It is Well

I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend celebrating their mothers in their own way. We ended up at my mom’s house for the afternoon and then at my mother-in-law’s in the evening. It was nice to hang out with family and be in nature. The sun was out, there was a nice breeze and the energy was calm and friendly.

Though it was a good day overall, I woke in tears Mother’s Day morning and by the evening the melancholy returned. This morning there was more upset. More purging. More whatever it is. Rather than focus on it by talking about it here I choose to focus on the message that came to me when I asked for help. Perhaps it will help those of you who are in this purging mode alongside me. Remember, it all has a purpose. It will pass. It is well.

 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

(Skipped in the version above)
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Song by Horatio Spafford.

Lucid Dream: Dry Lake to Control Freak

Slept 11 hours last night. I’m really enjoying sleeping this much. It is a rarity. Unfortunately, I awoke to my daughter freaking out because her younger brother had broken a glass all over the kitchen floor. She had a sleepover last night so I had two drama queens to contend with. lol Thankfully her friend seems not to be a morning person and was pretty quiet.

Dream: Dry Lake to Control Freak

Woke at 5:30am and asked to project. Fell back to sleep and entered into a semi-lucid dream. I was traveling with a man across the tallest bridge I have ever seen over a massive lake. The bridge was golden in color and had what seemed like levels that rose high up into the sky. There were people in these levels, too, all waiting for something. Men, women, children of all races. They wore nondescript clothing that appeared identical to me. All of them had looks of anticipation on their faces, as if they were hoping something or someone had come for them. To help? To bring them something? I don’t know.

I closed my eyes, scared of being up so high. I took a peek out several times. Every time I did I would look down and see the lake below me and this very narrow, golden footpath my partner was using but I never saw his feet. It was like we were floating. I knew then my partner was carrying me.

We arrived at a lake and I lost track of my partner. I swam across it with a group of people. On the opposite shore we turned back to go to a spot out in the lake to see a penguin. I recall wearing goggles. From there we watched something on a large screen, me wearing my goggles. I took them off momentarily to adjust them and felt someone grab my leg. I was pulled under and I could not make it back up for air. I was held under far longer than I should have survived and knew I was dreaming. Full-on lucidity resulted.

I came up out of the water and saw my friends were all gone. There was a giant killer whale float we had been using and it was in the distance. I swan toward it only to find the water disappearing. I saw thousands of people and floats coming toward me walking in the waist deep water. I asked someone if they had seen my partner. No one had.

By the then the water was completely gone. I saw a pick-up and began to push it toward the shore. It’s headlights were on. The sun was peeking over the tops of the trees and I could see a hedge of bushes in front of me. I stopped the truck there and looked at a short wall. There was a subdivision of houses on the other side. I wanted to explore it.  I thought, “Should I take control of the dream?” I decided, “No, I think I will see where this takes me. I am curious.”

I jumped the wall and went up to a street sign. It was still very dark but I saw the street was S. 48th St. I knew it was far from my home. I walked along the streets for a while when a small mobile home caught my eye. It was well taken care of and I decided to explore it. I walked up the ramp leading the the front door. There was a very large grandfather clock taking up half the walkway. I bumped into it and it almost fell.

The door was open. I went inside and saw a small child laying on the sofa. She woke up crying and I picked her up. She looked Indian and was very small. She said her head hurt. I saw an Indian woman in the other room watching TV and went toward her. She panicked at first but then was concerned for the child, too. She said to me, “I knew someone would come looking for her mother.” The woman took us to a bed around the corner. The woman was there asleep. The child crawled up to her mom.

Then the woman told me their story. How the mom got sick and could not function. She had terrible, incapacitating headaches. Now her daughter was getting them, too. I went up to the woman who was conscious. I told her something like, “You have to learn to let go. You can’t control everything. You are killing yourself by trying.” I then told her three things she should stop trying to control but I can’t recall them now. I realized as I was telling her these things that my problem was also trying to control everything. I knew the dream had fulfilled its purpose then and I felt myself return to my body.

Interpretation

I am transitioning (bridge). There are others relying on me (people on bridge) and the message is it is important that I cross through this stage.

