Partners

This morning I transitioned from the dreamstate into the in-between. A tunnel appeared before me and within it a vision of a beautiful mountain lake. Everything had a purple/pink cast to it. The lake itself was indigo with purple and pink highlights. The sky mirrored this. The mountains were not towering high like the Rockies but subtler with varying shades of greenery. It was a peaceful, beautiful scene. I felt myself pulled into this window but my awareness peaked and so I did not go OOB.

Before I was pulled into full, waking consciousness, I found myself standing on the shore of this lake with a humanoid Being who felt very masculine to me. He towered above me, though, a good two or more feet. His form was very human-like, with broad shoulders, two arms, two legs, hands, feet and a head, but his arms were much longer than a human’s would be in proportion to his body and his head had no hair and appeared more rounded.

We stood and talked for a while. I took his hand and told him I wanted to go Home, that I disliked this human disconnect and empty feeling. I longed for the connection of Home – the love and deep friendship and peace that came with it. He acknowledged me and explained that I was here to learn, which I know already, but his explanation was more accepted than previous ones I have gotten. I understand now why I am here with more depth than ever before. It is a feeling I feel in my core and it always arises when my purpose is explored or questioned.

This masculine presence explained to me that the human experience was unique and valuable, far beyond experiences in other realities and in other bodies. This came after I requested to change bodies, to get out of this human one. I seemed to remember the freedom innate in other forms and it contrasted greatly with the human form.

Timestreams were then discussed. It was explained that though we exist in multiple dimensions simultaneously, the human Timestream is separate from the other Timestreams (his wording not mine). I saw the Timestreams. They looked like colored waves of water or streamers floating or vibrating to their own rhythm and time. Most of the colors I saw resembled the lake vision in color – purple, blue, pink. This separateness is only present in our awareness here. When we extract ourselves from the human awareness we then can travel amidst all Timestreams and select ones we wish to experience at will.

Infinity was explored as well, or Remembered is a better word. As was perfection and the paradox of being perfect Beings attempting to perfect our reaction (experiences in) to the finite, which is impossible but achievable at the same time. It seemed as though our task/purpose as infinite Beings is to attempt to create perfection out of the imperfect. The feat seems insurmountable but within I found complete understanding and acceptance. It is not the end result that is important but the path we travel to get to an end that will never come. We are Builders and Creators but destruction is inherent in the process and all results are honored for their exquisiteness as if a dessert whose every bite is savored and relished.

I was then reminded of the vision I had yesterday. I saw the Earth going dark six times, one after the other. At the time I assumed the darkness was created by a great event like an eclipse. This morning, though, I realized it was likely much simpler than that. The darkness comes every night. What I was seeing was the passage of day into night six times. So the passing of six days. The lesson was that I need to take what I am shown at face value rather than looking for some deeper meaning.

The Experiencer and the Observer

A realization I’ve been having of late has been that I am experiencing this life now in two ways simultaneously. Life is viewed/experienced both as the Experiencer and the Observer. The Experiencer is familiar because that has been the viewpoint I have taken for the majority of this lifetime. Now, however, I am aware of the Observer as a constant. I am both Experiencer and Observer and recognize the purpose of both within this human experience.

The Observer viewpoint wants only to sit back and let the Experiencer experience life. She does not wish to interfere in the daily on-goings, actions and words, routines and challenges. Her job is similar to that of a scientist who is observing a closed experiment. She jots down observations, draws conclusions and makes hypotheses. Her viewpoint is objective.

The Experiencer is human and very reactive. She is suppose to react. Her job is to play her role and provide data to the Observer for improvement in the greater game. Her viewpoint is subjective.

Being able to view my life as both, simultaneously, is strange in a sense but perfectly normal at the same time. I have been doing this the entire time but was not aware of the Objective side except occasionally through glimpses here and there.

The Objective me has been with this body the whole time. I am aware of myself as this aspect. Fully. She is patient, focused, results-oriented and detailed. She makes adjustments to the experiement that then trickle down to the Experiencer as alterations in the path. Some are major, most are minor.

Currently, as the Experiencer, I am now able to identify the feelings and intuitions I have long had in this life as my “instructions” from the Observer. Before, the identification of these intuitions were lost on me resulting in mostly confusion and tantrums/resistance/impatience. For example, currently I feel as if in a void, and though I wish to take action I feel unmotivated toward any considered changes. There are often feelings of upset, irritation and impatience surfacing as a result. The Objective me understands the void feeling as an instruction to “take no new action” and “continue on course”. This Objective side learns a great deal from these periods and makes adjustments accordingly when learning plateaus.

As a result of this perception shift there is an increase of acceptance and balance within. I always thought the goal was to be the Observer but am learning this is only partially true. The Observer has its part to play as does the Experiencer. We are partners.

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Sthira Sukham Asanam

As the theme of impermanence continues to be brought up for my inspection I am beginning to recognize pieces of a far greater message coming through. That message is more of a feeling than something that can be put into words. So, I will let the message speak to you itself, as it has been speaking to me.

