Dream: Operation and Marriage

My sleep has been interrupted for the past few days. Last night I woke up about 6 or 7 times and only got solid sleep in the morning for a few hours. The dreams I had were intense and kept waking me up. I had so many I have lost track of most of them but I do recall a significant one.

Dream: Operation and Marriage

The dream began with me having a discussion with a woman about an upcoming operation (need to cut something out of my life). The woman resembled my OB/GYN and the operation seemed to be one involving my reproductive organs, specifically I was seeing my ovaries (new beginnings). She was advising me to pack and prepare for the flight out. I understood I was to be gone for two days and that it would be my final flight.

Then I had arrived at an apartment (life improvement) near the top floor of a high rise. There was an enormous floor to ceiling window (possibility) that led out to a balcony (being seen) facing East (spiritual enlightenment). Outside I could see the ocean (spiritual empowerment) and the air was crisp (breakthrough) requiring a sweater. Inside the apartment was familiar. It was very modern and clean. I recognized it as my old apartment that I had not been to for many, many years. I questioned how it was still fully furnished and how no one had rented it when no payment had been sent. I got no answer. I just knew the apartment was kept for me when I needed it. It would always be there.

Inside, I went to the closet (hidden aspects) to seek out more clothing because the trip had been extended and I had only packed clothing for two days. I found the closet full of my own clothes (finding Self), which surprised me. The closet was attached to the kitchen and I looked around, noticing there were many silver (feminine aspect, intuition) plates and platters (ideas and concepts). I mentioned they were wedding (transition) presents that I had left there. I remember opening a cabinet and seeing bags of opened dog food (battling fidelity issues in a relationship) and worrying they would attract roaches (uncleanliness) but I saw none. The bags looked freshly opened.

There was an older man with me as well as another couple. The older man and I were close and I was very forward with him about wanting to be with him. Actually, in the dream it felt like he and I were suppose to be doing something together. He kept resisting my advances, communicating with me telepathically that he felt he was too old for me (more wisdom/experience than me perhaps?). I responded with, “Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?” To me he was not old at all and I didn’t care about age anyway.

The man reminded me of Mel Gibson or someone similar. I remember kissing him and him pulling away, a feeling of enormous guilt coming from him. I followed him around the apartment trying to talk some sense into him. I recall singing what seemed like a hymnal at this time and continued to hear it in the background of the dream until it’s end.

Eventually a woman came up and questioned the man, asking him about a past life. I saw in front of me a scene. In it the man was younger and looked different. He had gotten angry and violent and killed his twin which in the vision appeared as an identical version of himself. The woman had asked him a question about it, demanding he make a decision. He put his hands on either side of my waist, stood behind me and said to her, “I’m with her.” The woman smiled. I knew the man had chosen me and the deal was sealed.

Then I was watching a group gathered. The stood on either side of an aisle (balance in life). I remember when they saw me they all knelt (surrender) on one knee and looked at me. I felt this was appropriate because I was to be married (transition, unification). When I looked up, though, there was a woman dressed in a beautiful white wedding gown. I remember thinking, “Oh, she is getting married, too. I’m next, though.”

Song

When I woke up, I was discussing something with my guidance but I can’t recall it now. Sometime during this discussion I became aware of a song going on in the back of my mind. I recognized that it was the same song I had been singing and heard playing in the background of the dream.

The main part I kept hearing is, “More than words… that you love me, cause I’d already know.” I recognized it as a song that came out when I was in high school. Considering I was singing this song to the man in my dreams, I may have been asking him to take action on his love for me. lol

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Smile! You’re on Candid Camera

The title takes you back, doesn’t it? 🙂

Woke up around 2am this morning with instant Knowing and my guidance close. It was one of those, “Wake up! Remember!” episodes. It was all-at-once, full-on understanding combined with a feeling of, “Oh shit.” lol

As usual it is hard to put into words what I Knew so I will take you through what flashed through my mind at warp speed. The first was a memory of this dream I had in April. Of primary focus was the part about lowering one’s vibration in order to communicate and help someone:

I felt this kind of work was better done from my position in a human body. I asked why. I received back that the lower realms where spirit becomes trapped are very dense, denser even than the realms of the living. Access from the “higher” realms is almost impossible. Those trapped there cannot see those coming from such a high vibration. However, when visiting from the realms of the living, the light carried via the human vessel is able to penetrate the lower realms, though even it takes time to be seen. It was apparent to me that the only way the woman in spirit would have ever seen me was for me to “lower” myself to her level by taking on her pain as my own. I had to be one with her first. My understanding is that it is easier to do this when occupying a physical body. It has something to do with being better able to handle the density of the emotion carried by earthbounds.

I understood that the above applied to my mission here on Earth in that all my many lifetimes have been spent blending in, lowering my vibration so that I can better connect with and communicate with humanity and help them out of the trap they have gotten caught up in. Similar to the dream experience, I originally agreed to take on the human form because it is the only way to help the souls trapped here. Those of us who volunteered had to literally “fall” to Earth, immerse ourselves in the lower vibration and experience what they did in order to get through to them. Just like in the above dream, I had been doing this for lifetime after lifetime.

Failure was the first to hit me. Hard. My guidance reassured me that it was nothing to be upset over. I had done my job as intended. I was meant to lower my vibration. It brought me understanding and without that I could not do my job. Just like in the dream, I had to fully experience and take on the emotion and pain of those I was here to help so they would eventually “see” me and accept my assistance.

