Kundalini Dream: Trip to Montana

Usually August is a very slow and uneventful month for me but not this year. Some twists and turns happening but I don’t have time to write much on it at the moment except to quote Forrest Gump – Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your gonna get. Indeed!

I found these 2 presents in the middle of the Forrest while walking my dog this morning. : WTF

For now I will leave it at that and share a wonderful dream I had the other night about visiting Montana. Lately I have been wanting to rent an RV and take a road trip to the mountains, specifically the Rockies because I have such great memories of my time there. So it is no surprise that I visited Montana in my dreams.

Kundalini Dream: Trip to Montana

I was on a house/train/RV (it morphed from one to the other) with a group. I recall it being my “house” (one’s own soul/self) at first and it was wide and spacious, golden and white in color and filled with modern things. The focus was on the TV which was a nice size and situated in the corner of the living room. The ambiance was nice overall. I felt happy.

Then I was on a train (life’s journey) heading through the mountains (higher realms of consciousness) of Montana. I was looking out the window while watching the rest of my group settle down for the long haul. Several were toking up, getting stoned and relaxing on blankets on the floor. As I watched the beautiful scenery I thought of taking photos (freezing moments in time) so I unlocked my phone and began to take pictures of the mountains. I recall seeing a mother antelope (much energy is needed to achieve goals) and her baby and snapped two photos of them as the train slowed allowing us all to see them. I also commented that everyone should pay attention to the beauty around us, and reminisced about my time visiting Glacier National park and the majestic mountains there.

I kept taking photos as the train went around a curve. There on the horizon was a mountain peak (reaching ones goals) surrounded by a circular formation of clouds (completion). In the distance I could see dark, billowing clouds of smoke coming from near the top of the mountain. The train slowed and I took a couple of shots and commented that it looked like a volcano (could be reference to the Kundalini). I was fascinated with the circular ring of clouds like a halo over the mountain top. Across from that scene was a beautiful, mountain lake (solace, peace of mind). I took a photo of it, too. Everything was so beautiful.

Inside the train I was asked if I wanted to smoke. I said no and that I had not done it in a long while. By this time the train had morphed into an RV (enjoy life to the fullest) and we were stopping for a break. When I got out I recognized the place – the shiny white flagstone and surroundings. I took another picture, this time of a dandelion (contentment) with the mountains in the background. The dandelion seemed to say, “Make a wish”. I focused on it more than the mountains when I took the picture.

I went inside the RV and accepted the invitation to smoke. I watched as they took this yellow-orange (mix of sacral and solar plexus chakras) looking plant and put it into a very white, wide rolling paper. The object looked more like a bunch of tiny grapes (decadence) than marijuana. They handed me a blunt and I took a long inhalation but felt nothing. A woman told me to wait a bit, that the effects would hit me hard.

As we sat enjoying our smoke the effects began to kick in and I smiled. At first it felt very much like being stoned, especially around my head/crown/eyes. I could feel my head and throat buzzing with energy. It snaked down into my heart and my whole body was vibrating. Eventually, this woke me up.

When I awoke my entire body was alive with Kundalini but my lower three chakras were the most affected. It took me an hour to relax enough to return to sleep.

Sync

The next morning on the way to work I got my husband to stop by Starbuck’s, something we rarely do. When we pulled up to the drive-through the car in front of us had Montana plates. I snapped a pic for evidence. It is rare to see Montana plates in Texas and then to have them right after such a powerful dream visit? Crazy!

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Uranus Retrograded Me

Wow. I don’t even know where to start for this post! SO much going on, this time mostly spiritually but also in this physical reality experience.

My me-time is so preciously scarce since I started working full-time that I don’t get to blog near as much as I would like. I tend to use my me-time to exercise, do yoga, and be with my kids. That leaves close to no time to write, though I do sneak it in on my private blog/journal when something pops up that I feel I need to document. Usually I jot some things down on a piece of paper as I rush to get ready in the morning and then write a quick account in my private blog when I get to work.

But I’m not complaining. I am enjoying life much more now. Busy = no time to over think things (my nemesis).

There are now SIX planets retrograde and I think the day Uranus went retrograde was when I started noticing a shift in my universe. It started with the sudden onset of post-nasal drip on Tuesday night alongside a nasty sinus headache. That night I didn’t sleep. The next morning my head felt to be in a vice and my throat hurt from the post-nasal drip. I felt like shit but took some Ibuprofen and went to work anyway. The Ibuprofen lessened the pain but I felt wiped out and zoned out most of the day. That night I took a dose of NyQuil and passed out. The next morning, as if by a miracle, I was cured! I have no idea if I was actually sick, if it was allergies or if something spiritual (ascension flu) was the culprit. I may never know, but afterward was when the vivid dreams started.

I’m still not sure how to relay all that occurred but I will do my best to organize it in a way that makes sense to you all while not eliminating too much detail/importance.

Synchronicities

The night of the 6th I was browsing FB and ran into a video of The Tonight Show with Will Ferrell. I rarely watch videos like this but this one I did. I liked it so much I shared it. I thought nothing of it at the time. Here is the video. Make sure to watch until the end:

That night I had this dream:

I was with my family waiting on my husband to get ready so we could go fishing (bring up repressed emotions for inspection). He was taking a long time, purposefully it seemed. It was getting later and later so I opted to go fishing without him. I took the kids with me and we drove off.

On the way we ended up on a mountain road. The mountains were a rusty red color and it was like we were in Arizona. At one point we stopped and Orren wandered across the road to look over the edge. I went to grab him with my other two kids. Somehow all three kids ended up falling over the edge (difficult time/fear of what lies ahead). I dropped a cardboard box (attempts to preserve and protect aspect of life) over the edge. They clung to it and I pulled them up. In the dream it was a heart pounding, scary experience.

