The Issues are in the Tissues

For a little over two weeks now I have been working on flexibility. It is my belief that the body reflects the Soul, and as such the aura and related blockages tend to manifest in physical body issues that, if not addressed, can become exacerbated over time.

For example, someone who has had a life-long issue with a blockage in their throat chakra will at first find their neck sore, have tension headaches, develop seasonal allergies, experience a sore and/or scratchy throat, or have other irritating but manageable problems that come and go. However, if the blockage continues unresolved, major issues such as thyroid problems or worse can develop.

In my case, my issues tend to be in my hips. My hips are tight and inflexible in certain positions. I also often get female menstrual symptoms in that area that can be quite uncomfortable. Often, when the Kundalini rises, I have residual soreness in my hips and lower abdomen. All of this points to my lower chakras – first and second specifically – being out of balance.

Recently I have also noticed I have horribly tight shoulders. This is a high heart chakra related issue but also directly related to the hours I spend at a computer or huddled over my Iphone. As a CPT and trained in muscle imbalances I know that my tight hips and shoulders are connected and to fix one I have to also address the other.

My goal, then, has been to work on my tight shoulders and hips at least twice a day. Typically I begin with foam rolling and follow up with deep stretches. This regime takes about 15 minutes, twice a day, sometimes more depending on how stiff I am. If I am working out that day, then I do two more stretching sessions, before and after my workout. Yeah, that is a lot of stretching.

As a way to measure my progress I am focusing on my deep squat, or yogi squat. I am unable to go deep into the squat because of my tight hips and calves. The only way to remedy this is to continue to practice a modified version of the yogi squat consistently and over time the muscles will get use to their new positions and adjust. To give you an idea of how bad my squat is, I have to hold onto something in order to get all the way down, otherwise I fall backward if I go below parallel. Currently, I can do 1 minute at a time before my hips begin to bother me and I have to stand up. I should be able to 4 minutes without holding onto anything for support. So I have a very long way to go.

Here is an article about the yogi squat you might find interesting. If you also struggle to get low into the squat the article can help you figure out why and give you steps to address it.

When it comes to shoulders, my goal is to be able to sit in cow faced pose without discomfort. I am able to manage the seated portion fairly easily (yay!) but the arms/shoulders are another issue. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, grab my hands or fingers in the back. I have to use a towel and even then my right shoulder is very stiff when I come out of the pose. So, like with my hips. I have to work out the knots first and then do some deep stretches to loosen up my chest and shoulders.

Cow Faced Pose 

While also stretching twice a day I am now sitting differently and changing the way I move. When I need to bend over and get something, I squat to do it, even if it means that my heels are off the ground. When I sit at my computer I sit in a low seat that forces my calves into a flexed position. When I am in bed on my computer I sit cross legged for as long as I can or take butterfly pose. So far, these daily lifestyle changes seem to be making the most difference. Not that the stretching isn’t helping, it is, but lifestyle changes put those stretches to use.

In the end, just working on the physical issues is not enough, I know that. An old saying that was often said when I was in massage school applies here – The issues are in the tissues. When I was in massage school I was giving and receiving at least one deep tissue massage a day. I soon discovered that I had bouts of crying and other intense emotion that would come and go. This, I was told, were the issues releasing as my body healed. Pretty awesome, huh? So, I am certain that as I address my current flexibility issues that issues will arise for resolution in much the same way.

Get Flexible! 

Anyone want to join me? You don’t have to do my intense regime. You can simply devote 15 minutes a day to stretching. I also recommended getting a good quality foam roller and some lacrosse and tennis balls which are great for working out knots in places like the chest, shoulders, lats (underarms), back and other harder to reach areas.

Below are some of the tools I use:


Foam roller – Triggerpoint
GoFit Roll-on Massager – I love this tool! I got mine at Academy but have seen it at Target, too.
BodyGlove massage bar (they have one on the GoFit website, too) – great for quadriceps.
Double ball (for thoracic spine/back)
Not shown – tennis ball

If you have no idea how to use these tools, check out the how-to videos here. There are also tons on YouTube. Basically, you roll a muscle area (thighs, back, calves, etc) and when you feel soreness or sensitivity you stop and hold firm for 30 seconds. Then follow with 30 seconds of stretching for the muscle you just foam rolled.

Here are some videos I recommend for stretching:

If you decide to try this, give it at least 30 days. You will be tempted to give up because if you are tight some of the poses will be uncomfortable (they should never hurt, though). I break a sweat from the intensity sometimes, especially those stretches involving my hips and shoulders. Ugh! But, you should begin to notice you are less stiff as you progress.

Good luck and let me know how it goes! I will be updating with my own progress over time.

Dream: My Heaven – No Entry

Interesting night of dreams.

Lucid Dream: Chest on Fire

I suddenly became lucid. I was standing in a suburban neighborhood in a cul-de-sac. There was a car on my left as I approached some people standing on the side of the road outside a house. Everyone of the people in the group were African American and I recognized that I was different from them but didn’t care. My main focus was finding my “daughter”. I remember thinking, “Do I even remember what she looks like?”

