Kundalini Dream: Trip to Montana

Usually August is a very slow and uneventful month for me but not this year. Some twists and turns happening but I don’t have time to write much on it at the moment except to quote Forrest Gump – Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your gonna get. Indeed!

I found these 2 presents in the middle of the Forrest while walking my dog this morning. : WTF

For now I will leave it at that and share a wonderful dream I had the other night about visiting Montana. Lately I have been wanting to rent an RV and take a road trip to the mountains, specifically the Rockies because I have such great memories of my time there. So it is no surprise that I visited Montana in my dreams.

Kundalini Dream: Trip to Montana

I was on a house/train/RV (it morphed from one to the other) with a group. I recall it being my “house” (one’s own soul/self) at first and it was wide and spacious, golden and white in color and filled with modern things. The focus was on the TV which was a nice size and situated in the corner of the living room. The ambiance was nice overall. I felt happy.

Then I was on a train (life’s journey) heading through the mountains (higher realms of consciousness) of Montana. I was looking out the window while watching the rest of my group settle down for the long haul. Several were toking up, getting stoned and relaxing on blankets on the floor. As I watched the beautiful scenery I thought of taking photos (freezing moments in time) so I unlocked my phone and began to take pictures of the mountains. I recall seeing a mother antelope (much energy is needed to achieve goals) and her baby and snapped two photos of them as the train slowed allowing us all to see them. I also commented that everyone should pay attention to the beauty around us, and reminisced about my time visiting Glacier National park and the majestic mountains there.

I kept taking photos as the train went around a curve. There on the horizon was a mountain peak (reaching ones goals) surrounded by a circular formation of clouds (completion). In the distance I could see dark, billowing clouds of smoke coming from near the top of the mountain. The train slowed and I took a couple of shots and commented that it looked like a volcano (could be reference to the Kundalini). I was fascinated with the circular ring of clouds like a halo over the mountain top. Across from that scene was a beautiful, mountain lake (solace, peace of mind). I took a photo of it, too. Everything was so beautiful.

Inside the train I was asked if I wanted to smoke. I said no and that I had not done it in a long while. By this time the train had morphed into an RV (enjoy life to the fullest) and we were stopping for a break. When I got out I recognized the place – the shiny white flagstone and surroundings. I took another picture, this time of a dandelion (contentment) with the mountains in the background. The dandelion seemed to say, “Make a wish”. I focused on it more than the mountains when I took the picture.

I went inside the RV and accepted the invitation to smoke. I watched as they took this yellow-orange (mix of sacral and solar plexus chakras) looking plant and put it into a very white, wide rolling paper. The object looked more like a bunch of tiny grapes (decadence) than marijuana. They handed me a blunt and I took a long inhalation but felt nothing. A woman told me to wait a bit, that the effects would hit me hard.

As we sat enjoying our smoke the effects began to kick in and I smiled. At first it felt very much like being stoned, especially around my head/crown/eyes. I could feel my head and throat buzzing with energy. It snaked down into my heart and my whole body was vibrating. Eventually, this woke me up.

When I awoke my entire body was alive with Kundalini but my lower three chakras were the most affected. It took me an hour to relax enough to return to sleep.

Sync

The next morning on the way to work I got my husband to stop by Starbuck’s, something we rarely do. When we pulled up to the drive-through the car in front of us had Montana plates. I snapped a pic for evidence. It is rare to see Montana plates in Texas and then to have them right after such a powerful dream visit? Crazy!

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Kundalini Dream: Funky Town

Just when I think I am gonna get some good quality sleep…..the Full Moon energy hits! Ahhh!

Kundalini Dream: Funky Town

Again, wasn’t expecting this nor was I expecting how it would come about.

The dream began with me and my family attending a concert – a symphony (harmony/cooperation) actually. A young woman was trying to enter the theater and I kept holding her back. She wasn’t allowed and was bad news. I knew her somehow, though. Eventually, with the symphony starting, I had to let her in. So she came in with me keeping an eye on her.

We sat down with my husband and family. The theater was huge with row upon row of seats. As the first half began the entire seating area seemed to shift and roll. It was like we were on a roller coaster. I closed my eyes, falling into the movement. I could feel myself in my seat curving up, up and over, completely flipping backward and then back to upright. Secure in my seat I just allowed the motion. No fear. No concerns.

The woman who I brought in was chatting the whole time. I could feel tears welling up and then pouring down my cheeks. I don’t recall an emotion here except surrender. When I opened my eyes I was back facing the front of the theater where I had started. The woman mentioned my tears asking me why I was crying. I didn’t answer. I had no clue.

At intermission (break) we left and entered into a car (life path) to wait. The car was parked in front of a large, wooden gate (new phase of life) that was closed. Inside the car my older sister (aspect of Self) was with me talking to me about something she observed about me. I mostly ignored her, focusing on a picture I was drawing.

My sister was saying, “Isn’t it funny that the older you get, the less you try, the less fight you have left to even bother doing the things you want to do? Why do you think that is?” When she was saying this I saw a picture that she drew to illustrate. It was of blobs of “desire”. At first they were large but the farther across the paper they got, the smaller until they were nothing but thin lines.

I knew she was trying to get me to converse with her, to dig deep and find out why I have lost the desire to fight for what I want. So I continued to draw my picture. I put a “circle, circle, dot, dot” (boobs) on the person and then laughed and showed my sister. She kept talking about how I wasn’t fighting anymore, acting more concerned.

My husband who was in the driver’s seat said, “Why don’t we listen to something else. I wonder if we can purchase a different station?” He started scanning for new music and landed on 97.5 FM. I said,”No. It costs too much. Just leave it. The price is too high (telling my Self that the price of change/desire is too high).”

As intermission ended I looked ahead of the car. There was a huge bulldozer (need to clear clutter from life, feeling blocked) in front of us. I thought, “It is going to take forever to get through now.”

My sister kept talking to me about my loss of motivation and willpower. As she did I could hear music playing, one song then another. I focused on the images that came with it. I saw what seemed like movies playing and then rewinding in slow motion. At one point there were three scruffy dogs, one female and two males. The males were trying to mate with the female. One was successful. I watched, amused, thinking of a joke (trying to distract myself) my husband told me recently (read it here if you want to laugh). All the while my sister continued to try to get my attention.

My attention still on the mating dogs I felt what seemed like fingers being jabbed into my lower abdominal area. With this came a sharp pain and a bubble of intensely pleasurable energy. I tried to ignore it, still amused from the joke I was thinking about, but the jabbing continued as if I were being stabbed in the stomach. Finally the mixture of pain and pleasure woke me up. The bubble of energy was in my second chakra pushing upward but felt stuck. Though the energy was pleasurable, the pain was much more intense and uncomfortable. I wanted it to go away but instead it was like my body was not my own. Despite being awake my first and second chakras exploded in a mixture of pain and pleasure. I winced and rolled over on my side trying to figure out what was going on.

