The World is Our Backyard

Yesterday I had an unexpected reaction to a video I was watching about the Ganges River in India. The video was about how a man quit his job to start an incense making business using flower waste from temples. 16% of the pollution in the Ganges comes from this flower waste. As the video came to an end, they showed an image of the river and gave stats on the progress of cleaning it up. 

I don’t remember my exact thought but it was something along the lines of: “Their backyard is my backyard. Our backyard is the world.” With this, I saw in my mind an image of the Ganges free of pollution, without cities crowding it’s banks, respected, honored and tended to by humans. I knew this was the future, though one beyond my lifetime, and I began to cry. I sobbed actually. It was a mixture of sadness and relief. Sadness at humanity’s indifference towards nature and relief that there is hope, that humans can and are changing, albeit slowly. 

I knew that the clean water and air of the future cannot be known to us in the present. We have grown so use to polluted that we would be shocked to smell truly clean, fresh air and clean water. We think we know, but we do not. Thankfully, my grandchildren will know. 

There was a guide close and I could hear her reaching out to me to calm me down and reassure me that all would be okay. I had a thought then about how in all this darkness, if we just keep in our minds a vision of what could be, we can and will create it. To be distracted by the present, by the darkness looming all around, is easy. It is harder to focus on what we want to create in the future and even harder to have faith in the potential of the human race for positive change. 

One of the hardest things for me to accept about this world is how humans treat it. Though I can easily pretend I don’t feel the grief at what I am witnessing and, sadly, am a part of, there are moments such as these where I become very aware of just how deeply I feel for this planet and its inhabitants. My heart aches but at the same time it rejoices. There are so, so many emotions swirling inside me that I struggle to not be overwhelmed, and oftentimes cannot help but be overtaken. I feel so small and insignificant in these moments, unable to exact the enormous change that is needed. I would, if I could, snap my fingers and wipe away all the damage that’s been done to this planet. To stand on the banks of that river and see it pure and magnificent again would bring me such joy, even though, for so long, I thought of places like India as “not my problem”. I see myself and humanity shifting slowly towards embracing every part o the planet as our “backyard”, accepting responsibility for all the neglect and abuse, and stepping up to create a better world.

It is clear to me that this moment in Earth’s history is monumental. It isn’t obvious just yet, but what humanity is going through and doing now is what will lead to a great healing and restoration of this planet and all its inhabitants. The hope and relief I felt at Knowing all is not lost was just what I needed. We are the change we need and we will succeed. 

Walk-in/Walk-Out

The fatigue and heavy eyelids period seems to have passed and I’ve returned to my typical sleep patterns. I miss the great sleep but it was beginning to make me feel like a sloth during the day. Happy to have my energy back! Not sure how long it will last, but it sure is nice to have the cobwebs cleared away and my focus back. I still have mommy-brain (does it ever go away?) but that’s okay.

When the fatigue stopped, clarity took its place. Yesterday was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. I felt good and even exercised without incident. There was a realization that I have been resisting the flow of life because it is not going fast enough and change is not perceived. There are things I would like to see change but it is not the time. My guidance has been trying to help me Remember this is part of my path. They mention I have made a “commitment” and I assumed its meaning rather than recognize the word itself doesn’t give any indication about who or what I committed to.

I was led to return to my Walk-In Life blog and saw my last post was in April, 2020. I thought it no coincidence that it has been exactly a year. The post itself was positive, indicating a preparation and integration period. 

Interestingly enough, last week I was reminded of the walk-in experience and how I have been in a very long integration period. Many of the feelings I have are typical of this period: sadness, overwhelm, feeling unable to change the world, falling into the walk-out’s old patterns (letting her take the reigns because of overwhelm). All are typical, especially becoming lost in old patterns and behaviors.

It can take years and years to integrate after a walk-in event(s). A common amount of time is 7-10 years, though it can be sooner or later depending on the individual. It is easy to end up lost in the old because of friends and family member’s expectations that you remain as you were. The pressure to be the old version is high. For me, it feels like it is all part of “the plan”. This plan stems from the need to complete the karmic lessons of the walk-out. She is/I am a mother to three children. That doesn’t just go away. Yet being aware of all that I am, it is hard to live within both realities simultaneously. So my solution was to shut myself off from my spiritual Team/Home out of an inability to reconcile what I experienced and how I’d changed with the rest of my life and the world as a whole. However, shutting it out completely only led to my current predicament. I have to return to the balanced version, the me who can navigate both worlds and remain centered throughout.

Along the way I have had encounters with others who were called in to assist me. Their goal is to help me Remember so that I do not become completely lost in this dense reality and go off path. I see now how a particular individual was meant to help me with this. The way he entered and left my life, each time shaking me up just enough to remind me of my higher purpose. Each time the small self won out with her fears, considerations and survival inclinations becoming primary to everything else. It is a struggle to shift away from old patterns, habits and beliefs, even when faced with the extraordinary. The saying, “If it’s seems too good to be true, then it probably is”, comes to mind. Yet I have experienced something that is beyond just “good”, so that reasoning is obviously faulted.

Duh. If I had only been paying more attention! But then the process itself is more important than any regrets I might have because it has taken me step-by-step to this moment and thus prepared me for what is coming next. 

Walk-In

In case you are not sure what a walk-in is, here is a quick explanation. In some cases, a walk-in describes the process of a new soul coming into a physical body. The walk-out is the old soul who has decided to leave and rather than waste a perfectly good body, the walk-in takes over. It is prearranged and is NOT possession. This is the least common walk-in scenario and often goes along with a major physically traumatic event such as a NDE. In other situations, a walk-in is simply a higher aspect merging with the lower aspect. Often times the lower aspect has many soul fractures or splinters leaving it unable to complete its soul mission without assistance. Again, trauma is involved but not necessarily an NDE, though it is possible that the individual may have had a NDE.

