Heal the Land and it Will Heal You

What a long weekend! This was the second weekend we’ve been at the new property working to clean, clear and prepare the land and home.

Friday and Saturday was junk removal. When they arrived they cleared the mobile home very quickly. It was almost an entire trailer load! They returned the next day and got another two loads from there. There is more, still, but progress is being made. Below is an image of just one of the loads of junk that was removed.

We met the neighbors (my husband had introduced himself when we first saw the land) and they offered to help. They are very nice. The wife is close to my age, the husband is 63 and already retired. They also have a pond and have really created a wonderful space. They have several cabins dotting the area with a pavilion, kitchen/bathroom area and stage for live bands. They use it once a year for a family reunion. I got a tour and it was impressive, exactly what my mom wants her property to be but sadly probably will never create. 

The husband is quite handy and built his own home. He owns a backhoe (or something close, I am not familiar with the name) and said he would be open to using it to help us. He and his wife even came over with their two riding lawnmowers and mowed a good portion of our land. The husband, Randy, mowed paths all over our property – to the pond, the the other buildings, along the fence and road. They also have a stocked pond and said our boys could fish and swim anytime. Since our pond is still not giving any fish (they are there but not biting I’m sure) I took the boys there and, after some coaxing since they are impatient, got them catching fish. Both are now super exciting about fishing and want to go back as soon as they can to fish some more. lol Both of my boys caught more fish than me and bigger ones even! There are bass, crappie, catfish and bluegill in abundance. They stock it and feed their fish often. They let us take some of the fish we caught to put into our pond. We are going to stock ours some point because we/they think our otters are eating up our fish.

The beehives are on the property now, too. We have eight and the beekeeper was very nice and navigated to our land without issue. I haven’t seen the hives yet because he asked us to not go around them that day because they tend to be grumpy after being moved. I will look at them next weekend and take pics. The beekeeper did say the hives will not be there to make honey. He uses them exclusively to help landowners get ag exemption. He said he may give us some of his other honey but he had a rough season last year and took losses. We are fine with whatever. He is a very nice and knowledgeable man. 

Anyway, the inside of the mobile home is completely cleaned out except for the stuff we opted to keep (construction supplies). It makes such a difference in the energy! My husband spent the entire first day fixing the water. First he fixed the intake from the pond. The previous owner told us the beavers have chewed off the floats in the past and so my husband swam out and, sure enough, no floats. The water was being sucked off the bottom of the pond which made it stink really bad. Once he fixed it the water was perfect! It was deceptive enough to cause us to almost accidentally drink it – oops! When the water was turned on to the home he discovered several leaks under that he fixed. I think there was 5 with one he has yet to fix because he thinks he might just need to do a full re-plumb of the whole home. He also got the hot water heater going. So we have running hot and cold water now that doesn’t smell like death! I am so, so thankful to my husband. The second bathroom is completely disconnected though. Also, while he was under the home he encountered a dead raccoon. It was freshly dead and huge! He and the boys buried it.

Friday night we stayed the night (with hot/cold, fresh water) and I, of course, was not tired. I was too excited about all the happenings of the day. When I did fall asleep I had an intense dream.

Dream: Mother Gaia

In the dream I was inside a bathroom with a heavy set woman. She asked for my help. She needed me to wipe her bum. She couldn’t reach it. I agreed, happy to help. When I wiped she winced. The poo had been there a while and she had “diaper rash”. I got her cleaned up and she was thankful. She then presented me with two DVDs or CDs saying they would help me. One was about Angels. I took it and told her thank you and hugged her. When I hugged her I could feel her voluptuousness wrap around me comfortingly. It felt like squishy blankets of love. I began to sob and sob, falling into her warm, squishy skin folds. The crying woke me and I continued to cry. 

My guidance was there and I understood why I was crying. I am still recovering from so much loss. However, I knew this mobile home experience – clearing and fixing it up – was a physical representation of my healing process. I was reminded of many, many dreams I’ve had in the past of being in mobile homes with unsteady foundations (like this one) and full of junk. All pointing to me feeling unsafe and needing to de-clutter emotionally and spiritually. When I woke I told my husband, saying I think the entire process of clearing the home and land is helping me clear my own “junk” and that repurposing the home will also be therapeutic in that it will guide me through my own rebuilding process. He agreed saying he felt similarly. 

The heavy set woman may have represented Gaia and her message was, “Heal the land and it will heal you.” Such love!

I was also told when I woke that “tomorrow” would be “magical”. I think it might be the day before the eclipse because I immediately thought of the Sunday before eclipse. How it will be magical, IDK. I did have a good day that morning, however, in that me and my boys had such a great fishing experience. Our neighbor, Sam (the wife), also seemed very interested in being around me. Her energy wasn’t needly or exhausting and we talked a while. When I told her about the land I almost started to cry and she understood because of her love for her land and her life. She says, “It’s heaven out here”. I told her I could tell before I even met her she was a very happy person. I heard her singing early in the morning as she gardened. When I was near her (she didn’t know I was there) I could sense she was genuine and good. 

I also sense my husband is falling in love with the land. His connection with the neighbor, Randy, also shows promise. He is all about connecting with people and he and Randy get along really well. I could sense that my husband might actually end up wanting to live out there some day. This caused me to cry a little thinking how the land might help him, too. He needs it,

So, overall a great weekend!

Here are some recent photos of the property. The snake is a plain bellied water snake. He was living under the boat alongside a field mouse. Ha! The big tree is an ancient Elm. Isn’t it magnificent?

Dream: Black Hole Sun (Eclipse)

I had a string of interesting dreams last night. But first, I want to share a vision I keep having. I’ve seen it both in dreams and upon waking. In the first one, a dream, I saw myself with blue painted fingernails and wearing blue clothing. I inspected my fingernails, noting the strange blue tinge and trying to figure out why they were blue. In the visions I’ve had, the last of which was last night, I saw myself with blue skin. 

At first, I thought it must be indicating a chakra, maybe the throat chakra, but this blue was not that color blue. Instead, it was lighter and seemed almost to glow.

