4 OBE’s and Unsettling Message

Woke again at 5am. Seems to be the pattern these days.

Dream: Exchanging Glasses

When I woke I was having a dream of being with my “partner”. I don’t remember much of our conversation but we were lounging on a bed together next to busy area with a coffee machine (awareness) and refrigerator (accomplishments) with glass doors. At one point I remember ripping a bag of cereal (new stage in life) and it scattering all over the floor. I didn’t clean up the mess but left it there. The cereal looked like tiny pistachios (difficulties turning into opportunity). As I was leaving (waking up) my partner asked me to give him his glasses (new/different perspective). I had been wearing them and put them on a shelf. I retrieved them and gave them back to him. He was wearing my glasses and took them off and handed them to me. I put them on and the realization of what I had just done woke me up.

Unsettling Message

As I woke I was feeling weird and a bit panicked for no reason. Still very tired but unable to sleep, I remained partially awake because my “partner” from my dream was discussing things with me. I can’t remember it all but healing was part of it as was my present life situation and feelings/emotions. Familiar feelings of apathy and depression were visiting again and though they were easily shrugged off, their presence was unsettling. It made me feel like a failure and, as such, I wanted to give up. I was asking to go OOB and not come back.

Then, my guide said something then that was unexpected. He said, “When you have your heart attack….” I can’t remember the rest word-for-word (as you can imagine) but he indicated that clarity and a spurring into motion/action would be the result. This is typical of near-death experiences (or close calls with death) and makes sense, but the information pulled me completely out of my reverie. I said, “I thought it was a stroke?”, remembering the dreams and earlier messages I had received. The response was that the distinction was not important. In all honestly, it is to me, though.

I tried to ignore the message and return to sleep but there was a nagging that said, “Pay attention” and “Let’s talk about it.” I said, “I thought stopping birth control resolved all of this……and I’ve been eating better, exercising, not smoking, doing everything right…..(long pause)…..will I be okay?” I don’t think I wanted to know the answer, though, because I can’t remember the exact response but the feeling I continue to have is that it is not a big deal in the larger plan that is my life. However, I was thinking, “I will be damaged goods. A 40-something-year-old with a heart attack/stroke record already?”

My thoughts were then directed to May and then on to “six months”. Interestingly, August is 6 months away – my birth month.

By this time I was wide awake but the conversation continued. My guide/partner asked me, “Why do you want to be [in the in-between] (can’t recall his exact wording) to communicate with me?” I said, “Because then I know I’m not inserting what I want to hear. It is less adulterated.” He responded with, “We are One.” As if that explained it all clearly;  to me, though, it was confusing. Ultimately, he explained that we had merged successfully. I wondered when, but could not pinpoint any particular time. I must have slept through it. The whole walk-in/soul-exchange plan came to mind and I pushed it away but not before understanding how it all fit in this strange life experience I find myself in.

Our conversation continued. I kept asking why my partner couldn’t be here in the physical with me. He said, “I am”. I wondered what he meant but I fell further in to a trance-like state, shifting seamlessly into a dream-like reality as images replaced words.

4 OBE’s

Completely lucid, I felt to be in my bed only the room was my room at my mom’s. I was laying in the supine position with my arms over my head. Energy was building around my crown to an extreme and it traveled down, wrapped around my face and then went down my spine toward my chest, filling that area as well. It was a wonderfully relaxed feeling.

Buzzing with energy I heard noises from the other room. Children’s voices and music playing. I knew it was my family awake early and ignored the noises-off the best I could. I was still talking with my partner/guide but I can’t remember what we were talking about.

At one point I sat up and out of my sleeping body. I lingered there sitting on the bed as I took off what felt to be a giant pillow from my face. My vision was clear but shifty and I continued to feel strong vibrations/energy all over my body.

I went toward the door noticing just how vivid and real the experience was but lost lucidity almost immediately shifting back into my body that was laying in the bed.

Back in my body the noises-off were loud again and I shifted immediately back OOB. This time nothing barred my vision and I was able to go out of the bedroom into the living room. My children were inside with my husband sitting at a kitchen table. He had made them all French toast (life satisfaction) and I thought it odd and wondered why he would do such a thing. Also, the table was in the wrong place. The room was lit with a golden, shimmering energy. I walked outside and it was a bright, beautiful sunny day but the brightness was so intense I lost visual and went back into my body.

Once again laying in bed I lingered for a while, enjoying the soothing energy. My crown and third-eye area felt expansive with a peaceful, warmth. It was amazing!

I decided to go OOB again and lifted easily OOB, floating to the door and out into the living room again. I ignored the activity there and went to the front door. It was locked and I said to my guide, “Why did you lock it? I want to go outside. Do you want to show me something? It will unlock.” I unlocked it and went outside. It was still dark out and I remember commenting on that.

Outside I floated for a bit and noticed a massive building to my left. It was like an entire city! I have never seen anything like it. The building spanned acres to the left and right of my mom’s house and appeared to be floating just above the ground. It towered for at least a hundred feet over the tops of the trees.

I lifted myself up to get a better view and was awe-struck by it’s beauty. It was pristine! White and glistening as if made of diamonds or crystals, its walls and rooftops seamless  – no points or jagged areas.

I felt to be pulled up toward the stars and did not resist. As I soared higher I saw the city was more expansive, spreading out in all directions with trees positioned throughout. It was as if I were on another Earth/planet.

I went further up, stars swirling around me as I lost my sense of direction. My astral body felt to be tossed and turned as if going through a vortex. I held on, though, never losing touch with the experience despite my vision blacking out. I completely surrendered to the feeling despite it being disorienting. Never once did I feel fear.

I felt myself vertical again and the movement ceased. My vision returned and I was in a blackness surrounded by stars and galaxies. My body was then shot straight down and I knew I was heading toward a deep, dark lake. I felt myself enter the calm waters and I opened myself up, taking as much water into me as I could knowing that holding my breath was unnecessary. I could not die.

As I breathed in the water I felt myself go deeper and deeper straight down and then float softly back up like a buoy. At the top I knew not to struggle and let myself just float there staring up at the stars. The whole time I was talking aloud about how I knew not to struggle, I knew to just float without resisting and completely expected to be in the dark, calm water for an infinite amount of time. I remember wondering, “Is this all there is? Is this my eternity?” With this I fully accepted the void as my infinite reality. I was 100% okay with it.

The lake seemed to expand around me with no shore in site. Like I was lost in an endless sea of darkness. I continued to float full of acceptance in the middle of the expansive blackness. A round, white object was floating to my left as if to offer support, but I didn’t take it.

