Am I Aware?

It is true that every person we meet is an opportunity to see ourselves.

Last night while sitting quietly outside in the dark, my guidance came through. Our exact mental exchange is lost to me now but the final understanding was/is not. I was reminded that everything I’ve felt via the Kundalini is me. Every blissful explosion of the heart, every passionate rising, every automatic asana my body has morphed into of its own accord – all of it is me. Similarly, everything I’ve felt in this experiment we call Life has also been me. 

It can be hard to grok just how powerful we are even to the point that when we are face-to-face with ourselves we cannot accept the truth of our power. The only way we are truly able, then, to see ourselves is through others. They offer us a glimpse only; a spark of memory. 

My guidance reminded me that I know how to Surrender and urged me to return to it, fully opening to what is before me without resistance, without expectation. My questioning led me back to a Knowing that my forgetfulness is a gift, allowing me to remember myself over and over again, brand new in the moment. With each encounter with another I receive memory. It is up to me alone to decide what to do with that memory. 

Perhaps the most profound part of what I was realizing was that I need others to experience myself fully. Without others to reflect to me myself, I am blind. Rather than withdrawing from those who I do not like or feel repelled by, I should pay attention because that reaction in me is a reaction to me. Will I show myself kindness and compassion when I see myself? Or will I flee, avoidant of that which I do not wish to acknowledge?

For a long while I have had this insight that I toss for foolishness. Surely it is not truth, I think to myself. This insight is that I should aspire to love, admire and accept those very aspects about others that repel or disagree with me. In fact, it feels like part of my purpose here; a lesson I am here to learn. And, if I look at the most challenging times in my life, I can always find an instance of rejection on my part of another. I reject that they could be right, I reject their point of view….or I reject their very existence! I struggle most with feeling objection when others seem to seek to impose their expectations upon me but had I looked at my own expectations, I may not have walked away with such resentment but instead would have been left with a calm acceptance of what is regardless of the outcome.

And you know what is the most ironic part of this whole revelation of mine? I believe that being alone in my hermitage is protecting me from the pain and disillusionment of this world. Ha! The fact is, withdrawing from interacting with others, avoiding inviting others into my space and my aura, is in fact limiting my ability to truly Know myself. Pain and disillusionment is just a small portion of the vast emotions and feelings to be felt here. And all those feelings can be linked to me, linked to my acceptance or rejection of myself. 

Ultimately, knowing all of the above doesn’t mean I have to change how I live so much as it means that awareness should at all times be held ahead of experience. Remaining aware of the moment, of myself and others in the moment, and accepting that moment is all that needs be done. The rest will fall into place after that. 

The challenge is to train the human mind to be silent so that incidents from the past or considerations about the future do not impose upon the present. We think we remember so much but the reality is we remember nothing. 

The mind is a trickster. 

Maybe the easiest way to approach each interaction with others is to think of every interaction as a daydream of our own creation that has come to life before us. We are the players of all the roles including director. Where we put our focus becomes our reality, our focus narrowing as we step into a specific role. The idea is not to step into all the shoes of every player but instead to step back and take in the whole set as an observer, unaffected by any one role, standing in admiration of the perfection of the scene before us. But I must not forget how powerful I am. I can play all the roles, or none. I can be observer or not. And I can be all of the above while also being none.

But am I aware of what I am creating? Am I Aware? 

Mother’s Day Musings

It’s Mother’s Day and I am feeling affected but not sure exactly how. I am in a somber mood but also a pensive one. I’m not sad but I’m not happy. I’m contemplative but zoned out.

This morning I recalled how the other day, when not in present time, my mind wandering to other things – most of which were me feeling angry about the unfairness of certain things in the world, things I cannot change or effect directly – I spilled scalding hot water all over my hand. Brought immediately to present time by the event, I made sure to hold the cup until I could place it on a solid surface despite the automatic impulse to drop it and tend to the horrific burning sensation that was quickly spreading across my arm. Putting the cup down, I did not immediately tend to my burns but instead continued making my cup of tea. Once I completed the task at hand I put my hand under cool water and surveyed the damage. While my hand and arm seemed okay, the burning sensation had not abated despite the cold water.

After many minutes of feeling the burning sensation come and go in waves I recognized the pain was something I needed not avoid. In fact, the avoidance of the pain extended and even intensified it. So I sat motionless and focused on the pain, allowing it to exist and knowing it would pass and had something to teach me. Yes it was uncomfortable but in focusing on the pain I noticed it was not as bad as it seemed. I became curious about it even, noting the unique way my body registered the pain – the prickling hot sensation, the spreading and then abating as if my nerves were trying to decide whether a threat existed.

As expected the pain eventually subsided and I was left only with a sensitive area on my hand that felt similar to a sunburn. I rubbed some aloe on it and was able to fall asleep but not before recalling how my mom once told me of her own boiling hot water incident when she was pregnant. She had been making spaghetti and somehow tipped the entire pot of boiling water all over herself. In her case, she had not just burned her hand like me but a very large portion of her body. She had to lay in a tub of cold water just to bear the pain of it.

I wonder now if I had been the child inside her tummy at that time? Why did the memory of my mother’s story come to me so vividly when I had heard the story so very long ago, when I myself was still a child? Could this be a reminder that we are all connected? That one person’s experience can be recalled by another – re-experienced even – and sympathized with?

