I am not trying to be morbid, really. It’s just that my dreams are morbid lately. Specifically they seem to be discussions between myself and my group of guides about the possibility of death in the near future.
My night was filled with many wakings and, in-between wakings, lots of dreams. The first dream I recall was about my own death. In all my life I have never had a dream of my own death! The dream wasn’t about the death event itself, it was more about me, in Spirit, attending to people who would grieve my passing.
I went around in what appeared to be this hazy, 3D space that was partially lit but mostly dark and shadowy. I heard people talking amongst themselves and could see their shadows around me. They were talking about me. How the accident was unexpected and I died quickly, likely experiencing no pain. I immediately assumed it was a car accident and became more interested.
The majority of the dream continues in a haze with me hearing people talking about me and watching their reactions to my death. I saw my mother and my older sister among other people. I do not remember seeing my husband and three children. My older sister was especially upset, nearing hysterics, and her emotion drew me to her. I felt helpless as I watched her cry, knowing it was me who caused her reaction but also feeling it was necessary.
This dream was a pun on death. I didn’t know it until I woke up, though.
It was set in a hair salon but it was closed and dark. I was inside and aware that someone was trying to break in. I hid beneath some chairs and watched as the people broke in. They were not bad looking but I felt I should hide anyway. There was a brief period of some part of the dream that I do not remember here. I just recall that my deceased grandparents were in it and there was discussion amongst us about our family and memories of this life. I also recall feeling as if I were with my grandparents on the Other Side waiting for the rest of my family to return Home.
At some point I found myself back in the salon talking to a woman. She was showing me a package of hair dye. She said, “I bought it for $17.99”. I remember looking at it and its contents and then telling her, “I usually pay over $100 to get my hair dyed. That is why I usually only do it once a year”.
I awoke suddenly at this point. I was frantic. Death? Hair dye = dying? What is going on??
My guide was close saying, “It’s alright” but I did not think it was alright. My dreams told me what was going on. I was discussing my own death. Why? And I remember talking to my guide some time ago about when I would die. He told me, “You will know”, as if I would just know when my time was close. I did not really understand what he was talking about back then but now, at this particular moment, I was beginning to understand.
You see, a part of me was calm and rational while the other part, the part freaking out after waking from a dream, was irrational and emotional. The rational part said it was okay, this was just part of the process and that I still had time but needed to get my shit together. I tried to ignore that part of me, wanting more to think it was all just an odd dream, but my heart felt differently and my third eye was buzzing.
Eventually, after I calmed down, I let myself doze some more but felt I would never return to sleep. As I lay there, I began feeling I should get a will written up and started to think about what to do with my assets. It was bothersome and made no sense. Really? A will? I am too young for that.
I managed to fall asleep again and found myself in another dream about death. This time I was visiting my mother’s home in the future. I discovered that my mother had agreed to help my two sisters financially, even letting them live with her again. Rather than charge them rent she decided they needed her help for free but she told me that I would not get it for free and that I owed her $9,100 from the time when I stayed with her during hard times. I was upset. I had paid her rent and even gave her money for food during that time. If anything, we were even! I got so mad at her that I packed up my things and told my husband I was never going to talk to her again. On my way out I saw my sisters and told them I hoped they enjoyed their free ride. I was not mad at them but I did not feel a part of their life. I had a feeling of being “done” when I left the home.
When I was leaving, a group of family I did not recognize was driving up. I had a BB gun in my hand for some reason and began shooting at them. I recall seeing a pool and walking around it toward them, telling them to not be afraid, it was just a BB gun.
There was something about my grandparents in this dream as well, though I can’t recall it now. The feeling was that I was no longer a part of the family anymore. That I was not needed. There was also a feeling of injustice.
I woke up with a start again, this time wide awake. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I checked the time. 5:00am. I tossed and turned but still couldn’t go to sleep. I was also hungry. Grrr! So I got up and ate some yogurt and saw my husband leaving the house with baby in tow. He was going for a run at 5:30am. Not unusual but it got me to worrying that he would forget to get my daughter ready for school. It was his turn.
