Dream: How to Give a Good Hug

Another good night’s sleep. 🙂 So very thankful!

Dream: How to Give a Good Hug

The dream began in a hospital (need to improve physical/emotional health) room. I was sitting next to a woman on the phone trying to get an early morning appointment. It felt like we were in Canada, but I am not sure. She finally found a place that would see several men at 7:30am. The men had an ailment covering the entire front of their chest (confidence, vitality). It was described as “raw and painful” like a sunburn  (urgent matter burning through and demanding immediate attention) with oozing spots that would not heal. I suggested it may be a yeast infection like my daughter would get on her butt when she was a baby. The woman said it was not that but I felt it must be.

A nurse (need to take time out to heal) came into the room asking about the appointment and thought I was a doctor (problem needing to be addressed). I said, “I’m not a doctor. I’m just wearing a lab coat (protection).” I looked down and I was indeed wearing one.

The men came in for their appointment and I recognized them as various men from the shop at work. They sat down with a doctor who was questioning why they came to see him. He turned to me and said, “I am a cardiologist (matters of the heart).” I said, “The issue is with their chests” and encouraged him to see them. Each of the men revealed their red, raw chests to the doctor. The doctor prescribed them with a white ointment (healing) they were to spread all over the raw areas.

I turned to the lady I was with and said, “See, they do have yeast infections. See the cream he prescribed?” She said it was not, that it was some other issue that began with a “D”. She advised I be careful because it was very infectious and told me to check my toothbrush (feeling defensive) in case one of the men had used it.

Then we went to a large swimming pool (cleanse away the past). The men waded in, relishing the cool water as it soothed their wounds. The nurse who I was with opted to get into the pool with them. She was wearing a flowered swimsuit and revealed to me that she was pregnant (aspect of self growing and maturing), though she was not showing yet. I recall she looked Indian (as in from India).

Then I was attending class in the hospital. I was sitting at a student desk next to several other students. A teacher was addressing the class, explaining the recent assignment and what he had expected of our answers. He was about to pass out our graded papers. I recall him as being familiar to me, older with dark hair and a nice smile.

The question had been simple: Why had we opted to take his class? In the dream, “class” felt like an experience that was much longer than a typical class would be – like “Life”. He said, “Many of you answered with, ‘To know how to have a successful relationship’, or ‘To know how to make the right choices’.” I remember thinking they were all good reasons.

He then passed out the graded papers. When he handed me mine I looked immediately at my answer. There, written in very clear print that was not familiar to me as my own, was:

To know how to give a good hug.

I thought to myself, “It’s very simple.”

The teacher said to me, “Very good answer. 95%.”

The other two students sitting next to me were told they both received a 65% for their answers.

With my graded test was my lunch (preparation for important event). I opened the plastic box the sandwich (a lot of pressure and stress is being put on me, need to do mutliple things at once) was in and took it out. I thought to myself, “I don’t want this.” lol

As I woke I repeated to myself, “To know how to give a good hug.” It was very simple.  Not the grade but the simplicity of it. A memory of my youngest wrapping his tiny arms around me came to mind and I smiled. I heard again, “It’s a good answer” from my guidance.

It is.

Note: Symbolically, to dream of giving a hug means a need to show one’s true feelings or a need to heal emotionally.


This dream had me thinking of hugs. The types of hugs. The reasons we hug. All of it. There are the warm hugs, those we give in appreciation, support and love. There are the hugs we resist, the hugs we don’t reciprocate, and the hugs we give only because they are expected. Then there are the hugs we give when we see someone again who we have missed. There are the hugs we give in sorrow….and joy. There are the hugs we give when we need acceptance, or when we want to let someone know we want to share with them how we feel ……. or to show them we feel what they do.

All hugs are an attempt to shorten the distance between us, to lessen the separation we feel in these bodies and in this physical experience. They are attempts to bring into this reality/experience a piece of Home. They are us trying to Remember Home, to Remember the love and connection we have to everyone and everything.

I realized that I need to give more hugs. I realized I need to stop resisting hugs when they are given. I do this more than I should. I realized that how one hugs and how often is a direct representation of how vulnerable they allow themselves to be around others.

So my answer was a really good answer, perhaps one of the best answers one could give.

It reminds me of the movie, City of Angels, the scene where the angel (Nicolas Cage) is helping a little girl who has just crossed over. He asks her what her favorite part of life was. She says, “Pajamas.” Simple, but a perfect answer. I always think when I see that part of the movie that my answer would be, “Pillows.” Why? hehe Because I like to hug them close when I sleep. 🙂

I had been asking questions before bed that I feel this dream answers. I was reminded that we come into life on Earth to experience separation and all that it entails. We purposefully Forget in order to re-Remember. We are challenging ourselves by Forgetting ourselves. Can we feel through the illusions of this reality to our Truth? Can we love despite the illusion of separation? Those connections we have where we feel the least Divine Love are there to challenge us to be our best selves. So perhaps my answer is that I need to feel through circumstance (all the noise of life) to find the Truth in it, that Truth being I love the people in my life, even though it may not be as obvious as I would like.

Crazy Week!

I finally got sleep. Slept in until 8:30am. No OBEs, lots of dreams but not too much dream recall now. I am still tired. It will take another few days to make up all that lost sleep.

So this week has been a doozie! IDK what kind of strange astrological, geomagnetic or spiritual shifting has been going on but it has been really shaking up my world, that’s for sure!

I’ll just start at the beginning.

First, my husband left for Florida. He will likely be gone until the end of October, maybe longer. This has been planned for a while, so no surprise. The thing is, every time he makes this trip (about every six months) all kinds of crap happens. For example, one time the a/c decided to stop functioning the day after he left. Another time the refrigerator stopped cooling and all our milk went sour the day after he left. So, every time he leaves I get on the defensive, waiting for something to break or worse.

The day before he left our place of employment, where my husband is general manager, got infected with ransomware. The entire system down, it was quite stressful for my husband. The ransom was eventually paid ($750) but it took half the week to restore 90% of the files and even by Friday things were not 100%. As a result, most of my workweek was unproductive because I could not use QuickBooks or access files which is about 90% of my job. No big deal, right? Well, yes it is because I want the pay and I can’t get paid if I have no work to do!

On the day of his departure I was awakened early (of course!) because he hadn’t realized his flight left on Monday. So, day one of lost sleep and then an unproductive work day and lost hours. Really, though, not a biggie considering I had to take my middle child to the dentist for his second round of cavity filling (ugh). That evening I decided to go to a local running group social run. It was fun but exhausting. I over did it just a tad.

The next couple of days were uneventful except for the loss of sleep and some financial issues I won’t go into detail about. I think my inability to sleep was a combination of all the stress I was experiencing and additional “mommy duties” to my already packed schedule.

Thursday morning I had to wake early to take my daughter to choir before school. Again, no sleep, despite running speed intervals the night before. Right before leaving my daughter dropped an entire glass of orange juice on the kitchen floor. It busted, broken glass and juice all over the place. I had to clean it before we left, which, if you’ve ever cleaned up juice, takes multiple pass overs with the mop.

While I mopped, my middle child decided to go to the bus stop early. When I went to retrieve him he refused to come back to the house so we could go by car to the school. I had to almost drag him back to the house. Then, when we got into the car, it was ransacked. I had accidentally left it unlocked and someone had combed our neighborhood for unlocked cars, found ours and took everything out of the glove compartment and console looking for valuables. Thankfully, there was nothing of value inside but the incident left me feeling violated most of the day and a bit paranoid that someone would come back at a later date to check out the rest of our property.

Yeah, Thursday was a really fun day (eye roll).