But this morning as I recall my own experience and tie it into my own’s mother’s, I am grateful for what it taught me. Pain is not something to avoid. Pain teaches. In fact, it is our greatest teacher if only we would stop and listen to it rather than pushing it away, denying and avoiding it.

Similarly, the pain of the world is also our teacher. When our hearts ache in response to the atrocities that exist in this world we should embrace the ache, hug it close to use even, as it is a reminder of our humanity as well as our deep connection to one another. It is not our purpose in these bodies to eliminate pain. On the contrary, it is to embrace it and let it teach us what we otherwise would not know. We come here, hearts completely open, knowing the pain we will encounter, willing to experience it so it can transform us. We do not come here to vanquish pain or those who appear to be the source of it. No. Our job is to transmute the pain into the Love that we are. For Love knows not the difference between “bad” and “good”, it is acceptance regardless of intent.

I am reminded of how how my own heart, open so wide as to let in the entirety of human existence in a moment, was so overpowering that I fell to my knees and pleaded for God to take it all away. Tears spontaneously poured from my eyes from the beauty and my heart ached from the simultaneous pain. How could I be both happy and grieving at the same time? How could so many contradictory emotions exist altogether as if one and the same?

And a silent voice inside me answers – Because they are One.

Happy Mother’s Day. May you embrace the Love that you are.


A Taste of Trance Mediumship

First off, I’m not a trance medium. I’ve always wished I could do it, though. And I tried.

I had a friend from the UK who was a hypnotherapist. He successfully put one of my friends into trance and my guide, Steven, came through her. Wow, what an experience that was! I could hear him in my mind and through my friend’s lips at the same time. It was truly amazing to me to have my experiences validated like that. What is even more amazing was that the recording taken of event was all static. You couldn’t hear anything intelligible.

My hypnotherapist friend tried to put me into a deep enough trance state so I could step aside and allow Spirit to come through, but I never could give up control. ūüė¶¬† It was exasperating to me! Eventually, I just gave up.

Skip forward to two nights ago. I had been feeling Spirit around me and as I prepared for bed the sense was very strong. With all that has been going on with me, though, I was wary of opening myself up. So I put up protection, stated that only my guides and angels were allowed around me and in my room, and attempted to go to sleep.

But I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake and could still feel Spirit nearby, to my left.

My mind wandered, focused on a specific consideration. I had been watching Ghost Adventures earlier in the evening and for some odd reason I kept thinking about the many instances in which they would capture orbs seeming to enter and then leave the investigators. With these instances there is always a shift in the person the Spirit “enters”. Sometimes it is subtle, other times they seem to be “possessed”. I began to consider that maybe some of my experiences have been similar, specifically those in which I am in the in-between, just on the edge of sleep/waking.

My mind kept visualizing Spirit coming into my body and causing my perception to change either by shifting my thoughts and emotions or causing me to hear voices or feel odd sensations. This bothered me for some reason and I told my guides, “I don’t want that.” At the time it seemed like I was being asked to consider allowing the Spirit in my room to do this and for some weird reason I was frightened of it.

As is my tendency when I am deep in conversation/thought with my guidance, I must have drifted into the in-between state. Somehow I missed this entirely, too caught up in my considerations about the topic.

The next thing I know I am in a lucid dream type situation talking with someone I cannot see. I don’t hear their voice, either. What I remember most acutely is that whoever I was speaking just “walked” or moved their energy into mine. When this happened my energy shifted dramatically and I felt to be “pushed” aside. I have no other way to describe it than that. I was in my body and then I was pushed aside, still in it but not in control of it.

The pressure was intense and then began to build, specifically in my throat area. It felt like I was going to throw up words as a voice that was not my own struggled to speak through my mouth. This alarmed me and I nearly choked as I resisted, though for some odd reason I wasn’t afraid. I recall knowing the words that were trying to come out but it was not MY knowing, it was someone else’s. They were trying to say, “Hello.”

At this point I knew exactly what was happening and without thinking I took my body back. It felt like I snatched it up like a child who who just had their toy stolen by another child.

Whoever the Spirit was did not resist. The feeling from them was apologetic and somewhat passive. Very obviously female and someone who had been quiet and hesitant to just take control like that without permission.

My next memory is being back in my body in full-blown hypnagogia accompanied by intensely strong vibrations. I felt like I was being shaken up and down and back and forth at the same time. The vibrations were most intense in my chest/heart. This lasted quite a while. I suspect I stayed in this state so long because the Spirit woman was still so close, her energy still mingling with my own.

When the vibrations and imagery started to fade and I opened my eyes I was a bit shocked, wondering if I had somehow given this Spirit permission via a conversation I couldn’t recall.

Of course sleep wouldn’t come after that. I kept falling back into the deep trance state and each time I would pull myself out of the hypnagogia and vibrations in order to avoid the “takeover” from happening again. This happened at least four more times before I fell asleep. No more Spirit takeovers, though. lol


Ultimately, I realized that what I experienced was exactly what I had tried to induce for over a year so many years ago. It is quite funny, actually, especially when I realized that every time I communicated with Spirit I allowed a mingling of their energy with mine, just not a complete merging of energies like what is needed for trance mediumship.

