Kundalini Dream: The Universal

Ladies and Gentleman we have lift off.

Not sure why that came to mind but I will go with it. 🙂

I wrote an entire post and was ready to publish when WP froze on me. When I attempted to recover the post all that remained were the first two lines (above). 😦 So here I go again.

After yesterday’s message to “speak my truth”, I had a memory come to me out of the blue while I was preparing my breakfast. I recalled an incident from August, 2014. Without going into detail, the result of the experience left me recognizing that a part of my life was not in line with my Truth. Though I took no major action at the time, a decision was made on a subconscious level. That decision was to rid my life of those things which were not in line with my Truth and replace them with things that did.

Prior to bed last night I was thinking of all the experiences I’ve had in the past six years and asking my guidance once again, “Why? Why did all these things happen?” It felt like it had all been for nothing.

Today, after this morning’s experience, I see that my question was answered. Everything that transpired after August, 2014, has been in line with that subconscious decision to rid myself of that which did not resonate with who I am. 

Kundalini Dream: The Universal

I with two others inside a small home that was very welcoming. Inside were two small rooms, one in the front and one in the back. Between the two was a small ramp. I knew the house was located in Alaska (the last frontier).

Within this dream occurred another dream. In it I was speaking to a man. He was very muscular, tall and completely bald. It seemed like we were getting to know one another. All I remember of our conversation is that he referred to me as “the Mother” and also as, “The Universal”. Note: Upon waking I recalled the man and thought of Mr. Clean, thus the featured image.

Then I was back in the tiny house observing myself as a young girl running into the back room via the ramp. 

When I arrived in the back room I was again my older self. I sat down at a picnic table (solidarity and harmony). The man sat next to me on my right. In front of us was a woman, though I can’t recall what she looked like. The back room felt like a screened in porch (feeling carefree) and there was a sense of a garden around us, though I never saw it.

The woman spoke to us about our connection but mostly I recall visuals at this time. I saw a large, 2D, circular image of the Earth. At the top was a spot or circle. At the bottom was another one. There was a line running from the top circle to the bottom. From the two sides were lines of energy coming toward the center.

I recognized the top circle as The Father and the bottom as The Mother. Together they were known as The Universal. When I saw the image I recalled the conversation I had with the man. I turned to him and said, “You called me The Mother and also The Universal!” 

The woman began to explain some other things but again, all I recall is a visual. I saw pillars falling in upon one another. The feeling was chaos and destruction. There was also a sense that the two – The Father and The Mother – were causing this chaos and destruction. For a moment it all seemed surreal, like watching a superhero movie play out. Our job was to save the world from utter destruction. If we did not work together we would destroy each other. 

Understanding the woman was indicating that the man and me were to come together, I said, “We have nothing in common, though!” I turned to the man as if asking for his opinion. He said, “We both like to work out….” A visual of a gym came to mind and I realized he was correct. I smiled and said, “And we both like to sing.” Something about knowing this made me hopeful.

And then I began to feel the man’s energy. It was magnetic and intoxicating, a very familiar feeling. 

At this moment in the dream the man scooted closer to me, putting his left arm around me and pulling me towards him. In that instant the visuals of the pillars falling came on vividly. They were all I could see. Complete devastation. Yet at the same time it was perfection. Organized destruction.

Alongside the visuals I felt the man’s energy coming in from my right, merging with my own. My entire midsection from my throat to my root came alive with energy. The energy in my heart was amazing. Oh how I’ve missed it! It was complete ecstasy.  

I started to cry and woke up. I immediately asked to return, but could not.

Messages

I went in and out of the in-between for a little while after. During this time I received two messages.

The first was, “6 months”. The feeling was this message related to an ending. I recalled a previous Knowing that in February/March something would change. 

The other message was, “You can start a new life, but not yet.”  

Message: Down in a Blaze of Glory

So my daughter tells me her dreams every once in a while. She says that for a while now they have been upsetting, even violent. I told her I have heard others say the same thing. Most recently she says her dreams are about our family being in danger – our home was on fire, someone broke in, hostage situations, etc.

She has also told me she thinks she died in 9/11 when the World Trade Centers were bombed. She told me this several years ago but then again after the anniversary this year. I asked her why she thought this and she described a dream she has in which she was running for her life in the streets of a large city. The buildings towered over her, the sky was dark and debris was falling from it. There were hundreds of others running with her. I asked how she died. She said, “I was hit in the head by something that fell from the sky.” I asked her why she thought she died in 9/11 and she said, “The dreams are just so real. It feels like it really happened to me.”

My daughter has also described numerous experiences where she feels she cannot move but is wide awake (sleep paralysis) as well as obviously lucid dream states that she wakes herself up from.

When my daughter was young (2-4 years old) she would tell me about Spirit she saw. She pointed to someone once, describing what she saw. It was my recently deceased grandfather. She also saw our recently deceased neighbor outside her bedroom window, calling him “a one-armed man”. He had lost his arm in an accident when he was young but she had never seen him in real life to know that.

I find it interesting that my daughter is experiencing this now when for years she experienced nothing. I’ve been feeling strongly that this year is more than an upsetting, eye-opening year because of the events taking place around the world. I keep hearing/Knowing that this year is a pivotal one for those who are Spiritual Warriors. It is time to step into that role fully.

Up until now I can’t say I’ve had any violent or upsetting dreams. However, I tend to not be upset by dreams in general. After my daughter told me about her dreams I, of course, had a dream in which our home was being broken into and items stolen. I woke, hearing a loud “bang!” and went downstairs to check. I felt shaky but otherwise unconcerned.

Then, last night, I had another strange dream. It felt like I was witnessing an actual event. The event may have been in this timeline’s past or on another timeline altogether, or could be a future event. Then again it may not be an actual event at all. Yet it reminded me of when I was a child and how I would receive vivid images of events when they were told to me. Later in life I discovered these vivid images were me witnessing the event through the eyes/mind of the experiencer.

Below is the dream I had this morning. Prior to this I had woken briefly and before I fell back to sleep I heard a voice say, “Do not be afraid.”

