Halloween Lucid to OBE: Numb

Happy Halloween and full moon! Seems that lately the only way I go OOB is when there is a full moon.

Lucid to OBE: Numb

I woke at 5:30am wide awake. I didn’t want to get up so I attempted to return to sleep, but found it difficult.

The next thing I remember is talking to someone in the in-between. I assume is was a male guide. I can’t recall what we were talking about. I believe we were discussing issues I am having in life.

I became lucid when I felt arms wrap around me from behind. I replied, “That’s wonderful. You did it.” With this I am acutely aware of where I am and all my perceptions turn on. As I talk to this man who has now appeared behind me I survey the scene. I am laying on a sofa in a very nice home with vaulted ceilings and mahogany trim. To my left is a modern kitchen and to my right is a staircase leading to the upper floor.

The man is snuggling up behind me on the sofa talking. He is mostly excited that he was able to be there with me saying things like, “I can’t believe it. I did it!” When I turned to look at him I didn’t recognize him. He was quite nerdy looking but not ugly, just unique. The thoughts I had about his appearance were ignored because he felt so very familiar to me his. His energy said I could trust him and that he was a close, beloved friend.

I remember attempting to kiss and cuddle him but he would freak out, worried he would ruin the experience (go back to his body). I understood his concerns as they were valid. He encouraged me to give him a sensual massage. I traced my hand down the back of his thigh down to his calf. When I was done I tried to hugged him close and he again resisted, fear in his eyes. The whole thing was so very real that for a moment I forgot I was dreaming.

We talked quite a bit but what I remember most is thinking of the time and how it was almost 11am. I felt guilty for sleeping in so long and wasting the day. It felt like I needed to get up and get my day going but I don’t recall having anything in particular to do.

Then, I could sense that our time together was coming to an end. I looked at him, studying his face as I explained I could feel he would be leaving soon. His appearance was still very strange to me. He had light hair and a very pronounced mouth area with deep smile lines, almost like his face was carved. Again I dismissed my judgements and just enjoyed the time I had with him.

Not long after he was just gone and I felt myself shifting back to my body. I pulled myself back to the scene, got up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen.

What I first noticed was that someone had left food out from breakfast – 3 open jars of jam (feeling stuck in a situation) with lids scattered about. I grabbed the lids to put them back on the jars but I thought I heard someone talking. I listened hard and heard it again. I said, “Is someone there?” I noticed a tiny radio (awareness needed) on the counter but it was not turned on.

Rather than clean up, I just left the mess there.

My thought at the time was that I needed to write down what I had just experienced. So I headed upstairs to find my laptop.

As I climbed the stairs I got a strange feeling. It was like I was dying or like all my energy was being sucked out of me. I couldn’t feel my body, my legs, nothing.

I barely made it to the top and when I did I looked toward the bedroom on the left which I knew I shared with my husband, but I didn’t want to be in a shared space. So I headed toward my bedroom at the end of the hallway. I stopped, though, when I saw a visual in my mind of the bed in that room covered in books, papers and other materials. I knew my husband had taken over my space.

In that moment I fell to my knees, all my energy gone. The feeling is hard to describe but it was as if I were about to pass out and die. I began to try and crawl toward the bedroom but my thoughts took over and I collapsed. I looked around at the amazing house I was in. So grand! It was familiar. I knew it. Yet something was very wrong. I was thinking how the house must be haunted, either that or I must be going insane. I am losing my mind I thought. At the time the memory of where I was seemed overlaid with memory of my current lifetime. I felt to be torn between the two. Who was I? Where was I? Why did I feel so confused?

Then I felt to be dematerializing back to my sleeping body. When I woke a song was going through my head:

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you


My best guess is that I somehow shifted into another reality, one where I had a different life and remembered that life to some degree. The problem was that my current life seeped into my memory of the other one and so created disruptions that I perceived and knew were wrong in some way.

