Happy Equinox!

Happy Fall Equinox! Hope everyone has been resting up and readying themselves for more shifting because it is coming and it won’t come in quietly (so I’m told). I’ve already gone from needing more sleep to struggling to fall asleep (again). Sigh. Thankfully that is really the only issue for me with all the energy shifts of late.

Something else that has been on-going for me is the Kundalini continues to be switched “on” more than usual. It is why I struggled to fall asleep that last couple of nights. As I mentioned in another post, the Kundalini energy is personified, meaning I often hear and feel it as a masculine presence/guide/energy. The last two nights (and even during the day) it has been “talking” to me, asking if I am “ready”. If I focus in on what it tells me I am filled with bliss and do not doubt it’s message. The last two nights I have awakened with portions of songs in my head, all messages indicating something to come.

What I hear – Will you lay it all on me now?

What I hear – Pull me closer, why don’t you pull me close, why don’t you come on over?…why don’t you just meet me in the middle?

What I hear – Are you ready? I’ll be ready.

I continue to be reminded of incidences of late involving the Kundalini energy. They are distinctly different in that I experience what I can only relate to as my own energy/personality being displaced by something much, much bigger than myself. When it happens a part of me is temporarily shocked and worried that I am being “taken over”. This is likely old programming surfacing. I never feel fear. I never feel resistant. I am completely open and allowing, always surrendering, in awe of this new, insanely huge powerful presence that I recognize as ME.

I can’t even relay to you the magnitude of the experience. I am left changed afterward. Feeling a profound shift within that says I am on the right track; I have tuned into that very real part of myself that has been forgotten – lost to me for so long.

What I am sensing and being told through continued memory of these incidences, coming to me after seeming to be somehow forgotten (how IDK), is that more of these experiences are coming. I have no doubt I will continue to surrender and allow. This seems to somehow have become my natural tendency. All resistance has melted away. There is no fear which in and of itself is so completely amazing to me.

I look forward to having more of these experiences and for them to last longer and longer until they become commonplace.

Dreams

Lots of very detailed dreams but I haven’t had the time or energy to write them all out. Here are a few from the past week.

Deaf Mute

In the dream I was in a grocery store (seeking fulfillment) with a family of three. None of them were able to talk and I think they may have been deaf (not hearing something) as well because they used sign language (try using other means of communication) to communicate. The little girl and I had a connection. When I shopped she would pick up tortillas (wholeness) when I did and I remember talking to her parents about her. They were able to read my lips I think because when I asked her name they signed, Maia. I could read the letters in sign language and said her name aloud.

As the dream progressed I was taken to a house (aspect of Self) that was prepared for me and told I was welcome to move in. It was nice and clean with wood trim and wooden furniture that was a nice, golden oak color. I remember taking a large lamp (illumination, guidance) and putting it on a table to illuminate the room. Someone told me they had just cleared the bathtub drain and that it was all clear (blockage has been removed) and ready for use.

When I woke the song Little Talks was in my head, specifically the part, “Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.”

Vision

After waking I had a vision of a very large and dead octopus. As a dream symbol the octopus means to be entangled in a relationship or codependent situation. It can also mean being too clingy. Being it is dead them maybe I am freeing myself of these things? Perhaps it was indicative of something that occurred later this morning – I decided to release some of the resistance I have been feeling and go back to acceptance – back to the grind, dealing with work, marriage, family, etc.

Pet Cricket

In this dream I was driving with a girlfriend on curvy roads toward her home in the country. We arrived at a white farmhouse and the girl got out and began to unload her things. We took them inside and met up with her mom and family. I thanked her mother for allowing her to come with me on the trip. The family seemed suspicious of me. The mom indicated that she had a clogged (obstacle to progress) bathtub (need for renewal) that needed repair. I mentioned my husband was a plumber and could possibly fix it. I wanted to give the family a gift for allowing me to take their daughter with me on our trip. I asked if the tub would need to be replaced and the mother indicated it would. I said it may not be a good idea to have my husband do it and opted to give her $50 instead.

The girl had a cat (feminine sexuality, creativity and power) that she wanted me to take with me but I decided against it because I didn’t feel the cat would do well in my car (life path). As I was preparing to leave I realized I was carrying another of the girl’s pets. A tiny cricket (introspection/guidance) that was sitting on my shoulder chirping in my ear. I felt affection toward it. It fluttered near my ear like a tiny fairy, but it was definitely a cricket. In the end I sent it back with the girl and then drove away.

Broken Cell Phone

This dream began with me inside a truck (work), my daughter was driving. She was out of control. I took the wheel but was in the passenger seat (feeling out of control) so couldn’t see well as I tried to park. I ended up rear ending a car (feeling in a rut, restless) and then driving away from the accident scene.

