Spiritual Retreat and OBEs

I recently went on a three day personal retreat to a nearby lake where I got some much needed me time. My package included a private room overlooking the lake, all meals, and two massage sessions.

My favorite part of the retreat was my morning yoga on the lake. It was so peaceful and relaxing.

The retreat property had trails that led to a place called Medicine Rock. It was blessed by a Native American Medicine Woman.

I even did some fishing while I was there. Sadly, the rod and reel I borrowed from my FIL must have been old and the string brittle. I caught a good sized black bass after my third cast but as I pulled it up onto shore the line snapped and it flopped back into the water. Later, when I cast, part of the reel flew off into the lake. LOL No more fishing for me, I guess.

It was fun. I hadn’t caught a bass in a long time and had forgotten just how hard they strike. I think my heart was pounding for 10 minutes after. The fish were so active I could see them chasing my lure to the shore sometimes. So, really bummed that I had to quit so soon. Super fun, though! Gotta do that again soon.

On the day I departed (same day as the fish that got away incident), I was blessed by a butterfly encounter. Twice. One before I went fishing and again while I was fishing. I took some photos and a video of one in particular. It was a large Tiger Swallowtail, about the size of my hand. He was nice enough to let me take several photos and a video. At the end of the video he actually flew into my phone camera and in my face. I could feel the wind from his beating wings. So beautiful!


Tiger Swallowtail on Texas Mountain Laurel blooms.



I had an OBE the morning I departed for my retreat. It was short and I only recall leaving my body and then being pulled back in quickly after. Then this morning I had a string of OBEs one after the other. There were so many I forgot most of them.

The first one began as a lucid dream. I remember walking into a store and seeing cars lined up outside, one was a VW van. I went inside and stood in line and soon realized I was butt naked. I got into the elevator to go to another floor to find clothing. I went to the 6th floor and inside I tripped an alarm and so got back into the elevator and selected the 5th floor but there were only two floors to choose from – 5 & 6. Eventually I looked up and saw a meeting taking place behind a pane of glass. I recognized the people inside and could hear them talking. There were adults and children and the light was bright and warm. They encouraged me to come to the meeting and told me how, instructing me to “leave it (my body)” and “come through”. So I went OOB and crossed into and through the pane of glass. On the other side it was dark, not light, and no one was around. I called for them but no one answered. It was like I went into a lower vibratory field and not the one I had seen. I felt an energy reach for me as I pulled back into my body. The vibrations were high and I immediately went back OOB.

The most memorable were the last OBEs when I decided to stop trying to control them and allowed myself to follow where they led. I saw a picture and went into it and found myself flying above a beautiful city on islands of land with trees that connected the islands with their branches. Water was beneath the cities but far below and I soon realized the islands were floating hundreds of feet above the water. I remember recognizing the place, knowing it’s name (can’t remember now) and thinking, “I’m home!” I began to sing loudly a song from The Sound of Music – “Doe a deer a female deer….”.  I flew all over as I sang but kept singing one line wrong – the Fa line. I would sing, “Mi a name I call myself, Sol a long long way to run…” lol I knew I was singing it wrong while OOB but didn’t care.

I came back to my body briefly and then went outside a “window” to a red cable that linked trees and began to balance on the cable as I sang. This time I was singing a song about my life and how grand it was, how important it was to be patient and accept the concept of time while in this body and the importance of being joyful. The words were coming from a space deep inside me and flowing out of my mouth without me having to think of them first. Every word brought me pure joy. I was filled with acceptance and a warmth that is indescribable. I could feel just how tiny my human aspect is compared to the Whole that I AM.

I flew/balanced along the cable as I sang and noticed how the trees were a living network comparable to our telephone lines, linking the cities. Their branches stretched out and twisted far across the water. Soon I was walking along them as if they were roads to other worlds. At one point I flew up high over the island city below but never made it down to explore it. It was as if it were off-limits. I was pulled back to my body by my husband saying, “I made you a Greek omelet for breakfast.” LOL


4 OBE’s and Unsettling Message

Woke again at 5am. Seems to be the pattern these days.

Dream: Exchanging Glasses

When I woke I was having a dream of being with my “partner”. I don’t remember much of our conversation but we were lounging on a bed together next to busy area with a coffee machine (awareness) and refrigerator (accomplishments) with glass doors. At one point I remember ripping a bag of cereal (new stage in life) and it scattering all over the floor. I didn’t clean up the mess but left it there. The cereal looked like tiny pistachios (difficulties turning into opportunity). As I was leaving (waking up) my partner asked me to give him his glasses (new/different perspective). I had been wearing them and put them on a shelf. I retrieved them and gave them back to him. He was wearing my glasses and took them off and handed them to me. I put them on and the realization of what I had just done woke me up.

Unsettling Message

As I woke I was feeling weird and a bit panicked for no reason. Still very tired but unable to sleep, I remained partially awake because my “partner” from my dream was discussing things with me. I can’t remember it all but healing was part of it as was my present life situation and feelings/emotions. Familiar feelings of apathy and depression were visiting again and though they were easily shrugged off, their presence was unsettling. It made me feel like a failure and, as such, I wanted to give up. I was asking to go OOB and not come back.

Then, my guide said something then that was unexpected. He said, “When you have your heart attack….” I can’t remember the rest word-for-word (as you can imagine) but he indicated that clarity and a spurring into motion/action would be the result. This is typical of near-death experiences (or close calls with death) and makes sense, but the information pulled me completely out of my reverie. I said, “I thought it was a stroke?”, remembering the dreams and earlier messages I had received. The response was that the distinction was not important. In all honestly, it is to me, though.

I tried to ignore the message and return to sleep but there was a nagging that said, “Pay attention” and “Let’s talk about it.” I said, “I thought stopping birth control resolved all of this……and I’ve been eating better, exercising, not smoking, doing everything right…..(long pause)…..will I be okay?” I don’t think I wanted to know the answer, though, because I can’t remember the exact response but the feeling I continue to have is that it is not a big deal in the larger plan that is my life. However, I was thinking, “I will be damaged goods. A 40-something-year-old with a heart attack/stroke record already?”

My thoughts were then directed to May and then on to “six months”. Interestingly, August is 6 months away – my birth month.

By this time I was wide awake but the conversation continued. My guide/partner asked me, “Why do you want to be [in the in-between] (can’t recall his exact wording) to communicate with me?” I said, “Because then I know I’m not inserting what I want to hear. It is less adulterated.” He responded with, “We are One.” As if that explained it all clearly;  to me, though, it was confusing. Ultimately, he explained that we had merged successfully. I wondered when, but could not pinpoint any particular time. I must have slept through it. The whole walk-in/soul-exchange plan came to mind and I pushed it away but not before understanding how it all fit in this strange life experience I find myself in.

