Kundalini Dream: Come Worship With Us

Prior to bed last night I was feeling a familiar energy. It is as if I am surrounded by a massive group of people but I can’t see any of them. It comes with a subtle pressure, as if I am being “called”. It is hard to put into words but I’ve been feeling this feeling on and off for a couple of weeks now.

I remember thinking it is all in my head and I need to just ignore it. I think, “Maybe I am just a highly functioning Schizophrenic? Maybe all the voices in my head and crazy experiences are just me wishing for something else, something more exciting than this boring, physical existence?” I accept that this is likely true because no one else experiences these things, at least no one I am in physical proximity to. 

I think of something my older sister once said to me about my conversations with “invisible friends”. She said I needed to stop talking to them and live in the “real world” like everyone else. She was harsh and blunt and her words stung. I cried and felt even more crazy then I already did. And still, 20 years later, I hear her words in my head and think, “Maybe she is right?” But then, whenever I try to be part of the “real world”, I feel like I’m dying inside. Inevitably, the voice(s) return and usually in profound ways.

So I guess it isn’t unusual that last night I had a very vivid, semi-lucid dream sequence. This time it came with some very obvious Kundalini.

Dream: Infected

The setting was in a small, room. Two others were with me, a man and a woman. The man mentioned that we would soon experience a sudden transformation that was outside of our control and so we needed to go to a safe space to undergo the transformation. The space was dark and secluded. I recall being told it was another room connected to the main one. It would have no a/c, be similar to a basement, and very hot (intense). I saw what would happen and in my mind it felt like whatever “infection” we all had would turn us into night creatures, like vampires.

The man and woman left, yelling back to me to hurry. I knew I would need to take food so ran to the freezer (something kept frozen or unmoving) and grabbed various items of which I recall ice cream (indulgence) being one. I thought for sure the ice cream would melt as the room would be very hot and stuffy, like a sauna, but I took it anyway. 

Dream: Donkey Friend

When leave I find myself inside a house. There are children and a woman is telling me about a new method of teaching. She takes me with her and we go up stairs but when I walk up, the stairs undulate under my feet and I stumble in surprise. The woman turns and smiles, offering me her hand and we continue.

As we walk she is asking about a mobile home on the property, asking if it has two bedrooms. I say it only has one. The roof is discussed and I assure her it doesn’t leak. 

We go outside and see a bunch of cows (domestic life) milling about. I open a small gate and let them through to the other side of the fence. Then a small donkey (relief of a burden) comes up to me. The woman tells me that it wandered onto the property on its own, as if it knew it was home. The donkey was very friendly and came over to me asking for affection. I snuggle with it and it lays on its belly like a dog.

Kundalini Dream: Worship

Then I am taken to a much larger building, a school. The building is very open inside, like the inside of a cafeteria or gym. The woman tells me about the school and it sounds very nice to me. Curious about what it’s like, I look for an open classroom. I walk down a long hallway that is lined along the left side with doors. I find the last door is unlocked. I open it and a cleaning lady is inside. I ask if I can look around and she says yes. Inside, it reminds me of a music classroom – spacious with tall ceilings. A teacher is inside standing at her desk. She tells me that the students at the school are difficult. I understand and tell her I’ve worked at a school like that and know the kinds she speaks of. I tell her I am not interested in working at another school like that.

I end up back in the large, open room I started in, but this time it is full of people. The atmosphere is attractive to me. Something about it makes me feel very open and relaxed. A woman to my right looks over at me and tells me about the work there, inviting me to be a part of what they do. It feels not only like a school but also a church. The teachers are also students and everyone comes to worship. I think it must be one of those private schools hosted by a church, at least that is what it feels like. 

The invitation has me thinking of what it would mean to work/study/worship there. It is located north of where I currently live in a town I know well. The pay is almost nothing and I go over the amount of income my family will lose if I work there. The woman smiles at me and specifically asks me to teach an art class. I realize I must be talking to either a principal or assistant principal. I ponder her question and am taken away from the scene.

Somehow I find myself in Costa Rica. I am on a road I traveled on while I was there. Recognizing where I am and that I’m dreaming, I am filled with this amazingly free feeling. A voice asks me how I feel and I say, “Free!” I begin to move forward quickly, running towards the beach. I stop at the water’s edge and turn around. In front of me I see a white machine, like a printer, that is throwing out transparent film in long sheets. The sheets remind me of laminating sheets. The voice is telling me that I can put whatever I want to on the sheets. I imagine the sheets filled with moving images like a movie. One sheet separates from the others and ascends until it stands vertically in front me. It is the same height as I am. It shifts until it becomes a single beam of golden yellow light. The voice says to me, “Life is vertical.” 

I return to the previous scene. The group around me closes in to the point that our shoulders easily touch. The energy in the air is electric. The people are all swaying as if dancing and singing a familiar hymnal. I join them in dancing and singing. When I look around me they are smiling, their eyes inviting me to join them. I see the woman I just spoke with staring at me from across the room. I see another woman who appears to not have a shirt on, her back to me. 

The group’s attention shifts to a man who is apparently one of the leaders. The man is older, maybe mid-fifties, with gray hair and a thin build. He has in his hand a violin (peace and harmony) and begins to play it as he floats up into the air. He plays the instrument like a guitarist in a rock band. His performance is unreal and I stare at him. He stares back and I feel his interest and invitation. It pulls me towards him so I shift my gaze. I lock eyes with the woman I previously spoke with. She is giving me the same look as the man. 