I feel restricted (lake) and am exploring my emotional state (swimming). I am trying to protect myself from emotional harm (goggles) and need to confront something in my waking life that I know is hurting me. I am told the situation is not as serious as I think and to relax (penguin). My emotions will subside (receding water) and guidance will be given (killer whale). Then I can pick-up where I left off (truck). I am seeking illumination (headlights). I go in search of solutions to what is holding me back (hedge and barrier). I find a situation that is temporary (mobile home) and am shown to not let my emotions get the better of me (headache). I give myself advice about control and am told to let go of certain issues, to trust all is working out as intended.

I find it interesting that I do not take over the dream but allow it to show me what I need to see. This is not common for me. While I am allowing the dream to show me things I am also observing it and learning from it to the point that I recognize it’s lesson and end the dream when the message is received.

When I woke up the song Complicated was going through my mind – “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?”. lol Yet I feel a part of this message is not meant for me but for someone I know in my life – “I see the way you’re acting like you’re somebody else gets me frustrated.” They spend the majority of their life acting like they are somebody else, but I know them, have seen their true self and it is frustrating to me that they continue to act like someone they aren’t to fit in. The message to both of us is to stop complicating life, to stop putting conditions on life (conditional thinking, putting conditions on people and situations), and to be true to ourselves. There is no need to pretend we are someone else. Honesty is needed.

4 OBEs, Same Theme

Slept nearly 12 hours last night! Whoa, right!? The K-Index was in and out of the yellow, too. Sometimes I sleep more with geomagnetic storms, sometimes not. Regardless, I had some dreams and a series of OBEs early this morning.

Dream: Bouncing Bullet

Dreamed of this small, bullet-sized ball that when thrown would ricochet off of everything. If it happened to hit someone, it would act like a bullet, piercing their skin and potentially killing them. Knowing this, I picked up a ball and threw it as hard as I could into the wall. It began to bounce off of everything with such speed I couldn’t track it. Someone warned me that I could die. As if to demonstrate my lack of fear, I put my hand to make sure the ball hit me and said, “I don’t care if I die.”

Interpretation

I have repressed anger (bullets) that could result in hurting someone or me. It don’t care and purposefully throw it and put myself in harm’s way. This indicates that I am reckless with my anger to the point that I am willing to accept the consequences of it no matter the end result.

sprout-008.jpg

Dream: Burning Lettuce and Asparagus

In this dream I was inside a women’s prison unit. I’m not sure why I was there but I took an interest in them and began to try and get to know the inmates. One inmate asked me point blank, “Why are you being so friendly?” I said to her, “I want to get to know you better.” The feeling from her was one of distrust and animosity which was understandable. She had committed crimes, some pretty bad ones (murder), and was being punished for them. I recall feeling immense compassion for her and wanting to hug her but I didn’t because her energy was not receptive.

Then I was outside with the female inmates. They were cooking food on open grills and enjoying their temporary freedom. I looked at the grills and instead of seeing the grill with coals underneath I saw a tiny garden. In the garden there were new sprouts and they were being cooked by a fire. Half the sprouts were lettuce and half were asparagus. I was horrified that they were cooking the garden and said, “You will kill all the plants!” I saw some of the sprouts were being spared. The others had small fired burning at their base and had a roasted look. One large asparagus shoot was not on fire. I said, “I don’t like asparagus anyway.”

Interpretation

The first part of this dream is me attempting to get to know other aspects of myself, aspects that maybe I am not proud of or who have done “bad” things. My Shadow self. The second half seems to be a consideration that my hard work (garden), abundance (lettuce) and prosperity (asparagus) are being destroyed (fire) before they ever completely materialize (sprouts). I try to make less of the situation by saying I disliked prosperity (asparagus).

4 OBEs

I woke up in between the dreams from a Kundalini dream. The Kundalini had been raging in my heart chakra and I said to someone, “I can’t resist it!” When I woke up I heard, “Then embrace it.”

Then I said to my guidance, “I want to project.” Not long after I entered into the in-between and began to hear noises-off, specifically a radio playing very loudly next to my head. I experienced almost no vibrations and found it difficult to tell if I had phased (gone OOB) or not. This occurred with all 4 OBEs.

