Dragonfly – May, 2014

My daughter brought home a present for me yesterday. It was a beautiful necklace with a large, silver and black dragonfly. I didn’t know it was for me. I saw it laying on the table and, being drawn to it, ooed and awed over it and put it on. She, of course, was pleased to see me so drawn to a present she brought home for me.

Dragonfly

As a totem or Spirit animal/insect, the dragonfly has many messages. Specifically the dragonfly symbolizes the following: maturity and depth of character, power and poise, defeat of illusions that are self-created, living in present time and focus upon the moment, and the ability to see beyond this mundane existence into the possibilities of the universe and our own power as spiritual beings.

When a dragonfly comes into your life he often brings with him change in one form or the other. This change often develops from the inside when the individual recognizes the untruths about their life and decides to make changes that align with his or her own inner truth. The individual rejects the illusions they carry about life, sometimes one by one but most often all at once, in a whirlwind of determined ferocity. Because of the dragonfly’s connection to water (water is his source of food and life), there is a strong emotional component to the transformation he inspires. Often the individual has moments of intense emotional realizations followed by calm when they recognize that the change they are experiencing is natural and will lead to a more balanced and peaceful life for them. All in all, the dragonfly is a magnificent totem of transformation and change. He is not one to be afraid of but rather to be embraced.

Realizations

The dragonfly totem is very appropriate for me at this time in my life. My life is undergoing so many drastic changes right now and they will all soon be complete.

I have been struggling to keep up with my life this past week. I cannot seem to find time in my busy day! Being responsible for three children has been one of the biggest changes in my life, but there is also my hectic job and the process of house buying/selling. These along with every day minor inconveniences leaves me exhausted at the end of my day.

One of the biggest realizations that I have had recently is that I don’t like my job. It is not what I thought it would be. When I returned to work I found a pile of paperwork waiting for me and more was added every day. My time at work was and still is spent trying to get to the bottom of that pile only to find that when I do make progress, more is added.

I am not a paper pusher. I like to be up and about, to interact with others in a positive way and, most of all, help others. Yes, processing paperwork helps people, but it is not fulfilling to me. I sit at the computer so long that I feel molded to the chair. What is even more frustrating is that I do not know how to do most of what I am expected to do and the woman who hired me, who was suppose to help me through it, is gone.

Ultimately, my realization is that I do not want to be part of this bureaucratic mess and best of all, I don’t have to be.I thought I would be working one-on-one with people, listening to them, helping them sort through their life and problems. I am not doing that and it is taking its toll. Emotionally I am a mess. I have broken down in tears twice now from the strain of it. I have wanted to just walk out every day. If I stay in this state for too long it will soon affect my health. Thankfully I plan to leave as soon as our loan is finalized.

Fed Up!

I must admit, having another baby has changed me. It is change that strikes at the very core of my being. Mid-life crisis? Maybe, but not in a bad way. Mid-life renewal more like it. I am FED UP. Fed up with doing things that I am “suppose” to do per society and family upbringing. Be good. Work a stable job. Pay your bills. Never take risks. Don’t show emotion. Oh and there are tons more I am not even listing.

Eventually a person cracks under the weight of it all. I have been taking on responsibilities I didn’t want to take on. One by one they strangled the life out of me. I didn’t want them but I kept them. Why? I thought I had to because that is what I was taught.

Funny enough I am listening to the song Let it Go from the Disney movie Frozen right now. My daughter is a Frozen addict. lol But, if you have seen the movie the lesson is a very good one. The main character Elsa is told to hide her amazing gifts because they are “dangerous”. She hides them and herself, denying who she really is. Eventually she explodes. Who wouldn’t? That is how I feel, like I have suppressed my true self for so long and am finally exploding. I am lucky that I have the support of my family to help me channel the fear and anxiety that often comes with change.

dragonflyPriorities

The internal changes that are transforming me involve quite a bit of introspection, but then again, I have always been one to take apart my life and my thoughts as I try to understand this life and myself better. In times like these it is important to recognize your priorities. For me, it is my family that takes priority. My children, their happiness and health and my relationship with them is above all else the most important thing to me. I have justified working long hours at jobs I hate because it provided me with money, and thus the security of my family. But security is not money. My children will not remember how many toys and things they had as children. They will remember the love they received and the fun times they spent with their parents. Their security stems from knowing that they are loved and that they have a mother and father who will be there for them when they are needed. That is what I remember from my childhood. So working a negative job that makes me miserable just to make “good money” so my kids can have lots of “stuff” doesn’t make sense at all.

Second on my list is my health but this is no simple priority. One’s health is more than just physical, it is emotional, spiritual and mental as well. And to maintain health on all those levels cannot be done by popping a pill or jumping on the treadmill. You have to work at it, daily. For me, physical health is the easy part. When my body is in good shape it is easier for my mind to be in good shape. The hard part for me is keeping my emotions in balance and that, of course, is linked directly to my mental and spiritual well-being. Lately my emotions have been more difficult to suppress and always this upheaval directly affects my spiritual well-being. I believe that if I rid myself of those things in my life which do not support my truth that my spiritual and emotional well-being will heighten.

Advertisements

Two Bodies – March, 2014

Of all the mornings this week, this is the one I would expect would have me in a good mood. Unfortunately, I feel very grumpy and on edge.

Why would I expect to be in a good mood? Because I had an interesting double body experience – well really it was an OBE but it was peculiar.

OBE #1: Two Bodies

It began with me being awoken by my husband opening the garage to leave for work. One of the unfortunate aspects of having a master bedroom located over the garage is that when the door is opened it is pretty loud. I heard it right through my ear plugs and so woke up with a start. I could not go back to sleep after that because the dream I had been having was so vivid and I was mulling it over.

