From Ecstasy to Tears

It seems the Kundalini is not letting up. I had another visit last night. She seems to be more intense with each visit and I ever more enchanted by her. I anticipated her this time, though.

I can’t recall the specifics of the dream I was having when she visited. There is a vague memory of circling a room and of circles in general. Even I seemed to be a circle with no beginning or end, just a continuous loop of energy.

My lucidity was peaked when my root chakra began to expand with a pleasurable energy. It moved upward and each of my other chakras expanded in a similar fashion. The energy would pulsate, rising and falling, each rise bringing more lucidity and more ecstasy. At the time I remember I had a male partner but only recall that he also was circular and seemed to curl around my own energy. My memory now only gives me a golden and white glow of our combined energies, a few flashes of his face and the sensation of kissing.

The energy rose to my heart chakra this time, waking me up prematurely. It has been so long since my heart has activated like this that it triggered too much lucidity. When I woke the Kundalini did not stop but continued her enchantment of me. I did not resist nor would I expect anyone in a similar situation would for the experience is beyond extraordinary. Whenever I feel it I think, “How can anyone survive this?” Yet every time I do survive.

I happened to check the clock – 1:30am. Over the next hour the Kundalini raged.  My lower chakras were all exploding with a pleasurable energy and my heart was super expanded, surging upward into my throat to the point of sending shooting pain into my left ear for a few seconds. No matter how I moved my body (yes I could move) she raged and did not stop even when I began to try to sleep.

Interestingly, there was communication during this time from my guide, Chris. It was more that I had sudden Knowing and he would confirm, though. I knew the warning I had not long ago about October – that I would “die” this month – was about the Kundalini. I had no doubt. The Kundalini feels so different, so much more comfortable now, that I can’t help but think something big is on the horizon. Even as I had these thoughts she raged and I, despite experiencing her amazing power, was able to think and communicate without being completely overcome. It’s like I’m getting use to her, something I didn’t think was possible.

Two songs came to my mind as well. The first was one that has already come about – “I know I can treat you better than he can”. However, there was another line from a song after – “By the time we are through the world will never ever be the same….”

Dreams and Tears

Somehow I was able to fall to sleep. I recall drifting in and out of sleep for a while because the Kundalini from my heart chakra would pull me out of sleep, burning pleasurably in my chest. There is nothing like the heart bliss. I love it so!

The first dream I had was located on a craft of some sort, either that or a train because I was inside a very narrow, white, metallic room with a bed. My “husband” was with me. We had just been married. He wanted me to do something with crystals and showed me a small, heart-shaped one, I believe it was amethyst. He wanted me to place it on my root chakra and do a ceremony with him.

I agreed and we went into a room where we sat down to do the ceremony. He positioned the crystal but I had no reaction to it. I told him it was likely I needed a different one and suggested Carnelian. Then others began to come into the space and sit in a circle with us. Someone brought in salt and poured it around the outer edge and then everyone began to chant a prayer and mudra in ancient Sanskrit. I was caught off guard, and sat there bewildered as more people, mostly women, joined and expanded the circle.

Then an older man who I knew was called Orin, came into the circle carrying a fish bowl with three goldfish (an important emotional matter) in it. I said to him that he was the only other Orin I had ever known besides my own son. He ignored me and asked me, “What do you think would happen to this fishe’s eyes if I squeezed them?” He did this as he asked. I watched as the fish exploded. The evil intent from him came at me like a forceful wind. My reaction was to take the bowl from him and leave the room. I said to him, “How can you be so cruel?” Then I burst into tears. The feeling I had was that the fish in the bowl represented my children and that this man intended them harm and would do so without a thought. To think he could do something like that was incomprehensible to me.

I woke up crying and the feeling in my chest remained. It was like my heart was being gouged out. The tears lasted for a while and the Kundalini energy was gone. It was 4:30am.

I returned to sleep and fell into another dream. I had just moved into an apartment (financial or emotional state) with my new husband. Unfortunately he changed his mind about being with me and at the last minute left me alone in a brand new apartment without a job or money or anything. I was beside myself with worry about how I would manage. A stranger then appeared at my doorstep with his young daughter and told me he was to be my roommate. I let him in and he took a bedroom. He was older than me, with dark hair and seemed to be of another ethnicity, perhaps Indian. He was very kind, though, and I felt reassured with him there.

