Healing Heart Bliss

Wonderful sleep last night and heart healing dreams.

Dream: Missing High Heart 

I was in a reclined position. My friend Angela and someone else were hovering over me. Angela was closest and had her hands positioned over my chest. I could see her face distinctly. She was smiling. She gently touched high up on my chest. Where her hands touched my skin it felt almost like two distinct bumps with a deep channel between them. My breasts? I don’t think so. I winced because it was tender. It felt like sore muscles after a workout. She said to me, “You’re missing your High Heart.” Both she and the other individual worked on my heart space. I could feel the energy of the healing. I remember knowing the importance of what they were doing.

Dream: Heart Bliss

Another dream scene came before this one but I will only touch upon it. I was a child in an elementary classroom setting with other children. I remember a man coming to pick me up.

The man drove. I remember looking over at him and knowing him. He had light hair of a dark blonde color. His facial features are lost to me now, but he was familiar and if I saw him again I would recognize him. A deep connection existed between us. It was not a father connection, for I was not a child any longer. It was familial, though. 

We drove along a paved road through a hilly residential area. The area was familiar to me. I had been there before and even now I can recall a past dream of the place. The man spoke to me about land for sale in the area. I saw in my mind a map of all the parcels up for sale. The lots were distinguishable by large, green rectangles outlined in white. Their price tags were high, each in the millions of dollars. 

The man said, “Do you remember when they were $14,000 dollars?” I turned to look at him and nodded yes, I did. In considering his question, I realized then the history between myself and the man. We had known each other for countless human lifetimes but in that moment it felt like I had last seen him just yesterday. My heart began to overflow with love for him. He asked me, “Do you think this (heart bliss, divine love) is less valuable then that (millions of dollars/material gain)?” 

His question seemed to float around in my consciousness as if teasing me to fixate on it. I ignored it momentarily, caught up in the heart bliss. I thought, “THIS is what I want.” Unfortunately, the thought woke me but the heart bliss remained, swirling subtly in my chest. I heard a male voice say, “I love you.” I smiled and lingered in the bliss as long as I could. I didn’t move my physical body because, if I moved, it would “break the spell” and the bliss would evaporate.

I said to the man, whose energy I could still distinctly sense, “I want to feel this way (the bliss) all the time.” He said, “It is yours. It’s always there.” I wondered who the man was. He felt like a guide but then also something else. I didn’t linger on the question, though, and enjoyed the bliss as long as I could.

Considerations

I tried to return to sleep so that I could recaptured the bliss, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I fell into other odd dreams related to current life issues. Not what I had hoped for at all.

I woke up early so I lay in bed thinking of the healing dreams. I think the absence of my High Heart is significant. High Heart = living your personal truth. This is a good article about the High Heart. 

In contemplating the message from that dream, it resonates. I have been wondering about my purpose. I feel pointless with no direction (again). I was also recently sick with Covid when I am usually a very healthy person who rarely, if ever, gets sick. My life has seemed full of discord lately, also. Things are just not lining up like they should; disconnected.

The last dream was wonderful! The heart bliss is beyond beautiful to experience and I miss it very much. There is nothing I want more in this world to feel consistently. Sadly, it is a rare experience.

Then there is the question the man asked me. Basically he is asking me what is worth more to me – money or love? Honestly, in this lifetime, I have chosen money over love but only because the love I have experienced most has not been real love but love of the human kind (distorted). If offered love of the divine kind the choice would be a no brainer. I’d choose love. It felt as if the man were warning me that there will come a time when I will have to choose. Will I choose love and turn my back on “millions”? What would you do? 

Dream: Pelican Island

The energy lately has been of the healing sort, at least for me. I am having dreams about my heart connection quite frequently. I’ve also been having dreams with my older sister, though those have declined substantially in the past few weeks. I don’t recall many of the specifics of the dreams after they happen. I just wake up with a Knowing of what was being discussed.

The following dream is an exception to this. It is reminiscent of dream meetings I’ve had in the past.

Dream: Pelican Island

I met with a man at a restaurant. For some reason I thought of him as the husband of my best friend from high school but he looked nothing like him. It was clear he was romantically interested in me and we were on a “date”. He was very charming, handsome and familiar. 