We then headed back stopping at a restaurant on the mountain. Inside we ran into my husband who had followed us to catch up. He was hanging out with two cyclists in their gear being social with them. Me and my daughter looked through a store in the restaurant at a menu of items. The items were Thanksgiving meals made to order ahead of the holidays. The prices for a full meal were around $300. I opted not to buy anything and a nice lady gave us a beautiful metal container with scallops (female sexuality) inside as a gift. She told us how to make them, indicating how long to cook and giving us tips to make a quick meal with red sauce. The scallops were very memorable. I tasted one in the dream.

We then ran into a family who had moved to the area. A map was out and they were talking about what school the daughter would go to. A woman pointed to a school on the outskirts of town and I said it was likely new and had lots of kids like schools do these days. The girl would be in 10th grade and I commented on how I would be nervous to go to a school with so many kids. I told them of my teaching experience and how I was intimidated by all the tall (looking down on self) students. The mother and daughter looked bored and the mother said, “Well we aren’t worried about it.” As they turned their backs on me as if shunning me I noticed they were both very tall and said, “You shouldn’t worry. You are tall.”

As I woke the song, “Don’t Fear the Reaper” was going through my head. I fell into the in-between and got another message to go with it but can’t recall it now. It was something about getting ready to deal with change.

Then, I had a mini-dream where I let my dog outside and he wouldn’t go. I saw a big skunk (not expressing my true feelings even though I don’t agree with something) in the yard and it woke me.

Later, I told my husband about the song and how I had watched a FB video of it the night before. I shared it with him and explained how I it was going through my head when I woke and how I believe it was meant to warn me of coming change.

When we got to work the secretary had music on. Guess what song was playing? Yep. Weird!!!!!!!! Take a look at the lyrics, too.

Throughout the day I saw at least three skunk references, too. The basic message of the skunk is, “Do no harm”.

Blast from the Past

To continue the intensity of Tuesday (7th, Uranus retro), that morning I woke up with a song on my mind that had nothing to do with my dreams or anything. In fact, it was completely out of place. The words, “‘Cause I miss you…so I turned the radio on….” were repeating in my mind. Here’s the song:

When I got downstairs there was a FB messenger message from my high school best friend. I have not heard from her in years! Her message was:

“Listening to Counting Crows tonight and thinking of you. Hope you are well.”

When I saw the message I knew song I heard upon waking was about her missing me/thinking about me. “Cause I miss you….turn the radio on…” Ha! It would have been even more awesome had I heard a Counting Crows song when I woke. lol

It took me a couple of days to reply to her because it caught me so off guard. She wants to meet up for lunch in a couple of weeks. I have mixed feelings about it. We are so different now, our lives went in opposite directions. But we live literally 10 minutes from each other so there is no reason not to reconnect.

Intensity Hits

This is what I wrote in my private blog:

Woke up crying and feeling a familiar pain. 

Dream 1

I only recall a brief part of this dream. I was outside my grandmother’s garden. It looked like it did when I was little, green and full of life. I heard a ruckus and saw some kids messing with a large cat (cougar). It jumped over the fence and came toward me, most of it’s tail skinned of flesh. I scolded the kids saying, “Why did you do that?” I felt sorry for the cat.

Dream 2

I was in a large, open room with a group of people I recognized. We were all enjoying our OOB freedom and many of them didn’t even realize they were OOB. I can’t recall the specifics of our discussion but the feeling I had was happy and care-free.

At one point the discussion shifted to being able to talk to Spirit, or those who were unreachable from where we were. I told the group I could contact and talk to Spirit. They didn’t believe me. One did, though, and said they had recently lost their mother and could I contact her. I took the opportunity to show the group I could. When I “called’ to Spirit I took my hand, palm facing down, and slammed it against the ground invoking Spirit. When my palm contacted the ground there was a lightening flash of white light. When the light faded a pile of clothes and bones was left on the ground. I said it indicated that Spirit had not transition and to wait for her.

Dream 3

I recall sitting in a living room with someone next to me, likely my guide. Projecting on the wall were all my memories. It reminded me of the old movie projectors the way the image shifted and jumped about. I recall seeing my BIL and being focused on him. The film was paused and I was asked why I preferred to focus on him rather than another image. I could not see the image I was avoiding. In my memory it is a just a big, black, moving blob almost like an ink blot. The feeling when I tried to focus on it was what I recall the most. It was very familiar and I had thought it resolved. But in touching up it, it was like a wound partially healed being poked and prodded again until it bled. The pain of it hit me full force and I began to cry. The feeling is so hard to describe. It is so agonizing that even as I type this I struggle not to burst into tears. I miss him (the person the blob represents) so much that it is beyond my ability to manage. I don’t know how to process it, at least not in this human body. The closest I can come to describing the feeling is how a child must feel when they are ripped out of their mother’s arms unexpectedly and not allowed to return. They can see their mother, they know she is alive and well, but they are not allowed to return to her.

As I cried I was asked to consider focusing more on this blacked out memory. In my attempt to do as I was advised, a rush of memory hit me. The only thing I recall of the memory was the insurmountable pain, resulting regret and the conclusion that I had made the wrong decision. I remember saying, “I shouldn’t have. My heart will never stop breaking now.”

My guidance continued to nudge me. I said, “I can’t. I don’t think I am capable of it in this form (body).” The emotion was overwhelming and woke me. I continued to cry, my heart breaking over and over again.

As I woke a song crept into my mind, slowly as if in the background, becoming louder and louder. It was the music to Madonna’s “Open Your Heart” and the chorus repeated, “Open your heart to me, I hold the lock and you hold the key.” Then, behind that, another song merged with it – “Just say you won’t let go…..”

