Determined to See This Through

The heart fire is coming and going and bringing with it all kinds of emotions. I am grateful for it’s return because I feel more alive when it is present despite the inner conflict that arises within me.

Yesterday, about mid-afternoon, I went into grief for no apparent reason. Thankfully, I am able to observe these releases and with this one it was easy to see that my grief stemmed from my inability to act on the divine love I have for my counterpart. I almost laughed out loud because it felt like what I would expect a horrible breakup would feel like. Since I have not experienced feelings of such magnitude I can only speculate that “breakup” grief is what it resembles.

In an attempt to understand my grief and this amazing connection I have been blessed with, I asked for help. I was led to read WP, checking Reader for new posts. I stumbled upon this post. The synchronicities blew me away and I began to wonder about one of my recent dreams. I reread that dream and connections were made.

My dreams have been pointing me in the direction of healing for as long as I can remember. How blind I have been! The emotional release accompanying this realization confirmed I was on the right track.

Then I was led to read another of my past posts. The synchronisities screamed at me. I had not noticed them when the post was written but now, now they are so obvious! This part especially hit home:

As we left for the evening, I had to leave behind my new friends and rejoin my family. I felt torn and there was agony in my decision. I walked toward my “old” family carrying a large trailer behind me. It was as if I were the car and it (a huge trailer) was hitched to me. As I walked along the road, I encountered masses of people walking toward me – the wrong way. They were drunk and dazed and I remember thinking, “They don’t see me”.

The entire walk home one of my new friends accompanied me. He and I had a strong connection, one that made me feel alive again. It was like he was my soul mate (if such a thing exists).

When I got home I remember I forgot my keys but decided to not go back. I had crossed through a “gate” of some sort and to go back through it would mean going through a “check-point” and I didn’t want to risk getting caught. What I was getting caught for, I don’t know.

When I woke up I was very sad and questioning why. I felt completely and utterly dissociated from my life, my family, and everyone I know. The feeling was so intensely real that I figured it must mean I needed to disconnect from my life and everyone in it. I believed this to the point that I even looked online for an apartment and told my husband I wanted to move out.

The realization of all of this, all of this I had not seen, blew me away. Of course, I can’t be so hard on myself. I was unable to see it at that time. So much had not yet been revealed to me. But now, now I know.

The first dream was warning me of what was to come. The destruction is my entire life, my foundations, falling down around me. Tear it all down and then build it back up. It is destruction of the old me to make way for the new. It is also representative of how my world was turned upside down in December 2015. The ReUnion threw me into chaos for a time and, like the second dream stated so clearly, “I had crossed through a ‘gate’ of some sort’ and there is was going back.

Everything in bold is how I felt the end of December through January. My whole life felt wrong and I so desperately wanted out of it and to join my new friend.

Putting it all together, my mind was made up. This last hurdle must be confronted and destroyed if I am to get to the other side. Going back is not an option.

waterfall

Dream: Waterfall

I went to bed asking to move forward. “Show me what I need to see,” I said. My Companion whispered to me, “Remember.” I knew this was a good sign.

In the dream I on a boat with a male friend. He resembled the man who I call my counterpart except this time he was much younger and his skin a bit lighter. I sensed he had more “life” in him than before.

We were on a fast flowing, massive river similar in size to the Amazon. It was forking in front of us. Both sides equal except for one thing. The path on the left had lines strung over it filled with live chickens hanging by their feet. They were flapping their wings and squawking loudly. On the right there was also a line but on it there were only two live chickens flapping about.

Together we chose the path to the right and navigated down the river. The rapids grew stronger and tossed us about. I knew not many took this path and that the reason was because it ended in a huge waterfall.

As we approached the waterfall, I saw a brilliant white mansion to the right. I knew no one lived in it. I had been there before.

In front of us the river narrowed substantially and its waters were channeled between pillars of concrete. It was a dam of some sort. My partner asked me if I was ready and I said, “Can’t we go around?” He said, “We shouldn’t.” Then we jumped into the river and swam to the left bank. We crawled out and sat upon the concrete together, both of us completely naked. To our right the sound of the waterfall was prominent. I felt exhausted and lay down to rest. My partner sat next to me and looked down at me. I could see him clearly and recognized him. He was nearly my age now and so beautiful. I wanted to put my fingers in his dark hair but I didn’t. I just stared up at him.