In all of the OBEs I was in my bedroom, sat up OOB, tried to exit my bedroom and then re-entered my body. Re-entry happened at the exact moment of exiting the bedroom. It appears I was being told not to leave the vicinity of my sleeping body, but I’m not sure why. Two times I tried exiting through my bedroom door. The first time I re-entered as I was opening it. The second time I had actually opened the door but had a blanket wrapped around my foot keeping me from moving. In one another attempt to exit, I tried to leave via the window but the window was closed. I opened it, removed the screen and then began to jump/fly out the window. I never passed through the threshold. Finally, I tried to get to the window again and shifted back into my body before I could even touch the window.

In 3 of the OBEs my vision was on but the room was almost pitch black. The last OBE (the one where I opened the window) my vision came on and I saw the early morning light coming in the window. I began to sing to raise my vibration but I didn’t need to. My energy level was solid. There were thoughts in this OBE that movement was taking too long. I should be able to think myself to any location I desired. I felt to be slowed down. This all became apparent as I was opening the window. I knew I should have been able to just move through it but I was forced to use it like I would in physicality.

I had similar thoughts about movement in the other OBEs but I was blocked in the same way. I had to open the door. I couldn’t just go through it. Was it belief that trapped me in my bedroom? Was it to help me see how I feel trapped in life for similar reasons? Or was it to remind me that in physical reality we can’t just jump past the hard, boring or otherwise unwanted steps, we have to move through it all?

When I awoke the song, Stay With Me, came into my mind. I recognized a feeling from the early dreams of the night. The feeling told me that there was still some work to do at deeper levels. I need to handle my resistance to life. I heard something about being a part of the collective, reminding me that I am not here for just myself. It was not an accusation of being “selfish” by any means but a reminder that there are still remnants of the Ego, or small self, that are interfering and must be handled. I saw a visual of cobwebs sticking to me. They are extremely sticky. You can pull them off only to have them stick to your hands or some other body part. I guess that’s how these last remnants of the self are, too. They just adhere to another part and are difficult to get rid of.

 

 

Dream: Cruise Affair

Another early morning for me after a dream-filled night.

Dream: Dirty Pool 

Short dream of being at my mom’s and seeing an above-ground pool with water the color of green sludge in it. There was a discussion about a pool maintenance man who was to clean it, I saw him complete in scuba gear (it was a nasty pool). The pool guy had come to work drunk and was not doing his job, drunkenly falling off the side of the pool and laughing so hard he was crying. The man who I was talking with said, “You really need to do something about this situation.”

Dream: Cruise Affair

I was on a cruise by myself. While there I met a woman who I quickly became friends with. We ended up being intimate, something that surprised me even in the dream. I also recall the attraction to her caught me off guard. Our connection was intensely fiery and passionate. Thankfully, I do not remember any of the specifics of this love affair past kissing and some minor energetic impressions (whew!). I recall it was as powerful as any of the Kundalini dreams I’ve had in the past.

While we were walking to her room one evening we were being followed by a shady character who resembled a detective. He continued to follow us the entire trip and eventually I sought answers. I ended up in his cabin with another man and somehow got an AK-47 and fired so many shots at him that all that was left was a blood stain on the wall. I recall knowing the detective had been sent by my husband to spy on me. I laughed because my husband had told me he wouldn’t be concerned if I had an affair with a woman yet he obviously was.

Then I was back with my friend in her cabin. I suddenly knew I had to go and told her so. She didn’t want me to but let me and helped me to get my things ready. I recall going outside and putting my things in a yellow school bus. We talked the whole time and I was telling her that I was leaving one day early to try to avoid traffic and crowded planes. I recalled my entire journey to the cruise and back via plane while talking to her.

I also couldn’t remember the woman’s name and felt awful. I had a week-long affair with her and couldn’t recall her name!? I asked her, “What is your last name?” She said, “Haymen” and laughed saying, “I know, it’s kinda gross. It sounds a lot like hymen.” I laughed with her about it and told her about a coworker who had the last name Harman. Then I saw my friend’s first name in my mind. Lisa.