My next thought was it was exactly the same color of the blue Hindu gods and goddesses. I did look up why the gods and goddesses of Hinduism are blue. Mostly the blue coloring is for Vishnu, meant to depict the color of rain clouds, so more of a steel gray, but sometimes it is brighter blue, like the color I have been seeing in my visions. Blue is the color of the sky and sea, one reflects the other and neither actually has any color at all. Thus, blue is the color of infinity. Hindu Scriptures declare the Ultimate reality to be inconceivable and inexpressible, beyond the grasp of the 5 senses. The only way to express the vastness (Brahman) which is Being, Consciousness and Bliss, is through the color blue.

So, in my vision, I seemed to become a blue goddess. Perhaps Kali?

Dream #1: Running from My Shadow

This dream was unexpected. I very rarely feel fear in my dreams now days but I definitely felt it coming on in this dream. I don’t recall many details now because it was so early in the night (woke at 11pm). What I most remember is that I was avoiding this negative entity that seemed like a giant shadow. It was trying to envelope me and I was resisting. There were many voices at the time, some my own, some my guides and some from this Shadow. The voices of the Shadow were recognizable and familiar. In fact, I’ve memory of chasing it away in my early twenties and calling it a “gin”. Towards the end of the dream I was putting up protection and pushing the negative voices out of my mind. I could sense a shield around my mind and, as I woke, my vision was filled with spheres of all colors floating and undulating as if alive (hypnagogia), indicative of entry into the OBE state. 

Dream #2: Classroom in my Bedroom

I returned to sleep and the next thing I recall is having students sitting all around me in my bedroom. I was still in bed, blanket up around me snugly, but didn’t seem to think it odd that my room was full of students. It was an English class and the teacher, standing near my door, told us that we had to do a research paper. She gave us two topics to choose from and left. Everyone paired up and began discussing their assignment. I sat up in bed, looking at them sitting on my floor and leaning up against my walls and window, and protested loudly about the assignment. I said that I didn’t think it was a good one. What teacher limits her students to only two topics? Why not allow us to explore topics we are most interested in? I then told them I was going to drop out of the class. I didn’t need it. I already had a masters and bachelor’s degree and was just taking the class out of boredom. A male student said he was, too. I asked him if he had a degree and he said no. I told him not to bother, telling him all the jobs I used my degrees for were miserable for me. Only when I decided to follow a different path did I find a very unexpected job that made me happy. He asked what it was and I said, “Accounting.” The entire class was listening attentively at this point and it seemed I might have helped some decide that college was not the right path for them. 

Dream #3: Black Hole Sun (Eclipse)

I didn’t categorize this as a Kundalini dream but it most definitely had elements of Kundalini energy. 

My husband and I parked in an unfamiliar driveway. I was driving but didn’t know how I got there. I immediately got out, finding myself under a large, open, red umbrella. I was wearing my pajamas – a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt – and was barefoot. Still confused, I looked up to a tree and saw a sweatshirt (protection) hanging on it. I pulled it down but then threw it back up not wanting to take something that wasn’t mine. Then my husband drove away and left me there. Not sure what to do, I panicked a bit. I had no phone or any way of contacting help. I felt lost. So, I wandered down the road looking for familiar sign posts. Nothing. 

Then I saw a big truck stop in the middle of the road. It opened its doors and out came hundreds of cats (feminine energy, sexuality). I stopped short and said, “Feral cats.” People were coming up and picking up the cats, though, leading me to believe they were not feral. I wandered closer, observing, and saw the cats were friendly. Still, I kept my distance.

As I turned to leave I saw a little boy crying. He was afraid of the cats. I comforted him and turned him towards the cats, telling him it was safe. I got an adult to assist and left the cats behind.

Then I was at a party. It was full of people I didn’t know, some speaking a language I didn’t recognize. I sat down and waited, still not knowing where I was. Then I noticed a man staring at me. With his stare came a strong, magnetic energy, one I was familiar with. I turned away, feeling immediately nervous, and then moved across the room to avoid him. In my hurry I bumped into my husband who had seen me avoiding the man. He laughed and told me, “He wants to take you into the bedroom.” I didn’t respond and found a corner to hide in.

Eventually the man found me. He came up to me, face to face, and put his left hand on my right shoulder. Our eyes locked and I froze. The energy was super intense and magnetic. It terrified me. The man wanted me to come with him. His energy beckoned me and I knew I would not be able to resist for long. This is when a woman said something to the man. I think she was his wife. He lingered and the woman asked me, “Are you married?” I nodded yes. She told the man to leave me be. He listened and left. I watched the woman for a bit. She was with another woman and a child of around 3 climbed into her lap. I finally went up to her and asked her about the man. Though I don’t recall our conversation, I recognized that she was his wife and they had an arrangement that allowed them to be with other partners.

Then there was a commotion and everyone rushed outside to the driveway. It was really crowded and the sky was a weird shade of reds and oranges. I looked up. Realizing it was the eclipse I averted my eyes. I saw the woman from earlier and went up to her. I could see the eclipse shadow on the concrete. It was nearly complete, a blackness surrounded by a rim of fire. The woman turned to me and we embraced and I sobbed and sobbed as she held me in her arms. The entire time the crazy energy of the eclipse was all around me.

Then there was a hush and I turned and looked up. The sun was mottled red like it was going to explode. 

Seeing the sun like this woke me. Tears were still in my eyes and a chorus from a song was going through my head: “Black hole sun won’t you come and wash away the rain…..”.

Discussion with Guides

After I woke, I couldn’t return to sleep. The energy from the encounter in the dream along with the emotional release at the end was hard to ignore. 

My guidance was close, asking me about how I felt in certain parts of the dream. Specifically, the part where my eyes locked with the strange man. I told them it terrified me. When asked why, it was hard to explain. I think it comes down to total loss of control and not knowing what will happen if that happens. Yet everything in me yearns to follow the feeling and let go completely, to hell with the unknowns that follow. That part of me, the part that yearns, terrifies me. 