I wound up lost (feeling lost in life), driving around for a while and then stopping at a restaurant and sitting outside with some others trying to figure out where I was. My phone (lack of understanding) was not working properly. The GPS was not there. Instead it was a message that made no sense and a map of the city that did not allow me to navigate home. Somehow I managed to call my husband and he responded very rudely to my request for help. I realized he and I were divorced and that he wanted nothing to do with me. The dream left me confused as to where home was – with him or somewhere else?

Shark

This morning I woke up with a vision of a shark in my head. It felt like someone was being deceptive. My initial feeling upon waking was of being on alert to danger, but I am not sure where this danger is coming from.

Trail Run

Lastly, yesterday my husband and I both ran our first ever trail run race. He ran the marathon version and I ran the 10K. He got third place overall men and I got second place overall women. I was shocked that I placed at all, as was he. In fact, it was his first time to ever place on a marathon run, so he was really proud of himself. It was also my first time to place on a 10K. The woman who was first place was 27 years old, so that made me feel all the more proud of my accomplishments. We both decided to continue running trails and will be running more races in the near future. I may run a half-marathon next time, which is something I never thought I would do since my last half-marathon attempt was less than satisfying.

 

 

 

 

 

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Seeing My Truth

Well, well, well. I finally fell asleep at a decent hour and got caught up on sleep! Hooray! Turns out my daughter was at a sleepover last night. So I’m thinking it has been her that has been making it hard for me to sleep. We’ll see how tonight goes.

Twin Springs Preserve

Yesterday was a fun day. My husband and I were suppose to go together to explore a trail in preparation for a trail race we will be running in two weeks. He bailed on me at the last minute because he is working on a huge wood sculpture. I decided to go on my own intending only to walk the trail for a few hours. However, when I arrived near the location I saw an entrance to another trailhead, the Twin Springs Nature Preserve, so I opted to explore it instead.

I spent about an hour exploring the trail, sometimes running, sometimes walking. No one else was out there, which made it that much more fun. It reminded me of my younger years when I would explore my grandparent’s 52 acres, hiking and exploring the rugged hills for hours on end.

The trails were not easy to see, so I often went off the trail and had to backtrack which was fine with me. I ran into wildlife on the way – among them a herd of deer and a coral snake. By the end my shoes were completely soaked and my legs covered in mud. I felt much like I use to after a day of exploring my grandparent’s place. I think I was high on the experience for a good three hours after. I was going to head out again today but it is raining pretty hard. Rain is forecast all week.

Here are a few photos:

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I do not find it coincidental that I ran into a coral snake. He surprised the heck out of me, too. He was right in the middle of the trail and blended in so well that had he not moved I would have stepped right on him. I was in the midst of running and came to a dead stop from the shock he gave me. I have never seen a coral snake in the wild and was not expecting one in the hills of Central Texas. Rattlesnake, yes, coral snake, no. When I took the pictures my hands were shaking so much that it took several shots to get one that was in focus. lol

Coral snakes have the second strongest venom of any snake in the world, behind that of black mamba (source). Thankfully, coral snakes are fairly passive and unlikely to bite you. If they do bite you, they have to “chew” with their fangs to deliver their venom, meaning you would have to be an idiot to be bitten by one, playing with it and letting it chew on you. lol So, I was really in no danger from this snake unless I wanted to be. I watched him for a few minutes and went on my way but not without recognizing how significant and rare it was to have run into him.

Since the Kundalini has been so active in me this year I am betting this snake is a reminder to me to be on the lookout for more. Considering the coloration of this snake, there’s likely to be continued work in my lower three chakras. Additionally, based upon how this snake presented itself, hiding in plain sight, I will probably be caught off guard, shaken but otherwise unharmed, and in awe of the encounter. Sounds like fun to me! 🙂

Dream: Decision

I had several dreams, all indicating that some in-depth conversations were going on with my guidance. It amazes me how my memories of the dreams I have lately are often accompanied by flashes of memory of a guide and a summary of the conversation. This was one of those.

In this dream I was in a classroom with a few other students and a teacher. I knew I was in 5th grade preparing to attend an award ceremony. As the other students left the teacher kept me in the room with her. I asked why and another student told me I was to receive 5 books (knowledge) as my award. I remember the three of them were technical type books, like self-help, self-study books. I was not interested in them and asked if I could return them. I was encouraged to keep them and applauded for my achievements.

The thing about the dream that is odd is that I was a full grown woman, not the age of a normal 5th grader. The other students and I were being prepared as teachers and would soon select our first jobs. I recall knowing that I could go into 6th grade or I could opt out.

As I contemplated my decision I saw my potential future flash in front of my eyes. It was my current life with my husband and what would result if I continued on that path. The flashes I got were not of specific events but of lessons. They came all at once and what I remember the most is the feeling of them, like the impact they had on me. The feeling was so intense that I could taste it and it was distasteful to me, like eating a really sour gummy worm.

There is also memory of the way these lessons appeared visually, like something being twisted over and over again. You know how you can take a piece of licorice and twist it and bend it without it breaking? That is what it was like. The sense from this was that all I would get was the same lesson twisted this way and that so that it appeared different but in actuality it wasn’t. This was very unappealing to me and I recognized how trapped I have been by the illusion of progress it presents.

