Full Moon Kundalini Healing

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been asking for help from my guidance with a blockage in my second chakra. Well, last night, the first night of the Pisces full moon, the source of the blockage revealed itself.

Kundalini Healing

Early on in the evening, around 1am, I was awakened from a dream in which I was communicating with my 10-year-old self. What I recall of the conversation has faded now, but I believe I was helping her feel comfortable with her feelings.

When I awoke a male presence was attending to me; assisting me with healing. His energy was huge and when I acknowledged him the energy felt to flood through my own, blending and braiding into it. The rising energy that resulted revealed the blockage in my second chakra and another at my third. The Kundalini energy swirled and moved around for over an hour, covering me in a blanket of bliss and love while also working to gently pry open blocks in my energy.

Dream: Haunted House

My husband and I were invited to his friend’s house. He spent a while trying to get me to remember who they were, where their house was and how we knew them. I couldn’t remember, though.

We traveled along the road at night toward their house. I wasn’t in a car, but hovering mid-air, looking down a massive hill (experiencing a regression). In my mind I thought it would be fun to ride on a skateboard (seeking to make light of a situation) down the hill but knew it would be too fast. Why this part is in the dream, I am unsure.

When we arrived at the house it was enormous and very dark, with dark wood paneling and furniture. I went to help some children prepare dinner, a pork loin (seeking normalcy), and as I did so noticed there were quite a few cats roaming around. I also noticed some strange movements from the cats. They seemed to see something I couldn’t. I realized the house was likely haunted.

As the night progressed I learned we were to spend the night. Everyone left me in the living area alone with the cats. I lay down on the sofa to try to get some sleep. When I did this the Kundalini energy enveloped my entire body in bliss. As the energy began to rise, I began to lose myself to it. Unfortunately, an orange cat jumped directly on my lap, stopping the rise of energy. It looked startled and I wondered if the Kundalini had anything to do with it. Right then, I heard a noise and got up, walking toward the back of the house to see if I could find anyone. The front door was wide open making banging noises as I walked past it.

orange cat

In the back of the house I located many bedrooms but could not find my husband’s room. Some of the family we were staying with were sitting around and asked me if I needed anything. I told them noises woke me, that I thought their house was haunted. They said they knew about the ghosts and not to worry. I mentioned that I could speak to Spirit and asked if they wanted my help. They agreed and I attempted to make contact. I told the woman I sensed that I could help her but if she didn’t cooperate we would force her to leave.

Whatever I did upset the cats and they began to act strange. I knew this was not a good sign and opted to try and get some sleep. I found a bedroom and lay down but was interrupted by my husband. I snapped at him, telling him I was tired (not wanting to confront something), and he left. When I attempted sleep the Kundalini energy came back in a rush up my spine, hitting my second chakra in waves like contractions. Each contraction hit my physical body solidly. There was some pain felt and by the last contraction I had a vision. A black woman appeared, standing with her hands on her hips and said, “I want him out!!!”

This vision shook me to my core because I recognized the woman.

I sat up, still dreaming, and slowly got out of bed. The scene shifted as I stood. At my feet were my clothes and I was completely naked. My lower body ached. I stiffly reached down for my shorts, which were white. My underwear was missing and a partially soaked tampon was on the floor next to my shorts. My memory here is of being mistreated and left humiliated, but I am not sure on the details.

When I left the room my husband was there complaining about my lateness. He had hired someone to replace me and was telling me how tired he was of my behavior. I turned to him, my voice cracking with emotion, “You don’t know what I’ve been through!!”

Wounds Revealed

I slowly woke from the dream a bit shocked at what it had revealed to me. My first thought was that the black woman was from a life I only partially recalled. I was not yet a woman, so about 11-12 years old. I was attacked and gang raped by a group of white boys. To keep me from screaming, one of the men put his foot on my throat. I ended up with a crushed windpipe but somehow survived, pretending to be dead until they left. I crawled home where my mother tended to my wounds. I am not sure if I ever regained my voice.

