Insight via a Dream

It has been a long time since I’ve had a dream where I relived part of my high school “traumatic” experiences but last night I did.

Dream: Betrayed 

This dream began a bit hazily and then became more lucid as it progressed. In it I was in a school environment. My best friend from high school was the main focus. She had been avoiding me, hanging out with other people, and just dissing me in general.

There was a discussion going on throughout the dream but it was mostly in the background and I don’t recall specifics about it other than the dream itself. I believe I was participating in a life review of this specific event in my life. During life reviews we often return to the scene to re-experience it so that we are fully able to contact our thoughts and emotions. In turn we can view and analyze our lessons, look for life patterns, examine our growth and set goals for future life applications.

Through this life review I returned to my senior year in high school. I had been best friends with a girl for the entirety of high school. She was a Leo like me and we got along splendidly. We did everything together and she helped me to step outside my comfort zone. But during our last year in high school her parents got divorced and this upset her entire world. She began to seek out new friends, friends who experimented with drugs and alcohol. While at school she started to avoid hanging out with me and treated me very differently. She was stand-offish, quiet, and mostly practiced passive avoidance.

In the dream I was re-experiencing the time when I went to the cafeteria and she sat with a completely different group of people. She didn’t meet me at the normal time and I found her with a younger girl hanging out and laughing, etc. When I tried to converse with her she ignored me. It was obvious she wanted nothing to do with me so I sat at our usual table all alone wondering what was going on. I didn’t feel embarrassed just confused. I was completely happy to sit and eat alone.

In the dream I was in a cafeteria (issue eating me up inside)  watching a similar scene play out. I noticed how differently she treated me compared to others. She was very out-going and pleasant with everyone but when it came to me her energy was closed off and a bit haughty. As I observed this play out in the dream much emotion was present. I believe I was crying through most of the dream. Yet the reality of my behavior from that time was quiet, composed and, though confused, not emotionally upset. I loved my friend to the point that I forgave her assuming there was a logical explanation for her behavior.

In the dream I remember crawling into bed (private self, security) in the middle of the cafeteria. There was a portion where a band was playing music and the oboe (deep emotion) section was focused upon. It was like I was seeing my life as a symphony and focusing in on one instrument (feeling “played”).

I saw my friend sleep-walking (unaware) through the cafeteria but she was only that way toward me. With others she seemed to be playing a part – friendly, accommodating, everyone’s friend and confidant.

Then she was lying in bed next to me. I shoved three (three areas/people) cigarettes (dependency) into her mouth and lit them one by one. Then I decided to removed two (handled two issues) of them, fearing a fire (intense emotional upheaval, transformation) would start. I snuffed them out on a window (insight) sill where much trash (negative issues) had accumulated. I remember seeing the trash slowly burning (purification). There were no flames just red-orange edges to the crumpled paper.

My friend was awake, putting out the lit cigarettes. She said, “I don’t know how that got there.” A party with a big, white cake (accomplishments, need to allow others in) was being held for her. There were many people surrounding her. I got back into bed next to her and said something casual and she responded with disdain. I told her I wouldn’t bother her anymore and rolled over, my back to her. I burst into tears to the point that I could not breathe. I woke up crying.


Prior to bed I had asked for help in making a decision. Recently I was offered a job at my husband’s work. Their one payroll person is going to be out sick long-term, maybe even permanently. I have no experience in payroll but since they all know me at his work the boss was agreeable to my taking over. My husband has the ability to set my pay at whatever I want within means. So pay will be acceptable – likely $15-$18/hr. I agreed because it did not feel wrong to accept but I wanted clarity on my decision.

My goal is to get out of education. I am burned out and would like work that involves interaction with as few people as possible. Pretense exhausts me. Since my husband has a vast social network I figured he could help me get into a different type of work. Turns out the timing was perfect.

My dream might seem to be about a time in my life when I was betrayed by my best friend – and it was – but the underlying issues are what remained with me when I woke. I recognized that I created the problem by alienating people in high school via my blunt, often rude, speak-my-mind communication. I was selfish and cold, pushing people away and not caring about their feelings. I convinced myself that I didn’t need people, that I was happy enough alone – better off alone. All in all I still have that consideration. If given the choice of going to a party or staying home and watching a movie, I would choose the movie 8 out of 10 times. There are times I prefer groups, but not often. The older I get, the more I prefer to be with myself over other people.

I also recognized that I loved my friend. I loved her so much I was blind to her treatment of me. I made excuses for her, unwilling to see that she didn’t want me as her friend anymore. She had told me that she just wanted to expand her friend network, to explore different types of friendships and stop limiting herself to just me as her sole friend. I accepted this and understood but refused to read between the lines. Ultimately, I followed my friend to college where it became painfully obvious that she wanted nothing to do with me.

In analyzing my decisions at that time in my life I realized that I latched onto our friendship because I had no idea what I wanted in life and had no idea who I was. My friend did and so I followed her lead in everything. I figured if I didn’t know what to do with my life I could just take on someone’s else’s life goals and find happiness that way. When my friend alienated me I latched onto my ex-husband and followed him around. Four years after I left my ex I latched onto my current husband.

When I looked deeper I realized that I am still that girl. I have no idea who I am or what I want for the most part. I may have a better idea than I did in high school but I still prefer to take on another’s goals and purposes because it is “safe” and preferable to the unknown (me, my life, my desires and aspirations).

At a deep, soul level – if I look into my “core” – I sense a dependence upon others written into my “code” (for lack of a better word). It is like I have been programmed to need/rely on others/another as part of my purpose here. Objectively this does not feel “bad” or “good” to me. It just IS.

I am reminded of the number 20 which I touched upon in my last post. In numerology, “the essence of 20 is so much a part of the team it rarely considers the idea of operating by itself. In fact, it shies away from situations that would result in it being alone for an extended period of time, even if it would benefit itself.”

It turns out that if I use my Spirit name of Dayna Stone, my heart’s desire number is 2 which is essentially the same as 20.

Interestingly, my Human Design chart indicates I am a Projector which supports the number 2 in numerology and the general insights I gathered above.


Based upon my dream and the insights it provided it seems that my initial feelings toward this job are solid. There was no feeling of dis-ease related to the job. There was also no feeling of excitement. Instead it was a neutral sense of possibility. I thought, “I can do that job” and “This might work”.

Further discussions with my husband indicate that after an initial training period it would be conceivable to do my job from home. HUGE plus on my part. Even if I can do it partially from home it is better than other options where I have to commute to  an office environment every day.

Other pros:

  • Potential to earn overtime.
  • Potential for quick advancement into a “finance officer” position.
  • I can commute to work with my husband.
  • The office is only 6 miles from our home so I could potentially run or bike to work (unlikely but then who knows?).
  • The job does not require very much social interaction (big plus!).
  • The job is numbers-oriented (numbers are my friend) and requires a problem solver in regards to finance/numbers/bills (another thing I excel at).
  • My husband determines my pay (meaning I can get more than the average person).
  • My husband is my boss (could also be a con).
  • Potential to strengthen my relationship with my husband (or the opposite).
  • Gives me experience in a new field so that I can break away from the education field.




More Money Messages and Dreams

In a previous post I was given a date in January. I knew it meant that I needed to refer back to January this year for information regarding my current inner healing work. There wasn’t much I could conclude from a quick review of that month, though. However, yesterday, while on a walk, not 100 yards from my front door, I saw a crumpled up mass of trash in the middle of the road. As I got closer I realized it was money – $20. This is the second time this year I have found money in the middle of the road. The last time was in…..January!

Of course I picked up the money and took it inside, once again thrilled at my “luck”. However, as I began to consider the “why” of it, my intuition was saying, “Pay attention.”

The previous amount I found was two $100 bills on the road parallel to each other. The message seemed to me to be related to the number 11 and the significance the number carries. It also seemed to represent two aspects of a whole – masculine and feminine – whole in themselves yet still connected. At the time of that money discovery the money came along with certain thoughts which also pointed to the message.

Similarly, the $20 bill on the road came after much consideration about relationships and partnerships, what I want, my own tendencies, etc. I had not been thinking of these things at the exact moment of discovery of the money, though. When I saw the money it was so crumpled that it was unrecognizable as money. Only upon close inspection did the $20 markings show. Anyone walking past would have thought it trash.

The number 20 is all about partnerships and relationships, romantic and otherwise. It carries with it a tendency of the individual who has been given this number to function best when in a partnership. It isn’t dependency but more that the individual is more capable when working as part of a team (partner or group). In contrast to the two $100 bills, which were separated, the $20 is whole in itself. The only thing that bothers me is the crumpled state of the money.

Then yesterday, on a walk in the same neighborhood, there was a $1 bill on the sidewalk. It looked brand new, all straight and crisp. My daughter was with me but didn’t see it until I had it in my hands. I said, “This must be for me!”  because, well, the universe keeps sending me money on my walks/runs. Three times this year, twice this week!

Upon inspection I realized some other things about the $1 bill:


The letter in the circle on the left is significant. I exclaimed to my kids, “Look! It even has my name on it!”. I handed it to my kids who all wanted to touch it as if it was some kind of special $1. When I got it back I noticed it has 11’s on all four corners. I’d never noticed that on money before so I checked the cash in my wallet. It seems to be a $1 bill thing only. The number coincides with the letter in the circle – the 11th letter is K.

Something felt right about this message. I’m not exactly sure what, but it seemed to indicate that all is well, I’m on the right path and to trust my inner Knowing. There was also a thought that it represented a countdown of sorts. Everything about it screams solid foundations. Here is the numerological meaning of 1.

Aside from money finds, I’ve been having lots of interesting dreams, some disturbing and others that seem to be hinting at the future.

Dream: Foreign Gate 

I was a passenger on a very large airplane (higher awareness, new state of Being). It was so massive that there were three rows of seats and a divider with a door in the middle. As we entered I was asked to put my carry-on luggage (identity, security, responsibilities and burdens) away but could not find an overhead compartment for them. The one over my seat was full of some old lady’s stuff – boxes of make-up (self-image, self-confidence) she was selling (replace burdens with confidence). The flight attendant told me to find another place so I set my luggage aside. I remember telling the attendant that it was wrong for the lady to take up so much space with make-up and that something should be done about it. Nothing was done about it, though.

When we were departing the place I was told to retrieve my things. There was someone with me who told me I needed to go through the “foreign gate” (change into new phase of life) where they had been put. I hesitated and did not want to go through the gate but I wanted my luggage so I did.