At work I was somewhat productive because QuickBooks was restored using my computer rather than the network. I spent most of the day playing catch up. My mind was full of fog and I felt as if I was walking around in the dream most of the day. I kept zoning out and could feel the beginnings of panic when I would snap back to present reality. No fun. I also think I was super open psychically because when the lady I am helping (the one with cancer) came in I began to feel this really crazy panicked feeling in my stomach that made me want to vomit. I could not pinpoint where the feeling came from but when I finally got into the car to leave, it vanished. Thus, I think I was picking up on her physical state. Thankfully, I had to leave work early to meet my middle son at the bus stop, so I didn’t have to feel that sick feeling for long.

Something odd that happened at work – my teeth started hurting for no reason. It was like I had braces all over again! It had me really worried. My teeth only hurt when pressure was applied to them and they were all teeth on the left side of my mouth. The sensitivity was gone by the next day. Weirdness!

That evening I opted to go to a breast cancer benefit I had been invited to on Monday. It went well and I had a good time. It was the highlight of my day and I thought for sure I would sleep that night because I was given a bottle of wine at the event. Sadly, a glass of wine did nothing for my sleep. 😦

My Friday began at 4:50am. My daughter burst through my bedroom door, waking me up prematurely because she had misread the time and thought she was late for the bus. My son had let the dog out and I had to retrieve him (for the 3rd time this week!). Thankfully I returned to sleep and went OOB for the first time in months as a result. The experience helped and I had a pretty good day. My coworker (the one with cancer) did not come in and QuickBooks went down again so I left early.

This morning I discovered a warped spot on our wood floor near the kitchen. Just one piece extending from the bar. On the other side is the dishwasher, which I ran on Sunday. We rarely ever use it so I’m guessing there is a leak. The board is located in a high traffic area and it is warped enough to notice under foot. So, yay, another “issue” that my husband would normally fix right away (he has a plumbing background and put in the wood floor himself). I am fed up with this wood floor now, though, and want it replaced with tile that doesn’t warp. We have several spots now, spanning the entire downstairs – one under the fish aquarium whose filter overflowed, another covering half the dining room and part of the living room from when our upstairs tub faucet leaked, and now this new area. I say be gone with it already! lol

october wallpaper HD

October Dread

For a while now I’ve been receiving messages about October. I am dreading the coming of next month. I have no specific details to relay, just a sense that some crazy changes are coming. If it is anything like this week then I am screwed. It doesn’t help that I received a message a while back about October indicating I would have a “heart attack”. Now, I doubt it is literal, though it sure felt like it at the time I received the message. I suspect something will happen that will “give me a heart attack” – so something surprising or shocking. Of all the things that could cause such a reaction, I am hoping for the positive ones. Maybe I will come into lots of money? lol Or, most likely, some kind of Kundalini event since the K energy has been so active in me this year. I have no clue and won’t speculate beyond the above. I am too busy (and exhausted) anyway.


When I did get sleep this week, I had odd and vivid dreams. Here are a few:

In one dream I was in bed with a man just waking in the morning. He began to initiate sex with me but my daughter was in the room with a video camera taking video (worried about someone knowing or getting caught). I got upset with her and tried to get her to leave. She wouldn’t leave and I couldn’t be with the man. I got very upset. The man reminded me of a guy online who sometimes pops up in my dreams. He is not attractive at all to me and kind gross’ me out. lol

In another dream I was interacting with a woman I know who I don’t like very much, but tolerate. She is very “simple” minded with very little common sense. She had made cookies and misinterpreted my facial expression. She said, “Just get out.” She was insulted and I explained to her that my facial expression was not in response to what she had said. She had made tiny, square cookies (letting trivial matters annoy me) and wanted me to try one. I tasted them (guilty indulgences) and they were not very sweet (second guessing something). I thought they would be better with frosting. I asked if they were gluten free and she said they were. She left and I sat with the cookies in the kitchen for a while. I remember the woman returning and telling me about the photo album calendar she was making (she does this every Christmas). She asked if I would pay $14.50 for my portion. I was told my photo was not in it much (only 3 times). I knew it was because I rarely participated in family things. My husband advised me to not buy it because I was not in it. The calendar was shaped like a hamburger (wholeness).

I went directly into another dream. In it I was traveling to Montana (spiritual journey). Within the dream was a story about “Indians” who were migrating to Montana. I remember seeing the path up through the Dakotas and talking to someone about the journey. The Indian man I was talking to was not Native but Hindu (reference to Kundalini). I remember him having really dark Indian skin tone and thick black hair.

Then there was a dream scene of a plate of food. The meat was not meat but a pile of dry dog food (battling fidelity issues in a relationship). It was surrounded by other human food and made to look “normal”. It woke me up. lol



Sleep Deprivation Leads to Unexpected OBEs

OMG what a week! I have not been sleeping well at.all. I struggle to fall asleep and usually wake up prematurely and then can’t return to sleep. I have been averaging 4 hours a night. 😦

Last night I fell asleep at midnight (three hours after going to bed) and then was awakened prematurely by my daughter at 4:50am. She thought it was 6:50am and had awakened her brother in a rush to get ready and get to the bus in time. Her brother accidentally let our dog, Monty, out and she burst into my room to declare,”Orren let Monty out again!” I jumped out of bed, saw the time and told her what time it was. Then I went and retrieved Monty and tried to go back to sleep but I was furious because I had finally slept past 4am! Somehow, though, I fell back to sleep. So thankful for the additional hour!

As a result of waking up and returning to sleep I was blessed with a lucid-to-OBE and two OBEs! I have not had any in ages, so it was a nice beginning to my day. Despite being sleep deprived I am quite contented today because of my gift. 🙂


I had a very long dream that is mostly lost now but impressions remain that I will document now before I forget them.

In the dream I was paired up with an older man who I recognized and felt was “too old” for me. We were on a vacation or trip together at place with chickens and other farm animals. I remember my bag being picked up (offer by the man to take on my burdens) and various flashes of imagery of wide open spaces and calming scenery. There is a portion that is vivid where I went to the chicken coop. A couple of roosters (pride, masculinity, arrogance) were let inside with a group of tiny chicks (youth, curiosity, innocence, girl). They immediately began to peck at the chicks, pecking out their eyes (avoidance of truth). I shooed them away but one died and the other was left blind and near dead (probably died). It upset me.

I recall walking around with this older gentleman holding hands as we talked. The sense I got from him in the dream was that he was there to take care of me, support me, etc, as my partner. It felt like he was trying to convince me to accept him as my partner, to see his side of things and recognize what he could contribute to my life and experience here in the physical. The feeling of the whole dream was as if from a classic romance where two seemingly very different individuals connect and fall in love.

When I woke I was having a conversation with a male energy (same one from the dream) about my considerations regarding age and partnerships. What age do I consider to be too old? Don’t I know that age is just a consideration – that we have no age in Spirit? When I came to full awareness I was a bit overwhelmed because it seemed so real, like he had just been in the room talking to me, sitting on the side of my bed! And I felt so loved and comfortable.

This song was in my head when I woke up, over and over, repeating this part: “But if you wait around awhile, I’ll make you fall for me, I promise you, I will…..”

Three OBEs

The first was a lucid dream to OBE. I was in my room with the kids selecting pants for my oldest son. It felt very real and solid and I almost didn’t realize it was a dream. But when I saw my husband I remembered he was on a trip to Florida. I said aloud, “This is a dream” and took over from there, going down the stairs to the front door. I began to fly after that, but I can’t recall much after that. I think I went back to my body because I remember trying to decide what to do and my awareness peaked too quickly.

The next experience was longer. I exited my body with very little vibrations felt and went directly outside and flew up into the air. I began to sing as I was pulled upward fast. I thought, “I don’t want to” and so stopped ascending gradually. I began to fly over the road in front of my house. I remember saying aloud, “Show me my greatest desire.” I then saw a military group convening in front of me on my right, tanks (need to defend self and stand up for self) in formation and people with machine guns (keep temper in check) in uniform. I remember them being women, not men. I heard someone advise, “Don’t go that way.” I didn’t listen and flew over the military group curiously. There was a definite line between the scene on my right and the scene on my left. The right had a shadow over it and the left was normal and clear. Both scenes were in the dark.

