Dream: Prison Visit

Yesterday turned out to be an okay day despite my waking in a funk. I was busy and distracted – both helpful when trying to avoid mental traps and cyclic thinking. One of the t.v shows I’ve gotten to watching had new episodes so that was a nice distraction, too. What is interesting (and no surprise) is that while watching my show I had messages come through. It is funny how it happens. I am one minute oblivious, tuned into the show, and the next I hear an obvious conversation going on between myself and my guidance. Then I end up in the conversation, shifting over to it and my show becomes background noise for a few minutes or until something on the show distracts me.

What I learned during one of these instances yesterday was that what I am experiencing is normal and the way I am reacting is also my norm. We have just exited an extremely high energy period (full moon). Now we are adjusting and integrating. These integration periods can be difficult sometimes.

Last night when left without a t.v. distraction I felt an uneasiness again. My guidance came through and asked me if they could show me something. I said they could but was really sour with them. The doubt-monger in me was on high alert and I told them I highly doubted any of what I was being told/intuiting was coming to fruition. I was in the “it’s all a load of crap” mode. lol

Dreams

Early in the night I have faint memory of dreams but all that is left of them are some visuals and a Knowing of receiving instruction on this process I am undergoing (as are some of you). I remember saying, “I am still selecting timelines.” I also recall seeing three circles aligned vertically, the edge of one touching the next. Then the circles on the top and bottom smoothly switched places. The center circle remained in place. I could feel energy during this but memory of it is gone now.

I woke briefly at 5:00am with the circles in my mind and knowing we had been discussing the soul transfer. I wondered about it briefly. Does it mean my higher and lower self are switching places? Why were the circles in a line and not inter-lapping like I’ve seen in the past?

When I woke I was also feeling extremely tired, like drugged. Considering I have been sleeping lightly for over a week now, it was a nice feeling. It didn’t take long for me to drift off to sleep again.

Vector illustration of a man lock up in prison

Dream: Prison Visit

This dream was semi-lucid and quite vivid. In it I was inside a large bedroom that resembled a hotel room. I knew I was in prison but I had volunteered to be there. For most of the dream I was in the bed in my prison “cell” experiencing visitations from other prisoners via a type of “dream”. However, I knew it was not a dream but that they had the ability to cross through time and space. We all had it.

I met four others but two stand out in my memory. The first was a dark haired woman who I knew as “Marcella”. She approached me, coming at first as an apparition and then solidifying. She told me she was from another “cell” and we talked for a long time. I recognized her as someone I had lived a past life with. In fact, our connection was intensely attractive to me at the heart level to the point that I even said to her, “We were together in another lifetime. I remember you.” I knew we had been romantically involved and it caught me off-guard for a moment in the dream because I knew I was female and so was she and this did not compute. lol The attraction to her was so strong that I thought that if I met her outside of the dream we were in that I would choose a same sex partnership with her despite my preference for men. Ha!

In the dream our mutual attraction was muted and we got to talking like old friends. I asked her why she was in prison. She said she was in for “corporate fraud”. I said, “What corporation?” I am not sure of her response now but I think she said, “Pay Bill.” lol I interpreted her answer as “Playbill” and I remember thinking it sounded like “Playboy”. Now, in writing it, I see what she meant! Paying back somebody named Bill, as in resolving karma. LOL

She also gave me her prison number, but I only recall that it had a 5 in it. I could see her section of the prison and knew we would never meet because of the strict rules and guards. When she left I continued to sense our connection. It was like my heart was lit up with the heart fire but very muted.

The other person I recall vividly was a middle aged man. I did not recognize him by appearance but by our connection. Again he was from another “cell” and had materialized in front of me. With him I also felt a strong heart connection and knew I had lived a past life with him as his romantic partner. He was connected to Marcella, too, and with the other two people who came to visit me. I don’t remember much of my conversation with him other than him telling me that he and some others were planning to break out (desire to break free of restrictive situation). He invited me to join them.

I do have faint memory of an old man about 70ish but it is fleeting. I believe the other person was a woman and the memory I have of her is young, voluptuous and fair haired. All four of the people I came into contact with caused my heart to react with an intense familiarity.

In the end of the dream an older woman came in alongside the younger, fair haired woman who I mentioned above. The older woman had a laptop (need to communicate) and set it on a table. The fair haired woman was there to help me send emails (communication). There was discussion then about my room (private self). There was a dresser (hidden aspects of self) set in front of a large bulletin board (message from subconscious) and a trashcan (unwanted ideas, thoughts, memories) shoved between the bed (intimate self) and the dresser (hidden self). I had no use for the dresser and the woman was laughing at how it was set in an unusual place.