Our conversation continued. I kept asking why my partner couldn’t be here in the physical with me. He said, “I am”. I wondered what he meant but I fell further in to a trance-like state, shifting seamlessly into a dream-like reality as images replaced words.

4 OBE’s

Completely lucid, I felt to be in my bed only the room was my room at my mom’s. I was laying in the supine position with my arms over my head. Energy was building around my crown to an extreme and it traveled down, wrapped around my face and then went down my spine toward my chest, filling that area as well. It was a wonderfully relaxed feeling.

Buzzing with energy I heard noises from the other room. Children’s voices and music playing. I knew it was my family awake early and ignored the noises-off the best I could. I was still talking with my partner/guide but I can’t remember what we were talking about.

At one point I sat up and out of my sleeping body. I lingered there sitting on the bed as I took off what felt to be a giant pillow from my face. My vision was clear but shifty and I continued to feel strong vibrations/energy all over my body.

I went toward the door noticing just how vivid and real the experience was but lost lucidity almost immediately shifting back into my body that was laying in the bed.

Back in my body the noises-off were loud again and I shifted immediately back OOB. This time nothing barred my vision and I was able to go out of the bedroom into the living room. My children were inside with my husband sitting at a kitchen table. He had made them all French toast (life satisfaction) and I thought it odd and wondered why he would do such a thing. Also, the table was in the wrong place. The room was lit with a golden, shimmering energy. I walked outside and it was a bright, beautiful sunny day but the brightness was so intense I lost visual and went back into my body.

Once again laying in bed I lingered for a while, enjoying the soothing energy. My crown and third-eye area felt expansive with a peaceful, warmth. It was amazing!

I decided to go OOB again and lifted easily OOB, floating to the door and out into the living room again. I ignored the activity there and went to the front door. It was locked and I said to my guide, “Why did you lock it? I want to go outside. Do you want to show me something? It will unlock.” I unlocked it and went outside. It was still dark out and I remember commenting on that.

Outside I floated for a bit and noticed a massive building to my left. It was like an entire city! I have never seen anything like it. The building spanned acres to the left and right of my mom’s house and appeared to be floating just above the ground. It towered for at least a hundred feet over the tops of the trees.

I lifted myself up to get a better view and was awe-struck by it’s beauty. It was pristine! White and glistening as if made of diamonds or crystals, its walls and rooftops seamless  – no points or jagged areas.

I felt to be pulled up toward the stars and did not resist. As I soared higher I saw the city was more expansive, spreading out in all directions with trees positioned throughout. It was as if I were on another Earth/planet.

I went further up, stars swirling around me as I lost my sense of direction. My astral body felt to be tossed and turned as if going through a vortex. I held on, though, never losing touch with the experience despite my vision blacking out. I completely surrendered to the feeling despite it being disorienting. Never once did I feel fear.

I felt myself vertical again and the movement ceased. My vision returned and I was in a blackness surrounded by stars and galaxies. My body was then shot straight down and I knew I was heading toward a deep, dark lake. I felt myself enter the calm waters and I opened myself up, taking as much water into me as I could knowing that holding my breath was unnecessary. I could not die.

As I breathed in the water I felt myself go deeper and deeper straight down and then float softly back up like a buoy. At the top I knew not to struggle and let myself just float there staring up at the stars. The whole time I was talking aloud about how I knew not to struggle, I knew to just float without resisting and completely expected to be in the dark, calm water for an infinite amount of time. I remember wondering, “Is this all there is? Is this my eternity?” With this I fully accepted the void as my infinite reality. I was 100% okay with it.

The lake seemed to expand around me with no shore in site. Like I was lost in an endless sea of darkness. I continued to float full of acceptance in the middle of the expansive blackness. A round, white object was floating to my left as if to offer support, but I didn’t take it.

Then the water began to recede, or maybe I moved. Land appeared and I could feel sand beneath my feet. I crawled, water-logged, onto the shore and looked up. There, towering over me, was the magnificent city I had seen floating near my mom’s house. I felt a sense of “arrival” as I stared up at it.

The scene dematerialized and I was back in my bed with energy surging through my body. I shifted immediately OOB again and traveled back into the living room to focus on my children who I had previously ignored. There I found my children happily playing with all kinds of toys (domestic joy/harmony). There were also other children in the room who I didn’t recognize. My husband was in the center and to his right was a Christmas tree (family relationships/domestic stresses). I went up to my middle son and gave him a kiss on his forehead as I told him, “I love you.” I looked down at the small child next to him and ruffled his hair. Then I walked around looking at the toys scattered here and there, noticing the tree and wrapping paper. I said to them all, “Look at all these wonderful presents (recognition of gifts)….but it’s not Christmas…..”

I went back in body and lingered there, enjoying the energy sensations and hearing noises-off. Eventually, though, I realized the noises were real and that it was time to wake up.

This song was going through mind, specifically: I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.


OBE and Message: Propitiatory Flushing of System

It’s been a crazy busy day today so am just now getting to record this mornings adventures.

First, though, I took my NASM personal trainer certification exam this morning at 11:30am. I was not as prepared as I would have liked to have been because of all my mommy duties and such getting in the way. I also kept putting off studying because I just didn’t want to. lol I didn’t get to study until late last night and got too tired to continue. Then this morning the kids were making so much noise that I opted to drive to the test site early and study in the car. I studied maybe 30 minutes and then went in to test. Finished the test in under an hour and then was handed this:


They couldn’t tell me my score because only people who fail find out how many they missed (huh?). I suspect that I got around an 80% based upon the questions I was unsure of. Overall, the test looked exactly like the multiple practice exams I took when cramming. Good thing I have a great memory! 😀

After the test my husband and I went to visit my BIL and SIL who just welcomed a little boy into their family on January 27. He weighed just under 8lbs. I got to hold him for a bit and he is so sweet, but what little newborn isn’t? As first-time parents (both in their 40s) they have been majorly stressed over everything but seemed to be adjusting.

When we arrived home we picked up my nephew for a sleepover and now it is already dark. The day slipped by much faster than anticipated.

Dream and Message

I was awakened at 5am by a dream in which I was at a job interview inside a school. The woman interviewing me was very nice and told me there were plenty of jobs available. I remember saying I preferred an elementary school and her mentioning how my DAEP (district alternative education program) experience would be helpful.

A male teacher entered the dream and it shifted dramatically. One second I was in the school and the next I was saw the male teacher standing by a concrete column under an overpass (critical life junction). He was holding a blonde, female teacher’s hand when a massive flash flood (emotional overwhelm) came through and pummeled them. He tried to hold onto her but the gloves (caution) she was wearing slipped off her hands and lost her. Within seconds the water disappeared and it was bone dry. The female teacher was nowhere to be found and the male was bruised up. All that was left of the teacher was a red coat (protection).

