Kundalini Dream – On to the Fourth Clearing

Had trouble falling asleep last night. I was wide awake and had activity in my heart and crown chakras. I opted to meditate as a solution but it didn’t help. Instead I got more intense energy swirling and my mind was really active.

My guidance came through at one point and informed me that I had a surprise coming soon. I replied, “Okay. I would love to meet God in an OBE….or have another blissgasm.” I heard in response, “Soon.” I thought back to them, “Soon? Your soon? That could be a year or more from now.” They replied, “No, yours.” I thought, “If it’s my soon then it would be tonight.” I felt a time period of three days from that point and accepted it.

Soon after I drifted off to sleep.

Kundalini Dream: History Class

The dream began inside a typical high school or college classroom environment. The color of everything had a golden hue to it. I was sitting in a desk in the first row probably three or four seats from the front. A male teacher with brown hair was up in front of the class. He looked to be in his mid-twenties to early thirties and was quite “normal” in appearance. My dream memory of him reminds me of a Ken doll – very clean cut and nicely dressed.

The teacher instructed the class to get out our textbooks and go to page 240. A female student sitting to my right looked over at me and gave me a look that said, “What are you doing? Do what the teacher says.” I ignored her and made no move to get my textbook which was sitting on the left side of my deck. It seemed like I was the “bad” student, which is the opposite of how I was in school growing up.

When he noticed I was not following instructions he called me out, asking me if I understood his instructions. I said, “Yes, I did.” He said, “If you don’t complete the assignment you will receive a zero.” I said, “I don’t care. I’ve already taken this class.”

There was again a look from the student to my right. She had dark hair and mocha colored skin and seemed very concerned for me. Something about her changed my mind and I exhaled as if saying, “Oh alright. Fine. I’ll comply just for my own amusement.”

The teacher began to talk about the chapter we were in. It felt like the first chapter of the textbook despite being on page 240. I don’t remember looking at the textbook but listening to the teacher. His words slowly shifted into visuals in my mind as he spoke. His questions to me eventually morphing into my own voice as if I was talking to myself.

I could see a giant landmass and was asked to identify it. I responded, “Pangaea.” We discussed the biological organisms that occupied Pangaea. He asked me, “What did they consume?” I gave him the name of some algae but I don’t recall it now. I only remember seeing them as if under a microscope.

There is just memory of being fascinated with the subject, the ecosystem and organisms. It seemed like I was learning a history unknown to man and so my full attention was on every detail. Sadly, my memory of these details is gone now.

Then I was talking to the girl next to me about lunch. I asked her what the lunch was like. Did they have enough food or would I be hungry when lunch was over? I specifically asked if the cafeteria served food on trays or if we could go from station to station and fill up our trays as many times as we liked. She confirmed that it was the latter and this satisfied me. I felt like the school wasn’t so bad.

We must have been released for lunch because I was in the cafeteria walking alongside the girl student. I don’t remember eating, though. Instead I ran into a guy I knew and followed him to a find a private place to talk. He and I were long-time friends and lovers and our intention was to sneak off someplace and fool around. lol

I can’t recall what he looked like now but I remember that when we met up we immediately embraced and kissed. The weird thing is that when we kissed he seemed to put his finger in my anus. lol When he did this the energy in my root chakra began to build up and my throat chakra lit up as well.

Surprised I pulled back and asked him, “Why did you do that?” He said, “I like it.” It felt like he wanted my permission to continue to do it. I said, “Oh okay. If you want.” lol

Then we were in my house (my Soul/Self) and I was undressing in the bathroom (purification and self-renewal). The door was open and I could see into the bedroom (intimate part of Self). The house felt to be mine specifically, not my parent’s like one would assume considering I was just in a school environment. Again everything had a golden hue to it.

As I stripped off my clothing I remember my friend calling out to me from the bedroom. I yelled back that I needed to pee. I used the toilet quickly and looked down at my feet preparing to take off my socks (warmth and comfort). My socks went all the way up to my knees and were a mottled brown and made of a thick material, like wool, so very warm. I decided to keep my socks on and knew my friend would do the same. In fact, I had a “memory” of us together both wearing socks and nothing else. lol

When I went into the bedroom my memory of the dream goes dark. All I recall is the effects of our lovemaking – energy swirling and intensifying in different areas of my body. I felt something inserted where my anus would be on my physical body. At the same time it felt like something was inserted from the opposite side but not in the vagina as one would assume, but higher up where my pubic bone is. When the two met a very pleasant energy resulted and felt to roll and rumble in a big, swirling spherical mass of energy.

At the exact same moment something felt to be inserted in my throat region only it was not down through my mouth as it was the last time I had this kind of “work” done. The trigger seemed to come from within. If I had to say where it originated from I would say my spine, up near where my neck meets my head.

These two areas swirled so intensely that it began to wake me up but not before I noticed other chakras activating, specifically the heart, crown and solar plexus.

I shifted in and out of the in-between, the energy continuing to swirl and expand. I was too aware, however, and ultimately had to shift position. Usually shifting position stops the energy, but this time it continued on for a bit after.

kundalini (2)

Music Message 

My “friend” from the dream was with me when I awoke meaning this particular guide was also my dream “lover”. I connected the message prior to sleep to the activity of the Kundalini and thought, “This must be my surprise.” I suspect that the “three days” is also relevant but may only be related to the full moon and eclipse on the 31st.

It was 5am and I was still tired and so rolled over to attempt sleep. But my mind was on the dream and on something I had considered last night. I’ve been waking early quite a bit, usually between 4:30-5:30am. Afterward I cannot return to sleep but linger in the in-between until I finally wake. I thought it may be a good idea to take advantage of that time by inserting a spiritual practice of some sort like meditation. So, that is what I did only my left nostril was completely clogged and really irritating me. Have you ever tried to meditate with some physical ailment like half your nose clogged? Nearly impossible!

So the meditation part went out the window. My left nostril has been clogged from the beginning of this cold but lately it is only when I am laying down. So irritating!!!

I lingered in bed and somehow drifted into the in-between long enough to recall a conversation.