Then I watched the older lady get up and walk toward the window. I noticed she was physically in good shape for her “age” and the next thing I knew I was transported to another scene where I watched a life play out before my eyes. The fair haired, voluptuous woman and the middle aged man (mentioned above) dated, were married and had children. I entered the scene and walked up to the woman. She had aged and grown fat from all her pregnancies. We talked and I focused on how her stomach looked pregnant and her breasts had sagged and were smaller than her protruding pooch. She said, “You should have seen them (her breasts) when I was pregnant!” We got a good laugh out of it. I saw her six children running about a yard next to a very large house. Everything was green and bright and her husband was laughing as he put together a playhouse outside in their garden. I said, “How many kids do you two have together?” She said, “Not enough.” lol

I understood that she and the middle aged man, both who I knew and had a strong connection to, had chosen to live a life together. It seemed like they lived in the same “prison” as me but in an adjacent cell block, one I could not get to physically but could “visit”.

I returned to my cell and saw the group of individuals standing together. I saw a large circle (completion) but when I looked closer it vanished and everyone was surrounded by very large, orange pumpkins (open and receptive). This woke me up because of its peculiarity.

Considerations

When I woke I knew my guidance had wanted to show me something in this dream. There was confirmation that I had volunteered to come to the Earth “prison”. It also seems they wanted me to see the others of my “cell” and show me the very real connection I had to them. All of them I could not meet in the physical. I’m glad of that! With the heart connection I felt for them it would really complicate things for me, especially “Marcella”. I don’t want to meet her as it would cause me to go into an identity crisis for sure! I am not sure if they are in this same dimensional version of Earth, or not. That is a bit confusing to me but then I don’t care, the dream experience was cool. It felt like a family reunion.

I was very sleepy still when I woke and fell into the in-between many times. There were strange messages and visions coming through. I remember laughing about something and joking with someone. I believe the people from my dream were the ones I was talking to. I remember hearing, “We will come get you.” along with an image of me hanging upside down by a rope attached to one of my feet (lol). There was also a scene involving hamsters (distancing self to prevent being hurt) of all ages swimming in water (emotion) and being fed pancakes (pleasure). All of it is mixed up together now. Mainly I was left feeling as if all of this life I am living is just a dream and it was so disconcerting and caused me to get out of bed.

Even now I recall the connection I felt to all of the people in my dream. I had a heart connection with all of them and it felt very natural. The connections were varied, though, some stronger than others. I loved them all differently, some with more intensity than others. I remembered lifetimes I had with them and the lifetimes directly affected the intensity of the connection. It wasn’t necessarily the more lifetimes the more intensity. It was more like the experiences together affected the intensity, but this doesn’t feel exactly correct either. If I had been more lucid or OOB I think I would have freaked out from the energy.

 

 

Struggling Today

Woke this an unsettling realization, but one I’ve had in the past and so am not too surprised is coming back to say taunt me. It is basically that the spiritual path, though one I am and will likely be drawn to my entire life, will not be the career I want it to be. Instead, it will likely be a hobby, side-project – whatever you want to call it – overshadowed by my sense of responsibility to my family and the roles I play within in. This issue was actually brought up to me in an astrological reading last year as one of the obstacles I have created in this life.

Sun and moon both conjunct outer planets. This creates a feeling of being overshadowed by a greater archetype which can eclipse my individual right to pursue my own goals. Particularly with Saturn I can feel that my responsibilities outweigh my right to achieve my own personal well-being, creative self and happiness. With the moon conjunct Neptune, there are always those at a greater need than myself. It would cause me to feel that I need to be there in a compassionate way to serve selflessly rather than realizing my own emotional independence and well-being. It is easy for archetypes that are carried like that to overshadow the self. Challenge for me to disengage myself from my greater mission to serve in order to address my own personal, individual, creative development. The more I have the courage to put my own well-being at the same level as the well-being of others, the more balance will be achieved and then I won’t be defined by the greater mission. I will be defined as a human being who is a living example of those archetypes

The way this realization hit me was strange. I woke from a string of dreams that seemed to have nothing at all to do with the realization.

