Human Design – Right Angle, Left Angle and Juxtaposition Geometry

Geometry in Human Design (HD) refers to the potentials and limitations that frame the ways we interact with others to fulfill our life purpose. There are three geometries: Right Angle, Left Angle and Juxtaposition (p. 261, The Definitive Book of Human Design). 

Image taken from The Definitive Book of Human Design, p. 260

Right Angle Geometry refers to those with a self-absorbed personal destiny and comprise 64% of the population on Earth. They are here to create karma, to work out their own life without becoming absorbed into other peoples’ life processes. When someone with a Right Angle meets and interacts with another, the other may give them a new experience but will not change their life direction/path. Right Angles enter their life completely unaware of their past lives and their past connections. They are here to re-experience, explore, research and gain a new perspective. 

Juxtaposition Geometry refers to those who are here to act as a bridge between Right and Left Angle individuals. They make up less than 3% of the population on Earth. Only the 4/1 Profile in HD is Juxtaposition Geometry. These individuals have a fixed path. Others who come into contact with these individuals for a long enough time will end up on their path with them, pulled into that fate.

Left Angle Geometry refers to those who need others to fulfill their purpose – transpersonal. They make up about 33% of the population on Earth. Encounters with others can easily change their direction or life path, or the other’s path/life direction. Left Angle’s are more conscious of the world and others, maintain a connection with their past lifetimes and often feel a deep familiarity with people they encounter or experiences they have. Left Angles are here to resolve karma that has been created. 

Our Incarnation Cross will take over our life naturally when we function as our differentiated self. “We don’t awaken to our cross, we awaken in it. Our cross embodies the full expression of our awareness potential and our process of living awake” (p. 288). 

“There are 192 basic Incarnation Crosses and 768 specific Incarnation Crosses used in [HD] analysis” (p.288). These are summarized in section 8 of The Definitive Book of Human Design. A full Incarnation Cross reading is needed for complete understanding. 

My Thoughts

I am Left Angle Cross of Refinement. The first half – Left Angle – means I am here to resolve karma and I do this by easily being pulled into another’s path/life direction. These others are people who either need my help resolving karma and/or are helping me resolve my own karma. My understanding of this is that I don’t have a particular set path of my own, though I do have a destination (my life purpose). 

The second half – Cross of Refinement – does not have much of an explanation in the book. In summary, I am are here to ensure the right to one’s own private and inspiring space. Part of my drive is about privacy in this space, not just for me but for the belief that it is everyone’s right to have such a thing.

The Cross of Refinement is linked to Gates 19 and 33 which further explain the specifics of it. The short version is that Gate 19 means I am extremely sensitive to people, places and situations. I can read the energy of the space and people, understand it and then decide how or if I want to participate in it. If I don’t like the energy I struggle to maintain a “poker face” for very long. <—– I laugh about that because it is so true! My emotion is written ALL OVER my face. I can’t fake how I feel. lol

Gate 33 means that I have a creative reservoir that runs very deep and the ability to bring a space or situation back into alignment via creative means. However, I am easily overwhelmed by the gravity and/or time-intensive nature of what it takes to bring situations back into alignment. This part is true for me – I do find great satisfaction in organizing people, places and things.

The Left Angle explanation makes total sense for me because I live it and have been living it my whole life. People come into my life and take me in a totally new direction and it has happened over and over again. The examples are numerous but the main ones that stand out to me are: my ex-husband, a boyfriend and my current husband. 

I am and have always been acutely aware that this life is one of many. Even in my early years I knew somehow that what I was being told about “one life” in church was complete BS. I knew Heaven was not what they described and I knew the rules I was told to obey to avoid Hell were based upon fear. Past life memories came on spontaneously in my twenties and continue to be revealed even today. 

I have been in communication with my guides since a very early age. My mother told me I talked to an “imaginary friend” when I was a toddler and I have memories of hearing someone in my head (a voice) telling me things as young as 4-5 years old. 

As for soul connections, I can’t count the number of people I’ve met in this lifetime who I have felt a deep, soul connection to. Some so much so that there was instant love and recognition.

As for the direction of my life, it has never been a straight line. I feel like a feather in the wind. I float about, someone catches me, holds on a while, and then lets me go. I then float around a little longer until the process repeats. My path, if the feather analogy is used, is simply to go from point A (the sky) to point B (the ground). Yet that path is intercepted frequently to the point that I end up seemingly going in circles, sometimes to the point that I don’t know up from down. In fact, I was just writing in my personal journal this exact observation. It has been frustrating over time because my own path seems to get lost along the way as I end up traveling another’s path time and time again. But I realize now, of course, that my path is meant to be this way.

Defined, Undefined and Open

More and more fascinating information to share with you all from the book The Definite Book of Human Design: The Science of Differentiation.

First, some definitions:

Section 2: The Nine Centers, The Flow of Energy p. 51

Defined Center -That which is colored in the BodyGraph; what is consistently and reliably you. A defined center is formed when two gates at both ends of a channel come together to form a definition. 

Undefined Center – White areas on a chart, inconsistent, and flexible places; sources of both conditioning and wisdom; where we go to school to learn about life. The Undefined Center has dormant gates connected to it that wait to be connected or “sparked” by the gate at the other end of the channel. These “sparks” come from Others who have these gates and channels available.

