Mental Hospital

I am told that I am going through a transition stage by Eron. From what he has showed me, this transition phase involves a shift in the direction of my auric energy flow along with the integration of my ego-Earth Self with that of my Higher Self. The results are already being noticed but will be subtle and build up over time.

Last night I had several dreams which are mostly lost to me now. In one, I was speaking with a young woman who resembled me but appeared about ten years younger with blonder hair. I told her that she had one-and-a-half years yet to go before she would meet up with another. The young woman appeared disheartened by the news and I knew I had told her something she did not want to hear.

I awoke suddenly from this dream feeling that I had been the recipient of this message rather than the woman and wondering if the message was about meeting with my Higher Self or meeting another person. I worried it meant the latter but as has been the usual for me lately, let the thought pass by and did not focus upon it. And even now, when I try to think on it more I feel as if I am being told, “You will see. Do not waste your energy on trying to figure out something you are not yet meant to know. Trust that it will be revealed when it is meant to. Leave it”. So odd that now I listen to this internal dialogue and do not fight it. And stranger that it no longer much resembles a dialogue but rather an instinctive knowing and nudging.

timequoteMental Hospital

After waking I stayed up a while, my mind blank and wanting very much to snuggle back into my covers and sleep. Yet I had again the high energy that I had prior to December 12th and so tossed and turned for some time in my attempt to sleep until the sun rose.

At some point I must have fallen back to sleep as I found myself inside a mental hospital. This is the second time I have dreamed of being in a mental hospital and it bothered me even from within the dream. Yet my feelings were subdued and accepting, as if I knew this was exactly where I was suppose to be.

As I waited in the waiting room, I noticed a foreign family sitting and waiting as well. The family consisted of an elderly couple and their son. The woman was hovering around her husband who was to be admitted to the hospital. He appeared bent over and catatonic. The son was busy pacing around.

The elderly woman began to talk to me and told me they were Hungarian. I do not remember much about our conversation but I do remember that she wanted me to speak to her in Hungarian but I could not. I told her my husband could and called him over. It was at this point the dream seemed to shimmer and I found myself in a different dream within that dream.

I was speaking to my brother-in-law and he was comforting me about my being admitted to the hospital. I don’t remember what we spoke about but I do recall hugging him tightly and feeling that wonderful feeling I often feel when I am comforted by one of my guides. I felt safe and as if for the first time in a long time I could really rest. There was also a strong desire to be with him but I was confused because he resembled my brother-in-law and so I was conflicted.

When I awoke from the dream I felt sad. It seemed to me that I was being told I had to wait. I felt to be in a very critical condition. Not that I am “sick” really but I honestly felt as if I were dying. I recall reading somewhere that this is a normal feeling for one who is in transition. They may feel they are truly about to die and believe this to the point that they prepare a will and get their estate in order. I have felt this for some time and have even considered drawing up a will, sure that I would die soon. It was this feeling that again hit me after this dream. It is a deep apathy that does not move but just sits there. It is as if all the fight in me is gone and I have nothing left. There is a death coming/in process. It is the ego death.

I tell you this, though, the feeling is very, very convincing.

In dreams, to be in a mental hospital symbolizes the giving up of one’s own body or Self. This seems appropriate to me as does the man in the dream who appeared catatonic. It was very apparent that he needed to be in the hospital and so I believe he was a reflection of my own need to be in such a symbolic place. I had no personal rejection of being there or being admitted. It felt to be a place of support and love. I should be happy about this dream because it shows my willingness to surrender yet the feeling is that this is a process I cannot rush.


As this day progresses, all I can think about is how very long a year-and-a-half seems. For a while I despaired over it and felt I could not endure even one more minute like this. It was then that I heard Eron say to me, “Time is nothing but a preoccupation of thought”. And since then I have left the fixated thoughts behind me. What really does it do to help by thinking about something I have no control over? It is so much easier to not think of such things.

And I am not miserable, really, but the feeling I do have is indescribable. I go about my days with some rise in anger at my situation only to have it squelched suddenly by some unseen force within. I then go about my day thinking only of what I am currently doing. When I try to think ahead I feel brain dead, as if someone has squeezed that channel in my brain closed. To think of the past exhausts me. If I think positively about the future this does not happen, though. It is very odd to me but I do not fight it. I do not have the will left in me to do so and to fight feels so wrong anyway.


An interesting thing happened yesterday that quite took me by surprise.

This year, like all the years since I married my husband, all the family met after Christmas to celebrate together the “Hedge Christmas”. The name comes from one year when the host used a bush as the Christmas tree and thus the name stuck ever since. In total, about 20 people sit cramped in a small living area and exchange gifts, one at a time. It usually takes at least three hours for the gift giving and in between we eat and chat and see family we have not seen in a long time. FYI – this “family” is not blood family, they are friends of my husband who he loves very much and the only relation is that his brother is married to a daughter who is related to the main family in this group. She is rarely ever in attendance BTW.

The celebration was set for the evening at 7pm, which is not the usual and I worried about my babies being tired as their bedtime is at 8:30pm. I asked the night before for my guides to help me through the event because every year I end up a knot of nerves and unsettled energy. I never quite feel comfortable and always want to leave as soon as I can.

The big surprise for me was that I did not once, NOT ONCE, feel unsettled, anxious, fidgety or energetically unbalanced. In fact, I felt completely calm, relaxed and comfortable. The event went well, though my children did end up screaming and crying from being overtired and wanting their beds. Funny enough, even my children’s crying and misbehavior did not get on my nerves.

When I got in the car to head home I quietly congratulated myself and searched in vain for the knot of energy that typically sits in my stomach after such an event. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I was so unsure what to do with this new feeling that I even tried to conjure up the familiar feeling, certain that I must have missed it somewhere in the chaos of crying children and gift giving.

I couldn’t find it…..anywhere.


One of the things I was able to do at this family event was take notice of the reactions of different individuals to me. I mainly do this by paying attention to their responses and to how their energy feels.

One particular young lady I know is very cautious of me. I am deserving of this and feel bad that I have made her cautious of me. I never intended any rudeness toward her, but in the past I have been in a not so good place around her and I have a tendency to snap and give off negative vibes when I feel overwhelmed energetically. Rather than let my ego respond to her cautious response to me, I merely recognized my responsibility for it and knew that it would take a long time to repair. I knew to only send her positive vibes and treat her as I would treat myself from now on and that eventually she would let down her guard. I obviously hurt her and like anyone who has been hurt she responded by putting up her guard. I would do the same.

