The Volunteers

I’ve been reading The Convoluted Universe Book 3 for a while now. I keep bookmarking pages of this book because it resonates with me so much.

Chapter 13: The Volunteers

In this chapter Dolores presents many examples of first timers to Earth and the waves of volunteers who came to Earth to help raise the vibration.

In one section of this chapter she works with a man named James who describes demolecularization as his means of travel.

Then the feeling of movement, and a shocking revelation. “Forward, forward – elsewhere, very, very fast. When it moved, when it …. jumped? It made me feel ….. split apart, like atoms….Like demolecularization, but not in a bad way; just necessary. It is necessary in order to travel. You cannot travel in the physical body. It’s too fast. The body would break. So they demolecularize me till they can put me back together later. It’s contained within the light, within the dome area. Maybe the light holds it or keeps it from going everywhere”.

When I read this I knew this is what had happened to me. I’ve had many incidences where I felt this way. The first time it happened I came back from wherever I had been completely freaked out, shaking and begging for help. I ended up going downstairs and just hugging my husband. It happened several times after that but with less intensity, almost like I started to get use to whatever it was that was happening to me.

When I would come back together from being split apart I would remember everything initially – like I had all the knowledge of the universe. Then, the more solid I became, the less I remembered. It felt like the knowledge was siphoned off. I think this is what terrified me the most.

I know that I, like James, had been traveling. Not only that, but I remember the domed area he talks about, too! I wonder what form I am changing into? I have no memory of what I look like when I go to this area. The next time I go I have to look at myself.

James then talks about what he is doing when he reaches this domed area. He is training. He is learning about Earth through simulations and “life games” which ultimately are the putting on of lives to help him better adapt to life on Earth.

This also feel accurate for me. Sometimes I think my dreams are conscious memories of these life scenarios.


Purpose: To Help

Over and over the people who Dolores talks to in her book explain that they are on Earth “to help”. They often describe an overwhelming desire to assist, a “pull” toward Earth or a “calling”, and a nervousness about descending into a body.

I remembered what I was doing prior to coming into this body. I remember preparing to descend into the body. I was nervous and spent quite a bit of time reviewing this life before descending. I felt an intense pull towards Earth as I “fell” down towards it. I was also afraid. The last thing I remember was hearing that my older sister had been born and it was time for me to go.

The 3 Waves of Volunteers

According to Dolores Cannon, there are three waves of volunteers:

First Wave– These people would be in their 40s and early 50s now, finally adjusting to life after going through turbulent early years of feeling they didn’t belong here. A number tried to commit suicide or were treated for depression.

2nd Wave– Presently in their 20s and 30s, these folk had an easier time, and have been called “channels, generators, and antennas,” and project positive energy. Many have chosen not to have children, as this creates karma, and they don’t want to have to return to Earth after this life.

3rd Wave– The New Children are coming into the world with altered DNA, so they can function in a different reality (vibrations are pushing Earth into a new dimension).

I know I am a volunteer, I just don’t know which wave I am. I seem to fit the description of the 1st wave completely but I am not that old. I also fit part of the description of the second wave some, too. Maybe I am a mix of both? I don’t guess it really matters, though.

When I question my Companion, I am reminded that this is not my first attempt to help. My last attempt ended prematurely. This was the life when I died in 1971, the same year my older sister was born. I would have been born in the 1960’s, 1964 I think because I was about 6-7 years old when I died in that life. I was told that my life was suppose to continue but someone I was meant to be with/work with, either opted out or something was changed last minute. In other words, my path and theirs were linked and so when their course changed, so did mine. Unfortunately for me, it was quite upsetting as I was murdered. Ouch!


I feel like I have karma I am working through, but since reading Dolores’ book, I keep feeling that I am missing something.

Last night when I went to bed I had entered into another mini-panic. What was funny is my mind was going a hundred miles an hour with panic-like thoughts but I didn’t actually feel panic. While in this weird state I felt often a sudden pull into my heart and all would go quiet. On a couple of other times I felt something move seemingly into me from the left. When this happened I would also calm down and the mind would shut off. This was the strangest feeling I have had since the demolecularization feeling. It was like a bubble of energy that had substance to it, almost like a pressure, moved into my head from the left. And with it came a complete disconnection with this life, but only momentarily. This disconnection is why my mind would shut off. It was like I was unplugged from this life, reset or maybe short circuited.