Dream: Dawson Mass Murder

I was floating down a country road in an unfamiliar area. Someone was with me, giving me a tour of the area and describing the events that occurred there.

What I saw was a vast field of tall, dead grass. To the left of the field was a grove of deciduous trees. The road near the field was small and might have been made of dirt, but I am uncertain. The area felt to be located somewhere in the Northeastern US, but I was not informed of the “where”.

Then I was observing a scene unfold. A group of people were standing in the field. Someone was barking orders at them, but I can’t remember what they were being told to do. Whatever it was, the people were not doing it. I could hear one woman’s thoughts. She was adamant that no matter what she would stand her ground. She was responding to the threat of death by fire and repeating to herself, “I like fire. It feels good.” It was as if she was trying to convince herself that death by fire was pleasant and as a result she believed it.

Then there was a commotion and a rise in fear among the people gathered there. Out of nowhere a gush of fire was shot at each of them as if someone was using a blow torch. They each caught on fire and began to burn alive. The entire time the woman was smiling, enjoying the feeling until she collapsed on the ground next to her companions.

The scene shifted. I was still at the field but there was now a fence to the left and the area seemed groomed and less wild. In the exact location where the group had died stood a circle of tall, thin trees. I knew there was a tree for each of the victims. I noticed a person could walk into the circle and inside were places to sit. It felt like it was placed there to honor the fallen.

As I woke, I wondered what I had just witnessed. I heard, “Dawson” and felt like I had been witness to either a mass murder or suicide event.

Strange Sync

Upon waking I went downstairs to get my morning coffee. My husband is prone to play music loudly in the mornings (he is a morning person) and for some reason he had awakened with a particular song in his head. He asked me, “Have you ever seen the movie, Young Guns? My brother said it was his favorite when he was growing up.” I said, “Yes. I think that movie was lots of peoples’ favorite. It was very popular at the time.”

Before he was able to play a song I knew what song he was going to play. The lyrics, “down in a blaze of glory” came to mind along with a memory of my dream, the people all on fire standing together, dying together. Then the song was playing and I said to him, “It’s very interesting that you are playing that song this morning. I just had a dream….” I described the dream but my husband was upstairs in the shower, so never heard me.

After hearing the song, I can’t help but think that it is part of a bigger message – to “go down in a blaze of glory”, to stand firm in my truth no matter the threat to my own survival – or to be more specific, the Ego’s survival. And going “down” does not mean the end. It is transformation by fire, something I am already very familiar with; The Phoenix. Rebirth.

Considerations

A friend of mine recently relayed to me that she felt a breakthrough was on the horizon. I responded with, “I think we are all anticipating something right now. It is ‘in the air'”.

Though I am not having great spiritual breakthrough experiences like I’ve had in the past, there are still messages coming through. These messages indicate, like I said above, that the time we have been preparing for is here – NOW. The preparation has been thorough. We have now the tools needed to step into our role, whatever that role may be.

My question has been, “What is my role? Who am I?” The answer is coming in bits and pieces but I have now received the same message enough times to know that that role is well known by me (my HS) and the timing of it is crucial and pre-planned.

Yesterday I wrote of an opportunity to go to Costa Rica where I can effectively unburden myself, opening up a space within that can then be filled with the New. Upon further research I discovered that though Costa Rica is open to visitors from the US, the state of Texas is not permitted entry. Our Covid numbers are just too high.

I wasn’t really disappointed to discover this fact. I had an inkling that the opportunity was more symbolic of what it is I need to do right now.

As if to affirm my suspicions, I came across a blog post and video that basically reiterated my Knowing. The video stated that the time is Now, that the present and future are coming together and that “we have to completely redefine who we are” (@23:45).

The video title is, Set the Mother Free and the Soul comes Home. Now if that isn’t a sync, I don’t know what is! To state the obvious – I am being guided to unburden myself. The burden I feel is as a mother in this time on Earth.

Now the question is, “How do I do that?” I have no doubt that the answer will be provided to me. If not to go to Costa Rica for three months, then something else.

At 30:51 she asks, “What do I have to do to set you free?” The answer: “Speak the truth always. Shatter the spell, this pretending that she doesn’t exist and the soul isn’t important. Each and every one of you has the Mother imprisoned within you and that is your spark, that is your Divine spark that Spirit is asking you to discover, to rediscover again and to bring forth.”

So it starts with speaking the truth, even if it is painful, and then to allow that truth to guide you forward. I know, though, that this is not easy.

Dream Message: Invictus

Slept a little better last night. This morning after I woke early I was disappointed to once again have no memory of dreamtime. It is difficult enough to have nothing going on during the day that is spiritual or interesting but then to have dreamtime snuffed out, too? Frustrating! 

Dreams

A mixture of dreams came after my request. I recall being inside a home that had a very cluttered back yard (subconscious). I was attempting to clean it up. A large, odd looking fence (barrier) had partially fallen down. The fence reminded me upon waking of a yellow (solar plexus) snake (kundalini) because it curved and was rounded and fat. Anyway, I went to prop it back up and the entire fence collapsed. Some people came to help but I decided to just leave the fence down because of the hassle of it. The people brought up potted plants and set them on various tables. The yard was more presentable after that.

Then I got news that my MIL had sent hundreds of bags of salt (rubbing salt into a wound) to her son, my husband. They were trying to put them outside and I would not allow it. I took them inside and found a room that looked to be unfinished but there were metal shelves in it. I pointed and said, “Put them there.” When I looked around the area I saw it was a large room with smaller rooms around the perimeter, all of them under construction (something in-process, unfinished). 

Then I was in another house that was spiritually themed. There were tapestries, paintings, pictures, rugs, etc. Some of the picture frames (adjustments to a situation) had no pictures in them (situations unknown), though, which was odd. The home belonged to my friend, Angela. She was having a party or gathering of some kind. I recall seeing her husband there, too.