What was the most profound to me was that that dream, which took place in what seemed like such a short period of time, is exactly what I have done but over many lifetimes. The process is the same. Time only draws it out, each instant stretched out and prolonged compared to the dreamstate. Time makes the experience seem so real and solid and we lose ourselves in the process, becoming immersed in the density. When we are fully immersed we “make contact” and progress can finally be made.

There were other synchronicities coming into my mind, flooding it actually. I hadn’t missed them but had just been unable to put them all together to form the bigger picture. As I tried to digest it all my guidance said to me, “Smile! You’re on candid camera!” When I heard this I said, “Seriously!?” but then couldn’t help but laugh.

This is when I knew that it was time to shift into the real working part of my mission. My guidance actually asked me, “Why are you here?” I said, “To help.” They said, “Be more specific.” I said, “To heal the ailments of humanity.” With this there was an understanding of why I had been feeling the collective so intensely lately. It was my “wake up” call reminding me of why I came here in the first place. All those in Spirit feel what I have been feeling from humanity all.the.time. It is like humans and Earth have sent out a collective S.O.S. and we are responding to it. Earth is “haunted”, trapped like the earthbound in my dream, unable to “see” the truth in their condition, and in need of assistance. Soldiers were sent out, volunteers who knew they faced the very real danger of becoming just as trapped as those they were trying to save. Many of us did become trapped. I did, or at least that is what it felt like. I am being told it was “purposeful.” To think I would voluntarily trap myself in the muck and mire of this place surprises me. Yet then again it doesn’t. It makes complete sense.

I wondered why I seemed to know so much in this life. I was reminded that it was not just this lifetime. I always Remembered. I have always been connected and in communication with my Team.

There was more Knowing. Knowing that those of us who volunteered, who purposefully lowered our vibration to connect to humanity, are waking up now. Where before we were immersing ourselves, under cover, now we are revealing ourselves. Like in my dream, those we have come to help could not see us until we aligned with their vibration. Now is the time for us to be “seen”, for our Light to do its work, illuminating that which was previously unseen.

The Knowing here is nothing new. I have read and even written similar realizations before now. It seems like these episodes of Remembering come in waves, each time a bit more powerful than the one before. What I Knew with this one is that part of our “coming out” or revealing ourselves is removing ourselves from our undercover “roles”. In my dream I retained full Knowing of who I was throughout and did not waver despite the fear that was nipping at my heels. I understood that time had warped my experience of this, causing me to forget but now memory was returning and I need to ignore the fear and do my job. Also, I knew the other volunteers were to join up in groups. It is inevitable and part of the plan.

I heard, “A storm is coming” not long after recognizing the enormity of it all. The movie/book The Stand came to mind as did all the episodes of Supernatural I’ve been watching.

I/we are being asked to reveal ourselves and step out of the illusion. I know what this means for me and have known for a while. I was told change would be initiated for me, that I will not have to initiate the changes. This all leaves me feeling a bit overwhelmed with a doomsday type feeling. Ugh. Really hate that feeling.

Edit: Just watched the intro video on the Candid Camera YouTube channel and it is 1:11 in length! Ha!

The Funnel Effect

Woke up crying this morning. 😦

Dream: 700 Years is Enough

I was standing in line at a stop light. Standing – not in a car – which is odd. People began walking past going in the opposite direction. The line stopped suddenly, though, and the people in the line began staring at each other and seeming to communicate without words. I also recall I had earbuds (in tune with intuition) in my ears but there wasn’t any audible music. The line would start moving and then stop again. I saw specific people were causing the delay. They seemed to be upset and others got caught up in the encounter as they went by adding to the size of the group. Still others walked past the scene, bypassing it and going on their way.

The group eventually dispersed and the last to leave was a young black woman. I had pulled out my earbuds by this time and wanted to help. I went up to her, put my hand on her shoulder and asked, “Is everything alright?” She snapped back, “No.” She walked past me and I turned around and said, “Well, I hope you have a good day tomorrow….and a good rest of your night.” I felt unsure that I should even speak to her but wanted to relay that I cared. She turned back to me and threw a nasty energy at me and said, “You better watch your back. I’m gonna kill your mother.” Then she walked away.

I thought back to her, “How? You don’t even know who I am.” At first I was unaffected, understanding her upset, but then I knew the rest of her story all at once. What I recall of it was that she was raised by angry, hate-filled parents and brought up with family who was the same. All she knew was anger and hatred. Her day-to-day life was confrontation. That’s all she knew.

I continued home to my partner. When I walked into the door I said to him, “I want out of this (skin).” My physical body felt like a death trap when I said it. I could see my partner laying in a bed with white sheets. He sat up and there was a feeling of, “Not yet” from him in response. I said to him, “Fine. I’ll give it a few more days but then I’m outta here. 700 years is long enough.” With this, I communicated my experience to my partner without words and how the human race felt beyond help. How could I do any good in this place if they were all so filled with hate? There was a sadness at knowing that once a human got to a certain age there was little to no hope in changing their patterns. It felt pointless to even try to save any of them once they made it to adolescence.

My partner understood but he was not like me. He still had so much hope and believed they could be saved. His steadfastness in the mission was the only reason I held on. He was unaffected by the negativity. He seemed not to feel it like I did.

The enormity of the task hit me hard. I felt all the millions of people on Earth and the anger, hatred and despair they carried with them. This was their day-to-day life. It was all they knew. I could feel each and every one of them as if they were me. The feeling crushed me and I burst into tears.