My guide and I were discussing the Kundalini process, specifically the clearing of the heart chakra. I was told the 4th clearing was on its way. There are 5 total I think, so this is good news (I hope). The history of this clearing was also discussed. I remember saying to my guide, “2013-2015” and knowing it was a preparation period leading up to the first heart opening. I don’t recall specifically when my heart first “opened” but I recall that after the birth of my youngest in 2014 that the Kundalini began to rev up. It seems the trigger for my heart opening was getting pregnant in 2013. Prior to that I had a trigger in 2002-2003 – divorce. Then the heart connection was the trigger at the end of 2015. So that’s three “triggers” and three heart openings. I wonder if I will need a trigger for this one?

In recognizing just how very long the Kundalini process had been going on, I became a bit discouraged. I said, “It’s taking forever.” My guidance replied, “You will complete in this lifetime.” My response to this was, “Then I will die, right?” lol I saw myself as being a very old woman so death would be the logical next step. My guidance remained silent. So I said, “What is the point then?” – meaning why do all this work and then just die when it concludes?!

It seemed like things could move faster, in fact I knew they could. All I needed was a catalyst. I wondered about it, then. Previously I was told two are better than one, meaning that two working together toward similar goals allow for acceleration of the process. Working as a team the two propel one another forward. Working alone takes longer.

Not longer after these thoughts a song came to mind – “I walk alone…..”:

So guessing that I am out of luck. No physical connection with another human walking a similar path is coming along to propel me forward this time. Sigh. That trigger was so much more fun/interesting/exciting than divorce or pregnancy.

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Dream: Journey to the Seat

Very active dream night. I am not as tired this morning as I have been and so dream recall is higher than normal but still not at optimum.

Dream: Alma Mater 

I don’t recall much about this dream now, which is disappointing because the messages that came through are quite memorable. I like being able to explore the symbols. What I recall now is being inside a very fancy ballroom or somewhere similar. The walls were white paneling and the ceilings domed with similar paneling. I was with several others walking up a very fancy staircase discussing relationships.

From here it gets blurry. I mostly remember circles being cut in half. I am not sure if they were fruit or not but the one I recall was red like a cherry. There was food, though, because I was taking small chocolates and cutting them in half. Someone said to me, “Alma Mater” in the dream but I can’t recall why.

I began to cry during this dream. It was a feeling of regret mostly, regret of not seeing the good in my husband. Most of the dream was discussing all of his good qualities and viewing him as I did when we first met. Presently, it reminds me of how I use to grieve for the loss of my first marriage when I was recalling our history. One tends to look at all the negative in the moment but in hindsight you can see the good and how easily it is overlooked.

When I awoke I heard again, “Alma Mater”. I stopped crying and remembered what it meant: Bountiful Mother. I knew I needed to revisit a post I had written about it. There would be a message in it.

Here is the post. I had written it in my other blog on WP so it took me a while to find it. The picture is part of the post. Basically, the message is to “Be the Goddess”. However, the feeling I had upon waking was that I needed to somehow return to seeing my husband’s good qualities like I did when we first met and dated. I am not sure I can do that with all the time that has passed. We will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary Nov. 24th.

ceres

Dream: The Seat

This dream was so good I did NOT want to wake up from it.

It began with me driving on a small motorbike with another woman. She felt like my sister or a close, inexperienced friend. She was in control but I soon realized she could not drive well. I said, “You’re out of practice.” I took the handlebars and let her have control of the gas and brake. Steering her in the right direction was difficult because it was dark and foggy and the roads were unfamiliar. We eventually had to stop to wait for morning.

A traveler came and took us the rest of the way to a small town. There I met others, mostly women. One woman had an old leg injury that I healed with my hands. I remember feeling the intensity of the energy as it surged through me. She felt instant relief and thanked me.

Then we traveled to the next location. The woman with me was a traveler and the other woman from the beginning was no more. I believe the two of us merged into one and that is why she was no longer present.

At the new place I was washing my hair, putting conditioner in it. Then I went to a car, the traveler’s car, to get something but the key was stuck. I pulled it out, an alarm sounded, so I reinserted it and turned it to the left. The key released and the alarm stopped.

I exited through a building that had lines of students inside. They all recognized me asking me, “Did he really cry?” I felt like a celebrity based on the energy in the room. I said he did and passed through.

On the other side I was standing by the motorbike with a woman at the edge of a very large crater. A man was standing there with a woman. When we saw each other there was recognition. He left the other woman’s side and joined me. I knew we were married. We then each put on a parachute and jumped into the gorge. I remember thinking, “I normally wouldn’t do something like this!” I felt such excitement, though.

Somehow my partner and I were split up but I didn’t seem to care. I looked down at the landscape below. It was so beautiful and went on and on forever it seemed. The bowl-like depression was lined with jagged mountains. Each mountain tip seemed to be situated purposely like a flower petal around the center of the bowl. There was greenery intermittent with rocks. I was elated as I landed close to the center.

I saw ahead of me a brilliant white, rectangular platform in the center. I walked up to it and thought, “This is the seat”. In my mind I thought “government” and there was an image of the White House of the U.S. crumbling as if to confirm that I was at the location of the “new government” as the old one had fallen. I lingered only for a moment because I wanted to find my partner. I looked and saw his parachute in the distance and knew he had landed.

I headed in the direction of the parachute and saw that he had fallen into deep water. The strange thing is that the body of water appeared like a channel that had been purposefully dug. It looked like one of the spokes of a huge wheel. In the water were three men all swimming but unable to get out without assistance. The first man called out to me. He had very blonde hair and was smiling. I remember thinking, “Ken” as in “Ken and Barbie”. I passed by him and the other man, my eyes on my partner at the end.

When I reached him I leaned down to help him out. I saw his dark hair and eyes and smiled in recognition. He grabbed onto my arm and pulled himself up but his weight was so much it pulled me down and almost into the water with him. I helped him out, though, and he fell on top of me.