I probably have had Spirit takeover like that while I’m sleeping. They see me “open” and they take advantage. How frequently this happens, I don’t know. And it probably happens to other people, too, whether they know it or not. Sometimes when I return to my body I catch a glimpse of them or hear them. None have been malevolent. Most have been playing around; mischievous. I’ve had them try to scare me more times than I can remember, too. lol I’m usually just irritated that they woke me or up bored with their games.

It takes quite a bit to scare me now days.

For this particular female Spirit to attempt to takeover in such a way, she must have something really important to say. I haven’t taken the time to bother to ask, though. My guess is she has been around me a while now, too.

I am reminded of that scene in Ghost when Whoopi Goldberg is channeling Sam and the impatient man in Spirit jumps in without her permission. LOL

My unexpected taste of trance mediumship was not a bad one. It was odd. Very unlike anything I have experience before, at least while conscious like that. I most definitely went into a void before it happened. It was like I shifted similar to when I go OOB. Then I was talking with the Spirit, she took over and the whole thing played out.

The sensation in my throat was the strangest part. I could feel her struggling to take over my voice and it resulted in a feeling akin to needing to vomit, only energetically. I think if she had just kept quiet for a while that I would not have even been disturbed by the whole thing and maybe the speaking part would have been less difficult. But who knows? Either way, I am fascinated!




Repost from April, 2018. I was led to return to old blog entries after reading another bloggers personal OBE account where she was shown a symbol that resembled a “T”. When I read this post, a specific line in it stood out to me as confirmation that the symbol she saw was purposeful: It seems that this ascension is coming to a ‚ÄúT‚ÄĚ.

This post overall resonates as I read my own words, words that seem so alien to me in this present time. Have I changed so much that now my own words feel to be those of another? Or is it just that I am currently deeply enmeshed in physical reality experience that this other part of me has grown silent, observing the process and gaining insight throughout?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this post and the process of surrender.


Living Life in Between

I know I have not written much on my personal spiritual journey for a long while, other than to post an OBE or two. Spiritual experiences continue, but are unclear initially and need much processing. Plus, I am observing the impermanence of experience and waiting for information to process ‚Äď to solidify ‚Äď before I share it. This goes against the grain of my previous personality, I know. Rest assured, the part of me that wishes to blurt out everything I experience is still here but has learned to stand down and allow the process to unfold. There is much wisdom to be found in patient observation. Patient ‚Äď also a word that I would normally not use to describe myself. ūüôā

This morning when I woke I had clarity where there has been none for quite a few weeks. Mercury retrograde threw me into the mind more than the…

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Back in the Saddle

Today I did a mediumship reading via Skype. I was a bit worried about it beforehand considering the funk I’ve been in, but I had scheduled it last week and my husband was already preparing to take the kids for the day so I could have ample time to prepare.

Prior to the reading I tried to remember how I did mediumship readings in the past. I knew I had a system, but the specifics were lost to me. I swore that I had Spirit line up a certain way. I felt the urge to write this out for reference before the reading. Good thing I did because I had it backward!

The picture below is my system. The double line in the middle represents the sitter – the one receiving the reading. Spirit lines up according to relation to the sitter with Spirit Guides presenting themselves “above” the sitter. As the medium, I experience Spirit to my right and left as well as above and below so the system works well if Spirit cooperates. My biggest issue is that “friends” will often align with the sitter’s family and thus be out of place. I usually later find out that they were considered family. Sigh.

Spirit Guides

Unfortunately, I had to delay the reading because my daughter had a hissy fit about a change in her schedule and the energy of the house was all jagged because of it. Then, when I called the sitter her Skype was not working properly and it took almost a half hour to resolve the situation. Turns out her new laptop’s camera was not functioning so I suggested she use her phone. It worked like a charm.

The reading itself started off okay. I had a woman in Spirit hanging around on my left ahead of time, which is not unusual. Additional Spirit joined and situated themselves according to the above chart. Success #1.

The issues began to arise when I forgot to ask Spirit to designate a spokesperson. This is a necessary step because without someone to “lead” the group in Spirit then you have a mess. As is typical, they began speaking over the top of one another rather than waiting their turn. This is a normal issue for a person new to mediumship but should not have been an issue for me! Yet, there it was in my face and causing problems. I should have known such issues could arise because I have not been flexing my mediumship muscles for the last 10 years. Strike #1.

The first messages were smooth and without issue. The woman in Spirit had been visiting the sitter and saw the day’s events. She described them in detail to me in both words and visuals. All were validated by the sitter. I ended up with such a strong connection at that time that I began to feel extremely hot (sweating buckets) and then was hit with tons of emotion. I actually started crying. Overwhelmed I shut down a bit, disrupting the connection. Strike #2.

Then the others in Spirit began to speak over each other. One would say something that would trigger another and they were say something and the next thing I knew the three woman seemed like one and I was confused and flustered.

Thankfully, I caught on to the mistake I made and asked them to form a line and restarted the reading from a point of validation. This is when a good connection came through and many points were validated. I also closed my eyes as I relayed the information. This helped me shut out all distractions. Success #2.

In the end I had given the messages from three women in Spirit, the last being the strongest. The sitter validated the information. She even showed me the ring I had seen in a vision. It looked identical to what I was shown! She told me the woman was not family, but a friend. Yet the woman in Spirit came in on the maternal family side! Upon further inspection it was learned that she had a “family connection”.