Or it could have been that my problems in my current life seeped into my OBE in order to show themselves. My husband had completely taken over my bedroom – my private space, the space where I could be myself without hiding or pretending. The feeling that I had no space of my own was prominent as was the feeling of being completely exhausted and near energetic death. Mentally I was unable to make sense of anything because of my depleted state.

As I write this, I am reminded of something. I drew one of my Light Code Oracle cards last week. It was the Grief card, reversed. This is the card’s message:

Failure and loss bring strength that can move mountains. Reversed – New hope. An end to a period of grief is approaching or has already begun. Your tears are drying or have long dried up. Your view of the world is becoming lighter with every passing day. Possibility abounds. Complementary cards – Rebirth, Remembering, Death.

I knew today would mark the beginning of a period of understanding. The fog is lifting.


It has been a strange couple of weeks. Unusual. Challenging. Emotional.

First off, I got some upsetting news from my husband (private – sorry). Then a friend I hadn’t heard from in over a year contacted me. Surprise! Not long after (like literally days!) another friend from the past contacted me. This one was from years and years ago. WTF?

Was there something in my chart that indicated “the past will come for a visit” and “someone close to you will betray you?” Hmmmm.

Mercury retrograde perhaps? lol

A week passes, and the emotions hit, as if to say, “Okay, now PROCESS THIS SHIT”. I am sick, BTW, the whole time. No, not Corona, allergies or a maybe a cold, hard to tell which. The emotions are weird. They come up when I speak of a past incident. Suddenly the past feels to be suffocating me. The emotions get stuck in my throat. I feel unable to breathe or speak. I get super hot and uncomfortable. The tears erupt and I feel stiff, as if I will explode from the pressure building up. Then it is goes almost as soon as it comes. Huh?

The message I got was, “Hey, guess what? That pain you thought you resolved? Not resolved.”

Then, as soon as the sickness ends the emails return when I had thought no further communication would be coming. Prior to one message came energy. It came from my left, wrapped its “arms” around me and I melted into my chair. When it left I knew a message was coming. It came that night.

Again, huh?

And now, nothing. No communication but it doesn’t feel like there needs to be any. No emotion either.


The other day, I was having some high emotion over certain life events. I had just finished a good workout and opted to take a bath in the middle of the day because I knew the workout would result in sore muscles the next day. As I prepared my bath I began to have high emotions regarding life and my design this lifetime. I questioned something I had read online about my Human Design (HD) profile – my variable. I only read about it briefly but it stuck with me.

My variable is PRR DRL. This is the description of a video I later purchased that explains my variable in more detail:

You are part of an evolutionary movement, the bridge to what is coming. You are carrying one part old Left and three parts new variation of Right. What does this mean for your life’s story?

Ra explains how you are designed to have a new receptive brain system, perspective and mind in an active body from the past. Learn how you can understand and deal with the dilemmas of living in a Left world through your correct dietary regimen and Design Nodal environment. In this lecture, you will see how important your relationships are, because they are ultimately going to define your process.

What is interesting to me about the description, and why I ultimately purchased the video, is the word “bridge”. It feels correct to me, like it is my purpose to be this bridge. Yet while I was thinking about it later I was angry at the word “bridge”. I thought, “Great. I’m a bridge, so people just walk all over me.” I remember thinking how the only control I have over this is to make myself unstable so that the people walking all over me fall off.

During this time I was speaking with a guide out loud. No one was home but me and I’m not sure when I started or when I realized what I was doing, but I did. The guide was so real to me, so audible in my mind, that it was just natural for me to speak to him. Then I was just laughing because I had gotten to that frustrated, insane sorta emotional tipping point when life is just making you feel batshit crazy. And then a realization hit me. I said aloud to my guide, “I know NOTHING! NOTHING!” And that was the funniest thing ever. Oh the paradox of it! To feel at once that you Know so much but also that you Know nothing at all.