On the other side there was luggage scattered everywhere. All of it was identical: black carry-on’s. Mine was a black carry-on. I checked through numerous bags but could not find any with my name tag on it. I began to panic, searching through them multiple times. I never found my carry-on. I did find my red and black backpack (knowledge gained) which was a relief.

The man with me advised me to just leave the luggage (message to “let it go”). Someone else had taken it. I was beside myself with upset to the point that I had this sick feeling in my stomach, a nausea that was abnormal. The man kept reminding me that I had my backpack, so I had what I needed. My thoughts mirrored his words. I said, “Yes, but I will have to go and buy new clothes, new contact solution….everything.” There was a feeling that I would okay despite the set-back but the worry surpassed it.

Still panicking, I woke up suddenly. The feeling was lingering in my stomach. It was an “oh shit” feeling. I hate that feeling, especially when I have no idea what to make of it.

Dream: Flooded Basement

I was in a house (soul/self) with my husband (soul connection to husband) and kept noticing standing water (emotion). He was focused on something upstairs, a washing machine (need to resolve issues of the past to move forward) that had been buried (suppressed) and he was digging up (coming to surface). I finally got him to notice the water and he said the whole basement (basic needs and desires, confusion, suppression in subconscious) was flooded (overwhelmed by emotions) about three feet high. He knew about it all along and was just ignoring it determined to dig up the washer. He kept saying the flooding in the basement was because the washer was installed improperly. I remember seeing him digging up a chunk of dirt covered in thick grass and brown leaves (disappointment, despair) and him saying he had been working on it for an hour. I also remember seeing water standing around the a/c in the corner of the house.

Inside my husband had done something with the washer and was draining it I think and water was pouring all over the carpets (protection from harsh reality). There was discussion about a new sofa (laziness, boredom or need to clear mind/thoughts) and it being 38in and only getting cleaned for free if it was 40in. I saw it and it was huge and the back of it arched over the dining room table.

I was upset about the flooded basement. I crawled on the railings of the stairs because they seemed to be upside down (no progress made), the risers above me and the railings below. I never got down to the basement and knew I would have to sleep in a house that was flooding. I was nervous and didn’t want to stay.

Note: The next day my husband actually dug up a part of the front yard to fix a busted water main. The scene was nearly identical to pieces of the above dream. There was water standing near the a/c units and large chunks of sod piled on the driveway from his excavation of the pipes.

Dream: Giant Ladybug

I was inside a large kitchen (life alteration, transformation) and commented on how clean it was. The kitchen had many parts and was larger than normal with several sinks, ovens and work stations on both ends. There were women preparing foods and I helped by making the carrots (clarity, abundance and fertility). I kept adding carrots because I felt it would not be enough. I put them on the stove and noticed a bottle of soda (rejuvenation) had gone missing. I went outside to find it and walked past a group of older women sitting at a table waiting for the meal. There were brown leaves (fallen hopes, despair, loss) blowing past and I commented that the last time we gathered the leaves hadn’t fallen yet. I kept looking for the soda and saw it near some tools. When I picked it up it was obvious soda was not what was inside. It was some kind of chemical. Then I saw a very large ladybug (beauty and good luck) whose shell was rusty orange with gemstones (riches, spiritual protection) where the spots should have been.


June’s energy has grown in intensity since the first week and continues to grow. I suspect July is going to be a humdinger of a month. All the messages and syncs continue to escalate despite my asking my guidance to give me a break. My dreams seem to be preparing me for change and show how I am working on confronting certain fears and beliefs related to that change.

In addition to continuing to get messages about Atlanta on a daily basis (it’s ridiculous, really), there are other smaller messages here and there. For example, on one of my walks I kept finding discarded bird eggshells (rebirth) along the path, all in almost perfect condition.

At first I was struggling against the messages and intuition I am having. Of course, the struggle came from my Ego assuming the messages and accompanying feelings meant “NOW” and so, understandably, there was some freaking out. But now I recognize that these messages are memories ignited within by certain aspects of my life trajectory (timeline) coming into view (trigger events). It would be like driving along a highway and seeing that your destination is an hour drive away when previously the signs indicated days of travel.

So now I am hovering somewhere between anticipation of said future changes and complete acceptance/surrender. My focus is on keeping an open mind and heart, acknowledging any expectations and setting them aside so that I can freely accept into my life that which will be for the greatest good of all.

This excerpt from an astrological blog I follow jumped out at me:

Living through Expectation prevents you from ever leaving the Past, since our Expectations are based on our Past Experiences.  If you Want to Experience Life As It Is, Moment to Moment, you have to “Cancel, Neutralize, Upgrade,” thank the mind for attempting to Contribute, chuckle at it, and Open to an [sic] Blank Slate.

Kundalini Dream: Funky Town

Just when I think I am gonna get some good quality sleep…..the Full Moon energy hits! Ahhh!

Kundalini Dream: Funky Town

Again, wasn’t expecting this nor was I expecting how it would come about.

The dream began with me and my family attending a concert – a symphony (harmony/cooperation) actually. A young woman was trying to enter the theater and I kept holding her back. She wasn’t allowed and was bad news. I knew her somehow, though. Eventually, with the symphony starting, I had to let her in. So she came in with me keeping an eye on her.

We sat down with my husband and family. The theater was huge with row upon row of seats. As the first half began the entire seating area seemed to shift and roll. It was like we were on a roller coaster. I closed my eyes, falling into the movement. I could feel myself in my seat curving up, up and over, completely flipping backward and then back to upright. Secure in my seat I just allowed the motion. No fear. No concerns.

The woman who I brought in was chatting the whole time. I could feel tears welling up and then pouring down my cheeks. I don’t recall an emotion here except surrender. When I opened my eyes I was back facing the front of the theater where I had started. The woman mentioned my tears asking me why I was crying. I didn’t answer. I had no clue.

At intermission (break) we left and entered into a car (life path) to wait. The car was parked in front of a large, wooden gate (new phase of life) that was closed. Inside the car my older sister (aspect of Self) was with me talking to me about something she observed about me. I mostly ignored her, focusing on a picture I was drawing.

My sister was saying, “Isn’t it funny that the older you get, the less you try, the less fight you have left to even bother doing the things you want to do? Why do you think that is?” When she was saying this I saw a picture that she drew to illustrate. It was of blobs of “desire”. At first they were large but the farther across the paper they got, the smaller until they were nothing but thin lines.

I knew she was trying to get me to converse with her, to dig deep and find out why I have lost the desire to fight for what I want. So I continued to draw my picture. I put a “circle, circle, dot, dot” (boobs) on the person and then laughed and showed my sister. She kept talking about how I wasn’t fighting anymore, acting more concerned.

My husband who was in the driver’s seat said, “Why don’t we listen to something else. I wonder if we can purchase a different station?” He started scanning for new music and landed on 97.5 FM. I said,”No. It costs too much. Just leave it. The price is too high (telling my Self that the price of change/desire is too high).”

As intermission ended I looked ahead of the car. There was a huge bulldozer (need to clear clutter from life, feeling blocked) in front of us. I thought, “It is going to take forever to get through now.”

My sister kept talking to me about my loss of motivation and willpower. As she did I could hear music playing, one song then another. I focused on the images that came with it. I saw what seemed like movies playing and then rewinding in slow motion. At one point there were three scruffy dogs, one female and two males. The males were trying to mate with the female. One was successful. I watched, amused, thinking of a joke (trying to distract myself) my husband told me recently (read it here if you want to laugh). All the while my sister continued to try to get my attention.

My attention still on the mating dogs I felt what seemed like fingers being jabbed into my lower abdominal area. With this came a sharp pain and a bubble of intensely pleasurable energy. I tried to ignore it, still amused from the joke I was thinking about, but the jabbing continued as if I were being stabbed in the stomach. Finally the mixture of pain and pleasure woke me up. The bubble of energy was in my second chakra pushing upward but felt stuck. Though the energy was pleasurable, the pain was much more intense and uncomfortable. I wanted it to go away but instead it was like my body was not my own. Despite being awake my first and second chakras exploded in a mixture of pain and pleasure. I winced and rolled over on my side trying to figure out what was going on.


The song, Funkytown was going through my head – “Won’t you take me to Funkytown….” When I listened and heard the first line I rolled my eyes. lol

I was not impressed and a bit irritated. My “sister” from the dream was now my partner in Spirit and he was being extremely pushy. He said, “We need to talk.” LOL – look at the lyrics – “Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…..” I was mostly focused on the dogs wondering why the Kundalini energy would come on from such a visual, especially when I was finding it humorous. I eventually just let that go because, who the hell knows why the Kundalini does what it does anyway? lol

My partner kept asking me to consider what my sister in the dream was telling me. I still didn’t want to talk about it. I can see how as I get older I get less motivated to change, less interested in “fighting” for what I want. He asked me to think about 20 years ago. How am I different? I confirmed that, yes, I am way less likely to fight for what I want now. I am slowly falling into apathy. I justified this by saying, “Doesn’t everyone get like that as they get older?” I remember saying, “It doesn’t matter and taking risks to get something I want is too costly in the end (thus me saying “it costs too much” in the dream)”.

Honestly, the conversation didn’t get very far because I kept avoiding the images and memories that came to mind. It was the middle of the night and I wanted to sleep. I was a bit frustrated and irritated with my partner telling him I was not amused nor happy with his methods. And my lower abdominal area still ached. Not fun.

If you read the lyrics to Funkytown you will see his message. If he had a face I would have punched him – last night anyway. lol He was saying, “We love you.” I was thinking, “Go away!!!” as I nursed my achy tummy – which still hurts this morning. It feels like an ovarian cyst. Ugh.


Dream: Circle of Friends

I was with a few others. We were going to a gathering of others like us. We entered into a space filled with drums, pillows, blankets, musical instruments and spiritual things. We waited for the others to arrive.

Someone mentioned that the others weren’t there yet. I asked if maybe they had the location wrong. We saw some people gathering at another location through the window. I knew my friend Sophia had set it up and was at the other location so I volunteered to call her.

Eventually we were all together in a circle. I sat next to Sophia. I had not seen her in so long. I turned and looked her in the eyes. She had one hand on her high heart. I placed my hand over the top of hers and then she placed her other hand over mine. I then put my right hand over the top of that. When I did this I closed my eyes and a surge of energy resulted. I could see a brilliant yellow light shoot out of her upper chest. She smiled. It felt like healing had occurred. She said, “I’ve been experiencing an upload.” I said, “I have too and am on the other side of it now. I feel good.” We discussed the other friend who had not arrived and assumed she had been experiencing something similar and likely needed time alone.

