Slammed

It’s been a rough few days. The intestinal issues I mentioned in my last post have made it very uncomfortable for me. Then yesterday I woke with an awful sore throat that plagued me all day. The only relief came when I took some Ibuprofen and Loperamide toward bedtime.

When I woke this morning the sore throat was back with a vengeance but the intestinal issues have subsided somewhat. I suspect it is a virus now, though at first I thought otherwise. My youngest showed symptoms yesterday which changed my mind. However, having two viruses at the same time is no picnic. I hate being sick!

Along with my illness I’ve had my children home more than usual because the weather got very cold and icy Monday into Tuesday. School was closed Tuesday after a three-day weekend. My children ended up with some cabin fever – fighting, bickering, etc. I think I handled it well considering my condition.

The same time the icy weather showed our downstairs heater decided not to turn on. Thankfully it was resolved by a reset but my husband took his time because he likes using the fireplace. So I was cold, sick and dealing with grumpy kids. Hahaha

platy

Platies 🙂

To add to the fun, this morning I found that our fish aquarium filter had overflowed onto the wood floor under the aquarium. The wood was already showing signs of warping. This means now all three areas in our downstairs wood floor have water damage. A full replacement will be required at some point. The good news is that while vacuuming up the water I noticed a tiny baby fish swimming around. Upon inspection I found at least two. Looks like our Platies reproduced and some survived! 🙂

GAPS Diet

With the first signs of my intestinal issues I felt that I should return to the GAPS diet. I have been slow at getting started because of feeling so ill, but I was able to do a full day of the diet yesterday with good results. I plan to continue following the diet today.

This was what was on the menu yesterday:

Breakfast – Coconut pancakes, Kefir smoothie, coffee, egg whites with cheese, fresh carrot beet juice.

Lunch – Homemade butternut squash soup with sour cream, homemade almond rosemary-thyme crackers, roasted vegetables.

Dinner – GAPS chicken nuggets, baby kale salad with avocado and cucumber, lemon juice as the dressing, coconut pancake, roasted vegetables.

Top left – butternut squash soup. Left middle – roasted veggies. Left bottom – almond rosemary-thyme crackers. Large pic – dinner last night.

Staying on the GAPS diet is a lot of work so I doubt I will do it long-term. It requires I cook and shop frequently which is not always feasible. However, if my body continues to be moody and the intestinal issues don’t resolve I may end up just having to stick to the GAPS regardless. We’ll see what happens.

Dream: Sham

I have been sleeping light, waking every few hours from dreams.

The first dream I recall was early in the night. I remember meeting up with my ex-husband and him giving me some green, licorice looking “candy” (seeking a reprieve) that I requested. It was actually marijuana candy. I ate it and waited for the effects to kick in.

Then I was walking along suburban streets in the early hours of the morning. A Hispanic family was walking around looking for discarded “trash” that could be used or sold for a profit. They had with them their 9 year-old son who would wake early and help them scrounge for things every morning before school. I remember saying hello and then looking down at my feet at rope (connection/attachment to others) and various sets of keys (access) they left on the road. I left them there being careful not to step on anything.

Eventually, I made it “home” only it was unfamiliar. I walked up the sidewalk to the front door but had to climb small, wooden stairs (higher level of understanding) and almost fell because one of the rails was loose. The house was a mobile home (feeling insignificant or unappreciated) and quite nice and I remember knowing that it had been made to look expensive so as to keep up with all the other families in the neighborhood.

Inside, I noticed how nice everything was, especially the kitchen. Stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops. Lots of money and attention put into it. I remember thinking the wooden floors of the mobile home would not be able to hold it forever – not a solid foundation. I knew it (the house, the family) was all a sham.

Dream: In Labor

In this dream I kept feeling pains in my stomach and knew I was in labor (anticipation of hard work ahead). I informed my husband and he rushed to get me into a black SUV and to the hospital. The entire time I could feel the labor pains like waves through my abdomen and back. It was very realistic but muted just enough to keep me from waking.

It seemed to take forever but we arrived at a hospital, only it didn’t look like one. A woman who was very obviously pregnant, was waiting inside the room. She was smiling and said, “How far along are you?” I said, “38-39 weeks.” She asked me if it was normal for me to go into labor early and I said, “Yes, usually around 38-39 weeks.” I could still feel the labor pains and felt like someone was checking me. The woman kept smiling, her belly so huge I wondered how she hadn’t popped yet.

Eventually I was told that I was not in labor. The pregnant woman gave me the news. She said, “The twins aren’t ready to come yet. Still another few weeks.” She was referring to her own babies but I knew she also meant my baby was not coming yet. I was disappointed but accepted it as fact without any upset.

I woke suddenly from this dream and wondered if the pain in the dream had been bleed-through from my physical body. Maybe my stomach had been cramping in my sleep? But I had no pain when I woke up.

 

 

 

 

 

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Message: Bifurcate & OBE: I’m Gonna Fly Today

Dream: Discontent

This dream began in a large auditorium where there were many “acts” being performed right next to one another. I went from act to act taking pictures. Mostly I recall seeing my mother performing and conducting her choir. I made sure to take lots of pictures of her.

As the acts were packing up to leave I watched and seemed to be part of one of the groups that had performed. I remember feeling as if I was in California at one point and watching people jump into a swimming pool (relaxation, ease, taking a break). Specifically, there was a overly obese black woman in a swimsuit who jumped in and invited me to join her. I declined her offer and remember thinking her swimsuit must have been very expensive. lol

Then we were walking down hallways together. My destination took me to a dead-ended hallway with two sets of bench seats on either side. An older woman was sitting by the window. In front of her where three candles (disappointment, untapped potential) wrapped in tin, souvenirs she was taking home with her. She had to go somewhere and asked me to watch her stuff. I said, “You mean your candles? Sure but I get to take your window seat. I hate sitting squished between people.” The woman reluctantly agreed and left. I sat in her place by the window. It felt like where I was sitting was inside of some craft and not in a hallway at all.

I guess we left for our destination because the next thing I recall is seeing a residential street from above while talking to a woman. It felt like I was receiving counsel as I  relayed my story/perspective. She asked me about my best friend and I could see an image of her sitting across from me, just like she appeared in high school. I told her how we had not seen each other in while but we had no excuse because we lived 15 minutes away from each other with our parents. I saw an image in my mind of our houses. Both had swimming pools.