My decision was that I did not want to go into the 6th grade. It felt like a whole other “level” to go there, just like it feels when you graduate from one level of school to the other but more like the decision one makes when they graduate high school – college? no college? Trade school? What do I do with my life?

I remember the gist of the discussion around this decision. I was asked if I was certain. In my mind I saw ahead of me a vast void of nothingness – the unknown. It scared me and I hesitated but I confirmed my choice. The fear is what I recall the most.

Seeing My Truth

I woke up with a sense that I had just contracted my own death, but I know that is not what it was. An entire discussion commenced then about who I am. For the first time in a very long time I could see this other me, the real me, the one at a soul level who has been hidden by human experience, fear, and limitation for such a very long time. I felt both relief and anxiety upon seeing the Truth of myself. Relief that I had finally found her and could see/feel her/me. Anxiety at the many layers of “protection” I had placed over her to the point of hiding her and ultimately forgetting her.

What is curious about all this is that I recognized how I have chosen time and time again to live with forgetting myself. I think many of us walking in the Light this lifetime have done this. We were conditioned to do this to protect ourselves from the harsh reality of this physical world. We couldn’t cope without burying ourselves in protective layers of illusion.

I know that others in my soul family are being prepped to step out from under all those layers. We are already sensing it, that nudge and pressure to shift direction. Some of us may be feeling an urge to do some drastic things, but I don’t think that is necessary. It can be gradual. But that sense of urgency is there and it is purposeful. It says, “Listen. Pay attention. LOOK.” For me, I am being asked to remember myself, that Truth that has been hidden all this time by attempts to stay safe and hidden from others and this world because of how different I am.

We have been slowly meeting others like us so that we can see we are not alone, so we can be reminded of our Truth through these very special encounters. We still don’t see it, or better yet, we don’t want to see it because it is scary. But what I can say to those like me who are still avoiding seeing themselves – the Truth – is you won’t be able to hide much longer. We can do it alone, which is the scariest prospect, or we can do it together.

The thing is that we think in such drastic terms. Every possible scenario that comes to mind is of the worst case. But what of the best case scenarios? Or better yet, what if a beautiful surprise awaits? Sadly, it is human to think the worst will happen. So what ends up is that we have to get to a point that the worst case becomes acceptable because we are too tired, too fed up with the ways things are.

Question is: Are you there yet? 😉

 

 

Despacito – Slow, Steady Progress

Another night of limited sleep courtesy of my daughter’s stuffy nose and congestion. Well, I say my lack of sleep is connected to her cold, but I can’t be 100% sure that is all it is.

Last night the energy sensations returned almost immediately upon laying down. My crown and third-eye were the most active. I sensed a male energy to my left, my guide, or “partner” as I tend to call him now – the part that says “I am YOU” and continues to facilitate the merging of the masculine and feminine within.

Whenever my partner draws close I am covered in energy that spreads all the way to my fingers and toes. This has always happened, for as long as I have been conscious of him. Recent events, however, have revealed that this energy can be magnified internally and externally. Internally by my own intent. Externally by a catalyst.

Up until this point I have only had two external catalysts for this energy. Most of my experiences have been internal. Both provide lessons unique to the experience. Those that are external tend to amplify the stagnant areas or blockages in ways that my own inner work cannot. If I am not moving forward/progressing on my own then these catalysts get me moving again, spurring me forward by exposing that which is holding me back. Often times I am aware of what is revealed but purposefully or habitually ignoring it. I have learned through this external catalytic experiences that ignoring something will not make it go away but will in fact make it larger until I am forced to confront it.

In both cases the masculine energy becomes personified. Internally this energy feels separate from myself, like a guide who is always there, nudging me along and providing support and unconditional love. I have called him many names – Steven, Companion Traveler, Spiritual Counterpart, and now partner. He changes as as I change; grows as I grow.

Externally the masculine energy comes with a body, a unique personality, a history, an Ego, hopes, dreams, fears, etc….and, of course, karma. Ultimately, the two – external and internal – are the same energy, one is just personified in human form for the purpose of teaching – no reflecting to me – that which I most need to know about myself. Thus, the external masculine has a “catalytic” effect the internal masculine does not have.

At present I am happily connecting to my internal masculine and being shown more about myself and my innate spiritual abilities. Last night I was shown how I can go within and dance with him/me/us. In other words, I am being taught how to reproduce from within an experience that previously has only come about via a catalyst. This, for me was exhilarating despite my exhausted state.

