Questioning

My purification is soon to conclude and my Companion has moved in a bit closer, initiating communication with me in the evenings. There is a bit of a disconnect still ongoing and it was explained to me that I have shifted from a heart focus to a mind focus. I recognized this to be true and attempted to center in my heart but found it difficult as my mind continued to drift back to pressing issues that it seems not able to let go of this last week. In my exhaustion I eventually drifted in and out of sleep.

I also received a message that I would have more intense and dramatic dreams. As if to illustrate this point, during the first minutes of sleep I was awakened suddenly from a dream in which I observed the execution of several people. I saw their heads explode and it startled me awake.

I have had so many dreams last night that I am not sure where to start or what to focus upon so I will recount on the most recent of them.

It is Well

The last dream I recall was of me driving with a woman toward a destination I don’t recall. She stopped at her house on the way. I looked out the window and saw a very dilapidated house in disrepair. It stood out amidst the very pristine neighborhood it was located in.

I watched the woman go inside and attempted to peek in and see if the inside was like the outside. I got a glimpse of a modern, updated house and assumed they were renovating the place. The woman walked up to the window and looked out at me. What was weird is that the window had that tint on it that appeared like a mirror to all on the outside looking in. So I saw her as a reflection. I knew this was wrong. I shouldn’t be seeing her at all and this confused me. I did not think more on it and headed into the house.

Inside I saw a sparsely decorated space with sleek lines and mostly light pine furniture with no cushions. I headed into a large room where many people were gathered. The woman who had driven me to the house was in front of the group talking about plans and I was distinctly aware that I had walked into a church meeting.

The group began to sing and I joined in. They were singing, It is Well With My Soul. I knew the song and enjoyed singing it very much. I sang loudly and could hear my voice rise above the voices of the others. I felt wonderful.

The singing stopped and the woman began to talk about a fundraiser that was suppose to have been planned for Halloween. I was suppose to have begun working on it and I recall that the fundraiser was selling pumpkins. It was to start in September but I had not started working on it yet. I felt ashamed because it was August and I had done nothing.

The woman then explained to the group that it was a sin to have sexual relationships outside of marriage. I felt completely out of place at that point and began to leave. I was asked why I was leaving and I said, “I have three children. It is obvious that I have had sex many times” and I laughed.

As I attempted to leave I felt to be followed and began to look for my glasses. I picked up a pair on the table but the prescription was wrong and they were tinted. I was able to see more clearly than with my own glasses, though. I remember putting them down and leaving.

I began to question the dream at this point and started to focus in on the people who were all around me. I saw the faces of men and women, all strangers to me, and they were all looking at me like they were waiting for me to do something. I recognized that I was dreaming then and began to try and move into the crowd of people and take control of the dream. I began to feel myself moving back into my body. This is when I woke up, the song I had been singing still vivid in my mind.

Questioning

The dream seems to go along with how I have been feeling in life lately. I have been questioning everything that has been happening to me spiritual since last summer. A full year has passed and though I have gone through some miraculous spiritual changes, I still feel very much like I did last summer. There is an incompleteness and a nagging feeling that I am missing something, but I don’t know what.

I also have a strong desire to leave my job. I attempted to listen to my heart about it last night and when I recognized that it was in my best interest to leave the job, my mind took over and made it almost impossible to remain centered because it was freaking out. I seem unable to control my mind no matter how hard I try. Thankfully, a strange inner calm remains despite the mental pushing going on and this keeps me from overreacting and doing something prematurely. Every time I think I have made a decision about my job I get pulled in the other direction. I feel like a yo-yo.

It very much seems that right now the New me is working hard to control the wild, out of control horse (Ego, human personality). Right now, the method of control is merely holding back the horse while it lashes and bucks in an attempt to remove the intruder. There is not much else that can be done until the horse calms down and recognizes its attempts are getting it nowhere. Then, when the horse is calm and submissive, movement forward can be made.

So the message is clear that no decision can be made in my current state. I am okay with this. I can have either option available to me and recognize that I need to be open to possibility right now. Though I do not know what is coming up next, I have faith that all will work out as it is intended.

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Hypnotized

It is odd how memory returns suddenly.

In recounting my OBE yesterday, I wondered briefly about the conversation I so clearly heard but could not remember. Why was it lost to me? I was even participating in it!

Then, after posting my experience to this blog, I was suddenly hit with a recollection of the subject matter of said conversation: Hypnosis.