As I said this I was looking at my friend but knew she was not who she appeared to be, which was my best friend from high school. I knew she was in fact me.

The woman I was talking to asked me, “How do you feel?” I looked down at the ground as I answered. I said, “Discontent.” With my answer thoughts came to mind of meeting up with my friend like we use to. I felt disinterested in spending time with her. What would we talk about? I knew I would prefer the company of a man but then I retracted from the thought because I felt ashamed. To need/desire the company of a man was “wrong” and I should not want that. I should be content with my own company. If I couldn’t be happy alone, I couldn’t be happy with a man.

A heavy sadness descended and the word, “discontent” seemed inadequate. I began to sob as I realized I didn’t even like myself. The tears followed me into wakefulness and I continued to cry for some time after. It was true. I don’t like myself. I turn to men for what I can’t give myself.

Message: Bifurcate

As I cried I seemed to go in and out of the in-between. The conversation with my counselor continued. I was inconsolable. I knew I needed to spend more time with myself. That was the only way to get to know myself better and to begin to rely on myself for all my needs.

The despair worsened when I realized there was no time, no opportunity in my hectic life, to get to know myself. For the past week the demands for my time and attention from my family has been off the charts. I would love to just go away a while but I can’t. To do so would be irresponsible. I can’t.

The more I thought about it the more upset I became. My guidance was reassuring me. I remember hearing something about how my financial situation was made to be as it is now so that I could do what I needed to do but I don’t take advantage of it. I couldn’t/can’t see how that is, though. I feel my finances are part of the reason I can’t take the time I need. And I think I need a whole hell of a lot of time. The more time I need, the more resources/money I need. Where would I go anyway? I have no one to stay with, to help me for as long as I need. My mom’s is out of the question and I have no friends. My brother? No way. I can’t do that to him.

And if I do find somewhere to go, then what? What if I have to stay away a very long time – years even? How do I explain that to my children? What do I say? “I’m sorry but I abandoned you because I needed to find myself.” Right. Ha!

I remember seeing a vision that shocked me back to full awareness. I had been talking to my counselor about the above concerns when I saw a huge, building-sized tarantula standing in front of me. A big, hairy spider? WTF!

Other odd dreams were playing through my mind at the time, too. Along with a song:

Eventually I remember hearing a word very loudly.

I heard: Bifurcate.

OBE: I’m Gonna Fly Today

Unintentional OBE this morning. 🙂

I became aware of laying in my bed. To my right a woman was laying on the floor. I could barely see her because it was dark but I could see her breasts heaving with each breath and her hair splayed out behind her. She looked like a maiden in distress. I can’t remember what she was saying but seeing her caused me to realized was not in physical reality. The minute I realized this, I could distinguish very slight vibrations within my body but they were so similar to the scene that I struggled with the idea that I was not in fact awake.

To test my theory, I rolled out of my body only to roll right back in. I felt no difference at all yet there was just barely a change felt that I opted to try again. The next time I rolled and then stood up next to my body. Of course, when I looked my body was not in the bed and the woman I had seen on the floor had vanished.

I moved toward the door but knew I did not have a good grip on my astral self. Mostly I knew this because my vision was so dark and disjointed. Things seemed to jump here and there and the light was so low it was hard to make out objects. I began to sing random things, knowing my vibration would improve from it. I also moved away from my body quickly knowing it would further help to solidify my experience.

When in the hallway I felt myself float up as I sang, “I’m gonna fly today.” This was just part of what I was singing but the part I repeated the most. lol I floated down the stairs and noticed that there was a stack of towels (need to confront emotions) near the ledge. It was odd so I took note and moved on.

The closer I got to the front door, the lighter it got. I was also singing that it would get lighter. lol I remembered to look at my hands to further stabilize my energy. My fingers glowed and shifted. I know I saw three very fat, alien looking fingers at one point.

The door seemed to vanish as I approached it and before I knew it I was outside in the light, only it was still dark. The light was coming from snow. There was snow covering everything.

I was delighted to see the snow (inhibitions, unexpressed emotions). Looking around, I began to feel myself lift up very slowly. It was like a magnet had attached itself to me. Rather than struggle, I stopped trying to move. I have this image in my mind of someone grabbing a small animal as it was running and its legs flailing about. I must have looked similar. lol

There was a pause and I hung there in the sky looking at the night sky dotted with brilliant stars. Then there was slow movement upward. I could tell someone or something was purposefully taking me elsewhere. My vision blacked out as this thought occurred to me but I remained stable in the scene.

Image result for image of chewbaccaThen I felt myself arrive at my new destination. Slowly a house materialized in front of me like a picture. Then there was a shift between this vision and my own. It is hard to explain but it is like I was taking the visual over from someone else. The house was large and set against tall trees and various bushes. It was still dark but I could see inside the house. I was still flying and as I flew over I saw a hairy ape-like man standing inside. I remember thinking, “Is that Chewbacca?” LOL I didn’t let the visual distract me and flew on.

Eventually I ended up landing in the grass. I was still singing and saw a shape approaching me. I thought, “It’s a goat!” But the image shifted into two large dogs (protection, fidelity). They both jumped toward me, licking me and greeting me. I said, “No, it’s dogs!” I was not upset by this, petted the larger of the two dogs and kept singing. Then I somehow lost the scene and slowly shifted back into my body. The vibrations were so subtle I barely noticed them.

When I woke up the lyrics to my song had shifted to, “I wanna die today.”

My neck was horribly sore when I woke and I did not want to get out of bed.

Considerations

Prior to bed last night I recognized that my physical issues were a result of my body not being able to adjust to the spiritual changes (Kundalini) I have been through. My body had so grown accustomed to the improper flow and distribution of energy that it was struggling to adapt and change. It was like the old pathways had left scar tissue. It is hard to explain but it made sense at the time. How do you fit the old into the new? It is like forcing a square peg into a round hole!

What does that even mean, though? Does it mean that I will have permanent damage to my physical heart? Does that mean that some of my physical body will never be repairable? Probably. And that sucks.

And I am not even sure what the message “bifurcate” even means! Split into two parts…what splits? Me? Or am I already split? Or do I split my life into two parts? I don’t even know. Why do my guides send me such confusing messages!??