When I was done laughing I no longer felt the need to be upset. There was only calm and my guide said, “Do you feel better now?” And I said, “Yes.” I knew then that all I needed to do was surrender. To be calm and go with the flow. I remember being that way in the past and I know I can be that way again. I have to get out of my monkey mind, or as HD calls it, the Not-Self. I must listen to my inner voice, which for me is my ultimate guide because I am self-projected. I need to listen to what I say when I speak because through my words my path is revealed. This has always been true for me, too, and so the whole idea of it resonates fully with me. I need to recognize and accept that right now my job is to witness, to observe what is happening around me. Action is not necessary. What I observe and witness will help me understand better my life and purpose so that when I am ready I can step into that last stage in my life, when I become the role model I am here to be (I’m a 6/2 Self-Projected Projector). BUT that last stage usually doesn’t start until around the age of 50. That is 6 more years and feels like an eternity away and I think, “What can I possibly get done at such an age?”

Drink from my Well

So, this morning I went back to the video I had reviewed the day before but never purchased. Turns out it was on sale, half-off. Wow. So I bought it.

After listening to the video on my variable type I now understand what “bridge” means. In the video, Ra Uru Hu explained that I am a bridge to the new nine centered Being which is arriving in 2027. I am 3 Right to 1 Left. Left is the past, Right is the future. Left is strategic/active. Right is receptive/passive. The new nine centered human will be all Right. I am almost there but not quite. Therefore, I act as a bridge between the old Left and the new Right. 

I have a Right brain and Right mind. Because of this I am a “well of awareness” from which others come to drink. My job is to just BE awareness. I am to be active in things that I enjoy. Through this action others will be drawn to me to drink from my well. When they come to me, I give them what they need. If I do the correct activity, or that which feels good to me, then the correct people will come to me. I need to be selective when it comes to who I allow to drink from my well. Those who drink from my well may want to possess me. If I surrender to this, meaning I am not aware of it and seek to please them, I can end up forced to be strategic (Left) because I have to figure out how to get rid of them (lol I SO resonate with this!).

I see things in a very, very deep way. The video repeats over and over how I am a WELL of awareness that others drink from. That is my only purpose. I take in, take it all in, and then wait for someone to drink from my well. Those who drink from my well IS what I am aware of. If they drink murky, stagnant water, so do I. People come to me as a resource. What kind of resource will I be? I need to be selective. If I share openly what I am aware of, what I perceive, then I can easily be perceived as “crazy”. I SEE others. Others have to come to me to also see and only then should I share, not before.

In school I shouldn’t study. I wouldn’t have to. I just show up and pay attention and then when that info is needed I will have it. This is very true for me. In school I didn’t need to study. It all came naturally. Answers I didn’t know would come to me if I allowed them. I could pass tests just by using my intuition! If you asked me later why I answered a question the way I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you except to say, “it felt right”. 
Because I am 1 Left it is easy for me to convince others that I am like them but I am NOT. I should not change for others. I need to be ME.

The video says, “Don’t get stuck. You are here for the ride.” It says, “Your partner needs to bring out of you that which feels good.” The Left will be drawn to me. The Left socializes through sexuality. The Right socializes through awareness. I am NOT like the Left (this is repeated, too).

Something interesting that was said: If someone comes into my environment and I want to yawn, I need to get rid of them. I find this fascinating because that is most everyone in my environment now (except my kids).

The advice is to stay busy, busy doing things I choose and enjoy. It can be ANYTHING – gardening, reading, blogging, exercising, etc. If I remain busy doing things I enjoy, that I am drawn to, then I am PROTECTED.  

I will feel the best when others drink from my well. This is why when I gave readings I felt so good. This is why when I was a teacher it felt good. Anytime another drinks from my well I will feel this way. When another comes to me, I will always give them something sweet to drink. I will often not know why I say what I say. It will just come to me and I will say it. Then later I won’t remember I said it and I won’t care because I gave them what they needed and that is why I am here. Period. 

I am here to make awareness available to others. 