After making my decision, someone offered me a bright orange life jacket (security and support are being offered). I put it on as I flew over a group of people standing around in the road. These people were not in military attire.  I saw mostly young people of various ages, genders, races. The road came to a T and they were all gathered, seeming to be deciding on which way to go. I felt very alive and happy and was flying with exuberance over everyone. I remember deciding to play a joke on one guy who seemed very glib compared to the others. I began to pull off my clothing, life/safety jacket first, stripping all the way down to naked. As I did this I was singing repeatedly, “I want to be freeeeee!!!!”

Image result for image of orange life jacket

I kept having to pull layer upon layer off. It seemed more layers would be added after I took one off, bras (support, sexual nature) especially. I think I took off four bras in all. lol

I approached the a guy and got really close trying to get him to notice me. He did and I drew in closer feeling playful and lost lucidity popping back into my body.

In the last OBE I seemed to wake up in my bed and noticed my alarm clock was saying a time that did not match reality. I believe it was in military time but can’t recall the numbers now other than the 12. When I looked around at my surroundings I realized the room was not my own and full of people spaced equal distances apart and all seeming to be sleeping while standing up. I flew around playfully but no one seemed to be aware of me. There was a sense that they could wake up and so I tried to get their attention by again removing all my clothing (lol). The feeling was that to remove my clothes somehow freed me from the restraint or burden of them and what they represented. There was some interaction with some of the males but I can’t remember specifics now except that we were floating close to each other and seeming to wrap around each other energetically.

Eventually I remember seeing several men laying down, face up. One was a young man who was naked and talking to a man next to him who was also laying down and naked. I flew over the top of the young man’s head and then shifted my attention to the other man when I saw how young and immature the young man was (like pre-teen). Then I flew up to the other man who seemed to be in his 20s. He had a full beard which I could feel as I kissed him. There was a strange sense with the kiss that was a bit disturbing, though, and it brought me back to my body.

When I woke there was a ton of energy around my third-eye and crown.

Exploration of Self

The full moon energy is here and right after the Equinox energy. This can pack a powerful punch. For me it has been subtle, mostly manifesting in continued tiredness coupled with difficulty falling asleep and sporadic dream recall.

The following is a dream I had a couple of nights ago that focused on my sense of self-worth and identity.

Dream: Boob Job

In this dream I was at a hospital (heal/improve mental or physical state) undergoing out-patient surgery to get a boob job (desire to be more sensual). I got one put in, my left one, and then after a short time got the other put in. The surgery (rebuilding self) was very fast but I don’t recall it, only that I was sedated but not put under anesthesia.

I remember waiting in the waiting room after my surgery was complete with a dark haired, young woman. Her hair was medium brown and straight, cascading past her shoulders. She was small chested and was getting a boob job to go from a 33 to a 35. I remember saying, “Up two sizes then?” I told her I wanted to stay the same size but wanted them to be youthful so the implants I got were for that. I remember choosing the implant with the young woman beside me. They came in all kinds of colors. I said, “I don’t see why color would matter. No one is going to see that.”

The waiting was to make sure I didn’t have a reaction to the procedure. I recall there being no pain. I looked in a mirror often, proud of my new “perky” boobs. They were much fuller and rounder. There were at least three instances where I stopped and looked at myself.

The young dark haired woman came out of her surgery and I could see an immediate difference. Her small frame emphasized her new breasts. I remember being a tad jealous.

At one point I needed to use the bathroom. I walked around feeling this cramping sensation in my bladder area. I asked for directions and was sent down the hall but the women’s restroom was closed. Actually, the door was sealed off and the sign removed (holding back my true emotion about something). The men’s restroom on the left was open and I thought of going in but opted to look for another restroom.

There was a sign indicating a restroom back near the lobby so I followed it to the restroom. There was a caution sign (feeling cautious) and a mop and bucket (work needing to be done) outside. I maneuvered around it and went inside. The stalls had doors that were sealed off. The whole room was bright white. I tried to squeeze through one of the doors but didn’t fit. Somehow I managed to get into the handicapped (humility) stall and sat on the toilet. When I pulled down my pants my underwear was soaked with blood (feeling emotionally drained). I knew the pain I had been feeling must have been my period but it was way early, at least five days too soon. When I tried to pee it was difficult but I finally did (cleansing, release of emotion). There was worry about the boob job being a bad idea, that it might be something I regretted causing infection or discomfort (regret of some decision).

Back in the lobby (trying to make something known) I spoke to the doctor (need for emotional/spiritual healing) and the young lady a while about what to expect after surgery. He asked me questions about how my boobs felt. I touched them and said I had a sensitivity under my armpit. He said it was normal. I was told not to sleep on my stomach but on my back and to avoid strenuous exercise. I recall really liking the doctor and reminding myself to write his name down so that I could go back to him if I ever needed a revision.

Exploration of Self

Lately, I have been feeling much more social than is my norm. I tend toward extroversion, which I have been told by countless astrologers is unusual because my chart indicates I should be extroverted. At times I can be very extroverted and when in my element. My guess is that my psychic sensitivity has led me to withhold my true self.

Anyway, last night, on a whim, I opted to go on a group social run in a nearby town. I have been a part of their online community for some time and always found an excuse not to attend their gatherings. Yet yesterday it just popped into my head and ultimately I could not talk myself out of it. I ended up having a good time and meeting lots of good people. I talked too much, though (ha!) while running and had to stop and walk for a time on an uphill portion of the route. When I looked back at my heart rate it had gotten to 190bpm! This is WAY too high for me and I am lucky I didn’t experience dizziness or pass out (how embarrassing would that have been?).

Ultimately, the experience was a good one and I plan on attending more runs and getting to know the group better.

I do find it interesting, though, that I had this urge to go on the social run. This is so unlike me. I was reminded of the message “Run!” that I got not long ago. My guess is that on a subconscious level this message is continuing to come through and “push” me towards a path. Maybe the path will help me open up and connect with more people?

Interestingly, the mother of my son’s friend asked me outright a couple of weekend ago if she could join me on a run sometime. Prior to going on this social run I thought of inviting her and even had a text written out to invite her but then deleted it. I decided it best that I go first on my own and invite her to the next one and give her more notice. I will likely text her this week sometime. The thing is, even thinking of inviting her and reaching out in such a way is NOT my style. LOL Yet the urge was to do just that and I felt good about it.

My best guess about this change in behavior is that I am moving toward development of my individuality – my separate self – that has been lacking in my life for over a decade. I have mentioned in past posts how I tend to exchange my individual wants/needs/preferences for that of my partner’s. As such, I lose my-self in the partnership in an attempt to mitigate any conflicts that might result. I’ve realized that this tendency comes from undervaluing myself and from a belief (conditioning) that the partnership (marriage) and my partner is more important than me. I recognized that rather than flourish and prosper, my marriages and relationships tend to fail because of this pattern of behavior. I become resentful of my partner and eventually rebel against them and my self-created situation.

What I am describing, of course, is co-dependency to a T, and is a situation that needs resolution. Ultimately, the best solution is for me to regain my individuality but this does not necessarily mean dissolving the partnership. A healthy relationship allows both individuals to be true to themselves without sacrificing for the other. The question is, can my husband accept the changes which will result? Even more importantly, can I?

I am reminded of the dead octopus I saw in a vision not long ago. It symbolizes the end of a codependent situation. 🙂

Similarly, I am reminded of the events of yesterday prior to the social run. My husband left for the airport and I kept having this feeling of finality come over me as we said our goodbyes. A verse from the Doors came to mind, “This is the end, beautiful friend, the end.” As you can guess this was a bit unsettling in the moment but I shrugged it off. Very seldom are these messages literal……

I will be attending another social gathering this Thursday. A “Diva” night for just the women of the running group. Two of the ladies I met on the social run kept encouraging me to attend it and I feel that it would be good for me. They also want me to come to some of the other gatherings that include “beer runs” and “coffee runs”. Not sure I will take part in the drinking of the beer (I was asked, “Do you like beer?”) but it could be a fun experience nonetheless.