This young lady is in fact the one whose face I kept seeing when I was doing yoga. From the experience I recognized that I often reject in others that which I have denied myself. This young lady is happy, naively innocent in many ways, and generally good-natured and warm-hearted. So when I was around her in the past I was not very nice to her.

With other individuals in the group, I did not find the same energy. Most were happy to have me respond differently to the situation and I even got hugs from them. Some even reacted in surprise to my calm, open receptiveness. But with them all there was an uncertainty there as if they secretly wondered, “How will she be tonight?”

My husband has told me that most of them are afraid of me. I laugh at that because I am truly very harmless. However, I am loud and blunt and often say things that come out all wrong and with the wrong energy. Though I have not done this to most of them, they have heard about me and so my reputation has them a bit nervous.

Yes, I can be that bad. I am not very fun when I feel trapped. I am like a hyper bird in a cage who keeps bumping their head into the bars in an attempt to get free. If someone happens to be in my way, well they end up with a wing in their face unfortunately.

I am working on that. lol

After last night’s victory, I was able to see that I have not lately had much of that anxious energy that I have lived with my entire life. Usually, when I am in groups the energy is really bad and can make me literally run the other way. This mostly happens in groups larger than five people, even family groups larger than this. During my first spiritual awakening this feeling intensified and would rise up to my throat and cause me to noticeably shake and tremble. I learned quickly that this rise of energy was connected to Spirit and how to control it and it soon stopped almost completely. But there still remained the nervous knot in my stomach that would cause me to eventually feel all the symptoms of major anxiety as listed in the DSM-IV (I think it is now DSM-V now though). At its worst, I felt this high anxiety even when alone.

This energy came back the day after the 12th of this month, when I had the intense kundalini energy. It rose up so fast within me that I ended up outside all day long in order to get it under control. I must admit, it is a scary feeling even for one who at one point was accustomed to it. I am in awe of my past self for surviving so many months of this feeling almost non-stop. How did I do it??

Denying Emotion

When I think about how different I feel I cannot help but connect it to message I keep getting from my guides. They have said, “You are changing” and “You have changed. Don’t you feel it?” And I am now seeing it, feeling it, more and more.

One of the things I am working on was made apparent to me last night in my sleep. I do not remember my dreams now but I was talking with a woman about emotion and holding pieces of what appeared to be pictures that represented emotions. When I awoke I said to someone (I was still conversing as if in the dream), “So denying emotion denies me access to myself?”

What I am able to remember from my dream discussion is that every time we avoid a situation because it causes us anxiety or discomfort, we are denying ourselves an opportunity to really know our Self. Because in each uncomfortable feeling, each uncomfortable experience, we are forced to grow and expand beyond our safe place. It forces us to glimpse within our Self a piece of the unknown; a piece of our forgotten Self. It also allows us to grow into acceptance of not only ourselves but of others. For in each expanding experience, each challenging, excruciatingly difficult confrontation with our Self, we expand also for everyone else.

So the next time I find myself sitting in an uncomfortable space, one that makes me want to run the other way or that fills me up with such anxiety and fear that I want to lash out at someone, I need to sit with the feelings and listen. I need to let the feelings flow through me and in doing that I will be able to see the truth behind them. And in seeing that truth be released from the fear, the anxiety and other negative feelings that result from the denial of that truth.

There really isn’t any horrible monster hiding behind that fear. It is only me.


This morning I was surprised to find myself in a lucid dream.

Tree House

In the dream I was roaming through the inside of a darkened home. I was upstairs and then traveled downstairs with ease. I knew I was flying and it was then that I first began to gain lucidity.

I then found myself remembering my entrance to the property. I saw in my mind a road that led to a home that look much like a work area for some business, not a home. There was lined up along the side of the house a storage area about five feet high by twenty feet long and inside was row upon row of steel gray, plastic garbage bins.

Around the side of this storage area was the entrance to the house. I remember talking to my companion saying, “I know there is a house here but where is it?” I then saw in my mind the layout and remembered. “Oh yeah, the master suit is upstairs and below that is a large living area connected the the kitchen”, I said to him. It was very clear in my mind and with the memory/thought I traveled instantly to the master bedroom. Throughout this for some reason I knew this tree house was what had become of my old house as the new owners had transformed it. Something about knowing where I was and why brought me fully lucid.

OBE #1

The minute I hit full lucidity the scene changed and I found myself in a room in the process of exiting my body. My exit was quick but my body felt somewhat cumbersome as I moved away. My vision was black and white and gray but that did not bother me. I was just happy to be out!

As I made my way to a nearby window, my body became lighter and easier to control. When I reached the window and looked out, my vision cleared and I could see the shiny appearance of the window and the white trim. I immediately wanted to go outside and made up my mind to do so. The minute I began to move through the window I heard, “No”. At that instant I returned to my body.

OBE #2

Without thinking, I exited my body and threw myself into the void that awaited me. I wanted to see but found I had no sight whatsoever. This did not bother me, though, and I decided to allow myself to just be in the blackness that surrounded me. I surrendered to the darkness and felt myself fall backward and it was as if the darkness came over me like a wave of water.

I then felt and sensed a hand and so eagerly reached out to it. Instead of grabbing back, though, the hand, which was attached to a very long arm, reached past my hand. It then shot through my center and through to the other side of me. This did not frighten me, though. I thought perhaps the arm would wrap me in a large bear hug and I welcomed it. Instead the arm pulled me back into my body.


When I awoke back in my body, I allowed myself to stay in the in-between state for some time and recognized I was in that place just past when hynagogic imagery occurs. I knew if I wanted that I could allow myself to enter the hypnagogic state, but I did not want to.

As I lay there, the back and top of my head were alive with energy. It felt as if the energy were pouring into me and I just lay there and allowed it to flow into me. I then felt my root chakra light up and it felt as if the energy that was pouring into my head was coming out of my root.

I heard my guide say, “Conduit”. In my mind I saw an image of the energy pouring into me from above and then pouring out through my root to be pulled back up into my crown. I questioned my guide asking, “What exactly are you doing to me?” And he responded, “Making adjustments” and then showed me where as he told me. I saw the center of my brain and heard, “Amygdala” and then saw behind my eyes and heard, “Eyes” . I asked, “Anywhere else?” and he said, “Heart”.

I then wondered about my OBEs. Why was I allowed to go OOB when I was told to not expect it? I have been asking nightly to go OOB and kept hearing, “No”, which usually means I will not get to go OOB. And then, why was it that I was not allowed to continue out the window?

