I’ve Been Zapped!

I’ve been up since 4am. Had a Kundalini rising episode again. They are getting more and more overwhelmingly intense. There was no way sleep was coming after this one. Nope.

Dream: LA 

There was a series of dreams prior to this one and even one that seemed to be going on simultaneously. But to avoid confusion I will stick to the one that resulted in the Kundalini rising.

I was inside a room that appeared to be made completely of a metallic type of a material. Everything was gray. Next to me was a small, spiral stair leading up. The whole scene reminded me of the inside of a ship, similar to what the inside of the USS Lexington looked like when I visited.

I was told to wait because the next shift was late, specifically the barber. I said I would wait but I really wanted to leave. It was cramped inside.

While I waited I turned on the computer monitor. It was very large, probably four by five feet. I was clicking on various icons and ended up on a porn site. Horrified, I tried to click out of it but was unable to. Everything I tried took me to more porn! lol What was odd is that the sites contained pictures of various E.T. women. I remember knowing where they were from – Sirius and Lyra specifically. The woman from Lyra looked like she was half feline! I can’t get the image out of my head even now. She looked like she had white fur growing along her spine that resembled a mink coat.

This is when the next shift arrived, the “barber”.Well, it was only one person, a man, and he was completely bald (a bald barber?). He came into the room carrying containers of food and said, “I brought take out” (second dream this week with take out). I knew who he was and was a bit shocked to see him. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around my midsection and kissed me passionately. I remember my entire body catching fire and I pushed him away and said, “Not now.”

There was knowingness that he was my “boyfriend” and he had been away. In the dream there was a time frame here but my memory is confused. It felt like 1 day but then I also swear it had been 15 months.

He then took me on a tour of LA. He showed me a restaurant. People were lined up waiting to get inside. I asked why the fuss and he said it was the location – some major film had been filmed there or around there. I remember thinking it was lame to wait all day in line for food just because of a location.

Next we were on the set of a film watching an actor as he played his role. I was interested but only because I knew his native language was not English. I was congratulated on recognizing this but I acted bored about it. I was still trying to figure out what exactly was going on through all of this. Why was I in LA? Why was I getting a tour? What is going on? lol

My thoughts were interrupted by yet another passionate kiss. Whoa. I became full-on lucid at this point and could feel everything very physically. The kiss knocked me off my feet and I remember sending a thought, “Please stop. I can’t do this.” There was no stopping it, though. It was like a whirlwind of energy rushing up my body that was so exquisite, so seductive, there was no way I could offer up any resistance to it. The entire time I felt myself participating in the kiss but it was like my body had a mind of its own. I was totally incapacitated.  Just when I think it can’t get anymore amazingly blissful, it does.

Of course, I woke myself up. lol Yet the energy continued swirling with fury from my root up to my throat, threatening to engulf me entirely. I think the reason I woke up was I kept holding my breath. Even after I woke up I kept holding my breath. How does one breathe through something like that?

I remembered that I needed to calm down and move the energy up and out of my root. But when I tried to do this, the energy hit my heart with such intensity that I again couldn’t breathe and felt like I would die from ecstasy. But really, can one die from ecstasy? Maybe?? lolol

The entire time I am awake and this energy is overwhelming me, I hear my Companion talking to me. I can’t remember all of what he said now, but I remember he repeated, “Let us help you” more than once. My thought was, “Us?”

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4am and No Sleep for Me

I glanced at my clock and it was just after 4am. I tried to return to sleep but the energy kept surging and my thoughts were not helping. If I even focused on my Companion a tiny bit my heart would explode and then it would all surge up again and make me breathless. And if I tried to recall my dreams the same thing happened. There was no escaping it.

It was also extremely hot in the room. lol

At one point I had calmed enough to feel the heaviness of sleep. I rolled over and settled down only to find my entire head and visual area hit with energy followed by the familiar sensation of hypnagogia. My eyes were closed but I could feel my astral eyes forced open. It was like a blast of energy opened them. In my visual field was an intense bright, white light. I mentally yelled, “No!” Little good that did! hahaha

In that instant I heard from within the center of my head an electrical, almost static buzzing sound. It was coming from directly in front of me and I heard it via my third-eye! WTF? Before I had a chance to think about it there came from this sound a blast of energy that went straight into the center of my head. It was like someone had aimed a laser beam of energy directly into my third-eye. I was zapped! Shocked, I felt my astral body jump. I also heard the zap with my third-eye. I have not heard in this way (internally while awake) in ages and it was through my crown. Never have I heard a noise via my third-eye.

