Road Trip

I’m spending today packing and preparing for my road trip to Tennessee tomorrow. I plan on leaving before sunrise which means I need it all ready because I am NOT a morning person and will likely forget something important (like my purse lol). Picking up my friend in Dallas and then it’s a straight shot from there. We plan on being there at least until October 3rd, maybe longer. I don’t plan on blogging while I’m gone and will update when I return.

I’ve been struggling since the full moon. The energies have been very off kilter. I have not felt so much inner conflict since 2001 or maybe during my Dark Night. It’s been a push-pull, tug-of-war feeling pretty much constantly. Thankfully the energies have settled since the Equinox and I feel more balanced than I have in quite a while. I’m hoping this reprieve is not brief and will last me through the end of the month. I hear the 26-27th are suppose to be intense. Hopefully not so much that I end up back in an internal tug-of-war.

If you have been struggling like me then a big ((((((hugs)))))) to you. A hug is what I have been craving the most. I just want to find my safe place/person and never let go. The vulnerability that comes with this kind of internal shake-up is akin to feeling tossed into a sea without a life jacket or life boat. Just now I am remembering all the dreams I’ve been having about floods, swimming pools, dark lakes/water, etc. Just had another last night in fact. That along with dreams of runaway cars and brakes not working, you get an idea of what this craziness is doing to me.

The despair and apathy has been the worst. It is like the entirety of my current and past life is crumbling away in front of me. Of course, nothing physically has changed but it feels unsteady, shaken up and ready to collapse and I can’t get my bearings. Where is North? What is up? What is down? One can’t help but get a feeling of impending doom yet at the same time there is a silver lining feeling accompanying it. Like the sun is about to come out if I can just hang on a bit longer.

Right now I am just happy to have a return to a bit of “normal”. There are physical symptoms the past couple of days suggesting a huge download in process. Sleeping deeply and waking up to horrible hot flashes and sweating. It takes me a good hour to get to the point where I am cooled down. My guidance is fairly quiet again and the messages have stopped. There have been brief stirrings of Kundalini but nothing substantial.

The timing of this trip appears to be just right. Soon I will be surrounded by my spiritual family and friends. I will be in a safe space energetically which I feel is necessary for some of the changes that I feel are coming my way. I read this morning that October will be a month of change. We’ll see. Hoping it is good change without the crazy, unbalanced energies.

See you in October!

For a good explanation of what is coming on or near the 26-27th, read this post on the Eris/Uranus Conjunction.





Lucid Dream: The God 10 Effect

I woke at 4am after yet another very good, deep sleep. I was wide awake and my guidance was close. As is normal, I tried to get comfortable and found it difficult. Turned to my right. Not quite right. Turned to my left. Not quite right. My guidance interjected at this time and said, “Balance”. I recognized the symbolism straight away. Left – feminine (my preferred side to sleep on). Right – masculine. This is the body, the mind is the opposite of this. Anyway, for a while now I have been most comfortable sleeping on my back and whenever I have an experience – lucid dream, OBE, in-between, Kundalini – I come back to my physical body laying on my back. It occurred to me then that perhaps my shift to sleeping in this position (I have always been a side-sleeper) is more than just body preference. Perhaps it is a reflection of my own inner Shift? From what my guidance was sending, this conclusion seems correct.

From this point a conversation commenced about finding balance and what that looked like on a mental level. I have a tendency to go to extremes one way and then the other. I very rarely sit in the middle, unmoving and solid. The pendulum is always moving and balance is but a moment that passes quickly as I shift to yet another extreme. It was explained that to be in the center and balanced is the goal. This is the location of the Observer.

This conversation was brought about because of my concern at noticing that I have absolutely no excitement regarding my upcoming trip to Tennessee. There is a temptation to cancel it and just stay home and mope. Ha!

Funny enough, I was able to drift into the in-between and then into a lucid dream.