The video left me with questions. He (Ra Uru Hu) said that the environment I live in is important. It needs to be nourishing. The wrong environment will not nourish but make me sick. He also said I need to nourish my brain the right way. If I just eat and eat without discretion then I will feed everything, even that which is not good for me. So now I want to get a HD reading for this purpose, to find out what environment is best for me and what diet I should follow. 

If I think of places where I felt the most supported when I lived there, they have been inland, in the plains area or in places with lots of space. My guess is this would be my best environment, the one that nourishes me. I love the mountains and the coasts but when I lived in the mountains I did not flourish. When I visit the coasts I feel okay but I do not feel like staying. Being in the trees and forests often causes me to feel penned in. I seek open spaces. 

Diet makes me curious. Should I be eating much less? Should I be eating like I am? 

The good news is that if I am following my strategy and authority then I will already be in the environment that nourishes me.

Finally, I really liked Ra Uru Hu. What an amazing energy! He is a Manifestor. I wonder if I have ever met a Manifestor? I wonder what it would be like to be around someone who didn’t end up exhausting me? Instead, I have surrounded myself with Generators (my two sons) and Manifesting Generators (my daughter and husband).

Today I received a copy of the book, Human Design: The Science of Differentiation. I can’t wait to read it!

The Shift vs Ascension

Woke up this morning thinking of this post from 2015. I feel it is a good reminder, especially right now. Remember, we are all progressing at our own pace. Try not to get bogged down in terminology in an effort to describe your own individual process or make sense of your experiences. Misinformation is in abundance right now (in all subjects!). Trust your own inner Knowing above all else. No one knows your path like you do. Surrender and acceptance is KEY.

Living Life in Between

I am beginning to back off once again from the “Ascension” hype on the internet. And yes, I am calling it a hype because it is mostly being presented as this new and life-changing event that just recently came to planet Earth to uplift us all. It is not recent. It has been part of the spiritual path all along. Always.

The more proper term for what is currently going on is Shift. The Shift itself is not ascension, though very much affecting and often times (most of the time) directly causing many of the intense symptoms and frequency accelerations we are experiencing right now.

What is the Shift? It is the shifting of the Earth’s poles and magnetic field. It is directly linked to astrological events to include the sun, the planets and this and other universes.

I wanted to clarify this as I, in turn, am being…

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Below is a post I wrote in my private journal back in mid-August. At the time I was noticing more and more often the fear and negativity brewing on social media, the news and even around me in the day-to-day world in which I personally reside (Central Texas).

The below journal entry came to mind as I once again came across posts demonizing a specific political party. I see posts about both sides frequently and even though I snooze the person who posts them, another friend inevitably posts another and I am snoozing them, too. Similarly, when I try to update myself on the daily news, no matter which news site I visit, the bias is ridiculously obvious. I think, “When did the news become so biased?” as I think of my days in journalism class being told by my teacher the utter importance of unbiased reporting.

Then there was the post that really disturbed me. The person was basically outlining a world without suffering in all ways, indicating that in that world all humans should be provided the “basic needs”, nobody should be allowed to have more than that, and if this happened then all our problems would be solved. My first thought was, “That is Communism and we all know that doesn’t work.” I asked for more info from this person and discovered they were not condoning Communism but instead a Utopia. Rather than explain that would go against the whole point of planet Earth (as a spiritual playground where we learn and grow by experiencing what we are NOT) I just let it be.

A Utopia would be awesome indeed but unrealistic and unlikely to ever exist in this dualistic reality. The whole point here is to SURVIVE, to learn how to be human and function within a limited, dualistic, unfair and purposefully difficult environment that is everything we are NOT. Of course, part of that lesson, part of being human, is to always strive for something better. To always have problems to overcome. To confront all the challenges of this experience and SURVIVE. Take away all those challenges, make everybody “equal” and every situation “equal” and then what?

There has to be a game. Duality requires it. And sadly, when one game is removed another, equally challenging one will replace it. Otherwise, what is the point of coming to the most challenging planet/reality of them all?

