotivated. I laid down on a sofa and completely surrendered myself to a man who was with me. He sat down next to me and caressed my hair. I felt such love and friendship from him but instead of it making me happy it made me cry.

When I woke for the final time this morning my eyes were wet from crying. I told my guide that it wasn’t fair and asked why I would be allowed to Remember so much, to Remember what I left behind to be here? All that has resulted is this sadness that never goes away and now I can never go back to how it was before. The Memory is my curse. I am tired of pretending, tired of play acting, tired of this assignment.

 

Lucid Dream and OBE: Over and Over Again

After a two month WP break this morning’s activity prompted me to shift back here. Why? Well, you’ll see, but mainly because while I was in the midst of the lucid dream below I remember saying, “I need to remember this, to write this down and share it”.

If you’ve been following me on Blogger then you know what’s been going on these past couple of months. If you haven’t been, sorry, I’m not going to do a recap except to say spiritual experiences have been low, dream recall almost nonexistent, and focus has been on physicality and living life.

Up until two nights ago things have been quiet in dreamland. Woke up a lot last night. Assuming it has to do with the full moon.

Lucid Dream: Message

I was in school but can’t recall now the specifics of the situation. The next thing I know I am in a room that has no form or features and is dark except where I am. It is almost like I have a dim spotlight on me. I feel a distinctly familiar feeling and think, “I am about to meet someone.” The feeling brings on full lucidity. I think to myself, “Capricorn” and quickly conclude he must be a Capricorn. I’m not sure why I think this but I have no doubt of what I Know.

The feeling intensifies. It is the feeling of connection to another and it is strong, but not so strong it scares me. I can only describe it as an all-over body vibration where mine and the other person’s vibration aligns. The feeling is like my body is a living symphony where all the individual instrument parts are being played perfectly. My soul was literally singing.

A man appears from the shadows. When I see him I know he’s the one I’ve been feeling. He says to me, “I have a message for you.” Inside I begin to freak out a bit, anticipating the message and wishing he had not said that word “message” because it makes me anticipate what is coming next. I expected to wake up because I could feel my anticipation rising and my nervousness taking over. Yet I didn’t. Instead, he approached me and placed his hand on my left shoulder. It was so solid and real it surprised me. I looked up at him and could see him clearly. He was no one I recognized. In fact, he was quite plain in terms of human appearance with small red bumps (pimples?) covering his face, but the feeling I got from him was gentle and loving. He had medium brown hair and light eyes. In recalling him now he could have passed for my father in his younger years, though I did not see my father in him during the experience.

I wait for his message and he draws closer to me. He gently pulls me toward him and we hug. I feel every bit of it as real as in the physical yet this doesn’t wake me up. The hug is so wonderful, too, reminding me of how hugs felt when I was a child after being lost for a while.

When we are done hugging I keep looking up at him, focusing on his face trying to memorize every detail. He says to me, “You are better than this. You don’t need him.” I feel instantly humbled by his statement. It was like I had expected him to say it and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I replied, “You’re talking about (insert person’s name) right?” He says, “Yes.” I hang my head and say, “I know but it is so hard. I don’t want to be here. I can’t do this anymore.” He says, “Why don’t you leave then?” I say to him, “I don’t think I could do that.” He says, “Why couldn’t you?”

I have to interrupt the dream here to say our conversation is not what it seems. Don’t draw any conclusions here thinking we are talking about my husband because we aren’t. During the conversation I did mention a name but when I awoke I understood it to mean I don’t need anyone – male, female, or otherwise. When he says “Why don’t you leave?” I interpret it to mean “leave this life”, not a person, place or situation. In hindsight I believe the conversation has multiple meanings referring to multiple situations in my life.

There is a discussion then about my time on Earth and the choices I have made and the choices I have yet to make. Most of the specifics are lost to me now but I recall seeing a block resembling the days on a calendar but I think the blocks represent something larger, maybe years or lifetimes but I’m not sure. I recall knowing I could finish early, two blocks early, and that it would be okay if I did. The feeling I remember having the most was complete exhaustion and wanting to exit this life as soon as possible. There were so many words exchanged here but all that is left of mine is a feeling of being unable to progress past a certain point. If I had to put it into words it would be that I just can’t push past my feelings of responsibility towards those I love or past the feeling that whatever I do, I lose. I remember the man being very sympathetic and there being the message from him that I knew this might happen when I planned this life. We don’t always have the strength in life that we think we will have while we are in Spirit. The feeling of disappointment in myself was very strong. No matter how hard I try to do what I came here to do, I seem unable. It’s as if that part of me is broken.

