My sister is in the Heart Hospital in Austin now waiting to see if they will do the surgery she needs. Her husband checked her out of the other hospital because they were not helping her. He was going to drive her to Houston but she was feeling bad and so they cut their journey short. Her chest was hurting her and her fever was coming back.
When I last spoke to her she was feeling good and hopeful to finally get the care she needs. Her cardiologist took the time to hear her story and told her under no circumstances should she check herself out of the hospital again. She said he told her, “You need to get this fixed now.”
Too Much Stress
The stress of my life right now is beginning to manifest physically, emotionally and spiritually. The itchy eczema spots continue to drive me crazy and are not going away. I fear I may need to get a prescription to nip them in the bud.
Yesterday the stress of everything hit me hard. My energy was nearly gone. Regular daily tasks “hurt” to do and I began to lose my voice. It is rare that I lose my voice. It only happens when my stress levels reach a critical high. Not good!
Spiritually my dreams are getting really weird. Two nights about, about an hour or so after falling asleep, I had this odd OBE type experience where I perceived someone was trying to take over my body while I slept. This reminded me of another incident when a woman in spirit attempted to come into my body and take over while I was still in it. So I quickly rushed back into my sleeping body and woke suddenly, heart pounding with a pain in my stomach like IBS.
Earlier this week I had another incident where I woke up in a panic, too, heart pounding thinking I was going to die. I can’t recall the specifics of that incident anymore but I think it was similar to the above.
I had a dream last night where I saw a doe laying on the ground breathing and moving slightly. When I went to investigate the head was separated and being dragged away by someone/something. The head was also moving as if still alive. It was creepy. My feeling is that it represents how I have been feeling lately – disconnected from my feminine, nurturing side and from my family/domestic life.
In another dream I was unable to call my husband and spent most of the dream trying to contact him via other people’s phones. Phones are communication so I must be feeling out of communication with my husband, which does make sense.
As a favor to my Mom and sister, I took my nephew in over the weekend. The intent was for him to stay for a week or more to give my Mom a break, but that is not how it turned out.
The first day I had my nephew I realized there may be a glitch in my plan. As the day progressed, my nephew began to wear out my two boys with his constant movement. He rarely if ever stops moving. He reminds me of a ping pong ball with all the changes in direction he makes. His energy is erratic, like he has a near compulsion to move all the time. The feeling of it is hard to describe. I feel it in my core and it is not comfortable. I don’t think I have ever felt something like it except when very unbalanced and mentally pulled in many directions by life. My mind is chaotic so much so that I have to go for a long walk, take epsom salt baths and breathe deeply to get the feeling to settle but even that feeling doesn’t come close to what I feel from my nephew.
My husband was working all day on engineering drawings for an addition to the office space at work so he didn’t really have time to notice the energy. However, when I told him my nephew had asked to go back my Mom’s because my sons were not playing with him non-stop he mentioned the energy in our house was feeling “off”. I nodded and said, “It’s him (my nephew). He just can’t stop moving and he is wearing us all out.” My husband confirmed he thought I was right and pulled my nephew in for a talk to him to see if he could get any info out of him. He asked him several times how he felt. His response was just, “Good.” The more questions my husband asked him, the more he began to twitch from standing still. His eyes would go to all different places, his hands would move, his mannerism was discomfort, his attention was elsewhere.
My sense is that he is not fully in his body.
I spoke to my Mom about my observations, told him my sister told me would would settle down after a while and asked, “Does he settle down?” My Mom said, “Not really.” We compared notes and when I said, “When he stops moving he either starts to fall asleep or he is eating.” My Mom laughed and said, “Yep!” I questioned how they handled him at school. She said they likely have him occupied with many things, using stations and scheduling all movements, directing him and focusing his hyperactivity. She told me her solution was to buy him the Minecraft game so that he would stop moving and give her a break. I relayed to her that computer games didn’t work when he was with me. He still jumped up and changed directions, moving from one play scenario to another, usually mid-play.
I have to admit I was relieved to drop off my nephew at my Mom’s house. When I got home I was finally able to rest. The strange energy was gone and my eldest son even mentioned how different it felt when we got home. This morning my voice has returned and I feel much more relaxed and calm.
I now know I cannot manage my sister’s child long-term. It would sap my energy and focus most if not all of my attention on him, placing my own children in second. He most definitely needs intensive counseling of some type and his school will likely recommend he see a child specialist to see if he has ADHD if he continues this behavior into first and second grade. My husband would not allow for a diagnosis of ADHD because he, like me, believes those labels are mostly meant to help those around the child more than the child. They don’t target the underlying cause. I tend to agree and though I want to help my nephew, I just don’t have the energy to help him and am not willing to sacrifice my relationship with my own children or my own health (mental, physical, etc).
So hopefully I can just take him for a day or two here and there (weekends mainly) to give my Mom a break while my sister goes through her healing journey. Hopefully she does heal and things can move toward healing of everyone in her family. It not, and it ends up that someone has to take Landon long-term, I have to say no to being the one to do that.
Right now my Mom is the one who will take my sister into her home while she recovers from her surgery (if she gets one) and it is likely Landon will be there, too. Maybe my Mom can somehow figure out how to help him. IDK. I just have to leave it to God I guess.