Thankfully the crick in my neck has subsided but now I am having digestive system problems (diarrhea) for no reason at all. 😦

 

 

Divine Experience & Dream: Prescription

I had an interesting experience last night prior to sleep. As I settled down to sleep, rolling over onto my side, I briefly checked in with my guidance because the day had been a stressful one. Not only had I awakened with a dream suggesting I might have a TIA (stroke/blot clot) this year but everyone in my house was on edge all evening. My daughter was all over the place emotionally, my youngest was crying and whining and my husband was overly critical and negative. At one point I had to separate everyone, even the dog, just to get some peace for a few minutes. There was definitely some kind of energy disruption on-going! I, personally, was not my best because I had not eaten enough and anytime I do that I am super cranky.

I didn’t check-in with my guidance for any other purpose than to see if there was anything they wanted to pass onto me before bed. When I “check-in” I literally just send my attention out to my guidance, like feelers. There are no words, just attention or maybe “receptivity” is a better word. It’s like me saying, “Ready to receive”.

There was an immediate response but it was not an expected one. Because the response was without words it is hard to convey in words, but I will try. It seemed like I was instructed to do something because I felt myself comply to a request. The best I can do is to say that I was asked to, “Look” or put my attention somewhere, but that somewhere was not a destination or location. What I remember most is the sense of Knowing that I should “breathe in” and when I did I swear something came into me, like a whoosh….flood….inflow. I was filled with the most beautiful feeling. It was like my entire Being was FULL, complete…..Whole.

I kept breathing this Beingness into me and with every breath I felt more complete, more full of….Love? Divinity? Serenity? I don’t know what to call it but it was blessed, amazing, pure wonder and awe at Creation.

It was as if I could feel every molecule in the air, every living, breathing part of the air. And it wasn’t just the air that I could taste/sense/feel! I could feel everything in the room – the furniture, the house, the bed…all the contents of the space I was in. It was all a part of me and with every breath in I felt more alive because of it.

You can imagine my smile. I think I took bigger breaths than I have ever taken.

If I had to give what I was breathing in a name I would say it was prana. That was what came to mind then anyway and it still feels to be the most accurate description of the experience.

The trippy part of it all is that I was not in the in-between, not asleep. I was fully conscious and in this human body!

I could sense my guide all around me. It was like I was breathing him in, too. The message from him was that he was part of me. We are one and the same. I have heard that a million times before it seems but never, ever have I actually felt it, understood it like I did in that moment.

Sadly, it didn’t last and eventually I returned to feeling “normal”.

In my attempt to understand what had just happened I was flooded with memory. Memory of all the times in dreams and OBEs when I felt the Divine love and friendship feeling wash over me. It occurred to me that I had just experienced a version of that same feeling, the physical…..human version. And that it would not be the last time I would feel it. I Knew this was just the beginning.

It IS possible to feel the Divine – the Oneness of all Creation – from within this human vessel, conscious and aware of this physical body/reality. It is like two worlds merged within me. OMG it was/is so beautiful.

The cool thing is that I can exist all the time with that feeling, that Knowing, without any issue. I know I can. Previous to this experience I thought it impossible. Ha! So not true!

When I asked why the experience ended I was reminded that belief was the answer. Belief in that if I believed it was possible, then it would be. If I believed it was not possible, or if I doubted my experience in any way, then it the results would be altered to that belief. Interesting!

Dream: Prescription

I slept deeply and with very little memory of my dreams and astral travels. The main dream I recall took place in a doctor’s office. I remember sitting in the waiting room thinking, “I am just 41. I’m too young for this!” “This” was in reference to a pill (looking for answers) that was being created just for me. It was designed to treat my ailment, which was never revealed in the dream. I remember sitting with a woman who was creating a special formula for me. I saw percentages written on paper alongside the specific issues to be treated. This percentage for this issue and this percentage for another and so on and so forth. Unfortunately, I cannot recall the issues. When complete, the woman turned in the formula and out popped a red pill. One pill to treat all that ailed me.

As the pill was being dispensed a pharmacist or doctor interrupted and suggested that one part be removed. The part of the pill that was to treat indigestion (bothersome problem). He said I didn’t need any and he adjusted the percentage of the indigestion medicine to very low – like 1%. Then he removed it completely.

fish-in-aquarium-with-rocks

Dream: October 31

This dream was early this morning. I was in my bedroom preparing for the day. It was very early and my son’s birthday (which today is his birthday but symbolically it means self-acceptance). I remember being sluggish and lingering in bed because I didn’t want to wake up yet.

Eventually I got up and began to select the clothes (one’s persona) I would wear. I remember picking out some blue jeans (more relax position), jeans I once owned a long time ago. When I put them on I noticed I had on large, Duck Boots (one’s power in position and movement). I had to take them off and found another pair of boots underneath. When I removed that pair of boots there was yet another pair. I kept the final pair on. They made me at least 2 inches taller.

My mom was with me and she mentioned I also had on two shirts. I kept both on because it was cold outside. I knew the date was October 31st (Halloween symbolizes the temporary adoption of a new persona where one feels less inhibited and more comfortable to express themselves).

Then I remember being on the floor looking at a fish aquarium (acknowledged but unconfronted emotions) and noticing that I had an extra plant that would not fit. My BIL was with me and I told him I planned to get out our 20 gallon aquarium and move half the fish into it and the plant as well. I explained that our main aquarium was overcrowded and I pointed out the tiny fish inside.

There was discussion about the birthday party after that but it is hazy now. I remember knowing my son and daughter had missed the bus. My husband would have to take them into school but that was okay. In the meanwhile they were outside riding in the neighbor’s go Kart (there’s the go Kart again!). I looked out the window and smiled as I saw them driving it around. Usually I would be upset at my husband for making them late for school, but I didn’t care.

I was awakened by my son. I noticed the time – 6:47am. The bus comes at 6:55ish. I thought, “He going to be late.” Eventually I just got up and just in time, too. He almost did miss the bus! lol

 

 

Dream: Having a Stroke

Well it’s 1-11-11! Anyone feel a difference from yesterday? Honestly, today feels about the same to me as yesterday. 🙂 Maybe I am flat on the energy shifts now because others are relaying they feel a lot more than I do.