There was a container of orange juice sitting out that I grabbed and drank. She said, “I’m not sure that is any good. It sat out all night.” I said, “It tasted fine to me.” Then I began to change my mind about leaving. I said, “Maybe I shouldn’t go yet. I like it here.”

I guess I ended up leaving, though, because the next thing I know I am on the school bus waiting for it to leave. What is odd is that in the center of the buss was a long table and I was sitting at it along with others. Across from me was a black man who looked to be from Jamaica. He began to play the table like a hand drum. I played with him and so did everyone else. The sound was similar to a song I know.

The bus began to move. We passed by a group of school children all wearing red shirts. They were on a field trip. The black man stopped and sold them some balloons.They took them and blew them up or filled them with water. We watched as they took great joy in such a simple thing. I remember wishing I had joy like that.

In-Between

The dream was so vivid that I could not return to sleep after waking but lingered in the in-between. While there I had many visions and a long discussion with a guide. My guidance was saying to me, “You have to help us help you.” I responded that I didn’t want to do anything right now. I am too tired, too sad, to move on. This is why I wanted to return to the cruise ship in the dream. I want to stay where I’m at, in healing mode.

There was an instance where I saw one left shoe. The right shoe was completely missing. When I saw this I thought, “I guess I will be walking around with only one shoe.” But I understand that it shows I feel a part of me is missing.

I was able to also contact anger during this time. It is anger at feeling mistreated and controlled by men, an anger aimed at the male gender in general. I remember thinking, “If the male is not a child or elderly I don’t want anything to do with them!” There came with this an intention to never let a man manipulate or control me again.

Interpretation

The first dream indicates there is an issue that is especially repugnant to me (dirty pool). This issue is muddled with emotion and I am attempting to deal with that emotion but not doing very well. The way I am going about it is not productive – I am trying to avoid it rather than diving right in (drunk pool man). Yet I have all the tools I need to resolve it (diving gear).I really find humor in this dream.

I was surprised by the second dream because of my affair with a woman. Yet it shouldn’t surprise me since yesterday I was thinking that maybe having relationships with men was not good for me and considered that maybe I needed to be in a relationship with a woman instead. lol

The boat theme continues (its going on months now) with the cruise ship. Being on a boat is representative of exploration of emotion. A cruise ship is representative of a pleasant mood/emotion. The affair with the woman indicates I am seeking a relationship with myself but I feel watched by a “spy” sent by my husband. This is representative of how I feel in waking life, as if my every move is watched and judged by my husband. I end up killing the spy very violently which shows my emotional response – I am standing up for myself and not taking it anymore. The reference to “hymen” is likely a reference to virginity or purity, though I am not sure. Orange juice is energy/vitality. The school bus indicates I am about to take an important life journey. The drumming is representative of one’s strong will and determination (which I have plenty of). To hear drumming indicates a need to make steady progress and keep up the pace. The balloons in the end represent hopes and disappointments in my search for love. The children blowing up the balloons symbolizes hopes and aspirations. My reaction to them indicates I long for a return to a childlike love of life.

Songs

The song that was being drummed was It’s Time by Imagine Dragons, a song I have heard ever since 2011 when I was struggling with a negative work situation. The drumming sounded just like the very beginning of the song. 🙂 The lyrics are appropriate as well.

Another song came to mind after this one, a song that keeps coming up but I have not mentioned because I keep forgetting. It is Hand in my Pocket by Alanis Morissette. Specifically the part, “Everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.” 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dreams, Themes and Ship”Wrecked”

I’ve not been sleeping well the last few nights and dealing with all kinds of emotion for release. It’s been difficult with the sleep deprivation, a lingering head cold, and single parent status (husband is out of town) to remain centered through it all. I was finally able to get some decent sleep last night after taking a Benadryl along with herbal sleep supplements but I woke in a sour, resistant mood.

