The tiredness continues for me and is starting to get annoying. I am so over tired by the end of the day that things like too much noise or having to focus on someone talking just really annoys me. I feel like my mind and body are totally fried.
It doesn’t help that during sleep my mind is in overdrive. There are so many dreams going on that despite seeming to sleep deeply I wake feeling like I have been working all night long. Which I probably have been. Usually I would take Benadryl to help this issue but I have been advised to avoid it and stick to herbal supplementation. Valerian root can only do so much. I may have to try Melatonin tonight.
On top of endless dreams all night long, I keep being thrown into lucid dreams or OBEs (like yesterday’s) that result in major chakra explosions which wake me up. This is getting really tiring because 1. I don’t want it to happen and 2. it makes all of my lower chakras raw afterward. When I say “chakra explosions”, I don’t mean the Kundalini bliss kind, though they are directly linked to the Kundalini. I would much rather have the Kundalini bliss kind than what I am getting. lol This is very sexual and very out of the norm for me. I think the Kundalini has confused my body, either that or made it hyper-aware.
I suspect what is happening is major alignment work on my lower chakras because of the rawness in them afterward. The feeling is similar to how my body felt after giving birth. If you don’t know what this feels like, well I have nothing else to compare it to. It is like my insides ache all the way up to my diaphragm.
Honestly, right now I feel like I am being pursued by the Kundalini. It is relentless and I am so tired that I can do nothing about it. It is said that the Kundalini has it’s own mind and that resistance is futile. I find this to be true. Though I do not feel I am resisting, apparently a part of me is. This morning’s Kundalini-enforced “fling” is proof of this as I tried to leave and was persuaded to stay. And always I become very lucid, which makes it that much more uncomfortable.
I suspect the heightened lucidity is purposeful as well. It feels like a training exercise. Even in yesterday’s OBE I remember hearing a part of myself talking to me – like there is a part of me, a higher part, instructing me on how to react to this very physical energy. This morning’s dream (which woke me at 4:30 BTW) was similar. As I began to intentionally wake myself up to avoid the encounter I was reminded that I should stay and how to stay (refocus or in this case dampen my lucidity). And I listen to this instruction, which is a surprise to me!
Ultimately, I think these incidents are to prepare me for the next Kundalini event. I often prematurely end the Kundalini episodes. There was only one time the energy was allowed to complete and ever since I have woken up too soon. Either I feel overwhelmed, as in the last one, or I become too lucid too quickly and abort it. I don’t want to do this next time so I think I am practicing with the more physical version of the energy. I am sure many people would be happy to practice like this. Me, not so much. It makes me feel like a sex addict and throughout my day it continues to just nag at me. It makes me hate my body!
Now that I think of it, this rejection of the physical aspect could be why this is happening…..Sigh. Why can’t I just be normal??