What Goes Around, Comes Around

It feels like we have entered another integration period. The cycle tends to go – upgrade, integrate, upgrade, integrate, and so on and so forth. The acceleration in August was intense, too. For some this may still be on-going. I went through at least two accelerations in August, both followed by periods of tiredness (sleeping deeply and for longer periods of time). It seems like these acceleration periods (upgrades or whatever) are increasing in number and frequency. Yet the recovery periods are shorter than they use to be. For example, I went through three weeks of acceleration and then only had one week of “rest” before the next hit.

Currently, I am just more tired at night. Through the day I am fine and feel relatively balanced. I’ve noticed my husband has been taking naps a lot lately. Perhaps he is feeling it, too?

The Kundalini has quieted down quite a bit compared to what it was; however, I still have activity in dreams and while awake indicating it has by no means gone dormant. I’ve been so tired, though, that I sleep right through the Kundalini. If you’ve ever experienced the K energy then you know how hard it is to sleep through it!

Recent events are pointing to some interesting up and coming shifts. My guides are emphasizing the need for rest – not physically but spiritually. The messages continue to come in. Most of the time it is waking up with a song on my mind. But I also have flashes of memories from dreams and the in-between coming to me throughout the day.

For example, this morning I woke with a Justin Timberlake song in my head. I’m not a fan but it doesn’t matter, the message was embedded in the song and I needed to hear it.

The message was, “What goes around comes around.” We’ve all heard it before and I knew it was a warning. I also knew I needed to share it. So heads up peeps! Get ready.

As for the flashes from dreams, I had a vivid one today. Well, two. The first was from a recent dream I haven’t posted yet.

Dream: Running Group

I noticed a group of people in running gear gathering outside. They were all wearing marathon t-shirts. My husband was leading them because their regular leader could not be there. They met every Monday for group runs but opted to do SAQ drills (speed, agility, quickness) that day. I wanted to join in but had on the wrong shoes so I went home to get my running shoes. When I got to the front door there were large, concrete steps (efforts toward achieving my goals) that were way taller than they should have been. I tried to climb them but they seemed too high (obstacles to overcome) and I struggled. Just trying exhausted me. I remember laying down and taking a nap I got so tired (feeling unable to overcome obstacles).

Then I was inside the house (self). I ended up in my mom’s (past issues) bathroom (cleansing). I went to use the toilet (release emotion, remove something that is useless) and there was an empty bottle (exhausted inner resources) in it and a huge, white trash bag with stinky garbage (rejected or unwanted aspect of self) in it next to the toilet. I remember I could smell the stench and it being really repugnant. As I sat using the toilet (the water was clear) a group of little boys came in. I told them to leave.

When I went outside to join the running group I was barefoot (unprepared) and could not run with them. I ended up looking inside a shed the runner’s had been in. I saw they had left supplies, some of it thawing meat. I told someone,¬† “He left all this meat out to rot (degradation of being).” I gathered up the meat and took it inside.

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Flash of Memory

The flash of memory I had from this dream was the running shirts the people were wearing. The shirts were green with the word, “Run” written on them three times in huge letters. Not long after this flash of memory I was folding laundry and there was my husband’s green Austin Marathon t-shirt from 2018 – Run, Run, Run.

The message, “Run!” was given to me in the in-between on a few days ago. You can read about it here.

I don’t know what to think of this message. I am obviously not getting it or I would not be receiving it again and again. If I am meant to “run”, is it literal? If so, I am running quite a bit, preparing for a trail run next weekend. If another kind of run, as in “get the hell out” then, why? Out of my house? Out of Texas? Out of what? Or is it out of a situation? It also could just be a warning to avoid something, but then I have no idea what.

As with all messages it is likely I won’t know until it is too late anyway. I don’t know why my guides bother.

School buses should have seatbelts to ensure student ...

Another Flash

Out of the blue I recalled a dream from the same night as the one above. In the portion I recall, I was getting into a white car with a close friend. He was driving. We were driving behind a long line of school buses and going pretty slow.

Seeing a school buses suggests I am about to venture on an important life journey needed for my own personal growth. Considering the number of school buses it could mean I have several “journeys” ahead of me. lol Either that or this journey’s significance is multiplied by the number of buses. I remember only a few from the dream, not nearly as many as in the above picture.

Considerations

I wish I could put all the above together to make some kind of sense out of it, but I can’t. The message “run” could mean anything, but when I think of it the first thing that comes to mind is that it is what someone would say to another to keep them from harm. So, I take it as a warning that something “harmful” is coming and if I leave now, or head in the opposite direction of the path I am now on, that I could avoid it. But without seeing whatever it is I am suppose to run from, how do I know I am running in the right direction?

