What is Union?

This morning I answered a question on Quora that I feel I should share on here.

Question: What is union in twin flames?


Reading all the answers to this question, there seems to be many definitions of Union. So I will give you mine and you can decide for yourself what resonates.

Union is the complete merging of two into one. At it’s simplest, here on the physical plane of reality, Union is sexual intercourse because two physical bodies cannot physically become one any other way.

Union on the spiritual planes is also when two become one only it is via the energy body. This process is much more complex because it happens in stages for those in physical bodies. The stages are necessary and happen as the individual clears away the programming from this and other incarnations, heals the trauma they carry from these lifetimes and becomes whole and balanced within themselves.

At the very highest levels (some call these dimensions) the two are already One. But as the individual in the body grows in awareness they can tap into this connection little by little until from 3D up to 4D to 5D etc, etc. Eventually, the highest level is reached (some call this Enlightenment).

Both individuals do not have to do this at the same time, for in the highest levels of consciousness we are all One (meaning beyond twin flames – ALL of humanity). Once someone surpasses 3D and 4D they have the potential to achieve spiritual Union with anyone else who has also reached beyond these levels.

Union in Spirit is a continuous process as one advances (ascends if you choose to call it that). Some say that when we die we reach the end but my feeling/belief is that we continue even after death on the trajectory we were on in life. Ascension, therefore, builds upon itself from lifetime to lifetime (and in between) until we reach the final “level”, Oneness with the Creator/God/Source/I AM/ALL.

What is Spiritual Union like? I have experienced it many times (like I said it happens in stages). It feels like you are no longer you as you were but an expanded version of yourself. Not only do you feel your partner’s experiences, emotions, thoughts, etc. but you also experience humanity’s experiences as a whole (in small doses) and the Collective’s. In the moment of Union time does not exist. The present moment is all there is. The two individuals coming into Union are forever energetically connected after the event in a way that is beyond comprehensibility in human form.

After a Union event a person is changed and it can takes months to recover. It feels, at first, like you are destroyed/decimated, and in a sense you are because it tears away all falsehoods and you are left to piece together what is left. It forces you into Truth.

So, for those who feel they have met their “twin flame” and are fully enamored with the belief and experience of it, this explanation may be hard to swallow. If you stay in 3D and 4D, though, then your twin flame journey will remain as you now experience it with only the one – for “good or bad”.

But it should bring hope to those who are struggling with the twin flame idea and experience because, if they so choose to work on themselves, then Union with another (many others in fact) is on the horizon.


And I Feel Fine

Today I feel really, really good. For no reason at all! 🙂 I love days like today. All my perceptions are elevated. Music sounds more amazing and lights me up inside. Color is more vibrant. Food tastes and smells better than usual. My body feels awesome. I feel young and alive. I keep dancing and swaying to the energy of life!

I feel like I someone who is in the midst of falling in love – high on life, giddy happy, optimistic, making plans, seeing possibility in everything.

Today, at the grocery store with my youngest, I felt really high, singing and chatting away with him. I noticed his eyes again. They are marvelous! I wish my eyes looked like his. They look like blue crystals. The picture doesn’t show the crystal-like quality of his eyes, but trust me, it’s there.


One would think I had some kind of experience to put me in such a mood, but I didn’t, at least not that I can recall. When I woke this morning I did Know something I didn’t know prior to bed, but it wasn’t something positive exactly, so I doubt it would shoot me into a better mood. I only recall bits and pieces now of what I was dreaming about because once I woke it faded quickly. So I doubt my dreams created this feeling, but maybe.

Dream Snippets

I remember interacting with a woman and some others. I kissed her. Can’t recall what she looked like. Brown hair I think.

I remember talking to someone about my purpose. There were two options being shown to me. The one on the right was simple, easy. It looked dismal and gray. The one on the right was brighter and felt challenging. I remember hearing someone remind me of my purpose and bringing up my previous paths of counselor and teacher. My reaction was disinterest. The word “physical” came up regarding work as well. My overall feeling from this interaction was that I was being asked to consider combining all of my past career experiences with my personal trainer certification.

There was a whole sequence of discussions/dreams about a future event. I saw two choices. Again, one on the right and one on the left. The one on the right was the “good girl” path. The one on the left was the more risky one. The risky path had to do with a strong connection with another person. This particular conversation woke me up briefly. I was saying, “I should’ve left.” I could see it all play out and it was my fault.

A portion of a song played in my mind as if to warn me: “It’s the start of us waking up, come on. Are you ready? I”ll be ready.” The “Are you ready?” kept repeating over and over.

In another dream snippet I was talking to a man as I saw a fire on my left in what looked like my back yard. It was getting bigger and bigger. I was saying, “People can die and get hurt really bad in fires. Someone’s going to get hurt.” When I said this the flames literally exploded.

Answer to Question

Maybe my mood has to do with a question I answered on Quora yesterday?

Original question:

If the twin flames journey is to experience being whole within yourself, why do twin flames reunite at all? How come that union is the purpose of the journey if as a soul you are whole and complete anyway?

My answer:

This is a very condensed version of an answer about the part of your question about “being whole within yourself”.

