Sick Again and More Dreams

I am about at my wits end with the recurrence of illness this year. I’ve never been sick this often in my life and it is really getting annoying!! The cold I had last week is STILL lingering. I woke up again this morning with a headache, completely clogged up and with bloodshot, dry eyes. On top of that I have another yeast infection. WTF! My poor body must really be out of balance. I cannot help but be reminded of the last time I had a yeast infection. That time I had a sore throat, too. At least this time they are not at the same time but unfortunately my entire stomach area is aching from the yeast infection. Ugh!

On top of this recent string of illness my skin is all screwed up – dry and flaky with acne popping up and mild eczema here and there. I look awful. When I catch a glimpse of myself I think, “OMG! I look like shit!” Thankfully, the skin issues are clearing up and I am looking less and less awful with each passing day.

All this illness together with the emotional purging that comes and goes is making 2017 a hellish year. I keep asking my guidance, “Why!?” Their answer is that I am “preparing.” Yeah, well, I’m TIRED of preparing. This sucks!¬†All I want is to feel normal again please! Ha! Like I am “normal” anyway! lol

Oh and my voice isn’t completely back. I can’t sing. ūüė¶ I love singing.

Anyway, after this morning’s big dream and emotional purge I went back to sleep and had more dreams and messages.

Dream: Broken Leg

I was in a hospital with a young, Hispanic man. He was laying down with gauze wrapped around his right calf (lack of balance, need to stand up for self). The nurse came in and scowled at him and I caught on that she and the other staff were purposefully avoiding helping the man because he was different than them. I got super angry and demanded they help him, confronting them on their discrimination and telling them off. I remember speaking Spanish in this dream.

Eventually the nurses tended to the man and I went to a juicer (need more energy) and attempted to make some fresh veggie juice (vitality). One of the nurses came and complemented me on the juice but asked where the carrots (lure) were. I told them there weren’t any in the fridge.


Then I was in a bathroom (burdens) with the man and filling a bathtub (renewal) so he could take a bath. The tub got super full (emotion). When I went to drain some of the water I saw a dead cockroach (uncleanliness) floating in it.  I leaned in to open the drain and another roach was swimming around. I was totally disgusted but let the tub drain and celebrated when both cockroaches went down the drain.

When I went to help the man into the tub, I worried about his cast but when I looked at his leg he still only had gauze on it. I realized that he had not broken his leg after all (in balance).

Dream: Black and White Caterpillars 

This dream started off in a mall (choices/options). The stores were closing (time running out) and as we were leaving my family wanted to look for chairs (contemplate a situation before making a decision) in a store that was going out of business (end of path). They looked around inside for a while and there was discussion about the price of some chairs. The tag said $140 (progressive change and growth) and I told them the discount would make them cost $40. The chairs were suppose to go on the patio. I believe the family I was with were my physical family.

I lingered near a crystal and gem store but never went in. I remember knowing I needed to purchase something for protection.

Then I was riding a motorcycle through a dark parking lot (need to slow down). My son was sitting in front of me and I was holding him close to keep him from falling off. I felt like a bad mother and tried to hide the fact that he was riding with me.

I almost wrecked the motorcycle (desire freedom and adventure/moving fast) so out of fear of hurting my son, I parked it and started walking (slow, steady progress). I came to a narrow stairway (progress). It was the only way out of the parking lot. The stairway was full of green vines (hopes, ambitions, relationship) and there was green moss (patience) on the stone steps. When I began to walk up the stairs they turned into a high ledge (liberation) that I had to climb up. As soon I I tried to climb up thousands of large, black and white caterpillars (working toward goals) covered every inch of it. I stepped back a big grossed out. A woman and her daughter were nearby watching. I told her about the caterpillars. She said, “Oh, they are a delicacy!” I looked back at the mass of writhing caterpillars and thought to myself, “They eat them!?” The woman was gathering them up in her arms to take with her. I remember seeing them up close. They were huge, about a foot long, and covered in tiny, soft hairs.


When I woke up I lingered in the in-between for some time. While there I remember someone telling me, “You’re special” and feeling surrounded in loving energy. There is memory of a discussion here, but most of it is lost to me now.

I also recall visuals. One was of a string of condoms and one package was torn open. That woke me up with a start and I heard, “Protection”. I was thinking, “Eww! Really!?” lol I am certain this is not a literal message to protect myself during sex. It’s just another protection message and obviously my guides wanted to get me to notice and they know what works. hahaha

Then I was on a phone with a friend of mine. Not only could I hear him on the other end of the line, but I could also see him. He was wearing a t-shirt and either in bed or near it. I was talking a million miles a minute, super excited about something. I apologized for talking so much and he laughed and told me it was okay because he was feeling sluggish anyway and “happy to listen”. I remember him telling me he was still wearing his p.j.’s and that’s when the visual of him was strongest. I can’t remember what I was so excited about, though.