Interesting.

After a long day, I sat down to watch a movie my husband said I should watch – Dead Again. The movie was old, from the early 90’s. Strangely, I had never seen it.

About thirty minutes into the movie hypnosis came up. As the movie progressed, it was clear that hypnosis and past lives were a major part of the story. I could not help but wonder – Was the movie there to remind me of the conversation I had early that morning? Was the conversation a premonition that I would be watching the movie or was it something else?

Hypnotized

This morning, after a night of restful but frequently interrupted sleep, I cannot remember my dreams. However, upon seeking out the lost dreams the subject of hypnosis returns along with the message: You are hypnotized.

And in considering this, I realize that my guides are trying to get me to understand that this life, this “play”, we are all actors and actresses in, is so very hypnotic.

But there appears to be more to it than that. Perhaps the hypnosis is not limited to just lifetimes on Earth. Maybe it is so ingrained in us that we remain influenced even after death and that this perpetuates the cycles of life, death and rebirth all the more. We don’t question the cycle between lives. We accept it and continue upon the path.

Is it possible that to break the cycle all we must do is break this hypnotic trance we have been for so long? If so, how?

I am reminded of The Matrix movies in response to the above question. It appears the first step is not only to question our existence and this Earth life, but also to fully let go of that which restrains us – beliefs, illusions, addictions, and all attraction to the illusions of life – and take a leap of faith into the unknown. Only then will we truly be in control.

“You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” `~The Matrix

It is clear to me that this decision is so much more complex than the movie scenario. The decision to break free of the cycles and the hypnosis we have been under is on-going. A one time choice will not do it. It sets you on the path but in order to remain on the path you must continue to choose the “red pill” over and over again.

Application to Life

It is fitting that this message comes through to me at this time. I have been struggling with the decision to leave my job because of concerns about the financial security of my family. I have no interest in my job anymore yet I hold onto it, fearing the unknown that awaits me if I leave the security it provides. There is clarity now about this decision that was not there before, suggesting that discussion of this issue has been on-going while I sleep.

I am hit with thoughts about manifestation and how it works in the physical universe. The message to the universe is that I desire the job I already have. My thoughts, words and actions send that message.The key here is to change my thoughts and words from, “I need a job” or “I don’t want my job anymore”, to, “I have a job I love” or even better, something more specific. Then, my actions should support my thoughts. Instead of staying at a job I no longer desire, which tells the universe that I need the job for financial security, If I leave my job it show the universe that I am desirous of something better. In leaving that space to be filled by the universe, I am supporting my own creative ability rather than supporting the hypnotic, fear-based suggestions I have been taught lifetime after lifetime.

The human, hypnotized part of me is filled with doubt almost instantly at the thought of taking such a dramatic leap of faith. What will I do for work? How will my family survive financially? What is we lose our house? What if my husband leaves his job (which he wants to do)?

The above thoughts/doubts are reflective of my/our hypnotized state. We have been hypnotized into believing that we are powerless and that physical universe things have more power than we do. Money. Influence. Education. Social Status.

In reality, we are powerful manifestors who have forgotten our own power.

So the question here, do I take the red pill or do I continue on with the blue pill?

Unexpected OBE

Last night continued the pattern of the previous week. I had too much energy to settle and fall asleep and my stomach was unsettled. I ended up awake until 1am.

Unexpected OBE

Literally moments after I finally began to doze off, I found myself in the midst of subtle vibrations. I also overheard an entire conversation going on between three individuals. I remember talking back to the voices saying, “I am here. I want to talk to you about something. I hear you talking about me”. I do not remember now what they were saying, but at the time it was crystal clear and it felt as if these people were just on the other side of my bed.

I realized that I was about to exit my body and did not resist. I felt very drowsy, though, and wanted badly just to fall asleep. I had been trying so hard to fall asleep and now I was being kept awake by vibrations!

A part of me did not care about the sleep aspect, though, and wanted OOB, and this part is the part that took over. I remember thinking, “I wonder if I can exit?” Without anymore thought, I literally just rocked out of my body. I could feel myself peeling out of my body and it was almost like cobwebs of energy stuck to me and would not come off.

When finally freed of the strange, cobweb energy I was standing by my bed. The conversation between the three people was gone and they were nowhere to be found. The room was black and gray and there was a heaviness all around me. I remember stumbling away from the bed and saying, “Clarity now”. When it didn’t work I realized I needed to have more conviction when I said it and so said it again.