And the message “what goes around comes around” has me considering that something I have encountered before is about to return for another round of lessons. It doesn’t feel like a situation where I did something in the past and it is now going to bite me in the ass. Instead, it feels like a repeat of a situation, as if something is coming full circle to be looked at again. There doesn’t seem to be any “bad” or “good” feeling to the message either.

And it could be that all the messages are related. That this repeat of a situation is something I should “run” from (avoid) if I can. However, if I don’t then there may be a valuable life journey in it resulting in more growth.

So run? Or meet it head on? Guess we’ll see.

 

 

 

 

 

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Eat Your Carrot Already!

This will be a quick post. Not even sure why I’m writing it except that I feel I should. This should be interesting….

Eat Your Carrot Already!

Many of us (me included) may have felt at one time or the other as if we were being led along on a wild goose chase, lured by that unattainable carrot held out in front of us at the end of a stick. You know that carrot, right? That one, yeah – the one you were holding out in front of yourself. ūüėČ

Hare Krishna: Performance Review - Carrot tied to Donkey

Don’t you just feel like an ass now?¬†

Well guess what? We’ve gotten that carrot. Finally. Yep. Now what? It’s time to eat it, of course! And what is in that carrot? Vitamin A? lol Think symbolically. A carrot is symbolic of clarity, specifically eating a carrot indicates clarity has been attained. So you actually have to take a bite to get that clarity. If you stand there looking at it you won’t get clarity. If you touch it, smell it, put it in your pocket for later – no clarity.

Some of us aren’t eating our carrots. Why would we do that? Why would we spend so much time chasing that carrot, figuring out that we held it/had it all along, grab it and then do nothing with it?

So eat your carrot already! If you don’t, it will do what carrots left out for long periods of time do. It will rot and become useless. We don’t want that now, do we? We don’t want all are hard work to rot away into nothing.

Why am I writing about carrots anyway? Well I dreamed I was eating one and it was so very sweet. In fact, all I recall of the dream is holding this perfect, orange carrot in my hand, taking bite after bite and relishing the taste. I think it was the best carrot I’ve ever eaten. Really.

The message, of course, was that I had received clarity. The type of clarity came later.

Relationships

I sorta knew that the clarity was related to relationships. I’ve had some major “ah-ha” moments regarding relationships lately. Specifically, I have recognized that I do not belong in a traditional, human, monogamous relationship. This realization hit me after experiencing a new type of relationship, one that even now I am sorting through because it is so outside of what I am use to. I would love to describe it in detail, but I know that many are still not ready to hear what I have to say. There is still too much debris hanging around the human energy field in regards to relationships. I mean a TON of it, not all of it related to sex either.

So I will give you the short, manageable description. This new relationship is not limited to loving just one (put sex out of your mind – this isn’t physical). The whole idea of loving just one person at a time is ludicrous. I mean, you love your mom and dad, your siblings, your children, etc, right? Insert sexual relations and the idea of loving everyone gets really distorted. The thing is, sex isn’t love, so we get all confused because we think that one equates to the other. We are so confused that we actually shut down those feelings we feel when we love someone because they are too similar to feelings we have when we feel sexually attracted to another.

For example, I recall having feelings early on when I was a child about my grandmother. She would often take her fingernails and lightly scratch my back. It felt so good and I wanted her to keep doing it but a part of me felt “bad” because it made me feel so good (again not sexual). I had already, at a very young age, attributed “feeling good physically” to sexual arousal which equated to feeling I was “bad” because I felt it for another woman, and a family member at that. So the solution, inevitably was to stop any feeling that came close to what might be arousal, thus keep a distance from my grandmother and anyone in my family (or otherwise) who might make me feel that way. The only person who I believed I was allowed to let me feel good was my husband, and I had no husband.

I’m not saying you all did that, but there is a good chance you experienced something similar.

So this new type of relationship allows you to feel again, with anyone. It is purely energetic but to get to that energy you have to let go of the beliefs that restrict feeling, physical or otherwise. You have to get past your physical self and all that conditioning. Which is why I have to stop the explanation at this point because my guidance is warning me that many, many are just not there yet.

It reminds me of a conversation I once had with my guide about “sex” on the other side. At the time I had no idea what my guide meant but I remember commenting that it seemed to me like he was saying everyone in Spirit was having spiritual orgies with one another. Openly and freely. I laughed so hard I almost cried. But I didn’t understand. I do now. It isn’t sex of course. Not even close. It is Divine Love. It is the merging of one soul with another. And yeah, we do it all the time in Spirit. It is our natural state.