Eventually I woke up because of stomach discomfort. A song was going through my head – Shake it Off by Taylor Swift. This is the second morning I’ve woken up hearing it. It is not a song I like (sorry Taylor Swift fans, I just can’t stand her) so I haven’t mentioned it. Anytime I hear it on the radio I change stations. lol So, of course, it would be a music message. Ha! Anyway, the part I heard is, “Play, play, play, play…..Shake it off” over and over. Maybe if I post the song it will go away now so I can be left in peace. lol



Health Issues and Feeling “Done”

Still in a funk. Energy-wise I feel tired and unmotivated. Still having some panic/anxiety and heart related issues, also.

Last weekend I went to the gym without incident. On the drive home, upon just seeing the string of cars stopped at a light ahead, I thought, “This is where I always have a panic attack.” Within seconds my heart began to race and the panic attack was on full-force. As soon as I got through the light (which seemed to take eons) I was fine.

Almost every time I get in my car now I have anxiety. Ugh.

So I am being triggered now because of all the past incidents. Sigh. But at least I know these incidents are not all related to low blood sugar.

My heart still does weird things when exercising outside of the gym. The other day I went for a run outside and less than a half mile in my heart began to pound and panic set in. Then, a few days ago, I was exercising at home quite strenuously and my chest actually hurt, though I had no other symptoms. But it concerned me.

It is hard to tell what are real, physical symptoms or panic attack symptoms. Panic attack symptoms are so real every time. Though I am use to them, I always end up thinking I may be dying at some point. It’s hard not to.

Fast forward to last night. Watching t.v. on my laptop in bed and very relaxed I became suddenly aware of my heart seeming to flip flop and flutter in my chest for a good 10-20 seconds. I checked my pulse and it seemed fine. I recognized it because with every one of my pregnancies I had these flutters and “skipped beats” in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. Always normal for pregnancy but now, well, probably not normal.

Then this morning I experienced a sensation of my heart skipping beats while lying on my right side. This is the most common experience I have and I am use to it. It never lasts very long. But I am reminded of the difficulty breathing I experienced both during and after my most recent OBE. Is that somehow related?

Add this strange arrhythmia to the above panic attacks and gym episodes and it has me quite sure I have inherited my family’s tendency toward heart-related illness (on both sides). My dad’s side of the family carries a history of heart attack, heart valve problems and congenital heart defects. Both my dad and his brother died young (early 50s) from heart related problems. My mom’s side has stroke, high blood pressure and heart failure, mostly in old age. Sadly, my sister had to have open heart surgery when she was younger than I am now to replace a faulty heart valve that was congenital but never discovered until it nearly took her life. She now has to take medication for the rest of her life. My mom suffers from major arrhythmia to the point of losing consciousness and is on medication and has been since her 50s. I witnessed her pass out from it once and was with her through the whole heart-monitor-wearing ordeal that followed.

The heart fluctuations are weekly for me right now but I’ve been having these occurrences for years, though very intermittently and never at such a high rate as now. Nor have I ever had any chest pain before. It is daily now, though nothing sharp or scary. My heart chakra just hurts, like burning in my chest, most of the time.

I have not disregarded the part ascension and Kundalini play in this and suspect the stress put on my physical body from these energies is aggravating underlying issues that may not have been noticeable otherwise. I am super sensitive to energy fluctuations and notice every single change in my physical body from the norm.

So my plan is? Do nothing. Yep. I actually told my husband, “If I pass out or something, don’t call 9-1-1.” Then I said, “It is DNR for me, too. If I happen to get in a car accident or something, I don’t want them to waste their time resuscitating me.” This has always been my position anyway, but I wanted him to remind him so that if something does happen he doesn’t interfere.

I know, quite dramatic, but I have had messages along the way on this spiritual path of mine that refer to my having “limited time” here. Yes, it could be just the soul exchange or maybe it could be really the end of my life (well in both cases I guess it would be). With the Ego death stuff going on as well, it could just be adding to the drama of it all.