Things have been weird, though. Firstly, last night I woke up more times than I can count. It seemed like every 2 hours or so. Second, this morning was another one of those mornings where I seemed overly open to the messages coming from other dimensions. Getting ahead of myself, though.

Dream: Having a Stroke

The dream began with me being taken on board this craft. I had been selected, along with a handful of others, to be a passenger on a craft whose destination was never made clear. I remember the moon being discussed but I don’t think this was our destination.

My first impression of the craft was that it was smaller than I had imagine. It had domed ceilings and walls creating a circular feel despite the floors being level. The walls were white except for a few black, circular areas that seems to be instrument panels or shuttered windows. I don’t know what material it was made out of but the walls were paneled reminding me of the inside of an airplane but much more sophisticated. The floors were also white. I remember seeing dark grating along the center.

As I donned my space suit, which was all white and made of a very light material, I remember seeing the other passengers getting strapped into their seats. We had to secure our things and my main focus was on putting a flat, picture-like object into a secure place beneath my seat. I know we spoke to one another but I can’t recall conversations at this point in the dream. The feeling (like a summary) is that it was a rarity to be invited on these trips into space. Only individuals meeting specific requirements were invited and very rarely did anyone turn down an invitation.

While we were in transit we were awake and aware of everything that happened. I remember breathing into a tissue because I had coughed and noticed a fine, colored mist coming out of my mouth. I used the tissue to check and sure enough a yellow color appeared after I breathed onto it.

Thinking something must be wrong I informed one of the attendants, a woman with short, brown hair. She had a medical and scientific background, though her exact title eludes me. She took me to the side and looked at the tissue. She said, “That is because you are about to have a stroke. All of you will eventually have one.”

Alarmed, I went to the other passengers and told them what I had just learned. They listened and believed me but none had the same symptoms as I did.

I sat back down awaiting my fate and not knowing what to expect. Would I die? Or would I just pass out?

Time passed and I lost awareness in the dream for a bit. The next thing I recall is the medical attendant taking me by force into another room. She was holding me down and attempting to put a yellow liquid into my mouth. Panicked, I struggled but could not get my bearings. She had put a black blindfold over my eyes.

I remember knowing she was putting this liquid into my mouth to induce a stroke. She wanted to see how my body would respond. It was like she was conducting an experiment on me. I remember thinking I had been lied to and conned into thinking the trip was a privilege.

Eventually, still blindfolded and unable to counter the strength of my attacker, I gave in and opened my mouth wide to let her drop in the contents of the dropper she was holding. The odd thing here is that I saw myself from outside myself at this time. I did not look like I do in waking life. My hair was blonde but cut short like a mans. The suit I was wearing was white with black markings on the chest area. It reminded me of what a person would wear who is about to parachute out of a plane.

I was laying on a medical type bed made out shiny metal in a room that resembled a lab. The room was curved like the rest of the ship but it had a counter and various medical instruments inside (well I assume they were medical).

My fate sealed (or so I thought), I laid there, body limp, with the woman still holding me down. This is when another me appeared and we interacted – the me on the bed and the other me standing to my right. The me standing said something to me and the medical attendant. The attendant saw and heard this other me and was flabbergasted. She said, “Then there are more of you? How many more?!”

The me observing laughed and said, “Yes, but just this one – me.” Then she spoke to me as if we were old friends and the whole situation was just an interesting event and nothing to be concerned about. She said to me, “Relax. You will be okay….” There was more said but the dream gets fuzzy here. I felt what was being conveyed to me. I believe she told me that yes, I would have stroke. Then she told me what to expect and how to handle it.

Messages

I woke up hearing, “Ischemic stroke.” You can imagine my reaction. lol Not only was I the person that was attacked in the dream but I was also the other me passing along the information. I felt like BOTH and the information about the stroke was familiar. It felt like I was being warned.

Some background on this: When I first began taking BC again, I did some research because previously BC had given me crazy, scary migraines, the kind where when I tried to talk, gibberish came out of my mouth (yeah scary). I was concerned for my health but research indicated it was unlikely I would have any issues so I opted to try the BC for a short period of time and then go off it if I didn’t notice any difference in my acne and menstrual cycle (PMS, length, etc).

Well, besides migraines, one of the other risks of taking BC at my age (older than 37) is blood clots – ischemic stroke. Yeah. Ha! So of course I thought I had made up this dream even though I have not thought of the side-effects of BC in months.

As soon as this thought crossed my mind I heard a voice very loudly say, “Dayna!” Only the name used was my legal name. It was a deep, masculine voice that seemed to come from under my right ear which was resting against my pillow.

I mentally yelled back, “Don’t do that!” lol

The dream and all that went with it was surging through my mind like a river, it was impossible to stop it. It was like my brain was on rewind over and over. Somehow, though, I must have fallen into the in-between or maybe I was just tuned in because I kept getting flashes of images and messages. I didn’t feel out of control or worried but just flowed with it. I am so use to this kinda thing now.

The gaps in my dream memory were filling in. I don’t know if it was with actual dream images/memory or additional information. For example, I saw a plant with very orange flowers on it. The flowers were about an inch wide with tiny petals. When I saw it I thought “second chakra”.

I kept being reminded of October, 2017. The month would be written in my vision. I don’t know why exactly but the date kept repeating. I believe that is when I started taking antibiotics.

I also heard again, “Don’t give up.”

Along with all that was going through my mind I heard another song, just a tiny piece of it: “…….It’s a long time coming.”

 

I don’t really know the song but have heard it a few times. When I listen and watch this video, though, I can’t help but think the message has to do with me going Home. The “Home at last” part in this video gave me a physical reaction.

Of course I had to research ischemic strokes because I really don’t know much about them. While I was Googling for more information I remember wondering this morning if it was possible that my heart palpitations could be related to stroke. The first site I visited produce this little tidbit of information:

A second important cause of embolism is an irregular heartbeat, known as atrial fibrillation. It creates conditions where clots can form in the heart, dislodge and travel to the brain.

Right. Okay. So what do I do with this information? Freak out and stop taking BC? Go to the doctor and run tests and freak out some more?

Nope. I continue as I am. Why? Because I don’t care if I have a stroke which means I won’t have one. And if I do have one, so what.