The dream specifics are blurry now, though. What I remember was that I was being encouraged to stay and Angela was helping me in some way to deal with some issues. I remember walking around half-aware of my surroundings while people milled about. The energy was high and positive and it felt like part of Angela’s work. 

Then I remember Angela informing me that her husband was not “part” of her work. She was focused on the feminine and all the people there were women. I realized that without the masculine my healing work would be more difficult and I suddenly was not interested in being there. 

This is when another woman entered and invited me to come receive healing. The woman had long, dark hair and her energy was very wise. At first she was telling me how Angela’s issues were in her heart and I knew this and said “heart” at the same time she did. However, then she was talking to me directly and it was as if Angela and I were the same person, or at least very similar. She again mentioned my heart and I can’t recall what she did after (healing maybe?), but I remember feeling emotional. It seemed like the woman was giving me a reading, explaining why I was struggling so much. After there is memory of a time frame being mentioned – thousands of years – as if the issues with my heart spanned many, many lifetimes.

At the end the woman handed me a piece of paper. I glanced at it and there were about a dozen men’s names all at the bottom of the sheet of paper. I think the names were of men who could help me. I thanked her and asked her who she was. I saw in my mind a word that started with an “I” and had an oversized “V” in the middle. Though I can’t recall the rest of the word when I woke I thought of “Invictus” which means “unconquered”. 

Odd Vision

When I woke again I tried to remember the details of the dream but fell into the in-between where I saw a peculiar visual. I was peeling off my own skin. It was in huge, thick, layers and felt really good. It felt like picking off a scab that was ready to fall off. The layer of “skin” was about two inches thick, though! The area I was peeling if off of was the front of my calf, just above the ankle. I started at the knee and peeled it all the way down to the ankle. Weird!!

I think the skin peeling may be representative of me relieving myself of something I have “worn” for a long time like pretense, or perhaps my past mistakes and how they molded me into who I am or appear to be to others. The peeling off of the skin is likely healing and the process of removing the old to reveal the new. 

Costa Rica – Clear It to Fill It?

Perhaps the dreams and vision are result of my considerations about staying in Costa Rica for a while? 

After my SIL invited me to live in a two bedroom house near the one she is renting I have been contemplating the idea of a retreat for a while. Though I am not thrilled about the idea of not having a particular goal in mind, the thought of leaving behind the burdens and responsibilities of my life for a short time is appealing. I would essentially unburden myself for a while and the time may give me the opportunity to decide what I want to fill the resulting “space” with. 

I can stay up to 3 months for $400/mo which would pay for a furnished home and all utilities. I would only have to pay transportation and food/supplies. My husband already told me I can work remotely while there, too, and my pay would be more than enough to cover any expenses I have. My SIL does equine therapy for kids in the area, following her soul purpose (following her heart). She is easy to get along with and I like her (more than any of my husband’s family members). If I don’t want to be around my SIL, the two houses are far enough apart that I could easily avoid any unwanted interaction. 

The cons to going are that neither of us speaks much Spanish and there are few English speakers in the area. The nearest town requires a cab ride to get there and they require masks be worn in any shops/stores. The country requires anyone coming in to get insurance while they stay there. I wouldn’t know anyone but my SIL. I have no idea what I would do in my free time, no plans, no drive to do anything specific. My usual workout regime would have to end, replaced with cardio and bodyweight exercises if I wanted to continue to stay in shape. I wouldn’t see my children and phone service is limited (have to Facetime mostly). 

I have considered perhaps doing an Ayahuasca ceremony while there, but am not sure it is needed or a good idea. My SIL says there are many spiritual seekers who frequent the area, so a ceremony would be easy to find. 

In considering what is holding me back my main concerns are what I would do with my time while there. It would definitely be an unburdening of myself – of the burdens I carry here at home – which would result in a space within that I would need to fill. So my main worry is that I would not know who I am when all the burdens – distractions – are removed.

I have been sitting on the idea, trying to let my heart give me a thumbs up or down, but have yet to get an answer or feeling in response. At the moment my husband is preparing to leave and will likely be gone a month, so I have some time to decide. 

Be Ready

I was doing good and then….not. 😦

I woke this morning once again wishing that I could sleep longer. I even said to my daughter, “I wish I could sleep another 20 years.”

At least my desire to sleep was not fueled by the desire to escape this life. I just really wanted to linger forever in that heavy, wrapped in dreamy sleep feeling. As I write this I think of a blanket of stars wrapped around my astral body. Ahhhhh the feeling is wonderful!

Still, though, it was difficult to get out of bed knowing that not much was awaiting me except more of the same. Yawn.

But I got out of bed and moved through each step of my morning routine half-asleep. Conversations from the day before, random musings and lost dreams created a cocktail of thoughts, none of which really grabbed my attention.

Coffee. Yes! Funny enough, coffee in dreamtime = awareness, but this time in waking reality awareness was provided almost instantly. It is curious how coffee can do that, isn’t it?

I sat at my computer and checked WP, which is not my normal routine but I thought, Maybe a good blog post might improve my mood?

I discovered I was drawn to posts that validated and reminded me of recent messages I have received.

One message was, “Focus upon what you want, not what you don’t want.” Remember that one? Why is it so difficult for me to do?! Ugh!

Anyway, I found this short post almost immediately (Source). The message is the same:

I just couldn’t seem to get it right.

My body was in the correct position. My muscles were contracted. But every time I tried to find my balance, I would wobble and fall back onto my feet.

“Maybe you just can’t do crow pose,” I told myself.

“Bullshit,” I replied.

For months, I kept trying. During one practice session, I grabbed a pillow off my couch, placed it on the floor in front of me and promptly nailed the pose. never even coming close to face-planting in the pillow.

Curious, I removed the pillow and tried again.

No bueno.

It was then I realized the role that pillow was playing. Because the pillow was uncomfortably close to my face, I craned my neck slightly and shifted my gaze forward. Without the pillow, I was looking down at the ground, which was exactly the place I feared ending up.

Focus on where you want to be, not where you fear ending up.

It seems so simple, doesn’t it? Yet, it’s far from easy.