But then another life came to mind, a life in which I was also a black woman. In that life, which ended in 1963, I endured years of emotional and physical abuse by my husband. In fact, that past life memory came to me spontaneously after waking from meditation. I looked in the mirror and saw my old self – a petite, black woman with a very swollen black eye. Ultimately, in that life I shot my husband in the shoulder with a shotgun because I discovered he had been molesting our daughter. I told him to, “Get out!” after I shot him.

My best guess is that the issue in my second chakra stems from the life where I was gang raped but I am not 100% certain that the two lives mentioned above are not the same life.

The revealing of the source of the blockage is just the first step. I’m not sure how the rest will unfold but I may end up reliving that life, aspects as of yet unseen, in order to resolve and heal the wound. I suspect a decision was made, one that was strong enough that it prevents me from ever opening up to a man fully.

 

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Update and Dream: Moving Out

Before I begin, a little update on the refinance issue I mentioned in my last post. Well, turns out that it was all a misunderstanding. The money was always there but it was just in two different places and the notary knew nothing about it so couldn’t have explained it. Our loan officer had been out of town all week. His dad passed away. So he couldn’t have helped us last week either. When our loan officer called me he apologized and quickly explained what had happened. So the money is coming as expected. Nothing was wrong to begin with. Mercury retrograde miscommunication and confusion but thankfully not anything big or dramatic.

So that was an easily resolved situation – well there was no situation at all!

Then my day spent working at home presented some minor challenges. Mostly it was that my youngest needed me and then when my other two came home from school, work was near impossible with after school snacks, friends coming over and just them wanting/needing my time. It is doable, though, and required a bit more self-control than I thought, but I will be fine. It is only two days a week right now and I think I will leave it that way. The distractions of working at home make my job take longer than it would otherwise. Ever been interrupted repeatedly when trying to do calculations? Yeah, difficult. lol

The Kundalini has muted a bit, providing me with some much-needed sleep. It is still present, though. For example, I will wake in the middle of the night with my entire body alive with energy. Last night it swirled around every chakra it seemed. A nice, pleasant warm feeling. It was if I was being massaged by energy. Images flashed along with it, including one of a group of bluish tinged beings, but I mostly recall a vague sense that a kind of energetic surgery was being performed on me.

Physically my entire mid-section is achy. This is not abnormal for this time in my monthly cycle. I have had ovulation pain for a while. I think it began sometime in 2016. The pain is unique. In fact, I don’t have anything to compare it to. It feels like my insides are inflamed and irritated. This month the ache is lasting much longer than usual and with it is intestinal upset. Most likely that is the Kundalini’s fault.

Shipping Supplies - Styrofoam Packing Peanuts

Dream: Moving Out

I slept deeply and had many dreams, but most I forgot upon waking. The one I recall most had a muted energetic element to it.

The beginning of the dream was of me arriving home with a load of groceries (fulfillment). It seemed like a storm was coming so I hurried into the garage and began to unload the car. Strangely, the storm seemed to be inside the garage with me. I recall that when it started to rain I was pummeled with tons of light, white Styrofoam balls – packing material (popcorn). Trying to avoid it, I stepped back to where the roof seemed to not be leaking (new information is revealing itself) but the storm only intensified and the white balls came down in sheets over the top of me (truth being revealed).

I concluded that the roof of my house was in desperate need of repair. It may even be near collapse. Realizing my predicament, I quickly left the garage and went inside the house.

Inside the house was dark and I don’t recall much except that my neighbors came by for a visit. A nice man and his wife visited with me for a bit. We mainly spoke of religion but I don’t remember much except his religion and him trying to persuade me to explore it. They invited me over to their house for a visit and pointed across the street. There I saw a house under construction (rebuilding of life). The roof was without any shingles; plywood only. This is when I noticed I was standing in the basement (subconscious) of my house and the walls were only partially painted (untapped creativity), like renovations were never completed.

I ended up going over to the neighbor’s house. The whole time I had this attraction to the man, though it was quite muted. It materialized as an interest only and it was reciprocated. He kept touching me in a familiar way. His wife didn’t seem to care and it became apparent as the dream progressed that their “religion” included an open marriage.