He sat up, straddling me. He was completely naked. I assume I was, too, but that was not my focus. I was too happy to see him and kept kissing him eagerly. I wrapped my legs around him and we kissed and laughed for a bit. I kept pulling him toward me and not letting him get up. He said to me while motioning toward the seat, “We’ve got to get going…..” I said, “I don’t wanna….” I remember thinking to him, “Pleeeeeease” He was resisting my advances but I could feel what he wanted was the same as what I wanted. He was concerned others would see us. He felt exposed. I acknowledged him but sent him, “So? I don’t care.” It was understandable to feel exposed. There we were, both naked out in the open with at least two other men watching and who knows who else could see us.

I felt the moment he made his choice. He finally stopped holding back and gave in to what he wanted (and I wanted, too). In that instant I saw the number 111 flash behind his left shoulder. Then, I felt a surge of energy in my root chakra like a bolt of lightening. It came with a release, like years and years of pent up energy finally had somewhere to go. We both felt it but the intensity of it was too much for me and when the second surge hit, I woke up.

Afterward

When I awoke I was crying. I couldn’t help myself. It was just so beautiful. I was overjoyed, overflowing. I was also very upset to have woken up. What awful timing I have! I spent a good amount of time after that lingering in the memory of it, savoring it.

My mind then went to the dream before and all the symbolism. The two versions of myself becoming one – the experienced one and the one needing practice. I remembered the “traveler” and the strange key. The room of children asking over and over, “Did he really cry?”

The most spectacular was the bowl shaped depression we wound up in. I knew the “seat” was the “seat of the soul” and that the “bowl” was a chakra. The mountains around the edge were in the shape of a flower…..a lotus maybe? And the water was between each of the mountain tops in linear shapes all pointing to the center. It was as if we were in the center of the actual chakra!

The crumbling “government” and new government must be symbolic of the Ego and the Higher Self. One crumbled, “destroyed”, replaced by the better, more experienced one. Yet I did not linger at this new “seat”. Instead I helped my partner who had gotten stuck in the water (emotional overwhelm maybe?). I suspect we would both have gone to the seat together had I not awakened prematurely!

As I smiled at the realization of all of the above I heard very distinctly, “Pilgrim” and the Enya song came to mind.

 

The Other Kind of Kundalini

I’m going to write about a Kundalini experience that I normally keep to myself. Why? Well, at first I thought I just didn’t want it to be misinterpreted but now I know it is because of my own discomfort with these particular experiences.

Kundalini Dream Experience

I was in a darkened hallway of a large high school that resembled a mall more than a school. My classroom had floor-to-ceiling windows and a typical store entry like one would find in a retail shop. When I entered, the room was empty and there was a laptop computer on my desk. Two female students entered and I greeted them. One was a beautiful African American girl who wanted me to help her with her shoes. She told me they did not fit well. I inspected two different pair – a dress shoe with a small bow on the tip and a pair of loafers. I recall her saying she was a 6.5 but that the shoes were too small. I selected the dress shoe and told her I thought she should wear them and not the “penny loafers” but corrected myself and said hers were not penny loafers. I explained the difference seeming to relish in a memory of my own pair of penny loafers from my childhood.

I told the girls I had to prepare for class and excused myself. Turning to my computer I tried to enter the password but totally forgot the password. I ended up hearing an inner voice ask me who was someone close to me. I cannot recall now what name I entered but the password worked.

That is when a male teacher entered and began talking to me. He seemed a bit aloof, mysterious and quiet. He took a piece of paper and scribbled on it, handing it to me when he was finished. It turned out to be a beautiful work of art, something amazing for the short time it took for him to draw it. I complemented him and asked him if he ever thought of being an author. He said he hadn’t and then showed me another of his drawings. Similarly fantastic, I was in awe of his talent and stared at it for quite a while. This drawing reminded me of a scene out of the movie What Dreams May Come.

This is when the dream gets more lucid. I am not sure what happened but I think now I must have been pulled into the drawing because I was following a naked woman up a very steep, grassy hill. She disappeared over the top and I struggled to climb up. I remember grabbing onto the edge of the top of the hill and hanging there until I was able to pull myself up on top.

On top of the hill I saw the woman entangled in the arms of the male teacher amidst hills of grass. The scene was reminiscent of some fairy fantasy world with tall, weeping willows and a ray of sunlight illuminating the couple. They were obviously in the midst of love making so I kept my distance. The strange thing here is that both of them seemed to merge and then morph into something else. What I recall seeing is a very large, elephant-man but with many appendages that all looked like trunks. This elephant man’s skin was flesh colored and pink with many wrinkles, very much like an albino elephant might look.

The “trunks” reached toward me and one made contact and entered me. I experienced it like intercourse except that it was unlike any sexual encounter I’ve had.  The trunk seemed to move all the way through me, igniting in me a passion that I could not resist.

I tried to disconnect from this massive trunk and get away but the trunk just stretched and extended like some kind of tentacle. In my memory I have the sensation of becoming one with the tentacle-like appendage as an explosion of energy surged up through my center.

All I recall of the rest of the experience is a very pleasurable orgasm that transferred to my physical body causing the dream scene to dematerialize very quickly. It woke me up and as I lay in bed, stunned by what had just happened, the energy lingered and my heart and head began to swirl in a counterclockwise direction. The only way to describe the feelings in my heart and head is to say that they orgasmed while swirling with vivid color. The color most memorable was the bright white that consumed my entire head. Yet I didn’t see the color with physical sight. Instead I felt it and it impressed upon me the color of white.

Still very tired and wanting to sleep, I drifted into the in-between where someone was talking to me and I felt very drunk. Every once in a while I would be awakened by vivid images along with chunks of information. One time I saw large bowls. The largest was bright red. It was the size of a very large mixing bowl but made of some kind of pottery. I could see within the bowl concentric circles that originated from the center and expanded outward in larger and larger rings. Inside of the red bowl was a forest green bowl just a tad smaller in diameter. Inside of the green bowl was a still smaller white bowl that seemed to glow in comparison to the other two. The white bowl then separated from the other two and seemed to be held up for my inspection.  Then I awoke because I recognized the green bowl should not be so dark in color.

Another vision I had was of pairs of numbers stacked one on top of the other. There was someone whispering the top number to me and I repeated it saying, “O – 9”. I recognized the “O” was in fact a “0” and this woke me up as I saw in my mind very vividly “09”. As I woke from this I remember thinking of the 9th chakra.