We all have a tendency to put our focus – our energy – on those things that we fear.

And much like a new driver who instinctively steers into an adjacent lane when looking in the sideview mirror, we tend to move in the direction of our focus.

Where are you looking?

Very succinct and to the point and just what I needed.

The next message I received recently, yet I didn’t blog about yet, was received yesterday morning.

“They will see you when you leave.”

There was more to the message but it is lost to me now. I came out of my reverie and intercepted the message which, of course, deleted part of it. I wish that didn’t happen! But it doesn’t matter. I remember enough.

At first I was confused, questioning what it meant and breaking it down into its parts to try and figure it out. Who is “they”? What do you mean, “leave”? Where am I going?

That got me nowhere.

I then recalled a message I got some time ago now (months now?).

“You will be seen.”

Hmm. Maybe the two are connected? Probably.

I got an image of a spacecraft coming down to Earth, leaving my physical body and getting on board with thousands of others – like in the Book of Revelation. lol

I decided to put the cryptic message on the “shelf” until later. Sometimes the message makes sense at a later date, sometimes not.

Back to this morning….The next blog I ran across seemed to answer my above questions, at least partially.

There is no reason to be-leave in something “otherly,” because when you leave your being, you give them that opening. Embody now, your natural state, know the truth and you are free.

Source

Do you see it? “Leave” is in there twice. Perhaps the message I received is not about going somewhere at all. Maybe it is about embodiment?

Other Considerations

As a result of the above two posts I entered into a kind of “ah-ha” moment which I am still processing. Previous messages and experiences began to line up as if to create an arrow pointing at…..I don’t know what. lol

I recalled a dream not long ago where I was told an event was being created “just for me” in November.

I recalled a conversation I had with my husband just recently. He was telling me about his theory of why his mother, who is sick and in pain all the time, won’t leave her body. He said he believed what kept us tethered to our physical bodies was communication. Our bodies allow us to communicate, he said. Without them we can’t communicate with others in bodies. I told him, “That isn’t true.” I went on to explain how when we come into this world we are taught that our body is the only way to communicate, but it is a lie and we believe it so it is our reality. There was much more to our conversation but this is what I was reminded of – the illusion we believe and so are trapped by.

There was also memory of a recent dream I had where I realized following the rules/crowd and being a “good girl” was getting me nowhere (Escape the Bus!).

Then there is memory of how one day I saw a soccer ball in a ditch. I turned around toward my dog and then turned back, intent on retrieving the ball for my kids, only to find it was gone. Vanished. I searched but found nothing, yet my memory was solid. I then thought, “I shifted timelines” but tossed the idea as ridiculous. Later that day a FB friend suggested I had jumped timelines. I thanked him for helping me to believe what I already knew to be true.

And a recent opportunity also came to mind. I can, if I want, go to Costa Rica and stay in a two bedroom home on 400 acres of private land. My sister-in-law lives there part-time working as an equine therapist.

There are so many other ideas/messages/experiences that come to mind, too. I am left with a feeling that is hard to describe except to say I feel like something is coming.

Be ready.

Dream: Escape the Bus!

For a while now I’ve been redecorating our house in order to make the inside (and out) match me a bit more. With my kids older now, I am able to put back some things I took out long ago when they were babies and toddlers – lamps, plants, breakable items, nice accents, etc. Just a couple of weeks ago I replaced the living room TV stand that we’ve had for almost 12 years with a new console table and end table. I also got two matching lamps, new pillows for the sofa and a matching throw. I cleared and decorated the fireplace mantel with candles and some nicer items. In the sitting room I bought a new rug and added a lamp, pictures and a plant.

In October we are having our kitchen cabinets resurfaced and extended. That same month we are putting in a large Arizona stone patio and hardscape in the back yard. In the summer we had our front yard landscaped, so when it is all done the outside of our home will be transformed.

Believe it or not, these changes are not that expensive if one takes into account how the change makes everyone in the house feel. I added yellows, golds and creams in the colors in the living room which brightened the space up quite a bit. The new cabinets will be in a light gray and also brighten things up. To me the cost is worth it and I also get to be creative, which helps my overall mood. Once the patio is in I may even buy a hot tub for the family as a Christmas gift. We’ll see…

I am really enjoying creating change in my home, decorating it creating an atmosphere of calm. Prior to having children I always had a nice home with nice things. Nothing extravagant, just comfortable. I didn’t realize how much I missed feeling at ease in my own home until now. Wow! What a difference and I’m not even finished yet.

Similarly, I continue to focus on what I want to manifest for myself in other areas. At night I am allowing myself to re-experience the connection feeling to the best of my ability. All-over energy hugs are a common side-effect and I am not complaining! I hope to recreate the feeling 100% eventually but for now, baby steps.

Dream: Escape the Bus!

My memory of the dream is fading quickly. I haven’t been sleeping as well or as long as I want because school is back in session and the boys need to be on the bus before 7am. Plus my nose is clogging at night again. 😦

I remember sitting on a school bus (following the crowd) that was completely full. The bus was white (doing what is good or right) and the people were all wearing light colored clothing, like robes. The bus wasn’t moving. It was like it was waiting in traffic, but I don’t remember seeing anything outside the bus to confirm. My feeling was of being stuck on the bus and “following the crowd” (this is what a school bus symbolizes, too!). 

Then I was talking to some others and the bus background faded. I am not sure where we were but we all had the idea to stop waiting around and exit the bus. In my mind I was thinking about leaving and returning home. I remember telling them my decision – “I’m just going to run.” I was ill prepared for this because I was wearing sandals with straps, shorts and a t-shirt, but I figured I could do it. The distance was about 15 miles but I had run nearly as far in the past so knew I could do it. A woman with dark hair wearing a tank top and shorts had the same idea and I watched her take off down the road. She got pretty far before I, too, began to run.

In this dream, like another I had recently, my stride was off. It felt like my legs wouldn’t do what I wanted them do. Despite this, I kept going, forcing myself to move even if it meant I crawled or moved without grace, which I did for a bit as the others watched. Eventually, I was able to get both legs to work and I made progress. The interesting thing is how I perceived my legs. They felt like jello, all wobbly and soft.