As you can imagine this only made my crying worse. As I lingered in bed, trying to compose myself and breathe (stopped up nose), I realized that the Love that seemed to be the source of all the pain I was experiencing could not exist within this form(body) – this character I am playing in this life. The two are not compatible. I struggle because the Love I feel cannot exist in the presence of fear. Thus, the pain is the result of the incompatibility. Yet life is all about survival and with survival comes fear – fear of so many things related to survival. I saw no way of ever fully embodying the Love while in this body. The task seemed impossible.

The agony of this realization made my heart hurt even more. It was as if my chest were being stabbed thousands of times and never allowed to heal. Still the hardest part to endure was – IS – the heartsickness; I have never missed someone/something so much. Everyday that passes, everyday apart, I die a little more. 

It was painfully obvious that I was being asked to “open my heart” again; that I had closed it off to protect myself but in doing so was preventing progress in the intended direction. I need to open up but when I try it is just too painful and I feel decimated all over again. I realize that if I don’t open up on my own that I will be forced to. I told my guidance I don’t want that but at this time I am not sure I can avoid it. Doing it on my own seems impossible.

What I don’t understand is why this is happening now. I have finally been feeling a connection to my husband again. I have finally accepted my life “as is”, devoid of the kind of Love I now know exists. I am appreciating what I have, who is in my life and the path I chose.

In the in-between I heard, “Panoramic Airways.” I took this to mean a bigger picture is available to be viewed. 

Short OBE

Almost forgot! I got a mini-OBE this morning. Unexpected and with a message: “Wait for it.”

It was mostly hynagogic imagery of birthday cards. The first was a moving picture I can’t recall except that it was colorful and about a birthday. The second was childish drawings of elephants (like Dumbo). Throughout it I was talking to someone and I heard then reply, “Wait for it….” When nothing happened except more images, I realized I was was OOB but had not exited. So I looked beyond the images and a room scene materialized. I exited my body and out I went. My first thought was, “Wow, I am really stable!” My astral form was solid and my perceptions 100%. I was in my mom’s bedroom and so headed directly to the front door. When I reached it I got a message as I was sucked back into my body. It was a feeling more than words that said, “Nope.” lol

Family Drama, Dreams and Messages

I finally have time to share a bit about my week and all the ups and downs since my husband got a concussion last Saturday. I’ll start with the physical world crap and end with the spiritual.

Physical Crapola 

The good news – Everything in my world is going good.

The house appraised for what it should ($100k over what we paid for it just 4 years ago!) and the refinance is going smoothly with no hiccups.

I got my first paycheck and put it directly into savings! My husband got a bonus as well, which is always a positive.

We have decided to “donate” our Mazda5 to my MIL because her car is always breaking down. It is costing the family because we have pay for the repairs. Her Subaru has over 250K miles and is just not worth the money going into it anymore. I am not 100% sure if I am going to ask my two BIL’s to help me pay off the Mazda or not yet. The deal is that if I/we pay if off then when it breaks down (which it will eventually) we don’t have to contribute to the repairs because we gave her a car with $4k still owed on it. So far she is resisting taking our car but we are working on getting her to let go of hers. She gets very attached to her stuff.

If/when the Mazda goes bye-bye then we may buy another, newer car, but I am sitting on that decision for now. We don’t need another car since I commute with my husband to work.

Work is still going good. I am now putting new hires into the system regularly, inputting invoices, reconciling credit cards, managing the petty cash and company credit card, typing up scopes for jobs (quite interesting I must say) and other things as needed. My husband said he wants to get my home office set up soon so that when school starts I can work from home. I was unsure about it and he said it was a go because my immediate boss (the lady with cancer I am learning from) has already agreed that I can work from home. We’ll see if that actually pans out when the time comes but if it does then I have officially landed THE PERFECT job. HA!

My birthday turned out good despite me being in a sour mood the whole first half. I spent time at my Mom’s swimming and catching up. We had a small family celebration and then I went home and received my presents. I got a fantastic new rug for my living room (please Monty don’t eat it!) and a Bissell Crosswave. My husband also got a used table we are going to refinish and put an epoxy top on. We want to emulate Joe’s Crab Shack’s tables and put family memories on the table top like a scrapbook. I’m not too happy about being a year older but I’ll get over it. At least I still look like I’m 30-something. 😉

Okay, so the bad news…..

Early this week my mom sent me images of what at first looked like a burned animal of some kind. Upon further inspection I realized it was my sister’s husband. I called my mom and she told me he had wrecked a Honda motorcycle. He shattered his eye socket, cracked his skull, broke some ribs, punctured a lung and got awful road rash.

I then learned that they had their car impounded a month prior and had been given the bike in a trade just two days earlier. The car was impounded because it had no front headlight, no bumper, no registration, no insurance and my BIL had no driver’s license. They had been struggling to make ends meet to the point of not having any money and bartering all their things to make ends meet.

On top of everything my sister has an infection in her jaw from a rotten tooth. She has to have surgery immediately but doesn’t have the money or any insurance. My mom took her to the dentist, paid for the visit and the antibiotics and painkillers but no surgery has been scheduled.

My mom refuses to step in and bail them out again. She informed me that prior to the car being impounded that my sister and BIL had been given a perfectly functional car as a second vehicle by their landlord. Just given it. They then opted to sell it for cash. Similarly, my mom had given them a truck and they sold it rather than use it. And prior to that my mom bought my sister two cars on different occasions with similar results. My mom said, “It seems to me like your sister is getting exactly what she deserves.”

I had been considering getting my MIL’s old car and giving it to my sister but my mom talked me out of it. It was/is obvious that my sister and BIL are incapable of making good, sound decisions. They don’t think ahead when they get money but spend it on the spot like it is a fire in their pockets. If I or someone else gives them a car the same situation will likely result.