Completely Open Center – That which is white or undefined in a BodyGraph; the source of conditioning, education, nurturing, and potential wisdom in a life. A center that has no dormant gates connected to it. “With no dormant gates in place to filter or prejudice incoming energy, we are open to the center’s full potential for experiential learning which becomes a source of wisdom as we mature” (p. 51). 

When I learned that there were completely open centers I immediately searched for them because I knew I had them. Sure enough, I found three.

Can you find the open centers? Hint: Centers with no color, no colored lines (channels), no colored circles (gates). Refer to the first pic (above) to compare if you are confused.

Completely open centers on my BodyGraph:

Head
Heart
Solar Plexus

Completely open Head Center – These individuals have no way of knowing or recognizing when something is more or less inspiring or interesting than another. They may give away their Authority to others by relying on them to tell them what is interesting, inspiring or important. They just don’t know what to think about, what matters or doesn’t, or why and may end up fearing thinking about things or engaging in intellectual conversations. They key is to let the mental pressure pass through without identifying with it. Their wisdom comes when they become comfortable with letting the mental pressure pass on by. They can then learn to gauge who uses their mind effectively and who doesn’t. They can also become sensitive enough to pick up on the thoughts of others (telepathy). 

My thoughts – I laugh because I do struggle to find inspiration and interest in any “one” thing. I cannot understand how people obsess about celebrities or icons. I don’t get it! I have NEVER idolized anyone, not even my own mother. The question, “Who do you most want to be like? Who is your role model?” always stumped me. I want to say, “No one. Me?” lol Similarly, I liked many topics and found interest in many things but never found any one more interesting or inspiring than another. This lack of “passion” use to aggravate me to no end but I have out grown that. Now I just accept that I am ever flowing and fluid when it comes to things I like or take interest in. I also recognize that most of those things were not my interests anyway, but others’ and I “borrowed” them for a time to blend in and find connection. 

There is quite a bit of noise in my head – all the time. Like a constant thought-stream. I am not joking! I don’t think I feel overwhelmed by all the noise in my head, at least not since my twenties anyway. I’ve learned to ignore most of the noise and not take those thoughts seriously. I have also learned that some of those thoughts are NOT MINE, actually most aren’t! Learning to decipher my thoughts from Others was a lesson I learned early on. 

Telepathy is very real to me. Just yesterday while in Target shopping there was an older man who I sensed was “awake” like me. He walked by, we both looked at each other and acknowledge each other with a head nod. Then later I walked by him again. This time I saw his hands were over flowing with items and thought to him (I did not speak), “You should have gotten a cart.” Immediately the man saito me, “What?” lol I said, “I didn’t say anything.” I should have said what I was thinking, though. 

Completely Open Heart Center – Results in an individual never having a solid grasp of what it is to feel worthy, how to measure it or how to achieve it. These people can easily waver between feeling an exaggerated sense of importance to feeling completely worthless. They are easily manipulated and controlled because of their inconsistent self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. Wisdom comes to those with a completely open Heart Center when they accept that they have nothing to prove. Look to them for wisdom about the trustworthiness of one’s word and/or the use of money and personal power on the physical plane. 

My thoughts – I most definitely relate to the part about exaggerated sense of importance to suddenly feeling like nothing/worthless! Mostly I feel this part of me draws to me relationship where the Other has a solid sense of self and self-worth. I do not gravitate toward those who don’t, not generally. My friends and partners all have been strong in self-worth, at least as best as I can identify. I do not feel my completely open Heart Center is a bad thing at all. I do indeed know how to use money and power and can pick out a trustworthy person over a deceitful one any day. For me, this openness was probably the worst to handle when I was growing up and in high school. 

Completely Open Solar Plexus – Like the undefined Solar Plexus, the Open Solar Plexus absorbs and amplifies emotion present in the environment. It is important to learn to decipher when the emotion is the individual’s emotion or the Other’s (Ask, “Whose emotion is this?”). Emotional decisions made by those with an open solar plexus often leave them regretful. These individuals do not like confrontation and tend to avoid it. These individuals have no “way of filtering or connecting to incoming potent, emotional energy.” They can be confused by what they feel because they don’t know how to interpret it. “They don’t know what to desire, when to be sensitive or passionate, or how to recognize and deal with people’s needs or moods.” They can feel like something is emotionally wrong with them. Their wisdom comes from learning how to understand emotion in it’s purest state. For emotion to be beautiful to those with an open solar plexus they must learn to not attach to the emotion. (p. 85)

My thoughts – This one feels like it goes with the open Head Center really well. Confused about emotion? Yep, that’s me! Overwhelmed by emotion? Yep! Empathic? Hell yeah! I have learned over time to never make decisions based upon my emotion. I wait and see if when the emotion has passed to see if I still want to do it. I have always felt something was wrong with me emotionally. I never seem to “get” what others get in terms of emotion. It is like I feel something else altogether and maybe I do? Maybe I feel the “pure” version? I know that is the case with love anyway. 

You may ask how does someone NOT know how to filter and interpret emotional energy? Honestly, I can’t say what is normal for others, just what is normal for me. I have learned to read energy, not emotion, because emotion is inconsistent. One person’s “happy” reads as “complacent” while another’s reads as “high” or “focused” or “intense”. So the energy is the true filter, not the emotion. With my open Head Center and the constant influx of thought alongside the influx of emotion of my open Solar Plexus, I am surprised I have not ended up in a psychiatric institution! 

If you are curious to know more and like to do this kind of research yourself, I recommend buying the book. It doesn’t have all the answers but it is most definitely worth it IMO.