Other Considerations

Along with these health related issues I have been feeling, yet again, “done” with life. This feeling was very strong in 2014-2015 and then the Kundalini came along and brought “new life” into me for a short time. Since the Kundalini has gone mostly quiet this year, the last major event in December, 2016, my view on this energy has shifted. The Kundalini and the events that coincided have been the most traumatic experience of this lifetime. I am exhausted. Still. The “loss” has just been too much. I am certain now that I will not be able to overcome it, at least not without major life change and I do not have the energy or desire to travel that road. It seems a daunting path for sure. I feel like a 100 year old facing a mountain without any climbing gear. Insurmountable.

In previous life reviews I never regretted one choice or event, even those that seemed awful at the time. Yet now, when I looked back, I regret choosing the path of the Kundalini. Yes, it can be magnificent but what it left behind was a rubble field of destruction. It exacerbated my lifetime Homesickness making this life that much more difficult to bear. Normal life bores the hell out of me now. I need more and more “excitement” to even want to be here. “Excitement” being those things of a spiritual nature and along the lines of what the Kundalini awoke in me. Those things of an earthly nature that I use to enjoy, just don’t bring me joy anymore. My daily life, though not torturous and really very good for a “normal” life, feels so empty and shallow in comparison to where I’ve been. When I look at my life I think, “This isn’t me. I’m not this person.”

Maybe this is all “normal” for what I’ve been through, and no, I don’t feel suicidal or like I am going to lose my mind and do something crazy. I just feel “done”, like my life and who I am as a person in this lifetime is complete.

Despite everything, I am planning on going to South Padre with my family and extended family this weekend. Maybe some time at the beach will do me some good.



Embracing the Goddess Within

This full moon energy is ridiculously intense. I have been feeling it for a week and I suspect I will continue to feel it all month. My heart is most affected by it, though. So much so that at times it feels almost painful. Just when I think my heart has opened as much as is possible it blasts open more. I am beginning to think there is no end to the depths of it.

Dream: Pregnant with Twins

I remember speaking to a dietitian about the past week and my diet, how I had been feeling and what I needed to do to resolve it. The talk was not something I wanted. It made me feel as if I were in trouble. The main thing I remember from it was that the dietitian said, “You’ve been really high on energy haven’t you? When you get like that you need to slow down and rest. Take a break. Your body needs you to.” There was also discussion about low blood sugar, my heart and how I have not been eating enough food for the activity I’m doing.

When I left I ended up in a restaurant (emotional nourishment/support) somewhere in Europe with people I did not recognize. I sat down and a woman came to my table and sat in a chair across from me. She was Asian and very pregnant (aspect of self that is maturing). In fact, her stomach was so huge that it looked unnatural. Another woman sitting nearby looked at me and said, “She’s pregnant with twins.” I turned to the Asian woman and smiled. The Asian woman motioned to her tummy and said, “Just another week or so now and it will all be over.” She was smiling and looking lovingly at her stomach. In my mind I saw a calendar and saw the remainder of this week, the entire next week and a few days of the following week. I realized this must be her due date.¬†I was impressed that the woman had carried a set of twins to term. I said, “You’re doing a great job! Just remember to let yourself rest after they’re born. Let someone else care for them and sleep. You’ll need it.”


Heart Expansion

Something about the dream and the pregnant woman triggered me into full lucidity. I began to cry and woke up. My heart chakra was enormous, spreading the length of my torso and also up into my throat chakra. The pregnant woman in the dream was what was on my mind. It felt like she was me. Lately I’ve been having tons of dreams about pregnancy and/or twins but I have not been posting them. Usually the twins are still babies and one is male and the other is female.

My heart was overflowing. It reminded me of when I was in Tennessee at my friend Yvonne’s house. I had woken one morning and had so much love I didn’t know what to do with it. I had burst into tears and hugged my friend, something I rarely do when I cry. I said to her, “I feel so much love. I don’t know what to do with all of it.” I Knew then that there would be a meeting soon and this heart opening was preparing me for it.

The tears didn’t last long because I realized something else. My guidance was saying to me, “You are love.” It took a while for the message to get through and when it did I said it to myself – I am love. ¬†I recognized the vastness of the love I was feeling was a reflection of me. I was both recognizing and experiencing myself. It felt that soon that love would engulf me completely and I would be devoured by it. I did not feel fear, though. I felt anticipation. The strongest feeling at that moment was the absolute longing. I have never wanted anything more in my entire life. Nothing.

I’ve felt it before. I thought at the time that I was missing someone but I had never missed anyone like this. It was almost painful, causing physical reactions I had never experienced before. And here it was again. So intense that I felt at a loss as to how to manage it. But in recognizing I was feeling myself, my Divine Self, whole and complete, there was relief. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could – would – have what it was I was longing for. And when it happened, my heart would be even larger, expanding to every single chakra of this physical body. I couldn’t be afraid of the feelings that came with it. I had to accept them, feel them, embrace them as me because to reject them was to reject myself.


