Emotional Purging Returns

After a couple of nights of no tears the break is over. I was up most of the night in tears. I suppose I should count myself blessed being I’m not sick and had the two day reprieve.

The dreams started early in the night and this time I remember all of them and the reasons for my tears. I believe the better dream recall stems from a mixture of a lower dosage of Benadryl and taking 200mg of B6 prior to bed. B6 is known to help with dream recall. I have been taking the Benadryl for weeks because of my lingering cold symptoms and difficulty falling to sleep. Typically it does not lower dream recall or decrease the chance of having an OBEs. In fact, when I had my most recent OBE I took 25mg of Benadryl. However, I sleep lighter when I don’t take it.

Dream: Injustice

In this dream I was watching a drama unfold at a warehouse location (memories). The boss was giving the employees their instructions for the day. A couple of them posted a sign about him on the store doors. It was discovered and they were punished. The sign told untruths about their boss, some very nasty ones, too. I watched as more and more employees were joining the first two and undermining their boss behind his back. They did everything you can imagine – talked about him, purposefully made him look bad, ignored instructions, lied, etc. They were malicious, cold and plain nasty. I watched as the boss saw this happening and was beside himself with upset and unable to do anything about it. There was nothing wrong with him, either, it was just that two men decided to hate him and make his life miserable and got others to join them. I could feel all his upset and it became as if my own.

Toward the end of the dream I entered the dream and tried to defend the man. The whole thing was just so unfair and wrong. I remember telling someone about how I felt and how I could identify with the man’s plight. This is when I began to cry in heaving sobs. It was not tears for me but for the cruelty suffered by anyone in similar circumstances. I did have memories of my own upsets and relived the feelings I had during those times. I saw how I protected myself from it by withdrawing from most social circles.

When I woke up my eyes were pouring tears. It was 11am and I had not been asleep very long yet the dream seemed to have lasted forever. I remember saying to my guidance, “I don’t want to be here anymore.” When I was calmer I heard a voice say, “We want you to stay.” I realized I was in the in-between when I felt/saw one of my guides reach across a table and take my hand in his own. I then saw I was sitting at a round table and my Council was sitting all around me. The table was open in the middle and that is where I was seated. When looking at the table from above it would resemble a crescent moon.

We talked for a short while about my options. I won’t go into detail about them now but they have to do with the upcoming vertical alignment I am preparing for.

tears

Dream: Loss

In this dream I was at work orientation. I was obviously a school counselor at a school campus. Part of the orientation was to take a math quiz (self analysis) in order to assess our readiness to help the students with the state mandated testing. I had gotten mine late and when the principal came around to check our progress she took mine and wrote in black pen comments that were very rude and unprofessional. I was shocked and ended up cheating off a fellow teacher (feeling insecure) to get it done but even the copying proved difficult. The problems were very complex.

Feeling upset and wanting to get away, I went to hide in the bathroom (renewal). I was reconsidering my decision to work there. For some reason I was completely naked (fear of being discovered). I noticed an orange (out-going nature), sticky substance was all over me and I could not get it off. A man came in and told me it came from the sinks. Before I could be surprised that he was there the bathroom was full of people, both male and female. I was the only one without clothes but no one seemed to notice and I didn’t seem to care.

Then I went into the lounge and saw they had loads of fresh squeezed mandarin orange juice (energy/vitality). I saw it and mentioned that I should make marmalade for them. Entire memories of my last temporary job came to me at this time.

Then I was called to a meeting with the principal. She was very stern with me and gave me an agenda. I was working part-time and she was making sure my time was filled with productivity. There was a feeling that she was suspicious that I was slacking. She told me that she wanted me to give a presentation on loss. She then showed me another counselor who was doing such a presentation. The man was praying (humility) with a student. In the prayer he requested help for the child and his family. I was shocked that he was allowed to pray in school and became distraught when I felt the emotion of the family he was praying for.

I woke up in tears. There was a feeling that I was being asked to consider continuing my work as a counselor. I did not want this and was rejecting the idea. However, there is no indication of such a request. I think I was being asked to evaluate past experiences. The tears came from the end of the dream. I recognized that I have suffered huge loss in this life, loss that never was quite resolved. I also felt extremely lonely. My guidance pointed this out to me saying, “You are lonely.” The homesick feeling was very strong.

