Visions, Messages and 2 OBE’s

As I was shifting into sleep last night, a visual came at me from my left. What I saw is hard to recall now. It was, I think, branches of a golden tree that looked also like many roads extending from a central point. With it was a feeling that is difficult to describe. It felt like a part of me was opening up or reaching toward something in the distance. Almost as if something new was emerging from me, extending in a new direction. There was a guide on my left, also, and he said to me, “You will have many options.” When he said this to me, I was also saying it. It was as if he and I were speaking with one voice.

There was a brief conversation that followed. I was informed that options would be available to me. When I asked, “When?” I heard, “Soon” and “You know when.” What I recall most vividly from this conversation was a feeling of hope and curiosity. It was obvious that a new path and direction would become available to me after so many years of seeing just one. 

Rather than ponder all the “what if’s”, I soon fell asleep and, to my surprise, had an unexpected OBE.

Dream: Dead Baby Elephant

Rather than relay the entirety of the dream, I only want to focus on parts.

I was with a group and the subject of what to have to eat came up. I said, “I would really like some pudding. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, lemon – all of them!” The rest agreed with me and soon it was decided some would go to the store to get some. When they came back, they had forgotten the pudding mix but bought all kinds of other ingredients. I laughed saying, “It happens. Sometimes we just get sidetracked and forget what we were originally looking for.” I don’t recall ever eating any pudding, though.

Pudding symbolism – you are leading a satisfactory but unexciting life and it’s time to step out of your comfort zone. 

The message in the dream makes complete sense. It is so easy to get sidetracked and forget one’s purpose. It’s best not to get upset over our forgetfulness, but take it all in stride. 

The next significant part is when I was driving down a dirt road and a large, Australian Shepard dog came bounding up beside the car. I was thrilled to see it and wanted to take it home. We turned around and exited the car looking for the dog. Someone said the dog had gone after just eating. He pointed to a herd of elephants. A baby one was dead and all of it had been consumed but its ears and trunk. The herd was standing around the dead baby in mourning. I felt my stomach sink when I realized the dog had killed and eaten a baby elephant.

This dream woke me up because I recognized what the symbolism meant. Elephants symbolize the family and relationships among other things. When I saw the dog (fidelity and protection) had killed and eaten a baby elephant I was devastated. I saw this as the death of a relationship and/or my family.

Visions 

When I woke there was a guide nearby and I was wide awake. There was a conversation, but I don’t recall much of it now because I kept shifting into the in-between. I do remember I would say things that would cause me to come out of my reverie suddenly, things that surprised me. One time I was being very childish and fearful, trying to avoid something. 

I remember seeing visuals mostly. In one case, I was outside standing under a huge tree whose branches came down around me and nearly touched the ground. The tree was dripping water but it was not raining. I knew that it had been covered in ice and snow that was melting. I looked up at its branches feeling hopeful but saw the branches were covered in hundreds upon hundreds of cockleburs. They were heavy and hung like fruit from the tips of all the branches. The visual shook me awake as I recognized the symbolism/message of it. It was clear to me that I was being told two things. 1: The ice/snow is melting meaning whatever has been holding me back is clearing so that movement forward can be made. 2: Despite being free to move forward, minor annoyances will plague my path, annoyances that will pile up and become difficult to ignore and avoid.

Another vision occurred while discussing with my guide what lay ahead. I asked to Remember something specific and was told I would Remember many things. With this, I saw myself approach a large refrigerated cooler like one would see in a grocery store. I opened the door and pulled out the only item inside. I realized immediately it was coffee and knew it symbolized “awareness”. 

I fell asleep focusing on feeling what it is I wish to feel in the future.

OBE: Ice Skates

The next thing I remember is being in my bed in a room that was not my bedroom. I was very, very tired but kept hearing conversations that made me get up and investigate. I saw two coworkers at a computer attempting to print something. For some reason I interrupted, saying some things that made no sense to them but did to me. It was about “codes” that had to be used to get the computer to print. They looked at me oddly and I felt immediately self-conscious and disoriented. I lay back down in my bed and felt an intense heaviness hit me. I fought the heavy energy as I tried to make sense of what just happened. I remember answering someone with, “So, that wasn’t real?” I felt relief that what I had just experienced was a dream. That is when I began to recognize I was in the in-between and the sounds I heard (conversations and such) were noises-off.

Realizing I was asleep and in the vibrational state, I decided to get out of bed. The instant I decided this, I was out of bed (and my body) and standing in a house I didn’t recognize. It was a nice house. Quaint. The furniture in it was antique and the walls were made of multicolored, reddish brick. It was spacious and there seemed only to be one room. 

I walked toward a large window in the kitchen area. I could see outside and wanted to exit. I felt the window and it was solid, so I pulled up the window and crawled out of it. As I exited the house I saw a strange sight. There was a full-sized oven with stove perched upon a landing facing the house. There was an opening above it where food could pass through. I thought it odd and wondered about it briefly before looking ahead at my surroundings.

Ahead of me was a long, wooden fence that reminded me of fences I use to see on farms in Montana and elsewhere. I could see a dirt road on the other side and further down the road there were more fences and a roads as far as I could see. It was a clear day and very quiet and calm. It seemed like I was in a rural area of a foreign country.

Above me was a giant tree covered in small, red berries. The branches were too high, so I jumped a bit to grab a berry. When I did this, every berry on the tree fell off all at once. I remember thinking it odd and considered looking down at the ground at the berries but something stopped me. Instead, I turned toward the fence gate. There was a shift in my energy and I decided to look at my hands and say, “Clarity now.” My hands were solid and did not shift. I moved my fingers and they felt solid and real. Then I took my hands and felt down both sides of my body from my hips up to my breasts. I felt solid and very real by my vision was almost tunnel-like, as if I were wearing a virtual reality headset.

As I moved toward the road I noticed my legs and especially my feet felt very heavy and unsteady. I decided to take off my pants and boots but it was difficult. I got my pants down to my knees and walked like this down the road to an intersection. I turned to my right and saw what looked like a small group of apartments in the distance. I saw people standing out front. I walked toward them and saw they were young women. What was odd is they appeared to be wearing ice skates on their feet. One said, “You’re trying to get those off? Let me help you.” I hobbled over to them and sat on a wooden bench, sticking my boot-laden foot toward the girl. The girl grabbed on and began to pull but the realization that I, too, was wearing ice skates hit me and the entire scene slowed down as I shifted back into my physical body. 

I didn’t wake up, but instead lay there listening to noises-off and feeling into the subtle vibrations of my energy body. Eventually, one of the voices solidified and I sat up OOB to find a young girl about the age of 9 leaning down and kissing me. Her mouth remained pursed and she looked like she was anticipating something. I sat up and reached down with my hand brushing her crotch area as if to find out if she were real. She withdrew from my touch as if fearful. I remember calling her my daughter, but she didn’t look like my daughter.

I followed her into another room where I told her I would teach her about her body. She lay on the bed as if she had done it a thousand times and seemed afraid. I tried to calm her as I lifted her shirt but when I touched her she cringed. Something about this scene felt as if I were playing out some long-forgotten memory and I froze as I focused on her whimpering. I thought, “This is not right” and pulled back, shifting back into my body where I finally awoke. 

Considerations

I have no idea what to think of either of these OBE’s. lol Weird is my first thought! 

The first one seems to be more symbolic than anything. Mostly I recall that my astral body felt odd. Heavy, yes, which is not unusual, but it seemed unreal to me, like it was not mine but a bodysuit I put on. Even after looking at my hands and feeling my body it felt unreal. And my vision was also odd. Like I was wearing a helmet that blocked my peripheral vision. 

The ice skates seemed to be a continuation of the message about “thawing out”. I can’t help but recall the message I got a while ago now (Feb/Mar) that something would happen after the last snowfall. It feels like that message is related. I’ve had many dreams where there has been a light dusting of snow or a frozen landscape. This is the first where the snow/ice is melting.

The second OBE felt like I entered into another lifetime or another person’s body/experience. IDK. Perhaps I was a man? I didn’t linger long enough to find out but my intent was to fondle the girl and that is NOT something I wanted to experience. It seemed like the little girl was use to the treatment, which just saddens me. Yet I know that such experiences are not uncommon in this harsh world. So why would I enter such a scene? Perhaps it is part of my Remembering?

Lucid to OBE: Surgery

Had a surprising OBE last night that was quite long.

Lucid to OBE

The dream started in my grandparent’s underground house. I was watching my SIL and husband play a game. It was quite dark and so I assumed it was night. I remember looking around the kitchen and recognizing evidence of my uncle living there (which he does now that they have passed). There was some odd things that I questioned like a fountain on the table and a faucet on the kitchen sink that I couldn’t operate very well. 

