Dream or Reality?

I experienced another purging episode last night around 6pm. It was another bad one. I would recover briefly only to be overcome by it again. It seemed to come in waves and though I pleaded with my guidance for it to stop, it didn’t. Eventually, in my quest to stop the overwhelming emotion, a thought came to me that I should do some yoga. With the thought my third eye, throat and heart lit up with energy.

I went directly upstairs and did some yoga for about a half hour. In the beginning the emotion came on strong but by the end it was gone and I felt normal albeit exhausted. My heart was on fire most of the time as it was also when hit with the emotion. The only way to describe the feeling is to say my heart is aching – literally.

In recalling how I felt last night a memory surfaced of a similar feeling I once had way back in May, 2015. It was preceded by an amazing OBE where I met up with my Council and family in Spirit. The afternoon after this OBE, however, I was nearly debilitated by a surge of emotion and grief. It hit my heart center and felt exactly like the ache in my heart I felt last night. The grief felt on this day in 2015 was for the loss of a family member in Spirit, a close family member and one who I loved dearly. She had killed herself, exiting her life prematurely, and the after-effects were felt by each of us like a ripple effect through us all. It was such a strange experience back then for me to feel such overwhelming love for a woman I never knew in the physical. And then to have it knock me to my knees to the point of non-functionality was a surprise indeed!

Being that how I have been feeling for – jeez months now? – is nearly identical to how I felt in May, 2015, it has me wondering some things. Am I grieving my family in Spirit? Is the grief coming from my resistance to a “call” to join them? Or is it just grief for being separated from them? And if it is either of those, what does it even mean? Will I be feeling like this until I answer the “call” and reunite with them? How the hell am I suppose to live like this? It is like a living death when the pain and grief hits me and so far it has been a nightly/daily occurrence.

Dream or Reality?

This morning a strange thing happened. I had awakened with absolutely no memory of dreams or experiences in dreamtime. I was just laying there dozing when I suddenly recalled something I had done. The memory was of being in a room with at least a half dozen men. They were standing in line at the foot of a bed I was laying on. My job was to have sex with each of them, one by one. I remember doing this happily and allowing them to treat me as a sex object. I even remember some of what they said and what I said, all of very degrading. They had no shame and neither did I. In fact, I felt completely at ease in my role, as if it was an accepted part of the life I chose. There was absolutely no rejection of any part of it.

When I recognized the memory it was real to me. I knew I had done this. In fact, it felt like I had been doing it my entire life. Confused and shocked by the memory and how at-ease I was at who I was and what I did, I went into a mild panic searching for answers to this strange and very real memory. Was it a dream? Yeah, it had to be a dream! I am not that woman. I am not a prostitute.

Somehow I settled down, convinced it must have been an OBE or dream I had somehow forgotten. Within moments I recalled another incident. Again, very real. So much so that I had no doubt I was the person in the memory because I felt what she felt and recalled details no dream would offer. In the memory I was with my lover in the midst of love making. The feelings of love were amazing. I have not felt such love with a partner in this lifetime. It was like pure connection – body, mind, spirit. I remember his blue shirt and the bedroom, the tiny twin sized bed, the large window, the curtains all lace with tiny purple flowers, the carpeting. Everything. I remember recognizing that I felt absolutely no shame or guilt in being with him despite being married to another man. I remember him, too, though all I recall now is his smell, the feel of his arms around me and his dark hair.

The moment I had this memory I “woke up” and my vision was filled with hypnagogic imagery. Tiny, honey bees in a geometric pattern that moved from the center outward. There was a sudden shot to my heart coming from the left and a strange vibrating sensation in my entire upper body that emanated from my heart. The feeling in my heart surprised me and a shock of adrenaline coursed through me.

Yet I had not been asleep, had I? Where had I been? Was I in a trance? I don’t remember sleeping. I remember being awake. The memory of being with the man in blue was there but it had happened. I was certain it was real…wasn’t it?

Super confused I lay there contemplating it. What were these memories? Alternate timelines? Lives I lived simultaneously with this one? Projections? Other people’s memories? WTF?! lol

I must have drifted into the in-between because the next thing I recall is feeling someone, a man, touch my forehead right where my third eye is located. He said, “BE” when he touched it. Then he touched my chin and said, “LIVE”. I could see him smiling. He was shiny. Golden. He had a mischievous look in his eyes, too. What he said sounded like “Be-lieve” but at the same time it was also “BE” and “LIVE”.