The more I allowed this indescribable feeling of Divine love, the more relaxed and calm I became. Eventually I drifted into the in-between. Not long after I saw a scene reminiscent of a popular daytime soap opera. In fact, when I saw the scene I thought, “Days of Our Lives”. There was a man at the front of my vision who I recalled from the show. He had dark hair and was facing me and for some reason I thought of him as a doctor, though I don’t remember if he is one or not on the show since I stopped watching it sometime back in the 1990’s. Not long after I recognized all of this, I saw a message in the upper left-hand portion of my vision. Written in white were the words, “Three more days.”


I woke up as soon as I saw the message. It is always funny how fast they wake me up. As soon as I saw the message and read it the message seemed to echo in my mind and when I woke up I was saying to myself, “Three more days.” It is like I plan it this way so that I remember the messages. It never ceases to amaze me how this process works. I am always surprised. Every time.

Then as I was recovering from the shock of the message that seemed to infer that in three days my life would become a soap opera (ha! I can only guess to what degree) I began to hear the songs.

The first and most prominent song was this one. The part in bold was what was emphasized:

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent¬†
And we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars
It’s been written in the scars on our hearts
We’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

The second song was one that came along with other syncs yesterday. I won’t go into detail here but the part of the song that was going over and over in my mind both yesterday and today so far is, “Just call me, if you need a friend. Call me. Call me.”

Nurturing Self – Embracing the Goddess Within

At some point this morning I had a conversation with my guidance about becoming the Goddess. There was discussion about being a nurturer and embracing this aspect of myself. This means nurturing not only others but myself. I have not been nurturing myself, though. If anything, I have been neglecting myself.

Part of embracing the Goddess within is embracing and openly expressing emotion. The Goddess is the healer of the world because they are capable of awakening the greatest force within themselves: love. The Divine Goddess can awaken love in others and there is no greater force of healing energy than love. But, in order to heal and awaken others they must be completely awakened to love themselves. It appears that is what I am doing – awakening to my own love so that I can share it with others and fulfill my role as Goddess.








Dream Message: Repopulating Earth

Super intense dream this morning.

Prior to bed I was asked, “Are you ready to begin?” At the time my heart was so huge that the energy of it covered my entire chest and the top of my abdomen (3rd and part of 2nd chakra). Vastly huge beyond anything I’ve ever felt! When I was asked this question I stopped breathing, holding my breath, and replied, “Yes.” The heart energy remained for a long time and other chakras began to buzz – third-eye and root specifically. I briefly wondered if the Kundalini was about to ignite in a frenzy, but it never did.

I couldn’t sleep and tossed and turned for some time. The last thing I heard before falling asleep was, “Remember.” When I hear that it usually means I am about to Remember something about who I am, something purposeful.

Dream: Repopulating Earth

This particular dream was set in a very brightly lit room. I only recall golden light permeating everything and white walls with some hints of furnishings that made the space feel homey and comfortable. Standing in front of me was my partner. I cannot recall how he looked except that he was golden and bright like the room we were in. He was taller than me by about a foot and I considered him to be my “husband”.

As I began to come into more lucidity I recognized I had no past or future. My memory was all a blank. It was a peculiar feeling and one I was totally at ease with. Of particular interest to me was that my future was blank. Not only that, but my instructions were to not do anything to prepare for my future. This information was from the telepathic conversation I was having with my partner.

This is where there is information overload so I will summarize what I can. I was very aware that we, he and I both, were awaiting our “time”. There was to be an “exchange” of the population of Earth in waves. In the dream this exchange was recalled as something that came in the air/atmosphere, similar to a undetectable, poisonous gas. Only those participating in the wave would be affected. I was being told not to prepare for my future because I would not have one. I would be in the next wave along with others who volunteered to be a part of the “re-population” of Earth.

I was then informed that I had a choice of the timing of the wave I would leave on. In my mind I saw a drop down menu like one would find on an application. The drop down menu was of years. I saw 2015, 2016, 2017 and so on and so forth all the way into the late 2020’s. I remember lingering over the years 2016 and 2017. I was drawn to 2016 but then selected 2017 as my choice. We then discussed my selection and I saw a calendar in my mind.

