The “dry spell” continues. Communication and connection with my Companion, guides and Team is almost nonexistent. I can initiate communication with my Companion and he will respond but he feels so very distant and the connection so weak that I wonder if it is real or if I am desperately making it up so that I feel better. Similarly, very few energy fluctuations are occurring. I only have occasional pulling and buzzing sensations around my head. These come and go and seem insignificant compared to past sensations. There is no indication that this will end, ether. Finally, there has been no contact with my Team/Council in some time. This doesn’t bother me, really, but it coincides with a cessation of channeled messages.
Last night I initiated contact with my Companion because I have been especially struggling this last week with low energy, lack of motivation, an overall hopeless disposition and an empty, disconnected feeling. I recognize that during this time I must travel this “road” seemingly alone, as it is my life to live. The tools have been given to me, I just need to use them. I try and feel I am doing much better than in the past, but it is so very hard to maintain the inner calm when I feel so disconnected from Source.
I was reminded to stay focused on paving a “new road” for myself, which I am doing with a new business venture. I recognize that if I want to change my life, I have to change my habits and step outside my comfort zone. This is especially hard and I feel like I am drawing straws. I heard a Christmas song in my head and the phrase, “Slow and steady wins the race”. The latter is in reference to me feeling I need to do everything all at once. I do not like having a long “to do list” left unfinished, something this new business venture has me doing quite often while I tend to my children and daily family responsibilities. The former seems to be a reminder that the pay-off will be worth it in the end. I sure hope so.
Before bed I appealed to my Companion, asking for more connection and reassurance. It was granted.
I had a dream in which my mother told me that a teacher friend of hers quit his job unexpectedly. I remember telling her, “Sounds like he awakened”. She agreed.
We walked into a cafeteria-like setting where many older people were seated. I saw my mother’s friend but “he” turned out to be a “she”. She was short, probably only 5ft tall, and wearing a red robe. Her hair was cut short and she reminded me of a monk, except that she was female.
She invited me to sit down, so I did. She turned to me and then began to channel a message for me from my Companion. As she spoke, she was simultaneously drawing something on a piece of paper.
Her message is lost to me now but I recall the gist of it. The message was that I was not alone and to be patient. This break will not last forever. I am loved and cherished and forever connected to Source, even if I do not sense it at this time.
When the woman was finished channeling, she showed me what she had drawn. I saw a perfect portrait of the face of a man with a short beard and piercing eyes. She said to me, “Bear, John”. I remember seeing that the man had what appeared to be a large, grizzly bear blended into his hair, almost like a bear hat but the way it was drawn, the bear and the man were one.
I recognized, instantly, who the man was. I also recognized the significance of the bear.
I began to sob in the dream and could not stop crying. The crying woke me up and my eyes were still wet. I was aware of my Companion close by and my body was covered in loving energy. I felt to be wrapped in his embrace.
I connected hibernation with the bear and this made me sad. I don’t want to hibernate.
Saddened by the message, I fell back to sleep and into another dream. In this dream I was walking through a library. A woman bumped into me and turned and said, “Excuse you” in a rude way. I got angry and began to yell at her, wanting to say, “You bumped into me!” but instead said, “Oh sorry, I tripped”.
I continued to talk, but quietly as if to myself, saying I was looking for a book my friend left me. I located it on the bottom shelf. It said, “Prayer Book” and was a small, maybe 8in square, and white and not very thick.
I sat on the floor and opened up the book. A woman was suddenly there with me and I told her, “A friend of mine left me a message”. I pulled out a hand written note tucked inside the pages. I do not remember what the hand written note said now. I just remember there was an entire story scrawled in ink with notes and pictures.
The dream ended and I awoke and knew the hand written note was Psalm’s 7.
Feeling sad still, I saw in my mind’s eye, “30 days”. This made me even more sad because I interpreted it to mean 30 days of “rest”. 30 days of feeling how I feel right now. If I have only felt this way for a little over a week, that leaves a very long time to go.