Still in shock I heard my Companion say, “How was that?” He was smirking. NOT funny! Ahhhhh!

Well, there was no way sleep was coming after that. No way in hell. So I tried to relax and allow whatever was to come, to come. My heart was doing all kinds of crazy stuff as was my crown, third-eye, root – you name it, it was ablaze. Even now my heart is sparking up.

Purification Needed

Despite all of the energy flare ups that continued, I found myself pulled into the in-between by a female guide. She told me, “You need to keep your hands washed at all times.” Huh? What? She answered, “Purification ritual. You need to do one.” What an odd request and continually wash my hands? Why? What is odd is I actually felt compelled to wash my hands right then and there. Weird. I also remember now that I had visions of taking a bath when the Kundalini energy began to subside. All I wanted to do was “put out the fire.” lol

I recognized that I needed to research this. It is connected to Hinduism. I was also instructed to fast for an entire day. No food of any kind. Just liquids.

This female guide was very fussy, acting like a mother hen. The space she took me was highly decorated with textiles but very small. There was a feeling of “women only” and there came with this a thought of separating from men during the menstrual cycle. Another odd thing to add to a very eventful morning!


Me, Persnickety?

Just some random dreams I am posting for later reference.

Dream: Assignment

I put on a pure white, very heavy, knitted sweater. I knew it was too hot to wear, yet I chose to anyway. I felt uncomfortable wearing it.

Nervous, I walked into a conference room. Situated at a very long conference table were approximately 13 individuals, men and women. The atmosphere was very laid back. In fact, several of the men and women at the table had their feet up on the table and were casually conversing amongst themselves. I stood in front of them, nervous. Much was discussed but all I remember was the topic: my job. It wasn’t a job interview. It was instead a job assignment. I knew that I was a counselor, or at least that is what I felt my job was.

A woman passed me and another woman a list of what we were to do. My list was longer than the other woman’s yet our jobs were identical. I remember feeling this was unfair and so I objected, raising my hand and asking, “Why does she not have as much to do as I do?” I don’t remember the answer but I accepted it quietly despite still feeling it was unfair.

In the back of my mind I remember thinking to myself, “You should speak up for yourself before you end up in a situation you can’t get out of.”  But then I still didn’t because I felt so unsure if it was the right decision. I didn’t want to seem resistant, but I was.

When I woke from this dream I did not know who I was and I could not identify anything other than the fact that I had just received my assignment. It took me a while to remember who I was and my first thought was, “Why would I wear a sweater like that!?” lol Then I realized I had been communicating with my Council. No wonder I was nervous.

Dream: Persnickety 

I was with a group of friends and we entered a craftsman style home. I went directly out the back door into the back yard. It was dark outside and I heard one of my friends chattering away behind me. She was familiar with long, straight black hair and quite pretty. She was telling me that one of our friends went to get take out and then asked me when I got the automatic lock/unlock feature on my door. I told her I hadn’t as I went back inside. I checked the door and sure enough there was a small, black box next to it with a blinking green light. I guess we did have that feature after all.

A girl arrived with the take-out which was fried catfish. She was handing out the food so I went up to get mine. She asked me, “Do you want the fish with the persnickety seasoning on it?” I looked down and saw baked fish with red colored seasoning on it. I said, “Is it any good?” She said, “Yes, it’s great but it might give you indigestion.” I remember wondering what persnickety tasted like.

I woke up knowing that someone was making fun of me in this dream. They called me persnickety! Which, I probably am and it probably has given me and others lots of indigestion! lol

Dream: Mosquito

In a semi-lucid state I was standing downstairs in my kitchen speaking to a man that I could not see. As we talked something kept buzzing in my ear. I swatted at it a few times and then stopped talking to try and focus on killing the darn thing. It sounded very much like a mosquito and in the dream this is what I assumed it was. I could see it zipping back and forth. I was never able to kill it.