The next thing I remember was him asking me, “How do you want to go?” I contemplated this aloud saying, “I don’t care” because I just wanted it over with, then changed my mind because I saw several scenarios flash through my mind – car accident, freak accident, suicide.  I saw my family’s reaction to these and it wasn’t good. I told him, “I prefer to go in my sleep. An aneurysm maybe…something that won’t hurt and won’t traumatize my family.”

Then I heard noises-off. It sounded like my daughter calling my name. By this time I was laying down with the man, curled up inside his embrace and very comfortable there with him. Safe. I knew hearing her meant he was about to go. I told him, “I don’t want you to go yet.” But I called back to her and felt his embrace around me lighten until it was gone. Yet I could still hear him. I asked him, “What is your name?” He said, “I have many names, as do you.” I understood this meant so much more than my human mind can comprehend yet in that moment I had no confusion whatsoever.

I lost some lucidity then and had a dream-within-a-dream. I saw a blonde woman resembling me. She laid down behind the back wheels of an SUV placing her head right behind a tire. The car backed up and crushed her head. The people inside the car panicked and got out. I was watching from a distance and saw the woman rise up out of her body and watch.

Then I was talking to the woman. We were face to face and I felt overwhelming love for her. I put my hands on her face and looked at her, smiling. I don’t remember everything we said but I do recall saying to her, “I love you” and my heart overflowing with love for her. We embraced and then I woke up feeling myself settle back into my sleeping body.

Even after I awoke I could still sense the energy of the man from my dream. He was still around me so I asked him again, “What is your name?” I felt a reply and slowly it formed in my mind – Sebastian. The sense at this time was that I was surrounded by love and it’s form is incomprehensible to my human mind. What I see in my dreams and in visions is nothing compared to the true forms of these Beings. I heard, “We are Many” and took a deep breath. Elohim. I knew They would come back. But I was/am so tired, so completely spent energetically, spiritually, physically, emotionally, that the thought of being “crazy” caused absolutely no reaction in me.

I couldn’t sleep afterward, tossing and turning because I was trying to remember as many details of the experience as I could. There were moments when I would drift and get visions, flashes of names or scenarios. I saw the name, “David” written clearly and remembered an entire dream from many nights before. Then I heard Ezekiel, Gabriel, and other Biblical names. I began to hear an old hymnal – Ten Thousand Angels – “He could have called, ten thousand angels, but he died alone for you and me….” I knew I was being told I had angels watching over me.

OBE: Over and Over Again

I almost got out of bed at 5:30am because I was so wide awake but instead I closed my eyes to meditate.

The next thing I recall was being inside a school sitting at a desk. I knew I had missed many classes. There were several “bad” students present. One male student was sent to get my mail and deliver it to me. Yet he didn’t give it to me but kept it and went through it. I went up to him and said, “You know it’s a federal offense to take someone’s mail.” Eventually I got my mail back and pulled out a large, wooden “S”, from inside an envelope. I knew it represented my last name.

My teacher told me that I needed to update my computer. I had a laptop in front of me and told her I had already updated it from home. I went to a seat and sat down for a while after that. The seat reminded me of a seat in a movie theater. As I sat there I entered into a meditative trance-type state. I can’t remember what I was thinking until the vibrations began to wake me from my meditative state. They were super intense, wrapping around me lovingly centered around my heart. I wanted to sink into them and let them take me away, into oblivion, when I thought suddenly, “I’m having a stroke.” Then I realized the energy and vibrations I was feeling were indicative of being OOB. I sat up and out of my dream body and faced myself, touching my own shoulder. I don’t remember looking at my face just being aware of being outside of the body I had just been in.

I immediately felt freer and happier. Looking to explore, I wandered out of the large, movie-theater-type place and into another room. Inside I found a large group of people standing together in formation seeming to be rehearsing something. They were all wearing what appeared to be costumes of other-worldly creatures. Some looked to be from the Renaissance while others looked like fairies or creatures only found in fairy realms. My attention went to a very tall, handsome man in front of me. I can’t remember his costume now but when I saw him I was intrigued. His eyes and mine locked and I smiled. I stood and watched them practice for a while, relaxed and enjoying myself. All of them were a good foot or more taller than me.