Although we are all Whole and complete as souls, as a soul in a human body most of have become “fractured” because of the trauma, programming and difficulties we’ve endured while occupying a human body. So we forget we are Whole and with that forgetfulness we lose the ability to connect with and merge the masculine and feminine within ourselves. So, when in a body, we are under the illusion that we are incomplete, broken, or otherwise “lacking” in some way and so seek out another/others to fulfilled and bring wholeness to ourselves.

As for the “twin flame” part of your answer, I don’t believe in the phenomena in the way that others do so my answer totally tosses out the part about how “Union” is the purpose of a twin flame journey. Union (within the Self) is everyone’s mission ultimately. Some of us will get there in this lifetime, others won’t. Usually it takes lifetimes to come into Union with(in) ones self but with the ascension this is rapidly accelerating. The twin flame portion of this acts as a catalyst for coming in Union with(in) ones self. Union with another (any other, “twin” or otherwise) is also possible, but only when one is whole within the self.

Once someone has achieved Union within, there is no longer a need or desire to seek outside of themselves that which was previously lacking within – with a twin or anyone else.

She asked me a follow-up question:

Thank you for your answers. I get totally what you are saying. It’s just that not everything is entirely clear to me. Say, if you make it in this lifetime to be truly whole and happy within yourself, what do you need the union for then? If you are entirely happy within yourself, that would mean that you don’t need the other counterpart to fulfill your life, wouldn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I miss my twin and have the desire to be with him on a physical level. No matter how much I love myself unconditionally and how much I have already grown spiritually, not much seems to change on a physical level lately.. but if I should ever reach this state of being totally happy and complete within myself without the need of being together with my twin, what would be the purpose of the union then? It’s also quite irritating that buddhists for example don’t believe in soulmates or twin flames as they believe that the soul is always one. That would mean that twin flames were never one soul as every soul is one already. I get the idea that in the 3d world you learn to become complete within yourself. But how does that everything fit with the twin flame and the union? I hope I didn’t confuse you too much but it’s something I desire to understand.

My response:

I for one agree with the Buddhists, but I am not a Buddhist myself. This is because my experience suggests that the “twin flame” idea is very skewed. The “twin flame” phenomena is very real to the Experiencer, for sure, and I do not intend to invalidate the experiences of those who have them – because I have also experienced what would qualify as such a twin connection! Only I have had more than one experience as have the men who have connected with me. And I miss both of the men who I connected with – they are always in my thoughts and my heart. I continue to have telepathic connections with them and it has become a regular part of my life. BUT I no longer pine for them or obsess or feel I have to have either of them in my life.

I have learned also that there are two types of Union (from the perspective of being in the body anyway) – spiritual and physical. I have yet to experience the latter. Do I want to? Hell yeah! But I am still learning how to function within the former, meaning, yes, I have experienced spiritual Union within myself. Union is not something that just happens once and then it’s done, either – well maybe the physical one is but not the spiritual. On the spiritual side, Union is a process that continues throughout ones time in the body and, as with me, for many lifetimes/incarnations.

So where does the “twin” concept come in? What is its purpose? The purpose is simply to allow both to see, if they choose, aspects hidden or suppressed from view, so that both move closer toward Spiritual Union within.

This may not make sense but it has to do with the idea that we are all ONE. So the progress made by one is also then made for everyone and vice versa. Once the current ‘twin’ has done what is needed to elevate their own and their partners consciousness/energy, then another “twin” experience will occur, and another and another. It’s like a chain reaction until eventually we are all connected by this “chain” of consciousness.

This process is Ascension – the elevation of human consciousness on a worldwide scale. So, what people say about “twins” having a huge mission here is true because it is these connections that are the foundation for what will be a changed, more peaceful and connected world.

I only started answering questions on Quora very recently. Not even sure why, but I sometimes feel drawn to answer certain questions. This was one of them. I answered the initial question several days ago but the follow-up question was sent in an email notification today, so I answered. I had not expected the last two paragraphs of my reply to the follow-up question. It sat with me throughout the morning and it felt – still feels – very accurate, especially the part about continual “twin”-like connections creating a “chain” that eventually will connect the entire world. THAT really resonates.

In fact, I think it sums up my mission here really well. Help with the Ascension – Yep. What better way to help than to be one of the first links on that ever-expanding chain of connection?

And if you take my Quora response and add it to my dream snippets, it seems to indicate that, whether I like it or not, more heart connections (twin-like connections) are on the horizon for me. Yet I am not at all discouraged by this fact. I embrace the idea. In fact, it fills me with joy. There is nothing more that I would want for the world than to experience that connection and Oneness. When that happens the Earth will be forever changed for the better.

I keep getting a vision of a person jumping into the air and clicking their heels together. LOL Then a song comes to mind:

Heel Click photo credits. 

Dream: Review of the Past

No tears in dreamland this morning. 🙂 I can’t say that the dreamwork has stopped, however. Seems a type of guide-led life review is in the works. These happen every once in a while but I suspect they are on-going as this life unfolds. The life reviews that I notice most, however, are the ones where I am conscious of my reaction to viewing certain incidents and/or patterns that I am being shown. Last night was a good example of this.