I suspect the mosquito that was bugging me was my guides trying to get me to listen. lol

Dream: Evil Teacher

In this dream I was reporting to a new job. I was a special education teacher and went into a classroom. It was to be my temporary room and another teacher was already inside. She had all the students busy and looked like a teacher I use to work with in the past. This teacher was really annoying so this is likely why she was in the dream because I remember thinking I could not work with her. I soon changed my mind and asked her for some suggestions and that whole section of the dream ended.

Then a man with dark hair approached me. He said to me, “I know you” and in my mind I recalled other dreams in which I had done things I was not proud of – all pertaining to school/education. I felt very ashamed of myself and knew this man knew all of my past misdeeds. Instantly I wanted to get away from him as fast as I could. I ran out of the building into the parking lot but he followed me.

I went to a nearby building, an old museum, to hide but he followed. I tried to bar the doors but he somehow got inside. So I decided I would confront him. I grabbed a large US flag with a pointed pole and sneaked up behind him. I saw that he had a young boy and my youngest son with him. To my horror I noticed evidence that he had molested them. Angry, I took the flag pole and stabbed the man in the back pushing the pole up through his abdomen and out the front through his throat.

This is probably the most disturbing dream I have had in over a year. When I woke up my root chakra was pulling and it confused me. I was told I was purging the final vestiges of blockages there. 


Good Year

As I was driving my children to their mini-summer school, I looked up and saw a sign I see every time I drive that route. A Goodyear sign at some business near our house. When I saw it I recognized it instantly as a message and I bubbled over with laughter. My heart literally jumped out of my chest. Yes! It will be a good year!!

The memory of a message I had received upon waking returned to me in that instant – thus the bubbling over with joy and knowingness. I had been forewarned of my upcoming Return. But this time I connected it to my solar return which translates as my birthday. Which is very, very close. Return = solar return = birthday = good year. hehehe

Can you feel my energy!? I am high on life. Flying in the clouds like the…yep…Goodyear Blimp!


Oh and the song that way playing was this one, yet again the chorus. But how does one bottle up this kind of energy? No way!

Molly, this post seems like it could be one of yours. Couldn’t help but think of you when I wrote it. ❤

Take Care of Your Body

I’ve been receiving a recurring message lately and have not been paying much attention to it because I understood and have been making the suggested changes. However, today, it occurred to me that maybe the reason the message continues to repeat is because I need to share it. That seems to be the pattern of late, anyway.

The message is simply: Take care of your body. This I understood was to prepare the body for the upsurge in energies which are coming in now. Higher intensity energies all the time and increasing as the year continues. This means our bodies must be able to handle these energies or else face overload. Overload = illness or other irritating bodily changes ranging from mild fatigue to IBS and migraines.

So I have been getting myself back on track. I eat clean, get plenty of rest, and exercise five or more times a week. I cut out alcohol, nicotine, and all man-made drugs from over the counter painkillers to allergy medications. I drink tons of water and take several supplements including a daily probiotic (50 million), daily multivitamin, vitamin E, Tumeric, Vitex and Maca root.

But today while in the midst of working out an entire blog post popped into my head. This is unusual because I do some pretty intense workouts. So intense that even having a thought is difficult because the focus is all on the body and getting through the workout. lol

The idea was to reassert the importance of being physically fit now. It’s not just, “Oh, I’ll take some walks a few times a week, skip the dessert and take vitamins and then I will be healthy.” Nope. That’s not gonna be enough. Your body is a machine and it needs to be fine tuned (tuned up) for the energy onslaught coming our way. It’s time to pay attention to your body because what you have put into it up to this point is going to directly affect how it responds to these energies.

On top of this message I heard that I needed to share with you what I do. This isn’t because I am some kind of expert at taking care of my body. I am by no means perfect. However, my health and physical fitness are one of my top priorities.