Then a young brown haired woman approached me. We knew each other. She began talking to the other me who apparently had followed me into the room. I interrupted their conversation and said to her, “It’s me. She (the other me) is me. You and I know each other, too.” The explanation continued but is lost to me now. Apparently I am able to split off from myself and interact independently of my other selves. This time I remember seeing the other me but now all I remember is a blur of her blue shirt and her shoulder length hair which seemed light brown/dark blonde.

I told the brown haired girl, “Come with me. I want to show you some things.” The girl followed. I was laughing by this time and jumped up into the air with her. I said, “We can fly, you know.” We lifted up and then drifted back down. Taking her hand I lifted her up with me and then we laid on our backs, floating. We glided for a while, facing the ceiling and then going through the windows out into the night. We could see the sky full of stars and I was laughing and singing by this time as was my friend.

We continued to float and then began to fly out and over the fields. I was singing about life and how we as eternal Beings live forever, experiencing lifetime after lifetime. The fields below me turned into giant life stories in the form of realistic books built into the scenery. The hills seemed to come alive with moving pictures of lives from different times and places. I sang, “We do it (life) over and over again….” As I sang I turned the pages of the Earth-book showing life after life after life. I did all of this full of a child-like joy.

It was around this time that I began to come back into my body. I felt the familiar energy of re-entry and my heart was beating rapidly.

A song was in my head when I woke up, “I’m still breathing. I’m still breathing. I’m alive.”

Putting it Together

The “Capricorn” reference was related to the month of December, not the man in the lucid dream. I don’t remember when I realized this but when I awoke I recalled seeing stars in the sky, as if being shown astrology and the time of the year when Capricorn rules. I also recall saying something in astrological terminology to the man. The term I used was “aspect” but I can’t make sense of what I said. All I recall is that I said some aspect would affect me and it is related to Capricorn. My feeling upon waking was that it would happen in December and I felt a bit sad because that time of the month has been bringing all kinds of crap into my life since 2015! I wish I could just skip the month this year rather than face whatever it is bringing me this time around.

I also want to reassure you all that though it appears I am planning my own demise, I do not feel upset, sad or otherwise concerning the conversation with the man in the lucid dream nor did I have any such feelings during the discussion regarding exiting this life. It was just a matter-of-fact conversation, like I got a sneak peek into what goes on in dreamtime – the planning and such.

There was also a message in the lucid dream I forgot to mention. I was told, “You are primed”. I have heard that before and so my reaction was not positive. I understand that it means I have been prepared/prepped for something – a task, situation, or experience.

Finally, there was a return of that familiar E.T. feeling that I have not had in a very long time. It is that multidimensional-connected-Source-Love-Oneness feeling. lol Hard to describe.

Born to Rise

Eventful night last night. Nothing really out of the normal for me, but interesting at least.

Before I go into detail I want to share this clip from Supernatural because this is the show I’ve been watching to keep sane over the past few weeks. I am especially attracted to the humor in the show. Here’s an example (sorry for the French subtitles):

Dean had just been told he is a vessel for Archangel Michael. Thus his comedic response – Angel condom! HA! Love it! Dean is the reason I watch the show BTW. In the first episode I recognized him but wasn’t sure from where. Discovered he was on Days of Our Lives back when I use to watch it!

Okay, so back to last night’s events….

Kundalini

The first incident of the night was a mini-Kundalini rising. I slept through most of it so it was muted but not enough for me not to notice. I felt intense energy in my lower chakras – the typical Kundalini build-up with sexual undertones. When I woke up the energy was still present.

I was able to recall the dream scene preceding the Kundalini. I was laying on a flat surface with my arms and legs spread out in savasana. I felt the presence of others around me and there was a sense that I was being worked on. The Beings around me were removing a section of my energy field – like an entire layer. When they were done, the only part of this layer that remained was a small, rectangular section right over my solar plexus. The coloring of this section was green and the feeling of the removal of the energy layer was as if tight fitting clothing were being removed, like the removal of a wet suit.

