Yesterday was a beautiful day here in Texas. After over a week of rainy days we finally got to experience blue skies and Spring-like temperatures. I visited my mom’s house to celebrate her birthday. While I was there I took a long walk through the hills and captured photos of butterflies of all kinds. Many of them were attracted to me, landing on my shirt or flying up into my face.
Here are a few photos of my butterfly encounters:
The energy lately has been intense according to others I know. Thankfully, these waves do not incite too many physical/emotional/mental symptoms for me these days. I have had some intestinal grumpiness for a few days and my right eye continues to gunk up making it hard for me to wear my contacts. Other than that, physically I am doing well.
My husband and I have been butting heads quite a bit lately. It seems to be a war of the wills. As usual, I tend to be the one to drop out. I haven’t the energy for it anymore. It just isn’t worth the stress. He continues to push despite this. It isn’t good enough for me to let him win, he has to force a reaction from me. Sigh. For example, this morning he let our middle son stay home from school just because his throat was sore. He didn’t take his temperature or anything despite knowing my son purposefully tries this to avoid school (what kid doesn’t?). I took his temperature and it was fine. If his throat does hurt it is likely allergies. My husband and I talked about it, him justifying his decision and me giving up quickly on trying to talk sense into him. Now my husband is trying to take my son to work as my son seems completely recovered (ha!). My husband knows I do not like rewarding staying home from school, so now he is doing just that.
I give up. Really. I am trying to get him to agree to a divorce and he keeps avoiding it. 😦
My dreams suggest I am seeking to protect myself from something. I don’t know how to feel about them.
Dream: Busted Bathroom
This dream began inside a school classroom (lessons). I can’t recall much except walking across the hall to retrieve my clothing after realizing I was butt naked (vulnerability). I wrapped a towel (need to confront something) around myself and waited until the bell rang and went over. The teacher was at the her desk and my clothes were in a heap on a student desk next to hers. I picked up my clothes and left quickly. The teacher hardly noticed me.
I walked down the hall and was joined by a very, very tall and very black man who spoke with an African accent. He asked me, “May I join you?” I nodded yes but kept my head down and my blue (sadness, need for guidance) towel tightly around me. He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him as if he was taking ownership of me and we continued to walk down the hall.
At some point another woman was with me as I searched for a bathroom (cleansing). I don’t know what happened to the black man. When we found the bathroom entrance the doors to both were sealed shut with yellow tape across them. I walked around the corner and found another entrance.
Inside I had to push past a fake door and gained entry into the bathroom. It was all white tiles and at first I was relieved to have found it. Unfortunately, as soon as we went further in I noticed the tile on the floor was crushed as if from an impact (trauma). Similarly, tiles on the walls were crumbling. There was also water (emotion) pooled on the floor and dripping down the far wall. The woman with me suggested we leave because it felt like the bathroom might collapse on top of us. I told her to wait and hurried to put on my shirt noticing my jeans were already on. The jeans were those from the 80’s (past issues) – high waist, puffy and stone washed. I could feel the sharp tile on my bare feet (cutting/painful issues).
When I awoke a song was going through my head – Toad the Wet Sproket’s Walk on the Ocean.
“Somebody told me this is the place where everything’s better and everything’s safe….”
The song seems to indicate I am seeking a safe place, somewhere where “everything’s better and everything’s safe.” I always did love that song. 🙂
Dream: Missed Wedding
In this dream I was talking to someone wearing earbuds standing outside on a city street. The date was discussed and I realized I had missed my best friend’s wedding (transition). I couldn’t remember how, though, and struggled to come up with an excuse thinking my actions unforgivable.
Suddenly, I remembered my mom (aspect of self) had given birth (new beginnings, growth) to a baby boy on the 21st. The date was the day before the wedding (the 22nd) so I thought I could use it as an excuse even though I was not in attendance at the birth. I remember talking to my best friend and telling her about the birth while looking at photos of her wedding. Somehow she with her a newborn baby of her own. I watched her tending to it as I told her I could come clean her house as a gift and to help out. In my mind I was confused, though, not knowing whose baby was born, my mom’s or her’s.