I am going to post a song and an article. Listen to the song while you read the article. Listen and read until you understand. If you do not feel called to read or listen, that is fine, too.

Namaste,

Dayna

 

Article: Sthira Sukham Asanam – Finding That Sweet Spot

Lyrics:

Sthira Sukham Asanam
Sthira Sukham Asanam

Far away in a distant past
In another time
All the words you’ve ever spoken
Live in me now

These feelings blow around me
Feel that I could fall
Blinded by the light of yesterday

But on this path, I can see
What lies behind the mystery
Each step I take, a passing dream

Destiny
Lord you live in me
As the unchanging

In light I hear a calling
Of what was and what one will be
And the cry of two souls yearning
To know their worth

I don’t walk this path alone
Everything is changing
Beneath the stillness of the sky
I take your hand

On this path, I can see
What hides behind the mystery
Each step I take, a passing dream

Destiny
Lord you live in me
As the unchanging

Sthira Sukham Asanam
Sthira Sukham Asanam

On this path, I can see
This red road
Beneath our feet

Destiny

While the dance of creation
Changes around me
In the halls of eternity
I shall remain safe

Sthira Sukham Asanam
Sthira Sukham Asanam
Sthira Sukham Asanam – Lord you live in me
Sthira Sukham Asanam – As the unchanging
Sthira Sukham Asanam – In this dream
Sthira Sukham Asanam

 

Impermanence

Spring is in full bloom here in Central Texas. Bluebonnets line the highways and backroads and people flock to take pictures of their loved ones amidst a sea of deep blue and white petals.

As a child growing up I remember this time of year fondly, especially the carpeted mosaics created out of Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrushes. It takes my breath away every.single.year.

Yesterday I took my son exploring to show him some of the many variations of flowers we have in our neighborhood. We picked flowers, took photos and enjoyed exploring our own backyard. We discovered many familiar flowers like the Buttercup (which I think is really called Evening Primrose) and Prairie Verbena, but also many I had never seen before like the Scarlet Pimpernel and White Bindweed. There are still some I don’t know the names of but it doesn’t matter. Their beauty made an impact on us both.

Elekflower

Elek smelling a Buttercup. When I was a child we use to purposefully smell these to get pollen all over our noses. 🙂 

evening primrose

I have always called these “Buttercups”.

prairie verbena

Prairie Verbena

purple unknown

No idea what this one is but it is pretty!

scarlet pimpernel

Scarlet Pimpernel – I have never seen these before! Very delicate, beautifully colored flowers. My new fav! 

violet unknown

No idea what these are either. They grow in clusters close to the ground.

white bindweed

I believe this is White Bindweed. Looks like a Morning Glory to me, though.

No Bluebonnets in our neighborhood but you have likely seen pictures galore so no need to remind you of just how beautiful they are. They are the Texas state flower.

Impermanence

This morning I received a newsletter from the Emerging Science Foundation. I would like to share with you the message it contained. It goes splendidly with me and my son’s flower adventures yesterday:

We find ourselves in a powerful and transformative time of year – an interim period between two seasons. The spring equinox was a few weeks ago, but the ground of the northern hemisphere is still remembering the winter and just beginning to wake up to the promise of the warmer months.

This transitory phase is celebrated by spiritual traditions the world over, a living symbol of rebirth and the circle of life.

In honor of spring, I’d like to explore a concept that lives at the very heart of the seasons as well as the wisdom traditions of both shamanism and Buddhism.

Impermanence.

Sitting on the threshold of winter and summer, cold and warm, dark and light, it’s hard not to be in awe of the ever-changing nature of this reality we find ourselves in.

“Real flowers are much more beautiful than plastic ones, in part because of their impermanence. We appreciate the seasons, the autumn and the spring, because they are a process of change. In this way, impermanence is beauty.” – Chögyam Trungpa

The longer I live in this body named Nick, the more I realize just how closely the laws and cycles of our personal world match those of the outer world around us. Nothing in our lives will stay the same, and that fact can bring both comfort and challenge.

If you’re hosting a disagreeable guest in your house who is disrupting your daily routine, the notion of impermanence comes as a relief – “Thank God he or she is only going to be here for a few more days!”

But, remember those last few days of summer vacation growing up? You couldn’t quite squeeze them for all they were worth because of the looming back-to-school doldrums. “Please don’t let this end!!!”

“Somehow, in the process of trying to deny that things are always changing, we lose our sense of the sacredness of life. We tend to forget that we are part of the natural scheme of things.” – Pema Chodron

When we open ourselves to the possibility that the quest for permanence in a constantly changing world is futile, something shifts within us. We see our former end goal of “happily ever after” for what it truly is – a shimmering mirage on the horizon that is always just outside our grasp.

Once the cosmic jig is up, our lives become less about establishing and defending and more about allowing, flowing, and sensing. Like a tango dancer on a moonlit terrace in Buenos Aires, we learn to love the changes, keeping our minds clear so that we can react in the blink of an eye to any dip or surge in tempo.

Change is guaranteed.