It felt like many who were suppose to be at the circle had not shown. Those who did show ended up talking for a while, getting to know one another. I recall looking at the unfamiliar faces and thinking about how everyone was so plain looking, as if the “awakened ones” were the “outcasts” or “unpopular” group. I didn’t care, though.

One person introduced themselves as “Sally”. It took me a while to hear her because there was this loud, mechanical sound drowning her out. I recall she looked male and being surprised she was female.

A man stood next to me and told his story, how he helped people (can’t recall how now but it was unusual). At one point I turned around and he was completely naked, his naked butt cheeks in my face. I turned away, smirking, and he apologized. I laughed and said, “Get your ass out of my face already.” LOL

Eventually we left and I found myself walking along the road (sense of direction) near my Mom’s house in the dark, the full moon illuminating the road. I was wearing socks (comfort) only and could feel the pebbles (minor annoyances) poking my feet. I was with friends and extremely happy and positive, enjoying the light of the full moon and the connection with nature and life.

When we reached the intersection (important decision) the others left me alone (have to make decision on my own). I stood there and noticed a microwave (quick action) sitting on the fence post. I found a small plate nearby and filled it with vegetables (spiritual nourishment) and put it in the microwave. Then I saw headlights and notice a tiny car parked near me. A car drove up and a person got out and began to yell at a small child in the tiny car. I went to the child’s rescue but discovered that I knew the people in the car, an old high school classmate (connection with others). We talked and she told me that the school was much different now.

Others joined us there at the intersection. Eventually they were all seated at a table and I was offering them my plate of veggies (help others gain spiritual nourishment). One guy took broccoli (spiritual nourishment), another green beans (the soul). I was happy to give up my food thinking it was likely the only healthy food any of them had in a long time.

Continued Message

I finally woke up completely, still tired and achy from the Kundalini episode. The dreams about the spiritual circle were vivid, especially the energy rush out of my friend Sophia’s chest. I find it interesting that I would dream about her and the walk-in group when I haven’t had dreams of her or them in ages. This coming after several dream visits by Yvonne, the organizer of the walk-in group who, of course, lives in Tennessee.

The message I am receiving now is that I am in need of a kick in the butt to get me to take action because, obviously, I have lost my “fight”. The sense I got from the message was that I need to take action immediately. I was told, “opportunity is coming.”

Really, though, I don’t have the motivation to change….at.all. There is a feeling of, “Why bother?” Life goes on no matter what. Survival is still part of it and survival is drudgery.

Part of the conversation with my partner was about my vibration/energy and how the primary energy I am sending out right now is “fear”. He referred to my purpose, asking, “How can you fulfill your purpose if you are primarily projecting fear?” I can see how apathy = succumbing to fear and how my lack of motivation and action is a result of fear. But when you have failed time and time again it is not easy to get back up and fight. Eventually you just stay down and accept that as your place.





Dreams, Signs and Syncs

More dreams, signs and syncs. Some interesting pushing by my guidance, I must say! Also, the exhaustion continues. I have been sleeping way more than usual (10+ hours a night) and am very tired by mid-afternoon. It is not the usual slam by the energies where I am flat-out, but is it noticeable….and welcomed.

I started this post two days ago so the first dreams are from the 22nd.

Dream: Warrant

I woke in the morning too early to rise so decided to go back to sleep. When I did I asked for help deciding what to do. I can’t seem to make up my mind about the yoga seminar this Fall. I want to go but then I hesitate to register. Back and forth. I’ve been waiting for some consistency in my feelings regarding this decision, but it has yet to arise.

I was a passenger (letting others make decisions for me) in a car driving in a big city somewhere. It felt like Houston but then all I recall are highways and the blur of lights. The man driving had dark hair and a big smile. He seemed familiar, reminding me of an old acquaintance of mine from long ago. This old acquaintance was a double Libra of foreign birth. He was being playful with me and both of us were in high spirits.

A man’s voice came up on the radio mentioning my husband’s name and the make and model of his car. They said he was wanted for something. I realized we were hearing police radio (unrest in subconscious). The man with me said, “You better warn him!” I picked up my cell phone and called my husband but the connection was spotty and he couldn’t hear me. I kept repeating, “You need to get off the highway. The police are looking for you. There’s a warrant (important decision being made) out for your arrest. Take side roads. Avoid the highway.” He finally heard me I think and the call was dropped (communication break).

Then I was in the car with my husband but the car seemed to not exist. Instead it was like we were floating in a bubble. We were looking for food and took a road leading to a cafeteria-like space with many restaurant (overwhelm) vendors. Cars were not allowed so when we drove in my husband had to back out and find a place to park. That left me inside with the other man who I had been with previously. He wanted Asian food and so we were walking around looking for some.

I stopped and spoke with a vendor. The woman told me they made various egg dishes, showing me two kinds. One was an egg souffle that had red sauce on top. It resembled a volcano. The other was an egg souffle (set course of action) that was opened up with spices inside. I told her I wanted the second one. I said, “I don’t have money. My husband is bringing it.” The woman set it aside. I could see the dish. The egg was split apart and had red spices coating the center.

Dream: Declaration of War

In this dream I was observing a royal couple. They had promised their daughter to a neighboring country. She was to wed their son. The couple was discussing this while preparing their daughter. I never saw the daughter and it seemed like she was me at times.

When the daughter was preparing to leave, the two royal (strength) couples were negotiating terms. I remember listening in while looking through a box of tampons (tension/aggression). I could see blood (emotional stress or tension) on some of them. It was like the box was a communication device. The woman on the other side of the box was the royal mother of the daughter. She and I spoke through the box, her giving me updates. There was one point when the box seemed to be full of blood. I could see blood dripping down the sides. This is when the mother told me that the other royals, specifically the mother, was acting strange and changing the terms of their contract.

Then I saw the other mother. She was tall, wearing a black and gold headpiece that reminded me of an evil character from a Disney movie (Snow White comes to mind). She gave an ultimatum, saying that she didn’t want to negotiate anymore. Her terms were simple, “Give us your country and lands or go to war (disorder or chaos).” I remember that the name of the country ruled by this evil woman was Mars. There was a sense that other “countries” were involved. Jupiter and Earth were mentioned.

Before we could respond, Mars was attacking. The scene shifted and I was on a highway (life, goals) hiding under an upturned truck (work) with a man. There was debris everywhere and shots were being fired to the point that the sky was full of explosions. None of the explosions harmed us, though. They just bounced off everything. I remember the man saying we couldn’t be hurt, that it was all for show.

Signs and Syncs

In addition to the dreams I’ve been getting some other messages. Firstly, I keep seeing frogs. In fact, when I woke up yesterday morning there was a frog picture laying by my door. Here it is:


I ignored it initially but then while scrolling through FB I ran into multiple images of frogs posted by friends. One was an image of a tree frog with a butterfly sitting on its head!

Later, I saw the image of a frog in the tile on my bathroom floor just above the yin/yang symbol I had seen months prior. Weird!

And after that I was looking through a drawer for something and this was peeking out at me!IMG_2768

This frog drawing was done by my sister four years ago. Same kind of frog as in the other image – the red eyed tree frog.

By this time I already knew the frog was a message, so I looked up the symbolism. Turns out the frog comes around to help guide one through a life transition of some sort. The fact that two of the images I saw were red eyed tree frogs was interesting. What I have read indicates the red eyes help them see in the dark. So perhaps I am being advised to look to my intuition, uncover hidden aspects and take a closer look at something in my life?

The first image relays information about the call of the frog sounding like a baby rattle. My thought is to focus on the word “baby” here. I was recently told I was being reborn. Baby = rebirth. Connection made.

The second image was drawn by my sister when she was in prison. She often sent me drawings like this one (she is very talented). Her life has been a challenge since her release from prison. Her prison time coincided with the end of her marriage and other upheaval. When she was released she married our first cousin and they had a son together. This, as you can imagine, created family tension. However, she has found a sort of happiness with her new life, despite its challenges. So, this particular frog image could be indicating change and upheaval related to rebirth. At least that is my interpretation.

In addition to the frog message, I keep having reminders of the yoga seminar in Atlanta, Georgia. The on-again, off-again indecisiveness is bothering me. I am NOT normally so indecisive. I ask for help from my guidance. They give it. And keep giving it.

For example, in the midst of all the frog sightings I am doing this on-again, off-again crap in my mind over the yoga seminar. Out of the blue, on the tail-end of once again putting off a decision, I get a call from an unknown number. I rush downstairs to answer it but it is too late. When I check my phone I see this (but the missed call was the top one, I took the screenshot after another missed call):


I get tons of phone spam as you can see. Most of them are from Austin (my area). It is not common to get one from another state, though it does happen. Yet from Atlanta, GA? At the exact moment I am thinking about the yoga seminar? Ha!

This is just the one reference to Atlanta that I documented, too. There have been numerous other ones. I keep shrugging them off.

The top thought I have is that all of this “coincidence” of signs is because I am thinking about the seminar. I think, “My thoughts are creating this. That’s all.” You know how when you buy a new car, all of a sudden you notice your new car is all over the place when before you swear you rarely saw it? Like that.

When I add the above dream “answer” to the symbolism and syncs it gets a bit unsettling. I can’t help but think the planets mentioned may play a part in this. Is there something going on with Mars, Jupiter and Earth this year that may create a tendency for “war”? Gawd.

More Dreams, Signs and Messages – Squirrels and Housecleaning

As time passed more dreams added to the increasing number of messages.

Squirrel Family Dream – June 23

I was next to a bed on the floor. There was a side table with something, plastic, poking out. I pulled it out and a tiny baby squirrel (hoarding or preparation for the future) came with it. It was not scared of me but wide awake and curious. It was looking for food so I gave it a tiny piece of fruit. It took it, still not afraid.

I showed the baby to others, tended to it and decided to take care of it long-term. I love squirrels and had them as a child so this is not a surprise.

Then I went back to the nest to check for other babies. When I tugged on the material from the nest a large mother squirrel came out. She was soaking wet (emotion). She saw me and turned around back to the nest. Then she came out with one of her babies in her mouth only it was fully grown. She communicated that she wanted me to take the baby with me. So, I led her to the other baby squirrel. Eventually she had brought out her whole family (preparation in regards to family future change), all the babies fully grown (maturity reached) except the one I found earlier. The mother squirrel was very grateful and thanked me telepathically for saving her and her family.