My focus shifts to the people around me and the rhythmic flow of our bodies. The electric energy is amazing and I feel so free and alive. I remember thinking, “I want to stay here” as I am amazed to feel finally to have found others like myself and be part of a group that will accept me completely, as I am. 

I see the woman I saw earlier, the one without a shirt. She is to my left. Her bare breasts are visible. She has painted something over her nipples, something blue. We touch one another and my vision blacks out as I feel into the energy of our connection and the connection of everyone with us. We feel to all be one. With this oneness I hear the woman’s voice again. She is saying, “Come and worship with us.” 

When my vision returns I not only hear her invitation, but I feel it. I want nothing more than to continue feeling it. Forever. 

A random man who is completely naked, stands in front of the group. He points at his nether regions to a section that would be about where a woman’s ovaries would be. He says, “Help me create life”. I see two dark spots appear, like moles on his skin, where the ovaries would be. Visuals of pregnancy come to mind. Strangely, desire rises within me along with the feeling of wanting to “make babies”. I think, “I don’t want to have anymore babies!” The voice tells me that what I’m feeling is “potential”. 

Then the man who had been dancing and playing the violin is suddenly right in front of me. I see him close up. He is old, his pale face etched with deep lines and his eyes feel to pierce my soul. I find him irresistibly attractive and accept his invitation. I reach toward the man and passionately kiss him. I feel it all very acutely. We kiss for what seems like a very long time, our tongues merging, then our mouths merging, and finally our bodies merging. My root chakra lights up and swirls around, growing in intensity, the energy pushing upward into my second chakra. There it sits and swirls, intensifying until it wakes me up.

Pin on Ecclesiastes

The In-Between

Despite waking, I am still immersed in the energy from the dream. Again, I hear the voice, inviting me to join, but this time I hear, “We have been waiting for you.” 

I linger in the in-between for some time, the energy in my second chakra slowly moving upward into my third chakra. The energy is warm and lulls me back into the in-between every time I begin to come out of my reverie. It is a wonderful, warm, blissful feeling that eventually encompasses my entire body. 

While in the in-between I am given two Biblical references, both from the book of Ecclesiastes – 4:11 and 9:11. I can’t recall which was given to me first, but it likely doesn’t matter. 


Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?


I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
    or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
    or wealth to the brilliant
    or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

Then I have a vision of an erupting volcano. A mass of people is gathered at it’s base, worshipping it, sacrificing to it. I recognize that religion stems from such worship but not of “God” as men have made him out to be, but of Life. I recognize the volcano as a symbol of the Kundalini. I see in the Kundalini, Life (Aliveness), and know I am imbued with that Life.

It is clear to me that the church/school in my dream is a place of worship and that the entire dream is asking me to worship – to partake in – Life. I am invited to teach art. I am invited to create. I am invited to embrace desire (potential); to be Free. 


Initially I was surprised at how easily I embraced the invitation in the dream. Everything around me was super erotic and sexual – the energy, the people, the visuals, the dancing. An outsider would have assumed it was a giant orgy! But the sense of oneness, the rhythm of the group, felt comfortable and familiar. I have felt pieces of it in other dreams and experiences leading up to this one, but nothing like this. I especially enjoyed that feeling in the end – the desire/potential feeling. It felt like if I just surrendered to that feeling, a “Big Bang” would occur and a Universe would be formed. lol

I find it especially curious how I often get Biblical references from my Team of guides. The book of Ecclesiastes has never come up before. Though I use to study the bible as a child, it was merely in Sunday school and often forced upon me, so I recall very little. For example, I had to memorize the books of the old and new testaments, the psalms (ugh) and other scriptures like John 3:16. It seems, though, that this particular chapter is about learning to live “under the Sun” (embracing the Light/God) rather than in fear of the Light/God. I also saw the chapter 4 referred to as “lessons from the teacher”.

These two verses in particular talk about the power of togetherness and the fact that all humans experience “time and chance” regardless of their situation (we are all equal in the eyes of God). I just recently had a very humbling dream about how we are all equal, no one is better than another, so am not surprised to be receiving more on that topic. This dream is also reminding me that I need others and we are all One, another common theme.

Overall, the dream feels like a giant invitation. I accept! We’ll see what comes of it, if anything.

The Shift vs Ascension

Woke up this morning thinking of this post from 2015. I feel it is a good reminder, especially right now. Remember, we are all progressing at our own pace. Try not to get bogged down in terminology in an effort to describe your own individual process or make sense of your experiences. Misinformation is in abundance right now (in all subjects!). Trust your own inner Knowing above all else. No one knows your path like you do. Surrender and acceptance is KEY.

Living Life in Between

I am beginning to back off once again from the “Ascension” hype on the internet. And yes, I am calling it a hype because it is mostly being presented as this new and life-changing event that just recently came to planet Earth to uplift us all. It is not recent. It has been part of the spiritual path all along. Always.

The more proper term for what is currently going on is Shift. The Shift itself is not ascension, though very much affecting and often times (most of the time) directly causing many of the intense symptoms and frequency accelerations we are experiencing right now.