I woke up in tears, the feeling from the dream still very real to me. It reminded me of when I worked at an alternative school and how the students would throw such nasty energy at one another and at me. It was all they knew. The first week on the job I burst into tears in my car on the way home every day. Then I somehow numbed myself to the energy but eventually I couldn’t and felt beaten down by it. That woman in the dream sent me the exact same energy. It communicated, “I hate you. I don’t trust you. I don’t trust anyone. You are a worthless piece of shit. Nothing you do or say will amount to anything. It’s me or you and I will kill you if you get in my way.” The only way to ever get through to the students was to lower myself to their level, to reduce my vibration. They wouldn’t even see me or listen to me until I did. But lowering my vibration for so long took a toll on me. I just couldn’t stay in that place or I would have been lost like them. I will forever feel I failed them, though. My Light wasn’t enough to save them. It’s no wonder I felt the way I did in the dream.

This song was going through my head as I awoke, specifically, “You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful, it’s true……but I don’t know what to do, ’cause I’ll never be with you.”

Dreams

I had many other dreams prior to this one.

In one I was traveling on a busy highway but stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic (feeling stuck) that was barely moving. I asked my partner to take the feeder road to get to our destination faster. We were going to the bank (fears are unfounded). He said, “No, look the traffic is moving now.” When we arrived we stayed near the car and I remember talking to someone who I revered. He told me I won a prize and handed me $150 (expect change). Then he handed me a purple, plush armadillo (need to recognize codependent situation).

armadillo

In another more lucid dream I was driving down a four lane highway through a town. It was dark and there were no other cars on the road. I became super lucid while behind the wheel and began to panic. My guidance said, “It will be alright. You are only going 10mph (step forward into the new).” I remember feeling I needed to just focus on the road, so I did, and the panic dissipated.

I didn’t know where I was or where I was going and ended up driving into downtown (material concerns). I turned around and when I did my car disappeared and I was inside an old building. Sitting at a waiting table was my partner and beside him was a woman with brown hair. I realized we were at a salon (new outlook) and so I sat down and waited with them. I couldn’t help but notice my partner was very interested in the woman. I felt her fire, concluding she was an Aries, and was instantly concerned that he would like her more than me. Her energy was exciting and new and I felt I couldn’t compete with it (feeling insecure).

I got up to leave, concluding that it was time for me to go and feeling like the third wheel. My partner immediately stopped me, asking me to stay, so I did. One of the beauticians asked me if I had an appointment, I said I thought I did and would wait. I remember feeling like I would have to wait a long time.

Explanation – The Funnel Effect 

My guidance and I had a discussion in which I was very much a different, higher version of myself. I seemed to know what I normally would not know. In it, we were discussing the current energies and why they are so intense. What I remember about the discussion is a visual of timelines collapsing in on one another. The timelines were very crowded, almost one on top of the other. This is different from what they were a year ago. Imagine a funnel. A year or two ago the timelines were on the outer rim of the funnel, farther apart and with less motion. Now, the timelines are getting close to the center of the funnel, piling one on top of the other and they have more inertia (resistance to change in motion).

I was reminded that I (we) are still selecting timelines and that we are getting down to the end of the selection process. The experiences I’ve been having are a result of this. In any one moment of any day I can expect to experience multiple timelines. My experience of this is mostly via emotion and Knowing. For example, I will have a strong Knowing about what I should do but then not long after it will vanish and I will be left wondering what is going on. These experiences are so frequent that it leaves me feeling like I am riding waves of Knowing and then falling suddenly into unKnowing just as quickly.

Right now there is a specific karmic stream that runs through the timelines I am reviewing. In this discussion I could see all at once the various timelines this karma runs through and how it plays out over and over again. I felt the disappointment, the hopelessness of ever correcting the patterns related to this karma. These patterns are with specific people in my current lifetime. It was explained to me that I am correcting these patterns, which is why I am reviewing the timelines related to them. I understood why it was so important for me to focus on what I want and not on what I have experienced in the past (past meaning not only this lifetime). Now I have the opportunity to resolve this karma, to change repetitive patterns and complete a mission I started a very long time ago.

white-garden-arbor-swing-with-climbing-perennial

There came after this discussion and sudden understanding an example of how easily one can fall into other timeline streams. I got up to use the restroom and suddenly had a full-on memory of a potential timeline. It was so strong I paused and had to lean up against the door. In the “memory” I saw my husband barge into my locked bedroom and force himself on me. The feeling from him was that he was justifying his behavior based on the fact that he is my husband and it was his right. There was a feeling of anger also, anger at being denied his right to my body. Similarly, I knew I would not resist but allow because I felt he was justified in his behavior, that I was wrong to deny him and it was my duty as his wife to allow him access to my body. I also knew that after the very traumatic experience that I would not have the courage to leave, but would stay. The feeling was that I did not have enough self-worth to challenge the situation nor enough willpower to change my circumstances.

I tried not to allow this “memory” to affect me. I understood I was viewing another timeline, but it got to me nonetheless. I wondered if this were repeated in the current timeline if I would have the strength to remove myself from the situation? I would like to think I do but if I’m honest I am not so sure.

I saw other timelines not long after. One was in a garden sitting on a swing with a man I loved dearly. The repetitive pattern with him was disappointing. I recognized the garden scene because it was in several timelines. I knew it was our “first encounter” spot and felt the grief associated with it. So many failures, one after the other. No wonder I have such a feeling of unrequited love connected to this person.

The key is to not get caught up in these “memories” or the “decisions” from these other potential timelines but to focus on the desired outcome. It was stressed to me over and over that I need to push all unwanted outcomes out of my mind and see the intended outcome as my reality. If I continue to do that then it will be the timeline that wins out.