The scene flashed and it was six years later. I was living with them. What happened to my husband and family, I don’t know, but I knew in the dream that I had left them. My new family consisted of myself, the wife, the husband, and their children. I saw myself as pregnant but then not, like I was more than one person.

The most memorable part here was of a bathroom (cleansing, renewal). The floors were dirty, the corners littered with dead bugs – roaches and spiders (worries, concerns).  I requested my daughter clean them, only she was very pregnant. She went into labor and had to be rushed out of the house. I, on the other hand, had to get repeated injections into my belly button (energetic healing?). It was scary to me because the injections went through a long tube and the syringe was over sized.

The last thing I remember is jumping into a huge swimming pool (relaxation, calmness) with the other women in the family. On the bottom was an entire ecosystem, like the bottom of a lake. We swam over the top of a stingray. The woman (wife) with me, petted the stingray (emotional freedom) as she swam.

Interpretation

The dream overall seems to indicate that there is a breakthrough in progress. The roof leaking and beginning to collapse indicates that the things I use to protect myself are no longer working. The illusions of protection are being removed. It is funny to me that the “rain” is packing popcorn, so it doesn’t hurt me at all despite my trying to avoid it. The packing popcorn could be symbolic of a move, maybe an actual move or a move from one state of being to another; transformation. I remember now that when the popcorn was coming down I remember thinking it was coming from the attic, like attic insulation. Attics represent one’s connection to their higher self. So maybe I was perceiving a communication coming from my HS.

The change from one house to another in the dream seems to indicate a shift in Self. The feeling was that I was being asked to evaluate my life, my circumstances, and I was offered a new “religion”. In this case I think the new religion was a new path, one that maybe I would have been resistant to in the past.

The syringe indicates the surgery on my energy body. It was after this dream that I woke very aware of all the energy moving through me.

 

 

 

 

A Little Retrograde is Good for Us

Today is my first day of working from home. Yep! So exciting that what I had been asking for is materializing! All I had to do was trust and have patience and here I am, living it! My youngest is not too keen on the idea of being home all day with me, though, not now that he has been staying at my SIL’s house during the day. He really loves going there. Kinda makes me a bit sad, but then I understand. There’s nothing more fun than spending a whole day with your three favorite cousins.

I am enjoying waking up slowly, taking my time to drink my coffee and not having to rush to get ready. Mornings are meant to go slow, in my opinion. Now one rushes the sun, so no one should have to wake up all at once.

Some Updates

Remember when I told you all that I was going to have lunch with my best friend from high school? Well, I did. Yesterday. It was fantastic to see her again. It felt like no time at all had passed, though I haven’t seen her in at least 4 years, maybe more.

She’s a Leo like me and we were like two peas in a pod all through high school. I have known her since 5th grade. Her family was like my second family. Though she was more the typical Leo, meaning she had her group of friends where she was the center of attention. I was the less typical Leo. I prefer one or two close friends. I’m introverted. She brought out the best in me. We just clicked and we helped each other through some rough times.

We ended up sitting in Jason’s Deli for over two hours talking and catching up. By the end I was telling her things I have not told anyone, except maybe in this blog, but even things I don’t talk about in this blog. I found myself near tears for the relief of telling it all. To be able to share without judgment, safe and loved, is the most wonderful thing. And she was always good at that, at listening, at sympathizing, at sharing.

We agreed we should meet up again. We are practically neighbors as it is. She has two boys, one the same age as my middle son. Her oldest has the same condition as my oldest – dysgraphia. Her struggle with her son was very real to me, but hers was much more difficult because she didn’t get the help for her son that she should have early on (not her fault). We laughed at how fitting it was that we would have children who struggled with spelling and school. We were both very smart in school. It came easily to us.