Dreams

At first I seemed to be visiting the past. I was wearing a cossetted dress and talking to another girl about what a girl could and could not do. I was breaking with what was accepted. I recall hearing a chorus singing, “It is Well With My Soul” and then I was in charge of inoculating (development on mental and spiritual level) the women with a Tetanus booster but the needle to the syringe was retracting and so I was unable to administer any shots. All along there was a string attached to the syringe. The string was covered in very large, black ants (hard work). Somewhere in the dream I also went to visit my father (he died in 1995) but he wasn’t there. Instead there was a 3yr old boy who I spoke to. I asked him if he could write his name (Remembering Self) and he told me, “No, I can’t yet but I’m trying.” In the house where the boy lived there was an attic space (connection to Higher Self) that had been renovated to store my dad’s things. Inside there were mounted animals, specifically I recall a full-body mount of a moose (elders, individual power).

The feeling upon waking was disappointment. My thoughts were centered around all the spiritual projects I have planned or am working on. My oracle deck was one. Last night I had looked online to get ideas and the sheer number of self-published decks amazed me. It became apparent to me that it was very unlikely I would ever make any significant profit form my deck. I was sad to think of all my hard work amounting to nothing. My guidance asked, “But did you enjoy creating it?” I replied that I did. They asked me if I had expected to make money or get recognition. I said I had not. My intention was to enjoy myself and express my creativity. In this I realized the deck had already served its purpose. Yet for some reason I was still very disappointed.

Then my thoughts went to my YouTube videos. Last night I received my very first thumbs down. Normally it would not bother me in the least but for some reason last night it did. I began to try and figure out what I had done wrong but at the same time I was also not at all rattled. Again my thoughts turned to whether I enjoyed making the video and that being all that mattered.

After reviewing all of the above I started thinking about recent requests for mediumship and invitations from others to partner up with them on spiritual projects. I also began think about my “purpose” and how recently I thought I had finally found it because of the pure joy that rose from within me in considering it. Yet what my heart told me about my purpose was not coming into fruition. It has just stagnated and all paths leading to it have appeared to be closed to me. A big “Dead End” sign is all that is there. In fact, everywhere I look I see “DEAD END”.

I started looking for paths that didn’t dead end. The spiritual paths in front of me seem to lead nowhere. There isn’t a dead end but they meander this way and I can’t see where they lead or if it is what I want. The path I thought was my primary one, the one leading to my purpose in this lifetime, appears to be a dead end. It feels that way anyway. I can try and pave a path in that direction but it feels wrong. In fact, every time I think of that path it feels wrong. I get a big “NOT YET”. Why?

The only path that I can conceive of other than the ones above is the same career path I have been on my entire life. Yet there is no spark in my heart for that path. I feel dead even considering traveling it again. Yet when I look down it I can see it leads somewhere and that somewhere is not back to where I am now. The feeling from it is that it is not a dead end. Maybe not, but is it where I want to go? No. But if I don’t travel that path, then I am left just standing here where I currently am looking ahead, waiting for a path to materialize in front of me. That won’t happen, I am sure of it. So maybe I am just not seeing a path? Maybe it is hidden from me?

saturn

Or maybe this dilemma aligns with what I quoted above from my forecast last year? Perhaps I am hung up in an archetype and cannot find within myself the drive to follow my own path because I feel so obligated and responsible for everyone else in my life? It seems that is it and honestly I just don’t have that drive. My family overrides anything I want for myself. It just feels so wrong, like I am betraying them and that feeling is the worst. Every time I consider a scenario where I am happy and doing what makes me happy I feel it is somehow “wrong”. Yet that is what my heart is aching to do and when I close myself off to that I feel absolutely dead inside.

My guidance reminds me to follow my joy – that which brings me excitement and makes me feel alive. They want me to follow it blindly it seems, to trust that the path will lead me to what I seek. I see others doing it, and at times I’ve felt brave and determined to do it. But those times are fleeting and I end up back to where I am now. Waiting. Staring ahead and unable to make a decision that feels right.

I assume that Saturn has something to do with all this inner conflict. I am reminded of the ants in my dream. Ants = work and community/collective. And strangely one of the thoughts that comes to mind is that the new 5D world and relationships center around community. Working together toward a common purpose. Thus all the potential “partnership” opportunities coming up for me lately. There is a hint from my guidance that coming at my problem from the traditional, 3D perspective, will get me nowhere. Coming at it from a 5D perspective is what is advised. Yet what the hell does that even mean?

The response I am getting is a feeling more than an answer in words. I feel very strongly the “community” aspect. 5D asks us to work together. 3D says “I”, 5D says “We”. I am being asked to inspect my life, to align it with 5D, and this is not an easy task because my life was built to align with 3D.