Lucid Dream: The God 10 Effect

I was both watching and being a young woman who was very disconnected from reality and found it difficult to focus on normal life tasks. She was spaced out. She heard a “voice” in her head that kept her on track. He sometimes appeared to her in the form of a very normal looking, clean-cut man with brown hair. She/me was in a department store shopping. She forgot who she was, where she was and what she was doing. The voice directed her to the cashier. She walked up to the cashier who asked her to fill out a slip before check-out and then asked her for her ID and payment. The girl turned and crawled into her car, which was sitting right next to her inside the store. Sitting in the passenger seat she reached into her wallet and saw her driver’s license was missing. In the moment I took over. Recognizing I was dreaming I thought, “This is a dream and I can make the license appear.” It did and I gave it to the cashier with a check written to the amount of $33.33. I saw my license number on the check and thought, “I didn’t need the ID after all.”

While checking out, the car began to slowly creep forward despite being in park. The girl pulled up the emergency brake but the car kept moving. The girl realized it was not going to stop so she jumped into the driver’s seat and put on the brake.

Then the girl took the shirt she bought and began to leave but forgot again who she was and where she was. The voice told her, “There’s your car.” She saw a silver car in the parking lot. It looked like a Ford Flex and the license plate read 333 3333. In the dream I recognized this sign and took note of it but did not take over the dream and continued to observe.

She sat down at a table and the scene shifted. The voice was the man talking to another woman (who was also me). They both sat down to eat lunch and observed the girl sitting alone talking to herself. They thought she was crazy and the girl, recognizing this, pretended to hold a phone and then ended her conversation.

She got up and began to leave and I became very lucid. There was a distinct feeling here that is hard to describe. It was like I had been looking through a screen door and I was finally able to focus and see past the screen to the scene beyond. There was a sense of being in multiple places all at once; of perceiving everything all at once and being able to see the big picture.

The scene shifted and became a television screen. There written clear as day was the title of the show, “The God 10 Effect.” The credits began and I remember saying, “I like this show. I want to watch more.” Then the very last image was the production company and it said, “The X Files”.


OBE: World Summit

When I woke this morning at 6:30am I was talking with one of my guides. We were having a conversation about what is coming. Though I don’t recall the entire conversation or the exact subject, I can remember enough to know that it was a continuation of the extensive exploration of a certain topic the night before. I remember saying, “I don’t want to focus on the physical.” With this was a thought about how when life gets busy, my spiritual experiences (OBE’s, in-between states, Kundalini, etc) come to a near standstill. It’s not that they stop occurring, but that I am so focused on mundane matters that I miss or bypass the spiritual experiences that I normally would notice.

Suffice it to say, I was not in a very good mood when I woke up. lol

After getting up and having to do some last minute school preparations for my kids, I decided to go back to bed. This almost never happens but this morning I felt like I needed the extra rest.


Within minutes of laying down I entered the in-between. I received various messages as the conversation with my guidance continued.

I had a vision of two crescent moons facing each other. They were coming closer together and when their ends touched a sparkling of energy began to explode out of the center of them. What resulted was a brilliantly white full moon that resembled the Yin and Yang symbol but without the black and white coloring.

I remember hearing that both sides carried something that was needed for the “mission”. I was not able to remember what I contributed despite hearing it clearly word-for-word. Why does that happen every.single.time!?!! Anyway, I heard what the other half was to contribute: Courage. I remember thinking, “Good because I’m a coward!” LOL There was a reminder to not sell myself short.

In another message I was told and simultaneously remembered, “I’ve practiced for this.” There was a Knowing then that I had been preparing for the coming decision and subsequent life changes it would create for a very long time. I wish I recalled what the scenario was but all I had was a Knowing and it settled my worries immediately. I remember thinking it was “crazy” to Know such a thing but at the same time it made total sense to me that we would rehearse important life decisions prior to and during life. I tried to remember these rehearsals but my memory was blank. Go figure!