Dream: Death of a Mother and Child

I was in a hospital (healing or giving up control) room asking about a mother who had been in labor a couple of days before. I was informed that both the mother and her newborn died not long after the birth (death of old paradigm). There were visuals of what happened in the explanation. I saw a young, blonde mother holding her newborn up to her bosom to nurse. The baby was crying and suckling but blood (loss of life force), not milk, was coming out of the woman’s breast. It was explained that the baby had a serious genetic illness that caused it to be in pain from even the most gentle of movements. I could see the entire spinal column (strength, could mean “spineless”) of the baby lit up in yellow and saw the pain that it suffered when it moved. When I asked what illness they died from I heard, “the Black Flu” but in my mind I thought, “Black Death” and associated it with that historical outbreak (healing aspect of self).

I was hit hard with an overwhelming grief. The emotion poured out of me so suddenly and with such force that it woke me up. My entire body was arched uncomfortably from the outflow when I woke up and the tears were so prevalent that it seemed I had been crying for some time. The thoughts going through my mind were on the untimely and unfair death of an innocent child and the grief of all mother’s who have suffered through the loss of a child. It is the most debilitating grief one can have.

Dream: Counselor Duties

I returned to sleep easily and entered into a dream where I was a school counselor at an elementary school. There was an awards ceremony (recognition of accomplishments) and I was to present awards to the dyslexic and autistic students from 4th grade.

There was a break and I went to find the restroom (purification). On the way I was fiddling with the cord of my white earbuds (intuition). It was in a knot (interruption in flow) and I was having to undo the knot. I noticed the wire was poking through at one point and worried it would cause it to short out.

When I went into the restroom I noticed I was on the second floor (increased understanding/higher level of awareness) of it. There were two stalls and then stairs that led to stalls on the lower level. There was no wall between the two levels so anyone could easily fall. I used the restroom and left noting how everything in the restroom was white.

Then I noticed a woman walking away from the group. On her back was a blood soaked sanitary pad (end of difficult times). I followed her wondering about it and finally told her about it. She said she knew it was there and reached over and pulled it off and tossed it in the trash.

The scene shifted and I was outside meeting up with a woman. She walked me toward a building and said we had to make a stop at the museum (non-traditional path/risk needed). She asked me to take off my shoes (need to be relaxed) and it seemed like the museum contained fragile, priceless things.

A_whirlpool

Dream: Whirlpool

Much of this dream is lost but the end is very vivid. I had been traveling with my husband in a car. We ended up in Waco and I became exasperated and said, “There is no way we are going to arrive on time now! We are at least 2 hours away!” He reassured me and entered the freeway (life direction/path). When he did, the entire freeway turned into a vast river (obstacles to overcome) that was so wide it resembled a lake. I saw indications that the water was moving rapidly (possible turmoil ahead) and said to my husband, “Be careful. I can tell the current is strong.” Then we were in a small boat (ability to express emotion) and being pulled into a whirlpool (emotional turmoil). The boat capsized (avoidance of the uncomfortable) and I fell out and could feel myself being pulled down into the dark water. The sensation of spinning woke me up.

Dream: Gray Kitten

I was inside a house and in front of me was a tiny, gray (detached/individualization) kitten (transition/feminine aspect/Kundalini) and his litter-mates. I was playing with the kitten and discussing how kittens typically behaved. It was pointed out to me that kittens scare easily. I remember watching the kittens pounce on one another and using my hand to purposefully scare them. At the end I said, “I hope they are all females because males spray when they grow up.” lol

Messages

Throughout the night during my brief wakings I received several messages:

I wondered about the Kundalini dream and heard, “Treatment.” I understood that some heavy-duty energy surgery was being performed on me.

I heard at least three times, “Your work is almost done.” I wondered after hearing this, “Then what?”

The final message I received was, “Born to rise.” I understood this to mean that my entire purpose in this lifetime is to ascend. Yay?

 

The Funnel Effect

Woke up crying this morning. 😦

Dream: 700 Years is Enough

I was standing in line at a stop light. Standing – not in a car – which is odd. People began walking past going in the opposite direction. The line stopped suddenly, though, and the people in the line began staring at each other and seeming to communicate without words. I also recall I had earbuds (in tune with intuition) in my ears but there wasn’t any audible music. The line would start moving and then stop again. I saw specific people were causing the delay. They seemed to be upset and others got caught up in the encounter as they went by adding to the size of the group. Still others walked past the scene, bypassing it and going on their way.