Our conversation is a blur to me. I only recall that we chatted a while and I liked him very much. Throughout our time together I was a bit confused and also concerned about him being the husband of my friend. I never mentioned my concerns to him, though my guilt was obvious, and just enjoyed our date. 

Wherever we were was spacious with high ceilings, huge windows and plants of all kinds both indoors and out. I don’t recall a waiter/waitress taking our order or any food or appetizers being served. In fact, there was no food anywhere in the “restaurant”. All we did was talk and eventually we snuggled close and even kissed, though it wasn’t with passion but more the familiar kiss and interactions of a couple that had been together a long time. The intimacy between us was obvious.

I knew he had two children with “my friend” and that they were about the same ages as my two oldest, maybe a little older. We discussed my age for some reason. He was complimenting me about how beautiful I was and commented on how I couldn’t be very old. I told him, “Not true. I’m 43…..oh no, I’m 46.” He laughed and said, “You ARE young. I’m…” I don’t recall his exact age but he was in his 50’s. Again, I felt a bit confused about what was happening. I didn’t quite realize I was dreaming but I knew something was up. I didn’t care, though, because I really liked the man.

His looks are hard to recall but I think he had brown hair, maybe graying or light brown, almost blonde. He reminded me somewhat of my mom’s ex-husband but in all the positive ways. Though I don’t remember our discussion I was able to remember what he told me about himself. He was a successful businessman. I don’t know what business but money was not a problem for him. His personality felt similar to that of a good salesman, there was nothing he felt he couldn’t do or achieve. I knew that he would happily provide me with anything and everything I could ever want and need plus more. He would always put me first. It actually seemed like he was selling himself to me, which in itself is flattering.

As we were preparing to leave he asked me if I wanted to go to Pelican Island with him. He motioned across the room to a counter where they were selling ferry tickets. He said, “We can make the last boat if we hurry. Like, we have 1 minute!” I recall seeing him looking at his watch and I saw what he saw in my mind. The analog clock face showed it was nearing 4:30. I, of course, wanted to go. Everything about him felt exciting and appealing to me and I said yes before I even had time to think about it. 

We ran up to the counter and stopped short of it. We then stood facing away from it and I noticed two children with us. He also mentioned that his wife would be joining us, but she never appeared. Again, I felt extremely guilty and uncomfortable but pushed it from my mind. 

The tickets were purchased but I don’t remember the boat ride to the island. I just remember what the island was like and saw all the pelicans. There were so many that almost all the ground on the island was covered with them!

Considerations

I woke up thinking of how real the dream seemed. It felt like it was a dream visit. But who was this man? Was a he a guide or was he someone who is visiting me ahead of actually meeting me in the physical? Either could be true. There was very muted Kundalini and it was of the kind that was very calming and loving. No intensely passionate or magnetic sensations, which is nice. Whoever he was I very comfortable with and it felt like he was presenting me with an invitation, like a Call. It was such that I couldn’t resist. Everything in me was saying “Yes!”

The Pelican Island destination is odd. Is this symbolic or an actual place, or both?

Symbolism:

“When the Pelican Spirit Animal calls itself to your attention, it’s time to sit up and take notice. A fortuitous opening presents itself. The counsel from Pelican is remaining patient. Don’t dive too quickly or wait too long. You may feel a little insecure about the situation, but you have the chance to apply skills and talents, honing them even further.

The Pelican Spirit Animal is an active team player. It will not allow you to sit on life’s sideline, unmotivated. You need to get out there, among like-minded people and build new friendships. Accept support; give support. The groups you form during your work with Pelican will become some of the most important in your life.

Pelican asks: are you the half-full or half-empty person? What is in your beak, and when do you need to empty it? By letting go, you fill your cup far above the halfway mark with better things. Let nothing weigh you down when you’re reaching for the stars.

Your Pelican Spirit Animal knows you are compassionate. You see needs in people’s lives and respond. But do you respond to your own needs? Have you forgiven yourself from past misdeeds and mistakes? Tackling these two questions is part of Pelican Medicine, and only you have the answers”. Source

There are multiple places with the name Pelican Island. One is close to me, near Galveston, Texas. Another is in Florida and still another on the Missouri River. There is even one in the British Virgin Islands. 