My experiences align with the second definition and it is my understanding that many walk-in’s in this present time period are this kind of walk-in. It is part of the ascension, which is essentially, by definition, the walk-in process (higher self descends to meet with lower self to create a more whole, centered and aware version). The result is the small self (Ego) is put in the back seat of the car (life path/body vehicle) and the Higher Self drives – which is how it is suppose to be!

There is no one-size-fits-all walk-in experience.

As a result of this Remembering (the walk-in integration process and all it entails), I have been tuning in more frequently and speaking/singing in Light Language again. My energy body immediately responds. I literally feel lit up. The bliss begins in my chest and spreads outward in waves. I’ve stopped retreating or pulling my energy in close and have started to open back up, reaching out to receive, and receive I do! And in doing this I realize that I have chosen to ignore or turn my back on the bliss state because (like I said above), “It must be too good to be true.”

Other walk-in’s, those I’ve met in the past, speak in Light Language frequently – daily. It immediately increases ones vibration. There is no doubt about it. But even without speaking in Light Language I can tune into the bliss just by settling into my heart.

Recently when I was focusing on my heart I felt/saw a pool of water there. It was like my entire heart space was a vast lake. I imagined myself floating on the water and fell into waves of bliss. So I keep falling into the water, diving even, and then just float there. Sometimes it is so beautiful that I start to cry. The bliss is there, all the time, in me! And in you, too, if you look for it.

Irruption Imminent

Strange title for my post, but it will make sense soon enough. When I wrote the title I was thinking, “Eruption”, like a volcano, but an altogether different word resulted. A word I had to look up because I needed to know WHY I wrote it.

Definition – a breaking or bursting in; a violent incursion or invasion.

Well, isn’t that significant in and of itself? Think about it.

High Emotion

For me, personally, it is an emotionally intense time right now. I have been experiencing high emotion for a while (all of 2020 actually) but now the emotion appears to be pointing me toward taking action in my life. At first it was saying, “Here. Look at this.” It didn’t ask me to do anything. It just asked me to observe. Now it appears to be saying, “Now that you have observed, what are you going to do about it?”

I have already written a bit about the emotion I am experiencing. My family life has been the main source ALL YEAR. It is no joke now, though, as the issues are on my front door step and knocking. There is no ignoring that! It is one thing to have a sister near death because of a hidden Meth addiction and another to discover your own husband has revealed a secret just as destructive!

BTW my sister is healed and well except that there is evidence that she is using again. But we all kinda knew that would happen.

Then there is this damned election. I have my views and have shared some of my frustration. As a 6/2, Self-Projected Projector, I see and Know so much of the bigger picture, but if I don’t wait to be invited to share my wisdom then what I say either goes unheard or is met with much worse. I become an easy target when I share without being invited and after a lifetime of being shunned, attacked, and made invisible because I did not follow my authority and wait, I am not going to even attempt to say anymore about where this is all headed. I think the premonitions and insight I have already revealed tell the story well enough – well to those who wanted to hear anyway.

Then there are incidents like this:

Dream: Paralyzed Girl

I am in a house with two very strong-willed woman. There is a knock on the door. When the door is opened there is a small child laying on a cot at the door. She is tied to the cot and uses her tiny arms to wheel herself around. She has sores on her body and is very thin and malnourished. Her legs are shriveled and deformed. The girl asked the women if they would take a moment to talk with her about God. The women laugh hysterically at the girl, mock her and slam the door in her face. 

I feel for the girl and so open the door. I lean down and talk with her, asking her if she needs help getting home. The girl, who is struggling with her wheeled cot, is grateful and lets me assist her over some difficult terrain. 

When I get her over the rocky soil I see she has a much more difficult road ahead. The path goes through a canyon that is riddled with more jagged rocks, a stream and more treacherous terrain. I pick the girl and her cot up and carry her home.

When we get to the end of the canyon there is a large door. I know it is the place she calls home but that it is a convent full of nuns who do not treat her well. Yet it is the only place she knows to be home and it is her safe place. I trigger a latch that swings open a small gate to access the door. The girl then points back to the path and says, “My cot!” Realizing we dropped it along the way I go back to retrieve it but I walk along the ridge. Looking down I see the girl swimming through the stream like a fish. She finds her cot and then cannot move using the cot as the wheels catch on the rocks.

I go down to help and she is grateful. She seems to have more strength and is a bit older. Yet she is still pale and malnourished. When I see her I ask her, “Can I?….” My intent is to give her healing. Maybe if I give her some of my energy it will help her? When I hug her close to me, she is so tiny in my arms. I feel her energy and take it into my own, willing my energy to fill her with strength. When I do this I am overwhelmed with grief at the unfairness of it all. My heart aches. The energy of the girl feels to become the energy of all who have ever been in her shoes. It is too much for me to bear. I begin to sob and wake up. 

When I wake up the tears continue and my heart aches, literally. There is an energetic heat in my chest. It is familiar. I have felt to take on all of humanity’s past hurt before. I think it was the Fall of 2016 when I has incidences similar to this. One was with Native Americans and the other with Autistic children. This time it seemed to be unwanted, neglected children.

I had to sit up and walk around a bit because the grief was so intense. Thankfully, it subsided quickly. These incidents always leave me feeling so small and insignificant. I want to help but feel unable to. There is nothing worse than having a purpose “to help” but not being able to help in the capacity that is needed.