Not long after that thought I saw her and rushed up to her, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly. I told her how much I loved her and called her my daughter. I asked her how she was doing as I pulled away and saw her looking to her left and behind her. I turned and saw another young woman, probably about 14 years old approaching. When I saw her I knew she was my daughter, too, and that she was very sad. I opened my arms to her, inviting her into a hug. She fell into my arms and I told her how much I loved her, how beautiful she was and not to be sad.

When I pulled away I looked at this young woman and marveled at her beauty. Her hair had been relaxed and straightened and was pulled up tight at the top of her head, cascading down around her in a neat little shoulder-length bob. Her skin was flawless and glowing but her eyes told another story.

I motioned to the woman sitting in the car to my left and told the young lady, “Never forget how much you are love. She loves you.” It felt like the woman in the car was the mother. I touched the mother figure and was surprised to find her very, very pregnant.

I hugged the young woman again and told her, “It won’t last forever. Just feel the love. Just feel it right here (putting my hand on her chest). You are always loved.” I believe she was crying but can’t remember seeing any tears. What I do recall is that I could feel all her sadness and pain. I took it on as my own and began to cry with her.

My hand was still on her chest but I could also feel the pressure of it on my own chest, right between my breasts. The pressure was focused and distinct to the point that it almost hurt. I began to physically feel an intense heat there. It got hotter and hotter to the point that I felt I would not be able to bear the heat much longer.

The heat and pressure spread over my entire body and eventually woke me up. I could still feel it lingering as I rubbed the tears from my eyes. I have never felt heat like that before. It was so real, so physically hot, that I was certain my bed had caught on fire.

Dream: Surgery

This dream was very long. It took place mostly in a hospital. I was to get cosmetic surgery on my stomach area and had checked in. I was awaiting surgery, first in my room, and then in an operating room.

There were several “interns” tending to my needs and talking to me about my up-coming procedure. One was familiar, a tall, blonde male of slender build. There was discussion about what to expect from my surgery. They gave the surgery a name but I don’t recall the name now. Instead I remember seeing in my mind what would happen. They would take a flap of skin from my abdomen, double it over on top of itself to make my entire mid-section more firm and tight.

While I was waiting, my sister stopped by. She was an intern at the hospital, too, and was surprised to see me there. She gave me more information on the surgery and then left, wishing me luck. I remember knowing my sister in this life was nowhere near being as smart as this sister and marveled at how different she was in the dream.

I ended up staying the night and being taken back to wait for surgery the next day. The same group surrounded me and I asked if I could make a change to my surgery and get breast implants. They said it shouldn’t be an issue but I still seemed to wait for a long time. I remember wandering to an area with a very old computer and rotary phone. I realized it had long been abandoned by the staff and looked through the files, curious at the time capsule I had found.

When the doctor arrived I was placed on the operating table and left awake as the surgery took place. It took no time at all and I remember being left naked on the table for a long while, my new body looking like Barbie it was so perfect.

Eventually the blonde male came and took me from the operating room. I knew he wasn’t meant to because he sneaked me out. He seemed romantically interested in me but I didn’t mind.

He took me to the cafeteria to get some food and ordered us cookies. We were each given two cookies and then there was a third cookie also. I remember asking him, “Two cookies?” He nodded “yes”. I took mine and began to eat them. So did he.

Then we were in the shower together, both of us naked. I recall seeing his nakedness and noticing his arousal but not caring because I felt safe with him and knew he was a gentleman. This is where the dream ended.

As I woke I was hearing someone (the man from the dream perhaps?) asking me, “Do you know how beautiful you are?” There was a conversation that followed but I was too tired to remember it. Mostly I remember that he was trying to tell me that no matter how old my physical body gets, I will always be beautiful. I also think he told me that he was there to help me.

Prior to falling asleep I had asked again to be shown my Heaven, or where I would go when I died. This time I think my question was answered.

Dream: My Heaven – No Entry

I found myself in a beautiful garden, beautiful beyond any place I have seen on Earth. There was a crystal blue, shimmering stream running down the center. It shined like it had diamonds or crystals in it. On either side of the stream was vivid green grass dotted with flowers of all kinds. People dressed in white and with glowing skin were walking about, mostly in pairs, some holding hands, others arm in arm. Groups of people were sitting among the flowers and others under the massive oak trees that had shimmering fruits hanging from their branches. Beyond the trees were rolling hills that went as far as the eye could see.

In the center, crossing over the crystal stream, was a golden bridge. In the middle of the bridge stood a man who, to me, felt like “God”, but I knew this concept is incorrect but the closest approximation my mind could come up with. I watched as he met those who had arrived into the garden in the middle of the bridge. He spoke with them, telling them what their path would be while they were there, and then granting them access.

I saw a young blonde woman dressed in white walk up to the man on the bridge. The gatekeeper, as I will call him, barred her way into the garden. In that moment I shifted perspectives and became that woman.