When I returned to bed for the umpteenth time I decided to just lay on my back and “rest”. I considered that I might astral since it was happening so frequently. So I asked my guide to help me experience it more thoroughly this time. I really wanted to pay attention to the details that I often ignore. But honestly, I just wanted to go back to sleep and get my dreams out of my head. I did not want to confront the possibility of my own death.
I must have fallen to sleep, but I don’t remember doing so. I became lucid almost immediately because I was laying in my bed talking to a friend’s daughter and she was acting like a little baby. She is 4 years old, though. I looked at her closely in the dream and the dream scene vanished and went black.
I immediately became aware that I was floating in a horizontal position. I thought I was in my body at first but then as soon as I had this thought I decided to test it. I floated up a bit and then I went down and through the bed. I also went vertical when this happened. I had only mental vision until I recognized I was OOB. The instant I recognized it, my vision turned on vividly.
I was hit with memories of my earlier conscious exits and the familiarity helped me recognize that all I needed to do now was seize the opportunity by taking that first “step” away from my body. I sat up and, feeling I was free, took off flying.
I do not recall leaving through the window or the passage that led from the scene within my bedroom to the one I ended up in. I was just instantly somewhere else. I was flying very fast, too. So fast that the scene buzzed by without me taking much notice.
I slowed and hovered for a moment above what looked to be a college campus because there was this green lawn surrounded by sidewalks that circled it. All about where young people in groups. Some were sitting on the grass, others were walking together with books in hand. They all seemed happy. I did not know who they were or why I was there and did not really stop to consider it. I just knew I was not interested. I also felt like I had come to a present-time scene somewhere and was literally watching students start their day at school.
I saw a young man with sandy blonde hair and a horizontally striped polo shirt walking with some friends near the road. For some reason I decided to fly right through him. When I did, I did not feel anything really except a pause, as if I were slowed down for a moment, but the young man stopped and I heard him call out in surprise. He never saw me, though.
Excited that I was successful, I flew up and over the road where I saw a group of young students waiting at a covered bus stop. I did not recognize it or where it was and just flew by, hoping to catch some of what they were saying. I was thoroughly convinced that I was in present time and hoping I could get information about where I was.
I did hear them talking but it was not about anything that could help me determine where I was. They were just talking about school, friends, things they had done – normal conversation. I gave up and flew up in the sky and felt it pull me upward. I felt unable to stop moving up and I accelerated. Immediately upon realizing I was being pulled up, my vision blacked out. For some reason, though, I calmed down and began to reorient myself in space, righting myself vertically and saying, “Clarity now” once, though not with much certainty.
When my vision returned, I was floating over a city. It was dark, right before dawn I think because I could see the commuter traffic below me with their headlights on and could see that the street lights were lit despite the early light of dawn that made it possible to see without them. I became excited at this point and flew down alongside cars as they passed by. Again, I was hoping to hear conversations that would tell me where I was. I got close to a few cars but could not get inside. I noticed some people saw me while others did not. I also noted that the cars with people in them that saw me had children in them and were very full.
I decided to get inside a car by going in through the windshield. I came close and saw a baby in its car seat and stopped short because the man inside could see me. He looked at me like, “What the hell?” I was confused. Why did these people see me?
I flew up and above traffic, watching the lights pass by like a time lapsed video of traffic at night. It was beautiful! I moved along with it, faster still, and saw an overpass in front of me. I decided to go through it and when I did I could feel every fiber of it as it passed through me. I felt, for a moment, that I became the overpass.
Then I was on the other side of the overpass. Triumphant, my vision went black and I instantly felt transitioned to another place. This time I was not alone. I was with a small girl, about the age of nine, with strawberry blond hair that went down to her waist. She held my hand and we walked through some rooms together. I asked her, “So this is the house?” She replied, “Yes”.