I was asked if I wanted to know when it would be our time. I could still see the calendar and it was zoomed in on a frame of two weeks. I don’t remember the month but it felt to be very soon. I thought about the question and said, “No, I think not.” I then explained that to know when my time would be would only cause anticipation on my part and perhaps even nervousness or fear. I remember saying it could cause me to live my life very irresponsibly and I may make decisions I would not normally make. I used the example of eating, saying some may resort to gluttony if they knew they had little time left.

I remember asking him what everyone is suppose to do while they wait. I asked, “If we aren’t to make any plans, what are we to do in the meanwhile? Should we even do our work?” There was discussion here that long-term plans would do me no good. We discussed work specifically, as in career plans. I understood that looking for a job was pointless.

There was also discussion about “all the others”. I remember asking if everyone in each of the waves would leave. I was told some would not. I then saw that those who refused to leave would continue in their lives as if nothing were happening, yet they would be affected. I saw unrest and mental turmoil to include upset and/or insanity. The example I got specifically was Mexico and how “hard working” the people were so much so that many would insist they keep working, toiling away, continuing to provide labor and products to the U.S.

I recall saying to my partner at one point, “I don’t want to be male.” It appeared I was selecting the gender of the body I would occupy. There was a sense that a female body would be more conducive to the exchange than a male one.

Then I was shown the “waves” from above Earth, as if I was positioned on a craft in space. The waves were invisible except where they impacted Earth. It looked like the Earth was being scanned. A large bubble of energy arced out where the wave impacted the surface and atmosphere. It took a while for it to make one pass. When it completed, the wave would begin again, slowly “scanning” the globe from left (West) to right (East).

It appeared that the waves were being sent by an alien race from a location in space. The information reminded me of what I had read in Delores Cannon’s books where an E.T. race came down and collected groups of humans to save them from a mass extinction event.

I continued to speak with my partner all along feeling very at ease and comfortable with the topic of discussion. We spoke about the Beings who were assisting Earth. I referred to them as our “parents”. We talked about building a new “Home” and while we spoke I was drawing a picture full of right triangles on top of right triangles. When I drew I knew I was drawing a house but it looked nothing like the physical structure. Instead it was similar to drawing geometric figures. It looked similar to this without the two circles:


I specifically drew a large, vertical rectangle. Then I divided it into two equal squares, upper and lower. Then I divided those squares diagonally to make two equal right triangles. I even drew in the little box in each right angle. I drew the triangles in the bottom square as well. Then I drew a long diagonal line across the entire rectangle. This completed picture was our new Home.

Realizations and More Dreams

When I woke up I was very aware that I had been crying, yet I could not recall when and there was no physical evidence of tears. I also felt worried about what I remembered. Was Earth about to experience a mass “extermination”? Was I agreeing to be one of the ones exterminated? This is how the dream message felt initially upon waking but I soon recognized this assumption was inaccurate.

Eventually I realized that the “waves” I sensed in the dream are the waves of ascension. The exchange, which was viewed as a type of “death” in the dream, is a soul exchange. I and others have volunteered to participate in “repopulating” the Earth with “new souls” (soul exchange). It is not that we are physically dying, but that we are walking into bodies primed for the exchange and in doing so will repopulate planet Earth and assist in creating a new energetic signature that will shift the planet as a whole into another “dimension” (not the right word but I am at a loss).

Those that refused the exchange (not ready or choosing not to) would remain and experience a very unpleasant and tumultuous time on Earth.

I want to be clear here, though, that I did not see those in the waves “leaving” Earth. I saw us remaining here alongside the others who opted out. Yet at the same time it very much felt like the population as a whole would eventually be eliminated and a new population would be implanted.

Weird, I know, and strangely I am at peace with it all despite how very real the dream felt.

I somehow fell back to sleep. I entered into the in-between and saw an E.T. wearing a very thick, bulky suit. He was vastly taller than the human reporter who was standing in front of him. Maybe two or three feet taller than her. She reached out her hand and from the center of a the suit a small, pale, pinkish-white hand reached out. It had very long fingers and was quite creepy looking, like spider hands. The woman reached out and shook hands with this E.T.

Then I dreamed of preparing for a dental visit where I would get a “thorough cleaning” that would be “uncomfortable”. I was told “not to eat for an entire day before the procedure”. This is not the first time I’ve received a message like this in a dream.

Dream: Chosen

Prior to bed, a song from long ago popped into my mind. I only heard these two lines, “I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do……I love you.” It wouldn’t go away and I thought it strange that it would just pop into my head.

Early in the night I had a very in-depth dream I wish to recount. It woke me up abruptly at 3:30am and I was not able to return to sleep because of it.