I was told that with the adjustments that were being made to my energy body that it would not be good for me to access my astral body, which is why I was prevented from going through the window. When I asked why it was not good I heard, “You will leave”. I did not/do not understand that answer but I accepted/accept it.

It is interesting to me that the energy flow that I saw in my mind was coming from above and circulating through my feet and then back up into my crown. Usually, when I see my energy moving it is in the opposite direction. I was then shown, told why this was happening.

What I was shown was the chakras in the human body acting like a large antenna which is used to remotely control the body, mind, emotions, etc. From what I was able to gather, this is what “conduit” means, as a conduit is “a means for transmitting or distributing”, but in this case what is being transmitted is thought/spirit/energy. I was then reminded of something I was told not long ago – “Your poles are shifting”. And so what I gather is that part of my changes (and maybe everyone who is going through ascension) is that the typical pattern of energy flow in my body is changing direction.

What does this mean?

From what I can make of it, it means more direct access to my Higher Self, more than I have ever had in this lifetime and previous lifetimes.

Purging Continues

Since the big bang of kundalini energy I experienced on the 12th, I have not had anything near as intense occur. Additionally, I have not had any significant lucid dreams or OBEs. I am told this will continue through the end of the year and not to expect any major changes until January 2015. Apparently, I am in an adjustment period but I am not really sure what that means. I do know that I have been sleeping very deeply and for long periods of time. I have also met a new assistant named Eron who has been communicating with me.

Purging Continues

Even though kundalini has slowed down considerably I continue to experience buzzing and pulling energy in certain chakras, primarily my crown and lower four chakras. As I begin to once again remember my dreams I am noticing that my dreams tend to be about making decisions, confronting fears and accepting change.

Fear of Success

One main fear that I am working on is the fear of success. A dream I had two nights ago indicates that I am afraid of the responsibilities that come with success and power, specifically group norms and rules of those who enjoy a high standard of living. In the dream my husband was promoted to a high position and I was as well. I was told this by someone who worked for the police department and the position my husband got was one of those high up political positions that comes with high pay and lots of responsibility. I had no issue with my husband’s promotion but I was told that I would also be rising to an administrative type position. I was not concerned about my ability to do the job and even visited my past assignment to say goodbye and prepare to leave. However, on my first encounter with the higher-ups I grew nervous because I did not like “fake” people and could sense their pretense.

When I woke from this dream I felt very unsettled. I could feel energy all around my head buzzing and expanding. I instantly thought that if I wanted to have success in my life that I would have to confront my uncomfortableness with groups and pretense.


Last night I had a dream where I was moving very swiftly down a highway with my daughter. I do not recall being in a car but there was cars all around me. The cars in front suddenly slowed and stopped and we passed by an accident where a truck had hit people. Three dead bodies littered the road and ambulances and police cars were all around, their lights flashing. I remember looking at a dead woman’s body and another body with head trauma and feeling bad for them.

We continued on the highway and then there appeared a man standing in the middle of the road in front of me. He had dark hair and was wearing blue jeans and a blue-gray t-shirt. I stopped and escorted him off the road. When we reached the side of the road there was a woman standing behind some railings. She looked at me and said point blankly, “You’re late”.

The dream then shifted and I was visiting a school for juvenile delinquents. I was a substitute half-day and just sat in the class while the kids calmed down. The lights had been turned off and we all just sat there. Then the teacher came in and the students left. A meeting was held and the boss was chastising a teacher for having a relationship with a student. I left with the others and thought to myself, “I am so glad I don’t work there anymore”.

Upon leaving I entered an elevator and went down to the first floor. From there the dream went black and I found myself in a void. I was semi-lucid here and had a conversation with two men.

At some point I began to wake up from orgasmic sensations that began to move upward toward my heart chakra. When I became conscious of the sensations I inadvertently stopped them from reaching my heart. Upon realizing what I did and recognizing some things about myself and my life, I broke down in tears.


My new assistant (or new to me at least) quickly began to talk me through whatever was happening. I recognized that I had been denying myself so many things in life and was grieving over this. He told me that I had the power to enjoy life again; to experience pleasure again. It was all up to me. All I could think about was that if I enjoyed life again I would hurt others. I was reminded that sometimes the help we give to others is not always viewed as “good”, that even those things we do that are considered “bad” are assisting others.

I began to enter the in-between state that I often do upon waking too early in the morning to conversations with a guide. It was during this time that I was awakened by words from my guide. He said to me, “My name is Eron. I am the first of your family. I am here to help”.

This woke me up because I did not know what he meant by “first of the family”. What family? And why “first?

I then wondered about him because I could not get a visual of him which is usual since most of my guides “show” themselves to me either in dreams or in a “picture” in my mind. So, I asked him, “What do you look like?

He replied, “I am silver”.

Silver? What does that mean? I wondered to myself. Then I asked him, “What do I look like?”

He replied, “You are white”.

I thought about this for some time because I had never considered my “color” or my guide’s “color”. What do the colors mean? Are they like what Newton’s patients describe in his books? Is our color representative of where we are developmentally?

Based upon Newton’s premise, white is the color of a beginning soul. However, there is no mention of silver. I was never quite comfortable with Newton’s idea of soul’s having a certain color based upon development and now I am again wondering if it is inaccurate.

Dream Recall

Interestingly, I recalled a dream I had last week as I typed the above considerations. It was a short dream and one that really seemed insignificant at the time, but perhaps there was more to it than I realized?

In the dream I had returned to the house we sold in July. I was walking up the back steps to the porch where a couple of people stood. I do not know who they are now, but in the dream they seemed to be old friends of mine.

When I approached one exclaimed, “You are so white!” I looked down at myself and said, “Yeah, I have not been out in the sun much lately”. I had assumed they meant my skin was pale because I had not been sun bathing! lol

Now as I recall the dream I am wondering if they were in fact trying to focus my attention on the changes within me. I hear over and over from my Higher Self, “You have changed. Don’t you feel it?” And I do notice a change but it is not that noticeable to me.


Recently the subject of aliens and alien encounters has been coming up quite a bit. Not only have I been spontaneously remembering events in my previous awakening that involved E.T.s but also I have been seeing quite a bit online. Since I really do not know what, if any, significance this has on my spiritual development or even the changes occurring on Earth at this time, I figured a brief review of my own experiences would help me to at least get a grip upon what it may mean for me.


My one and only experience with E.T’s occurred in the summer of 1989. I was 12 years old and spending time with my family in front of the television watching a movie. It was dark outside, approximately 10pm and I had become restless and bored with the movie. I don’t remember what we were watching now, but for some reason I wanted to get out of there so I went outside.