I asked her if there was anyone in Spirit who she had hoped to hear from who had not come through. There was but she was not stressing over it and we moved on.

This is when the sitter brought in her son and began asking me questions about her and her son’s future. With the focus off of mediumship all kinds of accurate info came through, some so accurate that even I was floored by it. And the information was coming not from her guides or mine but from…..yep – Spirit! And who? A male on her paternal side who had kept silent and undetectable for the entire reading! The information flowing through was very personal and from when her son was a child.

I quickly honed in on this male in Spirit but did not request he prove his identity. Instead I gave her my impressions of him and continued to answer their questions as they asked them. It was determined that he was one of the people she had hoped to connect to. Success #3.

I concluded that the women in the sitter’s family were much more dominant and outspoken than the men! lol She confirmed. Ha!

The reading lasted almost 2 hours because of the psychic component at the end, but all in all I had more successes than failures. There will be another reading scheduled soon, this time with more family members present.

What I (Re)Learned

I need to stop stressing and having certain expectations of myself. My stress creates a block. But then I knew this already.

The messages will not make sense to me and may not make sense to the sitter until later. Validation should not be sought after or expected but appreciated when offered.

I run the show, not Spirit. I set the stage and it determines the outcome of the reading. I cannot depend on my guidance to step in. Even if I asked them to, they wouldn’t anyway.

The messages I pass on to the sitter are often messages for me as well. It is never a one-way street.

Allow the emotion – feel it, cry if I need to. If I become overheated and uncomfortable it is because I am resisting. The emotion indicates a good, solid connection. My fear of looking stupid and crying breaks that connection and prevents further connection. It is through feelings and sensations that I can experience first-hand what Spirit felt/feels. This is also the primary method of communication from Spirit. For example, if they died of a heart attack then it is easier for them to communicate that by sending me the feeling of a tight chest and an image of a hospital than it is for them to say, “I died in a hospital from a massive heart attack.” No, it’s not pleasant but it is very, very effective.

Every vision, every word, every sensation should be communicated whether it makes sense to me or not. It IS relevant. For example, I heard, “Mickey Mouse”. Rather than say, “I just heard Mickey Mouse. Does that make sense to you?” I said, “Have you ever been to Disney World?” Disney World was not even part of the message! Yes, they had been there, but it was when I said, “Mickey Mouse” that the sitter lit up and laughed and told me an entire story about her son and Mickey Mouse. Spirit Knows what they are doing. It is not my place to interpret any of the information. I am just a channel.

When I relax and just enjoy the interaction the blocks vanish and the energy and messages flow.











Message: Risk and Aliveness

This morning I awoke feeling discouraged. Unsure what exactly had occurred in my sleep, I sat down to document yet another dream but felt little motivation to do so. As I began to type a message came through from my guidance (Council). It surprised me and brought on emotion toward the end because I have been feeling distanced from them.

You may be feeling a bit lost right now, stuck in between the beginning of a new chapter in your life and the end of an old one. This transition is necessary and though you may feel not to be moving or making much progress, there is so much more occurring under the surface of this change than you realize. 

It is in moments such as these that allowance is your best friend. Accept that you are in this transition stage; that you are not yet ready to begin the next chapter despite feeling restless and wanting to do so this very moment. We would suggest to be patient, but we know how you despise that word for it has been used against you by those you love for their own purposes this entire lifetime. So rather than go in that direction, we ask that you use this time to reflect on your most recent past experiences so that you can better understand their impact upon your life and your progress through it. How did the experience surprise you? How did it disappoint you? What is it about the experience that causes you to return to it over and over in your mind? What are you looking for? 

Sometimes it is difficult to let go of an especially interesting adventure in this plane of existence. The mystery, the suspense, the drama of such experiences hold our attention much like a movie does for the viewer except that when one is immersed in such an experience it is more alluring and captivating. Even the less palatable portions of the experience entice one to continue to explore and participate. It is your very nature that causes you to delight in these experiences for this why you are here Рto experience the very extremes of this plane of existence. So in knowing that, in recognizing this very truth, there should be no regret, no despair at the apparent loss of such experiences for they served their purpose and you took advantage when you could very well have turned away when the opportunity was presented. 

So celebrate your success in taking the plunge when so often you choose not to. In doing so you chose to live when so often you exchange living for the familiar and the safe. In security there is little growth. Growth comes from challenge; from tasting the extremes of existence. Growth does not result from sameness. Sameness results only in stagnation. 

As Spirit participating in this human game-experience the struggles are real. We do not question that nor disagree with your complaints, which are frequent and quite liberal we must add. We only ask that you step back occasionally and view your experiences as they are rather than from the human perspective which is your tendency. The human perspective is so limited. It sees only what fuels its underlying purpose: Serve self. S(s)elf-service is not bad for it is through the self (in contrast to the Self) that one experiences the extremes of this plane most profoundly.  If you could instead view this life from the perspective of Self, then you would understand with clarity what is derived from the experience. The complete picture is vastly different from the little picture of which is your primary focus. 