More on my Human Design Research

I continue to read the book, The Definitive Book of Human Design, as well as do online research into HD. The following are some of the thoughts I’ve jotted down over the last week.

Uranus Opposition

I have been thinking of how I am currently experiencing my Uranus Opposition and what I read in HD about what that meant. It is a turning point taking a person from a focus on their South Node to a focus to their North Node. The North node is my purpose and focus for this lifetime. It is where I “shine”. The North Node is challenging but fulfilling. I believe mine is in the 9th House and in Scorpio. The South Node is about the past and what is comfortable and secure. I think mine is in my 3rd House in Taurus. 

In thinking of my North Node and what I was told in a recent astrological reading, I recalled my North Node indicated I would be most fulfilled working in the spiritual, traveling and/or meeting new people, transcending the material, diving deep and the transpersonal. It is clear to me that my South Node has been my focus for a while – my family, my safe place, karmic contracts, retreat. I was reminded of spiritual experiences I have documented in my blog, experiences that helped me Remember my purpose/mission here. I acknowledged that I did indeed Know my path.

I have also noticed that those things related to my South Node seem to be fading from my focus more and more. I have always been drawn back to my family land and my mother – my “safe space”. Lately, however, I am not feeling a draw to that at all. Instead I feel like walking away from it forever. Leaving it in the past where it belongs. It isn’t that I don’t love my mother or my family roots/land but that I no longer feel the weight of it, or its pull, upon me. I feel freed from obligation and responsibility, like I am finally letting go of my past and everything that had been weighing me down. 

I have never been one to hang onto material possessions. My past homes, land, and possessions were easily let go of as I moved on. Usually I sell most everything when I move. My thought is, “I can always buy another.” I am definitely not sentimental! I don’t attach to the things I buy. Cars are just cars. Homes are just homes. The memories are always with me. I don’t need things in order to Remember. Yet I obviously was holding onto what my family land and home represented – safety/security. My Mom represents that as well. She kept me safe as a child, so why wouldn’t I feel safe with her near? But with my recognition of this and now letting go of it, I can see the glue that held it all together. I am now recognizing that I am safe/secure no matter what. I don’t need a place or a person to feel that way. 

There was an analogy in the HD book I am reading about the Not-Self. The Not-Self is suppose to be the passenger in the car while the HS is the driver. The Not-Self is linked to the mind and the mental. In the 7-centered Being the Not-Self was the driver but now that we are 9-centered it has not realized that it cannot drive this vehicle; it isn’t capable. It must surrender to the HS and sit in the back seat and just enjoy the ride. 

I thought about how I have surrendered many times but it seems that every time I end up trying to drive the car. In thinking of this I laughed because I am reminded of being a child going on a family road trip sitting in the back seat asking, “Are we there yet?” Children are content to sit in the back enjoying to ride for a while, but the boredom sets in when the drive just goes and goes with the same scenery passing by. I can relate to this boredom. It is how I feel right now. I keep asking, “Are we there yet?” in hopes that I will get to go Home soon. My HS answers, giving me a time period for when the next interesting thing will come along, but it seems like “forever” to me. 

Projectors Need Support

Recently, in the in-between, I heard, “Time to be supported.” 

This reminded me of something I heard on a FB video post by a HD analyst. He said that Projectors need lots of support because they do not create their own energy and so often lack the motivation to continue on a path. Many find themselves struggling to finish college and stay financially stable unless they can find a benefactor, usually a Generator, to support them either financially or otherwise. I find this benefactor idea applicable to my situation. I had Generators all around me, pushing me to finish college when I no wasn’t motivated to do so. I had Generators pushing me to stick it out at work, too. I have also sought out support when I wanted to do something. If I couldn’t find that support I usually didn’t persevere. I find it very difficult to succeed in business-type ventures without a partner. I am aware that I need support. I have always been aware of this. 

My Family and HD

HD feels to explain so much. It fills in the gaps and allows me to better understand all of the information my guidance has provided throughout my lifetime.

I have been researching the charts of family members who have had the most influence over me. All are Generators or Manifesting Generators. Four so far are 2/4’s! My Mom, brother and both of my sons are 2/4’s. Since I am a 6/2, we share the 2 line (Hermit). 2 lines are fiercely honest. We call people out who are inauthentic. We have a strong inner Knowing. Trust is very important to us. Break our trust and it is very difficult to regain it. We are here to be blunt and need lots of alone time. The wisdom of a 2nd line is to recognize that letting someone else in makes life more beautiful and fulfilling. We need to let others in to see outside our little bubbles. We tend to carry with us memory of our origins so have a deep sense of Homesickness. 

My Mom, who has been the most influential in my life, has a chart that really compliments my own. It explains why we get along so well and are so connected. Not only does she have the same variable as me (mentioned in another blog post), but her undefined centers and defined centers compliment mine. I am almost all undefined or open. She is almost all defined. 

My definition is the same as both my sons. I am single-definition. 40-45% of the population is single-definition. This means I do not go around feeling like I need someone else to “complete” me. I am independent and okay being on my own. Energy flows naturally through us. We don’t need relationships and are just fine on our own. In romantic relationships I seek out only the very best partners (super picky). Just anyone wouldn’t do because why would I be with someone who isn’t the best when I am just fine on my own? And in relationships if the other restricts my freedom in any way I am happy to say “Bye!” and won’t look back. I choose to be with who I am with. The lesson of a single-definition is to accept that we do actually need others. 

