Today feels so random to me. That’s probably why I keep forgetting things. For example, I didn’t know it was Tuesday or what time it was. When I looked at the clock and saw it was almost noon I did a double take. Huh? Then, suddenly I came back to myself (where had I been?) and realized not only had I missed a meeting for my daughter at the school, but I had forgotten to pay a bill and misplaced a check! So for about thirty minutes I was in a tizzy trying to locate myself in this body and place long enough to get a grip. LOL
The forgetfulness is becoming more and more common. It is not just forgetting to do things, it is forgetting days of the week, time, people, responsibilities, etc. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s more like I just don’t think. The bill I was suppose to pay, that would have never happened two years ago. I would have paid it in advance and checked it off in my mind as “done”. And the missed meeting? I would have been there and not needed a reminder. Now I just don’t seem to have those mental bookmarks. They’re gone. Vanished. I misplaced my mind somewhere….
Another thing that doesn’t happen is I don’t get overwhelmed and angry at myself for forgetting things like I use to. The bill today will be late. We will get a $25 late fee. The old me would have spent hours angry at herself for screwing up and wasting money, etc. The new me? I think, “It’s just money. What’s done is done” and move on back into my little happy place. Hehe
I try not to think of all the late fees I’ve accrued in the past year. Not to mention completely forgotten debts, appointments….thoughts. Eek! LOL
I’m a much happier person for the absentmindedness. I don’t miss how I use to be.
What do I think about now days? Hmmmm. Food. lol Well, not just food, but I like to cook and then eat it, so yeah, food. Today I’ve mostly been thinking about how super excited I am for no reason at all. I’ve been trying to put my finger on the reason but all that comes up are random happy thoughts. For example, I made this awesome cabbage soup last night (yeah food again) and was thinking how great it is and I am for making something so great. Other things that make me happy are nature. I love it outside and have been outside a lot lately. It feels like Spring. Blue skies, temps in the 70’s, birds singing. I close my eyes and feel the breeze and just sit in the sun, soaking it up not really thinking about anything. Then I think how awesome it would be to have a friend to share all these happy things with and then that passes and I am back to just Being, soaking up the sun and hugs from my son. I thought briefly about making a video of being happy and then just laughed at myself. I just don’t feel like doing anything or thinking anything. I just want to BE. Ever tried it? It’s amazing!!!
So see why I am absentminded? Getting caught up in happy all the time can make you forget stuff, well the stuff that isn’t important anyway. Like bills….lolol
Which brings to mind the spiritual stuff alongside my happiness. A night or so ago I was outside and got a visit from Habib. LOL Whose that? I don’t know, some man in spirit who paid me a visit. He was super close, on my left, as if talking directly in my ear which meant his voice was audible more than normal and very deep. He spoke slowly and gave me advice. What? I don’t know now. Something spiritual, my mind is blank…Ha! Anyway, he came and then left and one of my guides said, “Did you forget you could do that?” What? Hear Spirit? Nah, just didn’t expect some foreign dude named Habib. lol Then there was this “understanding” that it might be a good time to revisit some of my left-behind abilities and skills.
Lo and behold I have been contacted twice this week for assistance. Twice in a week when normally I get maybe twice a year….I’ve been busy transforming I guess.
Anyway, you can see I’m a bit up in the clouds today. Again. Lalalalalalalala….LaLa Land is what I was trying to say. But this is not normal LaLa Land for me. This is like I am celebrating life and open to anything. Really a nice feeling to have. Bring it on!
Not long ago I asked my guidance to help me remember the karma I have with my current husband. I have been shown past lives of other individuals throughout this life, usually quite spontaneously, but when it come to my husbands not one glimpse has been given. It is like it is “hands off” when it comes to marriage relationships. Why? That is no fair! lol
Even after I divorced my first husband I was not shown past lives or given any information as to why we had agreed to be together. All I knew was that I had agreed to help him and him me. Strangely, I was able to perceive his future quite clearly to the point that he had no doubt I knew what I was talking about. He use to call me and ask me, “What do you see for me…?” lol I told him. And it happened. All of it.
So tell me, how is it that I can see my ex’s future, but not our past? Again, not fair!
So back to my current husband. It is obvious to me that we have a “contract” and I want nothing more than to fulfill my end. I feel that I can do that better if I have more information. How do I resolve my end of the deal? Please help me. This is what I asked my guidance.
Revelations from the 1800’s
This morning, after an OBE involving my husband (not coincidence I’m sure), I woke up and was directed to “listen”. I fell into the in-between and found myself in a very different scene and very obviously from a past life.
I was standing under a veranda. Behind me were green, rolling hills and a bright, cloudless day. The scene was reminiscent of Europe. It felt beautiful but the feeling was anything but – tense is an understatement. I was dressed in a flowing, light pink, corseted gown with ruffles around the hip area. I had a parasol by my side. I don’t recall what I looked like but I do recall who I was with.
To my left was a thin, lanky man with light hair. He was dressed nicely in a blue suit with a tie and leaned against a cane. I don’t know if he needed the cane but the feeling was he did. He had been sickly his whole life and was not very physically strong.
To my right was another man. He was very boisterous and loud. He was much taller than the other man. Muscular and in peak physical condition for his age – probably 20’s. I don’t remember what he looked like, my focus was mostly on the other man.
The boisterous man was my fiance and he was angry. Angry at the other man and telling him to stay away from me and have no further contact or else. He was pretty scary and ruthless. Insulting the other man. I remember him saying, “You have nothing, can give her nothing. You are nothing.” He went as far as to laugh at the other man. Everything my fiance did and said made me think less of him and more of the other man. I had nothing but love for the sickly man. In my eyes he was perfect just the way he was, sickly or not.