This is what a normal week in my life looks like:


5 or more days per week. Varied workouts ranging from intense HIIT, plyo, and weight training intermixed with Hatha Yoga at least twice a week. At least 30 minutes per workout but I aim for 1 hour workouts. Usually I end up working out twice a week for an hour, twice a week for 30 minutes and once a week for 45 minutes. Anything on top of that is a bonus.

Here’s an example of one of the workouts I do at home (this guy is awesome):

All of this guy’s videos will kick your butt, so beware!

Here is another YouTube example. I do a lot of workouts at home as you can guess. This lady is lower paced than the guy above and great on days when I just can’t handle another burpee or mountain climber. lol

I typically only visit the gym once a week. I would go more often if could. When I do go, I usually lift heavy and stick to the free weights.


I have been eating Clean since 2011. What is Clean eating? Basically, it means you avoid all processed foods, eat more fruits and vegetables, eat less sugar, and go organic whenever you can. This article is exactly what I do. You can also check out Tosca Reno’s website. I own one of her cookbooks and it is awesome! Also, I don’t eat to lose weight. I hate that it is marketed that way. It is no FAD and will not work that way. It is a lifestyle change.

One aspect of Clean Eating that I swear by is eating five or six small meals a day. This is how kids eat and how we as adults should eat but we don’t and it royally screws up our metabolism.

We seem to eat all the time in my house. In fact, we eat two breakfasts every morning. 🙂 I have oatmeal, oat bran or a protein smoothie with greens for my first breakfast. For the second one (with the kids) we usually have scrambled eggs (2 eggs and 5 whites) with cheese and whole grain English muffins. For lunch we often have leftovers from dinner. Then there is a snack around 3pm, usually a smoothie for me and fruits/veggies for the kids, maybe some yogurt. For dinner, I cook a meal from scratch every night if I can. Rarely do we order out or eat out. Usually there is another tiny meal before bedtime because me and the kids are hungry by 8pm. This is my peanut butter time. Yum! I actually sometimes have to eat in the middle of the night. Yeah, I eat A TON.


I meditate daily, usually at night, sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes I do guided meditations but mostly I just relax, quiet my mind and settle down for a half hour or so. My favorite time to meditate is after yoga. For some reason after yoga I go directly into the zone and often into a light trance. A great website for free yoga is http://www.doyogawithme.com. This is one of my favorite classes by David Procyshyn. There is a guided meditation afterward and I almost always end up in the trance state.

Resting can also be taking a walk or lounging by the pool, even swimming (for me) is relaxing. Whatever calms you down.

I struggle with the fun part, unfortunately. Gotta have more fun. I did an indoor sky dive once that qualified. That was awesome! More vacations need to be scheduled, too.

My History

I have not always been healthy minded. In high school and college a typical breakfast for me was a glass of chocolate milk with Nestle’s Quik and two brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts. Talk about sugar overload! I use to bake chocolate chip cookies and eat a half dozen while cooking them. lol Total sugar addict. A workout was mowing the lawn. lol I didn’t look bad, though I was much heavier than I am now. I think I wore a size 9/10 in high school and weighed about 145lbs. Now I wear a size 6 and weigh 134lbs. I am 5’6″.

I started running when I was 19. I had to take a PE class in college and they made me run. However, I got addicted to running and by the time I was in my thirties I was running five or six times a week for 3-6 miles at a time. I ran during my first two pregnancies. After my daughter was born I ran a 10k and after my son was born I ran a half marathon. I stopped running because my dog, Trooper, died. He was my running buddy and it was just not the same without him.

I began full on weight training in 2011. I mean like body building. Yeah, crazy, I know. I did this while also pursuing my master’s degree and working full-time. I continued to lift through my third pregnancy but afterward I experienced major burnout and dropped full-time work and weight lifting. It was just too much. Whoever it was that said three kids is easier than two is a liar. lol

None of this was rainbows and butterflies. I have a tendency to become obsessive about things I like to do, and I like to exercise and I like to look good. I am working on it. Everything in moderation. I like to think I have come full circle now. My focus now is on being healthy and feeling good more than anything. Looking good is just a byproduct.




Kundalini Woes

The tiredness continues for me and is starting to get annoying. I am so over tired by the end of the day that things like too much noise or having to focus on someone talking just really annoys me. I feel like my mind and body are totally fried.