Dream: Review of the Past

This dream is fuzzy for the most part with certain scenes more vivid than others. I will do my best to recount as fully as possible.

The dream begins with me looking up my mom’s driveway at the gate. Someone has left a mess and so I go up to investigate. I am warned to be careful but have no fear as I pick up what look like large, yellow, plastic pipes with inserts. I pick them up and put the inserts inside and mention how someone must have taken them. I put them aside and a car pulls up.

Then I am on a road in Montana. I am in the car with my ex. We are young, probably in our first years of marriage. I do not recognize the road but it is typical of most roads in the state – two lanes with nothing but wide-open space and tall grass on either side.

My ex takes me to a club. We often went clubbing early on. He liked to country dance and hang out in bars with friends. This particular club felt sleazy to me. The women who worked there reminded me of topless dancers though there was nothing to indicate they were anything other than ordinary waitresses.

The dream gets fuzzy here but I remember talking to someone about my marriage and my treatment of my husband during that time. I make a statement – an evaluation of my time with him. Though the exact words are lost to me, it was along the lines of recognizing how the things that upset me were pointless and my focus on them a distraction from appreciating life and the beauty that surrounded me. I have had this realization before but in this dream it was particularly humbling. I remember seeing every moment with my ex in one streak of golden light that passed in front of my eyes from left to right. Contained within it were images – faces mostly. The feeling I got was very tense, like a ball of coiled up string. With it I remembered how I felt after our divorce – regret at how I treated him, the love I felt that was not expressed as often as it should have been, and the sadness that was left behind.

Back in the bar, another man joins us and is flirting with me. I am not attracted to him and ignore his advances but before I know what is happening he is beneath me sucking on my toes (someone trying to reassure me that I am progressing). I pull away in shock thinking him very strange.

As we leave the woman waitress invites me to return the next night – Tuesday.

I return the next day with my mom early in the morning – around 10am. The waitress greets us and asks us if we want to order lunch. My mom orders popcorn (positive growth) and comes back dropping half of it on the floor as she walks. I say to her, “Mom! You dropped half of your popcorn!” She doesn’t care and grabs a handful and eats it.

The bar is almost empty and as I look around I notice all the walls are garage doors (feeling stuck or “parked”). Some are open and some closed. When we attempt to leave all the doors begin to close, trapping us inside and leaving only one exit (only one path forward). The waitress tells me our car will be pulled inside and we can leave through the one open door.

Dream: Contract Advice

I am sitting at a desk with a woman sitting on my left. Another women is sitting across from us. There is a computer monitor on the left of the woman. The woman is looking at the screen and being shown paperwork she is to fill out electronically. I am giving her advice about the contract which feels like a mortgage. She is concerned about her credit score and asking how long it will take for it to improve. I tell her that it should take about 5 years. She doesn’t like hearing this. I say, “5 years is nothing. It will fly by. You’ll see.” In my mind I am reminded of how fast my life has passed me by since I had children. Then, I tell her about my own experience and how quickly I was able to correct my score and then corrected myself and said it was not my credit I was fixing but another’s.

As I tell the woman to my left about how lucky she is to not have to sign a huge stack of paperwork the lady behind the desk continues to talk and looks straight at me as if I am not there. When the lady finishes speaking she pulls out a pile of papers and says to me, “I printed these today.” She handed me one of the papers and I look at it. It seems to be insurance policies. I can still see the boxes and lettering in my mind now, but cannot remember the words. I turn to a page that is about insurance that covers car accidents. It covers all vehicles for the life of the person who owns the policy. I see a flash of a white car whose bumper is crumpled in with a gash in the passenger side door. I remember thinking that I will buy the policy because it is a great idea and costs only $5 a year. I see in my mind all the cars I have owned and how few accidents I have had but think it a good idea to get the policy “just in case” I have an accident.


I woke up knowing that I was looking for assurance that my life choices would be covered if I were to make a mistake. It also felt like there was a type of contract negotiation going on where I was telling a version of myself about how long it would take to repair my “credit”. Perhaps “credit” = karma? And “contract” is referring to the length of time it will take to repay karmic debt? The number 5 repeats in this dream making me wonder if perhaps it will be another 5 years before the contract is complete. To think of that length of time is daunting but at the same time I know the advice I give myself in the dream is true – time does indeed fly. 5 years is nothing!


I spent very little time thinking of the contract dream and shifted back to the first one. It is quite humbling as I recall the flash of memory. It is obvious to me that the same pattern is repeating in my current marriage. I feel like crap and say to my guidance, “I’m not doing good.” I am told, “You are doing just fine.” There is some agonizing at my own actions and how I can’t seem to stop acting/behaving in a certain way in response to certain circumstances. It doesn’t make sense and I feel caught in a trap of sorts. My guidance reminds me that I purposefully chose this human body and personality for a reason. With this reminder I feel as if I am playing a role and doing so as rehearsed. At the same time this feeling is rejected and feels wrong. I am conflicted by this juxtaposition and do not know how to respond.