There has been a pretty much on-going geomagnetic storm since March 1st. This is after a short reprieve from a similar pattern. We’re being pummeled by the sun and in-between by gamma rays. I never know how I am going to react to these cycles. Sometimes I am feel great and other times exhausted, like a sloth-woman, or emotionally sensitive like now. I’ve actually gone through all of the above in a short period of time with the most common response being tired and sluggish, like all my energy has been sucked out of me.

planetary-k-index

Dream Themes

I am at least recalling some dreams but have not really had time or the motivation to write them down. There is a theme that I spotted recently that should be noted. This theme is that someone in my life is deceiving me. It has shown up via various symbols, the two most recent being a lamprey and a raccoon. The lamprey dream I documented already. The raccoon dream was two nights ago. In the dream I was on a boat (another repeating symbol) and trying to get away from evil, aquatic raccoons (lol). Only one out of ten was remaining and he was hiding in the boat somewhere. I was warned that he would hurt me, even kill me, if allowed close enough.

The boat theme continues to come up. This symbol indicates that I am ready to deal with and cope with my emotions. Thankfully the boats I am on are always in good condition as is the water.

Dream: Snakes

Short dream last night where I was visiting my sister at her new place in the country. She was located in another state. It was one of the more southern states but which one, I don’t know. I remember thinking Kentucky but knowing that was wrong. The weather was cooler than Texas, much more temperate. She was growing raspberries and had just harvested some. I remember tasting them.

In the dream I spoke of being offered a job in another state, but I could not for the life of me remember which state. My sister told me I could buy and RV and live on the 40 acres that came with her rental house. I went looking at the land and it was spectacular. Definitely much greener than Texas. I pointed out a spot in the trees saying I could live there. My sister said, “That’s the river.” I looked and saw it was indeed a small, crystal clear river. It had blended in somehow. Then I saw tons of small snakes in the water and on the banks. They were all colors and sizes and so many that they were squirmy and crawling over each other to get away. I saw their markings were like those of the rattle snake. I was not afraid of them, though, but fascinated.

Interpretation

I believe this dream was mostly a discussion of my life, considerations and current issues. These issues are of a delicate nature (raspberries) and I am being reminded to take my time and be kind to myself. The RV is movement, the water is emotion and the snakes are the Kundalini and/or transformation.

snake

Dream: 18

This dream is somewhat blurry now but the part I recall most vividly is being in my old bedroom at my mom’s house laying in bed talking with a classmate. He had just turned 18 and was romantically interested in me. My perception of him was as Hispanic but he resembled the same man I often see in my dreams. He was very eager to stay in communication with me, repeating that he was 18 and old enough now and asking me for my email address. I wouldn’t give it to him, telling him he already knew it. He wanted to meet me every morning before class from 7:30-8:30am. He said he would pick me up in his car. I asked what we would do and he said, “I don’t know. Talk.” I saw his intentions in my mind and told him, “Don’t you know I’m 40 years old and have three kids?” He didn’t seem to care. In my mind I went over the pros and cons of exploring a relationship with him. I was extremely drawn to him but kept seeing my children and my responsibilities as blocking any possibility of us being together.

Interpretation

More considerations coming out, these having to do with communication and rejection of a part of myself. When I woke up I was angry.

jeepDream: Black Jeep

I was attending a ceremony at a temple with my friend, her husband and a group of their friends. The man performing the ceremony was older with gray hair, a beard and a large belly. He took us through fields and into a mountain temple where he began to sing/chant in another language a very powerful invocation. His voice was operatic and he was reading/singing the runes off a stone pillar in the center of this temple.

The entire time I felt out of place. My friend and her friends were all connected and had similar beliefs and lifestyles. They all ate vegetarian and wore handmade clothing made of hand woven cloth. On their feet they wore sandals and some were barefoot.

I went with the group to a house where we would all be staying. As the food was being prepared I went into my bedroom. I found a bible laying on the table. It was my friend’s. I opened it and a piece of paper fell out. On it was marked scripture and my friend’s thoughts. One was in Corinthians and the note was that this was what she believed Oneness was. There were other slips of paper but I can’t remember what they said.