Then the water began to recede, or maybe I moved. Land appeared and I could feel sand beneath my feet. I crawled, water-logged, onto the shore and looked up. There, towering over me, was the magnificent city I had seen floating near my mom’s house. I felt a sense of “arrival” as I stared up at it.

The scene dematerialized and I was back in my bed with energy surging through my body. I shifted immediately OOB again and traveled back into the living room to focus on my children who I had previously ignored. There I found my children happily playing with all kinds of toys (domestic joy/harmony). There were also other children in the room who I didn’t recognize. My husband was in the center and to his right was a Christmas tree (family relationships/domestic stresses). I went up to my middle son and gave him a kiss on his forehead as I told him, “I love you.” I looked down at the small child next to him and ruffled his hair. Then I walked around looking at the toys scattered here and there, noticing the tree and wrapping paper. I said to them all, “Look at all these wonderful presents (recognition of gifts)….but it’s not Christmas…..”

I went back in body and lingered there, enjoying the energy sensations and hearing noises-off. Eventually, though, I realized the noises were real and that it was time to wake up.

This song was going through mind, specifically: I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.



OBE and Message: Propitiatory Flushing of System

It’s been a crazy busy day today so am just now getting to record this mornings adventures.

First, though, I took my NASM personal trainer certification exam this morning at 11:30am. I was not as prepared as I would have liked to have been because of all my mommy duties and such getting in the way. I also kept putting off studying because I just didn’t want to. lol I didn’t get to study until late last night and got too tired to continue. Then this morning the kids were making so much noise that I opted to drive to the test site early and study in the car. I studied maybe 30 minutes and then went in to test. Finished the test in under an hour and then was handed this:


They couldn’t tell me my score because only people who fail find out how many they missed (huh?). I suspect that I got around an 80% based upon the questions I was unsure of. Overall, the test looked exactly like the multiple practice exams I took when cramming. Good thing I have a great memory! 😀

After the test my husband and I went to visit my BIL and SIL who just welcomed a little boy into their family on January 27. He weighed just under 8lbs. I got to hold him for a bit and he is so sweet, but what little newborn isn’t? As first-time parents (both in their 40s) they have been majorly stressed over everything but seemed to be adjusting.

When we arrived home we picked up my nephew for a sleepover and now it is already dark. The day slipped by much faster than anticipated.

Dream and Message

I was awakened at 5am by a dream in which I was at a job interview inside a school. The woman interviewing me was very nice and told me there were plenty of jobs available. I remember saying I preferred an elementary school and her mentioning how my DAEP (district alternative education program) experience would be helpful.

A male teacher entered the dream and it shifted dramatically. One second I was in the school and the next I was saw the male teacher standing by a concrete column under an overpass (critical life junction). He was holding a blonde, female teacher’s hand when a massive flash flood (emotional overwhelm) came through and pummeled them. He tried to hold onto her but the gloves (caution) she was wearing slipped off her hands and lost her. Within seconds the water disappeared and it was bone dry. The female teacher was nowhere to be found and the male was bruised up. All that was left of the teacher was a red coat (protection).

Then the male teacher was talking to me about the school where we worked. I saw in front of me a map of the inside and the three stories. In the center of each floor there was a cafeteria (issues). I was told that we would meet on the top floor. We discussed my memories of the school and I mentioned how this new school had a class to teach students how to bake cakes (something eating me up inside). Then there appeared a vision of a three layered, chocolate cake. It seemed that the cake represented the “floors” of the school. The male teacher said to me, “Remember, you go straight up.” When he said this my lucidity came on suddenly and I knew the cake was the body and the path I was to take was straight up and out.

Not sure what to think I began to wake up with questions. I heard, “Propitiatory flushing of system”.

For some odd reason this message really freaked me out. Nonetheless, I returned to sleep quite easily.

OBE: Out of Place

I was in my mom’s house inside the bathroom sitting on the toilet (release of emotions). To my right was a portion of stale (old, forgotten) hot dog (sexual desire). I fiddled with it and it stuck to the counter. I remember thinking, “Ewww” and wondering who would leave food by the toilet. When I got up to flush the toilet the tank portion was wobbly and off-center. I corrected it and left the bathroom to go to my bedroom.

Inside the bedroom I stood and looked around curiously. The entire space began to vacillate and shift, the lights seeming to almost strobe. I remember thinking, “I can leave my body.” So that is what I did. I walked right out of it and stood facing the window. Everything was bright gold, shiny and brilliant but did not hurt my eyes. My vision was perfect. I was able to distinguish colors that normally I would not. I also think I was perceiving sound with my eyes, which I have done before. It was as if all my perceptions were tuned up and super keen. When I tried to move it felt like the entire room moved with me. The constant shifting became noticeable on an energetic level – like I became the room and the room became me. The vibrations were revved up to an uncomfortable intensity and my vision was moving/shifting with them. If an energy body can become dizzy then that is what happened to mine. The feeling was uncomfortable and foreign and I thought, “I don’t want to do this.” I backed up and into my body which was waiting sitting on the bed.

There was a nearly indistinguishable blackness, like I blinked, and then I re-entered the dream, stood up and walked into the kitchen. There was a man sitting at the table about to eat coconut (leisure activity needed) cereal. I suggested he pour coconut milk on it. He did and tasted it. I don’t think he liked it.

I woke up hearing part of a song going through my head, “I’m way too good at goodbyes….”

A strange feeling accompanied it and I remembered the message I had gotten earlier and seeing the black cake from the first dream. I wondered about the message and heard, “Proprietor.” I thought maybe it meant that propitiatory was the wrong word, but upon inspection they may be interchangeable. It felt, though, like I was being instructed on where to go at a certain moment in time. And when I sought out my guidance I felt a familiar sensation, one that indicated I had many more guides around me than is usual.

Hints of Something to Come

After a little over 24 hours of feeling like I was finally getting over my cold and intestinal problems, I was hit in the middle of the night with a resurgence of intestinal issues. They continue with less severity this morning as I hack and cough up the last remnants of the cold I had.

On top of it all my acne seems to be returning. Same spots, same weird, tiny bumps that don’t go away. I realized this morning that the acne spots first started after I moved to this house/location and I have been sick much more frequently than any other time in my life. Makes me wonder if there is something here, something in the water or the house itself (physical, emotional, spiritual) that is triggering these physical reactions in me. It is, by the way, a #11 address. hmmmm

Hints of Something to Come

I had some odd occurrences yesterday that I should mention before I go into my dream last night.