This new type of relationship involves merging our natural spiritual state with our physical human one.

So traditional human relationships go right out the door.

So what to do about this “ah-ha” moment now that I know what relationships I am looking for? I’m not quite sure. I mean I am married and technically IN a traditional, human relationship. Ha! Jokes on me, I guess.

In considering all this and trying to push it all out of my mind – I’ll just be normal. This is all just crazy. What am I thinking? – I stumbled upon this blog post by Lisa Transcendence Brown. She says this month is all about evolving relationships.

These parts stood out to me the most:

Our NEW EARTH RELATIONSHIPS are built, they are constructed and formed over ‚Äútime‚ÄĚ. There‚Äôs not one ounce of lack, need or compromise involved. There‚Äôs zero dependency and because all agendas are visible, there‚Äôs no hidden anything anymore‚Ķ Our NEW Earth Relationships go through a lot for years, as we come in and out of each other‚Äôs lives for awhile, clearing karmic residue, until we‚Äôve cleared the entire timeline and all of the energy we held within. Then we move to ‚Äúshort exchanges‚ÄĚ, where there‚Äôs a vibrational purpose, yet the relationship can‚Äôt fully form, because everyone is in different places, vibrationally‚Ķ. The only ‚Äúlong term‚ÄĚ exchanges we have are with others who are fully aligned within themselves and fully invested in creating and together‚Ķ. and living by Our NEW Earth Value System‚Ķ which is nothing like Old Earth‚Äôs was.

And then:

Get ready. For our highest Star Families to Unite, our Highest Soul Families to Unite… all as Light BEings here… all those egoic, lack based realities must dissolve or be re-aligned if they are to continue into the next timelines….. otherwise the entire timeline will go. As higher selves, we close those old timelines out ourselves, mark those Soul Agreements paid in full and write all new realities, activate all new realities and call forth our own highest aligned realities to experience here. September is a massive Passageway… to bring more together who are truly ready and stepping up…. who are truly ready to invest in creating new together and share together as love too. This can’t occur as long as everyone’s still holding onto the old…. observe your own relationships/yourself…. this will show you everything you need to know here.

The word “ready” in in bold because as I was copying and pasting it I remembered saying to myself and my guidance on more than one occasion, “I am ready.” Though I was not sure what I meant at the time, I still feel it to be true, and there is more of an understanding of just what it means.

Are you ready?

And OMG, that carrot really tasted good.

Hello Belief. Goodbye Belief.

How are you handling the blood moon total eclipse and full moon energies? How about all the planets in retrograde? lol Crazy, right?

I have been reading “rebirth” as the theme of these times. Some are saying this is a total life change type of rebirth, like heading in a totally new direction in life via unexpected pathways. Thing is, it is not easy to tell just yet because it is isn’t over. There is another eclipse – a partial solar eclipse – on August 11th.

I am also reading that during this time life will bring up unresolved past issues in unexpected ways. A similar message came to me via dreamtime indicating I may run into issues from 2010. I can’t even recall much of 2010 so IDK. lol I am sure life will remind me when the time is right.

Finally, “emotional” is another word I am reading frequently. This full moon will bring “heightened emotions” for all signs of the zodiac, etc, etc. Thing is, don’t all full moon’s have the tendency do this?

For me, personally, I have already indicated that I am not noticing too much myself. Yeah, I have had a couple of emotionally intense dreams and some irritation at too much random noise (talking especially), but otherwise things are pretty smooth-going and calm for me. In fact, things are looking pretty darn good. Based on the way my life has been going, I have to say all this retrograding is great and I like it. And the full moon eclipse brought me my first OBEs in ages, so I am happy with it, too. I say bring it on and keep it going because it is awesome. lol

It is always interesting to me how everyone jumps onto the current bandwagon (eclipses, retrograde planets and now Lion’s Gate) and makes a big deal in their own way. This happens every.single.year – well since I started following blogs and being more active online (around 2014). I wonder sometimes why everyone gets so excited over these types of things especially since they have been occurring since the beginning (of Earth, of physical Time as we know it). If I think back to before my awakening and compare how I felt then to now (energy-wise), it hasn’t changed. The only thing that has changed is that now I know such things are happening behind-the-scenes. Beyond that, it is still the same.

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Real-time shot of the sun that morning.

Recently I had a talk with my husband about the universe sending us “symbols” and “signs”. He doesn’t believe in such things, really, but he got a sign nonetheless and I pointed it out to him because, well, that is what I tend to do. lol The way it happened is he and I opted to have breakfast together before work one morning last week. As we drove to the restaurant, the sky opened up and gave us a beautiful show that lasted the entire drive. It brought me joy and I mentioned it but my husband kept talking away (as he tends to do) about current issues and life stuff.