For some reason my memories shift back to my “other” life with my ex. One particular moment stands out. I am at a karaoke bar with my ex and some of his friends. I go up and sing. It goes so well they encourage me to go up again. I do but I cannot find the right key and end up feeling foolish and stepping down feeling embarrassed. I don’t go up and sing again. Everyone is understanding but I feel humiliated and angry and sit there quietly until we leave. The song I failed at singing was, The Thunder Rolls, by Garth Brooks. I screwed up because I have to sing it an octave higher than it is written and when the song began to play I was unable to find that higher octave.

The song has stayed with me all morning. Specifically the “thunder rolls and the lightning strikes, another love grows cold…”

This memory is one of those that stands out from the rest. And the review I had in the dream was like that. All I saw were moments that stood out. The rest was a blur. That is how memory is in general. The past is just a blur of feelings mixed in with occasional vivid moments that stick in the memory. The general feeling when it is all over is what sticks. Just like a dream, we come out of life with a feeling that summarizes our experiences. Each phase of life “tastes” unique and blends with the next until there is a full meal of varying flavors in the end.

When I think on the memory of that karaoke moment I am reminded of my overall “serious” outlook on life. I should have laughed at myself. I should have relaxed and had more fun. I am reminded of how, just recently, I sang karaoke and did just that. It was fun, not serious at all.

I am aware of my tendency to retract within myself when I feel negative emotion, to lash out at those around me. Though aware of this tendency and despite intending to change my response, I end up repeating the cycle over and over.

The memory of that long past incident feels like an indicator of what was to come. Even now I recall the road we drove to the bar, vivid flashes in my mind. I can see the inside of the bar, the drinks, the crowd and the music. I remember feeling out of place, lost and unsure of myself, my life and where I was going.

With all this memory and realization I wonder to my guidance, “What do I do?” I see the same junction in my life as back then. So many similarities. The choices I made back then, were they the wrong ones? Were they the right ones? Is the solution to stick it out or to get out while the gettin’s good? And through it all I feel like no matter what I do, I am trapped in a certain path. That all decisions will lead to the same final outcome. Like I am doomed to play out this life with this personality and have little control over any of it. It feels unfair. I feel like I can’t help but be the “bad guy” in the end. Hurting everyone despite trying to do the opposite. When I think of making significant connections with others, I think that is probably best that I don’t in the end because I will likely screw up their life. I think, “They’re probably better off without me.” And sadly – honestly, I believe that to be true.

And to think, when this life is over, all that will be left are impressions, emotions blurred together with occasional flashes of insight. I guess all I can do is focus on how I want the memory to taste.


Contact and OBEs

Interesting night last night. It began when I awoke around midnight to thoughts that made no sense initially and seemed out of place. The first thought I had upon waking was something like, “Maybe we are being invaded?” In my mind specific knowledge points were connecting all at once. Imagine points lighting up and lightening connecting them in a pattern of awareness if you can. With each knowledge point came a memory – a kind of “ah-ha” moment that lasted milliseconds and was followed with another, and another and so on. It concluded with a feeling of concern that was quickly replaced with calm.

All of the thoughts settled eventually and I was able to come to a sort of understanding of the realization I was having. I am not new to E.T.-type contact and long ago managed my fear of E.T.s by rationalizing that they were no different than us, they just take a different form. Plus, their communication with me was exactly the same as my guides – it was virtually impossible to tell the difference. Ultimately, I lost all fear and communication with them seemed to taper off until it was non-existent. The typical OBEs where I felt to be on a table surrounded by Beings with a bright spotlight on me stopped. The visitations by strange looking preying mantis-like Beings stopped. The interactions with bald, near featureless, grey or pale-faced, large-headed Beings stopped.

Yet for some reason in the middle of the night last night I woke up thinking Earth was in the midst of an invasion and it was happening right under our noses. Suddenly, what has happened to me – IS happening to me – was recognized as the method of invasion. Of course, this cause a mild stress response that quickly passed because, well, whatever is happening to me seems to be helping me, not hurting me.

Memory of everything I have experienced hit me all at once. First of all, I couldn’t believe that I had “forgotten” it all. Actually, I hadn’t, I had just swept it under the rug because my life took front stage. Something in dreamtime must have triggered my memory but I have no idea what I was dreaming about before I woke up.

What I am left with this morning is calm and certainty. Yes, in a sense Earth is being “invaded” but that terms leads one to think it a negative thing when in actuality it is very positive. I was long ago told that I was a Contactee. At the time I thought it meant I would encounter a space craft or E.T. here on Earth. That was not exactly accurate. They (the E.T.’s) travel by thought/consciousness – outside of time and space. Therefore, it would make complete sense that they would make first contact telepathically. But humans are so limited in that capacity that in order for contact to be initiated the E.T.s would have to prepare the Contactees for contact.

Rather than go into a detailed account of what I Remembered, which I am sure you would all like to hear (or maybe not), I will just say that the walk-in phenomena is very intricately involved in the Contact scenario as is Kundalini, ascension, and the whole spiritual movement we are currently experiencing here on Earth. There are those of us who purposefully came here – as transplants – to initiate the ascension “wave”. I was told the number of “transplants” (Walk-in’s, Starseeds, whatever you want to call us) is about 1.5 million worldwide at this time. This is a small amount when you consider the total of the world population is around 8 Billion people right now.