First off, two days ago while running errands I once again had one of those near-panic attacks, well more than one. This time, however, I recognized something – well some things. The panic attack episodes started after the heart connection in 2015 and escalated to the point of making me feel almost incapable of going out of the house. When I have them it is as if a switch is flipped and I become overly aware of my surroundings, like waaaay too open and overstimulated. It seems like part of me arrives or awakens in this body unexpectedly. I feel her arrive. Then I hear/feel that part of myself begin to worry and panic similar to waking up in a bad dream and not knowing how she got there. At the same time a calming energy seems to descend and I hear/feel myself being consoled and reminded it will pass. Then the anxiety passes and I return to a normal feeling as that other part seems to leave. It is so weird! But now it happens so frequently that I am use to it and even though the anxiety still comes on it never lasts or sets in fully. I never know when it will happen, just that it will happen when not inside my home.

I wonder, who is it that is panicking? Is it even me like I assume? Or someone else or some other aspect? Is this part of the soul exchange process somehow?

Then, two nights ago as I was watching Netflix (Shannara Chronicles this time) out of the blue I could feel the feelings of my Companion wash over me. I could feel his love and admiration for me and began to giggle out loud as I was embraced by his energy. As energy spread over me, I looked down at my body and felt an overwhelming attraction to myself, as if I were in love with my body, with everything that I AM. There came with this a sense of playfulness and joy. I felt like a child in a sense but also extremely attracted to myself in a sexual and romantic way. The playfulness was the strongest and I ignored my show, closing my eyes and surrendering to the feeling. My whole body was tingling and blissed-out and remained that way for some time.

The overwhelming attraction and love for myself was so unusual for me and I thought to my Companion, “I am feeling what you feel for me.” He said to me, “I am YOU.” In hearing him say this I knew he was right and what I was feeling were my true feelings for myself and all that I AM. I can’t explain it any other way because, as is the norm, words just aren’t enough. I felt for myself a twin flame/heart connection kind of magnetic attraction and did not reject it but fully surrendered and accepted it. There is nothing in this physical world more beautiful and …… I AM.

I managed to fall asleep with few dreams. The dreams I did have are similar to the one below, indicating an internal separation in process. It is hard to explain but I actually built a fence between myself and my “sister” in one dream and in another I was taking care of baby peacocks (birth, new growth), keeping them from being eaten by cats. In another I was with my “crazy” sister. I spent a long time consoling her. She felt everyone was abandoning her, she was all alone, unloved and had no friends. She was highly self-destructive and deteriorating quickly.

Image result for congratulations text pic

When I woke there was no lingering in the in-between. I was wide awake and thinking of my dreams. There was a peculiar feeling I couldn’t identify. Out of the blue and barely noticeable there came a vision in front of my eyes. A very small word outlined in a glowing white box: Congratulations. This caught me off guard because I was not in the in-between. I wondered, “Congratulations for what?” I heard back, “You have surpassed hurdles unseen.” Not able to identify these “hurdles” I went back to thinking of my dreams. Then I heard, “We have something to show you.” I thought, “Okay” and then went back to thinking of my dreams. lol

Another vision came to me then. I saw a pile of stuffed toys, all of which were action heroes – superman, batman, spiderman, etc. It was odd and I wondered about it. Then the Coldplay song came to mind, “I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts…..I want something just like this.” I laughed aloud at this but recognized my subconscious created it. It wasn’t a message from some “guide” but from ME.

Again, though, I heard a message, almost indistinguishable, come through like a conversation I was having. I heard, “Tomorrow” and then after a couple of minutes, “Some of the benefits and securities will be refined.” Considering how odd the message was, I figured it was time to get up and face the day.


Dream: Get Out!

This dream began with me being in a hurry to get somewhere but not really worrying about being late. I kept telling myself, “No need to rush. You’ll get there when you get there” which is how I have been handling lateness in my waking life for sometime now.

I went into the bathroom and prepared to take a shower. What is odd here is that I had with me all my personal toiletries in a bag despite there being an entire set already in the bathroom. Both sets felt like mine but when I saw the set in the bathroom I dismissed it knowing my set was better suited to me. I took my shampoo (new image/self) and toiletries and replaced the other toiletries (old image/self) one by one.

I vaguely remember taking a shower (spiritual renewal and forgiveness) and feeling each distinct stream of water hit my face and body. It was a refreshing, calming feeling – a familiar feeling. In the background I could hear voices speaking to me like distant memories or echoes. They were asking me questions in a disapproving tone and judging me for my actions and decisions. It felt like these people were my physical family – mother and husband specifically. I ignored the voices, though, and focused on the warmth and comfort of the water.

Then I was inside a house selecting clothing (public self) to wear. The entire time my mother (mother aspect) seemed to be shadowing me, asking me questions and judging my actions in a passive-aggressive way. She kept suggesting this or that but never directly saying she disapproved. The main thing I remember her saying is that I would be late if I didn’t hurry. Again, I ignored her, focusing instead on the clothing I would wear. I couldn’t find what I needed, though.

I left the house I was in and headed to an apartment. The apartment was very nice (life improvement), nicer than any apartment I have ever lived in. Two bodyguard-looking men (feeling insecure or unsure about life) met me there. They wore all black and had ear pieces in. One handed me a cell phone and said, “Looks like he’s following through.” I read what was on the screen and said, “Yeah.” The screen had a legal letter and I remember it said “petition” and “claimant” on it and that my husband was accusing me of being “homosexual” (self-love, self-acceptance) as a reason for divorce. There was a feeling of finality here as well as Knowing of what was to come. The sense was of my entire life crashing down on me but I was in total acceptance.

The bodyguards also mentioned to me that I was behind on my assignments. I acknowledged them and then rushed to the closet to look for a shirt. My mother intercepted me though and began to make ultimatums to get my attention. Her main upset was that I was behind on my assignments and would ultimately “fail”. She told me she couldn’t accept my behavior anymore and insisted that it was time for me to “get out”.

I went into a huge walk-in (may indicate soul exchange) closet (unveiling of previously hidden aspects). I looked through the clothes but couldn’t find what I was looking for. There were many long, sleeveless dresses (feminine), some dress shirts and a bunch of trousers. The shirt I had put on was long-sleeved (protection from adversaries) and too hot (heated emotions) but all the clothes in the closet were also too warm for the weather. Eventually I opted for a wrinkled (wisdom, learning from past), indigo (spirituality), short-sleeved (freedom) blouse noting that it was too dressy for the pants I was wearing. I put it on not caring how I appeared and left.