Dream: Chosen

The first thing I remember is being “called” by a man who resembled Mel Gibson. The energy from him was magnetic and attractive but at the same time I recognized that I feared him somewhat. Fear may not be the right word, though. Perhaps a better word would be revered?

He took me from where I had been in dreamtime (which I can’t recall) to where he was, standing next to a large, two storied white house reminiscent of the 1920’s or maybe older. It was old looking with peeling paint but was in good condition overall. The man was standing on the road in front of it. I knew he wanted me to go on a journey with him to a city. In my mind I thought of a small town nearby where I grew up. When I recognized where he wanted me to go, I became a little nervous.

He spoke to me, saying I was chosen by him because of who I was. I was unique somehow and the feeling was that he was asking me to do something very important for humanity. He told me that I was to be with him. His exact wording is lost to me now but the feeling was that we were to be married, as in joined together as one but literally rather than symbolically. He told me he knew about all my flaws and the drawbacks of my personality when I mentioned my unworthiness. He said, “I accept them all, as I accept all of you.” Still, I felt unworthy and kept my distance from him. The energy from him was familiar and beautiful, but I felt undeserving.

He took me across the road to a tunnel I could see right through. On the other side was a man with a shovel. He was digging in red dirt. The man I was with told me that before we could be One I needed to assist the man who was digging. I did not question this. For some reason I knew that helping this man was also helping myself.

Then the man who looked like Mel Gibson said to me, “Are you ready to do this?” When he asked me this I saw a toilet bowl and knew he was referring to more purging. I told him, “Yes.” There was a complete Knowing that this purging was regarding my feelings of unworthiness.

I know we talked in-depth about what it was I needed to do. Part of the purging has to do with my relationship with my mother and healing the “mother wound“. ¬†To effectively purge all the emotion and pain connected to the mother wound I need to be triggered. In other words, a catalyst is needed. I also understood that the pain associated with this wound is part of a core wound that needs to be resolved. If I do not do this, then the “marriage” into Oneness cannot happen.

When I woke up I could still feel the connection I had with the man in my dream. I also had the song from before in my head. I knew what I needed to do and the urge to do it was so powerful that it inhibited sleep. Even though I knew I would go OOB and was being encouraged to calm my mind, I just couldn’t.

The song on my mind was this one:

Upon waking I also knew that the reason the man in my dream looked so much like Mel Gibson was because he was asking me to be brave – as in Braveheart. Even though the nervous feeling in my dream was not very strong, I recognize the dream as a warning. I have agreed to continued purging in order to remove the last vestiges of the False Self. This next stage is going to be rough.

Changes, Projects and Ideas

The energy since May 31st has been distinct. My third-eye has been active for pretty much this entire time. Sometimes it is like I am wearing a headlamp. It feels like a beam of energy is shooting directly through the back of my head and out my forehead. Pretty cool but then distracting all the same.

My sleep has also been interrupted. Usually every two to three hours. Each time I wake I feel like I have slept all night and am always surprised when I discover so little time has really passed. Dreams are vivid as well with an in-flow of guide communication and Knowing.

Yesterday and today I’ve had a feeling that I need to do something but nothing quite feels right so I end up doing very little. A¬†download is in progress yet this one is distinctly different from downloads of the past. It feels as if I am awaiting instruction or a go-ahead on a future direction/path.

Meanwhile I’ve begun changing my diet and exercise routine. It is not a major change for me. More of a tweaking here and there. In one of my dreams I was shown how food affects the energetic body. I saw the food as color streaming into the¬†energy body and noticed how the aura reacted to it. The greener and more alive the food, the more alive it made the energy body. The more “dead” the food, the more it deadened the energy body. I recall seeing meats affects on the energy body most vividly. It went in as a dull, almost brownish red and tended to draw energy away from the energy body, “dulling” it.

What I brought back from dreamtime was that I needed to shift my diet to a more vegetable based one. Yes, again I got that message. I think my guidance thought if they gave me a visual of the energy it would cause me to make drastic changes to my diet. So far, I haven’t. My main issue is finding reliable sources of protein that also taste good. In my dreams last night it seems I was being told to look into pea protein because I had a bowl of green peas I was eating. lol Yet I can’t imagine eating pea protein in place of a filet of fish or a turkey burger. For now I have returned to eating clean, limiting my carbs to complex ones only (oatmeal, sweet potato, brown rice, sprouted grains) and increasing my intake of vegetables. Meat will remain in my diet but sparingly to include only lean, organic meats (excluding pork). Salmon will not be on this menu and really I will avoid most fish and shellfish because of the toxins they contain.