After the last “bubble” hit me, I was aware suddenly that I reflect karma for the people I meet. This means that whatever karma the person needs to work through they work through with me. It’s like I project to them what they need of me to work through whatever it is they need to work through.

In remembering this I knew it was true. My relationship with my ex is certainly one of these. I knew when I married him I was marrying him to help him. I knew it would be temporary. And when I wanted to leave I couldn’t. It was like I was stuck and only when he was ready was I allowed out.

I don’t know if there is a name for people like me, but I can tell you the job sucks. I won’t do it again. I think I got conned into it.

Now does this mean I carry no karma? I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I am still trying to figure it all out. Dolores discusses imprinting of lives quite a bit. She explains there is no way to differentiate between imprinted ones and real ones. Every time I read about imprinted lives I think I have these. But I can’t tell. I would really love to be one of those who is immune to karma but I know I’m not. I have two more lives after this one after all, to sort through what I have left.




Message: We Will Fill Your Cup

I had the entire day and house to myself yesterday. It was a much needed reprieve from my normal, hectic life. Plus the K energy subsided almost completely. Relief! I continue to have a lull in the energy but have incidences of high heart chakra energy and my third-eye is back to a near constant buzz.

I felt so good I visited the gym. This time I had absolutely no issues whatsoever and managed to stay over an hour. Yay! I did notice I was being stared at quite a bit. I was staring right back! hehe

Dreams: Unexpected Party and $70

Despite sleeping very well again, I had odd dreams. In one I returned to a home I didn’t recognize to find my mother-in-law in my kitchen burning something in the oven. I asked about it and then freaked out because my entire house was dirty – the floors covered in dirt and leaves, the kitchen had food and mess all over and the living area was just as dirty. I lost it and my MIL informed me that she was preparing for the party.

What party?

I went outside to try and find my husband and saw a parking lot full of cars and people. All of them were coming to my house! I spent most of the dream after that pacing in and out of my house and yelling at people that I didn’t know. I got lots of stares, like they were thinking, “What the f#^k is wrong with you?” I didn’t care. I was waaaay past caring.

I confronted my husband about it and he just ignored me. He does that and it just infuriated me more. I went back inside and locked myself in the back room frantic to figure out what to do. I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t – I don’t make enough income on my own and don’t want to return to education. There were 75 people I didn’t know and who I didn’t care to know in my house and they weren’t leaving. My head was spinning. What do I do?

I finally just  went back to the living area. There I saw children playing next to a Christmas tree. I got on my hands and knees and went up to the tree. I remember thinking,”What is a tree doing here? I already took it down!” I began removing the ornaments close to the floor because there were little ones. One of the children came up next to me and I smiled. I remember noticing a significant calm come over me. Suddenly I didn’t care about my anger or my lying husband. I just wanted to be with the kids.

Then I found myself at a check-out line holding a small vacuum. I gave the woman my money and she gave me back a wad of bills and said, “Here’s a bunch of money”. I took it and saw $70. Knowing she gave me incorrect change, I took it and went to the parking lot. I got to the car and there was my husband and two other men. I was still furious with my husband but got into the car with him and the other two men. What is funny is they were eating plates full of eggs!


When I woke I was not happy and immediately asked to be let out of this life. I completely wanted out. I don’t know why. It was like I was being asked to make an impossible decision and I didn’t want to.

I know that the dream is symbolic of how my marriage and relationship dynamics are not aligned with my heart. The anger and frantic energy is my upset at feeling unable to do anything about this.

The Christmas tree is representative of the gift my Team told me I received this Christmas – love. The children represent this love and they dissolve my anger completely. I feel at peace despite previously being angry. I feel like this is a message to focus on my heart.


Of course my Companion was there and asking me to talk about my feelings and focus on my heart. I was still upset and asking for him to trade places with me since he seemed to know so much about what I am going through. I get so frustrated with him!

I saw very clearly a shoe box in the top of a closet. On top of it was very clearly written, “Questions”. I asked if I could ask some and was told yes but quickly found I didn’t really want to know the answers yet. I kept being referred to my heart but focusing on it made me feel like I felt in my dream – the frantic part. Who wants to feel that way? Not me.