Dream: Test

In this dream I was with a couple of groups. The first was made of two men. Both had been drinking heavily (reaching new level of awareness) and one had vomited (letting go) and was cleaning it up. The second group was made of two women and they were going with me to a job interview situation. One woman was needing the job badly and talking about her financial situation. She was young and inexperienced. When we got to the location we were asked to take a test (self-analysis). The tests were on computers. After we were seated we began the test. I knew I had to pass all four sections but I was very nervous. Things kept distracting me. For example, I found several pairs of socks (yielding to others) on the desk, only one pair was mine. Another distraction was the woman sitting next to me. I remember us talking about our eyes and her saying she had a rare and special condition. I can’t recall it now but I do remember looking into her brown eyes for a long time. They were speckled with gold and very unique.

Eventually I was told to log off and given a slip of paper to come in and finish my exam. I asked why and was told it was lunch time. I got irritated at the proctor because the others were still taking their tests. I asked, “Why do they get to stay?” She wouldn’t answer. I realized it was because they were almost done and I was far from done. I stormed out of the building telling then I would not be able to come during the week like they wanted me to and likely would never finish the test.

When I got outside I climbed onto a little moped and drove off. Unfortunately, one of my tires went flat (feeling emotionally flat/tired) leaving me with only two. I remember seeing the tire very vividly as it literally fell off the third wheel.

The last thing I recall was sitting in a movie theater facing a group of kids. They were talking about going out and getting drunk. I remembering thinking I could use a drink, too, but knowing better.

Memories

I woke between each of these dreams and was unable to fall asleep for some time afterward. After the last dream I just stayed awake. While in between dreams I was given messages in the form of visions and music. The main visual I recall was seeing the number 11 very vividly. It started out small, like in the distance, and then got larger and large, closer and closer.

Several songs came to mind. The first two came simultaneously into my mind. This was after I woke from the first dream and was quite upset.

I was hearing, “You are beautiful, no matter what they say” simultaneously with, “I will wait, I will wait for you.” Two completely different songs superimposed in my mind.

The last song came after the second dream and before the third. It returned after I woke from the third as well. The part that kept repeating was, “I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. I wanna dance with somebody, somebody who loves me.” I suspect this song message is about the Kundalini “dance” of masculine and feminine energies. I have a brief memory from early on in the night where I felt the Kundalini energy throughout my mid-section. It was a pleasant, whirling feeling that, had I been more lucid, would likely have been quite intense and difficult to manage.

Dream Meeting and 2 OBEs

Yesterday I was hit once again with emotional and physical purging. I didn’t start feeling better until evening. This morning I feel much more like myself. No crying upon waking. In fact, the opposite. A smile in response to a nice OBE.

Dream: Music Discussion

I had a very long dream discussion with a friend. It began with me taking a job as a teaching assistant at an elementary school. I remember little about this part but I do recall that the school had been flooded but the water had receded in the room I was in. I also recall my pay was $8.20/hr.

A man came into the classroom at one point and began talking to me and asking me questions. He was studying music and wanted to know about my music background. We talked about the classes he would need to take and what was involved. I told him I only got a minor in music and went on and on about my school experiences with it. He asked me what instrument I played and I told him, “I don’t. I sing.” We did briefly discuss my playing the saxophone in high school, though. Then I went into detail about my upbringing, my mom, our musical family, and my love of singing. He told me he was looking into music’s applications in spirituality and consciousness expansion which was fascinating to me as well. We discussed brainwave frequencies and their proven effectiveness at shifting a person into the theta and delta brain-wave states. This was his main focus and the discussion seemed to go in this direction for a while but I can’t recall it.

The entire time the man kept sending me a feeling that he wanted to get to know me more intimately.  At first I just kept my distance but it didn’t keep him away. He began to invade my personal space. I kept looking at him to try and figure out who he was. He looked familiar but I could not get a good look because his face was shifty. I only saw his dark hair. At one point he looked deeply into my eyes and said, “Your eyes are SO blue.” I looked back into his brown eyes and thought, “Your eyes are so brown.” lol I never said it aloud, though. Eventually, he got so close that by the end of our conversation we were laying next to each other, his legs and mine intertwined. I remember feeling odd and uncomfortable about the situation but not fighting it.