 

 

More Sickness and Strange Dreams

Looks like the stomach bug is revisiting our household. 😦

I was awakened at 2am by my husband puking in the bathroom. He chose the bathroom closest to where I sleep for some odd reason. At 6am he was banging on my door and waking me up. When I asked why he said he wanted “attention” and “love” and wanted a hug. I wanted to be as far away as I could and so left. He opted to lay on my bed and contaminate it.

I do have sympathy for my husband but I am still sick with a lingering cold (the sore throat is back) and still have a yeast infection. The last thing I need is to have the stomach bug on top of that. As it is, I am probably screwed. The stomach bug has a very fast incubation period – 12-24 hours. It is also the hardiest virus you will come by. It takes bleach to kill it. I actually went over my house from top to bottom the last time we had it to make sure I got rid of it.

I am thinking that my husband picked it up at the neighbors house this weekend. He actually had no plans this weekend but when he happened to hear the neighbor was remodeling his bathroom he volunteered to help. Thus, he was gone all.weekend.long. Then, as if he hadn’t already done enough, he goes for an hour long run, comes home and tells me he volunteered to watch his brother’s three kids for the night. He takes all three of our kids over and watches six kids until 10pm.

This is how he operates. If he gets bored he finds something to do. Doing nothing is like his nemesis. He always finds something to do, then works his butt off, and as soon as he is done he collapses in a deep sleep. I often find him passed out on the sofa mid-day. Gemini to a T.

When I learned he had the stomach bug I was reminded of the messages I received in my dreams not long ago, messages that said I needed to fast for 24 hours before some big event happened. My first thought was, “I won’t be able to do that because I won’t know when.” Then I paused and thought, “Unless I get the stomach flu again….” So this morning I was thinking, “Oh hell no!” lol

My sore throat came back last night but only on the left side (weird). It isn’t that horrible but it’s annoying. Again I lounged around watching T.V. all day and doing practically nothing. My third-eye was buzzing on and off most of the day, too, which I found strange considering I am still sick.

I slept deeply and my dreams are hard to recall but I remember two.

Dream: Haircut

In the first I was face to face with a familiar man. I was going to get a haircut (fresh start) and this man was present on and off. I would just see his face and feel this unsettled, almost threatening energy. I remember discussing the haircut and seeing someone’s hair being slicked back and combed. I woke from this dream suddenly, wondering why the man felt so threatening when in other dreams his energy had been normal.

Dream: Witnessing Union

In the next dream I was watching a black woman and a black man laying naked in the middle of a shallow stream. They were making out and their bodies seemed to merge into one. All I recall now of the scene is one person with two faces – male and female. The entire time I was talking to someone but I can’t remember what was said.

After the “Union” between them was complete they remained one and the female spoke to me asking me to gather up keepsakes for this monumental event. I remember seeing what looked like test strips reminiscent of the ovulation test strips I use to use when trying to get pregnant with my middle child. I could see the long, white strips complete with yellow tips bundled in a cylindrical container. She was instructing me on what strips to keep. There numbers on them that seemed to indicate days of the month. I don’t remember all the numbers now but I do remember the number 4 and laying out two groups of 4 strips. My feeling was that she wanted to save these strips like I saved my positive pregnancies tests for each of my pregnancies – as memory of an important day/event. I laid them out and got a feeling that she had become “pregnant” but I knew she wasn’t really pregnant but rather that something “new” had been created.

As I left the couple, I went to the kitchen to continue preparations. This part of the dream is hazy but I remember my hair was wet and still full of shampoo (growth and new ideas). At one point I paused and leaned over the sink backwards, got my hair wet and then wrung it out (releasing old routines and considerations). My hair was long and dark and whoever was watching commented on how easily I was able to rinse the shampoo out. I also remember the sink was full of dirty dishes (unsatisfied with something) when I did this.

As I woke I heard, “11 days” and saw the 24th as the start of this time frame. It reminded me of the many messages I have received over the years that the 4th of July is my new birthday. 11 days from the 24th is the 4th of July.

Considerations

As I woke I was thinking of something completely unrelated to my dreams. My husband is planning on going on a road trip to New Mexico the weekend after the 4th of July. He wants me to go but I am not really wanting to go on a 15 hour road trip with everyone in our Mazda which has 90K miles on it. Plus, the last time I went on a trip with him to NM I was miserable and hardly slept the entire time. He wants to leave on the 6th or 7th and be gone until the next Monday or Tuesday. I suggested he stay longer because that amount of driving doesn’t make a lot of sense for that short of a stay.

So I was thinking of this and couldn’t help but recall that I had previously considered taking off on my own road trip after the 7th of July. I quickly pushed that from my mind, though, because I just don’t feel up to doing anything right now. I want my body to be healed and healthy! Yet a previously received message came to me, one suggesting that I would need time alone to heal. Again, I put it out of my mind. The feeling is that if I am meant to go somewhere to heal then I will know when and where and will just go.

The dreams I had suggest that some changes are on the horizon beginning around the 29th of June and completing around the 4th of July. These changes have to do with creating something “new”, tossing old ideas and coming into Wholeness.

Dreams, Messages and Understanding

I spent all day yesterday doing practically nothing. My lower abdomen ached from the yeast infection I couldn’t treat it until bedtime. By the evening I began to get more messages about “protection” and this shifted me into a mini-paranoia for a while most likely because I had been watching, Supernatural, a show about the paranormal. lol Memories of messages I had forgotten from that morning began to surface, specifically that I was advised to “pray”. So by bedtime I prayed for protection and slept with some black tourmaline.