Anyway, on to my post from August 19th:

The Earth is severely polarized right now. I believe this is part of the “pole shift” my guides warned me about years ago. Yes, the Earth’s poles are shifting but this is just part of the message. My guide also said MY poles were shifting. Thus, all of mankind’s poles are shifting, too. 

The “put on your blinders” message seems relevant right now, also. Though I had assumed the message was meant to help me through my anxiety attacks and other energetic adjustments at the time, I think it was also a message about how to handle the future. Since the message came pre-Covid this makes perfect sense. Often, I go through what the world will go through before the world goes through it. It is like I perceive the shift ahead of time, go through the shift and then when the rest of the world is going through it I am already halfway or fully shifted and moving onto the next shift.

I am noticing that more and more people online in both my FB feed, news feed and other places, exhibiting sign/symptoms of this major polarization. Some are obsessed with politics – hating on one political party, demonizing that party, etc. Others obsessed with conspiracy theories. Some are still on the Covid-train of fear and/or resistance and disbelief. And then there are those caught up in all of the above plus more.

If one wore blinders in this situation then what would it look like? Well, if you can only “look forward” and cannot see behind you or to either side, then you would be in the moment, unconcerned with what this or that person is saying, disregarding the media (which is NEVER in present time) and focusing on your next step. Additionally, blinders are there to keep the horse “calm” and “focused” and keep the horse from reacting out of fear. 

Think of the media, politics and Covid as “distractions” which could result in fear, panic, confusion, upset and other negative and distracting emotions. Think of blinders as that which keeps you focused, calm, steady and objective. 

My review of my 2013 post Tossing Pebbles reminded me of some other visions I had, most dating to 2002-2003. There was a period when I was having intense, realistic, visions where I felt transported to scenes and Knew information all at once. These experiences were unwanted and often scary to me as I had no control over them and felt I could do nothing about what I was being shown. They made me feel helpless. 

Vision 1: I saw the White House on fire. Not just a small fire, either. It was engulfed in flames and I knew it had been bombed. 

Vision 2: I was walking in a rubble field. I knew I was at the school campus where I worked at the time, which is located across the highway from an entrance to Fort Hood. As I walked through the debris – school desks, textbooks, articles of clothing, all burned and smoldering – I knew that Fort Hood had been bombed. I heard, “Prepare yourself” and understood that there would come a time when military bases would be targeted and bombed. Was it a war? Yes, but not a typical one. I asked to not be shown, questioned why I was being shown. I only got, “You need to know.” 

Later, worried for my family, I was told that as long as I stayed where I was (meaning Central Texas) me and my family would be safe. 

Whether these visions will come to pass is as of yet unknown. I feel very strongly that the time of these events is not too far in the future. Likely escalating after my children are all grown. My youngest is 6, so that means at least 12 years from now. My oldest is only 6 years from age 18, though. 

The polarization will continue. Though some are convinced here in the US that the path of the future all rests on who is President or what political party is in power, this is an illusion. A distraction from what is really important. It doesn’t matter who is President. One candidate might delay the inevitable a bit but change IS coming and it is necessary. If we are indeed moving toward the world I was shown my children will one day live in, then major change has to happen. 

Governments cannot go on the way they are. We can’t continue to rape the Earth. We can’t continue to think we are above nature and the rules of natural selection. We can’t continue to live out of balance with nature. Overpopulation is the result of thinking we are somehow better and smarter than the other inhabitants of this planet and so can somehow cheat the game. Ha!

Earth is a tough place to live. There is pain and suffering. Disease and death. It is a world where predators eat prey, where energy comes from the consumption of living things (other energy). To think we humans can play God and eliminate pain and suffering is idiocy. Control is an illusion. If we don’t die from disease, we will die from something else. The Earth seeks balance and WILL put back into balance that which is not in balance. 

Just observe nature – in all it’s glory – without judgment, without labeling something “good” or “bad”.