In another vision I was sitting in the front seat of a car with my dear friend, Angela. She was in the driver’s seat. I opened up my purse and pulled out a large tube of lipstick. It was the length of my forearm. When I opened it up it was a pinkish-red and smelled like watermelon. There was a vision here of me throwing a watermelon and watching it crack open. I gave it to her as a gift and she accepted. Then she turned to me and said, “Let’s cook some cauliflower.” I said, “Cauliflower? Okay.” lol

Then I was trying to kill a cockroach and it hid inside one of my daughter’s Barbie cars. I took the car and put it in a kiddie pool to try and drown him. lol

OBE: World Summit

After this I was at a large warehouse. My consciousness ventured through the double doors to look inside. It was massive and the floors were pure ice. I thought/said, “It looks like an ice rink.” In the center of the rink was a table that was as long as the rink. It was lined with chairs and I remember thinking, “There is going to be a gathering.” I wondered who was going to be meeting there.

I became very aware at this point. I could feel my physical body very acutely but I was also very aware of floating just inches above it. I knew I was OOB but I wanted to know what the vision was about and if I distanced myself from my physical body I would lose the scene and any chance of retrieving the information being relayed to me. So I remained hovering over my physical body and calmed myself so as to remain OOB as long as I could.

I began to hear a conversation between several men that I could not see. They were gathering for a world summit meeting to discuss the state of the world and what could be done about it. The feeling from the men was that the meeting would be a waste of time. No one would agree on anything and if they couldn’t then the world would be none the better for their trying. This was not mentioned in words, instead it was more of a Knowing that was relayed to me. One man asked another man, “Where is the Chairman?” Another man answered and said, “I don’t know but he should be here soon.” Then another voice said, “What’s his name again?” I heard a man answer, “His name is Crow.” My immediate thought when I heard the name Crow was, “Eat crow.”

At this point, aware that I was overthinking and needed to not focus on what was being said, my attention was drawn to my root chakra which was exploding out toward my feet. Recognizing I was focusing too much on that, I began to try and not focus on anything and calm my mind. When I did this I could feel the energy of transition that indicates both leaving the body and returning to it. I did not want to return to my body so I pulled away from my physical body and headed toward the bedroom door. As I grabbed onto the doorknob I began to feel my heart pounding in my chest as if I were in my physical body. I recognized I was still to close to my body and needed to get further away. Yet the pounding of my heart was intense and with it came sensations from my body indicating that my arm was going numb. It was such an odd experience to feel both bodies simultaneously. Unfortunately, my body’s communication was too strong. The need to “fix” it was more than the need to explore the astral and so I made the decision to go back to my body.

When I settled back in my body my heart was not pounding but my arm was numb and my bladder was uncomfortably full. There was energy all around my head, indicating re-entry via my crown.




Preparation in Dreams: Time to Act

I slept 10 hours last night. This comes after a week of very light sleep averaging 6 hours a night. It appears I am shifting back to the deep, heavy, healing sleep of integration and preparation.

When I woke at 6am I felt sad and emotionally empty inside. It literally felt like someone came in with a spoon and scooped out everything inside. Hollow and echoing back at me the emptiness. I was extremely tired and the only thing I recall thinking was that I felt like I did during my Dark Night of the Soul.

Dream: Taking Tests

Surprisingly, I fell back to sleep. I entered into a dream where I was sitting at a student desk taking a test. All I saw wast he test in front of me. It was laid out like a typical test but I am not sure what the subject was. I suspect math because I remember writing down a decimal that never ended – something like .81258…… I just remember there were 8’s in it. It was the square root of a number but I don’t know what number. The number 33 was also prominent as was the Pi symbol.

I turned in the test thinking I didn’t care if I passed it or not. In my mind I was considering my grade and figured I would get a 75%, which was totally fine with me. This is surprising because in school nothing less than a 90% was acceptable. Perfectionist. Somewhere in college I got over this expectation and accepted B’s, but C’s would still upset me.

The teacher asked me if I finished the entire test and asked me to check my answers. I returned to my seat and flipped through my test. It was several pages long and I realized I had not completed the pages in the middle. So I turned it over and started from the beginning, noting there were reading passages throughout it. It didn’t look like a math test at all!

The first page was almost entirely instructions. At the very bottom was a fill-in-the-blank section without a word bank. I remember feeling discouraged here. No word bank? lol I decided to just guess and hope for the best. I remember writing in the word, “Balance”. This test felt like a science test at first but as I was reading through the questions it resembled a psychology test.

