Spiritual Hibernation

Despite being told a while back to expect contact from the Council around the time of a great meteor shower, I have still not gotten any communication. The current meteor shower (Perseid) has been on-going since last week but is most visible in mid-August. Therefore, if communication is going to come it is likely not coming for a couple of weeks.

When I awoke this morning I again felt very groggy. I fall deeply to sleep every night and wake with nothing much but a few fleeting dreams which I take little interest in and promptly forget. I feel completely vacant inside, as if all the revelations I had previously are nothing but a dream. I can’t help but think that it was all nonsense. Perhaps I made it all up in a desperate attempt to create some kind of excitement in my life?

Perhaps I am thinking these thoughts because the consistent message I have been receiving lately is, “Live your life”. Of course, compared to the amazing insights and experiences I had the end of May/beginning of June, my life is boring and dull. I just can’t get excited about it. At all.

Spiritual Hibernation

The intense drowsiness I have been experiencing, the lack of motivation, the illness (I have another cold!), the sluggish way I move about my day – all of these remind me again of the message I got from a dream – Bear, John.

Bear’s hibernate and that is exactly what I have been doing. And according to that post, I can expect 30 days of it. If it is 30 days from that post, I am 22 days in. But if I have 8 more days they feel like an eternity. I really wish I could sleep through it all. I mean really sleep.

Hibernation is, like you all know, a time of rest. The body shuts down almost completely. Every process slows down to the minimal amount needed to keep the body functional.

Spiritually it is the same. Everything slows down to the point of seeming to stop completely.  The part that was awake is now again asleep.

I have heard that when one spiritually hibernates they have entered a time in their life when the experience of living life itself offers them spiritual acceleration beyond what internal experiences and introspection can offer. If this is true, then so be it, but I do not see that happening currently. But then again, perhaps all this hibernation is doing is helping me learn acceptance and patience. These two things are very difficult indeed at this point.

Kundalini Yoga Results

I felt drawn to do yoga last night. I selected a Kundalini yoga class which focused on the sacral plexus (2nd chakra). I didn’t feel anything significant occur when I did it and I found it quite difficult because it invovled a back bend and the breath of fire which I am not accustomed to doing.

Later, I meditated prior to bed. It was the second meditation of the day and I felt the familiar energy helmet almost immediately but it was more intense at the top, back portion of my crown. I fell asleep on my back, my crown still buzzing.

Along with the other two dreams I posted today, I had a very vivid experience in which there was sexual content. I won’t go into detail here but I will say that my second chakra was quite active. The dream itself did not wake me up, which is good, and it was very apparent that the purpose of the dream was to activate my lower three chakras. When I awoke I recognized the Kundalini yoga served its purpose.

For those who are interested, this is the yoga video I did. It is at the intermediate level but I do not think it too difficult for beginners. However, if you are new to Kundalini yoga, you may want to first do the Kundalini Yoga for Beginners video.


No More Math Class!

Our upstairs a/c went out yesterday. Just in time for bed, too. I ended up sleeping in 82*. I don’t know if it affected my dreams but I had some vivid ones.


This dream was very long and detailed but I will keep it short.

I was a part of what appeared to be a competition between rival groups. The groups had no names but were instead represented by a color. I recall specifically the colors blue and red predominantly because these were the two groups that had made it to the final match.

Most of the dream was about strategy and reminded me of the Hunger Games story without the brutality. The blue group and the red group were trying to outdo each other. I remember being a part of the blue group. It seemed the red group was in direct opposition to us.

At one point another group came into play. I believe it was a pale yellow color but it did not have a name. The members of this group had great mental capabilities. They could perceive the thoughts and position of others a great distance from themselves and had a device that resembled an opalescent tunnel that would sent out their mental probe much farther distances. Basically, it was as if this group had mastered remote viewing.

The last thing I recall was seeing one of these mental tubes and trying to hide from it. I awoke not long after and had the idea that the colors represented the chakras but I was unsure what the pale yellow symbolized. Upon researching it this morning it represents psychic awareness and ability.

No More Math Class!

In this dream I was attending class and my instructor asked for all my coursework. I handed it to her but she said I would not pass because one assignment was missing. I knew which one and asked her to let me turn it in late, saying I had done it but left it at home.