The entire time my group was with me. I recall seeing a man with dark hair who was familiar to me. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out how I knew him. He seemed not to notice me, though.

We got to a hub (preparation for travel or movement) that resembled a mix between the inside of a hotel lobby and an airport waiting area. There were clusters of chairs in circular areas here and there with people waiting to leave through a door. Large floor to ceiling windows separated the circular waiting areas and outside I could see water for miles. Some people were in lines awaiting departure, others were seated in chairs.

I remember looking for a map of our destination, finding one and looking at it. The young man was next to me, also looking. The map is hazy in my memory but there was water and marking on it resembling instructions for planes and/or boats. I mentioned the name of the place we were going and it sounded like a hotel or resort name. In fact, I remember now that the people waiting there were all going to various resorts that were located on islands. 

Someone asked if I needed help and I asked for directions to my “hotel” (transition). The man told me how to get there and I knew it was not via one of the hubs. I could get there on foot. I remember seeing in my mind the path. It was a dark (unknown or hidden) path along trails through trees and shrubs.

I sat for a while discussing the path ahead with the group. Interestingly, I sat next to the dark haired man and lay my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me and pulled me close. I looked up him and he looked down at me lovingly. I felt safe and loved. It was as if I had known him a long time but I couldn’t remember who he was. It was only the feeling that was familiar.

Sadly, before I could focus more on the feeling between us, I woke up. The last thing I recall is knowing I would not travel alone.

Memory

As I typed out this dream I recalled an OBE I had in March, 2015, where I visited a spiritual processing hub. In the OBE people were lined up waiting to get on planes to various locations. It felt as if they were traveling off planet. There was a sense that I had been there before and knew some of the people there but the Knowing was energetic. What I recall the most of this OBE is knowing I would get to go Home.

I also recalled a dream I had in 2014 where I was going to a reunion in Tennessee. Again, I was waiting in a lobby, this time an airport lobby. I recall being in the arms of a man who felt like family to me. He put his arms around me, hugged me and I felt safe. Again, I was excited about getting to go Home.

The previous OBE and dream were at different times in my life but both were prior to experiencing a heart connection in December, 2015. What I noticed about both dreams is I had a strong feeling of Home or going Home. In this morning’s dream I was leaving the bus to return home/Home.

Here is the dream from 2014:

I was with some friends, though I can’t remember them now. There was a distinct feeling that I was considering doing something “wrong”. The feeling hung around and seemed to grow throughout the dream. I felt horribly guilty.

As the dream progressed it became obvious what I was feeling guilty about. I had been ignoring the advances of a man for some time but felt a magnetic attraction for him and eventually I gave in. Then we were a “couple” though it was not sexual. I remember also that someone said “He pursued you” and that we were going on trip to Tennessee. However, I had lied to my husband and did not tell him that I planned to continue on from Tennessee to another, more northerly state after we got to Tennessee. Nor did I tell him about the man I would secretly go away with.

When we arrived at the airport, I sat and waited with this man. I felt at peace with him and I experienced such a strong love feeling in my heart that it extended down through to my root chakra. I did experience the sexual energy of the root chakra but it was different – it was elation mixed with a spiritual passion that is hard to describe. Had I been lucid in this dream it would have caused me to cry with joy. All I wanted to do was snuggle into this man’s arms. It was as if his energy calmed and soothed me and I felt like I was reunited with a piece of me that had been missing.

As we waited at the airport a large group of people came toward us – more people than I can count. I knew them all. They had come to welcome us. I was immediately aware that my husband was among them and I saw him come through the middle, smiling. I felt so much shame at what I had done that it was overwhelming but the man I was with soothed me and I felt the wonderful flood of peace/joy flood through me. He smiled and I asked him, “I get to go Home?” and he said, “Yes”.

That is when I woke up. The feelings lingered as I woke and I was horrified because I suspected that the dream was a premonition – that I would meet someone and leave my husband. And I knew, if the man I met made me feel like I felt in the dream that I would not be able to resist. The thought of that scared me and made me feel horribly unworthy and like a traitor without having done anything!

Considerations

I am now noticing something from the dream from 2014 that I didn’t before. In the dream my husband is smiling and happy that I am with the man who I have such a deep love for. I have recalled this particular dream many times because it did in fact foretell the future. For one, I met the man I had so much love for and the meeting happened because I drove to Tennessee. I did feel horribly guilty, as if I were doing something very wrong. Yet I never understood why my husband seemed to be giving me his blessing in the dream. In the past year, however, with the changes I see in my husband, it makes sense. He has now given me his blessing. Ha! And here I am having a dream with a similar dark haired man, at another “airport”, heading off to an unknown destination that feels like Home.

Rather than try and look too deeply into the meaning of this dream and the previous dream memories it evoked, I will just let it be. I will say that I have had a really good day today. I woke from the dream with feelings of hope and awe. Reviewing my past dreams was a good reminder that one can never really know what is in store for them in the future but you can bet it will be filled with some magnificent surprises, twists and turns! 🙂

Message: Shift, Shift, Shift

Just a short post about what I am perceiving lately.

On Friday morning as I was preparing for my day, there was a loud noise in my dining room. I turned to see a painting slip on the wall, hang precariously for a moment and then fall to the floor. It landed upright facing the wall with the painting backside visible.

I didn’t try to put it back but left it where it fell.

Not long after as I was cleaning up the breakfast mess in the kitchen, I heard another noise, this time from the cabinet. A pan must have slipped – shifted – inside. I took note and said aloud, “Shifting. Things are shifting today.” My daughter was close by so I said to her, “I need to watch out today. Shift, shift, shift. I need to be careful on my drive to/from work.”

Fast forward to my drive home from work. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened and I had long forgotten my shift message. As I approached the on-ramp to the highway, though, I saw the traffic going North – the direction I was heading – was at a standstill. I thought, “Great. I need to get home (I had an appointment in 15 min)”.