Happy Equinox!

Happy Fall Equinox! Hope everyone has been resting up and readying themselves for more shifting because it is coming and it won’t come in quietly (so I’m told). I’ve already gone from needing more sleep to struggling to fall asleep (again). Sigh. Thankfully that is really the only issue for me with all the energy shifts of late.

Something else that has been on-going for me is the Kundalini continues to be switched “on” more than usual. It is why I struggled to fall asleep that last couple of nights. As I mentioned in another post, the Kundalini energy is personified, meaning I often hear and feel it as a masculine presence/guide/energy. The last two nights (and even during the day) it has been “talking” to me, asking if I am “ready”. If I focus in on what it tells me I am filled with bliss and do not doubt it’s message. The last two nights I have awakened with portions of songs in my head, all messages indicating something to come.

What I hear – Will you lay it all on me now?

What I hear – Pull me closer, why don’t you pull me close, why don’t you come on over?…why don’t you just meet me in the middle?

What I hear – Are you ready? I’ll be ready.

I continue to be reminded of incidences of late involving the Kundalini energy. They are distinctly different in that I experience what I can only relate to as my own energy/personality being displaced by something much, much bigger than myself. When it happens a part of me is temporarily shocked and worried that I am being “taken over”. This is likely old programming surfacing. I never feel fear. I never feel resistant. I am completely open and allowing, always surrendering, in awe of this new, insanely huge powerful presence that I recognize as ME.

I can’t even relay to you the magnitude of the experience. I am left changed afterward. Feeling a profound shift within that says I am on the right track; I have tuned into that very real part of myself that has been forgotten – lost to me for so long.

What I am sensing and being told through continued memory of these incidences, coming to me after seeming to be somehow forgotten (how IDK), is that more of these experiences are coming. I have no doubt I will continue to surrender and allow. This seems to somehow have become my natural tendency. All resistance has melted away. There is no fear which in and of itself is so completely amazing to me.

I look forward to having more of these experiences and for them to last longer and longer until they become commonplace.


Lots of very detailed dreams but I haven’t had the time or energy to write them all out. Here are a few from the past week.

Deaf Mute

In the dream I was in a grocery store (seeking fulfillment) with a family of three. None of them were able to talk and I think they may have been deaf (not hearing something) as well because they used sign language (try using other means of communication) to communicate. The little girl and I had a connection. When I shopped she would pick up tortillas (wholeness) when I did and I remember talking to her parents about her. They were able to read my lips I think because when I asked her name they signed, Maia. I could read the letters in sign language and said her name aloud.

As the dream progressed I was taken to a house (aspect of Self) that was prepared for me and told I was welcome to move in. It was nice and clean with wood trim and wooden furniture that was a nice, golden oak color. I remember taking a large lamp (illumination, guidance) and putting it on a table to illuminate the room. Someone told me they had just cleared the bathtub drain and that it was all clear (blockage has been removed) and ready for use.

When I woke the song Little Talks was in my head, specifically the part, “Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.”


After waking I had a vision of a very large and dead octopus. As a dream symbol the octopus means to be entangled in a relationship or codependent situation. It can also mean being too clingy. Being it is dead them maybe I am freeing myself of these things? Perhaps it was indicative of something that occurred later this morning – I decided to release some of the resistance I have been feeling and go back to acceptance – back to the grind, dealing with work, marriage, family, etc.

Pet Cricket

In this dream I was driving with a girlfriend on curvy roads toward her home in the country. We arrived at a white farmhouse and the girl got out and began to unload her things. We took them inside and met up with her mom and family. I thanked her mother for allowing her to come with me on the trip. The family seemed suspicious of me. The mom indicated that she had a clogged (obstacle to progress) bathtub (need for renewal) that needed repair. I mentioned my husband was a plumber and could possibly fix it. I wanted to give the family a gift for allowing me to take their daughter with me on our trip. I asked if the tub would need to be replaced and the mother indicated it would. I said it may not be a good idea to have my husband do it and opted to give her $50 instead.

The girl had a cat (feminine sexuality, creativity and power) that she wanted me to take with me but I decided against it because I didn’t feel the cat would do well in my car (life path). As I was preparing to leave I realized I was carrying another of the girl’s pets. A tiny cricket (introspection/guidance) that was sitting on my shoulder chirping in my ear. I felt affection toward it. It fluttered near my ear like a tiny fairy, but it was definitely a cricket. In the end I sent it back with the girl and then drove away.

Broken Cell Phone

This dream began with me inside a truck (work), my daughter was driving. She was out of control. I took the wheel but was in the passenger seat (feeling out of control) so couldn’t see well as I tried to park. I ended up rear ending a car (feeling in a rut, restless) and then driving away from the accident scene.

I wound up lost (feeling lost in life), driving around for a while and then stopping at a restaurant and sitting outside with some others trying to figure out where I was. My phone (lack of understanding) was not working properly. The GPS was not there. Instead it was a message that made no sense and a map of the city that did not allow me to navigate home. Somehow I managed to call my husband and he responded very rudely to my request for help. I realized he and I were divorced and that he wanted nothing to do with me. The dream left me confused as to where home was – with him or somewhere else?


This morning I woke up with a vision of a shark in my head. It felt like someone was being deceptive. My initial feeling upon waking was of being on alert to danger, but I am not sure where this danger is coming from.

Trail Run

Lastly, yesterday my husband and I both ran our first ever trail run race. He ran the marathon version and I ran the 10K. He got third place overall men and I got second place overall women. I was shocked that I placed at all, as was he. In fact, it was his first time to ever place on a marathon run, so he was really proud of himself. It was also my first time to place on a 10K. The woman who was first place was 27 years old, so that made me feel all the more proud of my accomplishments. We both decided to continue running trails and will be running more races in the near future. I may run a half-marathon next time, which is something I never thought I would do since my last half-marathon attempt was less than satisfying.






More Messages – B+, Be Patient, Be Ready

I continue to be more tired than usual, though nothing significant as to slow me down during my waking hours. Messages continue to come through and last night I did not get to sleep until midnight. I stayed just on the edge of sleep, in that in-between space, for three hours.

My dreams have been really weird lately as well. Here are just a couple from the last few days.

Dream: B+

I was on a bus with a group of others. The bus was one of those for traveling long distances and was quite grand. We were at the back all settled in. We had blankets (protection) and could lay down when we wanted. There was two men, one I was especially close to. I was being asked questions about this man. Later, me and the man sat and spoke for a while with a nurse (need to take time out to heal) about our blood (life, love, passion, disappointments) type. I remember her asking the man if he was AB+ and he told her he was B+. I interrupted and said, “I am B+, too.” There were other things discussed, personality traits, habits, tendencies, etc. I said, “It sounds like we are a good match.” The nurse handed me a paper with the results. I looked down and saw, “B+” and heard it echo in my head.

Afterward the man was tired and intent on laying down to sleep. I remember seeing him under a pile of blankets (protection, trying to cover up or hide), only the front part of his face showing, eyes closed and sleeping peacefully. I lay down beside him wide awake thinking about him sleeping and the time it would take for him to wake up. I could not sleep and after a few moments, I got up, threw off all my blankets (not willing to hide) and began to talk to the driver (collective situation) about how long it would take for us to get to our destination.

The driver suddenly got out of the driver’s seat and exited the bus while it was still moving to use to bathroom (cleansing). I could see him head out (flying) over the hills and disappear. Worried, I wondered who would drive and my husband took the wheel. I became instantly concerned about his driving erratically and started to warn him about things on the road (back seat driving). He ignored me, driving even more recklessly toward the side of the road. He almost ran over a person sitting in a lawn chair but managed to maneuver around them. We stopped and some of us exited the bus to go to get some food (physical/emotional energy).