My Mom and younger sister are triple-definition. I haven’t researched this yet but I have researched split-definition. My older sister is split-definition. The split-definition person feels they are missing their other half and is always seeking out someone to complete them. They can become highly co-dependent. When alone with their thoughts they are often “split” inside. One half says one thing, the other half questions it or says another thing. They never have a true sense of clarity because of this. My daughter is split-definition and I asked her if this describes her. She agreed that it did. 

The most revealing part of HD so far to me is how the undefined centers of our aura seek out others who have those centers defined. When we find them and they “click” perfectly in place like a puzzle piece, then we feel it. The more “clicks” the more they may impact us. This can explain soul connections and other similar connections. It can also explain why some people repel us.

My Defined Centers

I only have two defined centers – Throat and G-Center. I am grateful for this because of all the defined centers to have, the one that really counts (IMO) is the G Center.

G Center – Love, Identity and Direction. The Seat of the Higher Self (Magnetic Monopole). 57% of the population has a defined G Center. Note: The G Center is located in the center of the chest where we traditionally think the heart chakra is located. The Heart Center in HD is not in the center of the chest, but is associated with willpower (self-esteem), Ego and the material world.

Those with a defined G-Center have a consistent experience of Love and a fixed and reliable self-identity. They Know who they are! They are secure in their love for themselves and can love others without becoming dependent on them (yes!!!). They have a sense of their own correct mission and direction in life and naturally can point out new direction and love for others.

The downside – “Although their G Center is defined, succumbing to expectations imposed on them or conditioned by others, while rejecting their own direction and thereby denying themselves love, can lead them to experience such a sense of loss in their life that they give up on themselves altogether” (The Definitive Book of Human Design, p. 101). I, personally, can relate to this as I feel this IS and has happened to me. 😦

Throat Center – Communication and Manifestation, Metamorphosis and Transformation through interaction with the world. 72% of the population has a defined Throat Center.

The Throat Center transmutes and directs how information from all parts of the BodyGraph manifests in the world. “If the Throat is connected to the G Center, one speaks from personal identity and direction, from the higher self” (p. 55). If someone has a defined Throat connected to a defined motor (root, sacral, heart, solar plexus) they can always manifest but it doesn’t mean they always should. A Throat connected to a motor can create impulsiveness, talking too much or not enough, and the giving away of energy to every impulse. I, by the way, do not have this issue (I have no defined motor) but I still tend to talk too much at times. This is likely borrowed/conditioned from one of my many Generator family members who do this. lol

Driver/Passenger

Shifting Gears……the below dream supports the driver/passenger analogy as written in the book I am reading.

From page 21:

“In a human being, the Personality Crystal of Consciousness…..sits above your head…in the Head Center at the top of the BodyGraph. This Personality Crystal manifests what you identify with as your Self, of who you think you are, and is called the passenger or passenger consciousness. The Design Crystal of Consciousness…..is seated in the Anja Center….and manifests the biogenetics of your body, or the physicality of the form. It is referred to as the vehicle or form consciousness. The relationship between these two crystals is likened to a backseat passenger (Personality) who rides in a vehicle (Design) operated by a third party – the driver.”

As mentioned already, the driver is located in the G Center. It has two functions – 1. It holds everything together (the Personality Crystal and Design Crystal) in the illusion of separateness and 2. It connects us to our movement in time through space and guides us along our path (destiny) in life.

What I find fascinating is that from the beginning of my spiritual awakening the analogy of the car, driver and passenger has been numerous. I can’t count how many dreams and OBEs I’ve had using this analogy!

Dream: I Do It All

In this dream I was with a girlfriend. We went to the entrance of a large theater-like place. There was a line out one side and a booth with a man selling tickets. My friend turned around and went up to the booth, cutting in line but since the line was so far from the booth the ticket master didn’t notice. He gave her a ticket. I asked my friend what she was doing and she said, “Voting”, so I figured everyone was in line to vote. The place did not feel like a place to vote, though. 

I walked in front of the ticket booth also cutting in line. I looked at the person in line apologetically as the ticket master walked up to me. He was a very odd guy, though. He didn’t look like he belonged there. He was telling me how he did all sorts of things besides giving out tickets. I saw mental projections in a screen in my mind as he told me. I saw an image of him with drugs and my reaction was surprise. Then, out of the blue, he hugged me close to him. When he did this he said, “Don’t you know? I do it all.” With his words and hug came a swirl of images and memories. I knew all the memories and people in them and in that instant an energy came into and filled up the area at my solar plexus. It was like the ticket master and I became one. His energy swirled within me, expanding outward until it went past my body. The energy brought with it Knowing. I Remembered and responded to the man but I can’t recall my specific words. The Knowing was that all men, all experience, were One and I was One with them. We are all One.

Planning

As I woke the energy continued to swirl. It was a pleasant feeling, though not blissful, just pleasant, like I was feeling a part of myself long forgotten, a part connected and Knowing and without expectation. 

The man in the dream continued to speak to me for a while after. I shifted in and out of the in-between so some of what was said is lost now. It remains mostly as a Knowing. I do remember that he reminded me, “You are here to experience what you are Not.” With this came an understanding that my life at present is part of that experience of who I am Not. I Remembered Knowing this. How could I forget it? I remember asking if my entire life was going to be like this? It felt that once I had experienced enough of who I am Not, then I can settle into being who I AM. 