Then he was talking to me but I heard no words. Instead he was writing all over my bare skin. He was writing messages to me. His writing covered every inch of me. I saw I had written messages on his skin, too. I knew I had nothing to hide from him and he had nothing to hide from me. I wish I could remember what he wrote now but all I recall is how gentle and loving he was. My heart overflowed with love for him.

Heart Blast

I woke up in tears. Gentle tears. Tears not of sorrow but of the most profound love. My heart was blazing but part of it, the upper right section, was tender. Instead of feeling grief and agony for the seeming separation I woke up to, I felt determined; brave. I felt as if I could do anything as long as he was by my side and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was….is by my side.

I lay in my bed immersed in the love that overflowed from my heart center and heard my Companion say, “There are some things we cannot do alone.” I knew what he meant and he was not referring to himself as my partner in this instance. It was time to focus on my physical counterpart now. In that moment all I wanted to do was go; to leave everything behind and find him. Yet I knew this was impossible and not appropriate. I have contracts to complete, a mission to accomplish. I must become Whole. And instead of feeling sad about it, I felt determined and undeterred.

Whatever the waterfall is, and I have a good idea of what it is, I CAN confront it and move past it. I do it not only for me, but for him. The kind of love we have is the kind that makes me want to do anything for him. I would lose my life if I had to. I guess that is the motivation I need to move past this because to do it just for me is not enough. I don’t feel I am worth it, but he is.

I want to add that had I known a love like this existed, was even possible, I never would have wasted my time with all the others. That love was a pretend love, a projected love. I don’t mean to negate any of my past experiences or past loves, but that is how I feel. If I had known, I would not have accepted anything but the real deal.

 

Lucid Dream, Energy Zaps and Flying Sphere

Can you feel the energy surge? There has been a geomagnetic storm  raging since yesterday.

I noticed it yesterday. My energy was much higher than normal and my third-eye began to buzz in the evening. Then throughout the night and into the morning I had some interesting energy sensations. The energy helmet greeted me upon waking along with a nice heart chakra and solar plexus warmth.

Energy Zaps

Throughout the night I kept waking to some strange energy sensations. I have felt them before, but they still surprised me. These particular ones were connected to my thoughts. As I would drift to sleep, my mind would wander. This is a normal part of falling asleep. Everyone does it. Yet this time if a thought focused on the future, such as worrying about something that should have been or needs to be done, I would get this strange energy zap that would come in via the back of my chest and scatter as if sending shockwaves through my entire nervous system. It was very uncomfortable and woke me up every time.

After a few wakings, my guidance came through and asked, “What were you thinking about?” and I realized that only those thoughts that were anxiety-ridden were resulting in this uncomfortable energy. The solution was to focus on my heart and do some pranayama breathing. Despite doing these two things, I would still be shocked into waking because my mind would end up doing what it habitually does. The thought that woke me up the last time was: Oh, I should have made Adrian (my daughter) do her homework before bed. LOL

Lucid Dream: Back at Work

I awoke at 4am because my son was screaming. Afterward it was hard to fall back to sleep. There was energy pouring into my third-eye and crown chakras at this time forming what I like to call an energy helmet. It had been so long since I felt any energy sensations that this made falling asleep that much harder.

The next thing I remember is being in my old office at my last job. I had just arrived to work and was getting ready for the day. As I looked over my schedule and prepared for my first appointment I began thinking, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t like this job” and other similar thoughts. There was a feeling of drudgery and exhaustion that came with it. It made me feel heavy and tired.

The whole time I was sure I was wide awake but the fact that I was in my old office and back at work really upset me. I looked around at everything, inspecting it to try and find out if it was real or a dream. The acute feeling of disappointment was overwhelming and I almost started to cry. I really didn’t want to be there. Yet it felt so real!

I began to say out loud, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t work here anymore. I left this job. This has to be a dream!”

The last statement resulted in a dissolution of the entire scene. It was like it melted away around me. Very strange to witness and even stranger to feel.

The strangeness brought me back into my body but the energy sensations were not the normal vibrations I feel upon re-entry. The only way to describe them is pulsing out from me and then back into me. It was like expansion followed by contraction.