Then there is the re-finance my husband and I have been working on. It was set to close last Thursday. Mercury was still retrograde. And guess what? Yeah, there was a kink. Somehow the amount of cash out we were suppose to get shrunk by $5k. No kidding. WTF right? Then we couldn’t get anyone on the phone to help sort it out. Though $5K is not a lot, we chose a specific amount of money so we could pay down debt. Without that $5K then things are trickier. So we ended up signing with reassurance from the notary that we had three days to decide, to opt out if it was not resolved. I am hoping we can resolve it today, but if we can’t I am not against opting out and throwing the whole damn thing out and starting over. It was dumb to do it during Mercury retrograde anyway, right? lol

In the meanwhile I have Kundalini bliss overload. Still. Not complaining. There is some beautiful dancing going on in my world. The dance of the masculine and feminine; hieros gamos; the sacred marriage. With it there is this gentle, healing energy. I feel it repairing me, stitching up old wounds, making me “all better”. I feel myself opening deeper and deeper to the masculine, accepting and eager for the aliveness the comes with embracing my Whole self.

At the same time I notice the retrograde effect is very prominent. Retrograde – going back, reliving the past, picking up lessons left unfinished. At first I thought it was from a specific time period, but I am understanding this is not the case. The lessons can be from any time, this life or another. With it is a need to confront that which I do not want to see. To open up to my deepest inner desires; that which fuels my creativity and sparks my potential to manifest. When we hold back, when we do not allow ourselves to BE we wound ourselves. Ultimately, we are the most wounded by ourselves, not by others. This is what I find at my core. No blame. No pointing fingers or placing responsibility on another. It is all me. I did it all. And similarly, I can undo it. But it is scary because I have convinced myself that restriction of myself is keeping me – and others I love – safe. Safe is a curious words, a human word. In reality, as Spirit, nothing can harm us. We are infinite. The need for safety comes with mortality. Period.

So, I guess the question is: Can I step out from behind this wall of safety I have built around myself? Can I strip away that illusion so that I can see who I really am behind it all? I am waiting for myself to do this. I’ve been waiting my whole life for it.

 

Dream: Truck Horse Woman

The dream started with me driving a red truck (work) up a road (life path) over a mountain pass (important passage) that resembled the hill near my mom’s house. As I topped the hill another car was on the other side. Since it was a one-lane road I stopped because I couldn’t continue. I got scared when I saw how high up I was. I could see the edge of the cliff and the drop-off below. I freaked out and rather than back down to let the other car pass I abandoned the truck and ran down the road, abandoning my truck.

I sought the help of an old friend. In the dream he was an older man who I felt was wise and knowing. He walked with me as we talked, stopping by his restaurant. The front was all windows and the waitress was closing for the night. We then went to his house adjacent to the restaurant and went inside.

I was worried about my truck and talked to the man about it. In the dream, however, the truck morphed into a white (spirituality, purity) horse. I worried it would be hungry and thirsty and may die.

In the middle of the man’s house the horse appeared laying on it’s side on the floor. It was white and beautiful. It did not look to be in distress, just sleeping (unconscious). I woke it and offered it water in a bowl but it refused it. Then I encouraged it to stand and it did. I knew I needed to take it outside for food and movement so I asked for a bridle (manipulation of situation) and a lead. The man told me one was in the barn so I went to look for it. Outside near the barn I could not find a bridle but I found junk scattered about – boxes and such. In one was a $50 and then on the ground was a wad of money that was petrified it was so solid and hard. It had been cut in half and on top was a $50 bill cut down the middle.

I eventually let my horse out and it roamed about. There was a pond nearby that distracted me because it was so pretty and I wanted to go fishing (exploration of subconscious). So I forgot about finding the bridle and the horse got out of my sight. When we went to find him we ran into two ghostly figures – a man and a woman. There was discussion about the horse and how she had morphed into a ghost woman and was seeking someone to help guide her and show her the lay of the land. The sense was that she – the horse woman – was now free and we could not control her or keep her safe. She could easily be swayed by others. I watched as she met up with the ghostly figure of a man, tall, dark and handsome. To me he felt to be evil but there was no indication that this was true.