Squirrel Encounter

Yesterday (the day after the above dream), I went for a run. It was too hot and I got overheated so I rested under the shade of a tree. I heard a rustle and looked up. This is what I saw:


Of course my dream came instantly to mind so I took this pic. The squirrel sat on that branch looking at me the entire time I rested there.

Squirrel symbolism is all about preparation for the future, family, communication and practicality. I find it no coincidence that I did not plan well for the run that sent me to the shade of that tree. I tend to not plan ahead but do things on the spur of the moment “just ’cause”. Had I been more future-oriented I would have gone on the run earlier and hydrated better. It seems like squirrel is trying to tell me, “Hey, if you plan ahead then you can avoid all-out war, emotional upheaval, etc. Think about it.” lol

I love squirrels!

Housecleaning Service Dream – June 24

In this dream I arrived at my apartment (financial or emotional state) and a woman dressed in a maid’s (dependence on others) uniform was there with her cart. Her uniform was baby blue and white. She had a partner who was at the neighbor’s apartment door about to go inside to clean it.

I greeted her and told her I had not been expecting her and to come inside. When inside I called out to my husband and children but no one answered. They weren’t home. I put my things down on the kitchen counter and went toward the back, lighting a cigarette (dependence on others, need for a break) as did so. I apologized to the maid, telling her I needed to go outside because of the cigarette. I told her it was good no one was home so they would not get in the way of cleaning. I put the cigarette out and then the butt fell to the ground. I apologized and she said, “We’ll handle it. No worries.” I still looked to make sure it was not going to start a fire.

I stayed outside as she went back in to clean (clear clutter and negativity from life, moving ahead to new stage) the apartment. In my mind I was thinking how nice it would be to have the place cleaned without lifting a finger. A nice, clean space appealed to me. I remember seeing in my mind a vacuumed floor and smiling.

The maid returned shortly after with the bill (something I have done is costing me). I looked it over and saw that they automatically charged our visa card. Upon further inspection I saw that there was a fee associated with this. $24 for a visa and the amounts went up for other cards. It was a rip-off and I asked the lady if it was possible for me to pay via check and stop the autopay service. I said, “My husband often uses the most convenient method to deal with things without looking at the fine print or considering the disadvantages. He seems to have done the same this time around. This fee is ridiculous!” She told me it would be fine to pay by check. I went inside and grabbed my checkbook out of my purse and wrote a check. I don’t recall the amount now but it was over one hundred dollars. I paused thinking it a high price but then completed the check realizing it was worth it. Note: Assuming this section is in reference to how others cannot handle things for me as well as I can and that I am willing to “pay the price” for making my own choices.

I surveyed my clean apartment. It was clean and organized. I could see the kitchen bar and the living area beyond. It was a nice place and felt like my home though in waking reality I have never seen a place like it.

I walked to the sliding glass doors and back out on the patio. I walked across a wide open patio deck (my connection with Self and nature) that was at least 40 feet across. It was elevated, at treetop level, with nice railings and there was a set of patio furniture toward the end overlooking the trees. I smiled, enjoying the spaciousness and saying aloud, “This would be the perfect place to do a yoga class! All I have to do is move the chairs.” I imagined the yoga mats spread out under the open sky and grew excited at the idea of teaching a class there. This part of the dream is full of wonder and possibility. I am elated, free and expansive.

As I turned to look behind me at the apartment I saw the apartment patio next to mine (another’s connection to Self). The same spacious patio extended from the back. In comparing mine to theirs I noticed their patio looked newer while mine had a few warped and sun damaged boards and looked older.

I turned back around, walking to the end of the deck and saw that there was a small, narrow bridge (connection made) with rails that extended off to the left. It led to a small room or house (extension of self). At first I assumed it was a storage shed but I could see a tiny kitchen and space beyond. Excited and curious to explore, I headed toward it but my dream ended before I could go inside.


All the above dreams show my process right now. Not only does it seem like I am being prepared but I am also being told outright to “prepare”. I was even told not long ago that I had just been born and am now learning how to walk. Ha!

In the deck dream I was being shown my connection to my HS and the possibility it brings. Similar to the dream, my guidance continues to remind me of the experience I had in February and how I felt a surge of excitement about yoga – practicing and one day teaching it. I have been having dreams where I am practicing yoga even. lol In this particular dream I was very excited about teaching a yoga class outside on the deck. The apartment space was free of my husband and family, indicating a freedom from the burdens and responsibilities that go with them. I freed myself long enough to recall my excitement for yoga.

This morning a conversation ensued with my guidance about what I want. I struggle with motivation when it involves doing things that benefit or nurture myself. I am being asked to begin to do things for me, to pursue that which brings me joy and to stop waiting for others to give me permission to do so. When asked what I want I keep going back to that feeling of Divine connection and love. I want that in my life and in my partnership with another. Everything else just seems like piddling about in comparison. It is hard to find excitement about anything else.

My guidance reminded me that I have felt the excitement before, when I got my first teaching job. I was so high on life that I use to arrive at work early and leave late. I couldn’t wait to go to work. I am reminded of how afraid I was to take the steps it took to get me to that space in my life. I had to leave my marriage, the security it offered, and go it alone (OMG that was hard to do!). I had to apply for jobs and be rejected. I had to push past my fear of the unknown, my fear of failure, and use my degree as it was intended in a large high school with students who were taller and bigger than myself. In the end (and to my surprise) I connected easily with my students and found my purpose.

The lesson is that sometimes we have to step out into the unknown in order to let life show us ourselves. We can’t see it otherwise, especially if we stay in a situation out of fear, frozen and unable to move because we just don’t know what will happen. Afraid of losing what we have even though the unknown can bring us more than we could ever imagine.

For now I keep being pushed to go to the yoga seminar, to look into an internship and teach my first class. Similar to when I got my first teaching job, I will have to trust the path ahead and let it lead me to opportunity. If I never take the first step I will never know what awaits beyond the situation I am in now.

In my past I was seemingly “forced” to take the steps that led me to “freedom”. I was near suicide and it was only because a “voice” woke me and told me to go that I finally did leave. This time I am being given the chance to take steps on my own, without the “forced” feeling. In a sense it is harder because the urgency – the have to – is not there. I do not have to do anything.

There is also a part of me that prefers to lean upon another. I recognize this is not good. I need to rely upon myself. I need to find my purpose, that which brings me joy. My tendency is to take on the goals and purpose of my partner. The ideal scene is to have my own purpose and goals while being supportive of my partner’s. If I continue to put the needs/desires/goals of others over my own I will continue to feel unfulfilled and empty.

I have yet to purchase the seminar and secure my slot. The sense is that I have more lessons and inner work to do before I commit. Every day I am more certain, more clear, about what it is I am being asked to do but I cannot commit until I am 100% about the why behind my commitment. I can’t do this with any expectation attached. I have to go with an open heart and open mind, fully open to possibility.

Just going to that location will test me. I seem to have a strong pull to that general area but also I know people around there who I feel drawn to. Soul family. The last time I was in TN/GA I didn’t want to leave. It will likely happen again. I need to be prepared for the recurrence of emotion and connection that was there before. Being centered and strong in Self is the only way to navigate my way through.

No wonder I am so exhausted. 🙂


Kundalini Dream: Friends Forever

Lots of vivid dreams lately. I have also been exhausted. Yesterday was better energy-wise, though I slept until 9am which is unheard of for me. The day before I actually took a nap which is also rare for me.

Last night I slept light compared to the last few nights. There is a sense of being pushed by my guidance again; like I am being asked to return to and inspect certain issues. I was not expecting what happened in dreamtime.

Kundalini Dream: Friends Forever

This dream began in a classroom. I was observer and also participant. The room itself was small and cast in a golden color. In it was a group of students, me included. The assignment was to create a video (review past situation or lesson). I don’t recall the specific subject (love maybe?) but I think it was a parody (making light of the issue).

I was given a long poem (improve communication with someone) and ended up making it into a song (expression of emotion). I spent a good portion of this part of the dream singing the song but can’t recall any of it except that it had no chorus and made little sense.

Eventually I was called to play my part. This is when I became the observer and from a distance I looked closely at myself and saw my face was covered in acne (feeling awkward or out of place in a situation or relationship) lesions and scarring. I said aloud, “I look awful.” There was recognition, though, that the me I was observing seemed not to be upset by how she looked. She wasn’t even wearing makeup (not hiding).

The me in the scene was asked to find a swimming cap (put a cap on emotion) and goggles (protect self from emotional harm) from another classroom (lesson). I was told, “It is under my swimsuit” by the girl requesting it. I went to the classroom and found the things and then got lost on the way back looking for the 5th grade hallway.

There is a shift here and I end up on my way home with a load of groceries (emotional fulfillment/nourishment) in the trunk (old issues) of my car. I run into another teacher and stop to chat. He also had groceries in his car. There is a strong connection between us and I keep finding excuses to stay despite my son coming and interrupting our conversation several times.

I asked the man if he wanted help unloading his groceries then stayed and chatted with him about random topics. We got along really well and it seemed there was a telepathic connection between us also. I knew he felt our connection. The elephant in the room in the dream was we were both married.  There was an unspoken understanding that we could never be anything but friends.

It seemed as though much time had passed, me continuing to visit with him and our friendship growing. There was one discussion about the sky (possibility) and how it could foretell the future. He looked up and said, “I see thousands of faces (possible selves) in the clouds.” I said, “You do?” When I looked it was mostly blue with some very high level stratus clouds. My son came over and interrupted again talking about what he saw in the clouds. I don’t remember what he said but the man looked at me and he said, “That means romance.” Uncomfortable, I looked away and said, “I know…”

I could see my son and husband across the way tending to a stock tank (pond). The land was bare, mostly reddish dirt. I knew the man I was with also had a pond (keeping emotions contained). I mentioned that he might have to dig a trench connecting our ponds to keep the water level up. I could see that the water in my pond was low and muddy (muddy emotion).

For some reason I told him about a parrot (repetition of information, could be a person) that had gotten into my room one time and how it’s loud squawking startled me awake so I gave it away. I was laughing about it when I sensed a shift in his emotions. Up until that point it seemed we had been purposefully avoiding talking about our connection. We loved each other so much but also knew we could not be together except as friends. It was a painful reality no person would want to confront.