The tall, gorgeous blonde man was fantastic in appearance. His skin shimmered as if covered in diamonds. His eyes were a vivid blue and his hair, straight and blonde, flowed down to his mid-back. He wore all white and was a good two feet taller than me, making him at least 7 feet tall. When he spoke to me my inclination was not to question anything he said but accept it fully and comply.

I wish I could recall word-for-word what he said but I became extremely lucid at his words. They echoed in my mind as I tried to capture them and their meaning. I do remember he said that my purpose was back on Earth, assisting my “family”.

When I heard him tell me, “Your purpose is not here” (meaning I could not come into the garden), I initially accepted it without question and turned to leave. Then I began to wonder to myself, “What did he say?”  So I turned and with my mind asked him, “Say that again?” He repeated himself and his words were odd inside my mind, like musical but also booming and not of this Earth.

In this short period of time as I pondered what was happening the scene began to de-materialize and the garden slowly faded from view. The man, however, did not leave my mind/thoughts. Upset, I remember hearing that I was not meant to walk the path I once thought I was here to walk. Instead, my main purpose was to my family, which I interpreted to mean my husband, children, mother and siblings.


I believe the first dream was me visiting my daughters from another life or parallel lifetime. It felt like I crossed over, into this other dimension, with the purpose to check on them. The empathic connection I had was amazing as was the heat I felt in my chest that spread to my entire body. I’m not sure exactly what to make of the whole experience, though.

The second dream about a surgery is probably a result of my recent considerations about getting some cosmetic procedures done to correct some physical imperfections that are the result of growing older. Mostly these ideas are coming out of sheer boredom and wanting something interesting to do with my time but they also arise from a sense that my youth is slowly fading away. The message in the end was that I am beautiful no matter what. The dream could also be symbolic of healing, specifically to my mid-section where my second and third chakras are located.

The final dream seems to be a direct message to me that I am not yet meant to go to my Heaven. My firm belief is that Heaven is whatever we want it to be, so on some level I see Heaven as a magical garden. I must also think that there is someone acting as a kind of gatekeeper. This probably stems from my Christian background where people are said to stand at “the gates of Heaven” and from there are either granted entry or not based upon their good deeds on Earth. The appearance of the gatekeeper in my dream reminds me of my many dream encounters with Andromedans. They are usually very fair skinned and appear similarly to the gatekeeper man. It seems that my dream Heaven is not based upon “good deeds”, though. Instead, entry is granted when a person’s mission on Earth is complete. I am told in no uncertain terms that my mission is not yet complete.

As for my purpose being to assist my family, my guess is that it not just my biological family members I am assisting.





Dream: Aad Guray Nameh

Yesterday I had a thought regarding my dreams recently, specifically the last two. Both times I had asked to be shown what my Heaven would be. Where will I go when I die? What will it look like? I asked this mainly out of curiosity and a hope that I would go OOB or experience a wonderful escape into a magical astral landscape. I miss such adventures! Anyway, the thought I had was that perhaps my dreams were showing me what I asked and I misunderstood? Maybe I was seeing an alternate reality? A reality where I am not afraid to speak my truth, travel with and spend time with my friends and help the victims of physical reality recover and heal.

So last night I asked to be shown again but was more specific, hoping to get a better idea of what it was my guidance was trying to show me. Mostly, though, I was feeling very doubtful that my dreams were a glimpse into a possible future and suspicious of my guidance. Maybe it is all a test to see if I will grab onto anything that vaguely resembles hope? And then, as is my tendency, that hope is shattered when nothing changes or shifts in my world.

These thoughts are similar to thoughts I was having last Fall when I was having debilitating panic attacks. The thoughts make me shut down to my guidance completely out of concern that one – or maybe all of them – is in disguise and are not at all of the Light. They could be negative entities, Ego driven, or something else and so to shut down protects me from their influence and forces me to listen to my gut/feeling/intuition.

My feeling last Fall was that negative entities, or those from the “dark side”, are doubling their efforts, seeking to prevent humanity from escaping the trap of illusion by targeting those whose auras are beacons to others. Or maybe that isn’t it at all and I am just struggling to Trust yet again, letting my mind chatter unduly influence me.

My lack of Trust comes from so many let downs along my path, where I felt great certainty but was thrown curve ball after curve ball. It has taught me to be wary of anything and everything I “think” might be true, especially if it feels positive, good or hopeful.

Dream: Aad Guray Nameh

I had many strange dreams, most I can’t recall. My sleep was restless with frequent awakenings. Toward early morning I had a semi-lucid dream in which I felt attacked by something or someone I couldn’t see, reminiscent of some of my early, spontaneous OBEs.

My dream memory begins with me standing in what appears to be at the bottom of an empty swimming pool. The pool is not too deep because I can see over the sides of it. In the pool I am holding something in the palm of my hand that looks like small, black ants. I toss the creatures high up into the air and then watch to see what they do with their freedom.

When the creatures land on the floor they look like some kind of beetle or roach with long, brown wings. They scurry about and grow in size, changing shape and color. Their bodies become sleek and black like dragonflies (false beliefs and perceptions), their wings iridescent white. They buzz all around and for a moment I am delighted to see how happy they are. I remember thinking, “You are free!”