When asked about how I felt when I was crying, I recalled a time in this life when I chose not to follow that yearning, choosing instead to complete a cycle/karmic contract. The feeling is beyond description. I recognized the feeling in the dream was the same – solid, unchangeable and full of regret. 

Then there was the visual of the sun there at the end. It felt like a warning, or at the very least a message. Memory of OBEs I had years ago came to mind. In those OBE’s I would see the sun and the moon coming closer and closer together but they never quite touched. If they had, there would have been an eclipse that looked like what I imagine a “black hole sun” would look like. Those OBEs were indicative of Union, or the merging of masculine and feminine, yin and yang, hieros gamos. 

I can’t help but connect the vision of seeing myself as a blue goddess with this last dream. Kali is the goddess of time, doomsday and death. She is worshipped as the Divine Mother and seen as a divine protector who brings liberation. During the discussion with my guidance about my feelings related to that intense, magnetic yearning of which I am terrified, it was relayed to me that “perhaps what lies on the other side is….liberation”.

Short OBE

Welcome to 2024. Hoping it is better than 2023.

It’s been a while and I apologize. The holidays are not a fun time for me and I have been sick twice, once after Thanksgiving and once after Christmas. I also continue to have debilitating dry eye that causes me to limit screen time to only that which is necessary.

I could write a recap of 2023, but I don’t want to waste my time on a year that I would much rather forget altogether. I could write about what I feel lies ahead for 2024, but I prefer not to look ahead that far.

Today I am going to post a short OBE I was blessed with around 4am this morning. It is so rare that I have OBEs, lucid dreams or other experiences these days that I cherish them when they do happen now. Even if they are super short, like this one was.

Short OBE

I woke abruptly around 3:30am. After some time in a discussion with a guide (private, sorry), I asked to be allowed to fall asleep. I was asked, “Do you promise to do something about it?” I said, “Yes.” This seemed to be what was needed to release my mind and I fell asleep.

The next thing I remember is talking to someone. I don’t remember the conversation and it stopped the minute I began to focus on my surroundings. It was dark and I was outside. I walked past a church on my right. I couldn’t see it but I knew it was a church. In front of me, growing along the edge of a parking lot, were shrubs. I noticed a new one had broken through the concrete. It was almost past my knees it had grown so tall. I reached down and touched one of it’s waxy, dark green leaves. The leaf was nearly as large as my palm, cool to the touch and smooth.

Something about the feel of the plant caused me to pause. I turned to look at the church, but couldn’t see anything except the image in my mind. It was a small church with large windows. I turned back towards the shrub and decided to touch it again. This time I focused on how it felt. The cool, smooth leaf confirmed my suspicion. I thought to myself, “I’m out-of-body (OOB).” 

In recognizing I was OOB, I began to sense not only my astral body but also my physical body. They were superimposed and the sensation of it was familiar. I had nearly forgotten how it felt. I could shift from one to the other with just a thought. It’s hard to describe but it’s sorta like the energetic equivalent of jumping on a trampoline, one is heavy and pulling you down while the other is light and pulls you up.

I looked up into the darkness and decided I could see. My vision turned on immediately and the scene in front of me presented itself in full color. Seeing through closed eyelids never ceases to amaze me. It was not dark outside after all. I could see the church behind me more clearly and the glossy green leaves of the plants in front of me. The church was closed and no one was around. The area reminded me a small, suburban community.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold the scene because I became too excited. It had been too long and all I wanted was to explore; to feel the freedom and lightness I knew was within reach. 

I settled into my physical body smoothly and lay there a moment, hoping I would be able to return, but I did not. So, I ended up mulling over the OBE. The symbolism seemed to point to new growth amidst a situation in which no movement had been made in a long time (parking lot). The church was a reminder that a place of spiritual nourishment is within reach and has been this whole time.

Hoping I would be able to succeed again, I returned to sleep with the intent to go OOB. I did not.

Many dreams followed but I don’t have the ability to stare at this screen much longer than I already have.

Wishing you all the best in the new year.

Dream: Taylor Swift and Matthew Perry

Very cool dreams last night and a short OBE at the end. 🙂

Dream: Taylor Swift and Matthew Perry

The dream began at Taylor’s. I asked her if she had any time alone and/or privacy and sympathized with her for the lack of these things. It must be difficult having a private body guard and entourage all the time. She invited me to go to a bar with her and some friends. I agreed. Mostly I remember Taylor with her long, blonde hair at this time, not so much the others involved or the scene.

The entire time I was acutely aware of the age difference between myself and the rest of the group. There were approximately five of us total. There was me, Taylor, another girl and two men. One of the men had dark hair and was quite handsome in a kind of foreign or exotic way. The other one looked a whole lot like Matthew Perry. 

We all sat together having a good time. I specifically avoided drinking any alcohol and was proud of myself for it. The others had plenty to drink and didn’t seem to mind that I didn’t drink. During this time I mentioned the age difference, saying that I was almost twice their age at 42. This error registered to me but I couldn’t figure out why and never correctly identified it in the dream despite my suspicions it was wrong. I also wished I were young again and thought back on my twenties and thirties contemplating how I would do things differently if I could do it again. Mostly, I missed my youthful appearance but when I mentioned this, the others reassured me that I still looked great, much younger than I claimed to be. In fact, they didn’t believe me when I told them my age.

At one point we were all at a piano. I think the exotic looking man was going to play or sing. My memory is mostly of looking down at the piano keys. Just above them, on the top of the piano, was a small, blue pill that looked similar to a sweet tart. It was wrap in such a way that I recognized it as a drug. I hesitated, wanting to eat it but reminding myself that I don’t do drugs. Eventually, I did take it but I don’t remember if I ate it. The pill itself had writing on it. I think it said MDMA (ecstasy). 

It was getting late and the bar was about to close. I couldn’t believe how awake I was and mentioned to the group how I am usually in bed by 9pm. The topic of discussion went to that feeling of connection one has with their people. I casually mentioned that I felt it with the two men there. Again, age was discussed and I remember someone else being there who was not one of the group. He was a man who seemed to be in a haze or cloud within the dream. He explained to me something in images more than pictures. I saw a staircase heading up. On the steps were various people at different stages. He explained that the strongest connections would be with those who occupied the same step as I did. Eventually, though, they would leave or I would and we would no longer occupy the same step. The steps each represented spiritual progress. Spiritual maturity, varied and was not related to physical maturity/age. I remember thinking it made total sense. 