Along with the visuals I heard part of a song over and over in my mind – “I’m ready for this, there’s no denying. I’m ready for this, you stop me falling….” With the song I heard, “You will fall” in a masculine voice. It was a direct message and one I’ve heard before so it woke me instantly. I could not return to my reverie after that. The song is still prominent in mind.

Considerations

I recognized after waking fully that the “elephant man” in my dream was not coincidental. I am familiar with the Gods of Hinduism and so knew there was a God who looked like an elephant man, though I was unsure of the name or what he ruled. So, of course, I Googled it first thing.

Ganesh or Ganesha is his name. According to this article, Ganesha is “considered in the Hindu religion to be remover of obstacles, patron of the arts and sciences, and the master of intellect and wisdom”.

“According to Kundalini yoga, Ganesha resides within the first (Root) chakra, and embodies the energy of transformation required to initiate change, transformation, and the overcoming of obstacles or pending issues. A great way to inspire yourself to push through a difficult flow or daily task, this root energy from the Muladhara (root chakra) helps us move through the remaining chakras with ease and easily access our intuition, making Ganesha a vital element in the path to self-discovery and enlightenment.”

I found many fascinating articles about Lord Ganesha and his symbolic meaning. I especially enjoyed reading his story and the symbolism of the elephant head:

Shiva restoring life to Ganesha, and replacing his head with an elephant’s, means that before we can leave the body, the Lord first replaces our small ego with a “big”, or universal ego. This doesn’t mean that we become more egoistic. On the contrary, we no longer identify with the limited individual self, but rather with the large universal Self. In this way, our life is renewed, becoming one that can truly benefit Creation. It is however only a functional ego, like the one Krishna and Buddha kept. It is like a thin string tying the liberated Consciousness to our world, solely for our benefit.

It always fascinates me how my Kundalini dreams and the messages contained within them relate directly to Hinduism and have from the beginning. One would think that I would become obsessed with learning all I can about the religion, but I’m not. I have very little interest in learning any more than what my dreams and experiences guide me to. I think this is because I don’t need to know all that information, I just need to know what relates to me and my experience as it gives me an idea of where I am on my journey.

As for the sensation of the orgasming heart and head, there are no words to accurately describe it nor would I say that it is something I am drawn to experience again. It was just a new experience and one I assume is part of my process. The colors, too, are very memorable, more even than the “orgasm” sensation and that says a lot.

Of course I had to look up the 9th chakra again and re-familiarize myself with it. This article is very informative as is this one. I did not recall the color of it but I was not surprised to discover that it is….yep…white.

Lunar chakra — (9th) — Located just above the (7th) sahasrara chakra or crown chakra. — Silver or white — The ninth chakra links you to the energies of the moon. It is the main hub for karmic understanding and channeling that governs intelligence, communication with spirit guides, and funnels information about incarnations.

Another sync with the dream is that the 9th chakra is associated with three blueprints of the human soul: Creator, Healer and Teacher. In this lifetime Teacher has been my main theme and in my dream I am also a Teacher, as is the strange and aloof man who creates the beautiful drawings.

The dark green of the heart chakra indicates some clearing is still needed, otherwise it would be a vivid green, or at least that is my interpretation of it.

The message, “You will fall” alarms me somewhat. If I recall correctly the last time I heard it there was a significant and painful lesson learned. I interpret it to mean “fall in love” but I could be wrong. When I heard it this morning I rejected the message and said, “No, I don’t want to. Not again.”

The Reason for my Silence

Finally, the reason I have been hesitant to share these kinds of Kundalini experiences are because they are so sexual in nature. They are more common, however, than the other kinds of Kundalini I experience. I probably have three times more sexual experiences – meaning my physical body orgasms – than spiritual Kundalini experiences. For example, the last time I blogged about the Kundalini I had three such incidents in a row prior to the one I wrote about and it is not uncommon for me to have multiple physical experiences in a night (or sometimes even the day, though rarer).

In the beginning these physical orgasms were similar to any other; however, in the past year or so they have morphed into something quite different altogether. I have never experienced an orgasm with a partner that even comes close which is probably a good thing. I’m not sure I could handle it. lol

My guess is that these very physical experiences are meant as lessons and are preparing me for something to come. When I woke from this experience my first thought was that I “should have known better than to focus on the sensation of orgasm”. I believe that my lesson is to become so use to it, so “bored” with it, that I am unaffected. There is an inner Knowing that if I can ignore it and be unaffected by the vast pleasure (which is SUPER difficult to do!!!) then something far greater awaits me on the other side.

The key, I have learned, is to be the observer, which means not having any attachment to or expectation of an outcome. My human conditioning has me expecting the sexual sensations of a physical orgasm because that is what I am most familiar with. It is also very hard to not attach to the feeling but I believe I am making progress there. At least now I am not “pining” for the experience, nor would I say I feel “addicted” to it anymore. This is a BIG step in and of itself.

There is also no physical counterpart associated with it, which helps immensely. When you get another individual mixed into the lot then it creates all kinds of conflict and only makes it harder to resist the lure of the Kundalini. I now understand why I was told by my guidance early on that I can only have physical Union with another once I have mastered it on my own (wholeness). From my experiences thus far I can at least now say that I am grateful for the way things have turned out thus far. To attempt physical Union would have been disastrous.

 

Lascivious Kundalini

Prior to sleep last night I relaxed into a light meditation and had energy moving up and down my spine and through my body. This energy was brought on simply by my intention to feel it – to remember it. I wanted to see if I could “call it” and it worked. When the energy arrived so did the obvious presence of my current main guide who calls himself Chris. It felt like he was giving me a huge bliss hug. I told him, “I want the truth about myself and what is going on – all of it, even if it is something I don’t want to know.”

Dream: Hotel Guest

I recall being in another country. It felt like Europe and the time frame seemed to be Victorian or maybe later because of the type of clothing I observed around me. I was outside walking on cobblestone streets. In front of me was a large, stone building with stairs leading up to an entrance. The gray stone is still very vivid in my memory as is the heavy, wooden and ornately carved door I walked through.