About an hour later I heard my children wake up and turn on the t.v. downstairs. I did not want to get out of bed, though. I was so comfortable and it was chilly in the room making getting up that much more unappealing. I was a bit stiff so positioned myself somewhat on my back (can’t sleep on my back because I am pregnant) and stretched myself out. It felt nice and I closed my eyes just wanting to lay there and relax.

The next thing I know I am sitting in a large, open room at a table with two women. One woman is a counselor from my old place of employment. I recognize her blonde hair and mannerisms instantly. I listen as she speaks with another woman I do not recognize. They are discussing scheduling and I listen in, ever so often I offer up my opinion but am mostly just awed by the fact that I am sitting with the counselors and that, well, I am a counselor! I tell the woman I once worked with, “It is nice to be working with you as a counselor”. I do not recall her replying.

I look behind me as the other woman speaks to someone across the room. There is a woman preparing a projector as if she is about to give a presentation. There is no one else in the room. I look around and something about the space and the situation “wakes” me up. When I become lucid the scene disappears and I feel myself laying in my bed.

I have only my mental vision when I look around me so the colors are all variations of black, white and brown and the scene is very shifty, as if the room is moving in slow motion. This is the usual when I see with my mental vision, but for some reason I notice more about it than I typically do.

The room is not my bedroom but a similar room in that it is arranged the same with the door in the same place and about the same amount of space between the door and bed. I am aware of people outside of the room as I can hear them talking but cannot make out what they are saying. The bed I am laying in is very small, perhaps twin sized, while my real bed is a king. I get up and feel myself in two places as I do so – I am both in the bed and walking across the room to the door at the same time. The feeling is odd in that as I separate from my physical body there is resistance and if there had been sound (there was none) I would have heard the sound of static or Velcro.The separation is a particular feeling and I struggle with it. Why am I in both places? I want to be with the me across the room, not the me in my bed. Why am I separating so slowly and not completely?

I do end up walking to the door as if to leave but my confusion at being in two places keeps me from leaving the room. The separation ends instantly and I am back in my physical body but my consciousness is still not so aware as for me to completely wake up.

OBE #2

I look around the room and notice a man walking past. He has no shirt on and a white towel is wrapped around his waist. I ask him who he is and he tells me he is just passing through. For some reason I get interested in this man and invite him over to me. When he comes close he disappears but I can still feel his presence. I then feel my left leg and then my right leg lift up into the air as if they are being held or are resting on someone. I do not feel hands on me, though. The peculiar feeling of being in two places hits me again. I can feel both pairs of my legs and am willing myself to go with the legs that are raised. Unfortunately, something about me willing myself to move out of body shifts me into full awareness and I find myself settling into my physical body.

OBE #3

I do not open my eyes. Instead I think about what just happened and, knowing I could easily return, I let myself drift back into between states. The next thing I know, I am flying high over a highway and below there is snow covering the roads. There are plows and I am talking to someone about the roads. I observe a plow below me and follow behind, flying along the road. Then I look on the other side of the highway and watch as a plow flies down the road at very high speeds. A smaller truck follows behind swiftly and I recall that my thoughts were that these vehicles were moving very fast. I observe the scene for a bit, noting the mountainous terrain and then shift back into my physical body.

Realizing I need to wake up, I slowly open my eyes but am instantly not in a good mood. I tell my guides I want to go back and to stay. I get messages from them to try and get me to stop considering such a thing. One familiar one is, “Think about your life”. Another one I hear is, “You have much left to do”. I am not pleased to hear these things.

Resistance

While I am pleased that I was able to have such an interesting OBE, I am now very on edge and cannot seem to get myself going this morning. Part of it has to do with not being able to return and stay in astral for a longer period of time. Another part of it has to do with the fact that my week long vacation is almost at an end. I do not look forward to having to wake up early and come home late from work. I do not look forward to resuming my hectic schedule. It is nice to have nothing to do.

I also notice that I am resisting something about my future. I am not certain what it is exactly but I do have a longing to return to my past; to when I was so deeply connected to the spiritual. I miss that connection and feel that no matter what I do right now, that deep connection will not return for some time. I resent the things in my life that keep me from the excitement that spiritual connection brought. I was constantly learning new things about life and myself. I was astraling frequently and able to block out the bland mundane reality that was my life whenever I wanted. That is not the case now.

Part of me wishes I had never started on the spiritual path because now that I know what I am missing it makes living in this physical reality that much harder. I will always be longing for Home. Yes, I longed for it before but it was not a conscious thing. I didn’t really know what it was that was missing from my life. Now that I know, now that I have a taste of what it is that was/is lacking, I will forever yearn for it.

Astral Space Capsule – February, 2014

I have not been able to get a solid night’s sleep in some time. So, of course, I have not had very many vivid dreams and no OBEs. I think this is because I keep waking up every 1 to 2 hours either from baby kicking and squirming or from needing to use the bathroom.

Baby Dream

Today is my first day of my new counseling job. I awoke at 4:30am from some weird dreams. Strangely I had slept harder than in previous nights and so it was a surprise to me that I remembered my dreams at all. I had a dream where I was in shop as a cashier and working with money. My husband’s boss who passed away last year was my boss and he was discussing giving me money. A woman stopped by and mentioned that her daughter was having her baby but that it was due in November. I remember thinking that there was no way the baby would survive since November was so far away. The baby had to have just be conceived! It was a boy and I overheard that the father was my sister’s ex-boyfriend. I didn’t say anything to her about it since I didn’t want to give her anymore bad news. The guy was a loser.