I came back to myself when I felt a lightening bolt of energy shoot into my heart space from the left. Again I felt the vibrations and saw hypnagogic imagery. Again there was a rush of adrenaline.  I felt a distinct rush of fear, but of what? It didn’t make sense.

I thought, “That’s it. I am getting out of bed.” lol

This song has been in my mind for two days now:

 

 

 

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Stella Nova

At one point last night when I was wide awake after an especially vivid dream, I became aware of a stream of consciousness entering my energy field. It was directed at me and spoke to me. I knew it was Pleiadian and it felt connected to my guidance,though I could not determine if it was from one specific individual or all of them. My heart and solar plexus were especially sensitive and my entire energy body felt different, though how I can’t say.

My awareness of this consciousness stream seemed to initiate a communication that was both complete Knowing intermixed with telepathy. I knew that the stream was coming from a space craft of some sort. I also knew I was part of the ground crew and they were checking in – passing on information or mission notes to me.

I asked for the name of the vessel and heard, “Stella Nova.” I thought about it and wondered what their mission was. I heard, “Colonization of…..” The planets that were mentioned were not familiar and I cannot recall their names now. I do remember they had letters attached to them, like “A” followed by a numerical sequence. Some of them were actual names, but none of them from the Milky Way Galaxy, at least not that I know of.

Then I heard that I was receiving the transmission at a frequency of  2.878 Hz. This went completely over my head.

There was an exchange here involving mathematical equations. I saw them, understood them at some level, and was discussing the formula in algebraic terminology. I remember balancing the equation, but why I was doing this or what the equation was for is lost to me.

In recalling this exchange, I felt the need to search for brainwave frequencies to see where 2.878 Hz fell. Turns out, that frequency is considered to be within the range of Delta waves – 0-4 Hz.  Those who have high amounts of Delta brainwaves while awake are more empathetic and tuned into the unconscious. They are also associated with an all-encompassing bliss state, intuition, paranormal experiences and OBEs/astral projection. Sounds like me in a nutshell! lol

In researching brainwave frequency, I came across the Doppler Effect and equations that were eerily similar to what I remember balancing during last night’s exchange. The wavelength equations on this website are the most similar except the variables were not the same.

It was not until this morning that I finally understood the meaning behind the name of the ship. Stella Nova translates to “New Star”. If you read yesterday’s blog post, you will see the connection. As I was researching Stella Nova, I came across this article. When I read the part entitled, “A Star is Born” I knew without a doubt that the name of the ship was directly connected to yesterday’s message.

I wanted to add that throughout the night and into this morning I have had an odd feeling of newness. A trepidation that is becoming very difficult to ignore. The feeling must be akin to how a fledgling feels when it’s brothers and sisters have already jumped from the nest and taken flight. The little bird knows it has wings and knows they are used to fly, but has never flown before and doesn’t know if it can. The drop is scary and the nest is comfortable so it wants to stay where it is safe. But eventually it will have to leave the nest and fly out into the big, wide, new world.

I feel like a part of me is dying. It is a very real feeling and one I have felt before. But this time the feeling is much, much bigger.

Image credits: Birth of a Star

Nothing Like an Afternoon Projection….or Two

Despite a rough night and a full week of energy onslaught I took my guides’ advice and am doing a liquid fast today. I chose to incorporate juicing because my high-metabolism-body needs more than just water and lemon juice all day long to function properly. The fast started last night around 8pm and will go until tomorrow morning if I can make it that long. Approximately 36 hours.

So far so good. No major blood sugar drops. Only side effect thus far is a headache but that is because I skipped my daily cup of coffee. I had two different juice combinations for breakfast along with a hefty amount of water – an antioxidant one with strawberries, blueberries and lime and another that was carrot, apple and ginger.  I had a double round of a melon detox juice (yum!) and I did sneak a few bites of watermelon. I didn’t see the harm considering it is mostly water anyway. 😉 Just now I had a juice made of more greens than I normally eat in a day. Hoping that one does not come back to haunt me.

Since I am as exhausted as a mother with a newborn these days, I have been laying around most of the day. I only put forth effort when I make the juice and if you have ever juiced then you know it is quite an effort, especially to clean it afterward! My husband took the kids with him to help me out and so I went directly to bed. Of course, when I lay down I was not tired and my mind went through a gauntlet of thoughts. I felt my guidance, though, and as I became more and more relaxed, they became more and more present in my energy field.