I spent most of my birthday visit with my mom discussing what to do about my sister. We came up with all kinds of solutions. My husband said he would offer her a job and when he did she declined saying she had no transportation. She did not try and find a way around it or look to problem solve. She uses her criminal background as an excuse to not work, saying she can’t be hired anywhere. Yet she turns down a job paying $15/hr handed right  to her that overlooks her criminal record!

It was finally decided that we will do “nothing”. It sucks, though. If I still recognized my sister as my sister then I would not hesitate to give her my Mazda instead of my MIL. But she is not that person anymore. I don’t know who she is.

Spiritual

All kinds of strange in terms of spiritual experiences from cryptic messages to crazy syncs and intense dreams.

For example, I got a message one morning: Fire. Two Weeks. I didn’t say anything to anyone about it all morning. When my daughter and I went shopping I felt I should tell her for some odd reason. She immediately responded with, “Mom! I had a dream that Nana’s house was on fire!” It was so odd and I don’t know what to make of it. The two weeks will be up next Sunday, so I guess we’ll find out then.

Then there are the weird “coincidences”. At work, I was discussing a problem with the lady I work under. We had decided to call the company in question. She reached for the phone and the intercom comes up telling her she has a call from the company we were about to call! This happened twice in one week, too.

And my Mom and I and my daughter and I have been in sync as well. It is as if we read each other’s minds at times!

I’ve also been visiting other timelines/dimension in my sleep, at least that is what I have concluded.

Dream: Fire Room – August 1st

There was a whole dream where my husband and I went to another dimension to visit the people we know now. None of them knew us and we saw them all living together in a community. The houses were all rectangular with no insulation. Many were unpainted particle board but very large. 

Inside they were having a large meal and I looked around noticing none of them recognized me or my husband. The world was completely different than ours. The group was in hiding after a major world upheaval. They didn’t have things we did. For example, they didn’t have sharpie markers, only dry erase (lol). They also didn’t have electricity and used a fire to cook the meal. 

Toward the end I was cold and went to a room where a huge fire (contentment) was burning. There was a man and girl inside and the man asked me why I was there. I told him to warm myself by the fire. He said it was the warmest room in the house. It was vast with high ceilings and a raging fire contained within the fireplace. I leaned on a counter near the fire and warmed myself. The whole room was orange tinged.

Then my husband came in with two broadswords (strength, decisiveness, masculine). He wanted to show us all something. He took both swords, swung them wide while chanting words. Glyphs appeared on the floor in neon blue. He said only certain people could see the glyphs. I could read them and said they were the recipe for making a certain special wine. The other glyphs from the other sword were not visible to us. He said only someone of the Dark could see them. He said a certain name but I can’t recall it now. 

 

I’ve also had Spirit visiting me, as has my daughter. My daughter told me she keeps getting touched. One night she came to me freaked out and said, “Mom, I was in bed on my phone and I felt someone touch my shoulder like this (touched my shoulder). It freaked me out. I don’t want to sleep in my room tonight.”

The night before that I had this dream encounter:

Inside I lay down in bed and rested. A Spirit came to my right and began to talk to me. I recognized that he was influencing me and wanted me to listen to him. I wondered if he was trying to be sexual but didn’t do anything, so I just lay there pretending to sleep. When he thought I was asleep he leaned over me and I felt the stubble of his beard as if he was going to kiss me. Then my husband came in and leaned over me the same way and the Spirit backed off. I turned to the Spirit and said, “You need to leave.” I didn’t think I would see him but I did, clear as day. He looked like a young teenage boy with light hair and a thin frame.

The next night I had a very powerful dream that seemed to point at something coming.

 

Dream: Turned Upside Down – August 2nd

The dream began with me meeting up with a group. One man showed me his left ear (listen) was cancerous (something upsetting). It was red and scabby so he covered it with a hat that came down over his ears. I remember thinking it was good that it was cold outside so he could wear the hat.

At the airport I was informed that I had been given an airline ticket. I joined another woman and waited in line but the other woman was called away. I waited and she never returned. I remember thinking, “I guess I am going to travel alone.” I thought about it and was okay with it and felt I could do it alone even though I was going to Europe.

On the plane I sat in a seat facing the opposite direction of the others. They were all watching an in-flight movie. My chair (need for reflection) was wooden, like for a kitchen table, while theirs were regular plane seats.

The plane began its approach. I looked out the window and saw a wooden docking bay with a man standing on it with an orange thing waving it about. I thought it odd how we were landing because we seemed to be hovering and landing vertically, not like a plane at all.

Once we landed we stepped off the plane out onto a green field lined with tall pine trees. There was a group of people mulling about by the side of a plane. They all had fuzzy looking objects in their hands, like makers of some sort. I didn’t have one and knew I needed on to board. I went to the lady giving them out. She handed me one and said, “Do you eat a lot?” I said, “No, not really.” She handed me a large gallon bag full of graham crackers (tendency to care for others needs over my own). I took them and went to the plane.

I walked inside the plane and noticed the inside was two stories. There was a large, golden staircase (transformation) leading to the second level. I stayed on the bottom level and looked around at the spacious interior.

Suddenly the whole plane lurched and rolled over onto its side. I was standing and my entire view spun as I tumble upside down. In the dream it was very real and I got scared, grabbing for something to steady myself but not able to grab onto anything.

The plane stopped and I began to try and find a way out. Everything was upside down. The pilot said all would be fine and to not worry. Everyone else seemed oblivious to the situation but I saw out the window a hill heading through the forest. I knew if the plane moved again we would be rolling for quite a while.