Surrendering to this fact is an essential part of the path. By doing so, we arise from the ashes of who we once were, stronger of heart and able to hold space with compassion in any situation.

When we’re experiencing pain, the suffering can be heightened by the fear that the pain will never stop. When we’re experiencing pleasure, the pleasure can be thwarted by the sad truth that nothing lasts forever.

The wise know not to grab or shun either of these, but instead learn to nurture space between their spirit and anything the world outside brings to their doorstep. By not pulling toward or pushing away, we are able to give full presence to every change that happens in our life – the good, the bad, and the ugly 🙂

Here’s to the essence of spring and finding harmony in an ever-changing world.

Stay curious,
Nick Polizzi
Founder, The Sacred Science

4 OBE’s and Unsettling Message

Woke again at 5am. Seems to be the pattern these days.

Dream: Exchanging Glasses

When I woke I was having a dream of being with my “partner”. I don’t remember much of our conversation but we were lounging on a bed together next to busy area with a coffee machine (awareness) and refrigerator (accomplishments) with glass doors. At one point I remember ripping a bag of cereal (new stage in life) and it scattering all over the floor. I didn’t clean up the mess but left it there. The cereal looked like tiny pistachios (difficulties turning into opportunity). As I was leaving (waking up) my partner asked me to give him his glasses (new/different perspective). I had been wearing them and put them on a shelf. I retrieved them and gave them back to him. He was wearing my glasses and took them off and handed them to me. I put them on and the realization of what I had just done woke me up.

Unsettling Message

As I woke I was feeling weird and a bit panicked for no reason. Still very tired but unable to sleep, I remained partially awake because my “partner” from my dream was discussing things with me. I can’t remember it all but healing was part of it as was my present life situation and feelings/emotions. Familiar feelings of apathy and depression were visiting again and though they were easily shrugged off, their presence was unsettling. It made me feel like a failure and, as such, I wanted to give up. I was asking to go OOB and not come back.

Then, my guide said something then that was unexpected. He said, “When you have your heart attack….” I can’t remember the rest word-for-word (as you can imagine) but he indicated that clarity and a spurring into motion/action would be the result. This is typical of near-death experiences (or close calls with death) and makes sense, but the information pulled me completely out of my reverie. I said, “I thought it was a stroke?”, remembering the dreams and earlier messages I had received. The response was that the distinction was not important. In all honestly, it is to me, though.

I tried to ignore the message and return to sleep but there was a nagging that said, “Pay attention” and “Let’s talk about it.” I said, “I thought stopping birth control resolved all of this……and I’ve been eating better, exercising, not smoking, doing everything right…..(long pause)…..will I be okay?” I don’t think I wanted to know the answer, though, because I can’t remember the exact response but the feeling I continue to have is that it is not a big deal in the larger plan that is my life. However, I was thinking, “I will be damaged goods. A 40-something-year-old with a heart attack/stroke record already?”

My thoughts were then directed to May and then on to “six months”. Interestingly, August is 6 months away – my birth month.

By this time I was wide awake but the conversation continued. My guide/partner asked me, “Why do you want to be [in the in-between] (can’t recall his exact wording) to communicate with me?” I said, “Because then I know I’m not inserting what I want to hear. It is less adulterated.” He responded with, “We are One.” As if that explained it all clearly;  to me, though, it was confusing. Ultimately, he explained that we had merged successfully. I wondered when, but could not pinpoint any particular time. I must have slept through it. The whole walk-in/soul-exchange plan came to mind and I pushed it away but not before understanding how it all fit in this strange life experience I find myself in.

Our conversation continued. I kept asking why my partner couldn’t be here in the physical with me. He said, “I am”. I wondered what he meant but I fell further in to a trance-like state, shifting seamlessly into a dream-like reality as images replaced words.

4 OBE’s

Completely lucid, I felt to be in my bed only the room was my room at my mom’s. I was laying in the supine position with my arms over my head. Energy was building around my crown to an extreme and it traveled down, wrapped around my face and then went down my spine toward my chest, filling that area as well. It was a wonderfully relaxed feeling.

Buzzing with energy I heard noises from the other room. Children’s voices and music playing. I knew it was my family awake early and ignored the noises-off the best I could. I was still talking with my partner/guide but I can’t remember what we were talking about.

At one point I sat up and out of my sleeping body. I lingered there sitting on the bed as I took off what felt to be a giant pillow from my face. My vision was clear but shifty and I continued to feel strong vibrations/energy all over my body.

I went toward the door noticing just how vivid and real the experience was but lost lucidity almost immediately shifting back into my body that was laying in the bed.

Back in my body the noises-off were loud again and I shifted immediately back OOB. This time nothing barred my vision and I was able to go out of the bedroom into the living room. My children were inside with my husband sitting at a kitchen table. He had made them all French toast (life satisfaction) and I thought it odd and wondered why he would do such a thing. Also, the table was in the wrong place. The room was lit with a golden, shimmering energy. I walked outside and it was a bright, beautiful sunny day but the brightness was so intense I lost visual and went back into my body.