I was completely alone and super depressed. The man was friendly and compassionate and I grew to trust him as a friend. I recall laying with my head on his shoulder in his bed and feeling comforted. I also remember becoming hopeful of my future despite being all alone.

I woke from this dream feeling confused. The night began with Kundalini ecstasy and then quickly turned into a night of tears. Was this the Kundalini doing it’s work, clearing away blockages? It appears my upsets are still clearing. I fear being abandoned and left all alone. I also have issue with how heartless mankind can be.

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Lascivious Kundalini

Prior to sleep last night I relaxed into a light meditation and had energy moving up and down my spine and through my body. This energy was brought on simply by my intention to feel it – to remember it. I wanted to see if I could “call it” and it worked. When the energy arrived so did the obvious presence of my current main guide who calls himself Chris. It felt like he was giving me a huge bliss hug. I told him, “I want the truth about myself and what is going on – all of it, even if it is something I don’t want to know.”

Dream: Hotel Guest

I recall being in another country. It felt like Europe and the time frame seemed to be Victorian or maybe later because of the type of clothing I observed around me. I was outside walking on cobblestone streets. In front of me was a large, stone building with stairs leading up to an entrance. The gray stone is still very vivid in my memory as is the heavy, wooden and ornately carved door I walked through.

I was with others in a group and we were staying in the building – a grand hotel (shift in personal identity, transition from old to new) – for the night. We were given rooms and keys and sent on our way. I remember my room number was 186 . I went looking for my room alongside a man with dark hair and a mustache. There was also another young woman with us. I could not find my room at first but finally located it. I remember wondering why the three of us were separated from the others in the group. I found out everyone had been separated into groups of 3 around the hotel. None of the groups were close to the others.

I wandered toward an open area noticing trays of food – candies (indulgences and forbidden pleasure). The candy was made to look like real fruit and placed on realistic leaves and trees. I selected some and ate it. A young girl with long, brown hair was there and spoke with me briefly. She was the one who told me about the groups being split up. This is also when I noticed we were both wearing corsets and elaborate gowns. Mine was yellow with white lace.

I stayed with the young girl for a while and we talked. She was telling me how she would never grow up and how she was stuck living life after life only as a child. Her age was approximately 12-13, maybe a bit older. I reassured her, seeming to know all about her plight. We sat together, me on the edge of a bed and her on a cushioned seat. I recall telling her how to stop the cycle she was in. My advice was for her to accept her life as it was, to accept that she would remain a child rather than resist it. If she did this, then the cycle would be broken and she would finally be able to exit into adulthood. Everything seemed crystal clear to me as I said this to her. I could see how many lives she had lived never growing into adulthood – hundreds of them.

While I was talking to the young girl I had some interruptions that were quite disturbing, though my reaction was to laugh. The first time it happened I was in the midst of telling the girl something and suddenly felt a large, cylindrical object inserted into my mouth and down my throat. In my mind I saw the bare chest of a man and then a very, very fat penis. I actually laughed when I saw the visual and knew who the man was. I said to him (after removing the object from my mouth), “Stop it. Not now.”

The girl I was talking to gave me a look like, “WTF?” LOL But I ignored the man and her look and kept talking.

Not long after I felt the object down my throat again and with it came a very strong feeling of sexual interest. Briefly, I felt pulled into the feeling. It was super intoxicating but I again rejected it. I pushed the man away and said to him, “I’m trying to tell her something!” Though it would seem I was irritated, I was actually smiling when I said it. It felt like a game between lovers, like he was trying to get my attention. And though what he was suggesting would be fun, I had “serious” things to say! lol

I remember the girl telling me how she felt stuck and then me telling her how to end the cycle. Accept it (her life) as is. Right after I said this I again felt something inserted into my throat but at the same time felt the feeling in my lower chakras that I had in the previous Kundalini dream. It was like my entire lower body became my root chakra and at the same time my upper chakras were melting down toward the lower chakras. Imagine yourself melting into your own center and you might get an idea of the sensation of it. I felt the two distinct energies converging in the space between my solar plexus and my heart chakra.

There was a surge of ecstasy that accompanied this. I felt like I was in the middle of an erotica film! All I wanted to do was surrender to this very “dirty” sexual game my partner was playing with me.

I woke up from the surge of ecstasy and it did not continue upon waking. My guide was nearby as I adjusted to wakefulness, energy still covering my body. The region between my solar plexus and heart was especially active and continued to feel pleasant for a while after I woke.