Later, I was in the hospital and the woman and her daughter were there. The baby had been born and had survived to my surprise. I remember hearing her talking about him and describing how small he was. She showed me a picture of him and he had large jowls like a dog and I remember realizing that the baby was a girl and not a boy. It also had a very short torso and seemed deformed. I congratulated the woman but the whole while was thinking “Poor woman”.

I went to the bathroom with a nurse who wanted me to tell her how long it took me to pee. She gave me a clock and I went in. I didn’t think I would have much pee but for some reason it gushed out of me and got all over the toilet. I frantically watched the clock and I saw it was at 15sec. Another gush came out and another still. I seemed to be full of pee! I noted that it took about 25-30sec total. I then saw I had peed out something weird. It looked like a piece of flesh. It had veins and everything on it and was about 3 inches long. I was horrified.

This part of the dream woke me up and I tossed and turned for an hour afterward with the dream on my mind. The piece of flesh bothered me. I finally had to get up to pee at 5:30am and then tried to go back to bed. I laid on my right side because my hand kept going numb when I laid on my left side.

OBE #1: Astral Space Capsule

My head had barely hit the pillow and I was asleep. But this time I immediately left my body. I also instantly knew I was not in my body. But, like in other recent OBEs, I had an almost frantic, full of energy feeling that I sometimes get. So, “the child”, as I call her, was in charge during this one.

I found myself inside a space craft. There were large metal cylinders that were moving and I was aware that the shape was circular, like a pod. I was in the middle and knew that someone was about to blow up the space pod. I couldn’t really do anything but wait as I could find no exit. I sat in the midst of these large metal cylinders waiting. The cylinders pumped back and forth, horizontally next to me. I had no fear. I actually didn’t really have any emotion other than being not quite sure what the heck I was doing there.

I then noticed more large cylindrical tubes coming into the pod from the outside. My attacker was infiltrating the pod. With each cylindrical shaft that forced its way into the pod, I felt there was a bomb placed inside. I heard an audible countdown as several more cylinders forced their way inside.It is strange but I had no fear of the impending explosion.

Still having the strangely overwhelming energy of “the child”, I somehow managed to leave the capsule at the very moment the countdown reached zero and exploded. I never even experienced the explosion. Instead, I shifted to a new scene after a brief blacking out of my vision, and found myself in an unfamiliar bed. I immediately flew up and out of the bed and down some stairs.

OBE #2: Christmas House

The place was unfamiliar and I remember recognizing that I was in astral but being concerned about the time. I consciously thought about how I got back into bed at 5:30am. I knew I had only a half hour before my alarm would go off. I also remembered that I needed to get up because if I didn’t I would be late for my first day at work!

I pushed these worries out of my mind as I went downstairs. Oddly, I could hear myself talking to myself, reasoning with myself about how not to worry. I recall a woman being there and most of this scene is lost to me now. I do know I was in a house and was dealing with my worries as I frantically flew about it.

At one point I went outside the house and decided I would spy on the neighbors. It was dark outside and I realized my energy level was low but I chose to do nothing about it. My vision was good except that I seemed to have hair over one of my eyes. I kept noticing that my left eye had a veil over it and kept thinking that I needed to brush my hair out of the way.

I flew out of the house I was in and into the street. It was not a street I am familiar with. It appeared to be in a suburb lined with multi-story houses of various brick colors. The house I was going toward was reddish colored brick and more than one story. It had a manicured lawn and seemed to be middle to upper middle class.

When I got to the front door of the house the obstruction in my vision vanished. The door was dark colored and had a tiny window in the top.  I remember worrying briefly that it wouldn’t open but I easily opened it. Inside it was dark but there was a small Christmas tree illuminated in the corner on my left and I could see the house was very nice, clean and neat. I decided to grab the tree and knock it over (not sure why) and then I flew up the stairs. Each step of the stairs also had a tree, but not a Christmas tree, more like a huge pine/fir tree. I knocked each of them down one by one as I flew up. Something blocked me from continuing up the stairs, though, so I headed back down them still with the overly energetic feeling.

When I got to the bottom I encountered the woman again and there was a rocker recliner. Under it were two children, a boy and a girl. I reached under to get them, feeling attracted to them for some reason. I remember the woman said something to me but I don’t remember what now. I grabbed the young boy and pulled him out, telling him it was okay. He came close to the other child, a little girl who was his sister, and licked her face. I remember thinking it was funny and told him to lick me. He licked me and then I licked him but did so in his mouth. It was very strange. It was not a kiss but an actual lick. I could taste the inside of his mouth. This grossed me out at some level and it brought me back to my body as I was rejecting the scene entirely.

Wasp Nests – March, 2014

Another week at my new job and I think I am finally getting use to my new schedule and the demands of the job. The balance has been hard to come by, though. Sleep has been little but the last couple of days I have played catch up and feel well rested this morning.

Warning

I slept very deeply last night until my third wakening to use the restroom. When I got back into bed I saw that it was 3:30am and knew instantly that I would have trouble going back to sleep. I had a nagging feeling and knew my guides were signaling me to communicate with them. I had felt this signal prior to going to bed and had considered doing self-healing but opted to use my downtime reading. At 3:30am it seemed my guides had had enough of me delaying listening to them and so I did in fact toss and turn rather than go back to sleep.

In my frustration I finally asked them what was up. I ran into a guide that I am not familiar with, at least not consciously. I did, however, know to call him “Michael”, which surprised me. He was reminding me of the dream I had not long ago that forewarned me of this baby coming earlier than expected. I asked him why he was bringing it up and he said, “To prepare you”. I did not like that answer and it scared me. Fear is not a good thing to have when communicating with one’s guides so the rest of the information I got I will not share since I cannot guarantee the accuracy of it (too much fear on my part). However, I cannot ignore the messages I have been getting in my dreams or the feeling that I have had with this pregnancy from the beginning.