I located the entry and began to head for it, intending to climb up and out. As I began to climb up, the plane lurched again and began to roll. I quickly pulled myself up and out of the door and jumped out. I grabbed onto a vine and watched as the plane rolled down hill.

A man was standing casually on the hill observing the scene. I said, “It’s going downhill!” He said, “Yes, it will land in the lake below.” He just stood there smiling casually as I hung onto the vine, swinging and feeling frantic. I said to him, “What is wrong with you! Why don’t you do something!?” He smiled, calmly as if there was nothing going on, no plane barreling down the hillside. Then he said, “There’s nothing I can do. The 4th (mankind) dynamic has been activated.” When he told me this I burst into tears. The emotion behind the tears reminded me of times when I have been given “bad” news, or news I did not want to hear. The feeling here, though, was that the news was not “bad” but that it was just something I was dreading in that I had a part to play in it and that part was going to “turn my world upside down”.

I woke up still crying and hearing a familiar song playing through my mind – “Destiny…..Lord you live in me as the unchanging.” I wasn’t crying anymore but the emotion that triggered it was still very much present.

I fell into the in-between. In front of me I saw a portal/window open up in vivid color. It looked like I was seeing a Shamanic ceremony taking place. A man was on his knees by a fire chanting. Another man, close to me, was standing with his back to me. He had his arms open and I could see he had a massive erection. I knew that the whole ceremony was to induce the sexual energy but that the man was being helped to channel the energy rather than give in to the sexual urges. I was fascinated but the scene disappeared as I woke. 

 

Based upon all that has transpired physically and spiritually, it seems like the end of this year is going to be an interesting one full of family drama and other surprises. I will continue to focus on just living my life and staying busy for now. It is nice to be busy and productive again. It is especially nice to have extra money to spend. hehe Thus far the tarot reading I did for myself last week has been spot on about the spending. 🙂

 

 

 

 

Here’s to Better Days

Lots of crying in my dreams again. Happy birthday to me. Sigh.

SO much more to relay but I don’t have time to go in depth about all that is going on. I posted on FB yesterday:

Once again it feels like I am standing in the middle of the eye of the hurricane while everyone else around me is pummeled with life crap. Sometimes it is harder to be the one watching the shit hit the fan than it is to be the one receiving the shit storm.

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Yet that same morning I woke in a good mood and a song I use to sing at weddings with my mom and grandmother came to mind. This is the song:

The entire first verse popped into my head and I sang it to my husband acting all sappy adding hand motions and all like I was on stage (very unusual for me in the early morning). Afterward the song stayed with me so I posted it on FB with the photo below asking my mom if she remembered singing it. She did and later we chatted about it some. She told me the Psalm it came from was the one she recited every morning when she set her yoga intention and that she felt I was reminded of the song in order to giver her a message. She said, “You’re post was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much!”

“This is the day that the Lord hath made and I will rejoice with you.”

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Dream #1

This dream centered at first around fish and turtles. They were in two separate tanks, one large and one only about 5 gallons. I recall seeing baby turtles swimming around in one. I decided to feed them. When I did all these other fish came out. Most of them were small but there were some large ones. When I watched the tank seemed large but then I realized it was on a 5 gallon. I said, “It’s way too small for this many fish!”

Then I went to a school or hospital setting. Inside I was walking around going up and down hallways repeatedly. There was a cat/bunny (it morphed from one to the other) that was mine. I was told that my cat was male and not female and shown it’s strange penis. I only recall a diagram of it now. It looked like a triangle with a longer side that extended like an arm.

There was a lot in between but most is lost to me now.

Then I was going in and out of the small lab storage room. It had a wall of windows on one side and had lots of scientific materials and such inside. I was in and out of it and then finally sat down by one of the windows on a long couch. There were two men with me, one I was very close to. I thought of them as “teachers”. The one I felt close to came and sat next to me while talking. He snuggled up to me and I reached around and pulled him close. It felt wonderful. I knew we loved each other very much but I also remembered that we rarely felt able to express our love because I was married. He and I were coworkers, so both teachers. As I sat next to him I recognized how difficult it was to be in love with him but not be able to be with him. He got up casually and the other man sat down near me, taking his seat. I wanted to sit next to the man I felt connected to – in love with – but couldn’t because of the man who took his seat. My heart began to sink and I felt an intense heaviness within. My last thought was about how we couldn’t be together. I began to cry in heaving sobs.

The dream woke me up and I rubbed my eyes clear of the tears. The man in the dream was very handsome to me even though to others he would have appeared as a normal looking, dark haired man. I KNEW him in the dream and even when I woke I felt our connection. His smile and demeanor was so very familiar, like we were never apart a day yet the reality (which was difficult to bear) was that we were physically apart.

Dream #2

In this dream I was back with the dark haired man and another man was also with me. The other man was my husband in real life. We were traveling to a work site in a work truck. All three of us sat in the bucket seat, me in the middle. The road we were traveling was up in the Smokey mountains and became narrower as we drove. At one point my husband said he thought the directions must be wrong because the destination was not where it should have been. I looked out the window and saw the road was winding and on one side was a pile of red bricks (experience and/or heartbreak has hardened me) looked to have been dumped there.

As we drove the road kept narrowing and both men were discussing how it was really treacherous. I looked out the window and the trees were right there, so close I could touch them. I saw their white trunks in rows. They resembled bars as if I were in a jail cell.

We came to a sudden stop. There was a metal foot bridge so the truck could not pass over. My husband wanted to keep driving to see if the truck would make it. I screamed in fear and my husband snapped at me really loudly for being a “back seat driver” saying, “STOP DOING THAT!” I was embarrassed for having let a scream escape but I was scared he was going to attempt to drive over the bridge. He didn’t, though. He stopped.