It doesn’t help that during sleep my mind is in overdrive. There are so many dreams going on that despite seeming to sleep deeply I wake feeling like I have been working all night long. Which I probably have been. Usually I would take Benadryl to help this issue but I have been advised to avoid it and stick to herbal supplementation. Valerian root can only do so much. I may have to try Melatonin tonight.

On top of endless dreams all night long, I keep being thrown into lucid dreams or OBEs (like yesterday’s) that result in major chakra explosions which wake me up. This is getting really tiring because 1. I don’t want it to happen and 2. it makes all of my lower chakras raw afterward. When I say “chakra explosions”, I don’t mean the Kundalini bliss kind, though they are directly linked to the Kundalini. I would much rather have the Kundalini bliss kind than what I am getting. lol This is very sexual and very out of the norm for me. I think the Kundalini has confused my body, either that or made it hyper-aware.

I suspect what is happening is major alignment work on my lower chakras because of the rawness in them afterward. The feeling is similar to how my body felt after giving birth. If you don’t know what this feels like, well I have nothing else to compare it to. It is like my insides ache all the way up to my diaphragm.

Honestly, right now I feel like I am being pursued by the Kundalini. It is relentless and I am so tired that I can do nothing about it. It is said that the Kundalini has it’s own mind and that resistance is futile. I find this to be true. Though I do not feel I am resisting, apparently a part of me is. This morning’s Kundalini-enforced “fling” is proof of this as I tried to leave and was persuaded to stay. And always I become very lucid, which makes it that much more uncomfortable.

I suspect the heightened lucidity is purposeful as well. It feels like a training exercise. Even in yesterday’s OBE I remember hearing a part of myself talking to me – like there is a part of me, a higher part, instructing me on how to react to this very physical energy. This morning’s dream (which woke me at 4:30 BTW) was similar. As I began to intentionally wake myself up to avoid the encounter I was reminded that I should stay and how to stay (refocus or in this case dampen my lucidity). And I listen to this instruction, which is a surprise to me!

Ultimately, I think these incidents are to prepare me for the next Kundalini event. I often prematurely end the Kundalini episodes. There was only one time the energy was allowed to complete and ever since I have woken up too soon. Either I feel overwhelmed, as in the last one, or I become too lucid too quickly and abort it. I don’t want to do this next time so I think I am practicing with the more physical version of the energy. I am sure many people would be happy to practice like this. Me, not so much. It makes me feel like a sex addict and throughout my day it continues to just nag at me. It makes me hate my body!

Now that I think of it, this rejection of the physical aspect could be why this is happening…..Sigh. Why can’t I just be normal??


Chapter 7

I’ve been meaning to write about my recent chapter adventures but kept forgetting. So much has been going on that it slipped my mind. Sometime last week, actually around the 20th, I was told I had begun Chapter 7. Okay but what happened to Chapter 6? lol The last information I had received was that I was on Chapter 5.

Then today, Molly’s post reminded me that I was in Chapter 7. In it she referred to Adam’s post which I had read yesterday but never caught the analogy he presented about the layers of the light body, the 7th layer being the lid to the cup. And now in rereading Adam’s post I remember my guides telling me not long ago, “We will fill your cup“. Talk about synchronicity! Hahahah I’m blown away!

So what happened to Chapter 6? I have no clue. Obviously it was a short chapter. I entered Chapter 5 prior to going to Mt. Shasta so maybe when I returned is when Chapter 6 started? I was not told about it, so I can only speculate.

I just love it when my connection with others illuminates my path. Thanks Adam and Molly. 🙂


OBE: Are You Hungry?

So what did you think of the massive download energy this weekend? Exhausting is the word I will use since I was flat out barely able to find any energy to function because of it. Saturday was the worst day but yesterday I woke up with it and kept lounging in bed unable to free myself from its grip. I felt tranquilized. lol I asked for a solution and was told to get outside, so I did and it did help.

I was forewarned about the energy stream, which I wrote about here. The entire weekend event began with a massive Kundalini rising episode, too. Way to start off the weekend, eh!?  🙂

The main reason for my posting here today is because I got a surprise OBE this morning. Yay, right? Um, not so much. lol But I also had many vivid dreams last night and three – yes three! – friends of mine were with me. Pretty rare for my dreams.