On my way out I heard my mom yell angrily, “Get out and don’t ever come back.” I knew she meant what she said but felt I had to do what I was doing regardless of what she thought. There was a Knowing I didn’t belong there anyway.

Then I received notice from my teacher that I was failing her math class (lessons in logic), the last class before I received my degree. The class end date was in 4 weeks but on the calendar in my mind I saw the month of July which is much further off than 4 weeks. I was told that I would have to score a 103 on the final to pass the class. I knew this was impossible. The most I could possibly score was a 98 and even that was unlikely. I remember sitting at a picnic table (unity and togetherness) in a park (period of readjustment after serious personal conflict) telling a man that it was okay if I didn’t get my degree. I already had a Master’s degree and so another one wouldn’t make much of a difference. The man said to me, “But you are only one class away from finishing. If you stop now you will have to start all over again.” I didn’t care.


I woke up in an alarmed state thinking, “Oh shit.” It seemed like the dream was about going over choices/decisions and the aftermath that would result. I was so self-assured in the dream, easily ignoring all the “voices” of disapproval and judgment. The decisions I made in the dream involved very out of character things for my personality. It felt like a complete disconnect from the important people in my life. The disapproval of my mom was the main “voice” of disapproval I heard though other family members (sisters mostly) were audible as well. If my mom were to issue an ultimatum like that it would devastate me – or would it? Even as I type this I am feel able to accept her doing something like that. Huh?

After waking and while getting my kids off to school, I was wondering, “Okay. It’s tomorrow but nothing happened.” Not long after that I realized a song was going through my mind over and over, “I gotta feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night. Tonight’s gonna be a good, good night…..” 🙂 I’ve been feeling like dancing all morning. lol





Intensity Overload, Metallic Energy and $200 for the Blonde Who Breaks Rules

CrAzY energy right now! Whew! I’m actually flying high now compared to before. Feeling almost 100% now and grateful for it.

I didn’t wake up feeling too grand, though. Had some doubt creeping in because of something that happened last night.

Tuesday I was invited to a FB group called “Be Your Own Twin Flame” by a member of the walk-in group I’m a part of. I didn’t know her but agreed because the title seemed like a group I might be interested in. I browsed it and noticed there wasn’t too much interaction. Pretty much all the posts were by the woman who invited me to the group. She later sent me an email encouraging me to post a little about myself. So I thought, “Why not?” I posted a link to my blog and introduced myself and let it be.

Then last night she sent me a message. I am not going to cut and paste it because I do not want to subject you to the energy behind it. To summarize, she told me that she deleted my post from her group because she felt I was still in 3D, full of Ego, and in separation from All. She said she wants her group to have only 5D communication and any communication that is not of 5D and part of the One would be removed. Then she invited me to post again but only from my heart and Oneness.

When I received the email the energy felt really weird, so much so that it felt to blast me with a strange metallic surge that left me with a metallic taste in my mouth. My first inclination was to stop reading it immediately but I kept on and stupidly subjected myself to the energy.

I felt myself react defensively at first. Mostly, I wanted to completely withdraw from the online world and go into hiding again, which is odd. Thankfully there was a softness from within that soothed me and asked me to “stand down”. It did not take me long to realize I had been triggered, but why?

Later, after contemplating the feelings I was having, it occurred to me that the reasoning of the message was all wrong. 5D is not about rejecting 3D altogether. It is not about separation from other humans or humanity. This woman was using 5D as a justification to set herself apart from others. To perpetuate the “Us” versus “Them” syndrome humans so frequently fall victim to. She insinuated that Ego was not allowed. It was to be eliminated altogether and any indication of its existence in a post meant the person was still in 3D and not yet elevated to the 5D level.

But then there was the metallic feeling and taste in the energy that hit me when I first read her message. What was that all about? I remember thinking right after the experience, “If this is what 5D is all about, I want no part of it.” lol

I felt so disturbed I actually blocked her. I have never blocked anyone in my life but I felt so dirtied, so contaminated by her energy that I wanted to ensure she never messaged me again.

I am also concerned for all the others who are following this woman.

When I went to sleep I asked for clarity on the situation. Was I just reacting to her email because she made me feel wrong? Was it all an Ego reaction? Or is there something I am missing?

When I awoke I felt no clearer than when I went to bed. My dreams didn’t seem to point to an answer and again I was doubtful and questioning everything. Maybe I should withdraw from the online social media world? I felt rejected. I hate that feeling and my tendency is to withdraw from the source of the rejection.

My guidance asked me, “Remember to focus on that which makes you feel good, not on what doesn’t.” I remembered and immediately shifted to doing just that. I enjoy connecting with others. I love the spiritual. Writing in my blog is one of the highlights of my day. I enjoy all of it, so why stop just because of one rotten apple?

My day just got better after that.

Random Luck or Message?

Around lunchtime I decided to go for a short run-walk. I am still recovering from my illnesses so a full run is not a good idea. Even a run-walk is challenging lately.

Around a half mile into my run I began to notice my thought patterns. What I was thinking about use to cause me upset in the past but now I have gotten so use to it that I hardly even notice despite these thoughts occurring daily, multiple times a day. Yet I noticed this time. With this noticing I realized I was in full acceptance, no longer rejecting or resisting this new reality. Smiling I looked up and saw something laying on the road:


They were laying in the road just like in this picture. When I saw them I stopped and thought, “That can’t be what I think it is.” When I got closer and I realized it was two $100 bills I picked them up and stashed them in my leggings and continued on my way. I did check to see if anyone was around but there was no one. Not even a parked car around.

I was in shock for about another half mile. A strange surreal feeling fell over me. Was I dreaming? Did it even happen? Reality check time!

Eventually I convinced myself it hadn’t happened and the money had to be fake. Never would I be so lucky. The most money I’ve ever found was $10 that flew into my car on a windy day.

So I stopped and checked my leggings. Yep. Two $100 bills. Security strip and everything. No doubt about it. lol I kept the money in my hand from that moment on, though, because my leggings didn’t have pockets and I didn’t want it falling out through my pant leg. lol I also think I did this so that it stayed real to me. The whole thing really shifted my reality. BIG TIME.

Then I felt guilty. Maybe someone is looking for their lost money? I should turn back and check. So I ran around the block and went back to where I thought I had found the money. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember exactly where I was when I found it and since there were no new cars parked or people around looking I kept running. What was I going to do? Knock on all the houses asking if they lost money? I found it in the road, so not by a particular house and there weren’t any cars around either.

