Lesson: Handling the Gossip Cycle

Today I was reminded of a visit not long ago by my MIL’s sister and husband. They traveled from Connecticut and hung out at our home for quite a while. They brought with them maple syrup they harvested and made themselves. They also often makes jams and jellies and give them to us, though they didn’t bring any this time.

While they visited I noticed an energy coming from my MILs sister. She seemed extremely judgmental and critical toward me. She made several comments asking why I was doing something or implying that I was wrong to do something. One of the things she was really judgmental about was that I did not immediately open her maple syrup but put it in the cabinet and got out the syrup we had already opened. She said something like, “Why would you do that (not open it)?” and I told her we already had one opened that I did not want to spoil. My husband then took the syrup from her and opened it and said, “Of course we will use it”. The energy from him was judgmental, too, like he was saying to me, “How could you be so rude?”

She made other little comments throughout the visit and I could tell she just didn’t like me. I could read from her energy that she came to my house with an pre-formed opinion of me. She got the opinion from my MIL who told her during frustrated moments this or that about me, all negative. The energy read was so obvious in my recollection, but at the time it was received all at once, an onslaught of criticism and blame that I was unable to process or understand.

Though I did not confront the woman or my MIL about what I was sensing, I later told my husband what I sensed and what I believed the source was. He believed it was likely true based upon how his mother operates. Actually, at the time, I was not concerned if she liked me or not. This is my normal take with people. They can take me as I am or shove it. lol If she wanted to base her idea of me as a person on what another person said, she could and it was her loss.

So this memory comes to me out of the blue while making birthday breakfast for my son (Happy 3rd birthday Elek!). With it comes an understanding that I have been learning this lesson for some time. What is the lesson? That what we say about another person and the energy that goes with it is easily and sometimes eagerly adopted by others. Gossip is what it is called but it has many forms, and the phrase, “What goes around comes around” completely applies.

I recalled that when I was younger and something happened, someone made me mad or hurt me, that my first urge was to find someone close to me and bitch about it and the person. Rather than talk to the person directly, I took the coward’s path and released my frustrations with a “trusting” friend or family member. This is all my MIL did (does). She doesn’t like confrontation so when she is hurt or upset by something I do, she finds someone she trusts and tells them all about it. It is like a regurgitation or puking of all the emotions and energy she is holding of the event and person. The person who is listening wants to help, so often they agree with whatever they are told and tend to add fuel to the fire by adding their agreement. They will say, “Oh yes, how awful! How could you be around someone like that!?” Their agreement makes the other person feel heard, justified and right in their decision to talk to the trusted friend/family.

What should the person who is being told this information say to avoid this pattern, this cycle of negative and destructive energy? They should acknowledge the other person first – Yes, I can see how that would upset you. Then, rather than going into agreement with them, they should encourage the other person to work it out with the person that caused them the upset – Why don’t you talk to so and so? Maybe there is more to the situation than you know? Maybe you could work it out? 

I saw how I do this very thing with my mother – both as the person venting their frustrations and the person on the receiving end (that trusted friend/family). I use to use my mom to vent about my sisters and husband all the time. She in turn did the same with me. We would bounce the energy back and forth. I didn’t think anything of it until I lived on family land and had family all around me, family who often clashed. My sister being one of those individuals, it got pretty negative. I struggled to contain my upset and to not judge, but kept being sucked in. I couldn’t understand how this kept happening but then I realized that it was because my Mom was coming to me to vent and I was agreeing with her because of my own upset with my sister. This was fueling the conflict and causing stress on the family, not to mention me. I was haunted by the nasty feelings I was having and wanted them to stop. When I saw the cause I started saying to my mom, “Why don’t you talk to her?” rather than sharing my own upset and adding to the negative energy. Eventually I told her, “I don’t want to hear your complaints about her anymore. If you have an issue you need to go to her. What you decide to do is up to you. It is your choice. I am sure you will figure it out.” And I stepped back and walked away from the whole situation. It was hard. I lived in the middle of it all, literally feet from both of them. I felt some agony at letting it go, but once I did I was no longer affected. My mom made her decision (which I knew she would) and then learned the hard way. I had known what was coming. I wanted to help, to keep a bad situation from becoming worse. Unfortunately, when one is too overly involved, “help” can have the opposite affect.

Now it is happening again. I am seeing the same drama playing out. I am seeing my mom invite into her life the same upset she let in three years ago. I sense from her the need to have agreement from me. In fact, she jumped at telling me about it just to have the agreement. I fell for it, somewhat, but stopped short and said to her, “It is your decision. You do what you feel is best.” I have stepped back and now I wait. I am grateful to not be living so close anymore.