I walked out to the back yard where my Mom’s large pool was lit up and the night was calm. I didn’t hear the familiar sounds of the cicadas or really any loud insect sounds, which was surprising. I took a deep breath of the night air. It felt freeing for some reason to be outside.

It was then that I felt I should look up. When I did I was surprised to see that the sky was blocked by what appeared to be a large, circular object covered with very large, multicolored lights. The object, which could only be a space ship, was hovering just above the trees and over the top of my Mom’s large swimming pool. Of all the colors, I most remember the red light that was right over the top of me. Though my memory is hazy, I do recall how I felt: awe. I was not afraid and did not feel like I should run for my life. I just stared up at this saucer ship, mouth agape and eyes wide, wondering what would happen next. I felt like I was in the middle of a scene from Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

It is then that I lose memory of what happened next. I know I was there much longer than it seemed yet the next thing I remember doing is running into the house to get someone to come outside with me so I could show them what I was seeing. I knew that if no one else saw it, they wouldn’t believe me.

It took forever but finally my Mom came out with me. When we got to the pool the saucer was gone but I could see it off in the distance flying off. It appeared only to be a mass of lights that hovered in mid-air. My Mom saw it and said, “That is probably just one of the military planes from the military base. You know they are always flying over our house”. I said, “No way! There is no sound! Listen!!” And she did listen for a moment and it was dead silent.

At that moment the lights in the distance vanished and I stood there excitedly trying to get my Mom to agree with me. I was only able to get her to agree that something had been there, but not that it was of alien origin.

To this day I cannot fill in the gap in my memory. I honestly don’t know what happened before I ran inside. I do know what I saw, though, and it was not man-made.

constellationThe Pleiades

During my first awakening there was a time when I was visited by an assistant who called himself Amoradon. He spoke to me in great length about the Pleiades and I recall going on OOB excursions with him to places that appeared to not be of this Earth. Unfortunately, I did not write most of these experiences down as this was way before my dream/OBE journal but I do recall visiting a planet in the Pleiades where the land floated like islands in the air and where people projected into physical bodies from their own physical bodies on that planet.

On one such OBE, I recall entering into a floating vessel or building. It was doughnut shaped and made of a material that appeared to be organic and living. The walls breathed as I walked down the corridor and were the color of skin and spongy to the touch. Inside this vessel were many beds where individuals slept. They were attended to by tall beings in white and their place of slumber was separated from other individuals by white linen that hung from the ceiling. I visited a friend there and was told she was projecting to her body on Earth and was “sleeping” so any attempt I made to communicate with her would likely be lost as her main awareness was present with that body. I remember watching holographic images projecting out of her slumbering form and being told that what I was seeing was like a “dream” to her. I remember being a bit overwhelmed by this experience but also excited.

I do not remember the name of the planet I visited but I do remember I was told this place was real and that some individuals on Earth were in fact visiting in the way my friend was. I wondered if I was one of them but I do not remember if I got an answer. However, the place with the floating islands felt very familiar and like home to me and I cannot help but wonder if I am like my friend, projecting from a slumbering body some light years away in another galaxy.

Note: I will say that the holographic images I saw projecting out of my friend were very memorable and I told her about them a couple of days later. She confirmed that she had indeed been wearing the dress I saw her in.

Dreams and Past Lives

Not only have my past experiences with E.T.s and other worlds been resurfacing but I have been having dreams of them as well. Though I do not remember much of my dreams lately, last night’s dream was particularly memorable.

In the dream I was speaking with a woman about the “series” were were actresses in. It was coming to an end and I remarked about her role and how very little lines she had. I asked her why she didn’t interact with me and she told me, “You have bad breath” (lol). I said back to her, “Yeah, I do sometimes but all my friends know to just tell me and I will take care of it”. I was suggesting she get to know me better but she was not interested.

Then we watched a scene of the show as it was played out. The story was this:

Thousands of years ago, an alien race colonized planet Earth. They left behind their hybrids (versions of themselves created by genetic modification of the planet’s hominid species with their own DNA) to colonize the planet and left in search of other promising planets. They had to leave because their civilization had failed (Atlantis) as an earthquake and other natural disasters destroyed the life-sustaining dome that allowed them to prosper and take advantage of Earth’s many natural resources. When their dome cracked, they could not withstand the high nitrogen content of Earth’s atmosphere and had to leave in order to save their population. They fled back to their home planet leaving behind their workers (humans) and some of their overseers (also hybrids who could live in Earth’s atmosphere) with a promise to return.

The scene before us was of present day Earth. The reigning ruler of this particular region was a woman and she was meeting with three individuals who had just arrived from the stars. Thee three individuals stood at least two feet taller than the tallest human and were wearing black and silver square helmets that covered the edges of their faces only revealing their coal black eyes and strange, yellowish skin. They wore flowing, black and silver robes and their hands were gloved.

They came with news: they were the original inhabitants of Earth who had left the colonists hundreds of thousands of years earlier with a promise to return. When they hadn’t returned, all but a few of Earth’s inhabitants remembered their promise and those memories were much changed from the original.

The reigning ruler was meant to welcome these men with open arms and bring them to council where the next step could be determined. Unfortunately, the woman did not do this. Instead, upon greeting the three individuals, she ordered her guards to seize them and held them captive. She did this out of fear of losing her power and out of fear of the unknown.

Watching the scene unfold I said to the woman with me, “She was not suppose to do that! That is wrong!”

The dream ended there but I cannot help but be reminded of a story I was told long ago by Amoradon about where humans came from. It was very much like the story above, that humans were genetic creations that blended the DNA of an alien race with primitive hominids. This other race originally inhabited Earth thousands of years ago and did so during the “evolution” of man. I was told they were in fact the ones responsible for the evolution but had to abandon the planet after a series of natural disasters wiped out their technology which was the only way they were able to adapt to the dramatic climate changes and atmosphere of the time. I was told they visited Earth and continue to but do so in secret, although at first their visits were not a secret at all.

I have also recalled many past lives of living on other planets. In one I was a man who was greedy and made money off the death of hundreds of colonists who I sent to a planet that I knew was about to be engulfed by a dying star. In another I was living in a house that was multiple stories, made mostly of a glass-like material that did not break and was filled with technology I could not have ever imagined or made up.

This information along with all the Pleiades information was too much for me and I asked for the information to stop. Yet I have always wondered, what if it were true? What if?

Harmonizing Earth

I wanted to start with a short update on the symptoms I have been experiencing this week.