Not long after opting to just keep the money I noticed something on the ground. I swear it said, “Blondes break rules.” I thought to myself, “That did NOT say what I think it said.” I laughed aloud to myself and turned around to check. This is what it was:


I picked it up and took it with me just because and laughed for another half mile.

I kept run-walking for another mile and then ended off. My heart rate was higher than normal and I was feeling anxious for no reason. Not anxious because I did something wrong, though. Anxious because I felt different somehow.

I knew I needed to eat and settle down. I also could not help but think that the money and the Starbucks trash was more than just a message that I was breaking some unwritten rule by keeping the money. In fact, I knew that wasn’t the message. What was the message then?

As I cooled down I mulled over the events of my run specifically focusing on my thoughts prior to finding the money. I recalled that I had felt an urge to look up and pay attention, but what was I thinking about immediately before that? When I realized I was thinking about everything that transpired from December, 2015 to present – this entire crazy personal spiritual transformation I have been going through – I understood the real message.

The $100 bills were both on the road but separated by about a foot. I kept thinking, “OMG I found $200”, but really I found 2, $100 bills. In numerology you add the digits of a number to get it down to one number. So you can get the number 2 two ways, one of them is by adding 1+1. I could see the $100 bills then as representing the two 1’s of an 11. 11’s have been following me around since 2015 and continue to do so. However, what I feel the message was this time was that the two 1’s here are indicating two separate, whole individuals.

The “Blonde breaks rules” message on the trash was about me but not about keeping the money. The “rules” here represent beliefs and belief systems. I have been and am breaking through them and the end result will be – maybe already is? – Wholeness.

When I realized the message I began to feel stranger than I already was. My anxiety was increasing and I had to get a grip on it before I ended up in a panic attack. Then my right ear began to ring. I’ve been experiencing ear ringing a lot, though.

It took a while for the strange anxiety to subside. Then I went and laid in the warm sun on a blanket spread out on the grass for a while.


There is more to this message, much, much more but I haven’t received it all yet. The energies during and after my run hit me hard, too. It was as if I was stuck by lightening again except this time it wasn’t via the Kundalini like I am so use to.

I know I have recently gone through a major download, so major that it knocked me on my butt for two weeks straight. Illness was the main symptom – my throat and root chakras the main focus, but I have also been experiencing some crazy ear ringing and on and off exhaustion. Then there are the dreams, messages, super empathy, and clarity. All of it points to a download/upgrade, or whatever you want to call it.

There was an incident a couple of days ago where I noticed a deep humming coming from my right. It seemed off in the distance and as I focused on it, it grew louder and louder until it turned into a distinct, high pitched ringing in my right ear. I kept expecting Spirit to audibly speak to me which is unusual because I have never associated ear ringing with Spirit audibly speaking to me. But this was different. I fully expected to hear a message. Huh?

All of this and then the woman at Pet’s Mart stalking me for not watching my son (weird) and then the metallic taste from reading a message on FB, I can’t help but wonder what is going on. Is it me? Is it the world? Both?

My intuition tells me to stay on my toes – to keep looking, keep noticing, because there is more being conveyed to me via this experience than I realize.

P.S. The featured image for this post is a quote that popped up this morning when I was uploading an image from Canva. I noticed it and wrote it down because it felt important.





Message: There’s No Wrong Way to Dumb

Well, I’m still sick but making progress….some. My throat is hurting still, the glands on my neck are huge and sore and my nose is stuffy and runny at the same time. Thankfully, my intestinal problems are resolving. It is unlikely that this is all from one virus and more likely I got two, one right after (and on top of) the other – stomach bug and head cold. Yay for me. Looking on the bright side, I don’t have the flu, strep, a sinus infection or whatever else is going around right now.  Also, the way I feel has not really had an impact on my normal going’s on. I do what I normally do but I just do it feeling crappy. Well, everything but working out and running. None of that going on.

Last night I finally slept well. I had to use nasal spray to breathe but sometimes you gotta do what ya’ gotta do. Seems like my guidance took advantage of my restful sleep to give me a talking to this morning, though. Sigh. I just can’t get a break can I?

Dream: Completing Assignment

The dream began inside my grandparent’s underground house. Inside it was much larger than in real life, the walls and ceilings golden in color with shiny, white floors. It felt very clean and sanitary.

I was reminded that I had an assignment due. Not sure if the information came from outside of me or was my own Knowing. I knew I had just come off a 1.5 week break and the assignment subject was math.

I got out a folder and book and set about doing two pages worth of decimal problems despite knowing it was not the homework I was assigned. I couldn’t find that. At some point, though, the work I was suppose to do was shown to me by a woman wearing athletic clothing. The assignment looked like lists of descriptions on how to do certain exercises, but no exercises I have ever seen. The images with the description were of facial expressions and hand signals, like sign language. They were done in a certain order over and over again in a ceremonial way.

This “teacher” was then teaching a class in the middle of what should have been my grandmother’s kitchen. There were other students and yoga mats on the floor in front of each of us. The teacher began to instruct us on exercises that involved the whole body. My interpretation of these exercises in the dream was that we were doing lunges and squats, but my memory of what I was seeing indicates it was definitely not lunges and squats.

The first set was of a lunge-type movement forward. We did 12 repetitions at our own pace. Then the teacher asked us to do another movement. This one was a bending over at the waist and stopping parallel to the floor and then somehow moving to the floor into a cobra-like position and ending with hands pressed together at the chest. Though it might sound like yoga it wasn’t. It was something completely different but my memory is limited so I cannot tell you how it is different.

The rest of the students finished before I did. I remember the teacher asking me if I knew how many I was to do of the last exercise. I told her, “24 total, 12 of this one.” She then spoke to me for a while about why I was late with my assignments. I told her I forgot what I was suppose to do. She was very nice to me but abrupt. I felt to be the “difficult student” based on the way our interactions felt.

At this point I began to wake up but shifting in and out of the in-between. This makes it hard to decipher where I was consciously from one moment to the next.

Discussion and Messages

I remember having a long conversation about what I needed to do about my life. My physical body issues were discussed – this current illness, my heart palpitations, and skin problems. I Know these issues are a result of imbalance and also from my body struggling to rewire itself energetically. It is still very clear to me that the old, inefficient channels the energy follows are deep from overuse and habit. Similar to how a river digs into the Earth over centuries of flow, prana is forced to flow in a certain way when it is disrupted by blockages. It must be slowly shifted to the correct path via a clearing of the blockages and divergence to the correct meridians. One can’t just correct the blockage and expect the whole energy system to be corrected. One must change one’s actions/habits so that the new paths/meridians override the old ones. This is rewiring in a nutshell but it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me until recently.