What is the Shift? It is the shifting of the Earth’s poles and magnetic field. It is directly linked to astrological events to include the sun, the planets and this and other universes.

I wanted to clarify this as I, in turn, am being…

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Tossing Pebbles – October, 2013

Re-posting from many, many years ago because not long ago I was asked my guidance to “read over [my] old blog posts”. Did I? No. I forgot. Until today, by chance, as I was searching through my blog for examples of messages I have received in the in-between over the years, I stumbled upon this one. And OMG, now I know why my guides asked me to look.

Just to give you an idea, here are the biggest eye-openers from the post:

“He told me that the government of the United States would go through some major changes in 10 years, around the year 2022-2023. I immediately thought, “Ah, hind sight is 20-20” and giggled.”

“He went on to tell me that when I was gone and my children were grown that the Earth would be far less populated than it is now. I recalled a long time ago hearing about a massive outbreak of a virus that would decimate 100’s of thousands of people in the United States. He nodded in confirmation at my thought but would not say that this was the crisis he was speaking of. I thought on this news and wondered out loud, “Why are you telling me this?” He replied, “Because you need to know”.”

Living Life in Between

white-stones--pebbles_19-131295I never know when I will get a “visit” from one of my guides. It is always nice to have one, but they don’t seem to come when I want them to. Instead, they “pop” in for a visit and then I never know when they will come by next.

When I say visit, I don’t mean via dreams. I pretty much expect my guides to visit my dreams. There really aren’t too many dreams in which I can’t identify one or more of my guides. If the dreams are lucid or turn astral then it is always wonderful to be conscious of their presence. Unfortunately, when I am busy like I have been, consciousness in dreams or astral travel are few and far between, although I do think I am more lucid in my dreams than most people.

The kind of visit I am referring to in this blog…

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Dream: Aad Guray Nameh

Yesterday I had a thought regarding my dreams recently, specifically the last two. Both times I had asked to be shown what my Heaven would be. Where will I go when I die? What will it look like? I asked this mainly out of curiosity and a hope that I would go OOB or experience a wonderful escape into a magical astral landscape. I miss such adventures! Anyway, the thought I had was that perhaps my dreams were showing me what I asked and I misunderstood? Maybe I was seeing an alternate reality? A reality where I am not afraid to speak my truth, travel with and spend time with my friends and help the victims of physical reality recover and heal.

So last night I asked to be shown again but was more specific, hoping to get a better idea of what it was my guidance was trying to show me. Mostly, though, I was feeling very doubtful that my dreams were a glimpse into a possible future and suspicious of my guidance. Maybe it is all a test to see if I will grab onto anything that vaguely resembles hope? And then, as is my tendency, that hope is shattered when nothing changes or shifts in my world.

These thoughts are similar to thoughts I was having last Fall when I was having debilitating panic attacks. The thoughts make me shut down to my guidance completely out of concern that one – or maybe all of them – is in disguise and are not at all of the Light. They could be negative entities, Ego driven, or something else and so to shut down protects me from their influence and forces me to listen to my gut/feeling/intuition.

My feeling last Fall was that negative entities, or those from the “dark side”, are doubling their efforts, seeking to prevent humanity from escaping the trap of illusion by targeting those whose auras are beacons to others. Or maybe that isn’t it at all and I am just struggling to Trust yet again, letting my mind chatter unduly influence me.

My lack of Trust comes from so many let downs along my path, where I felt great certainty but was thrown curve ball after curve ball. It has taught me to be wary of anything and everything I “think” might be true, especially if it feels positive, good or hopeful.

Dream: Aad Guray Nameh

I had many strange dreams, most I can’t recall. My sleep was restless with frequent awakenings. Toward early morning I had a semi-lucid dream in which I felt attacked by something or someone I couldn’t see, reminiscent of some of my early, spontaneous OBEs.

My dream memory begins with me standing in what appears to be at the bottom of an empty swimming pool. The pool is not too deep because I can see over the sides of it. In the pool I am holding something in the palm of my hand that looks like small, black ants. I toss the creatures high up into the air and then watch to see what they do with their freedom.

When the creatures land on the floor they look like some kind of beetle or roach with long, brown wings. They scurry about and grow in size, changing shape and color. Their bodies become sleek and black like dragonflies (false beliefs and perceptions), their wings iridescent white. They buzz all around and for a moment I am delighted to see how happy they are. I remember thinking, “You are free!”

Suddenly, the insects start flying at me and begin to attach themselves to different areas of my body. They don’t bite me but I do not like that they are attracted to me and want them off. I begin to swipe at them and they fly away only to come back at me in a swarms. One lands right on my privates and I wipe it away as if I am wiping myself with toilet paper. I remember thinking at it, “How did you get there?” This is when I realize that I am not wearing any clothes.

Feeling overwhelmed and unable to get away, I call out to my daughter. While screaming for help my vision goes black and I can’t see. Trapped in darkness I feel vulnerable and alone and even though I no longer feel the insects around me, I feel surrounded by a very negative energy, one that gets pleasure from my fear and is taunting me.

My daughter arrives and turns on a light. The entire scene lights up and I find myself in my bedroom. Then the lights go off again and I am in total darkness.