  • Low energy
  • Fatigue
  • Deep, nearly dreamless sleep
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Mood swings
  • Voracious appetite
  • Root, second, third, fourth, third eye and crown chakra buzzing/activation
  • No lucid dreams or OBEs since the 12th
  • Headache (mild)
  • Neck ache (mild)
  • Lower backache (moderate)
  • Digestive changes (mild)
  • Body temperature fluctuations; feeling cold more than hot
  • Sweating, mostly in the mornings even when not hot


I have been experiencing the deepest, most sound sleep I have had since I was a teenager. I am also sleeping almost as long as I did when I was a teenager. For me this is surprising as I have not been a sound sleeper since I stopped taking the antidepressant Zoloft. A side effect of stopping the antidepressant which I took at very low doses caused me to become a very light sleeper. I have had to wear earplugs to bed every night since in order to not be woken up by any little noise in the night. I have fought insomnia on and off since 2006, the worst of which occurred from 2012-2013. I have been blessed with good sleep since the start of 2014 but had to still use earplugs and Benadryl nightly.

I was instructed to stop taking the Benadryl three nights ago. I worried I would not sleep as well and would wake frequently in the night. The exact opposite occurred. I slept better and woke fewer times. In fact, one night I slept so deep that I woke up nearly peeing my pants (blush)! This is unheard of for me! Usually the only reason I wake up now is because I have to use the restroom and it is almost always 6-7 hours after falling asleep. I also am extremely drowsy when I wake up even after more than 10 hours of sleep. One morning I felt like I did after my c-section when I was anemic. It is a wonderful, floaty feeling that I relished that week after surgery and it came back to me on the 20th with such intensity that I had to force myself to get out of bed that morning.


In addition to sleeping so much more than usual, I am hungrier than usual as well. This morning when I woke at 4am to use the bathroom I could not go back to sleep without eating something because I got an intense hunger that would not go away. I ate a good balance of protein and carbohydrates and then fell immediately back into a deep slumber.

The morning before I woke up so hungry that I felt sick and had to eat as quickly as possible so that I avoided blacking out. I was also filled with such anger at waking up that I kept hearing my inner voice say “eat” over and over and knew that my emotional response was a direct result of my low blood sugar. My “morning monster” was in rare form and I am glad I did not say or do things that I would later regret. Instead I mainly thought them and did not let the beast out on a rampage. Once I ate I felt so much better but the negative emotions lingered for some time. Later in the day I was again hit with similar emotions and frustration only for them to vanish as soon as I ate.

What is extremely weird about my increased hunger is that I have decreased my physical activity substantially since last weekend. I am only walking or doing yoga rather than my normal high intensity intervals (HIIT) and circuit training. I now recognize the reason I was instructed to stop the high intensity routines – my body is already working overtime enough and adding more to that load could put me into adrenal fatigue.

Erron – “Mountain of Strength”

My biggest upset since the 12th has been my almost complete loss of OBEs and near lack of dreams at night. I love my OBEs and without them I have been a very upset. Yesterday I was really mad because I have been requesting to astral for many days in a row and each time I felt it would not happen and it didn’t. Last night was no exception. I am not concerned anymore about it because I know they will return at some point and that I need this time to sleep and recover, but I still miss my OOB excursions.

When I woke at 4am this morning, I was a walking zombie as I stumbled about in the dark to find the restroom. Interestingly, I received and unexpected message as I groped blindly for the lights. In my mind I saw the name: “Erron”. It was spelled out in front of my mind’s eye and then pronounced very clearly: Er-Ron with the emphasis on the “Ron” part. This, of course, woke me up some and when I returned to bed I asked him who he was. I asked, “Are you an angel? An ascended master or something? (laughing)” He replied, “I am a friend”. I asked (still laughing), “Am I suppose the channel you?” He replied, “If you want”.

I stopped making jokes because he was very obviously not joining in on the fun. I then remembered yesterday that I had “heard” or perhaps just “remembered” that they (my Team) were requesting additional assistance in the form of “family” to help me through this difficult time. I remember recognizing this tidbit of information and thinking that I would soon see my grandfather, grandmother or father either in a dream or in a visit during the day. This is not uncommon for me so I just shrugged it off and forgot about it.

As soon I my thought surfaced, Erron responded to it, “Yes. I am your ‘family'”. I then thought back, “Ah, I guess we are all family” and he responded with agreement.

I wondered what exactly this “difficult time” was and what Erron was helping me with. He told me specifically that there was adjustment being made to my amygdalae. I knew this was part of my brain but that was the extent of my knowledge so I just let it be. He then told me that I was harmonizing with the Earth and I saw in my mind a couple of websites, as if he wanted me to research this when I woke up. I acknowledged this information and thought about music and how each person’s individual vibration is like their song. Each of our songs creates the music, the harmony, of Earth. I liked this analogy and it made sense to me why music made me feel so good. I was then told, “The Earth is our song” and I imagined each of us “singing” through our raised vibrations, our lights increasing and joining to brighten this world and bring it out of darkness.

As I contemplated our conversations, my crown chakra began to buzz and expand as did my third eye. My entire head felt alive with energy. I continued to try and focus on what I was being told. The last thing I heard was, “Abraham-Hicks”.  It was not long after that I fell back to sleep, my head abuzz with a soft, loving energy.


When I woke up this morning I researched the name Erron (Eron) and found that it means “mountain of strength” in Hebrew.I immediately liked the name and the message that came with it. I would love to be a “mountain of strength”!

I then researched the amygdala. I found that the amygdalae (there are two on either side of the brain) are a set of small almond-shaped clusters of nuclei, located deep within our brain’s temporal lobe. They play a huge part in processing emotions and are the reacting part of the brain. Two hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, are released into the body by amygdala activation. When too much of either of these is released, specifically during extended periods of stress, there can be negative physical and emotional effects, one of which is – you guessed it – adrenal fatigue.

I discovered information on ways to help over activating the amygdalae. Interestingly, all of the suggestions correspond to the “instructions” I received about changing my diet and staying grounded. The top suggestion is to avoid negative situations and people. The next is to avoid stimulants like coffee and nicotine. This is followed by eating a balanced, whole foods diet and eating frequent meals to maintain blood sugar levels. Finally, controlling the mind and exercising regularly are also suggested. It is especially important to avoid these things if you are empathic, meaning you are easily influenced by the energies and emotions of others. I am indeed empathic, always have been, and have struggled to not be the effects of others emotions and energy my entire life. So it makes sense to me that my body would react equally as much in response.

Finally, I researched “harmonizing Earth” and “Earth harmonics”. I did not find anything significant or that felt right in my research. Maybe I will find more in time, but for now I will stick with the analogy of vibration being music. I like it and it makes sense to me. The Earth’s song is changing and my voice is part of that change. Indeed.