I do not remember seeing anything special about the house but I do remember wondering if this was my future house. It was nice, quaint and very pretty overall. When we got into the living area I noticed that the windows had horizontal, wooden slats over them instead of curtains and they were not solid but had large spaces between them and the next slat. I could see outside through the windows. It was in the country. I remember asking the little girl a couple of times, “Is Ms. Dee here?” I don’t remember hearing an answer and I have no idea who Ms. Dee is.
The little girl went outside and I remember saying how nice it was there. She agreed and wanted to show me the back yard. We stepped out into the sunshine and I saw tall pine trees, bright blue sky and green foliage all around. The air was crisp and familiar. It was Alaska! But, I don’t live in Alaska. I ignored the confusion I was feeling and continued to follow the girl. It was a nice place.
As I stepped into the large back yard, I noticed I was on a patio that had steps leading down. I went down a couple and saw that on my right were pens. Inside were baby chickens. Their plumage blended in with the hay and pen, a mottled brown. I said, “Oh, baby chickens!” and the little girl stopped and we looked at them.
I then spotted baby ducks as well. They also blended in and were a mottled brown color. They were very tiny and both the chicks and ducklings did not move much.
As the two of us walked up some stairs I stopped and pointed out two chicks to the little girl. “Be careful! There are two of them!” I could barely see them as they blended in with the dark wood of the steps.
Then my vision blacked out and I again found myself horizontal and floating superimposed over my physical body. My vision was clear and vivid, though, and as I blinked I could see white lace curtains over the window. The light was bright and it was so real I wondered if I should exit my body again. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I floated there for a little while, watching the lace curtains. Then I blinked and when I opened my eyes they were heavy and resistant and I could feel the shift that comes with settling back into my body. I opened my eyes and saw purple curtains with light shining through. Where did the lace ones come from?
What is Going on?
It has been an odd month. I have astral traveled quite frequently – twice this week alone and I am only half way through this week! My dreams have also been very vivid and strange. Plus, the death theme is starting to worry me. All this along with the realization that there is some kind of planning going on while I am in dreamland has me worried. Am I really preparing to exit this life?
Yesterday, while trying to watch a video by William Buhlman on YouTube, my guide approached me and I felt this sense of urgency. I did not really want to talk but his mere presence caused me to question the crazy dreams and experiences I have been having. I asked if it was true that I was nearing the end of this life. He did not answer but instead I was hit with a memory, it just popped into my mind.
I am a runner and ran a half marathon after the birth of my second son. I remembered it vividly and then, after I realized the memory fully, I heard my guide ask me, “When did you start to feel tired?” I remembered the tired feeling hit me around mile 12 of 13.1 miles. Then I recognized a similar tired feeling in this life. The feeling hit me the beginning of last year and has been increasing ever since. I suddenly saw a correlation and ultimately why my guide was asking me to compare the two.
On a long run you come to a point where you want to give up. You can’t yet see the finish line but you have been running so long and are so tired that all you can think about is giving up. You want to stop. You are tired to your bones. But you know, if you keep going, just a little bit farther, you will see the finish line. That is when your energy suddenly returns and you run enthusiastically. The triumph is palpable and when you cross the finish line you are greeted with a mass of people and cheers. You are tired and you instantly refuel and rest. You made it.
In this life I am at the 12 mile mark, or have been for a while. I can’t see the finish line and I just want to quit. I am so tired. I ache deep inside and feel I cannot go one more step. But, if what I am shown is correct, the finish line is just around the corner. It will come into view soon and the sight of it will re-energize me. I can’t give up when I am almost there!
The logical part of me wants to know how long, of course. So I got out my calculator to determine what percentage of the half marathon was finished before I felt ready to quit. It came out to 92%. If I apply that percentage to my current life, 92% means I have 4 more years to go.
All I can say is that if this analogy is taken literally I really do need to get my shit together.