Effectually, my physical body is only doing what it has always done. It doesn’t know any better. I have to teach it through my thoughts and actions how to function properly. We are a cooperative unit. So often we forget that. I forgot that.

This doesn’t mean I need to sit for hours in contemplative meditation, picturing the correct paths so my body will learn to rewire itself. This is a passive way of doing things and much more time consuming one. As the Soul/Spirit it is my duty to teach the body how to be efficient; my role to pilot and maintain it. My body is just an innocent bystander, really. I have mistreated it, unknowingly, by not maintaining it properly. My thoughts have shifted the energetic pathways to the point that breakdown is inevitable. The body-mind connection is extremely strong and my thoughts have been like diesel to an engine that only runs on unleaded.

So you can guess that my guidance is a bit irritated at me for doing nothing. They are not nasty or mean but do push. That’s what they did this morning.

The main visual I recall during the my talk with my guidance this morning was of a person walking around blindfolded but not running into anything. They had traveled the same path so many times they didn’t need to see where they were going anyway. Yet their path was the same one, over and over. They never went anywhere new, never saw anything new, never experienced anything new.

I remember being asked if I was happy. I remember talking about what would make me happy. And then I remember being told how I could get what I wanted. I gave many reasons why I couldn’t do this or that. I looked ahead and saw mistakes and dead ends and felt it wasn’t worth it to try.

I think I must have made this particular guide frustrated because I heard back, “There’s no wrong way to dumb.”

It felt like an insult at first but I never felt insulted. I just thought, “I need to remember that.” So I have remembered it. It doesn’t make much sense to me, though. Were they saying I am “dumb”?

Inevitably there was discussion about a specific path and lesson. I remember seeing a vision of me and a man in each other’s arms. Then there was a comment, “You ate too much cake.” The visual shifted and we were covered in icing. LOL I actually laughed at the symbolism of it and said, “Yeah, I sure did.” Hahahaha

The discussion went on for at least an hour. Me in and out of the in-between receiving guidance and visuals like the ones above. I wish I had written down some of what I was told because some of it was really good (and funny).

Ultimately, I was being told that if I continued to do things the way I always have then I would continue to get what I’ve always gotten. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”

As I woke a song/rhyme was going through my mind: Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed.” lol

Just for laughs:

Image result for meme of monkeys on the bed

Related imageImage result for meme of monkeys on the bed

Image result for meme of monkeys on the bed

OMG I’m rolling over here!! LMAO






Dream: Having a Stroke

Well it’s 1-11-11! Anyone feel a difference from yesterday? Honestly, today feels about the same to me as yesterday. 🙂 Maybe I am flat on the energy shifts now because others are relaying they feel a lot more than I do.

Things have been weird, though. Firstly, last night I woke up more times than I can count. It seemed like every 2 hours or so. Second, this morning was another one of those mornings where I seemed overly open to the messages coming from other dimensions. Getting ahead of myself, though.

Dream: Having a Stroke

The dream began with me being taken on board this craft. I had been selected, along with a handful of others, to be a passenger on a craft whose destination was never made clear. I remember the moon being discussed but I don’t think this was our destination.

My first impression of the craft was that it was smaller than I had imagine. It had domed ceilings and walls creating a circular feel despite the floors being level. The walls were white except for a few black, circular areas that seems to be instrument panels or shuttered windows. I don’t know what material it was made out of but the walls were paneled reminding me of the inside of an airplane but much more sophisticated. The floors were also white. I remember seeing dark grating along the center.

As I donned my space suit, which was all white and made of a very light material, I remember seeing the other passengers getting strapped into their seats. We had to secure our things and my main focus was on putting a flat, picture-like object into a secure place beneath my seat. I know we spoke to one another but I can’t recall conversations at this point in the dream. The feeling (like a summary) is that it was a rarity to be invited on these trips into space. Only individuals meeting specific requirements were invited and very rarely did anyone turn down an invitation.

While we were in transit we were awake and aware of everything that happened. I remember breathing into a tissue because I had coughed and noticed a fine, colored mist coming out of my mouth. I used the tissue to check and sure enough a yellow color appeared after I breathed onto it.

Thinking something must be wrong I informed one of the attendants, a woman with short, brown hair. She had a medical and scientific background, though her exact title eludes me. She took me to the side and looked at the tissue. She said, “That is because you are about to have a stroke. All of you will eventually have one.”

Alarmed, I went to the other passengers and told them what I had just learned. They listened and believed me but none had the same symptoms as I did.

I sat back down awaiting my fate and not knowing what to expect. Would I die? Or would I just pass out?

Time passed and I lost awareness in the dream for a bit. The next thing I recall is the medical attendant taking me by force into another room. She was holding me down and attempting to put a yellow liquid into my mouth. Panicked, I struggled but could not get my bearings. She had put a black blindfold over my eyes.

I remember knowing she was putting this liquid into my mouth to induce a stroke. She wanted to see how my body would respond. It was like she was conducting an experiment on me. I remember thinking I had been lied to and conned into thinking the trip was a privilege.

Eventually, still blindfolded and unable to counter the strength of my attacker, I gave in and opened my mouth wide to let her drop in the contents of the dropper she was holding. The odd thing here is that I saw myself from outside myself at this time. I did not look like I do in waking life. My hair was blonde but cut short like a mans. The suit I was wearing was white with black markings on the chest area. It reminded me of what a person would wear who is about to parachute out of a plane.

I was laying on a medical type bed made out shiny metal in a room that resembled a lab. The room was curved like the rest of the ship but it had a counter and various medical instruments inside (well I assume they were medical).

My fate sealed (or so I thought), I laid there, body limp, with the woman still holding me down. This is when another me appeared and we interacted – the me on the bed and the other me standing to my right. The me standing said something to me and the medical attendant. The attendant saw and heard this other me and was flabbergasted. She said, “Then there are more of you? How many more?!”

The me observing laughed and said, “Yes, but just this one – me.” Then she spoke to me as if we were old friends and the whole situation was just an interesting event and nothing to be concerned about. She said to me, “Relax. You will be okay….” There was more said but the dream gets fuzzy here. I felt what was being conveyed to me. I believe she told me that yes, I would have stroke. Then she told me what to expect and how to handle it.


I woke up hearing, “Ischemic stroke.” You can imagine my reaction. lol Not only was I the person that was attacked in the dream but I was also the other me passing along the information. I felt like BOTH and the information about the stroke was familiar. It felt like I was being warned.