Then the male teacher was talking to me about the school where we worked. I saw in front of me a map of the inside and the three stories. In the center of each floor there was a cafeteria (issues). I was told that we would meet on the top floor. We discussed my memories of the school and I mentioned how this new school had a class to teach students how to bake cakes (something eating me up inside). Then there appeared a vision of a three layered, chocolate cake. It seemed that the cake represented the “floors” of the school. The male teacher said to me, “Remember, you go straight up.” When he said this my lucidity came on suddenly and I knew the cake was the body and the path I was to take was straight up and out.

Not sure what to think I began to wake up with questions. I heard, “Propitiatory flushing of system”.

For some odd reason this message really freaked me out. Nonetheless, I returned to sleep quite easily.

OBE: Out of Place

I was in my mom’s house inside the bathroom sitting on the toilet (release of emotions). To my right was a portion of stale (old, forgotten) hot dog (sexual desire). I fiddled with it and it stuck to the counter. I remember thinking, “Ewww” and wondering who would leave food by the toilet. When I got up to flush the toilet the tank portion was wobbly and off-center. I corrected it and left the bathroom to go to my bedroom.

Inside the bedroom I stood and looked around curiously. The entire space began to vacillate and shift, the lights seeming to almost strobe. I remember thinking, “I can leave my body.” So that is what I did. I walked right out of it and stood facing the window. Everything was bright gold, shiny and brilliant but did not hurt my eyes. My vision was perfect. I was able to distinguish colors that normally I would not. I also think I was perceiving sound with my eyes, which I have done before. It was as if all my perceptions were tuned up and super keen. When I tried to move it felt like the entire room moved with me. The constant shifting became noticeable on an energetic level – like I became the room and the room became me. The vibrations were revved up to an uncomfortable intensity and my vision was moving/shifting with them. If an energy body can become dizzy then that is what happened to mine. The feeling was uncomfortable and foreign and I thought, “I don’t want to do this.” I backed up and into my body which was waiting sitting on the bed.

There was a nearly indistinguishable blackness, like I blinked, and then I re-entered the dream, stood up and walked into the kitchen. There was a man sitting at the table about to eat coconut (leisure activity needed) cereal. I suggested he pour coconut milk on it. He did and tasted it. I don’t think he liked it.

I woke up hearing part of a song going through my head, “I’m way too good at goodbyes….”

A strange feeling accompanied it and I remembered the message I had gotten earlier and seeing the black cake from the first dream. I wondered about the message and heard, “Proprietor.” I thought maybe it meant that propitiatory was the wrong word, but upon inspection they may be interchangeable. It felt, though, like I was being instructed on where to go at a certain moment in time. And when I sought out my guidance I felt a familiar sensation, one that indicated I had many more guides around me than is usual.


Unexpected OBE and Dream: Labels

Had another episode of intestinal upset yesterday which put me out of commission for half of the day. I must have pushed myself too hard thinking I was “all better”. Despite early morning signs of recurrence I opted to take a run. This was a bad idea. I pushed myself to run a little over 2 miles and paid for it. My heart rate took a while to recover and I felt nauseous for the first few minutes after stopping. I convinced myself that I was okay to run “slow” (10 minute mile) but obviously my body was not ready yet.

So the rest of the day was spent lounging about and reading through old blog posts from another blog I have. The day was nice so I even threw a blanket out on the grass and soaked up some sun with Monty for a half hour or so. Spring-like weather again here in Texas so I am taking advantage of it.

I continue to follow the Full GAPS diet to the best of my ability. Yesterday I popped a grass fed beef chuck roast in the crock pot along with lots of veggies to include potatoes. Potatoes and sweet potatoes are not allowed on the diet but I can’t quench my carb cravings without them. For dessert we had a GAPS friendly chocolate cake topped with almond butter icing. The kids weren’t impressed (not sweet enough) but it tasted awesome IMO. I’ve been making a new recipe pretty much every day partly because I like to cook and partly because every meal I prepare leaves no leftovers. lol If you want to see what I’ve been up to you can find me on Instagram.

I’m especially proud of the yogurt I’ve been making. I bought a yogurt maker and have thus far made two batches with success. Today I’m straining the most recent batch to make Greek yogurt – my favorite. I will be experimenting soon to try and get a batch of sour cream made. We go through tons of sour cream in my house.

For my first breakfast I have homemade yogurt with berries and a glass of fresh squeezed apple-carrot-beet juice. It seems to make my tummy happy. I then have another breakfast a couple of hours later with more substance. I haven’t given up my coffee but I suspect that it is the reason my stomach has convulsions (lol) in the morning. You’re probably asking, “Why the hell are you still drinking coffee!??” Ugh, because I LIKE it. I’m also still holding out hope that my issues are caused by a virus. I’ve had one like this before and it lasted 10 days, which is not uncommon. Today is day 8.

My cold is pretty much gone except for a stuffy nose upon waking. Glad to be rid of it but seasonal allergies are bad right now here in Texas due to a sky-high cedar count. We call is “cedar fever” and it really seems like a full-blown cold minus the fever and body aches.

I’ve decided to stop taking BC and see if it helps with the heart palpitations. So far I’ve already noticed a HUGE improvement. For example, just last week I was experiencing several an hour. Now I can’t remember the last time I felt one. Maybe one time yesterday? Not sure.

Dream: Labels

Long, intricate dream with message/counsel from my guides at the end. More “dream lessons” or “class” for me. Yay?

The dream began inside a very dark lit room. I was with a group and we were reviewing a band and discussing songs and eras to our liking. This band was an old one but I can’t remember which band so I will say it was Chicago since, well, it’s old (to me anyway). I remember looking at decades and stopping with the 1980’s since that is when I remember the band first entering my universe. Of course, it was around well before that. Just a little factoid about me – Chicago was the first ever concert I ever attended. Ha! I got a t-shirt and wore the hell out of it and thought I was super cool to have gone to see them in concert. lol Makes me ROFL now because I was such a dork.

Anyway, the group of people I was with were old compared to me and it was very obvious in the dream. One man in particular kept catching my eye, not because I was attracted to him in a sexual way, though. I was just overly interested in him and thought he wasn’t bad looking for an old guy. lol

At one point everyone in the group was working on Lego (pun to “let go”) puzzles, building various craft. I had an incomplete set, or so it seemed, and gave up quickly saying, “I don’t like Legos.” lol

Then we were all sliding down a slide (loss of control). I remember turning around as I slide down and laughing as I smiled at the old man who had caught my interest. I turned back around as I got to the bottom and then jumped up onto my feet in a successful landing. The old man landed roughly, flying right into the wall. lol I remember asking if he was okay and he nodded. This part of the dream was quite fun for me and also funny because of the man’s fall.