Message

The song, Funkytown was going through my head – “Won’t you take me to Funkytown….” When I listened and heard the first line I rolled my eyes. lol

I was not impressed and a bit irritated. My “sister” from the dream was now my partner in Spirit and he was being extremely pushy. He said, “We need to talk.” LOL – look at the lyrics – “Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…..” I was mostly focused on the dogs wondering why the Kundalini energy would come on from such a visual, especially when I was finding it humorous. I eventually just let that go because, who the hell knows why the Kundalini does what it does anyway? lol

My partner kept asking me to consider what my sister in the dream was telling me. I still didn’t want to talk about it. I can see how as I get older I get less motivated to change, less interested in “fighting” for what I want. He asked me to think about 20 years ago. How am I different? I confirmed that, yes, I am way less likely to fight for what I want now. I am slowly falling into apathy. I justified this by saying, “Doesn’t everyone get like that as they get older?” I remember saying, “It doesn’t matter and taking risks to get something I want is too costly in the end (thus me saying “it costs too much” in the dream)”.

Honestly, the conversation didn’t get very far because I kept avoiding the images and memories that came to mind. It was the middle of the night and I wanted to sleep. I was a bit frustrated and irritated with my partner telling him I was not amused nor happy with his methods. And my lower abdominal area still ached. Not fun.

If you read the lyrics to Funkytown you will see his message. If he had a face I would have punched him – last night anyway. lol He was saying, “We love you.” I was thinking, “Go away!!!” as I nursed my achy tummy – which still hurts this morning. It feels like an ovarian cyst. Ugh.

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Dream: Circle of Friends

I was with a few others. We were going to a gathering of others like us. We entered into a space filled with drums, pillows, blankets, musical instruments and spiritual things. We waited for the others to arrive.

Someone mentioned that the others weren’t there yet. I asked if maybe they had the location wrong. We saw some people gathering at another location through the window. I knew my friend Sophia had set it up and was at the other location so I volunteered to call her.

Eventually we were all together in a circle. I sat next to Sophia. I had not seen her in so long. I turned and looked her in the eyes. She had one hand on her high heart. I placed my hand over the top of hers and then she placed her other hand over mine. I then put my right hand over the top of that. When I did this I closed my eyes and a surge of energy resulted. I could see a brilliant yellow light shoot out of her upper chest. She smiled. It felt like healing had occurred. She said, “I’ve been experiencing an upload.” I said, “I have too and am on the other side of it now. I feel good.” We discussed the other friend who had not arrived and assumed she had been experiencing something similar and likely needed time alone.

It felt like many who were suppose to be at the circle had not shown. Those who did show ended up talking for a while, getting to know one another. I recall looking at the unfamiliar faces and thinking about how everyone was so plain looking, as if the “awakened ones” were the “outcasts” or “unpopular” group. I didn’t care, though.

One person introduced themselves as “Sally”. It took me a while to hear her because there was this loud, mechanical sound drowning her out. I recall she looked male and being surprised she was female.

A man stood next to me and told his story, how he helped people (can’t recall how now but it was unusual). At one point I turned around and he was completely naked, his naked butt cheeks in my face. I turned away, smirking, and he apologized. I laughed and said, “Get your ass out of my face already.” LOL

Eventually we left and I found myself walking along the road (sense of direction) near my Mom’s house in the dark, the full moon illuminating the road. I was wearing socks (comfort) only and could feel the pebbles (minor annoyances) poking my feet. I was with friends and extremely happy and positive, enjoying the light of the full moon and the connection with nature and life.

When we reached the intersection (important decision) the others left me alone (have to make decision on my own). I stood there and noticed a microwave (quick action) sitting on the fence post. I found a small plate nearby and filled it with vegetables (spiritual nourishment) and put it in the microwave. Then I saw headlights and notice a tiny car parked near me. A car drove up and a person got out and began to yell at a small child in the tiny car. I went to the child’s rescue but discovered that I knew the people in the car, an old high school classmate (connection with others). We talked and she told me that the school was much different now.

Others joined us there at the intersection. Eventually they were all seated at a table and I was offering them my plate of veggies (help others gain spiritual nourishment). One guy took broccoli (spiritual nourishment), another green beans (the soul). I was happy to give up my food thinking it was likely the only healthy food any of them had in a long time.

Continued Message

I finally woke up completely, still tired and achy from the Kundalini episode. The dreams about the spiritual circle were vivid, especially the energy rush out of my friend Sophia’s chest. I find it interesting that I would dream about her and the walk-in group when I haven’t had dreams of her or them in ages. This coming after several dream visits by Yvonne, the organizer of the walk-in group who, of course, lives in Tennessee.

The message I am receiving now is that I am in need of a kick in the butt to get me to take action because, obviously, I have lost my “fight”. The sense I got from the message was that I need to take action immediately. I was told, “opportunity is coming.”

Really, though, I don’t have the motivation to change….at.all. There is a feeling of, “Why bother?” Life goes on no matter what. Survival is still part of it and survival is drudgery.

Part of the conversation with my partner was about my vibration/energy and how the primary energy I am sending out right now is “fear”. He referred to my purpose, asking, “How can you fulfill your purpose if you are primarily projecting fear?” I can see how apathy = succumbing to fear and how my lack of motivation and action is a result of fear. But when you have failed time and time again it is not easy to get back up and fight. Eventually you just stay down and accept that as your place.

 

 

 

 

Kundalini Dream: Friends Forever

Lots of vivid dreams lately. I have also been exhausted. Yesterday was better energy-wise, though I slept until 9am which is unheard of for me. The day before I actually took a nap which is also rare for me.

Last night I slept light compared to the last few nights. There is a sense of being pushed by my guidance again; like I am being asked to return to and inspect certain issues. I was not expecting what happened in dreamtime.

Kundalini Dream: Friends Forever

This dream began in a classroom. I was observer and also participant. The room itself was small and cast in a golden color. In it was a group of students, me included. The assignment was to create a video (review past situation or lesson). I don’t recall the specific subject (love maybe?) but I think it was a parody (making light of the issue).

I was given a long poem (improve communication with someone) and ended up making it into a song (expression of emotion). I spent a good portion of this part of the dream singing the song but can’t recall any of it except that it had no chorus and made little sense.

Eventually I was called to play my part. This is when I became the observer and from a distance I looked closely at myself and saw my face was covered in acne (feeling awkward or out of place in a situation or relationship) lesions and scarring. I said aloud, “I look awful.” There was recognition, though, that the me I was observing seemed not to be upset by how she looked. She wasn’t even wearing makeup (not hiding).