There was comfort in knowing my life at present is part of this “experiment” and not something “wrong”. I didn’t go off course. There is no reason to resist it or fight it. With this understanding I asked the man, “Please help me surrender. I am tired.” The exchange here was pure telepathy. Words can’t describe it but the summary of it, if I had to give it words, is that he is the Driver and I am the Passenger but We are a Team. As the Driver he would always take me to places I desired to go but he alone decides the route because only he has access to the map. 

There is memory of discussing where we are headed. I remember seeing a tiny, black box. In it was being stuffed something much bigger than the box, yet it still fit perfectly. There were other black boxes of various sizes all around, but the smaller one was the focus. The discussion during this visual was hidden behind it but I remember part of it was me describing what I would like to do next. I think I said the word, “Witch” but it was mixed with other words, all describing a spiritual path. The man asked me if I was certain as he stuffed the black box. This is when I became aware of the the discussion and knew he and I were planning together how I/We would make the transition away from experimentation/observation. 

In another vision from the in-between there is vivid memory of opening up a refrigerator door. It was a tiny fridge sitting on the floor. Inside it was empty but I could see clearly the icy interior. The man asked me, “What are you looking for in there?” This brought me out of my reverie and as the visual faded I wondered about what I thought I had put inside it. The only answer I received was that somehow the fridge represented a feeling. Security. Safety. Seeing the fridge was empty reminded me that there was no need to use it to preserve these things. They were already and always would be, mine, and no one could take them from me.

Irruption Imminent

Strange title for my post, but it will make sense soon enough. When I wrote the title I was thinking, “Eruption”, like a volcano, but an altogether different word resulted. A word I had to look up because I needed to know WHY I wrote it.

Definition – a breaking or bursting in; a violent incursion or invasion.

Well, isn’t that significant in and of itself? Think about it.

High Emotion

For me, personally, it is an emotionally intense time right now. I have been experiencing high emotion for a while (all of 2020 actually) but now the emotion appears to be pointing me toward taking action in my life. At first it was saying, “Here. Look at this.” It didn’t ask me to do anything. It just asked me to observe. Now it appears to be saying, “Now that you have observed, what are you going to do about it?”

I have already written a bit about the emotion I am experiencing. My family life has been the main source ALL YEAR. It is no joke now, though, as the issues are on my front door step and knocking. There is no ignoring that! It is one thing to have a sister near death because of a hidden Meth addiction and another to discover your own husband has revealed a secret just as destructive!

BTW my sister is healed and well except that there is evidence that she is using again. But we all kinda knew that would happen.

Then there is this damned election. I have my views and have shared some of my frustration. As a 6/2, Self-Projected Projector, I see and Know so much of the bigger picture, but if I don’t wait to be invited to share my wisdom then what I say either goes unheard or is met with much worse. I become an easy target when I share without being invited and after a lifetime of being shunned, attacked, and made invisible because I did not follow my authority and wait, I am not going to even attempt to say anymore about where this is all headed. I think the premonitions and insight I have already revealed tell the story well enough – well to those who wanted to hear anyway.

Then there are incidents like this:

Dream: Paralyzed Girl

I am in a house with two very strong-willed woman. There is a knock on the door. When the door is opened there is a small child laying on a cot at the door. She is tied to the cot and uses her tiny arms to wheel herself around. She has sores on her body and is very thin and malnourished. Her legs are shriveled and deformed. The girl asked the women if they would take a moment to talk with her about God. The women laugh hysterically at the girl, mock her and slam the door in her face. 

I feel for the girl and so open the door. I lean down and talk with her, asking her if she needs help getting home. The girl, who is struggling with her wheeled cot, is grateful and lets me assist her over some difficult terrain. 

When I get her over the rocky soil I see she has a much more difficult road ahead. The path goes through a canyon that is riddled with more jagged rocks, a stream and more treacherous terrain. I pick the girl and her cot up and carry her home.

When we get to the end of the canyon there is a large door. I know it is the place she calls home but that it is a convent full of nuns who do not treat her well. Yet it is the only place she knows to be home and it is her safe place. I trigger a latch that swings open a small gate to access the door. The girl then points back to the path and says, “My cot!” Realizing we dropped it along the way I go back to retrieve it but I walk along the ridge. Looking down I see the girl swimming through the stream like a fish. She finds her cot and then cannot move using the cot as the wheels catch on the rocks.

I go down to help and she is grateful. She seems to have more strength and is a bit older. Yet she is still pale and malnourished. When I see her I ask her, “Can I?….” My intent is to give her healing. Maybe if I give her some of my energy it will help her? When I hug her close to me, she is so tiny in my arms. I feel her energy and take it into my own, willing my energy to fill her with strength. When I do this I am overwhelmed with grief at the unfairness of it all. My heart aches. The energy of the girl feels to become the energy of all who have ever been in her shoes. It is too much for me to bear. I begin to sob and wake up. 

When I wake up the tears continue and my heart aches, literally. There is an energetic heat in my chest. It is familiar. I have felt to take on all of humanity’s past hurt before. I think it was the Fall of 2016 when I has incidences similar to this. One was with Native Americans and the other with Autistic children. This time it seemed to be unwanted, neglected children.

I had to sit up and walk around a bit because the grief was so intense. Thankfully, it subsided quickly. These incidents always leave me feeling so small and insignificant. I want to help but feel unable to. There is nothing worse than having a purpose “to help” but not being able to help in the capacity that is needed.