Next, I recall reaching across and taking one of the men’s hands and asking him to act from his heart. His demeanor immediately changed and he got emotional, as did I. I did this with the second man also but he hardened himself, becoming noticeably stiff. I just held his hand longer, looked him in the eyes and asked him to focus on his heart. When he softened up, I smiled, tearing up at the wave of emotion I felt from him. Again, the man outlined in a haze in the dream, spoke, reminding me that I had the ability to see deeply into others and not to forget it.

Before leaving, I went to the bathroom on the other side of the bar. When I got to it, there was no door, only a thick, curtain that came down once inside. There was an additional white sheet on the floor for further privacy which I picked up and tossed over the other one to fill in any gaps. I turned towards where the toilet should be (I saw none, though) and heard someone behind me. When I turned around, it was Matthew Perry. He looked just like the news images of him, older with a sagging jawline. He was completely naked and smiling. He alerted me to my nakedness by saying, “Whoa! You’re beautiful!” I hadn’t been aware of my nakedness until that point and became briefly self-conscious but then didn’t care. Proud of my body, I stood facing him and said, “Stop it! I’m trying to put on my bra!” 

Around this time I began to get a bit lucid, specifically because I was standing naked next to Matthew Perry and I knew he was dead. The two didn’t add up. Just as I was recognizing I was dreaming, the man in the haze replaced the entire dream in my mind’s eye. He began asking me questions, specifically about how I felt in that moment, standing there naked. I remember being reminded of other dreams where I proudly ran around naked and at one point had to have a sheet put over me and be told to be careful. Nakedness = vulnerability. I felt a familiar all-over body buzz with the memory as well as a sense of rightness; a Knowing that this was my true state. 

The questions continued but I can’t recall them now. Instead, my memory is mostly in images and considerations. I felt amazingly good and requested a return to sleep. Surprisingly, I did.

Short OBE

I entered a lucid dream where I was with a young boy wearing clothing that reminded me of Peter Pan. lol We were getting placed in a giant sling shot. I was super excited. A big hand placed us in the sling shot and then it was pulled back very slowly, building the anticipation. Then the hand let us go and off we went. I was laying on my back, head faced towards the unknown, flying high over a super blue ocean below. I could see both the sky and the ocean below at the same time (360 degree vision). I saw the young boy arch downwards towards the water, but me, being heavier, continued to move in a straight line. I remember thinking, “I am dreaming and this is awesome!” I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling of freedom in flight. Closing my eyes was probably the reason I came back to my body but I was still thrilled to have the experience.

Dream: Kundalini Heart Bliss Returns

I’ve had trouble sleeping for three nights in a row. Sigh. I can’t fall asleep, but eventually do, usually around midnight. Then, unfortunately, I wake around 4-4:30am and struggle to go back to sleep.

I came across an article that warning of coming solar flare activity. The image matched the dates I’ve been struggling with sleep.

Thankfully, it looks like they are calming down, so maybe I will get more than 5hrs of sleep tonight?

On the bright side, during my brief 4-5hrs of sleep last night, I had a wonderful dream.

Before I go into the dream, there is a backstory. As you may know from my previous posts, I’ve been in a kind of “pause” period with very little spiritual activity. The decline has been steady over the last 5-7 years since my Kundalini awakening in 2014-2017.

I’ve been asking for a return of the Kundalini energy, ideally the heart bliss because I’ve really missed it. Of all the amazing Kundalini energy I’ve experienced, the heart bliss is the absolute best. It makes everything….better. I feel Home. I feel completely open, vulnerable and connected to All. 

Dream: Kundalini Heart Bliss Returns

I entered into a dream where I was standing in front of a large, muddy, flooded pond. I was with someone and told them, “I bet you can catch a lot of fish here.” The water was muddy, though, so I thought to myself it may not be the best fishing just yet.

We walked along the side of the large pond towards another big pond in the distance. There was a single-wide mobile home with a chain link fence on our right. The pond came right up to the fence, threatening to flood the yard and home. The female owner of the mobile home was outside and I asked if she worried her home would flood. She said, “No” and pointed to how the home was up on blocks. 

A little boy came running up to the fence gate, opened it up and greeted me with a smile as if he knew me. He was around 3-4 years old with dark hair. It felt like I had brought my child to play with him but I’m not sure. I don’t remember who was with me so it could’ve been my son. 

I continued to walk towards the other pond. The scene changed as I walked and the open field with the ponds quickly turned into tree covered park. Behind me I heard a commotion and a teenage boy came running past. Someone had lost their dog. I walked back to check for it and discovered another dog who was quickly joined by the missing dog. Both dogs were inside a chain linked fence. I yelled back that their dog had returned. 

Turning back, I walked towards a large, VW-looking flat-front bus. Someone had fixed it up and it looked really nice, almost brand new. A man was standing near the rear of the vehicle and I went up to him and asked if it was his. He said it was and that he had fixed it up, a big, proud grin on his face. He had dark hair and a twinkle in his eyes. Something was familiar about him and, like the boy from earlier, I seemed to know him.

We walked around the bus, which had large windows all around. Parked inside I saw a very pricey, sports car. It seemed odd to me to have a car inside a bus and I asked him, “Why not put a bed there?” I sent him a visual of how it would look. 

The scene shifted. We were inside the bus and the man was laying on a bed. The sports car was gone. 

I stood next to him and we talked a while as if getting to know one another. He told me about graduating and going to college. Surprised at his age, I said, “You seem so young.” He replied, “Why does that (age) matter?” In that moment, my view shifted from him to myself and I could see what I looked like. I was female, darker skinned (mulatto), and older, possibly 40’s-50’s. There was an odd sense in this moment and I realized our appearances and everything around me were not what it seemed. 