I will try and describe my experience the best I can…

When my partner came near and I felt the energy that is Us spreading through my physical body I was at first sad because I knew it would not intensify as it had recently. I felt sad for this and a bit hopeless and unable to understand the why of it all. My partner asked me to stop looking outward to him (or anyone else) for the connection I was seeking, He then repeated to me, “I am YOU”, and I knew he meant I should turn my focus inward. I have always known this but for some reason this time my perspective was different. The minute I focused inward I seemed to shift into him, into my own masculine, and as such I saw/felt myself, the feminine. In an instant I became both masculine and feminine and the energy – my energy – seemed to flood into my head all at once, pushing against my third eye with such force that I could sense that some other version of myself would take over, forcing my eyes open to “see” in a way I cannot on my own. Like in my previous experience of this, it seemed as if someone else was about to “take over”, but I know this is not the case because last time I allowed it. However, my human mind cannot help but react to what feels like a “invasion” and if I were to over analyze the sensation I would likely freak out completely. Thankfully, I have experienced enough of the “strange and unusual” that these types of human reactions are easily quieted.

The sensation I felt in my third-eye was most similar to my experiences of going OOB. There was a sudden swirling expansiveness and pressure in my third-eye accompanied by what I can only describe as a sound – a rushing, whirling like wind in my ears. Of course, the experience and understanding of what I was doing and how I was doing it was all at once mind-blowing. A part of me thought it impossible. With this doubt everything calmed, and once again I was sensing my partner as separate from me.

Recognizing I was the cause, I was doing it all, it did not take me long to try again. And again. And again. Each time I would get to a point, a crescendo of sorts, where I knew all I needed to do was allow and surrender. When that point arrived I couldn’t do it. It was just too exciting, to mind-blowing (not scary). My mind would not let go. It all reminds me of attempting a conscious astral projection from the body. It took me over a month of consistent trying to finally achieve a conscious exit. I would keep failing because I was just too curious and excited. Even when I did succeed I was so excited that I would end up right back in my physical body.

At least I succeeded at recognizing I could come into Union with myself whenever I wanted and that I have the capacity to expand beyond what I ever thought possible without any external help.

I will continue to work at surrendering to what feels very much like an invasion of my mind. This is the drawback of being fully awake and aware. The human response to the unknown is fear. I can’t help it and I won’t beat myself up over it. The first experience of this sense of invasion did not harm me. It was not scary. I was not “taken over” or “possessed”. I was there, observing and experiencing at the same time. Actually, the experience was truly awesome. I felt BIG, expansive and full of potential. But then I have always been an explorer, keen to jump into the unknown, to expand beyond the limits of this human experience; to Know.

Syncs

Ending this post with more syncs. Yesterday we got tons of rain in central Texas courtesy of Tropical Storm Gordon. On the way home from work my daughter was on the phone from home freaking out because it was raining so hard. We were very close to home but it was sunny. I looked out the window and saw it was pouring over our house in the distance. I took a photo and sent it to my daughter as proof. It was amazing to see.

IMG_3315

Later, we got caught in the storm as well but the blue sky could always been seen in the distance. It was really beautiful. It felt like the heaven’s were literally opening up over the top of me. Like it was saying it’s okay to let it all go.

On the way home in the rain a song came on the radio. My husband turned it up and I almost protested because it was rap. I am not a fan of rap but this one caught my attention because it was about opportunity. Yeah, there’s that word again! lol

Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted. In one moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?

You only get one shot
Do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime…

You can do anything you set your mind to

Here’s the song:

So this song is playing while the heavens are opening up over the top of us. It was actually pretty awesome and put me in a really, really good mood. I felt awesome.

This morning another song presented itself. I noticed it because once again (like rap) it was out of my normal music preference. This time Spanish. lol I asked my husband what despacito meant. He said, “Slowy”. When I saw what the lyrics said I couldn’t help but laugh because this is the message I have been getting from my partner for a very long while – One step at a time. Slow but steady progress. This song makes me just want to dance. Again, “dance” is not a coincidence either.

Regardless of my lack of sleep, these are very exciting times and I am blessed to be alive in a human body experiencing them. Thank you God.

Kundalini Experience: Meet Me in the Middle

Okay, so the Kundalini was just taking a break. Wow. Where to begin?

I guess I will just relay what happened. Are you ready? It’s intense.

I went to bed around 9:30pm. I was asked by my guidance if I would reconsider my previous decision (opportunity missed). I agreed that I would.

Vision

A man stood completely naked in front of me. I felt pulled into the vision.

We stood facing each other and did not touch but the energy was very intense between us and my entire body felt overcome by it. It was not sexual. Instead it just felt blissful but not at it’s full potential yet. I could sense there was more there that would build if I allowed it.

The man asked me to follow him and I did. He sat down cross-legged in a circle that was drawn in white chalk on the ground. I knew to sit across from him cross-legged. Our knees were barely touching and both of us were naked. He drew something on his forehead with his finger. I don’t know if there was paint on his finger but I saw a line drawn vertically between his eyes. He then leaned over and drew the same line between my eyes.

I don’t recall much after this except feeling deliriously drunk on bliss. In fact, I was so relaxed and at ease with our combined energy that I must have drifted into the in-between for some time. We were talking throughout most of this but I only remember feeling completely in tune with him. Our energies matched so well and it seemed as if we were reacquainting ourselves with one another.