After he yelled at me I jumped out of the truck, tears welling up in my eyes from hurt feelings and all kinds of other unrelated emotion. I ran down the road in the opposite direction, back up the mountain road. The dark haired man got out of the truck and ran after me. I was thinking as I ran about how he (the dark haired man) would never do that. I sent a mental thought to the dark haired man saying, “You would never treat me like that. You care about how I feel.” I could feel his concern for me as he ran behind me. All I wanted was to be with him and I was thinking, “I can’t do this! I can’t do this!”

I woke again in tears and rubbed them from my eyes but they kept seeping out despite my efforts. My heart was aching when I woke. I heard, “I am always with you.” It didn’t help the ache.

Dream #3

This was a short dream. I was with a group and we were all being lined up. It reminded me of PE class in middle school when we would like up for dodge ball. I was told to stand at the end of the line and face the opposite direction than the rest of the people in line. My husband was next to me. When I turned the coach (which sounded like my husband) told me to turn around and said something crude related to balls. I can’t remember what he said but when I followed instructions and turned around I became furious with him, so angry I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Red-hot anger. I turned back to face him, this time to my left where my husband was standing, and said, “I WILL NOT be treated like this!” I could feel his humor in the dream and the anger I felt melted into grief and I began to cry, again sobbing so hard it woke me up. The feeling I had upon waking was how unfair everything was, how unjust to be belittled because I am a woman.

Dream #4

In this dream I was inside a large bathroom. The toilet kept squirting water out of the top, soaking the walls behind it. My husband was inside repairing a section of the wall and I told him about the water squirting out of the toilet. He inspected the wall on the opposite side of the room, the tile and the patch in the wall he had just completed. I told him to look behind the toilet. Instead he kept focusing on the patch in the wall. When I saw it I could see between the wood and noticed it was not a good patch job and would need to be torn out. I suggested we put a huge window, a stained glass window (spiritual healing and enlightenment/guidance), in its place. I got on the phone to order one and someone began to ask me questions that made no sense. I realized I had blanked out in the middle of the conversation and had no memory of what was said. The man on the phone seemed to indicate that I was not suppose to know the information I was asking for. I apologized and hung up. My husband was staring at me after and questioned me. I swore I had no idea why I had been on the phone, saying I was trying to order a stained glass window.

Then there was a hole in the wall where the patch had been. I could see outside to a pool full of kids. It started raining so they all started coming in through the hole. The kids were little, one a toddler girl. They carried towels with them and I helped them dry off.

Eventually there were kids everywhere and I felt overwhelmed and wanted to get out of the now cramped space. It was frantic feeling. Since I could get out I turned on a computer to do something on it and the kids began to ask to get on it. I remember relaying to them how they always wanted what I had, asking them, “Can you let me have something for once without trying to take it from me!?” They didn’t listen, though, and kept demanding what I had. They were all around the computers playing games and I watched continuing to feel overwhelmed.

When I woke from this dream I wasn’t crying but I felt suffocated by the dream experience. I realized it was very much how I feel in my day-to-day life as a mom and wife. Always giving up things for others. Give, give, give. I have to sneak down to the kitchen to grab a snack and hope my kids don’t hear me. If they do, they want whatever I am eating, nothing else will do. If I want to go for a walk alone I have to sneak out, otherwise I will have company whether I like it or not. It is a constant struggle to find time alone, to have something just for myself. Even my husband takes his share of my time, my effort, my body. What is left for me? Not much.

Music

A song was and still is going through my head. The lyrics I hear are – “Here’s to better days”.

This song is also coming to mind, though it has no lyrics. It is just a nice one to meditate to. Enjoy!

Dream: Truck Horse Woman

The dream started with me driving a red truck (work) up a road (life path) over a mountain pass (important passage) that resembled the hill near my mom’s house. As I topped the hill another car was on the other side. Since it was a one-lane road I stopped because I couldn’t continue. I got scared when I saw how high up I was. I could see the edge of the cliff and the drop-off below. I freaked out and rather than back down to let the other car pass I abandoned the truck and ran down the road, abandoning my truck.

I sought the help of an old friend. In the dream he was an older man who I felt was wise and knowing. He walked with me as we talked, stopping by his restaurant. The front was all windows and the waitress was closing for the night. We then went to his house adjacent to the restaurant and went inside.

I was worried about my truck and talked to the man about it. In the dream, however, the truck morphed into a white (spirituality, purity) horse. I worried it would be hungry and thirsty and may die.

In the middle of the man’s house the horse appeared laying on it’s side on the floor. It was white and beautiful. It did not look to be in distress, just sleeping (unconscious). I woke it and offered it water in a bowl but it refused it. Then I encouraged it to stand and it did. I knew I needed to take it outside for food and movement so I asked for a bridle (manipulation of situation) and a lead. The man told me one was in the barn so I went to look for it. Outside near the barn I could not find a bridle but I found junk scattered about – boxes and such. In one was a $50 and then on the ground was a wad of money that was petrified it was so solid and hard. It had been cut in half and on top was a $50 bill cut down the middle.

I eventually let my horse out and it roamed about. There was a pond nearby that distracted me because it was so pretty and I wanted to go fishing (exploration of subconscious). So I forgot about finding the bridle and the horse got out of my sight. When we went to find him we ran into two ghostly figures – a man and a woman. There was discussion about the horse and how she had morphed into a ghost woman and was seeking someone to help guide her and show her the lay of the land. The sense was that she – the horse woman – was now free and we could not control her or keep her safe. She could easily be swayed by others. I watched as she met up with the ghostly figure of a man, tall, dark and handsome. To me he felt to be evil but there was no indication that this was true.