As I drove onto the highway I saw that the road beyond the ramp was free and clear. Looking to my left I spotted the why – a blue, Chevy sedan was in the middle lane, flipped, tires in the air. The windows were shattered and people were running back and forth from vehicles parked on the side of the road with cell phones in their hands.

The accident had just happened, maybe even seconds before I arrived.

I drove on but had an odd feeling. I remembered the “shift” message and felt grateful. I knew it was just a reminder but still, it was one of those “time stood still” moments.

I don’t know if anyone was injured in the accident. From what I could it didn’t look like it.

A Change in Energy

The next day I noticed a friend had posted on FB about Jupiter going direct and Mars going retrograde. For me, at least, Mars doesn’t seem to impact me that much regardless of what direction it is traveling. I’m not sure about Jupiter but since it is one of the planets effecting my astrological chart, it could be a positive thing. Since Friday I have felt more decisive and less scattered mentally, which is a good thing. That could be a Jupiter blessing. 🙂

Speaking of decisiveness, when I woke this morning I was thinking of how I was tired of asking to go Home so much. It was not long ago that I had been practicing quieting my mind, pushing out negative thoughts and focusing more on positive, uplifting thoughts and feelings. How did I end up back in the “poor me, I want to go Home” state? IDK but a part of me is sick and tired of it. So when I woke I knew I needed to change that. Instantly I heard, “Focus on what you want”. At first I thought, “Going Home is what I want” but before I could finish the thought I scratched it and knew/thought, “No. Going home is a cop-out. It is an avoidance tactic.” Asking to go Home is me whining, playing the victim and avoiding change. It is all about focusing on things I don’t want. Grrr.

With the question “what do you want?” I instantly found my focus going to my heart. Within seconds an energy was noticeable. It wasn’t pleasant and warm. It was achy. I kept my focus there because, more than anything, what I want is to feel like I once did – Connected.

Interestingly, a few days ago in the evening during my nightly tune-in time, I had the idea of focus on expanding my energy field. When I did this, I noticed how much I had pulled in my energy like a blanket around me. I have been keeping it very close. This, I know, has been my protection. The more expanded my energy, the more I pick up, and lately what I pick up is not pleasant – anxiety, fear, anger, hate, distrust, paranoia, etc.

As I expanded my energy field I sensed a very large presence in front of me. It didn’t scare me. I often sense Spirit and energy of all kinds around me. Just to be safe, I asked for protection – only my guides and angels around me. The presence did not leave. If anything, it seemed closer. I perceived it like a shadow almost, but it was just that my energy created the illusion of darkness when it came into contact with this other energy.

I want to also add that I felt energy originate in my lower spine (just above my pelvic region) and spread and wrap around my entire body. An energy hug. Wonderful! So I have no doubt the presence with me is of the Light.

I have been focusing on expanding my aura ever since. Jupiter = expansion. haha

Other messages have been seeping in. Mostly that now is the time to use what I have learned to become the version of me I am here to be. This message can be a bit overwhelming because I begin to question how to do this. I feel completely unprepared! Yet at my core I sense that I am prepared and all the hard work it took to get here will pay off. I want to get to work already but have no idea how or which direction to go.

I feel like my foot is on the gas pedal and the brake at the same time and I am just burning rubber.

The message continues to be to put on blinders, to keep my gaze on the horizon. Keep looking ahead. No looking back or to the side.

OBE: Black Humvee

I woke at 4am and couldn’t return to sleep. Thoughts were on a recent repetitive message – “2 years” – and a dream where I stated that the end of the world would come on Sept 28, 2025. I was feeling depressed about my life, the lack of meaningful forward movement and had a feeling that time is running out.

OBE: Black Humvee 

Somehow I entered into an OBE. I knew instantly I was OOB. I was inside my grandparent’s underground (subconscious) home in the kitchen (seeking spiritual nourishment), a place I often find myself when OOB. I was facing the front door and decided to go outside. There was interaction taking place with someone but I don’t know who. It was like I was two people – the dreamer and the conscious explorer. 

As I approached the door I thought about how to become more lucid and so I was. When I went outside I tested my dream legs to see if I could fly. There was a strong pull down like gravity and I accepted this as the rules for the experience. 

Just outside the fence was parked a large, black (unknown, hidden) Humvee (hard work). I climbed inside via the passenger side and crawled to the driver’s seat. I knew it was owned by a man who was very strong and intimidating. My intent was to drive it so that this man knew. I was feeling mischievous. I turned the key to the ignition and it roared to life. Looking through the front windshield I saw how high up I was. I thought about driving over everything in front of me but changed my mind. The truck was way to big and I didn’t want to wreck it. I climbed out and went to explore.

Looking to the right of the house everything looked as it did in my memory except there were many young people milling about. Some were hovering in the air. This is when I realized I, too, was hovering and flying about. 

I observed the people. Some were in larger groups and others in pairs – couples. 

I flew past the people toward where the barn should be but instead found a construction site (work in progress). The fences had been remade into wood and were taller. Where the barn was stood a large house. I remember thinking how it would be nice to live there and wondering if I could buy the acre and home from my mother. 

Then my mother was there and she took me into the home. She asked me how I liked the church (spiritual healing, connection) they were building. I was surprised it was a church and knew then I couldn’t buy it as it was meant for many people, not just me and my family. 

Inside the church was made completely of wood that shown that yellowish color of new pine. It also smelled of pine (longevity, recovery). There were stairs and ramps heading up to a platform and behind that another area that my mother told me was where people would be baptized. The ceiling was very tall and the space quite big. I recall feeling peaceful.

Lucid Dream: Erika and Darius 

I came back to my body briefly and then returned but not to the church. Instead I was inside a garage (something is “parked”, lack of movement). My husband and MIL were near and I found a fabric grocery bag full of things on a shelf. It had opened, stale potato chips (loss of health, neglect of physical state) inside and I knew it was my MIL’s. Rather than toss the contents I took it to my husband and told him it was his mother’s and that I didn’t want to throw anything away because of how upset it would make her. The bag smelled of rotting food (decline), though.