Understanding what I was seeing, I came out of the in-between but went back in not long after. This time it was Knowing of the outcome. I had ended my engagement with the angry man because I did not love him. I made this choice knowing what I would leave behind me – wealth, security, status. I chose to be with the sickly man because I loved him and to me it was worth it to be with him. I chose him knowing he did not have long to live. It was far better in my mind to be with someone I loved, even if briefly, than to spend my entire life with the other man (I wanted to say “with a bogart” but didn’t know what that meant. Turns out it is a bully or someone who refuses to share. lol). I also knew I had very little time with the one I loved, perhaps only a year before he died.
Considerations
Whether this is a past life with my husband or my ex, I don’t know. I have my suspicions, though. If this is a karmic lesson regarding my current husband, what does it mean? Does it mean I made the wrong decision? Or was it how I handled the situation? Or, perhaps, it is his karma and not mine, that is being resolved. If he is the aggressive fiance then perhaps he is here to learn how to let go? Hahaha okay not really funny.
I know with many who I have recalled past life and karmic connections with that I came to help them more than myself. For example, one man I had a relationship with murdered me and our son in a past life because he found out I had been cheating on him. He couldn’t bear the humiliation. In this life he cheated WITH me (lol) and so, in a sense, he walked in my shoes and so was able to see my perspective. What he did with that lesson, I don’t know, but at the time I Knew my role and was able to learn my own lessons from it.
These “contracts” are rarely what we perceive them to be and often times have many layers of lessons contained within them, lessons for both parties.
Whatever this memory means, at least if the woman is me I knew what I wanted and had the courage to go for it despite being aware of the loss involved.
After yesterday’s low blood pressure episode I was wiped out. I went to bed early and had crazy, vivid dreams. I don’t remember most of them but there is a continuing theme over the past week. I recognize people from my past randomly as dream characters. This always peaks my interest and brings more lucidity.
Lucid Dream: Reception
The first thing I recall is sitting in a cafeteria-type setting, maybe in a school cafeteria, and listening to someone talk. Awareness hit me suddenly and I felt out of place. I reached up and pulled off sunglasses I was wearing. Not sure how I knew that I was wearing them but I remember wondering why I was wearing them inside. I turned and saw a familiar face sitting across from me. He was also wearing sunglasses and seemed to be staring at me. I stared back, wondering if he was really staring at me. I didn’t acknowledge him but instead chose to consciously blend into the crowd, becoming “invisible” to them and hopefully him, too.
Then I was going to a reception with my mom and grandmother (deceased). I walked through a narrow hallway and past lots of older people into a large, open room. Then I went outside, again hoping to retreat from a social setting I didn’t feel comfortable in. Outside a little boy approached me, wide-eyed and excited to see me. He had dark hair and eyes and his skin was a bit darker than mine. He spoke in a thick, Indian accent but I could understand him and immediately liked him. We were seemingly joined at the hip from then on, him chatting away about getting a whole day to himself to do what he wanted, his sister acting as “chauffeur”. His sister, who he called Fatimah, was driving him around in a tiny, black sports car. She said he would not get to drive on his own until he was 18.
The reception was ending so we went inside. My mom and grandmother were leaving yet they still had not opened presents or had cake. I asked if they wanted to stay for cake, they ignored me. My young friend invited me to eat with him and we shared a pie but it looked like pumpkin pie. Not sure where the cake went. Again we seemed inseparable.
When it was time to leave he went with his sister and I was ushered into a large, four door truck. There were women packed inside and I was asked to get in. One woman I recognized from my past. The women were all obese and they wanted me to squeeze into the driver’s seat. I never got in, feeling for sure I would be squished.
Cafeteria – one or more issues are “eating” me up inside. Sunglasses – poor perception of some issue. Reception – be more receptive to some situation Pie – reward for hard work. Since it is pumpkin then it could related to female sexuality or a situation where time is running out.
OBE: Haunted
I felt myself return to my body and shift positions. Then I got out of bed and walked into the hallway. At this point I was wondering if I was really awake it was so realistic. I heard water running and stopped where the bedroom usually is and opened the door to a bathroom with a gigantic walk-in shower. The shower was going full force and I yelled at my husband, “Were you taking a shower? Why did you leave the water on!?” He called back, “No.” I was irritated at him and walked under the shower to turn it off. I felt water hit my clothing and the top of my bed and grew more irritated. I didn’t want to get wet! I remember feeling this odd feeling at the time, like someone else was in our house. Was it haunted?
Once I turned it off, I looked at myself in the mirror. The reflection I saw was not the me in this life. Instead I looked like a petite Asian woman. I smiled at the reflection, noting the upward slant of my eyes, my near non-existent eyebrows and the roundness of my face. She was pretty but plain. I wanted to stay and inspect myself further but then thought, “I don’t care what I look like!” I turned and left the mirror behind.
I went downstairs and found my living area not as it is in real life. It was dark and I knew my husband was sitting in a sofa chair in front of the television. I saw the back of the chair and decided I would jump/fly over it. Yet when I tried I could not lift myself up off the ground. I felt grounded. After a couple of attempts I gave up and climbed over the top. He opened his arms to me and said, “Give me a kiss.” I obliged him but when he kissed me I suddenly could not breathe and not in a good way. I felt suffocated and wanted nothing more than for the kiss to be over with. I told him I couldn’t breathe but he kept kissing me. His mere presence made me feel as if my airways were constricted. I took a few labored breaths and finally the kiss was done. I got up and felt myself return to my body briefly. I noted that I was not breathing heavily or congested.
Immediately I returned to the scene and found myself still sitting on the sofa but staring off into space. My husband was talking about something but I didn’t hear him. He asked me, “Dayna, did you hear what I said?” But I was zoned out, focusing on a sound I heard coming from upstairs. It sounded like footsteps and I knew the “ghost” had grabbed my purse. Then I heard something fall down the stairs. I looked and saw my cell phone had been thrown down. I knew it was purposeful. Whoever was in my house wanted me to see it.