The group eventually dispersed and the last to leave was a young black woman. I had pulled out my earbuds by this time and wanted to help. I went up to her, put my hand on her shoulder and asked, “Is everything alright?” She snapped back, “No.” She walked past me and I turned around and said, “Well, I hope you have a good day tomorrow….and a good rest of your night.” I felt unsure that I should even speak to her but wanted to relay that I cared. She turned back to me and threw a nasty energy at me and said, “You better watch your back. I’m gonna kill your mother.” Then she walked away.

I thought back to her, “How? You don’t even know who I am.” At first I was unaffected, understanding her upset, but then I knew the rest of her story all at once. What I recall of it was that she was raised by angry, hate-filled parents and brought up with family who was the same. All she knew was anger and hatred. Her day-to-day life was confrontation. That’s all she knew.

I continued home to my partner. When I walked into the door I said to him, “I want out of this (skin).” My physical body felt like a death trap when I said it. I could see my partner laying in a bed with white sheets. He sat up and there was a feeling of, “Not yet” from him in response. I said to him, “Fine. I’ll give it a few more days but then I’m outta here. 700 years is long enough.” With this, I communicated my experience to my partner without words and how the human race felt beyond help. How could I do any good in this place if they were all so filled with hate? There was a sadness at knowing that once a human got to a certain age there was little to no hope in changing their patterns. It felt pointless to even try to save any of them once they made it to adolescence.

My partner understood but he was not like me. He still had so much hope and believed they could be saved. His steadfastness in the mission was the only reason I held on. He was unaffected by the negativity. He seemed not to feel it like I did.

The enormity of the task hit me hard. I felt all the millions of people on Earth and the anger, hatred and despair they carried with them. This was their day-to-day life. It was all they knew. I could feel each and every one of them as if they were me. The feeling crushed me and I burst into tears.

I woke up in tears, the feeling from the dream still very real to me. It reminded me of when I worked at an alternative school and how the students would throw such nasty energy at one another and at me. It was all they knew. The first week on the job I burst into tears in my car on the way home every day. Then I somehow numbed myself to the energy but eventually I couldn’t and felt beaten down by it. That woman in the dream sent me the exact same energy. It communicated, “I hate you. I don’t trust you. I don’t trust anyone. You are a worthless piece of shit. Nothing you do or say will amount to anything. It’s me or you and I will kill you if you get in my way.” The only way to ever get through to the students was to lower myself to their level, to reduce my vibration. They wouldn’t even see me or listen to me until I did. But lowering my vibration for so long took a toll on me. I just couldn’t stay in that place or I would have been lost like them. I will forever feel I failed them, though. My Light wasn’t enough to save them. It’s no wonder I felt the way I did in the dream.

This song was going through my head as I awoke, specifically, “You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful, it’s true……but I don’t know what to do, ’cause I’ll never be with you.”

Dreams

I had many other dreams prior to this one.

In one I was traveling on a busy highway but stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic (feeling stuck) that was barely moving. I asked my partner to take the feeder road to get to our destination faster. We were going to the bank (fears are unfounded). He said, “No, look the traffic is moving now.” When we arrived we stayed near the car and I remember talking to someone who I revered. He told me I won a prize and handed me $150 (expect change). Then he handed me a purple, plush armadillo (need to recognize codependent situation).

armadillo

In another more lucid dream I was driving down a four lane highway through a town. It was dark and there were no other cars on the road. I became super lucid while behind the wheel and began to panic. My guidance said, “It will be alright. You are only going 10mph (step forward into the new).” I remember feeling I needed to just focus on the road, so I did, and the panic dissipated.

I didn’t know where I was or where I was going and ended up driving into downtown (material concerns). I turned around and when I did my car disappeared and I was inside an old building. Sitting at a waiting table was my partner and beside him was a woman with brown hair. I realized we were at a salon (new outlook) and so I sat down and waited with them. I couldn’t help but notice my partner was very interested in the woman. I felt her fire, concluding she was an Aries, and was instantly concerned that he would like her more than me. Her energy was exciting and new and I felt I couldn’t compete with it (feeling insecure).