Then I saw an empty cup on the shelf next to the box. I heard, “We will fill your cup”. I was reminded of the question, “Is your cup half empty or half full?” Mine is just empty. The symbolism was not lost to me.

My Companion tells me I was given a gift and this is what will fill my cup.


Proposal from Spirit

I was asked by Spirit today if I would consider being a medium again.

I was not expecting it. I was doing a yearly forecast for a friend of mine (tarot reading) when Spirit stepped forward as I was tuning in. It was so crystal clear that I was a bit taken aback. I quickly took down the message and then a group in Spirit approached me.

It was like they were waiting in the shadows. I felt them – 10 of them – but one came forward to speak for the rest. That is how they usually speak to me because that is my rule otherwise they usually all speak at once and that would give anyone a headache. 😉

I wish I remember their exact words when they presented to me their “proposal”. LOL I laugh because it was very obvious this was a planned encounter. I do remember that they mentioned my heart being open as a sign that I was “available” to them in this capacity again. The woman speaking for the group was tall with very straight blonde hair that went to her hips. She looked like a model – tall, thin, angular features and blue eyes. Almost like an elf.

I told them I would allow them to come to me again (I had previously asked Steven to shut the gates to them) but I did not want them to harass or pressure me. And I would do it on my terms and only as long as it brought about good for both me and everyone else involved. In the past I stopped enjoying giving readings because I got caught up in the money making aspect of it. I was not greedy but I wanted to do it for a living. I learned quickly that making money using my spiritual gifts disagreed with me. I ended up in an Ego tug-of-war because of it and quickly entered my Dark Night (long, long story).

Mediumship is my absolute favorite spiritual gift. There is nothing like the energy that comes through or the personalities of those in Spirit I speak with. When I use this gift/ability it never ceases to blow my mind. And what is even more astonishing is that I forget pretty much everything Spirit tells after I break the connection. If I don’t record it, I lose it. All of it. It is like my memory is erased. I remember my clients would often return and say things like, “Remember when you said…..” and I would be like, “No. Sorry”. LOL

When I was openly a medium and giving readings as a living in 2003-2005 I felt the most in line with my purpose here. I wanted to do it forever. I really thought I had found my purpose. Nothing since has given me such satisfaction. I have seen Spirit again recently and held back. I don’t know if my husband would accept it. When I saw Spirit in a restaurant one time and told my husband he gave me a weird look. lol But in 2003-2005 I would openly tell people I was a medium and do readings pretty much everywhere I was. I was proud of my gift and didn’t care if it made people uncomfortable. I got a lot of strange looks! lol

My other favorite ability is my medical intuition. This ability never faded away. I always have it, but I don’t use it because I don’t want to know. Really, I don’t. 🙂 However, it is very useful in healing, so I always use my medical intuition to see energy blockages. I can usually see my own blockages as well. Since the light language transmission began and I started speaking and writing the codes, I have found that my healing ability is ten times stronger than it was. I will spontaneously begin to speak in light language while sending the healing. I have been told the healing can be felt intensely when I do this.

I suspect this is a nudge from my Team to get back on track and begin using my abilities again. Maybe this time I won’t stumble and fall flat on my face. I am definitely much more humble than I was in my twenties.

Message: Be the Hummingbird

I took the advice given by many of you and focused on taking care of myself and this crazy energy last night. First, I ate a big meal. I immediately felt better. Then I took a hot bath with essential oils – 8 drops of lavender and 2 of Roman Chamomile. I also played music, specifically by Rising Appalachia (thank you KLeigh!). I was in one of my high’s before long and didn’t even mind when all three of my children crawled into the bathtub with me and began splashing.

Afterward I began to lose the high and fall into the exhaustion, but I let it happen and did not resist. My Team has been very close and the message I keep getting is to let go and allow. I went ahead and had some wine and watched some T.V. The whole time I had strange energy sensations all over my body and kept receiving high heart hugs from my Companion. Wonderful and calming. I also, for the first time since these energies began wracking my body, I had a rising of desire from the lower chakras. I pushed it down but it made me smile. I think my blockages are clearing.

I slept very, very well.