Dream: Missing My Son

I was in an airport with my friend Yvonne Perry and some others of our group who I cannot remember now. She was leading the group and I could see her blonde hair almost glowing. It was shoulder length, which it is not in real life. She said to us, “You better get ready, we leave in an hour. We had to move up the schedule.” I asked, “What time?” She said, “2:30.” I asked, “What time is it now?” I heard, “1:30.” I remember thinking to myself, “That is not enough time to get ready!”

Then we boarded the plane and found our seats. It reminded me of a plane from another dream – way bigger than any normal airplane with a domed central area. A flight attendant came to inquire about what we would like for lunch. He was a nice looking, young black man with smiling eyes. I liked him instantly. We had a brief conversation about what I could and could not eat. We joked about my braces and their limiting my eating of “good” food. LOL

At some point we arrived at our destination. Where that was, I don’t know. My friend Molly was talking with me about leaving behind her children. We were both leaving behind our children. I remember saying to her, “I just have to say goodbye one last time.” I was getting sad at this point and a feeling of grief was quickly becoming evident.

trainThen I saw a set of three tiny toy trains on the floor. One was brand new and bigger than the others. I knelt down and put them in a circle and said, “He loved his choo-choo’s.” Then I saw him there, playing with his trains – my youngest. He was so happy and babbling away as he played. I watched and felt huge waves of grief hit me. Wave upon wave upon wave. I said, “It is not that I am sad that he is gone. I am sad that I will never see him again.” With this it felt as if I had left him, not that he had left me. It was like I was Spirit looking back at those in my life who were still living. I was the ghost and they were the living. Yet in the dream it appeared that my son was a ghost.

I woke up sobbing so intensely I could not breathe. My Companion was with me and I saw/felt him holding my hand. The feeling coming from him was that he understood. There was also a strange feeling that the dream was preparing me to leave. I wondered why losing my son was affecting me so and heard, “He still needs you.” That made sense. I use to have the same reaction when my mother needed me. Once she didn’t, I had no problem detaching. I heard from my Companion, “We are in this together.”

Dream: Dogs and Popcorn

In this dream I was inside the garage of a house. I heard a noise and went outside. There was this massive black dog roaming around. I saw him and tentatively put out my hand. He sniffed it and then went back to pacing in front of the garage I had just come from. There was another little dog, too. They seemed to be on alert to something. I was able to pet the black dog a few times before I went back inside.

Inside my friend David was handing out bags of caramel popcorn to me and my children. My bag had already been opened and I said something about it. My middle son said, “I did that.” lol I remember being worried about the dogs coming in and closed the garage door really fast. I did not eat my popcorn but gave it to my daughter.

OBE: Are You Hungry?

This OBE actually happened between the two above dreams. I had woken up at 3:30 sobbing and so got up to get a snack and calm down.

The next thing I remember is hearing my children moving about the house. I knew it was way too early and remember mentally cursing my luck and wanting to yell at them. Then I thought, “It is likely just the noises off that go with the trance state. Just ignore it.”

So ignore it I did only to hear the noises of my children even more loudly. I could not stand it. They were up way too early! I got out of bed and opened the bedroom door, yelling at them, “Get back to bed! It’s too early for you to be up!” But when I opened the door I saw a kitchen table in front of me. What??

I knew instantly I was OOB. Oops! How did that happen? lol

I calmed down and went toward the table. All three of my children were sitting at the table. My daughter had my youngest in her lap. My middle son was sitting in a chair by himself.

I sat down in front of my son. For some reason I was very happy to be there with them. I looked at them and I guess because they were at the kitchen table I assumed they were hungry. I asked them, “Are you hungry??” My daughter nodded her head no, as did my youngest. My middle son didn’t answer.

This is when the OBE turned really weird. Ultimately, my root and heart chakras exploded to the point that I woke up wondering what the hell just happened.