Dream: Adjusting Time

The dream shifted and I was inside a house with other people. The microwave clock was blinking and the time needed to be set. I went up to it and began to try and set the time but it was difficult and I kept having to start over. A man was there with me trying to help but I insisted on doing it myself, snapping at him to let me do it. I was very frustrated. The time I was trying to set the clock to was 3:44pm. Eventually I allowed the man to tell me how to set the clock and I was able to set the hour but then he took over and set the wrong time. It got set at 3:52. By this time I was apathetic about the whole thing and just accepted the time but I said to him, “Now the clock will be fast and everyone will be early.”

Dream:  Mental Hospital

The scene shifted and I was an officer of some kind.  A new person had just been brought in. It won’t say inmate here but that was the feeling. However, it appeared more like a mental hospital than a prison setting. The young woman had blonde hair and was dressed in a white hospital gown. She sat in front of me staring at the floor. My job was to help her. I had a very thick manual in front of me that I began to read through. The girl asked me a question about what would happen. I jokingly told her to expect a strip search and her face showed her horror. I reassured her there would be no such thing and instructed her to read her portion, an introduction of sorts describing what was wrong with her and why she was there. The manual was color coded and I was reading the green print but can’t remember what was written. I flipped through it and saw it was hundreds of pages long. The manual was a psychology manual for treatment of this woman’s specific condition.


Dream: New Dog

Somehow the dream brought me to a scene in which I was watching a golden retriever dog and listening to a man talk about taking the dog for a walk. The feeling here was that the dog was young and had lots of energy so needed frequent walks. I was given a short leash that was red and looked like a hoop with a clasp on the end. I remembered my dog Trooper at this time and told the man that I would need a longer leash if this dog was anything like mine was. I saw my dog’s blue leash hanging on the wall and pointed to it, telling the man it would be much better. He gave me the leash and I attached it to the dog’s collar. The dog had two, thick silver chain links on his collar and I clasped Trooper’s leash to the last link. When I did this I was overcome with memories of my dog and the runs we went on. I knew this new dog was going to run as fast or faster than my dog did and to expect to be dragged behind him for the first part of the “walk”.

The memories of my dog were too much and I began to sob uncontrollably in the dream which woke me up immediately. When I woke up I could not stop crying. It was not over sadness or missing my dog, though, it was about the message behind the dream. It took me almost 15 minutes to recover.

Confronting the Inevitable 

It became very clear to me that I was not grieving my beloved pet at this time. There was a message that was being repeated over and over. The message came as an analogy to the situation which led to my dog’s death.

I was told a year in advance that my dog would be leaving me. I ignored the message or maybe just forgot it or lost track of time.

I was warned in advance that this was coming, too.

The signs that he was deteriorating were numerous and I chose to ignore them. A week prior to his death I had chosen to not take him to the vet. I was in denial and didn’t want the vet to confirm what I knew was happening. He was dying.

Similarly, the signs have been there that “death” is coming whether I want it to or not. Many times I could have done something about it and I didn’t.

The day of his death I was in a panic and unable to think. He was suffering and I didn’t want to do what had to be done. It was awful. I was alone and my husband refused to come help me. I had to do it on my own and I didn’t want to.

I don’t want to do this, either. I am unable to make a decision but only I can make this decision. No one will do it for me.

When the vet told me he was dying and asked if I wanted to euthanize him, I agreed but I could not be in the room when it happened. I broke down in tears in the vet’s office and was a mess after that. I have never grieved over anyone like I did that dog. 

I suspect when the time comes that I will not want to be present to witness the end.

So as I was dealing with a similar, heavy grief this morning the connection hit home. I am being asked to do something similar in my life. To stop avoiding what I know needs to be done. To look at the signs which are right in my face.

One of the biggest regrets I have about those last days of my dog’s life are of letting him suffer. I was too selfish to do what needed to be done, to end his misery. Instead, I prolonged it. That is what apparently I am doing to myself right now. Prolonging the misery by not taking action and doing what needs to be done.