After a short while the emotion returned and I grieved some more. The grief felt to have no specific origin. It just poured out of me. I sat up in bed and allowed the purge to run its course. 

And then like this:

Dream: Lacing Sandals 

I somehow drifted back to sleep. I was in my mom’s garage. She was asking me to go to the store for her and pick up some groceries (spiritual nourishment). She handed me a list. As I got into her car a man was there. He was very tall. He got into the back seat, his legs taking up the entire space. I said, “Are you going?” He just looked at me. Taking this as a “yes”, I left. I said something about driving in the dark and how it would be okay.

When we arrived at the store I went about my shopping and the man went off on his own. I encountered some people while shopping. Most were men who would watch me and sometimes follow me and touch me. I remember one man grabbed my wrist suddenly as if to pull me toward him in a sexual way. I said something to him warning him to not touch me and he let go. It felt like all the men in the store were after me for sex and I began to feel uneasy.

Then I am with an older gentleman sitting in seats as if watching a show but there is no screen or TV. He is asking me questions and I am holding the soles of two sandals (my foundations). I pick up tubing and begin to lace the left sandal. I have extra tubing that I cut off and then tie a knot to finish the sandal. I hold it up and admire my work. Then I pick up the right shoe and begin to lace it as well.

The man is asking me what I think of a dating a man who plays football. I remember replying to him, “I don’t know. I have never dated a man who liked football. I guess it wouldn’t matter, though.” I notice that the tubing I am using to lace the left sandal is becoming very thin, almost to the point where it could break. I continue to lace it, though, and tie it in a knot like the other shoe. As I am lacing and talking an energy is moving through me and my second chakra becomes highly active. I remember thinking in the moment the energy began to rise that I wouldn’t mind a male partner to have sex with. lol 

The tubing of the right shoe I am holding begins to interest me as the energy circulates. I recognize that the dream is covering a deeper, subconscious interaction. I am receiving an energetic adjustment of some kind. The adjustment is to the right portion of the pranic flow (Pingala). 

Question: Should I Burn the Bridge?

And finally, there is the feeling of just being FED UP! I am in that space where everything that I have ever disagreed with or felt to be bullied into needs to GO! All the things my husband bullied me into, guilted me into, manipulated me into, etc., I am questioning now. I wake up with it on my mind. This morning I woke thinking about what I told myself in a dream the other night, “Start something meaningful and sustainable.” I keep thinking, “What does that look like for me? What is it?” I have no idea. 

I’m not angry. No. It is a different feeling. Shocked is a better word I think. I was shocked to learn my sister was a Meth addict, but this shock is at myself and something I have allowed into my life that is directly opposed to my core Being! WTF!? And now I am so enmeshed in it that to untangle myself could in itself be traumatic.

The feeling has me wanting to make decisions that could lead to the burning of one or more bridges. My main struggle is that making a decision to burn a bridge is so final. I need to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons. I need to make sure I understand the consequences.

My spontaneity might win out, though.

A good example of how I feel……

I have a pattern in my life I fought for a long while, until I stopped. I use to job hop. I would stay in a job until I got bored, usually 6 months to a year – and then quit. I would quit because I would get this feeling like an itch almost. It said, “Get out. Get out. Get out.” If I ignored it, I would end up feeling penned in, trapped, and resentful.

This pattern of job hopping was fine when I was single but when I got married and had children it became stressful because of all the responsibilities I had as a provider. So I decided to stick out a job that I wanted to leave. I did it for 10 years! I was elated that I could do it at first. But then it became very, very obvious why I felt the way I did. Slowly it revealed itself. The job was toxic. The people were toxic. I couldn’t sleep. I was depressed. Miserable. Every cell of my Being was screaming to get out.

So, I finally did, and then, lol, the next job I was at only 5 months and the next only 1 year. But guess what? Neither ever became toxic.

I know now that job-hopping was a result of following my authority. The only reason I stayed at that toxic place is because all the people I knew (Generators) were staying in jobs for years and years. Happy. Satisfied. My husband encouraged me to stay. So did my Mom (both Manifesting Generators). I thought, “Something must be wrong with me.”

No, nothing was or is wrong with me.

So that itch is back but it feels to be everywhere now. My job feels itchy. My marriage feels itchy. Some of my family feels itchy (not my children).

The show Stranger Things comes to mind and that big, black, monster – Mind Flayer/Shadow Monster – with tendrils likes snakes eating up the Light in its attempt to turn everything Upside Down.

Upside Down. That is what my life feels like. Question is, do I act on this itch or do I wait until I can act without creating a scene of mass destruction….or is mass destruction even avoidable?

Question Answered and a Return to the Clarion Call

Lots of high, chaotic energy, strange dreams and syncs lately.

On my drive into work yesterday I got a strange feeling in my crown/head area. I worried I would pass out because my vision shifted a bit and I saw blotches of dark spots. As it was clearing, a thought occurred to me that it was spiritual and not something to worry about. What I was experiencing likely went along with other incidents, incidents which lined up in my memory, flashing in sequence. The minute I understood this I was stopped at a light. In front of me a license plate read, “111X19”.

Maybe 10 minutes later my husband told me something and included the current time, “1:11”. 