Notes and Interpretation

When I was dreaming this dream, I believe when I was talking with the old man, there was memory of a difficult period in my life – around October, 2016 through mid-2017 – that came back full-force. All the emotion of the time returned and I sobbed in the dream, my heart aching resulting in my feeling decimated all over again. When I woke from this dream I was sad but couldn’t contact the emotion. All that remained was a dullness inside, almost like I had administered a numbing agent to keep from feeling the pain.

I sense now that I have buried my pain (agony really) deep down so that it cannot hurt me anymore and that I am being asked to dig it up and heal it. I am not sure how, as I thought (foolishly I guess) that I had healed and resolved it. But perhaps my HS thought it better to bury the pain because had it continued at the rate it was I may not have lasted long in this life (at least that is how it felt). It was odd how I seemed to go to sleep one night feeling decimated and wake the next morning feeling completely renewed, content and optimistic about the future.

The dream itself has interesting symbolism. Trucks are work. This one is red symbolizing a zest for life and desire. I seemed to have abandoned mine, too afraid to continue. Then the truck morphs into a horse which symbolizes freedom and living life with a sense of wild abandoned, taking life by the horns, etc. The horse then morphs into a woman who is a ghost. I suspect this is symbolic of me, a me that I feel I have lost or that is no longer of this world; not solid or real to me anymore. This woman “haunts” me in a sense. She cannot be contained and goes off in search of someone who can show her the way, give her a map or a lay of the land. I believe this symbolizes an inner desire to find guidance and to see the bigger picture so that I can understand my path.

 

Home from Vacation

We returned home last night from South Padre Island. The trip overall was a success with some minor hiccups along the way. My husband left our 10-year-old daughter to make the reservations and did not double check them before booking. This left us with less than ideal sleeping quarters but it was workable.

Four full days of beach time was a bit too much so I suggested we take advantage of some other activities available on the island. I mostly wanted to take advantage of the perfect conditions and go fishing. The entire time we were there the weather was mild with temps in the mid-80’s, the water was very clear (unusual) and the winds calm. The water was so clear that we could see fish swimming under our feet when were swimming! It reminded me of the waters in the Caribbean and Australia.

So, we booked a dolphin sunset tour for the third night and a bay fishing excursion the next morning. We had considered a deep sea fishing trip but it took half a day and our children would likely not do well for such a long period of time. The bay fishing was 4 hours and in shallower water.

The kids really enjoyed the dolphin cruise. Though they had never been on a boat of that size (only kayaks) none were nervous and we had no sea sickness. The dolphins showed up enough that my youngest kept yelling, “Mommy! I saw a shark! I saw it’s fin!” lol He eventually realized it was not a shark toward the end. 🙂

We got to see a beautiful sunset over the bay as well on that trip.

The next morning we rose early and I was able to go to the beach and watch the sunrise. I didn’t get much sleep the entire trip so waking early was no issue. For some reason I struggled to get to sleep while there. When I started to drift off I’d wake suddenly in a panic, my heart racing. I have no idea why this happened.

The fishing trip was fun but my oldest and youngest both had full-on panic attack episodes over the waves rocking the boat. My oldest recovered to the point of actually catching almost as many fish as me. My youngest took longer. He had to sit in the captain’s cabin to recover. We caught lots of fish. I lost count of how many I caught but among them were sand trout, whiting, catfish and a black tipped shark (oh and one crab but that doesn’t count). Adrian caught four keepers and we ended up with enough fish to have fish tacos for lunch. None of the fish were very big but it was still fun.

While on the boat I was in heaven. I could have stayed out on the water all day. The rocking of the boat caused me no issues whatsoever which was a surprise. I am prone to seasickness. The weather was so mild, the water blue and the skies cloud-free. The rocking of the boat was relaxing to the point that I found myself in a kind of meditative state. I remember daydreaming about living there and working on a boat. I told my husband I wish I could have stayed out on the water all day every day. The only thing missing was catching a bigger fish, one that gave a good fight. I suggested to my husband that we take a trip, just the two of us, and fish the entire time. That would be so awesome. I doubt it will ever happen. He is not into fishing like I am. 😦

Something odd that happened after the fishing trip was that for the next 24 hours whenever I would close my eyes I could still feel the boat rocking in a very real way. My oldest two children complained about the feeling. I actually liked it. It felt somewhat like I was plastered drunk without the sick/spinning part anyway. Unfortunately, it kept me from falling asleep. I didn’t really mind, though.