The method of entry is being called “transplant” because that is very much how the process works except it is a consciousness that is being transplanted into a human host body rather than some organ or physical body part.

For me, this whole realization is taking some time to digest because up until now, I thought every human on this planet was like me. I was shown/Remembered years ago how I entered this body and communicated with it in order to be accepted into and merge with it. It is now beginning to hit home that perhaps this was MY transplant experience and not the typical human experience here on Earth. But then, I may be mistaken, which would not be the first time. It would be nice, however, to meet someone who remembers entering into the human body while it was still in the mother’s womb like I do. Thus far, I have not met anyone with memory of that, though.

Once I came into this body I was aware for a short time and then went to “sleep” for lack of a better word for almost two decades. When I awakened it was instant. There was no gradual stepping into. I seemed to acquire my abilities overnight. I meditated and it initiated awakening immediately. Snap! Is this how all “transplants” work? IDK. Likely there are different scenarios depending on their chosen path but ultimately the similarity would be a sudden awakening when previous to that there was “normalcy”. Some, I have heard, come into the body and never go to “sleep” like I did. I have only met one such person (online).

Anyway, I am still putting the pieces together but all-in-all I am feeling pretty fine and balanced despite the influx of memory. The end result for us transplants is that we come into our full “power” and then get to work helping to raise the consciousness of the planet so that Earth ascends to the point where human consciousness is elevated enough to communication with other worldly Beings without initiating panic and fear.

Now, for the OBEs……

Dream: Choice

I returned to sleep quite easily and drifted into a dream where I was with a group inside a nice house. I knew the members of this group and the owner of the house, though they looked different than I know them to look in physicality.

There was much interaction with the people in this place but most is lost to me now. I remember a tall man and a shorter, dark haired female. At one point the man, who I think was bald, was talking about his age and how old he was. I looked at him and said, “How old are you? You don’t look very old.” He sighed and said, “42.” I laughed and said, “I’m 42. Born in 76′, right?” Before he could answer I felt a shift in energy and knew time was not a factor in this place. It was as if I had broken a rule, but that is not the right term. It was more that I was not to mention specific timelines because it was likely that I was not on the same one as the others in the room. An analogy that comes to mind is the show Travelers where they had “protocols” and could not reveal their missions to other travelers.

There was a scene in the dream where we were making our own cereal. Parts of the cereal were laid out in sections and then put together to create the final product. There was corn in the cereal. I could see the kernels. I suggested we remove the corn because it would not taste good.

In another scene we were being told the house would be undergoing renovations.

Throughout the dream, I was hearing a female voice in my mind like a whisper as I interacted with the people in this group. She was asking me how I felt and if I would like to stay. At one point I felt her put her hand on my back right between my shoulder blades and a warmth spread across my back and into my chest. I fell into the feeling, opening to it and breathing a sigh of relief. I knew I wanted to stay. This place was safe. The people trustworthy. The space healing and revitalizing.

I saw options listed in my mind. The option to stay was checked and I was asked again if I wanted to stay. I did, truly, but a part of me rejected it because she did not believe it was possible that a place so wonderful, so loving and healing, could exist. If it did, I surely was not worthy of it. It felt that I was better suited to problems and conflict.

I woke up then, knowing I had rejected the space because I felt underserving of it. Additionally, I could not fathom such a reality existed. It felt unreal to me.



I returned to sleep and to the house. I was sitting at the kitchen counter. A woman was talking about doing something deceptive, taking the insides of a toy dragon I think. I was then offered the toy dragon. I saw it was see-through and inside were tiny, colored objects. I told the woman, “You can have the tiny pieces since I know you just said you intended to take them anyway.”  The woman looked shocked.

Then I heard someone call my name. I turned toward the sound and the scene shifted. I gained lucidity all at once and had full perceptions.

Though I could not see the woman, I could hear her voice. I somehow knew she was there to help; to offer healing in a way only a woman could. My vision was limited to that of my mind at the time so I could not see her, only shadows of movement. She asked me if I wanted her to come to me. I replied that I did and lay down on a blanket on the floor face up. There I waited for her.

She then suggested we take a certain position. I think she said, “T”, but I don’t remember her exact words now. When she said this I could feel her approach me and my vision turned on suddenly. Her body felt heavy as she positioned herself over me. My vision turned on and off but I could feel everything very physically.

The next thing I remember is my vision turning on vividly. What I saw shocked me. In my face was this woman’s genital region and I could see every detail of it. Suddenly feeling very inexperienced and nervous, I asked her, “What am I suppose to do?” She said, “Pretend that I’m you.”

I took in the scene, allowing myself to feel all the feelings that came to me. I was not disgusted but I was not attracted to what I was seeing either despite the visuals being VERY detailed and perceptions at full capacity. I began to touch the woman’s leg and kiss her there but hesitated because I began to think it would likely smell. The idea of it held me back and then I pushed the thought away but not before I smelled a familiar smell. It was not a female smell but a musky masculine smell, one I had smelled before in this lifetime. It was not pleasant, as if the man had not cleaned himself well. It vanished quickly but caused me to shift out of the scene.