The memories that came to me in that short, odd experience while driving, were recent. It was a day, maybe two days, before the election. I was researching Human Design (HD) while feeling very upset and overwhelmed with my life, current troubles and problems and just in general. Though I didn’t save the article I was reading, I recall that while reading it certain words and sentences would trigger emotion and realizations. I also ended up being inundated with flashes of memories in my head, while knowing these memories were showing me the answers, providing what I somehow missed. But in the moment the memories and emotion and realizations were so much that I grabbed my head, bent over, closed my eyes and began to sob as I yelled out loud to my guides, “Stop it! Get out of my head!” 

What I experienced is unprecedented for me. I often get memories as answers. I often get huge Knowings accompanied by strong emotion. These are not unusual. BUT the way they came all at once into my head, invasive/intrusive, without me being able to control it all, was just too much. I knew it wasn’t an attack. I knew it was to help me, but at the time it made me feel crazy, it made me question my comfortable little illusory reality. A reality I was instructed to return to while I waited. Funny how easily I reintegrated into that illusion. How easily I forgot. 

In the days since then I have been able to slowly process what happened that day but it has not been without interruption. The election and the crazy energy still present has made it difficult to consciously digest it all. Thankfully consciously doing this work is not a requirement. If anything, it can be a hinderance.

I realized on that day and still now that the whole re-introduction to HD that I have found myself in was in answer to a question I have been asking: “Who am I?” I have been asking this question because it became clear to me how chameleon-like I can be. I have noticed a destructive pattern in my life – I tend to become what others want me to be. My HD profile warns against this specifically. 

I have only two closed/defined centers – the G-center and Throat. The rest of me is wide open. I take in others deeply using my open centers. So it is not unusual really that I would sorta become the Other in the process of this. It is also hard for me to know what emotion is mine and what emotion is from Others. Add to that the fact that I connect to Spirit in much the same way and it can make for a mess of identity confusion!

Thankfully my guidance spent several years teaching me how to differentiate between Me and Other. I can see why they did that now. It was a pre-requisite. 

The answer to my question, “Who am I?” was, “A Projector”. 

One of the things I read in that article (here it is, I found it!) is that I am here to BE a Projector! That is who I am. And there is SO much in that answer, so much in BEing a Projector. The memories, Knowing and emotion flowing through me were showing me all at once what BEing a Projector means. And it is HUGE. So much so that I couldn’t bear Knowing it because so much of who I think I am is not Me. So much of my life is inauthentic. It feels like I need to completely start over. And of all the Knowing I had, that consideration was the most unbearable. 

Here are the key phrases and words from the article that created the inflow I spoke about above:

In Human Design, it is important for you to recognize the “signposts” or clues that you are either on or off your path to fulfillment.

Are you consistently feeling bitterness or success?

When I read to word “signposts” I remembered many dreams from years ago that indicated I needed to be paying attention to signposts. Then I read the word, “bitterness”, which is how I feel when I am my Not-Self. I have been bitter most, if not all, my life. Edit: I discovered this post from my other blog which is entitled Signposts. Another sync to add to the bucket.

The trouble with most adult Projectors is, we have been deeply homogenized and conditioned from birth. Highly susceptible to the pressures to act like the Manifestors or Generators that our parents wanted us to be, we don’t know how to let go of all that and allow ourselves to just be Projectors.

So how do you “be” a Projector? Many of us are deeply enmeshed in a life we are not well suited for, on the edge of exhaustion and burnout, bitter about the jobs, mortgages and commitments that drain us. How do we live our designs?

The above two paragraphs were when the inflow became so much I yelled for it to stop. 

It’s the most difficult thing about being a projector because you are so deeply conditioned, that’s its just so difficult to just let go and start from scratch.

The rest of the article discusses how the Projector finds success when they help Others find success. This was very real to me! I have always known I am here to help. I have always known that for me to be successful then I must help Others be successful. My focus should always be on Others, not on myself.

After I had calmed down a bit, I returned to my HD search and found this article: Projectors – A Clarion’s Alert.

What drew me to it was the word, “Clarion”. I remembered receiving messages about a, “Clarion’s Call”. It struck a chord with me and more emotion resulted. 

The post I wrote with Clarion Call in it was called – Messages: Ezekiel and Echelon. Here is a link to that post if you want to read it.

The entire first echelon is called the “Clarion Call” – the call to the heart. It bears witness to the large number of souls awakening at this time to bring forth the fruit of man’s potential.

My search also took me to this post, also from 2017, where I met a woman in dreamtime who said her middle name was, “Clarion”. I knew when I woke it was referring to a call I would received at some point. 

Eventually I just stopped following the impulse to research HD. I remember thinking, “I need to process.” Boy did I ever!

Ultimately, I realize now how time is on my side at this point. Time is needed to get from point A to B. The Knowing I had says lots of change is needed. OMG! SO much change that to think about it is overwhelming and I just want to curl up in a ball. 

I have been attempting to move toward change but it is slow-going. I am encountering resistance. With everything I am experiencing now, all the Knowing and inner PUSH, the most obvious change needed is in my relationship. I have lost myself in trying to be what my husband wants/needs. I need to find myself again. As long as he is around me, his energy becomes my energy.

Dream Message

Sleep has been difficult, as you might guess. Syncs are coming at me, energy is high and erratic, and “stuff” keeps happening. I’m surprised I haven’t lost it, but I am holding it together. 

I don’t remember my dreams much but one memory is vivid.