Notes and Interpretation

When I was dreaming this dream, I believe when I was talking with the old man, there was memory of a difficult period in my life – around October, 2016 through mid-2017 – that came back full-force. All the emotion of the time returned and I sobbed in the dream, my heart aching resulting in my feeling decimated all over again. When I woke from this dream I was sad but couldn’t contact the emotion. All that remained was a dullness inside, almost like I had administered a numbing agent to keep from feeling the pain.

I sense now that I have buried my pain (agony really) deep down so that it cannot hurt me anymore and that I am being asked to dig it up and heal it. I am not sure how, as I thought (foolishly I guess) that I had healed and resolved it. But perhaps my HS thought it better to bury the pain because had it continued at the rate it was I may not have lasted long in this life (at least that is how it felt). It was odd how I seemed to go to sleep one night feeling decimated and wake the next morning feeling completely renewed, content and optimistic about the future.

The dream itself has interesting symbolism. Trucks are work. This one is red symbolizing a zest for life and desire. I seemed to have abandoned mine, too afraid to continue. Then the truck morphs into a horse which symbolizes freedom and living life with a sense of wild abandoned, taking life by the horns, etc. The horse then morphs into a woman who is a ghost. I suspect this is symbolic of me, a me that I feel I have lost or that is no longer of this world; not solid or real to me anymore. This woman “haunts” me in a sense. She cannot be contained and goes off in search of someone who can show her the way, give her a map or a lay of the land. I believe this symbolizes an inner desire to find guidance and to see the bigger picture so that I can understand my path.

 

Humorous Dream

Interesting dreams to recount. Happy blood moon eclipse!

Dream: Withdrawal

This dream took place in a lecture hall at a university. I was discussing my class load with a professor. His looks reminded me of a young Anthony Hopkins.

It was close to the end of the semester. Finals were on the horizon and as such it was time for me to confront my grades. Some classes I attended daily while others I forgot to the point of missing exams and assignments. The particular classes I had missed were Geometry and History. I had attended History, even taken the mid-term, but gotten lax in my attendance toward the end and it was doubtful I would pass the final. I am not sure I ever attended Geometry.

I told the professor that I wanted to withdraw from those classes rather than risk failure. I also indicated that I was going to stop taking classes after finals because I already had my degree and the additional classes were not necessary. I was just taking them for the fun of it.

The professor indicated that my decision was a good one and headed out of the lecture hall. As I followed him I recalled the class he was teaching was one I was doing well in. The class was Screen Writing. I could see a large projected image up on the screen of the course content we were studying. The other class I was doing well in was English.

Interpretation – It felt like this dream was me indicating to one of my guides that I am done with karmic contracts (History) and certain life (Geometry = sacred geometry) lessons. My decision felt final where in other similar dreams I felt uncertain when I made similar decisions. I find it interesting that I was excelling at Screen Writing. 🙂

Dream: Heart and Soul

This dream began with me sorting through earrings (messages yet received). Many had no backs (incomplete message) and my daughter had stuck several into fabric. I worked to get two heart earrings (message about love/relationship) out and complained to her about how she had created a mess.

Then I was preparing to get ready to go to school. In the room two women were sitting on the bed. One seemed to not like me but I am not sure. They were observing me as I got ready. I was wearing blue jeans (feeling relaxed) and no shirt, just a bra (supported and protected). I think I was talking about make-up (projection of self) and how I no longer needed it.

At one point I said to them, “What kind of music do you want to listen to?.” One woman said, “Why don’t you sing? We want to hear you sing.” I said, “Nah. I have lots of music to choose from.” After thinking a bit I said, “How about ABBA?” They didn’t reply. I really didn’t want to sing because I was embarrassed to but eventually I opted to sing. The song I chose was Heart and Soul.

This part of the dream is hilarious. I started out singing fairly quietly but as I got to the “Give a little bit of heart and soul” I got really into it and sang louder and louder. In the dream I was pretty lucid and remember feeling the song/music pouring out of my center.  It felt so good! I could also hear myself singing and I sounded awesome.

As I was singing I selected a navy blue polo shirt from a closet in another room. It was wrinkled (wisdom) and reminded me of a man’s shirt but I didn’t care. Instead I kept singing, moving with the music and completely oblivious to my audience who were smiling, still sitting on the bed.

This part of the song was really memorable as I was fully lucid by the time I sang it:

Somehow, I lost my way
Looking to see something in your eyes
But love will never compromise
Now this is the politics of life, yeah!

When I was done singing the song I walked out of the room and saw a little boy outside looking in. He said to me, “I’m not cleaning that up.” He was shaking his head and looked like he knew someone had done something very bad. I noticed the room to the right of him was an empty cafeteria (no issues eating me up).

I went inside the room on his left and saw a huge mess. It looked like talc had been knocked on the floor. Everything was layered in white dust. There was a little toddler in on a diaper near the edge of the mess. One of the women from the bedroom came in and said, “BOB! What did you do!?” LOL I laughed in the dream and kept walking, grabbed a tube of moisture cream and slathered some on my face (renewal, fresh start) and headed out of the room (I was still getting ready). I remember thinking my husband had to go to class to and wondering where he was and if he would be late.

Then something flew by me on the floor and disappeared under some furniture. I heard a woman say, “Crap!” I turned and the woman who had scolded Bob had a broom handle in her hand. The bottom of the broom (domesticity) had fallen off as she was sweeping and flown all the way across the room.

The whole thing was so funny I was laughing a belly laugh. It was funny because I could completely relate to the woman’s frustration at the baby, the mess and the broom malfunction. I have been there numerous times and eventually the ridiculous of such situations breaks through the frustration they cause.

I woke up with the tell-tale signs of being OOB – vibrations, difficulty opening my eyes, and a disconnected feeling. I was laughing and thinking, “Bob? Who names a baby Bob?” LOL

I realized that the Heart and Soul song was not by ABBA but T’Pau and that it might be a message. ABBA is a palindrome and so is Bob. However, the message from the song is likely applicable.