The other part of the trip that I enjoyed was being in the water and floating on my back while the waves rocked me back and forth. This particular beach was perfect because of the sand bars. They broke up the typical riptides making for perfect swimming conditions. We could go out hundreds of feet from the beach without worry of being swept away. The sand bars extended even further than that.

As I assumed would happen, the drive to and from South Padre was the most challenging. We rented a Dodge Caravan so the kids could move around freely and boy did they ever. Moments of quiet were rare. Fights broke out often and my husband insisted on chatting throughout. I just wanted silence or music. I didn’t get my way. 😦 Eventually, I just laughed through the crazy moments, poking fun at myself for being irritated at my kids for being kids. I thought to myself, “If I had gone on this trip without them I would miss this chaos and their energy.” I ended up laughing so hard I cried one time because Elek kept screaming at the top of his lungs for no reason at all except to scream.

Here are some photos of the trip.

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Nothingness

Me and my family are about to leave on a short vacation to South Padre Island. We leave tomorrow and don’t return until next Thursday. The vacation was planned last minute, an idea of my husband’s to act as a kind of salve to sooth recent family upset and turmoil.

I am not really looking forward to the trip except the part where I get to be on the beach. There has been major tension within my marriage and sweeping it under the rug will not resolve it. To be honest I have been avoiding writing about my marriage and family issues. At this time, however, I think I at least need to give you all the heads up. It will help fill in the blanks regarding some of my dream posts and my overall withdrawal from my blog.

To add to the mess, our finances are no better and if anything showing signs of worsening. In the past I would step up, suck it up, get a job and bail us out, but at present I am unwilling – and perhaps unable – to do this. The material universe just doesn’t have the same appeal to me that it use to.

Previously, the consideration that money = freedom would always help push me into agreement with the rest of the world to work a job and ultimately become a slave to the system. Now, though, a part of me would not be upset if we had to file bankruptcy and lost everything we have. To lose my house and all my belongings creates a sense of relief from the burdens of responsibility that go along with them. There are days I dream of traveling, sleeping in a tent and waking up to the sounds of nature all around me.

I have been identifying my feeling as “apathy” but upon further inspection I don’t think that is what it is at all. It seems more a form of rebellion. If that is true, then it is much better than I thought because rebellion leads to change of condition, possibility and growth.

This summer seems to be pushing my buttons all at once. I mentioned earlier that I feel tested. That is an understatement! The tests I have written about are just scratching the surface. All my life I have been in conflict with myself but right now it is really getting intense! I am struggling to stick with what my gut tells me to do when another part of me is screaming to do everything but that. That other part feels like she is caged. I sense a roaring lion clawing at my insides. She says, “LET ME OUT!” I say, “No. Not yet. Calm down.” lol

I really, really want to be that lion right now. I want to roar at the top of my lungs, to finally be heard and walk away from anything and anyone that has wronged me. But that part of me can really hurt others and mess things up if she is unleashed at the wrong time. She has to remain caged. But OMG it is so hard.

Maybe this trip to the beach will be helpful? Perhaps the beach is just what I need? I don’t know. All I know is that I have to stick to this path and see it through. I wish I knew what all that entailed, but I don’t. I am being asked to Trust, to follow my heart/gut/core. So that is what I do. I have to be at ease with the not knowing, with that sense of nothingness ahead of me. Previously I saw a path ahead but now I understand that path was formed from expectation and anticipation which created an illusory safety net. The reality is the nothingness. The discomfort with the nothingness will disappear with acceptance and surrender. Then clarity will come.

This is just a process, and, yes, a test.