Running into the Past

I tried to go back to sleep but my guides continued to stay close. I had/have four of them around me but Michael was the most prominent. I asked to OBE or to at least get some sleep. I contemplated just getting up but it felt so good lying in bed that I eventually drifted off to sleep around 4:20am.

I found myself in a semi-lucid dream. I was in a bedroom that was unfamiliar and sitting on a bed with fluffy pillows and a plush comforter. I recall the colors were brownish and the room was dark.

I was in and out of lucidity throughout the dream. I believe that is why I was in bed in the dream as I was struggling to remain as conscious as possible and not succeeding completely. I recall talking with a man and the more I spoke with him, the more I recalled who he was. He appeared to be an ex-boyfriend of mine and I was happy to see him. I had been not so nice to this man when I was with him and I was apologetic. All I wanted to do was hug him and pull him close. I recall him being resistant but I convinced him to just hug me and get close. It was nice to be near him.

While I was hugging him I felt to be in two places. One in the bedroom and the other in a different place, a plain room with no furniture where I would talk with my guides. In this instance I was semi-lucid and we discussed my current lessons in life. I explained that I was not interested in graduating high school – I had already done that. I was told I did not have to go to school. I asked if I could skip for the day and was told I could. When told this I immediately became happier and more relaxed.

Then the scene shifted and my guide became my ex and he was taking me to a restaurant for breakfast. It was an old, white house. I thanked him for his generosity but the restaurant was closed. He then asked if I would take a picture of him in front of it and I instantly knew it was haunted. I took some photos and two older woman came by commenting on the place. I recall seeing images flash in front of my eyes of two older woman and thinking about the haunted house.

Then the scene shifted and I was back in the bedroom. I was sitting on the bed with my ex and began to think about my other ex’s. I struggled to remember them but did remember the face of one and watched as my ex’s face turned into the face of the ex I couldn’t remember the name of. I sat there confused for a moment. What man was I with now?? I thought of my ex-husband and knew he was not who I was with but could not for the life of me remember my current husband and father of my children! This concerned me and I got flustered. Why did I have amnesia??

Wasp Nests

Eventually I did remember my current husband but it took a lot of focus within the dream to do so. Once I remembered him I was transported to yet another scene. This time I was in the back yard of my Mom’s house, or what appeared to be her yard. I was talking with a guide who morphed into my current husband and then back again more than once. I was talking to him about yard work and we came upon three large, red wasp nests. They were not the normal wasp nests. Rather than being up high in a tree they were anchored to the ground and appeared like small trees. I remember thinking we needed to kill them but then was shocked to see that there was so many new wasps. Recognizing they had multiplied since we last tried to kill them I told my husband we needed to do something about them. I recall feeling a bit overwhelmed by the task at hand and thought about using a long pole to remove the nests. I eventually gave up, though, because there were so many nests and wasps.The feelings I had towards the wasps was avoidance and distaste.

Interpretation

Considering the feelings I was having when I had the above dreams, I am not surprised that I had encounters with my past and the feared red wasp. I was feeling pretty anxious about life in general when I fell asleep and so the fear likely permeated my dreams.

A red wasp in one’s dream symbolizes fear, anger and negative feelings in general. The wasps were not bothering me nor were they chasing me, which is good. I was merely watching them from a distance. Since I had tried to exterminate them in the past unsuccessfully it suggests that the wasps are connected to a long-standing issue. The wasps are also multiplying, which suggests that the problem is not only unresolved but getting worse.

Since I was with my current husband watching the wasps and their nests I believe the issue to be directly linked to my marriage. There have been some long-standing issues in my marriage for a while now and I admit I have not done much to resolve them. Recently my husband and I had a disagreement and it is likely that this was coming out in my dreams. I have been worrying over the argument since it occurred and have been having feelings of anger and resentment resurface. Wasps are symbolic of my feelings resurfacing.

I am also very familiar with the school symbolism that came up. I have been considering taking a break from working but have instead continued to work despite my dissatisfaction with my work in general. I had hoped that being a counselor would help that but my exhaustion lately and the paperwork that has been my priority has not been as fulfilling as I had hoped it would be. With a new baby very soon to be joining our family I have been anxious about finances and despite wanting to stay home with my baby and just “be” for a while, I am terrified of what it might mean for us financially. It especially upsets me when my husband wants to spend more than we have and I struggle with trusting him to be the sole financial provider for the family.

It is obvious to me that I need to devote time to building trust in my husband. I feel this is more a past-life issue that is resurfacing than a present time one and is one of my life lessons. Part of me wants to take the plunge and force myself to trust him by quitting work for a time and letting him take over for a while. I am overwhelmed and really just need a good rest. However, I know better than to push myself into such a situation as I tend to overreact and it can lead to bad things. I have to find a balanced way to confront this in my life.

Why is it so hard to put trust in someone else?

Red Canary – May, 2014

Red Canary

I was not expecting to astral this morning when I awoke yet again at 5a.m. As usual, I was not able to sleep because of all my considerations about everything that is going on in my life. At one point, though, I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t care”.

The next thing I remember, I was having a conversation with myself while laying in my familiar childhood bedroom. Basically, I was still mulling over the things going on in my life – selling and buying a house, going back to work, my family, etc. I recall having a conversation with someone about everything but cannot remember the specifics of it. I do recall hearing numbers. First it was 24 then it was 5 and 12. In the background I could hear the sounds of a television playing in the living room. I even could make out what was being said and knew the name of the show playing though I can’t remember it now.