I went to the middle of the line to place my order. I could see the illuminated menu overhead. I spoke to a lady and ordered the vegetarian burger (feeling dissatisfied within a relationship), it was like the Big Mac with three layers only vegetarian(lacking substance in some area of life). She asked me if I wanted “everything on it” and I said, “yes”. She said that sometimes certain ingredients could cause the burger to become soggy. I recall thinking it odd that McDonald’s (fast food = impatience) would have a veggie burger anyway. I ordered the entire meal deal, got my sandwich and left the line. One of the other passengers (my husband I think) tried to enter the line toward the end and was told to go back to the beginning of the line.

When I woke the “B+” was the strongest memory from the dream.

Dream: Back to Montana

In this dream I recall talking to my ex-husband about his life and second wife. We discussed him being on a “diet”. This could be literal or figurative or both because he has always struggled with his weight and the last time we met he had gained quite a bit of weight and was upset about it. I remember discussing his ex and how they met. He said she was 24 years old and had just had a baby. I believe this could have been when they actually met while he and I were married because it felt to be the case and I recall she was young (I know I was). I remember seeing her in the dream for a bit as we traveled in a flatbed trailer together, legs dangling off the edge as we arrived at a grocery store.

Then we were inside a grocery store (seeking fulfillment) and at a self-check-out. My ex was attempting to purchase something but his card wouldn’t work. I helped but recall needing to urinate (release of emotion or establishing boundaries) so relieved myself right there by the register (lol).

I recall there being a lecture going on nearby but I don’t remember about what. There was focus on me for a bit. The speaker asked me to join in on a game and I refused saying, “I always win”. lol I walked through the crowd and said this very loudly and proudly while everyone looked at me. In the dream I felt accomplished with a bit of an attitude of superiority.

Then I remember driving through Montana and noticing the roads were multiple colors, like they had been patched with different materials. One section was a fresh black asphalt and another was orange and rough with gravel. I commented on it and stated that Montana needed to work on their roads. However, I knew it was pointless because of the amount of ice and snow in the area. It tends to crack the roads and cause them to go into disrepair.

As we drove (my ex and I) he stopped by a house and got out of the car. He went to the house of a friend. Then he took a dog into a place that transformed the dog into stone. It was the oddest thing and when the dog (relationship or friendship) was transformed it still could move and acted real but it was gray and made of solid rock (unchanging, solid). He did this to two dogs total and when I saw the dog being transformed it was awake and seemed to react with pain. It bothered me but when the dog was unharmed I relaxed.

When I woke from this dream it felt like I had actually been talking to my ex-husband. We have a bond that will always be there. I would not be surprised if I heard from him again after all these years. He does like to “check-in” every now and again. 🙂

Insect Visitor

On September 16th I had an insect visitor in my house. I noticed him when I was doing my workout. I could see his eyes on me and feel him looking at me the whole time. I knew it was a preying mantis despite him being so high up on the ceiling. It was odd how noticeable his energy was!

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Here he is on the ceiling watching me.

After I finished my workout I got a closer look, said “hi” and then forgot about him for a bit. When I went back he had moved close enough for me to get to him. I put a paintbrush up to him and he crawled on. I took him outside and set him free. The whole time he had his alien eyes on me and was waving his hands like he was casting a spell.


After I set him free.

I watched him for a while. He let me get really, really close. He bounced up and down as he walked, almost like he was dancing. I joked to my daughter about it calling it his “freedom dance”. I did some research and found out preying mantis’ “bounce” in order to look more like a leaf. Pretty cool!

The preying mantis’ message is simple: Be patient. Slow down. Wait for the right moment before taking any action. Be ready. They remind us to have patience in acquiring the things we want and to remain balanced throughout the duration of the wait. The praying mantis always comes to us when we are internally craving peace, quiet, and calm in our lives. Through stillness, awareness, and balance, we can hear and recognize the perfect moment. We must listen to the voice that speaks to us with openness, not fear. If we have patience and wait before striking, the right moment will come, and we will succeed.[Source] 

I wasn’t going to write about the praying mantis but just now I remembered part of the conversation I was having in the in-between last night. I was reminded that I Knew what was coming, to reign in that part of me that wanted everything NOW and instead be patient and wait for the right time to present itself. Of course it was more than a message, it was also a memory, which always makes the message hit home.

Other Messages

I am noticing that every thought I have, every consideration, typically comes back to me in some way not long after. The syncs are just blowing my mind lately and they are continuous. I have multiple incidents every day. And these are not from me seeking them out. They just happen, my memory is sparked and I know at my core that a message has just been delivered. It is actually very beautiful and reminds me that I am creating every moment with my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

This morning, for example, I was thinking about my recent heart connection. I am still blown away and not by the connection itself. No. By the realization of what I am capable of – what we are capable of. Usually I can conceive of all sorts of possibilities. I have a great imagination. But not even I could have imagined this because it is so outside my physical reality experience and conditioning.

Anyway, I was thinking of the differences in the connections we have. They have personalities, no one is like the other. Some are more intense, far deeper than I can even express in words. And honestly I am not sure I can handle a connection like that and so I doubt my own ability to cope with the extremes knowing that something so wondrous has risks of which I am all too familiar. Yet I know that despite the obvious risks I would jump in head first over and over to experience such a connection like that again.

So in my uncertainty a video was posted on FB that spoke to me about what I was thinking, as if the video were meant for just me. And the solution was so simple: If you love someone, send your love to them and come up against a wall, offer that love to God, don’t try to squash it.

And then, not long after, I saw this posted by a friend. Again, it spoke to a thought I had been having as if to say, “You are not wrong”:


What Goes Around, Comes Around

It feels like we have entered another integration period. The cycle tends to go – upgrade, integrate, upgrade, integrate, and so on and so forth. The acceleration in August was intense, too. For some this may still be on-going. I went through at least two accelerations in August, both followed by periods of tiredness (sleeping deeply and for longer periods of time). It seems like these acceleration periods (upgrades or whatever) are increasing in number and frequency. Yet the recovery periods are shorter than they use to be. For example, I went through three weeks of acceleration and then only had one week of “rest” before the next hit.

Currently, I am just more tired at night. Through the day I am fine and feel relatively balanced. I’ve noticed my husband has been taking naps a lot lately. Perhaps he is feeling it, too?

The Kundalini has quieted down quite a bit compared to what it was; however, I still have activity in dreams and while awake indicating it has by no means gone dormant. I’ve been so tired, though, that I sleep right through the Kundalini. If you’ve ever experienced the K energy then you know how hard it is to sleep through it!

Recent events are pointing to some interesting up and coming shifts. My guides are emphasizing the need for rest – not physically but spiritually. The messages continue to come in. Most of the time it is waking up with a song on my mind. But I also have flashes of memories from dreams and the in-between coming to me throughout the day.

For example, this morning I woke with a Justin Timberlake song in my head. I’m not a fan but it doesn’t matter, the message was embedded in the song and I needed to hear it.

The message was, “What goes around comes around.” We’ve all heard it before and I knew it was a warning. I also knew I needed to share it. So heads up peeps! Get ready.

As for the flashes from dreams, I had a vivid one today. Well, two. The first was from a recent dream I haven’t posted yet.

Dream: Running Group

I noticed a group of people in running gear gathering outside. They were all wearing marathon t-shirts. My husband was leading them because their regular leader could not be there. They met every Monday for group runs but opted to do SAQ drills (speed, agility, quickness) that day. I wanted to join in but had on the wrong shoes so I went home to get my running shoes. When I got to the front door there were large, concrete steps (efforts toward achieving my goals) that were way taller than they should have been. I tried to climb them but they seemed too high (obstacles to overcome) and I struggled. Just trying exhausted me. I remember laying down and taking a nap I got so tired (feeling unable to overcome obstacles).