Once again laying in bed I lingered for a while, enjoying the soothing energy. My crown and third-eye area felt expansive with a peaceful, warmth. It was amazing!

I decided to go OOB again and lifted easily OOB, floating to the door and out into the living room again. I ignored the activity there and went to the front door. It was locked and I said to my guide, “Why did you lock it? I want to go outside. Do you want to show me something? It will unlock.” I unlocked it and went outside. It was still dark out and I remember commenting on that.

Outside I floated for a bit and noticed a massive building to my left. It was like an entire city! I have never seen anything like it. The building spanned acres to the left and right of my mom’s house and appeared to be floating just above the ground. It towered for at least a hundred feet over the tops of the trees.

I lifted myself up to get a better view and was awe-struck by it’s beauty. It was pristine! White and glistening as if made of diamonds or crystals, its walls and rooftops seamless  – no points or jagged areas.

I felt to be pulled up toward the stars and did not resist. As I soared higher I saw the city was more expansive, spreading out in all directions with trees positioned throughout. It was as if I were on another Earth/planet.

I went further up, stars swirling around me as I lost my sense of direction. My astral body felt to be tossed and turned as if going through a vortex. I held on, though, never losing touch with the experience despite my vision blacking out. I completely surrendered to the feeling despite it being disorienting. Never once did I feel fear.

I felt myself vertical again and the movement ceased. My vision returned and I was in a blackness surrounded by stars and galaxies. My body was then shot straight down and I knew I was heading toward a deep, dark lake. I felt myself enter the calm waters and I opened myself up, taking as much water into me as I could knowing that holding my breath was unnecessary. I could not die.

As I breathed in the water I felt myself go deeper and deeper straight down and then float softly back up like a buoy. At the top I knew not to struggle and let myself just float there staring up at the stars. The whole time I was talking aloud about how I knew not to struggle, I knew to just float without resisting and completely expected to be in the dark, calm water for an infinite amount of time. I remember wondering, “Is this all there is? Is this my eternity?” With this I fully accepted the void as my infinite reality. I was 100% okay with it.

The lake seemed to expand around me with no shore in site. Like I was lost in an endless sea of darkness. I continued to float full of acceptance in the middle of the expansive blackness. A round, white object was floating to my left as if to offer support, but I didn’t take it.

Then the water began to recede, or maybe I moved. Land appeared and I could feel sand beneath my feet. I crawled, water-logged, onto the shore and looked up. There, towering over me, was the magnificent city I had seen floating near my mom’s house. I felt a sense of “arrival” as I stared up at it.

The scene dematerialized and I was back in my bed with energy surging through my body. I shifted immediately OOB again and traveled back into the living room to focus on my children who I had previously ignored. There I found my children happily playing with all kinds of toys (domestic joy/harmony). There were also other children in the room who I didn’t recognize. My husband was in the center and to his right was a Christmas tree (family relationships/domestic stresses). I went up to my middle son and gave him a kiss on his forehead as I told him, “I love you.” I looked down at the small child next to him and ruffled his hair. Then I walked around looking at the toys scattered here and there, noticing the tree and wrapping paper. I said to them all, “Look at all these wonderful presents (recognition of gifts)….but it’s not Christmas…..”

I went back in body and lingered there, enjoying the energy sensations and hearing noises-off. Eventually, though, I realized the noises were real and that it was time to wake up.

This song was going through mind, specifically: I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.

 

OBE and Message: Propitiatory Flushing of System

It’s been a crazy busy day today so am just now getting to record this mornings adventures.

First, though, I took my NASM personal trainer certification exam this morning at 11:30am. I was not as prepared as I would have liked to have been because of all my mommy duties and such getting in the way. I also kept putting off studying because I just didn’t want to. lol I didn’t get to study until late last night and got too tired to continue. Then this morning the kids were making so much noise that I opted to drive to the test site early and study in the car. I studied maybe 30 minutes and then went in to test. Finished the test in under an hour and then was handed this:

IMG_1560

They couldn’t tell me my score because only people who fail find out how many they missed (huh?). I suspect that I got around an 80% based upon the questions I was unsure of. Overall, the test looked exactly like the multiple practice exams I took when cramming. Good thing I have a great memory! 😀

After the test my husband and I went to visit my BIL and SIL who just welcomed a little boy into their family on January 27. He weighed just under 8lbs. I got to hold him for a bit and he is so sweet, but what little newborn isn’t? As first-time parents (both in their 40s) they have been majorly stressed over everything but seemed to be adjusting.

When we arrived home we picked up my nephew for a sleepover and now it is already dark. The day slipped by much faster than anticipated.

Dream and Message

I was awakened at 5am by a dream in which I was at a job interview inside a school. The woman interviewing me was very nice and told me there were plenty of jobs available. I remember saying I preferred an elementary school and her mentioning how my DAEP (district alternative education program) experience would be helpful.