I turned to face him. His was so beautiful and safe. He opened his arms and I crawled inside his embrace. He pulled me close to him and I rested my head on his chest. I could feel his warmth, hear his heartbeat and feel his muscular arms. It was so very real. It seemed like we were sitting on a train (life’s journey) or a plane near the window. He was looking out the window holding me close. We seemed to be traveling together. I wanted to stay there with him, to never leave his arms.

The more I fell into the moment, fully surrendering to the love, the more lucid I became. A warmth welled up from within me, pooling in my root chakra and then exploding upward like a geyser into my heart and throat. In the dream I began to cry tears of joy and snuggled even closer to my lover and best friend. His warmth mirrored the warmth within me. The feeling was/is familiar. It is perfection. Divinity. Wholeness.

The energy became so intensely beautiful that it woke me up. I resisted waking, grasping for what remained of our beautiful connection. All I wanted was to stay in his arms, close my eyes and BE. But the dream vanished leaving me with the stark realization that I was – am –  alone. The love and connection was gone. I cried.

I couldn’t sleep after that. The dream was a reminder of everything I don’t have in my life. There is a Knowing that I could have what I had in my dream and a strong urge to rush out into the world and find it. It is like I am being Called. I am no stranger to this feeling and am good at suppressing it now. An old pro. Just push it down, down, down and use logic to remind myself of reality.

My partner in Spirit was there. I’m not sure if he was helping or not because it seemed he was encouraging me to change my reality to match my dream. But the scenario in my dream was obvious. Whoever that man was I could only be his friend. In the dream I was okay with that, we both were. We were happy just having one another close by. That was enough. Could I live that reality? I don’t know. Considering I don’t have anyone like that “close by” I suppose I don’t have to worry about it.

Dream: Sharks in the Water

My entire pelvis area was stiff and uncomfortable and I thought there no way I would return to sleep, but somehow I did. In this dream I was traveling with a man. The part I recall the most is seeing him, his dark hair covered in shampoo (clearing out old attitudes and beliefs, taking a new course in a relationship or situation). I also had shampoo all over my hair and I said to him, “We look funny don’t we.” I was amused but he seemed overly serious, like he was deep in thought. He turned and pointed to a camera (clinging to the past, get clearer picture or idea of something) that was laying near a pile of dirty laundry and a washing machine. He said, “You might want to take that with you when you go.” I said, “Sure. Of course.” There was a memory that we had borrowed the camera from a friend and the friend was impatient to have it returned.

I picked up the camera. My mind went to my car. I would need to put the camera in the glove compartment so I wouldn’t forget it when I left. When I saw the pile of laundry (cleaning up or changing attitudes and self)  I gathered some up and put it in the wash. There was still a pile of dirty gray (depression, fear) bed sheets (sexuality). I said, “Looks like I will have to do more laundry.”

Then I was walking through the house (own soul/self). There were three doors at the entry. One was the main entrance and the other two went to bedrooms. One bedroom was empty inside and I knew it was haunted (repressed emotion). The first time I went into the room it was empty. The second time the man was there.

Next, I was in my car with my son. His glasses were dirty so I cleaned them (seeking understanding). Then I put them on and noticed his prescription was almost like mine but the left side was blurry. I gave them back to him.

Then we were going back to the house. The entire front yard was covered in a thick, spongy material that looked gray at first but then turned vivid green. The walkway was overgrown with weeds (feeling cast aside, relationship gone wrong), though. My children came walking toward the car with fishing poles (exploring subconscious). A man said, “We can’t go fishing. There are sharks in the water (harm to self).”


All I can say is that I have not been myself today. These dreams, especially the first, made a big impression on me. I think something shifted inside, at my core. Mostly I feel sad and lonely. That connection from the dream is real. It exists in this reality, not just in a dream, not just as Kundalini. And when I touch upon it like I did in that dream I wake up changed. I’m homesick and …heartsick. I’ve never missed someone/something so much. It is times like these I just don’t understand. I don’t know what to do when this feeling hits me. I never do. Of all the feelings I’ve ever experienced, this yearning is the worst. My heart hurts and it seems like I can’t do anything about it.



Managing the Shifts

If you haven’t noticed, there is a lot going on right now energetically and it is trickling down into the physical in numerous ways. My personal experience with this shifting energy initially threw me into a mini-tail-spin but I am back on course now with a little nudging from my guidance. You can read about it here – Reminder: Mission Comes First.

The summer solstice is just around the corner. Personally, I don’t find the solstice to be a big deal and often forget about it altogether. It is the same for the equinoxes for me. Just another day in the year. However, there are some major astrological events shaking things up right now that have been coming to my attention (syncs) quite appropriately. You can read my friend Linda’s recent post to get an idea of some of the astrological events. This is also a great astrological post to reference if you’re interested –  “At present, the Sun is at 27 Gemini, making its annual opposition to the Galactic Center (27 Sagittarius). This year, Ixion (The Tyrant) conjuncts the Galactic Center, making this energy more challenging to navigate.”

A major change I noticed in myself were that I tend to not handle life’s BS as well as usual. One irritation is manageable but add anymore to that and it tends to push me over the edge. With the kids on summer break I have very little time to myself and am having to adjust to all the motion – and commotion – of three little Beings around me all.the.time. Plus, my husband was gone a full week for business the start of summer break and then again the next week for a couple of days. He also fills up his free time with projects, so it finally got to be too much for me this past weekend and I blew up in frustration over having absolutely no time to myself and feeling taken advantage of (again). With my Sagittarius moon most of the blow-up comes out of my mouth in extreme bluntness that tends to cut like a knife. After these blunt blow-ups I feel tons better and have no regrets because it needed to be said and heard.

Thankfully the intensity backed off a bit and by the end of the day yesterday I had a nice long talk with my husband that kept me up until near midnight (a rarity). It is not often that I go to bed after a talk with my husband thinking, “That was a nice”.

Despite all the energetic chaos of the past week/week-end today is calm and I even got a bit teary this morning after a chat with a fellow yogi on FB. The emotion was unexpected and connected to my current purpose/goal to get my body/mind/spirit in balance, the body being the most bent out of shape (literally). In the conversation it became clear to me that the entire left side of my body is lower (yep) than my right. Not only is it lower but it is tighter and more dysfunctional overall. Considering the left side of the body coincides with the feminine and the right to the masculine, it says a lot about me. Have I have been suppressing – holding back, beating down, tensing up in defense – the feminine and letting the masculine dominate? Probably.

Interestingly (another sync), the FB conversation came after I was once again second-guessing my intention to register for the Clubbell Yoga seminar in September. Last night during meditation and again upon waking I thought, “I keep avoiding registering for the seminar. I need to just do it.” Both times I opted to put it off until later. lol I keep back-pedaling because 1. the location puts me close to past events and people, 2. I don’t know if I can confront the energy of that particular location, 3. I am still feeling unprepared for the seminar and questioning my ability, 4. It’s scares the crap out of me all around. I keep telling myself, ” I can always do the seminar next year.” True but then should I?

I continue to be amazed at how yoga is expanding my awareness – awareness of my body but also of the connection between mind/body/spirit. Not only that but my body is responding, albeit slowly, as I re-train the muscle and joints out of dysfunctional patterns of movement into functional ones. There are moments, though, when I get frustrated because certain areas just don’t know how to relax and release never comes. I can’t even remember what it feels like to be relaxed in those areas either – that’s how long they have been tense!

But back on topic – the energy, its effects and how to manage them. There is a tendency for the Ego to rear it’s ugly head right now. For those who have gone through one or more Ego deaths this is a time to observe and manage the Ego. Keep it in check and if it gets out, pull it back in. Ask your guidance to help. All kinds of triggers will be available so just breathe through them to the best of your ability. Remember YOU (HS) are in charge.

Take time to yourself. As much as you need. Rest. Exhaustion is inevitable. I know I have been feeling it. I go from night’s of intense dreamwork to nights of exhaustion, sleeping so deeply that in the morning my dreams quickly fade from my memory.

Tune into your guidance as often as you can. They are there even though it may seem they have “abandoned” you (the Ego likes to play the victim). Ground. Be outside in nature or connect to the Earth in some way.

Breathe. When an event or a person triggers you, breathe before you react. A few breaths gives you a chance to calm yourself and let the thoughts go before they explode out of your mouth (my problem lol). If you still feel triggered then take a walk. Give yourself some space from the situation if you can. I know circumstances don’t always allow this so if you make a mistake be kind to yourself. Don’t judge yourself for being human. It happens. Ha!

Whenever possible tune into your body and your energy. How does it feel? Take note of it. Write it down even. Do this often. You will see changes and patterns. For example, when I am upset my shoulders tense, I hold my breath, I want to escape (thus the energy of my body does, too). Just learning to be aware of your body and your energy will lead to healing. Give it time. Give yourself time.

Finally, pay attention to the syncs/messages in life. Like the ones I mentioned above. Feelings and thoughts lead to interactions with others or coincidental happenings, little reminders to keep us on our path. The mind is full of booby traps. The heart isn’t.

You CAN do this!




Message: You Are Being Reborn

The vivid dreams continue but last night I had visits from Spirit while awake and during sleep. It reminded me of my wide-open mediumship days. Out of the blue I would hear a voice, most often a feminine one, speaking to me directly. Sometimes, when on the edges of sleep, I would be conversing with this female Spirit. There was also a male Spirit that came through, but it was the female who was loudest and most persistent.

When I inquired about who they were I heard back from the female, “I was there when you first experienced the Kundalini.” Then I heard the male voice say, “I’m from Hades.” He sounded serious but I sensed he was trying to get a reaction from me. I thought back to him, “Cool.” LOL In hindsight I now think Hades may have been a message but I’m getting ahead of myself….

Their presence or maybe just the energy last night was very intense – high, like someone had opened the floodgates between worlds. It crossed my mind that some kind of portal must be open, but I quickly moved on from that. I just wanted to be alone and them to go away. I thought to surround myself in protection at one point but then knew these Spirits were harmless. I opted to announce to them, “Only my guides and angels around me at this time” but in the middle of mentally saying this I felt there was no need – these individuals were part of my Team and as such the announcement would do nothing. My partner let me know they would back off, and they did – thankfully.


OMG my dreams were weird last night! And I could not get away from them despite wanting the peace of dream amnesia. I am SO tired lately. I sleep 10 hours a night and feel exhausted when I wake up. I miss not remembering my dreams. Truly.

