I knew prior to bed that the full moon energies would impact dreamtime. Boy was I correct!
Dream: Attached to My Story
I only recall bits and pieces of this dream as it was more of a life review than a dream. So I will recount the most vivid parts.
I was with a group of others. We were gathering but I am not sure why. Someone asked me about a path near a park. When I answered her the park came into view. It was beautiful! Everything was lush and green as if at the peak of Springtime. I saw a dirt path wind through meadows, past a small building and into a wooded area. I followed the path and soon found myself walking along it hand-in-hand with my husband. I don’t think this man was my husband in this lifetime yet I spoke to him as if he were.
We discussed our past and everything that led us to our present. I specifically focused on our children and he asked me, “Remember when their hands were tiny…” I saw in my mind a newborn’s tiny hand. I could see all the little veins in and around it and it was quite red and new. I replied that I remembered. I said, “It feels like yesterday, doesn’t it?” He didn’t respond but it felt like he didn’t feel the same. I thought about how so many things felt to be like that – like yesterday – yet they were long gone, remnants of the past, never to be again.
Then I was inside a huge building. I soon realized it was a school. It was full of teachers and I recall being asked for my expertise with children. I sat with a woman and looked over a list of names. We were going over test scores. The woman showed me specific students who were at-risk. I saw they had failed the tests miserably. I told her how I use to work with at-risk students and gave her my input.
As I walked away from the woman I passed by the principal. He reminded me of a previous boss. He said, “Thank you for coming.” I knew he was sincere and said, “You’re welcome.”
A group of teachers was sitting together in a corner and I joined them. When I sat down a male teacher scooted in close. He seemed odd to me, like a simpleton, so I ignored him. I can’t remember what all the group discussed but it was about student need. I was invited to share and so I did. I felt appreciated and needed. It was a nice feeling.
One teacher was recounting an experience and I saw it vividly in my mind. The next thing I recall is seeing two people on skis in the water. One was assisting the other forward but they were not making progress. As I watched, curious and thinking it odd to have snow skis in water, the scene changed. I saw them on snow and the teacher was very disapproving of her student who kept falling. I remember feeling very positive and looking at the snow wistfully. I smiled at the grumpy teacher and said, “Isn’t it beautiful!?” She gave me a nasty look and I said, “You don’t really want to hear what I have to say, do you?” I smiled as she huffed at me and looked away. I could feel her criticism of her student and her overly serious mindset. I remember feeling sorry for her but at the same time knowing I had not been unlike her at times in the past. I became very sorrowful in recognizing how so many are overly serious about life and miss the little things, like freshly fallen snow, hugs from children and spending time with family.
I began to cry and stood there in the snow looking down at the ground. I didn’t even try to hide my tears from the overly serious woman or the others in the group who were standing nearby. As I sobbed I could feel all the very uncomfortable feelings that come with intensely crying but I just let it all out.
My crying woke me up and I continued to cry for a while. I remember asking my guidance, “Why do I feel so much?” They said, “That’s why you’re here, to feel deeply.” The tears continued for a while and I just allowed them. My heart felt like it would burst from all the emotion but I understood the purpose behind it. I can’t have an open heart if I hold in everything I feel.
What followed was a conversation that was mostly me stating my Truth to a guide who very seldom spoke but listened intently and with encouragement. I Knew that the dream I had just awakened from was so much more than a dream. It was a life review. Again. And I remember asking, “Does this mean I’m about to die?” I heard back, “Not for a long while still. You have work to do.”
I sifted through the feelings and memories of the dream and soon understood why I was crying so hard. I was attached to my story and was struggling to let it go. I Knew change was coming. The review was a preparation. But I don’t want to let go of my story. I have allowed myself to over-identify with it. So I grieve at the idea of leaving it all behind. It felt very much like I was preparing to exit life. The feeling was very strong, as if I was being shown, “This is what it feels like to die.”
I said some things that could only have come from my HS. I said, “All stories have an ending.” And when I said this I was seeing my story, this lifetime, pass by all at once, like a movie reel in my mind. I specifically struggled with letting the story be over. I wanted to hold onto the memories, the past. I wanted my children to be small again, clinging to me, innocent and full of love. I didn’t want them to grow up, to experience pain and upset.
Finally done crying, I looked at the clock and it was 4am. I was asked, “What did you enjoy most?” I knew my guidance wanted me to focus on the good things. Instead, I said, “I just want to sleep.” I did, however, realize that the moments that were most enjoyable were the small ones. Holding my child’s tiny hand as we walked across the field. Getting a hug out of the blue from one of my boys. Listening with joy to my children play in the mornings instead of being angry that they woke me up. Walking through the freshly fallen snow and feeling peaceful despite all the fear in the world around me. There were so, so many moments.
Lucid Dream: Samadhi
Somehow I returned to sleep. I entered into a dream scene located in California. I was at my mom’s house but it was not the house I grew up in as is typical. This house was three stories (levels of Self). The first floor was a garage (holding space, no movement). The second was a kitchen and living area with floors made of mesh metal with a thin liner covering it. The top floor was the bedrooms.