Unfortunately, my mom’s complaints about my sister were already heard and my agreement was already added to that. I got pulled in. Again. That is why I was reminded of my MIL’s sister. I got to personally experience the end phenomena of such interactions. Who knows what judgments I have caused other people to have about my sister. I know for certain that my mother and cousin have been affected by my agreement with them. My husband probably, too as well as my daughter.

In considering this, I am asked, “What are your true feelings toward your sister? Want do you want other people to think about her? Now that you see the cycle, have experienced all sides, what do you feel is the best way to resolve such situations?”

My true feelings? I love my sister. I want other people to love her, too. I don’t want them to think the worst about her when they are with her. I don’t want the first things to come to mind about her to be soaked in negative energy. Negativity feeds off negativity. It grows. The same is true for positivity.

There is a part of me that says about my sister, “I love her…..BUT she should not be allowed to get away with what she is doing! She should be punished!” I recognize this is the part of me that seeks to be right. I see the patterns stemming all the way back from our childhood. So many things she did to me and I did to her. Back and forth. Repeating. Yuck.

Others seek agreement. They want to be right when they feel wronged. It is human nature but it is not productive.

I am reminded of how I handled a work situation way back in 2009. I had a boss who I disliked but really there was no reason why I should dislike her. I began to observe others and my interactions with them and how they added to my dislike of my boss. I saw how others came to me to complain and how I agreed. Then I began to look at my boss as if I had never met her and had never heard anything about her. I saw her differently. I saw a person who had admirable qualities. I saw the positive more than the negative. When I realized she was not the “bad” person I was led to believe, I began to defend her when others came to me to bitch or gossip about her. I began to say positive things about her as well. I noticed they stopped coming to me. lol Eventually I began to only receive positive information and energy about her from others. Eventually my boss began to talk to me more and was more friendly.

This is how you handle negative situations involving “gossip”. Family or friends or coworkers, it doesn’t matter, though family can be especially difficult. It really is all a cycle of energy. You can feed whichever kind of energy you like, but be sure it will come back to you and affect you the same.

I’m lucky I don’t care what other people think of me (maybe too much) else I probably would have had a much more difficult time with this lesson! Ha!

 

Dream: Dynamite

I’ve been unable to fall asleep at night the past few nights. It has been taking me an hour at least. Last night I decided to use the time and meditate on the lotus like in the book by Gopi Krishna. When I did I saw the flower in my mind’s eye but then it burst into a purple light like it was on fire.

Unfortunately, I was unable to remain focused for long. My mind wanders and I end up in a dream sequence in the in-between. I need to practice it more because I think it would help me to keep my mind focused so that when the Kundalini hits I can focus through it like Gopi did.

Dream: Dynamite

I was choosing clothes for school. I woke early and selected a pair of light blue jeans and then began to put on shoes that resembled red pleather Allstars. The shoes laces took a long time to lace and one had over abundant laces (the left one) while the other had too much lace on the left and not enough on the right. I eventually gave up and took them off realizing I didn’t want to wear bright red shoes. I recall selecting pink socks and then putting on my black, short boots.

When I went to school it was a massively huge building and I remember relating it to a school I knew from my past which was known for gang activity and bullying. I entered the building and ran into other kids but kept to myself. I remember meeting a boy who resembled Fred Savage (The Wonder Years) when he was a teenager. The boy was very interested in me but I wanted nothing to do with him so I ignored him and turned my back on him.

Then I was walking toward the end of the building to my class. When I met my teacher he looked like the grown version of Fred Savage and again I rejected him. He felt to be super interested in me, his energy needy. I remember him showing me the project we had been working on. I picked up what looked like a firecracker, you know the big M80? I lit it and it began to light up and remained lit with sparks flying off of it. It never blew up but resembled a flare instead. I remember thinking of the M80s as “dynamite”. There were pairs of these fireworks lined up along the base of what looked like a tall, pyramid shaped object. It was black and resembled a volcano. Three pairs on the left and three pairs on the right following the triangular base. All of the six pairs were lit and sparking but I began to blow them out despite the man asking me not to. He was begging me to stop, putting his hands in the way to keep me from blowing them out. I remember being angry at him for his interference and placing blame.

Eventually I left and walked down a long, very clean, white hallway. I was talking to a woman about picking up my son and how tired I was but that I needed to get groceries after school/work. We stopped in front of a machine that scanned the woman I was with. I froze wondering what was going on. She told me it was an ATM machine and this was how it recognized whose account to withdraw funds from. I was fascinated but knew it only worked for set amounts, specifically for $20 bills.

We entered another hallway and the woman went on her way. I recognized a friend making photocopies. When I went up to her I dropped a box I had been carrying that was full of supplies. Something broke that was organic in nature.

fred-savage

Fred Savage 

Interpretation

When I woke I knew the firecrackers/dynamite represented the lighting of the Kundalini and the pairs were representative of the masculine and feminine. The Fred Savage looking guy was my masculine side. I recall him being chubby and this was a turn off for me. Then again, I don’t find Fred Savage particularly attractive anyway. lol

It appears there is a rejection of the masculine occurring in my currently. I’m not sure if my rejection of the firecrackers is positive or negative,though. It seems there is a rejection of the K energy. I don’t want it to rise like it has in the past. Perhaps I’ve had enough of its distraction?