I returned to my body very gently, recognizing the symbolism behind the cell phone. Communicate. Confront something I’ve been avoiding. Sigh. Again? lol
While at the gym today I experienced a sudden drop in blood sugar. It took me totally by surprise. My heart was pounding in my chest so fast that I immediately entered into panic attack mode. I don’t think my heart has ever pounded that fast. It was like I had just done a sprint! On top of the pounding heart, I had this strange sensation in my head and the tips of my fingers and toes began to tingle. I thought for sure I was going to pass out right there, yet I never did. I was able to keep my thoughts under control, practiced deep breathing and just waited.
And waited. 10 minutes and still my heart was pounding out of my chest and there was an odd tingling and my head felt like there were fingers stretched over the top of it. I had been sitting and was terrified to stand for fear of passing out, but after 10 minutes I figured I needed to get up. So I did and I didn’t pass out. Instead I felt better. My heart was still pounding, though.
I stopped by the front desk and told someone what I was experiencing. The poor guy almost had a panic attack! lol But talking to him helped and he finally calmed down, too. In that time I entered into the most tremendous shakes I have ever experienced. My entire body was shaking! I bought an energy bar and went to my car and waited to feel better. The shaking never stopped and I began to get this bone chilling cold feeling along with an icky tummy. I began to get worried about driving and thought to call my husband to come get me. Unfortunately, I had accidentally taken the other car keys with me and he had left a message asking me about it. He couldn’t come get me if he had no keys! LOL
So I drove home, heart still pounding (though not as bad), entire body shaking, teeth chattering, feeling cold chills, dizziness and stomach feeling icky. It was like I had instant flu. When I got home I was starving so drank some orange juice and another energy bar. But I was still so cold! So I took a long hot bath. I felt a bit better after but my stomach is not happy still.
So no big deal, right? Um, usually I would say that but this episode was different. I’ve never had my blood sugar drop that fast and unexpectedly and then leave me feeling like I just had the flu. The entire time it was happening alarms were going off. This was not good.
Why it’s Scary
A few days ago I had conversation with one of my guides while in the in-between. It was a very lucid conversation but I only recall the last parts. We were talking about diabetes and renal failure. I disregarded the conversation because it made no sense at the time.
The next morning, Mary Tyler Moore died as a result of complications from diabetes. I thought, “That must have been what the conversation was about.” But they didn’t say her kidneys failed? I disregarded that. I have lots of in-between conversations that make no sense. I don’t over analyze them anymore.
So today, while in the midst of the panic attack-like heart pounding and low blood sugar symptoms the above information came back to me, specifically the diabetes part. I tried to disregard. The last thing I needed was to think too much and cause the panic to escalate. Yet the information kept coming, along with memories and connections.
When I first awakened back in 2003, one of the first questions I asked was, “How will I die?” I received back, “Kidney failure.” I wondered about it and then let it go. Whatever. That will be when I’m old….lol
Then there came the family connection. My maternal grandfather’s side of the family all had diabetes. My great aunt had it so bad she had a foot amputated. My grandfather got it in his 60’s. My mom has hypoglycemia so bad now that she is terrified of a “low blood sugar attack” and takes food with her everywhere. Also, there is a connection between Mary Tyler Moore and my mom, too. She long considered her as her “twin” not only in name but also in looks.
On top of it all I have not been nice to my body. In my twenties I was bulimic. Probably for a good seven years and sometimes really bad. I never used laxatives (thankfully) but I binged and purged sometimes seven or eight times a day at my worst. On top of that I exercised every day and obsessed over calories. I ended up with awful tooth issues and experienced my first episodes of hypoglycemia toward the end. My spiritual awakening put an end to all that. But was it too late?
Finally, during my first pregnancy I got preeclampsia pretty bad. My doctor was concerned and told me, “You’re kidneys are shutting down.” She showed me the tests. I had protein level of 9. This was ultimately the information that led us to decide to induce labor. I remember my husband’s face – totally white. On top of that my blood pressure was way too high. I am surprised I didn’t have a stroke considering how high it was: 165/105. Only after, when I was recovering did I realize just how sick I was.
Bulimia wreaks havoc on the kidneys. My family history is full of diabetes. Kidney issues are made worse by low blood sugar. Eek!
Maybe I am going overboard and none of this is really connected, but the way the information came to me all at once, like pieces of a puzzle, has me a bit unnerved. I receive personal information from my guidance, mySelf, all the time. It is accurate more than I want it to be. I don’t doubt that this is meant to get me to pay more attention to my body. Whether I can do anything about it now, I don’t know. I think the damage has been done, though, and I am not crying about it. There are worse deaths that I can imagine (like being drowned by your father – my last life). Maybe I will just go into a diabetic coma and die in my sleep? 🙂
As you can tell I’m not freaking out. I do take this information seriously and will pay more attention to my body. I suspect I have a good 20+ years left of life, so I’m not stressing just yet. But that is only if I don’t consider that one time my guidance asked me, “What if you only had 10 years left to live?” That was in 2008……:)
A while ago I received a name in the in-between. It appeared to be my name, yet I wasn’t sure. I didn’t write about it because at the time I was experiencing a deep emotional purge and felt a need to withdraw and reconnect with 3D. I also had no idea the significance of the name I received. All I knew is that I identified with the name. It was one of those experiences where I heard the name in the in-between and repeated it until I awoke. The name was Sakura.
The next morning, I looked it up. I kept hearing it two ways – Sakura and Zakura. The pronunciation only slightly different. In my research I quickly discovered it is Japanese for “cherry blossom.”