We understand and do not expect you to take on the perspective of the Self continuously. In fact, it would be impossible for you to do so without undermining the self completely and thus losing your humanity in the process. The point is not to toss away, destroy or utterly decimate the human self to the point of non-function. No. If you considered this to be the case you have fooled yourself and become disillusioned and drawn into the game to your own detriment. The self must be contained but not destroyed. Self and self are meant to work together, not separate but not inseparable. They are companions on this journey through life, assisting one another, giving each the other’s perspective so as to enhance the total experience. Each provides the other with a lens through which to see life – one in black and white, the other in full HD color.¬†

The FULL life experience is waiting for you. It always has been. The task now is to grab hold of it, live it fully without restraint. Life lived does not mean risk in the sense that you are risking your life, but it does take risk to step away from that which is comfortable. Risk here invites loss and often this side of risk is all that one sees. Loss and failure is in fact all that the self sees when it considers taking a risk. Yet risk also invites success, excitement, jubilation. This is what the Self sees – the possibilities and living innate in taking a risk. Risk places you in the middle of success and failure and¬†offers no guarantees. It exposes the taker revealing their underlying vulnerability, an uncomfortable truth the self doesn’t want to see.

We are not implying that inviting risk into your life experience is an easy task. However, consider how you have experienced risk in your life thus far. Risk that is thrust upon you by life circumstance, seemingly not of your making and out of your control, is often the kind of risk encountered by the self. This is risk wearing the mask of no-responsibility. The self claims no-responsibility. It says, “I didn’t choose this. I had to do it. I was forced to do it.”

But what if risk was a fully conscious choice? How then might it be perceived? Add conscious choice to your risk taking and suddenly its personality transforms. Risk become adventure. Excitement. A game. It becomes Life. It brings A-Life РAliveness.

We brought this message to you this morning because¬†you have been struggling. Sameness bothers you. You rebel against it. You always have. Yet you find yourself immersed in sameness, trapped by it (your words). You try to convince yourself that sameness is good, that you can overcome it merely by accepting it fully as a permanent condition of this lifetime. But sameness doesn’t have to be permanent and you don’t have to accept it as your life.¬†

As always we invite you to consider what we have said without imposition. You have been gifted with free will. We only encourage you to use it. 




Belief is Limitation

There was a Shift yesterday that came in quietly, but I noticed it. For me, it was subtle at first. I almost didn’t notice except that I became a bit overwhelmed for no real reason. Later, while watching the last two episodes of the OA, I had a visitor in Spirit who approached me from my left. He was a guide, but not mine. His presence was obvious and when his message was¬†given, he left. Afterward, I was overcome with emotion.

Dream: Pending Release

I slept deeply with few dreams. After waking early in the morning, I returned to sleep and entered into a vivid dream.

I was inside a large, cinder block room. It was an old, previously abandoned prison. I was an employee, my main job was to clean up.

I was intrigued by the people who visited there, renting the space. A man who seemed familiar, came in along with some others. They were teaching spiritual classes on various topics. My eyes followed this particular man for a while as I tried to figure out my draw to him. He was a normal looking man but his hair was very long, almost to his waist. He had eyes that drew me in and when he looked at me I felt he was speaking to me, though I heard no words.

I lingered near him, listening to what he was saying to a couple. He was discussing astrology with them and I remember the woman saying she was an Aquarius. The couple had never had children and she used astrology as her reasoning for this, citing that she just never felt a need to have them. My interest got the better of me and I interjected, saying to the group, “I have an Aquarius rising and I have three children.”

After this, the man and I locked eyes and I felt nervous, looking down and walking away and back to my cleaning duties. He went on with his teaching and I stayed nearby, observing the other teachers and their classes. I recall seeing a man I knew back in 2003-2004, a business owner who allowed me to do readings in his store. I knew him as Big Mike. When I saw him, I smiled and he recognized me. I went up to him and hugged him, feeling the familiarity of his embrace. He was wearing what I recall him wearing when I knew him, long, flowing, colorful moo-moo-like clothing that hid his obesity.

There was a scene here where I was looking at a piece of paper on which I had written a question. A man came up to it and wrote in big letters, “GOD” and said, “That is better.” I looked at my question and read it back to myself. I can’t remember now what I had written but the answer to it was, “Ask God.”

There was an entire music-related scene here. I heard the music and recognized it. The people listening to it were familiar. I swear one was my cousin. I heard the name Metallica, but the song I heard sounded more like Gun n’ Roses or ACDC to me. I remember hearing a particular part of the song – no,no,no…. and on and on. I told my cousin it was not Metallica. lol

As it got later, I found myself mopping the floor. I was instructed to do it a certain way and saw that the floor turned into this brown, shag carpet. I picked up my mop and all the fibers of it were gone leaving only a nub. I got another mop that was old and grungy and began to mop and disturbed a group of red ants that were eating dead cockroaches. There was an interruption here where two women came in and searched every third locker for a bomb. I remember trying to help.

Then I was talking to a woman I once knew in 2003-2004. She told me she and her husband had adopted a baby boy. I looked down and saw a baby curled up inside my mop bucket. I pointed to him and she smiled. For some reason I was painting  picture of a tree with bare branches. I used pink paint from another bucket but as I painted, it was mucking up and too thick so I had to remove it. It came off in layers, some thick with fibers.