Overall my dreams seem to indicate the potential for dramatic change fast approaching, a change I don’t want and am resisting.

Symbolism

Red – intense emotion, anger, passion, impulsiveness.

Shoes – my approach toward life. Changing my approach.

Shoelaces (tying) – preparing to move forward, take on a challenge.

Uneven shoelaces – the left is longer than the right, the feminine/masculine unbalanced, more focus on feminine.

Socks – flexibility, being more understanding of others and situations.

Dynamite – danger, a significant change is approaching and there may be a situation that blows up.

Volcano – unable to control emotions, if dormant then the emotions are under control but there is significant danger that it will erupt and be damaging and hurtful to others.

Pyramid – major changes will occur in short period of time.

ATM – desires for financial security.

Groceries – need for something in life, feeling something is missing.

Lessons

There was a whole dream sequence about my mom buying a single wide mobile home and putting it in the front of her yard. It was specifically meant for my sister’s family because they are unable (unwilling IMO) to provide for themselves and their son. They use their son to manipulate others into helping them and use their felony records as excuses as to why they can’t keep up with their bills.

This dream is a reflection of what is currently going on and how I feel about it. I don’t want to visit my mom’s house anymore because it now is mixed with the energy of my sister’s family and her husband especially has erratic energy/mood. My mom’s home no longer feels like the sanctuary it once was to me. I also have feelings of anger toward my sister for taking advantage of my mom, making the choices she does, and purposefully asking for handouts rather than working for herself to earn a living.

As I was thinking of the situation, my guidance said to me, “How’s what she is doing different from what you are doing?” This put me in my place fast. I am choosing not to work and living off my husband. He is okay with providing for me. It is no different from my sister not working and my mom choosing to provide for her. Perfect example of how the judgments we make about others are really reflections of our own self-loathing. More contemplation will come from this I am sure.

Vision

Speaking of self-loathing, I had a vision of looking in the mirror at my reflection. I took a razor blade and began to cut my face purposefully. I made vertical cuts every inch or so until cuts covered my entire face. When it healed the scarring made my face looked striped. It resembled bars, like a jail cell. My reaction to this was just curiosity and there was a feeling of gratification which was odd, like I was making a work of art out of my face.

Message: Risk and Aliveness

This morning I awoke feeling discouraged. Unsure what exactly had occurred in my sleep, I sat down to document yet another dream but felt little motivation to do so. As I began to type a message came through from my guidance (Council). It surprised me and brought on emotion toward the end because I have been feeling distanced from them.

You may be feeling a bit lost right now, stuck in between the beginning of a new chapter in your life and the end of an old one. This transition is necessary and though you may feel not to be moving or making much progress, there is so much more occurring under the surface of this change than you realize. 

It is in moments such as these that allowance is your best friend. Accept that you are in this transition stage; that you are not yet ready to begin the next chapter despite feeling restless and wanting to do so this very moment. We would suggest to be patient, but we know how you despise that word for it has been used against you by those you love for their own purposes this entire lifetime. So rather than go in that direction, we ask that you use this time to reflect on your most recent past experiences so that you can better understand their impact upon your life and your progress through it. How did the experience surprise you? How did it disappoint you? What is it about the experience that causes you to return to it over and over in your mind? What are you looking for? 

Sometimes it is difficult to let go of an especially interesting adventure in this plane of existence. The mystery, the suspense, the drama of such experiences hold our attention much like a movie does for the viewer except that when one is immersed in such an experience it is more alluring and captivating. Even the less palatable portions of the experience entice one to continue to explore and participate. It is your very nature that causes you to delight in these experiences for this why you are here – to experience the very extremes of this plane of existence. So in knowing that, in recognizing this very truth, there should be no regret, no despair at the apparent loss of such experiences for they served their purpose and you took advantage when you could very well have turned away when the opportunity was presented. 

So celebrate your success in taking the plunge when so often you choose not to. In doing so you chose to live when so often you exchange living for the familiar and the safe. In security there is little growth. Growth comes from challenge; from tasting the extremes of existence. Growth does not result from sameness. Sameness results only in stagnation. 

As Spirit participating in this human game-experience the struggles are real. We do not question that nor disagree with your complaints, which are frequent and quite liberal we must add. We only ask that you step back occasionally and view your experiences as they are rather than from the human perspective which is your tendency. The human perspective is so limited. It sees only what fuels its underlying purpose: Serve self. S(s)elf-service is not bad for it is through the self (in contrast to the Self) that one experiences the extremes of this plane most profoundly.  If you could instead view this life from the perspective of Self, then you would understand with clarity what is derived from the experience. The complete picture is vastly different from the little picture of which is your primary focus. 