At a stop light he stopped talking, turned and touched something I couldn’t see. He said, “Look at this! See this tiny worm? It’s on a string! I wonder what kind of worm it is?” I looked and saw it was a tiny inch worm. I told him it was a message and that I could look it up for him. He said, “I don’t believe in that kind of thing.”

What he does believe in is that we are the cause of everything we experience. I pointed this out to him and asked if he could consider then that the worm was placed there by him and the reason for it’s placement was known by him, if he only chose to look/listen. I asked him to consider what it meant to him. He didn’t answer but was pensive for a while. His main take from the whole conversation was that the universe has much to show us if we would only stop and pay attention.

Later, I looked up the inchworm symbolism and low and behold it fit him and his situation perfectly. I sent him an email and we had a good laugh about it later.

The whole point of this story is that none of it matters – the astrological events, the eclipse, Lion’s Gate, ascension, etc – unless you think it does. Period. There is no “right” or “wrong” about it. It just IS. If you choose to notice, then you will see. If you choose to hear/receive a message, then you will hear. If you believe Lion’s Gate will blow your world apart or rain blessings down upon you, then it will. Rebirth? Why not? Just believe it and it will BE.

For me, it is easy to say, “Well I didn’t know any of this until my guidance brought it to my attention. Otherwise, I would never have known about a ‘rebirth’ and the ‘opportunity’ coming my way.” But this is not true. This is just the human part of me playing the game of “not knowing” in order to experience “not knowing”. Ultimately, we know ALL. There is nothing we don’t know unless we choose to not know. Chew on that for a while. It will throw your human mind/Ego into tantrums pretty quickly. lol

So, if you think this eclipse season is the reason for all you are experiencing right now – it is. And so is anything else you believe will come of it. If, by chance, you “sense” a negative experience arising from this belief, then you do have the ability to shift that to your advantage. The catch is, you must believe. hehe That means you have to undo your previous belief (meaning no longer believe) and institute a new one. Not an easy task and why we often get stuck and think that things are happening to us and we have no control over any of it. It can take many days/weeks/months even years to undo a belief!

What I have learned is that thinking and analyzing regularly leads to more complication. Surrender is the best route. This means tossing expectation (which is composed of belief) and just accepting in the moment what the universe has to show you in that moment. This all boils down to having no belief, which is humanly impossible (at least to my knowledge). Notice the emphasis on human. So try and give yourself a break and just enjoy the ride. We are human after all.

 

Nothingness

Me and my family are about to leave on a short vacation to South Padre Island. We leave tomorrow and don’t return until next Thursday. The vacation was planned last minute, an idea of my husband’s to act as a kind of salve to sooth recent family upset and turmoil.

I am not really looking forward to the trip except the part where I get to be on the beach. There has been major tension within my marriage and sweeping it under the rug will not resolve it. To be honest I have been avoiding writing about my marriage and family issues. At this time, however, I think I at least need to give you all the heads up. It will help fill in the blanks regarding some of my dream posts and my overall withdrawal from my blog.

To add to the mess, our finances are no better and if anything showing signs of worsening. In the past I would step up, suck it up, get a job and bail us out, but at present I am unwilling – and perhaps unable – to do this. The material universe just doesn’t have the same appeal to me that it use to.

Previously, the consideration that money = freedom would always help push me into agreement with the rest of the world to work a job and ultimately become a slave to the system. Now, though, a part of me would not be upset if we had to file bankruptcy and lost everything we have. To lose my house and all my belongings creates a sense of relief from the burdens of responsibility that go along with them. There are days I dream of traveling, sleeping in a tent and waking up to the sounds of nature all around me.

I have been identifying my feeling as “apathy” but upon further inspection I don’t think that is what it is at all. It seems more a form of rebellion. If that is true, then it is much better than I thought because rebellion leads to change of condition, possibility and growth.

This summer seems to be pushing my buttons all at once. I mentioned earlier that I feel tested. That is an understatement! The tests I have written about are just scratching the surface. All my life I have been in conflict with myself but right now it is really getting intense! I am struggling to stick with what my gut tells me to do when another part of me is screaming to do everything but that. That other part feels like she is caged. I sense a roaring lion clawing at my insides. She says, “LET ME OUT!” I say, “No. Not yet. Calm down.” lol

I really, really want to be that lion right now. I want to roar at the top of my lungs, to finally be heard and walk away from anything and anyone that has wronged me. But that part of me can really hurt others and mess things up if she is unleashed at the wrong time. She has to remain caged. But OMG it is so hard.