I was with others in a group and we were staying in the building – a grand hotel (shift in personal identity, transition from old to new) – for the night. We were given rooms and keys and sent on our way. I remember my room number was 186 . I went looking for my room alongside a man with dark hair and a mustache. There was also another young woman with us. I could not find my room at first but finally located it. I remember wondering why the three of us were separated from the others in the group. I found out everyone had been separated into groups of 3 around the hotel. None of the groups were close to the others.

I wandered toward an open area noticing trays of food – candies (indulgences and forbidden pleasure). The candy was made to look like real fruit and placed on realistic leaves and trees. I selected some and ate it. A young girl with long, brown hair was there and spoke with me briefly. She was the one who told me about the groups being split up. This is also when I noticed we were both wearing corsets and elaborate gowns. Mine was yellow with white lace.

I stayed with the young girl for a while and we talked. She was telling me how she would never grow up and how she was stuck living life after life only as a child. Her age was approximately 12-13, maybe a bit older. I reassured her, seeming to know all about her plight. We sat together, me on the edge of a bed and her on a cushioned seat. I recall telling her how to stop the cycle she was in. My advice was for her to accept her life as it was, to accept that she would remain a child rather than resist it. If she did this, then the cycle would be broken and she would finally be able to exit into adulthood. Everything seemed crystal clear to me as I said this to her. I could see how many lives she had lived never growing into adulthood – hundreds of them.

While I was talking to the young girl I had some interruptions that were quite disturbing, though my reaction was to laugh. The first time it happened I was in the midst of telling the girl something and suddenly felt a large, cylindrical object inserted into my mouth and down my throat. In my mind I saw the bare chest of a man and then a very, very fat penis. I actually laughed when I saw the visual and knew who the man was. I said to him (after removing the object from my mouth), “Stop it. Not now.”

The girl I was talking to gave me a look like, “WTF?” LOL But I ignored the man and her look and kept talking.

Not long after I felt the object down my throat again and with it came a very strong feeling of sexual interest. Briefly, I felt pulled into the feeling. It was super intoxicating but I again rejected it. I pushed the man away and said to him, “I’m trying to tell her something!” Though it would seem I was irritated, I was actually smiling when I said it. It felt like a game between lovers, like he was trying to get my attention. And though what he was suggesting would be fun, I had “serious” things to say! lol

I remember the girl telling me how she felt stuck and then me telling her how to end the cycle. Accept it (her life) as is. Right after I said this I again felt something inserted into my throat but at the same time felt the feeling in my lower chakras that I had in the previous Kundalini dream. It was like my entire lower body became my root chakra and at the same time my upper chakras were melting down toward the lower chakras. Imagine yourself melting into your own center and you might get an idea of the sensation of it. I felt the two distinct energies converging in the space between my solar plexus and my heart chakra.

There was a surge of ecstasy that accompanied this. I felt like I was in the middle of an erotica film! All I wanted to do was surrender to this very “dirty” sexual game my partner was playing with me.

I woke up from the surge of ecstasy and it did not continue upon waking. My guide was nearby as I adjusted to wakefulness, energy still covering my body. The region between my solar plexus and heart was especially active and continued to feel pleasant for a while after I woke.

Discussion 

It was 4:30am when I looked at the clock. I told Chris, “What was that all about?” He said, “You wanted to know the truth.” I thought about it for a while and realized I had been talking to the girl, who was also me, and giving her the same advice I had been given previously – Accept it as it is. Apparently I am stuck in a cycle. This cycle keeps me from “growing into an adult”. The cycle involves rejection or non-acceptance of myself as a “child”. The advice is to accept myself as this “child” and only then will I grow into an adult.

Recognizing that, I questioned the strange method he used to get my attention in the dream. What was that all about?

He seemed amused. I received one word, “Lascivious.” HA! Yes indeed!! He said to me, “I will visit again soon.” Of course, I played along and encourage him feeling quite lascivious myself after the experience. lol

He said, “Sleep.” I said to him, “I’m still tired. I want to go back to sleep but you ruined it! How can I sleep after that!?” Yet not long after I did indeed fall asleep.

Dream: Pregnancy Advice

This time I was in a locker room (a new dream theme indicating need for time to recuperate/calm down) with a black woman who had just given birth. I noticed she was very tired and seemed sullen. I went up to her and hugged her, asking her if she was okay. We sat down on a bench and talked for a while. I told her she looked sad and advised her to give herself some time to adjust. “You just had a baby! Give yourself some time.” I said. I looked into her sad, brown eyes and felt so much love and compassion for her situation.

She stood up and stared blankly across the room. She said, “I know I just had a baby. It’s been 7 months but my body is still recovering.” I could feel her emptiness and apathy and sense that she wanted to do so much more but just couldn’t yet. I said, “This isn’t the end of your life, it’s the beginning.” In that instant I remembered how I felt after the birth of my first child. I felt like life as I knew it was over and knew I would never be able to live life for myself again. The recognition of my fate hit me hard and put me into a 9-month deep depression.

I took her hand and said, “You are sad.” She looked up at me, clarity in her eyes, and said, “Yes, but so are you.” This caught me off guard and the reality of the dream hit me full-on. Everything I said to the woman applied to me. Everything. I collapsed to the floor in heaving sobs and woke up feeling decimated.

zebra.jpgVision: Zebra Without Stripes

Wide awake again I recovered from my tears and let the messages sink in. 7 months echoed in my mind and I wondered about the symbolism. Did I give birth to a new version of myself but just not had time to fully recover from it? Am I grieving for what I lost like I did after the birth of my first child? Is this the beginning rather than the end like it seems?

I fell into the in-between while contemplating all of the above. I saw a herd of zebra (individualization, taking the middle ground, wild and free spirit). One was plucked up and out of the herd, it’s black stripes falling off and leaving it completely white. I knew the zebra lost its stripes and that it represented me.

By this time it was 6am and I was definitely not going to return to sleep. I still had lingering energy in my solar plexus and third-eye. My thoughts went to everything going on in my life and to the dreams and messages I just received. That’s when Chris said to me, “Doors will open now.” I felt in my heart that this was true. All I have to do is knock and they will open.

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 OBEs: Missing Chakras?