A male teacher entered the dream and it shifted dramatically. One second I was in the school and the next I was saw the male teacher standing by a concrete column under an overpass (critical life junction). He was holding a blonde, female teacher’s hand when a massive flash flood (emotional overwhelm) came through and pummeled them. He tried to hold onto her but the gloves (caution) she was wearing slipped off her hands and lost her. Within seconds the water disappeared and it was bone dry. The female teacher was nowhere to be found and the male was bruised up. All that was left of the teacher was a red coat (protection).

Then the male teacher was talking to me about the school where we worked. I saw in front of me a map of the inside and the three stories. In the center of each floor there was a cafeteria (issues). I was told that we would meet on the top floor. We discussed my memories of the school and I mentioned how this new school had a class to teach students how to bake cakes (something eating me up inside). Then there appeared a vision of a three layered, chocolate cake. It seemed that the cake represented the “floors” of the school. The male teacher said to me, “Remember, you go straight up.” When he said this my lucidity came on suddenly and I knew the cake was the body and the path I was to take was straight up and out.

Not sure what to think I began to wake up with questions. I heard, “Propitiatory flushing of system”.

For some odd reason this message really freaked me out. Nonetheless, I returned to sleep quite easily.

OBE: Out of Place

I was in my mom’s house inside the bathroom sitting on the toilet (release of emotions). To my right was a portion of stale (old, forgotten) hot dog (sexual desire). I fiddled with it and it stuck to the counter. I remember thinking, “Ewww” and wondering who would leave food by the toilet. When I got up to flush the toilet the tank portion was wobbly and off-center. I corrected it and left the bathroom to go to my bedroom.

Inside the bedroom I stood and looked around curiously. The entire space began to vacillate and shift, the lights seeming to almost strobe. I remember thinking, “I can leave my body.” So that is what I did. I walked right out of it and stood facing the window. Everything was bright gold, shiny and brilliant but did not hurt my eyes. My vision was perfect. I was able to distinguish colors that normally I would not. I also think I was perceiving sound with my eyes, which I have done before. It was as if all my perceptions were tuned up and super keen. When I tried to move it felt like the entire room moved with me. The constant shifting became noticeable on an energetic level – like I became the room and the room became me. The vibrations were revved up to an uncomfortable intensity and my vision was moving/shifting with them. If an energy body can become dizzy then that is what happened to mine. The feeling was uncomfortable and foreign and I thought, “I don’t want to do this.” I backed up and into my body which was waiting sitting on the bed.

There was a nearly indistinguishable blackness, like I blinked, and then I re-entered the dream, stood up and walked into the kitchen. There was a man sitting at the table about to eat coconut (leisure activity needed) cereal. I suggested he pour coconut milk on it. He did and tasted it. I don’t think he liked it.

I woke up hearing part of a song going through my head, “I’m way too good at goodbyes….”

A strange feeling accompanied it and I remembered the message I had gotten earlier and seeing the black cake from the first dream. I wondered about the message and heard, “Proprietor.” I thought maybe it meant that propitiatory was the wrong word, but upon inspection they may be interchangeable. It felt, though, like I was being instructed on where to go at a certain moment in time. And when I sought out my guidance I felt a familiar sensation, one that indicated I had many more guides around me than is usual.

Hints of Something to Come

After a little over 24 hours of feeling like I was finally getting over my cold and intestinal problems, I was hit in the middle of the night with a resurgence of intestinal issues. They continue with less severity this morning as I hack and cough up the last remnants of the cold I had.

On top of it all my acne seems to be returning. Same spots, same weird, tiny bumps that don’t go away. I realized this morning that the acne spots first started after I moved to this house/location and I have been sick much more frequently than any other time in my life. Makes me wonder if there is something here, something in the water or the house itself (physical, emotional, spiritual) that is triggering these physical reactions in me. It is, by the way, a #11 address. hmmmm

Hints of Something to Come

I had some odd occurrences yesterday that I should mention before I go into my dream last night.

First off, two days ago while running errands I once again had one of those near-panic attacks, well more than one. This time, however, I recognized something – well some things. The panic attack episodes started after the heart connection in 2015 and escalated to the point of making me feel almost incapable of going out of the house. When I have them it is as if a switch is flipped and I become overly aware of my surroundings, like waaaay too open and overstimulated. It seems like part of me arrives or awakens in this body unexpectedly. I feel her arrive. Then I hear/feel that part of myself begin to worry and panic similar to waking up in a bad dream and not knowing how she got there. At the same time a calming energy seems to descend and I hear/feel myself being consoled and reminded it will pass. Then the anxiety passes and I return to a normal feeling as that other part seems to leave. It is so weird! But now it happens so frequently that I am use to it and even though the anxiety still comes on it never lasts or sets in fully. I never know when it will happen, just that it will happen when not inside my home.

I wonder, who is it that is panicking? Is it even me like I assume? Or someone else or some other aspect? Is this part of the soul exchange process somehow?