Since that morning I the name continues to come to mind at random times. This indicates I have not received the full message it brings, but I was not motivated to look further until today when, yet again, it came to mind.
So I looked up the word again and found two websites that seemed to provide the message the name was meant to convey.
The characters included on this site drew me to it. I’m not drawn to the middle one as much as the top and bottom ones. They remind me of Light Language, especially the one for tree/wood.
This is the Japanese character for sakura. The 木 (ki) on the left side means tree/wood and developed from a pictogram of a tree, with the horizontal line as branches and diagonal lines as roots. Sakura is derived from saku 咲, which means to bloom, or alternately to smile/laugh. The 口 in 咲 indicates an open mouth.
花 (hana) means “flower,” and 見 (mi), means “to view.” Together, hanami literally means “to view flowers.” 見 is a combination of the characters for “eye” and “human,” evolving from a pictogram of a human figure with two legs and a large eyeball for a head.
These characters (yozakura) mean viewing cherry blossom at night. 夜 (yo) means night, and 桜 (zakura) is the same as sakura.
This website drew me in with the explanation for the symbolism behind the cherry blossom. I think the quotes below contain the message I was meant to receive.
Cherry blossoms hold elevated status in China, signifying love and the female mystique (beauty, strength and sexuality)….
Tied to the Buddhist themes of mortality, mindfulness and living in the present, Japanese cherry blossoms are a timeless metaphor for human existence. Blooming season is powerful, glorious and intoxicating, but tragically short-lived — a visual reminder that our lives, too, are fleeting.
Why don’t we marvel at our own passing time on earth with the same joy and passion? Why do we neglect to revel in life when it can end at any moment, or in the grace surrounding us everywhere: our family, friends, a stranger’s smile, a child’s laugh, new flavours on our plate or the scent of green grass? It is time, cherry blossoms remind us, to pay attention.
Day two of being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) again. Well, technically four but I’m only counting the workdays. I’m loving not working again. It feel so free! Nothing like going back to work full-time to remind a person just how restrictive it can be. It is also nice that my husband is out of town. When he’s gone, I am free to be in my own space and energy. The awareness which has come with his absence and my time away from work has been great. My energy body is different. Bigger? Maybe. Hard to put my finger on it, but because of it my physical body feels different, too. I am just……different.
Current Reading
Now that I have time again to myself, I’ve been drawn back to reading. For a few days I have been reading a book long ago recommended which I finally purchased. The book is Through the Eyes of Love: Journeying with Pan by Michael Roads. I limit myself to two or three chapters a night. So far I am on Chapter 9. Enjoying it immensely. His experiences remind me of my own except his are done via his Light Body while mine are while OOB and in the in-between. I suspect I can do what he does if given the right amount of space and alone time. 🙂 In fact, I think I use to prior to 2007 but it scared me.
There are some quotes from the book that I wish to share. They struck a chord with me, so maybe they will for you, too.
Previously I was wild and headstrong, filled with the need of drama and trauma, because this made it more real, more indelible – even though I never realized this. Any task that Pan set for me I performed with the maximum amount of suffering, caused by my reluctance and resistance. Yet, with Pan’s guidance and my persistence, I came to that place of Truth, of spiritual enlightenment, the place where self is surrendered to Self.
~ Chapter 3
When I read the above quote I smiled and thought, “Sounds like me.” Why do I have to resist everything? It only causes pain and suffering. BTW Pan is Michael’s guide for lack of a better word.
Because of that attachment there could be no mobility, no expansion in my consciousness, no real growth, nothing truly creative, and nothing of true Love. An attachment is just that, an anchor firmly embedded in sameness. Like it or not, this is stagnation.
~ Chapter 7
This quote hit home for me. I have experienced this “stagnant” feeling and recognized it was because of a hefty amount of attachment.
I choose all. I choose to no longer be frightened that my reality is not real. To no longer be frightened to step fully into the metaphysical. To no longer be frightened to accept my reality as the only reality in which I can live fully. I choose to accept that this is my reality; a reality that is, and will always be, far greater than my understanding of it. I choose a reality that is rich in Wonder and Mystery, a reality that grows and expands as I grow and expand.
~ Chapter 7
I actually used the above as an affirmation the other night. Rather than feel stuck in the middle of two realities, why not just accept that this is my reality, one that is full of Wonder and Mystery, just like the author said? I like that much better, thank you.
Never resist thoughts, or you will create thoughts to resist. Just ignore them. Take your attention away from them. Do not engage them or be concerned with them. Like a neglected plant, they will wither, losing the energy and vitality they need to thrive.
~ Chapter 9
This is actually almost word-for-word the advice given to me by my guidance once upon a time. 🙂
I’ll post more quotes as they call to me. So far, this book reminds me of Conversations with God, another one of my favs.
Breath of Joy
Even when working, yoga was part of my spiritual practice and continues to be so. I usually practice yoga three or more times a week. My goal is at least 20 minutes each time. I typically do more. My favorite website for yoga is doyogawithme.com so last night I used my new TV for just that.
Side note: What an awesome invention the Smart TV is! I loved being able to use my huge TV screen to do yoga. Love, love, love it!
Anyway, I did a new video and learned a new breath – the Breath of Joy. What an awesome breath! Not only that, but there was also the three-part breath and Breath of Fire in the same video. I got a good breathing workout last night and really enjoyed it. Maybe that is why I had so many OBEs this morning? Who knows, but I really recommend Breath of Joy. It just feels good.
What a crazy, eventful evening last night and this morning! Wow. So much insight, so much clarity and understanding. I could write an entire book on what transpired at 3am. Who knows, maybe I will one day? But for this post, this is what happened after I returned to sleep at 4:30am (yeah I was up a while after the 3am waking).