The me in the scene was asked to find a swimming cap (put a cap on emotion) and goggles (protect self from emotional harm) from another classroom (lesson). I was told, “It is under my swimsuit” by the girl requesting it. I went to the classroom and found the things and then got lost on the way back looking for the 5th grade hallway.

There is a shift here and I end up on my way home with a load of groceries (emotional fulfillment/nourishment) in the trunk (old issues) of my car. I run into another teacher and stop to chat. He also had groceries in his car. There is a strong connection between us and I keep finding excuses to stay despite my son coming and interrupting our conversation several times.

I asked the man if he wanted help unloading his groceries then stayed and chatted with him about random topics. We got along really well and it seemed there was a telepathic connection between us also. I knew he felt our connection. The elephant in the room in the dream was we were both married.  There was an unspoken understanding that we could never be anything but friends.

It seemed as though much time had passed, me continuing to visit with him and our friendship growing. There was one discussion about the sky (possibility) and how it could foretell the future. He looked up and said, “I see thousands of faces (possible selves) in the clouds.” I said, “You do?” When I looked it was mostly blue with some very high level stratus clouds. My son came over and interrupted again talking about what he saw in the clouds. I don’t remember what he said but the man looked at me and he said, “That means romance.” Uncomfortable, I looked away and said, “I know…”

I could see my son and husband across the way tending to a stock tank (pond). The land was bare, mostly reddish dirt. I knew the man I was with also had a pond (keeping emotions contained). I mentioned that he might have to dig a trench connecting our ponds to keep the water level up. I could see that the water in my pond was low and muddy (muddy emotion).

For some reason I told him about a parrot (repetition of information, could be a person) that had gotten into my room one time and how it’s loud squawking startled me awake so I gave it away. I was laughing about it when I sensed a shift in his emotions. Up until that point it seemed we had been purposefully avoiding talking about our connection. We loved each other so much but also knew we could not be together except as friends. It was a painful reality no person would want to confront.

I turned to face him. His was so beautiful and safe. He opened his arms and I crawled inside his embrace. He pulled me close to him and I rested my head on his chest. I could feel his warmth, hear his heartbeat and feel his muscular arms. It was so very real. It seemed like we were sitting on a train (life’s journey) or a plane near the window. He was looking out the window holding me close. We seemed to be traveling together. I wanted to stay there with him, to never leave his arms.

The more I fell into the moment, fully surrendering to the love, the more lucid I became. A warmth welled up from within me, pooling in my root chakra and then exploding upward like a geyser into my heart and throat. In the dream I began to cry tears of joy and snuggled even closer to my lover and best friend. His warmth mirrored the warmth within me. The feeling was/is familiar. It is perfection. Divinity. Wholeness.

The energy became so intensely beautiful that it woke me up. I resisted waking, grasping for what remained of our beautiful connection. All I wanted was to stay in his arms, close my eyes and BE. But the dream vanished leaving me with the stark realization that I was – am –  alone. The love and connection was gone. I cried.

I couldn’t sleep after that. The dream was a reminder of everything I don’t have in my life. There is a Knowing that I could have what I had in my dream and a strong urge to rush out into the world and find it. It is like I am being Called. I am no stranger to this feeling and am good at suppressing it now. An old pro. Just push it down, down, down and use logic to remind myself of reality.

My partner in Spirit was there. I’m not sure if he was helping or not because it seemed he was encouraging me to change my reality to match my dream. But the scenario in my dream was obvious. Whoever that man was I could only be his friend. In the dream I was okay with that, we both were. We were happy just having one another close by. That was enough. Could I live that reality? I don’t know. Considering I don’t have anyone like that “close by” I suppose I don’t have to worry about it.

Dream: Sharks in the Water

My entire pelvis area was stiff and uncomfortable and I thought there no way I would return to sleep, but somehow I did. In this dream I was traveling with a man. The part I recall the most is seeing him, his dark hair covered in shampoo (clearing out old attitudes and beliefs, taking a new course in a relationship or situation). I also had shampoo all over my hair and I said to him, “We look funny don’t we.” I was amused but he seemed overly serious, like he was deep in thought. He turned and pointed to a camera (clinging to the past, get clearer picture or idea of something) that was laying near a pile of dirty laundry and a washing machine. He said, “You might want to take that with you when you go.” I said, “Sure. Of course.” There was a memory that we had borrowed the camera from a friend and the friend was impatient to have it returned.

I picked up the camera. My mind went to my car. I would need to put the camera in the glove compartment so I wouldn’t forget it when I left. When I saw the pile of laundry (cleaning up or changing attitudes and self)  I gathered some up and put it in the wash. There was still a pile of dirty gray (depression, fear) bed sheets (sexuality). I said, “Looks like I will have to do more laundry.”

Then I was walking through the house (own soul/self). There were three doors at the entry. One was the main entrance and the other two went to bedrooms. One bedroom was empty inside and I knew it was haunted (repressed emotion). The first time I went into the room it was empty. The second time the man was there.

Next, I was in my car with my son. His glasses were dirty so I cleaned them (seeking understanding). Then I put them on and noticed his prescription was almost like mine but the left side was blurry. I gave them back to him.

Then we were going back to the house. The entire front yard was covered in a thick, spongy material that looked gray at first but then turned vivid green. The walkway was overgrown with weeds (feeling cast aside, relationship gone wrong), though. My children came walking toward the car with fishing poles (exploring subconscious). A man said, “We can’t go fishing. There are sharks in the water (harm to self).”

Heartsick

All I can say is that I have not been myself today. These dreams, especially the first, made a big impression on me. I think something shifted inside, at my core. Mostly I feel sad and lonely. That connection from the dream is real. It exists in this reality, not just in a dream, not just as Kundalini. And when I touch upon it like I did in that dream I wake up changed. I’m homesick and …heartsick. I’ve never missed someone/something so much. It is times like these I just don’t understand. I don’t know what to do when this feeling hits me. I never do. Of all the feelings I’ve ever experienced, this yearning is the worst. My heart hurts and it seems like I can’t do anything about it.

 

 

Dream Visits From a Friend

Lots and lots of dreams and perfect recall lately. In many cases I wake up and remember being lucid but somehow the memory of it is barely there. It is as if I am purposefully blocking lucidity in my dreams except for certain moments. The last two nights have been really busy and my memories indicate some “house cleaning” taking place.

There are so many dreams I could recount but I am only going to mention a few because of their significance.