Vision

They sent me a vision which was quite unexpected. I saw very clearly a man standing in green grass with a device in his hand. My attention was drawn to his feet which were completely bare. Then I noticed what he was doing: surveying. I laughed and came out of my reverie. Barefoot, just like I was in a recent dream. To me it means I have gotten to the point of allowing myself to feel vulnerable and freed of self-limiting beliefs. But it can also be a sign of indecision or a choice needing to be made. The surveying part was a message that me and my guides are preparing for what is ahead; making sure everything is exactly right. I was reassured that I am “ready”.

OBE: Spilling Milk

I should have known I would project. Laying there in bed in the middle of the afternoon, alone and with spiritual intent, I was reminded of the early days of my awakening. I use to take afternoon naps all the time to induce a conscious exit and then play for hours in the astral. So I said point blank to my guides, “I want to astral.”

The most common way to project for me is to go to sleep and then wake back up (WBTB) but since this was the afternoon I chose the meditation route. It was not long before I felt the energy settle over me like a blanket and my crown, third-eye and heart begin to buzz. What happens after is usually hynagogia but I skipped that part. It all just blacked out for a moment and then I heard noises as if my family was in the house. Of course, they weren’t in the house and I knew that, so as soon as I recognized the noises-off I sat up in bed and literally walked right out of my body. 🙂

I entered my old bedroom from high school. The colors were all gold and my vision was not as clear as I would have liked, but oh well. I still heard the noises that I had heard before but now I was able to focus on them. It was the sound of the television from the other room. I went through the door and into the living area, picked up my youngest child and went straight outside into the front yard.

Outside it was the middle of the day and the sun was almost too bright. I saw a bunch of people gathered in the driveway. I didn’t know them but I saw a man I thought I recognized standing with a woman I thought I recognized. Rather that talk to them, I took my son by the hand and led him up the gravel drive. It was very obvious to me then that I was barefoot, too. I remember thinking, “This normally would hurt my feet.” But there was no pain. I lifted up off the ground about a foot and led my son up the drive. What is odd is that I had in my hand a nearly empty gallon of milk and I was pouring the remaining contents on the ground as we flew up the drive. I was really happy to pour out the milk for some reason. lol

When we got to the end of the drive my son went to the mailbox and opened it up. He put something inside and I was about to ask him about it when the man who had been down by the car interrupted me. I don’t remember what he said but I knew him then. He was one of my guides. I don’t think I was suppose to be there either.

This guide was quite big and his hair was a nearly white blonde and shoulder length. He grabbed me and turned me toward him quite roughly. I was in a playful mood so didn’t care. I reached up and kissed him square on the lips. I think I was hoping for some Kundalini rising, but there was nothing like that.

He kissed me back but he also returned me to my bedroom and lingered there until I went back to my body. It was like he escorted me back. Ha!

OBE: Woman in a Headdress 

Whatever his message was, I don’t think I quite got it because as soon as I was back in my body I heard the noises-off again and knew I could exit. As soon as I began to sit up, I both saw and felt someone standing over me. My vision was not on yet so I began to open my eyes and squinted as I began to see the outline of a very beautiful woman take form. I think I had expected my blonde guide because I said to her, “You’re a woman!” I could see jewelry hanging off of her. It was gold and she appeared to have both a necklace and dangling earrings. She touched me on my back and rolled me toward her. Still in my playful mode I was thinking she was being sexual but I was not interested in that. I just wanted to see her more clearly. Unfortunately, it was like she was back lit so it was hard to make out any of her features. Whoever she was, she was quite beautiful energy-wise and from what I could see of her. She also was wearing some kind of very large headdress. The headdress was spiky and seemed to form a star over her head. The way she was moving my astral body I began to wonder why she was there. She kept rolling me back into bed and toward her, as if she was trying to lay me flat. Eventually she got what she wanted and my projection ended. Right before I went back into my body, though, I saw very clearly gold-tipped, white, feathered wings coming out of this woman’s back.

When I came back into my body I was laying on my back with my arms over my head. I don’t remember being in that position to begin with. I wanted to try and go back OOB but my energy seemed to fizzle. I got the message quite quickly that I needed to get up and get more “sustenance”. So I did.