I almost felt normal before , of course, I began to think that everything that happened to me these last 10 days or so was not real, not true, and I could be normal and move on with my life as planned. This thought was immediately interrupted with a knowing that I knew better than that. Then everything flooded back in and my body was covered in another energy hug. I was told, “You will rest tomorrow and we will talk tonight”. I recognized the energies of my Council of 12 and knew we would talk about contracts. Something felt final about it and I asked, “We are finalizing the contract?” I received confirmation but I joked and said, “Nothing is ever ‘final'” and reminded him of my ambivalence. Instead of humor I received a more serious energy from him. That shut me up and I went to sleep.

Teaching Developmentally Delayed Adults

The first vivid dream I recall is actively teaching adults who were most obviously developmentally delayed. We were doing language and vocabulary activities and I soon realized they were all at very different levels. Some were already able to spell while others couldn’t. I remember directing them to use block letters to spell out an answer to a question. It was like they were toddlers in preschool but some of these individuals were older than me!

I woke momentarily and knew this dream was representative of the various levels of consciousness of those on Earth. It was a bit disturbing to think that so many of us are at the spiritual toddler stage!

Be the Hummingbird

I had an entire dream where I was learning to be the hummingbird. This is symbolic of my mission here. I am being asked to fulfill my mission.

Bus Turned Trailer

Another vivid dream was of my husband and family. I was walking down a dirt road in the country. Tall, green trees and lush grass were all around and the dirt was that orange-red color I remember from my childhood days in east Texas. I looked up and saw my husband towing a white trailer behind him. He was not in a car and the trailer was one that should have been hitched to at ruck. I said to him, “Where’s your bus? Is it broken?” He just turned, smiled and waved at me and continued on. I knew he had our children in the trailer, but I kept going in the opposite direction

This dream woke me up with a start. I knew the symbolism right away. The loss of the bus is significant. Being on a bus or some other form of public transportation is representative of one’s family or group dynamic. In this dream the bus was broken and replaced by a trailer. In recognizing this I saw that a message I have been receiving was coming out in my dreams. My husband and family are moving in the opposite direction from me.



The amount of information coming to me now is extremely high. I have been processing it for some time now. This partly because I am struggling to accept it and partly because I don’t know how to impart it.

Message 1: My mission is to embody the light; to be a beacon of light as well as to ground and anchor the new energies. I am also to activate others and act as a guide. I work with energies in many ways, more than I am aware of in this Earth consciousness.

Message 2: I am being asked to embody the light now. To do this I must drop relationships and connections that do not harmonize with my own frequency. If I am unhappy, depressed, angry, etc then I am not embodying the Light and so not fulfilling my role here. I have to “step up” now. Others are also receiving this message.

Message 3:  When I hit the age of 40 next year things are really going to shift to a higher level of intensity. I have already been warned of this as it will start next summer right before my birthday to prepare me. I am told 40 is a significant age for more than just me. It has to do with spiritual maturity and ability to hold more Light.

Message 4: I was greeted this morning by Eric who is a member of our ground crew. He is living presently in a physical body like me. He showed me a web, like a spider web. In the center the fibers of the web are very close and they get farther apart as it expands. He explained that the web is being extended now. With this explanation I was told that some members of this web are interconnected with me at a very, very deep level. These are the ones in the center. Others a less so and as the web extends outward even less so. Those most connected to me, those with me in the center, are extremely spiritually intense connections.  The others are less intense and more casual relationships. Our strength comes via these connections. The web grows stronger with each connection.

We are building the web now. The center is first and the most important. We will gather on a spiritual level first but eventually in the physical as well. I see large areas of light across the U.S. These epicenters of Light are crucial.

Message 5: I again saw my Companion as non-human in form. Those who read my previous description say he is Arcturian, but I identify him by his energy, not his appearance.

This time I was accepting of his appearance. He is beautiful beyond description! In accepting him, I accepted myself. I looked down at my hand and saw a non-human hand. Three long, thin, blue fingers and one thumb with over sized fingertips. I laughed because I was immediately reminded of a frog. Also with this acceptance I began again to think in terms of We. I have done this before but it had stopped.

We have many names. We take many forms. We are the Many. 