Suddenly, the insects start flying at me and begin to attach themselves to different areas of my body. They don’t bite me but I do not like that they are attracted to me and want them off. I begin to swipe at them and they fly away only to come back at me in a swarms. One lands right on my privates and I wipe it away as if I am wiping myself with toilet paper. I remember thinking at it, “How did you get there?” This is when I realize that I am not wearing any clothes.

Feeling overwhelmed and unable to get away, I call out to my daughter. While screaming for help my vision goes black and I can’t see. Trapped in darkness I feel vulnerable and alone and even though I no longer feel the insects around me, I feel surrounded by a very negative energy, one that gets pleasure from my fear and is taunting me.

My daughter arrives and turns on a light. The entire scene lights up and I find myself in my bedroom. Then the lights go off again and I am in total darkness.

The feeling of the negative presence grows. I can almost see it dancing around me, poking and prodding at me. Thoughts are coming at me, thoughts that sprout hopelessness and despair. I also hear the lyrics of a song going through my head, over and over: “Now you’re just somebody that I use to know”.

I get the idea to chant Ong namo guru dev namo. Initially my voice doesn’t work and a hoarse whisper comes out of my mouth. This doesn’t faze me and I keep chanting it, over and over again until my voice changes pitch. It gets very low and begins to resonate deep in my chest and I swear I hear another voice join in. Then, satisfied that I have chanted it enough, I shift to the prayer of protection:

Aad Guray Nameh
Jugaad Guray Nameh
Sat Guray Nameh
Siri Guru Dayvay Nameh


I bow to the Primal Wisdom.
I bow to the Wisdom through the Ages.
I bow to the True Wisdom.
I bow to the great, unseen Wisdom

Once I start chanting this my voice returns to its natural pitch and tone. There is no longer a constriction in my throat, my energy lightens and I feel powerful. I begin to negative feel the energy retreating. I notice the darkness in the room is shifting, getting lighter. I decide to chant, “Aum” or “Om”, and direct it toward the closest where I feel the energy lingering. When I chant “Aum” it is deep and powerful, as if I have a hundred monks chanting with me. The closet becomes illuminated with a bright light. Where I thought I would see clothing, there was none. The closet was empty.

My daughter returns and we leave the bedroom and go into an open space that resembled my upstairs living area. There is a clothing rack in the middle of the room. On the rack are identical sets of bras and panties. There are at least fifty of them. I grab one and begin to try and take it off the hanger but the threads are stuck, entangled in the clasp. My daughter asks if I want help but I tell her I will get it free, which I do almost immediately after. I put the tan and lace bralette on over the bra I am wearing.

After some time (my recall is hazy) I begin to feel the negativity and dark returning. This time I begin to sing a song from my childhood, one I use to love singing at church. As I sing the song I visualize a green field. The field manifests and I feel a warm breeze and a peace surround me. I start to cry. I continue to sing as I wake up – “You alone are my strength my shield, to you alone may my Spirit yield.”


When I woke my eyes and pillow were wet from crying.

My thoughts about the dream are that I was being shown how I create my reality. How the darkness is a reflection of me, my fears, doubts and insecurities. I am able to chase away the darkness using faith in a mantra. I trusted that if I kept chanting it the darkness and negativity would disappear and be replaced with Light and it was.

I find it interesting that I chanted the mantras that I did. Prior to bed I thought that I should continue to chant them every night, even though I was no longer practicing the Wahe Guru meditation/mantra. I was reminded of this article I read over a month ago as I was memorizing the foreign words.

My memory of how my daughter appeared in the dream does not match my daughter in real life. She looked like me, only younger with a brilliance and Light in her aura. I suspect she was the me who Remembers, my Higher Self.

Earlier this morning I read a blog post about Trust. It seemed to speak to me specifically, reminding me to put my Trust in God/the Universe and remember that there is a method to this madness. Fear can be a teacher, too, if we let it. There was a line in the post, like a prayer, asking that we all find the spark of courage that turns our darkness into sunlight. That is exactly what I did in my dream.

Dream: Hope Floats

Last night, for the first time in a long while, I struggled to fall asleep. It was past 1am when I finally drifted off. Again, I asked to be shown what my afterlife would look like and again got shown something very different.

Dream: Hope Floats

I was in the back seat of an SUV traveling with three others – two men and a woman. The only person that was familiar was the driver and since he was way up front we did not interact very much.

For some reason I was very talkative and happy in this dream. The discussion was about where we were going and why along with other random topics.

The topic of all the countries we had visited came up and the man to my left showed me a map of all the places he had traveled. His map was quite full! It seemed he had been nearly everywhere! I somehow knew he had past military experience and this was how he had traveled so much. I asked if he had ever visited Australia and he showed me a map of the country. He had traveled nearly the entirety of it! I said, “I went there once. I wanted to move there. It is a wonderful place.”