Discussion 

It was 4:30am when I looked at the clock. I told Chris, “What was that all about?” He said, “You wanted to know the truth.” I thought about it for a while and realized I had been talking to the girl, who was also me, and giving her the same advice I had been given previously – Accept it as it is. Apparently I am stuck in a cycle. This cycle keeps me from “growing into an adult”. The cycle involves rejection or non-acceptance of myself as a “child”. The advice is to accept myself as this “child” and only then will I grow into an adult.

Recognizing that, I questioned the strange method he used to get my attention in the dream. What was that all about?

He seemed amused. I received one word, “Lascivious.” HA! Yes indeed!! He said to me, “I will visit again soon.” Of course, I played along and encourage him feeling quite lascivious myself after the experience. lol

He said, “Sleep.” I said to him, “I’m still tired. I want to go back to sleep but you ruined it! How can I sleep after that!?” Yet not long after I did indeed fall asleep.

Dream: Pregnancy Advice

This time I was in a locker room (a new dream theme indicating need for time to recuperate/calm down) with a black woman who had just given birth. I noticed she was very tired and seemed sullen. I went up to her and hugged her, asking her if she was okay. We sat down on a bench and talked for a while. I told her she looked sad and advised her to give herself some time to adjust. “You just had a baby! Give yourself some time.” I said. I looked into her sad, brown eyes and felt so much love and compassion for her situation.

She stood up and stared blankly across the room. She said, “I know I just had a baby. It’s been 7 months but my body is still recovering.” I could feel her emptiness and apathy and sense that she wanted to do so much more but just couldn’t yet. I said, “This isn’t the end of your life, it’s the beginning.” In that instant I remembered how I felt after the birth of my first child. I felt like life as I knew it was over and knew I would never be able to live life for myself again. The recognition of my fate hit me hard and put me into a 9-month deep depression.

I took her hand and said, “You are sad.” She looked up at me, clarity in her eyes, and said, “Yes, but so are you.” This caught me off guard and the reality of the dream hit me full-on. Everything I said to the woman applied to me. Everything. I collapsed to the floor in heaving sobs and woke up feeling decimated.

zebra.jpgVision: Zebra Without Stripes

Wide awake again I recovered from my tears and let the messages sink in. 7 months echoed in my mind and I wondered about the symbolism. Did I give birth to a new version of myself but just not had time to fully recover from it? Am I grieving for what I lost like I did after the birth of my first child? Is this the beginning rather than the end like it seems?

I fell into the in-between while contemplating all of the above. I saw a herd of zebra (individualization, taking the middle ground, wild and free spirit). One was plucked up and out of the herd, it’s black stripes falling off and leaving it completely white. I knew the zebra lost its stripes and that it represented me.

By this time it was 6am and I was definitely not going to return to sleep. I still had lingering energy in my solar plexus and third-eye. My thoughts went to everything going on in my life and to the dreams and messages I just received. That’s when Chris said to me, “Doors will open now.” I felt in my heart that this was true. All I have to do is knock and they will open.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unusually Powerful Kundalini

My Kundalini experiences have been intermittent as of late. I will get spurts here and there but nothing like the near continuous rumblings I had in 2016. For the last few months I have noticed a pattern, though. The Kundalini makes an entrance during specific phases of my moon cycle around ovulation and then again around menstruation. The time frame she chooses is interesting as I have read that for women Kundalini does tend to be more active at certain times in a woman’s cycle, specifically during spikes in estrogen levels (which would be around ovulation).

Currently I am approaching the end of my cycle, around two days from the end in fact. All has been quiet since mid-month when I ovulated and had a spike in Kundalini dreams that woke me up with uncomfortable root chakra activity.

Early last night I had a Kundalini visit that was unusually powerful. Thankfully I was so deep in sleep that I never became fully lucid.

The Kundalini presented itself via a connection with one of my guides. This is not uncommon. We were together having a conversation I can’t recall completely now. I do know this guide’s name was “Chris”. His appearance is blurry. I believe he had dark hair to his chin that was sorta messy. I also see him as muscular, though I have no specific memory of this either. In fact, I cannot recall seeing him even once in the encounter, though I do remember him being present. However, I recently had an OBE where this guide presented himself, so I have an idea of what he looks like.