The feeling of the negative presence grows. I can almost see it dancing around me, poking and prodding at me. Thoughts are coming at me, thoughts that sprout hopelessness and despair. I also hear the lyrics of a song going through my head, over and over: “Now you’re just somebody that I use to know”.

I get the idea to chant Ong namo guru dev namo. Initially my voice doesn’t work and a hoarse whisper comes out of my mouth. This doesn’t faze me and I keep chanting it, over and over again until my voice changes pitch. It gets very low and begins to resonate deep in my chest and I swear I hear another voice join in. Then, satisfied that I have chanted it enough, I shift to the prayer of protection:

Aad Guray Nameh
Jugaad Guray Nameh
Sat Guray Nameh
Siri Guru Dayvay Nameh


I bow to the Primal Wisdom.
I bow to the Wisdom through the Ages.
I bow to the True Wisdom.
I bow to the great, unseen Wisdom

Once I start chanting this my voice returns to its natural pitch and tone. There is no longer a constriction in my throat, my energy lightens and I feel powerful. I begin to negative feel the energy retreating. I notice the darkness in the room is shifting, getting lighter. I decide to chant, “Aum” or “Om”, and direct it toward the closest where I feel the energy lingering. When I chant “Aum” it is deep and powerful, as if I have a hundred monks chanting with me. The closet becomes illuminated with a bright light. Where I thought I would see clothing, there was none. The closet was empty.

My daughter returns and we leave the bedroom and go into an open space that resembled my upstairs living area. There is a clothing rack in the middle of the room. On the rack are identical sets of bras and panties. There are at least fifty of them. I grab one and begin to try and take it off the hanger but the threads are stuck, entangled in the clasp. My daughter asks if I want help but I tell her I will get it free, which I do almost immediately after. I put the tan and lace bralette on over the bra I am wearing.

After some time (my recall is hazy) I begin to feel the negativity and dark returning. This time I begin to sing a song from my childhood, one I use to love singing at church. As I sing the song I visualize a green field. The field manifests and I feel a warm breeze and a peace surround me. I start to cry. I continue to sing as I wake up – “You alone are my strength my shield, to you alone may my Spirit yield.”


When I woke my eyes and pillow were wet from crying.

My thoughts about the dream are that I was being shown how I create my reality. How the darkness is a reflection of me, my fears, doubts and insecurities. I am able to chase away the darkness using faith in a mantra. I trusted that if I kept chanting it the darkness and negativity would disappear and be replaced with Light and it was.

I find it interesting that I chanted the mantras that I did. Prior to bed I thought that I should continue to chant them every night, even though I was no longer practicing the Wahe Guru meditation/mantra. I was reminded of this article I read over a month ago as I was memorizing the foreign words.

My memory of how my daughter appeared in the dream does not match my daughter in real life. She looked like me, only younger with a brilliance and Light in her aura. I suspect she was the me who Remembers, my Higher Self.

Earlier this morning I read a blog post about Trust. It seemed to speak to me specifically, reminding me to put my Trust in God/the Universe and remember that there is a method to this madness. Fear can be a teacher, too, if we let it. There was a line in the post, like a prayer, asking that we all find the spark of courage that turns our darkness into sunlight. That is exactly what I did in my dream.

Finally, Dream Recall!

Finally some memorable dreams last night. The first seems like a premonition, but it is hard to say if it is of an actual even or symbolic. The last appears to be dreamwork and typical of the kind of dreams I have when I am sorting through issues that need to be addressed.

Dream: Flood

A storm was coming. It was all over the news and weather channels. Heavy rain was coming to the south. We were being told to prepare for power outages and flooding. I remember thinking I should save water wherever I could – the bathtub, in containers, in water bottles. I also remember thinking that no matter how much water I saved we would eventually run out if power was not restored quickly enough.

I recall walking around inside a house as I was listening to the reports and listening to the rain falling outside. There is memory of seeing the water rising around a railroad track and seeing it continue to rise to the rooftops of some houses. I thought that I would be fine if I put all my things on the second floor and remember seeing myself doing this. I also saw a map of Texas and all of the lower half of the state near the coasts completely under water.

I was talking to someone I know, female I think, about her driving north to avoid the floods. For some reason it felt like I was there waiting out the rains. There is memory of someone telling me the water would recede after 2 days.

signDream: Investment Conference in Georgia

I woke up briefly and returned to sleep and back to the map portion of the dream. I shifted focus and descended to the southeastern U.S. I was traveling with a group to a conference in the state of Georgia. I remember knowing he would be there and being especially nervous and fidgety.

The place we ended up was a restaurant/conference hall. It felt to be outside yet inside at the same time. We were seated at a round table with white linens and a fancy setup. The group I was with were reassuring. The person who seated us seemed to know that he would also be there and was asking me questions about how I felt about it. I remember sitting and facing forward as if in a daze as I watched the other participants gathering. I replied to her that I was “okay”.

We were then served wholesome food made from organic ingredients. The main dish was lasagna.

As the conference was beginning I saw him arrive but I never saw his face. I heard his voice and located him quite quickly. He sat with his back to me at another table. This I knew he did purposefully to avoid eye contact with me. He knew I was going to be there just as much as I knew he would be there.