I didn’t know how to respond to this new energy so I did not attempt to go OOB, which is what I normally would have done. Instead I woke up and memories of the night flooded my mind and the energy helmet covered my head and third-eye.

Busy Night

My memories were of being with a group of four others. I seem to be with this group often – two men and two women. I have only a vague recollection of what they look like. I know one man has very dark hair but when I try to focus on any of them I only see a blur. Last night we met like we have been for some time. We usually gather together in a circle, holding hands. I have memory of doing this but am not sure what we are doing exactly.

What I recall of last night is flying in some kind of hover craft. In the dream there was a superhero theme going on and the vehicle resembled the bat mobile except that it was much, much smaller and had no tires. I was invited to fly it and was reluctant at first but then accepted the invitation. I went from apprehensive to full out thrilled as I flew it faster and faster. It was quite fun!

Another memory I have is of interacting with this hovering sphere with two dark “eyes”. It resembled some kind of video surveillance drone. It was black and dark gray and zoomed around me about four feet above my head. It was about the size of a basketball. In the dream I had been told I won a prize and was given laser guns and played a game of trying to zap the drone with the lasers. lol

What is funny is that I recall that I woke from this dream to a feeling of being zapped by energy and hearing the electrified buzzing sound that I heard yesterday while in a lucid state. The sound was so very unsettling yet at the same time completely familiar. I had been too tired at the time to notice but when the memory returned so did the memory of the distinct sound. Crackling, electrified buzzing. Reminds me of the sound a lite saber makes. lol

Heart Chakra and Solar Plexus Warmth

I settled down to meditate because I knew sleep was unlikely. My thoughts drifted to the power of heart connections and mulling over how the world would be in the future. How would humans deal the intensity of heart connections? How are we suppose to handle them?

The answer eluded me, likely because I still have so many ingrained beliefs that need to be released. I thought about my own experience and how it has affected me. I cannot imagine a society where everyone feels such a connection. .

The entire time my thoughts were on this subject my heart chakra was lit up with a warm, inviting energy. My solar plexus soon joined the heart. All along my third-eye was blazing. Just feeling the wonderful heart warmth was a relief. I really thought I wouldn’t feel it again. I want it to stay forever.

 

 

OBE: Conscious Exit and Pranayama

I woke at 5am. Again. Sigh. Wide awake, this time I was in a better mood and took advantage of the quiet time and meditated. I stated my intent to astral project and asked for help in dropping my astral body.

OBE: Conscious Exit

Laying on my back, I grew listless and uncomfortable after a short while, so rolled over onto my left side. I stated mentally several times, “I am out of body”. Then there is a blank space, as if everything goes black.

The next thing I recall, I am pulled out of the background noise of my conscious mind by the humming of insects and chirping crickets. At the same time I saw an image in front of me of a dense forest and starry night sky. With the image came the actual feeling of being in the forest along with the musty smell of the forest floor. The image would fade in and out and I knew I needed to focus on it in order to be pulled into it. Yet I was very, very drowsy and resisted the draw into the forest. Part of me just wanted to sleep.

As I watched and listened to this forest in front of me, the chirping crickets and hum of the forest faded out and was replaced by the familiar noise of my home in the morning – children talking excitedly, kitchen noises as breakfast is being made, etc. The image of the forest disappeared when these new noises came in. I knew these were noises-off and to not focus on them, even though I wanted to. I reminded myself to ignore them and that is when I recognized the vibrations hitting me in waves. Woosh, woosh, woosh.

Not near as intense as when I first began to project, the vibrations were noticeable enough to alert me to the fact that it was a prime time to exit my body. I remember having to convince myself that I wanted to project and feeling nearly sucked into unconsciousness. Eventually, though, my intent won over and I pulled myself out of my body. I exited via my back and my head and shoulders lingered longer than the rest of me. The feeling was like sticky, taffy, but I was not going to give up and I forced the rest of my astral body out and away from my body.

Instantly I could see very clearly and the room was lit up with a bright, yellow/gold color. The walls were white (in reality they are green) and everything was sparkling with energy.

I did not linger long at the sight because I knew I needed to get a certain distance from my body else it would suck me back it and the tacky, heavy energy was still present. I did look at my hands for a moment and say, “Clarity now!” but I did not linger and find out if it made any difference.