When I turned back toward the living room I saw my SIL and asked her about the game she was playing. I remember she and my husband had been handling blue objects and moving them very fast in their hands. It was a mathematical concentration game. This triggered my lucidity and I thought, “This is a dream.” I felt myself shift as my awareness went to my body temporarily.

Without hesitating, I immediately took control of the dream and headed toward the front entry to go outside. When I exited the house, I flew up into the air and felt pulled upward at great speed. With this I began to sing at the top of my lungs and through my singing controlled the experience and maintained a high vibration. I didn’t want to go up too high so stopped myself and looked down in awe at what was around me. I could see stars everywhere but also the Earth below.

I lowered myself down and flew among some buildings that suddenly appeared in the field in front of the house. I watched them morph and change with my thoughts and got much pleasure in this. 

Then I was standing in front of two young girls. I had a small, sharp instrument in my hands that looked like a letter opener. I can’t recall what I was singing but I know it created the scene. I wondered what it would be like to cut the throat of one of the girls. One came up to me and said, “Go ahead. Try it.” So I slit her throat and the sensation of it was like slicing through butter but with a bit more resistance. She didn’t bleed but her throat was cut, the flesh hanging from her neck and colored red inside. She laughed and complimented me. I said it felt different than I thought and asked to try again. The other girl came up and I went behind her like in the movies and slit her throat as well. Again, it was an interesting sensation and much easier than I thought it would be. 

The two girls stood there, throats cut and smiling, seeming very real, talking and completely fine. I motioned to the overweight one and said I wanted to see her insides. She lay down and I cut her like a doctor would, straight from her sternum to her belly button. I saw inside and she put her hand on her beating heart, suggesting I should take it out. I thought about it, reached toward it and then changed my mind. I was not interested in doing that and lost all interest in playing “doctor” after that. I’m not sure why I changed my mind, but seeing her heart like that seemed to trigger disinterest. 

I lifted up into the sky and felt myself pulled upward so fast that I ended up in space again surrounded by stars. This time I lingered amidst the stars and began to sing words inviting specific people to meet me there. I noticed metal high wires stretched above and below me forming a kind of safety “cage” that I entered from above. I was most definitely talking/singing to someone I felt was with me as I received answers to my requests. No, neither person was present nor could they be called to join me at that time. 

There is faint memory of others around me. I want to say they were female and dressed in pastel ballerina attire reminding me of fairies bouncing around me. Whoever they were, they felt to be there to support me but always stayed just out of my direct line of sight. Magical, mystical Beings of love and Light.

Since my requests were not granted, I finally asked if I could at least be given someone to assist me in igniting the Kundalini energy. A man appeared in front of me. He was unfamiliar but I felt comfortable with him/his energy. He was young, maybe mid-thirties, with dark hair and medium skin tone. He was smiling but said nothing.

When I saw him my root chakra lit up and began to swirl with energy. I could feel it about to surge upward but before it could, I shifted back into my body where a nice energy was swirling throughout my body. 

I lingered in the energy for a while, shifting in and out of the in-between while a guide spoke to me in images and words. I saw a paper with words printed on it. A section was circled in red ink that said, “Tell me what you would like to know.” Pleased to have the opportunity to request information and knowing the state I was in was ideal for accurate reception of the info, I asked some questions and received answers. Some were not the answers I wanted, such as, “You will see”, but some were immediate and clear. 

Of course now I wish I had asked different questions, but there isn’t much I can do about that now. lol

There was a strong vibration that remained with me for some time after waking that was hard to resist. It pulled me back into the in-between time and time again. Much is lost to me now and I am not going to try and recover the info I received because I Know it already even if I cannot access it or put it into words at this present time. 

Interpretation

The first part of the experience – the dream part – seems to have been me witnessing the “game” being played by some of my family. It is the mental and logical manipulation of the physical realms. This feels very true to me in the sense that my family is very much caught up in the illusion and enjoys playing the game. I tend to stand back and observe them. 

The cutting throats part is very odd to me. Why did I create such a scenario? What was the purpose? It felt like I was just curious. Symbolically it could mean that I am removing obstacles that are keeping me from communicating. The dream characters are allowing me to express myself, my frustrations perhaps, and the end result is I am intrigued by how it felt and how easy it was – like cutting through butter. 

The cutting the person as if performing exploratory surgery is also strange. Initially I remember being curious about how much fat would be visible from the inside (she was slightly overweight). For some reason seeing her heart made me stop. Perhaps the girls represented me and I was seeking insight into something about myself?

The rest of the dream appears to have just been me seeking the K energy. The wires feel to be some kind of protection. The fairies are likely symbolic of my inner child and a feeling of magic and creativity. 

OBE: Go Back

I continue to have difficulty getting to sleep. Flare activity was high most of the day yesterday, so that is a likely contributor.

I woke around 5am and couldn’t return to sleep until about 6am. I fell into a short dream where I was observing a woman picking up a prescription. Something about the dream brought on lucidity and I shifted OOB.

I had a string of OBE’s after that with each OBE becoming more and more clear as I progressed. My bedroom also changed with each exit. My bed moved from one side of the room to the other with the window remaining in the center.

My vision was off or limited in the first few OBEs and my energy felt shifty and unbalanced. When I would try and leave my bed I felt heavy with blankets or clothing and had to convince myself that I was free of it in order to move away. My vision was off and on. When I could see, it was brief and everything was dark and covered with shadows. In those OBES my attempts to leave my house was unsuccessful. I would reach the front door to my house and return to my body before I could exit. I could make it down the stairs to the front entry but that is it. In one instance my entire front living area was filled with gym equipment and I had to maneuver around it to get to the door.

With each return to my body my lucidity would increase. Eventually, I realized leaving my house via the front was pointless. For some reason that exit was blocked. So, I decided to try my bedroom window. This proved successful and with my first attempt I was able to exit despite several layers of window screens barring my path. The window itself would open and a screen would appear. I would push it aside and another would take its place and then another until finally I decided to mentally remove all barriers. I can’t recall my exact thought but it was something like, “The window is open.”

This is when my OBEs began to become more solid and the experience more realistic. I was able to raise my vibration by singing and sang throughout the rest of my experiences. I can’t recall what I was singing but the few bits and pieces I caught indicated I was encouraging and guiding myself.

My first ventures out my window were short but a pattern emerged after a few successful excursions beyond the limits of my constructed house reality. The seasons changed but the place I visited appeared to remain the same. I am not sure where exactly I was but it was a city, one that was very familiar. In fact, in the few OBEs I’ve had over the course of the last year, this was the city I ended up in whenever I was able to leave my house.

The area near the city resembles a lazy, New England suburb and the city itself feels well established. It had a very downtown feel to it but a downtown that has been updated and modernized. There are lamp posts positioned all along the roads similar to what lines the San Antonio River Walk. Some of the streets are paved with bricks and the sidewalks also have this feature but only at junctures and intersections. The shops are quaint, many with awnings and apartments above. The overall feeling is of a small town but it is anything but that.

With each exit through my window the season changed. Sometimes it was dark and other times it was light outside. Sometimes there was foliage on the trees and other times they were bare.

At one point, I was able to venture far enough away to enter the city itself. I felt myself being pulled upward but I experienced it as if I was learning to control my astral body. It felt very much like I was flying an aircraft, making slight adjustments here and there to remain steady.

Ahead of me I saw lights strung around an outdoor dining area surrounded by thigh-high, red brick walls. The tables were full of people enjoying their meals. When I saw it I immediately wanted to investigate. My main goal was to interact with the people. Maybe I could talk to someone and find out where I was?

I spotted a table. Three people were seated and having dinner. I quickly flew in, landed and approached them only to have one of the men at the table give me a disapproving look. His energy said, “Get out of here. We don’t want you here.” I remember thinking I must have broken a rule. Maybe I wasn’t suppose to be flying? Regardless, the energy of my concern sent me straight back to my body where I quickly recovered and went OOB again.

By this time going OOB felt no different than being awake in the physical. My last exit was so clear and crisp that I had to remind myself I was in the astral.

OBE: Go Back

I flew out my bedroom window and into the tree tops. There were branches in my way, so I pushed them aside. The air was crisp and below me I could see there was snow on the ground. It was still dark out but the area was well illuminated by the city lights.

I flew along without having to fight a pull upwards. It seemed I had mastered flying my astral vehicle. I didn’t notice this, however, as I was reminding myself that I was asleep and OOB. I remember thinking, “Someone pinch me”, because everything was so spectacularly real! I couldn’t believe I had succeeded and was back exploring the astral! I hadn’t had this much lucidity and clarity in so, so long!