My husband was tending to his mom and she was acting frantic and worried, which is normal for her. He was asking me if I would go with them somewhere, me driving a truck and him driving a car. I told him I wouldn’t – couldn’t – and he knew it. He didn’t argue with me, instead saying he would take the Prius (MIL’s car – soul journey) because his mother always kept it full of gas. There was discussion about how the car was having lots of issues and they were becoming more and more severe. The car would not last much longer. I was glad the car would be gone soon as it had been a major headache for me.

My husband handed his mom the grocery bag and she sifted through the contents, pulling out baby food (new nourishment) and exclaiming as if she was opening a present. She was super happy to have the baby food, pulling each container out and showing it to her son. That is when I saw the baby girl and knew the baby food was for this baby. I called the baby “Erika” and I recognized her. I had many feelings at this time. Mostly I felt upset that this baby was coming into the world to be the daughter of my SIL and BIL. I felt a connection to the girl. I didn’t like that I had worked so hard to make her the person she was only to have her come into a new life and forget me and everything we had accomplished together. I also didn’t like that she wouldn’t know me and would instead cling to her new family. 

Similarly, I saw how my MIL was being helped by this baby. She would have renewed purpose, which her life has been lacking for some time. My husband, too, would have purpose but in helping his mother who would struggle more and more with old age (the Prius represents MIL). 

Something about the scene took me back to my grandparent’s land (ancestry) and the young people gathered in groups and pairs. I floated there and watched them and a name came to mind – Darius. I went directly to him, then, shifting immediately into a new scene where I hovered in front of a 10 month old baby. He was chubby, black and super cute. When I saw him I was sad again. I knew him. He was family. There was Knowing that many were incarnating now and it upset me to think of so many loved ones purposefully coming to Earth now, at a very difficult time. There was a part of me that understood and accepted this and my connection to these new Beings but at the same time I was outraged at the injustice of it. It wasn’t fair that they would go through so much pain and hardship. I remember thinking of what was to come and shuddered.

I began to cry and purposefully pulled myself out of the dream scene and back to my body. The transition was smooth and without the typical bumpiness. 

Considerations

It feels like this lucid/OBE experience was meant to show me some things about myself and why I am responding to life the way I am now. There was a strong sense of being two people – the dreamer, or unconscious, version and the conscious version. I was able to see that the memory and Knowing I have as the conscious version is being interpreted and processed by the less conscious version. Thus, my responses in the dream were a mixture of calm, acceptance and outrage.

The Humvee is an interesting dream symbol. Trucks = work, so a Humvee would have a similar meaning but more in terms of the Collective and “war” since Humvees are traditionally used by the military. Black indicates the hidden or unknown, the subconscious or unconscious. So something about this work is unknown and maybe even a bit scary to me. There is a masculine feel to the Humvee as well, which I see as symbolic of what drives this “war” – the masculine and all it represents.

This is the second time now that I have associated my mother with a church. Perhaps I am reminding myself that the feminine should be honored at this time. I retreat to the feeling that comes with being inside the church. It brings me peace. And even though the church is “under construction” it already serves a purpose, indicating that once complete it will have much more of an impact on everyone.

Other Thoughts

Lately my mind has been on the future quite a bit. I can’t seem to shake the premonitions I had so many years ago when I first awakened and was flooded with visions and Knowing. One such vivid vision was of the White House on fire – bombed. I still see it so vividly. Also very vivid in my mind is seeing Fort Hood, Texas as a rubble field, also bombed.

I know that the future is not set in stone and for a long while I pushed aside my early visions as just a “potential” future, denying they could ever happen in my lifetime. Now I am not so sure. I keep having flashes of “what if’s”, which are not necessarily premonitions, but instead a mixture of what could be and my own fears or dread of them happening.

For example, I feel (and fear) that no matter who becomes President, the US economy is headed for a complete collapse. If this happens so many possibilities exist. The divide between the haves and have not’s is already widening. If it continues Civil War could result. Yet I have had previous visions also of the US being attacked by an outside force. What that force is – another country, a terrorist group, or just forces of Darkness in general, is unknown.

Despite all these worries, at my core I am exceptionally calm about it all. I have always been told by my guidance that I will be safe and need not worry about myself and my family. There is also a deep understanding I cannot put words to that indicate every.single.thing that is and will happen has a higher purpose.

About a month ago I actually wrote a post that I never posted about how everyone on Earth right now is being polarized. I opted not to post it because I know that it likely won’t make a difference in how people are reacting to what is transpiring in this world right now. And that is OK. The only person I have any control over is myself and I choose to NOT react, but to observe.

How do you not react to everything? React doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or thoughts. Let yourself feel. Let yourself have an opinion. It is OK. You are only human. I have an internal dialogue that I let play out when I get overwhelmed and upset over things. I just don’t verbalize it or share it with anyone because it won’t help matters. In fact, it will serve only to further polarize things. In the end, the dialogue always shifts away from the upset and back to my Knowing and acceptance of what is.

Hopefully, my honesty about my previous premonitions and fears doesn’t trigger anyone. If it does, I am sorry as that was/is not my intent. I hope my sharing assists in a better understanding of how I perceive this unique time in human history and that is all.

Dream Message: The Stages Can be Found in Leviticus

Had a dream this morning that was unusual. In it was mentioned the book of Leviticus. Specifically, it was said to me, “The stages can be found in Leviticus.”

Dream: Leviticus

I was in a home (soul journey). There were many people gathered. I recognized some of them. One was a FB online friend, one was my sister and the other was Bonnie Greenwell (Kundalini author).

I stood talking to the FB friend for some time. He was telling me about his progress in the program and what stage he was on. While we talked I prepared one of my protein smoothies (seeking nourishment). I spent a long time listening to this friend and did not say much. He seemed engrossed in what he was saying and I did not want to interrupt him.