I ask, “How do I do that? What do I do?” The only answer I receive is to follow my joy. Focus on what makes me feel happy and alive and nothing else. From there everything will fall into place. But I want to know “HOW?” I want to see the steps, know the process, but I’m not getting specifics. It is frustrating me. It is like I am being told, “Wear this blindfold and follow the voice of your heart. Don’t worry about where you step. Trust we are guiding you where you are meant to go and that we will not let you fall.” Ha!

It reminds me of an experiment I did with my psychology students way back in 2003. I had them partner up. One wore the blindfold and the other led them around the school by telling them where to go and what to watch out for. They all had a blast and learned a lot about trusting their partner. Or maybe even that game of trust where you fall backwards and trust your partner will catch you. Yeah, I never could do that. lol

Right now I don’t feel I can do this. I think I am just too screwed up, too programmed in 3D. The saying that comes to mind is, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” I hear my guidance say, “Then you get a new dog.” Not even going to try and figure out what they mean by that (eyeroll).

 

Dream: Burying my Father

I had such a long dream it took up most of the night into the morning at 4am. I would wake up and the dream would just take up where I left off. These kinds of dreams are rare, so I pay attention.

Dream: Burying my Father

The first part of the dream is mostly lost to me now but when I woke I was alarmed. What I do recall of the dream began with me outside of a building. I was pacing the parking lot and when I turned to go in, a man had just come out and locked the door behind him. I told him I was suppose to go in to wait on the arrival of my father’s body and he said he couldn’t let me in. So I wandered into a movie theater to wait out the night. I saw an old classmate sitting in the crowd, joined him briefly saying hello and then walked out the back of the theater. I saw another classmate who had lost of her father not long ago. She and I had been best friends once upon a time. I greeted her, told her my father had just died and that I was going to pick up his body to take home. I don’t recall her response.

Then I was inside the building I had been locked out of and talking to the man who worked there about the arrival of my father’s body. He was coming by plane and I was to accompany the body back home. He was asking me if I wanted to accompany the body, giving me paperwork to fill out and the specifics of the plane arrival and departure. I had to wait some time for the death certificate, though.

When the body arrived it was placed into my car. Strangely it was put in the front passenger seat of a small, red compact car that was mine but I did not recognize. The body was not in a coffin but laying across the front seat. The preparation of the body was strange and I can’t remember the specifics now but my “father” looked like a mummy except he was wrapped in black fabric covered in white specks that resembled stars. His head and arms were free and the rest was tightly bound in the fabric. The doors of the car had been left open so as to keep it cool and decrease the stench of death.

I saw the body and asked the man to put it in the back seat. I wanted to help move the body and he said, “You better not touch it.” Taking his advice, I watched as the man took the body and put it in the trunk.

The next thing I recall is being at my Mom’s house in the driveway. My father’s body was leaning up against the car and I took a good look at him. He was way too young, hair too dark and just didn’t look at all like my dad. His hands were outstretched in a creepy way, too.

Interpretation

When I woke from this dream I felt as if it was a bad omen. When I look at the symbolism, I can understand why I felt this way. Father is symbolic of authority and self-reliance. Mine is dead, so not a good sign. He is also wrapped up in bandages which suggests that I am feeling restricted when it comes to my own authority. I don’t feel in control. The fact that I am retrieving my dead father likely indicates that I am being asked to confront my situation. It is linked to family (my mom’s house) but I try to ignore it and not deal with it (placed in trunk). The thing that concerned me about the dream the most was that my dead “father” resembled very much a man I have seen in my dreams and OBEs.

After this dream I had a message that I almost forgot until now. I was told that I was working on the left side of my body and could feel the entire left side alive with energy. It was a distinct energy that left my right side feeling almost numb in comparison. The message alarmed me because at the time I thought the dream meant I was killing off my masculine side, which is not good since I am seeking balance. I understand now that I was incorrect in that assumption.

image

Dream: After the Zombie Apocalypse

There were many, many other dreams after the one above, but this one is the most significant.

I became aware of driving on a highway in the wrong direction. Cars were parked in the right median in a haphazard fashion, leaving the left two lanes open and clear. No one else was driving on the road. Tall pine trees lined the feeder roads and it was eerily silent.

I proceeded with caution until I saw a white truck head toward the exit and then saw a few other cars in the distance. Somehow I knew that it was a good sign that there were others out and about. I took the exit, too, but since I was headed in the wrong direction it was awkward.

I got out of my car and began to walk the empty suburban streets. Someone called out to me from the highway and I got a feeling it was not a positive thing, but then knew I was protected. I kept walking until I got to a house. By then I was with a partner, a man, but I only recall his energy, not his appearance. We went inside and looked around. The family who had lived there was gone and we were talking about what had likely driven them from their home – zombies. But the threat had passed. The zombies eradicated except for only a few. There was relief and a feeling of hope. I remember looking out the window of the house and seeing a few people walking around and even saw a couple of children. It was a good sign that children were out and about.