As I prepared to leave, I noted the time. 12:15am. Another employee left and said goodbye. I remember knowing I would stay until 12:30 and looking forward to my drive home.



When I awoke I did a lot of shifting in and out of the in-between. There were messages that came quickly. Often I would repeat these messages over and over again until I would come to full awareness.

The first one I received was the God message from the dream. It came into my mind vividly and I noted it, recognizing that the message was to seek guidance from Source/God. I knew how to do this. Focus on my heart. So I did. With this I felt a welling up of pressure in my chakras, especially the lower three, and fell immediately into the in-between.

There was one message I saw and/or repeated at least 7 times. I even wrote it down thinking I was awake. Finally, somehow I managed to pull myself out of the in-between. There was strong energy in all my lower chakras. My root chakra felt to be expanded to my knees and my solar plexus was pushing upward toward my heart. I got out of bed, got a piece of paper and a pen, and wrote down the messages.

Everything we are is right outside our belief. 

When you have belief, you have limitation.

I slipped briefly into the in-between where I found myself standing in front of a pile of what looked like strips of pink meat. I was gathering it up and sliding it toward the edge of the table where I gathered it into my arms. I repeated several times, “I can say goodbye. I can say goodbye. I CAN say goodbye.”

This woke me up because I felt from my guidance a questioning, like, “Can you?”

Then I saw very clearly written in my mind:

When_________happens, I will __________.

As soon as I recognized it I heard:

Conditional thinking.

Every time I fell into the in-between messages would come through and I would be prompted to write them down. So that’s what I did.

If you feel it, DO IT.

What do you want to do?

Go to the mountains.

Then DO IT. 

With this last message and conversation I finally was too awake. I stayed in bed, feeling the strange energy swirling through my entire body. Chakras seeming to push on each other. I kept imaging myself getting into my car and driving to the mountains. With this I had thoughts, wondering what I would do when I got there, wondering about my job. There was an entire conversation about my job, too. I was being asked if I wanted to go back. I do not. Then I was hearing that if I didn’t want to go back, why go back? I remember saying I needed the money and then being asked about my beliefs about money. The conversation got too much for me. I kept remembering the first message: “Everything we are is right outside our belief.” It was too hard for me to take it all in. Overwhelming even.

My guidance reminded me over and over, “It’s simple. If you feel it, do it.”

Right now my head feels weird. Energy is pooling around the back of it and stretching around the sides of my nose. It is a familiar feeling, one I haven’t had in a long time. It is like something is pushing down from above, via my crown.It makes me feel unfocused and I am fighting the drift¬†into the in-between even as I sit here typing.

The time of 12:30 continues to come to mind. I am wondering if it is not a time, but a date?



Question and Answer Session

Another post from my short break from WordPress. This one was written on April 30, 2016.

Question and Answer Session

I needed some answers so I figured I would just start asking my guides and see what they give me. I use to do this after my first awakening. My journal during that time if full of question and answer sessions just like this one will be.

We are glad you are seeking our council. (I received a major blast to the heart that made my stomach drop and covered me with goosebumps)

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that!

We know. We have been waiting for you to appeal to us. It is about time.

I guess you already know what I am going to ask then.

Of course we do.

Why does my heart do that? What are you doing to me? It makes me feel like I am losing my breath.

Your heart is responding to what it knows. We know you. You know us. We are family. Always together.

Who are you?

We are the Many, you are the chosen. Is that settled now? (this made me laugh)

Who are the chosen? Why do you use that word to describe me/us?

The chosen are those who volunteered to be of service to Earth during this time, the time of the ascension. We are able to communicate through those of you who have been selected as candidates for contact. This you are and this you know.

This is not what I had in mind when I wanted to talk with you. I’m a bit caught off guard here.

Would you like us to explain? 

Explain what? I have forgotten what I was going to ask and my mind is blank.

In another year’s time you will not need to ask us the questions you wish to ask. You will know. We have already explained this and established it as fact for the time being. However, if you would like us to explain it again so you can have it in writing then we would be agreeable to that.

Okay then. What is happening to me in regards to my physical counterpart? Why is he so frequently in my thoughts? I feel like an obsessed idiot and it seems it was just forced upon me out of the blue.

We understand you have many questions and upsets regarding this matter. As you know we are limited in what we can reveal to you of this process because it is so very important that you do not booby trap yourself along the way, and you will indeed do this for you have too much emotional investment in the outcome. 

What you are experiencing is a melding of two consciousnesses. One which resides in you and the other which resides in him. You are similar but not identical. You were made from the same cloth and from this was cut the pattern from which you both created the lifetimes which you have lived. Each of you has created your own tapestry of experience and within each of your own experiences are pieces of one another’s. In this particular tapestry of experience you have chosen to join your two individual tapestries. With this comes a Remembrance of that which you Are. In this Remembrance is much detail and emotion. Lifetime upon lifetime upon lifetime. In this Remembrance you have both chosen to integrate all aspects of yourSelf for you have selectively created aspects across many different timelines simultaneously in order to create your own unique tapestry. Ultimately your tapestries will become one, a grander more elaborate version of the individual pair which composes it.¬†

So how does this go along with my human experience because what you are describing sounds more like something that is going on at higher levels.

There are no ‘higher’ levels, there is only You.

Okay, well then can you explain it more from the human perspective?