We understand and do not expect you to take on the perspective of the Self continuously. In fact, it would be impossible for you to do so without undermining the self completely and thus losing your humanity in the process. The point is not to toss away, destroy or utterly decimate the human self to the point of non-function. No. If you considered this to be the case you have fooled yourself and become disillusioned and drawn into the game to your own detriment. The self must be contained but not destroyed. Self and self are meant to work together, not separate but not inseparable. They are companions on this journey through life, assisting one another, giving each the other’s perspective so as to enhance the total experience. Each provides the other with a lens through which to see life – one in black and white, the other in full HD color. 

The FULL life experience is waiting for you. It always has been. The task now is to grab hold of it, live it fully without restraint. Life lived does not mean risk in the sense that you are risking your life, but it does take risk to step away from that which is comfortable. Risk here invites loss and often this side of risk is all that one sees. Loss and failure is in fact all that the self sees when it considers taking a risk. Yet risk also invites success, excitement, jubilation. This is what the Self sees – the possibilities and living innate in taking a risk. Risk places you in the middle of success and failure and offers no guarantees. It exposes the taker revealing their underlying vulnerability, an uncomfortable truth the self doesn’t want to see.

We are not implying that inviting risk into your life experience is an easy task. However, consider how you have experienced risk in your life thus far. Risk that is thrust upon you by life circumstance, seemingly not of your making and out of your control, is often the kind of risk encountered by the self. This is risk wearing the mask of no-responsibility. The self claims no-responsibility. It says, “I didn’t choose this. I had to do it. I was forced to do it.”

But what if risk was a fully conscious choice? How then might it be perceived? Add conscious choice to your risk taking and suddenly its personality transforms. Risk become adventure. Excitement. A game. It becomes Life. It brings A-Life – Aliveness.

We brought this message to you this morning because you have been struggling. Sameness bothers you. You rebel against it. You always have. Yet you find yourself immersed in sameness, trapped by it (your words). You try to convince yourself that sameness is good, that you can overcome it merely by accepting it fully as a permanent condition of this lifetime. But sameness doesn’t have to be permanent and you don’t have to accept it as your life. 

As always we invite you to consider what we have said without imposition. You have been gifted with free will. We only encourage you to use it. 

 

 

 

Dreams – Lost, Attacked and Reviewing Life Decisions

The geomagnetic storm continued through the night and is currently still in the yellow. Though I am not experiencing any physical symptoms – feeling super good actually – my sleep was majorly affected. We had a massive thunderstorm move through Central Texas last night around 2am. It sounded like a hurricane outside the winds were so high. I couldn’t get back to sleep after it woke me up and when I did I had weird, even scary, dreams that kept waking me up afterward.

Dream: Lost and Attacked

The dream began inside my old middle school, in a classroom that was my homeroom in 7th grade. There was a teacher who was also my peer telling me that she had to take a teaching job to pay off her $40k student debt. I was shocked that she had gotten so into debt from college. I counted myself blessed to have only had to pay off an $8k debt and told her about how my sister and her husband wracked up $30k in debt because they used the loans to live off of.

At some point the woman left and I sat in the teacher’s desk looking at books on a shelf behind it. One was a dream dictionary focusing specifically on anxiety dream symbolism. Curious, I flipped through the book and read through the examples of different anxiety dreams and how they manifested. One particular dream type associated with anxiety dreams were guide-led dreams where there was direct interaction and/or communication with one or more guides. I read it and said to my guidance, “Those kinds of dreams account for more than half of my dreams.” Then I thought about it and said to them, “But I’m not typically anxious, especially right now.”

I should have seen this reference as a clue of what was to come. Ha!

The next thing I know I am driving along city streets in my old SUV.  I hear a familiar song playing and the words, “Everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.” Looking ahead I seem to know where I am going and am focused and reassured. However, the road soon begins to look unfamiliar to me. Did I miss my turn? I saw the road ended ahead of me. There was a barricade marked with a big red X. I didn’t know what else to do but keep going so I went into the parking lot the road ended at. It was the parking lot of a college campus I think, but it was very dark and no lights were on.

I park my car but am completely confused. I don’t know where I am and when I try to think about how I got there I can’t recall anything. It’s like my mind is wiped clean. I begin to walk toward one of the buildings but it is unfamiliar and this worries me. For a brief moment I am reassured that all will be okay. I have a car, and my phone….wait a minute, where is my phone? I look down at my purse and it is not there. I think, “I must have left it in the car.” Then I think, “Where is my car? I don’t remember where I parked it?” Then I stop and can’t figure out where I am or how I got where I am despite just being in the hallway of the college building I entered.

