Dream Visits From a Friend

Lots and lots of dreams and perfect recall lately. In many cases I wake up and remember being lucid but somehow the memory of it is barely there. It is as if I am purposefully blocking lucidity in my dreams except for certain moments. The last two nights have been really busy and my memories indicate some “house cleaning” taking place.

There are so many dreams I could recount but I am only going to mention a few because of their significance.

Two Dream Visits

First there are the dream visits by my friend Yvonne Perry, author of Walk-Ins Among Us and owner of the We Are 1 in Spirit website. She resides in Tennessee where I visited her in September, 2016. I also met up with her and another group of walk-in’s in Mt. Shasta, CA in May, 2016. She and her husband have created a beautiful spiritual retreat on their property. They call it Sweet Home Retreat, and it is a magical, fairy protected space to connect, tune in and heal.

Wednesday morning:

I had a dream where I was preparing meals every day of the week as part of my class assignment. Each student was assigned a week where they had to prepare a full meal for all the other students in their class. My week was this week and I had decided to prepare ribs (unhappiness, lack of money, or marriage), slow cooked, with potato (finance concerns) salad for my Friday meal. I choose the ribs over a chicken (cowardice) meal in my mind. I recognize the ribs as a recurring dream symbol upon waking.

I remember being successful with my meal preparation and my meals being a big hit. There is also memory of working very hard to get my house clean and getting the help of my husband and children to clean it. It was the cleanest I had ever seen it and I felt very satisfied and clean when I surveyed our progress. There is specific memory of the kids rooms which were also bathrooms having graffiti (low self-worth) on the walls from others who had visited. I remember specifically asking my husband to tend to the walls.

I asked my mom to help me with the Friday meal by picking up pre-seasoned, pre-cooked ribs for me and then asked her to help with the potato salad because her recipe is the best. I did this while checking my email that morning. I was casually scrolling through FB and enjoying myself, completely oblivious to the time. Then I noticed it was already past 8am and realized I was late for work. I rushed out making sure my mom would get the ribs and help prepare for that night.

When I arrived at work I walked up to a door where I knew my boss was waiting. The halls were all white and shiny metal and it reminded me of a military installation. The door was guarded but when the guy saw me he let me in saying “She’s waiting for you.”

Inside there were computer monitors and screens, like an observation room. My boss, who I recognized as Yvonne Perry, was there and I apologized for being late. She was not upset. She began to talk to me about her memories of when she was my age – 40s – telling me that her memory loss was really a bother but that she is use to it now. She gave examples of things she forgot but specifically I remember her saying, “It’s the dopamine that does it.”

There are moments during my dreams where I am lucid, but they are limited. It is like I am purposefully forgetting my lucidity but not sure why. I know that my lucidity made my dreams very real to me and clear, in fact I recall remarking about how different the experience was. In one memory I am opening my eyes and looking at the walls of my bedroom. My eyes are very heavy with sleep and I think I am in my physical body and awake but I also know I am OOB. The walls are very unfamiliar yet a part of me knows they should be familiar so I talk my self into remembering as I open and close my eyes and focus on the green walls of my bedroom. I experience very real memory loss during this time but do not panic.

In another vivid, lucid memory I am clearing my house. This memory seems to mirror the actual dream where I am cleaning my house except the lucid memory is of knowing that I am not clearing physical debris but energetic debris. I sweep the rooms mentally, noting areas of clutter (energy blocks) and with one thought wipe out the blocks and clear the space. I can see colors too, swirling around – blues, yellows, oranges, etc. It is like a rainbow of energy but the energy at the end is white and “clear” of all color. My house looks like a physical house but it is not at all like the one I live in. It is more like a generic house and my focus is on the bedrooms, all of which have no furniture but are bare, white walls with energetic, colored blobs here and there. In the end, the rooms are cleared of all blobs of color and completely cleaned out.

While clearing the house I recognize that I can control and clear my physical body in a similar way. I do not need physical hands or anything physical to initiate change in my body. Specifically, I apply this to my pleasure centers and am able to initiate Kundalini bliss. ūüôā

Early this morning:

I had awakened briefly at 7am and somehow managed to fall back to sleep (rare). I entered a dream scene that was dark and shadowy. I saw my children sitting in front of a TV that was small, white and dated. I asked where our regular TV was and they said, “Daddy took it away”. I was angry at my husband as this is a common occurrence in our home. I remember thinking, “I am done with this!”¬†Note: this part of the dream is likely because when I woke my children were crying and protesting something their father had done, likely taking away the computer/TV.

After talking with my children, specifically my daughter about earrings, I remember a young woman standing in front of me. She said she wanted to change her appearance. Her head then morphed into that of a younger woman. I said it did not match her body. So she literally pulled her skin off like she was wearing a suit. I helped her step out of her skin (shield of inner self, exposing inner self) and she stood there in the body of a 10 year-old girl. I remember us talking as if we were the same person and wondering how I would adjust to the change.

We both went to a computer and watched what seemed like a live court hearing. I don’t recall the specifics except that it had to do with “judgment” and being careful not to judge myself and others.

The dream scene shifted and I was in a kitchen (transformation) with my friend Yvonne. The girl was with me but she looked different and felt grown and like my partner. Her hair was jet black and she was much shorter than me and Yvonne.

I believe we were in Yvonne’s kitchen at Sweet Home. The walls were bright yellow and everything was glowing. In front of me was a plate with dividers. She was explaining the types of food I should eat and pointing to each food. I recall berries, seeds, nuts (walnuts specifically – joy/abundance) and legumes. When she got to the lentils (roots, connection to humanity) I saw them vividly in all colors. She said, “Eat a lot of these.”

I reacted with surprise and my thought was, “I can’t eat like this.” lol I was thinking of only eating nuts and berries all the time and it seemed insufficient. The walnuts especially put me off. I don’t especially enjoy eating them. The thought of eating lots of lentils was unappetizing, too, though I do like them.

As if in response to my thoughts, a jar of something white appeared. I thought it might be kefir but the explanations that came to mind was that it was a food that supported estrogen levels. So, of course, I figured it must be tofu. There was also information that the entire change in diet would support the changes I am currently and will be going through. These changes are not just hormone-related. Ultimately, the message was, “Change your diet to include these things”.

Then Yvonne was standing in front of a cutting board with a steak (raw emotion) on it. She said, “If you insist on eating meat then you should cut off all the fat (overindulgence).” She then showed me how but I saw how difficult it would be and said, “There is no way to get rid of all the marbling.”

For a moment I was looking around at my surroundings, reclined in a chair. To my right was a sign with writing on it. It was white with faded green letters. When I first read it I thought it said Atlanta but upon further inspection I saw “Tennessee” written on the bottom so I knew it couldn’t be Atlanta. I read the top word again and it definitely started with an “A” but my memory is clouded here.

When I woke up I thought, “Athens”. So, I believe the sign said, “Athens, Tennessee.”

Best Places to Live in Athens, TennesseeDream: French Class

I reported to school. It appeared to be a high school. I knew I was late and had to ask someone what period it was. I was told, “8th”. I remembered that my 8th period class was French (language of love) and someone told me that the teacher would not be very forgiving.

When I entered the class the teacher was not upset. He handed me a small piece of paper that had words in lists. It was a test but someone had already completed it but the oral portion had not been. I remember thinking, “I know absolutely nothing about French (feeling unprepared regarding some subject matter, likely love).”

I sat down and observed the class and students. Nothing seemed to be going on. The students were all grouped together, whispering and looking at me. One began to ask me about French, assuming I knew the language enough to take the test. I said, “I know absolutely no French. I wish this were Spanish class….even German. I have spoken German before.” The student laughed and said, “You speak German?” I said, “No, but I can read and pronounce it.” In my memory I recall learning different languages to sing songs my first year in college as a music major. German and French were the most difficult to pronounce. Italian was my favorite. I thought of singing for the class the Italian song I sang for choir tryouts in college, but couldn’t remember the name of it.

Then I was taking a bath (cleansing, renewal) in a side room located next to the classroom. It was open to the room and the teacher came in to talk to me. I was not upset by my nakedness (vulnerability). I remember seeing pink flowers (love) floating in the water with me. The teacher was tall, with dark hair and dressed nicely in a suit.