As I watched the back of his head I began to feel a strong panic response. It was as if the lady was asking me questions about how I felt all over again. The feeling increased and I felt a bit nauseous. I told her, “I can’t see him again. It will kill me.” Yet at the same time I desperately wanted him to turn around, acknowledge me and come talk to me. My main recollection of feeling here was intense grief and heartsickness. The panic was in response to fear of that feeling returning and the devastation it caused.

This song was in my head during this time:

I decided to focus on something else and began talking to a young girl seated next to me. Something she said made me laugh and it felt good. I hoped he could hear my laughter. I remembered that he preferred not to interact with me when I was unbalanced. A thought crossed my mind then that to be that way all the time was impossible because I am human. It seemed to me that he rejected my human side and I felt defeated by this realization.

The next thing I recall is him being gone. I inquired about his whereabouts and someone said he had left with a woman. I saw her in my mind – older than me, light hair and very large breasts. I was instantly concerned. The lady said, “Don’t worry. They just went to eat somewhere else. Just around the corner.” She motioned to just up the road. I looked and saw dense trees typical of the northern GA landscape and a two lane road winding through them.

I got up and went to the edge of the conference area. Someone came up to me and asked me about the conference. Was I interested in what was being discussed? This is when I learned it was about investment and finance. I told her I already knew enough and hoped she would not be insulted if I walked out when the discussion began.

For the remainder of the conference I walked the perimeter of the location. There was a giant tree with knotted, exposed, massive roots. I climbed up on them and sat down, looking in the direction I was told he had gone and lost in my own thoughts. Sitting on the tree roots was comforting as was being far from the group at the conference.

After a while someone approached me and handed me a partially eaten plate of lasagna, asking, “Don’t you want to finish this?” I said, “I’m not hungry.” I walked back to the gathering which had now concluded and watched as the cook prepared for the next group.

The cook was an older woman. She seemed to be giving a demonstration of how she cooked. In front of her was a very large sweet potato, the size of a melon. In awe of its size, I commented on it. She scowled and told me only the ripest ones were picked and the others left to mature in the fertile soil. Then she cut it into quarters.

I watched as other participants began to arrive. One group came in a large, black SUV. They were all Asian and didn’t speak English. I was the last of my group and they were calling me to the car. I lingered and watched the others, wanting an excuse to stay.


When I woke the dream was still fresh on my mind. This song was going through my head:

Hearing the song made me a little angry as did the last dream.

The first dream seems to indicate that a period of high emotion is on its way. The fact that it floods the first floor of a house symbolizes that it will impact me on a soul level, the “base” level of my personality and life path. Flood waters can be a cleansing force, coming through and clearing out the unwanted, and unneeded. Traveling north may symbolize finding my “true north”. So perhaps this flood of emotion will help me recognize something about my purpose and direction in life? Whatever the message, there was a specific time period of 2 days indicated.

The second dream seems to be a fear-base, release dream. Perhaps the flood is related to this dream, perhaps not. It is hard to say at this time.

There are lots of dream symbols, but the ones that stand out to me are: finance/investment, lasagna, tree roots, and sweet potato.

Finance and investment likely indicates that I am somehow “invested” in what is happening in the dream. I indicate that I don’t want to learn anymore about this topic, so I am avoidant (for obvious reasons).

Lasagna is a good omen. It signals a period of personal enjoyment is coming my way. It reminds one to savor the moment and enjoy what is given.

The roots make me feel good in the dream; calm, safe, stable. This is root symbolism coming through. Roots can also indicate a “root cause” for something or ones connection and bond to others. The foundation and basis for something bigger. The bigger and stronger the roots, the bigger the “tree”. In this dream the roots were massive and old and nearly as big as the tree itself (which I never saw).

Sweet potatoes can symbolize good health, sexual intimacy and partnership. Sometimes they can indicate sexual urges, specifically that one partner has stronger urges than the other. The fact that the cook instructs me to only pick them when ripe and let the others mature in fertile soil could be a message about patience and timing.

Overall, it seems like the last dream is trying to get me to focus on specific feelings in order to heal. These feelings are deeply rooted, perhaps karmic or related to my soul family. Just touching on the feelings as briefly as I did in the dream invoked multiple emotions indicating the lesson is incomplete.


Dream Message and OBE: I Need Somebody

Today I leave for Hawaii. It also happens to be my co-worker’s funeral. Unfortunately, our flight plans overlap the funeral so we won’t be able to attend.

My husband has been home since Wednesday. As a result I have experienced much relief of stress. It is wonderful!

There has been some odd happenings, though. For example, I heard “On the Road Again” five times in one evening. Three times on the way to visit my mom (a 40 minute drive) and two times on the drive home. What is even more odd is that when we arrived the song just began to play and when we turned on the car to leave – three hours later – the song was just ending! How crazy is that?

Two nights ago I had a dream in which a woman was showing me how to “see”. It was energetic mostly and I woke up wondering about it. The energy shifted up into my third-eye and then I experienced a force behind my eyes that I have felt before. It was as if my eyes were someone else’s.

Then last night I felt a female presence put her hand on my left shoulder. I felt others in Spirit with her and there was a message, “We will help you.”