I floated through a non-existent door (which should have been there) and across the family room toward the stairs. The stairs were not in the right place either and instead of being one single flight, there were two separated by a landing.

As I floated down the stairs I felt a distinct rise in my vibration. I had gotten far enough away from my body! I began to giggle and wanted to fly but felt I should not attempt it yet. So, I hopped the stair railing and skipped the landing altogether, jump-floating down the stairs. Then I saw my son sitting at the bottom of the stairs surrounded by tons of toys. He looked up at me, his green eyes sparkling and a big smile on his face. I remember hearing him in my mind at first. His greeting was a surge of love and joy.

I had not forgotten my purpose for this projection: to drop my astral body. I knew in order to do this I needed to get outside. So, when I saw my son taking up the entire bottom of the stairs I paused and told him, “It’s a beautiful day! I’m going outside.” He looked at me and said, “I wanna go with you!” His energy reached out to me and was familiar. I wanted to take him with me but knew I could not.

I did not have time to answer him. In one big swoosh of energy I felt to be carried by a wave of energy back into my physical body.

Guidance: Pranayama 

Once back in my body, the vibrations were still present but faded off as soon as I thought of projecting again. Not disappointed, I checked the time feeling certain it must have been over an hour since meditating and projecting. But it was only 6:14am.

I asked my guides why I was able to project. Their answer, “You set the intention. You wanted to.” lol It is true. Prior to bed I took B6 just in case it might help me to project. The intention had been there ever since the previous day, when for months now I have really had no interest.

This does not negate what was told to me about the astral realms. They are collapsing in on one another. I questioned this yesterday and the answer was that projection can and does occur but is only sustainable by those able to keep their vibrations high and stable. The astral body has a reactive tendency similar to the physical body, which makes it harder to stabilize. The mental body, however, is not as reactive.

I was told that in order to drop my astral body, I must work on my energy body. Attempting to project when my energy body was not adequately energized results in a loss of vibration early in the projection. This is what happened yesterday morning. This morning, however, my energy was higher and so upon exit there was not darkness and my energy was light and flowing (despite the sticky exit).

So how to I adequately energize my energy  body? They said one word, “Pranayama.” Instantly, memory came to me of my Kundalini Yoga practice and the Breath of Fire.

I was encouraged to try two things then:

1. Circulate my energy very rapidly from my feet up to my crown and down to my feet. I was shown what this looked like when done. It appeared like a strobe light, flashing brightly as it hit certain chakras (heart, solar plexus and root).

2. Take deep, long breaths.

So I did as instructed while laying on my back. As I circulated my energy, I was asked to focus on areas where the energy was less present. I noticed my feet were a problem area. As soon as I noticed this my feet began to buzz with intense energy. Then my throat was another sticking point and focusing on it made my entire body jump. lol That was a shocker.

When I stopped circulating the energy, I continued deep breathing and within moments I was in the trance-state and my body seemed hit by an energy wave that entered via my lower pelvic region. I was able to maintain the energy for quite some time and began to get hypnagogic imagery and hear noises-off again.

Surprised that I had brought this all on so quickly (I was wide awake by now) I brought myself out of the trance-state by moving my hand. My feet still felt off but I was told the more I circulated my energy the less this area would trap energy.

Very cool!

 

 

A Dream and a Name

In this dream I was at a gym preparing for a group class. The instructor came in and had us all grab barbells. For some reason I grabbed two very small dumbbells to do push-ups and then realized we were going to do something else, so dropped them only to find all the barbells were taken. The instructor then had us line up very close, holding our barbells. Then we were attached to one another by clips. The result was that we appeared as a human grid.

Our assignment was to run a route in pairs. We would be carrying a barbell between us and our fuel was an assortment of tea.

As my partner and I ran together, we far outpaced the rest of the group. The route was a dirt path among rolling hills covered in tall, green grass. The view from the top of the hill was spectacular and my partner and I sprinted down the hill together at a high speed. I remember looking behind us and seeing our group shrink as the distance between us increased. I remember feeling intense joy and pride at our accomplishment.