After a short while the emotion returned and I grieved some more. The grief felt to have no specific origin. It just poured out of me. I sat up in bed and allowed the purge to run its course. 

And then like this:

Dream: Lacing Sandals 

I somehow drifted back to sleep. I was in my mom’s garage. She was asking me to go to the store for her and pick up some groceries (spiritual nourishment). She handed me a list. As I got into her car a man was there. He was very tall. He got into the back seat, his legs taking up the entire space. I said, “Are you going?” He just looked at me. Taking this as a “yes”, I left. I said something about driving in the dark and how it would be okay.

When we arrived at the store I went about my shopping and the man went off on his own. I encountered some people while shopping. Most were men who would watch me and sometimes follow me and touch me. I remember one man grabbed my wrist suddenly as if to pull me toward him in a sexual way. I said something to him warning him to not touch me and he let go. It felt like all the men in the store were after me for sex and I began to feel uneasy.

Then I am with an older gentleman sitting in seats as if watching a show but there is no screen or TV. He is asking me questions and I am holding the soles of two sandals (my foundations). I pick up tubing and begin to lace the left sandal. I have extra tubing that I cut off and then tie a knot to finish the sandal. I hold it up and admire my work. Then I pick up the right shoe and begin to lace it as well.

The man is asking me what I think of a dating a man who plays football. I remember replying to him, “I don’t know. I have never dated a man who liked football. I guess it wouldn’t matter, though.” I notice that the tubing I am using to lace the left sandal is becoming very thin, almost to the point where it could break. I continue to lace it, though, and tie it in a knot like the other shoe. As I am lacing and talking an energy is moving through me and my second chakra becomes highly active. I remember thinking in the moment the energy began to rise that I wouldn’t mind a male partner to have sex with. lol 

The tubing of the right shoe I am holding begins to interest me as the energy circulates. I recognize that the dream is covering a deeper, subconscious interaction. I am receiving an energetic adjustment of some kind. The adjustment is to the right portion of the pranic flow (Pingala). 

Question: Should I Burn the Bridge?

And finally, there is the feeling of just being FED UP! I am in that space where everything that I have ever disagreed with or felt to be bullied into needs to GO! All the things my husband bullied me into, guilted me into, manipulated me into, etc., I am questioning now. I wake up with it on my mind. This morning I woke thinking about what I told myself in a dream the other night, “Start something meaningful and sustainable.” I keep thinking, “What does that look like for me? What is it?” I have no idea. 

I’m not angry. No. It is a different feeling. Shocked is a better word I think. I was shocked to learn my sister was a Meth addict, but this shock is at myself and something I have allowed into my life that is directly opposed to my core Being! WTF!? And now I am so enmeshed in it that to untangle myself could in itself be traumatic.

The feeling has me wanting to make decisions that could lead to the burning of one or more bridges. My main struggle is that making a decision to burn a bridge is so final. I need to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons. I need to make sure I understand the consequences.

My spontaneity might win out, though.

A good example of how I feel……

I have a pattern in my life I fought for a long while, until I stopped. I use to job hop. I would stay in a job until I got bored, usually 6 months to a year – and then quit. I would quit because I would get this feeling like an itch almost. It said, “Get out. Get out. Get out.” If I ignored it, I would end up feeling penned in, trapped, and resentful.

This pattern of job hopping was fine when I was single but when I got married and had children it became stressful because of all the responsibilities I had as a provider. So I decided to stick out a job that I wanted to leave. I did it for 10 years! I was elated that I could do it at first. But then it became very, very obvious why I felt the way I did. Slowly it revealed itself. The job was toxic. The people were toxic. I couldn’t sleep. I was depressed. Miserable. Every cell of my Being was screaming to get out.

So, I finally did, and then, lol, the next job I was at only 5 months and the next only 1 year. But guess what? Neither ever became toxic.

I know now that job-hopping was a result of following my authority. The only reason I stayed at that toxic place is because all the people I knew (Generators) were staying in jobs for years and years. Happy. Satisfied. My husband encouraged me to stay. So did my Mom (both Manifesting Generators). I thought, “Something must be wrong with me.”

No, nothing was or is wrong with me.

So that itch is back but it feels to be everywhere now. My job feels itchy. My marriage feels itchy. Some of my family feels itchy (not my children).

The show Stranger Things comes to mind and that big, black, monster – Mind Flayer/Shadow Monster – with tendrils likes snakes eating up the Light in its attempt to turn everything Upside Down.

Upside Down. That is what my life feels like. Question is, do I act on this itch or do I wait until I can act without creating a scene of mass destruction….or is mass destruction even avoidable?

POLARIZED

Below is a post I wrote in my private journal back in mid-August. At the time I was noticing more and more often the fear and negativity brewing on social media, the news and even around me in the day-to-day world in which I personally reside (Central Texas).

The below journal entry came to mind as I once again came across posts demonizing a specific political party. I see posts about both sides frequently and even though I snooze the person who posts them, another friend inevitably posts another and I am snoozing them, too. Similarly, when I try to update myself on the daily news, no matter which news site I visit, the bias is ridiculously obvious. I think, “When did the news become so biased?” as I think of my days in journalism class being told by my teacher the utter importance of unbiased reporting.

Then there was the post that really disturbed me. The person was basically outlining a world without suffering in all ways, indicating that in that world all humans should be provided the “basic needs”, nobody should be allowed to have more than that, and if this happened then all our problems would be solved. My first thought was, “That is Communism and we all know that doesn’t work.” I asked for more info from this person and discovered they were not condoning Communism but instead a Utopia. Rather than explain that would go against the whole point of planet Earth (as a spiritual playground where we learn and grow by experiencing what we are NOT) I just let it be.