Some background on this: When I first began taking BC again, I did some research because previously BC had given me crazy, scary migraines, the kind where when I tried to talk, gibberish came out of my mouth (yeah scary). I was concerned for my health but research indicated it was unlikely I would have any issues so I opted to try the BC for a short period of time and then go off it if I didn’t notice any difference in my acne and menstrual cycle (PMS, length, etc).

Well, besides migraines, one of the other risks of taking BC at my age (older than 37) is blood clots – ischemic stroke. Yeah. Ha! So of course I thought I had made up this dream even though I have not thought of the side-effects of BC in months.

As soon as this thought crossed my mind I heard a voice very loudly say, “Dayna!” Only the name used was my legal name. It was a deep, masculine voice that seemed to come from under my right ear which was resting against my pillow.

I mentally yelled back, “Don’t do that!” lol

The dream and all that went with it was surging through my mind like a river, it was impossible to stop it. It was like my brain was on rewind over and over. Somehow, though, I must have fallen into the in-between or maybe I was just tuned in because I kept getting flashes of images and messages. I didn’t feel out of control or worried but just flowed with it. I am so use to this kinda thing now.

The gaps in my dream memory were filling in. I don’t know if it was with actual dream images/memory or additional information. For example, I saw a plant with very orange flowers on it. The flowers were about an inch wide with tiny petals. When I saw it I thought “second chakra”.

I kept being reminded of October, 2017. The month would be written in my vision. I don’t know why exactly but the date kept repeating. I believe that is when I started taking antibiotics.

I also heard again, “Don’t give up.”

Along with all that was going through my mind I heard another song, just a tiny piece of it: “…….It’s a long time coming.”


I don’t really know the song but have heard it a few times. When I listen and watch this video, though, I can’t help but think the message has to do with me going Home. The “Home at last” part in this video gave me a physical reaction.

Of course I had to research ischemic strokes because I really don’t know much about them. While I was Googling for more information I remember wondering this morning if it was possible that my heart palpitations could be related to stroke. The first site I visited produce this little tidbit of information:

A second important cause of embolism is an irregular heartbeat, known as atrial fibrillation. It creates conditions where clots can form in the heart, dislodge and travel to the brain.

Right. Okay. So what do I do with this information? Freak out and stop taking BC? Go to the doctor and run tests and freak out some more?

Nope. I continue as I am. Why? Because I don’t care if I have a stroke which means I won’t have one. And if I do have one, so what.

I know, I’m crazy to not care, but I’ve been asking to go Home for….ever? I’ve never gotten what I’ve asked for. Why would that happen now? Nah, I am doomed to continue living and experiencing until I actually LOVE life. That’s when I’ll go Home. Isn’t that how it always happens? When you want out, you stay. When you want to stay, you get out. lol

Still, I prefer not to have traumatic-like dreams (I wasn’t really scared so won’t call it a nightmare) and then wake to “ischemic stroke” and someone yelling my name.

Edit: Ugh! Just realized if I had been continuing the 12 days of dreams in January prediction thingamajig then this dream would correspond to October, 2018. Thus, the image of “October” I kept getting flashing through my head. Duh.

Also, I just remembered that I also got a message letting me know I had plenty of time still. Can’t recall the actually wording but I think it was, “Still time” or “There’s time”.



January 7 Dreams & Message

I watched the movie 10,000 BC last night. Interestingly, there was a scene in it that reminded me very much of one of my dreams yesterday – the dream where I was walking in very tall grass and saw a vision of gnats on a “bird-like jawline”.

Here is a clip of the scene:

The grass in my dream was exactly the same. The bird I saw was not a giant, man-eating bird, only the underside where the beak meets the neck, but seeing this scene made me wonder. I had begun the film the night of the dream but paused it. Maybe I was somehow anticipating the rest of the movie? Very strange! No doubt I wouldn’t linger in that tall grass if I knew huge, man-eating birds were waiting when I did! lol

Not a bad movie, BTW. I would give it 3.5 stars. It kept my interest but was a bit unrealistic. Not sure Egypt was building the Sphinx in 10,000 BC but who knows. I thought it cool, though, that the movie suggested the Pharaohs came from the stars. I also enjoyed the scenes with the prehistoric animals (like the one above).

Dream: Post-Apocalypse

This was a very detailed dream about life post-apocalypse. Some kind of virus had wiped out most of the human population. There was anarchy and bands of people were gathering together to try and survive. It reminded me a lot of the Walking Dead in the way that the people were fighting for control over the remaining resources.  And no, I haven’t been watching the Walking Dead lately. lol

There was a part of the dream that is blurry now where the man in charge, very much like Neegan in TWD, was being very cruel and sadistic. It was very sexual at times. He was insisting that someone have sex with an overly small, hollow, white tube. I recall seeing him put his penis into the tube, sheering off the skin (sorry guys).

This man later asked me about repairing a water treatment facility. Could it be done? Then he asked how to get the water to the group. I suggested we move our group to the facility rather than transport the water. He agreed and we moved the group.

When we arrived, the facility was an abandoned water park. The dead bodies had long decayed away and though the water had been turned off it was functional except for a few stagnant wave pools. I remember many in our group, including me, jumped into a large swimming pool that had only a bit of debris on the bottom.

There was more to the dream – conversations and whole scenes I can’t recall now.

Image result for image of strip pole

Dream: Giving Away My Power

This dream began in a very fancy hotel-like building. The place was crowded from some event taking place. They were all wearing high-end clothing, jewelry, etc. I felt very out of place and kept to myself, standing near the edge of the crowd watching them and thinking them all foolish for their materialism.

I saw a woman I recognized. She was someone I knew in high school. I went up to her and said, “Hi! I can’t believe I am seeing you here.” She was very cordial with me and made some excuse to leave before I got any answers. She was wearing more money on her than the worth of my entire wardrobe of clothes! I could tell she was concerned about appearances and money. She hadn’t changed a bit.

Most of the this part of the dream was of me wandering this huge, glamorous hotel looking for the elevator to get to the lobby and leave. My husband had taken me there for the day and kept vanishing, leaving me to fend off rich, snobbish people who would not stop talking about boring topics. I couldn’t find an exit and was trapped for hours and hours. When I would escape one group of people I would end up cornered by another. It was awful.

At one point I was talking to a couple about my real-life situation because I was tired of avoiding everyone. This is when a woman approached me and told me my husband had agreed to donate $40K. She said he had left his credit card and demanded mine. I stalled as long as I could and finally gave up and handed her my credit card. Only the card had my husband’s name written across it in big, black letters. I knew when I handed it to her that none of the money was mine anyway. It was all his.