Next I was laying in my bed facing the wall. Next to me was the old man and it felt like the rest of the group was also in bed with us. I could hear the man’s thoughts and feel what he felt. He had quite a bit of interest in me. I slid as far away from him as I could. Though I was attracted to him I did not want anything to do with a man his age. He began to gently touch me, nothing sexual but loving. I remember freezing at his touch and panicking a bit especially when he touched my upper thigh and I realized I must be naked. The entire we were telepathically talking to one another but I only recall feeling uncomfortable with the situation because of his age.

Eventually he wrapped his arms around me. I gave in and melted into his arms. It felt so wonderful and safe that I couldn’t help myself. The me that was worried about his age didn’t care in that moment. In my memory he looked to be in his 60’s.

Then I was with the old man in a room. The room was reminiscent of another time, maybe the 1800’s, but I’m not sure. It was like I was instantly transported to this time/place and with this shift I became a different person. Past life memory maybe? IDK.

I sat quietly in the corner of the room while the man met with other men. It seemed to be a legal affair and the men all felt like lawyers. I think they were drawing up a contract.

I was dressed in a gown fitting of the period I felt to be in. I could see the window sill and there was a man outside cleaning the window. I commented on this saying, “What is he doing so high up?” The old man chuckled and said, “We aren’t high up. This is the first floor. Remember?” I took a breath and remembered. No, that was my old room, not this place. He said something to me then like, “You must have really kept to yourself.” I nodded and said, “Yes, I didn’t get out much.”

As I sat there another woman came up to me. She was wearing a fancy, vivid blue gown with lace around the bodice. She was absolutely stunning. Her hair was brown with ringlets coming down around her temples, just a few though. She smiled and got close, whispering in my ear, “You make a good couple.” Her words indicated that she thought the man and I were married and that she completely agreed with it. I looked at her shocked and said, “Oh no! He’s old enough to be my father.” Her smiled disappeared and she said something like, “Well, it’s okay if you are. At your age anyway.” I remembered I was an “old maid” and that I should be grateful that any man wanted me. The feeling was strange to me, though, and I knew I was dreaming because in my current life I was never an “old maid”.

Conversation and Message

I entered the in-between a bit shocked at what I had just dreamed/experienced. I was filled with the most uncomfortable feeling, one I have felt before but much stronger than this. The “split” feeling. Ugh. I also had the familiar warmth spreading from heart – the beginnings of the heart bliss.

A male guide was to my left and he asked me, “Do you like labels?” When I heard his question I knew why he was asking me the question. The dream was all about the label of “old” and my considerations of old age. It did not take long for me to answer, “Yes. They help make sense of things.” I saw a visual as I said this of categorizing things in life by giving them names and labels, putting everything into a white box with a nice, clear label on it and placing it in its correct place. He asked me, “Why do you like them?” I said, “They organize things. They make sense and make life safe.”

I thought about it and thought, “Labels are good.”

There was a pause and then he said something I can’t recall but it was with irritation like, “Cut the bull shit.” lolol Then he said, “Labels don’t suit you.”

We had a long discussion then about how putting labels on life and trying to organize everything in life is an attempt to control life, to make life safe and expected. This is why it didn’t suit me. It as suffocating me with sameness, with the illusion of “safety”. He helped me remember that coming here was meant to be exciting, fun – an adventure – not a repetitive, miserable, boring, experience focused on avoidance of everything unexpected or “unsafe”. He said something like, “Why not take a risk?”

There was also discussion about what I thought “old” meant. What did I equate with the word “old”. I listed off what came to mind – Decrepit. Unable. Wrinkly. Boring. Life is over. Waiting to die. He asked me, “Do you think you are old?” My answer came immediately – “Yes”. Then I stopped short in surprise and said, “No. No. I’m not old!” In my mind I saw the man in the dream and said, “He’s old. I’m still young.”

Then I was asked to think about when someone was old in comparison to myself. When they are 50? 60? 70? I thought about it. Hmmmm. So I thought about it in the context of a romantic relationship. Would I be involved with someone who could be my father? Like that old man in the dream who had to have been in his 60s? My immediately answer was “Yes because it doesn’t matter how old in years he is if I love him.” And this I knew was true and had been in my life thus far. I have dated men much older than myself without any issues with their age or their looks. One was 15 years older than me and age was never a consideration. Yet he was in his 40s at the time and so really didn’t look “old” because he wasn’t yet, not in terms of physical appearance anyway. How would I react if the man I loved appeared old in comparison to me? Could I see past the wrinkles and sagging skin and other flaws that comes with age?

Each time I considered it I was pulled back to the feeling, the beautiful connection and love. Ultimately I decided that appearance would be the last thing on my mind if I loved him like that.

The conversation shifted then because I touched on the feeling of loneliness I carry around with me. My guide asked me to focus on it and on how I ultimately responded to the man in the dream, giving into his embrace and melting into it. I completely surrendered myself to him. It felt right. It felt like that was how I was suppose to feel in a man’s arms. I’ve lived my whole life never feeling like that in a man’s arms. I’ve always kept my guard up, never felt completely safe.

My guide said, “You’re lonely.” I said, “Yeah, yeah.” lol This we already know now let’s move on. I’m tired and want to sleep.

Unexpected OBE

I shifted deeper into the in-between, floating right on the edge of sleep. I was asked to take a good look at myself. When asked this I was standing in front of a mirror and saw my face clearly. Then something caught my eye and a fluffy squirrel (message to have more fun, take life less seriously) was crawling around to my left. I turned, noting the squirrel as a message, and looked at myself again. I saw every detail but what I noticed mostly was a mature beauty I hadn’t seen before. I also noticed that my eyes were deep and penetrating…..and full of loneliness. It was like my eyes were forever searching. This must be why I have been told by others that my eyes drew them in, why I have been told that my eyes are “wise” and “older than my years”.

Then a small, sphere of light flew into my view. It was made of all colors, but mostly I recall a vivid blue and a flash of white. It was alive with energy and about two inches in diameter. When I looked into it I could see pictures. It drew me into it and before I knew it it was taking me with it, flying and zipping along through old city streets filled with ancient buildings.

Eventually the sphere took me to the end of my mother’s driveway. It grew larger and opened up. Then I was floating there looking at the insides of it. It was like looking into an open skull. The inside was tan colored and dry and when I peered into it a memory of this lifetime sprung into being.