Two Dream Visits

First there are the dream visits by my friend Yvonne Perry, author of Walk-Ins Among Us and owner of the We Are 1 in Spirit website. She resides in Tennessee where I visited her in September, 2016. I also met up with her and another group of walk-in’s in Mt. Shasta, CA in May, 2016. She and her husband have created a beautiful spiritual retreat on their property. They call it Sweet Home Retreat, and it is a magical, fairy protected space to connect, tune in and heal.

Wednesday morning:

I had a dream where I was preparing meals every day of the week as part of my class assignment. Each student was assigned a week where they had to prepare a full meal for all the other students in their class. My week was this week and I had decided to prepare ribs (unhappiness, lack of money, or marriage), slow cooked, with potato (finance concerns) salad for my Friday meal. I choose the ribs over a chicken (cowardice) meal in my mind. I recognize the ribs as a recurring dream symbol upon waking.

I remember being successful with my meal preparation and my meals being a big hit. There is also memory of working very hard to get my house clean and getting the help of my husband and children to clean it. It was the cleanest I had ever seen it and I felt very satisfied and clean when I surveyed our progress. There is specific memory of the kids rooms which were also bathrooms having graffiti (low self-worth) on the walls from others who had visited. I remember specifically asking my husband to tend to the walls.

I asked my mom to help me with the Friday meal by picking up pre-seasoned, pre-cooked ribs for me and then asked her to help with the potato salad because her recipe is the best. I did this while checking my email that morning. I was casually scrolling through FB and enjoying myself, completely oblivious to the time. Then I noticed it was already past 8am and realized I was late for work. I rushed out making sure my mom would get the ribs and help prepare for that night.

When I arrived at work I walked up to a door where I knew my boss was waiting. The halls were all white and shiny metal and it reminded me of a military installation. The door was guarded but when the guy saw me he let me in saying “She’s waiting for you.”

Inside there were computer monitors and screens, like an observation room. My boss, who I recognized as Yvonne Perry, was there and I apologized for being late. She was not upset. She began to talk to me about her memories of when she was my age – 40s – telling me that her memory loss was really a bother but that she is use to it now. She gave examples of things she forgot but specifically I remember her saying, “It’s the dopamine that does it.”

There are moments during my dreams where I am lucid, but they are limited. It is like I am purposefully forgetting my lucidity but not sure why. I know that my lucidity made my dreams very real to me and clear, in fact I recall remarking about how different the experience was. In one memory I am opening my eyes and looking at the walls of my bedroom. My eyes are very heavy with sleep and I think I am in my physical body and awake but I also know I am OOB. The walls are very unfamiliar yet a part of me knows they should be familiar so I talk my self into remembering as I open and close my eyes and focus on the green walls of my bedroom. I experience very real memory loss during this time but do not panic.

In another vivid, lucid memory I am clearing my house. This memory seems to mirror the actual dream where I am cleaning my house except the lucid memory is of knowing that I am not clearing physical debris but energetic debris. I sweep the rooms mentally, noting areas of clutter (energy blocks) and with one thought wipe out the blocks and clear the space. I can see colors too, swirling around – blues, yellows, oranges, etc. It is like a rainbow of energy but the energy at the end is white and “clear” of all color. My house looks like a physical house but it is not at all like the one I live in. It is more like a generic house and my focus is on the bedrooms, all of which have no furniture but are bare, white walls with energetic, colored blobs here and there. In the end, the rooms are cleared of all blobs of color and completely cleaned out.

While clearing the house I recognize that I can control and clear my physical body in a similar way. I do not need physical hands or anything physical to initiate change in my body. Specifically, I apply this to my pleasure centers and am able to initiate Kundalini bliss. 🙂

Early this morning:

I had awakened briefly at 7am and somehow managed to fall back to sleep (rare). I entered a dream scene that was dark and shadowy. I saw my children sitting in front of a TV that was small, white and dated. I asked where our regular TV was and they said, “Daddy took it away”. I was angry at my husband as this is a common occurrence in our home. I remember thinking, “I am done with this!” Note: this part of the dream is likely because when I woke my children were crying and protesting something their father had done, likely taking away the computer/TV.

After talking with my children, specifically my daughter about earrings, I remember a young woman standing in front of me. She said she wanted to change her appearance. Her head then morphed into that of a younger woman. I said it did not match her body. So she literally pulled her skin off like she was wearing a suit. I helped her step out of her skin (shield of inner self, exposing inner self) and she stood there in the body of a 10 year-old girl. I remember us talking as if we were the same person and wondering how I would adjust to the change.

We both went to a computer and watched what seemed like a live court hearing. I don’t recall the specifics except that it had to do with “judgment” and being careful not to judge myself and others.

The dream scene shifted and I was in a kitchen (transformation) with my friend Yvonne. The girl was with me but she looked different and felt grown and like my partner. Her hair was jet black and she was much shorter than me and Yvonne.

I believe we were in Yvonne’s kitchen at Sweet Home. The walls were bright yellow and everything was glowing. In front of me was a plate with dividers. She was explaining the types of food I should eat and pointing to each food. I recall berries, seeds, nuts (walnuts specifically – joy/abundance) and legumes. When she got to the lentils (roots, connection to humanity) I saw them vividly in all colors. She said, “Eat a lot of these.”

I reacted with surprise and my thought was, “I can’t eat like this.” lol I was thinking of only eating nuts and berries all the time and it seemed insufficient. The walnuts especially put me off. I don’t especially enjoy eating them. The thought of eating lots of lentils was unappetizing, too, though I do like them.

As if in response to my thoughts, a jar of something white appeared. I thought it might be kefir but the explanations that came to mind was that it was a food that supported estrogen levels. So, of course, I figured it must be tofu. There was also information that the entire change in diet would support the changes I am currently and will be going through. These changes are not just hormone-related. Ultimately, the message was, “Change your diet to include these things”.

Then Yvonne was standing in front of a cutting board with a steak (raw emotion) on it. She said, “If you insist on eating meat then you should cut off all the fat (overindulgence).” She then showed me how but I saw how difficult it would be and said, “There is no way to get rid of all the marbling.”

For a moment I was looking around at my surroundings, reclined in a chair. To my right was a sign with writing on it. It was white with faded green letters. When I first read it I thought it said Atlanta but upon further inspection I saw “Tennessee” written on the bottom so I knew it couldn’t be Atlanta. I read the top word again and it definitely started with an “A” but my memory is clouded here.

When I woke up I thought, “Athens”. So, I believe the sign said, “Athens, Tennessee.”

Best Places to Live in Athens, TennesseeDream: French Class

I reported to school. It appeared to be a high school. I knew I was late and had to ask someone what period it was. I was told, “8th”. I remembered that my 8th period class was French (language of love) and someone told me that the teacher would not be very forgiving.