I am told these changes, while helpful, “will not do.” Ha! Well, then.

Physically, I am changing¬†the amount and type of exercise I do. I became quite lethargic during all the emotional purging and really slacked off. Plus, anxiety and panic attacks were driving me away from the gym. Still not sure if I am going to go back to the gym. I tried one day and though I survived without incident I did not enjoy it. Something about the gym energy is really wreaking havoc on me. Probably I am just too open and susceptible to others’ energy while in the midst of exercise.

Spiritually I am being drawn toward astrology for some reason. I have always been interested in astrology but ever since the beginning of May I have been reading every astrology blog and article I can find. I want to know how they know what they know. lol So I am going to get some lessons from a friend so that I can know what they know and not feel like such an astrological numskull.

I am also being led to do more YouTube videos. I recently discovered Movie Maker. I had it all along on my computer but had never activated it (duh). Currently I am working on creating videos for each of my meditations. I have received comments from individuals saying they could not upload the audio files I have available for free on my blog. So, now they should have no problem with incompatible formats or whatever message they were receiving. It will take me a while to complete all of the meditations but they will be posted as I complete them. You can access them via the meditation link in the upper, left-hand corner of my blog’s home page.

I aspire to eventually create lessons or teaching videos. This would mean learning to add slides to my videos and/or actually streaming live classes which I¬†later upload to YouTube for those who missed the live stream. I have the ability to do this and some know-how but I am somewhat blank on the topics to teach or discuss in the videos. A friend has invited me to be a facilitator and do live streams twice a month. I have agreed to sign on when the website is complete. The site is called C.S. ONE-CyberCOM and I will be participating in the The Conscious Community InterNetWork.’ I will provide more information on the dates and times of the live streams when they are available.

So, I need some practice prior to beginning these live streams. Suggestions are welcome.

I do have one idea that was brought to my attention recently by one of my blog community. I have been asked to make a custom pendulum. I’m super excited about it not only because I enjoy making them but because it gives me an excuse to visit the crystal and gem shop nearby. My daughter wants to make one with me. She is my collaborator. lol Anyway, my idea is to film the making of the pendulum as a how-to video for those who would like to make their own. Yeah, big project with a large amount of editing. Not sure how I will do it the way I want to but the idea makes me happy so I will explore it and see what comes of it.

I may also do another video showing how to use a pendulum for chakra clearing and balancing.

Really, there is no limit to what we can create and accomplish and I plan to explore those things that bring me joy. Teaching is one of those things, especially teaching subjects I love (the metaphysical, occult, spiritual, psychological – and everything therein). When I stand in front of a crowd as a facilitator I feel empowered. I get goosebumps and psychic chills. I literally SHINE. It is where I belong.

Rose Quartz Pendulum

Rose Quartz Pendulum with Rose Quartz, Clear Quartz and Cork beads

Carnelian Pendulum

Carnelian Pendulum with Carnelian, Clear Quartz and Citrine beads

Entering Another Section of the Equinox Portal: Clearing the Human Genetic Line

Whew! I feel I have made it to the “other side” of the hellish purging. Finally, some relief is to be had. However, I was given a glimpse in my dreams of what to expect in the coming weeks of June. June, in fact, is one hell of a month for those of us nearing the final stages of the embodiment journey. We are not done yet. Not by a long-shot!

If you do not follow my other blog, check out the video I posted yesterday for more information on what was happening over the last two weeks and what to expect in the first two weeks of June.

Dream Revelations

I spent all night walking in the shoes of my ancestors. I went back hundreds of years, visiting family members as far back as the 1600’s (maybe even further back than that). In the dream I was in a cemetery unearthing their graves, busting through the casings that covered the earth they were buried under, and reading their names and dates of life-death as I received information on their individual histories.

As I met one they would join me as I met with another. In the end I had a crowd of ancestors, all female, at my side. It was made clear that our combined history was much more than DNA, much more than blood, much more than these bodies we occupy incarnation after incarnation.

There is faint memory of an energy coursing through me as I experienced this. I am certain it was Kundalini energy, muted by lack of lucidity and the result of a request I made months ago to lessen my awareness of it. Even as I try to recall it, the memory seems to run away from me, hiding. I am okay with it as I understand it is necessary that I not get caught up in the crazy energy and my near-obsession with it.

Clearing Two “Genetic” Lines

When I awoke I recalled much more than just the dreams. In fact, the dreams themselves and the specifics of them were mostly tossed in recognition and understanding of the bigger picture they represented.