An entire memory came to me from high school. My best friend had an umbrella with a man’s head on the end of the handle. She named him Bob because it was a palindrome. We use to talk about Bob as if he were alive and make jokes. I thought that my dream must be trying to get me to lighten up and laugh at “serious” situations. It is all in the way we look at things, really – from the front or the back. 😉

Full Moon Emotion Hits

Well emotion in my dreams anyway….

Tomorrow there is a blood full moon and total lunar eclipse. Can you feel it?

Overall I feel pretty stable considering all the planets that are retrograde and this upcoming full moon eclipse. I believe I owe that to working full-time. It is amazing how working and focusing on numbers all day blocks out all the other “stuff”. 🙂

The irritation at hearing people talk is waning, at least, though I still need quiet and wish for it daily. My husband continues to chatter away on our commute (sigh) and my daughter seems to be in crisis all the time.

With less time at home to take care of routine things I find myself frequently rushing around playing catch-up. All the normal mommy duties need to be done. On top of all that, we are refinancing our home to take care of some of our debt and so there is paperwork and planning all the time. With Mercury retrograde I don’t know how this will work out. Closing date will be on or around August 15 which is still during retrograde. My feeling is all will be fine.

Dream: Meeting for Drinks

The dream began with me sitting alongside my sister. We were both small children and playing happily together.

Out of the blue I received a phone call from a woman who is a “friend” of mine. She told me that everyone decided to meet up for drinks. She explained that they were all concerned about me and wanted to check in. I was not happy about this and tried to get her to cancel but she said everyone was already on their way.

Then we were all inside a large, open restaurant located up on a mountainside. Below was a vast lake. I could see a paved, two lane road winding around and up the mountain to the restaurant out the window. There was a short discussion about cell phone reception being spotty but I can’t recall all of it.

Our group was sat at two circular tables. The woman who had called began talking to me about my “situation”. I only recall now that we spoke about my sister and her plight in life and how she was currently doing. We also spoke about my mom and the rest of the family.

One table left and another was preparing to leave. I noticed a $50 bill on the table. It was for the tip but no one had paid the bill. The woman who organized the group was suppose to do that. I can’t recall the solution.

Then it was just me and the woman standing alone as she was leaving. She said to me, “If you leave things will only get worse.” When she said this to me my heart sank and a sadness filled my entire being. I began to sob and the tears woke me up.

When I woke I was confused by the emotion as it did not seem to match the dream, at least not what I recall of it. My understanding was that I was asking to exit this life early and being told the repercussions of such a decision should I make it.

Dream: Frozen

In this dream I was inside a house with white walls and ceilings. There was knowing that some individuals had been “frozen” and that a certain person had intentionally frozen them. I could see and sense this man in the dream. He was tall and wore a trench coat but other than that I can’t remember his appearance. He would speak to me occasionally, usually to put doubt into my mind.

I was there when these individuals were thawed out. They needed help afterward because they had been frozen at a particular time and their development stunted. They would need help adjusting to their new awareness. One particular individual was a young boy with sandy blonde hair. It felt like it was my job to help him.

Toward the end of the dream I was standing next to this young boy. The dark man behind me seemed to be echoing my thoughts on the situation, my apprehension and concern about being of assistance to the young boy. The young boy came up to me, looked up at me with love, trust and innocence in his eyes. I knew he was in “4th grade” and looking at him caused my heart to break into a million pieces. He needed my help but I did not want to help him for some reason. The ache inside was too much for me and I began to cry. The tears once again woke me up.

When I woke I was once again confused at my displaced emotion. The emotion I felt was akin to seeing an abandoned animal on the side of the road or a newborn baby abandoned and starving. It was a gut wrenching feeling mixed with a sense of unfairness and outrage. Though I wanted to help the young boy in the dream I also did not because I knew it would do no good in the long-run. It was like I knew his future and in knowing it felt my part in it was inconsequential. What was the point of helping one to become aware if all they would experience was more pain? It was similar to when I have come across a wounded or dying baby animal. You have to decide if it is worth it to rehabilitate them or better to put them out of their misery. Ultimately, the answer is that the gift given is the gift of choice, a choice that would otherwise not be there without my assistance.

Considerations

It appears to me that both these dreams were asking me to look at the bigger picture of my being here in this life. The first involves my family and came as a direct result of me wondering about my OBE yesterday when I felt an ominous feeling near my mom’s house. The “issues” contained withing that “house” were discussed in my dream. Ultimately it was indicated to me that if I were to leave this life prematurely that certain issues would only get worse.

The second dream is about someone I am suppose to help, someone in the “4th grade” (9 years old) who is just now “awakening”. The sense from the dream was that my assistance would cause him suffering and/or pain of some sort and I did not want a part in that. This person would be completely open to me, trusting and naive in his new awareness. The shock of “reality” would be difficult for him and that reality would be gifted to him by me.

I can’t help but think back to the message I got recently about a repeat of lessons from 2010. My sister was in a crisis point in her life at that time which ultimately ended up with her doing time in prison in 2011. This came to mind after the first dream and discussion of her plight at length. The pressure put on the family back then was rough and I wonder if maybe similar pressures are in our future.

How it is that me being in this life assists in the upcoming situations, IDK and I don’t feel it is my place to know the details. I will know enough and already do know enough to do what I came here to do. I have often been told by my guidance that “helping” is not always what it appears to be. We help others in both “good” and “bad” ways. Sometimes we are here to deal a “blow” to someone. This may mean we are made out to be the “bad guy”, but that is how the other person/people learn. We, in turn, also learn a lesson, gaining perspective as the “bad guy”.