The man told me that his parents encouraged him to take the bus to the “red light district”. There was a long period of silence. I asked him, “Is that what you want to do?” He seemed to indicate it was not. The sense I got from him was uncertainty. He wanted to make others happy and often did things he didn’t really want to do. 

Then we were closer. I was sitting on the bed next to him and could see he had a bandage on the right side of his face. His face was very clear in the dream but now I only recall it in general. He looked very similar to the Hispanic looking, dark haired man that use to visit me in the early years of my Kundalini awakening.

I can’t recall what we were talking about before, only that I felt a deep connection to the man. He seemed to be in the bed “recovering” and I greatly identified with his story. I remember trying to tell him what I was feeling but I got choked up. The words felt to stick in my threat. My heart was filling up slowly with heart bliss, bringing up a plethora of emotions and they were overtaking me. I did manage to choke out, “I don’t know…..I don’t know what is happening….to me…[long pause, intense emotion]…Can….Can I give you a hug?” He leaned toward me and we embraced. While in the embrace I began to cry – with relief, with joy, with excitement. I was Home.

I could sense the man felt the same. He pulled away slightly, just getting far enough away that our faces were inches apart. Then he kissed me. The pressure in my heart intensified, the emotion growing even more intense. 

It brought back memories of “before”; of when I had the heart connection/twin flame experience. But this time it was far more gentle and flowing. There was no panic. There was no resistance; no runner/chaser dynamic. Just full acceptance. But mostly there was a flood of intense relief and a Knowing in my heart that what I was experiencing was meant to be. I thought, “This is what I’ve been waiting for…” Unfortunately, I became too lucid and though I tried desperately to hold onto the dream, I came slowly back to body awareness. 

I heard my guide say matter-of-factly, “There you go.” 

My heart was still swirling with bliss as I replied, “I wanna go back. Please.” From there I drifed into the in-between a few times where I heard the name “John”. It could be my guide’s name as I’ve gotten that name many times in the past. 

Lucid K Dream: Teach Me?

I’m still considering a return to Costa Rica. Yesterday, I spoke with my SIL about it and she is happy to host me for as long as I need. She also has more cabanas available to choose from. One is located right on the beach! When I imagined returning to Costa Rica, I saw myself in a cabana on the beach, so I must have manifested it. 🙂 Her horse ranch is just across the road from the cabana, so I would still be close to her and the horses.

I still haven’t bought a ticket and made my trip official. I have some things to sort out first. If I do go, it looks like it will be around the first week in June.

Last night I was blessed with lucidity again. 🙂

Lucid K Dream: Teach Me?

I was at a school inside a brightly lit classroom. I wasn’t a teacher but seemed to be observing what was going on. It was either between classes or before or after school because there weren’t many students present and there was no formal teaching happening. Instead, the few inside were cleaning up and chatting. 

Exiting the classroom, I stood outside looking at student artwork on the walls. A particular piece caught my eye. It was just stick people and lines; very rudimentary. Yet, as I looked at it, a dot began to travel on its own around the paper. Curious, I looked closer, not believing my eyes. I inspected the piece, checking for abnormalities, but couldn’t find any.

A teacher passing by saw my interest. I told him it moved. He showed me how groves had been made in the cardboard backing to make it seem like it was moving on its own. He also laughed and said it was a particular student who liked playing pranks on people. This was just one example of how the student fooled around.

Still, though, I was suspicious. I thought for sure the school was haunted. 

I went home and climbed into my bed, pulling my covers securely around me. This is where I began to gain lucidity in the dream. Secure in my comfy bed, my thoughts were on the artwork, the boy and what I had just encountered at the school. 

To my surprise, I felt an hand softly touch me on the back and then an entire arm tucked itself under me. Someone was attempting to spoon with me. In that moment I knew: 1. I was in my bedroom, in my bed and 2. no one was in the bed with me, and 3. I must be dreaming. 

Not afraid at all, I turned to see who it was that had climbed into bed with me, thinking, “I want to know who’s there”. I was aware that my usual response to such things it to just lay still and see what, if anything happens. I didn’t want to do the “same ol’ thing”. To my surprise, a very bright-faced, white-blonde haired, young man sat up as I turned to confront him. He had a big smile on his face and his eyes were twinkling. I didn’t recognize him but figured he must be the student whose artwork had caught my attention earlier.

He communicated with me but all I recall are pictures and understanding. A visual of three images, side-by-side, came to my mind. It was somewhat similar to a slot machine in the way it was presented. I can’t recall the pictures but one represented the connecting/communicating via the internet and another was physical connection/communication. I can’t remember the third at all. Maybe spiritual communication? I was to select one. I picked the one on the far right. 

It was also communicated that this young man wanted me to teach him the ropes of sexual communication. Since he appeared far too young, which felt inappropriate, I asked him, “Make yourself 18 or older.” lol I can’t remember if he did or not. He then prepared himself, leaning down, his face aimed at my crotch. I laughed and told him, “Not like that.” He asked, “No?” as if he thought sex was done via the mouth. I pointed to his crotch, still amused. 

I then showed him how it was done and climbed onto his lap. All I recall from that point on is my chakras lighting up one after the other. When my third chakra lit up I felt the familiar energy of returning to my physical body. The energy lingered in my third chakra for some time after. 

Lightning Strike

I had an unexpected Kundalini dream. What is crazy about it is that it coincided with a thunderstorm.

Prior to falling asleep it was so quiet it was unsettling. I turned on some white noise to help me fall asleep. It was “the quiet before the storm” – literally. 

Dream – Acceptance

This dream was very complex in that there were multiple layers to it. What I mean by this is that several dreams occurred simultaneously creating a layered effect. Typically I only experience two layers – one where I am in a discussion with a guide/assistant and another the visuals that accompany it creating the main dream experience. Because of the many layers, my recall is limited and so I will focus on the part I recall most vividly.

I am in my bedroom. A friend is visiting. He is not suppose to be there. I feel like a teenager who snuck my boyfriend in. We are kneeling side-by-side on the floor with our forearms resting on the bed. We are talking and laughing and generally very physically close. There is a great sense of comfort and ease I’ve rarely felt in this life. 