When I went back to the group they had all eaten already and offered me food. I told them I did not like veggies for breakfast and got disapproving looks. They had boiled or poached eggs and I took three. I was offered some coffee but told it had in it an antibiotic. I thought it odd and asked which one and was told Zyvox. I argued with them saying it was an anti-viral. I decided not to drink the coffee. lol

Then my friend and her family were leaving. I watched them walk away and noticed they had left their Jeep. They had left the keys in the ignition. I tried to lock it and found it was still running, so I took the keys out and tried to lock it. The Jeep began to drive very fast by itself. What was odd is that from inside the windows were all black and I couldn’t see. I began to panic and pulled the emergency brake. That stopped it. I re-inserted the keys and pushed in. This turned off the Jeep and allowed me to lock it.

Interpretation

It felt like I was trying to come to terms with conflicting lifestyles with this dream. When I woke I felt jealous of my friend for having a spouse that had similar spiritual beliefs to her own. There was consideration that I must change myself and life more than I am willing to. There was a feeling when I woke up that I didn’t want to ever be “pregnant” again and a total resistance to the transformation I am going through. I saw it as too painful and told my guidance, “I never want to experience a connection to anyone like that again.” The Jeep represents taking action – doing. I feel unable to control it and see it as “bad” (black) or the unknown. The emergency brake is me indicating I want it to stop, I don’t want to go forward. There was also a feeling that it may be time for me to go along with my husband’s spiritual beliefs again but it brought a feeling of uneasiness. It makes me feel stuck.

This caused me to remember I had an entire dream sequence where I was purposefully closing doors and trapping myself in a tiny room. My friends would open doors, smiling and encouraging me, and I would angrily grab the knob and slam it in their faces. I did this over and over until the doors stopped opening. I stood inside the tiny, claustrophobic room and slumped over the sink.

When I woke up a part of a song was repeating in my mind – “Did I build this ship to wreck?” Goes perfect with the boat theme.

Dreams: Miscarriage and Burning Desert

The strange dreams continue. But first, I was awakened by a song. What I heard was, “How can we live when our world stops turning?” The melody was familiar. I immediately looked up the song but the lyrics do not match the ones I heard. The lyrics from the song are “How can we dance when our earth is turning”. Makes me go hmmmm.

When I awoke with this song in my head I was angry about a certain situation and how it turned out. In recalling my dreams, I can see this situation was discussed in-depth throughout the night.

Dream: Miscarriage

I went to work at a job I was not overly enthused about. It was an office job of some kind. My boss informed me that I was pregnant. 14 weeks. She showed me the pregnancy test to confirm. In the dream it was a giant pregnancy test, taller than me! I was in shock. How could I be 14 weeks pregnant and not know it? I immediately touched my belly and I swear I felt movement. My mind went over and over the repercussions of this news. Strangely, I was not upset or excited. However, my boss was adamant that I buy insurance because I would need it. I told her that I could not afford it and didn’t see the point. I got really upset at her for trying to force it on me.

Not even halfway through the day I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, I began to miscarry. Then I was going over the loss of a potential life and sad for not having developed any attachment to my baby. I had even known it would be a boy and had accepted the fact that I would have four children, which was a bit overwhelming to me. I again saw the giant pregnancy test but it had not been used. I focused on the positive/negative symbols.

Interpretation

Based on this dream I suspect that I am reviewing some aspect of my life/life situation that has turned out differently than I anticipated. It was received as a potential rebirth, or new life path (pregnancy) but then this never manifested (miscarriage). 14 weeks indicates the time of conception (when the pregnancy occurred). There was no insurance (trust) because I was resistant to it and felt “forced” into the situation. I thought about the loss of this potential path (pregnancy) and how I never developed an attachment to the baby (potential new life). The giant pregnancy test indicates I feel that this life situation is really “testing” me. The final unused pregnancy test indicates that this “test” is not over and asks the question, “Are you ready?”.