The topic of music came up. The man had with him two CDs and a player that wirelessly connected to the SUV stereo. I explained how I didn’t like most country music songs and was not shy about sharing my opinion. I tend to be very honest and blunt and I was most definitely acting this way in the dream. As far as I know, I didn’t upset anyone with my strong negative opinion about country music. The man sitting next to me asked me to try listening to his CDs. He shared the name’s of the artists and albums. I told him I had never heard of them and even now I can’t recall their names.  I agreed to give them a listen but his player would not connect.

The conversation continued with me changing my mind as I recalled actually liking certain songs, even owning country music CDs when I was married to my ex. I remember mentioning the movie soundtrack, Hope Floats, but when I said the name I knew it was a message to myself about hope.

The driver, the only person in the SUV that I recognized, did not interact much with our group. In the midst of my conversations with the group, I moved to my left a bit and could see the man watching me via the rear view mirror. I tried to ignore him and pretended I didn’t notice him watching me. He looked just as I remembered, especially his eyes and the intensity of his stare.

The topic of conversation shifted to our destination. I remember knowing we were going to Minnesota but the map I saw did not show the state in the right place. Instead, it looked more like a state in the northeast somewhere, closer to Ohio or Pennsylvania. The man in the front seat mentioned how different it would be for me to live there, saying the college campus I would be at was in a big city. In my mind I saw city streets and lots of people and knew I did not like crowded places. I remember knowing that I was going to study for my Master’s in Group Communication. In the dream this degree stood out to me and nearly brought on lucidity, but it didn’t.

Suddenly, the man in the driver’s seat turned completely around and began to crawl into the back seat toward me. This surprised me and I remember holding my breath and thinking, “What is he doing?” His eyes are the most memorable. It was like he was looking straight into my soul.

Then, without warning, he took a huge inhale of breath and turned around to face the front of the car. Outside I could see the highway spread out in front of us. Black, burnt wreckage was spread all over the left side of the road. The car was stopped, so there was no worry that it was driving into the wreckage, but cars were behind us. One car’s bumper was nearly touching ours and it honked in annoyance.

I knew we had to get out and assist in finding the survivors/victims. When I stepped out of the car there were two tiny, toddler-sized, black sneakers sitting on the pavement in a position suggesting they had been blown off the feet of their owner. I remember saying, “Oh no! Where’s the child these belong to?” My last thought before waking was hoping the child had survived as I looked at the unrecognizable pieces of wreckage and obvious scorch marks on the highway.

As I woke, I felt the presence of my guide in front of me. He said to me, “Life is good.” I was so tired, so heavy with sleep, that I didn’t really think much about his comment and I drifted back to sleep. I can’t recall what, if any, dreams I had after that.


When I woke up my first thought was on the message I gave myself – Hope Floats. I don’t remember too much about the movie but I believe it is a story of how a woman suffers through an unexpected divorce, moves her family in with her mom, and reconnects with an old school friend (or boyfriend?), falling madly in love. Ultimately she finds happiness where she never thought she would find it.

I don’t know if this message is meant to indicate something like that will happen to me. For my life to play out like the movie is unlikely, especially since I don’t have any high school sweethearts to reconnect with. lol It could be that the message is simply to remain hopeful. And it could be nothing at all, but that is not typically how my dreams work. Especially dreams in which I remember seeing someone I know so acutely and wake up knowing the dream has significance.

My music preferences, the main discussion in the dream, seem to show how I recognize that though I say I don’t like something I eventually recognize that I do like some of it. I am open to exploring this about myself and even agree to listen (to the music – my guidance – but in this case “listen” in general applies).

As a dream symbol, music is how one communicates and expresses their soul. It can also represent spiritual guidance and a message being sent/received. My best guess as to the genre of music is that it is linking me to my past and perhaps my roots since I was raised very “country” and lived in the country for more than half my life. I suspect I am being asked to return to my past, inspect it and be open to receiving something it has to show me and “change my mind” about some idea or situation.

The wreckage on the highway seems to be a message or warning of a world-view or path more than my own and/or my group’s path (SUV is a group path). The wreckage is massive and the cars involved unrecognizable. All that is left are scorch marks and twisted pieces of metal. The two tiny shoes likely represent the children of the world in general. My main concern is them. My group is seeking to help the victims.

Finally, the degree I am seeking is at the forefront of my mind. The main word that stood out was “group” but I knew my degree had to do with communication as well. Considering just last night I was boarding a train to my new school and was wearing a choker around my neck (throat chakra), I think this part of the dream very significant.






Dream: Race Car Romance

It’s been a busy weekend and I continue to be pretty tired in the evenings with little dream recall. Last night I was especially tired because I went on a 4+ mile run-walk with my husband before dinner. So, by bedtime my eyes were very droopy and I fell asleep quickly.

Prior to bed I asked my guidance to allow me to see “heaven”. I asked to be shown where I will go when I die. Mostly, I was just curious. If I was shown the afterlife that awaits me (I believe everyone has their own “heaven”) I don’t remember it. What I remember instead is a strange dream.