At one point he gets up and walks across the room. I realize quickly it is because my mom has called out to me and he is checking the door. I observe his appearance and notice he resembles someone I once dated. Yet he is most definitely not that person. The real face of my friend shifts into the face of my ex over and over as if to get my attention. I realize I don’t care what he looks like. What matters is his soul; his energy. The moment I have this realization is very prominent in the dream.

My friend takes me to the door and opens it. He invites me to go inside. When I approach the door, it changes into to a metal door, that opens into a vault. I step inside and find myself in a golden hued room. On the ground at my feet are hundreds of unopened letters from my friend.

Vaguely, I recall discussing a gift he once gave me. He asked me if I had forgotten about it. He turns towards a table. Sitting on top of it is a small box that looks like it might contain jewelry. He opens the box and dumps the contents into his hand. He extends his closed hand towards me and opens it. I see three small, sparkly hearts in the palm of his hand. They are chocolates coated in “diamond” sugar. His gift is priceless. I remember feeling pleased and grateful for the gift. I had forgotten about it.

There is physical interference at this point. The thunder from the storm briefly pulls me out of my dream but doesn’t wake me. I can sense the lightening flashing and feel the rumble of the thunder throughout the rest of the dream.

Then we are sitting close together, intertwined, our shoulders touching. We are facing one another. His chin is tucked up against my shoulder. I gently slide my finger up his spine from his shoulder blades to the nape of his neck. When I do this, I feel what he feels. He enjoys the sensation, as do I, but when he looks at me I feel a spark of desire. In that moment, I see a flash of lightning and am overcome with ecstasy. The feeling shoots through me and I melt, completely incapacitated by it. I remember thinking, “This will surely kill me.” I swear I hear a reply: “No.” I wake up. The lightning is still flashing and I hear thunder rumbling all around me.

I relish the lingering ecstasy. It has been so long! I say, “thank you”. 

I fall back into the in-between. The “dream” continues but feels present in physicality. I can feel my friend close, just like in the dream. Our foreheads are touching and he begins to whisper to me as his lips lightly brush mine. He says one word at a time. I only remember a few: slow, gentle, patient. With each word I am overcome with the same ecstasy as before, only it is centered in my core rather than rising up from my root. It spreads outward and I melt into it. 

I want to open fully to the energy but am distracted. It is so HUGE. I feel certain it will kill me. I hear that it most definitely will not. I am told what I am feeling is ME. 

Eventually, I ask to return to sleep because I can’t sleep. The energy is too distracting. Thankfully, my request is granted.

This song was on my mind throughout the night:

Answer Received

The Lightning Strike played yesterday. I barely noticed it, but when I did, I remember thinking, “Hmmm, interesting.” 

I asked to be shown in my dreams how to resolve my current life issues.

Dreams

Lots and lots of dreams. The answer to my question was answered.

Avoidance

This dream is difficult to recall in full because it was one of the first of the night. What I remember most vividly is trying to avoid running into a certain man who seemed to be following me. The avoidance came in the form of hiding, sneaking around and even running. I was conversing with someone, probably a guide, throughout. Again, no memory of what was discussed, just a sense that it was about the situation playing out in the dream. 

I woke from the dream knowing instantly who it was I was running from and having vivid recall of what he looked like in the dream. 

Not My Dream

I was with a man in a white sedan. He was short, with light brown hair, deep seated smile lines and a eyes that had a sparkle to them. I liked him and trusted him. We were both in the front seat of a the car with the seats fully reclined. I was in the driver’s seat. The car wasn’t driving but flying very quickly. I could see the scenery blurring by, the colors mixing to create a spectacular visual that reminded me of time travel or interdimensional travel. 

I turned to the man and asked, “So this is how you do it?” “It” here meant going with the flow, letting life take the lead and letting go of control. He laughed and confirmed. I knew, at this point, I was dreaming but it wasn’t my dream, it was his. Perhaps this is why I didn’t become lucid? 

I pulled up and away, discarding the perspective from inside the car, and saw us both from above. We were laying down in the car. The car was driving itself across a vast blue that reminded me of an ocean, but it was some kind of bridge, or at least that is how I perceived it. I could see the colors swirling around our tiny bodies in the car.

Shifting my perspective back “down”, I experienced a strange sense of becoming very small. It was almost disorienting but it didn’t bother me. I asked the man, “Are we little now?” I don’t remember his response but I think he confirmed with a laugh.

Eventually we stopped moving, but the vivid colors still swirled around us. It was as if we were both inside a tube of some kind. The man was laying beside me, just like he had been in the car. A blue “blanket” of color rested over the top of us. The man began to shift his position from beside me to on top of me. I saw his face clearly in this moment but I didn’t recognize him as anyone I’d seen before. A rush of energy hit my heart and core. It was magnificent and I sighed with relief, fully ready for what would come next. Unfortunately, I woke up.

Another Life

I was a mother. The connection I had with my son was beyond beautiful. It was a familiar connection – a heart connection. The dream began with me seeing my son at around the age of 18. My heart overflowed with love. 

When I looked at him, I recalled my life with him. The memories came all at once, mostly intensely powerful feelings, feelings a mother should not have for her son. So, it is no surprise that I struggled internally, wanting to be more than a mother to him. Yet, the feeling was not sexual, but rather a deep desire to be as close to him as possible. The magnetic quality made it very difficult to resist hovering and I became extremely possessive of him and my time with him. It wasn’t a jealous possessiveness but more a protectiveness.

My son was in the process of saying goodbye. He was leaving home for college. The pain I felt is indescribable. It was like my heart was being ripped out. I didn’t want him to leave. Even as he looked at me with eyes full of love and understanding, my heart was hurting. There are no words to describe the pain. I wanted nothing more than for him to stay with me – forever. I knew he wouldn’t because what I wanted, what we both wanted, was not allowed. A mother and a son cannot be together like that. 

I began to cry and my son looked at me, his eyes full of compassion and love. He said, “You don’t have to cry.” I replied, “I don’t want you to leave.” The split feeling I experienced was excruciating. 