I am left now with this sense of being utterly and unbearably alone. I feel like I am dead already. I feel like what awaits me is another Dark Night of the Soul. I can’t do that again. I won’t follow bread crumbs to a dead end again even if the bread crumbs are really cookie crumbs. The disappointment would be too much for me. I am TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!

And I really miss my dog Trooper right now.

Image source– Infinity, pi and square root all represent the continuous existence of thought.






Camping Lessons and E.T. Dream Visitation

The full moon camping trip was a success despite not turning out exactly as I had planned. My entire family – husband and three kids – came along and made things very interesting. The different personalities combined to make things very chaotic at times. My daughter was especially dramatic, which isn’t new. I am not sure if it is a Taurus trait or not, but she has a hard time dealing with change of any kind.

Lessons learned:

Make a check-list beforehand. I packed everyone’s stuff into the car and forgot my own stuff -everything I needed for the ceremony, trip, etc. Thankfully the campsite was not far from our house.

Inflatable beds are a must-have.

Do NOT make your first meal after a three day, gluten-free, dairy-free, meat-free cleanse be hot dogs, beans and Fritos. Ha! BAD idea.


I don’t know if it was the fact that I was sleeping in a tent or the energy of the full moon, or both, but I did not sleep very much. When I did sleep, I was awakened either by coyotes howling close by, dogs barking at the coyotes, or my middle son sleepwalking and jumping onto my air mattress. lol

When I did sleep I had really crazy dreams and messages from my guidance.

There was an entire dream sequence about my husband and an incident that never happened but in the dream I was convinced it had. In the dream he referenced a specific conversation we had in the past. He mentioned that he knew at that moment that I didn’t love him anymore. We had a long talk in the dream about this past conversation, his realizations and our relationship.

Then there was talk with my guidance about the talk I had with my husband in the dream. The message was clear that I needed to look more closely at my relationship. I had a very resistant feeling to what we were discussing.

As I was waking from this dream I saw a man-sized cockroach and said to my guides, “Really? Really? Please just let me sleep!”

In another dream I was with a group of people that resembled teenagers. They were all dressed in black and had piercings and tattoos. The females of the group, including me, were being prepared to be sent out for work. Plastic wrap was being inserted between the skin and the underwear. I inquired as to why this was and was told it was to protect the skin from contact. I remember thinking we were going to have sexual contact. I laughed about it but the other women were not laughing. Then there was focus on a couple who were always together. The sense was that they were pair bonded.

I was sent to an arena or stadium that was under construction and being rearranged. When I arrived I was told a step was missing and to be careful. I saw a huge hole where the step should have been and was told it was being turned into a walkway that would stretch right across the arena. I turned to see who it was who was telling me this and saw I was surrounded by E.T.s of a race I cannot identify because now in my memory their faces are a complete blur. All I recall is black and gray. I do remember they were wearing uniforms and there was a military feeling. My human mind wants to say they looked like they had on skeleton masks but I know that in reality they were not wearing masks. In the dream I was surprised at their appearance but was not afraid of them despite them being so close to me and completely surrounding me.

When I woke up from this dream it was suddenly and I felt strange. There was a feeling that I am being prepared to work with whoever it was in my dreams. My suspicion is that more E.T. contact is coming.





Full Moon Ceremony

For those of you who will be joining me tonight!

Much love,

A Walk-In Life

Tonight at 9:22pm PDT there will be a full moon. Prior to that, at 12:05pm PDT there will be a prenumbral lunar eclipse. I will be doing a full moon ceremony starting at 9pm CST.

For the past two days I have been doing a cleanse. So far the cleanse has not been difficult. The first day was a bit touch-and-go, mostly because I had caffeine withdrawal from abstaining from my morning cup of coffee. Besides a little hunger, by day 2 I felt absolutely marvelous and by day 3 (today) I continue to feel loads lighter than I did before I started.

I don’t know if it is cleanse or the upcoming full moon or both, but yesterday I was in La-La Land most of the day and this culminated in a very busy night. Not only did I have several messages from my guides but I also had

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