From your perspective it would seem that you were being invaded by another. In a sense, you are as his energy and yours are intermixing, although this is not visible to your human eyes. In the process of this exchange you will become more of the other and as such also more of yourselves. 

Is this the Wholeness I keep hearing about?

Yes, it is.

How many times will I be experiencing something like this in my lifetime?


Thank God. lol But then can it occur more than once?

If it were to happen more than once, it would be with other aspects and not with another occupying a human body as the aspects themselves exist outside of space and time. They are interconnected within the fiber of your being. They in fact compose that which is You. 

How do I avoid the almost obsessive thoughts? It is strange to me and I do not know what to do about it.

There is only the monitoring of thought that will bring you relief. In this we remind you to remain in the heart and as the observer. If you accomplish this task then the thoughts you are referring to will be nothing more than echoes reverberating in your head. They are of no consequence. Do not give to them more weight than they carry for this can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion. This you have already witnessed firsthand have you not? (they are laughing at me)

So the path to wholeness, as you call it, does it require his participation?

Yes and no. Yes in that he must consciously agree and no in that there is not a specific path or steps that he must follow in order to help you in becoming Whole. Consider yourselves to be on similar paths, parallel to the other yet intricately intertwined. What one of you accomplishes, so too will the other.

Do we have to meet physically for Wholeness to occur?

No, you do not.

So what is all this energy? Specifically from the heart but also the third-eye.

The heart energy you are experiencing is your connection to All. It is your finite body reacting to the infinite being that you are. It is like putting similar ends of two magnets close to one another. There is a pressure, a resistance, felt as the energy of both sides comes in contact. This is also how it is when you place the infinite up next to the finite. It is simply the energy of  You, one limited and one unlimited. 

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that explanation but I like it. It makes sense. And the third-eye? Is it the same.

Yes. With each vortex of energy there comes the sensation you are experiencing. Each is connected to the physical body but also to other aspects and other times. When one is active as you call it, then you have access to the other aspects and times via that particular vortex.

So, you mean that if my third-eye is active then I have access to the intuition – the vision – of other aspects of me on other timelines?

That is an appropriate rendition of what we have just explained, yes. 

I know there is more as I see what you are showing me but it is hard for me to understand the layers upon layers and vast connections I see. It is like a matrix over a matrix over a matrix.

It has been referred to as “fabric” by many others because of its resemblance. What you see is the tapestry we formerly discussed.¬†What you see is intention and creation. What you see is the building blocks of God/Source.

I think it may be just a bit over my head, but then you know that. I guess I would just like to know how much more of this heart connection will I be subject to?

As much as you can handle and then some. It is not going away, Dayna. It is part of you. It IS you. This you have already concluded for yourself so why are you again asking us this question? 

I was interrupted by my youngest several times during this session so I ended it here. I was getting a bit overwhelmed by all the information that was coming through.

I must admit I am shocked from the amount of energy that was coursing through my heart during this exchange. It is like heart fire on steroids. lol And the imagery I was shown- wow! The very vastness of each of Us is beyond compare. There is nothing on Earth or in my limited human experience that even comes close. The “tapestry” is the only analogy that makes sense as it appears in interwoven layers of color. I could see the stars and the universe within its “fibers”. That is how big We are and I am sure We are even bigger than that.

Another Beneficial Conversation

I had another productive conversation with my spouse yesterday. I find it quite curious but welcome such conversations. For some reason I end up channeling information out of the blue in these conversations and it leaves me feeling awed and inspired.

The Council

These conversations are challenging because my husband is not on the ascension path with me. He is not familiar with the terms I use and finds it difficult to relate to my spiritual experiences. However, it is the very challenge of explaining certain concepts to him that creates the perfect opportunity for Spirit to use me as a channel.

To my surprise, my husband brought up a memory he had of what he called “the Committee.” He described this committee as a group with a dark agenda who made him feel small, insignificant and afraid. He encountered them while in session (similar to hypnosis) and described having multiple memories of this committee. He described the time related to these encounters as “folding in on itself” – as if time was nonexistent. Each time he recalled an encounter he felt judged by them. Finally, however, he recalled confronting this group. He said they told him what he would do and he said to them, “No, I will not do that.” He said then he felt freed of them and relieved.

I smiled in recognition and told him the time element was likely nonexistent because encounters with such committees (which I told him I called the Council) occur between lives and beyond the realm of Time/Space.

Then I shared with him my experiences with the Council. How when I first encountered them I also felt afraid, small and insignificant, like a child being sent to the principal’s office. However, after many experiences and discussions with them, I realized that this feeling was brought about by my Forgetfulness while in a human body and by the largeness of their energy. It does make one feel small and overpowered. There is a sense that what they say is what must be done and a sense that my own choices are faulty in comparison to their great wisdom.

Then I explained to him that how the Council appears to us is a direct reflection of us. If we are highly critical, judgmental, doubtful, fearful, etc – then we will perceive them through those lenses. As we become more aware of our own power and potential, the Council shifts dramatically from an authoritative or dictatorial group to a democratic or mentoring group. I congratulated him on his successful recognition that he was the director of his own life and no one, not even the Council, had the authority to tell him what to do unless he gave them that power.