Then I remember hearing him say to me that he wanted to see me. I think he said, “Let me see you” but all I really remember is the word “see”. It wasn’t the words that brought me out of my reverie though, but the sensations of a force entering between my shoulder blades. It felt focused and was around the size of a closed fist in diameter. From within this space my own energy reached out and swirled around the other as if dancing.

Then we, both our energies dancing and swirling together, rose upward through my throat and into my head. When at my third-eye and right when I heard the word “see”, I felt as if I was no longer myself, like someone else took over, but I know this is not true. It was more that I released myself into the care of this new me – US. My eyes felt to be forced open and in front of me was nothingness; a blank, deep blue (indigo?) expanse. In the distance was a blinding white light, just far enough away to notice but not within reach yet.

kundalini-snakes

Wide awake now, the energy slowly retreated and control was returned to me. I was left shocked, eyes wide open, looking at my bedroom and wondering what had just happened. The sensation of this was so new to me, so overwhelmingly beautiful and powerful that I needed time to recover. How could I be so BIG? How could this even be happening? How was it even possible? And what does it mean? What will happen when that energy – the energy of US – exits through my crown? What will I become? Will I cease to be? It seemed like it. In fact, when my eyes opened seemingly outside of my own control, it felt as if I was transformed and not in a bad way, just a different way.

There was conversation throughout all this but I don’t recall specifics now. I just remember feeling fully trusting of this masculine energy. My solar plexus felt odd, as if it was stretching, and the odd energy just sat below my rib cage. I realized it was my anticipation and apprehension of what was coming. Fear of the unknown. Resistance to losing myself; losing control.

All of this happened between 9:30-10pm.

Somehow I fell back to sleep, which is unheard of for me, but the energy of Us was so beautiful that I know it was why I drifted off. There is nothing like it.

Dream: Blind Date

I entered into a dream where I was with a girlfriend preparing to go to dinner at a place where men and woman came to connect. It wasn’t a dating scene but more like an exchange place, like exchanging information but with the intent to connect. It seemed like my friend had set me up on a blind date (unknown aspects of self being revealed) but I am not sure. The feeling was that I was just following her lead.

As I sat with my friend at the table with two men we played a getting-to-know-you game. Each of us would take turns giving the name of one of our previous partners. The man on my left was asking me why I looked so concerned and I said, “I can fit all my previous partners on these two hands.” I held up my ten fingers as proof. It seemed like so few, like I was inexperienced and behind the others. I recall someone chuckling and I remember in my mind being reminded of boyfriends in school. I remembered one specifically and thought, “Oh.” That would mean there were more than 10 then.

There are sensations and images during this time of very feminine things. The color pink was prominent as was lace and girly attire. It seemed like my blind date was not suited for me and he and my friend and some others departed. They walked to the bus stop but I forgot my purse and cell phone and went to retrieve them. When I turned they were yelling back that we must have missed the bus (temporary setbacks). I slowed down and picked up my things which included a small backpack. When I turned back around the group was running full speed up the road to the intersection. I heard, “The bus is here!”

Figuring I had missed my chance I lingered still. A man approached who I didn’t know. He was fairly tall, lean and average looking, though he seemed familiar to me. He came up to me and introduced himself. I don’t remember his name now but in the dream I called him by it. I told him I missed the bus. He offered to walk me home. I accepted his invitation and asked him to take my backpack (decisions and responsibilities) while I picked up my things. He did this gladly. When I took back my backpack, which was very small now, I looked at him and he smiled. I knew him but was not sure how, but he felt like a friend and I trusted him. We walked toward the intersection together, holding hands.

Meet Me in the Middle

At this point the scene shifted suddenly and I was laying down next to the man from the previous ceremonial vision (above). We were both facing up. He was on my right. I was asked to focus on him. When I looked, all I could see was his heart, the rest was completely empty and black. It was as if I was looking into his physical body. What I saw was not an organ, though, but what looked much like a uterus and ovaries within the center of his chest. There was a heart shaped “uterus” heart in the center and two “branches” with circular discs on either side. I could hear him invite me inside of him. I can’t recall the words used as it was more of a sense of “come and get me” that was sent to me.

I did not hesitate and imagined both my hands reaching into his heart space. Yet it was not my hands that entered but all of me, as if my entire Being entered his heart. I felt swept up into his energy, swirling and then suddenly he was me and I was him; We were One.

My memory here is dizzying. It was as if I was swirling so fast that I ceased to have any memory of myself as this human in this body. We swirled upward together but I became overwhelmed by the bliss of Us and this new Beingness I was experiencing. So I came out of my reverie again, breathing as if I had just run a race but with more depth. Every breath was bliss so I breathed in so deep, deeper than I have ever breathed.

The energy continued to intensify for a while after this. I continued to get glimpses of the white light. My crown felt to explode upward and outward and I sense – I still sense – that I am very, very close to whatever comes next.