I remember being afraid that I was losing my mind. It seems that my memory is wiped clean every few minutes. I decide to head back to the parking lot to find my car but cannot recall how I got where I was inside the building and then panic that I won’t be able to get out.  I walk outside and look at the street sign. I think I am on 6th Street but the sign has another name I can’t even read. I panic again, look for my phone, see it is missing and then freak because I can’t recall where I parked my car.

Somehow I manage to make my way back to the parking lot but it is unfamiliar and not the one I think I parked my car in. I walked by several people. I am frantic. Nothing is familiar and my car is nowhere. I see the parking attendant who is shutting the lights off for the parking lot. I walk up to her in a panic saying, “I can’t find my car. I can’t remember how I got here. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.” I repeat this over and over like a crazy person. The attendant takes me by the elbow and walks with me saying, “It’s okay. I can help you.” People walking past look at me like I’m crazy or sick.

Then I am laying in bed in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. I am still panicked and I feel someone standing to my left. I can’t see them, they are like a shadow, but I sense them and can mentally see their outline. I try to move away from them by shifting to my right but they bend over and grab hold of me. This terrifies me and I keep trying to pull away but I can’t move. I feel frozen and still feel hands on me. The hands seem to be pushing, though, not pulling. I begin to feel the person is negative and try to recite the Lord’s Prayer for protection but I can’t remember it and forget it mid-way. I am reminded of my recent amnesia and begin to despair. What is happening to me? Why can’t I remember anything? A male voice says to me, “You said you wanted to never have to work again. Now you’ll have that.” Is he making a joke? I said, “I don’t want to be like this all the time!” I heard back, “It won’t be all the time, just every once in a while.” I was not having that either and tried to pull away again. The hands seemed heavier and my body was still frozen.

Then I thought, “Maybe this person is not bad. Maybe I should stop resisting.” I relaxed my body. The hands remained firmly upon me. I tried to move my body, willing it with every ounce of my being, but I was paralyzed. Then I thought, “Maybe this person is trying to wake me up?”

And I woke up, my body jerking as I willed it to move.

When I woke up I was a bit startled but unafraid. I could feel the energy of the person from my dream still on my left. I tried to communicate with him but got no response, yet I knew he was not bad. Then I felt there were three more beings huddled over me, really close. I said, “What is happening to me?” They said, “You are breaking.” I didn’t understand. They did not communicate anything else to me, just remained standing over me.

lostDream: Get Out!

I was watching my ex-husband getting into a flat bed semi-truck loaded with large logs/lumber. He was leaving and I was not going with him. What is strange is that a man put a rag into the gas tank opening and connected it to an open canister of diesel. I remember thinking he was crazy as it would surely blow up the truck.

There was a discussion with a woman then about my ex separating from his current wife. The woman said, “She will be leaving a good thing (meaning money) like you did. Don’t you regret losing that kind of security?” I thought about it and said, “No. You can buy and buy all you want but it won’t make you happy. I could have stayed and had all the money I ever wanted. I could have done lots of things with that money, but I wouldn’t have been happy. I would have been miserable, maybe even killed myself. It’s not worth it.” There was discussion about leaving my current husband and the drawbacks of it being similar. To be secure versus being happy. Which is better?

Then the scene shifted and I was inside a home standing in front of a bed. I saw two of my children in it and went to get them. My mother-in-law was there and got super angry at me and yelled at me, “Get out of here! I don’t want you in here. Get out!” I told her I was just trying to get my kids out of her space so she could get some sleep. She was furious and ranting and raving so I left. My husband came in and began to defend her and scolded me for purposefully trying to upset her. I felt all the negative energy and tried to get away from it.

When I woke up a song was going through my head – Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall. The part that kept repeating was, “Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be. Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me….She makes me feel like I could be a tower, a big strong tower. The power to be, the power to give, the power to see, yeah, yeah.”

Considerations

The first dream, although confusing and scary, did not cause me to wake in fear or panic. I suspect I experienced a bit of sleep paralysis. I was very lucid toward the end but couldn’t move my body. The person pushing me was likely trying to wake me up and I wonder if it was the OOB version of me doing it. Hmmm.

I was a bit concerned when I awoke but not freaking out. The message, “You are breaking” bothers me. I wonder if my guidance meant “break” or “brake”. Am I stopping hard, as in “brake”? Or is this some kind of “break” – as in malfunctioning or maybe a vacation? Not sure but it was a strange message.

I am certain I was confronting some of my fears. Fear of going crazy, fear of disassociation, mental issues such as amnesia or dementia. The memory loss was very real and upsetting. I would not want to experience it as my waking reality, that’s for sure! My main focus was on getting back home in the dream so I was probably also confronting my inability to get home (as in spiritual home) because of memory loss.