A Utopia would be awesome indeed but unrealistic and unlikely to ever exist in this dualistic reality. The whole point here is to SURVIVE, to learn how to be human and function within a limited, dualistic, unfair and purposefully difficult environment that is everything we are NOT. Of course, part of that lesson, part of being human, is to always strive for something better. To always have problems to overcome. To confront all the challenges of this experience and SURVIVE. Take away all those challenges, make everybody “equal” and every situation “equal” and then what?

There has to be a game. Duality requires it. And sadly, when one game is removed another, equally challenging one will replace it. Otherwise, what is the point of coming to the most challenging planet/reality of them all?

Anyway, on to my post from August 19th:

The Earth is severely polarized right now. I believe this is part of the “pole shift” my guides warned me about years ago. Yes, the Earth’s poles are shifting but this is just part of the message. My guide also said MY poles were shifting. Thus, all of mankind’s poles are shifting, too. 

The “put on your blinders” message seems relevant right now, also. Though I had assumed the message was meant to help me through my anxiety attacks and other energetic adjustments at the time, I think it was also a message about how to handle the future. Since the message came pre-Covid this makes perfect sense. Often, I go through what the world will go through before the world goes through it. It is like I perceive the shift ahead of time, go through the shift and then when the rest of the world is going through it I am already halfway or fully shifted and moving onto the next shift.

I am noticing that more and more people online in both my FB feed, news feed and other places, exhibiting sign/symptoms of this major polarization. Some are obsessed with politics – hating on one political party, demonizing that party, etc. Others obsessed with conspiracy theories. Some are still on the Covid-train of fear and/or resistance and disbelief. And then there are those caught up in all of the above plus more.

If one wore blinders in this situation then what would it look like? Well, if you can only “look forward” and cannot see behind you or to either side, then you would be in the moment, unconcerned with what this or that person is saying, disregarding the media (which is NEVER in present time) and focusing on your next step. Additionally, blinders are there to keep the horse “calm” and “focused” and keep the horse from reacting out of fear. 

Think of the media, politics and Covid as “distractions” which could result in fear, panic, confusion, upset and other negative and distracting emotions. Think of blinders as that which keeps you focused, calm, steady and objective. 

My review of my 2013 post Tossing Pebbles reminded me of some other visions I had, most dating to 2002-2003. There was a period when I was having intense, realistic, visions where I felt transported to scenes and Knew information all at once. These experiences were unwanted and often scary to me as I had no control over them and felt I could do nothing about what I was being shown. They made me feel helpless. 

Vision 1: I saw the White House on fire. Not just a small fire, either. It was engulfed in flames and I knew it had been bombed. 

Vision 2: I was walking in a rubble field. I knew I was at the school campus where I worked at the time, which is located across the highway from an entrance to Fort Hood. As I walked through the debris – school desks, textbooks, articles of clothing, all burned and smoldering – I knew that Fort Hood had been bombed. I heard, “Prepare yourself” and understood that there would come a time when military bases would be targeted and bombed. Was it a war? Yes, but not a typical one. I asked to not be shown, questioned why I was being shown. I only got, “You need to know.” 

Later, worried for my family, I was told that as long as I stayed where I was (meaning Central Texas) me and my family would be safe. 

Whether these visions will come to pass is as of yet unknown. I feel very strongly that the time of these events is not too far in the future. Likely escalating after my children are all grown. My youngest is 6, so that means at least 12 years from now. My oldest is only 6 years from age 18, though. 

The polarization will continue. Though some are convinced here in the US that the path of the future all rests on who is President or what political party is in power, this is an illusion. A distraction from what is really important. It doesn’t matter who is President. One candidate might delay the inevitable a bit but change IS coming and it is necessary. If we are indeed moving toward the world I was shown my children will one day live in, then major change has to happen. 

Governments cannot go on the way they are. We can’t continue to rape the Earth. We can’t continue to think we are above nature and the rules of natural selection. We can’t continue to live out of balance with nature. Overpopulation is the result of thinking we are somehow better and smarter than the other inhabitants of this planet and so can somehow cheat the game. Ha!

Earth is a tough place to live. There is pain and suffering. Disease and death. It is a world where predators eat prey, where energy comes from the consumption of living things (other energy). To think we humans can play God and eliminate pain and suffering is idiocy. Control is an illusion. If we don’t die from disease, we will die from something else. The Earth seeks balance and WILL put back into balance that which is not in balance. 

Just observe nature – in all it’s glory – without judgment, without labeling something “good” or “bad”.

Notice the hawk swooping down to catch a rabbit, tearing it apart while it is still alive to feed itself and it’s babies.

Observe the Hyenas attacking the Wilder beast, tearing its midsection to the point that its intestines hang out and eating it alive as it tries to defend itself.

Are we humans any different? No. But we think we are. We think, “We are smarter. We have communication, writing, intellect, science, technology…..We can change the game, change the rules.”

Nature doesn’t stop and mull over how it doesn’t want to die. Nature lives in the moment. When death comes, it comes. Then life begins again and the cycle continues. Sure the Wilder Beast tried to live, and so should we, but altering the Earth without concern for anyone but ourselves? Kill all the predators to feel safe. Kill all the virus’ to feel safe. Modify the genetics of our food, find cure for all disease, find ways to keep alive those who otherwise would have died, modify our own genetics….

What won’t we do to avoid death? And at what expense? The Earth’s. If the Earth dies, WE die (or our bodies do anyway).  