To describe what I felt is always difficult with the Kundalini energy. There is nothing in my life experience, and I mean NOTHING, that even comes close. In the dream I recall talking to this guide one minute, standing next to him casually enjoying a conversation, and the next being literally overcome by a powerful sensation in my root chakra that surged upward ferociously, devouring any resistance I might have had and putting me completely out of commission. The Kundalini did not feel like I have ever felt it. My root chakra seemed to move upward and take over all of my lower chakras. It literally felt like my entire lower body became my root and the sensation of having a body at all was gone. I also have a vague memory of my guide pushing a “button” prior to the Kundalini rising.

As I was standing when these episodes would incite, I do not know how I didn’t fall to the ground! In those moments it actually seemed like I levitated and lost any recognizable form. The Kundalini would surge for what seemed like an eternity, I would lose myself to it and then it would subside. I would return to my conversation and then it would come again. And again. And again. Each time it surged it was like my entire body was orgasming! I could feel a central canal of energy extend up to my heart. It was like my vagina extended all the way to my heart! I know, weird, but like I said this was unusual even for me. My entire lower half felt like my root/genital area and was super, super stimulated to the point that I am not sure how I didn’t die from it. lol

After 7 or 8 rounds of this energy rising and receding, I finally began to have more lucidity. This is when I remember talking with my guide and discussing math of all things. lol My only specific memory here is of the number 38. I can still see it vividly in my mind as it was white outlined in silver floating in front of my eyes. I reached for it and touched it even and it converted into an equation of some sort, one with a square root sign. This is when the last surge of Kundalini energy hit and put me out of commission for a while. When it receded I began to wake up.

While in the in-between I received a message from my guide. He gave me the name “Chris” and another word came up but now all I remember is that it began with the letter “r”. I believe the word may have been “restore” but am unsure. I do know that I was being told why he was assisting me and that it had to do with some improvements being made as I saw the Kundalini as scrubbing/cleaning my energy body.

When I woke it was 1:30am and I easily returned to sleep because I had a feeling of being drugged. I had to get out of bed to get a drink, though, because I felt parched, and prior to sleep all of my lower chakras were active and felt merged as one with a comfortable, warm energy. I experienced the same raw ache I tend to get after a Kundalini surge but it was not uncomfortable as it has been in the past. The last thing I recall before slipping into dreamland is the energy reaching my lower heart chakra and the warmth of it spreading outward.

 

Kundalini and New Chakras?

Another interesting night last night. I suspect the full moon again.

Dream: New Controls

I went into an office building inside a skyscraper (high ambitions) for a job (looking for direction and focus). While inside I met up with a woman wearing professional attire – gray and blue suit, high heels. She dropped me at my designated area and told me there were five openings and assured me I would get one. She hinted that the manager position was a likely fit.

Inside I was handed my packet complete with shirt, hat and shoes for my uniform (need to belong). I took it and left without question. The lady met me outside the door and asked me what position I got. I told her it must be a position lower than manager because I was given a uniform. I showed her and she seemed disappointed. I was also given a round telephone for communicating with the office. The feeling was the job was technical or something but all I recall is looking through the phone and noticing it needed to be programmed and did not look nor work like other cell phones.

As I was leaving I opted to take the stairs instead of the elevator. The stairs were in the center of the building and where the treads should have been there were straps. I opted to just slide down (letting go of control) and landed on the bottom happy from the ride.

At the bottom I ran into a woman with gigantic balloons (dreams, hopes, ambitions) in all shapes for her son’s birthday party. A gust of wind came and she lost hold of them and they scattered. We were inside a tunnel (exploring subconscious) so they just spread out. I grabbed several for her. I remember two in the shape of Corvettes. I helped her to her car and she thanked me.

Then I was inside a car and my mom was driving. I was in the seat directly behind the driver’s seat holding my new, circular work phone. It morphed into a steering wheel (control over direction of life) and I began to drive while my mom drove. This caused problems and the car went out of control. I remember thinking, “I should just let her drive.” So I let go of my controls and sat back.

Then for some reason the driving shifted to me and I happily used my new controls which were not attached to the car. It was difficult to get use to because it caused the car to fly (in charge of life, happy). I remember running into guard rails more than once but not being upset by it but laughing it off. The new controls were blue (spirituality, optimism) in my hands and seemed very futuristic. I remember someone being there to guide me on using the controls.

While I was driving I began to notice an energy in my root chakra. This shifted the dream and I found myself inside a sparkly white bathroom (renewal) cleaning it with white rags. I saw the tub faucet and noticed it had blue (spirituality, optimism) wash cloths (new transition) draped around it. I went up to investigate but the sensation in my root chakra grew more and more intense and woke me up.