In the dream I am visiting a classroom (life lessons), my classroom. There are student desks and everything. It is well lit. Golden. Near the white board sits a stand full of my weights, just like in my home gym. I go up to it. The video projector (maybe symbolic of my HD profile?) screen is down and a woman is instructing the watchers to do an overhead triceps extension using 10lb weights. I attempt it but then realize I am not holding any weight. I go to get the 10lb dumbbells but they are not in the right place. I grab what I think are the right ones only to discover they are mismatched – 10 and 12lbs. So I go back and see that all my weights are moved around. Someone has been messing with them and stole some! 

I go in the hall and talk to the janitor, asking her who cleans my room. We go in and I tell her no one is ever in the room, no students, just me, so it must be the person who cleans it. I show her the evidence and see a pair of gym shorts – not mine. The woman doesn’t have any answers, so I just leave.

Sitting in my car I contemplate whether I should just bring my weights back home. I remember thinking how heavy it would be and time consuming and then I think, “Wait. This is just a dream so it doesn’t matter anyway.” lol I can’t believe I didn’t wake up in my dream, but I didn’t. I just knew I was dreaming.

I then began to drive but I knew it was in the wrong direction (pressure to follow status quo). I attempted to turn around and found myself at a military entrance. So I faced my car back toward traffic. That is when the car was gone and I found myself running across more lanes of traffic than I could count. All the lanes were heading left. I needed to go right. But the opposite lanes never materialized and I just kept crossing traffic!

Eventually I made it to the other side (the lanes still going left, no right lane). I ran into a young man and I began to walk along the side of the highway against the flow of traffic with him. There was a guardrail and I saw several backpacks dumped in the ditch. I said, “Someone’s stuff was stolen!” The young man grabbed a backpack and handed it to me. While I looked through it he handed me an ID on a lanyard. Inside of the backpack was the folded clothing of a girl. The ID read, “Michele Garcia”. I remember thinking how sad it was that she didn’t have her things. I took note of the name, noticing she spelled her first name with juts one “l”.

For some reason I exited the dream and shifted into the in-between. In this space I was talking to someone. Myself it seemed. I said, as if repeating something I heard, “start something meaningful…..” Then I heard and said, “sustainable”, as if correcting myself. This woke me up and I thought, “Meaningful or sustainable? Maybe both??” 

I will add that I seemed to be talking to someone all night long – well more than one someone. It caused me to have very poor sleep quality and I can’t remember even one thing discussed except the dream and message above. Ugh! 

So I came away with two answers – BE the Projector that I am. Follow my strategy and authority. Listen to my HS, which just so happens to also be my authority (self-projected). Listen to the words I speak because they will be my Truth. Wait to be invited. Wait to be acknowledged (seen).

The second answer is – “Start something meaningful and sustaining”. I’m not quite sure what that even means for me, but I can ask the Universe to show me.

OBE: What Did I Do Wrong?

Got almost no sleep last night. I made the mistake of checking the election progress and then was hit with an energy I can only describe as anticipatory. Who can sleep when they are feeling like that? It was like the energy of the entire US was filling up my chest area. My heart was literally buzzing and warm, my body full of energy. Ugh!

I have NEVER had trouble sleeping on election night.

At around 3am I just gave up. I sat propped up in my bed and started deep breathing. 4 count inhale, 4 count exhale. I tried to tell my body to relax, to sleep. I kept my mind on the counting. I asked my guidance to help me sleep.

The next thing I know I am in that space where I can exit my body.

OBE: What Did I DO Wrong?

The instant I knew I could exit, I did. Out of my body, clear and free, I flew downstairs. I mentally announced to the Universe my intent. I said, “What did I do wrong?” I’m not sure why I asked this question. It was not planned. The part of the question not stated was that I wanted to know where I messed up in life. It implies that I feel I have somehow gone off-track.

I saw my husband asleep in front of the TV. I went up to him and touched him to see if he would feel me. He moved a bit but didn’t wake.

I went out the back door, still intent on my question.

When I went through the door I was transported to another place. In front of me were two houses standing side-by-side. They resembled houses from a Dr. Seuss book. I flew inside one of the house’s windows. There were no rooms really. The space just opened up into stairs and ramps going up. I followed them through a very narrow passage for many floors and then exited out another window. Looking back the house looked to be balanced on a very tiny foundation. It was like the house was made of blocks from the game Jenga. Remove one and the whole thing would fall. Yet at the same time it was extremely stable.

For some reason I became very, very lucid all at once. It pulled me back toward my physical body where I lingered for a while. My heart was doing odd things and felt weird. I worried a little about it and knew I had to get fully back into my body to stabilize my heartrate. Once I did, I stayed in my body a bit but soon shifted OOB again. This time I exited straight out of my chest.

Once OOB I felt/Knew I should return to my body. Something wasn’t quite right. My heart wasn’t handling my exit well. I tried to get further away, knowing the closer I was the more my body would pull me back and the more I would notice the irregular heart rhythm, but felt it was ill advised. All I wanted was to be free of my body, but the answer was, “NO”. So, back I went.

Fear or Courage?

I had some odd dreams after that but woke frequently and didn’t get much sleep overall. The first thing I Knew upon waking was that part of the reason I am feeling so anticipatory about this election is because the results will be a big indicator of the future. Will the future path we choose as a nation be paved with fear or courage/strength? I, personally, am not afraid. I prefer to confront uncertainty and the unknown head-on. Unfortunately, many, many Americans are living, mostly unconsciously, in a perpetual fear-state. Decisions made out of fear lead to uncomfortable and often painful lessons. The very least of which results in a deep-seated feeling of dis-ease.