The tar pit from my vision the other day comes to mind. Earth is the tar pit of the Universe. Why? Because 1. We forget who we are and 2. We resist the rules of the physical Universe and fight to the end to hold onto life out of fear of the nothingness beyond. When we don’t Remember who we are, we continue to think we are bodies and as long as we think we are bodies, we are trapped in the tar, slowly suffocating and becoming frozen by our Forgetfulness. 

For every person in this world right now who is being distracted by everything going on, overwhelmed by fear of death, caught up in the political Us vs. Them, fixating on conspiracy theories – you are being POLARIZED.

Every time you post how your political party is better and demonize the other party, you are being POLARIZED.

Every time you attack or insult a person for wearing a mask, you are being POLARIZED.

Put on your blinders. Step back and observe. See behind the illusion. Accept that you are not in control. Say the Serenity prayer. Do whatever you can to center yourself.

Or you can go ahead and get caught up in it all if you like to feel that way – unbalanced, chaotic, negative, etc. 

I prefer to feel centered and at peace. 

On to 2020

I know I’ve been quiet and not posting much these days. This doesn’t mean nothing is going on just that I’ve been focused on other things. I hope you are all fairing well in 2020 so far.

The energy and shifts have been quite intense and promise to remain so. I don’t know if this will continue throughout the year but if it does I am ready and willing to ride whatever storm(s) of change it brings. I have already been given glimpses of my own year to come and the sense is that action rather than passive observation will be on the agenda as the year unfolds. My husband even mentioned to me last week that he felt 2020 would be similar to 2014, which for us was all about massive change. We witnessed a marriage, a death, two births (one our own), the sale of our house, and a move to another city. I changed jobs twice and began to experience intense Kundalini dreams, prophetic visions/messages and just a sense that it was time to seriously step into my role in helping with the ascension here on Earth.

I have already jumped into my “work” and am being reminded to take it one step at a time so as to not overwhelm myself. The first item on my list was to edit my Light Code Oracle deck guidebook, which I completed yesterday. 🙂 The guidebook was far too large to fit into the bag alongside the cards and had some minor grammatical and formatting errors I wanted to fix. I had wanted to create a box for the cards to go in but decided against it since I rarely see people who use tarot and oracle cards use the box. The little black velvet, drawstring bag works much better in my opinion.

At some point I want to get my artwork professionally scanned so I can sell prints but currently this is not financially viable. I am exploring other options such as taking high definition photos and creating the digital files on my own.

Right now I am exploring how to gradually begin offering readings and other services out of my home. I never stopped offering them really but I stopped advertising and going to metaphysical fairs back in 2007. So far I have found some places to advertise but looking at the metaphysical fair option has me feeling uncertain. I don’t feel like jumping right back in will work out well. I have to build back up to my previous confidence level first. I’m also not sure what services to offer this time around. The services I use to offer don’t feel right to me now for some reason – those being psychic and mediumship readings specifically.

I may decide to focus on selling my Light Code Oracle deck. Right now I utilize the GameCrafter website who produces and sells the decks as they are ordered. I don’t do much advertising. As a result I haven’t sold many decks. I have the option to bulk order the decks and sell and ship them myself, which I could do in person and via Amazon. If I do this it means I must dedicate myself, my time and resources and so I am still thinking about whether I want to go in that direction.

As far as regular, mundane life choices, I come up for a raise and promotion at work in February. If I receive the compensation I have requested, I will continue on in the position which allows me to work from home up to four days a week. If not, I will resign and focus on more spiritually motivated work.

That same month my husband and his brother will be signing a contract that give them each 20% stock in the company officially making him and his brother co-owners. This in itself will be a huge shift. It also means I will likely get my promotion without issue.

I recently signed up for medical insurance which begins this month. After the heart speed-up incident I had last August, I felt I should at least get checked out. I have an appointment in two weeks for a full, well-woman exam and physical. I don’t know if bloodwork will be part of it or not but it is at least a step toward monitoring my health. My last physical was in 2014 and I have not been to a doctor for any medical issues since that time. Since I haven’t had any other strange heart incidents my guess is that it had a spiritual source rather than a physical one. We’ll see.

Finally, I have been intuitively sensing some major issues up-coming for my sister and my mom. Whether these issues will blow up into full-blown change is up to them but yesterday morning I woke up very concerned and worried over what I was sensing. I had to remind myself to be the passive observer rather than jump into judgment and criticism. The injustices I perceived are likely a result of my own unhealed issues rather than the reality of the situation.

For those of you reading this, what do you intuitively perceive for 2020? Will it be like 2014? Will it really be a year of “clarity” and “vision” like I have heard so many others predict? I would love your thoughts.

 

 

 

Intensity Overload, Metallic Energy and $200 for the Blonde Who Breaks Rules

CrAzY energy right now! Whew! I’m actually flying high now compared to before. Feeling almost 100% now and grateful for it.

I didn’t wake up feeling too grand, though. Had some doubt creeping in because of something that happened last night.

Tuesday I was invited to a FB group called “Be Your Own Twin Flame” by a member of the walk-in group I’m a part of. I didn’t know her but agreed because the title seemed like a group I might be interested in. I browsed it and noticed there wasn’t too much interaction. Pretty much all the posts were by the woman who invited me to the group. She later sent me an email encouraging me to post a little about myself. So I thought, “Why not?” I posted a link to my blog and introduced myself and let it be.

Then last night she sent me a message. I am not going to cut and paste it because I do not want to subject you to the energy behind it. To summarize, she told me that she deleted my post from her group because she felt I was still in 3D, full of Ego, and in separation from All. She said she wants her group to have only 5D communication and any communication that is not of 5D and part of the One would be removed. Then she invited me to post again but only from my heart and Oneness.