I got up to leave, concluding that it was time for me to go and feeling like the third wheel. My partner immediately stopped me, asking me to stay, so I did. One of the beauticians asked me if I had an appointment, I said I thought I did and would wait. I remember feeling like I would have to wait a long time.

Explanation – The Funnel Effect 

My guidance and I had a discussion in which I was very much a different, higher version of myself. I seemed to know what I normally would not know. In it, we were discussing the current energies and why they are so intense. What I remember about the discussion is a visual of timelines collapsing in on one another. The timelines were very crowded, almost one on top of the other. This is different from what they were a year ago. Imagine a funnel. A year or two ago the timelines were on the outer rim of the funnel, farther apart and with less motion. Now, the timelines are getting close to the center of the funnel, piling one on top of the other and they have more inertia (resistance to change in motion).

I was reminded that I (we) are still selecting timelines and that we are getting down to the end of the selection process. The experiences I’ve been having are a result of this. In any one moment of any day I can expect to experience multiple timelines. My experience of this is mostly via emotion and Knowing. For example, I will have a strong Knowing about what I should do but then not long after it will vanish and I will be left wondering what is going on. These experiences are so frequent that it leaves me feeling like I am riding waves of Knowing and then falling suddenly into unKnowing just as quickly.

Right now there is a specific karmic stream that runs through the timelines I am reviewing. In this discussion I could see all at once the various timelines this karma runs through and how it plays out over and over again. I felt the disappointment, the hopelessness of ever correcting the patterns related to this karma. These patterns are with specific people in my current lifetime. It was explained to me that I am correcting these patterns, which is why I am reviewing the timelines related to them. I understood why it was so important for me to focus on what I want and not on what I have experienced in the past (past meaning not only this lifetime). Now I have the opportunity to resolve this karma, to change repetitive patterns and complete a mission I started a very long time ago.

white-garden-arbor-swing-with-climbing-perennial

There came after this discussion and sudden understanding an example of how easily one can fall into other timeline streams. I got up to use the restroom and suddenly had a full-on memory of a potential timeline. It was so strong I paused and had to lean up against the door. In the “memory” I saw my husband barge into my locked bedroom and force himself on me. The feeling from him was that he was justifying his behavior based on the fact that he is my husband and it was his right. There was a feeling of anger also, anger at being denied his right to my body. Similarly, I knew I would not resist but allow because I felt he was justified in his behavior, that I was wrong to deny him and it was my duty as his wife to allow him access to my body. I also knew that after the very traumatic experience that I would not have the courage to leave, but would stay. The feeling was that I did not have enough self-worth to challenge the situation nor enough willpower to change my circumstances.

I tried not to allow this “memory” to affect me. I understood I was viewing another timeline, but it got to me nonetheless. I wondered if this were repeated in the current timeline if I would have the strength to remove myself from the situation? I would like to think I do but if I’m honest I am not so sure.

I saw other timelines not long after. One was in a garden sitting on a swing with a man I loved dearly. The repetitive pattern with him was disappointing. I recognized the garden scene because it was in several timelines. I knew it was our “first encounter” spot and felt the grief associated with it. So many failures, one after the other. No wonder I have such a feeling of unrequited love connected to this person.

The key is to not get caught up in these “memories” or the “decisions” from these other potential timelines but to focus on the desired outcome. It was stressed to me over and over that I need to push all unwanted outcomes out of my mind and see the intended outcome as my reality. If I continue to do that then it will be the timeline that wins out.

 

 

More Sickness and Strange Dreams

Looks like the stomach bug is revisiting our household. 😦

I was awakened at 2am by my husband puking in the bathroom. He chose the bathroom closest to where I sleep for some odd reason. At 6am he was banging on my door and waking me up. When I asked why he said he wanted “attention” and “love” and wanted a hug. I wanted to be as far away as I could and so left. He opted to lay on my bed and contaminate it.

I do have sympathy for my husband but I am still sick with a lingering cold (the sore throat is back) and still have a yeast infection. The last thing I need is to have the stomach bug on top of that. As it is, I am probably screwed. The stomach bug has a very fast incubation period – 12-24 hours. It is also the hardiest virus you will come by. It takes bleach to kill it. I actually went over my house from top to bottom the last time we had it to make sure I got rid of it.