Dreams as Teachers

The conversation then shifted to dreams and how I interpret them. I explained that I see everything in my dreams as a reflection of myself. Dreams are, to me, a gateway to the subconscious/superconscious and through them I am able to reach into a deeper, unseen part of myself and initiate great healing and growth. I explained that I am seeing my experiences in the physical in a similar way now. That each person, situation and event that comes into my life is a mirror of mySelf offering great potential for learning. He seemed to grasp the benefit to this.

Divine Connection

The conversation shifted to soulmates/twin flames/Divine counterparts (you choose your term). He wanted to understand what it was. I told him, “So do I!” I began by asking him if he thought it possible that his Higher Self could experience many lifetimes at the same time. He was curious to know what I meant.

Since he was in agreement with me that we exist outside Space/Time as Spirit, I started there, explaining that if we function from outside that boundary that we could in fact experience many lifetimes in many forms all at once. I used an octopus to illustrate my point. I told him to imagine that his Higher Self was the body of the octopus and that each of his legs extended into a different Space/Time. Each leg connects to an individualized consciousness that then experiences an individual lifetime. When that lifetime concluded it would retract back to the body of the octopus and be integrated there into the Whole. I explained that from where we are (in a human body) it would appear that we are the body of the octopus but in reality we are just one aspect, one leg, extended forth into a timeline to have a separate experience.

He seemed to relate and understand so I continued. I said, “What if two legs were on the same timeline? What if three or four or even more were on the same timeline? Is it possible?” He agreed that it would be (so do I). I asked him, “What if two of those individuals met? What do you think it would be like to meet yourself?” He thought about it. He didn’t answer but his face showed that he realized it would be an exceptional experience. Then I said, “That is the closest I can come to explaining the (soulmate/twin flame/Divine Counterpart) experience.”

The image of the octopus has stayed with me ever since this conversation. I see it as purple for some reason. The idea resonates with me and I can’t help but smile when I think about it. I hope it was helpful to you.

Teachable Moments

There is something educators are very good at: taking advantage of teachable moments. A teachable moment is an unplanned opportunity that arises in the classroom where a teacher has an ideal chance to offer insight to his or her students. It is a fleeting opportunity that must be sensed and seized by the teacher. Teachable moments have maximum impact.

As I reflect on this most recent conversation with my husband, it is obvious to me that it was a teachable moment. I have had many such similar moments with others, also. What is exceptional about these moments is that the teacher also becomes the student whether they are aware of it or not. It is the same from the student perspective, also. The student is also the teacher. The more we allow ourselves to take advantage of teachable moments in our lives, the more potential there is for growth on all dynamics.



Stella Nova

At one point last night when I was wide awake after an especially vivid dream, I became aware of a stream of consciousness entering my energy field. It was directed at me and spoke to me. I knew it was Pleiadian and it felt connected to my guidance,though I could not determine if it was from one specific individual or all of them. My heart and solar plexus were especially sensitive and my entire energy body felt different, though how I can’t say.

My awareness of this consciousness stream seemed to initiate a communication that was both complete Knowing intermixed with telepathy. I knew that the stream was coming from a space craft of some sort. I also knew I was part of the ground crew and they were checking in – passing on information or mission notes to me.

I asked for the name of the vessel and heard, “Stella Nova.” I thought about it and wondered what their mission was. I heard, “Colonization of…..” The planets that were mentioned were not familiar and I cannot recall their names now. I do remember they had letters attached to them, like “A” followed by a numerical sequence. Some of them were actual names, but none of them from the Milky Way Galaxy, at least not that I know of.

Then I heard that I was receiving the transmission at a frequency of  2.878 Hz. This went completely over my head.

There was an exchange here involving mathematical equations. I saw them, understood them at some level, and was discussing the formula in algebraic terminology. I remember balancing the equation, but why I was doing this or what the equation was for is lost to me.

In recalling this exchange, I felt the need to search for brainwave frequencies to see where 2.878 Hz fell. Turns out, that frequency is considered to be within the range of Delta waves Р0-4 Hz.  Those who have high amounts of Delta brainwaves while awake are more empathetic and tuned into the unconscious. They are also associated with an all-encompassing bliss state, intuition, paranormal experiences and OBEs/astral projection. Sounds like me in a nutshell! lol

In researching brainwave frequency, I came across the Doppler Effect and equations that were eerily similar to what I remember balancing during last night’s exchange. The wavelength equations on this website are the most similar except the variables were not the same.

It was not until this morning that I finally understood the meaning behind the name of the ship. Stella Nova translates to “New Star”. If you read yesterday’s blog post, you will see the connection. As I was researching Stella Nova, I came across this article. When I read the part entitled, “A Star is Born” I knew without a doubt that the name of the ship was directly connected to yesterday’s message.

I wanted to add that throughout the night and into this morning I have had an odd feeling of newness. A trepidation that is becoming very difficult to ignore. The feeling must be akin to how a fledgling feels when it’s brothers and sisters have already jumped from the nest and taken flight. The little bird knows it has wings and knows they are used to fly, but has never flown before and doesn’t know if it can. The drop is scary and the nest is comfortable so it wants to stay where it is safe. But eventually it will have to leave the nest and fly out into the big, wide, new world.

I feel like a part of me is dying. It is a very real feeling and one I have felt before. But this time the feeling is much, much bigger.

Image credits: Birth of a Star