Dream: Race Car Romance

The dream began with me being in my bedroom from when I was in middle school. Instead of it looking like a normal bedroom it was filled with deep water and I was swimming in it, occasionally diving deep into its depths. I believe I was not in my human form but am unsure what form I took. It felt like I was a car but then I saw myself as human but then also fish-like (mermaid maybe). Sometimes I would dive too deep into this water and someone would have to rescue me and pull me up to the surface before I drowned.

I was pulled up time and time again until the last time I finally paid attention to what was going on. Around me was a crowd of onlookers in a circle around me and my savior, a man who I felt I recognized but couldn’t place. His face shifted from a color, like a blue color, to a human face with dark hair and eyes. He seemed short or child-like, as did I, and I remember thinking in that moment that I finally recognized him. I knew I would fall for him as many victims fall for those that save them. As I had this thought I was looking at this man and feeling that, “Uh oh” feeling deep within me as if I knew he represented something significant and would bring into my life swift change more powerful than I had known before.

The dream shifted and the water was gone. I was standing on solid ground in my bedroom looking at a white bookshelf. On the top of the shelf was a stack of paper. I was taking pieces sheet by sheet looking for a blank one to draw on but each sheet had on it drawings of cars. Some had color on them, like a child had colored them, but as I pulled more out the drawings had less and less color until they were without color altogether. All the drawings were of race cars with rocket-like pipes coming out the sides and other alterations that made them look like rockets or spaceships with four tires. They were obviously built for speed.

As I looked through the drawings I recognized some were telling a story. I said to someone, “Oh, it’s a love story.” And I remember seeing two cartoon-like cars interacting as the pages flipped quickly and moved like a movie.

Then I was selecting a shirt to wear with the help of another girl. The shirt I selected had a race car on it also and was vividly colored. I mostly remember the color blue but there were streaks of yellow and white as well. It reminded me of something a super hero would wear. What is interesting is the shirt had two pieces. The back piece went over the shoulders like a cape and flowed down my back to my waist. The front piece snapped around the neck and covered my chest only. I remember the girl helping me put on the front piece, snapping it snugly into place around my neck. It felt tight but not restrictive.

Then I was told it was time to go and I got into a line to board a bus. It felt like I was in school and I remember seeing many people around me all going to their individual destinations. The bus I was boarding seemed more like a train or tram. It was sleek and aerodynamic as if it could go very, very fast.


When I woke from the dream the presence of a guide was in front of me. I heard, “It’s time to go.” I didn’t know what he meant but it felt important. I thought, “Time to go Home?” He said, “No.” But my first thought was that I was about to die. I started worrying about my doctor appointment on Friday and thought I might get a phone call indicating something is wrong with my blood work. This concern quickly passed, though.

My guess, based on the dream, is that my guide is referring to something else, something fast and maybe life changing. A race car can indicate moving in the “fast lane” or fast movement. It can also represent a race of some sort and arriving at a destination fast. A car in a dream usually represents an individual’s life path or the path they travel with others. It is dependent upon the type of car. A race car is not a family car, so this is likely a symbol of my personal path.

In my dream I seem to shift between being a car and being something else, something more human and fish-like. I dive into the water (subconscious) and have to be rescued. I am rescued by the same man many times and finally recognize him. When I see him I feel that I will fall in love with him while also recognizing his role in my life. The feeling I get is significant and comes with a type of nervousness that I have felt in life before, where I want to run away out of fear but also stay out of fascination and desire to know what will happen next.

When I see him there is a crowd of people standing all around us. They stand back and form a circle similar to what happens when a person is rescued from near death in real life.

The strange race car clothing seems to indicate that I will take on a new persona. Clothing is how we present ourselves to the world. The clothing snaps around my throat in the front. This could symbolize my voice. It is not constricted.

As I board the bus/train I feel to be going to school but am also in a school so perhaps it is symbolic of a specific lesson I am about to learn that is related to a life lesson that is on-going. The bus/train looks like it will go fast so maybe a very fast-paced lesson.

This song was going through my head as I woke:

“I can be your hero baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away….”

When I went for my morning walk today I saw the sun through the thick clouds. It looked like the moon but I know the moon is not full right now and so this confirmed it was the sun. I was reminded of a dream/OBE I had long ago where I saw the sun and the moon in the sky, side by side slowly moving closer together. I knew this symbolized the masculine (sun) and the feminine (moon) coming closer and closer together until they merged. I looked at the sun-moon in the sky and said to myself, “The sun is the moon is the sun”.

Dream: Struck by Lightning

Not a whole lot to report here. Lost of mundane things mostly. Today I had a well woman physical, which I haven’t had since 2014 (can you tell I hate them? lol). I told my doctor about my heart speed-up scare and she confirmed that it was likely low blood sugar. 🙂 I also had a full blood panel done because I haven’t had blood work since 2016. The results won’t come in until next week. Next, I have to schedule a mammogram because I am now “over 40” (in other words old).