Every once in a while my husband would appear only to vanish again but we never seemed to leave. I was so fed up that I decided I would find a way out, leave the hotel, call a cab and get the hell out of there as fast as I could. I had no clue where I would go or how I would pay for anything. I figured I could just use my husband’s money since he seemed to not care how it was spent. LOL

I made it to the lobby only to be cornered by two people. They wouldn’t let me leave and kept trying to keep me there with persuasion saying things like, “Don’t you have a class to take?”

Eventually the dream shifted to my mom’s mailbox. My husband had received mail from the above group. It was in black, sealed envelopes scattered across the road. Some of the mail had been damaged by passing cars. My husband was retrieving the mail and I remember getting on a school bus and leaving the scene. It was odd because the scene didn’t fit but was very vivid.

Then my husband and I were visiting my cousin at her apartment. In real life my cousin is very well off, or well her husband is. He is second in charge of a big company and makes over $350,000/year. My cousin left her job to stay home with her kids and enjoys a very luxurious lifestyle. For example, they have a room in their million dollar house that is called the “Theater” and that is exactly what it is. They also have a room just for wrapping presents.

My cousin’s apartment was in Dallas in the dream and we were there to have dinner. I remember feeling uncomfortable but my husband was his usual, social self, saying all the right things and getting along well with my cousin. Mainly I remember she had high-tech everything and the focus was on material things. I, of course, wanted to get the hell out and kept finding excuses to leave the conversations. One time I even vacuumed a section of her carpet just because I didn’t know what else to do to pass the time.

Eventually I left on a mission. I went downtown to find a strip club. My idea was to see if I could make a couple grand in a night. Never having stripped in my life I felt it would be easy, especially because I had kept my body in good shape. My husband and cousin had come with me and dropped me at a high-end gentleman’s club. My husband did not object and told me he would pick me up later.

I met with a stripper who was dressed modestly. She and I sat at a table and discussed what would happen that night. The place was fairly empty and sophisticated but there was a very obvious stage in the center. I have only been inside a strip club once, but it was a nasty one in Alaska (long story), so I did not know what to expect. Would I just get up on stage and take my clothes off and then men would throw money at me? Could I even do that?

We were soon joined by the club owner. He was a bit sleazy and looked at me with dollar signs in his eyes. He also seemed overly interested in me, especially in what was under my clothing.

The woman explained to me that I would not get money but tickets and that only one of us would get tickets because it was a competition. Whoever won got all the tickets. I said that was unacceptable. I wanted money, not stupid tickets.

The woman laughed at me and I got up to leave. She was not a very attractive woman. She had a buzz cut and was overly thin and lanky – the opposite of what one would think a stripper would look like.

The owner shoved something in my hands saying, “Wait. Stay.” I looked down and he had given me what looked like some kind of fancy pastries that resembled a bunch of flowers. In among the pastry was a bunch of sage (which I assumed was pot but it was obviously sage) and a syringe. I immediately assumed he was bribing me with drugs but it was tempting. I hesitated, thinking of my options.

The woman began to talk to me very matter-of-factly. She said, “You came here because you want sex, right?” She eyed me, like she was looking into my soul. I squirmed a bit under her scrutinizing gaze and became very aware that my hand was in my crotch (lol). I quickly moved my hand and said, “No. I just need the money.” She said, “That’s what they all say.” Then she said, “So you need money, then what? I can tell you have little ones….(she held her hand down low to indicate how little). How long are you going to do this? Until your youngest is older? How old is old enough?” I said, “Just until he is old enough to handle me leaving. Maybe when he is ….. 10 years old? That should be old enough.” But I knew he would never be old enough.

She smiled. The creepy owner smiled. I felt cheap, like a prostitute. I remember thinking it would be easier to just prostitute myself, then I wouldn’t have to go onstage and let so many people look at me naked. But then I realized it was the exact same thing whether I was on stage or not.

There was a couple staring at me from across the room. They stared at me with a mixture of lust and mockery. I felt humiliated.

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Message Received

I woke from this dream gradually, still in conversation with the man and woman in my dream. The cheap, dirty feeling came with me. I remember having all kinds of thoughts during this time. Thoughts relating to how I am selling myself, my power, through the choices I am making in my life. I thought, “I am no different than a prostitute. I give my body and power away in exchange for feeling secure. I rationalize it by saying I want to be with my kids, I don’t want to work, etc. But the reality is that I am afraid and giving up my power allows me to hide. I make attempts to take back my power but they are pathetic. I am owned. I am not my own person anymore.”

It wasn’t those exact words but my thoughts were similar. There was a conversation with my husband recently that kept coming to mind. In it I confronted him on his past explosive and aggressive response to not having access to my body (I’ve been abstinent for 6+ months). He said he felt unloved, etc – the usual stuff. I again said that I felt he (like all men in this society) had a consideration that I was his “property” so when he was not allowed access (sex) then he felt he might lose it/me completely. He finally agreed that there was a consideration like that.

I was not disgusted by his admission. I have always known this. Every man I have ever been with has had this belief whether they are conscious of it or not (most have not been). I am no better in my own beliefs. There is a consideration that I need a man to protect me and provide for me. That without a man to protect me I am vulnerable. The minute I think of being single this consideration says, “But you will be an instant target! Men could easily take what they want from you and you would be too physically weak to do anything about it!”

It is all screwed up. Royally.

Ultimately my guidance was asking me if it was worth it. They asked me what I wanted. When I answered they said, “Take it then.” My response was confusion/fear/panic and, “I don’t know what to do.” lol Because I am looking for a paved path. I am looking for sure things, not the unknown. Right now I have what I need and I rationalize what I do to get it every.single.day.

I shouldn’t be in a relationship if I have these considerations. No one should. Yet that is what most of us do. We jump from one relationship to another and these beliefs/considerations trap us each and every time. For women it is, “I give you access to my body whenever you want and you give me security/protection.” For men it is, “I give you security/protection and you give me access to your body.” In both cases we become possessive of the other. Possessiveness is fear of loss. Period. It is an endless, repetitive cycle that has existed for thousands of years (10,000 BC maybe? lol). Sex shouldn’t be a commodity, yet it is. Women have it, men want it (don’t deny it women….and men).

I’ll admit this dream troubled me. There was a lot of gentle confrontation by my guides. I recognize I have put myself in this situation but it is easier to do nothing, so I do nothing. I know that opportunity is coming. In fact I said to my guides, “Opportunity is coming. I need to take it.” I have no idea what this means but I felt it in my entire Being. I wonder what it is?