Dream: No Excuses
I entered into a wintry scene. Outside with several others, I was instructed to lay in the center of a dirt road covered in snow in between the tire grooves that were free of snow. The person talking to me told me I could stay there until the truck came or I could get out of the way. Either way I would be fine. I knew if I stayed the truck would just go over the top of me without touching me, yet every time I heard a noise, I sat up to look and made sure it wasn’t the truck. I saw several cars driving toward me, all swerved and ended up going to a stop sign to my right. I saw a dark minivan almost slide through an intersection. All of it was just like watching a movie. Very vivid and real yet I was still not very lucid.
Then I was walking to the top of a clearing on a hill in the mountains. The snow had cleared and my group was discussing the man who was suppose to help that morning. He had arrived late and quite drunk. I listened and watched the man stumbling about and acting quite full of himself, not a concern for his lateness or a single ounce of responsibility to his actions. The man approached a wood ladder. He was meant to climb it. Where it led, I don’t know, but his job was important, like to act as a watchman. My group could not figure out what to do about the man and were going to just let him do his job while drunk. This was not acceptable to me and I went up to the man and confronted him. I said something like, “Do you think you can come here drunk and do a good job? What were you thinking?” He replied, “What do you know? I am just fine, maybe a little late but fine.” He said other rude remarks but I told him off royally and put him in his place, telling him we (the group) would not allow him to destroy what we were creating. The last thing I said to him was, “You have no excuse for your behavior.” I walked away and members of my group stared open mouthed at me. I told them, “Sorry but someone had to say it like it is. You guys weren’t going to do it.” LOL
OBE After OBE
After walking away from the dream I ended up floating over my body having a conversation with my kids, laughing and having a grand time of it. I remember looping something plastic around my finger and feeling it. I knew I was OOB and just floating over my physical body but stayed where I was because I was so aware and content. My guidance seemed to want me to stay there, too.
Eventually, though, I had to go OOB. It was just too tempting not to. From this point I left my body more times than I can count. I believe it was 9-10 times but I really don’t know. Most were short excursions that ended soon after leaving my body, but I did have at least four where I was able to explore for a while.
In a few OBEs, I found my husband curled up in our bed but he’s not home in reality (away on business). He was wrapped in a green blanket and said something that made no sense. I told him, “What? You must be dreaming!” lol He replied, “Yeah, I am.” lol One time I tried to snuggle close but as soon as I got to him the OBE ended. In another one, I touched him and he disappeared leaving me with only the green blanket. In yet another one, he and my youngest followed me, presenting me with a small, brown dog no larger than a bunny in size. It yapped at me and growled but was nice when confronted, shaking all over like it was afraid. I saw the dog more than once. Chihuahua maybe?
In another OBE I opened my eyes to find myself in a long, dark hallway. I knew instantly it was the hallway of a college dorm and I flew quickly down seeking out my dorm room. Inside I found some college girls sitting on the twin beds playing with toys. I spoke to them, flying above their heads trying to get a reaction out of them. They greeted me warmly and we conversed, though about what I can’t remember. What is odd here is that I never stayed in a dorm like this one. It was only recognizable from the dreamstate. I have had several dreams/experiences of being in this dorm room!
OBE: Blended Sight
The most significant OBE of the morning was one that really is quite amazing to me. It started out normally. I left my body, flew downstairs and toward the front door. I felt like I would not be allowed outside and the door would be locked. I said to myself, “The door is not locked” but it was locked when I tried it. I turned and saw a large, white mattress standing on its side blocking my vision of my living room. Behind it there was movement and there was an ominous feeling which I ignored. It was dark so I waited to see who was behind the mattress. I heard the dog barking (same little brown dog) and saw a man I couldn’t see for the dark behind it. Not bothered that I couldn’t see the man, I materialized a toy dog and placed it on the floor in front of the tiny, barking dog. The toy barked back and the little dog grew quiet. lol That’s when I saw what appeared to be a red folder just floating in the middle of my vision. I wondered, “What is that? Why is a red folder here?” I wondered about it but decided I wanted to explore more.
I took a run at the door, figuring I would just go through it and I did! Right outside into the front yard! Flying high up into the trees, branches kept hitting me in the face and I could make out the stars in the night sky. Yet for some odd reason, through the branches of the tree I saw the darn red folder again! WTF? I tried to not let it distract me but it kept appearing in my line of sight. A single red rectangle that resembled a folder.
I remember saying, “Clarity now!” and waiting for my vision to clarify but the red folder remained along with the leaves and night sky. Still floating, I decided to ignore it and continued on but felt myself pulled back into my body. Yet the folder remained until I woke up. That is when I realized my physical eyes were wide open. And what were they looking at? A small, red painting my kids had made for me. It is on the wall across from the bed and in the dark it looks just like….you guessed it! A red folder! LOL
I have never in my life experienced this kind of phenomena. To see both with physical eyes and astral eyes and have the two visuals blend into one?! Ha! Too cool! I will just call it “blended sight” as I have no other word for it. And it didn’t just happen this one time, this was just the time I noticed it. Prior to this, I had other OBEs, short ones, where when I came back into my body my physical eyes were wide open.
I awoke at 3am and then at 5:30am in tears. Really? Sigh. I hate this purge crap.
Dream: Apartment Search in Mexico
This dream began with me traveling into a town in Mexico with my mom. We were discussing where I would live. As we drove, the road beneath us turned white with strips of white granite at intersections. I told her, “Oh I can see so much better now! I like it when the roads look like this. If I were going to live anywhere it would be here.” She said, “Downtown?” I said, “Yes, I like this area.”
As we continued the area began to get more ghetto-like, with shabby one bedroom apartments and narrow, crumbling asphalt roads. I mentioned this was an area I would not live in and that the apartments cost $200-$400 month. I added that mostly college students lived there. It was pretty grungy.