Notice the hawk swooping down to catch a rabbit, tearing it apart while it is still alive to feed itself and it’s babies.

Observe the Hyenas attacking the Wilder beast, tearing its midsection to the point that its intestines hang out and eating it alive as it tries to defend itself.

Are we humans any different? No. But we think we are. We think, “We are smarter. We have communication, writing, intellect, science, technology…..We can change the game, change the rules.”

Nature doesn’t stop and mull over how it doesn’t want to die. Nature lives in the moment. When death comes, it comes. Then life begins again and the cycle continues. Sure the Wilder Beast tried to live, and so should we, but altering the Earth without concern for anyone but ourselves? Kill all the predators to feel safe. Kill all the virus’ to feel safe. Modify the genetics of our food, find cure for all disease, find ways to keep alive those who otherwise would have died, modify our own genetics….

What won’t we do to avoid death? And at what expense? The Earth’s. If the Earth dies, WE die (or our bodies do anyway).  

The tar pit from my vision the other day comes to mind. Earth is the tar pit of the Universe. Why? Because 1. We forget who we are and 2. We resist the rules of the physical Universe and fight to the end to hold onto life out of fear of the nothingness beyond. When we don’t Remember who we are, we continue to think we are bodies and as long as we think we are bodies, we are trapped in the tar, slowly suffocating and becoming frozen by our Forgetfulness. 

For every person in this world right now who is being distracted by everything going on, overwhelmed by fear of death, caught up in the political Us vs. Them, fixating on conspiracy theories – you are being POLARIZED.

Every time you post how your political party is better and demonize the other party, you are being POLARIZED.

Every time you attack or insult a person for wearing a mask, you are being POLARIZED.

Put on your blinders. Step back and observe. See behind the illusion. Accept that you are not in control. Say the Serenity prayer. Do whatever you can to center yourself.

Or you can go ahead and get caught up in it all if you like to feel that way – unbalanced, chaotic, negative, etc. 

I prefer to feel centered and at peace. 

OBE: You Are Fire of the Sun

I’ve been having some trouble getting a solid night’s sleep lately, waking frequently throughout the night and then way too early in the morning. Thankfully, I got a solid night’s sleep last night, but I woke at 5:30am.

I had awakened sobbing from a dream. All I recall now of the dream was warning two people, one was my cousin, not to go walking in a certain place. It was flooded and there were snakes. Their response was to get angry and yell, “We told you to stop telling us that!”. Hurt by their anger, I said, “I was just trying to help.” My heart hurt as I burst into tears.

I tried to clear my thoughts and meditate because my guidance recently told me to take advantage of Dusk and Dawn to set an intention for the day. Unfortunately, my mind was very awake, so it took some time to clear them.

Dream: Asleep on the Job

I was at a gathering at work. We were outside but it looked like inside, so my guess is it was at one of the shops. I was extremely tired. All I wanted to do was sleep. So I found my husband to see if we could go home. He was super talkative and extroverted (like normal) and eventually left me and went off to do something. He left a wad of money in his seat. I grabbed it to keep it safe. I only recall the $100 bill but there was more.

The dream continues with me finding places to sleep, drifting off and then waking myself up with thoughts of things I needed to do. I would even prepare chairs with blankets and pillows to get comfy. lol

In one instance I was “sleeping” and thinking of my “other” job where I worked at a school either as a teacher or counselor or both. I kept thinking I needed to go check-in or I would lose my job. There were memories of the building, the parking lot, even the inside. That time, I woke up and hurried back to the main building to prepare to go to my other job before it got too late.

Inside I passed a line of employees. My husband was there and offered me a plastic square with various pills attached. He said, “Take it.” I said, “I already took my vitamins this morning.” Each employee took their pills and went into a room. I asked what they were doing. He said, “Playing a new game.” In my mind I saw a video game reminiscent of Space Armada.