The second dream was odd and I suspect I was sorting through past decisions from this life. Lumber indicates a fresh start in life is needed. When I woke up I was thinking about my ex-husband and kicking myself for not agreeing to half of his retirement in the divorce agreement. lol As his first wife I could have claimed it but I chose not to because we were only married 5 years and I didn’t see how I deserved to get money he would be working 20+ years to earn. There is some regret at the loss of the income/security I left behind, but I did not love him and would have been miserable if I had stayed. Every time I consider that life decision I do not regret it.

I’m not sure what the song is all about. Perhaps I am seeing a version of myself that is strong and capable – the power to be, give and see?

 

 

Magnetics and Duality

Wow. Did you see the geomagnetic storm!? This one is a doozie. When they get up above 5 then I normally get physical symptoms – headache, stomach issues, lethargy and/or insomnia. This time I am getting more anger thrown at me. Sigh.

planetary-k-index

The anger thrown my way was in my dreams this time. I had a very active night of dreams but this particular one woke me up.

Dream: Anger from a Friend

I was traveling with a friend toward the mountains. We stopped at a restaurant where we were told that they were trying to rid it of a nasty rat infestation. I saw a man go into the basement portion to look for it. It was cluttered with boxes and crates and I saw the rat running behind the mess. I believe the rat was white.  I don’t know if the man got him. All I remember is seeing a man dressed in work clothing with a hardhat and a flashlight going in after the rat.

We waited in the parking lot which was facing a the mountains. I noticed there was snow on the ground and decided to take pictures of it with my phone. I wanted to send it to a good friend of mine. I recall taking a selfie and I did not look like I do in waking life. I had long, medium brown hair and was quite pretty. I made sure to send that pic to my friend because it had a beautiful shot of the mountains in it.

Then I was in the car jabbering away happily with my friend. I was so happy that we were reunited and wanted to catch up. My friend was silent most of the time while I talked. I recalled discussing all the spiritual things I had been going through and how I felt I was recovering and finally making progress. I remember asking my friend, “Did you go through all that, too?” My friend nodded and I replied, “Oh good! I was starting to think I was nuts.” Then my friend sent a wave of anger and irritation toward me along with an audible sigh that indicated disinterest and annoyance.  Images were thrown at me all at once. I knew the images represented what my friend was focusing on currently. The images were of politics and 3D world things. I saw an image of someone trail running as well as some images that must have come from the media, but I can’t recall them now. My friend said more but the energy and images were enough to cause me to recoil in surprise. This was not a typical response from this particular friend, a friend whom I cherished dearly and would do anything for. In fact, I had only received similar energy once before but it was not prolonged like this. My friend was obviously immersed in 3D world issues and did not want to be bothered with my spiritual excitement.

I woke up suddenly from the backlash of energy. I asked my guidance what was going on and received an answer, “Your friend wants you to move on.” Move on? I didn’t understand. Whatever the problem, though, it was obvious that my presence was not wanted at this time, whether it be physical or spiritual. It saddened me but then I remembered the current intense energies and shrugged off the experience, returning to sleep.

Magnetics and Duality

The rest of the night I had dreams about the dualistic nature of physical reality.  Rather than go into detail about all the dreams, I will relate what my understanding was of the messages being sent via the dreamstate.

First I was shown the Earth positioned between Venus and Mars. In physical location the planet Earth is positioned between two polar opposites – Venus the Goddess of Love and Mars the God of War. How appropriate. And purposeful.

Then I was shown how duality came into being. I saw an image in my mind of a dark mass of energy. I understood this to represent the state of being Whole and pure potential yet to be tapped into. Then the mass began to split in two. A brilliant spark of light resulted for an instant and what was left behind were two distinct masses of energy. Two individual but Whole masses of pure potential.

When this division occurred, duality came into being. There was an entire lesson on the physics of this division but it is lost to me now. In summary, the division created all the forces of the physical universe. Most of the information I received had to do with magnets and how they worked. Essentially, it was relayed to me that all one had to do was change the polarity of a magnetic from North to South to affect what it attracts and repels. So if a magnetic’s polarity is North it will attract only magnetics with a polarity that is South. Once the polarity is changed, however, that magnetic will then repel all magnetics with a polarity that is South.

Note: As I was tying this I kept misspelling “magnet” and typing “magnetic”. I finally requested clarity. I was led to this website and knew the term “magnetic” was the appropriate term. I did not argue as the definition is “anything that creates or has a magnetic field.” In essence, we are all magnetics aren’t we?

Information about magnetics was then applied to individuals. We repel and attract others (and anything with a magnetic field) based upon our own polarity. Yet, our polarity can easily be changed. It can be changed by coming into contact with someone (or something) that has an opposite polarity to us. In other words, put the magnetic in the field of a magnetic with an opposite polarity that is higher than its coercivity, plus a bit extra to neutralize the field it already has, and you change the original polarity of the magnetic.