Dream: Message About Panic

The beginning is fuzzy but I remember being in a kitchen, opening a fridge and pulling out a large melon. I asked my MIL,”Do you want some cantaloupe?” and she said, “What kind?” I told her it was a different kind and showed her. It looked more like a gourde than a cantaloupe and when I cut it open it was full of seeds. I placed it in front of a cat that was sitting at the table like a child. The cat was very sad and I wanted to help so I offered it some of the cut open fruit. I said to it, “Is it too hot? Here, have some of the meat.” I placed some of the meat on the plate. It looked like ground beef. The cat shifted into what looked like a little boy.

I was then heading to a household with the cat/boy. Inside I encountered a husband and wife. The husband was very angry and told me I was not wanted there. It felt like we had a history. There was a small boy on the floor playing with Legos. He looked sad and told me that things weren’t the same with his friend gone. He said he use to play all day with his friend. I remember explaining to his parents the situation and tried to describe the boy’s sadness. I said, “What if someone – what if you were to get a divorce after being married 20 years. How would it make you feel?” The man got very angry at me, saying, “How dare you….!” I then switched it and said, “Okay, what if I got a divorce. How do you think it would make me feel?” He was still very angry, face red and seemed like he might hurt me physically. Yet I still approached him and put my hand on his heart. I asked again, “How do you feel?”

He didn’t answer but I saw words in his heart. They were all kinds of emotion in statements – I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel loved… and on and on. He seemed not to know how to answer. I remember telling him, “Panic is how grace and love enter the body. Look there.”

After hearing myself say this, I turned to the wife who was standing behind me. I asked her, “How do you feel?” She opened her arms and I placed my head on her heart (she was very tall). She said to me, “My life is a mess.” By the time she said this I was already sobbing, tears pouring down my cheeks and my nose stopping up. The woman just stood there and let me cry.

The emotion and what had just transpired brought me to full lucidity and I woke up.

When I woke I could not forgot what I had told the man and knew it was me giving myself a message. “Panic is how grace and love enter the body. Look there.” Wow. I got up and wrote it down intent on not forgetting it.

OBE: I Need Somebody

It took me a while to go back to sleep and I had the thought that I might project, but did not set an intention to.

The last thing I remember thinking about was preparing for my trip to Hawaii today and charging my new wireless earbuds for the long flight.

The next thing I know I am aware of being in my room talking to someone but I can’t recall the conversation. The room was dark and there was music playing – a song I recognized. It was very loud, complete with all the music and vocals. The lyrics were, “All I need is a miracle. All I need is you…” When I heard it I said aloud, “All I need is me.” I felt proud of myself for saying/knowing this. I saw myself in my mind as being Whole in Self. It appeared as a shadow part of me merging with a more solid me.

I was then certain I could shift OOB. The energy didn’t feel quite right but I did not hesitate and with ease I found myself hovering beside my bed facing the large window beside it.

My energy was shifty and I knew I needed to move away from my body but I was so pleased with myself that I lingered a while and looked around. The room was dark but light was coming in through the window. The window was cracked open at the bottom and the top was covered in ivy and small flowers that looked to be woven into it. I remember thinking I should say, “Clarity now!” to improve my energy but I thought, “I don’t need that” and so never said it.

Then a very large dragonfly flew in front of me. It turned and looked directly at me. It’s eyes were glassy and reflective, its body metallic silver. It was HUGE, like the size of a small house cat! In awe I smiled in delight and thanked it for visiting me. It hovered in front of me for a while inviting me to follow it out the window. I remember staring at it a while, taking in my “gift” and then accepting its invitation. It flew out the tiny crack in the window and I followed, seeming to shrink in size as I flew through.

The first thing I noticed is that outside my window was a large blanket laying on top of the branches of a tree that was just below. In reality there is no tree. Then I saw another blanket further down. I remember saying, “Looks like my kids tried to escape by climbing out the window.” I paused and said with pride, “But I’m flying out!”

Then I encountered an ivy wall that seemed impenetrable. It had white flowers in it, just like the ivy in the bedroom. I remember thinking, “I could go through” but then deciding to go over it. I flew up and over and the wall vanished.

The street outside my house was lit up and the neighbor’s house had two helicopters hovering over the driveway and parked car. There were flashing red lights on the helicopters indicating police or emergency vehicles.

I hovered there a while thinking of what to do next. I had not planned on going OOB and really had no clue what I wanted to do. I figured I would explore and so headed toward the road. I flew down as if to land on my feet but stopped short and hovered there.

When I looked at my neighbor’s house again the helicopters resembled the dragonfly in size and I seemed to have shifted size as well, growing back to my full height. I realized I had shrunk to go through the window and so my perception shifted to that of my size and the helicopters looked large as life. Now, they seemed like mere toys!

Again I did not know what to do with myself and hesitated before lifting off to explore. Sadly, I shifted slowly back into my body.

I lingered for a while in the in-between and mulled over my experience. The song I heard originally shifted to, “I need somebody, somebody like you.” I remembered the previous song and so the lyrics kept going through my head in unison – “I need somebody…all I need is a miracle, all I need is you….”

Then I was standing next to my physical counterpart. The number 56 came to mind right before I saw him and I realized I was talking to his future self. We hugged and I asked him, “How are you doing?” He said, “Not good. I’m so lonely.” I told him, “You know I’m here. All you have to do is ask.” He nodded.

He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up. I took down the hood and said, “You don’t need to hide from me.” I fully recognized the sweatshirt as him feeling he needed to protect himself and shield his vulnerability.