Not only had I been duped into having this OBE (I had no intention whatsoever to go OOB) but it appears that I was being encouraged to released some sexual tension. LOL I will say that since the Kundalini episode Saturday I have been extremely sexually frustrated. In considering the question I asked my children – Are you hungry? – the answer was clear.




Clearing a New Path

Another quick update on the goings-on in my life.

My husband just left for the next four days. His trip to Florida has been delayed by a month, though, so he will be here in July. I should be happy, but I’m not.

Many small, mostly insignificant life problems popping up. Mostly they have to do with my family and marriage. Finance is a big one but there are also incompatible viewpoints that continue to be made very obvious through life situations/decisions.

The more that happens, the more I am seeing in front of me the inevitable decision that must be made. The fork in the road is obvious. One fork has a sign that says 3D. The other has a sign that says 5D. The contrast is so apparent and the feelings associated with the upcoming decision that it makes me almost sick to think of having to make the decision.

When I shift into the 3D frame of mind I am devastated by what lies in front of me. I feel immediately dead inside. Sometimes I even feel sick to my stomach.”Reality” from this viewpoint is very depressing and my heart is not in it at all. I can see quite a distance in front of me and it is smooth sailing for the most part.

When I shift into the 5D frame of heart (hehe) there is hope; a revival of Self. I feel a warmth in my chest. Yet I cannot see very far in front of me. The path turns and is lost after only a few hundred yards.

For the past 10 months or so we forerunners have been traversing both worlds simultaneously. This has been very difficult because the two realities are so very different in so many ways. But we weren’t ready. Some of us still aren’t. I wonder if I am ready yet because I feel so very afraid of making the choice. Yet the longer I hesitate, the more dissonance there is between the two.

Lately I have been shifting back into denial mode. None of this is real. I am just being strung along by my guides. I will never be happy regardless of what path I choose. And so on and so forth. My guidance goes completely silent when I enter this mode. When I begin to pull myself out of it, they return, arms folded across their chests and say, “Are you done now?” LOL

Their message today was this: “Trust yourSelf. Trust your heart. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are clearing a new path. It won’t be easy.”  And at this point I saw very clear in my mind the word, “Forerunner.”

No, it’s not easy. I need a weedwacker or maybe a machete to clear the path ahead.

More Dreams

Crazy night of dreams. Recording them for documentation purposes.

 Dream: First Day of School

I spent the majority of this dream preparing to go back to school. I was the adult version of myself but I was standing in my old bedroom in front of my mirror and my mother and grandmother were both present in the dream. My grandmother is deceased (passed May, 4, 2014).

My grandmother had laid out various shirts, pants, skirts, etc and my room appeared to be a mess of clothing and in total disarray. My mom and grandmother were fussing over me and I was indecisive and could not figure out what I wanted to wear.

I finally decided on a white, form fitting shirt and a denim skirt. The shirt was semi-see-through and I was able to see the outline of my bra through it. The skirt was shorter than I liked and when I bent over it revealed more than it should. lol I remember asking my mom to look and see if the skirt passed the test and she said it almost didn’t. Then I was inspecting my shirt. It bothered me that my bra was showing and it was obvious the bra was too big as it was bunching up around my arm pits. I felt very concerned about how I looked. It appeared as if my body got wider the more I looked and the word “fat” popped into my head more than once. I then spent some time choosing the right shoes. I selected a nice pair of sandals but wanted to wear white socks with them. Ultimately, I went without the socks because it really looked dorky. lol

I heard a noise indicating the bus and when I looked at the clock it read 7:15. I knew I had missed the bus but was not worried. My mom would drive me. I remember thinking about how it would be to return to school – how uncomfortable I would feel to be judged by others for the way I looked. I decided I didn’t care.

Dream: Blood Test

I was sitting on the examining table at the doctor’s office. Blood test results were being reviewed. The results indicated that my PEP was low. The nurse discussed this with me. She asked me if I knew what PEP was. I nodded that I wasn’t sure. I said, “Am I pregnant?” She said, “No.” I remember wishing I were pregnant because I preferred being pregnant again to whatever I was about to be told. The nurse explained that the blood test indicated that one of my internal organs had broken through the protective outer layer of another organ. It reminded me of a hernia when I saw the picture she provided, but that was not what it was. She showed me the liver and said it was most likely that my problem was related to the liver being compromised. Nothing she said really made much sense to me.