Breaking the Cycle

It has become clear to me over the past few days that I am the only thing that stands between myself and everything I have ever wanted. I have been the one who has caused all the pain and misery, discomfort and disharmony in my life. It is not what others have done to me, it is what I have done to me. It is the pain I have directed outward and inward. Everything I do to others I also do to myself. Each critical remark, each bitter comment and judgment slashes away at my inner beauty, marring it with ugliness and spite.

I have wandered blindly through life after life on this planet, unable to hear my own voice through the muddle of thoughts and the unsettling emotions that rise with them. I have used my mind to view life. I have used words to define my reality. I have ignored my heart and in that I have ignored myself.


I sit here listening to the most beautiful angelic voices singing in a language I do not understand and I feel calmed. It is not an internal music, but merely the local classical music station. I have added music back into my life. I realized just how much I missed it.

Music, like many of the pleasures I have denied myself this lifetime, is probably the most uplifting of those things in life that we have access to. Music brings our vibration up. It allows us to remember ourselves and that is very precious. We should all listen to music as often as we can and sing it even more often. Singing itself raises our vibration and allows us to flow out of our hearts. Try it. Sing and let yourself get carried away. You will feel an energy in your heart and you will fill with joy. That is what music is: joy. That is also what we are.

With music we Remember.

I am Listening – Breaking the Cycle

I have made a conscious decision to listen, to view life from my heart rather than from my mind. It will take some time, some learning, to do this, but I know I can do it.

The more I tune into my heart, the more I realize I need to make some changes in my life. Just this morning I awoke from the deepest slumber I have had since this past Spring. Upon waking I heard, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. I am very familiar with this quote by Albert Einstein. And I knew that I needed to listen to the changes my Higher Self was encouraging me to make. I had been ignoring the messages, hoping I would not have to change but the very act of ignoring them distances me from myself and made me that much more deaf.

Some changes are easy, some are not. I listed them a while back but it is just now that I am doing them.

The main change I am being asked to make is to stop my workout routine. I have been asked to decrease my cardio activity to only walking and doing yoga. I am to stop lifting weights and doing the interval training and circuits I do three times a week. When I ask why, it is explained to me that I have been focusing too much on my physical body, its shape and appearance. What I need to do is focus upon balancing my energy, calming my mind and increasing my connection to my Higher Self. Walking and yoga will help me achieve this as will any exercise that brings me closer to nature.

Another change I am being asked to make is to open up to my spiritual gifts once again. It is not that I am being asked to jump head first back into readings, but rather to allow myself to be drawn to those in need and to ask of them, “What can I do to help you?” All I can do is follow the feeling and then present myself to them with open arms. It is up to them if they will accept my offer of help. I have already been drawn in this way to another. It was quite a surprise to me and I did not hesitate to offer my help. I am told this will continue to occur. If I listen then I will find much satisfaction in doing the service I am here to do. It is that simple.

Music, art and other creative outlets are also an area I am asked to bring back into my life. There has been imbalance in my life because I have not allowed myself to create. We by nature create, manifest, all the time. To limit this in ourselves is to snuff out our flame, to make life dark and suppressive. Each day I have been asked to sing, listen to music, or both. I have also been asked to find other outlets that will help me express what I feel, who I am. I have chosen painting because I have always wanted to be able to paint what I see behind my eyelids when I sleep, travel OOB or when I meet my Higher Self. My husband is a great artist and musician. I have asked him to help me paint what I have seen. I believe together we can create amazing art that expresses so much more than words ever could.

Here is one of my husbands’ works of art. He painted this from a photo of me and my daughter. He is very good at painting and drawing the human form.


Cuddle Time, oil on canvas, 2008.

I have been asked also to meditate and do yoga daily. This includes self-healing, using essential oils to help with grounding and balancing my chakras, and learning to live through my heart. Each day I am asked to do something different when it comes to meditation and yoga. For example, I am led to read certain books which send me in the direction I need to go at that particular time. Most recently I have been led to read a book on chakras which taught me a tapping technique to help with physical discomfort and imbalance in my body. For the past two nights I have integrated the tapping with my meditation and self-healing and have noticed results, especially with the tension and discomfort in my physical body. Each day I am also led to do a different yoga video. Just last night I did a Kundalini/Hatha blend yoga for 42 minutes. So far, Kundalini and Hatha yoga are the two types I am most drawn to.

Finally, I am being asked to be more aware of what I eat and put into my body. Specifically, (and I am embarrassed to say) I am being asked to stop smoking in the evening. I have done this for as long as I can remember since awakening to my spiritual gifts. At first it was to help with the anxiety I experienced and then it just became something I did for myself since it seemed like so much of my day was spent doing things for others. I stopped many times, every time I was pregnant and for many years at a time. I was able to easily quit whenever I wanted. I know I can stop anytime as this is not a physical addition, it is a mental one. I am having the most difficulty stopping this particular bad habit. I do not smoke much – one to two cigarettes a night. Yet I am told this is too much and that it will interfere with my transformation. As long as I continue to do it, the progress will slow and eventually stop. So I will be quitting. I am told it will be today. lol I guess it is then.


Yesterday was a day of healing for me. I started by using my pendulum to double check my intuition that said that more than just the second chakra was blocked. I discovered that my second and crown chakras were completely blocked and my root, third and fourth chakras partially blocked. My third chakra was blocked initially but within seconds the crystal of the pendulum encouraged it to open. The same occurred with the root. My heart chakra was open right off but was sluggish, suggesting the energy there was in the process of clearing. I was not surprised that my throat and third eye were open but it did surprise me just how wide open my third eye was. The pendulum flew in a clockwise direction so wide that it could not go any wider. This told me that my third eye was too open.

I was able to open my crown chakra very quickly. I rubbed some Frankincense into the top of my head, sat cross legged and chanted Nng while visualizing it opening. After doing this for just a few minutes I stopped and focused on my second chakra. I put Citrus Bliss oil on my sacral plexus, chanted Vam and visualized it opening. While I was doing this, I felt an intense energy in my crown and knew it had opened and my efforts were successful. Unfortunately, my second chakra was not budging no matter how much I visualized and chanted.