Lost yet? I am barely following along but then I see the bigger picture so it is all lining up as I write this.

Ultimately, I was being shown this to explain how our relationships with others change throughout our lifetime; how we can be attracted to particular people, places and things only to seem to become repelled by those very people, places and things at a future date. We, as magnetics, change whenever we come into contact with other magnetics. Sometimes we change slowly and other times quite dramatically. I am shown that we add or lose protons (+) and electrons (-) all the time. Usually, this occurs very gradually. Sometimes this process can take lifetimes. Sometimes it can be instantaneous (and quite disruptive as you can imagine).

I wondered about this information. Perhaps the dream I had was showing me that such a change is occurring with my friendship? Is it possible that our polarities are changing, causing us to repel one another when before there was attraction? I was told, “Blend”. This in itself requires further contemplation perhaps for another future post. 🙂

Information about the sun (plasma), solar flares and geomagnetic activity was also relayed to me. I was shown that the dramatic changes occurring on planet Earth are resulting in similar dramatic changes in the magnetics of Earth (which means you and me and all life) and are a direct result of the sun (plasma).

At one point in time all this scientific explanation would have put me off for lacking a “spiritual” component. Yet this entire planet, universe, that we exist in, was created by Spirit (us). Science is just part of the end result of our creation. All of it – protons, neutrons, magnetism, plasma, etc – is a result of that beginning spark created by that split that resulted in duality. We’re living it.

The final message I woke with was that duality is purposeful. It is intended to help us experience ourselves. On my mind was a question posed by my guidance, “Why do you resist duality? Why not embrace it?”

Indeed, why not?

 

Sources

http://science.howstuffworks.com/magnet.htm

https://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/themis/auroras/sun_earth_connect.html

http://www.livescience.com/54652-plasma.html

 

Tantrum-Throwing Portal Energies

Oh man, have you felt the swirling, shifting energies? It feels like somebody is stirring the pot. You know how when you let something sit long enough, all the dense material sinks to the bottom? And when you stir it then it comes back up? That’s what is going on now, and boy is it ever bringing out some Ego fits!

Yesterday I had a good day. Productive. These shifting energies don’t affect me like they use to. I sense the shift, I sense the Ego, but I have learned ways of channeling the energy. I create upon it or focus my attention in some way so as to move past the unsettling energy without incidents I will later regret. While I create, I transmute. It is a whole lot easier than allowing the Ego to take hold and throw its fits.

Yet mid-day I had an unfortunate run-in with these energies manifesting in those around me. It came from a comment someone directed at me on the internet. When I read it I literally felt the energy as it made impact. Dense, heavy, bottom-of-the-pot messy energy. It was slung toward me with force and when it impacted my heart I held my breath. Whoa!

I was in the middle of editing an image for my Oracle deck and had to stop. There was no way I was putting that kind of energy into one of my cards. I pulled away from the computer and took a walk to the other side of the house. I knew not to respond or react. To let it sit and feel through the energies that were slung at me. Interestingly, it was the Blue Avian card I was editing. Their message is the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 🙂

The impact of the negative onslaught did not last. It maybe took up 5 minutes of my day, or less. As it dissipated I recognized what was going on in the individual who threw that negativity at me. I became aware of her entire situation, her life patterns, her pain. And as I allowed myself to feel it, feel her, there was compassion. I held no resentment toward her because I understood why she was reacting the way she was. I have been there before. I can relate. So, sending love her way, I moved on with my day.

The Spring Equinox portal potential is intense because we are pulling off layers, stripping away the False Self. What does the False Self do in response? It throws tantrums, acts up, rears its ugly head. The best way to deal with it is to show it love and compassion but also be firm with it, much like you would be with a resistant child who just doesn’t know when to stop pushing your buttons. You can’t lose your temper. You can’t react. You just allow and eventually the tantrums stop. The False Self gives up and gives in. It’s hard to not react, though. Trust me, I wanted to tell that woman how it “really was” but then I knew better. Would she have listened to reason when in such a state? No.

If you think of the False Self as a child and you are a parent or have worked with children, then you already have the tools you need. Children are easily distracted and if you can get them to focus on something fun, something they enjoy or are curious about, then they quickly move past their upset. My three-year-old is a perfect example. He will throw a fit over losing the TV. If I ignored him, he goes on and on and nearly drives me insane. If I go to him and offer him an alternative, one that is positive and fun, then he stops and becomes interested. Then he is his happy, cooperative self. Similarly, the False Self will respond in kind.

So you need to know what makes you happy, what you enjoy and what brings you into a higher vibration. These things work wonders when the energies are like they are. If you feel your Ego/False Self growing unsettled then it is good time to throw yourself into something enjoyable.