When I received the email the energy felt really weird, so much so that it felt to blast me with a strange metallic surge that left me with a metallic taste in my mouth. My first inclination was to stop reading it immediately but I kept on and stupidly subjected myself to the energy.

I felt myself react defensively at first. Mostly, I wanted to completely withdraw from the online world and go into hiding again, which is odd. Thankfully there was a softness from within that soothed me and asked me to “stand down”. It did not take me long to realize I had been triggered, but why?

Later, after contemplating the feelings I was having, it occurred to me that the reasoning of the message was all wrong. 5D is not about rejecting 3D altogether. It is not about separation from other humans or humanity. This woman was using 5D as a justification to set herself apart from others. To perpetuate the “Us” versus “Them” syndrome humans so frequently fall victim to. She insinuated that Ego was not allowed. It was to be eliminated altogether and any indication of its existence in a post meant the person was still in 3D and not yet elevated to the 5D level.

But then there was the metallic feeling and taste in the energy that hit me when I first read her message. What was that all about? I remember thinking right after the experience, “If this is what 5D is all about, I want no part of it.” lol

I felt so disturbed I actually blocked her. I have never blocked anyone in my life but I felt so dirtied, so contaminated by her energy that I wanted to ensure she never messaged me again.

I am also concerned for all the others who are following this woman.

When I went to sleep I asked for clarity on the situation. Was I just reacting to her email because she made me feel wrong? Was it all an Ego reaction? Or is there something I am missing?

When I awoke I felt no clearer than when I went to bed. My dreams didn’t seem to point to an answer and again I was doubtful and questioning everything. Maybe I should withdraw from the online social media world? I felt rejected. I hate that feeling and my tendency is to withdraw from the source of the rejection.

My guidance asked me, “Remember to focus on that which makes you feel good, not on what doesn’t.” I remembered and immediately shifted to doing just that. I enjoy connecting with others. I love the spiritual. Writing in my blog is one of the highlights of my day. I enjoy all of it, so why stop just because of one rotten apple?

My day just got better after that.

Random Luck or Message?

Around lunchtime I decided to go for a short run-walk. I am still recovering from my illnesses so a full run is not a good idea. Even a run-walk is challenging lately.

Around a half mile into my run I began to notice my thought patterns. What I was thinking about use to cause me upset in the past but now I have gotten so use to it that I hardly even notice despite these thoughts occurring daily, multiple times a day. Yet I noticed this time. With this noticing I realized I was in full acceptance, no longer rejecting or resisting this new reality. Smiling I looked up and saw something laying on the road:

IMG_1527.JPG

They were laying in the road just like in this picture. When I saw them I stopped and thought, “That can’t be what I think it is.” When I got closer and I realized it was two $100 bills I picked them up and stashed them in my leggings and continued on my way. I did check to see if anyone was around but there was no one. Not even a parked car around.

I was in shock for about another half mile. A strange surreal feeling fell over me. Was I dreaming? Did it even happen? Reality check time!

Eventually I convinced myself it hadn’t happened and the money had to be fake. Never would I be so lucky. The most money I’ve ever found was $10 that flew into my car on a windy day.

So I stopped and checked my leggings. Yep. Two $100 bills. Security strip and everything. No doubt about it. lol I kept the money in my hand from that moment on, though, because my leggings didn’t have pockets and I didn’t want it falling out through my pant leg. lol I also think I did this so that it stayed real to me. The whole thing really shifted my reality. BIG TIME.

Then I felt guilty. Maybe someone is looking for their lost money? I should turn back and check. So I ran around the block and went back to where I thought I had found the money. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember exactly where I was when I found it and since there were no new cars parked or people around looking I kept running. What was I going to do? Knock on all the houses asking if they lost money? I found it in the road, so not by a particular house and there weren’t any cars around either.

Not long after opting to just keep the money I noticed something on the ground. I swear it said, “Blondes break rules.” I thought to myself, “That did NOT say what I think it said.” I laughed aloud to myself and turned around to check. This is what it was:

IMG_1528

I picked it up and took it with me just because and laughed for another half mile.

I kept run-walking for another mile and then ended off. My heart rate was higher than normal and I was feeling anxious for no reason. Not anxious because I did something wrong, though. Anxious because I felt different somehow.

I knew I needed to eat and settle down. I also could not help but think that the money and the Starbucks trash was more than just a message that I was breaking some unwritten rule by keeping the money. In fact, I knew that wasn’t the message. What was the message then?

As I cooled down I mulled over the events of my run specifically focusing on my thoughts prior to finding the money. I recalled that I had felt an urge to look up and pay attention, but what was I thinking about immediately before that? When I realized I was thinking about everything that transpired from December, 2015 to present – this entire crazy personal spiritual transformation I have been going through – I understood the real message.

The $100 bills were both on the road but separated by about a foot. I kept thinking, “OMG I found $200”, but really I found 2, $100 bills. In numerology you add the digits of a number to get it down to one number. So you can get the number 2 two ways, one of them is by adding 1+1. I could see the $100 bills then as representing the two 1’s of an 11. 11’s have been following me around since 2015 and continue to do so. However, what I feel the message was this time was that the two 1’s here are indicating two separate, whole individuals.

The “Blonde breaks rules” message on the trash was about me but not about keeping the money. The “rules” here represent beliefs and belief systems. I have been and am breaking through them and the end result will be – maybe already is? – Wholeness.

When I realized the message I began to feel stranger than I already was. My anxiety was increasing and I had to get a grip on it before I ended up in a panic attack. Then my right ear began to ring. I’ve been experiencing ear ringing a lot, though.