Then I was inside the house (self). I ended up in my mom’s (past issues) bathroom (cleansing). I went to use the toilet (release emotion, remove something that is useless) and there was an empty bottle (exhausted inner resources) in it and a huge, white trash bag with stinky garbage (rejected or unwanted aspect of self) in it next to the toilet. I remember I could smell the stench and it being really repugnant. As I sat using the toilet (the water was clear) a group of little boys came in. I told them to leave.

When I went outside to join the running group I was barefoot (unprepared) and could not run with them. I ended up looking inside a shed the runner’s had been in. I saw they had left supplies, some of it thawing meat. I told someone,  “He left all this meat out to rot (degradation of being).” I gathered up the meat and took it inside.


Flash of Memory

The flash of memory I had from this dream was the running shirts the people were wearing. The shirts were green with the word, “Run” written on them three times in huge letters. Not long after this flash of memory I was folding laundry and there was my husband’s green Austin Marathon t-shirt from 2018 – Run, Run, Run.

The message, “Run!” was given to me in the in-between on a few days ago. You can read about it here.

I don’t know what to think of this message. I am obviously not getting it or I would not be receiving it again and again. If I am meant to “run”, is it literal? If so, I am running quite a bit, preparing for a trail run next weekend. If another kind of run, as in “get the hell out” then, why? Out of my house? Out of Texas? Out of what? Or is it out of a situation? It also could just be a warning to avoid something, but then I have no idea what.

As with all messages it is likely I won’t know until it is too late anyway. I don’t know why my guides bother.

School buses should have seatbelts to ensure student ...

Another Flash

Out of the blue I recalled a dream from the same night as the one above. In the portion I recall, I was getting into a white car with a close friend. He was driving. We were driving behind a long line of school buses and going pretty slow.

Seeing a school buses suggests I am about to venture on an important life journey needed for my own personal growth. Considering the number of school buses it could mean I have several “journeys” ahead of me. lol Either that or this journey’s significance is multiplied by the number of buses. I remember only a few from the dream, not nearly as many as in the above picture.


I wish I could put all the above together to make some kind of sense out of it, but I can’t. The message “run” could mean anything, but when I think of it the first thing that comes to mind is that it is what someone would say to another to keep them from harm. So, I take it as a warning that something “harmful” is coming and if I leave now, or head in the opposite direction of the path I am now on, that I could avoid it. But without seeing whatever it is I am suppose to run from, how do I know I am running in the right direction?

And the message “what goes around comes around” has me considering that something I have encountered before is about to return for another round of lessons. It doesn’t feel like a situation where I did something in the past and it is now going to bite me in the ass. Instead, it feels like a repeat of a situation, as if something is coming full circle to be looked at again. There doesn’t seem to be any “bad” or “good” feeling to the message either.

And it could be that all the messages are related. That this repeat of a situation is something I should “run” from (avoid) if I can. However, if I don’t then there may be a valuable life journey in it resulting in more growth.

So run? Or meet it head on? Guess we’ll see.






Message Overload

It’s been a full and busy week but I’ll skip the mundane stuff for now as it all goes along with being a working mom/wife/do-it-all superwoman. 🙂

Spiritually I have been receiving messages both in dreams and in signs and messages from the environment.

This week’s messages:

A double rainbow 🙂

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A quote from Into the Wild

You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.

Some kind of dead baby animal on the sidewalk which came after seeing two baby doves, one dead and the other waiting to die.

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Fantastic sunsets every day this week

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And then there are the following dreams and messages which include:

Message to “Run!”
Goddess Kali
The Madonna

Dream: Finding Balance

In this dream I was a student attending school. I was male and much older than the other kids (like 18 while they were all early teens). There was a discussion about me that I heard as if part of it. The teachers were saying that I was not living up to my potential. There are flashes of memory of me working on my assignments and getting them back with red marks on them and deductions in points for grammatical (communication) errors. It was so common that I had gone into apathy over it for the most part. Eventually, I got a paper back, saw points deducted and got angry about it because the error was due to the teacher’s poor handwriting. I showed it to the teachers, exasperated, saying, “You can’t even tell what that word is!” I ended up crying and feeling like a failure.

Then the dream ended up with me being given a pair of inline skates (balance). All the other students were skating perfectly and I could barely stay standing (feeling uncertain). I recall that skating was a school subject and like the other subjects I was doing very poorly. Eventually, I decided I would not fail so I just kept trying, intent on being able to succeed at skating. My main issue was staying balanced on the skates. I kept falling over. With practice I realized that it was all in the way I was positioning my feet. I shifted position and it allowed me to stay up on my feet. I learned from there to skate really well (progressing towards goals). Everyone noticed and there was acknowledgement by them that I could succeed. I was proud of myself, too. It was a relief.

Message: Run!

As I woke from this dream I was still emotional but not crying. I lingered in the in-between where I spoke to my guidance a while. The main feeling I had was of hopelessness. There was a feeling of not knowing how to proceed, like a question to my guidance. A flash of a computer screen appeared and it was an email inbox. I could read the message subject heading. It was from a female guide and said, “Subject: Run!” I also remember seeing the word, “Texas”. This woke me and I thought the message was literal but now I am not so sure.

As I woke a song came to mind, one I have heard for a few days now – Faith Hill’s Breathe.

Other Dreams/Messages

I dreamed I was in the middle of a busy highway. There was high traffic (daily life, routine) and the cars were backed up and moving at a snail’s pace. I, however, was on board a train (life’s journey, on the right track) that was on the highway. This train held passengers and was sleek like a bullet and blue in color (monorail train). I sat in a seat looking out the window as the train took me over and past all the slow traffic. I was saving a seat to my left. I remember putting my hand on the seat which was close to the window and then leaning over to look out the window. The seat was tan in color and soft. Out the window I saw a young girl (aspect of me perhaps?) chasing after the train. It felt like she was going to jump on. I was hopeful for her.

In another dream I was being encouraged to put my hair in a braid (needing courage). I spent a while doing just that. I could feel my hair very real in my hands. The feeling I had while braiding my hair was apprehension. I knew it meant I needed to have courage.

Dream:  Orangutans

The dream began with me going to a school (life lessons). They had rearranged all the classrooms and my old principal was there. I was suppose to have put in my resignation but forgot. Turns out he did not hire someone to replace me but put me in another position where I was working with kids who were “special needs”. I agreed to work since the job was still available.

When I went to find my room I wandered through the 3rd grade hallway and eventually made it to the first floor (failure, lack of understanding) where my office was suppose to be but it turned out I was put in with many other teachers in the nursing clinic (healing). I had a section set apart where my students sat but I had no lesson plans (feeling unprepared) or anything for class. Another teacher helped. I noticed I had a student with tourettes syndrome. I recall liking that I had only a handful of students because it meant I could get more involved with them. I hugged one even. It seemed like in this dream I was a nurse and teacher, but it is hard to say. I felt confused as to whether I wanted the job.

Then I was on a trip with the kids. We passed by a section of housing that had been demolished (final end to something) and then by another that was being renovated (new perspective). We drove up into the hills and parked. A man was with me who had been driving. He got out of the car and left it for me to drive, handing me the keys (control). I remember knowing the neighborhood use to be lived in by my ex-BIL and he had said it was haunted (lack of awareness, fear).

The man walked away and soon I saw that he was in the tree with several large orangutans (inner wild side or sexual desires). They took him away, swinging across the treetops. I turned back to the car and saw a pig-animal (stubbornness, greed) in the road, like a half-pig, half-dog or something. It was really weird so I decided to get out of there.

I drove off and headed into a house that was both mine and this man’s. I saw he had cleaned it thoroughly and packed up his things into some bags. Everything was neat and tidy. It felt like he was leaving for good.