My partner and I decided we would clean up the house and live there. Start anew. We investigated further into the home and saw that children were in a room with a man who seemed to be teaching them. They were behind a two-way mirror. My partner said there must be hidden rooms in the house and we should explore more. So we did. I found a small nurse’s office in the back complete with exam table and supplies. There was discussion about the women who had practiced there and whether she was qualified.

Eventually we determined she had been and we moved on. We found a hot tub inside a tiny room. In fact, the entire room was the tub – walls rising up from the edges of it. My partner and I went inside with another couple and soaked in the tub together. It was only then that I saw who I was with. He was familiar to me and I actually saw him in other dreams throughout the same night as this one. I have also seen him in dreams previous to this one. He appears young, perhaps late 20’s, early 30’s. He has dark blonde hair, a bit lighter than my natural color, and blue eyes.

Interpretation

When I woke from this dream I was upset at seeing the blonde man because I had seen him before and was thinking he was there for a reason, like he and I would meet in person in this life. Then I began to focus on the dream’s meaning and feeling to me. My past dreams about zombies have not been good. The zombies are always everywhere and threatening. This time there wasn’t even one to be seen and I had hope. I am being encouraged to heal (nurse’s office and hot tub).

Despite the positive message of this dream I woke up feeling defeated and discouraged.

 

Change Can Be Amazing

Lots going on. Energetically. Spiritually. Emotionally.

I was so tired yesterday afternoon I took a nap when my youngest took a nap. I rarely ever take naps. I don’t know where I went while I slept. It was like I sunk into the abyss. When I woke it felt like I had been drifting at sea, swaying to the point that I could physically feel myself rocking back and forth. When I checked online I saw that while I slept there had been an earthquake off the coast of Japan. This struck me as significant. There must be a massive coronal hole stream, I thought.

Despite getting a good nap in, I still slept deeply last night and, as has been normal for me of late, I had tons of vivid dreams. Rather than go into each one, I will just summarize their messages as I am tiring of the dream drama, though yesterday’s accounts were quite humorous.

Finalization

When I awoke sometime in the middle of the night and again this morning I knew a decision was being finalized. The last remnants of indecision are being cleared away. There is inspection of the past, of decisions made or not made, of directions taken. Relationship dynamics are being analyzed.

I spent quite a bit of time in a clear blue swimming pool with my family. I also was inspecting a house that could have been built but never was while also reflecting on the house that was built, its floors uneven and unstable. I spoke to a couple – a potential future version of myself and marriage – comparing their house to ours. Theirs had a family room, ours did not.

Balance

I am heading toward balance. Balance between masculine and feminine. Wholeness. This came through as preparation for a wedding ceremony. My clothing was the focus, specifically my shoes. I had on tan work boots at first and was laughing at how big they were on my feet. I knew they were the shoes of my other half, though, which is why I was laughing. He works hard and provides me with protection. I chose to take them off and selected a pair of black, dress boots – feminine but also masculine. I had on a white, lace skirt with a black blouse. Yin-Yang.

It’s Time

My guidance was quite insistent, coming through my dreams so intensely that it transferred into the physical, waking me up alarmed. This time it was not a pleasant experience. One of my guides wanted me to pay attention and so did what he does best and used pain to snap me out of sleep (sleep here being both the real deal and unawareness).

The dream here occurred in a parking lot at night. I headed to my parked car through a dimly lit section of the lot, keys in hand. As I walked a Hispanic man wearing ghetto clothing came up to me saying, “What are you doing out here alone? You need some help?” But his voice and mannerisms suggested he was not there to help. He came close and I pushed him away, turning and calling to my friends for help. My call sent the man away with a smirk on his face. I picked up my pace.

When I got to my car, the key would not work properly. It kept slipping and the entire outside of the end of it fell off. A fair haired man approached. I knew him as a friend. He came up behind me, though, and grabbed me firmly saying very loudly, “It’s time.” The message here was that it was time to pay attention to his wants/desires; for us to be together. I rejected this and pushed back but he was too strong and grabbed me around my waist, forcing me up against the car. He then stuck his finger between my ribs, pushing in so hard that I cringed in pain.

I woke up and could still feel his finger jabbed between my ribs. It did not let up for some time. I could hear him repeating, “It’s time.”