I flew through the city. What I recall most is the crispness of the scene. How the darkness was perfectly balanced with the sparkling, city lights. The buildings appeared solid and I could make out the tiniest of details. I took it all in and couldn’t wait to explore.

Suddenly, I heard a masculine voice call out to me from my left. He said, “[Go] back”. I stopped and turned toward the voice in surprise and saw a man floating next to me. He was facing the direction from which I just flew and I knew instantly he was not a dream character but an actual, astral traveler like me. I could see his entire body from head to toe floating there. He had blonde hair and a square jaw like a football player. He was wearing light colored blue jeans, a t-shirt and tennis shoes. He looked to be between the ages of 16-24, likely college aged or close.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I was so surprised to see and hear him so clearly that I froze on the spot and adrenaline poured through me. I tried to stop my reaction because I knew it would pull me back into my body, but I couldn’t control it. I remember thinking, “What did he say? What is he doing here? Who is he?” and more. Not only did I not expect him to be there but seeing him there, floating mid-air, is not something I recall ever seeing while OOB. Why I never have, I don’t know, but seeing him there like that shocked me. The amount of adrenaline I felt is similar to what I’ve felt after narrowly avoiding a car accident. I suspect my reaction was in part due to the fact that everything felt so real and I momentarily believed I was in my physical body walking rather than flying. So seeing him mid-air was unexpected.

When I came back to my body I was worried the man I saw knew where I lived. lol That is how disoriented I was. I quickly recovered but couldn’t return to sleep. It was 6:30am, so I had only been OOB for 30 minutes. It felt like hours!

Considerations

Though the above OBEs are not near as cool as some of my previous ones, I feel like major progress was made. I broke through a self-imposed barrier, one that has been firmly in place for quite a while. That barrier appears in my OBEs as blocked exits. I am not able to get outside and if I do, I usually can’t venture far.

I also recognized that the feeling of being pulled upward, which feels to be controlled by something or someone else, is totally and completely under my control. What is odd is, how I did I get into such a position to believe that to begin with? In my early OBEs I never believed someone else to be controlling where I went, not really. And if I did the control was mutual. I always knew that “other” was me, my HS. Yet here I was learning to fly my astral body all over again. Something I learned to do way back in 2004!

And then, seeing a fellow astral traveler like that and it being the first time I recall such a thing (full-body and in flight), well that is just bizarre! Sure, I’ve seen other travelers but they always felt to be my own creations; part of my constructed reality. This guy was most definitely not! How do I know? I don’t know. I just instantly knew. And the reason he surprised me so much, besides that he was floating there like that, was I assumed the reality I found myself in was one of my constructed ones. How then could someone else be there? Unless….I invited him.

Then, there is what the man said to me. Was he asking me to “go back” to my house? Or just back in the other direction? Or back to my body? I wish I had not reacted like I had. I wish I could’ve talked to him, found out who he was, where we were, etc. Sigh.

On a positive, when I came back to my body it was seamless. No heart flutters or pounding heart. No irregular energy or jagged vibrations. It was an easy, comfortable, settling into my body and return to physical reality.

Lucid Dream: Samadhi

I knew prior to bed that the full moon energies would impact dreamtime. Boy was I correct!

Dream: Attached to My Story

I only recall bits and pieces of this dream as it was more of a life review than a dream. So I will recount the most vivid parts.

I was with a group of others. We were gathering but I am not sure why. Someone asked me about a path near a park. When I answered her the park came into view. It was beautiful! Everything was lush and green as if at the peak of Springtime. I saw a dirt path wind through meadows, past a small building and into a wooded area. I followed the path and soon found myself walking along it hand-in-hand with my husband. I don’t think this man was my husband in this lifetime yet I spoke to him as if he were.

We discussed our past and everything that led us to our present. I specifically focused on our children and he asked me, “Remember when their hands were tiny…” I saw in my mind a newborn’s tiny hand. I could see all the little veins in and around it and it was quite red and new. I replied that I remembered. I said, “It feels like yesterday, doesn’t it?” He didn’t respond but it felt like he didn’t feel the same. I thought about how so many things felt to be like that – like yesterday – yet they were long gone, remnants of the past, never to be again.

Then I was inside a huge building. I soon realized it was a school. It was full of teachers and I recall being asked for my expertise with children. I sat with a woman and looked over a list of names. We were going over test scores. The woman showed me specific students who were at-risk. I saw they had failed the tests miserably. I told her how I use to work with at-risk students and gave her my input. 

As I walked away from the woman I passed by the principal. He reminded me of a previous boss. He said, “Thank you for coming.” I knew he was sincere and said, “You’re welcome.” 

A group of teachers was sitting together in a corner and I joined them. When I sat down a male teacher scooted in close. He seemed odd to me, like a simpleton, so I ignored him. I can’t remember what all the group discussed but it was about student need. I was invited to share and so I did. I felt appreciated and needed. It was a nice feeling.

One teacher was recounting an experience and I saw it vividly in my mind. The next thing I recall is seeing two people on skis in the water. One was assisting the other forward but they were not making progress. As I watched, curious and thinking it odd to have snow skis in water, the scene changed. I saw them on snow and the teacher was very disapproving of her student who kept falling. I remember feeling very positive and looking at the snow wistfully. I smiled at the grumpy teacher and said, “Isn’t it beautiful!?” She gave me a nasty look and I said, “You don’t really want to hear what I have to say, do you?” I smiled as she huffed at me and looked away. I could feel her criticism of her student and her overly serious mindset. I remember feeling sorry for her but at the same time knowing I had not been unlike her at times in the past. I became very sorrowful in recognizing how so many are overly serious about life and miss the little things, like freshly fallen snow, hugs from children and spending time with family.

I began to cry and stood there in the snow looking down at the ground. I didn’t even try to hide my tears from the overly serious woman or the others in the group who were standing nearby. As I sobbed I could feel all the very uncomfortable feelings that come with intensely crying but I just let it all out.

Conversation

My crying woke me up and I continued to cry for a while. I remember asking my guidance, “Why do I feel so much?” They said, “That’s why you’re here, to feel deeply.” The tears continued for a while and I just allowed them. My heart felt like it would burst from all the emotion but I understood the purpose behind it. I can’t have an open heart if I hold in everything I feel.

What followed was a conversation that was mostly me stating my Truth to a guide who very seldom spoke but listened intently and with encouragement. I Knew that the dream I had just awakened from was so much more than a dream. It was a life review. Again. And I remember asking, “Does this mean I’m about to die?” I heard back, “Not for a long while still. You have work to do.” 

I sifted through the feelings and memories of the dream and soon understood why I was crying so hard. I was attached to my story and was struggling to let it go. I Knew change was coming. The review was a preparation. But I don’t want to let go of my story. I have allowed myself to over-identify with it. So I grieve at the idea of leaving it all behind. It felt very much like I was preparing to exit life. The feeling was very strong, as if I was being shown, “This is what it feels like to die.” 

I said some things that could only have come from my HS. I said, “All stories have an ending.” And when I said this I was seeing my story, this lifetime, pass by all at once, like a movie reel in my mind. I specifically struggled with letting the story be over. I wanted to hold onto the memories, the past. I wanted my children to be small again, clinging to me, innocent and full of love. I didn’t want them to grow up, to experience pain and upset.

Finally done crying, I looked at the clock and it was 4am. I was asked, “What did you enjoy most?” I knew my guidance wanted me to focus on the good things. Instead, I said, “I just want to sleep.” I did, however, realize that the moments that were most enjoyable were the small ones. Holding my child’s tiny hand as we walked across the field. Getting a hug out of the blue from one of my boys. Listening with joy to my children play in the mornings instead of being angry that they woke me up. Walking through the freshly fallen snow and feeling peaceful despite all the fear in the world around me. There were so, so many moments. 

Lucid Dream: Samadhi 

Somehow I returned to sleep. I entered into a dream scene located in California. I was at my mom’s house but it was not the house I grew up in as is typical. This house was three stories (levels of Self). The first floor was a garage (holding space, no movement). The second was a kitchen and living area with floors made of mesh metal with a thin liner covering it. The top floor was the bedrooms. 

There were five ferrets (playful, child-like, mischievous) who I called ‘lemurs’ for some reason. They were running about freely and getting into mischief. At one point I was talking to one and it spoke back to me, asking to sit in my lap. I let it and it curled up contentedly in my lap.

My mom (older version of self, the Crone) was my main focus. She was having problems with her female parts. They had fallen out and she was trying to put them back in. I urged her to go to the doctor but she insisted on just pushing them back inside. I told her she needed a hysterectomy. I remember being very concerned but eventually letting her have her way.