Then we reached the bottom of the hill and our speed dramatically decreased. We slowly made our way to what appeared to a be a large temple or shrine made out of light gray stone. There were paved roads that meandered around green patches of grass dotted with flowers and surrounded by short hedges.

I noticed our ration of tea bags was almost gone and we were nearly out of water. How could we ever get to the finish line without our fuel? I decided to put several tea bags in our last remaining water. My partner said, “Wouldn’t that make the tea too strong?” I said yes and explained I liked it that way. There remained three gray tea bags of Oolong tea.

This is when the others in our group began to catch up to us. One pair passed us and I noticed they were on a tandem bicycle. That is when I realized my partner and I were on two separate bicycles.

As we made our way toward the main road, my partner wanted to take a different route. I hesitated but then followed him since both routes led to the same destination. As we pedaled down the path, I saw two police officers rounding up some children who did not follow the directions and were off track. I remember thinking I was glad I was not one of them.

path

Dream Interpretation

The dream is suggestive of not working with my counterpart toward our common goal. There is a separation that exists, symbolized by the separate bicycle when we should be on a tandem bike. Tea is symbolic of life satisfaction and taking one’s time in regards to a relationship. Not only is tea our “fuel” and we are running low but our speed slows down significantly.

In-Between Communication

Prior to waking from this dream, I found myself in a discussion with an online friend. We were talking about desire and her lack of it and my sudden increase of it. I pointed out my partner, who appeared much as he did in past lucid dreams though he was quite a distance away in this particular lucid moment. I remember telling her, “I don’t have any issue with it (desire) now.” She had said something like, “My partner and I do not have any interest in each other anymore.”

She then said to me, “If you want to be with him why don’t you initiate?” I said, “I don’t know. I just don’t want to.” I remember looking at my partner from a distance and thinking I would like him to come over where we were standing.

That is when I became lucid in the in-between and my Companion was close. I knew he wanted me to do what he normally did in our past encounters. He wanted me to initiate our connection. My first thought was, “How? I don’t know how.” Yet I could feel my heart chakra active. It felt like my entire chest was a mass of solid energy. My third eye was also active.

There was recognition then that I preferred to be the pursued, not the pursuer. In fact, all my life I have never once pursued anyone other than one boyfriend in high school who took my advances to mean I wanted to jump right in bed with him. This was not the case and I quickly withdrew. I discovered that if I showed any interest in a man (meaning just being nice to them or friendly) it was misconstrued to mean I wanted to have sex with them. So I quickly learned to remain distant and let them pursue me. If I was interested then I would accept. It I was not, I would ignore them or straight out tell them to back off. It really sucked for me to be this way because I prefer men to women as friends yet I could never have a male friend because they always wanted it to go beyond friendship. 😦

That is when I was straight out told that I needed to reverse this role. I needed to pursue what I wanted. If I wanted sex, then I need to initiate it. If I wanted the heart connection, then I needed to initiate it. There is nothing wrong with wanting either. It is my right, my decision.

But I fear the rejection that goes with it. I recognized this fear right away.

That is when I recall hearing myself ask my Companion, “What is your name?” I heard myself reply, “Allen”. This brought me to full wakefulness and I remember hearing an entire name, “Richard Allen” but I can’t remember the last name now. Then I could not remember my own name and it took me quite some time to remember it.

As I lingered in bed, trying to get a grip on reality, I had a vivid vision of an orange cat. It was very obviously dead.

 

orangecat

 

Heart Surges, Boredom and a Great Blue Heron

The energy is a bit stagnant again this morning, but I can feel it is revving up for another surge around the full moon and eclipse on Wednesday. It will continue to cycle through the end of the month. Ebb and flow, surge and fall. The stagnant periods will replace the low, depressed, chaotic flow of the last cycle of upgrades and transmissions. I am grateful for that.

Heart Surges

I experienced several heart surges throughout the day yesterday. They were high heart surges and shifted into my throat chakra several times. My third eye was also triggered when my heart was blazing. With these surges of energy I felt hopeful, excited and a bit nervous. Something BIG is coming.

Unmotivated and Bored

Today’s stagnant energy has amplified my lack of motivation and boredom. I lingered in bed this morning feeling out of the energies and being warned of my tendency to over analyze everything. Even though I don’t like the feelings I am experiencing I have to learn to allow them to flow. They will pass. Nothing stays the same. Change is a constant.