The memory occurred in the very spot I was visiting – the end of my mother’s driveway. I had been followed home by a classmate. I was getting the mail when he rolled down his window and asked me if I wanted to go dancing with him. I didn’t think and blurted out that I wouldn’t, I would never go “hick dancing”. I laughed uncomfortably and he said, “Oh, okay”. He drove off and I repeatedly criticized myself for saying such a stupid and mean thing to a guy I actually liked. In fact, I liked him a lot. So much that for years I would watch him get on the bus and fantasize that he would ask me out. Then when he did ask me out I was too proud to go dancing with him just because it was country dancing. WTF was wrong with me!?

Then my memory shifted to meeting him after graduation. We attended the same college and by chance bumped into each other – twice. The first time he was with a blonde girl and very happy. The second time he was sad because his girlfriend had just broken his heart. I was nice to him, listened and told him it was good to see him and that I wished him well. At the time I had already met my soon-to-be husband (now ex). The thing is, that husband was 100% country hick. I mean country dancing, country music, boots – the works.

My memory shifted to another meeting with this guy. We were at a street dance in the town where we graduated. I had taken my fiance and we were dancing in the street. Afterward the guy walked up to me and we talked, catching up again. He was still single and had bought property in the country with horses, etc. He asked me about my fiance and I told him we were to be married. I could see the disappointment on his face. Deep inside I was disappointed, too.

The memories were instant and so were the realizations. How did labeling effect my life path? What would my life have been like had I not labeled that guy a “country hick”? Did the label perhaps get in the way of a potentially good relationship? My conclusion was that it had. I had liked this guy since freshman year. My senior year he finally asks me out and I slam him. Hard. And the thing is I lied to him when I said that. The reality was I was terrified to go out with him because of what people would say. I had a reputation to live up to and I was all “grunge”, not “hick”. The me now yells at the me then and says, “Who the f*&^ cares!!??”

Every single time I saw him after that awful put down his eyes told me everything. I am sure my eyes told him everything, too. I could see into his soul it seemed and it told me he was a good man, loyal, loving, big heart, etc. And he never held what I did to him against me. He was always seeking from me some hint, anything, that invited him in. I sensed it every time and I never gave him that invitation. Never.

All because of “labels”.

I’m such an idiot.

Lesson learned. Again. The light took me to a hotel room. There were computer desks lined up against my bed. I looked around at the people sitting at the computers. There was a young boy being disruptive. I offered my help to the old lady that was there. When she looked at me I suddenly remembered the sphere of light. I thought, “Wait a minute. This is a dream. I can go OOB.”

I immediately stood up and out of my body. When I did this my face was covered with something. I ripped it off and saw the entire hotel room. My bed was at my feet. The covers were all messy and formed a pyramid in the center of the bed. There was another bed next to mine unoccupied.

The room was dark but I could see everything, so it was just low light. My vision was clear and I didn’t hesitate to head toward the door despite the window being right next to me. As I passed the bathroom I realized I had something tight around my mid-section, just below my breasts. I tugged at it and it fell to the floor. I was very aware of being completely naked as I reached for the door knob.

This is when my breathing became very obvious. My nose was clogged and it felt like I was struggling to get enough air. I paused thinking, “I can’t have a good OBE if my body is struggling to breathe.”

With this thought the scene seemed to dematerialize right in front of me. Then I was in my body and my nose was so clogged I had to change positions to breathe.

Music Messages

Two songs came to me after I woke.

All I can say about this song is, “Damn.” lol I never knew the lyrics before and reading them was like reading a message written just for me. Wow.

This song was playing in my mind in the background but only the chorus.

Man, all these songs make me feel old…..HA!

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Message: Bifurcate & OBE: I’m Gonna Fly Today

Dream: Discontent

This dream began in a large auditorium where there were many “acts” being performed right next to one another. I went from act to act taking pictures. Mostly I recall seeing my mother performing and conducting her choir. I made sure to take lots of pictures of her.

As the acts were packing up to leave I watched and seemed to be part of one of the groups that had performed. I remember feeling as if I was in California at one point and watching people jump into a swimming pool (relaxation, ease, taking a break). Specifically, there was a overly obese black woman in a swimsuit who jumped in and invited me to join her. I declined her offer and remember thinking her swimsuit must have been very expensive. lol

Then we were walking down hallways together. My destination took me to a dead-ended hallway with two sets of bench seats on either side. An older woman was sitting by the window. In front of her where three candles (disappointment, untapped potential) wrapped in tin, souvenirs she was taking home with her. She had to go somewhere and asked me to watch her stuff. I said, “You mean your candles? Sure but I get to take your window seat. I hate sitting squished between people.” The woman reluctantly agreed and left. I sat in her place by the window. It felt like where I was sitting was inside of some craft and not in a hallway at all.

I guess we left for our destination because the next thing I recall is seeing a residential street from above while talking to a woman. It felt like I was receiving counsel as I  relayed my story/perspective. She asked me about my best friend and I could see an image of her sitting across from me, just like she appeared in high school. I told her how we had not seen each other in while but we had no excuse because we lived 15 minutes away from each other with our parents. I saw an image in my mind of our houses. Both had swimming pools.

As I said this I was looking at my friend but knew she was not who she appeared to be, which was my best friend from high school. I knew she was in fact me.

The woman I was talking to asked me, “How do you feel?” I looked down at the ground as I answered. I said, “Discontent.” With my answer thoughts came to mind of meeting up with my friend like we use to. I felt disinterested in spending time with her. What would we talk about? I knew I would prefer the company of a man but then I retracted from the thought because I felt ashamed. To need/desire the company of a man was “wrong” and I should not want that. I should be content with my own company. If I couldn’t be happy alone, I couldn’t be happy with a man.

A heavy sadness descended and the word, “discontent” seemed inadequate. I began to sob as I realized I didn’t even like myself. The tears followed me into wakefulness and I continued to cry for some time after. It was true. I don’t like myself. I turn to men for what I can’t give myself.

Message: Bifurcate

As I cried I seemed to go in and out of the in-between. The conversation with my counselor continued. I was inconsolable. I knew I needed to spend more time with myself. That was the only way to get to know myself better and to begin to rely on myself for all my needs.

The despair worsened when I realized there was no time, no opportunity in my hectic life, to get to know myself. For the past week the demands for my time and attention from my family has been off the charts. I would love to just go away a while but I can’t. To do so would be irresponsible. I can’t.

The more I thought about it the more upset I became. My guidance was reassuring me. I remember hearing something about how my financial situation was made to be as it is now so that I could do what I needed to do but I don’t take advantage of it. I couldn’t/can’t see how that is, though. I feel my finances are part of the reason I can’t take the time I need. And I think I need a whole hell of a lot of time. The more time I need, the more resources/money I need. Where would I go anyway? I have no one to stay with, to help me for as long as I need. My mom’s is out of the question and I have no friends. My brother? No way. I can’t do that to him.