Messages

When I woke up I knew who the man was and was surprised I recalled so much of our conversation. I asked my guidance about it and shifted into the in-between. I remember seeing and hearing a phone number: 555-666-7777. I also remember hearing, “Three weeks.” There was some sudden Knowing mixed in here, too.

OBE: Open Window

At some point while in the in-between and conversing with my Companion I realized that I could exit my body. I am not sure what triggered my awareness but it was instantaneous. There is a brief feeling of being fully awake that precedes this and a confusion from it because my surroundings were not right.

I move away from my body as soon as I know I am OOB. I do not feel any sensation of exit because I am in a fully lucid experience. I assume I exited a some point after entering the in-between. Immediately I feel super happy. The room is very brightly lit and I recognize it as my old bedroom at my mother’s house. I head toward the window but feel my energy lagging. It feels like my energy is surging but unbalanced and I recognize this. I say aloud, “I am not my body.” I’m not sure why I say this but it helps and I grab onto the window to slide it open worrying briefly that it will be locked. To my delight it opens easily and I poke my head through the opening and take it the brilliant blue sky and greenery of outside.

I am still talking to my Companion the entire time I am OOB. I am super excited and saying, “Look! I did it! I am out of my body!” I laugh at this because it is not a big deal, I do it all the time, but for some reason I felt super accomplished and wanted to share this with him. I don’t see my Companion, though, I just feel his presence.

As I attempt to crawl through the window I have an energy surge and recognize that afterward I am liable to be sucked back into my body. I request clarity and remind myself not to over exert myself because I am still too close to my body. Unfortunately, when I lift myself up into the window a surge of energy hits me and I suddenly feel extremely heavy and cumbersome. I am sucked back into my body before I have a chance to stabilize.

In-Between

I enter into the in-between for a little while after I return to my body. There is a brief memory of seeing that the sun is still not up. I sit up and look at my bedroom window to check. Whether this is a physical memory or an OOB one, I am unsure.

The conversation with my Companion continues while I am in the in-between. We are talking about my current situation, the “preparation” I have been doing and the feelings that I am sorting through. I can’t make sense of the feelings I am having as they don’t seem to apply to me. I request to be balanced and happy again, like I was just a few weeks ago. I tell him I am tired of the sickness and purging. There is profound understanding and clarity during this time. I wish I could remember all that we talked about but it was not in words but in feelings.

There was a flash of 1111 during this time and I remember being told, “You are right on schedule” and me saying, “Really?” Then I recall being given a black jacket that resembled a tight-fitting sweater. I was told, “Wear it. You need protection.” I put it on without hesitation and did not seem to recognize the message for what it was.

OBE: Kisses

At some point I recognize I am still OOB. When I do, I look around me and recognize my old bedroom. What is odd is that my current bed is in the room, too. It’s like the two realities – past and present – are superimposed. I even see both sets of windows. Everything is dark and shifty, though, meaning my mental vision predominates not that I am in the etheric. I have no energy issues this time and feel wonderful and balanced.

I am standing at the foot of my current bed in the space near the foot of my old bed. In front of me is a man. He is taller than me, my head reaches just below his chin. He has brown hair and eyes. When I see him I am elated and wrap my arms around him. He hugs me back and then keeps me close, hands on my waist. I look up at him and take a good look. He looks vaguely familiar but I can’t place him. Is he wearing glasses? I see a glimmer of metal rimmed glasses I think but then they disappear.

What he looks like doesn’t matter, though. It is how he feels that tells me I know him. I say to him, “Hey you!” He looks at me and says, “Hey” and smiles warmly. I am so terribly excited that I grab his face and pull it toward me and kiss him. He kisses back and we kiss each other for a while. It’s not a make-out session but the kisses are passionate and eager, like we haven’t seen each other in a while. I can feel everything about it – him holding me, his warmth, his lips, the love, the friendship. It is so real I am surprised I didn’t wake up!

He turns his face away from mine and interrupts our kisses. I want to keep kissing and feel a bit out of breath. I don’t feel any arousal but there is that desperate wanting for more feeling lingering.

Meanwhile he is focusing on my left arm. He gently slides his right hand down from the elbow and interlaces his right hand into my left. He holds it there and I feel he does this purposefully. I am grateful because my heart chakra is starting to stir along with all the lower chakras. It is slight but there. I look up at him still trying to figure out who he is because I keep feeling like he is my husband but he doesn’t look anything like him. I ask him, “Are you_____ or ______?” He smiles and says, “You know who I am.”