We talked for a while, me very obviously naked, him fully clothed. I can’t recall our conversation now but the feeling left me nervous and unprepared, much like I felt in the class, as if I would be learning a difficult, foreign language (subconscious message I do not understand).

After waking I remembered the song I wanted to sing for the class – Amarilli, Mia Bella. I sang it in (1995) as part of an audition to be invited into the music program and join choir. Imagine this: Standing on a large theater stage all alone with a light shining on you. The seats below and auditorium are completely dark except for a group of four or five teachers/professors there to judge you. This was me in 1995.

What is funny is that during that audition I also sang a German song. In the middle of the German song I forgot the lyrics to the point that I had to stop and apologize to the group of judges sitting below me in the near empty auditorium. LOL To this day I still laugh about it. Regardless of that hiccup, I made the secondary choir and was invited into the program but I opted not to return to that college my sophomore year.

Yes, I can sing like this. lol

Based on the song memory and symbolism I believe the discussion I had with my teacher was on the subject of love. And likely a reminder that it is important to be able to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake. ūüėČ

Considerations

I am obviously doing clearing work, that I know, but the dreams with my friend Yvonne are curious to me. The message about dopamine and diet come across as significant. I looked up dopamine and memory and turns out that low dopamine can result in memory loss. The diet feels like a suggestion to shift to more of the type of foods in the dream. I tend to pay attention to these kinds of dreams because I have found them to be accurate. For example, not long ago I was told to stop taking Vitamin A, so I did. Not long after I realized my multivitamin had twice the amount I needed so I was taking additional Vitamin A which could have been harmful. Overall, the message from these dreams suggests a change in diet will help me manage certain changes beyond just hormonal ones.

The message about Athens, TN is also interesting. Yesterday, I did an astromap of locations in the US which would be good for me to live in or visit. I had one done years ago which always indicated California but at the suggestion of a friend I revisited my map.

astro_acm_01_dayna.55423.22080

I have reviewed this map before and again kept being drawn to the eastern US, specifically GA and TN. One specific location in TN catches my eye. It is near Knoxville but because of the map scale the specific coordinates are not available. Three lines cross in TN, two specifically around Knoxville. These lines are Venus (DS) and the Moon (MC). The third is Mercury. According to astro.com:

Venus is seen to be the search for unity and a balancing of opposite poles.

Venus located along one of the main axes ensures an extremely pleasant and relaxing time. Social life takes precedent, and meeting people is a more harmonious activity. The more balanced level of energy at these locations promote mutual understanding, and allows for new friendships to be formed. Love relationships are intensified, in fact, these are perfect conditions for getting married and enjoying one’s honeymoon.

Apart from the Sun, the Moon is the most important component within the horoscope, and in Astro Maps, its lines are also considered of major importance. The Moon’s energy lines really affect the emotional and psychic domain, which creates an internal focus.

Similarly, DS and MC meanings are as follows:

DS:

The Descendant lies opposite the Ascendant. This is the point at which the signs of the zodiac and the planets disappear below the horizon. It is a place of meeting and with each sunset, when the cosmos and the Earth melt together, its symbolism is revealed. The Sun, which represents the “I”, dissolves and the “You” appears in its place.

“The Ascendant is the place of self-recognition, the Descendant the place where we recognize others. We find ourselves through the Ascendant but we discover others through the Descendant.¬†

MC:

The Medium Coeli or Midheaven corresponds to that point where the Sun is culminating. It exerts its strongest influence and throws the smallest shadow. Accordingly, this important point deals with issues such as consciousness, power and reputation. Planets found along the MC, or in aspect to it, exert an influence on these areas of life.

Contact to the MC-axis promotes job prospects, social standing and every type of social engagement. Naturally enough, we can only reap what we have previously sown. If you can accept this, and are prepared to assume responsibility, you will find support and patronage at such locations. MC lines put us in touch with company, state and influential authorities. We think more “prestigiously”, are ambitious and search for recognition. What matters is success and effective performance. Detrimental planetary placements can result in loss of power, job crises and loss of faith in leaders.

There is much more to this, I’m sure, but the draw to this location is strong and now I have a bit more understanding as to why. I have had numerous dreams of TN and have researched transferring my teaching certificate (easy) and job prospects (good) in the area. It would be easy to relocate. Maybe at some point I will and I think my dreams are a result of me mulling over the idea.

Finally, something comes to mind this morning after all this dream recall. On the 8th of June I had an unexpected message come to me. I was watching TV when an energy to my left caught my attention. I was covered in warm, loving energy that wrapped around me.¬†I sensed time slow and a message came through – “It’s time to leave”. I acknowledged the message and was again covered in all-over body energy that was soothing.

Of course, the message could mean anything but it comes to mind now as I write this as does my continued draw to attend a yoga seminar in Atlanta this September.

I am still waiting to see if the message about today (June 15) will come to pass. I was told, “You will need cash.” Of course, don’t we always need cash? lol The only thing so far that has happened is a rock hit my windshield on Wednesday and now there is a crack half-way across it making its way to the driver’s side. It will be $200 to replace but I don’t have to replace it.

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Remember Me

 

Again I had another post partially written – twice – and it never felt right to post. It felt empty, pointless, directionless….just like me right now.

This morning I had several lucid dreams and attempted to shift OOB with no success. I suspect I was already OOB which is why the exits were unsuccessful.

Prior to this, I had awakened at around 7am and heard someone say to me, “You know you’ve been OOB?” I dismissed it as a dream conversation fragment, got up, took my wonderful antibiotic (have to take on empty stomach 30 minutes before a meal) and went back to sleep even though I had just intended to meditate.

Image result for image of citrine in shape of arrow head

OBEs/Lucid Travels

My travels took me to several places. The first was my grandparent’s living room where I was with my sister and BIL. I can’t recall why I was there but we were talking about building a chicken (cowardliness) coop that would be shared by us and the neighbors. I had memories that were not associated with this lifetime but with some other life or place. For example, my grandparent’s house was not located where it is in this life, but was in a subdivision. I believe what I was remembering were my astral memories, but I can’t be sure.

Then I shifted into a crystal shop. I was standing in front of a dark haired woman who I recalled was a friend. In fact, I again had memories not at all related to this lifetime. In front of me were laid out many various crystal fragments. I knew I was selecting one for a friend and picked up a large, arrowhead shaped piece of Citrine. The woman told me it was a good one and I kept it, intending to make a necklace with it. She asked me for advice. “Where should I move to?” I told her, “I think Montana.” She said, “Ah yes, I have been there. It is beautiful!” I said, “Yes, I use to live there, but…..I think it would not be ideal for your business. Perhaps Seattle would be better?” I then wandered over to a window and selected a black cord for the necklace I was making for my friend. I put the Citrine on it as I began to mull over memories of my friend.

My physical self heard sounds coming from my bedroom at this time. I knew they were sounds off and so ignored them but it brought me back to my sleeping body temporarily. I could feel my energy shift. It is like I settled down into my body but the two energies never completely merged. It was jumpy and sporadic but enough for me to register that I could go OOB. When I tried, though, the energy would not allow it and I must have drifted off again.

I soon found myself in my grandparent’s house again, this time in the kitchen. Standing in front of me was my friend. I could see him clear as day. He was telling me something rather random and smiling, very at ease. I stared at him for a bit, shocked that he was standing there right in front of me. I had in my hand the Citrine necklace I made for him. I handed it to him, telling him, “I made this for you. I remembered how much you liked it (Citrine).” I remember thinking that Citrine brought abundance and I wanted that for him. He was pleased and smiled as he took it from me.

I asked him some questions about his life – Was he still living where he was before? Was he happy? Was he still doing what he was when we last spoke? He answered, confirming most of what I already knew.

The more we talked the more lucid I became. My physical/human consciousness was questioning the reality. Why are we in my grandparent’s kitchen? Is this really my friend? No way, why would he be in my grandparent’s kitchen? This has to be a dream!

The last thing I remember was telling my friend, “I miss you.” I felt very down when I said it. I don’t remember his response now but he was understanding, happy-go-lucky, and reassuring.

Eventually my questions pulled me out of the scene and again I felt my physical body and my physical senses began to take over. It was odd but something I have experienced before. My senses shift from astral to physical but not all at once. For example, my hearing will be like someone turns on the volume and then it turns it down again suddenly and repetitively. The same thing goes for my vision – astral to physical (which is dark). The vibrations are the same, on again, off again. So odd!