Dream – Space Craft Pool

This dream occurred on a space craft in space somewhere. I was on board with others in a spacious cabin I shared with a pretty, black woman. She had decorated the room with white and lavender and it smelled like lavender (spiritual cleansing, peace), too.

As I lay in my bed (private self) curled up on my left side, a man came in and warned me that I might get wet. I ignored him and tried to continue to sleep. Then a huge wave of water came in from outside the doors to the cabin. It soaked me in my bed and I jumped up and out of bed to see where it came from. My roommate was already up and had gone through the double glass doors toward the water source which was a vast pool of aqua clear water. People were lounging around everywhere. It was very obviously a party.

I was completely naked (exposure, vulnerability) and walked amidst the people observing the scene. The pool was enormous with little side pools and large, glass windows that towered hundreds of feet high separating us from space. I got into the pool for a while and people watched. Two young boys came to the water’s edge, one had a toy he wanted to play with. I warned him not to get it wet if it was battery operated. He opted not to take it in the water.

I got out of the water and walked around, following the man who soaked my bed. No one seemed to care that I was naked. The man was talking to a scantily clad woman. I wanted him to notice me but he ignored me completely. I remember thinking it odd he preferred someone wearing some clothing to someone without clothing. There were thoughts that maybe I looked old and then I remember pushing away that thought when I saw my reflection in the glass windows. I was proud that despite my age I looked better than many of the other women there who were still in their 20s and I didn’t need some man to validate me.

I walked past him back into my cabin and picked up the soaked blankets from the floor. My roommate was leaving, moving out. No more lavender and white decorations, I thought. I remember feeling “assigned” to the space craft and being part of a team on a mission. My new roommate was male and I prepared myself to welcome him.

It got awkward after meeting my roommate. I can’t recall his appearance now but I knew the only bathroom on the craft was in our cabin. I kept trying to use the bathroom without being seen (need for privacy), which was difficult. At one point I was upset by the fact that the other crew members kept putting things in the toilet to flush that would clog it.

When I woke from this dream I needed to use to restroom. 😉 The dream felt very real even after I woke. It seemed like I had actually gone somewhere; like I had been OOB. I wondered about it and felt the man and woman from before around me.

Dream: Trying to Get Home

This dream was long and had many shifts. It began in a cafeteria (issues) line but that part is hazy. I believe I was suppose to have provided lunch for the group and forgot so I ordered sub (subconscious) sandwiches (pressure) for everyone.

The part I remember most is walking through a dark area of town on my way home. Everyone was gathered around a commotion. It reminded me of a movie scene where there were men fighting with one another. I was wearing backpack (decisions weighing me down) and a purse (self-identity). I took out my phone and took video and then the crowd dispersed. It seemed like I needed to leave in a hurry so I started to drive/fly away but had no idea where I was. I was lost.

I began to drive along unfamiliar roads. I think I was in some kind of motorbike as the vehicle had no top and there was little space to move around. I kept fiddling with my two bags. At one point the crowd shifted toward a large gate. I was warned not to enter. It was a mental hospital. I asked where the road was and someone pointed ahead.

I ran into a girl and followed her and her friends to a large high school that sat in the center of the city. The city was enormous and sparkling white. Every structure towered over me and the roads were wide and seemed made of granite. I remember asking for directions to I-35 and the girl tried to tell me and then I said, “I will just use my phone GPS” but then I couldn’t get it to work. The girl said she was going to work and I could follow her to I-30. I said it was not the highway I needed to get to and went off on my own.

The road I took turned into a vast slide and I slid (loss of control) down it, gaining momentum. At the bottom I shifted to inside a hotel room (shift in identity) with the girls. It was a very nice hotel and I commented that I was grateful for their help.

When I woke my hips and abdomen were very sore and buzzing with energy. My crown, forehead and neck were also buzzing. I got out of bed because it was uncomfortable and stretched a bit. My entire body was stiff and rigid.

White Caterpillar - Pseudosiobla excavata - BugGuide.Net

Dream: Playground

In this dream my daughter and I were awarded a trip to an amusement park like Disney World. When we arrived at our hotel we spent most of our time at a wooden playground (desire to es. As I walked through the playground structure a dark haired boy approached me to talk. We walked to the edge of the structure along a bridge.

I saw a black object that looked like a missile (helplessness) and pointed it out to the boy. It went below the side of the bridge so we looked down. Below was the ocean. The water was crystal clear and sparkling blue like the sky. In the water were all kinds of sea creatures but mostly I was focused on the whales (intuition/awareness). They were black and looked like the missile at first and I realized I had been wrong and there was no threat.

Whenever we looked over the edge and focused on the the scene below I began to float up, like gravity disappeared. I would lose my sense of direction and get uncomfortable but eventually laugh. Thankfully, I never floated away because the bridge seemed to have an invisible shield over it that curved up and over us.

There were people walking under water along side the fish and whales. Then I saw two baby black whales. I notice white around their eyes and determined they were Killer Whales (guidance).

Back on the playground the young man shifted into a pure white caterpillar (first stage toward transformation). A woman who was my partner was then with me tending to another caterpillar, this one female. I ended up with both caterpillars and as I walked off the playground. The male one flew up and into my hair. I pulled him out and the other caterpillar was taken and cradled like a baby and put in a safe location to sleep.

At the end of the dream I was sitting with the woman talking about how we were going to reveal our relationship to my daughter. I wanted to kiss her but resisted, worried our secret would be revealed.


When I woke from this dream I was disoriented. Messages were coming through all at once. The man and woman in Spirit were there but so were others. It felt like a gathering or celebration. I heard from my partner, “You are being reborn.” After that I began to hum music and when I recognized it I woke up. It was Pomp and Circumstance. I knew the song, played it in high school for every graduation. I said to my partner, “Didn’t I graduate last June?” Knowing came all at once and everything felt surreal. Not long after I saw a slip of white paper. On it I saw letters appear: S – L – O- W. I knew it meant I needed to take my time; take it slow.

When I finally decided to check the time it was 8:14. Again I heard the message, “You are being reborn.” Then I remembered – for the past three or more mornings I’d looked at the clock upon waking and it was 8:14am. The time reminded me of my birth time. I was born at 8:14pm. I understood then the message I had missed.

Wide awake I began to think of current events, of the message I had received about June 15th and the discussion I had with my husband along with all the other signs and symbols. It was like a flood of info and I needed to process it all.

Yesterday there were some events indicating a need for cash, but none actually resulted in cash being spent. My husband wants our family to go to South Padre again and so most of the day he was looking for hotels to book against my advice that we skip it this year. It is not a good idea with our finances as they are. Then, later in the day, my daughter accidentally dropped my husband’s phone in the sink when I was washing dishes. I grabbed it but it went under water. It looked like it would need to be replaced but thankfully it survived.

I am feeling strange this morning but cannot put my finger on it.





Dream Visits From a Friend

Lots and lots of dreams and perfect recall lately. In many cases I wake up and remember being lucid but somehow the memory of it is barely there. It is as if I am purposefully blocking lucidity in my dreams except for certain moments. The last two nights have been really busy and my memories indicate some “house cleaning” taking place.

There are so many dreams I could recount but I am only going to mention a few because of their significance.

Two Dream Visits

First there are the dream visits by my friend Yvonne Perry, author of Walk-Ins Among Us and owner of the We Are 1 in Spirit website. She resides in Tennessee where I visited her in September, 2016. I also met up with her and another group of walk-in’s in Mt. Shasta, CA in May, 2016. She and her husband have created a beautiful spiritual retreat on their property. They call it Sweet Home Retreat, and it is a magical, fairy protected space to connect, tune in and heal.

Wednesday morning:

I had a dream where I was preparing meals every day of the week as part of my class assignment. Each student was assigned a week where they had to prepare a full meal for all the other students in their class. My week was this week and I had decided to prepare ribs (unhappiness, lack of money, or marriage), slow cooked, with potato (finance concerns) salad for my Friday meal. I choose the ribs over a chicken (cowardice) meal in my mind. I recognize the ribs as a recurring dream symbol upon waking.

I remember being successful with my meal preparation and my meals being a big hit. There is also memory of working very hard to get my house clean and getting the help of my husband and children to clean it. It was the cleanest I had ever seen it and I felt very satisfied and clean when I surveyed our progress. There is specific memory of the kids rooms which were also bathrooms having graffiti (low self-worth) on the walls from others who had visited. I remember specifically asking my husband to tend to the walls.

I asked my mom to help me with the Friday meal by picking up pre-seasoned, pre-cooked ribs for me and then asked her to help with the potato salad because her recipe is the best. I did this while checking my email that morning. I was casually scrolling through FB and enjoying myself, completely oblivious to the time. Then I noticed it was already past 8am and realized I was late for work. I rushed out making sure my mom would get the ribs and help prepare for that night.

When I arrived at work I walked up to a door where I knew my boss was waiting. The halls were all white and shiny metal and it reminded me of a military installation. The door was guarded but when the guy saw me he let me in saying “She’s waiting for you.”

Inside there were computer monitors and screens, like an observation room. My boss, who I recognized as Yvonne Perry, was there and I apologized for being late. She was not upset. She began to talk to me about her memories of when she was my age – 40s – telling me that her memory loss was really a bother but that she is use to it now. She gave examples of things she forgot but specifically I remember her saying, “It’s the dopamine that does it.”

There are moments during my dreams where I am lucid, but they are limited. It is like I am purposefully forgetting my lucidity but not sure why. I know that my lucidity made my dreams very real to me and clear, in fact I recall remarking about how different the experience was. In one memory I am opening my eyes and looking at the walls of my bedroom. My eyes are very heavy with sleep and I think I am in my physical body and awake but I also know I am OOB. The walls are very unfamiliar yet a part of me knows they should be familiar so I talk my self into remembering as I open and close my eyes and focus on the green walls of my bedroom. I experience very real memory loss during this time but do not panic.

In another vivid, lucid memory I am clearing my house. This memory seems to mirror the actual dream where I am cleaning my house except the lucid memory is of knowing that I am not clearing physical debris but energetic debris. I sweep the rooms mentally, noting areas of clutter (energy blocks) and with one thought wipe out the blocks and clear the space. I can see colors too, swirling around – blues, yellows, oranges, etc. It is like a rainbow of energy but the energy at the end is white and “clear” of all color. My house looks like a physical house but it is not at all like the one I live in. It is more like a generic house and my focus is on the bedrooms, all of which have no furniture but are bare, white walls with energetic, colored blobs here and there. In the end, the rooms are cleared of all blobs of color and completely cleaned out.