I realized then that I had been asked to meet this masculine presence “in the middle” previous to this but had not understood. In fact, earlier in the day I heard a song with the lyrics, “Meet me in the middle”.

The message meant that rather than be fully pursued, which was nice and exhilarating to experience, I also needed to pursue him (the masculine). To meet him with the same intensity that he came to meet me with. Equal.

Considerations

I have no doubt that what I experienced this morning is leading up to a full Kundalini rising experience. Though I have had many experiences with the Kundalini, never have I had one like this. I feel so very blessed this morning. The bliss, which I have experienced many times before, was beyond amazing and I could sense that I was only experiencing a tiny portion of my full potential. Where this is going, how I will be changed, is yet to be known. I am not afraid and completely open to what is to come.

And on a positive – I have absolutely no physical body issues (aches, pains, strange sensations) this morning even after all that intensity and no psychological freaking out or triggering, etc. Very good news!

Dream: You are HER

This week I have been more tired than usual. Additionally, my third-eye and crown chakras – well my entire head and at times all the way down my neck and into my ears – has been buzzing with energy. Even as I type this my third-eye is buzzing. It is non-stop. I’ve only experienced my third-eye buzzing continuously like this one other time, I think in 2015 (not sure) and at that time it went on for at least a month straight.

Odd Dreams

I have been tired, sleeping deeply and having very vivid dreams. Here are a few snippets of dreams from the week:

I was in Montana (spiritual awareness) at a resort (pun on last resort). It was winter and snowing (frozen progress). Outside were two rectangular, shallow pools or fountains (joy, new relationship), parallel to one another. The water was clear and calm (clarity). I saw two small, tropical fish (insight) in the water, one was orange and the other purple. They seemed to be seeking each other out and I was fascinated by them, especially the orange fish.

I recall preparing oatmeal for one of my kids. I was cooking it and went to make more. I scooped out the last from the container and saw worms in it. They were like mealworms but flat. Oatmeal = sameness, comfort, groundedness. The worms indicate I am ready for new experiences.

In another dream I was being given sheet music to sing. My mom sang with me and I swear it was the song “Shake it Out”. I remember being told something about “three feet above” and seeing a man holding his hand way up over his head.

Dreams – No Legs

I had two dreams involving cutting off of legs. The first was of Trooper (my deceased Australian Shepherd). I only remember now that I was in a restaurant that also looked like my grandmother’s house. Trooper needed surgery on his leg. I told the vet to just remove all of his legs. Then I went about the dream, doing things I can’t remember now. What woke me was that I remembered I had said to remove all the legs and thought, “He will die!” I woke up a bit panicked because of it and then thought it really odd symbolism. Dogs are protection or a “best friend”. Without legs they can’t move. Maybe I am trying to “immobilize” my protection?

Then I had a whole dream about a friend and in the dream who either had no leg or was losing a leg. It is hard to recall now. In this dream, no leg means a failing relationship.

Dream: You are HER

This morning’s dream was in the UK. I was with a young boy and we were guests of the Queen, only she was very young. The boy was asked what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to meet Harry Potter (magic perhaps?) so the Queen got us tickets to a live show. On our way to the city we were prepped, given gloves (how I handle things) to wear because we were traveling with the Queen. I was given a pair of tanned leather gloves and put them on.

When we arrived in the city I recall it being familiar. Then I was shown a long, hand-written letter from the Queen. I don’t remember what it said now but it was signed, “HER”. When I read it I read “her” but I saw “HRM” and knew it meant, “Her Royal Majesty”. In my mind I saw flashes of Princess Diana and it confused me because I knew she never became Queen.

As I woke, I heard, “You are HER.” My crown and root chakra were buzzing intensely and in unison. My thoughts upon waking were that “Queen” represents the Divine Feminine.

Dream: Stolen Bag

This dream was mostly in the dark (low awareness). I arrived at work, which was Wal-Mart. I was glad it was dark because I was tired. My shift started at 6:30am. I sat at a table and drifted to sleep, aware of people walking past that could not see me. At one point the lights began to turn on ahead of me. I saw a crowd of customers and a cashier with a long line. I got up to report for work. Another cashier was trying to get a new eraser (clearing up mistakes). I suggested she use paper towels (temporary setback).

Then I went back to my table to get my stuff. I had left my bag (life responsibilities) and phone (communication) there. The tables were completely full and I couldn’t find my stuff. I searched but found nothing and hoped someone had grabbed it and put it in a locker for me. I criticized myself for not locking it up and worried someone was going to deplete my account using my debit card.

I went outside and saw a man working on a truck (work), siphoning gas (energy, spirituality) out of it. I backed off as a stream of gas went high into the air.

Then back inside it was dark again and I heard someone singing. I complimented the girl, telling her she sounded like Nora Jones. She was singing, Don’t Know Why. I heard the part, “My heart is drenched in wine” but instead of “wine” I heard “white”. The girl thanked me but as she walked by I realized she was a he.