And if I do find somewhere to go, then what? What if I have to stay away a very long time – years even? How do I explain that to my children? What do I say? “I’m sorry but I abandoned you because I needed to find myself.” Right. Ha!

I remember seeing a vision that shocked me back to full awareness. I had been talking to my counselor about the above concerns when I saw a huge, building-sized tarantula standing in front of me. A big, hairy spider? WTF!

Other odd dreams were playing through my mind at the time, too. Along with a song:

Eventually I remember hearing a word very loudly.

I heard: Bifurcate.

OBE: I’m Gonna Fly Today

Unintentional OBE this morning. 🙂

I became aware of laying in my bed. To my right a woman was laying on the floor. I could barely see her because it was dark but I could see her breasts heaving with each breath and her hair splayed out behind her. She looked like a maiden in distress. I can’t remember what she was saying but seeing her caused me to realized was not in physical reality. The minute I realized this, I could distinguish very slight vibrations within my body but they were so similar to the scene that I struggled with the idea that I was not in fact awake.

To test my theory, I rolled out of my body only to roll right back in. I felt no difference at all yet there was just barely a change felt that I opted to try again. The next time I rolled and then stood up next to my body. Of course, when I looked my body was not in the bed and the woman I had seen on the floor had vanished.

I moved toward the door but knew I did not have a good grip on my astral self. Mostly I knew this because my vision was so dark and disjointed. Things seemed to jump here and there and the light was so low it was hard to make out objects. I began to sing random things, knowing my vibration would improve from it. I also moved away from my body quickly knowing it would further help to solidify my experience.

When in the hallway I felt myself float up as I sang, “I’m gonna fly today.” This was just part of what I was singing but the part I repeated the most. lol I floated down the stairs and noticed that there was a stack of towels (need to confront emotions) near the ledge. It was odd so I took note and moved on.

The closer I got to the front door, the lighter it got. I was also singing that it would get lighter. lol I remembered to look at my hands to further stabilize my energy. My fingers glowed and shifted. I know I saw three very fat, alien looking fingers at one point.

The door seemed to vanish as I approached it and before I knew it I was outside in the light, only it was still dark. The light was coming from snow. There was snow covering everything.

I was delighted to see the snow (inhibitions, unexpressed emotions). Looking around, I began to feel myself lift up very slowly. It was like a magnet had attached itself to me. Rather than struggle, I stopped trying to move. I have this image in my mind of someone grabbing a small animal as it was running and its legs flailing about. I must have looked similar. lol

There was a pause and I hung there in the sky looking at the night sky dotted with brilliant stars. Then there was slow movement upward. I could tell someone or something was purposefully taking me elsewhere. My vision blacked out as this thought occurred to me but I remained stable in the scene.

Image result for image of chewbaccaThen I felt myself arrive at my new destination. Slowly a house materialized in front of me like a picture. Then there was a shift between this vision and my own. It is hard to explain but it is like I was taking the visual over from someone else. The house was large and set against tall trees and various bushes. It was still dark but I could see inside the house. I was still flying and as I flew over I saw a hairy ape-like man standing inside. I remember thinking, “Is that Chewbacca?” LOL I didn’t let the visual distract me and flew on.

Eventually I ended up landing in the grass. I was still singing and saw a shape approaching me. I thought, “It’s a goat!” But the image shifted into two large dogs (protection, fidelity). They both jumped toward me, licking me and greeting me. I said, “No, it’s dogs!” I was not upset by this, petted the larger of the two dogs and kept singing. Then I somehow lost the scene and slowly shifted back into my body. The vibrations were so subtle I barely noticed them.

When I woke up the lyrics to my song had shifted to, “I wanna die today.”

My neck was horribly sore when I woke and I did not want to get out of bed.


Prior to bed last night I recognized that my physical issues were a result of my body not being able to adjust to the spiritual changes (Kundalini) I have been through. My body had so grown accustomed to the improper flow and distribution of energy that it was struggling to adapt and change. It was like the old pathways had left scar tissue. It is hard to explain but it made sense at the time. How do you fit the old into the new? It is like forcing a square peg into a round hole!

What does that even mean, though? Does it mean that I will have permanent damage to my physical heart? Does that mean that some of my physical body will never be repairable? Probably. And that sucks.

And I am not even sure what the message “bifurcate” even means! Split into two parts…what splits? Me? Or am I already split? Or do I split my life into two parts? I don’t even know. Why do my guides send me such confusing messages!??

Thankfully the crick in my neck has subsided but now I am having digestive system problems (diarrhea) for no reason at all. 😦




Dream: WOD & OBE: What Nourishes My Soul?

My middle child has been sick since Sunday. He missed the first day back to school and is home today as well. His symptoms are bad headache and low grade fever of around 100.3°. Yesterday he was well enough in the morning to go shopping with me so I thought he was recovering. Sadly, by evening he was complaining again but could not describe what was hurting him. He fell asleep around 5pm and slept until this morning waking occasionally in a delirium and talking nonsense. This morning he says he feels better. When I told him he once said he thought he was dying he said, “Yeah, I was worried I would have a headache forever.” We suspect he has the flu. 😦

His birthday is Friday. I sure hope he is fully recovered by then.

In thinking of his birthday story (I went into labor with him on 1-11-11 but he was born at just after midnight) I realized tomorrow is yet another version of 1-11-11 only instead of 1-11-2011 it will be 1-11 and then 2+0+1+8 = 11. It will be exactly 7 years from when I was in labor. Pretty cool! I wonder if anything significant is going to happen? Hmmm

BTW, the 1111 number continues to follow me as if reminding me my journey is not over.

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January 8th, pre-workout. Strapped on my watch and this was the time. 🙂

Updates and Plans

Since I have written in a while on what is going on with me I figured I would do a little update.

I completed my online NASM course on Monday. My next step is to get First Aid/CPR certified and then take the NASM certification exam. Once I pass the exam I will be a certified personal trainer and can get a job. My plan is to do an 8 week internship at a local gym first via the program I enrolled in. After completing the internship I am guaranteed a job.

My motivation regarding this new career path is on-again-off-again. Some days I think it will be a good thing and other days I just want to drop it completely. It is hard for me to see myself doing anything in the workaday world right now. It is good that I paid so much for the program because it is the money that is making me keep at it. I hate to spend money and then not at least experience the end results of my efforts. Follow through and give it a chance, right?