I spent most of the afternoon working on my blocked second chakra – doing yoga, chanting the mantra and meditating to encourage it to open. I never was able to feel the energy move despite my best efforts. However my efforts were not totally wasted. Around 7pm CST, when my husband left with all three of my children in tow, I finally had the house to myself. I felt restless and kept walking around in a circle in the kitchen thinking again about the mantras I had been chanting and feeling there was something I was missing. I tried putting a tone with each mantra, singing up the scale like I use to do when I was a music student in college. Something about feeling the sound vibrate in my throat made me think I should sing so I began to sing an old hymnal I use to sing growing up in church. It is called, As the Deer and I always loved singing that song.

Almost as soon as I started singing emotion began to well up from within me and I got so choked up that I could not get the words to come out. My mind was flooded with memories, images of me singing in church with my family and hearing the harmony flood my ears and heart as I sang. The same feeling filled my heart and it seemed as if my family in Spirit surrounded me with love. You can imagine how overwhelmed I felt at this and many times had to stop walking and hold onto something.

I continued to sing because I knew, the only way out was through. It was obvious to me that my blocked chakras were opening and that this was a necessary part of the clearing process.

One by one, memories came to me. Times in my life when I did things I enjoyed. Singing was first, followed by fishing, gardening, sewing, painting, etc. And one by one I remembered how each of those things I stopped doing for one reason or another. Always there was an excuse that kept me from doing them. I stopped singing because I couldn’t be the best at it and if I wasn’t going to be the best, what was the point? Fishing because I had grown up and moved away and it was always inconvenient to do. Gardening because I now had three children and no garden and it would be too hard so why bother? Sewing again because I had three children and painting as well. With each lost pleasure I listened to the excuses and ignored my heart.

I realized that I had taken from myself everything that I enjoyed in life. No wonder I was not enjoying life.

I did it. I did it all to myself and trapped myself, backed myself into this corner of misery.

This realization stopped me in my tracks and I knew that this was just the tip of the iceberg. The second chakra is about pleasure; enjoyment of life. There were/are so many things in life that brought/bring me pleasure. It is so simple really the solution – start doing them again. Stop listening to the excuses and just do them. Once the decision is made the uncomfortableness at pushing past what has always been done will break apart and what will be left simple enjoyment of life.

After over an hour of memories followed by emotional outpouring followed by more memories and emotion, I was finally spent. And I felt better.

Last Night’s Work

After a thorough session of self-healing and more chakra balancing, I fell asleep quite quickly still propped upright in the midst of meditating. I awoke from a dream of traveling across the ocean to an island.


The vehicle in which I traveled across the ocean was immense. It was more than an airplane, it was an airship. Inside were hundreds, maybe thousands of people and I was very aware of twin girls who carried with them their blood in vials connected by plastic. I was aware also that this blood carried their DNA. There was a conflict here and I avoided the twins for some reason but cannot remember why. One kept staring at me holding her blood in her hands.

The main memory I have of this dream is that my ex brought back food from a farmer’s market. He put in front of me a bunch of bananas and a strange orange fruit that was long like a sweet potato. He asked me if I wanted some of the banana (but he didn’t call it that). He opened it up to reveal the flesh and it was unlike any banana flesh I had ever seen. Inside it was splashed with orange and my ex told me it was a powerful hallucinogenic. He ate it and said it tasted like dirt (lol) and then offered me some. I refused because I researched it and it said it made one’s heart rate speed up to 150 and I didn’t want that. I chose instead to eat the other fruit which tasted good and sweet.

The symbolism here is not lost to me. I keep dreaming of twins and the meaning of them is usually that they are my conscious and sub-conscious. Since there is conflict here, I am likely struggling with accepting the subconscious aspect. The blood is representative of life, love and passion. The fruit I ate is symbolic of my work on the second chakra and since I ate it I am open to the work that needs to be done to open it.


I awoke from this dream feeling huge amounts of energy coming in through my crown chakra and seeming to exit my root chakra. My head felt wide open, too, my third eye buzzing and filling my eyes, nose and cheeks. I lay there unable to return to sleep and finally lay on my back. I then began to notice my second chakra was also activated and I had a slight discomfort there but nothing major.

I fell back to sleep despite the energy and dreamed of working with other spiritually talented individuals in a type of commune or something. I walked to a high fence where four women were seeking entrance. I looked for the gate to let them in and discovered that I was mistaken about the gate as it had been removed and not been there for some time. I invited the women in and asked them who they had an appointment with. One girl pointed at me and another mentioned a man’s name. I walked them inside and then woke, knowing what the message was: my spiritual gifts had never left me, the “fence” was built by me and the gate had never been there – it had always been open.

Energy Storm

Yesterday all was quiet energy-wise. I awoke feeling refreshed albeit a little concerned about how completely normal my energy seemed compared to the last five days. When I inquired as to why the energy change my guide responded, “It is done”. I assumed that my kundalini rising was on hold for the time being and the thought even occurred to me that maybe I had been wrong and none of what I had experienced was kundalini to begin with.

As I settled in for bed last night I searched online for a book to read since I had finished my most recent book, Snooze: A Story of Awakening. (I highly recommend this book, BTW. It was an excellent read for those of you who like metaphysical fiction). I opted for a book by Becca Chopra called Chakra Secrets and settled down to read. I unexpectedly found myself thoroughly immersed in the book before I knew it and could not put it down.

There was a part of the book that made me cry. It was about 75% of the way through and it hit me suddenly and unexpectedly.  I won’t go into detail about the specifics except to say that it was a note of advice in the book about not allowing fear and other negative emotions to hold you back from living. As soon as I had allowed the emotion to flow out and recovered somewhat from the shock of such an outpouring of emotion I heard my guide say, “We will continue”. It was then that I understood his earlier statement to me of “It is done” to mean that whatever work had been done was done to facilitate that exact moment which was necessary in order for me to move forward. I then heard, “The only way out is through” and knew I had been correct in my conclusion.

Energy Storm

I fell asleep quite quickly after that and slept deeply and without much in the way of dreams. Sometime in the night I recall hearing thunder booming. It was so loud and powerful that it shook my bed and caused my energy to vibrate and move upward from my root to my crown. When this happened I saw in my mind’s eye my chakras light up one by one in brilliant color. With each thunderous bang, a chakra would light up and vibrate and I would see the chakra come into vivid color in the visual of my energy body that floated above my physical body in bed. It was quite confusing to me that I was watching my energy body above me rather than being in my energy body watching my sleeping form. It felt somehow off and I tried to consider what exactly was going on but could not, my mind was too foggy with sleep.

The energy and light show of my chakras went on for what seemed like forever and I recall wondering if the storm was really happening or if it was part of a vivid lucid dream. When I awoke I immediately remembered the experience and got up to check and see if there was evidence of a storm. When I looked out the window I was surprised to find that a storm must have occurred because the streets were soaked and all the leaves that had been in the driveway had been washed away. It is unusual for a thunderstorm to come at this time of year, so I had assumed it had all been a part of my dream/experience.