Maybe this trip to the beach will be helpful? Perhaps the beach is just what I need? I don’t know. All I know is that I have to stick to this path and see it through. I wish I knew what all that entailed, but I don’t. I am being asked to Trust, to follow my heart/gut/core. So that is what I do. I have to be at ease with the not knowing, with that sense of nothingness ahead of me. Previously I saw a path ahead but now I understand that path was formed from expectation and anticipation which created an illusory safety net. The reality is the nothingness. The discomfort with the nothingness will disappear with acceptance and surrender. Then clarity will come.

This is just a process, and, yes, a test.

Zitate, Herz and Osho on Pinterest

 

Managing the Shifts

If you haven’t noticed, there is a lot going on right now energetically and it is trickling down into the physical in numerous ways. My personal experience with this shifting energy initially threw me into a mini-tail-spin but I am back on course now with a little nudging from my guidance. You can read about it here – Reminder: Mission Comes First.

The summer solstice is just around the corner. Personally, I don’t find the solstice to be a big deal and often forget about it altogether. It is the same for the equinoxes for me. Just another day in the year. However, there are some major astrological events shaking things up right now that have been coming to my attention (syncs) quite appropriately. You can read my friend Linda’s recent post to get an idea of some of the astrological events. This is also a great astrological post to reference if you’re interested –¬† “At present, the Sun is at 27 Gemini, making its annual opposition to the Galactic Center (27 Sagittarius). This year, Ixion (The Tyrant) conjuncts the Galactic Center, making this energy more challenging to navigate.”

A major change I noticed in myself were that I tend to not handle life’s BS as well as usual. One irritation is manageable but add anymore to that and it tends to push me over the edge. With the kids on summer break I have very little time to myself and am having to adjust to all the motion – and commotion – of three little Beings around me all.the.time. Plus, my husband was gone a full week for business the start of summer break and then again the next week for a couple of days. He also fills up his free time with projects, so it finally got to be too much for me this past weekend and I blew up in frustration over having absolutely no time to myself and feeling taken advantage of (again). With my Sagittarius moon most of the blow-up comes out of my mouth in extreme bluntness that tends to cut like a knife. After these blunt blow-ups I feel tons better and have no regrets because it needed to be said and heard.

Thankfully the intensity backed off a bit and by the end of the day yesterday I had a nice long talk with my husband that kept me up until near midnight (a rarity). It is not often that I go to bed after a talk with my husband thinking, “That was a nice”.

Despite all the energetic chaos of the past week/week-end today is calm and I even got a bit teary this morning after a chat with a fellow yogi on FB. The emotion was unexpected and connected to my current purpose/goal to get my body/mind/spirit in balance, the body being the most bent out of shape (literally). In the conversation it became clear to me that the entire left side of my body is lower (yep) than my right. Not only is it lower but it is tighter and more dysfunctional overall. Considering the left side of the body coincides with the feminine and the right to the masculine, it says a lot about me. Have I have been suppressing – holding back, beating down, tensing up in defense – the feminine and letting the masculine dominate? Probably.

Interestingly (another sync), the FB conversation came after I was once again second-guessing my intention to register for the Clubbell Yoga seminar in September. Last night during meditation and again upon waking I thought, “I keep avoiding registering for the seminar. I need to just do it.” Both times I opted to put it off until later. lol I keep back-pedaling because 1. the location puts me close to past events and people, 2. I don’t know if I can confront the energy of that particular location, 3. I am still feeling unprepared for the seminar and questioning my ability, 4. It’s scares the crap out of me all around. I keep telling myself, ” I can always do the seminar next year.” True but then should I?

I continue to be amazed at how yoga is expanding my awareness – awareness of my body but also of the connection between mind/body/spirit. Not only that but my body is responding, albeit slowly, as I re-train the muscle and joints out of dysfunctional patterns of movement into functional ones. There are moments, though, when I get frustrated because certain areas just don’t know how to relax and release never comes. I can’t even remember what it feels like to be relaxed in those areas either – that’s how long they have been tense!

But back on topic – the energy, its effects and how to manage them. There is a tendency for the Ego to rear it’s ugly head right now. For those who have gone through one or more Ego deaths this is a time to observe and manage the Ego. Keep it in check and if it gets out, pull it back in. Ask your guidance to help. All kinds of triggers will be available so just breathe through them to the best of your ability. Remember YOU (HS) are in charge.