I slept deeply and without memory of dreams up until early morning. At one point early in the night I was awakened by energetic sensations in my root and second chakras. I woke suddenly and without memory of the dream preceding the energy. It felt very much like I was receiving an energetic adjustment to those chakras. The sensation was familiar – a cylinder of energy seemed to be inserted up through the center of my body. Usually these cylinders of energy feel neutral, the energy expanding outward and filling my physical body with what I can only describe as Light. This time, however, it was quite pleasant, so much so that it made me squirm from arousal. I immediately reminded myself to not focus on it. Before the sensation fully dissipated I passed back out into a dreamless sleep.

Dream: Pre-Law Class and Course Schedule

The next thing I remember is talking to someone about my return to school to pursue an unfinished degree (expansion of knowledge). I remember saying that I had taken credits toward a degree but had put it all on hold. I was discussing all of this with my “adviser” who reminded me that he had advised me to drop two classes I was failing before the semester ended so as to not affect my GPA. The two classes were in chemistry (change to Self) and some upper level math (evaluation of life situation). I had just opted to not attend class because they were too difficult and I was not up to the challenge at that time. I recall remembering that June 24th, 1997 was my wedding anniversary with my ex-husband. To think if we had remained married we would have been celebrating our 2oth!

sword

Then I was attending one of the classes on my schedule. It was Introduction to Pre-Law (how to achieve success in life), and I was a bit intimidated by the idea of taking a class in a subject I knew little to nothing about. I was sitting with another young woman listening to the teacher introduce the first class. Me and the woman I sat across from both had swords (decisiveness and willpower) in our hands. Hers was a fencing sword (at odds with someone in my life) and mine was a short broadsword (strength and courage) with a blade that was silver (justice) on one side and gold (determination) on the other.

The teacher was discussing paranormal psychology and the class seemed to shift away from pre-law for a while. He said that there was a particular president of the U.S. who was actually an E.T. agent sent to infiltrate the government. He gave us four presidents (quest for power and control) and asked us to guess which one was the agent. I immediately said to my friend, “It has to be Eisenhower” but the teacher revealed it was Ronald and Nancy Reagan. Then the bodies of both of them were in front of us. Nancy had a white bandage tied around her neck and Ronald had a breathing tube inserted in his mouth. The teacher pulled the breathing tube out of his mouth and said something, but I can’t remember what he said now. I was shocked in disbelief because I couldn’t imagine either of them having malicious intent.

As class was ending the teacher began to discuss a game we would all be playing as part of the pre-law curriculum. I remember seeing cards but I can’t recall the game now. I looked closely at the teacher. He was young, dynamic and new to teaching having recently received his doctoral degree. He had medium brown hair and appeared to be in his early thirties. I thought he had to be the youngest professor I had ever had. I immediately liked him.

At the end of class the teacher asked me and my friend about our swords, complimenting us on them and asking us if we knew how to use them. I told him I hoped he would be able to teach us. I remember touching my sword as if it were precious to me, gently sweeping my hand over its blade.

After class I sat down to check the rest of my schedule. I saw the other classes quite clearly. There were four total, two on Monday/Wednesday and two on Tuesday/Thursday. The one at 8am was the Intro to Pre-Law class and the others were all in the afternoon. The other classes were named Falling in Love and How to Handle Grief. lol I don’t remember the fourth but I believe it was Paranormal Psychology or some other social science class. On the back of my schedule I could make changes or initial my acceptance of the classes. I discussed adding another class to give me a full load of 15 hours. I was considering adding one of the classes I dropped previously – either a math or chemistry course. I could hear my adviser asking me if I thought I could handle such a heavy load. I argued that my courses were all social sciences which I found easy and that I could handle a more challenging class. I even remember thinking I could get a tutor if I needed. lol

There was discussion about completing my degree, too. I was not planning on completing it but just wanted to take some more classes to stay occupied. I was asked, “Why not finish? You are almost there.” With this I saw I was more than 75% complete. I also knew this degree would be a totally new one, not one I had previously obtained. It was obvious to me that I had begun this degree a long time ago and had taken a very long break to focus on family, specifically having children. 10 years had passed since I had dropped the math and chemistry classes and afterward I had given up on ever completing the degree. For some reason I was feeling very optimistic, thinking it possible now to finally finish.

Considerations 

When I woke up I felt very calm and at ease compared to how I felt when I went to bed. It always surprises me how much the symbolism of my dreams relates to my waking life! I learn so much about myself via my dreams and this dream is no exception.

When I woke the most obvious aspects of the dream were screaming at me. The courses on my schedule actually made me laugh but I was unsure about the pre-law class. The dream symbolism says “law” relates to success in life endeavors but my first thought was that the pre-law class has to do with understanding the judicial system better so that I can use it to my advantage in this life. The time frame mentioned at the end of the dream relates directly to when I met my current husband and opted to drop the spiritual and focus on creating a family. The fact that I want to add Chemistry to my course load and am confident I can handle it suggests I am ready to change Self, something I had previously started and then backed out of. I am also intrigued that I am more than 75% complete.

I have no idea how the presidents fit in here. The only thing that came to mind when I awoke was that Reagan was president during the Harmonic Convergence, and that he was also president when I experienced an E.T. encounter in my backyard in the summer of 1989. There was also a brief reminder from my guidance last night when I was questioning them on why I kept receiving messages about needing protection. They reminded me that right now there is an energetic dynamic present that is capable of initiating extreme transformation over a short period of time. Those who oppose this transformation are on alert and will go to extremes to prevent it. Though I was not told what these “extremes” are I got a feeling that put me on edge immediately. My dream suggests there are individuals at high positions in government that are set against the transformation of this planet and the individuals initiating it. Seeing the president and his wife dead in the dream is one of the most vivid parts of the dream. Nancy had a bandage across her throat, as if it had been slit. And then Ronald had a breathing tube still in his mouth. I am at a loss as to why this is. So weird!