I know, I’m crazy to not care, but I’ve been asking to go Home for….ever? I’ve never gotten what I’ve asked for. Why would that happen now? Nah, I am doomed to continue living and experiencing until I actually LOVE life. That’s when I’ll go Home. Isn’t that how it always happens? When you want out, you stay. When you want to stay, you get out. lol

Still, I prefer not to have traumatic-like dreams (I wasn’t really scared so won’t call it a nightmare) and then wake to “ischemic stroke” and someone yelling my name.

Edit: Ugh! Just realized if I had been continuing the 12 days of dreams in January prediction thingamajig then this dream would correspond to October, 2018. Thus, the image of “October” I kept getting flashing through my head. Duh.

Also, I just remembered that I also got a message letting me know I had plenty of time still. Can’t recall the actually wording but I think it was, “Still time” or “There’s time”.

 

January 7 Dreams & Message

I watched the movie 10,000 BC last night. Interestingly, there was a scene in it that reminded me very much of one of my dreams yesterday – the dream where I was walking in very tall grass and saw a vision of gnats on a “bird-like jawline”.

Here is a clip of the scene:

The grass in my dream was exactly the same. The bird I saw was not a giant, man-eating bird, only the underside where the beak meets the neck, but seeing this scene made me wonder. I had begun the film the night of the dream but paused it. Maybe I was somehow anticipating the rest of the movie? Very strange! No doubt I wouldn’t linger in that tall grass if I knew huge, man-eating birds were waiting when I did! lol

Not a bad movie, BTW. I would give it 3.5 stars. It kept my interest but was a bit unrealistic. Not sure Egypt was building the Sphinx in 10,000 BC but who knows. I thought it cool, though, that the movie suggested the Pharaohs came from the stars. I also enjoyed the scenes with the prehistoric animals (like the one above).

Dream: Post-Apocalypse

This was a very detailed dream about life post-apocalypse. Some kind of virus had wiped out most of the human population. There was anarchy and bands of people were gathering together to try and survive. It reminded me a lot of the Walking Dead in the way that the people were fighting for control over the remaining resources.  And no, I haven’t been watching the Walking Dead lately. lol

There was a part of the dream that is blurry now where the man in charge, very much like Neegan in TWD, was being very cruel and sadistic. It was very sexual at times. He was insisting that someone have sex with an overly small, hollow, white tube. I recall seeing him put his penis into the tube, sheering off the skin (sorry guys).

This man later asked me about repairing a water treatment facility. Could it be done? Then he asked how to get the water to the group. I suggested we move our group to the facility rather than transport the water. He agreed and we moved the group.

When we arrived, the facility was an abandoned water park. The dead bodies had long decayed away and though the water had been turned off it was functional except for a few stagnant wave pools. I remember many in our group, including me, jumped into a large swimming pool that had only a bit of debris on the bottom.

There was more to the dream – conversations and whole scenes I can’t recall now.

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Dream: Giving Away My Power

This dream began in a very fancy hotel-like building. The place was crowded from some event taking place. They were all wearing high-end clothing, jewelry, etc. I felt very out of place and kept to myself, standing near the edge of the crowd watching them and thinking them all foolish for their materialism.

I saw a woman I recognized. She was someone I knew in high school. I went up to her and said, “Hi! I can’t believe I am seeing you here.” She was very cordial with me and made some excuse to leave before I got any answers. She was wearing more money on her than the worth of my entire wardrobe of clothes! I could tell she was concerned about appearances and money. She hadn’t changed a bit.

Most of the this part of the dream was of me wandering this huge, glamorous hotel looking for the elevator to get to the lobby and leave. My husband had taken me there for the day and kept vanishing, leaving me to fend off rich, snobbish people who would not stop talking about boring topics. I couldn’t find an exit and was trapped for hours and hours. When I would escape one group of people I would end up cornered by another. It was awful.

At one point I was talking to a couple about my real-life situation because I was tired of avoiding everyone. This is when a woman approached me and told me my husband had agreed to donate $40K. She said he had left his credit card and demanded mine. I stalled as long as I could and finally gave up and handed her my credit card. Only the card had my husband’s name written across it in big, black letters. I knew when I handed it to her that none of the money was mine anyway. It was all his.

Every once in a while my husband would appear only to vanish again but we never seemed to leave. I was so fed up that I decided I would find a way out, leave the hotel, call a cab and get the hell out of there as fast as I could. I had no clue where I would go or how I would pay for anything. I figured I could just use my husband’s money since he seemed to not care how it was spent. LOL

I made it to the lobby only to be cornered by two people. They wouldn’t let me leave and kept trying to keep me there with persuasion saying things like, “Don’t you have a class to take?”

Eventually the dream shifted to my mom’s mailbox. My husband had received mail from the above group. It was in black, sealed envelopes scattered across the road. Some of the mail had been damaged by passing cars. My husband was retrieving the mail and I remember getting on a school bus and leaving the scene. It was odd because the scene didn’t fit but was very vivid.

Then my husband and I were visiting my cousin at her apartment. In real life my cousin is very well off, or well her husband is. He is second in charge of a big company and makes over $350,000/year. My cousin left her job to stay home with her kids and enjoys a very luxurious lifestyle. For example, they have a room in their million dollar house that is called the “Theater” and that is exactly what it is. They also have a room just for wrapping presents.

My cousin’s apartment was in Dallas in the dream and we were there to have dinner. I remember feeling uncomfortable but my husband was his usual, social self, saying all the right things and getting along well with my cousin. Mainly I remember she had high-tech everything and the focus was on material things. I, of course, wanted to get the hell out and kept finding excuses to leave the conversations. One time I even vacuumed a section of her carpet just because I didn’t know what else to do to pass the time.

Eventually I left on a mission. I went downtown to find a strip club. My idea was to see if I could make a couple grand in a night. Never having stripped in my life I felt it would be easy, especially because I had kept my body in good shape. My husband and cousin had come with me and dropped me at a high-end gentleman’s club. My husband did not object and told me he would pick me up later.

I met with a stripper who was dressed modestly. She and I sat at a table and discussed what would happen that night. The place was fairly empty and sophisticated but there was a very obvious stage in the center. I have only been inside a strip club once, but it was a nasty one in Alaska (long story), so I did not know what to expect. Would I just get up on stage and take my clothes off and then men would throw money at me? Could I even do that?