Dream: Burning Desert

I was in a desert with a black man. It felt like Africa but I have no idea where it was or if it was an actual place on Earth. We were standing next to a crystal clear lake. It reminded me of a glacial lake in its coloring. The man held in his hand a giant, red crab. It was huge, about the size of a small dog. The crab was dead and the man was taking large amounts of flesh out of it’s claw and eating it. The flesh was cooked and resembled dark meat cooked turkey. As he ate the crab meat another man was explaining that this crab was unique. Without it the people of this place would starve. Then he directed me to the lake. There was a crane-like, white bird that stood nearly as tall as me. He told me to look in the water. I saw thin, silvery fish about a foot long each. The fish, he said, would attack and eat the crane if he got too deep into the water, eating the crane’s under belly. In my mind I was thinking, “crotch eating fish.” lol He said the fish were the main food of the crab.

I went to a rocky outcropping and peered into the water at the fish. They were easy to see in the clear water. Far beneath them and just out of sight was the outline of a much bigger fish. I backed away thinking, “I better not fall in. If the little fish will eat my crotch no telling what that bigger one will do.” LOL

The man and I walked away from the lake and into the desert. It was very quiet, no wind and quite cool. There were small rocks dotting the landscape and the earth, a very light sand color, seemed very hard packed. He pointed in the distance. I could see the charred remains of some scraggly looking, short trees. He said that a huge fire came through and destroyed the forest leaving nothing but what we were looking at. It was quite desolate but the feeling was that when the rains came it would begin to rejuvenate.

I followed the man and some others to a building. It resembled a hotel but seemed to be a place where college students stayed. I was to stay with a group there. I remember laying down in a bed and being informed of how long I would stay, though now I don’t recall what I was told. I remember everyone was dark skinned and it seemed very foreign to me.

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Interpretation

I see this dream as further reflection of my thoughts and feelings prior to bed. The black man was a guide or aspect of me. I am feeling lonely and isolated (desert). I am questioning my tenacity and perseverance (the crab). Can I endure this period in my life and the challenges it presents? The crystal clear lake in the midst of the desert indicates that I am seeking peace and inner solace. The fish are ideas and insights from my subconscious. The white crane symbolizes motherly love and happiness. The ideas and insight (fish) eat the underbelly of the crane (motherly love and happiness) if the crane descends too far into the lake (inner solace). The fish (ideas) fuel my perseverance (crab).

When I look for inner peace and solace (the lake) I see something scary deep in my subconscious (big fish) and worry it will further eat away at me. I fear something related to life security and feelings of safety (crotch = root chakra) and do not want to risk something bigger being stirred up.

There has been a recent transformation (fire) that has left me with only the charred remains of what I once was. New growth will come with the rain (forgiveness, grace, purification). I am in the midst of learning something new (college), so new I feel out of place and tired from the enormity of the situation I put myself in (foreign place and laying in bed).

The complexity of the dream symbols scream inner conflict. The very things I desire and am being led to explore (inner peace and solace; ideas and insight from my subconscious) are eating at the underbelly of that which I cling to (being a mother and finding happiness in that aspect of my life).

No wonder I woke hearing, “How can we live when our world stops turning?”

Dance in the Rain: Choose Joy

You may be wondering if I’m still doing the happy dance over here. Well, yes and no. Yes, I am still feeling silly. Singing and dancing, playing around with my kids, just enjoying life. Then there is the “no” part. I only said “no” because yesterday morning I woke with a strange “off” feeling in stark contrast to how I have been waking every morning for the past week. Ultimately, it was a premonition of things to come. My husband triggered me and I spent a good part of the morning working with intention and pulling myself out of the heavier energy I allowed myself to fall into. But I  did it. 🙂

This song came to me while I was reversing the energy flow and shifting back into my happy place.

I went to bed feeling happy. 🙂 This morning I awoke feeling happy. Silly songs were going through my mind and I felt like dancing. Honestly, this personality change reminds me of my “drunk” self. I’m a happy drunk, a silly drunk, a talkative, laughing, high-as-a-kite drunk. Some say you become your “real” self when you’re drunk. Perhaps it is true? And now I am just being my real self when in the past I was unable to fully embrace her?

Here is a song that was going through my head when I woke up this morning. Makes me want to spin around and around and around while smiling really big.