When I entered the class the teacher was not upset. He handed me a small piece of paper that had words in lists. It was a test but someone had already completed it but the oral portion had not been. I remember thinking, “I know absolutely nothing about French (feeling unprepared regarding some subject matter, likely love).”

I sat down and observed the class and students. Nothing seemed to be going on. The students were all grouped together, whispering and looking at me. One began to ask me about French, assuming I knew the language enough to take the test. I said, “I know absolutely no French. I wish this were Spanish class….even German. I have spoken German before.” The student laughed and said, “You speak German?” I said, “No, but I can read and pronounce it.” In my memory I recall learning different languages to sing songs my first year in college as a music major. German and French were the most difficult to pronounce. Italian was my favorite. I thought of singing for the class the Italian song I sang for choir tryouts in college, but couldn’t remember the name of it.

Then I was taking a bath (cleansing, renewal) in a side room located next to the classroom. It was open to the room and the teacher came in to talk to me. I was not upset by my nakedness (vulnerability). I remember seeing pink flowers (love) floating in the water with me. The teacher was tall, with dark hair and dressed nicely in a suit.

We talked for a while, me very obviously naked, him fully clothed. I can’t recall our conversation now but the feeling left me nervous and unprepared, much like I felt in the class, as if I would be learning a difficult, foreign language (subconscious message I do not understand).

After waking I remembered the song I wanted to sing for the class – Amarilli, Mia Bella. I sang it in (1995) as part of an audition to be invited into the music program and join choir. Imagine this: Standing on a large theater stage all alone with a light shining on you. The seats below and auditorium are completely dark except for a group of four or five teachers/professors there to judge you. This was me in 1995.

What is funny is that during that audition I also sang a German song. In the middle of the German song I forgot the lyrics to the point that I had to stop and apologize to the group of judges sitting below me in the near empty auditorium. LOL To this day I still laugh about it. Regardless of that hiccup, I made the secondary choir and was invited into the program but I opted not to return to that college my sophomore year.

Yes, I can sing like this. lol

Based on the song memory and symbolism I believe the discussion I had with my teacher was on the subject of love. And likely a reminder that it is important to be able to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake. 😉

Considerations

I am obviously doing clearing work, that I know, but the dreams with my friend Yvonne are curious to me. The message about dopamine and diet come across as significant. I looked up dopamine and memory and turns out that low dopamine can result in memory loss. The diet feels like a suggestion to shift to more of the type of foods in the dream. I tend to pay attention to these kinds of dreams because I have found them to be accurate. For example, not long ago I was told to stop taking Vitamin A, so I did. Not long after I realized my multivitamin had twice the amount I needed so I was taking additional Vitamin A which could have been harmful. Overall, the message from these dreams suggests a change in diet will help me manage certain changes beyond just hormonal ones.

The message about Athens, TN is also interesting. Yesterday, I did an astromap of locations in the US which would be good for me to live in or visit. I had one done years ago which always indicated California but at the suggestion of a friend I revisited my map.

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I have reviewed this map before and again kept being drawn to the eastern US, specifically GA and TN. One specific location in TN catches my eye. It is near Knoxville but because of the map scale the specific coordinates are not available. Three lines cross in TN, two specifically around Knoxville. These lines are Venus (DS) and the Moon (MC). The third is Mercury. According to astro.com:

Venus is seen to be the search for unity and a balancing of opposite poles.

Venus located along one of the main axes ensures an extremely pleasant and relaxing time. Social life takes precedent, and meeting people is a more harmonious activity. The more balanced level of energy at these locations promote mutual understanding, and allows for new friendships to be formed. Love relationships are intensified, in fact, these are perfect conditions for getting married and enjoying one’s honeymoon.

Apart from the Sun, the Moon is the most important component within the horoscope, and in Astro Maps, its lines are also considered of major importance. The Moon’s energy lines really affect the emotional and psychic domain, which creates an internal focus.

Similarly, DS and MC meanings are as follows:

DS:

The Descendant lies opposite the Ascendant. This is the point at which the signs of the zodiac and the planets disappear below the horizon. It is a place of meeting and with each sunset, when the cosmos and the Earth melt together, its symbolism is revealed. The Sun, which represents the “I”, dissolves and the “You” appears in its place.

“The Ascendant is the place of self-recognition, the Descendant the place where we recognize others. We find ourselves through the Ascendant but we discover others through the Descendant. 

MC:

The Medium Coeli or Midheaven corresponds to that point where the Sun is culminating. It exerts its strongest influence and throws the smallest shadow. Accordingly, this important point deals with issues such as consciousness, power and reputation. Planets found along the MC, or in aspect to it, exert an influence on these areas of life.

Contact to the MC-axis promotes job prospects, social standing and every type of social engagement. Naturally enough, we can only reap what we have previously sown. If you can accept this, and are prepared to assume responsibility, you will find support and patronage at such locations. MC lines put us in touch with company, state and influential authorities. We think more “prestigiously”, are ambitious and search for recognition. What matters is success and effective performance. Detrimental planetary placements can result in loss of power, job crises and loss of faith in leaders.

There is much more to this, I’m sure, but the draw to this location is strong and now I have a bit more understanding as to why. I have had numerous dreams of TN and have researched transferring my teaching certificate (easy) and job prospects (good) in the area. It would be easy to relocate. Maybe at some point I will and I think my dreams are a result of me mulling over the idea.

Finally, something comes to mind this morning after all this dream recall. On the 8th of June I had an unexpected message come to me. I was watching TV when an energy to my left caught my attention. I was covered in warm, loving energy that wrapped around me. I sensed time slow and a message came through – “It’s time to leave”. I acknowledged the message and was again covered in all-over body energy that was soothing.

Of course, the message could mean anything but it comes to mind now as I write this as does my continued draw to attend a yoga seminar in Atlanta this September.

I am still waiting to see if the message about today (June 15) will come to pass. I was told, “You will need cash.” Of course, don’t we always need cash? lol The only thing so far that has happened is a rock hit my windshield on Wednesday and now there is a crack half-way across it making its way to the driver’s side. It will be $200 to replace but I don’t have to replace it.

Kundalini Dream: Queen of Sheba

Another visit from the Kundalini this morning. Two events in three days. Not bad after such a long break.

Kundalini Dream: Queen of Sheba

This dream is complex and so will be difficult to recount because there are two stories going on at the same time. One story takes place on a “screen” and I am an observer of it. The other story takes place off screen where I watch the screen while laying in a bed.

The story taking place on the screen is of a queen. I don’t know who the queen is but she is very powerful and revered. She first appears as old and tired. She is still revered and powerful but her desire and motivation have been depleted by life. I see her hair as brown with large amounts of gray streaked through it. Her hair is short and pulled back in a ponytail. Her face is tired and etched with deep lines. She doesn’t smile but looks serious. She seems to be struggling to maintain her strength and pose.