After this I had a very life-like experience of opening my front door after hearing knocking. On the other side was a large, white cat purring and rubbing up against the house. This sight of this woke me up fully and I could not go back to sleep.


The first dream seems to be about my masculine and feminine sides represented by the cat (feminine) and boy as well as the husband and wife. The message is still prominent in my memory and seems to be an answer to my questions about the panic episodes I’ve been having. My best guess to it’s meaning is that the panic is a result of not accepting God’s (Source) grace and love into my heart. The wife’s reply about her life being a mess seemed to be my own consideration about my life coming through.

The OBE was a nice gift, especially after the tears from the dream before it. The dragonfly symbol/message was especially memorable. The dragonfly seems to go along with the music message – It’s where the water flows. It’s where the wind blows.

The OBE also seems to bring a message about perspective. We tend to blow things out of proportion when in reality they are not very big at all.

All in all I feel positive about both experiences. Plus, it is nice to have these after such a long break. Right now I have a similar feeling as to when I went to Tennessee in 2016. Not sure why, but I feel a heart expansion is taking place and hopefully it will be less traumatic than last time!

Dream: Failed Test, Re-Test Required

Feeling much better this morning. My husband will be home this week, offering me a welcome reprieve from single-parenting. I believe much of my panic and anxiety stems from the added pressure/stress of having to do everything on my own while he is gone. Much of the time when panic arises I am thinking, “I am all alone….” and worrying about my children and who would take care of them if I were to be injured or killed. That’s only one concern, of course, but to rid myself of it would be nice.

My dreams seem to indicate my resistance is lessening as well.

Dream: Failed Test, Re-Test Required

The dream began in a high school cafeteria (spiritual nourishment). I was sitting alongside my classmates as someone passed back our practice exams (major life lesson). The person next to me got theirs. I was looking at theirs as I received mine. There were red marks all over it, which I knew wasn’t a good sign.

When I looked down at my exam I saw an entire sheet was filled out in red ink. My score was written at the top:

-9.5pts for failure to fill out info sheet
Final grade: 62%

The sheet filled out with red was the info sheet (important information being relayed) filled in for me. I turned to the people around me and told them how unfair I thought it was. I slowly became more and more angry. It was completely ridiculous to me that I would pass only to fail for not filling out an info sheet I had never received. I told the people around me I was not going to re-take the test, that it was unfair and was just a practice test anyway.

Eventually I got up and talked to the lady “proctor”. She reminded me of someone who worked at my high school. I showed her my exam and asked her to explain. She told me that I should have filled out the info sheet, that everyone got one and the instructions were clear. She pointed to the instructions and my signature below saying I had read them. I yelled, “Yes, I see! I have signed this for every exam without reading it and had no issues. Why would I read it this time?”

She told me I would just have to re-take (re-do lesson) it. I told her I would not and began to accuse her of purposefully targeting me because I was smart. I showed her my last two test scores, both 90%. She shook her head and looked down as she repeated that I would have to re-test. Furious. I called her a f*** bi**ch well aware of everyone staring at me, and turned and walked away.

My anger woke me up. I was shocked at how angry I had gotten in the dream. After a few minutes I fell asleep and returned to the dream.

I was sitting next to a young man who I called Jose. He was waiting to get his test results and looked pensive. I told him my story, how unfair it was and to be ready for similar news.

Then a female classmate came and sat down. I knew the woman I had cussed out was her mother and I apologized to her for my behavior and told her my story, too. She seemed not bothered and we caught up for a bit.

Meanwhile, Jose got his test results – 73%. I congratulated him and he seemed relieved. He left and the woman and I left together.

We walked out to the parking lot (delay) talking and then she was ahead of me catching up with a long time friend and getting into a car (life path). I realized she forgot about me and I walked alone thinking of the past and how nice it was to have girl friends, even if superficial. There was a fence (barrier to progress) across the path and I went around it but soon realized I had parked in the other direction. I opted to walk the long way around to get to my car.

There is memory of walking through my old high school only it had been renovated. A woman and I talked about how they paid a $40k bonus for their new coach. I called it a waste of money. They had added a gym space in the front that could be washed with a hose after gym class. I walked through a class commenting on how I should have been a gym teacher because it was much more fun.

Then I am with my son walking along neighborhood streets and houses. A group was gathered around the new principal who was telling them something and mentioned directions being included on flyers. He had no example and I volunteered mine, showing him a part of a ripped sheet (I had ripped it in anger earlier). I remember thinking critical thoughts about him. At the end I thought he was “not so bad”.

We continued to walk and came upon a driveway (the body, or homebase). We had to maneuver around some fish tanks on the floor and my son knocked one over, spilling fish. We caught them and returned them to their tanks. The owner came out and helped us at the end. I remember commenting on one small fish and he told me they were put into tanks with other types of fish to encourage their bright colors.


My sense about the dream is that it reflects a discussion about my present upsets. I am told that I failed an exam and have to re-test. It feels unfair because it is caused by missing information and my lack of attention to detail. There is also a lack of concern about my barely passing grade in the dream. I usually want to get at least an A. To be satisfied with a 70 is unusual. I feel unfairly targeted as well, as if someone is purposefully making me re-test. I realized now that it is me doing this because I expect much more from myself (an A instead of a C).