Strangely upon waking I remember something from yesterday, a vision I had in the in-between. In it I was having a lei placed over my shoulders and receiving well wishes for a safe and prosperous journey. It felt like I was about to board a plane and head to a faraway location. There was also a sense of excitement and anticipation, like I was going on vacation. In researching leis I found they are presented when someone is arriving or leaving. It appears I am about to embark on a significant life journey.

A Reminder of How Far I’ve Come

Another vision came to me quite suddenly, one that was also received yesterday in the in-between. In it I was wearing a beautiful, flowing, white wedding gown. I was standing in front of mirror looking at myself and with me was a female assistant asking me if I was ready.

I find this vision interesting because it was received on the 20th anniversary of my first marriage. I am reminded of just how far I’ve come, how much I’ve changed and how much I’ve grown and learned. I am so different from that 20-year-old, naive, fear-filled little girl who rushed into marriage to avoid confronting life on her own.

The thoughts and feelings I had on my wedding day 20 years ago came to mind. I knew I would not be married long, that it was not “forever” and that the vows I was making meant nothing. I knew so much yet ignored it. I could see the pros and cons of my decision. If I married I would be miserable, lonely, depressed, and suicidal but I would also be well provided for, financially secure and wouldn’t have to work. I would get to live in new places and see parts of the world I had never seen. I would repay a long-standing debt by helping my husband. But mainly I would not be alone. Being alone was perhaps the scariest prospect of them all and was ultimately what sealed my fate. If I were in the same position now, I would never have agreed to even date my ex-husband. He was and still is not my type at all but it took 10 years with him for me to discover that.

Just thinking that 20 years has passed is amazing to me. Why did it take me so long to realize who I am? Why can’t we come into life knowing ourselves? It seems like such a waste of my youth, of my vitality. I could have traveled the world, experienced so many wonderful things, but instead I opted for a “guarantee” that my material and physical needs would be met. The sad thing is that I am STILL learning this lesson, still being asked the question: “What is more important to you – your happiness or your security?” I know now that having financial security and being “safe” and provided for does not make me happy but in fact leads me into self-destructive patterns. But can I move past the fear of not having enough so that I can embrace the real abundance that is my life? Just considering how much longer it may take me to learn this lesson makes me wish a human life was not so short. It makes me hope for another 50 years of life just so I can make as much progress as I can before I kick the bucket and have to start all over again. Starting at the beginning again just to learn who I am and pick up where I left off at the age of 40! Ha!

Now I understand. There just isn’t enough time.

Feeling very reflective today and looking at old photos. Here are a few from 20 years ago.

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In Glacier National Park

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1995

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Four wheeling in Montana.

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Wedding day 1997 with my mom.

Sick Again and More Dreams

I am about at my wits end with the recurrence of illness this year. I’ve never been sick this often in my life and it is really getting annoying!! The cold I had last week is STILL lingering. I woke up again this morning with a headache, completely clogged up and with bloodshot, dry eyes. On top of that I have another yeast infection. WTF! My poor body must really be out of balance. I cannot help but be reminded of the last time I had a yeast infection. That time I had a sore throat, too. At least this time they are not at the same time but unfortunately my entire stomach area is aching from the yeast infection. Ugh!

On top of this recent string of illness my skin is all screwed up – dry and flaky with acne popping up and mild eczema here and there. I look awful. When I catch a glimpse of myself I think, “OMG! I look like shit!” Thankfully, the skin issues are clearing up and I am looking less and less awful with each passing day.

All this illness together with the emotional purging that comes and goes is making 2017 a hellish year. I keep asking my guidance, “Why!?” Their answer is that I am “preparing.” Yeah, well, I’m TIRED of preparing. This sucks! All I want is to feel normal again please! Ha! Like I am “normal” anyway! lol

Oh and my voice isn’t completely back. I can’t sing. 😦 I love singing.

Anyway, after this morning’s big dream and emotional purge I went back to sleep and had more dreams and messages.

Dream: Broken Leg

I was in a hospital with a young, Hispanic man. He was laying down with gauze wrapped around his right calf (lack of balance, need to stand up for self). The nurse came in and scowled at him and I caught on that she and the other staff were purposefully avoiding helping the man because he was different than them. I got super angry and demanded they help him, confronting them on their discrimination and telling them off. I remember speaking Spanish in this dream.

Eventually the nurses tended to the man and I went to a juicer (need more energy) and attempted to make some fresh veggie juice (vitality). One of the nurses came and complemented me on the juice but asked where the carrots (lure) were. I told them there weren’t any in the fridge.

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Then I was in a bathroom (burdens) with the man and filling a bathtub (renewal) so he could take a bath. The tub got super full (emotion). When I went to drain some of the water I saw a dead cockroach (uncleanliness) floating in it.  I leaned in to open the drain and another roach was swimming around. I was totally disgusted but let the tub drain and celebrated when both cockroaches went down the drain.

When I went to help the man into the tub, I worried about his cast but when I looked at his leg he still only had gauze on it. I realized that he had not broken his leg after all (in balance).