Anger Toward Men

Both yesterday after my nap and once I awoke this morning I experienced a surge of anger toward the men in my life. It came all at once and the feeling is to push them away and stand alone. Thoughts that go with these feelings are, “I don’t need anyone” and “Men suck.” lol I feel extremely aggressive; ready for battle. There is also a feeling of anger toward myself for allowing myself to be manipulated and controlled by men in general along with a rejection of any attractions I have felt/feel toward the opposite sex.

Almost Done

The water element repeated last night. Water = Emotion. For a fire sign like me, water/emotion can be confusing when in copious amounts as it has been. I like to be in control of my emotions. Lately I’m not. I was shown water and then I saw very clearly, “20%” written as if on a blank screen. The message was received as, “20% left.” So, almost done. I can’t wait.

Change Can be Amazing

Sometime in the morning I had phrases from songs come into to my mind. The main one was,”In weakness or in strength, change can be amazing.” It comes from the song below. Note: When I hear these phrases it does not necessarily mean the entire song is the message. Usually it is just the single phrase I am given that is the message. The entire message of this song is a good one, though.

 

 

 

Dream Marathon Continues

The dream marathon continues as does the surging emotions.

Dream: Through the Mountains

I was traveling with my husband and family through the mountains. These mountains resembled the ones from a distant foreign land. I have no idea where, though. There were sparse trees and the trees that were there were shrubby. I’m not sure there was grass. All I recall is a tan color so it could have been sand or dirt.

As we traveled my husband stopped to interact with some birds. He held one up and talked to it. It talked back. I assumed it was a parrot of some sort. I was in a hurry to continue on so told him I was leaving and walked on without him for a short distance.

Somehow my family got ahead of me. They had entered a building, like a visitor center and were listening to a woman talk about the place. As I rushed to rejoin my family a woman stopped me and asked, “Don’t you want to take your picture with a star?” I turned to her and quickly answered, “No thank you.” In my mind I saw a bluish colored nebula and remember thinking it odd that I could take a picture with it.

I finally caught up with them and sat down. They had just finished listening to a lecture and were eating. I began to eat a huge brownie and handed it over to someone. I remember them saying, “Wow, you almost ate the whole thing! It’s huge and it was $7.” She seemed to think the cost was too much. I didn’t care.

Dream: Gas Station Stopover 

I was at a gas station with a man (guide?). I saw a man wearing only green, plaid boxer shorts walking past. He was talking to his friends and I saw something come out of his rear. When I realized what it was I was grossed out. At the same time he began to urinate. He seemed not to care and laughed. I commented to my friend about it saying, “How can someone do both at the same time and out in public like that?”

My attention was then drawn to a very muscular man standing nearby. He wore no shirt and was very attractive. I mentioned that he must work hard to look like that. Someone said, “Yeah, but look, he is flawed.” I then saw that he had a huge scar on his back that ran from his waist up to his opposite shoulder. It reminded me of a battle scar.

Another man walked past doing what the first man was. He just allowed the feces and urine to overflow and fall on the ground at his feet as he walked. Again I was disgusted.

Then I was sitting inside the car in the driver’s seat waiting for the tank to fill. A blonde woman in a black car pulled up and then backed up to touch my car. My experience of this was that her car somehow pushed into my car, the two cars merging, and left me only a couple of feet of leg room. My lower body was nearly pinned under the steering wheel. A part of me disengaged and confronted the woman who seemed overly rude and selfish to me. I found her in her own car hiding under the dash below the steering wheel. I asked her, “What are you doing down there?” She didn’t answer but looked frightened and confused. I then told her, “You are squishing me! If you keep doing that you are going to kill me!” Then I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.

I woke up in tears and it took me a few minutes to recover.

Dream: Preparing for a Concert

I was going to a concert with my mom, brother and sister. We were parked on the side of the road to pick up my brother. I was in the front passenger’s seat and knew I needed to adjust the seat so he could sit in the back. When he arrived he got into the back seat but then I remembered I had my youngest with me. That is when I saw he was walking into the ditch wearing only a diaper. I yelled at my Mom saying, “Why isn’t anyone watching him!” I became worried because he was crawling into the ditch and then into the drainage pipe to play in the water. I worried we would not be able to retrieve him. That’s when I said to my mom,”Do you want me to stay home and watch him so you all can go to the concert?” The feeling here was that I did this often in real life so that others could enjoy things.

Interpretations

In the first dream I believe I was confronting the obstacles (mountain) in my life, specifically my marriage. He is playing with a parrot, which can symbolize someone who is mocking me or being repetitive. Since I declined taking a photo, I was refusing to look closely at myself and situation. Since it was with a star it seems to symbolize belief in fate/luck or could be asking me to look at my origins (blue nebula). The brownie is self-indulgence or belief that I deserve a reward. It comes at a cost, though: $7.