When he said that to me I became very aware and came back to my body. My heart was warm in my chest by this time and my root had a slight swirl of energy. The warmth remained in my heart for a while after waking. Since I have not felt that kind of warmth in my chest for a while (not the heart fire but the bliss), I was pleased. What a nice gift. SO much better than waking up in tears.

 

 

 

 

 

Glimpse of a Parallel Life

I’ve been sick for about five days now, ever since the K-index began to go into the red. Do I blame the geomagnetic storms? No. I blame my sick family members who passed the cold on to me. lol But it is interesting that the K-index was in the red at the beginning and is now in the red again as the cold is fading. All I’ve felt through these storms is sick so it is hard to say how else they may have affected me. Interestingly, I ran into several others who also had a cold the same time as me, all via the internet and from different states/locations.

Planetary K Index plot

Despite being sick, I’ve had some interesting dream experiences I want to share. It seems like I’ve been in class learning and practicing some of my skills.

Dream: Viewing a Parallel Life

I was given a photo album and asked to open it. Inside there were photographs attached to black pages. Each photograph was of a particular time in my life. I recognized them all but they were slightly different than I remember. Some photos would play videos if you touched them. I watched several of these and when I did it was like I went into the movie and experienced it first-hand.

Most of the videos I watched were from my school years. I recall seeing my family sitting in folding chairs waiting for a school function to begin. I must have been the one they were coming to see because I was not in the video or photos. I saw my little sister, grandmother and her sister, my great-aunt. I remember looking at how their appearances varied from this lifetime, noting the similarities and differences.

In another picture turned video I was shown how the color guard I was a part of in high school was a dance team primarily. In this life we primarily twirled flags.

I watched several movies but eventually an entire lifetime came into my memory, a lifetime very similar to this one with some differences.

I had attended the same school, still had two sisters, still had the same mother and father, still had the same connections. What was odd to me was that I was married to my ex-husband and my current husband was my ex and the father of my daughter. My two sons were not present. Never born. Instead, my half-brother, who my mom adopted in my current life, was my adopted son. Meaning I must have adopted him instead of her.

A huge amount of this parallel life centered around my half brother and his being admitted to a school related to a government program. The school was for an “elite” group of young people who would be groomed to be part of the government military. Strange thing is the government was a religious organization that had somehow been given the authority to rule the country. A theocracy I guess would be the right name. It was a honor to be in this school and my half brother was very proud. He spent his days in a very strict environment where electronics and computer devices were strictly prohibited. I saw the uniforms of the government military and they were all black with two stripes of parallel color from the chest to just below the hip. The colors varied depending on rank/level/appointment. I did not feel this government was bad, just different and in some ways much better than the current government of this lifetime.

When I woke I knew I had been viewing a parallel life and that it was just one of many others. Sadly, I was too sick to care much or to ask questions. I have no idea if I was happy in that life or not.

Dream: Practice

I had this dream this morning. What I recall most about it was being instructed on how to purposefully block and allow certain emotional experiences. The emotions first appeared in the dream as a swirling mass of energy above me. The mass was enormous, big enough to fill a large bedroom. My task was to select from this mass of emotions the ones I wished to experience without becoming overwhelmed by all of the emotion. I selected two and felt them full-on. They were positive emotions for the most part. I remember the feeling slightly and it was pleasant, like peaceful and happy.

There was a section during this time where I had a feeling of being transported in a vehicle. In the back was a blind girl who seemed to represent me in some way. The blindness was a positive in that it helped her to focus on the feelings. At this point I was feeling extremely vulnerable and there was with this an on-the-verge feeling, like a huge anticipation of something to come. Someone asked me if I wanted to stop experiencing the feeling. I said I did and the blind girl said very loudly, “I’ve had enough of feeling vulnerable.” The feeling stopped then and I woke very suddenly from the dream knowing something important had been going on.

I was told that I had been practicing choosing and blocking emotion. I was reminded that everything we experience is our choice.

Not long after I fell back to sleep and ended up with a massive energy in my root chakra that seemed to linger for a very long time. Again, I was too tired to care and despite being very lucid and even waking up several times throughout, I shrugged it off. That is a good sign because the root energy is not easy to ignore! Perhaps the lesson on choosing emotion extends to choosing sensation, too?