Last night I was so exhausted I went to bed at 8pm. My eyes were heavy and my body relaxed like I had taken a sleeping pill. Very unusual for me. I ended up sleeping until about 3:30am when I woke up wide awake. I knew when I returned to bed that it was likely that I would project.

OBE: Sludge Run

I awoke seemingly in my body watching a scene play out before me. I was in it but not in it. I was being given instructions and realized that I was some kind of recruit. My group and I were then instructed to run before we were overcome by the water. The members of the group, dressed in gray PT clothing, began to run. I turned and saw a huge brick wall with thick, gray sludge pouring over the top. People were running away from the sludge and screaming. The road they were on had a huge hole in the center which slowed some down. I thought it all fun and knew they did, too. I began to giggle and felt the familiar sensation of coming back to body awareness.

OBE: Beanie Man

Realizing I had gone OBE but had not taken charge, I allowed myself to return to observer mode because I still felt very tired. Basically this means I went OOB but lingered in a horizontal position over my sleeping body and watched my dream images without being pulled into the dreamstate. I watched as a man wearing a multicolored beanie stood with his back to me. At this time I heard someone say, “The 23rd.” I said, “Of this month?” Then I couldn’t remember what month and wondered. I heard back, “September.” That’s when I remembered it’s January. The date given was familiar so I asked to be able to go to the person who it reminded me of. I heard nothing but saw the man again, back to me. I tried to enter the scene then and came back to body awareness. When I returned my heart was pounding in my chest and I felt uncomfortable, like something was very wrong. This feeling passed but I think only because I quickly entered into the in-between.

chakras

Three Exits

I then had three separate exits from my body, each with interesting results.

The first exit started with heavy vibrations. I was able to exit only to find myself quickly back in my body. My second chakra felt to be a big, gaping hole of nothingness. In fact, the hole felt to be what was sucking me back into my body.

The second exit was the same and when I came back to body awareness I felt the nothingness, the gaping black hole, in my solar plexus. There was a sensation of my ribs bending inward from some unseen source and the vibrations were still high and stable. Again I felt them even after I exited my body and they continued upon re-entry.

The last exit was successful but the body vibrations were very intense and electric. I felt them even after I exited my body and was leaving my bedroom. What was even stranger was that the whole time I was OOB I was taking huge breath-fulls of air as if I was struggling to breathe. They were slow, deep and labored. I figured if I got away from my body it would let up, but even as I went down the stairs the labored breathing continued. I remember wondering if my physical body was struggling to breathe and if maybe it was dying. I also remember not caring if it did. Not long after this last thought, I returned to my body where I was breathing fairly normally but the vibrations were still high and my heart felt very strange, like a deep, emptiness where it should have been. For the short time I stayed with my body, I shifted positions and took deep, meditative breaths. I felt instructed to do this but not from guidance, from a Knowing that it would help stabilize my energy.

OBE: Can’t Sing

This time I was able to get OOB without incident, the vibrations not following me OOB. I successfully made it to the stairs and tried to sing because singing helps raise my vibration. I couldn’t get any sound to come out. It was like I was hoarse and this strange, raspy sound came out. I continued to sing, though, and eventually the sound was smooth but it did not come from my throat. Rather, it seemed to come from my Being, and was without sound but more of a vibration. Hard to explain. The surprise of this change brought me back to my body and my throat felt odd, but not a nothingness – indescribable.

OBE: Backward Slide

The vibrations came on quickly. Again very strong and I felt them intensify rapidly. I didn’t wait and pulled myself OOB with great ease. I was out and at the stairs, full perceptions. I saw the stairs, a golden hue tinted everything. I decided to slide down the stairs backward, floating just above them. It felt like a water slide and was great fun. When I got to the bottom, my vision was so vivid that I had to remind myself I was not awake, that I was OOB and that it was not real.

In the kitchen I saw my whole family. My two oldest were wearing their backpacks and looked directly at me. I waved and said hello while hovering above their heads near the ceiling. My husband looked directly at me and gave me a nasty look that communicated something like, “You suck. Go away. I’m going to ignore you now.” The energy from him told me he was not happy with me but I didn’t care. Then the kids began to go out the back door, which was all wrong. I remember thinking about where I would go next when I returned to my body. In retrospect, this OBE seemed to be located in the future, or at least it felt that way.

clock

OBE: Alarm Clock

Almost immediately strong vibrations overtook me and practically lifted me OOB. It was crazy fast and the vibrations had sound, like an electric motor or high-voltage power lines humming and crackling. I was able to pull myself out of my body with some effort. It wasn’t the sticky taffy feeling this time. Instead, it felt like the vibrations were shaking me in the opposite direction while also following me in my intended direction. I have never felt vibrations like this. Totally crazy!

Finally, OOB, the strong vibrations continued while I looked at my surroundings. It was my bedroom but there was a small nightstand to my right which isn’t normally there. I saw a black alarm clock sitting on it but the front of it was facing away from me. As soon as I wondered about it the vibrations escalated, picking me up and putting me back in my body. I felt myself enter through my sacral plexus this time and a gaping hole sensation remained after I was back in my body. I felt very dizzy and strange and decided I should open my eyes and not attempt further exits.

Considerations

I suspect the strange vibrations and chakra black holes are a result of my shifting Light body. It could be that the chakras have shifted or that they are blocked, but the latter seems wrong being I re-entered and exited my body via these chakra centers. How they are different is hard to say but my experience is that they were like black holes of nothingness. The vibrations were the most extreme I have ever felt, very stable but almost violent in intensity. Yet, strangely, they felt normal and even when they persisted while OOB I was not bothered by them. The noise was also new. I have heard all kinds of noises-off prior to exit but never while OOB and these seemed to be produced by the vibrations of my energy body because they were in sync, almost like my energy body was singing. This is something like the sound I heard:

 

Dream: Symbol in the Sky

I am just documenting these dreams.

Dream: Memory Sifting

I was aware of the purpose of this dream when I awoke. It was merely me sifting through memories (sorting them).