Kundalini and New Chakras? 

When I woke up the energy in my root was explosive. It shifted out and then upward into my chest. It felt like a very pleasurable energy bubble that breathed in and out. I drifted into the in-between where I was shown the circular control (the phone and steering wheel from the dream) and then saw what looked like a V shape. Up one side of it were 7 circles set along a geometric plane. I recognized them to be the chakras. The root was at the vertex of the V and I understood that another whole set of chakras went up the other side of the V. I assumed this to mean that I had two whole sets of chakras and was learning how to control the new set.

I continued to feel energy all over my body and it was mostly very pleasant but not so much that it made me squirm. It seemed as if the energy of the root chakra just expanded upward to include all of my chakras except for the last two. While the energy moved around I saw geometric, 3D shapes coming into my body from above. Mostly I recall seeing triangles a couple of feet larger than my physical body. They shifted position as they came closer and then “clicked” into place.

In one instance I was being shown how to activate my chakras. I was told to focus (touch) the palm of my right hand. When I did an electric pulse of energy shot up my arm and went directly into my heart chakra. My heart chakra felt to expand a bit and the energy inside was electric and warm to the point of almost being uncomfortable. In my mind’s eye I saw an electric field generate inside my heart chakra that looked like something from out of a science text book. There were points connecting to points and they were all lit up in a neon green color and sparking as tiny points connected and reconnected almost like brain neurons. I was in awe of what I had just done and this woke me up completely. I laid in bed for a while after just enjoying the energy moving around and through my body.

When I was fully awake I remember Knowing that the shape of the new phone/control was purposeful. Cell phones are normally rectangular. This new “cell phone” was circular and looked like a futuristic make-up compact. The entire dream sequence and subsequent Kundalini activity was like a course to get me accustomed to something new about myself.

Health Issues and Feeling “Done”

Still in a funk. Energy-wise I feel tired and unmotivated. Still having some panic/anxiety and heart related issues, also.

Last weekend I went to the gym without incident. On the drive home, upon just seeing the string of cars stopped at a light ahead, I thought, “This is where I always have a panic attack.” Within seconds my heart began to race and the panic attack was on full-force. As soon as I got through the light (which seemed to take eons) I was fine.

Almost every time I get in my car now I have anxiety. Ugh.

So I am being triggered now because of all the past incidents. Sigh. But at least I know these incidents are not all related to low blood sugar.

My heart still does weird things when exercising outside of the gym. The other day I went for a run outside and less than a half mile in my heart began to pound and panic set in. Then, a few days ago, I was exercising at home quite strenuously and my chest actually hurt, though I had no other symptoms. But it concerned me.

It is hard to tell what are real, physical symptoms or panic attack symptoms. Panic attack symptoms are so real every time. Though I am use to them, I always end up thinking I may be dying at some point. It’s hard not to.

Fast forward to last night. Watching t.v. on my laptop in bed and very relaxed I became suddenly aware of my heart seeming to flip flop and flutter in my chest for a good 10-20 seconds. I checked my pulse and it seemed fine. I recognized it because with every one of my pregnancies I had these flutters and “skipped beats” in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. Always normal for pregnancy but now, well, probably not normal.

Then this morning I experienced a sensation of my heart skipping beats while lying on my right side. This is the most common experience I have and I am use to it. It never lasts very long. But I am reminded of the difficulty breathing I experienced both during and after my most recent OBE. Is that somehow related?

Add this strange arrhythmia to the above panic attacks and gym episodes and it has me quite sure I have inherited my family’s tendency toward heart-related illness (on both sides). My dad’s side of the family carries a history of heart attack, heart valve problems and congenital heart defects. Both my dad and his brother died young (early 50s) from heart related problems. My mom’s side has stroke, high blood pressure and heart failure, mostly in old age. Sadly, my sister had to have open heart surgery when she was younger than I am now to replace a faulty heart valve that was congenital but never discovered until it nearly took her life. She now has to take medication for the rest of her life. My mom suffers from major arrhythmia to the point of losing consciousness and is on medication and has been since her 50s. I witnessed her pass out from it once and was with her through the whole heart-monitor-wearing ordeal that followed.

The heart fluctuations are weekly for me right now but I’ve been having these occurrences for years, though very intermittently and never at such a high rate as now. Nor have I ever had any chest pain before. It is daily now, though nothing sharp or scary. My heart chakra just hurts, like burning in my chest, most of the time.