I shifted yet again and found myself outside my mom’s house this time. I think I may have been a little kid because my vision was at a lower height than is my norm. I was talking to someone about a special school that only Kindergarten aged kids could go to. My middle son was mentioned and I remember hearing he couldn’t go but my youngest could. My vision was very clear at this time and my physical self recognized I was OOB. We were walking through thick, brown leaves. There were so many that as I walked they came to my knees (remember that I am child-sized though) and I could hear them crunching under foot. I saw ahead of me my mom’s yard and my vision stabilized. The blue sky seemed to be huge in comparison to myself. Recognizing my chance, I attempted to jump into the air and take flight. I did this just as a child said to me, “Come on!” As I lifted up it felt like an energy pulled me down and the message was, “No.”

I returned to my sleeping body and my senses adjusted as did my energy. It was quick this time and I opened my eyes.

As I laid there my first memory was of meeting my friend. It was so real and I wondered if he was just a dream construct or if he had actually been there. As if in answer, the lyrics of a song popped into my head – I will be with you again….I will be with you again.

I heard the above a couple of days ago while driving. I had been in a strange mood, zoned out and feeling odd. This has been normal for me lately, especially when I drive. I had changed the radio station and caught the end of the song. The music lulled me almost into a trance and I remember smiling and enjoying it. It felt like someone was giving me a hug and I got a bit Homesick as I recalled certain memories. That is when I heard, “I will be with you again.” It seemed like a message then, too.

For some reason when I heard the song this morning I thought it was from The Cure. Ha! Not sure why I thought that but it could be a message, too. Who knows. It also felt like not only was I being told, “I will be with you again” but that I was also saying this to someone. Like a simultaneous message exchange. I do believe there was an astral meeting and that my other Self has a full set of memories entirely separate from my physical life memories.

Other Dreams

I’ve had lots of dreams these last few days, and Kundalini, too.

In one dream I was heading home and had to make a sharp turn that immediately went uphill. It was my exit and came much quicker than I anticipated. When I took the turn I had to stop suddenly because there were three cars in a row that had run head-on into the curve. They were so mangled that all I could see were the taillights and bumpers. Their anxious drivers stood with a police officer (assistance) and I was told I could not pass. So I shifted the other direction but it was also barred, this time by water (emotion). I ended up taking the long way around to get to my destination.

The dream continued to my destination which was a “camp” (need to belong but independent also) of sorts for teachers. The camp looked like suburbia and when I checked-in I was told join the rest of the group. I was given a uniform and told that we would all eventually start to smell badly over time (issue needs to be addressed) because we were not allowed to bathe. Every day we would have P.T. and I recall being told where the nearby hospital (healing) was located in case we needed assistance in the evening when the camp was closed. Thing was, the hospital was also a camp and run by the very same people. I remember realizing the teachers were also doctors/nurses as was I.

Kundalini

Yesterday morning I had a nice Kundalini dream in which I was in a van with my husband. We were in the back and the van was driving itself. We were on the highway and, knowing we would be occupied for a while, I worried we would end up driving too far. I suggested we take the van to the lake and park but before I could go up front to take over driving the Kundalini raged and woke me up. I lingered in the bliss for some time after waking. It seems that now whenever my root activates all my upper chakras “sing” in the most wonderfully pleasant way. It is spectacular and I really, really hate that it always wakes me up! Grrrr!

I had actually asked for some kind of Kundalini experience that night before bed. There are two distinct types I experience now – the very sexual/bliss kind and the bliss/friendship/love/safety/Oneness kind. Both are wonderful in their own way and both teach me a great deal about myself and the world/this experience. “Bliss” is a part of both but there seems to be different types of bliss as well as various “new” feelings associated with the Kundalini. Since the human experience does not have words for these feelings I am always at a loss as to how to describe them.

Another Music Message

Yesterday morning, as I slowly woke from my dreams, a message came through very quietly. It repeated and grew louder and louder, eventually bringing forth a song as if to make sure I paid attention. The song was this one:

The part of the song that was repeating was, “Don’t you, forget about me.” The message that had been repeating and growing louder became obvious when the song was acknowledged. It was: Remember me.

A bit shocked and curious, I focused on the source of the message and felt a familiar energy, one I had not felt in a while. The more I focused the clearer the energy became and a visual formed in my mind.

My response was to enter into a conversation with this individual because I understood all at once the message and was tired of resisting.

It was a check-in. I knew the message “Remember me” was both a message to remember mySelf as well as a message to remember what had brought me to where I am now. To push away, ignore or deny all that made me who I am today was not helping me. I needed to remember it. All of it.

Of course I had to justify my reasons. It is painful, it makes living here on this planet that much more difficult, it triggers all kinds of beliefs/expectations/desires that I do not wish to reconcile for the enormity of their impact on me as a Human Being. It is easier to deny in myself all that relates to connection. To deny myself the positives in order to avoid the negatives makes complete sense.

But it was clear from my dream and all the dreams preceding it that the path of avoidance will get me nowhere. The path will be blocked and so will all of the others until I take the correct path.

The message was, “Remember it is my path, too. You cannot force from yourself that which is part of you. I will always be there. In your heart. In your mind. I am part of you as you are part of me.” I softened a great deal when I heard this. It was like all my walls came down all at once.

Still Recovering

Similarly, last night prior to bed I was asking all sorts of questions – “Why” this and “Why” that. My main thoughts centered on the experiences I’ve had – the Kundalini being number 1. Why did I make it so that I Remembered so much in this lifetime? What is the point of Remembering if I can’t do anything with it! How am I going to continue in this life now? With every single Kundalini experience I glimpse more of that which I Forgot. And with every regained memory of Self this human experience feels more and more alien to me.

Throughout I was receiving reminders of what I already Knew, things I Remembered on the path to where I am now. Things I have written in this blog…..like my Starseed origins, my connection to what appear to be E.T.’s, my memories of my purpose here, past life memories, heart connections/soul family, and the glimpses into my own and Earth’s future. I pushed all of it out of my mind, though, because it does me no good to believe such things. It only serves to make me feel that much more alone, that much more separate from everyone else.

It felt like I would be in this in-between/void forever when I “looked” into my own future. Time stretched out forever in front of me like a road never-ending. I saw my children mostly grown up. I saw myself old and gray. I couldn’t/can’t help but be impatient. I want to get to “the end” already. But mostly I just want something to look forward to. After experiencing what I have thus far to think of the rest of my life being like it was before¬†– it’s unbearable. I have no way of consolidating the before and the after and that’s what I need to do or else risk major repercussions (mental break being one).

I was told, “Give yourself a chance to recover.” With that I was reminded of the end of 2016 and the intensity of the pain/hurt/despair among other things. Healing cannot be rushed. Considering how long I have already been recovering I asked in frustration, “How long is it going to take?” The answer I received was, “As long as it takes.” UGH!

Sync

As if to remind me that my path here is to serve others, specifically my children, I was drawn to my youngest son’s eyes. In the sunlight I noticed things I hadn’t noticed before. So I took some photos. Aren’t his eyes just gorgeous?

 

 

I also noticed he has inherited his father’s heterochromia. If you look at the first photo you can see that the color amber/brown surrounds the pupil but the rest of the eye is blue. This is true of central heterochromia – two different shades of color. His dad has partial heterochromia – one of his blue eyes has a big, brown spot that takes up about 1/4 of the iris color.

Interestingly, the same day I was fascinated with my son’s heterochromia, I was watching the show Limitless and there was mention of heterochromia! HA! Chance? I think not.

After my amazement wore off over the sync I just experienced, I realized again what I had recently been reminded of. There is purpose to my being here beyond what I am able to/allowed to see. Much of that purpose is related to the new generations. I have three very special children who will need my Knowing, my Remembering, to help them in life. It may not be apparent to me now but it will be, eventually. Even in writing this I am reminded of the Delores Cannon books.

Updates and Dreams

Just some updates on the mundane aspects of my life. Nothing too exciting but in my Blogger blog I have been writing quite a bit more on such topics than here on WP. If you haven’t been reading that blog then you may not be aware of some of what I am about to update.

I am halfway through my NASM course and finding it harder and harder to stay interested. The course pace is slow compared to how quickly I work on my own and that is the main reason for my loss in interest. Not much else to say about this topic.