Day of Rest

When I awoke this morning my husband and three children were gone. They are on a camping trip and won’t be back until tomorrow evening most likely.

Day of rest indeed! 🙂





Full-on Kundalini Awakening

I had an entire post written and ready to post this morning but I hesitated and left it. I came back to it just now and it did not feel right so I deleted the whole thing.

Right now I have a sore throat and feel like crap. My energy is still off the charts and it seems not to be subsiding. I was warned it would get more intense but this is beyond intense. No amount of alcohol will shut this off. I feel like a rocket taking off. I just wish I would get to my destination already!

Kundalini Awakening

What I am experiencing is a full-on kundalini awakening. I actually have no doubt that is what it is after this experience the night of December 25th. I have experienced Kundalini before but it was not nearly this explosive or intense. What is happening to me now causes me to question whether what I experienced in the past was even kundalini. This is crazy!

This is what I have been experiencing:

  • Third-eye blazing energy
  • Blazing energy on either side of my nose and behind my ears
  • Heart chakra explosions of energy that bring emotional hiccups that quickly subside. It feels like emotion is flying out of my chest.
  • Heart chakra fire that often feels like my chest is burning or there is a huge inward flowing vortex of energy there
  • Vibrations in my second chakra
  • Shaking or psychic chills as some call them
  • Lower back pain
  • Stiff neck
  • Sore throat
  • More incidences of what I call “enforced amnesia”
  • Depression, lack of motivation or just feeling zoned out
  • High’s followed by lows and/or exhaustion (feel like a manic depressive)
  • Easily overwhelmed
  • Overly sensitive to other’s energy
  • Psychic sensitivity
  • Loss of appetite
  • Increased thirst
  • Dreaming of fire and the feeling of the K energy
  • Extremely high energy causing me to feel restless, I can’t sit still!
  • Inability to stay grounded for very long
  • Solar plexus pain like being kicked in the stomach (gone now thankfully)
  • Indigestion
  • Stomach upset, nausea

Just so you know, I DID NOT ask for this to happen. I did nothing out of the ordinary to bring this energy. It just happened and now that it has there is no stopping it. It will effectively clean out all blockages, I have no doubt. You can tell by what I am experiencing where my blockages are – second, third, and sixth chakras.

I do have other things to talk about, information I brought back with me from the other side, the other dimensions, or whatever you want to call it. I am too tired now to articulate it effectively so I am going to leave it for another day. Going to suck on a cough drop and probably drink some more wine. Ugh.

Am open to advice on what to do with all this energy. Grounding and anchoring it only helps temporarily. Holding crystals, especially rose quartz, causes major explosive energy. Alcohol only numbs it temporarily. Meditation puts me to sleep or sends me somewhere that I promptly forget.

Oh and sex doesn’t work either. LOL

Timelines are Collapsing

The day was going good and I am still maintaining but it is a struggle to do so. The energies have gone wild! Either that or I have.

I had to go grocery shopping. I didn’t want to and had been avoiding it for over a week. When I got there people were everywhere! Inside I felt overwhelmed but sucked it up and just shopped, focusing on my children and trying to get out of there as fast as I could. I was hit hard by someone’s energy while on the bread isle, though, and it made me feel a wave of despair and a thought of, “I can’t do this anymore. I want out”. This was not my thought!

By the time I got to the checkout line I was more stable and calm but I was receiving warnings from within telling me to protect myself. I am wide open right now for some reason!

Timelines are Collapsing

A strange thing that happened on the way to the store. I suddenly remembered a dream I had a very long time ago. I don’t think I blogged then. It was a very real dream, one of those where I woke up with amnesia for a few minutes.

In the dream I was not married to my current husband. I had instead dated someone else and we had a tumultuous relationship. It was one of those relationships where you feel you have to be together but when you are together you make each other go crazy in all ways. I remember the man vividly – what he looked like, his name, where we met, etc. But I have never met this man in my life! When I woke up I could not remember who I was and was completely confused. Instead the dream was my reality and I was frantic.

When I remembered this dream I also thought I had written it down or told someone but I knew this was not the case. I don’t even know for sure if it was a dream. Maybe I just spontaneously remembered a parallel life?

Confused by this and the crazy energy that seems to smash into me whenever I leave my house, I asked for help. I heard,”Timelines are collapsing”. What? What does that mean?