Then I decided to sweep the floors (cleansing). This is when I noticed I could see the garage beneath my feet in certain places and that the floor was covered in dead leaves (hopelessness, despair, suffering) from outside. 

The dream goes on with very odd scenes but I will skip to the part where I become lucid. I am invited to a gathering next door. My husband is with me but again he doesn’t look like my husband in real life. He is meeting with a guru and they are going to meditate to reach the state of samadhi. I watch as they get into odd positions and notice my husband shifts around quite a bit. The guru has his legs twisted around in odd ways. It is very noisy where we are and I wonder how anyone can meditate with so much distraction.

Then I was across the room watching them mediate yet my husband was still with me. He encourages me to meditate, too, so I do. This is when I start to feel a warm energy all over and I find myself speaking mantras and another language. Eventually, I feel myself rise out of my body and I fly down the road and stand looking up at the sky. The full moon is visible and I look at it in awe. I think, “I am OOB, I should fly.” But I hear someone calling me back and I know it is the guru. I listen and turn back to my body.

The guru’s voice is female now and she begins to instruct me. I remember seeing sentences in my mind as she informs me of what I need to do. I Know that I am to descend through five levels. The first sentence says, “The Level of Deconstruction”. I focus on this and feel my body vibrate with more intensity. I feel to be sinking deeper and expanding as I go. I believe I go through all the levels but am not shown them as I descend.

Then I see the guru in my mind. She is beautiful and looks Hindu with gold adorning her head and neck. She says, “Next, you gather the golden orbs. There are many in the Universe but you must first collect them from your body.” I see a visual or four golden orbs over my face and I understand that those are my primary focus. 

I am awakened by my husband at this time. I tell him I had just been OOB but that she (points to guru) called me. Since I can no longer meditate, I get up and as I walk out, the guru approaches me. I say, “I  went OOB!” She says, “I saw you and I called you back.” I said, “I heard you.” A man passes by us at this time and turns and looks at me, staring. I realize he sees me. The guru asks me to follow her and I do. 

She takes me with her to her class called The Art of Symbolism. We enter this grand hall and inside is a large temple alter filled with golden objects. It is very religious and reminds me of Hinduism. A group of students is gathered and sitting cross-legged on the floor at the base of the alter. I sit among them as the class begins and soon realize I already know most of what is being taught. I decide to stay and not reveal what I know so as to not interrupt the class and threatened the guru’s position, but I recognize that I could easily take her place. 

The all-over-body energy intensifies. I hear noises and realize my boys are playing, yelling and slamming doors. I eventually wake up but not before thoroughly enjoying the energy. The energy fills me up completely and I feel peaceful. It is difficult to wake up and start my day, but I do.

Considerations

It is hard to describe how I felt when I awoke. My body was heavy with energy and I just wanted to fall into it and stay with it forever. If it hadn’t been for my boys making so much noise I likely would have returned to my OOB explorations.

The first dream was very much a life review and I am not really surprised. Yesterday, I had a long talk with my daughter about my past. I told her about my best friend and how she “ghosted” me our senior year in high school. As I talked and she listened I was able to see a part of myself that I never have. I was able to contact my thoughts and feelings of how my friend treated me and concluded that the reason I let everything roll off me without it triggering me is because I was able to read my friend and understand she was going through something and I should allow it. I never consciously recognized this about the situation until I talked to my daughter and for the first time it was clear to me what my guides had been saying for a long while about how I help others. I saw that my allowing my friend to be herself, to go through her process, was a gift I gave her and in the end, she thanked me for it.

As a Projector I can look deep into other’s and see what they need from me. Then I give it to them. And what I give them is not always perceived as “good” by the other. But that doesn’t matter. I give them what they need most from me. With my friend, I gave her space, love, acceptance and forgiveness because that is what she needed. Years later, when she returned back to me and apologized, I continued to give her the same.

While talking to my daughter I recognized that much of my past memory was fading. I couldn’t remember simple things. For example, when I was engaged to my first husband I stayed in the dorms because our families didn’t like the idea of us living together. What I couldn’t recall was where he lived, though! It is so bizarre! I have no clue. lol I also recognized that other memories, some that once upset me deeply, were also not accessible. I explained that I felt this was because I had long ago cleared them of excess emotional charge. I also expressed that I no longer linger on the past like I once did.

The life review I had this morning was different than previous ones. The main noticeable difference is that I was looking at moments that I enjoyed or cherished and did not want to lose. In past reviews I looked at incidents that haunted me and was unable to move past. As is usual, I ended up with a recognition and realization of where I am at presently. I am still stuck, but not because of something I regret or don’t understand, but because of moments and people I loved and still love in this lifetime.

The Samadhi dream that followed was curious and I’m not quite sure what was going on except some kind of energetic preparation to go with the life review. I have no idea what the “Golden Orbs” are, either.

OBE and Council of 12

Very busy night of dreams. It felt like I was partially awake the entire night, talking to someone. As a result, I do not feel very rested. 

Lucid to OBE

I remember being partially lucid in a dream with my husband and our daughter. We were on the road near my Mom’s home. I remember meeting my daughter on the road and it being sectioned off and overlaid with a room with translucent walls. My husband had followed me and was attempting to get me to dance with him and was acting openly sexual, touching me and saying things only I should hear. I was concerned that our daughter was close by and would see and hear us, so I kept avoiding his advances, walking away as soon as he got close enough to touch me. I remember feeling the intensity of his sexual desire and that near frantic flow that often comes from him when I refuse him. The obsessive push from him was not attractive and so I pulled away (push-pull) and turned toward the back of the “house”, looking out a window.

This is when I realized I was asleep and immediately took control and jumped out the window, flying up into the air. That familiar pull grabbed hold of me and I accelerated upward with great speed. Knowing I was going up into space and remembering my decision to not resist It after my last OBE, I surrendered and told It, “Take me to my mom’s house. I want to go to Mom’s house.” I focused on where I hoped to end up as I closed my eyes and entered the void.

Slowing down, I was suddenly dropped in front of Mom’s house but much farther away than I intended. My vision turned on vividly and I told It, “Not this far away from her house.” lol 

I flew toward the house, noticing the details of it and my surroundings. I compared the house to the real one, noting the brick color matched but the front entry was not the same. The front porch became like another room itself. It was enclosed and of a light green color. The front door was a bright, velvety red color and very distinct and inviting. 

When I went inside the house was not at all like the one in real life. It was long and rectangular shaped, like a mobile home. The floors were covered in tiny, square, aqua-blue tiles and the walls were a vibrant white. My mom was sitting on a sofa to my left and smiled when she saw me. I marveled at the changes I observed in the home’s appearance as I walked around and took it all in. The odd part was that it was not filled with furniture but with vending machines, some antiques. It appeared they were on display, though they were functional and could be used. 

I continued to explore and recognized the layout was different, too. On my right was the master bedroom and at the other end of the house was another bedroom. I asked, “What about the third bedroom?” but heard no answer. 

I entered the second bedroom and it was very large, with two twin beds with pink covers. The room was messy and very lived in and I immediately thought it was my daughter’s. I mentioned how three people could occupy the room based upon its size. 

I begin to lose lucidity in this part of the dream, caught up in the exploration of this mobile home. I saw a section in the bedroom that looked to be the inside of a factory. It had steam pipes coming out of the floor. It was still a brilliant white, though. I asked about it and was told the third bedroom lay just beyond. I wanted to go investigate but was asked to look at the walk-in closet. 

Inside the closet was very large and also rectangular, extending so far back it could easily be used as a bedroom. I mentioned this to whoever I was talking to (male energy). At the far back of the closet was a door going outside and I could see a fully erect tent big enough for six people set up. As I exited the closet I was thinking the closet must be the third bedroom but the male energy said the lights and a/c were controlled by a switch on the outside. 

On my way out of the large mobile home I was told the third bedroom was in a new, upgraded model and asked if I was interested in purchasing it. I said I would be as I went to explore this third bedroom. When I went inside I don’t remember seeing a bedroom. All I saw was a brilliant white and then my memory stops.

Discussion

When I woke around 4am I remembered that I had been OBE. There was also a feeling of being among a group. The energy was different and I could feel my own energy body responding, specifically around my solar plexus and along my spine. 

Acknowledging those around me, I asked, “Who are you?” I heard back, “We are the 12.” I thought back, “My council?” and felt this was an accurate description. They replied that they were there to assist.

They spoke as One and said, “We want to ask you some questions.” I agree to this and waited. I heard, “Are you ready?” I said, “Is that one of the questions?” They did not answer so I figured it must be. I took a while to answer because I wasn’t sure what they were asking. Ready for what? I felt two answers. One from my human self and one from my High Self. So I said, “Yes and no. One part is (HS) and the other isn’t sure (human self).” 