She has a male caretaker who speaks to me (I shift from observer to participant throughout). There is a serious discussion about the queen but I don’t recall it. Some kind of exchange or proposition is being presented. The queen is very insistent that she get what she wants.

The dream shifts to the queen who is standing in the middle of the room. She has regained her strength and her hair no longer has streaks of gray. As she moves toward a large window she reaches down and takes hold of a massive amount of hair that I hadn’t noticed prior to this point. The hair is long, reaching down to her ankles, and has been braided into tiny, individual braids (determination and strong will). She gathers up her braided hair and smiles. There is a sense that her hair gives her strength and restores her power. It is at this point that I recognize her to be the Queen of Sheba, though I have no idea what that means.

In the other story, I am in a large bed under a plush comforter. To my right is a pre-adolescent boy. To my left is a mature man. I am holding the hands of both and we are all watching a large screen in front and slightly above us. All three of us are naked.

I am very aware of this part of the dream, especially that I am between two male individuals and holding both their hands. My focus and attention is mostly on the man to my left. I am curious and a bit fascinated by him. My memory of the man on my left is that he is young, perhaps early 20’s, tall, and very pale skinned. In contrast, the young man to my right has darker skin and dark hair. He feels to be related to me but how, I am not sure, but I feel responsible for him and somewhat protective.

My awareness is mostly of holding each of their hands during this time. I feel both their hands very solidly. The young man has his hand wrapped around mine like a child would hold the hand of his mother. The other man has intertwined his fingers with mine in an offer of companionship, protection and support.

At one point the man to my left gets out of bed. He is completely naked and I can’t help but admire his beauty. He is very skinny and white and has not one hair on his body. I never see his head or face. My gaze follows him as he steps out of the bedroom and into the hallway. I see his entire backside and as he turns I avert my eyes so as not to see his nether regions. The odd thing here is that the bedroom we are in is familiar. I swear it is my old bedroom at my mom’s house.

As he turns and walks back to the bed I close my eyes, squeezing them tightly. It is odd that I do this and I’m not sure why I do but the feeling I have is, “I don’t want to see.” It is like I’m afraid of what I will see and what my reaction will be to it.

He got back into bed and we both faced the movie screen. This is when I see the Queen of Sheba and all her long braids from above. I remember talking to the guy on my left about the movie we are watching and how exciting it is. There is a scene I mention where a woman comes on strongly to a man, pushing herself up against him and kissing him. I remember the man on my left did not react to my amusement. I had sent him a telepathic question as to what his opinion was of women who were like the woman in the movie. He never answered me.

A bit of awkward time passes. Again I am aware of my hands and what they are doing. The young man on my right is still holding my hand. The man to my left is taking my hand and lightly tickling it with his finger. I make the decision to let go of the young man’s hand. My memory of this decision is that I feel the young man will be okay without me.

My attention fully on the man to my left I sense from him an open invitation to be closer, though there are no words spoken. He lets his right leg drop and scoots closer to me. I move closer, shifting onto my left side, and position myself to where his leg fits snugly between my legs. Then he takes my right arm and pulls it toward him, laying it across his bare chest. The sensation of our naked bodies pressed up against each other is very vivid and real. There is a flash of his face at this time but the memory is lost to me now except for a blur of white.

My lower chakras ignite instantly and I am overcome with desire to the point that it wakes me up. I lay there awake, stunned. My root chakra is very large, extending down to my knees. It feels magnetic, so strong that it makes my legs feel to be two to three feet apart when in reality they are side by side. I focus on the sensations, amazed that no matter how often the Kundalini visits the sensations she brings are always different.

My partner is speaking to me but I can’t remember what he says or what we talk about specifically. While we communicate energy moves up my spine toward my heart. It is very physical and warm, like I am injected with medicine. There is slight discomfort but I know if it were any more intense, pain would result. When the warmth reaches my heart it begins to warm up, too. A nice swirl of energy results but there is a block at my third chakra. I can feel it distinctly. The energy in my spine can pass through it, but not completely. The result is a build-up of warmth at my diaphragm and a slight discomfort in my hips and just above my pubic bone.

To feel the specific blockage was fascinating to me. I wanted to will the energy in my heart to grow but sensed it was not a good idea. So I let the energy move back down. I encouraged this by finally shifting my physical body. Even then, though, the energy remained in my root chakra, shooting all the way to my knees.

Considerations

The symbolism of this dream experience is interesting to me. First, there is the Queen of Sheba. I had to Google it this morning and stumbled upon this article. I reviewed the biblical story and everything but only the beginning of this article resonated. Not only does the author equate Sheba to Maat but the crescent moon as well. After my embodiment experience I drew this image:

IMG_1752

The left side of the drawing is me before embodiment. The right side is me after embodiment. See the two crescent moons – one above and one below the individual? Yeah. Interesting, huh?

I am unsure as to who the two male individuals are in the dream. I’ve long had dreams with a young, dark haired, boy. So it could be him again. One particular OBE comes to mind where I saw the young man setting fire to bushes. He was dancing around amused as I tried desperately to put out the fires he set. lol

Whatever the symbolism, I am certain the Kundalini is back, working her magic and clearing yet another layer of blockage. I have gotten repeated messages from my partner to remember what I have learned thus far and use it to let the Kundalini reveal to me more of her secrets. I am not afraid. In fact, I am curious and enthusiastic.

January 2018

As for the last Kundalini dream and the messages that I received pertaining to June 15 and unfinished business from January, I finally went back to my blog posts from January. Turns out I was documenting my dreams for the first twelve days of the month to see if they would give insight into the coming year. This month would relate to January 6th. Here is the post from January 6th.

I don’t know exactly what the dreams from that day might mean for this month. A good portion of the dreams involve my family, my mom and step-dad, religion, sexuality and my marriage. There may be some annoying issues coming to the surface. What is interesting is that I read an astrological blog just yesterday about how this new moon (which comes very close to June 15) may bring to the surface annoyances and upsets relating to family and relationships.

Overall, this past January was a busy months spiritually and otherwise. I seem to be doing a lot of healing on many levels. It is also a preparation month. I was preparing for the embodiment experience I had in early February.

I will add that I recall a portion of the conversation I was having with my partner this morning while recovering from the Kundalini. I mentioned how I missed feeling Alive and was asking how I could maintain it. He said, “Take a break from ________”. I’m not going to include the rest of the message but my reaction was shock and then, “Yeah, right. Like that will help.” Hahaha However, the Kundalini can be very persistent and persuasive. If she keeps up like this I am bound to give in and listen eventually, right? We’ll see. I’m pretty damn stubborn.