We were soon joined by the club owner. He was a bit sleazy and looked at me with dollar signs in his eyes. He also seemed overly interested in me, especially in what was under my clothing.

The woman explained to me that I would not get money but tickets and that only one of us would get tickets because it was a competition. Whoever won got all the tickets. I said that was unacceptable. I wanted money, not stupid tickets.

The woman laughed at me and I got up to leave. She was not a very attractive woman. She had a buzz cut and was overly thin and lanky – the opposite of what one would think a stripper would look like.

The owner shoved something in my hands saying, “Wait. Stay.” I looked down and he had given me what looked like some kind of fancy pastries that resembled a bunch of flowers. In among the pastry was a bunch of sage (which I assumed was pot but it was obviously sage) and a syringe. I immediately assumed he was bribing me with drugs but it was tempting. I hesitated, thinking of my options.

The woman began to talk to me very matter-of-factly. She said, “You came here because you want sex, right?” She eyed me, like she was looking into my soul. I squirmed a bit under her scrutinizing gaze and became very aware that my hand was in my crotch (lol). I quickly moved my hand and said, “No. I just need the money.” She said, “That’s what they all say.” Then she said, “So you need money, then what? I can tell you have little ones….(she held her hand down low to indicate how little). How long are you going to do this? Until your youngest is older? How old is old enough?” I said, “Just until he is old enough to handle me leaving. Maybe when he is ….. 10 years old? That should be old enough.” But I knew he would never be old enough.

She smiled. The creepy owner smiled. I felt cheap, like a prostitute. I remember thinking it would be easier to just prostitute myself, then I wouldn’t have to go onstage and let so many people look at me naked. But then I realized it was the exact same thing whether I was on stage or not.

There was a couple staring at me from across the room. They stared at me with a mixture of lust and mockery. I felt humiliated.

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Message Received

I woke from this dream gradually, still in conversation with the man and woman in my dream. The cheap, dirty feeling came with me. I remember having all kinds of thoughts during this time. Thoughts relating to how I am selling myself, my power, through the choices I am making in my life. I thought, “I am no different than a prostitute. I give my body and power away in exchange for feeling secure. I rationalize it by saying I want to be with my kids, I don’t want to work, etc. But the reality is that I am afraid and giving up my power allows me to hide. I make attempts to take back my power but they are pathetic. I am owned. I am not my own person anymore.”

It wasn’t those exact words but my thoughts were similar. There was a conversation with my husband recently that kept coming to mind. In it I confronted him on his past explosive and aggressive response to not having access to my body (I’ve been abstinent for 6+ months). He said he felt unloved, etc – the usual stuff. I again said that I felt he (like all men in this society) had a consideration that I was his “property” so when he was not allowed access (sex) then he felt he might lose it/me completely. He finally agreed that there was a consideration like that.

I was not disgusted by his admission. I have always known this. Every man I have ever been with has had this belief whether they are conscious of it or not (most have not been). I am no better in my own beliefs. There is a consideration that I need a man to protect me and provide for me. That without a man to protect me I am vulnerable. The minute I think of being single this consideration says, “But you will be an instant target! Men could easily take what they want from you and you would be too physically weak to do anything about it!”

It is all screwed up. Royally.

Ultimately my guidance was asking me if it was worth it. They asked me what I wanted. When I answered they said, “Take it then.” My response was confusion/fear/panic and, “I don’t know what to do.” lol Because I am looking for a paved path. I am looking for sure things, not the unknown. Right now I have what I need and I rationalize what I do to get it every.single.day.

I shouldn’t be in a relationship if I have these considerations. No one should. Yet that is what most of us do. We jump from one relationship to another and these beliefs/considerations trap us each and every time. For women it is, “I give you access to my body whenever you want and you give me security/protection.” For men it is, “I give you security/protection and you give me access to your body.” In both cases we become possessive of the other. Possessiveness is fear of loss. Period. It is an endless, repetitive cycle that has existed for thousands of years (10,000 BC maybe? lol). Sex shouldn’t be a commodity, yet it is. Women have it, men want it (don’t deny it women….and men).

I’ll admit this dream troubled me. There was a lot of gentle confrontation by my guides. I recognize I have put myself in this situation but it is easier to do nothing, so I do nothing. I know that opportunity is coming. In fact I said to my guides, “Opportunity is coming. I need to take it.” I have no idea what this means but I felt it in my entire Being. I wonder what it is?

 

 

 

 

January 5 Dream and Message

Before I get into the dream/message I want to relay to you some things that happened yesterday.

At some point mid-day yesterday I received the message “Challenges” out of the blue while reading some random post online. The word was in the background but appeared to “pop” out at me. I tried to shrug it off but there was a strange feeling that followed me the rest of the day seeming to remind me of the message.

For over a week I’ve had strange heart fluttering/palpitations that come and go. Well yesterday the fluttering in my heart was happening more than usual. For example, in about 45 minutes I had at least three incidences. They don’t last long or make me dizzy or anything, but I usually only get them as I am falling asleep. These happened while I was sitting and watching T.V.

The message “challenges” came to mind every time I felt my heart doing weird things. I knew it was likely nothing but that I should go to the doctor just to make sure. I won’t go to a doctor, though, because if it is what my mom has then they will put me on beta-blockers. I won’t take that kind of life-long medication if they prescribe it. Nope. Could health be one one of my challenges this year? Maybe.

My decision made, I still felt the heart flutters on and off until bedtime but ignored them. The feeling hung around like a heavy blanket. It was really irritating and got more intense as the night neared.

I noticed a strange “coincidence” that evening as well. If you read yesterday’s dream post then you know I had discussed my husband being a plumber. It likely was bleed-through from a couple of days ago when I noticed our garbage disposal was leaking. Since my husband was away camping he opted to fix the issue last night. I told him to not replace the disposal (I rarely if ever used it) but put in a regular drain instead. He did this despite him wanting to get a new disposal.

The disposal had leaked water all over the base of the cabinet. The old house owners had put down 2×4’s to repair previous water damage and those boards were completely warped. So, I suggested we replace them. When my husband removed the boards he was greeted with this:

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He said it was a cesspool under the boards. I had actually assumed this based up the poor workmanship of the previous owner. He always half-assed all the repairs and this one was no different. Covering up wet, rotting wood is never a good idea. My husband said it was full of dead and live bugs of all kinds and smelled horrific.