Then it was like time had passed and I was being shown the lower part of my body, where my ovaries and uterus are. A specific section was highlighted that appeared to be right about where my root chakra would be. I remember asking if I would need a hysterectomy and wishing they would just get it over with already because I was tired of having to deal with this issue.

Lucid Dream: Flooding in San Mateo 

I was listening to a news broadcast while discussing what had just occurred. The news broadcast indicated that there had been massive flooding in San Mateo and hundreds were missing and/or displaced. There was also a death count. I became lucid during this part of the dream and actually saw scenes of the destruction, specifically images of a shelter where people were being sent.

The other news broadcast interrupted and suddenly the name of another town became very apparent. I heard Alvaredo this time and this confused me and brought me to full awareness and I woke up. When I woke up, I had a vision of myself jumping feet first into a raging waterfall. This was not the pretty, cascading waterfalls one usually sees indicating serenity. This was a raging, turbulent waterfall.


The first dream seems to be about my shifting into a new phase of my journey. There are preparations being made and I am struggling to feel comfortable with mySelf. Self-criticism is one of the barriers I am facing.

The next dream seems to indicate that I am trying to heal specific areas in my life. The PEP portion makes me laugh out loud. I mean really? PEP? I need to remedy my PEP problem? LOL So true! The fact that I prefer to be pregnant again to whatever it is I am being told is a huge indicator. There is no way in hell that I would want to be pregnant again. hahaha The areas of issue are the third chakra and root chakra is seems.

The last dream seems to be more an indicator of emotional upheaval than anything. I have had the waterfall in both visions and dreams since May. For a time in May it was even frozen. So I guess now that it is all flooded I am deciding to jump in and get it over with. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. lol

Dream: Healing Others

I was standing in a busy area that resembled the inside of a mall of some sort. A very old gentleman was wheeled up to me. He had to be 80+ years old. He had layers of blankets on him and was smiling at me. He said, “Don’t tell me – I’m about to die, right?” lol I looked him up and down and laughed at his comment, but was still quite serious about what I was doing. I was scanning his aura and looking “inside” his physical body. I was looking inside for “markers” which indicated future issues.

Straight to business, I told him to watch his back and gave him suggestions on how to handle it when it gave him problems. I gave him other suggestions as well but overall there was little he could do to change what was to come. He was old.

When he was wheeled off, a younger woman dressed in a white gown was brought up to me on a gurney. She was awake but her color was off and it was obvious she had either just had surgery or was about to. I only now recall that she had blondish-gray shoulder length hair and appeared to be in her mid-fifties to early sixties.

Again, I scanned her aura checking for inconsistencies and looked for markers. I gave her information in the dream, but now it is lost to me. I suspect this is because she is a real person somewhere out there and it is nobody’s business but hers.

I then followed a hallway into an apartment. While I was walking, I passed by a large, open space but specifics are lost to me. However, the feeling is that it was some kind of waiting area and was full of souls whose bodies were ill or physically deteriorating or who had already crossed over. Personally, I felt very accomplished and pleased with my work there as a healer.

I walked into a room which turned quickly into an apartment full of women. It was very obviously a part of some sort. A party of elementary school teachers. I felt very, very out of place and the first thing I thought was why my husband would invite so many people into our house. I tried to fit in with them; to mingle, because I knew this is what he would want. They were all doing a project. Each of them was creating signs for outside their classrooms and decorating them with decoupage and ribbons and bows. They were all so happy doing it. I felt like I was going to throw up. lol

My husband came up to me and pulled me aside. He congratulated me on doing so well at the party, happy that I was going to return to work. He then handed me a list but it looked very formal, like a contract. It was on golden colored paper and in calligraphy. He went over what was on the list and said, “And you cannot continue with the Kundalini. It has to stop. Will that be a problem?” I hesitated and he said, “Great!” I stopped him and said, “I can’t do that. I never said I would do that.” He got really serious and said, “Then I guess we have a problem.” I felt bad but at the same time I was unwilling to compromise. How dare he!