While clearing the house I recognize that I can control and clear my physical body in a similar way. I do not need physical hands or anything physical to initiate change in my body. Specifically, I apply this to my pleasure centers and am able to initiate Kundalini bliss. 🙂

Early this morning:

I had awakened briefly at 7am and somehow managed to fall back to sleep (rare). I entered a dream scene that was dark and shadowy. I saw my children sitting in front of a TV that was small, white and dated. I asked where our regular TV was and they said, “Daddy took it away”. I was angry at my husband as this is a common occurrence in our home. I remember thinking, “I am done with this!” Note: this part of the dream is likely because when I woke my children were crying and protesting something their father had done, likely taking away the computer/TV.

After talking with my children, specifically my daughter about earrings, I remember a young woman standing in front of me. She said she wanted to change her appearance. Her head then morphed into that of a younger woman. I said it did not match her body. So she literally pulled her skin off like she was wearing a suit. I helped her step out of her skin (shield of inner self, exposing inner self) and she stood there in the body of a 10 year-old girl. I remember us talking as if we were the same person and wondering how I would adjust to the change.

We both went to a computer and watched what seemed like a live court hearing. I don’t recall the specifics except that it had to do with “judgment” and being careful not to judge myself and others.

The dream scene shifted and I was in a kitchen (transformation) with my friend Yvonne. The girl was with me but she looked different and felt grown and like my partner. Her hair was jet black and she was much shorter than me and Yvonne.

I believe we were in Yvonne’s kitchen at Sweet Home. The walls were bright yellow and everything was glowing. In front of me was a plate with dividers. She was explaining the types of food I should eat and pointing to each food. I recall berries, seeds, nuts (walnuts specifically – joy/abundance) and legumes. When she got to the lentils (roots, connection to humanity) I saw them vividly in all colors. She said, “Eat a lot of these.”

I reacted with surprise and my thought was, “I can’t eat like this.” lol I was thinking of only eating nuts and berries all the time and it seemed insufficient. The walnuts especially put me off. I don’t especially enjoy eating them. The thought of eating lots of lentils was unappetizing, too, though I do like them.

As if in response to my thoughts, a jar of something white appeared. I thought it might be kefir but the explanations that came to mind was that it was a food that supported estrogen levels. So, of course, I figured it must be tofu. There was also information that the entire change in diet would support the changes I am currently and will be going through. These changes are not just hormone-related. Ultimately, the message was, “Change your diet to include these things”.

Then Yvonne was standing in front of a cutting board with a steak (raw emotion) on it. She said, “If you insist on eating meat then you should cut off all the fat (overindulgence).” She then showed me how but I saw how difficult it would be and said, “There is no way to get rid of all the marbling.”

For a moment I was looking around at my surroundings, reclined in a chair. To my right was a sign with writing on it. It was white with faded green letters. When I first read it I thought it said Atlanta but upon further inspection I saw “Tennessee” written on the bottom so I knew it couldn’t be Atlanta. I read the top word again and it definitely started with an “A” but my memory is clouded here.

When I woke up I thought, “Athens”. So, I believe the sign said, “Athens, Tennessee.”

Best Places to Live in Athens, TennesseeDream: French Class

I reported to school. It appeared to be a high school. I knew I was late and had to ask someone what period it was. I was told, “8th”. I remembered that my 8th period class was French (language of love) and someone told me that the teacher would not be very forgiving.

When I entered the class the teacher was not upset. He handed me a small piece of paper that had words in lists. It was a test but someone had already completed it but the oral portion had not been. I remember thinking, “I know absolutely nothing about French (feeling unprepared regarding some subject matter, likely love).”

I sat down and observed the class and students. Nothing seemed to be going on. The students were all grouped together, whispering and looking at me. One began to ask me about French, assuming I knew the language enough to take the test. I said, “I know absolutely no French. I wish this were Spanish class….even German. I have spoken German before.” The student laughed and said, “You speak German?” I said, “No, but I can read and pronounce it.” In my memory I recall learning different languages to sing songs my first year in college as a music major. German and French were the most difficult to pronounce. Italian was my favorite. I thought of singing for the class the Italian song I sang for choir tryouts in college, but couldn’t remember the name of it.

Then I was taking a bath (cleansing, renewal) in a side room located next to the classroom. It was open to the room and the teacher came in to talk to me. I was not upset by my nakedness (vulnerability). I remember seeing pink flowers (love) floating in the water with me. The teacher was tall, with dark hair and dressed nicely in a suit.

We talked for a while, me very obviously naked, him fully clothed. I can’t recall our conversation now but the feeling left me nervous and unprepared, much like I felt in the class, as if I would be learning a difficult, foreign language (subconscious message I do not understand).

After waking I remembered the song I wanted to sing for the class – Amarilli, Mia Bella. I sang it in (1995) as part of an audition to be invited into the music program and join choir. Imagine this: Standing on a large theater stage all alone with a light shining on you. The seats below and auditorium are completely dark except for a group of four or five teachers/professors there to judge you. This was me in 1995.

What is funny is that during that audition I also sang a German song. In the middle of the German song I forgot the lyrics to the point that I had to stop and apologize to the group of judges sitting below me in the near empty auditorium. LOL To this day I still laugh about it. Regardless of that hiccup, I made the secondary choir and was invited into the program but I opted not to return to that college my sophomore year.

Yes, I can sing like this. lol

Based on the song memory and symbolism I believe the discussion I had with my teacher was on the subject of love. And likely a reminder that it is important to be able to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake. 😉


I am obviously doing clearing work, that I know, but the dreams with my friend Yvonne are curious to me. The message about dopamine and diet come across as significant. I looked up dopamine and memory and turns out that low dopamine can result in memory loss. The diet feels like a suggestion to shift to more of the type of foods in the dream. I tend to pay attention to these kinds of dreams because I have found them to be accurate. For example, not long ago I was told to stop taking Vitamin A, so I did. Not long after I realized my multivitamin had twice the amount I needed so I was taking additional Vitamin A which could have been harmful. Overall, the message from these dreams suggests a change in diet will help me manage certain changes beyond just hormonal ones.

The message about Athens, TN is also interesting. Yesterday, I did an astromap of locations in the US which would be good for me to live in or visit. I had one done years ago which always indicated California but at the suggestion of a friend I revisited my map.


I have reviewed this map before and again kept being drawn to the eastern US, specifically GA and TN. One specific location in TN catches my eye. It is near Knoxville but because of the map scale the specific coordinates are not available. Three lines cross in TN, two specifically around Knoxville. These lines are Venus (DS) and the Moon (MC). The third is Mercury. According to

Venus is seen to be the search for unity and a balancing of opposite poles.

Venus located along one of the main axes ensures an extremely pleasant and relaxing time. Social life takes precedent, and meeting people is a more harmonious activity. The more balanced level of energy at these locations promote mutual understanding, and allows for new friendships to be formed. Love relationships are intensified, in fact, these are perfect conditions for getting married and enjoying one’s honeymoon.

Apart from the Sun, the Moon is the most important component within the horoscope, and in Astro Maps, its lines are also considered of major importance. The Moon’s energy lines really affect the emotional and psychic domain, which creates an internal focus.

Similarly, DS and MC meanings are as follows:


The Descendant lies opposite the Ascendant. This is the point at which the signs of the zodiac and the planets disappear below the horizon. It is a place of meeting and with each sunset, when the cosmos and the Earth melt together, its symbolism is revealed. The Sun, which represents the “I”, dissolves and the “You” appears in its place.

“The Ascendant is the place of self-recognition, the Descendant the place where we recognize others. We find ourselves through the Ascendant but we discover others through the Descendant. 


The Medium Coeli or Midheaven corresponds to that point where the Sun is culminating. It exerts its strongest influence and throws the smallest shadow. Accordingly, this important point deals with issues such as consciousness, power and reputation. Planets found along the MC, or in aspect to it, exert an influence on these areas of life.

Contact to the MC-axis promotes job prospects, social standing and every type of social engagement. Naturally enough, we can only reap what we have previously sown. If you can accept this, and are prepared to assume responsibility, you will find support and patronage at such locations. MC lines put us in touch with company, state and influential authorities. We think more “prestigiously”, are ambitious and search for recognition. What matters is success and effective performance. Detrimental planetary placements can result in loss of power, job crises and loss of faith in leaders.

There is much more to this, I’m sure, but the draw to this location is strong and now I have a bit more understanding as to why. I have had numerous dreams of TN and have researched transferring my teaching certificate (easy) and job prospects (good) in the area. It would be easy to relocate. Maybe at some point I will and I think my dreams are a result of me mulling over the idea.

Finally, something comes to mind this morning after all this dream recall. On the 8th of June I had an unexpected message come to me. I was watching TV when an energy to my left caught my attention. I was covered in warm, loving energy that wrapped around me. I sensed time slow and a message came through – “It’s time to leave”. I acknowledged the message and was again covered in all-over body energy that was soothing.

Of course, the message could mean anything but it comes to mind now as I write this as does my continued draw to attend a yoga seminar in Atlanta this September.

I am still waiting to see if the message about today (June 15) will come to pass. I was told, “You will need cash.” Of course, don’t we always need cash? lol The only thing so far that has happened is a rock hit my windshield on Wednesday and now there is a crack half-way across it making its way to the driver’s side. It will be $200 to replace but I don’t have to replace it.

I Can Feel It Coming Back Again

I’ve been sensing a new energy for a few days now. It comes with a sense that something important is about to happen. This feeling manifests in odd ways. For example, yesterday I kept thinking I had forgotten to do something important but never recalled what that was. The feeling followed me for several hours. Similarly, I kept checking my phone thinking I needed to because it felt like there was an important message but there never was one.

Yesterday morning I had several dreams in a row that woke me in tears. It felt like the beginning of another surge purge but has not since returned. The dreams had something in common – they were all about my family. And, as usual, the tears really didn’t make much sense.

For a couple of weeks I’ve had a repeating dream symbol…..well two actually. The first is fishing. The second is that I catch a “fish” that is a white and glowing. The first time it happened I caught a glowing octopus. In the most recent dream I caught a puffy, toy-like, glowing, white fish and my sister caught a glowing, puffy, white dragon that was three times the size of us. The fish and dragon both resembled blown up balloons, not real-life creatures.