I was sitting in a van with my husband who was in the driver’s seat. We had packed a cooler in the back and were heading somewhere together. He pulled up next to another van. One of my close friends was at the wheel. I saw her and said, “Let’s invite her and her kids!” My husband looked at me and said, “No, I don’t think so.” He pulled away and I looked out the window at my friend who had a curious look on her face.

As he drove, I was angry at him and told him, “I won’t go with you.” I crawled to the back, opened the cooler and began making a sandwich for myself. I knew he was taking me to “his people” and I didn’t want to associate with them.

Then I had a visual of a mobile home whose roof and walls had been blown away revealing only a sofa and a few pieces of furniture. I knew this represented my old high school friend’s dad who passed away long ago. For some reason I thought the house had been destroyed by fire but there was no evidence of it. In the dream I felt sorry for my friend but decided to put it aside since it was her life, not mine.

I materialized into another scene. This time I was inside a home with a bunch of women. It was a lactation group. There was an odd sensation then of my milk coming in (only a nursing mom would know the feeling) and I began to massage my breasts to help the milk come down. lol I was hit with all kinds of inadequacy feelings at this time – I’m not a good mother because I don’t want to breastfeed. I’m selfish. I let my children down. And on and on. I felt unfairly criticized by others for my opinions and choices. It seemed like the other mother’s in the group disapproved and I wanted to do what was right despite feeling utterly exhausted and unable.

Then I was looking down at a plate in front of me. It looked like it contained little wads of dough shaped like large peanuts. There were two labeled sections. One said, “Regular milk” and the other said, “Breast milk.” I looked at it and was a bit grossed out thinking I was looking at dried up milk pieces.

The women each had plates similar to mine. Some had these bits in both categories, some in only one or the other. They were sharing their plates with each other – eating pieces of this dried milk. I almost gagged in the dream at the thought of it. lol

I tried to walk past unseen, hoping to not be noticed, but the leader stopped me and asked me for my plate. I saw very distinctly the different proportions of milk globs on my plate. The “Regular Milk” category had three times that of the “Breast Milk” one. The woman took a piece from both and then mentioned how the breast milk one tasted so much better and was healthier. I gagged when I saw her eating it. Then she asked me to taste and to my surprise I did.

Eating it brought in a flood of memories and realizations. I saw that my choices should not have been judge so harshly. I saw that had it not been for formula that my oldest and youngest children would have likely have been malnourished (or needed a wet nurse). I had PPD after my daughter’s birth and was suffering from major anemia and recovering from a c-section after the birth of my youngest. My daughter couldn’t latch on and was born three weeks early and had major digestive issues (reflux). I saw that I had given what I could. I saw that I mourned the loss of my milk.

In the dream I saw my breasts again and felt the familiar sensation of the milk coming down. I missed it and grieved the loss of it every time.

I awoke upset and feeling very sad. I miss having a baby. I miss the experience of being that close, that loved, that needed. There is nothing like it. Now my youngest is growing up and needing me less and less. I can’t have anymore children. Even though I wouldn’t want one really anyway, a part of me would have a dozen more children just to feel that bond/connection again; just to experience pregnancy and all that comes with it good and bad all over again. I feel old now, dried up and withering away. My body no longer able to give and sustain life. It is such an integral part of being a woman. I never realized it until now.

It is apparent to me that I need to let myself grieve the passing of this part of me but also embrace the new role I play in the lives of my children. Just because I can’t birth anymore, just because they are growing, doesn’t make me any less a mother.

Dream: Symbol in the Sky

I was flying along a road in the middle of an estuary. The water was a vivid blue and there were people all around fishing. There was a sense that this was a special time or event.

Suddenly I caught a glimpse of the sun, except it was not the sun. It was a very large symbol in the sky. It had always been there but caught my attention because I suddenly noticed the outer petals of this symbol were glowing a very pale, bluish color. The blue was the same color as the water below – a kind of blue-green or aqua. It was absolutely beautiful and I could not take my eyes off of it. I said to my friend, “It is glowing!” In my mind I knew this was not the sun, it was a space craft of some sort.

Then the scene around me changed. The estuary vanished and I was in the middle of an ancient city, one that was familiar but I couldn’t place. The buildings were of an ancient architecture and all had a light, pale gold color to them. As if the stone they were made from was molded and smoothed.

There was a catastrophic event taking place. The sky was grumbling despite the sun being out. Huge chunks of hail bigger than my fist, some even larger than that, were falling from the sky and causing devastation to the structures. People were in terror, running through the streets yelling to me to take cover. I just stood, looking up at the symbol in the sky, watching it. It hovered like a space craft and moved, morphing into a luminous, blue snake across the sky. I was in awe of it and felt completely and utterly at peace. I knew no harm would come to me. All around me the chaos continued. Buildings began to crumble, water flooded in and covered the city. Yet still I remained, unharmed, separate from the scene, watching as the aqua-blue colored snaked through the sky and hid behind the clouds.

When I awoke I knew the symbol I saw had a name but I couldn’t remember it. I also knew it resembled the symbols for the chakras but I wasn’t sure which chakra. The color was bluish, but I was certain it was not the throat chakra. The crown then? No. I am not sure which one but the symbolism was not lost to me. This chakra was opening in me, bringing in ancient knowledge that was once lost. My guidance confirmed. I still felt awe in remembering it. It was beautiful.

The symbol I saw was most similar to this one but with petals (no dots) on the outside, like a lotus, which is why I connected it to the chakras.

sriChakra1

The image comes from this website. It is called the SriChakra:

The Shaktas, or followers of Shakti worship, consider the Sri Yantra, or Sri Chakra, the holiest among them.

The Sri Chakra is conceived as Shiva-Shakti. The diagram consists of a series of triangles around a small central circle called the bindu. Thebindu represents the Shiva-Shakti in union, from which the rest of the diagram, representing the cosmos, is evolved. Enclosing the bindu and superimposed on each other are the four Shiva triangles (Srikanthas) pointing upwards, and five Shakti triangles (Shiva-Yuvatis) pointing downwards. These constitute the nine dhatus, or basic categories, of the universe, evolving from the Supreme Mother represented by thebindu. The triangles are surrounded by two circles of lotuses, one with eight petals (Vasudala) and the other with sixteen petals (Kalasra). Outside these, are three circles (mekhalatraya) and a rectangular enclosure (Bhupura) of three lines for the whole figure, with entrances on the four sides.