I am still running and lifting weights and doing my fitness thang. lol I run three days a week and lift weights three days a week, neither on the same days. I found that separating the running and lifting was better for me. My body wasn’t tolerating that routine well. Honestly, I don’t think anyone’s body would tolerate a schedule like that long! I’ve maintained my weight and body fat and will continue to maintain it until I get bored. Ha!

The heart palpitations continue. Not sure exactly why but they are a daily occurrence. When they happen I feel it in my throat, which is odd. If I take my pulse I can feel my pulse rate slow and then catch up within a few seconds. I suspect the BC might be partly to blame but I am giving the BC at least 6 months. Thus far my acne has remained under control. I stopped taking the antibiotics three weeks ago.

Speaking of antibiotics, I think they have messed with my gut flora so I am going to revisit the GAPS diet to return the balance. I won’t be going full-out with the diet but using some of the components such as the broth, probiotics, yogurt/kefir (yuck) and lots of veggies. It will mean no non-fermented dairy and gluten-free for a time but that won’t be an issue. I am also  toying with the idea of making my own yogurt. It sounds like a healthy and fun project. I haven’t started the diet just yet, need to review the book, but I am looking forward to relieving some of the side-effects of taking antibiotics for so long. Interestingly, the last time I did the GAPS diet was in January 2015 right after taking a round of antibiotics for exactly the same acne issue!

Someone asked about Monty not long ago so will update on him. He is doing well. He weighed 12.5lbs at his 14 week checkup. He is potty trained (yay!) though still has occasional accidents here and here. We recently leash trained him and he does well on a leash, already indicating he will be an excellent running partner in the future.

Dream: WOD

I was taken to a mountain town with a group of people. We walked up steep trails to a house that was in pretty bad shape. There was an interaction inside with a man who was using the house as part of his work. I soon realized my group were my coworkers and we were being introduced to a new part of our job.

After much discussion someone mentioned how the city was growing fast and asked if I wanted to work there. I was hesitant and they said, “We will pay all costs of relocating. You will have your own house and all expenses will be paid.”  Still reluctant, I looked out the window and saw miles of pig farms (overindulgence, gluttony). I said, “I don’t think so. I couldn’t live in such filth.” I somehow knew the growth of the city relied upon pig farming.

They referred to the city as WOG but for some reason I called it WOD. In the dream these names meant nothing but upon waking I knew both well. Wog is a term used in Scientology that refers to non-Scientologists. A wog is a “common, everyday garden-variety humanoid … He ‘is’ a body. [He] doesn’t know he’s there, etc. He isn’t there as a spirit at all.” WOD is a cross-fit term that means “Workout of the Day”. Both terms make sense in the context of this dream. Wog indicates that I saw the groups of people I would be working with as unawakened. The pigs and shit they wallowed in indicate the state of the unawakened in the world. WOD indicates that I saw working with wog’s as part of my job (work-of-the-day) – just an everyday thing.

Eventually I was introduced to other coworkers who had relocated to the city. They were all having a party with the locals and pizza was ordered. I remember staying with a man inside the house. He showed me how to clean up the feces (materialism, possessions, pride, aggression) that was in abundance. I think he did this to try and convince me that all hope was not lost. The visuals are pretty gross. He showed me a huge barrel full of human feces. Then showed me how to contain it. I unpacked a box and carefully kept the contents, a bunch of kitchen materials, separated from the contaminated stuff. There was a small, plastic container in the box for the feces and it was explained that once contained the amount would never be more than the size of the container.

Then I was introduced to a man with blonde hair and was told he was “our brother”. He was young, maybe 20-something, and very attractive. I looked to the man who had been teaching me, who I also knew was my brother, and said, “How is he my brother?” It was explained to me that we had the same father but I believe that is how my human mind interpreted because the explanation if very muddled in my memory. I recall looking around the room at all the others and thinking they were all my “brothers” and my family was really big.

Then I met a woman whose name was “Joy” but she was the complete opposite. I laughed and called her by her name and she got nasty with me. I knew I had made an enemy of her. I didn’t care, I was trying to lighten the mood because she was overly serious.

She stayed there with us as we prepared to go to the party outside. The weather had warmed substantially. Usually it was freezing but that day it was in the 60’s. I opted not to wear shorts even though most others were.

We went to the party and I was surprised to find that the celebration consisted of everyone driving go karts (ability to navigate life’s twists and turns) around a circular dirt track. There was a quick demo on how to use them and I was fascinated that a work party would involved something so fun. I watched as “Joy” stepped up to a go kart. Her response to me was the complete opposite of before. She greeted me like an old friend and told a woman next to me she was grateful to have met me, that I had helped her by something I told her. The woman told me and I said, “I don’t remember saying that to her.” It didn’t matter, though, Joy was now full of….joy. lol

OBE: What Nourishes My Soul?

I woke at around 6am with the dream on my mind. While going over it in my mind I must have drifted into the in-between because the next thing I recall is sitting at my computer with my children to my right. I saw the screen clearly. At first I was viewing FB. Something wasn’t quite right, though. It showed that I had no friends and I got a message that said, “Add friends”. Confused, I figured there must be a glitch with FB. I shifted to my website and noticed the format had changed. I could not see my followers and suddenly became aware that I had none.

As I looked over my website my screen went gray and a tiny message was written in the center. At first I thought I got an email from someone I hadn’t heard from in a while but turns out it was a message that someone had reblogged one of my posts.

The gray screen with the message in the center made me aware of vibrations. I could feel them and my physical body very distinctly. I could feel my heart doing weird things and the vibrations were similar to a feeling of restlessness. I knew I was dreaming and knew that the vibrations meant I could shift OOB but I was not 100% certain. I began to sway back and forth to see if I could feel the shift. It just felt like swaying, though. Still curious I opted to just leave my body and see what would happen.

So I turned to my left and stood up from my seated position. I disconnected and moved easily toward the window. On the way to the window I took off a pair of black sunglasses (not wanting to be seen, not wanting to see something, darkened vision) but my vision was not an issue. I could see clearly and vividly the window and white blinds in front of me. I unlocked the window and pulled it up. Then I went through the window to the porch roof. As I steadied myself I thought, “I don’t want to do the same thing I always do.” Then I said aloud, “I want to know what nourishes my soul.” I said this as I looked up at a brilliant night sky. In the center was a glowing full moon.

I stood there staring at the moon for a bit and thinking my intention again: “Show me what nourishes my soul.” Then I thought to myself, “Why am I asking that question?” lol And then I thought, “Now what do I do? Do I just wait for an answer?” With that thought I could feel the scene destabilize. I did not fight it because I was confused as to why I asked such a question. Where did it come from? Weird!