I am thinking that my husband picked it up at the neighbors house this weekend. He actually had no plans this weekend but when he happened to hear the neighbor was remodeling his bathroom he volunteered to help. Thus, he was gone all.weekend.long. Then, as if he hadn’t already done enough, he goes for an hour long run, comes home and tells me he volunteered to watch his brother’s three kids for the night. He takes all three of our kids over and watches six kids until 10pm.

This is how he operates. If he gets bored he finds something to do. Doing nothing is like his nemesis. He always finds something to do, then works his butt off, and as soon as he is done he collapses in a deep sleep. I often find him passed out on the sofa mid-day. Gemini to a T.

When I learned he had the stomach bug I was reminded of the messages I received in my dreams not long ago, messages that said I needed to fast for 24 hours before some big event happened. My first thought was, “I won’t be able to do that because I won’t know when.” Then I paused and thought, “Unless I get the stomach flu again….” So this morning I was thinking, “Oh hell no!” lol

My sore throat came back last night but only on the left side (weird). It isn’t that horrible but it’s annoying. Again I lounged around watching T.V. all day and doing practically nothing. My third-eye was buzzing on and off most of the day, too, which I found strange considering I am still sick.

I slept deeply and my dreams are hard to recall but I remember two.

Dream: Haircut

In the first I was face to face with a familiar man. I was going to get a haircut (fresh start) and this man was present on and off. I would just see his face and feel this unsettled, almost threatening energy. I remember discussing the haircut and seeing someone’s hair being slicked back and combed. I woke from this dream suddenly, wondering why the man felt so threatening when in other dreams his energy had been normal.

Dream: Witnessing Union

In the next dream I was watching a black woman and a black man laying naked in the middle of a shallow stream. They were making out and their bodies seemed to merge into one. All I recall now of the scene is one person with two faces – male and female. The entire time I was talking to someone but I can’t remember what was said.

After the “Union” between them was complete they remained one and the female spoke to me asking me to gather up keepsakes for this monumental event. I remember seeing what looked like test strips reminiscent of the ovulation test strips I use to use when trying to get pregnant with my middle child. I could see the long, white strips complete with yellow tips bundled in a cylindrical container. She was instructing me on what strips to keep. There numbers on them that seemed to indicate days of the month. I don’t remember all the numbers now but I do remember the number 4 and laying out two groups of 4 strips. My feeling was that she wanted to save these strips like I saved my positive pregnancies tests for each of my pregnancies – as memory of an important day/event. I laid them out and got a feeling that she had become “pregnant” but I knew she wasn’t really pregnant but rather that something “new” had been created.

As I left the couple, I went to the kitchen to continue preparations. This part of the dream is hazy but I remember my hair was wet and still full of shampoo (growth and new ideas). At one point I paused and leaned over the sink backwards, got my hair wet and then wrung it out (releasing old routines and considerations). My hair was long and dark and whoever was watching commented on how easily I was able to rinse the shampoo out. I also remember the sink was full of dirty dishes (unsatisfied with something) when I did this.

As I woke I heard, “11 days” and saw the 24th as the start of this time frame. It reminded me of the many messages I have received over the years that the 4th of July is my new birthday. 11 days from the 24th is the 4th of July.

Considerations

As I woke I was thinking of something completely unrelated to my dreams. My husband is planning on going on a road trip to New Mexico the weekend after the 4th of July. He wants me to go but I am not really wanting to go on a 15 hour road trip with everyone in our Mazda which has 90K miles on it. Plus, the last time I went on a trip with him to NM I was miserable and hardly slept the entire time. He wants to leave on the 6th or 7th and be gone until the next Monday or Tuesday. I suggested he stay longer because that amount of driving doesn’t make a lot of sense for that short of a stay.

So I was thinking of this and couldn’t help but recall that I had previously considered taking off on my own road trip after the 7th of July. I quickly pushed that from my mind, though, because I just don’t feel up to doing anything right now. I want my body to be healed and healthy! Yet a previously received message came to me, one suggesting that I would need time alone to heal. Again, I put it out of my mind. The feeling is that if I am meant to go somewhere to heal then I will know when and where and will just go.

The dreams I had suggest that some changes are on the horizon beginning around the 29th of June and completing around the 4th of July. These changes have to do with creating something “new”, tossing old ideas and coming into Wholeness.