I have been struggling for almost two months now with horrible hormonal acne around both sides of my mouth. The antibiotics I was prescribed worked but then began to run out prior to getting another prescription. So the spots started recurring and I am having to go through the whole process of healing again.

When I say “horrible” compared to others struggling with acne it is really not that bad, but to me it is horrible because it is worse then the acne I had as a teenager. When I was a teenager I use to cry about my complexion and had some bad experiences with mean girls in high school picking on me for the one or two spots I would get around my monthly cycle. So having these kinds of breakouts at my current age is a miserable experience for me. I just want to feel on the outside as beautiful as I feel on the inside. I believe it is a life lesson on vanity and I am making progress. So even though I still get upset by the way my face looks I am able to suck it up and just take a deep breath and move on. I just remind myself that it is temporary, no one notices but me and no one cares really. Besides, when I look back on memories of my life I can’t recall what my complexion was like in any memory. So if I don’t recall it even if at the time it was upsetting then it is not a big deal in the big scheme of things.

Regardless, I don’t want to look like a teenager with skin issues and though it is not a consistent issue for me it is enough that I am FED UP. My dermatologist has been trying to get me back on birth control from the get-go because the location of the breakouts suggests it is all hormonal. I do not disagree but I got nasty migraines from BC in 2011 so stopped taking them and swore I wouldn’t take them again. Plus, with my tubes tied I don’t need to take them now. I have tried all kinds of natural remedies with some success but even those are not working now. I have run out of options and it comes down to the question of which is worse, taking antibiotics for months at a time or taking BC? Honestly, I think the antibiotics are the worse of the two evils. So I will be starting BC this week and keeping my fingers crossed that I do not suffer from the migraines I got in 2011. If I do get migraines I can’t take the BC and have to go back to the drawing board.

On top of the skin issues I cracked my one and only crown last weekend and so am headed in today to get it looked at. It doesn’t hurt but it was scary when it happened because I heard it crack. I’ve since had visions of my teeth cracking and falling out. Not a fun thing to imagine! I got the crown prior to getting braces and have had no issues but I suspect that it was cracked over the four days I had no braces and no retainer. I likely clenched or ground my teeth in my sleep and fractured it then so when I flossed it finished the job. I hate the dentist and am already anxious about having them drilled off the old crown and set the new one. I am also scared they will find several other cracked teeth and that I will need more crowns. If that is the case I wish they would just knock me out for the procedures rather than me sit there tense for over an hour. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Add to all of the above a sore throat and it is no fun being me right now. It is not a bad sore throat but it is bothersome and the first sign of illness since June.

I’ve been having the urge to cut off all my hair again, too. Not sure why but I did cut it all off in 2014 and it was a relief not to have to do anything with my hair. I didn’t look bad either but I did look older. My hair is super thick and unruly and a pain to keep up with even when long. It grows fast and is an ugly color (IMO) and so the upkeep can be expensive and a PIA. When it is short I still have to cut it frequently but that is it and all I have to do when I wake up is put my fingers through it and go about my day. It is SO tempting to just chop it all off. I may just settled on cutting some bangs, though, because my daughter would cry if I cut it again. lol

As for my diet and exercise goals not much to talk about. Monday I woke knowing I needed to take a break from all running and weight training so that is what I am doing. Interesting it was yesterday evening when the sore throat began. It is not good to overdo it when sick so it works out well. I have been extra tired, depressed, unmotivated and not having any wins so it is likely I have overdone it anyway. My last run of 6.25 miles was a struggle and should not have been. In fact, most of my runs over the last couple of weeks have been slower and more tiring than usual. All of this points to REST. So be it.

Monty is doing okay but my youngest has it out for him and I have to watch him like a hawk. This morning he dumped the entire box of treats for Monty to eat and I had to work fast to avoid a sick puppy. Monty is still not potty trained either. I blame that on so many people being involved, a toddler who is constantly letting him into the living area and house and very little help from anyone but my daughter. He is 10 weeks old today and there is still time but I am losing hope and thinking he may end up an outside dog. ūüė¶

elekmonty

Monty sleeping in Elek’s car seat with Elek.¬†

Spiritual Update

Not much to talk about here really. Most of my guidance is via my dreams or a silent Knowing. The message has been to focus on healing and request assistance. So I have been asking for assistance prior to bed and I believe it is helping.

Prior to bed last night I asked for assistance and healing. I specifically requested that I lucid dream and go OOB more frequently, experience more instances of Divine Love and friendship, have more Kundalini bliss or other spiritual interesting experiences. We’ll see what, if anything, comes from my request.

Dream: 44

In this dream I was having a discussion with a man who I called, “David”. In the dream I kept thinking of him as an ex-boyfriend by that same name only he preferred to be called “Dave”. Our discussion was about “retirement” (transition, end of stage, need to retire something) but I can only recall snippets of what was said. I remember saying that I felt to retire at so young an age would be looked down upon by others and was worried of being criticized. He said to me, “You can retire at any age.” The specific career path we were discussing was teaching/education.

When we were having this discussion I saw the number 44 floating in the air as it was mentioned. I remember thinking it was David’s age, yet a part of me was certain this was incorrect. Ultimately, this inner-disagreement over his age is what woke me up.

When I woke up I was still thinking of my ex and how there was no way he was 44 years old because when we were dating I was 29 and he was 36. That would mean he would be 48 years old now, not 44.

I lingered in bed suddenly remembering the entirety of the time I dated Dave – probably around 3 months. He was the only Scorpio I ever dated and one of the few men I met via a free online dating service. I met him right before I moved to Austin and got a job, toward the end of a nasty depression/low-point in my life while I was briefly living with my mom.

It was amazing to me just how much I recalled and I assume now the dream was meant to direct me to inspect that time in my life. Upon inspection I realized that I knew early on in my relationship with him that it would lead nowhere but I stayed because I didn’t want to be alone. When he broke up with me (yep him with me) I got furious and vindictive, which is very unlike me. In retrospect I realized I was angry at myself for not following my instincts and being “weak”. I was also angry at the universe for the obvious message that I was meant to be alone/independent at that time in my life.

Dream: Memory Spheres

In this dream I walked into a classroom to observe. This classroom was not inside a building but on the edge of a beautiful mountain yet there was a sense that it had walls that could not be seen – like an invisible boundary.

I went up to a desk near the teacher’s desk and sat down. A little black girl, hair all braided and neat, came and looked at me oddly. I asked her, “Is this your desk?” She nodded that it was. I told her it was the best desk in the room because from it one could see the entire classroom. She disagreed for she felt the desk to be her “punishment”.

There is dream memory loss here but eventually I was sitting facing up the mountain next to the girl and a male friend of hers. She was upset over feeling taken advantage of and used. This caused her to be very angry and defensive with people leading to problems in her life. I began to counsel her on how to handle her emotions. I showed her how to take her memories and push them out of her, form them into a sphere and then project all the emotions that went with the memories into the sphere. I formed a sphere for her and pushed it in her direction. I said, “Now you can make it any color you want. Then put all the emotion into it.” She struggled, saying, “I can’t” because there was so much memory and so much emotion. I suggested she section off the memories. I remember explaining to another person that this little girl was struggling with memories from lifetimes of being a slave. She objected to this at first because she presently was not a slave but then reconsidered as it became clear that “slavery” can be defined in more than one way.

The spheres we were working with were very vivid, the energy within them very much “alive” and the emotion placed within them tangible. When I tried to create my own energy sphere in the dream I could not, though. I assume it is because I had the same issues as the little girl – too much memory and emotion for just one sphere to contain. Yet I understood that once free of the emotion I could view the memories “objectively” and ultimately learn the lessons they were meant to teach.

I also had memory of learning to create spheres of energy. Long ago I had a dream/OBE in which I was creating energy spheres. It seems this dream was a continuation of that.

Dream: Fun Run

I was walking outside the gym of a school when someone told me there was to be a “fun run” and asked if I was going to join. I said I would and then began talking with the students, most of the male. We mostly spoke of music and I remember holding a large, computer-like screen in my hand while listening to various tracks. One guy was listening in and showed interest in a particular song. I remember liking it but noting it was too slow – 137bpm. I changed the music to something faster. The student then asked me if I was going to take the large screen on my run and I told him I had Bluetooth headphones.