This odd “coincidence” seemed like a message to me. What exactly the message is, I’m not yet sure but it can’t be a positive one. If this has been under our kitchen sink since we moved in we could have been exposed to all sorts of nasty stuff for nearly 4 years. Ahhh!

Dream: Orientation

I know I woke up crying in the middle of the night again, but I don’t know why. There was dream recall at the time and I took a mental note, but the memory did not stick. I remember a suggestion from my guides last Fall about keeping a notebook handy. I should have listened. My dream recall has sucked lately.

The last dream of the night was vivid, though. In it I was walking down familiar school hallways. It was the first public school I had ever worked at and I was walking down memory lane in the dream looking for my old classroom. When I located it I noted it was across the hall from my first boyfriend post divorce. The dream scene was replaced with a raging river scene (ready to confront life’s challenges). It was as if the hallway turned into the river. Then the scene disappeared and I was once again walking the hall and locating my old classroom.

I walked into a classroom that was not my old room. Inside a woman was waiting for me. I recognized her and greeted her warmly, hugging her tightly. I remember her with dark hair but her appearance shifted between a black woman and a white woman. I think I may have been seeing both her appearances – the one she takes in Spirit and the one of her human self.

She mentioned she was now in HR and had only the one job rather than juggling several. She was much happier. I was pleased to hear this. Her job with me was to orient me on my new job. I told her that I was surprised they had chosen me for the position but was happy they had. The position was obviously counselor.

We were interrupted by a group of young girls. They asked me to help them determine whether a test question required a paragraph answer or not. I spent some time going over it with them, explaining how they could decipher questions and feeling I had a good handle on the situation. I recall that the questions were all math (logic) questions and eventually handed them a printout of the steps they needed to follow.

When they left the room me and the woman continued our conversation. I don’t remember the specifics but there is memory of us discussing a decision I had made early in my career. I had opted to stay in a job despite wanting to leave early on. This was/is my tendency because I get bored easily and want to “run” at the first sign of trouble. Thus, early on in my career I jumped from school to school about every 9 months to a year.

The woman congratulated me on staying with the same employer for 8 years. I remember thinking there was a lesson in it that I had learned and repeating that lesson to her. It was something like, “It is easy to run away from your problems, but if you stick it out you are sure to be rewarded for your efforts.” I was proud for sticking it out as long as I had and knew this new opportunity was with the same district I spent those 8 years at. It surprised me that I would take a job so far from my home. Was I really going to commute almost an hour one-way to work every day?

The woman had to go and left me with a number to reach her. She said, “You can reach me anytime at 4392.” I said, “What?” not understanding the 4 digits. She repeated it and then I repeated it to myself.

I walked toward the front office. A blonde woman stopped me and said, “Good to see you back. Will you be available today?” I said, “No but probably tomorrow.” She smiled and walked on. I felt welcomed and this in turned made me feel excited for the future.

As we headed down the hallway I ran into another past acquaintance. I called her name and she turned and smiled. She welcomed me but seemed overly preoccupied and busy. I could tell she was in a hurry. I walked with her down a corridor that headed toward a basement area.

In this basement was a arcade (look back on previous time when you found joy) full of games and kids playing them. I happily joined in as did my coworker. I remember seeing lights flashing on a skee ball type game. I tossed a ball into one of the openings. The lights flashing reminded me of the lights one sees when they hit jackpot (take a chance on life) on a slot machine.

I left and walked toward the office with my coworker. We ran into a tall black man and stopped to talk. I inquired about the other counselor and was told by the man, “She didn’t make it. It was too much for her.” I was sad to hear this news and mentioned that it was a surprise since she had spent 8 years preparing in some military-type training program.

When we got to the office I was awakened by my son who was awake way too early.

Messages from the In-Between

I was able to stay in bed but couldn’t sleep. The dream kept going through my head and messages kept coming in. The number 4392 was repeated to me at one point, waking me up. Another time I was reading the label on a pill bottle. I read aloud, “Sword fight.” With this came the image of a sword and I knew the message was that I needed to fight for what I wanted. This woke me up immediately but I fell back into the in-between quickly. Then I was discussing with someone the return to work and saw the number 56. I saw it as a salary but I am sure it was not that. I also kept seeing a calendar in my head with the month of May lit up.

Finally, the most obvious message was when I heard a masculine voice yell at me. He said, “Get out! I’m telling you, GET OUT!” This woke me straight away.

Since I had been getting so much communication from voices and odd visions I surrounded myself in light and put up protection just in case I was being bothered by Spirit that were not guides.

But the “Get out” message bothered me. Get out of what? My bed? I was reminded of the second memorable audible message I received from Spirit, one that woke me up from deep sleep (the first was “Hold on” when I was in the midst of a car accident). I heard, “GET OUT NOW”, twice. At that point in my life I saw it as a message from God and didn’t hesitate to get out of my situation (left Alaska within a week and eventually left my marriage).

Surely this message was not meant in the same way? Surely I was making it up somehow or Spirit was playing games with me.

But it was so audible. So in my face. Just like the first one. The only difference is I’ve had so many messages in the years since that first one, that they have become “normal”. I had no reaction other than to think immediately someone in Spirit was playing with me and so surround myself in protection. Shows how my experiences have shaped me. Shows how wary I have become over the years.

As I woke the same song was going through my head as yesterday morning, only this time it was, “My love (song says “life”) is brilliant, my love is true. I saw an angel, of that I’m sure….and I can’t wait to see you again….” Though the last part is different than the song lyrics.

I’m not sure what to make of the dream and messages. Is this what is going to happen in May this year? We’ll see I guess.

January 4 Dream: Visiting Alaska

I had a nice evening to myself last night while my husband and kids went camping at a state park. While it is nice outside, it is rather chilly and I do not find camping any fun when I am freezing my butt off.

My evening was rather uneventful spiritually speaking. Though I would have liked a lucid dream or OBE, even better some Kundalini, I was just too tired from the previous sleepless night.

Dream: Visiting Alaska 

The dream began with me discussing a ticket to Alaska with a man, who I called my husband but he didn’t resemble my husband at all. He asked me if I wanted to go with him to Alaska and I said I didn’t. It seemed like we would go there separately, him months ahead of me.