Dream: Black and White Caterpillars 

This dream started off in a mall (choices/options). The stores were closing (time running out) and as we were leaving my family wanted to look for chairs (contemplate a situation before making a decision) in a store that was going out of business (end of path). They looked around inside for a while and there was discussion about the price of some chairs. The tag said $140 (progressive change and growth) and I told them the discount would make them cost $40. The chairs were suppose to go on the patio. I believe the family I was with were my physical family.

I lingered near a crystal and gem store but never went in. I remember knowing I needed to purchase something for protection.

Then I was riding a motorcycle through a dark parking lot (need to slow down). My son was sitting in front of me and I was holding him close to keep him from falling off. I felt like a bad mother and tried to hide the fact that he was riding with me.

I almost wrecked the motorcycle (desire freedom and adventure/moving fast) so out of fear of hurting my son, I parked it and started walking (slow, steady progress). I came to a narrow stairway (progress). It was the only way out of the parking lot. The stairway was full of green vines (hopes, ambitions, relationship) and there was green moss (patience) on the stone steps. When I began to walk up the stairs they turned into a high ledge (liberation) that I had to climb up. As soon I I tried to climb up thousands of large, black and white caterpillars (working toward goals) covered every inch of it. I stepped back a big grossed out. A woman and her daughter were nearby watching. I told her about the caterpillars. She said, “Oh, they are a delicacy!” I looked back at the mass of writhing caterpillars and thought to myself, “They eat them!?” The woman was gathering them up in her arms to take with her. I remember seeing them up close. They were huge, about a foot long, and covered in tiny, soft hairs.

Messages

When I woke up I lingered in the in-between for some time. While there I remember someone telling me, “You’re special” and feeling surrounded in loving energy. There is memory of a discussion here, but most of it is lost to me now.

I also recall visuals. One was of a string of condoms and one package was torn open. That woke me up with a start and I heard, “Protection”. I was thinking, “Eww! Really!?” lol I am certain this is not a literal message to protect myself during sex. It’s just another protection message and obviously my guides wanted to get me to notice and they know what works. hahaha

Then I was on a phone with a friend of mine. Not only could I hear him on the other end of the line, but I could also see him. He was wearing a t-shirt and either in bed or near it. I was talking a million miles a minute, super excited about something. I apologized for talking so much and he laughed and told me it was okay because he was feeling sluggish anyway and “happy to listen”. I remember him telling me he was still wearing his p.j.’s and that’s when the visual of him was strongest. I can’t remember what I was so excited about, though.

Eventually I woke up because of stomach discomfort. A song was going through my head – Shake it Off by Taylor Swift. This is the second morning I’ve woken up hearing it. It is not a song I like (sorry Taylor Swift fans, I just can’t stand her) so I haven’t mentioned it. Anytime I hear it on the radio I change stations. lol So, of course, it would be a music message. Ha! Anyway, the part I heard is, “Play, play, play, play…..Shake it off” over and over. Maybe if I post the song it will go away now so I can be left in peace. lol

 

 

Something’s Up

It started yesterday. I felt a strange feeling hanging around all day. It felt like the other shoe was about to drop, yet nothing out of the ordinary occurred. I kept sensing my guidance on my left and twice I attempted to visit the gym only to change my mind. Just considering a gym visit brought on worry and anxiety. The last thing I wanted was to end up having another panic attack!

Apparently this Cancer new moon is partly to blame. I don’t necessarily sense new moon energy much but yesterday the intensity and anticipatory feeling that hung around all day was quite bothersome. I kept getting the thought, “Something’s about to happen” but then nothing would.

Thankfully the feeling vanished by nightfall but not before my guidance came through quite strongly with a feeling of “back to work”. I said to them, “I’m done with the purging, right? I don’t think I can handle anymore.” The reply back was without words but I got the message. Mostly I understood that I’m an empath and part of my job is to feel and transmute the emotions of the collective. Yay – not. My guidance chuckled and said, “You know you can do this.” Ha!

Dream: Student Becomes Teacher

I woke up at 11pm from a very deep sleep thinking I had slept the entire night. Surprised that it had only been an hour I drifted back to sleep.

Then I was with my “family” traveling down a road toward a school building. We had all been relocated to a new place, somewhere far from Texas based upon the foliage of the trees, the foothills and all-over green I was seeing. I didn’t know how I got there or who I was or why I was going to school. I felt very out of my element and couldn’t understand why I was just plucked up and placed in a strange place.

When we arrived at the school it didn’t resemble any school I have ever been to. It was massive and the feel of it was very studious and intense. There was a collective feeling as well, like we were gathering with countless other “families”.

On the way in I suddenly remembered I had forgotten to pack my lunch. My “brother” was on my left and said he had been given $35 and not to worry. This “brother” was the only other family member I recall seeing throughout the dream despite there being others around us I could sense.

Inside the building we sat in a waiting room while one-by-one we went in to the registrar to fill out paperwork and give her our personal information. Everything in the building was a golden color and filled with a light that had no source. I was asked to provide my address and I couldn’t remember it because I had only been there once. She asked me what road we lived on. I can only remember now that I said, “Bridge” as the name of the street. Ultimately she dismissed me saying the computer would fill in the information I couldn’t provide.

I was given my schedule and told to go to class. I was resistant to this because I knew I had already taken all the classes, graduated and had a degree – two degrees. A woman walked me to the main hall and told me, “The hours are 9-12. You can make your first class still.” I remember the classes on my schedule were all history classes.