There is a tendency in me to do, do, do. I have trouble staying still. There needs to be a project or something mentally stimulating for me to fill my time with. Right now is not a time for DOing. It is a time for BEing. There are timelines shifting and constant re-alignment. To DO anything at this time would result in NOthing for the alignment is not complete.

Charts, Graphs and Grids

A repeating pattern as I wake in the morning is a recollection of seeing shapes, patterns, charts, graphs and grids. They are random and flash through my memory as if they are being stored somewhere deep in my subconscious in order to protect my waking mind from too much information too soon. Mathematical computations are among these images.

This morning, the most prominent images were of seeing various grids superimposed one upon the other. They were spread across the universe, the Earth, and every living thing on the Earth. Some of the grids were square, others were octagonal, still others pentagons. So many different shapes! The colors also varied. Some were blue, others green, some red and still others purplish and their overlapping colors created a massive, multidimensional mandala of color. The grid pattern I saw from our galaxy had vortexes and circular patterns that swirled and seemed to breathe as they expanded and contracted.

Then there are the charts. The Venn Diagram is familiar. My guide showed me this back in 2004 to explain my spiritual transformation. The separate ares of consciousness – conscious, subconscious, superconscious, were merging, becoming less separated. There was another chart that was less familiar and dotted with mathematical formulas – positives and negatives, proportions, symbols, and geometric formulas that I cannot specifically place at this time. They are familiar – meaning I have come across them in this lifetime, but they all blend in my mind making them hard to separate. The graph itself showed an upward trend in red. Below, in a contrasting color, was a more even flow that remained lower in elevation than its counterpart. My sense from this chart is it was of human evolutionary patterns in relation to Earth changes and electromagnetic pole distribution. But I suspect there is much, much more being discussed and anticipated.

I searched the internet for something that looked familiar to me. This article, which upon reading makes my head spin, is very similar to the formulas and corresponding symbols I remember. The image below gives you an idea of what I am seeing. Mind boggling!

a11fm227

Preparation – Expansion Pending

The BIG something I mentioned earlier is an expansion of Self which ultimately leads to Wholeness. Yesterday I spent most of the day receiving downloads via my heart – thus the heart blasts. The downloads have not made their way into my conscious mind as of yet, but the feeling from them is already being felt. I perceive the magnitude of what is to come more than anything.

My mentor was very, very close all day and is today as well. If I focus on him, my heart blows wide open, so I try to keep my distance. lol

The previous night’s Kundalini rising from my root to my heart must have cleared some blockages because my stomach has been extra sensitive, making my eating habits an area of particular focus lately. I ate a ton of french fries from Wendy’s on Sunday and spent yesterday paying for it. Stomach knots and lower back pain – it could have been worse. I know better than to eat that crap! Since then I have been focused on eating more clean foods – fresh veggies, fish, organic meats, whole grains. And I am extremely thirsty! Since this pattern is familiar, I know it is a preparation stage and this time I plan to avoid a stomach flu forced cleanse. 🙂

great_blue_heronSigns of Change

My husband is also feeling the stagnant energy and has been quite restless. Yesterday he came home and wasn’t even in the front door when he began to talk about selling our home and moving to Florida. lol He proceeded then to tell me that he wants to take his aunt and uncle up on their offer to fund his new business. He wants to move to Clearwater and if not there then he brought up Colorado and of all places Iowa! Iowa? No way! lol I immediately went into panic mode because if he quits and focuses on a new business then I need to work to make sure we can pay our bills, etc in the meantime. I have absolutely NO motivation to get back out there into the 3D world. Just thinking of going back to work makes me feel sick inside. Ugh! I had to tell my husband to stop talking about it and even told him he may have to do it on his own. This shut him up temporarily and I retreated to the back yard porch swing to calm down.

While out there thinking how I couldn’t possibly confront going back to work, I spotted a huge blue bird walking along the creek below me. Stunned, he looked directly at me and I recognized him to be a great blue heron. What was a bird like that doing in our creek!? His eyes met mine and he flew across the open area to the safety of the trees and then just stared at me.