I felt myself return to my body laying in my bed. In the distance I saw the woman sitting at a computer, illuminated as if by spotlight. I could see her clearly. She had short cropped brown hair that was wavy and came to the nape of her neck – like a pixie cut. Curious and feeling an urge to go to her, I sat up and OOB without issue.

When I went up to her I said, “I didn’t know you worked for him.” I looked at the screen and then back at her. I could see her face in detail. She had a round face with a perfect nose, brown eyes and freckles lightly dusting her cheeks. Her brown hair was messy and hung perfectly around her face. I was fascinated by her.

I got very close to her and looked her in the eyes. She laughed as I grew closer and her entire face lit up. I remember seeing her mouth vividly as she laughed. I think I said, “You’re beautiful” but I’m not sure, I might have thought it. I touched her face lightly with my fingers and turned her toward me because she had looked away. I said to her, “I want to kiss you.”

Her reaction to this was to grab me and kiss me on the mouth. The momentum of her movement was enough to push me to the ground. She fell on top of me and kissed me deeply and passionately. I could feel every part of the kiss distinctly. It was so real! And surprisingly, I reacted as passionately to her kiss as I would to a man’s kiss, maybe more so! My response was to begin to take off her shirt. As it came over her head the intensity of the experience woke me.

When I woke I was laying on my right side, knees tucked close to my stomach. My root chakra was active and warm, expanding outward like a huge bubble. Disappointed to have awakened prematurely, I lingered for a while wondering about the experience. I recalled recently telling someone online that I needed a woman’s touch to heal the wounds causing the blockage in my second chakra. I have no doubt that this OBE was for healing. I was reminded of the feminine energy, how it is nurturing and gentle. In contrast, the masculine energy feels rigid and rough. The wounds I carry from lifetimes of abuse by the masculine require a gentle touch to open up to healing, otherwise they will remain closed to it.



Holiday Ego Resurgence

Sleeping very deeply and very tired in the evenings. This holiday season has wiped me out! After two different times at the dealership to get my MIL a new car (long story), I think the energy was just sucked out of me. Prior to that, having a meeting with my BIL and SIL to handle their dept also left me feeling this way. I feel prompted to help but at the same time strangely resentful of my own actions, like I am being forced to help and my Ego child is throwing an internal tantrum. This makes me a bit grumpy and withdrawn around others. But of course it would!

I’ve been noticing some physical responses to this stress (or maybe it is more than that?). From since Christmas day I have been sensitive to certain foods – coffee, sugar, and alcohol specifically. I feel “off” if I drink more than a cup of coffee. It is more than just jittery, it is like overly “open” or sensitive to others’ energy. Christmas day we went to extended family’s house for present opening. I had two cups that morning and by the time we arrived, the group, which was rather large, was overwhelming to me. I had to go into another room by myself to avoid it. I did this for half the morning until, finally, the last hour, I was able to join in a bit.

The day before Christmas we had a meeting with my BIL and SIL and the same kind of “off” feeling plagued me. This time I think it may have been stress related because I had not had too much coffee or any sugar. Agreeing to let them put their debt onto our zero interest credit cards eventually overwhelmed me. $40,000 of debt that is not mine yet now in my/our name is a lot to swallow. I do trust them but at the same time I know that if they choose to not pay their debt that it would be mine and there would be no way out of it. It is a big risk to take for anyone, much less me who would not consider doing such a thing for my own sister or family member (other than my mom).

The same kind of feeling plagued me both times at the car dealership. The first time not as much as the second. Agreeing to buy a car for my MIL, using my credit and name to finance a car I will never drive, a car that costs $20k (the first time $30k but was returned) caused me to have a near panic attack on the way home. Again, I put my name/credit at risk because if things go south then I am the one who is responsible in the end. Both my BIL’s intend to contribute to the payments but it is still a big burden to carry.

All this for my husband’s family. The first because I woke up Knowing I needed to help my BIL and SIL. The second because my MIL’s car situation was causing financial strain on the whole family, especially my own along with too many arguments, and one day I felt urged to do something about it. So I did.

A part of me knows all will be well but another is freaking out and angry that I am not getting to have what I want. This other part feels it very unfair, feels my MIL undeserving, and feels fear at the prospect of things going wrong. Yet what am I to do when I wake up KNOWING I am to help and feeling eager to do so? And how do I resist a sudden urge to resolve my MIL’s car situation that seemed to come out of nowhere and did not align with my previous decision to not help?

All of this is likely the result of a bit of Ego resurgence. It comes with all sorts of resentment and feeling denied the things I want out of this life. Mostly there is impatience at having to continually wait (or at least that is how it feels). I’m sure to others in my family I seem a walking contradiction right now. Heck, I feel that way!

My only guess as to what is happening is that I am following my HS/purpose as intended and my Ego is upset that this takes precedence over her own wants/desires. I had no intention of helping out the way I did yet both times I did so without thinking and followed through until the end. What does that mean? HS is in charge, which is exactly how it should be. BUT the grumpiness of my lower self is not how it should be. There should be understanding, acceptance and surrender and I think it is coming but some work will be needed to return to that balance. All is not lost. What has been accomplished on a spiritual level has not been in vain. Progression is a continual process. The Ego doesn’t vanish. It just needs to be handled as a small child would, but gently and without reacting harshly or punishing severely lest there be a full-out rebellion.