 

Kundalini Dream: Returned

I was surprised and blown away last night. It’s been a very long time since the Kundalini visited and she came in like a lion. Pounce!

Before I get into that, I knew something was upcoming, though I didn’t post here, obviously. I keep a private blog and wrote some of the messages I received there. I received messages throughout May indicating more “work” needed to be done along with dreams where I continuously pushed away encounters of the Divine or Kundalini kind, waking myself up in outright protest. There were several discussions with guidance about “getting back to work”, all of which I casually acknowledged and ultimately I agreed to move forward. I had no idea really what the specific “work” would be but was told I would need another “catalyst” (God help me). I noted that my guidance told me, “It is not meant to hurt you” and I understood any hurt I experienced in the past was of my own doing.

I’ve been really good at ignoring any hints and external/internal messages up until now. I figured it best to focus on living and not get too caught up analyzing messages that could be interpreted multiple ways. In fact, I realize now, after the fact, that yesterday I received a major hint via song that I noticed but ignored outright. The song was In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. There was a line from it that I kept singing wrong. I sang, “I’ve been waiting for this summer for all my life…..” Obviously, “summer” should have been “moment”. It so happens today is the last day of school for my kids. Summer is officially here.

Preparation

I crawled into bed and prepared for my nightly meditation. Even before I could close my eyes I was hit with fantastic waves of energy spreading from the center of my spine outward. It was like a blanket of tingly energy hugs wrapping around me over and over in waves. I perceived in front of me, standing in a circle, five Beings, and immediately knew something was up. My partner in Spirit was close and the message was clear that something was coming. What? I had no clue and didn’t attempt to inquire.

The next thing I recall is working with my own energy body. I took a small, sphere of blue light, no bigger than the palm of my hand. Inside it had a white light that looked like a lightning bolt that pulsated and shifted. I used this sphere of blue light to interact with other spheres on my body, specifically one that was white with a golden lining. The sensation of this work was very pleasant. I cannot recall the details of the process except that I started at my head and worked my way down. My physical body responded so intensely to the stimulation of the energy body that it woke me up in orgasmic waves of bliss. Upon waking I knew I had been doing the work on myself as the part of me residing outside of myself. My memory is of two overlapping experiences, which is bizarre in and of itself yet felt completely normal. So normal, in fact, that I returned to sleep almost instantly.

Kundalini Dream: Returned

The beginning of this dream is fuzzy. I remember being with my brother and asking him if I could play his saxophone (a deep connection with someone). He handed it to me and I put my fingers on the keys remembering the sequences of the notes to play the scale. I commented that it had been a long time since I had played and hoped I could remember how. The mouthpiece was not right, however, and I noticed the screws were loose. I informed my brother and showed him the screws. I don’t remember hearing the notes but I do remember playing the scale and it feeling familiar.

The next thing I recall is having a conversation with a friend of mine. She was blonde and slender – very beautiful. She mentioned a birthday party (coming to terms with self) we had all attended and a gift she had been given. It seemed like I had given her the gift (sacrifice made for another). She had decided to return it for reasons unknown and was talking to me about her decision. She informed me that initially when she tried to return it she changed her mind. I told her I understood, that it was a difficult decision but that she should do what she felt was right for her. I felt in no way insulted by her decision to give back what I had gifted to her.

Then she was telling me that she exchanged her gift for something else and handed me the left over money. It was $2. I took the money and she left, satisfied with her decision.

After this I entered into a void where I received a phone call (communication). It was from my physical counterpart. He was checking in on me and asking me to fill him in on what had transpired regarding a “story” I had shared with him long ago. This part is hazy but the feelings are not. I was nervous and undecided as to whether I should tell what happened. I felt embarrassed about the rest of the story because my actions were below what I expected of myself. I had failed. Miserably. And it was difficult to confront and to tell him about how I felt and what I did. To do so would force me to confront my own disappointment and failure.

Then we were face-to-face sitting on the steps of a swimming pool (cleansing, renewal, need to understand feelings). No one else was with us and as far as I know we were both completely naked (of course, right? lol). I called him by name and we hugged. He seemed very amused but kept it to himself only allowing a smirk or two to show now and then. I could feel his amusement but did not take offense because there was compassion and love behind it.

He told me that he had decided to return his gift and showed me a mental image of the gift. It looked like a large, glowing, white book. He mentioned he was on his way to another birthday party but had decided at the last minute to come see me instead. I told him he should go and not waste his time on me, that I would be fine. He insisted on staying telling me I was much more important and he didn’t want to go to the party anyway.

We hugged and kissed many times. I could not believe he was there and kept staring at his face and he kept smirking and chuckling at my reaction (typical). The entire time I was overcome with desire. It was hitting me in waves, intoxicating and familiar. I could feel tears slowly streaming down my face. I was so completely happy.

I heard a male voice say very clearly, “Don’t cry….” With this I was pulled into waking reality, face wet with tears. All my lower chakras were on fire and I was in a state of mild shock. I remember thinking, “Holy Jesus, F*(^% God!”

I couldn’t sleep for a while after that, which is usual after a jolt of Kundalini like that. My partner talked me through it and I reminded myself to not confuse dream reality with waking reality. I told myself multiple times, “It was just a dream.”

kundalini-energy-1

Dream: Withdrawal

Somehow I returned to sleep and fell into a dream about school. I was reminded that I had enrolled in a class early in January but had missed six classes. I saw a calendar in my head and the date was around January 9th. The next class was scheduled for this Friday yet it felt like it was still January. I made the excuse of being caught up in family obligations, totally forgetting that I had class.

The woman I was talking to told me that it looked like I had paid $700 (understanding, wisdom, rewards) toward another class – a special choir (harmony/balance). I asked her if there was any way I could make up the 6 classes I had missed. I mentioned the class by name but only remember that it had the word “education” in it. I assumed the past homework was research papers. I told her I could get a paper done in 5 hours. She said the papers were 5 pagers and that she doubted I could get all six of them done in time. I said I could email the professor but when I looked up the professor’s contact info the only info provided was for her teaching assistant.

Ultimately, I opted to drop all the classes and completely withdraw because I had missed so many classes and “already had my Master’s degree”.

In the end of the dream I returned to a space where I had left my open laptop, a fish aquarium with frogs (change/the unexpected) in it and a large, keyboard (harmony/balance) for playing music. The space felt like my old bedroom at my mom’s house. It was raining (renewal, grace) and I grabbed an umbrella to shield the computer from the rain only someone had already moved the laptop and keyboard. I thanked them (it was a woman) and then went to the aquarium and was told, “They are acting weird.” I said it was likely because they had gone without air and looked down into the tank. There were tiny frogs. I fed them and realized I had never fed them and they were starving.