I do not wish this weirdness on anyone. I am managing just fine. I am surprised I have not lost my mind. LOL Somehow I know I can handle this.

My third eye is HUGE right now and my heart feels like a magnet. I sense that my psychic abilities are in overdrive. My sensitivity to others is extremely high right now. This seems like a return to when I first awakened. Such heightened perceptions. Such knowing. And such chaotic energy. Yet I feel like I am going to be okay. I can handle this. This is part of why I am here.

Weird! hahaha


Dreams: Missed Test and Egg Within an Egg

Yesterday turned out to be a very strange day. After the panic-inducing heart chakra intensity, I was hit with nausea and total exhaustion. I also had a strange sensation around my head that felt similar to my crown being very wide open except that there were vibrations with it. For a brief moment I thought I would spontaneously leave my body. So I waited it out – the nausea, dizziness, vibrations, and strange “off” feeling eventually settling. When it did settle, my heart chakra fire was completely gone and I felt a sudden sadness descend upon me.

My heart felt like an empty pit. No matter how much I focused on it, it remained unresponsive. However, it did not feel normal. It felt hollow, like someone had come and suffocated my heart center or tried to cover the energy with a blanket. I guess it could also be related to someone throwing water on a blazing fire.

The sadness soon turned into despair over my current situation. For some reason everything that was wrong with my life, specifically my family situation, was uncomfortably obvious. My Companion would not leave me alone about it, either, and I was not liking the questions he was asking me. I have often described my Companion as being my own personal shrink, one that there is no escaping. Sometime his persistent questions and nudging can be excruciatingly annoying. Like a personal hell. This was the case last night.

Dream: Missed Test

I had a dream that woke me at 3am. In the dream I was in a car with someone discussing school. I could see that we were traveling down a street with golden colored buildings that resembled a college campus except the buildings were smaller, more like houses. We stopped at a mailbox while the man informed me of my current progress towards my degree. He mentioned that I had been lax in my studies and had been skipping classes. There were only two more classes until I finished.

A large, gray mailbox was opened. Inside were 8 smaller mailboxes. These were the mailboxes of the students in my class. Inside each mailbox were 8 cards. On the envelopes were congratulatory messages and I knew that the comments inside the cards related to a successful score on a recent test.

I had forgotten about the test and this was the main reason I was with the man discussing my progress. The test was on the 24th and my score was not among the mailboxes because I had missed the test. I felt that I had failed it but the feeling I got was that I could still make it up.

When I awoke I was protesting. To make a long story short, I am being asked to let go of situations and relationships in my life that are not complimentary to my mission. My human mind perceives this as a threat and is reacting accordingly. I am completely refusing to do anything I am being asked to do because to do so means a complete disruption of my life. In essence, it means a complete new start. How can they ask me to do something like that? It is horrifying! This is the test I missed. I know now why I missed it. I will no doubt fail it miserably.

Dream: Egg Within an Egg

I somehow fell back to sleep. This time I was with two men and they were talking about time travel. Dr. Who was mentioned but not present. When Dr. Who is in my dream it usually indicates I am receiving healing.

The two men were discussing how to use a clothes dryer as a portal to another time. I saw the open dryer, the light very bright, but did not want to go inside. I never did go inside.

It was then that someone took me to the side and showed me a very, very large egg. It was the size of a person. It was cracked open and inside was the yolk of a normal sized egg. It was an egg within an egg. I was asked to look at it. The golden yolk was the last thing I remember before waking.

When I woke I had a very long talk with my Companion. And I continued to reject what I am suppose to do. I got very sad again and he again pointed it out to me by saying, “You are sad. You are lonely. You don’t have to be this way”. While we were talking about the upset this change would cause to my life he showed me an onion and I watched as layers and layers were being removed by some unseen person. He said to me, “Sometimes even the onion cries”.

Heart Hurt

This morning the heart energy is back but this time it seems to hurt. There is an extreme loss feeling with it but it is again wide open. My lower back hurts and I am restless again. I don’t want to be in my own home. I have an urge to go on a long vacation – alone. We have a family trip in January and I want to cancel it or find a way out, even though I am the one who planned it.  I don’t understand why I feel like this. I love my family.