So are you tired of my happy posts yet? Anyone disgusted, jealous, or just can’t stand to read my posts lately? (gagging sound) I totally understand. I’ve done a bit of gagging in my life and been completely put off by being around people who are “overly happy to the point of sickening”. I get it. I do. Hate me, pass up my happy posts. I’ll still be happy over here dancing to songs from the Minion’s movie. To be totally honest, I never thought this kind of extended happy feeling could be maintained. I do reality checks often (am I dreaming?) and turns out this is real.

You may also be turned off by my posts because your reality right now is in stark contrast to my own. I’ve been there. It’s tough. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I love you. I hope you can feel it.

The energies right now are brutal! First, there were several intensely powerful gamma ray bursts. Then came the geomagnetic storms that are only now subsiding.

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We are being tumbled and thrown about in a raging ocean of intense energy – energy of extremes – positive/negative, protons and neutrons – cellular restructuring, crystallizing. Just when you come up for air you are pummeled and pushed below the water’s surface again.

By the way, I’m not immune, either. Not only was I triggered by my husband, but my neck has been feeling strange, energy swirling up and around the back of it and at moments causing me to feel as if I have a sore throat on the outside. Try to imagine that…. My lips are peeling like I burned them (I know weird). I’m super hungry and thirsty. So yeah, I have some side-effects, too.

I’ve been asked by others how to ride this wave. No you are not dying. You are transforming and this WILL pass.

My advice has been listen to your body. If you’re tired, rest. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re thirsty, drink up. If your mind is slowly sending you into a deep, never-ending despair or taking you around in circles, get out of it and into your heart. If you can’t manage that, then occupy your mind with something mentally challenging. Crossword puzzle? Or do something grounding but active like house cleaning, walking, strenuous exercise for short periods.

Sometimes, though, you may just have to allow whatever it is that needs to surface to come up. Then let it go. Harder than it sounds, I know. It takes practice. I am by no means a master at it. It took me all morning yesterday to “let go” and “hold space” for myself and my husband. Setting an intention helps.

Hot salt baths with essential oils are one of my favorite ways to handle intense energies. Sometimes they incite an emotional release. It’s okay. Cry in heaving sobs. Get it out.

Don’t forget to turn to what brings you joy in life. This can be a masterful way of integrating the energies. If you have children, surround yourself in their hugs. Snuggle. Watch a movie together. Veg out. Love to sing? Sing, even if it a sorrowful song. Drawing, painting, gardening, dancing….do whatever brings your heart joy even if at the time you don’t feel that joy.

A question I’ve seen a lot of lately:

I’ve been on this ascension path for what seems like forever! When will it stop?

Hate to tell you, but there is no “end”. We are always ascending. And descending. It’s a spiral. The pain, the discomfort, the struggle will stop when you are done with the experience. Think back to when you were a child. You were curious. You explored your world. You spent hours sometimes just exploring one particular object or space. Sometimes you went back over and over to this space or activity. When did you stop? When you were no longer interested in it. Then you moved on to explore something else. This is how we are as Spirit – forever children in awe and fascination with life and existence. Though you may feel you are “done” and have lost interest in the ascension path, your higher self may still have more to explore and is currently fascinated with whatever experience you find yourself in.

For me, I had to surrender. Completely surrender. I’ve been traveling this path all.my.life, but intensely so since 2003 and even more intensely since 2014. It was only recently that I finally surrendered and I only did so when backed into a corner. I thought for sure I was going to do something crazy, lose my mind, die the most horrendous death. I was ready to commit myself, to take any and all psychiatric medications just to make the pain stop. I had many previous “death” moments, but nothing like this.

On the other side of it, I can see how I chose the path, the pain and despair. Once I surrendered I saw that I could choose love, joy, happiness. That it is an intention. Though I had set intentions previously, I never truly understood the process until now. It is not a mental activity – Think what you want and focus on it and it will come to you. It’s from the heart. It’s a feeling. A full allowance and openness from the heart. There is no doubt, no second guessing, no what if’s. Setting an intention from the mind opens you up to all of the booby traps of the mind and leads to failure. It’s a lot of work, too. You have to keep thinking, focusing, re-stating intention. When it comes from the heart it just IS.

I hope this all makes sense and provides you with some kind of direction, some kind of solace as you ride the storm. If anything, listen to Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head. Hopefully it will make you smile.