Then we were outside and my mom was wanting to stop and get some ice cream. We stood across the road from a coffee shop and she went in, asking me repeatedly if I wanted something sweet. I said, “No, I’m stuffed” and I really felt full to the point of wanting to vomit. She went inside and got some ice cream. When I saw it I nearly threw up.
Then my mom was talking about the construction of a new home. I saw its brilliant white walls and immaculate, new condition. I was sad, though, and ignored her and her excitement seemed only to make me sadder.
Dream: Date in Mexico
The dream shifted and I was heading into a restaurant to meet my counterpart for a date. I saw him sitting at a small, white table waiting for me and instantly smiled. Then I saw he was not alone. He had brought with him a blonde woman who was dressed very professionally in a silver dress suit with high heels. They were sitting together with their laptops open and she was jabbering away. I remember thinking, “Why did he bring her??” When he saw me he looked uncomfortable and said, “I hope you don’t mind but she wanted to come along.” I remember thinking it a bad idea and feeling like the third wheel.
I watched them talk for some time, feeling uncomfortable and twiddling my thumbs. Then I heard him mention his new laptop and show how it could roll up, tube like. This peaked my interest and I went over to see for myself. I mentioned how I could only see it useful for painting and got out a paint brush and painted the laptop screen with white paint. Neither seemed to notice and I felt instantly stupid and apologized, grabbing a cloth to clean it off.
As I cleaned the screen they continued chatting. I ended up having to use paint thinner to get it clean. As I was rinsing the rag a woman sitting at the bar began to heave and cough. She began to throw up blood. I felt sorry for her but did nothing. Someone said she was a hemophiliac and it was normal and not to worry. The whole time everyone, even me, spoke Spanish.
Then my “brother” was there and it was his birthday. I mentioned he was 9 years old, but said, “nino” instead of the number. Then I remembered he was 10 and said, “No, he’s 10!” but I said, “Domingo” instead of “diez.” Everyone began to sing happy birthday in Spanish.
My counterpart and the blonde woman were still jabbering away, totally oblivious to me, so I left. As I left I asked someone behind the counter for help but got my words mixed up and had to tell him I didn’t know how to say it in Spanish. He pointed me toward the door and others came to assist me.
I got into a car and sped off, feeling very sad and rejected and wondering what I had done wrong. I recall following a route through the rough part of town and then taking a turnpike toward the newer section of the city. I looked at my reflection in the car mirror and I looked pretty bad. My face had large dry scabs and I looked pale and old. I compared myself to the blonde woman and realized I was no match for her.
Dream: Dead Dogs and Lost Car
At some point I parked and walked for a long time, talking to someone about how I felt. I ended up walking into the back of a brand new restaurant kitchen. The people watched me but said nothing. I went up through to the front and found them serving samples to a select few. I went directly to the door and outside where a woman dressed in a blue suit put a microphone up to my face and asked me if I was the owner. I stood there silent and shocked. Another woman came out and told me it was the grand opening of the restaurant and they thought I owned it. I told the reporter I had no idea and left feeling confused about how I had gotten there.
I walked searching for my car but did not know where I was. The city I was in was obviously not in Mexico. Everyone spoke English. It was also clean and modern. I wandered in the dark streets for a while lost and eventually ran into a woman walking her two dogs, one tiny and black the other large and white. She asked if I needed help, I said I did. She resembled the blonde woman from before but was not as nicely dressed.
We talked for a while, but I only remember feeling very sad. We were at a parking lot and I told her, “I can’t find my car.” She said, “I bet I know where you parked it.” I looked over the parking lot and saw some cars and several bloated, dead, white dogs. I remembered my dog Trooper then and knew he was in my car. I began to worry he would die. The woman reassured me he would be fine.
She asked me to tell her what was wrong and I told her about the failed date and how I felt rejected and unable to compete with the blonde woman. All I remember her saying now was, “But he asked you to come didn’t he?” I nodded. She said, “Then he wanted you there.” Her reassurance didn’t help and I began to worry more about my dog, thinking he was all I had left. I began to cry.
When I woke up the song, Come Monday was going over and over in my head. Specifically, “Come Monday, it’ll be alright. Come Monday, I’ll be holding you tight.”
Interpretation
The above three dreams were like one. When I woke I was beside myself with upset, still crying, and feeling confused and disoriented. When I remembered my current life and situation it compounded my upset. The woman in the dream, all professional, pretty and flawless, was in my mind. I saw her as perfect and me as flawed and undesirable. My mother in the first dream was also her, though I saw her differently – more mother-like. In all three parts she was happy, confident, and positive, jabbering away without a care in the world.
I am certain we are discussing my emotional state in the beginning (apartments). I wish to overcome it but the reality is I am in poor condition (rundown apartments). I believe the professional woman is what I desire to be and the version I present to others. I hide the undesirable version of myself because I know she will be rejected for her unworthiness. My upset about my “true” self is apparent throughout the dream series and I feel it is the reason my counterpart rejects me. The new home at the end of the first part is to show me that the future holds promise. I am unwilling to look at it, though, still caught up in despair.
The boy in the dream looked like my brother. I suspect he represents my counterpart on some level, my masculine aspect. Domingo likely relates to spirituality, spiritual nourishment. The woman vomiting blood could be a deep emotional purging or cleansing and a cry for help.
I can’t find my car or where I parked it. I feel unable to find my path, lost in life. The parking lot indicates a need for rest. The dead dogs represent loss or loss of a friend.