I tried to return to sleep but could not. I badly wanted to go OOB but could not. I felt last week that I would not be going OOB while this process of kundalini was going on. I am not sure why but I secretly hoped I had been wrong in my interpretation of this information. So far it has proved true and I have been disappointed.

While I lay in bed hoping to fall asleep, I recalled a dream I had in the early morning hours right before I initially awoke. In the dream I was both the observer and the participant. As the participant, I took the form of a young boy who had superb mediumship abilities. He was able to allow Spirit to enter his body and come through him. He would feel their personality, their physical features from life and know all their memories. He then would pass on their messages while expressing their unique personality and body language through his own body. I recall being surprised in the dream of his abilities and speaking to someone about it.

When I remembered this dream I remembered my experience of my friend channeling my guide and also all the accounts I had heard about how others were able to channel Spirit. I had always aspired to this but had never been able to do it, the fear of the unknown always keeping me from letting go enough to allow Spirit to come through. I also recalled the knowingness I had after my 12/12 experience where I saw myself as a conduit for energy.

Then there were the memories of the previous night’s dreams. In the dreams I was being encouraged to revisit the spiritual path I had once abandoned. I abandoned it for many reasons but primarily because it had led me to what seemed to be a dead end and my life was feeling out of control and unbalanced. The dreams had bothered me all day, leading me to question why I was being asked to return to that path when I no longer enjoyed using my spiritual gifts. I was then answered with the thought that I needed to find enjoyment in life again (2nd chakra) and I had enjoyed using my abilities once. I had found them exciting and exhilarating and still, to this day, I have not found any experience that has given me the satisfaction that comes with a successful mediumship session. And I wondered, why was I now dreaming of channeling?

At this time I heard my guide say, “You can do that”.

I, of course, cannot imagine that it is possible. Not only had I never been able to channel in that way, I have not given a mediumship reading in so long that I cannot remember the last time. There is no evidence that I can still do anything with my gifts but my guide reminds me that they are still there and accessible anytime. But I feel so dead to them and to the idea of using them.

Overall, I am being pushed to change direction in my life, to go back to the spiritual path. I do not know what all this entails but I am being told it will begin in January next year. Does this mean Spirit will again start to bug me like they use to? Does it mean that I will connect with people without wanting to? Or does it simply mean that opportunities will begin to be presented to me to help me make the transition? I know I must trust that what needs to happen will happen. Like my guide told me in my dreams the night before last, “I will handle it”. Just because we cannot see how something can be possible, does not mean it isn’t. Anything is possible. We must remember we have limited sight, limited knowingnesd and trust our Higher Selves when we cannot see the path ahead.

Inner Sight

I did not sleep much last night and as I type this my eyes are heavy and my head is slightly aching in the right frontal cortex. Even though last night’s vibrations were exciting, I kind of wish they would have not continued so far into the night so I could have gotten more sleep. I have to work today so there is not much I can do except to continue through my day.

Symptom Update

A quick symptom update before I proceed:

  • Headache
  • Twitching in my left side and back (last night only)
  • Neck ache
  • Vision fluctuations
  • Interrupted sleep
  • Visual phenomenon
  • Buzzing sensations in head and third eye
  • Disorientation
  • Buzzing behind eyes and on either side of nose (forms a mask of energy)
  • Dry eyes (this could be from sleep deprivation)
  • Profuse sweating (in the morning)
  • Ear ringing (left ear only last night)

Inner Sight

I was told I would be given more information this morning about what occurred last night. I received some information in my sleep and between sleep during the night. There were intense energy spikes in my head area all night long, some of which caused my lower body to jerk, but this was infrequent. As I mentioned in my last post, I awakened to a familiar state three times after my initial strange experience. The familiar state is the deep trance state I covered in another post. Basically, my head felt expansive and surrounded by a soft energy that felt dense. The energy came in through the base of my neck and shot out through my third eye in what I can only describe as an intense, white light. I did not “see” a light but I sensed a tunnel forming in front of my eyes which heightened my interest. It is this tunnel that leads to conscious exit of the physical body. I have witnessed it before years ago when I spent over a month attempting nightly to consciously exit my body. I finally accomplished conscious exit but found I struggled to remain OOB. If I were to have surrendered like I was instructed I would have gone into the tunnel, passed through the “void” and into likely unfamiliar territory, though it is possible that I may have just gone OOB and gotten to explore as is my usual.

The odd experience I was unable to put into words remains that way. I honestly do not think there are words accurate enough to describe what happened. I do feel I tapped into a very ancient part of myself and that some kind of outward projection was achieved. I was witness to this projection but also the projection itself. This “splitting of consciousness” had a very confusing effect on my physical self. I was/am unable to comprehend it completely. I fell back into my body at the end of this experience feeling disoriented and alarmed, though this was only in my mind. My body was relaxed and completely oblivious to what happened. There were not even any vibrations which is the norm upon reentry.

I will say that my memory of the experience came back more fully as I returned to sleep and experienced continual vibrations in my head. The actual moment I felt part of my consciousness rise up and out of me there was an intensity of energy in my crown and third eye. It felt as if the top of my head exploded outward. At the same time, I saw this other me from behind, his long, blonde hair flowing behind him as he went away from me. I felt myself following him and being pulled upward as well. This movement upward is what wakened me. It felt very much like a conscious exit from my body and I sadly feel it ended prematurely because of my heightened awareness and my inability to shut off my mind as I had been instructed to do.

In my early years of OBEs I had mastered the ability to control my emotions and my mind so that I could remain out of body for many hours at a time. I spent many OBEs prior to this in sessions learning to master my emotions and my mind as these two things were quite a hindrance to my development. I recall the moment I achieved this ability. I was able to distance myself from the heightened emotions that so often overwhelmed me when I left my body. I became a quiet observer rather than a participant and as long as I remained the observer I was able to stay OOB.


As I type this I realize that the message I was told I would get in fact was received but only now am I recalling it. During the buzzing in my head and intensity of energy in my third eyes, I knew suddenly with much clarity that I would eventually have similar experiences while awake – that it would be something I could “turn on” if I wanted. It is not necessarily the vibrations that I would turn on but the “sight”. The vibrations, I am told, will eventually barely be noticeable as I will adjust to the strange sensations that come with them.

I did not spend much time considering it at the time I received this message/knowingness yet now I am wondering how something like that will work. I am curious now. I am also thinking this is all just too weird to be real.