The gas station dream seems to be all about needing to reenergize and revitalize myself. I need to take time out to refuel because I am running low on energy/motivation/life. The feces and urine indicate a need to purge myself of negativity and negative influences in my life. There is a rejection of certain feelings. These things need to be acknowledged and expressed even if they are disgusting to me. The muscular man symbolizes a desire to have strength and power. But he is scarred. The scar represents deep seated issues that have never entirely healed associated with my own personal power. He could also be the masculine side of me. The blonde woman is another aspect of myself. She is selfish and careless and causes me harm. Our paths are merging (the two merging cars) but I feel that she is killing me and it causes me great upset. The lower half of my body which is pinned is connected to the lower chakras.

In the last dream we are heading to a concert. This represents a desire for harmony and cooperation. Since it is my mom, brother and sister, there may be a desire for me to have harmony with them specifically. I am concerned about my relationship with them. The car is also representative of that specific path, which is why my mom is driving and not me. My son could represent my consideration that I feel new to this situation somehow, or inexperienced in some way. I choose to stay home and care for him rather than go to the concert. This seems to signal a release of responsibility to this part of my life but could also be showing me a pattern in my own life where I choose to forgo something for the betterment of the group.

 

 

Dreams this Week

Some dreams from earlier in the week. I have been inundated with vivid dreams that invoke strong emotions. In these I was upset or angered by the dreams.

Dream: Many Faced Man

I entered into a house on a hill. It was big with lots of space. In the center of the room was a long, rectangular, white table. There were people I knew gathered around it. Someone then collapsed onto the floor. The person was left there until morning. By morning the body had begun to decay and it smelled awful. There were flies everywhere. The feeling was of disgust.

Then I was with a man I knew. He was very interested in me and kept me close. The strange thing was that the feeling from him was indecisive. This showed in the dream as his face shifting. It was like he had ten or more faces in one face and he would show me one of those faces and then another based upon what he wanted. I rejected this and was not interested in being played this way. The rest of the group was encouraging us as a couple and I became restless, wanting away from them and especially the man. He was very happy and loud and talking to me quite a bit. All I recall now is that the feelings he sent me were too confusing. One minute I thought he was one way and then he would shift to being another way. I didn’t like it.

Dream: Healing Lodge

The next thing I knew I was in a car with my friend Sophia driving. I was still upset by the man, feeling manipulated by him and not wanting that to continue. I didn’t know what to do about it. The discussion here was that I needed rest and healing and Sophia said, “Why don’t you let me drive you to the lodge?” I remember accepting this and going along but still felt unsettled.

We got to the lodge which was on a mountaintop. Inside, Sophia took me to the restroom. She entered into the middle stall and began to change her clothes. I went into the first stall and just sat there staring at the closed door. Then I saw my friend Eric come in. He said, “Welcome Dayna! So good to see you here!” He then entered the third stall. I just continued to sit and stare at the stall door feeling absolutely nothing.

Dream: Full House

In another dream I was partially lucid and in my grandparents old home. In the living area there was a sofa that was old and tattered. I was to stay the night there but the floors were grotesque. They were covered in dirty spots and smelled like urine. I sat on the sofa and it was just as dirty and I tried to curl up and sleep but the smell of urine was too strong. There was a show on the TV. I remember only that it was the show Full House.

In-Between

Then I shifted into the in-between. There I saw three brand new tablet computers on the floor. One was at my feet as if given to me specifically. I looked down at it and heard/felt it to mean, “Communicate”. I was not interested in listening to this suggestion.

Symbols/Interpretation

Corpse – An aspect of Self which has died; a feeling of deadness inside.
Flies – Filth, dirtiness or the breakdown of a plan of action.
Face (shifting) – A person in your life is untrustworthy.
Lodge – Feeling stuck in life; not knowing what to do.
Bathroom – Need to relieve one’s self of a burden; need for healing/purification.
Urine – Unwilling to confront certain emotions; having a pissy attitude (lol)
Carpet/Flooring – Foundations; since these are stained and ugly indicates unwillingness to confront an issue.

 

Discouraging Dreams

It was a rough night for me.

Dream: Harvesting the Field

I was with another person walking alongside a field of grass that had been cut low. They were talking about the harvest and how a new crop of shrimp had just come in. I looked and sure enough there were very tiny shrimp laying in a grid pattern all across the field. The shrimp looked as if it had already been cooked. Tiny, popcorn shrimp. I was shocked and asked where the shrimp had come from. I was told it had popped up through the surface, as if the field was really an ocean.