I ran into a room that was quite messy. There were two others working in there but I ignored them and went to work. I had never done the assignment and so quickly made the chart. I don’t recall what the chart was about now but it was observations of something or another. I finished it and handed it in.

Later, I exclaimed, “That was my last math class! No more math classes!” I was very happy about it.

I wonder what math class represents? I suspect it relates to logic or mental processing. Perhaps problem solving?


I feel that I am being prepared. For what, I am not sure. Maybe the next “step”, whatever it may be.

The preparations I am to make were requested of me today. I, of course, can choose. It was made clear that if I choose to ignore these requests that it will only slow progress but not stop it.

I am to immediately cut out all meat from my diet. I can eat dairy and eggs (thank you!) but nothing that was butchered for its meat.

No more alcohol. I think I got that message loud and clear a couple of nights ago. I tried a margarita last night and again had trouble sleeping. Its seems alcohol has a reverse effect on me now. Instead of acting as a depressant it acts like a stimulant.

No smoking. I don’t smoke much, just one at night before bed, but I guess it’s too much.

Meditate more.

Rest and drink plenty of water.

These requests came while I was driving today. The energy entered via my crown where an intense buzzing could be felt. It was not the profound opening up that has happened in the past but was a less intense version of it.

Why my guides choose to communicate with me while I am driving I don’t know. My vision is affected and everything I am experiencing immediately takes on a very dream-like appearance. The lines on the highway and the chinking of the pavement seem to glow and I feel as if I am flying rather than driving. Today it felt like everything around me curved-like and dancing and shifting, as if I were looking through binoculars.

Regardless, I always feel completely safe.

I suspect this preparation is for Friday. A recent dream revealed this day. Whether it is this Friday or another one I am not sure but I think this one since there is full moon that night. We’ll see I guess.

Walk-In Considerations

In my research of walk-in’s I have discovered much about the different kinds and what they entail. There is not much information out there on the subject, however, which can make it quite difficult to really understand the process. There are a variety of terms used and a variety of combinations of such types of walk-in’s that even one well versed in the process has difficulty determining the specifics of their case.

For me, the process has been gradual with a large span of time in which it was “paused” and the original continued primary control of the life and body. The process then resumed after the original completed what she intended.

I want to briefly explain what I mean by “original” so that there is no confusion. She is me, just without enhancement or upgrade. She is the 3D version; the one without memory; blind and without “sight”.

She is a projection of a me that has been in stasis. The autopilot. The one in control while I focus on other “projects”.

The Returning

I am now in the process of returning. This is the best explanation I can come up with for what is occurring.

This process takes time. Time to integrate. Time to Remember. Time to merge.

Some primary components of returning are resuming control of the body and mind. These components are many but a few are causing complications.

There is a distinct dislike for the physical mechanism yet there also remains a distinct love and attachment to it. The old me is comfortable with her routine and her care and maintenance of the body consumes much of her time. I am still unsure how much of this care is necessity and how much is vanity.

The mental fixation on physical beauty is illogical and acts to fixate one on the illusion. I struggle to get the old to let go of her habits and routines in relation to the body. This will take time.

There are many habits like this that need to be broken. Many mind circuits that need cutting. These circuits repeat and clutter the mind. At the moment it is very difficult to repair these circuits while also preparing the body and subduing the old personality. It is a juggling act.

To push the old personality too hard is to intensify the circuitous mechanisms of the mind.

Fear also stands in the way. There is no greater obstacle to overcome than fear. But it can be done.

Sleeplessness and Dreams

The quiet voice returned yesterday. Not that it ever really went away. I did that. I went away. Or should I say the “other” me came back with a vengeance.

I was in the midst of living my day when it returned. What is interesting here is that it was so barely noticeable but at the same time it was all encompassing and impossible to ignore.

I don’t remember now what exactly was said but it was simple statements that I heard, statements that reflected the moment I was in. Sometimes they were requests asking me to take notice. Other times they were explanations; lessons. I do remember that I was reminded that I choose how I feel and react. I was also reminded to accept that which I can no longer control. If it is done, it’s done.

Listening and acknowledging the truth of these insights, I began once again to let go of arguments and resistance. This helped but it was difficult. The other me was/is very strong.

It became suddenly very apparent that maintaining control of the host body is a process that never ends. I must persist or lose control. I must remain always in touch with the body; the mind; the heart. If I relax and assume I have it “all under control” then the other me returns. I honestly wish she would go away and get over herself.