Then, two nights ago as I was watching Netflix (Shannara Chronicles this time) out of the blue I could feel the feelings of my Companion wash over me. I could feel his love and admiration for me and began to giggle out loud as I was embraced by his energy. As energy spread over me, I looked down at my body and felt an overwhelming attraction to myself, as if I were in love with my body, with everything that I AM. There came with this a sense of playfulness and joy. I felt like a child in a sense but also extremely attracted to myself in a sexual and romantic way. The playfulness was the strongest and I ignored my show, closing my eyes and surrendering to the feeling. My whole body was tingling and blissed-out and remained that way for some time.

The overwhelming attraction and love for myself was so unusual for me and I thought to my Companion, “I am feeling what you feel for me.” He said to me, “I am YOU.” In hearing him say this I knew he was right and what I was feeling were my true feelings for myself and all that I AM. I can’t explain it any other way because, as is the norm, words just aren’t enough. I felt for myself a twin flame/heart connection kind of magnetic attraction and did not reject it but fully surrendered and accepted it. There is nothing in this physical world more beautiful and …… I AM.

I managed to fall asleep with few dreams. The dreams I did have are similar to the one below, indicating an internal separation in process. It is hard to explain but I actually built a fence between myself and my “sister” in one dream and in another I was taking care of baby peacocks (birth, new growth), keeping them from being eaten by cats. In another I was with my “crazy” sister. I spent a long time consoling her. She felt everyone was abandoning her, she was all alone, unloved and had no friends. She was highly self-destructive and deteriorating quickly.

Image result for congratulations text pic

When I woke there was no lingering in the in-between. I was wide awake and thinking of my dreams. There was a peculiar feeling I couldn’t identify. Out of the blue and barely noticeable there came a vision in front of my eyes. A very small word outlined in a glowing white box: Congratulations. This caught me off guard because I was not in the in-between. I wondered, “Congratulations for what?” I heard back, “You have surpassed hurdles unseen.” Not able to identify these “hurdles” I went back to thinking of my dreams. Then I heard, “We have something to show you.” I thought, “Okay” and then went back to thinking of my dreams. lol

Another vision came to me then. I saw a pile of stuffed toys, all of which were action heroes – superman, batman, spiderman, etc. It was odd and I wondered about it. Then the Coldplay song came to mind, “I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts…..I want something just like this.” I laughed aloud at this but recognized my subconscious created it. It wasn’t a message from some “guide” but from ME.

Again, though, I heard a message, almost indistinguishable, come through like a conversation I was having. I heard, “Tomorrow” and then after a couple of minutes, “Some of the benefits and securities will be refined.” Considering how odd the message was, I figured it was time to get up and face the day.

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Dream: Get Out!

This dream began with me being in a hurry to get somewhere but not really worrying about being late. I kept telling myself, “No need to rush. You’ll get there when you get there” which is how I have been handling lateness in my waking life for sometime now.

I went into the bathroom and prepared to take a shower. What is odd here is that I had with me all my personal toiletries in a bag despite there being an entire set already in the bathroom. Both sets felt like mine but when I saw the set in the bathroom I dismissed it knowing my set was better suited to me. I took my shampoo (new image/self) and toiletries and replaced the other toiletries (old image/self) one by one.

I vaguely remember taking a shower (spiritual renewal and forgiveness) and feeling each distinct stream of water hit my face and body. It was a refreshing, calming feeling – a familiar feeling. In the background I could hear voices speaking to me like distant memories or echoes. They were asking me questions in a disapproving tone and judging me for my actions and decisions. It felt like these people were my physical family – mother and husband specifically. I ignored the voices, though, and focused on the warmth and comfort of the water.

Then I was inside a house selecting clothing (public self) to wear. The entire time my mother (mother aspect) seemed to be shadowing me, asking me questions and judging my actions in a passive-aggressive way. She kept suggesting this or that but never directly saying she disapproved. The main thing I remember her saying is that I would be late if I didn’t hurry. Again, I ignored her, focusing instead on the clothing I would wear. I couldn’t find what I needed, though.

I left the house I was in and headed to an apartment. The apartment was very nice (life improvement), nicer than any apartment I have ever lived in. Two bodyguard-looking men (feeling insecure or unsure about life) met me there. They wore all black and had ear pieces in. One handed me a cell phone and said, “Looks like he’s following through.” I read what was on the screen and said, “Yeah.” The screen had a legal letter and I remember it said “petition” and “claimant” on it and that my husband was accusing me of being “homosexual” (self-love, self-acceptance) as a reason for divorce. There was a feeling of finality here as well as Knowing of what was to come. The sense was of my entire life crashing down on me but I was in total acceptance.

The bodyguards also mentioned to me that I was behind on my assignments. I acknowledged them and then rushed to the closet to look for a shirt. My mother intercepted me though and began to make ultimatums to get my attention. Her main upset was that I was behind on my assignments and would ultimately “fail”. She told me she couldn’t accept my behavior anymore and insisted that it was time for me to “get out”.

I went into a huge walk-in (may indicate soul exchange) closet (unveiling of previously hidden aspects). I looked through the clothes but couldn’t find what I was looking for. There were many long, sleeveless dresses (feminine), some dress shirts and a bunch of trousers. The shirt I had put on was long-sleeved (protection from adversaries) and too hot (heated emotions) but all the clothes in the closet were also too warm for the weather. Eventually I opted for a wrinkled (wisdom, learning from past), indigo (spirituality), short-sleeved (freedom) blouse noting that it was too dressy for the pants I was wearing. I put it on not caring how I appeared and left.