Then Bonnie came and stood next to me. We stood there together watching the group. I recognized then that I was at an AA meeting. I offered Bonnie some of my drink and she accepted. I remember pouring her some while discussing the group. Though I don’t recall most of what was said in the dream, I do remember what she said to me. I had just told her about my FB friend and was also talking about my sister and her struggles. That is when Bonnie said, “The stages can be found in Leviticus.”

Bonnie then thanked me for the drink saying, “That was good! Thank you. Was there much peanut butter (self-indulgence) in it? I can’t normally take much peanut butter but this was perfect.” I told her, “Only 1 tablespoon. I don’t add more than that or else I would make the whole thing peanut butter.” We laughed.

I spotted my sister in the room and went to her. She was uncomfortable and I knew it was her first meeting. At this point I realized we were in a parking lot (lack or movement, “parked” in life) and not in the room. I introduced my sister to my FB friend but little was said. I even suggested she date him but she was not interested. That is when a car pulled up and my sister excused herself. She told me she had to go take a dose of something. I knew it was Methadone.

When my sister came back she was concerned others had seen her. I told her not to worry, that everyone understood and she was not alone. She relaxed some but then wanted to leave. I knew the Methadone kept her from experiencing the effects of any drugs. I was happy to know she could not get high anymore but she seemed depressed about it.

She then drove me home. I commented on how surprised I was that she could drive so soon after her surgery. She had on each hand a dinner plate with designs. One was Cardinals (good omen, message from loved one, rebuilt relationship) on a Tree of Life and the other was also a Tree of Life. I said, “Where did you find that?” as I pointed to the Cardinal one. She said it was our mother’s.

When we got home our mom coddled my sister, taking her to the bathroom and tending to her every need. I went to my old bedroom because I was going to stay the night. It was full of chairs placed in a circle (life cycles). My mom came in and I commented on the change. I knew I would have to sleep on a cot in the middle of the circle (being the observer).

Then my dog Monty jumped up on me and was super excited to see me. I petted him and hugged him. My sister said, “Look at his eyes! They look like he is smiling.” I looked close and indeed his eyes were smiling.

Message

When I woke I was thinking, “What stages?” I thought maybe the stages had to do with AA and the 12 Steps, since I was attending an AA Meeting in the dream. So I did a search but couldn’t find much about stages or even steps.

When I was about to give up, I found this and knew it was the answer I was seeking. I don’t know much about the book of Leviticus but this sermon, written in 1964, really spoke to me, specifically that “holiness” equates to “wholeness”. In the end, I understood the message in my dream was that the stages were about how to become Whole again, something we all strive for.

This word [holy] is derived from the same root from which a very attractive English word comes. This word is wholeness. So holiness means wholeness, being complete. And if you read wholeness in place of holiness everywhere you find it in the Bible, you will be much closer to what the writers meant. We all know what wholeness is. It is to have together all the parts which were intended to be there, and to have them functioning as they were intended to function.

Leviticus: The Way To Wholeness

The dream itself seemed to indicate that there is still hope for my sister. That is what I felt upon waking, at least. There is also a deeper meaning, I am sure, which is indicated by the sermon I found online. And there is a message for me – and you – as well.

What I got most out of the sermon is how God is patient with us, so we should also be patient with ourselves. God does not force us to change. He gives us a choice. We always have a choice.

The stages were indeed mentioned in this sermon.

The first is giving up the old for the new. We cannot hang onto the old life anymore.

The second is practicing love; living from the heart.

The third is knowing God. I interpret this as knowing The One, or that part of our self that Remembers that we are all One – our Higher Self. And in knowing God/Self, we better know ourselves.

The fourth is that we need to make a choice. We can choose to keep things the same – to live in our misery – or we can choose to change. As the article says, “a decision is expected of us.”

God never says, “I’m going to make you leave your misery.” Rather, he says, “If you prefer being broken and don’t want to be healed, you can stay right where you are. But if you want life, then this is what is ahead.” God never forces his will upon us. But he sets the choice before us, makes it very clear, and then expects a response on the basis that he has given.

Update

I think the main reason for the above dream and message came as a result of a phone call. I finally called my mom to check in. Turns out she was in the car with my sister and nephew and the entire call was on speaker phone.

I had been avoiding calling my mom. I didn’t want to hear anything negative. I didn’t want to confirm what I knew – that my sister went home to her rundown RV to recover rather than stay with my mom. And that is exactly what happened, too, except that the RV roof sprung a leak so my sister and nephew had been staying with my mom all week while it was being fixed.

I knew my sister likely shared her pain meds with her husband and that they may have even sold some. I didn’t mentioned this of course and I don’t plan to. It is what it is. My sister has to decide if she wants to recover or relapse. It is her choice and her choice alone.

Then there is my own struggles with life that I believe the message was related to. Without going into detail, I will say that like my sister, I also have a choice. Though it isn’t related to drug relapse, it isn’t that far off.

Life is composed of habits, some good and some bad, some outright destructive. We tolerate so much that we should not. We tolerate the undesirable out of fear of change and the unknown, out of complacency, and out of the belief that we must place others’ happiness above our own.

The part of the above sermon that really hit home for me was this: “If you prefer being broken and don’t want to be healed, you can stay right where you are. But if you want life, then this is what is ahead.”

I want healing. I want life. Don’t you? Yet I have chosen to remain broken.

Crayfish Totem

Had an encounter with a crayfish yesterday. It prompted me to return to this post from 2015, which was the last time I saw a crawdad/crayfish.

Living Life in Between

I was reminded yesterday morning of a recent outing with my children. I had taught them how to catch minnows in the creek with a net. In the process of doing this, I saw a crawdad and caught it quickly. I showed them. We touched it and marveled at it. And I had fun. I felt like a kid again.

I use to spend hours as a kid catching crawdads. I told my children stories of how I waded through knee high mud, invading crawdad homes and catching all sizes. I told them the story of the mammoth crawdad I caught that was the size of a lobster. And I told them stories of how I collected their claws, explaining that they grew back and how I never once got pinched.

I was reminded by seeing in my mind the picture of the crawdad I caught that day (pictured above)…

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