Another interesting event was that I had my DNA analyzed through 23 and Me. The results came in this week. I am 64.2% British and Irish, 19.1% French and German, 2.4% Scandinavian and Broadly Northwestern European is the rest. I thought I had more German but it seems not. lol I also discovered someone I’ve known for around a decade is my 4th cousin! Sadly, all I discovered were many distant relatives. No close relatives from either side of the family show up. Health-wise I am not a carrier of any of the 44 genes for specific diseases and issues they tested for. The only thing of any significance that came up is that I have a slightly higher risk of having Celiac disease and age related macular degeneration. Weird!

I have completed 40 days+ of the Wahe Guru mantra meditation and have not noticed anything life changing. I do relax easier in the evenings but that is about it. I got the idea the other night to begin a visualization meditation at night instead of the mantra meditation I have been doing. So I have been trying to visualize what I want but it is hard because I seem not to be able to “see” physical things I want really well. That is probably because physical things are not very interesting to me. I mostly just want enough money to never have to worry about survival needs again. Mostly I just want to feel a certain way and I can visualize how I want to feel much better. So I have been trying to focus on the heart connected feeling or just a general openness in my heart. I also focus on feeling joy and fulfillment.

Visions of Note

In the past few weeks I have had some interesting visions and messages come through.

I had a vision that was very clear upon waking one morning, probably about two weeks ago now. In the vision I saw the painting in my room that is called “Integration”. I was going into the painting on a bicycle. It was so real that I thought I was actually sitting up in bed experiencing it but when I blinked I was in bed lying on my side. I was probably dreaming or in the in-between.

A message from myself that was interesting came around the same time. I caught myself talking to someone about someone who I recognized as me in another body. I said, “Oh that is my 6th body. I don’t control it”. All I remember after that is that the “body” of this other me was yellow.

Then in one day I had two syncs. The first came when I woke up with a song in my head. Minutes after waking I had to jump in the car to take my daughter to the bus stop because it was raining and the same song and line was playing! This was the song and the part that kept going over in my head was “She said I don’t look like me no more no more. I said I’m just tired, she said you’re just tired”:

Later that same day, I was reading a blog and the poster mentioned she got interrupted because her doorbell rang. The instant I read “doorbell” my own doorbell rang! LOL

Dream: Struck by Lightning 

I woke from a dream sometime around 3am. In the dream I was watching a small house via a screen. It almost looked like it was a piece of art, framed, but the picture was moving like a TV. The house had dark, nearly black smoke billowing out of the top. The billows were rounded and went high into the sky. I had a camera in my hand and began to take photos of it and as I did this I seemed to enter the picture with the house.

Then I was lying on the ground dressed in a white leotard, legs spread in a V shape. A bolt of lightning came down and hit me in my root chakra. I remember it did not hurt nor did it feel odd at all. I told someone who was with me, “I’m okay. I feel fine.”

This scene woke me up and I felt my entire body covered in a heaviness and subtle vibrations. I felt very drowsy but my mind was alert. A conversation had been on-going between myself and a guide who I could feel near me as if he were standing in front of me. This guide and I had been talking about what I wanted in life and I told him, “To be out of this body” and I was saying, “I don’t care how it happens – in a body bag, in OBEs, taken Home via spacecraft or whatever.” My guide was saying, “I don’t think that is what you really want. I think you want….connection.”

The more aware I became of the conversation the more it began to fade, our words disappearing, replaced only by the heaviness in my body and a feeling almost like passing out except I was already “out”.

When I regained control is when I heard the word “connection” and with hearing it I felt a pull within as if I were being called to embrace the familiar feeling of surrender followed by ecstasy that comes with the K. I resisted and told my guide, “It is not good for me. It upsets my life.”

I told my guidance that I prefer the security of my current relationship even if that means I have no deep connection(s) in my life. The idea of leaving behind my security to search for a connected relationship (whether with myself or another) does not appeal to me.

My mind wandered back to the idea that I may do better in a relationship with a woman and the more I thought about it, the more it appealed to me. My guidance seemed to indicate this would not happen. I wondered why not but did not ask because the answer seemed to be that it was not part of the plan.

I ended up in a dream where I was in school, purposefully breaking the rules by choosing to be with a woman. I found great joy in this and was giddy like a child as I danced up and down a line of students while watching the expression of a “teacher” as I kissed the woman. I remember my hair being pinned up and me taking it down as I danced. The other woman was also doing this.

There was a whole section of the dream where I was talking to others in my class about returning to my 30’s. One guy was holding a newborn in his hands and I said, “I had all my babies in my 30’s.” I remember saying, “If I could be any age again it would be in the decade of my 30’s.”

As the dream drew to an end, I remember hearing the song Unchained Melody and singing along – “Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me. I’ll be coming home, wait for me…”

When I woke I felt that the dream was about feeling free to be myself. I often feel confined in this world and unable to be who I really am because of all the rules and expectations placed upon me by society – Be nice to this person, don’t say anything they don’t want to hear, etc. I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders each time I have to interact with other people because of these rules. Sometimes that weight gets so heavy that I break down into tears from the exhaustion of it.