I have not disregarded the part ascension and Kundalini play in this and suspect the stress put on my physical body from these energies is aggravating underlying issues that may not have been noticeable otherwise. I am super sensitive to energy fluctuations and notice every single change in my physical body from the norm.

So my plan is? Do nothing. Yep. I actually told my husband, “If I pass out or something, don’t call 9-1-1.” Then I said, “It is DNR for me, too. If I happen to get in a car accident or something, I don’t want them to waste their time resuscitating me.” This has always been my position anyway, but I wanted him to remind him so that if something does happen he doesn’t interfere.

I know, quite dramatic, but I have had messages along the way on this spiritual path of mine that refer to my having “limited time” here. Yes, it could be just the soul exchange or maybe it could be really the end of my life (well in both cases I guess it would be). With the Ego death stuff going on as well, it could just be adding to the drama of it all.

Other Considerations

Along with these health related issues I have been feeling, yet again, “done” with life. This feeling was very strong in 2014-2015 and then the Kundalini came along and brought “new life” into me for a short time. Since the Kundalini has gone mostly quiet this year, the last major event in December, 2016, my view on this energy has shifted. The Kundalini and the events that coincided have been the most traumatic experience of this lifetime. I am exhausted. Still. The “loss” has just been too much. I am certain now that I will not be able to overcome it, at least not without major life change and I do not have the energy or desire to travel that road. It seems a daunting path for sure. I feel like a 100 year old facing a mountain without any climbing gear. Insurmountable.

In previous life reviews I never regretted one choice or event, even those that seemed awful at the time. Yet now, when I looked back, I regret choosing the path of the Kundalini. Yes, it can be magnificent but what it left behind was a rubble field of destruction. It exacerbated my lifetime Homesickness making this life that much more difficult to bear. Normal life bores the hell out of me now. I need more and more “excitement” to even want to be here. “Excitement” being those things of a spiritual nature and along the lines of what the Kundalini awoke in me. Those things of an earthly nature that I use to enjoy, just don’t bring me joy anymore. My daily life, though not torturous and really very good for a “normal” life, feels so empty and shallow in comparison to where I’ve been. When I look at my life I think, “This isn’t me. I’m not this person.”

Maybe this is all “normal” for what I’ve been through, and no, I don’t feel suicidal or like I am going to lose my mind and do something crazy. I just feel “done”, like my life and who I am as a person in this lifetime is complete.

Despite everything, I am planning on going to South Padre with my family and extended family this weekend. Maybe some time at the beach will do me some good.

 

 

Emotional Purging Returns

After a couple of nights of no tears the break is over. I was up most of the night in tears. I suppose I should count myself blessed being I’m not sick and had the two day reprieve.

The dreams started early in the night and this time I remember all of them and the reasons for my tears. I believe the better dream recall stems from a mixture of a lower dosage of Benadryl and taking 200mg of B6 prior to bed. B6 is known to help with dream recall. I have been taking the Benadryl for weeks because of my lingering cold symptoms and difficulty falling to sleep. Typically it does not lower dream recall or decrease the chance of having an OBEs. In fact, when I had my most recent OBE I took 25mg of Benadryl. However, I sleep lighter when I don’t take it.

Dream: Injustice

In this dream I was watching a drama unfold at a warehouse location (memories). The boss was giving the employees their instructions for the day. A couple of them posted a sign about him on the store doors. It was discovered and they were punished. The sign told untruths about their boss, some very nasty ones, too. I watched as more and more employees were joining the first two and undermining their boss behind his back. They did everything you can imagine – talked about him, purposefully made him look bad, ignored instructions, lied, etc. They were malicious, cold and plain nasty. I watched as the boss saw this happening and was beside himself with upset and unable to do anything about it. There was nothing wrong with him, either, it was just that two men decided to hate him and make his life miserable and got others to join them. I could feel all his upset and it became as if my own.

Toward the end of the dream I entered the dream and tried to defend the man. The whole thing was just so unfair and wrong. I remember telling someone about how I felt and how I could identify with the man’s plight. This is when I began to cry in heaving sobs. It was not tears for me but for the cruelty suffered by anyone in similar circumstances. I did have memories of my own upsets and relived the feelings I had during those times. I saw how I protected myself from it by withdrawing from most social circles.