Then They asked, “What do you want?” My answer to this was, “Freedom.” They didn’t respond and I felt they wanted me to clarify. I shared what freedom meant to me – freedom from this world and physical prison, freedom from expectation. I imagined flying with no limits on what I could do.

They prompted me to focus on this lifetime. If I couldn’t leave this life (which they said is not possible yet), then what did I want? 

At this point I fell back to sleep and entered another dream. 

Dream

I am in a city, somewhere downtown where people go to socialize. I remember sitting at a table with some “friends”, all spiritually minded and similar to myself. I didn’t recognize any of them but we were talking about our individual paths and I remember telling the group, “Anything I start right now will be successful.” What is interesting here is that while I said this I also heard someone telling me this. I heard, “Anything you do right now will be successful” but along with it I heard, “What would you like to do?”

I remember some ideas came to me. I shared them with the group. One was a website which I saw in detail. I don’t know what the website was for, though, it just felt very sophisticated and well planned. I spent quite a bit of time mulling this over with the group. 

Then I remember hearing, “There is only a very narrow window of time.” It felt like I was getting shown my “chart”. It reminded me of astrology, as if the stars were providing me with an opening but this opening would not last very long so I needed to decided what I wanted before this period ended.

Then I was imagining a store – my own business – and this appealed to me. Again, I don’t know what kind of store it was but the part that appealed to me was that I did not have direct involvement in the store’s day-to-day operation. A manager did it for me and I was merely the owner and mostly observed and made general decisions. The feeling from it was pride at my accomplishment and the fact that it provided me the freedom to do whatever I liked. 

Though I felt encouraged to create something new, I had no motivation to do so and told the group, “I like my life as it is.”

This is when an old friend of mine entered. By this time I was sitting alone at a table. She sat across from me. When I saw her she appeared to be a mixture of people I have known in this life, all very close friends of mine. It felt like I hadn’t seen her in a long time. Her energy was very high and I knew she was someone who had no roots. She floated from here to there, never staying in one place very long. She was also into drugs and I knew she was likely intoxicated in that moment. 

I pulled a small, glass container from my pocket. It looked like an essential oils bottle, only about 1oz capacity. I opened the bottled and held it over my tongue. I felt several drops land on my tongue. My friend asked for the bottle. I handed it to her and she took some, too, only much more than was normal. Half the bottle went into her mouth. I mentioned it was a bit too much and she was not concerned. She laughed and jumped up, flitting away like a little bird.

Realizing I had just ingested some kind of drug, I decided it best that I leave before the drug began to take effect. I got up and noticed I was outside in an unfamiliar city. I suddenly had no idea where I was and the parking lot where I thought I had left my car was not there. So I wandered around the streets looking for something familiar, worried and confused.

Eventually, I wandered into an office building of some kind. The dream becomes hazy here but I remember standing at a counter that had a large printer on it. A man was behind the counter. I held up two empty food containers and asked, “Can you recycle this for me?” He seemed not to hear me and walked out a side door to my side of the counter. That is when I saw the door and said, “Oh! I didn’t realize the door was right there.”  

Continued Discussion

When I woke I continued to feel the same feeling as before. It is hard to describe, like a group is gathered close but there is also a pull felt, as if I am being Called, but it is faint. 

A song was going through my head, which I am not sure has any significance. I kept hearing, “Just like the white winged dove….” 

They asked me again what I wanted in regards to this life. The feeling, that Call, was there and so I said that if I had to stay that I wanted to answer that Call. It is magnetic. It Calls out from within me this intense need or desire for…..something. I can’t explain it and I think it has always been there. I don’t know what it wants from me. I just feel it and want nothing more than to surrender to it. 

I was reminded of the friend in my dream. The friend who floated about, unchained and free, intoxicated with Life. They suggested my desire was to be like her, that she IS me. I felt this as true but, I don’t know how to be her. 

OBE: Laser Beam

Before bed last night, I was watching, Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind – Contact Has Begun. I didn’t finish but had just started Part 3. If you haven’t seen it, check it out. I wasn’t very inclined toward the content in Part 1, but Part 2 got my attention.

I’m pretty sure the film impacted my dreams and early morning OBE.

Dream: Planter

I was standing in knee-high flood waters (strong, turbulent emotion). The water was frothy and brown. It churned around me and then subsided.

I walked through a mess of items that was left behind. Trash, mostly. Ahead of me I saw my sister and realized I was at the spot where her RV home was located. She was walking about picking up items. She came up to me and told me she was trying to get Mom to buy her a planter (hope for the future). I thought it a ridiculous idea considering her current state and suggested she use one of the many pieces of junk laying around. I even showed her how, giving her several examples of items she could use.

I noticed she was already using items as planters for various cactuses (mistrust, isolation). Some of them looked sickly. I told her she might consider using an old cooler, one with wheels. This gave me another idea and I suggested she use a small wagon.

Somehow I ended up going to “the house”, which I assume was located nearby but I don’t remember how I got to it. It was very nice and had so many rooms that there was no way just one family could occupy it. I spoke to someone about this as I walked through a living area.

A woman was with me and showed me to a child’s room. It was full of all kinds of items. The woman suggested giving the items to my daughter (child aspect). “Do you think she would like this room?” I said, “Yes! She would LOVE this room!” I explored some of the shelves and one was full of tiny, glass figurines. I remember thinking she might struggle to keep the figurines organized. I, myself, would have loved the room as a girl.

Then I realized I needed to go to the bathroom ( seeking relief) and excused myself to go find one. I ended up going through a very heavy, steel door. When I turned around to latch it I had to really put all my bodyweight into the door to move it in place and latch it closed.

The bathroom itself was not a normal one. It had a very nice sitting area with sofas and a big table. To my right was a full kitchen. The walls were made of bricks and I couldn’t see a toilet anywhere. I went to search the hall behind the kitchen when I heard someone push open the heavy, steel door.

Surprised they got in even though I had locked it, I went to investigate. When I saw two men and a woman standing there I said in an annoyed tone, “Why are you in here!? I locked the door!” One of the men, who looked a lot like my uncle, said something in a harsh tone. It was something like, “Why do you always have to be like this?” I suddenly felt very ashamed but in defense of myself I said, “I had to use the bathroom.” But the feeling of shame lingered and I wondered to myself, “Why do I always act this way?” I could feel a heavy energy forming in my core. It moved upward quickly and I began to sob.

I woke up crying and a little confused. I was upset because the way I acted in the dream is so typical of my life. I end up confused afterward wondering, “Why did I do that?” It feels like I have no control over the things I do and say sometimes. Like someone else is doing it! What is that about?

A guide was close and encouraging. It felt like he wanted me to look.

Memory

A memory came to me, one from many years ago during my first year in college. I was working as a waitress in the town where I graduated even though my college was about 30 minutes away. I had worked there since high school and they asked me to help because they were short staffed. I ended up being the top waitress and so often ended up giving orders to the other waitress, most of which were in high school.

One waitress in particular resented the fact that I told her what to do. I remember asking her to clean the bathroom, checking her work, and seeing she had done nothing despite saying she had cleaned it. I called her on it, she confessed and back talked me, but went back and cleaned it with me watching.

A few days later I was going out to my car. I had recently gotten it as a gift from my Mom. Some of the waitresses were standing near it. The bitter one walked away smirking. At my car, one of the waitresses told me the bitter one had keyed my car. Sure enough the back of car had a long, deep mark on it.

I went to the owner and told him about it. He confronted the waitress and she confessed and he made her apologize. I demanded more be done, but he refused. I wanted him to fire her. My Mom contacted the girl’s mom and tried to get compensation for the damage but nothing ever materialized. I felt so betrayed by the owner that I quit very soon after. I didn’t want to work at a place that condoned childish behavior.

This memory was long ago discarded but now it was back. I realized I was being shown the memory because I had missed something. So I inspected how I had treated the girl and my reaction. I also considered the girl’s perspective and my boss’s.

Ultimately, I realized the girl’s family was likely very poor. I also knew my boss only hired girls who needed the job – for various reasons, he was kind-hearted. He was also short-staffed so would not want to fire someone for something they did off shift.

My tendencies when I was young were I to act without thinking. I often came across to others as unyielding and harsh. I am and always have been blunt and tend to speak my mind. I don’t often consider how others might receive me. I most definitely did not give this girl any respect and treated her like a child, scolding her for trying to avoid doing her job. Yet, when I considered her background, I sympathized for her. She was young and inexperienced. She saw my car as something expensive (it wasn’t but to her it was). She wanted me to feel what she felt and the only thing she knew to do was key my car. In the end, I could care less. I didn’t buy that car, my Mom did. I ended up trading it in on a much better one later. And that poor girl would likely have to work three times as hard as me to get a car like that!