I think the song was trying to give me hope that this too, will pass. I hope so. I am so very tired of feeling like this. Plus, Lunes comes after Domingo. lol
Dream: Grieving
I was at a home located on my grandparents land with a small group of friends. The dream scene was familiar but nothing like reality. We heard a young boy cry out and several of us went out after him in the dark. I remember not being able to see as I ran up the road. Ahead of me it was dark but behind me it was so bright I couldn’t see.
Then I was in a bathroom with a young boy. The bathroom was also his bedroom, though. His parents were throwing a party and it was quite loud. He stayed in his room to stay out of trouble. Someone said since his room and the bathroom were in the same room it was the perfect place for a friend to sneak in and molest him. I was horrified and worried about the boy.
The person I was with questioned the boy but he did not give out any information except that his parents often had parties and he hid there for his own protection. I remember recognizing the place and getting confused between the dream and reality. Someone asked the boy to give five positive events that happened in 2016. When they asked him, I began thinking of my own but ended up talking about my grandfather. I suddenly missed him horribly and began to cry. I remember saying, “I haven’t seen him in my dreams in so long. I hope he’s okay.” I heard back, “He’s okay. Don’t worry.”
I was still talking about him when I woke up.
Interpretation
I feel I was exploring parts of myself that need inspection in all of the dreams I had. When I woke from this dream I was thinking of all the male figures in my life who I loved and lost. My grandfather came to mind first followed by my father and then others in my life who have gone, not necessarily in death. I felt such horrible loss and I remember thinking “Why does everyone I love leave me?” This is not true, of course, but that is the place I found myself in when I awoke.
2016
I did think of 5 significant events in 2016 eventually. Mt. Shasta in May, Nashville in October, meeting my counterpart in October, the emotional/empathic overload of November and December, and all the Kundalini rising incidents inundating the year. And in the midst of it all was the fabulous time I had getting to know my counterpart along the way. It was a great year for the most part and I would not give it back for anything. I learned so much about myself and grew exponentially. It wasn’t always easy, but then who grows when life is easy?
A night filled with dreams, many of which had me waking up upset or angry.
Dream: Lost on a Cruise Ship
I entered a cruise ship with a group and was assigned my room. I don’t recall ever going inside, though. Instead, I walked the halls with a portly young man talking about my grandmother and how I can communicate with her even though she is dead. Specifically, I told him about how she visited me in a dream and my mother and I made her a chocolate cake and reminisced about how much I use to love cooking with her. I continued to tell him all kinds of things about my life and spiritual experiences. I held nothing back. He listened, at first very interested and then becoming quieter and quieter. When I was finished telling him everything (and I mean everything) about myself he made an excuse that he had to be somewhere and got away from me quickly. When I tried to follow him, he literally ran away and I received a feeling from him of, “Get away from me! You’re nuts!” I felt completely destroyed by his reaction. Never had I shared everything about myself so openly and honestly. What I said was genuine and came from my heart. I trusted him wholeheartedly and he rejected me outright and with such fear and rejection that I was left feeling obliterated and spiritually desiccated.
Then I went looking for my room. I thought I was in room #112 so went toward the front. I saw the maitre D of the hotel go into the room I thought was mine. Something felt wrong so I walked past and decided to go to the front desk because I had no key. I stood there with two blonde girls, sisters, and requested a new key. The man at the desk asked if the girls were mine, I said no. I was given a new key and saw my room number was 68.
I went looking for my room and went through hallway after hallway unable to find it. I found rooms 67 and 69 but my room was missing. I went up an open elevator with others as I looked. The operator of the elevator had a negative energy. Strangely I shifted into him while I was also myself. He pushed a button and let out a swarm of zombies. I remember being relieved and allowed myself to be overcome by them, relishing the dead feeling over the awful rejection I had previously experienced.
Interpretation
To be on a cruise represents an emotional journey. In this case, it has to do with coping with feelings of rejection. Being locked out of my room indicates I am feeling unable to shift into a new state of mind or personal identity. The numbers of the room indicate what I am rejecting and/or searching for. I never find my new room, instead being swept up in negativity and allowing myself to succumb to the zombies and feeling “dead”. The feeling from this dream is that I made a decision to never open myself up to another because it is too painful. In the dream, at the moment the man rejected me I remember thinking, “I knew this would happen. That’s why I never reveal my True Self to anyone.” My choice is to remain closed off and dead rather than feel the pain that results.
Dream: Toy Ark
I walked to a school and interacted with others who I knew. There was a woman struggling with a boy who would not come into the school. She asked for my help and I obliged. I spoke to the boy and he seemed to trust me. He had a small toy with him that fit in the palm of his hand. I saw that it was Noah’s Ark and had tiny animals in white that fit into slots in the toy. I commented on it and how well he put it together. The dream gets fuzzy here but the next thing I recall is holding the boy close to me while covered with a blanket. I felt motherly and recognized he needed to feel loved and secure. I gave that to him willingly. A woman came to retrieve him and I nudged him, making his little toy fall and pieces dislodge. I picked it up, apologizing and placing the pieces back. I saw the deck of the ark and a tiny, white angel figure was in the middle. The figure began to move on its own, walking across the deck.
Interpretation
This dream intrigues me. The boy I think is an aspect of me. An ark is symbolic of Wholeness and the preservation and protection of something valuable. I end up holding the boy close and recognizing his need for love, protection and security. I cradle him close to me and feel a connection to him. Then I see the ark, the tiny angel walking across it, which could indicate Divine assistance toward Wholeness.
Dream: Possum and Fruit
I was inside my old childhood home. My friend David was there sitting at a desk. It was dark and difficult to see. Strangely, the room shifted into a room with screened windows. I don’t recall what I said to David but he left and I was sitting at the computer searching for something, a video I think. I found a DVD was in the drive and there were two files on it, both of them videos I had made where I discussed my OBEs and answered questions. It was not what I was looking for so I gave up.