When I looked up the message a blue heron brings I discovered a message to remain calm and remember my ability to adapt to changing situations. It is funny that the heron came at the time he did because it was like he was addressing the thoughts I was having at that time by saying, “Be patient. Answers and opportunity will come. Be prepared to take action when they do.”

 

 

 

 

Kundalini Dream: MOAB

Last night was interesting to say the least.

Dream: Test Preparation

Quick dream recall to set the scene. 🙂

I was at school and preparing to take a test. My teacher, a tall, brunette, was focusing on me even though she had an entire class of kids. The other kids appeared to be about 10 years of age and the classroom was yellow and gold colors. Part of my preparation involved making myself a lunch for my trip which was to be by plane. I remember feeling I might be late and rushing.

During the preparation, a man kept calling by phone trying to talk to me and talk me out of going on the trip. I could see him in my mind and he reminded me of one of my old neighbors – older, gray hair, wrinkled and thin. I remember him calling on the phone and hearing him cock a gun and I said, “Tell him he doesn’t need to bring his gun.” I saw in my mind a shot gun and felt as if he were trying to protect me.

Then I was being send to a one-room house. These were to be my quarters while I prepared. The cottage sized house was cozy and had an attached single car garage. I remember the old man also got a cottage. I’m not sure why he came along, though.

Dream: Arranged Marriage

I was ushered into a great hall where an event was underway. There was a Hindu/Indian feel and theme to the obvious celebration. There was a stage and a band was playing. I remember being asked to sing a song, but I didn’t know the words so just kind of made them up as I went. The song reminded me of a Phil Collins song. lol Everyone was happy, dancing and/or milling about. I felt out of place, though. Why was I here?

The woman, the teacher from the last dream, informed me that I had agreed to marry a man. The marriage had been arranged and this was the celebration – our celebration. I understood this to be true and immediately looked for my my husband-to-be. I saw him sitting down near the band on a bench, not far from where I sat and to my left. I looked at him closely, inspecting his features and trying to memorize what he looked like. He had black hair, cropped short with medium skin tone and looked much, much older than me by the amount of deep lines on his face. His eyes were dark brown. He was quite thin and wiry and his face familiar.

In front of us there was a large, Asian-looking house with golden colored gates. For some reason I thought they were “garages“. There were three in a row and the same person (the woman?) told me that the garages were very difficult to operate. Then my attention was drawn to tiny figurines lined up by the house. I was told these were “idols” that people had put there and that this place was in fact a shrine of some sort. I then saw someone walking away from the house with two dolphins on leashes. They were taking them to the ocean. In the dream I remember laughing at the sight of it because it was so absurd.

Lucid Dream: MOAB

This is when the dream takes a turn and my lucidity begins to increase. The woman continued to prepare me for my upcoming wedding and spoke to me at some length. I remember someone asked me to purchase a newspaper and the man I was to marry interrupted and said, “It does not need to be purchased. It is free to everyone.” It was a newspaper I recognized, some scientific publication, but I can’t recall the name now.

Then the man was sitting very close to me on my right. I remember sensing his thoughts and saying out loud, “It’s okay. We’re going to be married anyway.” The man turned to me and I looked at him. I could only see his dark brown eyes. I asked him, “What is your name, anyway?” He said, “MO-AB. Moab.” I heard it very audibly in the dream and it brought on almost full lucidity. I repeated the name to him slowly and then he repeated it back to me.

The next thing I knew he kissed me very gently on the lips. I could feel it as if I were awake and I did not reject it. It is amazing to me how real it felt. There was an internal conversation going on in my head with him at the time. I also recall knowing what he felt and what he wanted. It was very strange. I sensed he wanted to kiss more deeply. I allowed this because his energy was so calming and soothing and the kissing felt nice.

Then I felt I needed to stop. I don’t know why but at the same time he was asking me not to stop though there were no words said. I just felt what he wanted. He wanted to embrace me and wrap me in his arms while kissing me. When the thought hit me to pull away, my heart chakra lit up intensely. The feeling in my heart was a mixture of pain and pleasure and intensified to the point that I couldn’t breathe. Then the energy from my heart shot straight down into my root chakra and began to move up with even greater intensity. I pulled away from his kiss and woke up.