 

 

 

More Preparation – Influence of the Four Directions 

This morning’s Kundalini experience. I’m researching the four directions and their link to the Kundalini and Hieros Gamos. Any input appreciated. Thanks for reading. 🙂

A Walk-In Life

I knew Easter day would result in another Kundalini experience, and I was not wrong. I fell asleep around 10pm. The last thing I heard was my Companion telling me, “See you soon”.

Sadly, most of the context of the experience is lost to me now. I must have been really tired so lucidity was low. What I do recall vividly is going through rooms with a woman who I considered my “best friend” and thus recognized her as my best friend from high school. I now know this was just my mind trying to make sense of an experience it could not fully understand. My “best friend” is, of course, my Companion. He has been slowly shifting his appearance for me as requested so I rarely see him in his typical brown hair, brown eyed form now days. Though he still does use it to mess with me (grrr!).

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Final Preparations Continue

Had a full moon Kundalini lucid dream experience last night within an hour of falling asleep. It was another preparation for the full rising. Based on the dream symbolism I suspect more Kundalini dreams/experiences will be coming by Easter. Thanks for reading. ❤

A Walk-In Life

Last night while meditating my Companion told me he would be meeting me later that night. By the time I was in bed doing my nightly meditation I had all but forgotten about it. While meditating he reminded me. I had noticed a difference in the energy throughout the day and by this time it was very acute. So, I did not doubt my Companion would do what he said.

EFT

While meditating I was led to do something I have never done. I began to tap with three fingers on certain points on my body. At first I did this on my pelvis quite unconsciously but was led to pay attention to what I was doing. Next, I felt led to tap on the space just above my heart. After that I felt drawn to tap on my left wrist area. Then I was drawn to tap on the spaces right…

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Dream: Meeting Tom Selleck

Well, not exactly Tom Selleck. The man I saw had chest hair like him and I thought of Tom Selleck when I saw/felt his chest hair. lol

Anyway, the night began with a mixture of dreams that involved me and others learning how to control a body. In the dreams we were a good distance away from the bodies. So far in fact that they resembled game pieces rather than physical bodies. I don’t remember much of the experience. It seemed to vanish upon waking. What I do recall is that when I woke it was from the Kundalini. Energy entered through my crown, shot down to my root and exploded back upward. My body’s response is what finally woke me up. The feeling was that I watched the energy as it poured through my “game piece” body but also felt what the body felt. When I woke I understood that it had been a lesson, a hands-on type of practice, to better understand how to handle the physical sensations of the body.

I am grateful the Kundalini was muted.

Dream: Meeting Tom Selleck

I was at the dentist’s office and was being told the treatment I would need. What I saw was an image of my lower jaw with teeth made of metal. I was told the coming surgery and reassured it would be okay and I would have ample anesthesia so it wouldn’t hurt that much. It made me anxious, though.

Sometime during the conversation I ended up in my old bedroom at my mom’s. Next to me was the dentist, a man a bit older than me with dark hair and eyes. I recall laying my head on his hairy chest and he allowed this. It felt nice but I wanted to be closer. The next thing I know he is laying on top of me. I attempt to kiss him. He turns his head away and does not allow me to. I can feel him resist and then reject me. There is a telepathic exchange here. He reminds me that we can’t do anything romantic.

He explains himself to me and this is when I see his hairy chest. I feel it, too. It is thick and dark and I am reminded of Tom Selleck for some reason. From that point on when I see this man I think “Tom Selleck”. lol

Throughout our telepathic exchange I keep being interrupted by my children with this or that kind of “emergency”. I lose track of where the man is and assume he has left but then see his white pick-up truck parked outside. It feels like a day or so has passed and I am so distracted I forget to look for him. I pause and check for his truck. It is still parked outside.

I walked outside noting the truck still parked there. It is nighttime but I see chickens out in the yard. I yell to my mom, “Hey, did you know your chickens are out and awake!?” I nearly step on a dead one. I nudge it with my foot and think, “They are all dying.”