But, honestly, she was not a good worker. She was lazy and idle, preferring to chat with her “friends” (they ratted her out) and linger in the kitchen. She often ignored her tables and I had to take up the slack. When I called her out, she couldn’t handle it.

In the end, though, I recognized that everyone in this memory was me. I treat myself harshly. I also forgive and give second chances, like my boss. All of it, every single part of the memory, was me. And my response to my guide’s questioning energy was understanding of this fact.

So how then do I explain feeling unable to control my response to others? I realized I behaved just as I was meant to. I may not know the full reasoning but it will be clear at some point.

OBE: Laser Beam

I became aware of hearing a radio playing in my room. The sound became very loud to the point that I knew what I was hearing were noises-off. I kept peeling away from my sleeping body to see the source of the music. I could see an alarm clock far across the room and had a “memory” of messing with the controls. I thought it must have gone off like it does sometimes when I push the sleep button on accident.

When I lay back down in my sleeping body is when I realized, 1. I was not in my bedroom but in one from my past. 2. I was already OOB because I could feel my astral body shift off my sleeping one when I moved. Because it all felt so real, I sat there contemplating whether I should test my theory. Eventually, I just sat up and floated out of my sleeping body and landed by the side of the bed near the open bedroom door.

My vision was shifty and dark indicating I was likely in a lower portion of the astral. I walked up to the front door and held my hands in front of my face to try and see them. I saw nothing but still said, “Clarity now” but I knew it wouldn’t work this time.

I flew outside where it was also dark. I couldn’t figure out if it was my vision that was turned off or if it was really dark. I felt my astral body pulled upward and said to whoever was in control, “Not so fast” and “No, I don’t want to go too high (meaning space).” I attempted to see below and occasionally got a glimpse of tree branches with newly sprouted, bright green leaves. At another time I saw the starry sky overhead in such detail it was surprising.

I’m not sure why I was resistant to the pull but I kept asking someone – “It” – to keep me fairly low to the ground. I did not want to go “to space” which is where I felt “It” wanted to take me.

Ultimately, this struggle brought me back to my sleeping body but I did not leave the astral. Instead, I made my way back outside. I don’t remember much of this trip except that I began to sing at the top of my lungs. This cleared my vision to the point that I realized it was indeed dark outside. I was able to see the area around my Mom’s house and flew around as I sang. I don’t remember what I was singing but I do know I was using my singing voice to talk to “It”, that powerful force that was still attempting to take me “up there”.

At one point I spotted a solid black pickup truck parked by the house. I was still singing and remember saying something to “It” about the truck. I wanted to see someone inside and had hoped I could manifest them, but it was empty. So, I picked up the truck and carried it with me up into the sky. It had no weight at all and for some reason I liked having it close to me. Eventually, the truck’s windows became black like the rest of the vehicle and it took on an unfamiliar shape. It was elongated with rounded corners and I was extremely shiny to the point that if I wasn’t looking for it, I wouldn’t have seen it. It would have blended in with the night; become invisible.

I grew bored of flying and wanted more interaction. This brought me back to my body once again. This time, though, I was talking to “It” when I heard a loud bang. I jumped and went to the window where the noise originated. To my surprise I saw someone outside facing me. I couldn’t tell who it was at first because the blinds were in the way. Looking more closely I recognized the person. I thought, “It’s my daughter!” I banged on the window in response and saw her smile and laugh. She had been trying to scare me.

I quickly flew to the front door and outside to meet her. We hugged like we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. I asked her, “How did you get here?” She pointed to a vehicle parked at the end of the sidewalk. I saw a dark colored SUV. The passenger window was rolled down.

Excited to have my daughter with me, I urged her to come flying with me. I flew up to the treetops. From that vantage point the full moon was visible. It was low in the sky and extremely oversized; massive. It wasn’t white but had a yellow tinge and the “face” of the moon was quite distinct. Excited, I yelled, “Look! It’s the full moon!” It took my breath away and so I figured it would also interest my daughter. It didn’t. She went her own way.

Realizing I was now alone, I went down to the waiting vehicle to see who had brought my daughter to me. I peered inside and saw two young Hispanic girls. The one in the driver’s seat had a small child in her lap. I said, “Oh, you have a baby!” and then corrected myself, “No, a child, with you.” In the back seat were more children. They had blankets and were not sitting in the seat but snuggling together behind the driver’s seat. I said to them, ‘You should put on your seatbelts.” The driver said, “We will.”

That’s when I noticed something odd. The two older girls had very large guns with them. They were black and I saw no distinguishing marks but I assumed they were machine guns by their size. I said, “You have guns?” They didn’t look concerned so I reached toward the gun the passenger was holding. She handed it to me barrel first and it was heavy and cold in my hand. Feeling the weight of it I said, “Woah.” I knew it was dangerous to take the gun barrel first but she didn’t even flinch.

I wondered if it was loaded so turned away from the car and aimed the gun at the darkness beyond. When I fired it did not make any noise. Instead, a green dot appeared in the distance. It was fairly large and just hovered there. I questioned the girl, “This is a flare gun?” She nodded her head. I asked who it was for. She said, “Protectors. They will come now.” In my mind I envisioned an army of armed men in black would be coming soon but knew that was inaccurate. I didn’t know if I should be worried or not, so stood there watching the green light. It wasn’t fading and was very obvious in the darkness.

The last thing I recall is seeing two Rottweilers intertwined, curled up together as if sleeping but their faces indicated they were on alert. Their positioning reminded me of the Yin-Yang symbol.

I returned to my sleeping body and lingered there for a while. My body was uncomfortable. My left arm a bit numb. So I settled into my body, moved my arm and opened my eyes.

Part of a song repeated in my head, “Don’t you worry child, heaven’s got a plan for you.”

Considerations

The movie I was watching was on my mind as I fell asleep. I was talking to one of my guides throughout the movie. I was curious about CE-5, the method/project used to make contact. I thought about trying it but realized I had no interest in getting the E.T. to materialize for me. They already did, back in 1989. They seem to come to me without me asking or calling them. In fact, I think the guides I speak to are Them.

The last portion of my OBE reflects what I watched. The green light, specifically, is like the laser pointers used to point out the craft in the night sky. Like other OBEs, the “force” I feel pulling me was present, but this time, rather than assume that force was me, it felt to be an Other. I also did not want to go “up” despite knowing from previous experience that it often means I will be taken to extraordinary places.

I did ask to resume Contact, which could mean anything, really. I never initiated Contact to begin with and would never ask Them to come display themselves as proof they exist. I already Believe and have reached what the participants of CE-5 are seeking on my own. Yet, I do feel They have more to teach me. All I can do is ask Them to show me what I need. And it appears I needed to be reminded that we are all One, as per my first dream.

Next time I plan to just go “up there” when they start tugging on my astral body. I already know what happens. I speed up to the point I can’t imagine going any faster. I lose my astral vision, enter the void, and “blink” to a new location.

Back from Montana and Surprise OBE

Happy New Year!

We returned from Montana last night. I didn’t get much sleep because there were as many fireworks as the 4th of July. Never heard so much noise on New Year’s Even before. I hate to burst everyone’s bubble of hope, but I highly doubt 2021 will be much better than 2020 no matter how much you celebrate it’s passing. The world has a tough decade ahead and this is not just me being a pessimist.

To give you an idea of what I feel is coming up this year (at least for me), I was met by a gruesome sight on my morning walk. Right before I saw the below image, I had been wondering what 2021 would bring:

A dead rabbit. 😦 This is symbolic of loss, usually the loss of a relationship, friendship or family connection.

Not far from the rabbit was a flathead screwdriver.

My guess is there is quite a bit of work to be done this year.

Montana Trip

But this post isn’t about what is to come, it’s about my trip and how I ended the year.

My children did excellent for their first time traveling by plane. Everything went smoothly with some added bonuses. We got a rental upgrade and a room upgrade when we arrived in Bozeman, the weather was perfect, the roads were clear and the air not too cold. We spent the first day on the slopes of Bridger Bowl Ski Area and the last day near the same ski area at a place called Crosscut Mountain Sports Center where we tried cross country skiing. All three skiing adventures were firsts for my kids. My husband had never tried cross country skiing and I had not done either type of skiing for at least 20 years.