At one point I opened my eyes for a moment but they felt heavy from sleep. When I began looking around I saw this tiny, red bird right in front of me, probably about two feet away. From his looks, he appeared to be a canary. He was sitting in the branches of a bush or tree and didn’t see me. I turned to take a closer look, knowing that when I turned it could startle him. He did in fact startle and flew right into my face. I closed my eyes and could feel the touch of his feathers and body up against my face. I was in awe of the tiny bird – he was so vivid and beautiful – yet I was a bit confused. Why was there a bird in my room? And why was he sitting in a bush or tree in my room? Confused, I wondered whether I was asleep or awake and finally thought to myself, “I’m awake”.

Still not completely convinced that I was awake and my experience was not an OBE, I got up out of bed and headed toward my bedroom window. My eyes were not open but heavy with sleep and still closed. As I made my way to the window I noticed how solid I felt which convinced me even more that this experience must be real, I must be awake. At that point I was able to open my eyes and again there was this tiny, red bird right in front of me. It flew towards me and I ducked to avoid it. Again I was amazed at its beauty and how tiny, perfect and vivid it was.

Still convinced this was a waking experience, I headed toward the window and opened it. Then I pushed out the screen and attempted to go out of it. This is one of my favorite things to do when I exit my old bedroom while in astral. Outside the window is a pool and I love to jump in and swim underwater. I think I must have been on auto-pilot or something considering that is the first thing I wanted to do. But I was still unsure if I was asleep or awake. When I jumped out of the window I got scared because I knew I would fly out and into the pool and I worried I would drown. To my relief, I felt my feet solidly hit the ground but I changed my mind because of my fear of drowning and went back into the room.

Inside the room I must have crawled back into bed and fallen asleep for a little bit. Then I was awakened by voices. My Mom was telling me that the kids to include my brother would be leaving soon on a trip and that they would leave in the morning and return in the evening and do this for 10 days. She was explaining the details of it to me and called my husband by the wrong name – she used my ex’s name. This confused me and I remember thinking something was not right. When she said my ex’s name, a picture flashed in my head of people in sexual positions (no genitals showing or anything, just naked). I remembered how my ex liked to watch porn sometimes and I got the thought in my head that I need to watch some (really not like me as I don’t do that sort of thing!).

Not long after that I again began to question whether I was awake or asleep. Not convinced anymore that I was awake, though I kept saying to myself, “This is too real, I must be awake”, I headed out of the room. I could feel my feet hit the floor. Solid. I opened the door to the room and could feel the knob in my hand as it turned and the force of the door as I pushed it open. Solid. Yet I must have known it was not true because I decided to try to fly once I left the room. The doubt was there but I pushed past it and up I went without any effort. I was in fact asleep.

Recognizing finally that I was asleep and out of body, I flew towards the front door. Suddenly bright light flooded my vision. I had thought my eyes were closed! As I was able to see I could see the front door of my Mom’s house and saw that it was a beautiful day outside. I grabbed the door handle which I noted was exactly as it is in real life, and went outside.

The outside opened up with such clarity and brightness that had I been in a body I would have had to shield my eyes. I scanned the outside from left to right noting the abundance of trees and the lack of a road or side buildings. The trees, I noticed, had no leaves; completely barren. They were also very scrawny and of a specific type, what we call “post oaks”. They have small trunks and have whitish-gray bark that flakes off. The visual the scene gave was that of a ghost town of trees. Very desolate.

Though I noted the desolation of the scene I did not consciously concern myself with it. Instead I was searching for something. I wanted to find others. I wanted to experience astral sex (really this is not like me either!). I floated upward thinking of how I could find a partner. Since my vision was so clear I decided to look down at my hands. I could see them clearly but they had no familiar glow. They just looked normal. I knew I would not find anyone where I was so I decided to find or make a portal. Not knowing where to find one I figured I would manifest one, so I yelled out, “Portal”, hoping one would manifest in front of me. When none did, I felt an urge to go upward into space. Knowing that in the past moving up towards space has result in me shifting into another scene, I allowed myself to go up. Unfortunately, when I blacked out I did not open my eyes in a new astral scene. Instead I awoke in my bed.

Happiness and Harmony

According to dreammoods.com, a canary symbolizes “happiness and harmony” . It can also mean that there exists a desire for a relationship or that “a new relationship is blossoming”. I have never seen a canary in a dream or OBE, so this is interesting to me. The fact that the canary is red seems linked specifically to the root chakra and the energy it represents. In this specific instance I began to seek out astral sex after seeing the red canary, indicating that his red color is likely an indicator that I need to work on opening my root chakra.

In my case, I believe the canary symbolism is promising. Perhaps I am getting a message that happiness and harmony are in the making? Or perhaps the canary represents for me a longing to recreate or newly create upon my relationship with my husband. I think it might be both as they both ring true to me.

The Root Chakra

This morning’s experience awakened an interest in me about the root chakra. How much do I really know about this chakra? How often do I really work on it? Not often. In fact, I have been drawn to meditation and the ones that have been resonating with me are about opening the root chakra. Not a coincidence I’m sure.

I found a great explanation about the root chakra here. In reading through the site’s description of the root chakra I found this section interesting, especially when considering my own life and the emotions I have been feeling lately:

The root chakra is about you and life. It is not about mommy, honey, the tribe, identification, the tsunami victims, starving-people-in-third-world-countries – none of that.  It is only you and survival.  People who have open root chakras love their lives – love their physical incarnation in their present bodies.  People who pine away for heaven, future happiness, moksha; people who wish they were somewhere else (be it physically or in some allegorical way) define themselves as root chakra impaired.  So do people who are angry, fearful, cynical, distrustful, frustrated, envious, jealous, stingy – the list goes on.