The man comes up and stands next to me. He just appears out of nowhere, like he has been waiting for me. He says, “We shouldn’t give up…” He was about to continue when my daughter came running outside crying. The man puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close. I let him. My heart feels to burst open. I don’t linger, though, but break away to deal with my daughter. She is hysterical over math homework. I go inside with her and forget about the man.

Then I am watching a scene unfold. There is a woman (mother?) tending to her many children. The youngest is sick and dying. I see the baby in a bath. I think he is dead but his eyes are open and he looks alive yet I hear the prognosis and it is not good. I see my youngest child’s name spelled out in large, white letters. Then the mother is outside with a man. A letter falls from the sky and he opens it. I then recall saying, “But I’ve lost so many babies, I can’t lose anymore…”

I shift back to my mom’s house. I am kneeling by the wood fence in the back picking up fallen leaves that have gathered near its base. I feel the man approach. He wants my attention. I can hear his thoughts and feel his emotion. He doesn’t want me to give up on him. He comes closer, kneeling and helping me gather up the leaves. My heart begins to explode in love for him but I resist, focusing on a leaf I am placing in my left hand. I feel him pleading with me. He tells me that he thinks we can make it through this together. I want to embrace him and tell him I want what he wants, but I don’t. I just allow him to be close and continue to pick up the leaves. My heart is exploding and I am so happy for him to be there. It is the most amazing feeling and I want to feel it forever but I also feel I can’t trust my heart. Following it only leads to pain. I begin to cry.

I wake up crying. My heart continues to blaze for a long while after. I can’t sleep for a while but do eventually fall back to sleep.

Interpretation

The symbolism indicates that I am struggling with feelings of rejection. The fact that the man is my dentist means I am doubting his sincerity and honor. Surgery means an opening of the Self and/or healing. A pick-up symbolizes hard work and/or something that needs to be “picked up”. The chickens represent cowardliness but since they are “all dying” then perhaps courage is forthcoming? The babies are ideas and new beginnings. They are sick/dying so I feel a loss of hopes/dreams/new beginnings. The letter from the sky is a message to me but I don’t read it. I mention that I can’t handle more loss. The fence is an obstacle. The leaves represent fallen hopes, despair and sadness. I am cleaning them up. Leaves could also be a pun for actually “leaving” a situation behind me.

kundalini-snake

Lucid Dream Sequence 

When I return to sleep I entered into a dream sequence where I know I am dreaming. Even in recognizing it, though, I choose to follow the dream rather than create it.

In the beginning the lucidity comes on when I am trying to determine if the Tom Selleck dream really happened or was a dream. I have an internal debate and then decide I am dreaming. This is when I made the decision to let the dream show me what I need to know.

I recall being told something would take 32 weeks. I don’t know what but the number stuck.

I also spend a lot of this dream cleaning up messes – picking up after my children and cleaning in general.

There is a part of the dream where I am asked to return to the temporary job I just had. I am suspicious, though, asking, “What happened to the woman who came back to work?” I enter my old office but it is a portable building and when I open the door water cascades out. I walk inside and see the computer and office was not harmed. The water was only a couple of feet high. I look at a TV screen playing and tap it to see if it is solid. It is. I lose interest and leave. I don’t care if anyone has left me an email message.

Then as I am walking out of the building I encounter a woman. She is dressed in black and holding a machine gun. I go up to her to kiss her and she stops me telling me I need to do something first. I notice she has a full beard and comment on it. She doesn’t respond.

I head outside and there is a man with red hair standing there. He also has a full beard. For some reason I decide to kiss him. When I do it feels like a cylinder is placed into my mouth and all the way down my throat. I feel unable to breathe through my nose at this time, too. The cylinder remains and then another one feels to be placed into my root chakra. It extends all the way up into my 2nd chakra. The feeling is so weird! The cylinders feel like contained energy. It seems like the two cylinders are trying to join in the middle of my body.

The bottom cylinder distracts me and I attempt to pull it out but can’t. So I pull the one out of my mouth. It is like I pull out a huge snake! I’m surprised I didn’t gag.

When I wake up my root chakra is a ball of swirling energy that feels heavy and makes the area seem almost numb.

Interpretation

I suspect this dream sequence was to show me the areas I am still healing. The temporary job I had was during an especially emotional time. The water indicates the emotion. I am putting it behind me, though.