I spent the first two days with my youngest and did not really doing any downhill skiing, which didn’t bother me because, though I can do it, I never really found it fun. I don’t enjoy going fast and do not like heights. When I was young I had plenty of experiences with downhill skiing but put it on my “been there, done it, got the t-shirt” list. I prefer cross country skiing to the downhill version so much that I actually owned my own skis, boots and poles when I lived in Bozeman. 🙂

We didn’t get to do much more than that except on the last day when we visited the Museum of the Rockies on the MSU campus. We ended our day activities before 5pm when the sun set.

I had no past issues come up during this visit. Bozeman has changed dramatically in the last 20 years! When I lived there every native Montanan complained about the number of Californians moving in, buying up land and pushing up the cost of nearly everything. I remember someone once saying their (the Californian’s) goal in Bozeman was to make it “the next Aspen” – a vacation destination during both summer and winter months. Looks like they met their goal. The small town is now full of every modern convenience and there was little left of the sleepy little college mountain town I once loved. Bozeman no longer resembles “genuine” Montana living. Instead, it feels very much like Austin does – dotted with “McMansions”, homes built to look “modern” and expensive, sidewalks and trails made for suburban living, and expensive designer shops everywhere.

Very few people I encountered in Bozeman were locals. They didn’t have the typical Montana accent. Most were from out-of-state, college students lured by the outdoors, the mountain skiing, and proximity to Yellowstone National Park. In fact, on the ski slopes we were told that there were a lot of Texans skiing on the days we were there. Ha! I met a family from Georgia and Louisiana, too. There were more “ya’lls” being spoken than “you guys” that is for sure. More “Coke” drinkers than “Pop” drinkers. Sigh.

We stayed at a hotel that was located in what was once a huge field adjacent to the Costco. The entire field was full of hotels, shops and restaurants. It really did look freakily like Austin! They even had an Outback Steakhouse, a Target, a Ross, and other shops similar to the ones I frequent near my home. My first reaction was, “WTF! What happened to the field!?” lol When I left in 2000 there was Wal-Mart (across town) and Costco and that is about it.

All in all, the trip was a good one but not a healing one. Old memories didn’t resurface. There was one exception, though. On one of our many drives through the city, I saw the Bozeman Inn and said to my husband as I turned and pointed, “Wal-Mart is over there”. Sure enough, past the next light there it was, just as I remembered. I must have driven that route a hundred times. So I guess some of Bozeman is still the same as it was 20 years ago. 🙂

Surprise OBE December 29th

On the second night of our stay I had a surprise OBE. I made sure to write it down to record when I returned, so here it is.

I remember talking to someone who told me that he would love to meet me for lunch when I was in New York. I remember thinking it odd. “I’m not in New York and won’t be….”I thought. When I realized I was dreaming, I decided to exit my body even though I felt for sure I was wide awake.

Sure enough I easily left my body. I went toward the door and ended up outside my mom’s house standing next to a large pick-up truck. I knew that if I opened the door my guide would be inside. Excited, I went toward the door but was pulled upward at lightning fast speeds, up, up into space. I felt strongly from within, “No….” Ugh! I couldn’t do anything except allow and when I did I ended up standing in front of a door.

I opened the door. When I went inside I saw an Indian woman and her two sons. When they saw me they totally freaked out and began to run away from me, muttering something about ghosts. I called to them, telling them it was okay and showing them I was as real as them. They seemed to know me and I felt that I must be a grandmother to the boy. I went up to him and kissed him and ruffled his hair, speaking to him the whole time. Some part of me intimately knew this family.

I remember as I spoke that my voice was masculine and I questioned this but then decided to let it go. I knew if I tried to analyze it I would end my OBE and I wanted to stay. I thought, “Who cares if I sound like a man?” lol

The family relaxed and then showed me how the home had changed. I was taken to the back where they were putting in a huge swimming pool. I explored it and discovered there were two pools. The first was cold and deep. The second was shallow and warm with little kiddie pools and a tube slide. I got into the second pool with the two kids and ended up lost in a dream within a dream. I believe I was talking about a past life and ended up reliving it.

When I came back to my body it was by choice. I remember thinking, “I’m ready to go back now.”

Pictures

I will leave you with a few pics of our trip. Most are pics of the mountains but there is also a pic of a T-Rex at the Museum of the Rockies, the MSU Campus sign and the image of the mountains through the windows of the airport. No pics of me and my family, though. Keeping those to myself.

Enjoy!

Dreams, Conversations and short OBE

Last night was full of wonderful healing energy and a great many interesting conversations and dreams. It began with some powerful surges of Kundalini. They were brief, though, and didn’t keep me from falling asleep.

Dream: Drowning Girl

I had this dream two nights ago but feel it is appropriate to share now.

I was in a boat (unexplored emotions and feelings) with a mother (aspect of self) and her daughter (inner child). The daughter had no legs (feeling helpless). She was just an upper body and midsection. The boat was moving at super high speeds like a speed boat. The mother was holding onto her daughter in an attempt to keep her from going overboard. 

We traveled at high speeds for a while but then the mother lost her grip on her daughter. The girl fell into the dark water and the boat stopped a short distance after, docking near a pier located near some homes. Me and the mother got out of the boat and the mother despaired, wailing for someone to rescue her daughter. I felt unable to help and also called for others to assist, but no one came. I remember worrying the girl couldn’t swim because she had no legs. She surely would sink straight to the bottom.

I looked down at the water’s surface to see if I could see her and saw bubbles rising to the surface. I yelled to the mother, “Look! Bubbles! She’s there!” The mother jumped in and was under water for a while. When she finally surfaced she had her daughter in her arms but she was unresponsive. The mother blew in her face like a mother’s does to get a baby to take a breath, and it worked! Eventually the girl revived and was okay. We were all so relieved. I began to sob and woke up in tears.

Interpretation

It feels like this dream is about my inner child and my desire to save her from a situation that feels out of control. Her lack of legs indicates she is unable to move or progress on her own. She may feel stuck. It seems the dream message is that surrender must occur before progress can be made. My emotion felt displaced and it confused me. I have no idea why I cried so much. Relief maybe?

Dream: Failing Grades

I was back in high school and my teachers were telling me that I was failing their classes. Specifically it felt like I was failing Algebra and there was a question about an English paper that was due. There was discussion about the classes I was passing, too. History was one of them and I commented that it made sense being I was a history teacher. I remember looking at my grade in Algebra (logic). It was a 55 and I knew that I would not pass no matter how hard I worked because I didn’t have time to make up all the missed assignments. 

Eventually I decided that it was pointless to try so hard to pass because I had already graduated a long, long time ago. I remember talking to another woman in my same position and telling her, “I have a Master’s in School Counseling. I was just going to school because it was fun. No one even noticed my age.” I was very proud that I could pass so easily as much younger than I really am. 

The administration in the front office was very irritated with me and had called in someone higher up as well as the police when they discovered I was not who I pretended to be. This is when I decided to just leave with the woman. I said, “What are they going to do? They have my old address, my old information from when I attended in my teens. They can’t find me. There is nothing they can do.”

We went outside and flew along a road to a circular, dirt drive near an old, wooden home. It felt like my new address for some reason but it turned out I had just parked my car there. Rather than go to my car, a guy took us to this van and out of it came two Mexican men with pizzas they said we ordered. I was asked to pay and I remember using a fake card number and signing my husband’s name. lol 

The dream fades out here but I remember traveling.

Considerations

I feel this is a positive dream. It reminds me of a very recent dream where I was still in high school but telling everyone I was much older and had already graduated. In that dream I had been told, “It’s time to go now” and the message was that it was not helping me to repeat the same lesson over and over again, a lesson that the younger version of me mastered a while ago. So last night’s dream seems to be a continuation of that theme except that I decide to leave. My attitude is “screw the consequences”. I realized I was able to fool everyone into thinking I was someone I am not and so they would not be able to find the real me.

So it seems I am done pretending to be this other version of me. I am done learning lessons that I have already learned and repeating the same classes over and over again. 

Discussion and Short OBE

I recall having numerous discussions while in the in-between. Much of it was about the Kundalini, which has been more active than usual. It was explained to me that when it rose this next time to be ready for a major clearing to occur. It felt like a warning but at the same time I was not concerned. I remember worrying I would have major panic but felt it would not be an issue this time around.

In one very vivid memory, I was conversing with three individuals dressed in white. It reminded me of the environment from the movie The Island and there is probably some symbolism to be had in that, too. A woman and I were discussing my current issues with my marriage. She began to tell me about her own situation. She explained how she had a strong connection with a man and so left her husband immediately because there was no comparison. As she explained the amazing connection she had with the new man, I saw him standing behind her. He had a big, puffy, blonde beard. Next to him I saw her husband who also had a beard, only it was red. The husband went up to the other man who was about a foot taller than him. He then kissed the man passionately and they kissed for a while. The woman said to me, “Look what I have to deal with.” LOL

After this interesting conversation I put my attention on how I was feeling. I knew I was OOB but I was floating just over the top of my sleeping body. The energy was so wonderful and I played with it, spinning around and willing myself to expand and contract. Eventually, though, I decided I would just exit my body and see what I could find or explore.