 

 

Full Moon Kundalini Healing

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been asking for help from my guidance with a blockage in my second chakra. Well, last night, the first night of the Pisces full moon, the source of the blockage revealed itself.

Kundalini Healing

Early on in the evening, around 1am, I was awakened from a dream in which I was communicating with my 10-year-old self. What I recall of the conversation has faded now, but I believe I was helping her feel comfortable with her feelings.

When I awoke a male presence was attending to me; assisting me with healing. His energy was huge and when I acknowledged him the energy felt to flood through my own, blending and braiding into it. The rising energy that resulted revealed the blockage in my second chakra and another at my third. The Kundalini energy swirled and moved around for over an hour, covering me in a blanket of bliss and love while also working to gently pry open blocks in my energy.

Dream: Haunted House

My husband and I were invited to his friend’s house. He spent a while trying to get me to remember who they were, where their house was and how we knew them. I couldn’t remember, though.

We traveled along the road at night toward their house. I wasn’t in a car, but hovering mid-air, looking down a massive hill (experiencing a regression). In my mind I thought it would be fun to ride on a skateboard (seeking to make light of a situation) down the hill but knew it would be too fast. Why this part is in the dream, I am unsure.

When we arrived at the house it was enormous and very dark, with dark wood paneling and furniture. I went to help some children prepare dinner, a pork loin (seeking normalcy), and as I did so noticed there were quite a few cats roaming around. I also noticed some strange movements from the cats. They seemed to see something I couldn’t. I realized the house was likely haunted.

As the night progressed I learned we were to spend the night. Everyone left me in the living area alone with the cats. I lay down on the sofa to try to get some sleep. When I did this the Kundalini energy enveloped my entire body in bliss. As the energy began to rise, I began to lose myself to it. Unfortunately, an orange cat jumped directly on my lap, stopping the rise of energy. It looked startled and I wondered if the Kundalini had anything to do with it. Right then, I heard a noise and got up, walking toward the back of the house to see if I could find anyone. The front door was wide open making banging noises as I walked past it.

orange cat

In the back of the house I located many bedrooms but could not find my husband’s room. Some of the family we were staying with were sitting around and asked me if I needed anything. I told them noises woke me, that I thought their house was haunted. They said they knew about the ghosts and not to worry. I mentioned that I could speak to Spirit and asked if they wanted my help. They agreed and I attempted to make contact. I told the woman I sensed that I could help her but if she didn’t cooperate we would force her to leave.

Whatever I did upset the cats and they began to act strange. I knew this was not a good sign and opted to try and get some sleep. I found a bedroom and lay down but was interrupted by my husband. I snapped at him, telling him I was tired (not wanting to confront something), and he left. When I attempted sleep the Kundalini energy came back in a rush up my spine, hitting my second chakra in waves like contractions. Each contraction hit my physical body solidly. There was some pain felt and by the last contraction I had a vision. A black woman appeared, standing with her hands on her hips and said, “I want him out!!!”

This vision shook me to my core because I recognized the woman.

I sat up, still dreaming, and slowly got out of bed. The scene shifted as I stood. At my feet were my clothes and I was completely naked. My lower body ached. I stiffly reached down for my shorts, which were white. My underwear was missing and a partially soaked tampon was on the floor next to my shorts. My memory here is of being mistreated and left humiliated, but I am not sure on the details.

When I left the room my husband was there complaining about my lateness. He had hired someone to replace me and was telling me how tired he was of my behavior. I turned to him, my voice cracking with emotion, “You don’t know what I’ve been through!!”

Wounds Revealed

I slowly woke from the dream a bit shocked at what it had revealed to me. My first thought was that the black woman was from a life I only partially recalled. I was not yet a woman, so about 11-12 years old. I was attacked and gang raped by a group of white boys. To keep me from screaming, one of the men put his foot on my throat. I ended up with a crushed windpipe but somehow survived, pretending to be dead until they left. I crawled home where my mother tended to my wounds. I am not sure if I ever regained my voice.

But then another life came to mind, a life in which I was also a black woman. In that life, which ended in 1963, I endured years of emotional and physical abuse by my husband. In fact, that past life memory came to me spontaneously after waking from meditation. I looked in the mirror and saw my old self – a petite, black woman with a very swollen black eye. Ultimately, in that life I shot my husband in the shoulder with a shotgun because I discovered he had been molesting our daughter. I told him to, “Get out!” after I shot him.

My best guess is that the issue in my second chakra stems from the life where I was gang raped but I am not 100% certain that the two lives mentioned above are not the same life.

The revealing of the source of the blockage is just the first step. I’m not sure how the rest will unfold but I may end up reliving that life, aspects as of yet unseen, in order to resolve and heal the wound. I suspect a decision was made, one that was strong enough that it prevents me from ever opening up to a man fully.