Duck Dream

I had lots of vivid dreams but most were forgotten upon waking. I’ve just been too tired to care or bother to try and remember. But one dream did persist in my memory.

The dream memory begins with me walking out the back of a house, presumably my mother’s, and seeing large pond shaped like a figure eight without the inner loops. When I saw that there were ducks in the pond I said, “Oh! There are ducks! Why didn’t you tell me there were ducks! I need to get my camera!” I went back inside to fetch my camera and returned to the back porch. Then I noticed a separated small, circular, raised tub full of water. In it seemed to be large pieces of an engine of some sort, maybe a pool sweeper as I could see tubing. The whole tub was swirling around like a whirlpool, white pieces of the machine surfacing and then re-submerging. Within all of it I could see a small Mallard duck struggling to get to the surface. I could see that it was still alive and when it surfaced it would gasp for air. I yelled out that there was a duck inside and began to pull out the pieces of machinery to try and get to the duck. As I did, the tub slowly stopped swirling and I was able to pull out the near dead duck.

Once out, I gave the duck to someone and went to fetch it some food. I got something that looked like a nut porridge and the duck eagerly ate it up. I was relieved and told the person it was a good sign that she wanted to live. I kept feeding her until there was no more food. They I offered her a glass of water but she avoided it. I knew it was because she had almost drowned.

Eventually the duck was fully healed and on her feet. Then the dream shifted as did the duck. The duck changed into a beautiful black woman with long black hair that hung in ringlets at her waist. We were all on the back porch of this house and somehow the porch became a portal into another time, the time of slavery. The woman walked through the door and entered into that time and suddenly became a house servant.

The dream went on from there but I cannot remember it now.

Duck’s represent the subconscious when they are swimming. I see them on the pond indicating balance but then the one is drowning, indicating lack of balance or being overwhelmed by something in my subconscious mind. Perhaps it is swirling emotion caused by some kind of dysfunction that is being brought to the surface (broken machinery). The whirlpool indicates there is a threat of being overtaken by the emotional turmoil, but the water is clear which is good. I bring the duck back to life and she shifts into a woman.

File:Ishtar-star-symbol-simplified.svg - Wikimedia Commons

12/26/18 – Ishtar and Tears

The other night I woke from a dream where I was kneeling. I touched a metal object to my tongue and removed it. I could see it clearly – a circular shape with vertical lines on either side but the rest is a blur. I said, “Ishtar” as I looked at the symbol. It woke me. Afterward I recalled saying both “Ashtar” and “Ishtar” so I don’t know which one is correct.

Last night I woke from a dream where I was telling someone about another woman. I said, “She won’t ever see her mother again.” I burst into tears and woke up feeling devastated. That’s the second dream in recent months where I have awakened in tears after saying something about missing my/a mother.

Then had a whole dream where I broke it off with my boyfriend but he wouldn’t let me go. I met with him and told him I was leaving. He said, “No. You’re going to kill me.” He took two knives out and put them in my hands and forcibly held them there. Then he pointed them toward himself and pulled me into him so that they pierced into his stomach region. He fell to the floor dying but not dead. Frightened, I got help from a guy and we threw him out a screened in window. I spent the rest of the dream trying to cover my tracks so I wouldn’t get caught.

I’ve been doing lots of yoga these days off. Tonight my third eye area has energy that is wrapping across my cheeks and down around my ears. I continue to have energy in my head and neck region on and off. It feels very healing and lulls me into sleep most nights.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to leave social media, specifically Facebook and Instagram. I may or may not follow through. It feels like this new year needs to be a clean slate in certain areas; that I need to muster the courage to do away with some heavier connections that are literally dragging me down.


Merging Unveiled

I stumbled across this old post of mine from 2014. In it I relay how my guidance told me that 4 years from June, 2014 I would experience a “death”. Turns out, in June, 2018, I experienced a massive heart opening that came only after a significant personal transformative “event” earlier in the year (February I believe). By the end of the summer (August) I had so many profound experiences that even now I am still trying to digest them all.

I find it so amazing how my guidance warns me of these “guideposts” and I hit each and every one of them right on time. And just like my guide mentioned above, there was no way to understand until the experience taught me what I needed to know.

I must say that 2018 has been a VERY product year spiritually. 🙂

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Living Life in Between

A while ago now, my guide told me that he and I were in the process of “merging”. I never quite understood everything about merging, but I did recognize that it meant that he would no longer be viewed by me as separate from me. For some reason, the idea of merging was scary to me, especially the thought of losing my companion traveler who has always been by my side in this life.

Recently the subject of merging was brought up in my astral projectors FB group by a friend, Jurgen Ziewe, who is a well-known author of books on astral projection and higher consciousness. He is in the process of writing a book about his personal experience of merging with his Higher Self who he calls his “silent companion”. The discussion question that was asked was about spirit guides. Several individuals wanted more information on spirit guides. I…

View original post 1,425 more words


Thank goodness for sleep! Wow, was I tired! Even with my son having a sleepover with his cousin I was able to sleep (and that is a major accomplishment I tell ya!).