Something moved below me and I saw a small, adolescent opossum. It was fuzzy and gray and appeared like a pet. I saw it crawl up on the face of a child, the boy from the previous dream, and seem to sniff around. I shooed it away and it ran and hid under a bush. I worried about how it had gotten inside and found a rip in the window screen of an open window. I went to close the window and saw both an opossum and a large dog trying to get in. I closed the window.
Then I went outside to check the bush near the window, suspecting it was the opossum’s den. I found my friend had stashed fruits there. One was a very large, rotting mango and the other fruits were spiky and unfamiliar. I picked up a spiky fruit and it was ripe. It was orange with some yellowing sections. I remember wanting to eat it, but I kept it instead, and asked someone if they wanted it. Then the opossum ran out from under the bush.
Interpretation
I’m not sure what the first part represents. Perhaps I am discussing my spiritual experiences and teaching others about OBEs? The opossum looks like a pet. Funny enough, I keep seeing them in my back yard at night lately. Opossum brings the message that something is not what it seems and to inspect it further. My shutting the window indicates I feel abandoned. The torn screen indicates my optimism has been destroyed. The mango represents sexuality and/or lust. It is rotten so I leave it. Rotten fruit indicates a missed opportunity and/or a premature ending to a relationship. The other fruit is one I did not recognize but it looks something like the image above. Fruit in general represents growth, abundance and financial gain. Since it has spikes on it, maybe these things could be uncomfortable for me? I’m not sure but I give it away.
Dream: Parking Lot Robbery
I was driving by a parking lot and saw something suspicious. I went to investigate and realized the parking area was being robbed. I drove over a barricade and stopped near the kiosk to call for help. Inside, I grabbed a radio handle and called into it, “911”. They responded and I told them the parking lot was being robbed. Then I heard voices approaching so hid beneath the counter. They could hear the radio dispatcher replying so came into the small building and found me hiding there. They were just kids and I confronted them, asking them to stop what they were doing. The kids held up guns, but they were green, see-through water guns. I remember thinking they were idiots to use guns like that. Just as I took the guns from them, a young girl came up holding a gun that looked real but then held it out to me. I took the gun and realized it, too, was a water gun. The dispatcher was saying something over the radio about the parking lot being “community” and “donation only”. Then a male voice responded, “That’s why it is a perfect target.” The three kids stood there with me and some of their team were yelling at them to get out and running past toward the exit. That is when I both heard and saw the sirens of an emergency vehicle approaching.
Interpretation
Parking lots indicate I need to slow down. Robbery suggests an identity crisis or that I am suffering from a major loss. 911 indicates that I am seeking help. It can also indicate that I need immediate assistance with the crisis I find myself in. There is also the angel number meaning but I feel it is more the dream symbol meaning. The “robbers” end up shooting water guns. Water guns indicate I am having difficulty expressing my true feelings. The sirens represent a warning and act to focus attention on the problem at hand.
Today was my last day at work and a busy one. As soon as I got to work I had to go outside for crossing guard duty. It was a beautiful, clear, brisk morning and all the kindergartners were dressed up as fairy tale characters. I saw more Elsa’s and Cinderellas than I could count. lol As I stood there waiting for children to gather on the curb I saw a lone, white bird fly low across the sky. It was a stork of all things. Quite unusual!
When I was done with duty my morning was full with several students requesting to see me and a couple of guidance lessons in kindergarten, first and fourth grade. They had announced my last day that morning and so everyone was saying goodbye and wishing me well. I got more hugs than I can count, some from students I had never really interacted with.
I received a beautiful drawing from one of my sweet second graders. She was shy and withdrawn when we first met, resisting hugs and keeping her distance. Since then she has blossomed and hugs have been a normal greeting from her. I got at least six from her today, one in which she didn’t want to let go. Such a sweetheart.
Drawing left on my desk today.
Another student, a little second grader whose mom has stage four cancer, requested to see me again today even though I saw him just two days ago. Not the hugging kind and preferring more distance than most, I could feel he just felt better in my presence, as I did in his. When I thought about how I was leaving him when he most needs me I felt sad and teared up. I feel like I am “abandoning” these kids.
Yet when I left work for the last time today, I felt my time there was complete. I felt no sorrow at leaving. My only concern was for all the time that was about to be mine and what I would fill it with. I knew immediately that I needed no distractions for the inner work I am about to do and I shuddered at the thought of it. This job served its purpose and now it is time to move on.
While on the drive home I began to feel a familiar heaviness in my heart, a distinctive signal that some purging was coming. Sure enough by the time I drove into my garage there were tears in my eyes and a feeling of not being able to handle this anymore. “This” being whatever is happening and has been happening to me.
Then, after dinner tonight, my husband showed me a picture he and my youngest drew together of the number 218. My youngest can’t count well yet and when he does he counts “2….1….8”. lol He repeats it no matter how many times you ask. So they colored it for me. My daughter added her part as well which caught my “eye”. I had to include it here for you all.
My daughter says hers is an “eye”. The interesting thing is that one of my long-time clients just asked me about a vision she keeps seeing in meditation. The vision? That of a blue eye looking at her. Prior to that, I heard that a sign of Kundalini awakening is receiving vivid visions of eyes. Funny, the one eye I remember seeing was that of an ET. I painted it. Remember? lol
As for 218, well it equals 11 of course! lol Here is the angel number meaning in case you are curious.
And don’t think I forgot about the stork. Nope. Storks are all about rebirth and renewal. A good sign? I hope so.
Emotionally, I am better now, until whatever is happening hits me again and I feel like I am dying from the inside-out. Yay for transformation and “inner work”…NOT.
OBE After OBE
Dream: Date in Mexico
Dream: Possum and Fruit
Living Life in Between 