The recent dream reminded me of an OBE I had a while back where I caught a scary looking shark-fish with razor sharp teeth and kept wanting to throw him back. That OBE was around a difficult time in my life where I had opened a Pandora’s box and was attempting to correct the situation.

My guess is that I am handling repressed emotions. That is what fishing symbolizes – confrontation of repressed emotions. You “cast” out into the murky depths of your subconscious and bring forth a “fish” (repressed emotion) and then confront it. What the fish looks like indicates the type of emotion and issue. The gelatinous forms my fish take indicate the emotions/issues involve inability to assert myself, low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. The dragon-fish is especially interesting since dragons represent a fiery personality and strong will.

I Can Feel It

During the day I feel normal, somewhat disconnected spiritually but also tuned-in deeply to the cosmos. It is a strange sense of being very grounded while also stretching my spiritual branches high into mySelf.

I sense another embodiment phase approaching. When? It could already be here. I’m not sure but several times now I have caught myself saying it was coming. In fact, yesterday I was sad in Knowing this fact, already grieving the inevitability of loss that arises out of the ashes of the death that results. It’s a feeling of touching the face of God only to slowly fall back down to Earth and suffer the disconnect all over again. It’s hard to reconcile the experience once it passes, especially when the memory hits hard, at times making this physical existence so much more distasteful.

The balancing act is not overly difficult but it is challenging and I suspect this next “infusion of Self” will only exacerbate the difficulty. The Knowing is easy to accept in the midst of embodiment. It is the after-Knowing that is a challenge. The reaffirmation of my mission, the understanding of it at my Core, inundates everything to the point that rejecting it is impossible.

A good analogy of the process would be this: Imagine you get a cancer diagnosis. You are told you have six months to live at best and are encourage to accept your fate and come to terms with your life and impending death. The process seems unending as you face yourself, but in reality it happens in a blink of the eye. There is the grieving process, the fighting of it, the denial, the struggle against your fate. Ultimately, though, you succumb because there is nothing else you can do. The powerlessness you feel is the hardest. It is like Fate comes in and takes over. Your hands and body are no longer your own.

Of course, in this analogy the Ego is the one fighting and in denial. It is the one who feels “taken over” and “powerless”. The embodiment process does have that flavor to it – the flavor of dying, of death. It takes over and then you are no longer you. It is so fast, so streamlined, that you don’t even realize it has happened until you can no longer find your old self but instead are this new, amazing version that Knows so much and is outside of Space and Time.

I’m not afraid at all of it happening again. I look forward to it. BUT I do not look forward to coming back down and reality (this physical reality) setting in.

I hear audibly just now, “It gets easier.” I bet. I have no doubt.

A phrase from a song has been in my head this morning, thus the title of this post – I can feel it coming back again…..I can feel it.” Yeah, it’s coming….

Interestingly, this morning I had yet another clue provided via my own mouth. From upstairs I heard our dog whining to get let in, so I yelled down to my daughter, “Let Monty in.” This was what my mind sent to my mouth to say, but what came out was, “Let Monty walk-in.” Hahahaha I caught it immediately because it was like someone took over my mouth and voice and spoke for me. So odd and somewhat discombobulating but not a first for me, not at all.


Kundalini Dream: Queen of Sheba

Another visit from the Kundalini this morning. Two events in three days. Not bad after such a long break.

Kundalini Dream: Queen of Sheba

This dream is complex and so will be difficult to recount because there are two stories going on at the same time. One story takes place on a “screen” and I am an observer of it. The other story takes place off screen where I watch the screen while laying in a bed.

The story taking place on the screen is of a queen. I don’t know who the queen is but she is very powerful and revered. She first appears as old and tired. She is still revered and powerful but her desire and motivation have been depleted by life. I see her hair as brown with large amounts of gray streaked through it. Her hair is short and pulled back in a ponytail. Her face is tired and etched with deep lines. She doesn’t smile but looks serious. She seems to be struggling to maintain her strength and pose.

She has a male caretaker who speaks to me (I shift from observer to participant throughout). There is a serious discussion about the queen but I don’t recall it. Some kind of exchange or proposition is being presented. The queen is very insistent that she get what she wants.

The dream shifts to the queen who is standing in the middle of the room. She has regained her strength and her hair no longer has streaks of gray. As she moves toward a large window she reaches down and takes hold of a massive amount of hair that I hadn’t noticed prior to this point. The hair is long, reaching down to her ankles, and has been braided into tiny, individual braids (determination and strong will). She gathers up her braided hair and smiles. There is a sense that her hair gives her strength and restores her power. It is at this point that I recognize her to be the Queen of Sheba, though I have no idea what that means.

In the other story, I am in a large bed under a plush comforter. To my right is a pre-adolescent boy. To my left is a mature man. I am holding the hands of both and we are all watching a large screen in front and slightly above us. All three of us are naked.

I am very aware of this part of the dream, especially that I am between two male individuals and holding both their hands. My focus and attention is mostly on the man to my left. I am curious and a bit fascinated by him. My memory of the man on my left is that he is young, perhaps early 20’s, tall, and very pale skinned. In contrast, the young man to my right has darker skin and dark hair. He feels to be related to me but how, I am not sure, but I feel responsible for him and somewhat protective.

My awareness is mostly of holding each of their hands during this time. I feel both their hands very solidly. The young man has his hand wrapped around mine like a child would hold the hand of his mother. The other man has intertwined his fingers with mine in an offer of companionship, protection and support.

At one point the man to my left gets out of bed. He is completely naked and I can’t help but admire his beauty. He is very skinny and white and has not one hair on his body. I never see his head or face. My gaze follows him as he steps out of the bedroom and into the hallway. I see his entire backside and as he turns I avert my eyes so as not to see his nether regions. The odd thing here is that the bedroom we are in is familiar. I swear it is my old bedroom at my mom’s house.

As he turns and walks back to the bed I close my eyes, squeezing them tightly. It is odd that I do this and I’m not sure why I do but the feeling I have is, “I don’t want to see.” It is like I’m afraid of what I will see and what my reaction will be to it.

He got back into bed and we both faced the movie screen. This is when I see the Queen of Sheba and all her long braids from above. I remember talking to the guy on my left about the movie we are watching and how exciting it is. There is a scene I mention where a woman comes on strongly to a man, pushing herself up against him and kissing him. I remember the man on my left did not react to my amusement. I had sent him a telepathic question as to what his opinion was of women who were like the woman in the movie. He never answered me.

A bit of awkward time passes. Again I am aware of my hands and what they are doing. The young man on my right is still holding my hand. The man to my left is taking my hand and lightly tickling it with his finger. I make the decision to let go of the young man’s hand. My memory of this decision is that I feel the young man will be okay without me.

My attention fully on the man to my left I sense from him an open invitation to be closer, though there are no words spoken. He lets his right leg drop and scoots closer to me. I move closer, shifting onto my left side, and position myself to where his leg fits snugly between my legs. Then he takes my right arm and pulls it toward him, laying it across his bare chest. The sensation of our naked bodies pressed up against each other is very vivid and real. There is a flash of his face at this time but the memory is lost to me now except for a blur of white.

My lower chakras ignite instantly and I am overcome with desire to the point that it wakes me up. I lay there awake, stunned. My root chakra is very large, extending down to my knees. It feels magnetic, so strong that it makes my legs feel to be two to three feet apart when in reality they are side by side. I focus on the sensations, amazed that no matter how often the Kundalini visits the sensations she brings are always different.

My partner is speaking to me but I can’t remember what he says or what we talk about specifically. While we communicate energy moves up my spine toward my heart. It is very physical and warm, like I am injected with medicine. There is slight discomfort but I know if it were any more intense, pain would result. When the warmth reaches my heart it begins to warm up, too. A nice swirl of energy results but there is a block at my third chakra. I can feel it distinctly. The energy in my spine can pass through it, but not completely. The result is a build-up of warmth at my diaphragm and a slight discomfort in my hips and just above my pubic bone.

To feel the specific blockage was fascinating to me. I wanted to will the energy in my heart to grow but sensed it was not a good idea. So I let the energy move back down. I encouraged this by finally shifting my physical body. Even then, though, the energy remained in my root chakra, shooting all the way to my knees.


The symbolism of this dream experience is interesting to me. First, there is the Queen of Sheba. I had to Google it this morning and stumbled upon this article. I reviewed the biblical story and everything but only the beginning of this article resonated. Not only does the author equate Sheba to Maat but the crescent moon as well. After my embodiment experience I drew this image:


The left side of the drawing is me before embodiment. The right side is me after embodiment. See the two crescent moons – one above and one below the individual? Yeah. Interesting, huh?

I am unsure as to who the two male individuals are in the dream. I’ve long had dreams with a young, dark haired, boy. So it could be him again. One particular OBE comes to mind where I saw the young man setting fire to bushes. He was dancing around amused as I tried desperately to put out the fires he set. lol

Whatever the symbolism, I am certain the Kundalini is back, working her magic and clearing yet another layer of blockage. I have gotten repeated messages from my partner to remember what I have learned thus far and use it to let the Kundalini reveal to me more of her secrets. I am not afraid. In fact, I am curious and enthusiastic.

January 2018

As for the last Kundalini dream and the messages that I received pertaining to June 15 and unfinished business from January, I finally went back to my blog posts from January. Turns out I was documenting my dreams for the first twelve days of the month to see if they would give insight into the coming year. This month would relate to January 6th. Here is the post from January 6th.

I don’t know exactly what the dreams from that day might mean for this month. A good portion of the dreams involve my family, my mom and step-dad, religion, sexuality and my marriage. There may be some annoying issues coming to the surface. What is interesting is that I read an astrological blog just yesterday about how this new moon (which comes very close to June 15) may bring to the surface annoyances and upsets relating to family and relationships.

Overall, this past January was a busy months spiritually and otherwise. I seem to be doing a lot of healing on many levels. It is also a preparation month. I was preparing for the embodiment experience I had in early February.

I will add that I recall a portion of the conversation I was having with my partner this morning while recovering from the Kundalini. I mentioned how I missed feeling Alive and was asking how I could maintain it. He said, “Take a break from ________”. I’m not going to include the rest of the message but my reaction was shock and then, “Yeah, right. Like that will help.” Hahaha However, the Kundalini can be very persistent and persuasive. If she keeps up like this I am bound to give in and listen eventually, right? We’ll see. I’m pretty damn stubborn.