It is so much work. Why is it so hard?

And my guide said, “It will be easy”. Which part? Ha!


Falling asleep was difficult last night. I had a flashback of those years in which I suffered greatly from insomnia. I do not want to return to that! Yet there it was, heavy and having over me and causing great mental strain and confusion.

I appealed to my guides. “I want to sleep!”, I said. “What is going on?”

It was than that a phrase entered my mind, “Inside it is chaos. We will fix it”. I recalled hearing a similar statement recently. So this is the chaos?

I withdrew into my heart space and from there I was able to observe some of what was going on. The other me was quite upset about the current changes and the ones yet to come. The mind felt overwhelmed and the thoughts were haphazard and did not make sense. There would be one thought and another, disconnected one would pop up.

At some point, exhaustion overcame me and I fell asleep.


The night was a busy one. I wish I recalled in detail everything but unfortunately my exhaustion must have eliminated the memory upon reentry.

I do recall waking at one point from a dream in which I was hunting down an entity. In the dream this entity had attached itself to me and was the cause of the chaotic thoughts and resistance. I had located it and was capturing it when I awoke. I immediately surrounded myself with light and returned to sleep. All I recall of this entity was that it was very small and resembled a little blob with a face.

The next dream I recall was returning to Alaska and reuniting with my ex-husband. For some reason I was very happy and felt safe, as if he could erase all my problems. I remember being at his work and there was a man who masturbated and got semen all over a glass table. Undisturbed, I cleaned it off with a wet rag. I remember looking closely at the glass as I cleaned it.

There was discussion about a trip. A woman who was there was about to have a baby and was going to go on a spiritual purification-type journey. I wanted to go with her but the timing was in question. She wanted to leave now and I told her I wanted to finish my visit and to wait. I remember seeing a calendar in my mind and deciding to leave on a Friday. The destination was one I knew and I told her, “That is where I go to school”.

Breaking Free and OBE

I spent much of the day yesterday going through my old journals and blog posts in order to identify how many lucid dreams and OBEs I’ve had over the years. I entered it into an OpenOffice spreadsheet while also reading through various entries.

Later that evening I went out with my husband and had a couple of glasses of wine. I regretted it almost instantly and even more so later in the night because I was unable to fall asleep.

I tossed and turned most of the night, my thoughts upon my journal entries and a strange, nagging feeling I could not decipher. Around 2am the source of the feeling revealed itself.


Firstly, I noticed how disconnected I was from what I had written over the years. All feeling was absent as was the memory of most of the experiences I described. It was as if someone else lived my life. Next, I was quite disturbed by just how little progress and change I have made since 2003. The cyclic patterns of my life just keep on going. Over and over and over. I seem never to learn and I forget so easily the lessons I do learn and then end up re-learning them later as if my mind was wiped clean of the lesson. I have the same complaints, the same high’s and low’s, the same fixations. Finally, there was a feeling that something about these patterns directly relate to my level of conscious awareness.

Somehow, for some reason, I have never really been connected to this life or this body. It has been a dream all along and so much resembles a dream upon analysis that I cannot avoid the reality of such a conclusion.

I wondered to myself, “Where have I been?”

I then recognized what the odd feeling was. I felt to be trapped inside a very small, confined space. I desperately wanted out. I needed to get out. It felt as if I could move somewhat; push out an arm here, a leg there. Yet no matter how hard I struggled there was something constraining me.

butterflyIt was then that I saw it: the cocoon. And a new feeling along with knowingness came over me suddenly. I was about to break free of it and what would emerge would be so very different from what went in.

For a moment I was worried. What will emerge? Will it be me? Or, like the butterfly, will I be totally different?

There was a mixture of both nervousness and elation at the thought. I felt my guide close and I knew he was reveling in what was transpiring. I sent forth a mental query and he responded with, “What do you feel?”

It’s All a Construct

That is when I knew. It is all a construct. All of it. Me. The Earth. The Universe.

But what does that mean? Why is it that I am only now recognizing this?

I have been asleep this whole time! I thought I was aware but my awareness is nothing compared to the awareness that I am, that is available and can be tapped into. What I have here, in this lifetime, is like a tiny pinprick of light in a universe of darkness.