The woman that has a beard represents me and my decision to be more assertive in my life, to take charge and be more masculine. She says, “Not yet”. She is holding a machine gun which is anger and aggression that is out of control. Then I end up with the man with a beard. Beards are insight and wisdom. Since his hair is red it could be that I am attempting to address my anger.

Another Section of Equinox Portal to Open April 7th

The energy shifted early last night. In the midst of a geomagnetic storm, too. I was awakened at 11am from a Kundalini dream that drove me into wakefulness and a concierge of guides who wanted me to “Pay attention”. Messages were being thrown my way while I was still recovering from a powerful blast of heart bliss, one so powerful I was still reeling from it for a good 30 minutes afterward.

The messages were regarding my own path, but I’m sure others who have traveled a similar path to mine (Kundalini awakening) you will understand their messages well. Specifically I was told, “Remember your goal. We finish at Wholeness. It’s from the heart up from here. You cannot be distracted by desires or physical body responses. You must push past them. You must think through it.”

My response was to say, “How can I think through that!!!??” I was still breathless and unable to concentrate on what they were saying. When that heart bliss hits hard like it did last night there is really not much I can do but allow it. I could see how I was becoming distracted by the bliss but could not fathom ever being able to think whilst it was occurring. It seemed impossible.

I am reminded of the book by Gopi Krishna, Kundalini: The Evolutionary Energy in Man. Though I have not yet finished the book I read enough to know what it was my guidance was trying to get me to understand. Gopi writes of his Kundalini rising experience in the very first chapter. His method of handling it is the method my guidance wants me to apply. He fixes his focus on a lotus and though his mind does wander from that focus because of the amazing feelings brought on by the Kundalini energy, he is able to refix that focus on the lotus and achieve a full rising.

During one such spell of intense concentration I suddenly felt a strange sensation below the base of the spine, at the place touching the seat, while I sat cross-legged on a folded blanket spread on the floor. The sensation was so extraordinary and so pleasing that my attention was forcibly drawn towards it. The moment my attention was thus unexpectedly withdrawn from the point on which it was focused, the sensation ceased. Thinking it to be a trick played by my imagination to relax the tension, I dismissed the matter from my mind and brought my attention back to the point from which it had wandered. Again I fixed it on the lotus, and as the image grew clear and distinct at the top of my head, again the sensation occurred. This time I tried to maintain the fixity of my attention and succeeded for a few seconds, but the sensation extending upwards grew so intense and was so extraordinary, as compared to anything I had experienced before, that in spite of myself my mind went towards it, and at that very moment it again disappeared.  Chapter 1

My experiences with the Kundalini have not been as Gopi describes, though. When he focuses on the feeling it disappears. When I focus on the feeling it grows exponentially and a raging fire results, a fire of such intense pleasure that it leaves me wanting for more of it to the point that I feel like an addict. This fire almost never reaches above the heart chakra, though occasionally it has. When that happens it leaves me wishing to remain wherever it was it took me and all connection to physical experience and desire to remain in this physical body is lost. Gopi also describes a loss of desire after his Kundalini rising experience, but I did not read past his many reminiscences of his life to know what the result was. Perhaps I need to finish the book now? 🙂

So I asked my guidance to help me find a way to stop becoming distracted by the feeling, to “think past it.” I did not receive an answer that I am aware of other than the above book reference, though I did have many dreams leaving me with impressions that much discussion occurred between myself and my Companion Traveler about how to resolve the situation I find myself in.

I was reassured that I am capable of bypassing the physical body distractions and once I do that I will be “pleased with the results”. Funny how they downplay these experiences. “Pleased” is likely a huge understatement!

Another Section of Equinox Portal to Open April 7th

Interestingly, as I sat down to write about this experience I was told another portal opening is fast approaching. This one will open in the first week of April. I heard April 7th specifically. This is another section of the Equinox portal. When I see this portal I see a flower petal as before but it is overlapping the previous one. I understand that to mean that the previous portal remains open even after the next one is available, the second amplifying the energy of the first. This amplification will continue into July as each portal “petal” adds to the next. The center of this flowering portal will only be accessible when all sections are open and available. When this happens embodiment will be possible.

You may wonder how many sections there are, as did I. I heard “seven” with the eighth (center) achieving full amplification of energy.

We are peeling away layer after layer of False Self. That is what the petaled sections indicate to me – layers that will come off. At the center we access our True Self.