I bypassed the line and went upstairs, passed an “exit” that also felt like a bathroom and entered the only room there – a bedroom. There was a large bed under a window. I climbed in, happy to get some sleep. I remember thinking, “I feel safe here.” When I looked around the room I saw a bedroom but knew it was also my “office”.

Again, I drifted in and out of sleep. Again I was thinking of my other job. I kept thinking to myself, “Just a little longer. I’m sooooo tired.” My thoughts would be answered with a visual of a clock showing it was nearly 3pm.

OBE: You Are Fire of the Sun

At some point I recognized my intense tiredness was a clue as was my “other” job. I thought, “I don’t have another job. I must be dreaming.” In that instance I felt the bed I was in was in many places at the same time – in my house in my current reality and also in other places and times. It was also as if the bed, with me in it, spun around as my perspective shifted.

Fully lucid now, I decided to try and get up and out of the bed but was uncertain because it all felt so real. Ultimately, I opted to rock back and forth for a bit in hopes of rolling out of my body. I did this a while and then shifted to a back and forth motion. The entire time I was mentally communicating with someone and I vaguely recall them advising me.

When I left my body it was quick and seamless. I stood there for a moment and then rushed out of the room and down the stairs. Trying to fly wasn’t working so I walked.

At the bottom of the stairs I saw my MIL and another woman sitting with paper in hand. They were focused on some task. Behind them were rows upon rows of bicycles. Hundreds! I remember being disinterested in running into the same things I always did when OOB, so I jumped up, floating over the tops of the bikes intent on exiting the scene.

As I flew the sense of freedom was wonderful. I began to rise higher and higher into the sky. Faster and faster. What is interesting is that I held onto one of the bicycles (to journey alone, independently) as I flew. Below me I could see the city lights and above me the stars.

Eventually the speed at which I was rising was phenomenal and I closed my eyes saying to my guide, “Slower. Slower please.” I did slow down but kept moving up into space. I remember not knowing what I wanted to do with this OBE. So I said to my guide, “Show me what I need to know.” I paused reconsidering, and said, “Take me into space. Take me to another planet.”

For a moment I felt to be nowhere. All movement ceased and I experienced the typical shift that takes me to a new place. My vision came on clearly and I was floating through outer space towards a light.

The next thing I remember is falling very far and dropping into water. I did not go under the water but bobbed to the top. It was all dark up until that point when suddenly the lights turned on. I was in the most blue water I’ve ever seen. It was crystal clear. Ahead of me was a beach and above me a brilliant blue, cloudless sky.

Someone told me to put my feet down because it was shallow. Sure enough I could stand and walked up toward the beach.

The sand was pure white and all along the beach were parked oversized construction vehicles of all sorts. They looked to be abandoned, though. I went to investigate, flying up and around them. Wherever I am must be home to giants, I thought.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement so flew toward it. Just beyond the beach was a small town. The dwellings were all brown and reminded me of a cardboard material. People were walking through the narrow streets. They looked human.

Someone saw me and I flew up as I said, “Hello.” Many stopped and gasped, mouths open, frozen where they stood. I heard someone say, “What is she wearing?” I have no idea if I was wearing anything, nor did I care.

I flew around for a bit, explaining to them I was not from their planet. I began to tell them about the things I ate. One man was holding large, green leaves that curled around the edges. I pointed at them and said, “I could eat that.” But then the man looked as if he were counting them. I said, “Oh. It looks like you use them for money here.”

There was a commotion behind me and I knew they were intent on catching me to study me. I was flying, though, and knew they wouldn’t not be able to.

Then I shifted suddenly back to where my physical body was. My vision went black and then turned back on. I was aware of being very tired and once again laying in the bed. I wanted to go back to the planet and was talking to someone. This time I heard the voice of this other person. It was a male voice and appeared to be coming from a large, blue floating capsule of some sort. In my memory it reminds me a blue pill (could mean blissful ignorance). It even had two white stripes on each end.

I can’t recall what the voice said but it was a distinct voice, very gruff. I realized that I could go back to the planet just by willing it, so I did despite the voice reminding me that the people there wanted to capture me.