Zitate, Herz and Osho on Pinterest

 

More Money Messages and Dreams

In a previous post I was given a date in January. I knew it meant that I needed to refer back to January this year for information regarding my current inner healing work. There wasn’t much I could conclude from a quick review of that month, though. However, yesterday, while on a walk, not 100 yards from my front door, I saw a crumpled up mass of trash in the middle of the road. As I got closer I realized it was money – $20. This is the second time this year I have found money in the middle of the road. The last time was in…..January!

Of course I picked up the money and took it inside, once again thrilled at my “luck”. However, as I began to consider the “why” of it, my intuition was saying, “Pay attention.”

The previous amount I found was two $100 bills on the road parallel to each other. The message seemed to me to be related to the number 11 and the significance the number carries. It also seemed to represent two aspects of a whole – masculine and feminine – whole in themselves yet still connected. At the time of that money discovery the money came along with certain thoughts which also pointed to the message.

Similarly, the $20 bill on the road came after much consideration about relationships and partnerships, what I want, my own tendencies, etc. I had not been thinking of these things at the exact moment of discovery of the money, though. When I saw the money it was so crumpled that it was unrecognizable as money. Only upon close inspection did the $20 markings show. Anyone walking past would have thought it trash.

The number 20 is all about partnerships and relationships, romantic and otherwise. It carries with it a tendency of the individual who has been given this number to function best when in a partnership. It isn’t dependency but more that the individual is more capable when working as part of a team (partner or group). In contrast to the two $100 bills, which were separated, the $20 is whole in itself. The only thing that bothers me is the crumpled state of the money.

Then yesterday, on a walk in the same neighborhood, there was a $1 bill on the sidewalk. It looked brand new, all straight and crisp. My daughter was with me but didn’t see it until I had it in my hands. I said, “This must be for me!”  because, well, the universe keeps sending me money on my walks/runs. Three times this year, twice this week!

Upon inspection I realized some other things about the $1 bill:

IMG_2889

The letter in the circle on the left is significant. I exclaimed to my kids, “Look! It even has my name on it!”. I handed it to my kids who all wanted to touch it as if it was some kind of special $1. When I got it back I noticed it has 11’s on all four corners. I’d never noticed that on money before so I checked the cash in my wallet. It seems to be a $1 bill thing only. The number coincides with the letter in the circle – the 11th letter is K.

Something felt right about this message. I’m not exactly sure what, but it seemed to indicate that all is well, I’m on the right path and to trust my inner Knowing. There was also a thought that it represented a countdown of sorts. Everything about it screams solid foundations. Here is the numerological meaning of 1.

Aside from money finds, I’ve been having lots of interesting dreams, some disturbing and others that seem to be hinting at the future.

Dream: Foreign Gate 

I was a passenger on a very large airplane (higher awareness, new state of Being). It was so massive that there were three rows of seats and a divider with a door in the middle. As we entered I was asked to put my carry-on luggage (identity, security, responsibilities and burdens) away but could not find an overhead compartment for them. The one over my seat was full of some old lady’s stuff – boxes of make-up (self-image, self-confidence) she was selling (replace burdens with confidence). The flight attendant told me to find another place so I set my luggage aside. I remember telling the attendant that it was wrong for the lady to take up so much space with make-up and that something should be done about it. Nothing was done about it, though.

When we were departing the place I was told to retrieve my things. There was someone with me who told me I needed to go through the “foreign gate” (change into new phase of life) where they had been put. I hesitated and did not want to go through the gate but I wanted my luggage so I did.

On the other side there was luggage scattered everywhere. All of it was identical: black carry-on’s. Mine was a black carry-on. I checked through numerous bags but could not find any with my name tag on it. I began to panic, searching through them multiple times. I never found my carry-on. I did find my red and black backpack (knowledge gained) which was a relief.

The man with me advised me to just leave the luggage (message to “let it go”). Someone else had taken it. I was beside myself with upset to the point that I had this sick feeling in my stomach, a nausea that was abnormal. The man kept reminding me that I had my backpack, so I had what I needed. My thoughts mirrored his words. I said, “Yes, but I will have to go and buy new clothes, new contact solution….everything.” There was a feeling that I would okay despite the set-back but the worry surpassed it.