As we were preparing to start the run (pursuit of one’s goals) we went inside the gym (application of lessons learned) and somehow I ended up on a large ship (need to release emotion) and nearly fell off. It was odd to me that there was a ship inside the gym but I accepted it as normal.

As we began to run we encountered various wild animals that were threatening. I remember seeing all kinds but not being deterred by them. Someone said to me as they ran past, “The animals are illusions meant to slow you down. Don’t let them.”

I topped a hill that morphed into the top of a very steep cliff (at critical moment in life, considering life-altering decision) that fell straight down. By this time I felt to be flying more than running. I saw many animals in my path all coming for me with great speed. One in particular was a large cougar/mountain lion (anger, aggression, raw emotion). It was huge and snarling but I just stepped on it’s head as I floated over it. It did not disappear like an illusion should but I had no fear.

I remember checking my watch and noting that I had run 3.5 miles and had yet to complete the “Fun Run”.

Last Night

Last night I had a lucid dream sometime in the early morning. I lost memory of most of it now but I had been flying and smoking pot. lol There was a mountain scene that materialized out of nowhere with a message about physicality but I only remember now that it had to do with being aware of how one’s thoughts affect the present moment.

The most vivid dream memory I have this morning was of being in a classroom full of kids. Two girls from high school were talking about another classmate’s children and I asked a question about how many kids he had. They both looked at me rudely without talking and I felt their judgement strongly just as I had felt it in high school. Later, another classmate came in and started giving me orders, telling me I was to watch the kids in the class. I told her it was not my assignment and refused to do it, walking out of the room mumbling how I had not gotten sleep for three nights in a row from being woken at 4am every night. I went to the lounge to get a much needed cup of coffee and a woman introduced me to a man and said I was to work with him on donations. I got furious because no one had asked me and I had never agreed to doing any of it. I began to tell her that I was done with school, that I had already graduated and did not need to be there anyway. I knew when I was saying this that graduation was three weeks away but I didn’t care.

 

2 OBE’s and Informative Links

Two OBEs to share and some considerations, also.

OBE: Crocodiles in the Water

Woke at 5:30am and rolled back over feeling a bit sad that I had not had any lucid dreams or OBEs in quite some time. I even requested it two nights in a row with no success which is unusual. I have been very tired lately and sleeping for 9-11 hours a night. So, I figured I must just be too tired.

Within seconds (or so it seemed) of rolling over to return to sleep something alerted me to a shift in vibration, though I do not recall feeling any vibrations. I rolled out of my sleeping body and stood up. My vision was full-on, vivid and sharp and I was not in my bedroom. I was in the living room of what appeared to be a small house with white, lace curtains. I could see the front door and the adjacent window. Sunlight was streaming through the lace hitting a potted ivy plant sitting on a table.

I believe I had been laying on a sofa in the room but didn’t turn to look. My intent was to go out the door and get away from my sleeping body. I felt a bit unsteady in my astral form as if I would lose the OBE if I lingered or stopped to survey the scene. I talked to myself to get more stability but I can’t remember what I said now.

When I reached the front door I went to grab the door knob and thought to try and move through it instead. I met a solid surface so opened the door as normal and floated/walked through. Outside was beautiful and resembled a city park. There was a long walkway through green, manicured lawns with shrubbery out in front of me. To my left was a large, slow-flowing creek or small river. The waters were muddy and sluggish as if there had recently been a storm. Beyond the river to my far left were tall trees through which I could not see beyond for the thick undergrowth.

I went down the few steps from the stoop and did not hesitate to head toward the river/creek. For some reason I wanted to go straight into the muddy water. I jumped in right away and felt the cold water surround me. I never went all the way under, though. The water was only waist deep.

Once in the water I felt a strong current that from the surface was not noticeable. I looked to my right and thought, “There are crocodiles in this water. I better get out fast.” There was no fear with this thought only intent to exit the water. I never saw a crocodile. Note: Crocodiles symbolize some aspect of self I am avoiding. Muddy water is muddied emotion.

As I crawled up the side of the embankment onto the leaves and underbrush of the forest beyond I swear someone reached down to give me their hand and help me up. Yet I can’t recall seeing anyone just feeling support being offered by a male presence. Out of the water I stood and looked into the forest. My thoughts then were, “I don’t know what to do next.” I felt apathy hit me and became heavy, losing my astral sight and settling immediately into my sleeping body. Note: My apathy and not knowing what to do mirrors my physical life.

OBE: Friends

Once in my body I exited again but with less lucidity than the exit before. I could not see and once again felt someone was with me. I spoke to myself to get more stability and recall saying, “I can’t see. I need to see.” As I said those words my vision came on slowly and I could see my own eyelids slowly fade as my vision turned on. It was a really cool experience and I remember saying, “Oh yeah, I see through closed eyes here. Vision isn’t the same.” It was as if I had to remind myself of how things worked.

This time I was inside a house with several others who I seemed to know. We interacted for the entire OBE but I have since forgotten pretty much everything. I do know there was a very tall woman who was the focus of my attention. She towered above me and the others by at least a foot. I was aware of my “other” life while with these people but again can’t remember it.

The reason I can’t recall it clearly is because I entered into several lucid dreams after this last OBE, one right after the other and each with less and less lucidity. I woke briefly at one point but was too groggy to bother trying to remember the OBEs and dreams. I was also disappointed at how uneventful the two OBEs were. They seemed so boring and pointless so why try to remember them?

Difference Between OBE and Lucid Dream

Only recently have I been more intent on having more OBEs and lucid dreams. This is in part due to seeing so many of my online friends posting about their experiences. Some of them have OBEs almost daily! I use to have frequent OBEs but this year my stats have dropped significantly.

A few days ago someone shared a link that caught my attention. It was to an article about the difference between OBEs and lucid dreams. After reading it my feelings were mixed because for me the differences are not so cut and dry.

If I use the list at the end of the article to define the above experiences then I believe they qualify as OBEs:

Stable environment
Environment not under my control
Expectations did not affect the environment
Eyesight was vivid, vibrant; I could feel with my mind (this is always the case with me, though).
Body image – unknown, I did not care if I had a body or not
I was bored (seems to be big indicator of OBE)
Didn’t see my body but again, didn’t care
No sexual encounter

Most of my OBEs are transitions from lucid dreams, which is also mentioned as a possibility by the author (the fourth state).

I think that the list should include that the experiencer is aware of shifting out of their physical body with or without the presence of vibrations. For me, this is the #1 indicator that I was OOB because I am conscious of leaving or re-entering my physical body. In the case of it beginning as a lucid dream and shifting to an OBE I may not be aware of leaving my physical body in the beginning but but in the end I am conscious of re-entry. I also believe one can begin an experience as an OBE and then lose awareness and shift into a lucid dream.

Anyway, back to my renewed interest in OBEs…..

A friend posted a link to this website and I spent some time reviewing some of the articles. It occurred to me that if I could go OOB more that I could observe some of the same things the author of this site has observed. In fact, I already have. I know, though, that I need more uninterrupted time and more sleep to be able to go OOB as frequently as I would need to. I just don’t have that right now and it will likely be many years before I do.

I recommend you visit the above site as it has many useful article about consciousness, OBEs, lucid dreams and multidimensional states.

 

 

 

 

 

Lucid Dream and OBE: Over and Over Again

After a two month WP break this morning’s activity prompted me to shift back here. Why? Well, you’ll see, but mainly because while I was in the midst of the lucid dream below I remember saying, “I need to remember this, to write this down and share it”.

If you’ve been following me on Blogger then you know what’s been going on these past couple of months. If you haven’t been, sorry, I’m not going to do a recap except to say spiritual experiences have been low, dream recall almost nonexistent, and focus has been on physicality and living life.

Up until two nights ago things have been quiet in dreamland. Woke up a lot last night. Assuming it has to do with the full moon.

Lucid Dream: Message

I was in school but can’t recall now the specifics of the situation. The next thing I know I am in a room that has no form or features and is dark except where I am. It is almost like I have a dim spotlight on me. I feel a distinctly familiar feeling and think, “I am about to meet someone.” The feeling brings on full lucidity. I think to myself, “Capricorn” and quickly conclude he must be a Capricorn. I’m not sure why I think this but I have no doubt of what I Know.