Then I was floating over the sandy beach area. The blue of the sky was so vibrant! Below was what looked like woven, straw baskets. A man was standing on top of one of the basket lids. Again it was as if giants made the baskets. They were enormous!

I flew down and landed on the lid near the man. I found it was bouncy and began to jump on it like a trampoline. It was super fun! The man was asking me to stop jumping. I knew his intention was to capture me so I made it a game, getting close to him and then jumping out of his reach.

He pleaded with me to stop so I did and landed next to him. We sat down and I looked at him curious about this human-looking alien. I said to him, “You look like me.” He nodded. Looking at him I noted the differences. For one, his head was oversized, as were his ears and eyes. In my memory he is almost like a caricature drawing and the Mad Libs kid comes to mind, too.

I said, “You have five fingers like me but three toes.” I touched his large toe and noted how the other two toes bent toward the big one. The small toes seemed to have no function at all.

The man reached over and touched my toes. He paused as he touched one of my smaller ones. He said, “You have the mark like me.” I said, “Do I?” He pointed at a tiny white streak across my toenail. He said, “See that? You are fire of the sun. No one can look directly at you.” In my mind I saw a streak of a blue flame. I confirmed, “Sounds like me.” Then he said, “You are a beacon.”

I got the feeling from his words and the images in my mind that I am never truly seen by others.

Without warning I was pulled back to my physical body. The sensation of it was fluid and smooth.

ConsiderationsHuman Design

It has been a while since I’ve had an OBE. I’m glad I asked to be shown what I needed to see. I find that those OBEs where I direct what happens tend to do very little for me these days.

This one appears to be a reminder. In the past I was shown/told that I am a beacon, as are others like me. I thought of a lighthouse back then. Now, though, it seems the message is that, as a beacon, I will never truly be seen. This feels accurate to me. I don’t feel seen in this body. I feel invisible to most others. How odd that my “fire” goes unseen? If I am so bright, if I am indeed a “beacon”, one would think others couldn’t help but see me? But the message was clear, they are drawn to me but never really see me, for to look directly at me would “blind” them, much like when one looks directly at the sun.

A while ago now, a friend of mine introduced me to Human Design. When I think of the message in this OBE and the other messages I’ve been receiving, my Human Design result came to mind. I am a Projector.

Not only are Projectors gifted with the ability to recognize, we are given attributes that are designed to be recognized. We are magnetic beings, designed to attract attention. It is the frequency of our Aura that draws someone who sees and recognizes us for the particular qualities we carry and thereby invite our guidance into their lives. In fulfilling that recognition, we find our signature of success.

The Art of Being a Projector

I believe the dream I had prior to my OBE was a reminder that I am not doing my true work but instead choosing to “sleep” on the job. My true work is as a teacher/counselor (even Projector says this). Yet at this time in my life I do not feel drawn to teach or counsel. The motivation is gone.

I also recently had an astrological chart done. For some reason the nodes come to mind. My South Node is in Taurus and the 3rd House. When I look up what I was told about it, I see that it involves feeling safe and being in my “safe place”. You can see that in my dream. My safe place is my bed. If you were to ask me my favorite place to be, it would be in bed, surrounded by fluffy pillows, sleeping. When I am asleep I feel closest to Home. I feel safe.

My North Node is where I shine – my astrological destiny. I believe (if my notes are correct) it is Scorpio and the 9th House – spirituality, foreign travel/people, transcending the material, diving deep and the transpersonal. And I do feel most alive when these things are a part of my life. Right now they most definitely are NOT.

I stopped writing here because I suddenly felt no reason to continue. So I went on my morning walk. For some reason writing this post left me unsettled and depressed. To never be seen is an awful fate. How lonely.

A song came to my mind and I kept singing it as I walked.

When I returned home I was reminded of a message I received not long ago – You will be seen. So perhaps I can be seen, but it is rare. This gives me some hope I guess.