In the middle of the night I heard banging from the bathroom. I got up to find my youngest at the bathroom sink holding his toothbrush. I asked him, “What are you doing? It’s 3am, you need to go back to bed.” He pouted his lips and said, “Noooo! I forgot to brush my teeth!” Rather than fight him on it I took the toothbrush and told him, “Okay then, go to the bathroom first.” He didn’t argue and used the toilet as I put toothpaste on his brush. When he finished he walked right past me and back to bed. LOL He must have been sleepwalking. All my kids sleepwalk like their mother. 😉

My other son and his cousin fell asleep on the floor in front of the TV. I think they stayed up until midnight at least. This morning they are full of energy and making a mess of the house. Reminds me of my own sleepovers as a child. 🙂

Anyway, when I woke up this morning I was thinking of the masculine and how, in general, the masculine energy in human form is really struggling right now. It was/is very clear to me that it might take a long while still before the masculine is able to step into and own their power in the way it is intended. So much guilt, anger, resentment and inner conflict swirling around inside. Since I have had the honor and pleasure of experiencing a Divine connection with a man who owns and wields his power the way it is meant to be, the contrast between what is (for most men on this planet) and what will be is obvious – palpable even. And I am sad for the men who are struggling because, to me at least, the solution to their inner struggle is so obvious: stop fighting yourself, stop denying yourself, stop resisting yourself. The thing is, the very power the masculine holds has been twisted and misused for so long that many have come to fear their own power because of how destructive it can and has been. This fear causes them to push it down, to deny and in some cases to misuse it even more because that which we refuse to see – which we refuse to confront and take responsibility for – in actuality controls us even more. It’s a cycle that must stop and is perpetuated by fear. Avoidance and denial is not the way to redemption. Avoiding deep and meaningful relationships or suppressing desire (sexual or otherwise) is far too common as is continued misuse and abuse of power.

There is hope, though. There are men out there who are well on the path to successfully owning and stepping into their power.

Anyway, I don’t mean to focus on the masculine over the feminine and imply that somehow the feminine is more advanced (though I am a bit biased since I am a woman). It’s always so much easier to see with clarity the solution to a problem when it is someone else’s problem!

The feminine also must step into and own their power. An obstacle we face is healing deep wounds from lifetimes of abuse. This is my reality and process now but only this morning was I made aware of it.


Only snippets of last night’s dreams remain with me this morning.

In one dream I was comparing bare feet (foundation, understanding, stability) with my daughter. I noticed her feet were as big as mine and asked her to put her foot up next to mine for comparison. It was identical and I marveled at how quickly she had grown.

In another dream I went into a bedroom (private self) that I felt was my own. Inside it was dark and the color blue dominate. The covers of the bed were on the floor revealing only wrinkled blue sheets. I thought to myself, “Someone had sex in my bed.” For a moment it grossed me out to think of it. I went to make the bed and noticed something stuck between the bed and headboard. I pulled out a yellow baseball hat (covering up something)stuffed with a yellow shirt. I tossed it to the floor. I saw another similar hat but in another color also stuffed with clothing. After finding several of these hats, all of different colors (like the chakras) and tossing them on the floor I said allowed to someone, “Who put that there?”

I walked around the side of the bed because I saw something moving. It was a small cockroach (filth, dirty, something unwanted). I had a remote in my hand and attempted to squash it but the roach kept escaping. It ran toward the bed and hid inside a red folder lodged underneath. I made sure the squish the folder as much as I could and then opened it to find I had not killed the roach and it had gotten away. Thinking of it under my bed and likely to crawl on me at night creeped me out. I hate roaches!


When I woke this morning a guide was to my left very obvious and audible. He was smiling and sending a lighthearted amusement my way. His closeness, however, meant he wanted to talk.

My communication was that I was tired of pretending, tired of being exhausted by the pretense and wanting it all to stop. It is hard for me to understand why I would be allowed to experience all that I have yet not be given the go ahead to step into perpetuating that experience within this lifetime. The message continues to be, “Not yet” and my patience is growing thin.

His response was understanding and reminding me that We are One. He said it more than once in fact, as if I were missing something, which I probably was. I asked him what was going on, why was I having these odd feelings and experiences. His answer was, “We are debugging.” A flash of the cockroach came to mind and for a moment I smiled and laughed at the ingenuity in my guidance’s messages to me.

I felt more than heard instructions to settle into my core/center, which I did immediately and without hesitation. A warmth spread over me and suddenly all my concerns and impatience vanished and understanding returned. My process of healing is accelerating. A blockage in my second chakra has partially cleared and another layer/level is being accessed for clearing/healing. Similarly, the heart is unusually open/active as a counterbalance to the clearing process.

The word “diksha” or “deeksha” was also provided as an explanation of what is occurring.

Edit: I had to pause on writing this post to do something downstairs where I encountered a wounded roach (featured picture). Supports the debugging message and gives me hope that perhaps the “bugs” in my system/energy are well on their way to being worked out.