There were five ferrets (playful, child-like, mischievous) who I called ‘lemurs’ for some reason. They were running about freely and getting into mischief. At one point I was talking to one and it spoke back to me, asking to sit in my lap. I let it and it curled up contentedly in my lap.
My mom (older version of self, the Crone) was my main focus. She was having problems with her female parts. They had fallen out and she was trying to put them back in. I urged her to go to the doctor but she insisted on just pushing them back inside. I told her she needed a hysterectomy. I remember being very concerned but eventually letting her have her way.
Then I decided to sweep the floors (cleansing). This is when I noticed I could see the garage beneath my feet in certain places and that the floor was covered in dead leaves (hopelessness, despair, suffering) from outside.
The dream goes on with very odd scenes but I will skip to the part where I become lucid. I am invited to a gathering next door. My husband is with me but again he doesn’t look like my husband in real life. He is meeting with a guru and they are going to meditate to reach the state of samadhi. I watch as they get into odd positions and notice my husband shifts around quite a bit. The guru has his legs twisted around in odd ways. It is very noisy where we are and I wonder how anyone can meditate with so much distraction.
Then I was across the room watching them mediate yet my husband was still with me. He encourages me to meditate, too, so I do. This is when I start to feel a warm energy all over and I find myself speaking mantras and another language. Eventually, I feel myself rise out of my body and I fly down the road and stand looking up at the sky. The full moon is visible and I look at it in awe. I think, “I am OOB, I should fly.” But I hear someone calling me back and I know it is the guru. I listen and turn back to my body.
The guru’s voice is female now and she begins to instruct me. I remember seeing sentences in my mind as she informs me of what I need to do. I Know that I am to descend through five levels. The first sentence says, “The Level of Deconstruction”. I focus on this and feel my body vibrate with more intensity. I feel to be sinking deeper and expanding as I go. I believe I go through all the levels but am not shown them as I descend.
Then I see the guru in my mind. She is beautiful and looks Hindu with gold adorning her head and neck. She says, “Next, you gather the golden orbs. There are many in the Universe but you must first collect them from your body.” I see a visual or four golden orbs over my face and I understand that those are my primary focus.
I am awakened by my husband at this time. I tell him I had just been OOB but that she (points to guru) called me. Since I can no longer meditate, I get up and as I walk out, the guru approaches me. I say, “I went OOB!” She says, “I saw you and I called you back.” I said, “I heard you.” A man passes by us at this time and turns and looks at me, staring. I realize he sees me. The guru asks me to follow her and I do.
She takes me with her to her class called The Art of Symbolism. We enter this grand hall and inside is a large temple alter filled with golden objects. It is very religious and reminds me of Hinduism. A group of students is gathered and sitting cross-legged on the floor at the base of the alter. I sit among them as the class begins and soon realize I already know most of what is being taught. I decide to stay and not reveal what I know so as to not interrupt the class and threatened the guru’s position, but I recognize that I could easily take her place.
The all-over-body energy intensifies. I hear noises and realize my boys are playing, yelling and slamming doors. I eventually wake up but not before thoroughly enjoying the energy. The energy fills me up completely and I feel peaceful. It is difficult to wake up and start my day, but I do.
It is hard to describe how I felt when I awoke. My body was heavy with energy and I just wanted to fall into it and stay with it forever. If it hadn’t been for my boys making so much noise I likely would have returned to my OOB explorations.
The first dream was very much a life review and I am not really surprised. Yesterday, I had a long talk with my daughter about my past. I told her about my best friend and how she “ghosted” me our senior year in high school. As I talked and she listened I was able to see a part of myself that I never have. I was able to contact my thoughts and feelings of how my friend treated me and concluded that the reason I let everything roll off me without it triggering me is because I was able to read my friend and understand she was going through something and I should allow it. I never consciously recognized this about the situation until I talked to my daughter and for the first time it was clear to me what my guides had been saying for a long while about how I help others. I saw that my allowing my friend to be herself, to go through her process, was a gift I gave her and in the end, she thanked me for it.
As a Projector I can look deep into other’s and see what they need from me. Then I give it to them. And what I give them is not always perceived as “good” by the other. But that doesn’t matter. I give them what they need most from me. With my friend, I gave her space, love, acceptance and forgiveness because that is what she needed. Years later, when she returned back to me and apologized, I continued to give her the same.
While talking to my daughter I recognized that much of my past memory was fading. I couldn’t remember simple things. For example, when I was engaged to my first husband I stayed in the dorms because our families didn’t like the idea of us living together. What I couldn’t recall was where he lived, though! It is so bizarre! I have no clue. lol I also recognized that other memories, some that once upset me deeply, were also not accessible. I explained that I felt this was because I had long ago cleared them of excess emotional charge. I also expressed that I no longer linger on the past like I once did.
The life review I had this morning was different than previous ones. The main noticeable difference is that I was looking at moments that I enjoyed or cherished and did not want to lose. In past reviews I looked at incidents that haunted me and was unable to move past. As is usual, I ended up with a recognition and realization of where I am at presently. I am still stuck, but not because of something I regret or don’t understand, but because of moments and people I loved and still love in this lifetime.
The Samadhi dream that followed was curious and I’m not quite sure what was going on except some kind of energetic preparation to go with the life review. I have no idea what the “Golden Orbs” are, either.