I remember standing in front of a mirror. The man was to my left standing in front of the mirror, too. Both of us were looking at our reflection. I remember looking over at him and then back at myself. I saw my complexion was clear but thought there was a stressful situation coming up that would surely mean my face would break out again. I remember accepting it if it did but the feeling of the stressful situation was very memorable.

Dream: Juniper Berry Honey

This dream was odd. I recall that my friend’s brother was there and coming onto me like he use to in high school. I responded in much the same way – curious and liking the attention but not really interested in him. My MIL was there as well but I only remember showing her the Juniper (learn to take the negative with the positive) berries (fulfilling relationship or experience) and the honey that could be extracted from them. The taste of the Juniper honey (compassion, wisdom, peace, longevity, joy) was super sweet and musky. It was good but too much of it would give a person a headache or tummy ache.

I remember seeing the tiny, blue (heaven, wisdom, truth) berries and being told taking them like pills was helpful for the immune system, like to act as a way to get the body use to the high pollen for allergy season. I always thought they were poison so I was fascinated that they could be eaten. I saw someone toss a handful into their mouth and swallow them with water. When I was shown the honey that some had inside I had to taste some.

At one point I was sitting on a sofa with my friend’s brother and he was really sending me messages that he wanted to kiss me. It was a creepy feeling because I was not interested in him yet he was coming on really strong. At one point he leaned in and kissed me and it was slobbery.

When I got up to go I noticed that there were two large urine (rejection of feelings) spots on the carpet. My MIL asked about them and I said the dog must have done it but there was no dog around.

There is a scene that took place in a hotel (shift in identity) room and I remember waking up in a bed in the the hotel and the color blue being everywhere. It felt like I needed to get ready to go somewhere. I was with a group that felt like family but I did not recognize any of them. . All of the people had bright blue skin like the Hindu Goddess Kali. Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven or can also mean a desire to get away. The Goddess represents death and rebirth.

In-Between (this morning)

When I woke I lingered in the in-between a while. I was discussing what I wanted with my guidance.

In the midst of this conversation I had an immediate memory. My son Elek just got a new toy boat. He played with it continuously for a week. Then he demanded another toy. He got a red firetruck. Not two days later he wants another. I told him no. He continues to throw a fit, wanting another NOW. My guidance showed me this in regards to my experiences indicating that I was like Elek. I got my toys and am still not satisfied. I was asked to consider returning to the “toys” I have been given rather than asking for more. Something they said (can’t recall exact wording) suggested that I was looking for problems/trouble.

There was a moment in the discussion when my mind wandered to my current debt issues. I thought I was saying, “I need to charge the credit card” but what I heard my mind say was, “I need to charge the Madonna” and every time I would say “card” the word “Madonna” was what my mind said. I believe Madonna is symbolic for the Divine Feminine. Perhaps I was saying to myself that I need to recharge or rest?

I continue to feel that I need to be very careful about what I think when it comes to what I want. I need to be very sure of what it is I want because it will come to pass.

This song is also coming up a lot. Specifically the part, “Marry that girl. Marry her anyway.”

I can’t help but think that events are setting the scene for something to happen. Specifically, it feels like next month will be a big month, like I am being prepared for something. There are other things going on as well, all pointing to a shift of some sort. At times it has gotten so intense that it puts me a bit on edge.


Eat Your Carrot Already!

This will be a quick post. Not even sure why I’m writing it except that I feel I should. This should be interesting….

Eat Your Carrot Already!

Many of us (me included) may have felt at one time or the other as if we were being led along on a wild goose chase, lured by that unattainable carrot held out in front of us at the end of a stick. You know that carrot, right? That one, yeah – the one you were holding out in front of yourself. 😉

Hare Krishna: Performance Review - Carrot tied to Donkey

Don’t you just feel like an ass now? 

Well guess what? We’ve gotten that carrot. Finally. Yep. Now what? It’s time to eat it, of course! And what is in that carrot? Vitamin A? lol Think symbolically. A carrot is symbolic of clarity, specifically eating a carrot indicates clarity has been attained. So you actually have to take a bite to get that clarity. If you stand there looking at it you won’t get clarity. If you touch it, smell it, put it in your pocket for later – no clarity.

Some of us aren’t eating our carrots. Why would we do that? Why would we spend so much time chasing that carrot, figuring out that we held it/had it all along, grab it and then do nothing with it?

So eat your carrot already! If you don’t, it will do what carrots left out for long periods of time do. It will rot and become useless. We don’t want that now, do we? We don’t want all are hard work to rot away into nothing.

Why am I writing about carrots anyway? Well I dreamed I was eating one and it was so very sweet. In fact, all I recall of the dream is holding this perfect, orange carrot in my hand, taking bite after bite and relishing the taste. I think it was the best carrot I’ve ever eaten. Really.

The message, of course, was that I had received clarity. The type of clarity came later.


I sorta knew that the clarity was related to relationships. I’ve had some major “ah-ha” moments regarding relationships lately. Specifically, I have recognized that I do not belong in a traditional, human, monogamous relationship. This realization hit me after experiencing a new type of relationship, one that even now I am sorting through because it is so outside of what I am use to. I would love to describe it in detail, but I know that many are still not ready to hear what I have to say. There is still too much debris hanging around the human energy field in regards to relationships. I mean a TON of it, not all of it related to sex either.

So I will give you the short, manageable description. This new relationship is not limited to loving just one (put sex out of your mind – this isn’t physical). The whole idea of loving just one person at a time is ludicrous. I mean, you love your mom and dad, your siblings, your children, etc, right? Insert sexual relations and the idea of loving everyone gets really distorted. The thing is, sex isn’t love, so we get all confused because we think that one equates to the other. We are so confused that we actually shut down those feelings we feel when we love someone because they are too similar to feelings we have when we feel sexually attracted to another.

For example, I recall having feelings early on when I was a child about my grandmother. She would often take her fingernails and lightly scratch my back. It felt so good and I wanted her to keep doing it but a part of me felt “bad” because it made me feel so good (again not sexual). I had already, at a very young age, attributed “feeling good physically” to sexual arousal which equated to feeling I was “bad” because I felt it for another woman, and a family member at that. So the solution, inevitably was to stop any feeling that came close to what might be arousal, thus keep a distance from my grandmother and anyone in my family (or otherwise) who might make me feel that way. The only person who I believed I was allowed to let me feel good was my husband, and I had no husband.

I’m not saying you all did that, but there is a good chance you experienced something similar.

So this new type of relationship allows you to feel again, with anyone. It is purely energetic but to get to that energy you have to let go of the beliefs that restrict feeling, physical or otherwise. You have to get past your physical self and all that conditioning. Which is why I have to stop the explanation at this point because my guidance is warning me that many, many are just not there yet.

It reminds me of a conversation I once had with my guide about “sex” on the other side. At the time I had no idea what my guide meant but I remember commenting that it seemed to me like he was saying everyone in Spirit was having spiritual orgies with one another. Openly and freely. I laughed so hard I almost cried. But I didn’t understand. I do now. It isn’t sex of course. Not even close. It is Divine Love. It is the merging of one soul with another. And yeah, we do it all the time in Spirit. It is our natural state.

This new type of relationship involves merging our natural spiritual state with our physical human one.

So traditional human relationships go right out the door.

So what to do about this “ah-ha” moment now that I know what relationships I am looking for? I’m not quite sure. I mean I am married and technically IN a traditional, human relationship. Ha! Jokes on me, I guess.

In considering all this and trying to push it all out of my mind – I’ll just be normal. This is all just crazy. What am I thinking? – I stumbled upon this blog post by Lisa Transcendence Brown. She says this month is all about evolving relationships.