It took a while for the strange anxiety to subside. Then I went and laid in the warm sun on a blanket spread out on the grass for a while.

Considerations

There is more to this message, much, much more but I haven’t received it all yet. The energies during and after my run hit me hard, too. It was as if I was stuck by lightening again except this time it wasn’t via the Kundalini like I am so use to.

I know I have recently gone through a major download, so major that it knocked me on my butt for two weeks straight. Illness was the main symptom – my throat and root chakras the main focus, but I have also been experiencing some crazy ear ringing and on and off exhaustion. Then there are the dreams, messages, super empathy, and clarity. All of it points to a download/upgrade, or whatever you want to call it.

There was an incident a couple of days ago where I noticed a deep humming coming from my right. It seemed off in the distance and as I focused on it, it grew louder and louder until it turned into a distinct, high pitched ringing in my right ear. I kept expecting Spirit to audibly speak to me which is unusual because I have never associated ear ringing with Spirit audibly speaking to me. But this was different. I fully expected to hear a message. Huh?

All of this and then the woman at Pet’s Mart stalking me for not watching my son (weird) and then the metallic taste from reading a message on FB, I can’t help but wonder what is going on. Is it me? Is it the world? Both?

My intuition tells me to stay on my toes – to keep looking, keep noticing, because there is more being conveyed to me via this experience than I realize.

P.S. The featured image for this post is a quote that popped up this morning when I was uploading an image from Canva. I noticed it and wrote it down because it felt important.

 

 

 

Preparation for June Shift

If you are experiencing what I am – extreme exhaustion, crown and third-eye chakra intensity, mental fog, inability to focus or keep your eyes open – then you are in the midst of a download right alongside me. I am told mine will last two days, but I suspect that everyone’s experience will vary depending on their individual needs.

We are heading headlong into another extreme energy shift that will begin in June and last until the summer solstice. June will be monumental for many. If you have already sensed that this is true for you, then your guidance has been trying to warn you. Well here is another warning. Caution: Treacherous terrain ahead.

I see a tightrope ahead of me. Balance is key. One cannot remain on this tightrope without remaining focused and maintaining balance. On either side is a pit of molten lava. Whew! It makes me a bit nervous seeing such a vision. Hopefully there aren’t too many others facing tightropes over deep, fiery pits. lol But I am reassured that this is just a warning. The circumstances surrounding this Shift will only be to the extent that you can handle, nothing more than that.

femininepowerWomen especially will experience this Shift uniquely. We are coming into our own power and releasing the bonds that have so strictly confined our creative power and energy. We will take a stand in various ways this summer. What exactly you will feel empowered to do  will depend on what is needed for you to progress in your individual transformation.

This is not a forerunner only transformation either. As a forerunner myself, I often forget to directly address those of the other “waves” who have recently been activated. You are now coming into your own power as a group and taking up the reins of your projected paths. Some of you will be taking over where the forerunners left off – becoming gridworkers, gatekeepers, energy manipulators – you name it. But honestly, us forerunners are not all done, so the transfer will not be all at once. It doesn’t really matter, though, just know that you will hear you own “call” soon enough if you haven’t already.

 

 

Clean Slate

Yesterday was a tough day. I should have expected it after the intensely emotional dream experience I had. Then this morning more was revealed as to why there has been such a lack of anything spiritual for me for a couple of weeks now. Apparently there has been an upgrade underway for some time and it will continue for some time more. I am not liking this particular upgrade at all, either, for it seems to have almost completely shifted me into the me that is not interested in life or living.

My mind continues to fixate on what I seem to have lost. For example, I went into a depression yesterday because I suddenly felt as if I would never have anymore spiritual experiences or deep heart connections in this life. I desperately missed (still do) the heart fire I had not long ago. It made me feel alive and loved and so many other things that I cannot describe. All connection that was once there seems to have disappeared almost completely and been replaced once again by the endless emptiness that has been with me most of this life. And once again I can’t help but wonder, “What the (expletive) is wrong with me???”

I want to be clear, however, that my guidance is still present. My Companion specifically is communicating with me but the connection that comes with him is nearly imperceptible. The connection is what I miss the most and even though I hear from him reassurance that all is well and going as planned I feel as if nothing is going to ever be right again. My future seems empty, devoid of feeling and pointless.

On top of all this, my sleep is still limited. I keep waking too early and am unable to return to sleep. This morning it was 4:45am! And when I awoke I was furious, demanding to be allowed to go Home (really!? so tired of that!) and it took me quite a while to calm myself down. I did this mainly by tuning into my heart and focusing on my many blessings. It is funny how often I shift into focusing on what I don’t have rather than on what I do have. I began to mentally list what I was grateful for (thanks Rick) and before I knew it I was feeling relaxed and drowsy. Unfortunately, I had to get up at that point to start the day, but at least I was in a far better mood.

Clean Slate

Despite the disconnection I’ve been feeling, there still comes through brief flashes of memory; messages from my counterpart. One particular memory is of being presented with the “new” me in energy form. It is best described as an energetic template because it is seen as an energy body of an electric-blue streaked with purple and indigo. It is spectacularly beautiful and when I see it in my memory I want to exhale and cry tears of relief. The feeling is that this energy template comes with the exchange. At some point I will literally drop my current template and take on this new, clean one. The one I occupy currently feels dirty in comparison to the new one. I understand that the dirty feeling is the debris I am currently clearing. In order to step into the new template I must clear the old one. I don’t really understand why that is. All I know is that I am extremely tired of how long it is taking to clear the old one. The more I try to clear, the more exhausted and apathetic I become. The current issue in front of me feels like an impossible mountain. When I think of trying to climb this mountain, I get extremely tired and disinterested.