The feeling intensifies. It is the feeling of connection to another and it is strong, but not so strong it scares me. I can only describe it as an all-over body vibration where mine and the other person’s vibration aligns. The feeling is like my body is a living symphony where all the individual instrument parts are being played perfectly. My soul was literally singing.

A man appears from the shadows. When I see him I know he’s the one I’ve been feeling. He says to me, “I have a message for you.” Inside I begin to freak out a bit, anticipating the message and wishing he had not said that word “message” because it makes me anticipate what is coming next. I expected to wake up because I could feel my anticipation rising and my nervousness taking over. Yet I didn’t. Instead, he approached me and placed his hand on my left shoulder. It was so solid and real it surprised me. I looked up at him and could see him clearly. He was no one I recognized. In fact, he was quite plain in terms of human appearance with small red bumps (pimples?) covering his face, but the feeling I got from him was gentle and loving. He had medium brown hair and light eyes. In recalling him now he could have passed for my father in his younger years, though I did not see my father in him during the experience.

I wait for his message and he draws closer to me. He gently pulls me toward him and we hug. I feel every bit of it as real as in the physical yet this doesn’t wake me up. The hug is so wonderful, too, reminding me of how hugs felt when I was a child after being lost for a while.

When we are done hugging I keep looking up at him, focusing on his face trying to memorize every detail. He says to me, “You are better than this. You don’t need him.” I feel instantly humbled by his statement. It was like I had expected him to say it and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I replied, “You’re talking about (insert person’s name) right?” He says, “Yes.” I hang my head and say, “I know but it is so hard. I don’t want to be here. I can’t do this anymore.” He says, “Why don’t you leave then?” I say to him, “I don’t think I could do that.” He says, “Why couldn’t you?”

I have to interrupt the dream here to say our conversation is not what it seems. Don’t draw any conclusions here thinking we are talking about my husband because we aren’t. During the conversation I did mention a name but when I awoke I understood it to mean I don’t need anyone¬†– male, female, or otherwise. When he says “Why don’t you leave?” I interpret it to mean “leave this life”, not a person, place or situation. In hindsight I believe the conversation has multiple meanings referring to multiple situations in my life.

There is a discussion then about my time on Earth and the choices I have made and the choices I have yet to make. Most of the specifics are lost to me now but I recall seeing a block resembling the days on a calendar but I think the blocks represent something larger, maybe years or lifetimes but I’m not sure. I recall knowing I could finish early, two blocks early, and that it would be okay if I did. The feeling I remember having the most was complete exhaustion and wanting to exit this life as soon as possible. There were so many words exchanged here but all that is left of mine is a feeling of being unable to progress past a certain point. If I had to put it into words it would be that I just can’t push past my feelings of responsibility towards those I love or past the feeling that whatever I do, I lose. I remember the man being very sympathetic and there being the message from him that I knew this might happen when I planned this life. We don’t always have the strength in life that we think we will have while we are in Spirit. The feeling of disappointment in myself was very strong. No matter how hard I try to do what I came here to do, I seem unable. It’s as if that part of me is broken.

The next thing I remember was him asking me, “How do you want to go?” I contemplated this aloud saying, “I don’t care” because I just wanted it over with, then changed my mind because I saw several scenarios flash through my mind – car accident, freak accident, suicide. ¬†I saw my family’s reaction to these and it wasn’t good. I told him, “I prefer to go in my sleep. An aneurysm maybe…something that won’t hurt and won’t traumatize my family.”

Then I heard noises-off. It sounded like my daughter calling my name. By this time I was laying down with the man, curled up inside his embrace and very comfortable there with him. Safe. I knew hearing her meant he was about to go. I told him, “I don’t want you to go yet.” But I called back to her and felt his embrace around me lighten until it was gone. Yet I could still hear him. I asked him, “What is your name?” He said, “I have many names, as do you.” I understood this meant so much more than my human mind can comprehend yet in that moment I had no confusion whatsoever.

I lost some lucidity then and had a dream-within-a-dream. I saw a blonde woman resembling me. She laid down behind the back wheels of an SUV placing her head right behind a tire. The car backed up and crushed her head. The people inside the car panicked and got out. I was watching from a distance and saw the woman rise up out of her body and watch.

Then I was talking to the woman. We were face to face and I felt overwhelming love for her. I put my hands on her face and looked at her, smiling. I don’t remember everything we said but I do recall saying to her, “I love you” and my heart overflowing with love for her. We embraced and then I woke up feeling myself settle back into my sleeping body.

Even after I awoke I could still sense the energy of the man from my dream. He was still around me so I asked him again, “What is your name?” I felt a reply and slowly it formed in my mind – Sebastian. The sense at this time was that I was surrounded by love and it’s form is incomprehensible to my human mind. What I see in my dreams and in visions is nothing compared to the true forms of these Beings. I heard, “We are Many” and took a deep breath. Elohim. I knew They would come back. But I was/am so tired, so completely spent energetically, spiritually, physically, emotionally, that the thought of being “crazy” caused absolutely no reaction in me.

I couldn’t sleep afterward, tossing and turning because I was trying to remember as many details of the experience as I could. There were moments when I would drift and get visions, flashes of names or scenarios. I saw the name, “David” written clearly and remembered an entire dream from many nights before. Then I heard Ezekiel, Gabriel, and other Biblical names. I began to hear an old hymnal – Ten Thousand Angels – “He could have called, ten thousand angels, but he died alone for you and me….” I knew I was being told I had angels watching over me.

OBE: Over and Over Again

I almost got out of bed at 5:30am because I was so wide awake but instead I closed my eyes to meditate.

The next thing I recall was being inside a school sitting at a desk. I knew I had missed many classes. There were several “bad” students present. One male student was sent to get my mail and deliver it to me. Yet he didn’t give it to me but kept it and went through it. I went up to him and said, “You know it’s a federal offense to take someone’s mail.” Eventually I got my mail back and pulled out a large, wooden “S”, from inside an envelope. I knew it represented my last name.

My teacher told me that I needed to update my computer. I had a laptop in front of me and told her I had already updated it from home. I went to a seat and sat down for a while after that. The seat reminded me of a seat in a movie theater. As I sat there I entered into a meditative trance-type state. I can’t remember what I was thinking until the vibrations began to wake me from my meditative state. They were super intense, wrapping around me lovingly centered around my heart. I wanted to sink into them and let them take me away, into oblivion, when I thought suddenly, “I’m having a stroke.” Then I realized the energy and vibrations I was feeling were indicative of being OOB. I sat up and out of my dream body and faced myself, touching my own shoulder. I don’t remember looking at my face just being aware of being outside of the body I had just been in.

I immediately felt freer and happier. Looking to explore, I wandered out of the large, movie-theater-type place and into another room. Inside I found a large group of people standing together in formation seeming to be rehearsing something. They were all wearing what appeared to be costumes of other-worldly creatures. Some looked to be from the Renaissance while others looked like fairies or creatures only found in fairy realms. My attention went to a very tall, handsome man in front of me. I can’t remember his costume now but when I saw him I was intrigued. His eyes and mine locked and I smiled. I stood and watched them practice for a while, relaxed and enjoying myself. All of them were a good foot or more taller than me.

Then a young brown haired woman approached me. We knew each other. She began talking to the other me who apparently had followed me into the room. I interrupted their conversation and said to her, “It’s me. She (the other me) is me. You and I know each other, too.” The explanation continued but is lost to me now. Apparently I am able to split off from myself and interact independently of my other selves. This time I remember seeing the other me but now all I remember is a blur of her blue shirt and her shoulder length hair which seemed light brown/dark blonde.

I told the brown haired girl, “Come with me. I want to show you some things.” The girl followed. I was laughing by this time and jumped up into the air with her. I said, “We can fly, you know.” We lifted up and then drifted back down. Taking her hand I lifted her up with me and then we laid on our backs, floating. We glided for a while, facing the ceiling and then going through the windows out into the night. We could see the sky full of stars and I was laughing and singing by this time as was my friend.

We continued to float and then began to fly out and over the fields. I was singing about life and how we as eternal Beings live forever, experiencing lifetime after lifetime. The fields below me turned into giant life stories in the form of realistic books built into the scenery. The hills seemed to come alive with moving pictures of lives from different times and places. I sang, “We do it (life) over and over again….” As I sang I turned the pages of the Earth-book showing life after life after life. I did all of this full of a child-like joy.