Message: Finish What You Started

I woke, tears in my eyes, my heart filled with a familiar pain mixed with a powerful love. I had complete understanding of what had just happened. What I was seeing was another life. I don’t think it was a past life, but a future one. What the me in that life had to go through was torture. The heart connection is beyond powerful. It was difficult enough for me to experience it in this life, but to spend 18 very close years as mother and son, and then the rest of my life, with a heart connection, wanting a relationship that could never be, THAT is beyond torture. OMG, how cruel!

I didn’t see beyond that point in time. My guess is the torture would lead me to killing myself. That is what happened in other lifetimes I’ve recalled with my heart connection. I couldn’t take it. It was just too much.

My son in that life was less conflicted than me. He understood that love like ours was special and he didn’t grieve like I did. He knew that no matter where we were, how far apart or how long we were separated, that our love would remain. Yet he still felt pain at our situation. Not only did he feel his pain, but mine, too.

To think that after this lifetime, which has been challenging enough, I have plans to further challenge myself in such a way, is beyond crazy. It definitely puts things in perspective. At least in this life I’m not plagued with guilt about incestual relations! lol

The feelings from the above dream remained for some time. It became clear that part of the message “turn around” has to do with revisiting the heart connection experience. The lessons related to that connection from this lifetime will impact the next. I can’t escape it. 

To return to that lesson, to open up my heart and feel the total decimation again, well that would take tons of courage. I’m not sure I have that kind of courage. Yet, if I am able to overcome and move through the pain, what lies beyond feels magnificent. I think, though, it means making some difficult choices. 

Can I go with the flow like in the second dream? Or will I keep running, avoiding the pain like in the first dream? One thing is clear, when I woke this morning I was relieved. Relieved because, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel numb inside. Feeling my heart blast open, even though muted, made me feel alive. I would rather feel alive, even if it is riddled with pain, than dead. I am tired of feeling dead. 

Dream Message: The Walls will Crumble

It has been a while but I finally had some vivid, memorable and informative dreams.

Dream: Laughing Over the Hill

The dream is fuzzy but I remember walking along a long, paved road in the country towards a town in the distance. The road (life path) had no lines on it and it was very straight with only a slight rise in slope as it progressed towards the town. I couldn’t see the town, though, all I saw was a glimmer of sunlight in the distance like a sunrise or sunset.

I walked off the road at some point and walked along a path that had handrails along it. I began to run and ran through some trees to where there was an very steep drop to a vast green field. I ran into the field, arms wide, feeling freedom and relief. The grass was a pale green and tall, up to my knees. It was a soft, pastel green, that soothed my soul (healing).

I was about halfway into the field when I stopped, looked up at the complex and lost my breath. It was so massive that it intimidated me. It looked alien and somewhat military, but I didn’t know what it was. The combination of the massive structure and vast, endless sky overwhelmed me. There was a fleeting thought that someone would soon become aware of my presence and I didn’t want to find out what they might do about it. Feeling quite exposed, I turned back towards the tree line. When I got there, I lay down in the green grass, arms and legs splayed, waiting for the sun to rise. 

With the trees just behind me, I waited there, and saw a glimmer of orange in the sky indicating the sun was soon to rise. A song was in my head and I sang aloud, feeling happy and relaxed. The sun rose in front of my eyes and the murky twilight was chased away by its rays. 

A man’s voice broke the silence and I sat up, still humming the song. I don’t remember seeing him, just hearing him. He was asking me a question, but I can’t remember it now. I got up, sensing he was a groundskeeper or caretaker of the property, and walked up to the tree line.

From there the dream shifts and I am talking with a woman about the complex. I don’t know if it is the massive one I saw or another one. It felt like a museum but also a place of learning. I walked along the railed paths and saw children. Was it a school? I remember discussing this. I recall thinking of my children and smiling to myself. It is such a great joy to watch them learn and grow.

The topic of the song I had been singing came up. It is hard to recall now but I remember singing it and it had “fa la la”. When I woke up this morning I had an old song on my mind from my childhood.

“Laughing singing, laughing singing, come the children over the hill. Fa la, la la la, la la la la, Ha, Ha, Ha, laughing over the hill.”

Dream: College Discussion

I was with a young man inside a space like a room. We were discussing completing degrees and he was doing his online. I remember happily asking him questions and he informed me that he was taking his classes from a school in Indiana while he was residing in another state. He was where I was so in the dream I assumed he resided in the same state as me. I told him that, unlike him, I went to the state where my college was located and completed my degree there. This was the entire dream and it seemed like I was communicating that there are two ways to learn – from a distance or in-person. I had selected in-person. This disccussion was a reminder that I chose to come to Earth to do “hands-on” learning.

Dream Message: Crumble Down

This dream was nearly lucid. 

First, there was a dream prior to the most lucid part. In it I was inside a house looking out massive floor-to-ceiling windows. It was clear that I was high up. I had a phone in my hand and was trying to take pictures and video (seeking to recall info) but when I turned on the camera and pointed the phone at what I wanted to record the screen showed something very different from what I was looking at. Instead I saw the inside of a house, but not the house or apartment I was in. I turned to check and sure enough it was not accurate to where I was located.

I fiddled with the phone and opted to just look through the camera into this other place. I saw the back of someone’s head. The hair was blonde and cut short and they felt to be a young man, maybe a teenager. I looked around via the camera and saw a modern kitchen with straight lines and white cabinets and counter tops. I walked up to where the counter was and moved something to use as a test, a package of food like bread I think. I tried to take a photo and couldn’t, even when I flipped the camera around. 

Then the young man I had seen in the screen was next to me and we began to interact. We walked along a covered path that ran along vast fields of various crops. There was wheat and another, fat leafed crop I didn’t recognized. I remember planting seeds (creation) in the areas where the crops had not flourished and coming back around to check on them after some time had passed. They hadn’t grown as much as I had liked and I touched the soil. One section was moist but not the other. The areas also didn’t get as much sun as they should. I concluded the seeds were not getting enough of what they needed to grow (lack of energy, growth).