As I returned to my body I knew the answer: Love. I thought, “Duh! I know that!” lol

Lingering in the remaining vibrations, part of a song came to mind: “Two strangers in the [dark night] bright lights….” I messed up the lyrics and thought “dark night”. Here is the song:

Surprised that I even went OOB, I was unable to return to sleep and just lingered with the song going though my mind while I mulled over my dream. I remember thinking about nourishing my soul with love. It made me feel a bit sad and I began to feel depressed over the whole idea of living the rest of my life hungry….starving even.

In response to my growing despair at ever finding the nourishment I need, I heard, “Don’t give up.”


I had not expected to have such a revealing dream after yesterday’s decision to not fall victim to over-analyzing dream content. The dream says a lot about my path, my concerns and considerations regarding my path/life.

Meeting my “brother” and then knowing I had many, many “brothers” was interesting as well. It feels like my human self is trying to make sense of the connection I have with others. In the dream it felt like “brother” was a relative very similar to a half-brother or sister. The same “father”, which if you think about it, indicates that everyone in this world is our Spirit sibling. We all come from the same father-God-One-Source.

I am obviously struggling with the wogs – unawakened – here on Earth, and how they are caught up in materialism, over-indulgence and selfishness. It is akin to the world being covered in pig shit. LOL It is made clear to me that they (my family, the human race) wants me to “relocate” and do my job (meaning get my ass into gear doing my Earth work instead of hiding from it). My job seems to be taking the “shit”, cleaning it up and containing it. Ha!

It is dreams like this one that I wish I could remember what was actually being said rather than bringing back just symbolism. The feeling is there but it does not completely compute. There is still the question, “So I am here to help, but HOW?” Cleaning up pig shit I guess. LOL


Welcome 2018! – Multiple OBEs

So 2017 is now behind us. Hallelujah! Doing the happy dance over here. I am SO happy 2017 is over. Not that is was all terrible but it was mostly a very tough year for me. It was all about letting go, healing, peeling off more layers of illusion/false Self, and difficult inner work. If I look back at this time last year it still makes me shudder a bit. I would not wish what I went through on even my worst enemies. I hope to never experience that kind of pain again.

I had a Knowing yesterday that someone in my family will pass this year, someone not close to me but close to my mom or MIL. It was not disturbing to me but I know it will be to someone close to me – not my immediate family, though (husband and children). My grandmother has sisters who survived her and they are all getting up there in age. Similarly, my MIL has family that is pretty old. We all contemplated who it might be but didn’t linger on it. What will be, will be. As always, I don’t see death as a grievous thing but as a release; freedom from the limitations of the body and this physical existence.

A comment was left not long ago about how the first 12 days of the new year tell of the coming months. One’s dreams provide a sneak peak at what to expect. So, I have decided to record what dreams I remember over the next 12 days. Maybe I will be shown what is coming? Maybe not. We’ll see how it pans out.

Multiple OBEs

I can’t recall my dreams at all for some reason. All I remember is waking up in tears at one point. It is odd that I don’t recall why. I woke the night of the 31st in tears, too. Maybe the full moon is pulling it out of me yet again. I had hoped 2018 would mark the end of the teary dreams. Guess not.

When I woke at 5am I was wide awake and feeling disappointed and sad. I rolled over on my right side and fell into thoughts of the year ahead. It wasn’t long until I shifted OOB and into a dark room.

My energy was low and so it was difficult to remain OOB. I would shift into the dark room, roam about for a bit trying to get my bearings, and then shift back into my body temporarily. I did this approximately 5 times for varying lengths of time.

I don’t remember much except the dark, unfamiliar room which I assumed was a version of my bedroom. There was an excursion out of my room and the house but it was short-lived. As soon as I attempted to fly out the window I felt to hover as if stuck in place and then my vision blacked out completely as I shifted back into body. Then there was one instance where a black man was sitting in the middle of the room smoking a strange looking pipe. It resembled a large, perfectly cylindrical stick with a tiny mouthpiece on the end. He smoked it and then offered it to me. I politely refused and went back into body.

The final OBE was the longest and most memorable. I exited my body thinking, “I need to do something to stay longer.” Then I drifted over to the stairs and decided to jump down rather than “walk”. I hesitated feeling it was not advisable but then pushed past the consideration and jumped over. The fall down was bumpy as if my considerations paused the fall.

When I got to the bottom I headed toward the front door. Remembering I needed to do something to increase my energy I looked down at my hand. I was wearing green garden gloves so had to take them off to look at my hand. Oddly I don’t recall what my ungloved hand looked like but looking at it seemed to work.

I floated out the front door and noticed the front lawn was different. Instead of grass it was stones separated by dark mulch. When I looked up I could see the night sky but the stars were not as brilliant as they should be. I looked harder, trying to get the sky to clarify but it never did.

I floated out toward the street and immediately noticed the streets were covered in clear ice. Delighted I thought, “I can ice skate!” I went down to the street and began to try and skate only since I had astral legs it was more of a sliding motion. I tried to get my feet to work but gave up quickly and just enjoyed slipping and sliding down the street.

I skated for some time and ended up wondering where I was going. I paused and looked up at the sky again. The stars were still muted it seemed and I focused on them again to try and get them to shine more brightly without success. Then my vision blanked out but instead of it turning black and shifting back in body my vision became white and the outline of petals began to form. It was as if I was looking into the center of a white lotus or similar flower. Fascinated, I stared into the white petals and they shifted and morphed into the outline of a distant scene. The more I looked, the more the scene solidified and I realized I was being offered the opportunity to shift to a higher level of astral via some kind of portal.

Despite being given the opportunity to shift to a new scene I opted out. There was a strong sense of boredom over all of it. I can’t recall my exact thought but it was something like, “No matter where I go it won’t matter or change anything in my physical life so why bother?”

I felt myself shift back into my body and it took a bit for my energy to stabilize. I felt bored and disappointed by the experience and my thoughts were on the coming year. I felt 2018 was not going to offer me anything except more struggle and upset.


OBEs offer similar insight into one’s waking life as do dreams. In this case I was unable to maintain my energy and my vision was dark most of the time. This indicates that I am unwilling to see something as it is; so my confront is low. The low energy indicates a lack of motivation. The pipe symbolizes satisfaction, comfort and contentment in life. The fact that I refuse to smoke it indicates I feel none of those things or am not open to receiving them.

The fact that I can’t see the stars as brilliantly symbolizes my life outlook. Life is dull rather than brilliant. The ice on the road indicates I am not feeling that I am making progress in life. Ice skating means I need to proceed with caution in some situation or relationship.

Finally, the fact that I do not take the opportunity presented and shift into a different, higher scene, indicates my overall feelings toward life at this point in my journey.