It was around this time that I began to come back into my body. I felt the familiar energy of re-entry and my heart was beating rapidly.

A song was in my head when I woke up, “I’m still breathing. I’m still breathing. I’m alive.”

Putting it Together

The “Capricorn” reference was related to the month of December, not the man in the lucid dream. I don’t remember when I realized this but when I awoke I recalled seeing stars in the sky, as if being shown astrology and the time of the year when Capricorn rules. I also recall saying something in astrological terminology to the man. The term I used was “aspect” but I can’t make sense of what I said. All I recall is that I said some aspect would affect me and it is related to Capricorn. My feeling upon waking was that it would happen in December and I felt a bit sad because that time of the month has been bringing all kinds of crap into my life since 2015! I wish I could just skip the month this year rather than face whatever it is bringing me this time around.

I also want to reassure you all that though it appears I am planning my own demise, I do not feel upset, sad or otherwise concerning the conversation with the man in the lucid dream nor did I have any such feelings during the discussion regarding exiting this life. It was just a matter-of-fact conversation, like I got a sneak peek into what goes on in dreamtime – the planning and such.

There was also a message in the lucid dream I forgot to mention. I was told, “You are primed”. I have heard that before and so my reaction was not positive. I understand that it means I have been prepared/prepped for something – a task, situation, or experience.

Finally, there was a return of that familiar E.T. feeling that I have not had in a very long time. It is that multidimensional-connected-Source-Love-Oneness feeling. lol Hard to describe.

A Glimpse Behind-the-Scenes

Yesterday a friend on FB posted a link to a video interview of Mary Reed, author of The Journey of an Unwitting Mystic. I have never read the book so watched the video because my friend and others were saying great things about her.

My reaction was positive. I enjoyed every minute of the interview, especially her accounts of being cradled in the arms of Jesus and reunited with Source and her experience of complete surrender after an attempted suicide attempt. I saw so many parallels to my own experiences but also recognized just how unique each and every one of us is when it comes to our spiritual journey.

After watching the video I asked my Companion if I could receive Knowing like Mary. I heard back, “Yes, of course. What do you want to Know?” I said, “I don’t know, whatever I need to know to help me understand my journey and mission here.” I received confirmation that my request would be granted. I thought no more about it.

Lucid Dream: Soul Retrieval

I slept well and woke at 5:30am from a string of dreams indicating that I was learning how to cross between dimensions, how to analyze the energy in order to detect when I could cross and what to expect when I did. At the time I didn’t understand that I was learning a lesson. Instead I was mulling over my dreams wondering what they meant and finding myself confused. All along this song chorus was repeating in my head, “You and me, we’re beautiful, beautiful. We all, we all we’re going to be alright.”

Somehow I drifted off to sleep. I ended up inside a large house. It was hard to see, like the lights were out, and I was with a woman and her husband. It was apparent to me that I had been awakened by them but I didn’t know why yet. They were rushing about readying for something and I recall feeling I needed to get ready for work. Then I noted the time. It was far too early to go to work, yet it felt like mid-morning for some reason. I followed the couple into their bedroom and waited there. I noticed the dresser drawers had safety pins on them instead of knobs. I inspected them closely, curious as to why this would be, and saw the knobs had come loose and the safety pins were the replacements. These were the largest safety pins I had ever seen! I accidentally broke one as I fiddled with it, too.

Then I was laying on the bedroom floor but at the same time I felt to be in my own bed. In hindsight I realize now that I was firmly anchored to my reality while venturing into someone else’s reality. A woman was next to me on the floor and her husband was in the bed to our right. For some reason I felt like the woman next to me was my ex-MIL, though I know this is not accurate.

Some conversation went on between the man and woman and then a chair seemed to throw itself across the bedroom into the dresser. The woman reacted as if it had happened before. Both the man¬†and woman were distressed. I asked the woman some questions because I sensed another presence in the room, one that was very upset and filled with many conflicting emotions. The woman told me who she thought the earthbound Spirit¬†was. I asked her to tell the woman in Spirit what she needed to tell her. The woman was shaking with fear and said, “She can’t hear me. I can’t talk to her.” I told her she could and hesitantly the woman whispered to me, “I’m sorry. It was an accident.”

Sensing the emotional turbulence building in the energy that composed the earthbound spirit, I said to the spirit, “She says she’s sorry. It was an accident. She’s sorry!” There came back such an energetic rebuttal that I knew I had my work cut out for me. I sensed fear from my right, my fear,¬†but ignored it and seemed to know exactly what to do.

I sat up and began to address the spirit though I could not see her or anything in the room. Light Language began to pour out of me in song and word. The sounds were beautiful yet there is no way my physical body could have produced them. Two distinct sounds, one low and one high, came out of my mouth. Eventually I even heard more than two. I recognized this as I sang and was impressed but knew not to focus on it and just continue to sing to the woman in spirit.

As I sang the woman in spirit resisted. The energy seemed to build up like a wall in front of me. It felt as if the spirit was about to hurl a huge wave of nasty at me and the woman on the floor. The man in the bed said, “I can’t sleep with this noise, I’m leaving.” He got up and I felt him leave the room. The feeling from him was fear. I turned to the woman next to me and asked, “How long has it been?” The woman replied, “Nine years. I’m so sorry. It was an accident (still talking to me)” Then she retreated and left the room, too. She did not want to deal with any of the energy coming from the woman in spirit.

I just kept singing. With the focus of her upset gone, the spirit began to calm a bit and that is when everything she held in her energy came into me. I knew her story and why she felt the way she felt. Without being able to control any of it, the only thing I could do was sing as tears just rolled out of my eyes like rain.

I still couldn’t see her but her story told me why she was where she was. Somehow her death had been caused by the woman who had left the room. In her death the woman in spirit had been unable to get to her baby, who was still alive. She blamed the woman who caused her death for her inability to get to her baby. The emotion of this was turbulent – anger, confusion, desperation, love, grief, hatred, despair – all swirling around chaotically and all hitting me full on in my heart center.

Again, I felt this fear coming from my right. I knew it was mine but ignored it again, focusing on the Light Language. By this time I was using my hands and seeming to do some kind of energetic surgery on the space in front of me. I still couldn’t see the woman in spirit, though. It was just blackness and the emotional turbulence she carried.

soulMy guidance came through, then, because I was wondering how long this would last. I had been crying and singing Light Language the entire time yet the spirit seemed intent on clinging to her self-created reality. I heard, “She is leaving.” I looked to see if I could detect the spark of light that often accompanies this, but saw nothing. Instead I felt the ridge of energy lessen and then crumble down to reveal a very small, grief-filled energy behind.

Then I noticed I was holding two thin slips of paper in my hand. It just appeared out of thin air. I saw writing on it in two columns. Each column had one word. The words had been crossed out to the point that I could only read a few. I knew the paper had significance. I held it up to the spirit who I could still only sense, and began to tear in in pieces. I kept speaking in Light Language throughout.

She was listening to me so I stopped the Light Language and began to talk to her. She was asking me why – Why did it have to be this way? Why could this woman live while she had to die? Why, why, why. On and on. The most concise and well-worded explanation came out of my mind/mouth. I explained how duality works, how we each choose our experience, how it all works out in the end. I said it so perfectly. I wish I could remember my words but all that is left now is awe at myself. I once again sensed the doubt and fear off to my right but ignored it. The woman in spirit was listening and accepting what I said.

Then my focus was on the space in front of the dresser in the bedroom. I began to sing in Light Language again and knew I was mending tears in the energy of the space. It was like a jagged crack in the energy and I knew somehow this was done by the spirit. Like it was a doorway of some kind that needed to be closed. I literally sewed it up with Light Language. I saw the energy as threads of light crisscrossing back and forth across the opening until it was sealed. It was fascinating!

I continued to sing in Light Language. Tears continued to flow out of my eyes and I felt them also coming out of my physical eyes. Again I was acutely aware of being in two places at once. I knew somehow it was not time to leave yet. I had to stay, but I could sense my departure coming.

That is when I felt an energy to the right of my physical body. I turned toward it and recognized a small child, maybe 13 months old, standing over me. She was full of love and gratitude. I knew her message to me was, “Thank you!” I reached out and touched her and her body felt solid and soft, so real! I saw she was wearing a diaper and was fair skinned with fair hair. Just like my own children. The tears were streaming uncontrollably from my eyes. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks and noticed I could not breathe well. The love from this small child was overwhelming.