 

 

 

Heart Sensations Return

I’ve begun this post several times and each time deleted it in its entirety. I’m not sure exactly why, though.

There has been a strange energy today following me around. It is not bad or good, just shifty, like the energy is about to take a leap forward. I checked the K-index and there is an active storm but nothing that would normally cause me to notice.

Perhaps it has to do with what happened last night. Last night is what I originally was trying to post about and kept deleting. I will summarize and just say that I had some intense heart chakra sensations. These didn’t hurt. In fact, they were the good kind and went all the way from front to back. It was like someone placed a tube right through my heart center and energy poured through it.

The heart sensations came with specific thoughts and knowingness. It happened at a time when I was speaking with someone, a kind of counselor. I was telling her about things I could not sort out in my life – very personal things. This is when the heart sensations kicked in. I was lucky I did not burst into tears. I was able to get out of the conversation in time. Then I was just in shock for a while. I had not expected my heart to burst open like that. I had done such a good job of shutting it down – or so I’d thought.

Then, after I returned home and the kids were in bed my heart started doing it again and I was overcome with an intense shaking all over my body. I am familiar with the feeling. It is something I had to deal with every time I did a mediumship reading and made contact with Spirit. It is like their energy is too much for me. It can get so bad that my teeth chatter – thankfully it did not get that bad last night. The shaking can also happen when I am talking with another person about deeply personal things. I have never quite figured out why it happens, though.

I wondered why I was having the shaking. I was not tuning into Spirit and not talking to anyone, so it made no sense. I felt my Team near and I wondered if maybe it was coming from them. As if to answer my question, I heard my guide ask me to focus on how I felt. When I did this, I could sense a blockage at my heart level. I was told that I was resisting the energy – the heart energy – and that I have been avoiding something.

And then the shaking was really bad.

And then it was just…gone as was the heart energy.

When I awoke this morning my dreams were instantly gone as soon as I tried to recover them. Frustrated, I tried to feel what happened in the night and knew I had agreed yet again to something, but I don’t know what. My heart chakra lit up again but faded not long after. With it, I was asked if I was willing to accept what it was telling me. I said I was, but honestly I am not sure about any of it. I don’t know what it is telling me, or at least I don’t think I do. Honestly, I am afraid of knowing.

Right before I got out of bed my Team again reminded me of the upgrade that is soon to come. I was told this time that it may frighten me. Then I saw a visual of light pouring down into my crown chakra and going all the way down through all my chakras and into my feet. From the looks of it, it didn’t seem so bad, but then if they say it might scare me, well, it probably will.

It has me wondering now if the strange feeling I’ve had all day has anything to do with this coming upgrade. I guess I’ll find out.

Meet-Up

There is one other thing. A group I am a part of on FB is planning a meeting in Mt. Shasta, California in May. I have been following the preparations from the beginning. Yesterday I decided, out of the blue, that I should go. I told my husband about it and, strangely, he had no objections. When I communicated today with the contact about arranging my flight my heart chakra was blazing with energy. Even typing about it now makes my heart light up. I got thoroughly excited about going and my energy went sky high.

Then, in the afternoon, I began to doubt my decision about attending because I only know the people who will be there via the internet. I also began to panic over something very odd. I had this strange feeling that if I went I would not want to come home. Then an internal panic button went off and I got a strange split in two feeling. It was really odd and I almost thought I was about to go OOB right then and there.

After this happened the heart energy ceased – well up until now anyway. I am wondering if this is any indicator of what it is that I am not willing to know/accept. Part of me thinks it is and when I try to consider it, the fear returns. All I want to do is cuss a million cuss words just considering that possibility.

 

 

Birth and Death

I had a multiple choice question presented to me this morning. It just appeared in my mind as clear as day while I cuddled with my youngest after being awakened way too early.

The question appeared like this:

Which is the most difficult?

A. Birth

B. Marriage

C. Children

D. Death

My answer woke me up. I responded instantaneously: Birth. Hahahaha

I am not 100% sure that the middle two options are accurate. I have no doubt about options A and D.

I honestly think we never really get over being born, at least I never really did. I am still adjusting. My mom likes to tell the story of my birth because I was her most difficult delivery. Why? I was born breech and back then they didn’t just automatically give a c-section. They had my mom deliver me and it was no easy task. Apparently my butt came out first. LOL I like to say in response to my mom’s story, “I changed my mind and tried to crawl back in.”