Based upon my dream, the Pelican Island I saw most resembled the wildlife sanctuary in Florida. 

Full Moon Healing Dreams

Full Night of Tearful Dreams

Last night I had unexpected dreams of my heart connection that resulted in waking multiple times in tears. When I would return to sleep, the dream topic would continue and more tears would result. When I woke I would hear my guidance remind me, “It’s okay to love him.” I’m still uncertain as to why they would choose these words specifically. Do I not feel like it’s okay? Do I feel guilty about it? 

The first dream is the most hazy. In the dream I was living with him in an apartment. It was actually really nice. I was enjoying being there with him, as he was with me. I remember recognizing that I felt no extreme Kundalini energy fluctuations or heart bliss blasts. I felt very level headed and normal with the exception of feeling full of love for him. The love manifested as pure joy/happiness. I remember thinking of him as my best friend and not being distracted by sexual feelings whatsoever. It was a wonderful feeling.

Then we were going our separate ways. I dropped him off at the station (railroad I think but I never saw it). He promised to contact me after he made it to his destination and I remember noting the time difference between where I was and he would be. After four days of nothing, I began to despair. I remember talking to someone, telling them, “I should’ve known better”. There was a Knowing that when we connected in life that it always left me in a similar state of grief and loneliness. The despair I felt every time we parted ways was beyond description and difficult to manage. I remember asking, “Why?” and breaking down in tears. This is when I woke. My heart was aching and when I heard, “It’s okay to love him”, the only thought I had was about the pain I was feeling and how unbearable it was.

There were a few other dreams but the dream of most significance was similar to the above. I had clear memory of spending quite a bit of time with him. The love was there in abundance. The happiness I felt at just being with him was profound. I’ve never felt so happy in this lifetime. I felt complete when with him. There was no sense of lack whatsoever. 

The time we spent together we traveled extensively and loved one another dearly. Again, it was more a sense of us being best friends than anything else. When we met initially we were like long lost friends reunited, sharing our life stories and catching up. I don’t remember much else of this story except returning home and going to bed with wonderful memories of our time together. When I woke I searched for our emails and couldn’t find them. I began to search for other proof of my memories and found nothing. I began to despair, thinking I must be going crazy. No one I knew had any knowledge of him or our time together. I remember wondering, “Was it just a dream? No! It was too real! It wasn’t a dream.” 

The last thing I recall is going through my bags looking for souvenirs I had brought home from our travels together. Unfortunately, there were none. My hopes dashed, I broke down in tears and woke up with a lingering aching in my heart. My biggest upset was that everything I experienced with him wasn’t real after all. It was all just a dream and never happened.

When I awoke for the final time this morning the stark contrast between the joy and happiness I felt in my dreams and the way I feel in currently in life was hard to ignore.

Music Messages

There were songs following me through the night also. The first one was a song I’ve heard many times before as a message about my heart connection – Charlie Puth’s When I See You Again.

Another song that was coming up is called Cola. The part I heard over and over was, “She can’t tell the difference yet.” This seemed to be in line with the dream of not being able to find proof of what I had experienced and feeling crazy and upset about the loss of that reality.

The last song message I received was after the last dream. Beauty and the Beast – “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme…” I have no idea why that one came to mind but I do think I’ve received it as a song message in the past. It was odd and seemed out of place because of the movie and “the beast” part. Maybe it is a reminder that he and I are old, old friends, meeting “by chance” over and over with similar outcomes from life to life?

There was another dream where I had given up my oldest son for adoption and was upset at seeing him being raised by another. I have no idea why it was stuffed in between the other dreams but it created a similar upset feeling. I remember seeing him as a baby and the love I had for him. To think of losing him created an ache in my chest similar to the ache I feel for the loss of my heart connection.

Thankful it’s August

I don’t know about you, but July was a difficult month. It started out good (Kundalini dream) but quickly turned sour, at least for me.

On the 4th my husband announced he wanted a divorce. I will spare you the details (and drama) of the whole situation. Let’s just say it’s been stressful. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions ever since, though the ups and downs have leveled out a bit over time. Currently, we are at a standstill, not progressing much because of logistics and trouble confronting the magnitude of changes that will result if we move forward.