Take time to yourself. As much as you need. Rest. Exhaustion is inevitable. I know I have been feeling it. I go from night’s of intense dreamwork to nights of exhaustion, sleeping so deeply that in the morning my dreams quickly fade from my memory.

Tune into your guidance as often as you can. They are there even though it may seem they have “abandoned” you (the Ego likes to play the victim). Ground. Be outside in nature or connect to the Earth in some way.

Breathe. When an event or a person triggers you, breathe before you react. A few breaths gives you a chance to calm yourself and let the thoughts go before they explode out of your mouth (my problem lol). If you still feel triggered then take a walk. Give yourself some space from the situation if you can. I know circumstances don’t always allow this so if you make a mistake be kind to yourself. Don’t judge yourself for being human. It happens. Ha!

Whenever possible tune into your body and your energy. How does it feel? Take note of it. Write it down even. Do this often. You will see changes and patterns. For example, when I am upset my shoulders tense, I hold my breath, I want to escape (thus the energy of my body does, too). Just learning to be aware of your body and your energy will lead to healing. Give it time. Give yourself time.

Finally, pay attention to the syncs/messages in life. Like the ones I mentioned above. Feelings and thoughts lead to interactions with others or coincidental happenings, little reminders to keep us on our path. The mind is full of booby traps. The heart isn’t.

You CAN do this!

Namaste,

Dayna

 

I Can Feel It Coming Back Again

I’ve been sensing a new energy for a few days now. It comes with a sense that something important is about to happen. This feeling manifests in odd ways. For example, yesterday I kept thinking I had forgotten to do something important but never recalled what that was. The feeling followed me for several hours. Similarly, I kept checking my phone thinking I needed to because it felt like there was an important message but there never was one.

Yesterday morning I had several dreams in a row that woke me in tears. It felt like the beginning of another surge purge but has not since returned. The dreams had something in common – they were all about my family. And, as usual, the tears really didn’t make much sense.

For a couple of weeks I’ve had a repeating dream symbol…..well two actually. The first is fishing. The second is that I catch a “fish” that is a white and glowing. The first time it happened I caught a glowing octopus. In the most recent dream I caught a puffy, toy-like, glowing, white fish and my sister caught a glowing, puffy, white dragon that was three times the size of us. The fish and dragon both resembled blown up balloons, not real-life creatures.

The recent dream reminded me of an OBE I had a while back where I caught a scary looking shark-fish with razor sharp teeth and kept wanting to throw him back. That OBE was around a difficult time in my life where I had opened a Pandora’s box and was attempting to correct the situation.

My guess is that I am handling repressed emotions. That is what fishing symbolizes – confrontation of repressed emotions. You “cast” out into the murky depths of your subconscious and bring forth a “fish” (repressed emotion) and then confront it. What the fish looks like indicates the type of emotion and issue. The gelatinous forms my fish take indicate the emotions/issues involve inability to assert myself, low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. The dragon-fish is especially interesting since dragons represent a fiery personality and strong will.

I Can Feel It

During the day I feel normal, somewhat disconnected spiritually but also tuned-in deeply to the cosmos. It is a strange sense of being very grounded while also stretching my spiritual branches high into mySelf.

I sense another embodiment phase approaching. When? It could already be here. I’m not sure but several times now I have caught myself saying it was coming. In fact, yesterday I was sad in Knowing this fact, already grieving the inevitability of loss that arises out of the ashes of the death that results. It’s a feeling of touching the face of God only to slowly fall back down to Earth and suffer the disconnect all over again. It’s hard to reconcile the experience once it passes, especially when the memory hits hard, at times making this physical existence so much more distasteful.

The balancing act is not overly difficult but it is challenging and I suspect this next “infusion of Self” will only exacerbate the difficulty. The Knowing is easy to accept in the midst of embodiment. It is the after-Knowing that is a challenge. The reaffirmation of my mission, the understanding of it at my Core, inundates everything to the point that rejecting it is impossible.

A good analogy of the process would be this: Imagine you get a cancer diagnosis. You are told you have six months to live at best and are encourage to accept your fate and come to terms with your life and impending death. The process seems unending as you face yourself, but in reality it happens in a blink of the eye. There is the grieving process, the fighting of it, the denial, the struggle against your fate. Ultimately, though, you succumb because there is nothing else you can do. The powerlessness you feel is the hardest. It is like Fate comes in and takes over. Your hands and body are no longer your own.

Of course, in this analogy the Ego is the one fighting and in denial. It is the one who feels “taken over” and “powerless”. The embodiment process does have that flavor to it – the flavor of dying, of death. It takes over and then you are no longer you. It is so fast, so streamlined, that you don’t even realize it has happened until you can no longer find your old self but instead are this new, amazing version that Knows so much and is outside of Space and Time.