Nothing happened and the heavy energy seemed to slow me down exponentially. I felt like a giant sloth, my arms and legs seemingly glued to the ground. The exertion of it was too great and I went back into my body gradually.

Hypnagogic Imagery

Back in my body, the vibrations continued and I knew if I wanted that I could go back OOB. I was not thrilled about doing that so I lay there languidly for some time, observing the images and shapes flashing in my mind.

I recognized that I could create images from the shapes in my mind/vision, so I played around and created a scene of a kitchen table set up with a white kettle, glass and napkin. They were arranged like they would be for a casual tea time. I was able to make it extremely clear, clear enough that if I wanted I could have walked straight into the scene. Disinterest then overtook me and the scene faded but I quickly recreated the scene, watching the image clarify in the center of a white fog. I knew that it was a portal to another place somewhere in the astral realms but I just didn’t want to bother going on an adventure. So, I let the scene fade out and watched the black and white squares cascade and swirl in my vision until the vibrations disappeared and I fell asleep.

Considerations

I have not been interested in going OOB some time and so this experience took me by surprise. Additionally, I went OOB at the beginning of falling asleep, which is out of the ordinary for me. I suspect that is why I had such difficulty getting out of the etheric and felt almost stuck to the floor by strange, cobwebby, heavy energy. I wonder if my upset stomach was the reason for such an early exit? Or maybe it was a combination of my stomach issues and not being very tired. My energy level has been through the roof! Whatever the case, I hope that next time I am able to muster up enough interest to go through the portals and on an adventure.

Preparing for the Next Stage

I am on day 12 of my purification and am feeling excellent except that I am now struggling to fall asleep at night. I blame the extra energy I have for that.

At this stage I am not noticing too many toxins and chemicals being released. There are occasional muscle twitches in my back and one nostril will stop up randomly, but other than that, nothing. I suspect the muscle twitches result from a release of tension in my back from all the time in the sauna. The stopped up nose could be allergies or maybe the nasal spray I used for so long through each of my three pregnancies.

I now look forward to the running and to the Niacin flush as it turns on full force in the midst of my runs.  I forgot how freeing it can be to run for long periods of time. Yesterday I did not want to stop running and actually extended my running time to 35 minutes. 🙂 I also find myself daring the Niacin to do its worst during my run. I kind of have the “no pain, no gain” idea going on. That is just how I am, though. I love to push my body to its limits. I also strongly believe that one’s mindset makes all the difference. Long ago I decided, “I control my body, my body doesn’t control me”.

Sleep Changes

As I mentioned already, falling asleep has become a challenge with all the extra energy I have. It takes me about 2 hours to fall asleep when before it would take literally minutes. I am also now waking up more frequently in the night like I did prior to starting the purification. I suspect my body has adjusted to the new routine and the increase in vitamins and minerals. I also find it interesting that these sleep patterns go hand-in-hand with the solar flare activity lately, which has been off the charts.

I awoke this morning from a very realistic dream in which I had accidentally killed a man and deciding if I should confess or try and hide it. I went to the police station and told the officer of my crime and he filled in a sheet. He left for a long time and I began to fret and worry if I had done the right thing. I ended up sneaking out the back door and running. The whole time I was escaping I knew that it was pointless as all the evidence pointed to me. I thought of all my options, even suicide, but recognized I had to take responsibility for my actions.

When I woke from this dream it was still very real to me and I had to reorient myself to present time. I literally awoke feeling I needed to prepare myself for a long stent in jail. Ha! I then recalled that while I was hiding from the law I was mowing a lawn and doing yard work. How odd!

Spiritual Changes – Preparing for the Next Stage

Yesterday, while in the sauna, I felt the familiar energy helmet sensation come on for a minute or so and then vanish. It happened again an hour or so later and now is just barely noticeable again.

I spend most of my sauna time reading Science Fiction books, so it is rare that I notice anything going on with my body/mind because I am so engrossed in my reading. I am currently reading, A Darkling Sea by James Cambias (great book!). Reading passes the time and keeps me from fixating on just how hot it is in the sauna (168 degrees).