Unlike most people, I have memory of my birth. The main memory of it is the pain of being squished. I got a horrible charlie horse. My left foot cramped up when I re-experienced my birth and did not settle down until I had gone over it several times. I remember the bright lights hurting my eyes. Then the cold and the warmth as they wrapped me in a blanket. Then the most beautiful sky blue eyes and an instant calm. I was later told my grandmother was the first to hold me. Her eyes were the color of the sky.

Though physical birth is difficult, it is far from the end.

I look forward to death. Just saying. I think of all of the options, death is the easiest. We get to go Home. We get to rest and celebrate our life accomplishments. Every time someone in my life dies I am jealous. I don’t grieve their passing like everyone else. I celebrate their homecoming. They are the lucky ones. I hope that when I leave this body and return Home my family and friends will celebrate with me rather than grieve for me.

 

Trust

After an exciting evening and early morning, I was finally able to fall asleep without crazy energy, visions and OBEs. I did still have some intense energy shooting through me which I soon found was easily calmed simply by focusing on my heart. I fell asleep centered in my heart.

Dream: Meteor Shower

I was in a parking lot at a college somewhere. It was very late at night and I had just finished reading a long email from someone who read my blog. The email was lengthy – at least four or five pages – and the man was from Germany and telling me his whole life story. I don’t remember his name now, but in the dream as I read the email I heard him speaking to me. He told me he was 44 years old, dark skinned and kept to himself and he was looking to work with others like himself living in one of four continents. I remember thinking he was a little too intense for me and laughing quietly to myself as I realized he was coming onto me.

At this point something caught my eye and I looked up and saw a massive meteor shower. Dozens of meteors streaked across the sky in a brilliant display of light. I was in awe. A young couple walked by and I pointed it out to them. They were a bit nervous as I was in the shadows and seemed to jump out at them. I just laughed and kept watching.

This was when a vivid image of a comet came into my mind. It was not part of the dream. It was just there and startled me awake.

Interpretation

When I awoke the comet vision was very much ingrained in my mind. On top of that, I was still feeling intense energy coursing through my body. This energy was similar to vibrations one feels when about to go OOB but more intense. I also had intense crown and third-eye activity along with some high heart and throat chakra buzzing.

I find the dream interesting because I feel I was actually talking to someone while in my dream. Could be he was an old friend or someone who astral projects or dream walks. Whoever he was, he was nice but a bit to the extreme. The energy was extremely intense and pushy but it was flattering.

Then I saw the meteor shower and the dream symbolism is that the dreamer is having romantic thoughts and/or idealistic notions. This just makes me laugh out loud, especially since I saw the brilliant comet right after. Comets indicate the dreamer needs to move on and free themselves from emotional and physical burdens. Touche!

Trust

It took me an entire day to write up as much as I could about my experiences last night and early this morning. There is more – so much more – but I am not sure telling it would help anyone or make much sense. Instead I will say that my Team came through with flying colors. Whatever they did for me during the night completely eradicated the “split” feeling I have been struggling with for the past five or six days. I have never been pushed to such an extreme in my life and really thought I was going to have to somehow just learn to live with what was happening to me. But when I woke this morning the split feeling was just….gone. I feel completely back to normal and freed from that inner hell. I had a marvelous day and have been feeling sublime. So wonderful!

In considering what exactly my Team did that shifted everything for me, I realized it had to do with Trust. That is it. So simple. I was in my heart space, but instead of just allowing the feelings and trusting their divine purpose, I ignored the knowingness and flat out went into fear. Somehow, through all my guided OOB lessons, I was shown how to trust the feelings and knowingness I found in my heart. So very, very important because in trusting the heart you trust that it will lead you exactly where you are suppose to be and that is the most freeing feeling ever.

Hypnagogia and Guided Visions

After laying wide awake for some time, I finally pleaded to my guide for help. Amazingly, my mind slowed and I began to calm substantially within seconds of my request. I could not get comfortable on my side for some reason and so lay on my back and drifted into the in-between.