I’m not afraid at all of it happening again. I look forward to it. BUT I do not look forward to coming back down and reality (this physical reality) setting in.

I hear audibly just now, “It gets easier.” I bet. I have no doubt.

A phrase from a song has been in my head this morning, thus the title of this post – I can feel it coming back again…..I can feel it.” Yeah, it’s coming….

Interestingly, this morning I had yet another clue provided via my own mouth. From upstairs I heard our dog whining to get let in, so I yelled down to my daughter, “Let Monty in.” This was what my mind sent to my mouth to say, but what came out was, “Let Monty walk-in.” Hahahaha I caught it immediately because it was like someone took over my mouth and voice and spoke for me. So odd and somewhat discombobulating but not a first for me, not at all.

 

Kundalini Dream: Returned

I was surprised and blown away last night. It’s been a very long time since the Kundalini visited and she came in like a lion. Pounce!

Before I get into that, I knew something was upcoming, though I didn’t post here, obviously. I keep a private blog and wrote some of the messages I received there. I received messages throughout May indicating more “work” needed to be done along with dreams where I continuously pushed away encounters of the Divine or Kundalini kind, waking myself up in outright protest. There were several discussions with guidance about “getting back to work”, all of which I casually acknowledged and ultimately I agreed to move forward. I had no idea really what the specific “work” would be but was told I would need another “catalyst” (God help me). I noted that my guidance told me, “It is not meant to hurt you” and I understood any hurt I experienced in the past was of my own doing.

I’ve been really good at ignoring any hints and external/internal messages up until now. I figured it best to focus on living and not get too caught up analyzing messages that could be interpreted multiple ways. In fact, I realize now, after the fact, that yesterday I received a major hint via song that I noticed but ignored outright. The song was In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. There was a line from it that I kept singing wrong. I sang, “I’ve been waiting for this¬†summer for all my life…..” Obviously, “summer” should have been “moment”. It so happens today is the last day of school for my kids. Summer is officially here.

Preparation

I crawled into bed and prepared for my nightly meditation. Even before I could close my eyes I was hit with fantastic waves of energy spreading from the center of my spine outward. It was like a blanket of tingly energy hugs wrapping around me over and over in waves. I perceived in front of me, standing in a circle, five Beings, and immediately knew something was up. My partner in Spirit was close and the message was clear that something was coming. What? I had no clue and didn’t attempt to inquire.

The next thing I recall is working with my own energy body. I took a small, sphere of blue light, no bigger than the palm of my hand. Inside it had a white light that looked like a lightning bolt that pulsated and shifted. I used this sphere of blue light to interact with other spheres on my body, specifically one that was white with a golden lining. The sensation of this work was very pleasant. I cannot recall the details of the process except that I started at my head and worked my way down. My physical body responded so intensely to the stimulation of the energy body that it woke me up in orgasmic waves of bliss. Upon waking I knew I had been doing the work on myself as the part of me residing outside of myself. My memory is of two overlapping experiences, which is bizarre in and of itself yet felt completely normal. So normal, in fact, that I returned to sleep almost instantly.

Kundalini Dream: Returned

The beginning of this dream is fuzzy. I remember being with my brother and asking him if I could play his saxophone (a deep connection with someone). He handed it to me and I put my fingers on the keys remembering the sequences of the notes to play the scale. I commented that it had been a long time since I had played and hoped I could remember how. The mouthpiece was not right, however, and I noticed the screws were loose. I informed my brother and showed him the screws. I don’t remember hearing the notes but I do remember playing the scale and it feeling familiar.

The next thing I recall is having a conversation with a friend of mine. She was blonde and slender – very beautiful. She mentioned a birthday party (coming to terms with self) we had all attended and a gift she had been given. It seemed like I had given her the gift (sacrifice made for another). She had decided to return it for reasons unknown and was talking to me about her decision. She informed me that initially when she tried to return it she changed her mind. I told her I understood, that it was a difficult decision but that she should do what she felt was right for her. I felt in no way insulted by her decision to give back what I had gifted to her.

Then she was telling me that she exchanged her gift for something else and handed me the left over money. It was $2. I took the money and she left, satisfied with her decision.

After this I entered into a void where I received a phone call (communication). It was from my physical counterpart. He was checking in on me and asking me to fill him in on what had transpired regarding a “story” I had shared with him long ago. This part is hazy but the feelings are not. I was nervous and undecided as to whether I should tell what happened. I felt embarrassed about the rest of the story because my actions were below what I expected of myself. I had failed. Miserably. And it was difficult to confront and to tell him about how I felt and what I did. To do so would force me to confront my own disappointment and failure.