The first attempt didn’t last. I had trouble disconnecting and felt too heavy so I immediately just let myself fall back into the amazing energy. I almost fell asleep but then decided to try exiting again. This time I was successful and flew out of my bedroom. I could still feel the heavy energy. It was not lifting even as I flew up into the air. I opened my eyes as I jumped/flew down the stairs. I could see my dog at the bottom looking up at me. The entire house was golden in color and very bright. As I flew down I could feel the sensation that comes with falling, as if my stomach jumped into my throat. It was a thrill and I was joyous as I reached the bottom but within seconds I could feel that feeling as if someone says, “NO” and I was sucked back to my body.
I didn’t feel myself transition, though. Instead I floated there in the brilliant energy again. This time, talking to the woman who I had been talking to before, I told the woman, “I will stay right here, then.” As I told her this I created a long board and began to apply glue to it. I was showing her that I would glue myself to that spot and stay put. LOL

I lingered in the in-between for a while, soaking up the healing energy. This is how I started my day and I am so grateful for it.

OBE: What Did I Do Wrong?

Got almost no sleep last night. I made the mistake of checking the election progress and then was hit with an energy I can only describe as anticipatory. Who can sleep when they are feeling like that? It was like the energy of the entire US was filling up my chest area. My heart was literally buzzing and warm, my body full of energy. Ugh!

I have NEVER had trouble sleeping on election night.

At around 3am I just gave up. I sat propped up in my bed and started deep breathing. 4 count inhale, 4 count exhale. I tried to tell my body to relax, to sleep. I kept my mind on the counting. I asked my guidance to help me sleep.

The next thing I know I am in that space where I can exit my body.

OBE: What Did I DO Wrong?

The instant I knew I could exit, I did. Out of my body, clear and free, I flew downstairs. I mentally announced to the Universe my intent. I said, “What did I do wrong?” I’m not sure why I asked this question. It was not planned. The part of the question not stated was that I wanted to know where I messed up in life. It implies that I feel I have somehow gone off-track.

I saw my husband asleep in front of the TV. I went up to him and touched him to see if he would feel me. He moved a bit but didn’t wake.

I went out the back door, still intent on my question.

When I went through the door I was transported to another place. In front of me were two houses standing side-by-side. They resembled houses from a Dr. Seuss book. I flew inside one of the house’s windows. There were no rooms really. The space just opened up into stairs and ramps going up. I followed them through a very narrow passage for many floors and then exited out another window. Looking back the house looked to be balanced on a very tiny foundation. It was like the house was made of blocks from the game Jenga. Remove one and the whole thing would fall. Yet at the same time it was extremely stable.

For some reason I became very, very lucid all at once. It pulled me back toward my physical body where I lingered for a while. My heart was doing odd things and felt weird. I worried a little about it and knew I had to get fully back into my body to stabilize my heartrate. Once I did, I stayed in my body a bit but soon shifted OOB again. This time I exited straight out of my chest.

Once OOB I felt/Knew I should return to my body. Something wasn’t quite right. My heart wasn’t handling my exit well. I tried to get further away, knowing the closer I was the more my body would pull me back and the more I would notice the irregular heart rhythm, but felt it was ill advised. All I wanted was to be free of my body, but the answer was, “NO”. So, back I went.

Fear or Courage?

I had some odd dreams after that but woke frequently and didn’t get much sleep overall. The first thing I Knew upon waking was that part of the reason I am feeling so anticipatory about this election is because the results will be a big indicator of the future. Will the future path we choose as a nation be paved with fear or courage/strength? I, personally, am not afraid. I prefer to confront uncertainty and the unknown head-on. Unfortunately, many, many Americans are living, mostly unconsciously, in a perpetual fear-state. Decisions made out of fear lead to uncomfortable and often painful lessons. The very least of which results in a deep-seated feeling of dis-ease.

Halloween Lucid to OBE: Numb

Happy Halloween and full moon! Seems that lately the only way I go OOB is when there is a full moon.

Lucid to OBE: Numb

I woke at 5:30am wide awake. I didn’t want to get up so I attempted to return to sleep, but found it difficult.

The next thing I remember is talking to someone in the in-between. I assume is was a male guide. I can’t recall what we were talking about. I believe we were discussing issues I am having in life.

I became lucid when I felt arms wrap around me from behind. I replied, “That’s wonderful. You did it.” With this I am acutely aware of where I am and all my perceptions turn on. As I talk to this man who has now appeared behind me I survey the scene. I am laying on a sofa in a very nice home with vaulted ceilings and mahogany trim. To my left is a modern kitchen and to my right is a staircase leading to the upper floor.

The man is snuggling up behind me on the sofa talking. He is mostly excited that he was able to be there with me saying things like, “I can’t believe it. I did it!” When I turned to look at him I didn’t recognize him. He was quite nerdy looking but not ugly, just unique. The thoughts I had about his appearance were ignored because he felt so very familiar to me his. His energy said I could trust him and that he was a close, beloved friend.

I remember attempting to kiss and cuddle him but he would freak out, worried he would ruin the experience (go back to his body). I understood his concerns as they were valid. He encouraged me to give him a sensual massage. I traced my hand down the back of his thigh down to his calf. When I was done I tried to hugged him close and he again resisted, fear in his eyes. The whole thing was so very real that for a moment I forgot I was dreaming.

We talked quite a bit but what I remember most is thinking of the time and how it was almost 11am. I felt guilty for sleeping in so long and wasting the day. It felt like I needed to get up and get my day going but I don’t recall having anything in particular to do.

Then, I could sense that our time together was coming to an end. I looked at him, studying his face as I explained I could feel he would be leaving soon. His appearance was still very strange to me. He had light hair and a very pronounced mouth area with deep smile lines, almost like his face was carved. Again I dismissed my judgements and just enjoyed the time I had with him.

Not long after he was just gone and I felt myself shifting back to my body. I pulled myself back to the scene, got up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen.

What I first noticed was that someone had left food out from breakfast – 3 open jars of jam (feeling stuck in a situation) with lids scattered about. I grabbed the lids to put them back on the jars but I thought I heard someone talking. I listened hard and heard it again. I said, “Is someone there?” I noticed a tiny radio (awareness needed) on the counter but it was not turned on.

Rather than clean up, I just left the mess there.

My thought at the time was that I needed to write down what I had just experienced. So I headed upstairs to find my laptop.

As I climbed the stairs I got a strange feeling. It was like I was dying or like all my energy was being sucked out of me. I couldn’t feel my body, my legs, nothing.

I barely made it to the top and when I did I looked toward the bedroom on the left which I knew I shared with my husband, but I didn’t want to be in a shared space. So I headed toward my bedroom at the end of the hallway. I stopped, though, when I saw a visual in my mind of the bed in that room covered in books, papers and other materials. I knew my husband had taken over my space.

In that moment I fell to my knees, all my energy gone. The feeling is hard to describe but it was as if I were about to pass out and die. I began to try and crawl toward the bedroom but my thoughts took over and I collapsed. I looked around at the amazing house I was in. So grand! It was familiar. I knew it. Yet something was very wrong. I was thinking how the house must be haunted, either that or I must be going insane. I am losing my mind I thought. At the time the memory of where I was seemed overlaid with memory of my current lifetime. I felt to be torn between the two. Who was I? Where was I? Why did I feel so confused?

Then I felt to be dematerializing back to my sleeping body. When I woke a song was going through my head:

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Considerations

My best guess is that I somehow shifted into another reality, one where I had a different life and remembered that life to some degree. The problem was that my current life seeped into my memory of the other one and so created disruptions that I perceived and knew were wrong in some way.

Or it could have been that my problems in my current life seeped into my OBE in order to show themselves. My husband had completely taken over my bedroom – my private space, the space where I could be myself without hiding or pretending. The feeling that I had no space of my own was prominent as was the feeling of being completely exhausted and near energetic death. Mentally I was unable to make sense of anything because of my depleted state.

As I write this, I am reminded of something. I drew one of my Light Code Oracle cards last week. It was the Grief card, reversed. This is the card’s message:

Failure and loss bring strength that can move mountains. Reversed – New hope. An end to a period of grief is approaching or has already begun. Your tears are drying or have long dried up. Your view of the world is becoming lighter with every passing day. Possibility abounds. Complementary cards – Rebirth, Remembering, Death.

I knew today would mark the beginning of a period of understanding. The fog is lifting.