I went into the first classroom and took a seat. All of the desks were connected by a rubber-like netting. As the teacher began to ask the class questions about the material they had covered I became overwhelmed. Memory of all the lectures, assignments, readings, and projects I would have to do for the class hit me and I felt instantly deflated. I was NOT going to do it all over again! So I attempted to leave but was caught up by the netting of the desks and had to climb over it to get out. The teacher asked me why I wasn’t staying. I said, “I’ve already taken history and graduated with a degree. In fact, my undergrad degree is in history!”

photo-graduation-cap

Back in the hallway the woman took my arm and walked with me for a while. She asked me what was wrong. I explained that I had already taken all the classes, telling her about my degrees. I actually forgot what my degrees were and it took me a while to remember them. I was frantic and beginning to panic because I didn’t understand what was going on. How did I get there? Why was I in school again? Something was just not right!

As we talked, we discussed this new place I found myself in. I found myself floating above my new “home”. I could see mountains, lots of green and foliage very different from Central Texas. I recognized I was in the eastern U.S. somewhere. The feeling I got was reassurance and relief when I saw where I was. I had lots of questions – how did I get there, why was I there, why didn’t anyone prepare me ahead of time for this relocation? I don’t remember the answers. Instead there was constant reassurance that I would be okay.

Then I was sitting at a table. The woman sat across from me. She was trying to calm me down because despite seeing where I was I still felt total confusion and disorientation. My memory seemed to be missing in huge chunks and it left me with little stability. The woman with me was so loving, holding my hand and reassuring me constantly that I was loved and everything would be okay. Her energy was probably the only reason I didn’t lose it.

I kept telling the woman, “I’m not suppose to be here. I’ve already graduated.” She said, “Where are you suppose to be?” I said, “I don’t know. I’m a teacher, like you, not a student.” She said, “What would you like to do?” I had no answer other than a feeling of wanting to be of service. She sent me a visual, then, as if to subdue me. I saw a horse running through the trees. I immediately calmed down and smiled. She said, “Do you like it?” I said, “Yes, of course, but you are just trying to distract me aren’t you?” It reminded me of how teachers give volatile students games to occupy them and calm them down.

Then I noticed there were others sitting at the table with us eating lunch. They were all “teachers” and there were eight, four on each side of the table. I remember knowing I was a teacher, too, and the student role I was being placed in upset me. I remember being asked if I wanted to change my role from student to teacher. I said, “Yes” and felt huge relief. I knew the “teachers” at the table. They were my “coworkers” and for the first time in the dream I felt I belonged there.

The woman and I talked some more. I don’t remember what was said but again I was transported to another scene. I saw a car flying over treetops and snow covered hills. The bottom of the car was on fire. Inside of it was my father and my two sisters. The car landed on top of a tree which then also caught fire. Out of the car and tree poured a load of Christmas presents. I knew my “father” was also “Santa” and we were all excited for his return. Then I said to her, “That was the day he told us he was dying.” I burst into tears. The grief I felt was overwhelming and woke me up.

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Messages

I felt my body jerk as I bolted awake. I cried for a bit, the grief still intense. The confusion remained for sometime upon waking. It is now apparent to me that I was not myself, I was some “other” version, a very child-like version. The woman from the dream was with me still as I woke, very close and comforting saying, “We love you. You will be alright. Everything’s alright.” She was very mother-like and her energy enveloped me and soothed my upset.

The first feeling I had was fear. I was told, “Do not be afraid” more than once. I don’t know what I was afraid of exactly but it felt like the dream was real, that I was being relocated to this place in the eastern U.S. It felt soon, like tomorrow, and the urge to go to this place, wherever it was, was strong and scared me all the more.

At some point I was reminded to “take control” of this other version, to not become victim of the fear that was there and to be the Observer. As I did this, the dream and it’s meaning became clear.

The “school” and repeating classes was very obviously karma. I have taken the classes numerous times, passed them and even “graduated” but keep coming back to repeat them over and over. The other “teachers” are my Council. There were 8 plus the woman, so 9 total. I knew that I was a “teacher”, too, but for some reason I had agreed to come to the Earth school and be the student. My Council is a group of my peers. My friends and colleagues. We support one another.

I heard the woman say to me, “Remember” and I did, though it is hard to say in words what I recalled. I remembered volunteering to come here, choosing the student role despite already having mastered the courses I would be taking. It felt like I had gotten caught up in karma and was finally “waking up” from a lifetime of amnesia.

The fear was coming from the “change” I sensed ahead of me. It felt as if I was to throw out everything I had built in this lifetime and step into the life I was meant to live. It’s not that this new life is bad, it’s more that I sensed the difficulty of the path ahead. I was asked if I wanted to be a “teacher” and I eagerly accepted. What does that mean exactly? I’m not sure, but there were connections made between my current lifetime and my mission here. Everything correlates. I could see the symbolism in this lifetime much like I see the symbolism of all my dreams. The dream became the reality and the reality became the dream. It’s like all this time I have been dreaming, trying to Remember, and that memory manifested in my physical life.

I eventually shifted to the dream and the memory behind it. In recalling the dream, I settled on the part where I saw the fiery car land in the trees and distribute presents. I knew this meant I was to receive “gifts” and my thought went to the last “gift” I received. I heard my guide say, “The gift that keeps on giving.” I knew what they were referring to. Then I thought of the feeling that work me up. I don’t know why I felt so much grief from knowing my father was going to die. The emotion did not match yet it was very real.

I got other messages. Protection was again stressed. Then I saw more than once 111. The last time I saw the number it was in a sequence: 111-111-5-13

The last thing I heard was, “Five more days.”

I’ve been feeling extremely Homesick all morning.