On my way out I heard my mom yell angrily, “Get out and don’t ever come back.” I knew she meant what she said but felt I had to do what I was doing regardless of what she thought. There was a Knowing I didn’t belong there anyway.

Then I received notice from my teacher that I was failing her math class (lessons in logic), the last class before I received my degree. The class end date was in 4 weeks but on the calendar in my mind I saw the month of July which is much further off than 4 weeks. I was told that I would have to score a 103 on the final to pass the class. I knew this was impossible. The most I could possibly score was a 98 and even that was unlikely. I remember sitting at a picnic table (unity and togetherness) in a park (period of readjustment after serious personal conflict) telling a man that it was okay if I didn’t get my degree. I already had a Master’s degree and so another one wouldn’t make much of a difference. The man said to me, “But you are only one class away from finishing. If you stop now you will have to start all over again.” I didn’t care.

Reflection

I woke up in an alarmed state thinking, “Oh shit.” It seemed like the dream was about going over choices/decisions and the aftermath that would result. I was so self-assured in the dream, easily ignoring all the “voices” of disapproval and judgment. The decisions I made in the dream involved very out of character things for my personality. It felt like a complete disconnect from the important people in my life. The disapproval of my mom was the main “voice” of disapproval I heard though other family members (sisters mostly) were audible as well. If my mom were to issue an ultimatum like that it would devastate me – or would it? Even as I type this I am feel able to accept her doing something like that. Huh?

After waking and while getting my kids off to school, I was wondering, “Okay. It’s tomorrow but nothing happened.” Not long after that I realized a song was going through my mind over and over, “I gotta feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night. Tonight’s gonna be a good, good night…..” 🙂 I’ve been feeling like dancing all morning. lol

 

 

 

Intensity Overload, Metallic Energy and $200 for the Blonde Who Breaks Rules

CrAzY energy right now! Whew! I’m actually flying high now compared to before. Feeling almost 100% now and grateful for it.

I didn’t wake up feeling too grand, though. Had some doubt creeping in because of something that happened last night.

Tuesday I was invited to a FB group called “Be Your Own Twin Flame” by a member of the walk-in group I’m a part of. I didn’t know her but agreed because the title seemed like a group I might be interested in. I browsed it and noticed there wasn’t too much interaction. Pretty much all the posts were by the woman who invited me to the group. She later sent me an email encouraging me to post a little about myself. So I thought, “Why not?” I posted a link to my blog and introduced myself and let it be.

Then last night she sent me a message. I am not going to cut and paste it because I do not want to subject you to the energy behind it. To summarize, she told me that she deleted my post from her group because she felt I was still in 3D, full of Ego, and in separation from All. She said she wants her group to have only 5D communication and any communication that is not of 5D and part of the One would be removed. Then she invited me to post again but only from my heart and Oneness.

When I received the email the energy felt really weird, so much so that it felt to blast me with a strange metallic surge that left me with a metallic taste in my mouth. My first inclination was to stop reading it immediately but I kept on and stupidly subjected myself to the energy.

I felt myself react defensively at first. Mostly, I wanted to completely withdraw from the online world and go into hiding again, which is odd. Thankfully there was a softness from within that soothed me and asked me to “stand down”. It did not take me long to realize I had been triggered, but why?

Later, after contemplating the feelings I was having, it occurred to me that the reasoning of the message was all wrong. 5D is not about rejecting 3D altogether. It is not about separation from other humans or humanity. This woman was using 5D as a justification to set herself apart from others. To perpetuate the “Us” versus “Them” syndrome humans so frequently fall victim to. She insinuated that Ego was not allowed. It was to be eliminated altogether and any indication of its existence in a post meant the person was still in 3D and not yet elevated to the 5D level.

But then there was the metallic feeling and taste in the energy that hit me when I first read her message. What was that all about? I remember thinking right after the experience, “If this is what 5D is all about, I want no part of it.” lol

I felt so disturbed I actually blocked her. I have never blocked anyone in my life but I felt so dirtied, so contaminated by her energy that I wanted to ensure she never messaged me again.

I am also concerned for all the others who are following this woman.

When I went to sleep I asked for clarity on the situation. Was I just reacting to her email because she made me feel wrong? Was it all an Ego reaction? Or is there something I am missing?

When I awoke I felt no clearer than when I went to bed. My dreams didn’t seem to point to an answer and again I was doubtful and questioning everything. Maybe I should withdraw from the online social media world? I felt rejected. I hate that feeling and my tendency is to withdraw from the source of the rejection.

My guidance asked me, “Remember to focus on that which makes you feel good, not on what doesn’t.” I remembered and immediately shifted to doing just that. I enjoy connecting with others. I love the spiritual. Writing in my blog is one of the highlights of my day. I enjoy all of it, so why stop just because of one rotten apple?