It just so happens that this website links to an article about Tantric Yoga. lol

 

 

 

Determined to See This Through

The heart fire is coming and going and bringing with it all kinds of emotions. I am grateful for it’s return because I feel more alive when it is present despite the inner conflict that arises within me.

Yesterday, about mid-afternoon, I went into grief for no apparent reason. Thankfully, I am able to observe these releases and with this one it was easy to see that my grief stemmed from my inability to act on the divine love I have for my counterpart. I almost laughed out loud because it felt like what I would expect a horrible breakup would feel like. Since I have not experienced feelings of such magnitude I can only speculate that “breakup” grief is what it resembles.

In an attempt to understand my grief and this amazing connection I have been blessed with, I asked for help. I was led to read WP, checking Reader for new posts. I stumbled upon this post. The synchronicities blew me away and I began to wonder about one of my recent dreams. I reread that dream and connections were made.

My dreams have been pointing me in the direction of healing for as long as I can remember. How blind I have been! The emotional release accompanying this realization confirmed I was on the right track.

Then I was led to read another of my past posts. The synchronisities screamed at me. I had not noticed them when the post was written but now, now they are so obvious! This part especially hit home:

As we left for the evening, I had to leave behind my new friends and rejoin my family. I felt torn and there was agony in my decision. I walked toward my “old” family carrying a large trailer behind me. It was as if I were the car and it (a huge trailer) was hitched to me. As I walked along the road, I encountered masses of people walking toward me – the wrong way. They were drunk and dazed and I remember thinking, “They don’t see me”.

The entire walk home one of my new friends accompanied me. He and I had a strong connection, one that made me feel alive again. It was like he was my soul mate (if such a thing exists).

When I got home I remember I forgot my keys but decided to not go back. I had crossed through a “gate” of some sort and to go back through it would mean going through a “check-point” and I didn’t want to risk getting caught. What I was getting caught for, I don’t know.

When I woke up I was very sad and questioning why. I felt completely and utterly dissociated from my life, my family, and everyone I know. The feeling was so intensely real that I figured it must mean I needed to disconnect from my life and everyone in it. I believed this to the point that I even looked online for an apartment and told my husband I wanted to move out.

The realization of all of this, all of this I had not seen, blew me away. Of course, I can’t be so hard on myself. I was unable to see it at that time. So much had not yet been revealed to me. But now, now I know.

The first dream was warning me of what was to come. The destruction is my entire life, my foundations, falling down around me. Tear it all down and then build it back up. It is destruction of the old me to make way for the new. It is also representative of how my world was turned upside down in December 2015. The ReUnion threw me into chaos for a time and, like the second dream stated so clearly, “I had crossed through a ‘gate’ of some sort’ and there is was going back.

Everything in bold is how I felt the end of December through January. My whole life felt wrong and I so desperately wanted out of it and to join my new friend.

Putting it all together, my mind was made up. This last hurdle must be confronted and destroyed if I am to get to the other side. Going back is not an option.

waterfall

Dream: Waterfall

I went to bed asking to move forward. “Show me what I need to see,” I said. My Companion whispered to me, “Remember.” I knew this was a good sign.

In the dream I on a boat with a male friend. He resembled the man who I call my counterpart except this time he was much younger and his skin a bit lighter. I sensed he had more “life” in him than before.

We were on a fast flowing, massive river similar in size to the Amazon. It was forking in front of us. Both sides equal except for one thing. The path on the left had lines strung over it filled with live chickens hanging by their feet. They were flapping their wings and squawking loudly. On the right there was also a line but on it there were only two live chickens flapping about.

Together we chose the path to the right and navigated down the river. The rapids grew stronger and tossed us about. I knew not many took this path and that the reason was because it ended in a huge waterfall.

As we approached the waterfall, I saw a brilliant white mansion to the right. I knew no one lived in it. I had been there before.

In front of us the river narrowed substantially and its waters were channeled between pillars of concrete. It was a dam of some sort. My partner asked me if I was ready and I said, “Can’t we go around?” He said, “We shouldn’t.” Then we jumped into the river and swam to the left bank. We crawled out and sat upon the concrete together, both of us completely naked. To our right the sound of the waterfall was prominent. I felt exhausted and lay down to rest. My partner sat next to me and looked down at me. I could see him clearly and recognized him. He was nearly my age now and so beautiful. I wanted to put my fingers in his dark hair but I didn’t. I just stared up at him.

Then he was talking to me but I heard no words. Instead he was writing all over my bare skin. He was writing messages to me. His writing covered every inch of me. I saw I had written messages on his skin, too. I knew I had nothing to hide from him and he had nothing to hide from me. I wish I could remember what he wrote now but all I recall is how gentle and loving he was. My heart overflowed with love for him.

Heart Blast

I woke up in tears. Gentle tears. Tears not of sorrow but of the most profound love. My heart was blazing but part of it, the upper right section, was tender. Instead of feeling grief and agony for the seeming separation I woke up to, I felt determined; brave. I felt as if I could do anything as long as he was by my side and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was….is by my side.

I lay in my bed immersed in the love that overflowed from my heart center and heard my Companion say, “There are some things we cannot do alone.” I knew what he meant and he was not referring to himself as my partner in this instance. It was time to focus on my physical counterpart now. In that moment all I wanted to do was go; to leave everything behind and find him. Yet I knew this was impossible and not appropriate. I have contracts to complete, a mission to accomplish. I must become Whole. And instead of feeling sad about it, I felt determined and undeterred.

Whatever the waterfall is, and I have a good idea of what it is, I CAN confront it and move past it. I do it not only for me, but for him. The kind of love we have is the kind that makes me want to do anything for him. I would lose my life if I had to. I guess that is the motivation I need to move past this because to do it just for me is not enough. I don’t feel I am worth it, but he is.

I want to add that had I known a love like this existed, was even possible, I never would have wasted my time with all the others. That love was a pretend love, a projected love. I don’t mean to negate any of my past experiences or past loves, but that is how I feel. If I had known, I would not have accepted anything but the real deal.