Afterward

Even awake, the energy continued and I was unable to breathe. My guide kept asking me, “How do you feel?” over and over. I couldn’t really answer at the time. I was ablaze with energy and trying to recover. lol

I kept recalling the name MOAB. I had heard it before. Why was I hearing it again? What the heck is MOAB??

The clock said 3:45am. I was awake until 5:15am before I fell back to sleep. It took that long for the energy to settle. He kept asking me how I felt. I was finally able to respond, “Aroused.” LOL However, this arousal is not typical. The energy in all my lower chakras and heart chakra was intensely arousing for some reason, in a spiritual way. It was like the heart bliss spread to my lower chakras.

I knew/was told that this was just a preparation and more is coming. This “test” was to see how I would handle the energy. I was told I passed but I felt like I failed because I knew the energy was suppose to be moved up. How the hell am I suppose to remember to move it up when it is taking over all my lower chakras?? Since my heart chakra continued to blaze for a while after the experience, I practiced moving it up and got as far as my throat but lost interest.

Edit: I looked up the meaning of the name Moab. Apparently it can mean many different things, some of which we do not even have a word for. However, when reading this article I was drawn to this explanation:

“But the word אב (‘ab), meaning father, also occurs in meanings other than that of a biological parent. Sometimes it’s used to indicate the lord of a village (Isaiah 22:21), or an elder (2 Kings 2:12), or an ancestor (Genesis 10:21), and often it simply indicates a position of authority; a counselor (Genesis 45:8) or prophet (2 Kings 6:21). The word ‘ab is also ascribed to God (Isaiah 63:16, Hosea 11:1)

Specifically, I feel this name is given to represent our relationship (me and this guide/mentor). He is to me an ancestor of some sort and since he is my mentor (counselor) this applies as well. I am reminded of the church and how we use “father” or “elder” for those in divinely appointed positions. Perhaps this is also applicable here.

 

Reset: Restoring Internal Balance

I’m still sick. 😦

This is my hypothesis on why I am sick. Kundalini. Yep. She’s the culprit. During the lucid dream I had on February 18th my body was hit with Kundalini of such intensity that it literally blew right through every one of my chakras. If there was a blockage it was obliterated. No blockage could have withstood her.

I definitely was unable to withstand her. My entire world has been different since that experience. Everything looked wrong in my life and every relationship, every like/dislike, seemed trivial and without purpose. Unfortunately, it still feels that way. I am really struggling to try and make sense of my life right now. Yeah, it was quite a shake to the core.

Apparently blowing through blockages like that is dangerous business. Thankfully I did not have many major blockages left (I don’t think) after all the “preparation” and “adjustments” I was given by my Team beforehand. Yet, there were obviously still some remaining, enough that clearing them that fast and furiously created this miserable, never-ending cold. On top of that, it fast-forwarded my monthly cycle by a full week which was a further depletion of my physical energy and resources.

I suspect the chakras most affected by the K energy surge I experienced, the ones most blocked and now unblocked, were my throat, heart, second and third chakras. I suspect this only because my current illness began in my chest and came with sore throat, stomach upset, diarrhea, cramping, and coughing. I’ve never experienced a chest cold with those lower body symptoms. Just weird.

My guidance is very quiet and very distant. There is one, lone guide around me and I do not recognize him. His energy is too distant for me to tune into but he did wrap me in wonderful energy last night and that was enough to know that whoever he is, his main objective is to help me through this tough patch. I feel like he is an angel and I don’t often use that word.

Early in the morning, after being awakened at 5:00am, I drifted back into the in-between. While there, I saw a long list. It was typed in black ink on white paper. I don’t remember all of what was listed, but I do recall that the words, “Spirit” and “Balance”. I woke immediately upon reading the word, “Balance” and was upset by it. This is because I thought it meant my external world was out of balance and I was being asked to return to the workplace. There came with this a knowing that it was not the external that needed balance, it was needed internally. Oh. Then I saw in my mind, “Reset”. Hmmm. There’s that word again. What does that mean? I got no explanation but I then saw, “6 weeks”. Ugh! 6 WEEKS!!?

Whatever this reset is I am not looking forward to it because I suspect it means that I will not be having many, if any, spiritual experiences over the next six weeks. I could be wrong, though. It could be the exact opposite I suppose. Who knows. Who cares, I guess. I’m just too sick and sick of being sick to care anyway.