These parts stood out to me the most:

Our NEW EARTH RELATIONSHIPS are built, they are constructed and formed over “time”. There’s not one ounce of lack, need or compromise involved. There’s zero dependency and because all agendas are visible, there’s no hidden anything anymore… Our NEW Earth Relationships go through a lot for years, as we come in and out of each other’s lives for awhile, clearing karmic residue, until we’ve cleared the entire timeline and all of the energy we held within. Then we move to “short exchanges”, where there’s a vibrational purpose, yet the relationship can’t fully form, because everyone is in different places, vibrationally…. The only “long term” exchanges we have are with others who are fully aligned within themselves and fully invested in creating and together…. and living by Our NEW Earth Value System… which is nothing like Old Earth’s was.

And then:

Get ready. For our highest Star Families to Unite, our Highest Soul Families to Unite… all as Light BEings here… all those egoic, lack based realities must dissolve or be re-aligned if they are to continue into the next timelines….. otherwise the entire timeline will go. As higher selves, we close those old timelines out ourselves, mark those Soul Agreements paid in full and write all new realities, activate all new realities and call forth our own highest aligned realities to experience here. September is a massive Passageway… to bring more together who are truly ready and stepping up…. who are truly ready to invest in creating new together and share together as love too. This can’t occur as long as everyone’s still holding onto the old…. observe your own relationships/yourself…. this will show you everything you need to know here.

The word “ready” in in bold because as I was copying and pasting it I remembered saying to myself and my guidance on more than one occasion, “I am ready.” Though I was not sure what I meant at the time, I still feel it to be true, and there is more of an understanding of just what it means.

Are you ready?

And OMG, that carrot really tasted good.

Seeing My Truth

Well, well, well. I finally fell asleep at a decent hour and got caught up on sleep! Hooray! Turns out my daughter was at a sleepover last night. So I’m thinking it has been her that has been making it hard for me to sleep. We’ll see how tonight goes.

Twin Springs Preserve

Yesterday was a fun day. My husband and I were suppose to go together to explore a trail in preparation for a trail race we will be running in two weeks. He bailed on me at the last minute because he is working on a huge wood sculpture. I decided to go on my own intending only to walk the trail for a few hours. However, when I arrived near the location I saw an entrance to another trailhead, the Twin Springs Nature Preserve, so I opted to explore it instead.

I spent about an hour exploring the trail, sometimes running, sometimes walking. No one else was out there, which made it that much more fun. It reminded me of my younger years when I would explore my grandparent’s 52 acres, hiking and exploring the rugged hills for hours on end.

The trails were not easy to see, so I often went off the trail and had to backtrack which was fine with me. I ran into wildlife on the way – among them a herd of deer and a coral snake. By the end my shoes were completely soaked and my legs covered in mud. I felt much like I use to after a day of exploring my grandparent’s place. I think I was high on the experience for a good three hours after. I was going to head out again today but it is raining pretty hard. Rain is forecast all week.

Here are a few photos:

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I do not find it coincidental that I ran into a coral snake. He surprised the heck out of me, too. He was right in the middle of the trail and blended in so well that had he not moved I would have stepped right on him. I was in the midst of running and came to a dead stop from the shock he gave me. I have never seen a coral snake in the wild and was not expecting one in the hills of Central Texas. Rattlesnake, yes, coral snake, no. When I took the pictures my hands were shaking so much that it took several shots to get one that was in focus. lol

Coral snakes have the second strongest venom of any snake in the world, behind that of black mamba (source). Thankfully, coral snakes are fairly passive and unlikely to bite you. If they do bite you, they have to “chew” with their fangs to deliver their venom, meaning you would have to be an idiot to be bitten by one, playing with it and letting it chew on you. lol So, I was really in no danger from this snake unless I wanted to be. I watched him for a few minutes and went on my way but not without recognizing how significant and rare it was to have run into him.

Since the Kundalini has been so active in me this year I am betting this snake is a reminder to me to be on the lookout for more. Considering the coloration of this snake, there’s likely to be continued work in my lower three chakras. Additionally, based upon how this snake presented itself, hiding in plain sight, I will probably be caught off guard, shaken but otherwise unharmed, and in awe of the encounter. Sounds like fun to me! 🙂

Dream: Decision

I had several dreams, all indicating that some in-depth conversations were going on with my guidance. It amazes me how my memories of the dreams I have lately are often accompanied by flashes of memory of a guide and a summary of the conversation. This was one of those.

In this dream I was in a classroom with a few other students and a teacher. I knew I was in 5th grade preparing to attend an award ceremony. As the other students left the teacher kept me in the room with her. I asked why and another student told me I was to receive 5 books (knowledge) as my award. I remember the three of them were technical type books, like self-help, self-study books. I was not interested in them and asked if I could return them. I was encouraged to keep them and applauded for my achievements.

The thing about the dream that is odd is that I was a full grown woman, not the age of a normal 5th grader. The other students and I were being prepared as teachers and would soon select our first jobs. I recall knowing that I could go into 6th grade or I could opt out.

As I contemplated my decision I saw my potential future flash in front of my eyes. It was my current life with my husband and what would result if I continued on that path. The flashes I got were not of specific events but of lessons. They came all at once and what I remember the most is the feeling of them, like the impact they had on me. The feeling was so intense that I could taste it and it was distasteful to me, like eating a really sour gummy worm.

There is also memory of the way these lessons appeared visually, like something being twisted over and over again. You know how you can take a piece of licorice and twist it and bend it without it breaking? That is what it was like. The sense from this was that all I would get was the same lesson twisted this way and that so that it appeared different but in actuality it wasn’t. This was very unappealing to me and I recognized how trapped I have been by the illusion of progress it presents.

My decision was that I did not want to go into the 6th grade. It felt like a whole other “level” to go there, just like it feels when you graduate from one level of school to the other but more like the decision one makes when they graduate high school – college? no college? Trade school? What do I do with my life?

I remember the gist of the discussion around this decision. I was asked if I was certain. In my mind I saw ahead of me a vast void of nothingness – the unknown. It scared me and I hesitated but I confirmed my choice. The fear is what I recall the most.

Seeing My Truth

I woke up with a sense that I had just contracted my own death, but I know that is not what it was. An entire discussion commenced then about who I am. For the first time in a very long time I could see this other me, the real me, the one at a soul level who has been hidden by human experience, fear, and limitation for such a very long time. I felt both relief and anxiety upon seeing the Truth of myself. Relief that I had finally found her and could see/feel her/me. Anxiety at the many layers of “protection” I had placed over her to the point of hiding her and ultimately forgetting her.

What is curious about all this is that I recognized how I have chosen time and time again to live with forgetting myself. I think many of us walking in the Light this lifetime have done this. We were conditioned to do this to protect ourselves from the harsh reality of this physical world. We couldn’t cope without burying ourselves in protective layers of illusion.

I know that others in my soul family are being prepped to step out from under all those layers. We are already sensing it, that nudge and pressure to shift direction. Some of us may be feeling an urge to do some drastic things, but I don’t think that is necessary. It can be gradual. But that sense of urgency is there and it is purposeful. It says, “Listen. Pay attention. LOOK.” For me, I am being asked to remember myself, that Truth that has been hidden all this time by attempts to stay safe and hidden from others and this world because of how different I am.

We have been slowly meeting others like us so that we can see we are not alone, so we can be reminded of our Truth through these very special encounters. We still don’t see it, or better yet, we don’t want to see it because it is scary. But what I can say to those like me who are still avoiding seeing themselves – the Truth – is you won’t be able to hide much longer. We can do it alone, which is the scariest prospect, or we can do it together.

The thing is that we think in such drastic terms. Every possible scenario that comes to mind is of the worst case. But what of the best case scenarios? Or better yet, what if a beautiful surprise awaits? Sadly, it is human to think the worst will happen. So what ends up is that we have to get to a point that the worst case becomes acceptable because we are too tired, too fed up with the ways things are.

Question is: Are you there yet? 😉