The root chakra is all about food, air, water, shelter, power and physical health.  The ultimate root chakra failure is suicide – the ultimate root chakra success is empowerment and love of life.

And, of course, one of the specific body systems the root chakra is associated with are the reproductive organs. Considering I just had a baby and a major surgery that cut into my uterus, I am not surprised that I am dreaming of things which would help to open my root chaka. It is my experience that while in astral, those who are seeking out or having astral sex are working to unblock this very important chakra.

Underground Warehouse – July, 2014

This week has been exhausting. My mornings start at 5:30am and I often do not get to bed until 10:30-11pm. Then my baby wakes up 2-3 times a night, so my sleep is continually interrupted even with the help of my husband. It is no wonder that last night, after being woken up for the fourth time, I crawled out of bed and carried a pillow and blanket to my son’s room to try and get some sleep.

Noticing I had left and obviously sleep deprived himself, my husband stomped into the room and left baby with me, yelling something at me that I could not hear through my earplugs. Realizing I wouldn’t get anymore sleep I got up and took baby back into our bedroom and then went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. It was 6am by that time I had given up on sleep yet I did not want to get up. Since baby was back asleep, I went back to my son’s room and laid down on his bed.

I was obviously upset. My whole body felt stiff and thoughts were running through my head about how to figure out how I could get a reprieve. I felt like there was no where to go to get some peace and quiet. Although my commute and time at work is time alone it is not a relaxing time. So, all I could think about was how to find time for myself, but I couldn’t see that happening.

As my thoughts raced I realized that time alone just wasn’t going to happen. I kept thinking over and over, “I want out”. At the time I felt unable to control these thoughts. Although I have been ultra busy and exhausted these last two weeks, my mood has been high even when at my tiredest. I guess it caught up to me.

After what seemed like a long time, I suddenly noticed that my body was no longer tense. Instead my body felt relaxed and almost floaty. It was then that I heard my guide say, “You feel better now, don’t you?” The thoughts were gone and I began to hear the words to the Lumineers song Stubborn Love going through my mind – “Keep you head up, my love”. Recognizing that I could finally sleep, I drifted off.

Underground Warehouse

I soon found myself in a semi-lucid dream walking towards a house. I was with some others and we were talking about the house as if it were the new house we just moved into but it didn’t look anything like our new home. It was brown instead of white and seemed dark and gloomy. It was also dark outside.

Inside I was drowsy and not fully alert. My mind felt foggy as I drifted down our stairs to the kitchen. My husband was there with our children and I went to the table to eat dinner with them. The entire time I felt like

I did not belong there; like a stranger in a strange new place. The feeling became strong, so I left the table and went to the bar to eat. I looked down at the pasta I was eating and then felt eyes on me. It was my husband giving me a questioning look. I told him I preferred to eat at the bar. 

The feeling of the dream was similar to how I felt when I fell asleep – I wanted out. So I walked outside and into the road where there were some parked cars. It was twilight and for some reason I was carrying in my hand a piece of bread.

As I walked farther out into the road, a orange striped cat came running towards me and grabbed onto the bread. I let it go so he could have it and noticed the cat was young, maybe only 1 year old, and very hungry. I told him he could have the bread and watched as he growled defensively and began to devour it. That was when I saw another cat of similar age come out, a little black tabby. I remember thinking the cats were abandoned and that we could give them a good home. I walked toward them and spoke softly to them so as to not scare them. That was when I noticed that the piece of bread was now a little black and white hamster. Not wanting it to die, I quickly gathered it up in my hands before they decided to eat it.

The scene went dark and I soon found myself walking outside of the house with a man. He was talking about a basement and showing me the door. I walked over the top of the basement, a large concrete slab, remarking that it might be a tornado shelter but soon decided it was too large for that.

We descended stairs and inside I was surprised to find a huge warehouse structure with steel beams. It was enormous! There were various objects around and I remember thinking about how we could use the space and talking about putting our trampoline in there as well as a weight room. As I looked around me, I remember seeing an old, white 1950s car (corvette?) and baby toys among other things. I also saw mechanic’s tools and a crane. There were others with me, both male and female, and I talked with them though I don’t remember what we talked about.

 As we talked, I kept feeling like I wanted to sleep but managed to stay awake. I believe this sleepiness is a result of my awareness shifting. I remember at one point I saw my husband holding our baby the wrong way and swooped in to save him from falling. This woke me up quite a bit and my awareness heightened.

As I was preparing to leave the warehouse I saw an adjoining warehouse just as big, if not bigger, than the one we were in. They called it the “game room” and I could see that it had a large air hockey set up where the figures were about half the size of a grown man. At first I was not interested in it but finally I went closer to see it. I noticed the platform that was holding the set up was partly broken down. I never went into the room. I recall telling my guides several times throughout this dream sequence, “I don’t want to be here” and “I want to stay”. The first statement at first seemed that I did not want to be in the dream but as the dream progressed I realized I was referring to being in this life, with my family, at this particular moment. The latter statement referred to me staying with my guides.

Astral Message

Recognizing that I was in a dream, I began to take control of my surroundings. The scene in front of me once again blacked out and I could feel the familiar shift in energy that comes from moving from one level to the next. I did not resist and allowed myself to make the transition.

When my vision returned I was standing in my son’s bedroom looking at the window, most likely very near my sleeping physical body (I wish I had thought to look at it!). I moved toward the window and  raised the blinds. I looked out and saw that my front yard was dusted with a light dusting of snow. It was sparkling and brilliant, appearing almost like tiny diamonds below me. I recall thinking the snow was not normal; that it must mean something but could not figure out exactly what.