Hypnagogia and Guided Visions/Travel

I don’t know how long I was in-between before I began to notice what seemed like millions upon millions of tiny, green, opalescent bubbles in my vision. They were moving upward and made me think of being under water looking up at bubbles as they rose to the surface. I could feel my crown and third-eye wide open and felt subtle vibrations. Instantly alerted to being in the trance state, I did not react but waited calmly and observed. This is an usual reaction for me. Usually I get very excited and screw it all up!

As often happens when I become the observer, the bubbles dissipated and a white tunnel of light opened up in the center of my vision. I could feel my body buzzing and shifting and it occurred to me that I could exit my body, but I hesitated and chose not to. I felt I should just continue to observe.

In the tunnel I saw a plain white bedroom or studio apartment. If I focused too much on it, it would fade away, so I looked through it without focusing on any one thing. The tunnel expanded to fill my entire vision except for a sliver on either side. It was still circular and I watched as the picture inside began to move as if I were looking around with binoculars.

I watched the bedroom for a while, struggling to maintain my vision and perception. I managed pretty well because I was able to see the entire apartment. It was all draped in white and I wondered whose it was. I heard a response, “It’s yours”. The response did not surprise me. I am never alone in these kinds of experiences.

The Anunnaki

The visual of the apartment was then replaced by a spectacular view of outer space. In the center of my vision was a large, dull, metallic spacecraft. It was very tall and appeared to have multiple stories. I saw windows stacked one on top of the other. They were small and rectangular and circled the entire craft. The craft was round in the center with perhaps 8-10 circular levels that spun around at different rates. The entire body of the craft was shaped like a tall trapezoid, the bottom being longer and wider than the top.

After seeing the details of the spacecraft a woman appeared in front of my vision. She was very beautiful, with long hair that appeared white or golden in color. She had a band around her head at the temple that had an emblem on it that I cannot recall now. The band itself was golden in color and the emblem blue and green. She had human facial features but was definitely not all human. Her skin was grayer than ours and had a blue tinge to it. Her eyes were larger and slanted upward. The rest of her looked completely human. She was wearing a white jumpsuit of some kind with a blue belt and was holding a silver rod of some kind in her hand that was taller than her by about two feet.

She smiled at me and said “Anunnaki.” I could see her lips move so she was not just a picture. I then heard a light voice in my head that said, “We are headed your way.” This time her lips did not move.

Then the visual darkened substantially and I saw words fly across my vision. I heard the words as I read them, “Great Galactic War”.

That is when I saw  more spacecraft. There were more than I could count and they were moving. These were darker in color and had many long sections. They resembled a caterpillar. There were other ones that were faster that looked like rods. The biggest was so large I wondered what it could possibly be used for. I heard a male voice say something but I can’t recall it now other than hearing, “Dark”. My memory here is that they were also headed this way.

I did not react to any of these visions and so was questioned. “Do you not believe what we are telling you?” I said, “I don’t know. It’s so easy to assume it is just a dream or a movie in my head. It would be better if I had solid proof.” The response I got back was a feeling more than an audible answer. I don’t think they liked my answer. lol

Bathroom Horror 

The visions left and I was overcome with almost violent surges of energy. My whole body felt to be jumping and my heart began to pound in my chest. I knew this was a normal part of the deep trance state, so I just remained calm.

I began to hear noises that sounded to be right next to me. I ignored them. Unfortunately, my vision was still active and a new scene was opening up in front of me. I saw the inside of a bathroom, specifically the bathtub with a shower curtain pulled to the right. I could see a window above and the tiny white tiles of the surround. A woman was hiding behind the white shower curtain and I could see blood streaks on the curtain where her hand was holding it across her body. I heard her crying and saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry….” This continued and was very, very loud. I felt as if I were right next to her in the scene and I did not want to be. Hearing her made me tense up and want to curl up in the fetal position. I identified with her. I felt that I was her.

I had past life memories pile one on top of the other and mentally called out to my guides to make it go away. Initially it did not let up and the moans from the woman continued. I was able to finally wrench myself away from the scene and open my eyes but my body was overcome with vibrations to the point that my teeth were chattering. I said to my guides, “That’s enough. I didn’t like that”.

I had difficulty going back to sleep after that. I felt I should have stayed with the scene of the woman and let it run its course. Instead, I panicked and pulled myself away from the scene. It is obvious to me that it was meant to remind me of my past lives, many of which I was beaten, raped and abused as a woman. I should have remained objective, but I couldn’t. Seems I got a tiny peek at what the next layer of the onion holds for me. 😦