I became temporarily overwhelmed. “It has all been a ruse”, I thought. “This life that I have been living, blindly wandering through, is a trap. Who created it? I don’t know, but I am not at all interested in continuing on this way”.

I knew to escape this trap I needed to break free of the mind. I knew I had been lost in it, consumed with it and its pictures and emotions. I focused on my heart the best I could. I had to live from the heart in order to break free of this cycle. It was the only way.

I also had to be in the body. I have not been in it. I have been away from it often. In and out. In and out. Like when we dream, the specifics are lost and only symbols remain; left to be decoded and interpreted.

I should be able to remember every minute, every second, of my life. It should be distinctly real. But what is real?

Lucid to OBE: Visiting Multidimensional Me’s

I fell into an odd slumber, though I am not even sure “slumber” is the right word. I was completely aware of what was going on and felt more to be in the in-between than anything. However, it was obvious that a “dream” was occurring and I was in the midst of it while also being outside of it.

I traveled to many places, places I had been before while OOB and in dreams. I recognized these places and identified them to my guide along the way. Upon recognizing the places, I also recognized myself in these places. A different Self in a different life. I saw several lives like this and saw similarities and differences. It was like I was seeing the hundred faces of Me.

In between visits I had conversations with my guide. The scenes would be there but I would be removed from them in a separate space with my guide. I said to myself and to him, “It’s like a carnival mirror” and in my mind an image was clear as day. There I was, standing and facing a mirror and looking at the reflections of hundreds of Me’s looking back at me.

The spokes of the turning wheel were all me, branching out in different directions. This was multidimensionality, all of it was Me.

Confused, I pulled out of the scene and instantly found myself OOB. I knew I was OOB but my vision was suddenly completely gone and, though I could sense my surroundings, I was fumbling around blindly, feeling very distraught about what had been revealed to me.

Who am I, then? What will happen next?

I called out to my guide while OOB. What does it mean? Where are you?

It was not long after that I willed myself back to my body. When I came back into it the energy was jagged, almost painful. My body felt alien and rigid. I wondered briefly if it was about to die. Was my rejection of the repetitions of life, of the trap of the body, causing the body to reject me?

My heart was doing odd flip-flops and I felt I might be sick. I rolled over and the energy settled and I felt better. I fell into a fitful sleep after, waking at 5:30am and not getting more than a few hours of rest. I knew, though, that I didn’t need it.

Rejection of Mankind

I had a very healing sleep last night. It was full of dreams but I won’t go into detail on them. Instead I want to elaborate upon the realization I awoke with.

Rejection of Mankind

As usual, I did not want to get out of bed when I awoke and my Companion was close and prompting a “review” of the night’s events.

I recalled many dreams in which I was observing today’s youth and intercepting them when they did unacceptable things. This recollection rekindled the deep loss which I suffered during my long stent working with juvenile detention and alternative youth programs. The rejection of my attempts to help was a huge loss for me since that was my purpose for being there. To have your purpose thwarted day in and day out eventually tears you down to a point of apathy in regards to that purpose.

In recognizing this loss I also saw that I had come to many conclusions about mankind:

  • Mankind is hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • Mankind is more bad than good.
  • Mankind is lazy and selfish.
  • Mankind will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Ultimately, I decided I do not like human beings and rejected being one.

Upon analysis, I spotted it: In rejecting mankind, I rejected myself and limited my ability to take part in the wonderful aspects of being human. I slowly disconnected myself from all that it is to be human and in doing this closed myself off from the human aspect of myself.

Because ultimately all that I concluded about mankind, I also concluded about myself:

  • I am hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • I am more bad than good.
  • I am lazy and selfish.
  • I will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Such beliefs sabotage one’s ability to create because it is these beliefs that form one’s reality.

I also recognized that in rejecting mankind, I also rejected my children, my husband and my family; thus, isolating myself even more.

When I searched deeper I saw the pain I was attempting to hide from: If I cannot help the younger generation, how can I help my own children? How can I save them from the evils of being a part of the human race?

My failure and subsequent loss related to working with today’s youth transferred to my own children in my mind. Additionally, it transfers to my current counseling position in that I do not expect those I work with to get better and so I do not put forth the effort I once put forth in my earlier days.

In my earlier days I believed in each and every one of the kids I worked with. To me, they were all special and exceptional. In contrast, when I look at the children I work with now, all I see is their faults and not their potential.