Excited to get out of the house and explore, I opened the window and pushed out the screen. Standing on the edge of the window I peered down at what appeared to be a huge drop down to the snow below. I looked across at our oak tree and saw a pear, ripe for the picking, sparkling with specks of ice. I intended to pick the pear and for a moment hesitated, worrying I would drop to the ground instead of fly. Discarding my doubt I jumped out of the window.

At first I did fly but soon found myself pulled towards the ground. It was as if I were being led down – a very gradual downward pull/nudge. When I reached the ground I immediately bounced back up, willing myself to fly up and over the neighborhood . Yet I hesitated. Instead I looked down at the dusting of sparkling snow below and felt like I needed to go down this time.

When I got down to ground level I was met by two women who were standing in front of my garage. I knew them and greeted them enthusiastically, saying, “Hi!”. Both women were short. One was approximately 5ft tall and the other just a bit taller than that. I seemed to tower above them both.

The shorter woman had salt and pepper hair that was cut short in the typical style women in their 50s will wear. She reminded me of a woman I know in real life. She replied back to me, “Hi Dayna”. She was the one who was doing most of the talking although the other woman stayed close.

I told her, “I want to stay” but I did not have any feelings of sadness. It was just a statement of fact.

The woman smiled and said, “I know but you need to play the game”. I remember holding onto the word “game” and thinking to myself, “She called it a game”.

Although I don’t remember the rest of what she told me, I do remember that her message was clear. I could not stay there with them. I had things to do. I would get rest soon and just needed to be patient.

While the shorter woman was talking, another taller woman approached us from the side. She had been there all along but I had not really focused on her. She was very tall, probably about 6ft, and had short blonde hair. She appeared to be in her 40s and I would describe her as very German-like. Her demeanor was that of a very strong woman and she held herself very tall and stiff. I laugh now to think about her, as she looks almost identical to an actress (don’t know her name) who often plays German female characters who are strict and dictatorial. I remember that she seemed very displeased with what was going on. I got the distinct feeling that I was not suppose to be there and she was unhappy that I had been allowed to return and meet with them. I didn’t understand this and did not linger on it. I could care less that she was unhappy with me. I was there!

The three of them stood there with me and I was completely happy to be in their company. I turned and hugged each of them enthusiastically, kneeling down to hug the shorter of the three. I remember that when I hugged the tall, blonde that her stiffness softened and she hugged me back. I excitedly called out their names, calling the short woman “Mary” and the tall woman, “Christina”. When I called the short woman Mary I changed my mind and said, “No, it’s Maria”. She nodded and said, “Yes, Maria”. This pleased me to no end and I was just happy being there in their company.

It was then that Maria began to walk away with the other two. I watched her leave and then she stopped and turned around. She said to me, “Just remember to….” but stopped. I said, “What?” She seemed to reconsider her words and said, “Never mind. Just tell Daniella….” but again she stopped. I got the feeling she did not want me to remember and so stopped as I was holding on to every word she said with quite a bit of interest.

I do recall repeating what they said in my mind several times in order to remember. When she said the name Daniella I was confused. I thought, Who is Daniella? I don’t know her.

The scene went black as Maria walked away and I felt the familiar pull back into my body. As my energy settled I opened my eyes and realized I had been OOB.

Considerations

This is the first time I have had an astral experience like this (that I can remember anyway). Usually I do not get pulled toward the ground. In fact, I usually feel the opposite – pulled up. And never has my astral trip been so specifically focused upon me meeting up with my guides in such a way. Not only did I recognize these three women but I called them by name. Where were the familiar male guides I usually see in astral?

I can tell that I am advancing based upon this experience. I was very aware of the two different aspects of my Self throughout. There was the me that wanted to fly and explore (the “child”), and then there was the me who was purpose-driven and there for a reason the other me did not know about. Though distinctly different, the two were in harmony and felt more like two parts of a whole. I also seemed to know that my guides had called me there and then I remembered them and their names.

There was also so much that was not spoken aloud in this experience. The overall messages that were passed between myself and the others and between the three of them was that I was not suppose to be astralling at this time because it created problems. Mainly, it caused and increase in my desire to leave this body. I got the distinct impression that the other two female guides had chosen to speak to me and the third one was not in full agreement. It actually felt similar to parents disagreeing on how to discipline and parent a child, one insisting on following the rules and the other insisting on exceptions to those rules. Regardless, I was allowed to meet up with them and it was made very clear that I must fulfill my purpose before leaving this life.

The Blue Light People – May, 2012

This was a dream I had a few weeks ago and it was so detailed and real-like that I still remember every bit of it. I am convinced that it is connected to a past life of mine, probably a looooong time ago on some distant and now extinct planet. Then again, there is always the possibility that it is just a dream created in my subconscious as I slept but with all the past lives I have remembered and my conviction that we are all very, very old souls who have lived numerous lives, I am convinced that this dream is composed of real memories.

The first scene of the dream opened with me (a young, short woman with shoulder length brown hair) and a group of people who I considered family but who were not connected to me by blood. We were on assignment in a new land (planet), sent to figure out why communication with the inhabitants had suddenly stopped. We came to a large lake that was so big we couldn’t see the other side. Across it was a bridge but it was not a typical bridge, it was made of wood like a typical bridge but instead of being built up on pillars over the water, it spread out across the top of the water like a never-ending pier. It was wide enough to fit two cars and when we walked on it, it moved and adjusted itself to our weight. It was like walking on a water bed!

When we got to the other side we saw a blonde woman, unkempt and dirty with a frantic look in her eye. She actually looked like she was a bit crazy, her eyes wide and erratic. She saw us, dropped something and fled into the undergrowth. The entrance to the compound was eerily quiet but in perfect order. I went and stooped down to pick up what the woman had dropped. It was an ID card with her picture on it. I used the card to gain entrance to the compound, swiping it on a device standing near the entrance.