 

Update and Dream: Moving Out

Before I begin, a little update on the refinance issue I mentioned in my last post. Well, turns out that it was all a misunderstanding. The money was always there but it was just in two different places and the notary knew nothing about it so couldn’t have explained it. Our loan officer had been out of town all week. His dad passed away. So he couldn’t have helped us last week either. When our loan officer called me he apologized and quickly explained what had happened. So the money is coming as expected. Nothing was wrong to begin with. Mercury retrograde miscommunication and confusion but thankfully not anything big or dramatic.

So that was an easily resolved situation – well there was no situation at all!

Then my day spent working at home presented some minor challenges. Mostly it was that my youngest needed me and then when my other two came home from school, work was near impossible with after school snacks, friends coming over and just them wanting/needing my time. It is doable, though, and required a bit more self-control than I thought, but I will be fine. It is only two days a week right now and I think I will leave it that way. The distractions of working at home make my job take longer than it would otherwise. Ever been interrupted repeatedly when trying to do calculations? Yeah, difficult. lol

The Kundalini has muted a bit, providing me with some much-needed sleep. It is still present, though. For example, I will wake in the middle of the night with my entire body alive with energy. Last night it swirled around every chakra it seemed. A nice, pleasant warm feeling. It was if I was being massaged by energy. Images flashed along with it, including one of a group of bluish tinged beings, but I mostly recall a vague sense that a kind of energetic surgery was being performed on me.

Physically my entire mid-section is achy. This is not abnormal for this time in my monthly cycle. I have had ovulation pain for a while. I think it began sometime in 2016. The pain is unique. In fact, I don’t have anything to compare it to. It feels like my insides are inflamed and irritated. This month the ache is lasting much longer than usual and with it is intestinal upset. Most likely that is the Kundalini’s fault.

Shipping Supplies - Styrofoam Packing Peanuts

Dream: Moving Out

I slept deeply and had many dreams, but most I forgot upon waking. The one I recall most had a muted energetic element to it.

The beginning of the dream was of me arriving home with a load of groceries (fulfillment). It seemed like a storm was coming so I hurried into the garage and began to unload the car. Strangely, the storm seemed to be inside the garage with me. I recall that when it started to rain I was pummeled with tons of light, white Styrofoam balls – packing material (popcorn). Trying to avoid it, I stepped back to where the roof seemed to not be leaking (new information is revealing itself) but the storm only intensified and the white balls came down in sheets over the top of me (truth being revealed).

I concluded that the roof of my house was in desperate need of repair. It may even be near collapse. Realizing my predicament, I quickly left the garage and went inside the house.

Inside the house was dark and I don’t recall much except that my neighbors came by for a visit. A nice man and his wife visited with me for a bit. We mainly spoke of religion but I don’t remember much except his religion and him trying to persuade me to explore it. They invited me over to their house for a visit and pointed across the street. There I saw a house under construction (rebuilding of life). The roof was without any shingles; plywood only. This is when I noticed I was standing in the basement (subconscious) of my house and the walls were only partially painted (untapped creativity), like renovations were never completed.

I ended up going over to the neighbor’s house. The whole time I had this attraction to the man, though it was quite muted. It materialized as an interest only and it was reciprocated. He kept touching me in a familiar way. His wife didn’t seem to care and it became apparent as the dream progressed that their “religion” included an open marriage.

The scene flashed and it was six years later. I was living with them. What happened to my husband and family, I don’t know, but I knew in the dream that I had left them. My new family consisted of myself, the wife, the husband, and their children. I saw myself as pregnant but then not, like I was more than one person.

The most memorable part here was of a bathroom (cleansing, renewal). The floors were dirty, the corners littered with dead bugs – roaches and spiders (worries, concerns).  I requested my daughter clean them, only she was very pregnant. She went into labor and had to be rushed out of the house. I, on the other hand, had to get repeated injections into my belly button (energetic healing?). It was scary to me because the injections went through a long tube and the syringe was over sized.

The last thing I remember is jumping into a huge swimming pool (relaxation, calmness) with the other women in the family. On the bottom was an entire ecosystem, like the bottom of a lake. We swam over the top of a stingray. The woman (wife) with me, petted the stingray (emotional freedom) as she swam.

Interpretation

The dream overall seems to indicate that there is a breakthrough in progress. The roof leaking and beginning to collapse indicates that the things I use to protect myself are no longer working. The illusions of protection are being removed. It is funny to me that the “rain” is packing popcorn, so it doesn’t hurt me at all despite my trying to avoid it. The packing popcorn could be symbolic of a move, maybe an actual move or a move from one state of being to another; transformation. I remember now that when the popcorn was coming down I remember thinking it was coming from the attic, like attic insulation. Attics represent one’s connection to their higher self. So maybe I was perceiving a communication coming from my HS.

The change from one house to another in the dream seems to indicate a shift in Self. The feeling was that I was being asked to evaluate my life, my circumstances, and I was offered a new “religion”. In this case I think the new religion was a new path, one that maybe I would have been resistant to in the past.

The syringe indicates the surgery on my energy body. It was after this dream that I woke very aware of all the energy moving through me.