Yesterday I would be pulled out of my reading by the strange helmet energy or a sudden thought unrelated to my reading. My guide would respond to my thoughts, which he hasn’t been doing for some time. He again communicated with me last night prior to bed saying to me, “You are large” and sending me a mental visual of my energy (aura) expanding way past my normal six to eight feet around my body. I was white and expansive and felt this body to be so very small. He then said, “You will remember again” when a memory of the amazing things I have experienced caused me to long for more. I asked if this meant that my “rest” was over, and he said, “Not just yet. We will ease you into it”. I know I am nearing completion of my purification, so this is likely why I am again receiving communication.

No Rest for the Weary

I couldn’t fall to sleep last night. I had too much energy, which was odd after running for 30 minutes and then sitting in a hot sauna for four hours (with breaks of course). I was able to hear my guide on and off and had some moments where I would hear complete sentences but they are lost to me now. I recognized instantly that something was churning inside me, moving toward the forefront of my Earth consciousness.

The recognition of this was almost imperceptible, still is, but if I focus on my heart space, quiet my mind and just feel, it is there. The physical exhaustion that accompanies this purification of body has separated me from the usual communication periods that come with sleep. Yet there lingers a memory that so much is being accomplished in the beyond.

No Rest for the Weary

I have been observing the comments of others over the period of a couple of weeks. While I enjoy my deep, almost dreamless sleep and daily stability, others are struggling with intense Kundalini-type symptoms, general dis-ease and melancholy. The energy intensifies every day and the lull between each surge is near non-existent. It is the crescendo ever rising. It is adjust, adapt or fail.

And I hate to tell you all this, especially those of you who are struggling right now, but this is not going to let up anytime soon. The days of the long periods of normal, lower energy, are over. It is the push over the edge for some.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope with this new normal, ask for assistance from your guides. Look inward for your answers, not outward, as you will find great confusion all around you. It is human nature to seek comfort in our similarities with others, to feel not alone, yet at this time the similarities can be very misleading and only add to the confusion.

There are some who are, like me, experiencing deep, rejuvenating sleep. Enjoy it, as it is your body adapting to the higher more intense energies. Though you may feel disconnected from your guides at this time, they are never far away. Know there is much occurring behind the scenes. Trust that all is well. You are in good hands.

Purification Update and Other News

My purification is going well. I am on day 9 today and feeling better everyday. When I first feel the Niacin it is intense but the flush doesn’t last as long and the prickling and burning sensations are also decreasing. I also do not have significant purging of chemicals, medications and other toxins. For example, yesterday I just felt my neck get stiff and had a stink come out of my pores. I end off each day feeling refreshed and positive.

Sleep

My sleep has improved significantly since starting. I sleep a solid 8-9 hours and only wake once. Once! I sleep so hard that when I wake up I rarely remember my dreams and even if I do, I don’t care about them. The sleep is just awesome! I have not slept like this since my teen years. Oh how I’ve missed it!

Unfortunately, I am not receiving any guide communication or experiencing any lucid dreams, in-between states, or OBEs. I just sleep and wake and go about my day. I suspect this will continue until the purification concludes. I am already halfway through so am hoping I will be done in another 10 days or so. Fingers crossed!

Spiritual Happenings

Though I have not had much in the way of a spiritual connection this last week, I have had some interesting things occur. The night of the 20th I was hit with a sudden twinge of nervousness. It hit me deep in the stomach area and came out of the blue, you know the “sick” dread feeling? I could not mentally figure it out so I focused on my heart space. The answer I got was that I was being asked to make some kind of decision. I remember running from this decision, whatever it was, and finally announcing to my guides, “I don’t want to do that now”. The feeling immediately vanished and has not returned.

Yesterday I was watching TV and felt a distinct shift in the energy around me. I wondered about it, but again, trying to mentally figure it out was not happening. So, I focused on my heart and recognized where the shift was coming from. It was a “change of guard”. In other words, my guides were changing out. Not all of them, but some of them. This is not really an unusual occurrence, just not often recognized when it does happen.

The number of guides I have around me has shrunk substantially during the purification process. I am back to my usual 4. Sometimes there is the usual 12 I have become accustomed to, but so far more often it is just the 4. I suspect this is just a temporary thing and honestly, I don’t care much one way or the other. I am enjoying my sleep!

Response to Blog

A final thing that happened this past week was a first for me since I started my blog. I got a nasty, insulting blog comment. It was only one word and I quickly marked it as spam. What is interesting is, just a week prior, I had a dream in which I received a nasty blog comment and was discussing with my guide how to respond to such negativity. So it was really no surprise when I got the comment. I feel like my guides had prepared me well for it and others like it.