When we went inside there was no one around. No mess, no disorder, just quiet and still, as if awaiting everyone’s arrival. We saw the reception desk and moved around to a small room. It was set up like a gathering place but also had merchandise like jewelry and clothing on racks in the back of the room. Our leader told us to gather what we needed/wanted, and so I picked up a box and began to rummage through the items, picking out a nice necklace and some other things I felt I might need.

We left the gathering place and went into the courtyard or commons area. There were overgrown gardens and some debris littering the ground. I noticed three white goats tied to a fence. They were alive but very skinny. I went and released them but only one moved toward the grass it had been unable to reach when it was tied up. The other two were in apathy, resigned to die despite their freedom.

After the compound and finding no inhabitants remaining, we moved out to the dirt roads that had been used by the inhabitants to get from one compound to the next. We traveled down one for a while, meeting no one along the way, until we came upon a refueling station. At the entrance of the station there was an emergency vehicle. It had a compartment for storing the deceased. It was abandoned and had long run out of fuel, it’s door wide open. This was the first sign that something had gone wrong. We went inside the store to investigate.

As we entered the store looked much like the compound we had explored. It, however, was obviously meant to provide for the immediate needs of the people who passed through. It had a dining area with vaulted ceilings that were held up with large wooden beams and decorated with elaborate lighting. The shop was simple, with a clerk’s station and rows of clothing and other items to choose from. I remember looking at small children’s shoes and thinking of my current daughter (in this life). This was one of the few places where my current life seemed to intervene and take over for a short time in the dream.

While I was browsing the shoes a young girl, about 15, came running out of nowhere. She was upset with me because I was rummaging through things and not putting them back in their place. Like the blonde woman we encountered initially upon entering the compound, this girl’s eyes were wild and she seemed frazzled and mentally unstable. She muttered something I could not understand and started putting things back in their places. At one point she got so upset that she stopped and clearly said, “You’ll be sorry”. She did something I did not recognize and looked up at the vaulted ceiling. Night was approaching and I could see the colors of the sunset through the windows in the top of the ceiling. As I looked up I saw a strange blue light with yellowish coloring around the edges. It built up from the base of the ceiling on four or five sides and all parts of the light came together in the center. It got very bright and stayed that way for a while. All this time the young girl was looking up and smiling a crazy smile. She said, “The Blue Light Army is coming” and then scurried away out of the building and into the shadows that were quickly becoming darker as night approached.

Everyone in my group began to feel anxious. Something was wrong. I remember thinking, “What was the Blue Light Army?” We all assumed the blue light was a bad omen, a beacon calling this “army” to come. What would they do? Would they capture us? Kill us?

We didn’t have much time to figure out what to do. The night was falling quickly and one person alerted the rest of the group to look out the windows. When I looked there was a blue haze that stretched in all directions. It was building and getting closer to the building and within it I could see the outlines of individual human-like figures. The blue haze was all around and those that had thought of escaping to the outside, me included, quickly changed their minds. We all decided to climb up onto the wooden beams in the ceiling in hopes of staying hidden.

We waiting in the ceiling, holding our breaths. I remember thinking to myself, “Be quiet” and hoping others would do the same. I listened and it was quiet; not one sound. It was a terrifying silence. I heard a creak as the door opened and looked down through the darkness and blue haze, trying hard to find out what this Blue Light Army looked like.

A man walked through the door. He was wearing normal clothing, not armor. He had no weapons. He looked normal. He was followed by a woman, and then another man, and another man, and another. All of them seemed normal except that they had this blue light, like an aura, surrounding them. There were so many of them that they crowded into the space making it look tiny.

What kind of army was this? This was no army!

I relaxed a bit. There was no reason to be afraid! Obviously, some of the others in my group also relaxed because one slipped a bit and knocked a piece of wood onto the floor. All the people of this supposed army stopped and looked up. We had been discovered. Specifically, the man who slipped and made the noise had been discovered.

The passive group of blue light people instantly changed into a mob of intensely crazy animal-like savages. As they looked up I could see their eyes, they were an intense blue and bright but ominously empty of life. One tall one reached up and grabbed the leg of the man who had made the mistake of moving. He was dragged down into the crowd of blue light people. I heard him shriek and say, “No!” Within seconds he could not be seen. The group of blue light people enveloped him and savagely tore at his body. I looked away to avoid seeing the carnage. It was awful and my heart sank into my stomach.

I jumped down from my hiding place and raced towards the door of the building. Others in my group did the same. We ran outside and into the undergrowth, away from the grizzly scene, panicked from the chaos we had just witnessed. We were not followed by the blue light people. We hid in the undergrowth for the rest of the night, scared to move and praying we would not be discovered.

In the morning I awoke and looked around me. I noticed the strange plants around us. They were small bushes with oddly shaped leaves. There was water nearby from a lake. Scattered at our feet were tiny, yellow fruit. I picked one up and ate it. It was good so I gathered some up for later.

We all quietly gathered together and moved farther into the woods. We would be avoiding the roads from now on. We hoped to find the people that the blonde woman and young girl surely lived with. But where were they? How could we find them? The blue light people were obviously infected with something or had become crazed from living on this planet. We did not want to contract whatever they had, but we did not know enough about it to be sure we could avoid it. I felt a bit paranoid and scared but knew I must move on. We all felt this way. So we moved on.

When I awoke from the dream the vision of the beacon of blue light stayed with me as did the blue light people. It felt familiar in some way and I was glad that I was not back on that planet facing them. I shivered from the thought of it.