Solution: Return of Purpose

The solution to this dilemma is simple: return to a point in time when I was having great wins and fulfilling my purpose. “Return” here means to go back to a moment where I felt accomplished and relive it in as much detail as I can. Do this over and over until there is a realization.

Since I have yet to do this, I am not sure how it works exactly but it makes sense. It does not undo all the loss I have experienced. This will have to be dealt with on its own. When this will occur, I don’t know, but it will at some point. I cannot continue to live without purpose; numb to experience and to others.

It is clear to me that this is where lies the disconnect between my upper and lower chakras.

Savasana Meditation

While my baby took his afternoon nap, I felt I needed to lay in savasana and meditate for a while. I situated myself on the floor in my bedroom, head facing north and palms up to receive.

Almost immediately I began to feel hovered over by several guides. My Companion, or main guide, was to my left instructing me and explaining what was happening. There was more of a feeling of his guidance than words, though I did hear sentences every now and again.

My head had been buzzing prior to meditating but now it was becoming the massive energy helmet I have become use to. The only difference in the helmet was that it did not extend around the back of my head as usual but just covered the top, sides and forehead.

As the energy increased I heard, “Focus up” and so I rolled my eyes up and back into their sockets, focusing as best I could on my third eye. I then heard, “Tell me if you feel pain”.

I tried to stay focused on my third-eye the best I could but my second chakra was lighting up. The energy formed a kind of upside down crescent moon shape with my belly button in the middle. The energy did not hurt but I could tell there was something different happening in this area.

Around the time my second chakra began to buzz, my heart chakra also began to activate and there was a memory of a dream I had when much healing work was being done on this area. I felt something similar was happening, though not for the same purpose. This was an alignment.

My Companion was now near my crown and I felt the presence of three others all down near my second chakra. I could not see them but the feeling of their energy was large and they seemed to fill up all the space right above me. I felt cocooned.

I again received instructions to focus upward, so I did, but I kept being distracted by my second chakra and the strange occasional surges in my heart chakra.

As I lay there accepting the healing I began to have thoughts that are not common for me anymore. They were barely there but the presence of them incited a comment from my Companion, “That is good”. The particular thoughts were of wanting that wonderful desirous feeling that comes with new love.

The thoughts faded as quickly as they came but there was an energy that lingered and I could feel movement in my root chakra. The energy there did not rise but seemed to spread out and settle. My second chakra continued to buzz strangely.

Then my right leg began to feel funny and the muscles in my thighs around my knees began to twitch. I knew there was tension in my legs from the energy, especially my right leg. This also reminded me of the heart healing dream I had. My right leg had been involuntarily kicking during the dream healing. I wonder what causes it?

Eventually the energy blanket that comes with entering light trance brought me out of a reverie I did not know I was in. Interestingly at this same moment my baby awoke from his nap and my husband arrived home with our other two children. It seems the healing session was over.

I feel blessed to have received such wonderful healing. Thank you.

Explanation of Current Processes

Though I was tired last night when my guide communicated with me, I found myself automatically tuning into my heart space for a time. When I do this, the information flows so fluidly and there are no words to it, just knowing.

I perceived that in the near future there will be an inflow of energy from my root chakra up to my solar plexus. This energy is of another, higher aspect of me and serves to connect the higher and lower chakras. From my understanding, there is a distinct break between the two right now with the heart in the center of it all.

The separation between my lower and upper chakras is a separation that cannot continue. This inflow of energy will resolve the issue, joining the upper and lower and creating a complete circuit. Apparently this disconnect is a normal part of the “process” and easily resolved.

The particular process I am going through is what my guide previously termed “energy swap” and what others sometimes call a “walk-in”. From what I understand, the energy swap is not occurring all at once but in small steps. The first step was on July 2 as written in my post Remember. This particular step was very strange and almost scary, so I wonder what this next one will be like.

There was also a feeling that this other aspect, a higher aspect, will resume primary control once the circuit is complete. “Resume” being used here because this occurred previously and without incident. When I recognized this I confirmed with my guide that this would only occur if I wanted it to. I, of course, am eager for it to happen.

Finally, I was told and also felt that there was a complication in a specific part of my brain – the amygdala. Upon researching this part of the brain, I can see why it would be where complications would exist. Below is a short video on the amygdala and its function.