How do you know your False Self is about to throw a fit? You feel unsettled. You may become fearful, confused, irritable, grumpy, quick to temper, and unmotivated. Mentally you may experience negative self-talk and doubts may creep in. For me the first sign is I feel unbalanced. It is energetic mostly at first and if I don’t respond and take immediate action against this feeling, then most if not all of the above results.

I also need to note here that if you have not taken care of your body (food, water, adequate rest) then you are more prone to falling into the False Self. Test it if you don’t believe me. It is the same with little children. Fits and tantrums are more prone to occur when they haven’t eaten or need to sleep.

Happy tantrum-throwing portal energies to everyone. You will make it. Be kind to yourself and others.

 

 

 

Another Section of Equinox Portal to Open April 7th

The energy shifted early last night. In the midst of a geomagnetic storm, too. I was awakened at 11am from a Kundalini dream that drove me into wakefulness and a concierge of guides who wanted me to “Pay attention”. Messages were being thrown my way while I was still recovering from a powerful blast of heart bliss, one so powerful I was still reeling from it for a good 30 minutes afterward.

The messages were regarding my own path, but I’m sure others who have traveled a similar path to mine (Kundalini awakening) you will understand their messages well. Specifically I was told, “Remember your goal. We finish at Wholeness. It’s from the heart up from here. You cannot be distracted by desires or physical body responses. You must push past them. You must think through it.”

My response was to say, “How can I think through that!!!??” I was still breathless and unable to concentrate on what they were saying. When that heart bliss hits hard like it did last night there is really not much I can do but allow it. I could see how I was becoming distracted by the bliss but could not fathom ever being able to think whilst it was occurring. It seemed impossible.

I am reminded of the book by Gopi Krishna, Kundalini: The Evolutionary Energy in Man. Though I have not yet finished the book I read enough to know what it was my guidance was trying to get me to understand. Gopi writes of his Kundalini rising experience in the very first chapter. His method of handling it is the method my guidance wants me to apply. He fixes his focus on a lotus and though his mind does wander from that focus because of the amazing feelings brought on by the Kundalini energy, he is able to refix that focus on the lotus and achieve a full rising.

During one such spell of intense concentration I suddenly felt a strange sensation below the base of the spine, at the place touching the seat, while I sat cross-legged on a folded blanket spread on the floor. The sensation was so extraordinary and so pleasing that my attention was forcibly drawn towards it. The moment my attention was thus unexpectedly withdrawn from the point on which it was focused, the sensation ceased. Thinking it to be a trick played by my imagination to relax the tension, I dismissed the matter from my mind and brought my attention back to the point from which it had wandered. Again I fixed it on the lotus, and as the image grew clear and distinct at the top of my head, again the sensation occurred. This time I tried to maintain the fixity of my attention and succeeded for a few seconds, but the sensation extending upwards grew so intense and was so extraordinary, as compared to anything I had experienced before, that in spite of myself my mind went towards it, and at that very moment it again disappeared.  Chapter 1

My experiences with the Kundalini have not been as Gopi describes, though. When he focuses on the feeling it disappears. When I focus on the feeling it grows exponentially and a raging fire results, a fire of such intense pleasure that it leaves me wanting for more of it to the point that I feel like an addict. This fire almost never reaches above the heart chakra, though occasionally it has. When that happens it leaves me wishing to remain wherever it was it took me and all connection to physical experience and desire to remain in this physical body is lost. Gopi also describes a loss of desire after his Kundalini rising experience, but I did not read past his many reminiscences of his life to know what the result was. Perhaps I need to finish the book now? 🙂

So I asked my guidance to help me find a way to stop becoming distracted by the feeling, to “think past it.” I did not receive an answer that I am aware of other than the above book reference, though I did have many dreams leaving me with impressions that much discussion occurred between myself and my Companion Traveler about how to resolve the situation I find myself in.

I was reassured that I am capable of bypassing the physical body distractions and once I do that I will be “pleased with the results”. Funny how they downplay these experiences. “Pleased” is likely a huge understatement!

Another Section of Equinox Portal to Open April 7th

Interestingly, as I sat down to write about this experience I was told another portal opening is fast approaching. This one will open in the first week of April. I heard April 7th specifically. This is another section of the Equinox portal. When I see this portal I see a flower petal as before but it is overlapping the previous one. I understand that to mean that the previous portal remains open even after the next one is available, the second amplifying the energy of the first. This amplification will continue into July as each portal “petal” adds to the next. The center of this flowering portal will only be accessible when all sections are open and available. When this happens embodiment will be possible.

You may wonder how many sections there are, as did I. I heard “seven” with the eighth (center) achieving full amplification of energy.

We are peeling away layer after layer of False Self. That is what the petaled sections indicate to me – layers that will come off. At the center we access our True Self.