Our ancestral line consists of two branches: biological/genetic organism and spiritual Being. Though it may seem that we as spiritual beings would select a specific human genetic line to reincarnate in over and over, this is not the case. We often purposefully avoid staying within the same human genetic line. Some will reincarnate within the same family multiple times, but it is more likely that we will reincarnate within the same geographic area than within the same genetic line.

However, in contrast,¬†we will reincarnate with our spiritual family almost exclusively. It is very rare that we experience close ties in our incarnations with someone who is not part of this family, extended or otherwise. Yes, we are all “related” but we have specific soul groups we associate with. I am told this association is along the lines of vibration and experience level. These others are our “family” and their vibration/experience is analogous to the “blood” ties we have with out human genetic family.

Currently, as we continue to peel away the layers of the False Self, we are exploring and clearing both the human genetic line of our current physical body as well as the spiritual one.


When we come into a physical body we negotiate a symbiotic relationship with it Рthe mutually beneficial kind. Believe it or not, the human genetic organism is a Being within itself, one with its own experiences and purpose separate from our own. It is very simplistic compared to us but nonetheless it is to be respected as any living organism on planet Earth.

In memories of relating to various bodies over lifetimes, I viewed the bodies I occupied much like I view a beloved pet. I loved each of them. I cared for them, their well-being, their health. I wanted to be with them and did not want them to die. I had a strong attachment to them. To experience the death of my body was like experiencing the death of part of myself. This is the very definition of a symbiotic relationship.

You may not believe this or maybe have never considered it. I was the same until I was shown/Remembered it. I have memory of negotiating with the body I currently inhabit. I approached¬†it when it was still in the uterus, around the six month developmental mark. I was not alone, either. My Companion was with me, helping me and instructing me on how to go about connecting with this body. I recall having to be very gentle with it. I asked permission to be with it, though it was without words. It was more of an energetic exchange where I “touched” it and let it feel me out. It decided if¬†we were to live together in this life, not me. I am grateful for its acceptance.

The relationship is symbiotic in that neither of us could survive without the other. The body needs a spiritual Being to survive. Without one it would come into the world and die quite quickly. The body without the spiritual Being is like an newborn infant. It only has instinct and its body is not developed enough to go about living on its own. Yes, the parents could feed it and provide for it, but without a Spiritual Being to pilot it, it would be devoid of a personality, awareness of self, and the many other attributes that make a human a human. It would, in essence, be a vegetable, maintaining infancy well into adulthood.

The same goes for us as the spiritual Beings who inhabit the body. We cannot experience the physical without a physical body. We offer the physical body continued care and maintenance. It offers us a lifetime of experience in the physical.


Clearing the Human Genetic Line

In June we will be clearing the human genetic line, the line of our current physical body all the way back to its origin point. That’s a lot of clearing. This is the realm of cellular memory. The lives we will review and clear have not, for the most part, been lived by us. As we clear these past human lives, and the memory of them contained in the cells of the body, we are working on a cellular level which includes the genetic level (DNA). The process results in a clean slate on which to build and restructure the human biological being we currently inhabit. Without this clearing the physical form would not be able to handle the immense amount of Light it will be holding in the near future.

The clearing of the human genetic line can easily be confused as clearing the “Collective”. It is not exactly that, but it fits in with this idea because the genetic line is extensive and branches out the farther from the origin point one gets.

So ultimately we are doing twice the clearing – our Spiritual line (our past lives to include multidimentional aspects) and the human genetic line of the physical body we occupy in this incarnation.

Why clear the human genetic line? That cellular memory, well it’s not always helpful. In fact, it usually is the opposite of helpful. If somewhere early in the genetic line there was a strong experience that led to death, that experience remains in cellular memory. These memories can be triggered by similar events and manifest in the present body. Not fun and very confusing for the Spiritual Being who inhabits the body. An example would be if the somewhere way back on the genetic line an ancestor died from drowning. Later on anxiety or other ailments could result¬†when even a tiny part of that memory is triggered. The genetic organism wants to survive so it holds onto any experience that threatens its survival. So the memories are usually not pleasant, full of fear, and highly instinctive.

How will we experience this clearing? Don’t worry, if you have gotten this far you have done most of the work already, most of it without knowing. Some physical manifestations could present themselves but really there is nothing you need to do except be aware that this kind of clearing is occurring. Tuning into your Self and being aware and heart-centered will allow you to avoid being the effect of any unfortunate triggers that may arise.

Oh, and by the way, the spiritual clearing we have been doing, it continues right alongside the clearing of the genetic line. The work continues. More purging is to be expected.