I began to think of what I said about being in my 30’s again. As I pondered it I realized I would go back to age 30 exactly and make different choices. I would not build my house on my Mom’s land. Instead I would have stayed at my job at the time. I would have opted out of a family entirely. This all came as a result of thinking how I trapped myself by falling for the idea that having a family would somehow fulfill me. In fact, I see this whole world and life in a human body as a trap. I remember thinking, “If I could go back, I would go back to the time before my birth and opt out then. My mom would have miscarried and I would have been saved from this existence.”

I sometimes feel guilty for bringing my children into this world. Now they, too, are trapped by it. 😦

Lightning Dream Symbol

I have had K dreams where I am hit by lightning before so I suspect this symbol indicates the K energy will be fired up by some kind of catalyst. I find it strange, though, that I feel nothing when it strikes. Instead I sit there and say, “I’m okay. I feel fine.” I think the truth is that I am not okay. And no, I don’t feel “fine”. Perhaps my guide is right and being out of this body is not my goal but rather finding Divine Connection while in this body.

The smoldering house is likely symbolic of my life and how the energy is still burning, but slowly, creating a black smoke out the top of the house (my life/body). Maybe the black smoke symbolizes a blackness within me – the empty pit of nothingness that resides there. Or maybe it is just what remains of what could be smothered out over and over again by my refusal to let the flames ignite again. Or maybe it is some kind of signal fire? I wonder if anyone can see it?

I recognize that the K causes me to feel a need to make changes because that is its purpose. But I do not want to change and feel the energy of the desire brought by the Kundalini is not something to be sought after. It doesn’t last but it makes one think it will. It is deceptive and intoxicating. To reach for it will only result in suffering – not only self-suffering but also the suffering of those I love. I may be unhappy now, mostly from boredom and disconnect, but at least I am not suffering. I am secure and have many blessings. That has to be worth something.

OBE and Message: Go to Florida

After hearing my husband brag about an OBE he had two nights ago, I went to bed last night feeling a bit jealous. I have been sleeping really deeply lately so my dreams are often lost upon waking. The tiredness keeps me from lucid dreams and OBEs so when I wake I feel like I’m missing out. So I said to my guidance, “I would really like something interesting to happen tonight.”

Something woke me up around 2am. I have no clue what but I ended up going downstairs to get a drink and was wide awake by the time I got back in bed. Seeing the perfect opportunity to try WBTB (wake back to bed), I began to repeat in my mind, “I am now out of body” over and over. To be honest, I have never tried the repeat method but heard an online friend of mine has success with it so I figured, why not?

As I was repeating “I am now out of body” one of my guides reminded me to set an intention for my projection. I thought about it and told him I wanted to be shown what I need to see (one of my favorite intentions) and when I can go Home (lol) because I have been so, so bored lately.


I don’t know when I shifted because I can’t recall feeling any vibrations. What I recall next is sitting in my bed as the body of a warm cat pushed itself against my hands. The cat was purring and I could see it was brown tabby. I remember thinking, “I don’t own a cat….” and then realizing I was OOB and could take over the experience. I chose not to take control, though, instead allowing the experience to show me what I had asked to be shown.

As I petted the cat (female sexuality, femininity), I heard music in my mind and sang along to the familiar song while also recognizing it was a message from my guides or Higher Self in response to my request to be allowed to cut this life short out of “boredom”. I wish I could remember the song now but all I can recall is that it was something like, “Why give up now when you’ve come so far?” Knowing it was a message I needed to remember, I grabbed a pencil and began to write it down on a piece of paper.

Then I noticed that the paper was covered in algebra problems and I remember thinking it would be a nice way to occupy my mind and time. So I set to solving the equations but also knew it, too, was a message. Algebra and math was always easy for me in school. I loved the challenge and the step-by-step process and rules to follow. So perhaps there is something in life that is similar?

Recognizing the messages I had been waiting for had been revealed, I got up and took over the OBE, flying out of my bedroom and down the stairs to the front door. When I opened the front door it flew open and disappeared. Outside the sky changed from dreary, dark and rainy to blue skies and a brilliant day. In front of me was a forest of Magnolia trees (a strong will and resolve to make changes in life when needed). When I noticed them I felt giddy with glee.

As I flew among the trees I saw that the dreary, rainy skies were all around me but I was left untouched inside my bubble of light. I remember thinking the rain and dreariness would surely get me, but my bubble of light remained and I took thrill in this.

Then a force began to pull me upward. I surrendered to it, allowing myself to be pulled upward with greater and greater speed. My eyes automatically closed but every once in a while I would peek out and I would see those Magnolia trees below me. I smiled and then shifted back into my body.

Message: Go to Florida

When I shifted back to my body I remained in the in-between as I thought of the OBE I had just had. My memory here is faded, though. I know I went back OOB but I don’t remember anything about it except talking to someone and being told, “Go to Florida.”

When I woke I struggled to remember the song I had been singing in my OBE. For some reason the song, A Whole New World was in my head, but I know that was not the song. The section of the song that was repeating, “I can show you the world….let me share this whole new world with you.”

I am not sure what the message about Florida is all about. lol It felt like when the opportunity arises I should go, whenever – if ever – that is.

Overall, a nice OBE if not a little odd. 🙂