I wandered into the field. The ground was firm, so no ocean underneath. Still a bit confused, I walked the rows of shrimp. They soon turned into other things and I stopped and looked at my feet noticing the shrimp had morphed into something else. Looking closely, I saw what resembled an eel and I mentioned this to my friend. I bent down and touched it. It was slimy but firm, similar to a slug and resembling a slug. Yet I continued to think of it as an eel. It was dark colored and I could not distinguish the head from the tail. My friend was very encouraged by this development.

The garden soon turned into a store with isles of miscellaneous items. I walked the isles and saw that most of the items were partially used or damaged. I was told I could take whatever I wanted so I investigated, looking for anything I might want. The isle I found myself on had oral hygiene items like toothpaste and mouthwash. I picked up some Listerine that was half full and then grabbed another bottle of a different kind of mouthwash and combined the two to make it a full bottle.

I ran into a friend I use to go to high school with and we talked for some time about her marriage to one of our classmates. They had married right out of high school and started a family only to separate sometime later. I listened as she told me her story and was surprised to hear their marriage had failed.

eel-1Dream: 3 Years

Still inside the store, I wandered down an isle and ran into a couple who wanted to talk to me. They were standing next to a bicycle. They wanted to talk to me about a relationship issue and potential outcomes. The news was not good, at least I didn’t take it as good. There was an entire recalling of a past relationship I had with a man soon after my spiritual awakening. I had struggled with our separation and the topic of discussion centered on how I handled that particular difficulty. I re-experienced that period in my life and got very upset at the prospects of something like that happening again because I had been miserable for several months. Never before nor since has a breakup resulted in that much agony for me.

There was mention of what I would do if this particular person came back into my life. I recall seeing him years later and much older and discussing how very unlikely it would be that I would ever hear from him again. There was a phone in this discussion and I remember not knowing how he would even know my number. I had memory of how nasty I had been to him the last time we talked and knew I would not welcome communication from him. The purpose of all of this was to help me recognize my tendency to get angry and cut off communication when I am hurt. But it was also to show me how resilient I am because I had thought that breakup would surely kill me, but it didn’t. I survived. Though I may see anger as a negative emotion, it actually gave me the strength to get past the impasse I faced at that particular time in my life.

I found myself standing there with the couple feeling extremely dissuaded, though from what course of action I am not sure. I looked at the bicycle and noticed it had turned to ash. It was still standing but had I touched it, it would have disintegrated before my eyes.

The discussion continued and I was told to expect my current situation to continue for sometime. I got 3 years as the very longest period it could span. This caused me much upset. I felt as if all of the life had drained out of me. Three years seemed an eternity to me.

I woke up feeling discouraged and apathetic with tears in my eyes. I found it difficult to shake the apathetic feeling I had. I remember thinking, “This is surely going to kill me.” My guidance said to me,”What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” To make it clear, I repeated to him, “This is going to kill me. I won’t make it. This is too much.”

It has taken me some time to get past the feeling I woke with. I am not feeling especially encouraged about moving forward with life right now. Whatever the dream discussion brought up has me feeling completely hopeless.

Symbolism

First dream: 

Field – going through a period of personal growth
Shrimp – feeling overpowered and/or insignificant
Slug – progressing through life very slowly, almost painfully slow
Eel – trouble with commitment; one who escapes responsibility or culpability
Store – emotionally/physically drained, searching for solutions
Mouthwash – think before you speak (totally my problem all.the.time)

Considerations about this dream: I am being asked to step up and take responsibility for my life/choices. Avoiding things will not help but only lead to more of the same. Need to confront issues head on and stop pushing off making a decision. I need to be careful of what I say so as to not end up regretting it.

Second dream:

Store – still searching for solutions
Bicycle – need to devote more time to myself; more leisurely pursuits needed
Ash – feeling the good times are over and nothing of value is left in my life; can also represent the end of a relationship, the dashing of all hopes, bitter change and life disruption.

Considerations about this dream: When I woke up I was in agony over the prospect of never feeling Alive again. I felt as if my heart had been torn from my chest and stomped upon. I felt alone and isolated from my soul family. I felt cheated. The feeling of loss was such that I did not feel I would recover from it. Thus, my statement about it killing me. It did not help that I had spent much of this dream discussing a past relationship breakup that had been devastating to me. The idea was that whatever I am going through/will continue to go through, will be much more devastating and last much longer than the past one. It is not easy to swallow such news.