Sleep has not been my friend lately. Where I had a good month of great sleep, sometimes 10 hours or more, now I am lucky if I get a solid 6-7 hours. It could be due to the environment. In Costa Rica I slept exceptionally well but then I was rarely around people, had no schedule to keep and purposefully did very little. Since returning home I’ve returned to my previous schedule and am again exercising, though not as frequently and only when I feel like it. My encounters with people are much higher here at home and my time in nature limited. So, at night I often find myself staring into the darkness, sometimes for hours, not really finding good, solid sleep until after midnight.
Last night I fell asleep pretty quickly but then woke at 1:30am and found our car gone from the driveway. Realizing my husband had driven somewhere in the middle of the night, I was concerned and tried to call only to discover his phone ringing downstairs. So, I lay awake until I heard him return because I was worried. When he returned I discovered he had gone to the office (lol). My worries abated but my mind was very awake for some time after.
I lay awake thinking of a recent incident mostly.
Since June our company has been dealing with fraudulent checks written against our checking account. We opted to get a system where we upload the checks numbers and amounts and any check that doesn’t match one of these checks/amounts is flagged and has to be approved before it clears the account. It stops the fraud 100% which makes my job so much easier. Well, just this week, one of the fraudulent checks that came through was written by an ex-employee, someone who had worked for the company 9 years and who I’ve known 14 years. He is 72yrs old and recently had double hip replacement. That he would write a $20k check using our company’s account info, printed on checks ordered with our checking info on them, is a shock. Turns out he is well aware, did it knowingly, pushed by a group of people he met online and has since become friendly with. The group pulled him in with sexual content, specifically a young women who he fell in love with. This caused his wife to divorce him, kick him out and subsequently he left his job to move in with the woman. He recently admitted that he gave this group all his personal information to use as they pleased – old check stubs, bank info, addresses, people he knew, etc. When they ask him to write and sign checks, he just does it.
Unable to comprehend this man’s sudden lack of judgement, my mind was pulled towards my sister’s situation and how I similarly am unable to comprehend her decisions.
I knew before falling asleep that my dreams would align with my thoughts prior to bed. I don’t recall my dreams but when I awoke there was memory of a summary of a night’s-long discussion.
As I woke I heard this: “The best of us is no better than the worst of us and the worst of us is no worse than the best of us.”
Along with this message, I had flashes of various “memories” and Knew how it all fit together as a message.
Honestly, I was a bit overwhelmed and also very ashamed of myself and my behavior in this life. What I was being told was that our main purpose in this physical experiment is to show love and compassion towards our fellow man. Jesus came to mind – how he taught that everyone is our brother and our sister. He loved everyone equally and unconditionally. The beggar and the leper were shown the same love and compassion as anyone else. If a stranger came knocking, asking for help, food, shelter, clothing and whatever they needed was provided without question or judgment.
I saw how I withdrew help to my sister because of my judgement of her actions, my supposition of her situation and my overall lack of compassion for her and her family. Her actions and “lack of sane judgement” have been my justification for not helping, when I could – can.
Of course, I wondered, “Surely I shouldn’t just give her money and whatever she asks for? She would just take advantage as she has proven she will by her past actions. So, if I am to help her, how?” My guidance said this, “Ask her, ‘How can I help you?’. When she answers, pay attention to your immediate response, the one that comes from your heart, not your mind, and offer her that.” I realized right away that she may actually answer by asking me to listen, to be available as her sister and to not judge her!
Then there was memory of a dream. On the 5th of August I woke up crying from a dream, but it didn’t make sense to me.
In my dream I was being given a $2500 check from a very old, rich woman. I was very grateful but saw she wrote my name as “Dani”. When I tried to ask her to change it, she had left and her assistant told me, “No problem” and then scratched through the name and wrote in the correct one. The old lady came back and said, “I am going to pay all your expenses, too.” She handed me the check – a large, leather bound globe of Earth. I could feel the topography and details on the surface as I looked down at it. Across the top was a very long name written in black ink. The name was so long, it went around the entire circumference of the northern hemisphere. I saw my name a bit lower down, also written in black ink. Beside it was a signature line marked with an X. For some reason I thought the long name on top was of a lawyer and felt the check was a “joint check”, meaning that only when the lawyer gets paid will I get paid. The amount of the check was in the billions. The amount I would be paid after all expenses were paid was $500.
I asked for help on FB but everyone was saying it must be a warning of a class action lawsuit. I knew that was not correct. This morning I recognized why I was sad from the dream. I will not be “paid” until the entire population of Earth is “paid”. The lawyer represents “judgement” or better yet, the scales of justice. I was being shown that for me to escape this place, so must everyone else here. One does not leave without the rest. We are all One.
This is not the first time I’ve heard: We are all One. Thus, for one to advance/ascend, so must all the others. We are only as advanced/ascended as the least advanced/ascended in the group. We leave no one behind.
The best of us is no better than the worst of us and the worst of us is no worse than the best of us.
When telling my husband about what I woke Knowing, an analogy came to mind. Imagine a group of people on a tiny lifeboat out in the vast ocean. There is a destination but the only way the boat will make it to that destination is with every person on that boat alive and intact. The thing is, the boat is horribly overcrowded, there are few resources, and the winds are unfavorable. Somehow, though, everyone on the boat must get along and help one another in order to complete the journey. If even one person dies, jumps overboard or pushes others off, the journey will fail. The boat will not be received on the other side unless the original occupants are all accounted for.
This is our predicament on Earth. Everyone is out for themselves. People are pushing others off the boat, restricting resources, choosing sides, and just generally being selfish and self-interested. The only truly successful life is one where we show love and compassion for our fellow brothers and sisters despite every inclination to do otherwise.
In my recent review of my old journals I read through a conversation with my guidance. In it I asked if I could “sit out” the “game”. I was told, “Of course you can. It is your choice.” Similarly, the post from 2013 (Tossing Pebbles) repeats that we all have a choice: “It all comes down to you.” I realized that if I sit out the game, which tends to be what I do, then I am not helping anyone, especially myself.
I know that if I were to die today and do a life review, I would be saddened by my lack of love and compassion towards others.
All of the above was clear to me as I awoke. Of course, I struggle to know how to make changes so that I can be more like Jesus was. It seems easy but so much of my conditioning says, “Protect what is mine. Us versus Them. Survival of the fittest.” Uh-huh, exactly the problem.
Of course, I jump to extreme examples in my mind but the change doesn’t have to be extreme and sudden change. It is simply approaching each moment, each encounter, with, “How can I help?” It is shifting from viewing others as strangers to others as being my brothers and my sisters. And most importantly, listening to my heart and following it. If I do all these things, life will slowly transform into a more loving and compassionate one, and with it so will I.