When I woke up my eyes were pouring tears. It was 11am and I had not been asleep very long yet the dream seemed to have lasted forever. I remember saying to my guidance, “I don’t want to be here anymore.” When I was calmer I heard a voice say, “We want you to stay.” I realized I was in the in-between when I felt/saw one of my guides reach across a table and take my hand in his own. I then saw I was sitting at a round table and my Council was sitting all around me. The table was open in the middle and that is where I was seated. When looking at the table from above it would resemble a crescent moon.

We talked for a short while about my options. I won’t go into detail about them now but they have to do with the upcoming vertical alignment I am preparing for.

tears

Dream: Loss

In this dream I was at work orientation. I was obviously a school counselor at a school campus. Part of the orientation was to take a math quiz (self analysis) in order to assess our readiness to help the students with the state mandated testing. I had gotten mine late and when the principal came around to check our progress she took mine and wrote in black pen comments that were very rude and unprofessional. I was shocked and ended up cheating off a fellow teacher (feeling insecure) to get it done but even the copying proved difficult. The problems were very complex.

Feeling upset and wanting to get away, I went to hide in the bathroom (renewal). I was reconsidering my decision to work there. For some reason I was completely naked (fear of being discovered). I noticed an orange (out-going nature), sticky substance was all over me and I could not get it off. A man came in and told me it came from the sinks. Before I could be surprised that he was there the bathroom was full of people, both male and female. I was the only one without clothes but no one seemed to notice and I didn’t seem to care.

Then I went into the lounge and saw they had loads of fresh squeezed mandarin orange juice (energy/vitality). I saw it and mentioned that I should make marmalade for them. Entire memories of my last temporary job came to me at this time.

Then I was called to a meeting with the principal. She was very stern with me and gave me an agenda. I was working part-time and she was making sure my time was filled with productivity. There was a feeling that she was suspicious that I was slacking. She told me that she wanted me to give a presentation on loss. She then showed me another counselor who was doing such a presentation. The man was praying (humility) with a student. In the prayer he requested help for the child and his family. I was shocked that he was allowed to pray in school and became distraught when I felt the emotion of the family he was praying for.

I woke up in tears. There was a feeling that I was being asked to consider continuing my work as a counselor. I did not want this and was rejecting the idea. However, there is no indication of such a request. I think I was being asked to evaluate past experiences. The tears came from the end of the dream. I recognized that I have suffered huge loss in this life, loss that never was quite resolved. I also felt extremely lonely. My guidance pointed this out to me saying, “You are lonely.” The homesick feeling was very strong.

Dream: Test

In this dream I was with a couple of groups. The first was made of two men. Both had been drinking heavily (reaching new level of awareness) and one had vomited (letting go) and was cleaning it up. The second group was made of two women and they were going with me to a job interview situation. One woman was needing the job badly and talking about her financial situation. She was young and inexperienced. When we got to the location we were asked to take a test (self-analysis). The tests were on computers. After we were seated we began the test. I knew I had to pass all four sections but I was very nervous. Things kept distracting me. For example, I found several pairs of socks (yielding to others) on the desk, only one pair was mine. Another distraction was the woman sitting next to me. I remember us talking about our eyes and her saying she had a rare and special condition. I can’t recall it now but I do remember looking into her brown eyes for a long time. They were speckled with gold and very unique.

Eventually I was told to log off and given a slip of paper to come in and finish my exam. I asked why and was told it was lunch time. I got irritated at the proctor because the others were still taking their tests. I asked, “Why do they get to stay?” She wouldn’t answer. I realized it was because they were almost done and I was far from done. I stormed out of the building telling then I would not be able to come during the week like they wanted me to and likely would never finish the test.

When I got outside I climbed onto a little moped and drove off. Unfortunately, one of my tires went flat (feeling emotionally flat/tired) leaving me with only two. I remember seeing the tire very vividly as it literally fell off the third wheel.

The last thing I recall was sitting in a movie theater facing a group of kids. They were talking about going out and getting drunk. I remembering thinking I could use a drink, too, but knowing better.

Memories

I woke between each of these dreams and was unable to fall asleep for some time afterward. After the last dream I just stayed awake. While in between dreams I was given messages in the form of visions and music. The main visual I recall was seeing the number 11 very vividly. It started out small, like in the distance, and then got larger and large, closer and closer.

Several songs came to mind. The first two came simultaneously into my mind. This was after I woke from the first dream and was quite upset.

I was hearing, “You are beautiful, no matter what they say” simultaneously with, “I will wait, I will wait for you.” Two completely different songs superimposed in my mind.