It is amazing to me how much I have changed and this negative comment helped me see this in myself. I did not react with upset or anger. No Ego reaction at all. I just saw the connection with my dream, acknowledged it, marked the comment as spam, and then went on my way. Occasionally, I would think back on it as if I was looking to see if any part of me would react. It was like I was probing for the Old me, to see if any remnant of her remained. I could touch her reactions but only as memories. It was and is such a freeing experience to be able to detach from that part of me. Every day I wonder if she really is “dead” and if so, when exactly will I finally “bury” her?

Honestly, I think the anxious feeling I had on the 20th was a request to finally “bury” her  (the Old) and I was not, still am not, ready to do that. I feel I am still holding onto the memory of her with a fascination that is hard to describe.There is an almost obsession with all that was in comparison to all that currently is. Was that really me? Where did she go? Is she still in there?

It is like getting out the old photo album. You see yourself years ago and laugh at your hair, your clothes, or the silly and sad memories that go along with it. Part of you wants to go back and try to re-experience the old times, to feel it as if it is real right in the present moment. But there is only so much that can come of that and eventually you put the photo album away to gather dust. Eventually, there is little interest at all in ever looking back.

Manifestation Portal Opens Tonight: Message from the Council of Many

Though I am not feeling the climatic consciousness energies like many of you, I am noticing a shift from deep within me taking root. Perhaps this is because I already experienced a climax in consciousness back in May which has changed me, but I know there is more of an explanation than this.

Balance is the key, I am told, and the reason the current energies seem not to effect me like they do others. I feel them but am not disturbed; my perceptions not distorted by them.

I see in my mind what is currently happening to those being hit with these changes. Their light bodies are thrown askew quite violently from their physical bodies and so there is a distortion of perception. They sense this but cannot control it because their bodies are not yet in alignment. Mine are, I am told, and this balance allows me to integrate all experiences as One without the skewed time variations throwing me out of sync with the current reality.

You may ask, “How can I align my bodies?” or “How can I attain this balance?” There really is nothing you need to do and honestly, nothing more you can do that you are not already doing. Much of the changes are occurring outside this physical reality and only slivers of these changes are actually making it into your physical body consciousness. It can be quite confusing to this part of you who uses the mind to analyze and predict the future based upon all possible outcomes and past experience. These mechanisms are not viable to you in regards to the profound changes occurring within you (all of your bodies) at this time. Trust is key as is the relationship you have with your inner guidance at this time. So much calm, so much peace, awaits you within if you can only habitually go there and avoid the traps of the mind.

It is told to me that a portal opens tonight allowing us access to manifestation energies not yet available to us previously. These energies are an amplification of Source within each of us that opens within us a type of vortex of energy that when tapped into can expand and amplify thoughts in alignment with our purpose. Carefully consider what you want in your life at this time and announce it. Then trust that it will be so. In some cases you will only feel what it is that your Higher Self desires and that is all the better as it enhances the manifestation process even more. There will be no mental awareness of what it is that you desire, only a feeling that expands and saturates your experience in ways you have yet to perceive.

You may have already noticed similar energies at work in the last week. These energies have been building up to this weekend’s portal and have thus assisted you in the manifestation process. These “tools” allowed you to be at the ready for any such possible actions that may have been required of you. In some cases, all you needed do was be open to all possibility and accept into your experience that which would assist you toward your endeavors.

If you do not believe that such power resides within you, step back and observe the results of your manifestation as they materialize. It is your ability that create that sets you apart from the rest of the inhabitants of this planet. You have merely forgotten this part of You and have haphazardly manifested both good and bad so frequently that you have illogically attributed it all to “chance” or “fate”. Oh, but fate has nothing on you! You are the master of all devices. Remember [you will] your magnificence.

The portal opens tonight at midnight CST and peaking just before noon the next day, coinciding with the summer solstice. It will extend into the following week and materialization ability will continue to be enhanced throughout this time period extending through the remainder of summer months [until the planetary alignment disengages and moves into the 5th house of your conjunction] Note: the last part relates to my particular chart of which I am ignorant at this time so further research is needed. Any help here is appreciated.

Please let it be noted here that manifestation ability is and will be further enhanced when/as balance is achieved and maintained. This particular portal gives many access to this, their hidden potential, and the extension of such is dependent on the ability of the individual to maintain balance and reactivate long forgotten ability. Continued practice is encouraged. This ability is innate. Trust that it is so.