He gave me my ticket (start of new endeavor) and I saw in my mind a map of the U.S. I recall seeing the Great Lakes region of the U.S. and feeling like I had taken this journey before. In fact, an OBE of hovering over this exact region came to mind in the dream but in that memory the place was being bombed and it was very cold.

I knew I was revisiting a school I had attended in Alaska for a year. I “landed” outside a university building that was quite comfortable feeling to me, though I have never seen such a place in this physical life. It was green and pleasant with blue skies and a collegiate feel all around. Everyone felt young, inspired and eager to learn. Overall my feeling was of pleasure mixed with nostalgia. Happy memories, though I can’t recall even one, only a sense of spending time in this place.

There was someone with me, a young girl who I thought of as my daughter but I can’t get memory of what she looked like. Even in the dream it was like she was a bright golden shadow just out of sight. I was talking to someone other than my daughter, too, but can’t recall a face or gender. Upon reflection I think I was talking to my “husband” and the result of our discussion was the dream, like the discussion produced the imagery.

I remember talking about the weather (state of mind) and how it was 60 degrees (hope) there but snow was expected. The warm weather was the result of a warm front that had come in from the south. My daughter and I walked along a path lined with flowers and shrubs, enjoying the beautiful place and reminiscing. I wanted to take a picture of her (remember a certain version of myself) so we walked down near the water’s edge.

A man was standing alone by a bench (procrastination) on the path. He was a normal looking, dark haired man with a nice smile. When I saw him I immediately started talking with him as if we were old friends. I told him we wanted to take a picture by the water (wanting to remember something) and asked if he would take it for us. My daughter (vague memory here of pretty blonde woman with sparkling eyes) stood by the water and we snapped a picture. The resulting image only showed trees and flowers, though, which disappointed me. The man was very encouraging and began asking me questions about my visit so that I soon forgot all about the photo, instead focusing on the beautiful coastline and picturesque scenery of the area (need to focus on the positive).

Again there was mention of the weather (emotional state of mind) and how unusual it was for the time of year. I remember talking to him about my past schooling there. I had spent a year there and had hoped I would run into someone I knew from that time. I recall walking along the wide, open corridors of the university and looking at all the faces I encountered seeking out a familiar one. That’s when it occurred to me that I had not made any significant friends or acquaintances during my time there so it was unlikely I would meet someone I knew. Part of me considered I might be sad at my lack of friends but I paid that part no attention. I felt perfectly comfortable not having made any personal connections.

Still talking with the man we discussed how he had come to be there. He said he worked for an “organization”, which he shortened to “org”, and would only be visiting for a short time. I remember him saying he thought “orgs” did a lot of good and I agreed with him that they did make a positive impact. It felt like orgs were business while at the same community groups of well-intentioned citizens looking to make the world a better place.

He mentioned that he was training to become a plumber (dealing with emotional issues). I asked him, “Journeyman or Master?” He looked at me, surprised, and said, “Ah! How do you know that?” I said, “My husband is Journeyman….well actually Master but he didn’t keep up with his certification requirements.”

By this time he and I had walked into the university bookstore/exchange. I had been browsing and selected a shiny, silver jewelry (sense of self-worth) set consisting of a necklace, bracelet and earrings. I handed the woman the set noticed the earrings (desire for acceptance and affection) were missing. I told her, “It looks like the earrings are missing.” She said, “Do you still want it?” I said, “Sure. I don’t need the earrings anyway.”

When I attempted to pay I opened my wallet (self identity or financial situation) and found all of my cards had been removed (emotional void or empty feeling). There was absolutely nothing inside, not even my driver’s license. At first I was surprised but then I remembered that I had purposefully left them all behind. The man noticed I did not have my debit card. I told him, “It’s okay. I brought plenty of cash (self-worth, confidence, self-love) with me.” I looked back down at my wallet and saw the empty slots dotted with tiny, white or pale pink flowers (love, joy, happiness, overcoming grief/sadness) and felt completely at ease with my situation. I didn’t need credit or debit cards. I could sense a part of myself that would normally be very uneasy with such a situation, but I was not.

Eventually the man was join by his wife and child (a daughter I think) and told me he had to leave and had enjoyed our time together. When I saw that he was married with a family I was a bit disappointed. I believe someone said to me, “Looks like he is married. I could tell he was interested in you, though.” I remember considering how it might have been to have him as a life partner. I thought he and I were a good match and it was too bad that we had to go our separate ways. I also recall being asked, “Did you know him?” I said, “I don’t think so.” Yet I found it odd that I went right up to him and started talking to him.

When it was time to leave it felt like the scene became smaller, or maybe I got larger. As it disappeared below me I recall trying to figure out where exactly this “Alaska” was because I saw the Great Lakes region on the map. Apparently I had spent a whole year there. I assumed “Alaska” was a reflection of the year I actually lived in Alaska. It had been composed of many difficult lessons. Perhaps I was reflecting on that time in my life?

As my consciousness shifted back to my body I recall saying, “I don’t know what to do…..” I heard back from a masculine voice, “Do what you came here to do.” This brought me fully out of my reverie. The line of a song was repeating in my mind: “And I don’t know what to do….cause I’ll never be with you.”

Reflection

Based upon my dreams these first four nights of the new year, I’m not sure they are giving me glimpses of each month of this coming year. It feels more like lessons in my dreams than anything else. If this month is reflective of April then perhaps in April I will be sorting through relationship issues and patterns. April is the month my ex-husband was born. He still lives in Alaska and though I only spent a year there, it was probably the most challenging year of my life (well until 2017 that is lol).

The main feeling I had upon waking was sadness. The song seemed to intensify that feeling. I am still a bit sad by it. It feels like I missed an opportunity; a big “could have been” that will follow me the rest of my life.

Overall the dream seems positive so I guess that is a good thing. I was told, “Do what you came here to do”. I responded with, “What is that?” So, of course, I’ve been thinking about that most of the morning. What am I here to do? If I felt a “calling” or felt drawn to or pulled to do a particular thing, then it would make things so much easier. All I know is that I am here to help but the “how” has always been a mystery. I feel like a feather in the wind, going wherever the wind takes me. It makes for a very frustrating journey.