The last song came after the second dream and before the third. It returned after I woke from the third as well. The part that kept repeating was, “I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. I wanna dance with somebody, somebody who loves me.” I suspect this song message is about the Kundalini “dance” of masculine and feminine energies. I have a brief memory from early on in the night where I felt the Kundalini energy throughout my mid-section. It was a pleasant, whirling feeling that, had I been more lucid, would likely have been quite intense and difficult to manage.

Glimpse of a Parallel Life

I’ve been sick for about five days now, ever since the K-index began to go into the red. Do I blame the geomagnetic storms? No. I blame my sick family members who passed the cold on to me. lol But it is interesting that the K-index was in the red at the beginning and is now in the red again as the cold is fading. All I’ve felt through these storms is sick so it is hard to say how else they may have affected me. Interestingly, I ran into several others who also had a cold the same time as me, all via the internet and from different states/locations.

Planetary K Index plot

Despite being sick, I’ve had some interesting dream experiences I want to share. It seems like I’ve been in class learning and practicing some of my skills.

Dream: Viewing a Parallel Life

I was given a photo album and asked to open it. Inside there were photographs attached to black pages. Each photograph was of a particular time in my life. I recognized them all but they were slightly different than I remember. Some photos would play videos if you touched them. I watched several of these and when I did it was like I went into the movie and experienced it first-hand.

Most of the videos I watched were from my school years. I recall seeing my family sitting in folding chairs waiting for a school function to begin. I must have been the one they were coming to see because I was not in the video or photos. I saw my little sister, grandmother and her sister, my great-aunt. I remember looking at how their appearances varied from this lifetime, noting the similarities and differences.

In another picture turned video I was shown how the color guard I was a part of in high school was a dance team primarily. In this life we primarily twirled flags.

I watched several movies but eventually an entire lifetime came into my memory, a lifetime very similar to this one with some differences.

I had attended the same school, still had two sisters, still had the same mother and father, still had the same connections. What was odd to me was that I was married to my ex-husband and my current husband was my ex and the father of my daughter. My two sons were not present. Never born. Instead, my half-brother, who my mom adopted in my current life, was my adopted son. Meaning I must have adopted him instead of her.

A huge amount of this parallel life centered around my half brother and his being admitted to a school related to a government program. The school was for an “elite” group of young people who would be groomed to be part of the government military. Strange thing is the government was a religious organization that had somehow been given the authority to rule the country. A theocracy I guess would be the right name. It was a honor to be in this school and my half brother was very proud. He spent his days in a very strict environment where electronics and computer devices were strictly prohibited. I saw the uniforms of the government military and they were all black with two stripes of parallel color from the chest to just below the hip. The colors varied depending on rank/level/appointment. I did not feel this government was bad, just different and in some ways much better than the current government of this lifetime.

When I woke I knew I had been viewing a parallel life and that it was just one of many others. Sadly, I was too sick to care much or to ask questions. I have no idea if I was happy in that life or not.

Dream: Practice

I had this dream this morning. What I recall most about it was being instructed on how to purposefully block and allow certain emotional experiences. The emotions first appeared in the dream as a swirling mass of energy above me. The mass was enormous, big enough to fill a large bedroom. My task was to select from this mass of emotions the ones I wished to experience without becoming overwhelmed by all of the emotion. I selected two and felt them full-on. They were positive emotions for the most part. I remember the feeling slightly and it was pleasant, like peaceful and happy.

There was a section during this time where I had a feeling of being transported in a vehicle. In the back was a blind girl who seemed to represent me in some way. The blindness was a positive in that it helped her to focus on the feelings. At this point I was feeling extremely vulnerable and there was with this an on-the-verge feeling, like a huge anticipation of something to come. Someone asked me if I wanted to stop experiencing the feeling. I said I did and the blind girl said very loudly, “I’ve had enough of feeling vulnerable.” The feeling stopped then and I woke very suddenly from the dream knowing something important had been going on.

I was told that I had been practicing choosing and blocking emotion. I was reminded that everything we experience is our choice.

Not long after I fell back to sleep and ended up with a massive energy in my root chakra that seemed to linger for a very long time. Again, I was too tired to care and despite being very lucid and even waking up several times throughout, I shrugged it off. That is a good sign because the root energy is not easy to ignore! Perhaps the lesson on choosing emotion extends to choosing sensation, too?