Messages and Considerations

Every time I woke up last night it felt like I slept the whole night when in reality only an hour or two had passed. It was odd and my dream recall was extremely strong. I had two more dreams after the one above, but won’t recount them here because the symbolism is consistent.

There were messages coming through alongside the dreams. One message was of a coffee cup (awareness) with the word “NOW” written in big letters on the side.

I kept waking up in the midst of conversations with a masculine energy. In one instance he was saying, “We work together. I help you. You help me.”

Not long after that I received the message that I had not treated my body properly and it was too late now. It felt like I was being told that I had misused my preparation time so would have to do with what I had.

Upon waking I heard, “Gemini” and then, “June 15” but I kept thinking “January” instead of “June”. I heard the message twice which brought me out of my reverie and then heard, “You must have cash.” After this final message I couldn’t return to sleep.

I believe the “Gemini” part was for clarification and that January represents something that was going on in that month that was left unfinished or interrupted. The above dream suggests I look back at this past January and any unfinished lessons.

As for the Kundalini dream, the symbolism indicates that a gift was given and returned. The gift was from me to two others and they have both opted to return the gift. In the past I was told that the heart connection I experienced was a gift, so perhaps that is what the gift in the dream symbolizes? The “returned” part also seems to indicate a return to a path, at least that is what it felt like to me anyway.

My initial response to the dreams and returning Kundalini is mixed. The return of the Kundalini is wonderful but there is worry about what will result. The “follow the 8 winds” advice comes to mind. It is easy to say but hard to do in actuality, especially in the presence of the Kundalini.

 

Stepping Up…for Real This Time

These requests come from within only every once in a while. I’ve felt them a few times but I can’t say I have answered the Call the way I should. I feel that I have fallen short each time, never quite fully devoted to what I signed up for.

My dreams are indicating it is time to shift from healing self to healing humanity; from individualized healing to universal/collective healing. Messages and syncs line up with this message as well. Time to grow. Time to expand.

Of course, healing self is healing humanity, but this is at the micro level really. We can only spend so much time on the self. Eventually we have to step beyond the ME to the US.

The messages come through in my dreams as me being encouraged to renovate another house, one that is not mine (as in my own self/path) but one that is shared – a communal  living situation (Earth/Humanity/the Collective). I am resistant, however, citing all sorts of reasons, primarily my children, for why I have been absent from the community for so long. It is my Home after all, but I stay away, clinging to my lingering attachments and responsibilities. The message that assisting the collective is also assisting my family seems to go completely over my head. I am hesitant and overly concerned about losing that which I have created in this lifetime.

But mostly there is a sense of the unknown and the typical fear that goes with it. The growth ahead is magnificent beyond compare. There is freedom written all over it. But do I really want that kind of freedom? At what cost?

The word “maturity” has been an almost constant for me as well. Anytime I seek to explain the transformation I recently went through – my own personal “event” –  the word “mature” comes to mind as a descriptor. My guidance doesn’t tell me this….I KNOW it. Yet what does it even mean? That I was a baby and now I’m “all grown up?”

The symbolism was present prior to the “event” – a bird being kicked out of the nest, forced to use it’s wings to fly; the butterfly emerging from the cocoon, wings still wet and unable yet to fly, patiently waiting for the right moment to take flight. These symbols stating unequivocally that at some point I would have to fly and no one was going to help me – no one could.  I have within me the means, the instinct (intuition) to fly, I just need to Remember it.

For days now I have awakened to a song. Only recently did I take the time to really inspect the lyrics to find out what it was telling me.

At first I thought the song was describing a relationship dilemma. Then, I thought perhaps it was about my Higher Self asking me to not ignore my relationship with mySelf. But now, I realize the message is much more than that. It goes beyond me, myself and I. It asks me to embrace the greater connection, the connection with ALL that IS; thus embracing my connection as being One with humanity, with the collective, with everyone and everything.

Only this morning did I contact the fear that is linked to my resistance. The fear is that I will be devoured by the connection to Source, to cease to exist as Me somehow. Ego is still there, clinging to the last remnants of what makes me, me. Separation, individuality, is familiar and comfortable. Safe.

There is also the fear of what it means to embrace the feeling. It is ginormous. It is compelling in its magnitude. To accept it means I no longer live in a bubble, inside my little me world, ignoring the We world.

My dreams also indicate that I am listening. The hesitation will not be long-lasting. I know what awaits me. I’ve been there. Jumped in head first. I only hesitate because I am aware of my very human tendencies that seek pleasure over pain. My fear stems from worry that I will fall prey to those tendencies again and be unable to control myself. My past experiences say, “Don’t go there. Remember what happened?”

My heart says this will be different. How? I’m unsure but I touched on the difference for only a moment this morning before my human alarms went off, pulling me out of the dreamstate in a panicked frenzy of, “Oh no you don’t!” lol The Kundalini stirring in ways unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time. But the peace, the utter bliss of connection very obvious. The message clear, “Trust. Love. Acceptance. Warmth” and most of all “Peace.”

How I can go from full acceptance to resistance almost over night is beyond me but I know it is purposeful. I need to observe this part of myself right now. I need to see the remaining resistance so that I can Love and accept it, pull it close and hug it away. But most of all, I need to accept that this Universal Love is real and goes beyond just one connection or two. It is ALL connection and we don’t just reserve it for a special few. Until I can embrace this reality, I cannot fulfill my mission. Humanity is shifting and I must shift with it. One day we will all feel connected to each other like I am now feeling connected to a mere few.

To give you an idea of what I mean, I will share a vision I received a couple of weeks ago. I was considering my past “addiction” to cigarettes and realized it was not the nicotine that kept me smoking but the consideration that in some messed up way smoking equated to feeling a connection to others; a belonging that I didn’t feel otherwise. Because when I smoked it was in social situations, when I felt accepted and part of a group even if only for a moment.

I was able to see also how all those who smoked with me felt like me. Separate. Alone. Seeking but unable to find. How similar we all are, I thought.

Then I was shown how this looked from a Higher perspective. I saw millions of pupa-looking cocoons each representing humans. Each pupa was surrounded in a shell separating them from the others. They were right next to each other but never could sense the other because their protective shells kept them apart.

Then a “wave” came over them and their shells burst open at the tops. Suddenly, everyone of them could sense the other. Their separation ended. Each could feel and sense the other as if they were them. They became as One but also separate. This, I was told, is what is happening to humanity. It is beyond telepathy. It is Oneness.

It’s the start of us, waking up, come on
Are you ready? I’ll be ready
I don’t want control, I want to let go
Are you ready? I’ll be ready
Cause now it’s time to let them know
We are ready