As the child departed I felt the timing was right to return to my body. As I left the other reality and entered into the in-between I was visited by a woman in spirit. She sent me, “Moira”, first. Then she said, “I love you. Thank you! I love you. I love you…” I came fully into my body while she sent this message, but I could sense her to my left up near the ceiling. Tears were still streaming out of my eyes. I knew this was the woman I had helped. She had made it and departed the lower astral and was ascending through the physical where she had stopped to tell me thank you. Wow.

GuardianAngelandBaby

Soul Retrieval Work

After she left and I was fully awake I could not control the tears. I was not sobbing or even feeling sorrowful, yet tears kept coming and coming. My pillow was soaked, my nose clogged. I had a headache. It was obvious I had been crying for a while.

I began to try and make sense of what I had just experienced. I wanted to know the full story but was advised that it was not necessary. I knew what I needed to and should not over-identify with the situation. I had done my job and now needed to release what I had taken on in order to help the woman. I had revealed her core wound by taking on some her her burden so that she could see it for herself. In doing so, I now needed to cleanse myself of it.

Eventually, I had to sit up because the tears were not stopping. I spoke in Light Language with the intent to finalize whatever I had done. After I did this, the tears finally stopped and I felt unburdened.

It was clear to me that my request from the night before had been granted. My Companion told me that I “work” every night and was allowed a glimpse of that work. He kept telling me, “We are proud of you.” At the time I didn’t care and eventually, after hearing it several times I told him, “I don’t care.” lol I was still over-identifying with the woman in spirit. As a mother, I understood her pain at losing her child so prematurely, even if it was her that died and not her child. The loss is the same.

For a time I had trouble grasping what I had just experienced. The perspectives of all parties were jumbled. Was it my ex-MIL? Her MIL? Me that was the perpetrator? It felt like all of them at once – confusing! Was the woman in spirit really me? Or was she elsewhere trapped and I came to assist? Why was it dark? Where was the light? Was I the light? Was it the lower astral realms where the spirit was trapped? That seemed likely…

Eventually I Knew that all of the experience, all perspectives, were me. It was just so obvious. To differentiate between her and me and them was a human tendency. The reality is that we are all One and the same. There is no separation. In that very lucid experience my perspective was all perspectives at once. That is why to try and make sense of it was not advised. No sense in human terms could be made of it.

The congratulations came again from my guidance. I heard, “Well done.” This time, I said, “Thank you.” I knew what they were referring to. It was that I ignored my fear, which I noticed several times, and stayed the course in order to complete the task at hand. I did not reject the emotions of the woman spirit despite how “scary” they appeared/felt. I embraced them, taking them on as my own so that she could see the truth and be set free by it. It was/is beautiful.

I felt this kind of work was better done from my position in a human body. I asked why. I received back that the lower realms where spirit becomes trapped are very dense, denser even than the realms of the living. Access from the “higher” realms is almost impossible. Those trapped there cannot see those coming from such a high vibration. However, when visiting from the realms of the living, the light carried via the human vessel is able to penetrate the lower realms, though even it takes time to be seen. It was apparent to me that the only way the woman in spirit would have ever seen me was for me to “lower” myself to her level by taking on her pain as my own. I had to be one with her first. My understanding is that it is easier to do this when occupying a physical body. It has something to do with being better able to handle the density of the emotion carried by earthbounds.

All of this is fascinating but at the same time very humbling. I feel deeply changed.

Lucid Dream: Visit to My First Home

I was sick all day yesterday with a head cold (sore throat, congestion, stuffy nose) and did not get much sleep the night before because of a flare up of IBS brought on by eating salmon. The day seemed like it stretched on and on with no ending. I was dead tired but couldn’t sleep so the slow-motion of the day was difficult to bear. My youngest never took a nap, either. Seems like when I need a nap, he doesn’t. lol My husband is in Florida for a week so it is just me and the kiddos. Thankfully all three of my children went to bed without issue.

I slept very deeply and woke around 5:00am wide awake. I turned on my fan to block out street noise and create a kind of white noise effect which helps me to sleep when I wake too early. It did it’s job.

Lucid Dream: Visit to My First Home

I had been in a dream where I was laying on the ground with a blanket along with many others. It felt like we were watching the stars together but also like we were all in a “class” and waiting to head off on our separate journeys. I don’t recall anything spectacular in the sky. I was too distracted by a black man who came to assist me with my chakras and healing. What I recall most was him asking to help.¬†He kissed me and his lips seemed fluffy, like clouds and I told him about it because it surprised me. Then my chakras began to flare up starting at the root, but it was too distracting and I disengaged from him. It was time to go, then, and people began to leave, picking up their blankets and going off in different directions. I did the same.

Then I was standing and looking at a tropical plant that was in a raised flower bed. It was not doing well, though. There were¬†bulbs planted around it on four sides and they were sprouting all around it. It indicated it was Spring and I wondered what kind of flowers they were. Then I had a thought, “Everything mom tries to grow, dies.” It’s a family joke. My mom always said (still says) she had a brown thumb.

All of a sudden I realized where I was. It was my first childhood home, the home I lived in until I was 9 years old. I was standing on the patio adjacent to the living room. I was delighted! Immediately, I turned and scanned the yard to see what it looked like and what time period I was visiting. It was well manicured, chain link fence still up, swing set and tree house missing except for a tiny little fence. What I saw indicated that I was likely visiting it after we moved and the new owners came in and removed the tree house and swing set

I walked the sidewalk around the side of the house and to the pool area. To my surprise, the pool was still there. Hadn’t the new owners filled it in? I went through the fence gate and surveyed the area. There was no pool furniture and the pebble concrete patio was overgrown with weeds. The wading pool was still there. I took a closer look¬†at it, remembering the lobster-sized¬†crawdad I found and kept in there and all the times we use to splash water from the pool into it¬†just because we could.

The swimming pool itself was a beautiful crystal blue color like it was being kept up by someone. I laughed inwardly because my mom was always struggling to keep it blue and it usually had a green tinge to it even when in top condition. She would be excited to see it looking so perfect. It looked just like I remembered, the sides smooth and round and the slide and diving board right where they should be.

I decided to jump into the shallow end. When I landed I didn’t go under like I expected. I forgot the last time I swam in the pool I was 9. Being full grown, the water came up to my chest and I could stand without issue. I could feel the coolness of the water and delighted in it. I didn’t linger, though, but walked up the steps and out, flinging water purposefully like I use to do as a child.

Still exploring, I noticed the pool equipment was still there as was the wood privacy fence. As I headed toward the diving board I noticed a tiny, brown poodle waddling around by the side of the pool. I saw her and knelt down, recognizing her immediately as one of the poodles we had when we lived there. In fact, she and the two other poodles lived long lives that stretched past our departure date.

I spoke to her saying, “Are you Sut-Sue or Bo-Jo (short for Mr. Bojangles)?” I couldn’t figure out which poodle she was yet she was brown and round like Sut-Sue was. I petted her for a while, smiling from ear-to-ear and thinking how I needed to tell my mom everything as soon as I could. Again I said aloud, “Are you Sut-Sue or Bo-Jo?” It was like I was trying to remember the third poodle, and my favorite, but couldn’t.

Something from outside the dream environment caught my attention then and I woke up hearing my alarm going off. I smiled and then began to cry tears of remembrance.

Considerations

I had such a happy childhood growing up in that house. After we moved it was like my world fell apart. I missed that house/time all the way into my late teens. When I finally visited¬†there at the age of 19, after my father’s death, it¬†was nothing like I remembered and I was able to put that time in my life behind me. Obviously, though, I still consider that time in my life one of the happiest.

I realize now that I might have been visiting the house at an earlier time than I thought. My earliest memories of Sut-Sue were as old and blind with gray hair and barely able to move. In this lucid experience she was brown and much younger. The missing swing set and tree house would also fit for an earlier time period. The tree house was built by my dad for my older sister and the swing set was much later than that. Yet the pool was built when my mom was pregnant with me. Maybe I was visiting that same year? Or it could be that I was in an alternate reality, one of my own creation. The latter is most likely but then who knows.