Then we were face-to-face sitting on the steps of a swimming pool (cleansing, renewal, need to understand feelings). No one else was with us and as far as I know we were both completely naked (of course, right? lol). I called him by name and we hugged. He seemed very amused but kept it to himself only allowing a smirk or two to show now and then. I could feel his amusement but did not take offense because there was compassion and love behind it.

He told me that he had decided to return his gift and showed me a mental image of the gift. It looked like a large, glowing, white book. He mentioned he was on his way to another birthday party but had decided at the last minute to come see me instead. I told him he should go and not waste his time on me, that I would be fine. He insisted on staying telling me I was much more important and he didn’t want to go to the party anyway.

We hugged and kissed many times. I could not believe he was there and kept staring at his face and he kept smirking and chuckling at my reaction (typical). The entire time I was overcome with desire. It was hitting me in waves, intoxicating and familiar. I could feel tears slowly streaming down my face. I was so completely happy.

I heard a male voice say very clearly, “Don’t cry….” With this I was pulled into waking reality, face wet with tears. All my lower chakras were on fire and I was in a state of mild shock. I remember thinking, “Holy Jesus, F*(^% God!”

I couldn’t sleep for a while after that, which is usual after a jolt of Kundalini like that. My partner talked me through it and I reminded myself to not confuse dream reality with waking reality. I told myself multiple times, “It was just a dream.”

kundalini-energy-1

Dream: Withdrawal

Somehow I returned to sleep and fell into a dream about school. I was reminded that I had enrolled in a class early in January but had missed six classes. I saw a calendar in my head and the date was around January 9th. The next class was scheduled for this Friday yet it felt like it was still January. I made the excuse of being caught up in family obligations, totally forgetting that I had class.

The woman I was talking to told me that it looked like I had paid $700 (understanding, wisdom, rewards) toward another class – a special choir (harmony/balance). I asked her if there was any way I could make up the 6 classes I had missed. I mentioned the class by name but only remember that it had the word “education” in it. I assumed the past homework was research papers. I told her I could get a paper done in 5 hours. She said the papers were 5 pagers and that she doubted I could get all six of them done in time. I said I could email the professor but when I looked up the professor’s contact info the only info provided was for her teaching assistant.

Ultimately, I opted to drop all the classes and completely withdraw because I had missed so many classes and “already had my Master’s degree”.

In the end of the dream I returned to a space where I had left my open laptop, a fish aquarium with frogs (change/the unexpected) in it and a large, keyboard (harmony/balance) for playing music. The space felt like my old bedroom at my mom’s house. It was raining (renewal, grace) and I grabbed an umbrella to shield the computer from the rain only someone had already moved the laptop and keyboard. I thanked them (it was a woman) and then went to the aquarium and was told, “They are acting weird.” I said it was likely because they had gone without air and looked down into the tank. There were tiny frogs. I fed them and realized I had never fed them and they were starving.

Messages and Considerations

Every time I woke up last night it felt like I slept the whole night when in reality only an hour or two had passed. It was odd and my dream recall was extremely strong. I had two more dreams after the one above, but won’t recount them here because the symbolism is consistent.

There were messages coming through alongside the dreams. One message was of a coffee cup (awareness) with the word “NOW” written in big letters on the side.

I kept waking up in the midst of conversations with a masculine energy. In one instance he was saying, “We work together. I help you. You help me.”

Not long after that I received the message that I had not treated my body properly and it was too late now. It felt like I was being told that I had misused my preparation time so would have to do with what I had.

Upon waking I heard, “Gemini” and then, “June 15” but I kept thinking “January” instead of “June”. I heard the message twice which brought me out of my reverie and then heard, “You must have cash.” After this final message I couldn’t return to sleep.

I believe the “Gemini” part was for clarification and that January represents something that was going on in that month that was left unfinished or interrupted. The above dream suggests I look back at this past January and any unfinished lessons.

As for the Kundalini dream, the symbolism indicates that a gift was given and returned. The gift was from me to two others and they have both opted to return the gift. In the past I was told that the heart connection I experienced was a gift, so perhaps that is what the gift in the dream symbolizes? The “returned” part also seems to indicate a return to a path, at least that is what it felt like to me anyway.

My initial response to the dreams and returning Kundalini is mixed. The return of the Kundalini is wonderful but there is worry about what will result. The “follow the 8 winds” advice comes to mind. It is easy to say but hard to do in actuality, especially in the presence of the Kundalini.