My day just got better after that.

Random Luck or Message?

Around lunchtime I decided to go for a short run-walk. I am still recovering from my illnesses so a full run is not a good idea. Even a run-walk is challenging lately.

Around a half mile into my run I began to notice my thought patterns. What I was thinking about use to cause me upset in the past but now I have gotten so use to it that I hardly even notice despite these thoughts occurring daily, multiple times a day. Yet I noticed this time. With this noticing I realized I was in full acceptance, no longer rejecting or resisting this new reality. Smiling I looked up and saw something laying on the road:

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They were laying in the road just like in this picture. When I saw them I stopped and thought, “That can’t be what I think it is.” When I got closer and I realized it was two $100 bills I picked them up and stashed them in my leggings and continued on my way. I did check to see if anyone was around but there was no one. Not even a parked car around.

I was in shock for about another half mile. A strange surreal feeling fell over me. Was I dreaming? Did it even happen? Reality check time!

Eventually I convinced myself it hadn’t happened and the money had to be fake. Never would I be so lucky. The most money I’ve ever found was $10 that flew into my car on a windy day.

So I stopped and checked my leggings. Yep. Two $100 bills. Security strip and everything. No doubt about it. lol I kept the money in my hand from that moment on, though, because my leggings didn’t have pockets and I didn’t want it falling out through my pant leg. lol I also think I did this so that it stayed real to me. The whole thing really shifted my reality. BIG TIME.

Then I felt guilty. Maybe someone is looking for their lost money? I should turn back and check. So I ran around the block and went back to where I thought I had found the money. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember exactly where I was when I found it and since there were no new cars parked or people around looking I kept running. What was I going to do? Knock on all the houses asking if they lost money? I found it in the road, so not by a particular house and there weren’t any cars around either.

Not long after opting to just keep the money I noticed something on the ground. I swear it said, “Blondes break rules.” I thought to myself, “That did NOT say what I think it said.” I laughed aloud to myself and turned around to check. This is what it was:

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I picked it up and took it with me just because and laughed for another half mile.

I kept run-walking for another mile and then ended off. My heart rate was higher than normal and I was feeling anxious for no reason. Not anxious because I did something wrong, though. Anxious because I felt different somehow.

I knew I needed to eat and settle down. I also could not help but think that the money and the Starbucks trash was more than just a message that I was breaking some unwritten rule by keeping the money. In fact, I knew that wasn’t the message. What was the message then?

As I cooled down I mulled over the events of my run specifically focusing on my thoughts prior to finding the money. I recalled that I had felt an urge to look up and pay attention, but what was I thinking about immediately before that? When I realized I was thinking about everything that transpired from December, 2015 to present – this entire crazy personal spiritual transformation I have been going through – I understood the real message.

The $100 bills were both on the road but separated by about a foot. I kept thinking, “OMG I found $200”, but really I found 2, $100 bills. In numerology you add the digits of a number to get it down to one number. So you can get the number 2 two ways, one of them is by adding 1+1. I could see the $100 bills then as representing the two 1’s of an 11. 11’s have been following me around since 2015 and continue to do so. However, what I feel the message was this time was that the two 1’s here are indicating two separate, whole individuals.

The “Blonde breaks rules” message on the trash was about me but not about keeping the money. The “rules” here represent beliefs and belief systems. I have been and am breaking through them and the end result will be – maybe already is? – Wholeness.

When I realized the message I began to feel stranger than I already was. My anxiety was increasing and I had to get a grip on it before I ended up in a panic attack. Then my right ear began to ring. I’ve been experiencing ear ringing a lot, though.

It took a while for the strange anxiety to subside. Then I went and laid in the warm sun on a blanket spread out on the grass for a while.

Considerations

There is more to this message, much, much more but I haven’t received it all yet. The energies during and after my run hit me hard, too. It was as if I was stuck by lightening again except this time it wasn’t via the Kundalini like I am so use to.

I know I have recently gone through a major download, so major that it knocked me on my butt for two weeks straight. Illness was the main symptom – my throat and root chakras the main focus, but I have also been experiencing some crazy ear ringing and on and off exhaustion. Then there are the dreams, messages, super empathy, and clarity. All of it points to a download/upgrade, or whatever you want to call it.

There was an incident a couple of days ago where I noticed a deep humming coming from my right. It seemed off in the distance and as I focused on it, it grew louder and louder until it turned into a distinct, high pitched ringing in my right ear. I kept expecting Spirit to audibly speak to me which is unusual because I have never associated ear ringing with Spirit audibly speaking to me. But this was different. I fully expected to hear a message. Huh?

All of this and then the woman at Pet’s Mart stalking me for not watching my son (weird) and then the metallic taste from reading a message on FB, I can’t help but wonder what is going on. Is it me? Is it the world? Both?

My intuition tells me to stay on my toes – to keep looking, keep noticing, because there is more being conveyed to me via this experience than I realize.

P.S. The featured image for this post is a quote that popped up this morning when I was uploading an image from Canva. I noticed it and wrote it down because it felt important.