That same week, my new assistant at work began to give indicators that he was not happy. We knew he had a tendency to move from job to job based upon his resume but hired him anyway. He was good at the job but he indicated he was unhappy within his first week. Mostly he complained he was not getting as much money as he wanted and he wanted to work from home. At the last minute he emailed me a resignation letter, giving us just one day notice. Someone had offered him a job at the pay he wanted. So be it. The timing was not the best but really it helped ease some of my stress. I am happier with him gone. The last thing I need is a whiny, indecisive, unhappy assistant.

About the third week of July I came down with what I thought was a head cold. My oldest son had the same symptoms and we spent the first two days feeling similarly – stuffy head, mild congestion, and headache. He complained of his eyes hurting and ended up sleeping quite a bit while I continued about my normal, daily activities, unbothered.

By day three I was concerned because my symptoms weren’t getting better. In fact, I worried I was getting a sinus infection because the pressure in my head was getting worse. Someone at work had Covid previously so I took a home test. Within seconds it showed the result: positive.

July 24, 2022

I was shocked initially and then laughed about it. It seemed fitting for some reason. I didn’t test my son because we both knew he had it, too.

The next few days my headache got progressively worse, specifically behind my eyes. In fact, my eyes hurt so bad that I couldn’t bear to have them open for long. The pain was like someone stabbing me with a knife. Ibuprofen helped ease the pain so I could function but looking at screens of any kind was near torture. For every 30 minutes of screen time (I kept working from home) I had to close my eyes for an hour. Day 5 was the worst of the eye pain. I worried I would have to go to the ER if it got any worse because it felt like my eyes were about to explode out of my head.

Then on day 6 everything went back to very mild symptoms and by day 8 I had no symptoms at all. I did sleep extremely hard the entire time I had symptoms and for a few days after. I would get tired around 8pm and then crash and wake up feeling like I had been drugged. I loved it! Sleep = my favorite part of the day.

So, Covid, for me at least, was horrible eye pain and that is pretty much it. It is like the Universe was saying, “Close your eyes. Go within.” That I did (I had to). I will also say that I felt pretty negative the entire time. It was like a black cloud was hanging over my head. Yucky stuff.

By my birthday I was feeling normal again. That very day, though, I had stabbing pains in my right ankle that would come and go. These were accompanied by odd pains in my leg that would also come and go. The pain in my ankle was far worse than the leg pain which I would describe as extremely mild. After two days of the pain in my ankle I did some foam rolling and deep stretching, focusing on my legs. I’ve not had any ankle pain since but the other pain remains. I suspect it is sciatica or maybe a faulty vein. I’ve had both in the past. I’ve also been dealing with sacrum pain again. Altogether it makes me feel like I’m falling apart. Is this what happens when you are over 45yrs? lol I hope not!

Also on my birthday my mom called telling me she had similar symptoms to my Covid symptoms. She didn’t take a test but was worried she had it. The last time I talked to her she was resting in bed and taking cold meds. I had no contact with her whatsoever, so if she does have Covid it wasn’t me who gave it to her.

I blame all the physical body issues on my stress level. I rarely, if ever, get sick. I’ve gone this entire time without getting Covid (that I know of) and then July happens and I get it. Ha! The pain in my eyes was unexpected. I figured it would be flu-like. Nope. Nothing like the flu. More like a sinus infection from hell without the congestion. I wouldn’t wish eye pain like that on anyone. I suspect my other body issues are inflammation-related and it wouldn’t surprise me if they were brought on by Covid. I’ve read it can impact the nerves.

On a more positive note, last Sunday the Universe gave me a gift. On my morning walk I came upon a beautiful, red-tailed hawk. It was in my neighbor’s yard eating something. I was about 20 feet from it when I saw it and I just stood there watching it for a while. I was able to take a photo of it before it flew away. It was magnificent! For me, the hawk represents the bigger picture and gaining perspective. I think it significant that it was on the ground. It was a reminder to me that all things happen for a reason. I may not see the bigger picture right now, but in time I will.

Juvenile Red-Tailed Hawk, Aug 7, 2022