Then we were back inside. The blonde man was with me but so were some younger children. The topic of accidentally seeing a sibling naked (vulnerable, open) came up. With the discussion came visuals and memories of me trying to hide my nakedness. I remember saying that at some point I just stopped caring if anyone saw me naked. There was a feeling with saying this, like relief and utter lack of concern, that seemed to opened me up to the shift that came next.

I was laying prone (face down) on a table, completely naked. I could feel a pleasant massaging of my back. It was slow and sensual and every touch relaxed me more. It was warm but the touch was not like normal touch. Instead it was energetic, as if each touch was opening up a new part of my energy body, allowing the energy to flow fully into places that once had restricted flow. I could feel the energy, but only slightly, as if it was muted.

While laying there I got flashes of the person providing me with this massage. I cannot recall his features now but he was not familiar to me. He had large, brown eyes and was quite thin. I want to say his skin was darker than mine, but it is hard to say. 

We were talking and I called him by name: John. What he told me I repeated aloud to myself. When I repeated his words there was a visual. I could see myself as if I was watching from over the top of my prone body. I could see that I was completely naked and I could see walls all around me. The walls were silvery and translucent and were not very high, only about a foot higher than my body. With the words I spoke I saw all the walls crumble down, outlining my body in a silvery dust. The words are lost to me, unfortunately, but there were three sentences. The feeling upon waking was that something would happen that would make it impossible for me to keep those walls in place. When they fell, they would all crumble at the same time. 

When I saw/said this, I shifted my awareness back to the me laying on the table. I had a strong urge to turn around and look at the man helping me. The urge made me want to give back to him what he was giving me. The sense of the energy was familiar and magnetic but also very gentle and loving. My entire body felt alive with this energy. Had I felt it fully it most definitely would’ve woken me. 

As it was, the energy was strong enough that my lucidity peaked and I lingered in the in-between for a bit. The man’s voice was with me in the in-between and I called him John again. He explained that all it would take was one “touch” and my walls would fall. With his words there was a sense that I have had before. When it happens I energetically open up, completely vulnerable and all defenses vanish. I’ve experienced this before. It is the most beautiful thing. There are no words to describe it.

Considerations

The above dreams together seem to indicate several things. One, I desire freedom but something is holding me back; I am afraid. Two, my path of learning is a hands-on, in-person one. Three, I am being asked to change my focus (the camera dream). Four, I am being warned that at some point in the future I will encounter someone or something that will break through my defenses. 

When I woke I lingered in bed feeling really groggy. I had a visual of myself once again. In it, I was laying in a fetal position and thought to myself, “I’m in a cocoon.” The walls from the dream are my protection. My Knowing tells me I’ve been in this state for some time and that it is purposeful. There is nothing wrong with it. I will emerge at exactly the right time.

Dream: Dark Spirit

In the middle of reading a book I heard, very clearly, “It will be over soon.” No connection remained after so there was no reply when I asked, “What will?”

My best guess is the message was referring to my sciatica pain, which despite feeling 80% better, returns in the evenings down the back of my left thigh. If not that, then who knows? There are many things that could end. Everything changes all the time. Endings are part of the cycle of life.

Not long after the message I read a paragraph in my book that caught my attention. It was a description of telepathy and how, once you’ve experienced it, the sound of words is almost painful as is the waiting patiently for the words to complete. 

From “Thrive” by Kenneth Oppel

The book is not one I would normally read. It is on the middle school reading list and my oldest son chose it to do his summer reading project. After reading the first book in the trilogy, he told me he wanted to read the other two. Intrigued because he usually hates reading, I decided to read the books, too. They are quite enjoyable and I feel no shame in reading a book written for youth. I’ve read many such books in my 13+ years of teaching – The Giver, the Twilight Trilogy, the Shadow and Bone Trilogy and The Hunger Games, etc. All great books, BTW.

My dreams continue to be memorable and varied. 

Dream: Dark Spirit

I was with someone walking along a residential street. We came upon a house that had a glass wall in the front yard perpendicular to the sidewalk. Beyond the wall was an empty pool with a slide angling down below the foundation of the house. 

We met the owner who said she was in the process of repairing the pool. I recall either going into the pool or watching someone do so. I followed the slide down into the house where it ended in the living area. The entire house had slides between rooms, most not water slides. This concept delighted me. How wonderful to slide your way from room to room.

Sitting in the living area with the woman and some others, the subject of mediumship was brought up. It felt like I was being asked to do a reading for the woman. So, I gave her the info of the woman in Spirit who was with her. I can’t recall the info now but it was very specific. The woman was pleased and indicated it was the individual she was seeking. 

From this point the dream gets energetically darker. The woman in Spirit began to act strangely and became quite forceful with her telepathic communication with me. It escalated quickly despite my asking Spirit to back down. The others in the room began to look fearful because they also noticed the shift. It became clear to me that this Spirit was not who she claimed.

I put protection around myself while ordering the Spirit to leave. This woke me up and I put protection around myself as I lay in bed, just in case. Mediumship has been coming up in my dreams quite a bit lately and one woman in Spirit had been quite persistent. 

No Good or Bad, Just Experience

It occurred to me that perhaps there had been Spirit interfering with my life, purposefully trying to shake the boat in whatever way they could. How many messages, dreams, and experiences have been the result of such encounters? And then I considered perhaps some in Spirit were actually assigned with the task of shaking things up, pranking those in human bodies to purposefully make this experience more challenging. It was/is very likely this is the case. 

Considering there is really no “good or bad”, just experience, and what I have been told in the past, it is very possible that our “guides” are being “naughty” in exactly the way we have requested. This life experience is just a theatrical performance; a game with assigned roles, setting, storyline and plot. I have been told on many occasions, especially when feeling overwhelmed by guilt for being “bad”, that helping others does not always mean playing the role of the “good guy”. It can also be doing something otherwise considered “bad” at the request of the other. These “bad” experiences help them learn and evolve and, in this way, we are helping them and fulfilling a “contract”. 

Rather than be upset that I have most likely been on the receiving end of many such pranks, I just sighed and returned to sleep. What can I do about it except smile and see the humor in it all? It does me no good to be overly serious.