So I am back to square one it seems. One step forward, two steps back. I’m trying to remember all the lessons I’ve learned along the way; to not become bogged down by my mind and stay in my heart. It is extremely difficult to do this when it appears I’ve been left on my own. Boredom poses an obstacle, too. I was told last night it was a good lesson for me to learn. Heard  a chuckle along with the message. I don’t see it as a fun lesson, but then my Companion knows that. Patience and persistence are needed. The heart will provide these things if only I can stay there long enough.

 

 

 

Message: We are the Watchers

Upon waking this morning, there was a group around me which I could perceive quite distinctly. They have a different energy than what I am use to and they spoke audibly and quite differently than my other Visitors. This was their message:

We are the Watchers.

Protect yourself.

Do stop mindheadedness.

The drums will be felt round the world.

The drums signal the climax of the Shift.

There will be a great catastrophe.

One that will be Remembered.

We gather en masse to prepare.

All must prepare.

I have never had a message from those who call themselves the Watchers. I had to research it some just to get my bearings. What I find interesting is that lately I have been drawn to reading the Book of Enoch. Now, when I read about the Watchers, I see the Books of Enoch mentioned.

According to Wikipedia, the Watchers are angels. Some are fallen, some are not.  I did not read into the “good” angels and “bad” angels too much because I do not doubt that those who send me messages are not of the “bad” sort. However, the Book of Enoch synchronicity intrigues me. I am very tempted now to read all three books.

I cannot stop thinking about the reference to “the drums”. When I received this part of the message, I felt the drums. It was as if my heart began to pound more strongly inside my chest and it was very eerily silent. The feeling was this was very, very important and to feel for the changes coming for it will be felt, not heard as drums usually are.

Sign

After I woke up and was eating breakfast, I looked out the back window at my husband and three kids who were sitting on the porch swing that looks out upon the creek and trees of our back yard. I saw very vividly a piece of paper attached to the rope swing. Seeing this, I opened the door and said to them, “Look, someone left us a note on the swing.” My husband and children asked, “What? Where?” I pointed it out several times, each time focusing upon it as best I could to make out what it said. I saw clearly the pattern of a letter with the greeting, body and signature. I wanted to know what it said so I kept trying to get one of my kids to go get it.

That is when I realized there was no letter at all. It was the board of the swing reflecting sunlight in such a way as to create the illusion of a hand-written letter attached to the rope. I felt a bit awed at this and then joked with my daughter when she asked, “What does it say?” I said, “It says ‘Don’t swing on me'”. Then I told them about the optical illusion. Later they all went swinging on the rope swing. They don’t listen any better than I do. lol

I was thoroughly convinced that someone had left a note for us. It took me a while to realized I had been fooled by an optical illusion. Even after realizing it wasn’t a letter I kept looking to make sure. The whole time the above message was going through my mind and I knew the message was the letter. I need to share it even if it did seem quite negative.

New Cycle of Energies

Yesterday the energy was up and down and a bit rigid, asking us to let go of old patterns – the death and resurrection of aspects of the Self which no longer serve us. Yes, this is a cycle that continues to repeat itself. Why? We humans have a tendency to repeat patterns even when cognizant of these patterns. We “toss” them, think we let them go, but then, when things get tough or circumstances repeat themselves, we find ourselves clinging once again to that which we thought we released. So the work never ceases. If we do stop, thinking foolishly that we are done, we will find a huge dose of reality hitting us sometime in the future that forces us to see that we are not yet finished. This cycle is the crutch that goes along with being human.Without it, we fall flat on our faces and reluctantly have to use it to walk again.

The energy dramatically shifted over night and today it is elevated and bringing with it lots of old baggage in the form of emotion – anxiety, tension, fear – and resistance. These emotions are lingering remnants from the eclipse energies. They need to be released and will be whether we like it or not.

This is the beginning of a new cycle of energies preparing us for the work ahead. For the forerunners most of this work has been done already – or so we thought – but as I just stated, our human condition forces us to continuously work to maintain our current energetic state. With each cycle we chip away at “new” old issues/patterns/beliefs while also flushing out any garbage which may have settled back from past clearings. Remember, also, that we are clearing for the Collective, so this work never ceases and as we (the world) progress becomes ever more important and vigorous.

The “work” ahead varies for each of us. I have recently recognized a consideration once again rising to the forefront of my thoughts. It is the consideration that my work is something bigger and more exciting than my current and past life experiences. It is funny how the Ego likes to feel important and such thoughts still circulate despite all the hard work I have done to put it in its place. This is a great example of the continuous clean-up process. In order to be ready for our “work” we first much drop any expectations of what that work will be. What we want is not always what we get. Few will find themselves in a dramatically different life situation when their work is revealed in full. The reality is that we must be open to experience anything and have faith that our lives will align with our Divine purpose here. Everything has its place and purpose.

As I type this, I am reminded of something I was told this morning upon waking. Though we think we have considered every possible outcome and action, we can’t possibly consider all options that exist. In fact, for every potential outcome we envision, there are unlimited others. In even attempting to predict our future we succumb to the Egoic mind and all its accompanying illusions.

So when you perceive this new cycle of energies, or IF you perceive it, remember to stay present in the moment and open to whatever experience may come to you. If you slip, it is okay. There will be intense emotions and life situations that force repetitive patterns and reactions to the forefront. Try not to judge yourself too harshly when you find yourself embroiled in situations and events reminiscent of your past. Such circumstances are inevitable and purposeful for your development and transformation. Remember not to label your experiences as “good” or “bad”. Observe them and learn from them. In doing so you will not become trapped by them.