Still panicking, I woke up suddenly. The feeling was lingering in my stomach. It was an “oh shit” feeling. I hate that feeling, especially when I have no idea what to make of it.

Dream: Flooded Basement

I was in a house (soul/self) with my husband (soul connection to husband) and kept noticing standing water (emotion). He was focused on something upstairs, a washing machine (need to resolve issues of the past to move forward) that had been buried (suppressed) and he was digging up (coming to surface). I finally got him to notice the water and he said the whole basement (basic needs and desires, confusion, suppression in subconscious) was flooded (overwhelmed by emotions) about three feet high. He knew about it all along and was just ignoring it determined to dig up the washer. He kept saying the flooding in the basement was because the washer was installed improperly. I remember seeing him digging up a chunk of dirt covered in thick grass and brown leaves (disappointment, despair) and him saying he had been working on it for an hour. I also remember seeing water standing around the a/c in the corner of the house.

Inside my husband had done something with the washer and was draining it I think and water was pouring all over the carpets (protection from harsh reality). There was discussion about a new sofa (laziness, boredom or need to clear mind/thoughts) and it being 38in and only getting cleaned for free if it was 40in. I saw it and it was huge and the back of it arched over the dining room table.

I was upset about the flooded basement. I crawled on the railings of the stairs because they seemed to be upside down (no progress made), the risers above me and the railings below. I never got down to the basement and knew I would have to sleep in a house that was flooding. I was nervous and didn’t want to stay.

Note: The next day my husband actually dug up a part of the front yard to fix a busted water main. The scene was nearly identical to pieces of the above dream. There was water standing near the a/c units and large chunks of sod piled on the driveway from his excavation of the pipes.

Dream: Giant Ladybug

I was inside a large kitchen (life alteration, transformation) and commented on how clean it was. The kitchen had many parts and was larger than normal with several sinks, ovens and work stations on both ends. There were women preparing foods and I helped by making the carrots (clarity, abundance and fertility). I kept adding carrots because I felt it would not be enough. I put them on the stove and noticed a bottle of soda (rejuvenation) had gone missing. I went outside to find it and walked past a group of older women sitting at a table waiting for the meal. There were brown leaves (fallen hopes, despair, loss) blowing past and I commented that the last time we gathered the leaves hadn’t fallen yet. I kept looking for the soda and saw it near some tools. When I picked it up it was obvious soda was not what was inside. It was some kind of chemical. Then I saw a very large ladybug (beauty and good luck) whose shell was rusty orange with gemstones (riches, spiritual protection) where the spots should have been.

Considerations

June’s energy has grown in intensity since the first week and continues to grow. I suspect July is going to be a humdinger of a month. All the messages and syncs continue to escalate despite my asking my guidance to give me a break. My dreams seem to be preparing me for change and show how I am working on confronting certain fears and beliefs related to that change.

In addition to continuing to get messages about Atlanta on a daily basis (it’s ridiculous, really), there are other smaller messages here and there. For example, on one of my walks I kept finding discarded bird eggshells (rebirth) along the path, all in almost perfect condition.

At first I was struggling against the messages and intuition I am having. Of course, the struggle came from my Ego assuming the messages and accompanying feelings meant “NOW” and so, understandably, there was some freaking out. But now I recognize that these messages are memories ignited within by certain aspects of my life trajectory (timeline) coming into view (trigger events). It would be like driving along a highway and seeing that your destination is an hour drive away when previously the signs indicated days of travel.

So now I am hovering somewhere between anticipation of said future changes and complete acceptance/surrender. My focus is on keeping an open mind and heart, acknowledging any expectations and setting them aside so that I can freely accept into my life that which will be for the greatest good of all.

This excerpt from an astrological blog I follow jumped out at me:

Living through Expectation prevents you from ever leaving the Past, since our Expectations are based on our Past Experiences.  If you Want to Experience Life As It Is, Moment to Moment, you have to “Cancel, Neutralize, Upgrade,” thank the mind for attempting to Contribute, chuckle at it, and Open to an [sic] Blank Slate.