When I return to the dream I am apologetic and supportive of a classmate. I have no jealousy when he passes his exam. There is a literal walk down memory lane and I realize I miss having female friends and companionship. I also realize many of my past friends have long forgotten about me. I think I am missing aspects of myself and my past, longing for companionship even if it is not deep and meaningful.

The parking lot is delay and I walk the long way around to get to my car. The gym represents me facing myself and reviewing past actions. The fish are insights from my subconscious mind. The one fish in particular is small and brightly colored and the man indicates variety made him that way. I believe this is a message that a variety of life experience lends toward a more “colorful” result (more lessons and learning).

I seem to be slowly recovering from my anger throughout the dream until I feel lighter and more sane overall. Thus, when I woke I felt very different than I did after the first angry section of the dream.


Since waking I have been feeling more open to other options and seeing blessings in my life where once I only saw problems and difficulty. There are resources I have at my disposal that I can use to further my progress.

The phrase, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” comes to mind here.

So, if I have to remain in my current situation, then I might as well make the most of it. We have money enough to take more trips and my job offers me the freedom to work from home or anywhere actually. One of the things I should do is get more “therapy”; sessions like I have done in the past. These propelled me further than anything and could potentially help me with many of my present upsets and areas I am struggling to overcome on my own. Investing in myself in this way would be beneficial overall and keep me busy, freeing me from routine and boredom.

I wish my dreams told me specifically what areas I “failed” but sadly the only part I remember is that the subject was math. Math is symbolic of logic and this can be connected to the masculine energy, solving problems, taking action, making decisions, analyzing outcomes, being less emotional and more decisive overall. My failure was in accepting less from myself, so cutting corners to barely get by, while also ignoring directions. How furious were you when your teacher handed back a paper indicating you failed just because you forgot to put your name on it? Ha! M guides are saying very clearly, “Pay attention. Listen. Follow directions.”

Interestingly, a little after I woke, part of a song was going through my head. Just this part – “It’s where the water flows. It’s where the wind blows.” How very odd.



Here’s to Better Days

Lots of crying in my dreams again. Happy birthday to me. Sigh.

SO much more to relay but I don’t have time to go in depth about all that is going on. I posted on FB yesterday:

Once again it feels like I am standing in the middle of the eye of the hurricane while everyone else around me is pummeled with life crap. Sometimes it is harder to be the one watching the shit hit the fan than it is to be the one receiving the shit storm.

Image may contain: 1 person, meme and text

Yet that same morning I woke in a good mood and a song I use to sing at weddings with my mom and grandmother came to mind. This is the song:

The entire first verse popped into my head and I sang it to my husband acting all sappy adding hand motions and all like I was on stage (very unusual for me in the early morning). Afterward the song stayed with me so I posted it on FB with the photo below asking my mom if she remembered singing it. She did and later we chatted about it some. She told me the Psalm it came from was the one she recited every morning when she set her yoga intention and that she felt I was reminded of the song in order to giver her a message. She said, “You’re post was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much!”

“This is the day that the Lord hath made and I will rejoice with you.”


Dream #1

This dream centered at first around fish and turtles. They were in two separate tanks, one large and one only about 5 gallons. I recall seeing baby turtles swimming around in one. I decided to feed them. When I did all these other fish came out. Most of them were small but there were some large ones. When I watched the tank seemed large but then I realized it was on a 5 gallon. I said, “It’s way too small for this many fish!”

Then I went to a school or hospital setting. Inside I was walking around going up and down hallways repeatedly. There was a cat/bunny (it morphed from one to the other) that was mine. I was told that my cat was male and not female and shown it’s strange penis. I only recall a diagram of it now. It looked like a triangle with a longer side that extended like an arm.

There was a lot in between but most is lost to me now.

Then I was going in and out of the small lab storage room. It had a wall of windows on one side and had lots of scientific materials and such inside. I was in and out of it and then finally sat down by one of the windows on a long couch. There were two men with me, one I was very close to. I thought of them as “teachers”. The one I felt close to came and sat next to me while talking. He snuggled up to me and I reached around and pulled him close. It felt wonderful. I knew we loved each other very much but I also remembered that we rarely felt able to express our love because I was married. He and I were coworkers, so both teachers. As I sat next to him I recognized how difficult it was to be in love with him but not be able to be with him. He got up casually and the other man sat down near me, taking his seat. I wanted to sit next to the man I felt connected to – in love with – but couldn’t because of the man who took his seat. My heart began to sink and I felt an intense heaviness within. My last thought was about how we couldn’t be together. I began to cry in heaving sobs.

The dream woke me up and I rubbed my eyes clear of the tears. The man in the dream was very handsome to me even though to others he would have appeared as a normal looking, dark haired man. I KNEW him in the dream and even when I woke I felt our connection. His smile and demeanor was so very familiar, like we were never apart a day yet the reality (which was difficult to bear) was that we were physically apart.

Dream #2

In this dream I was back with the dark haired man and another man was also with me. The other man was my husband in real life. We were traveling to a work site in a work truck. All three of us sat in the bucket seat, me in the middle. The road we were traveling was up in the Smokey mountains and became narrower as we drove. At one point my husband said he thought the directions must be wrong because the destination was not where it should have been. I looked out the window and saw the road was winding and on one side was a pile of red bricks (experience and/or heartbreak has hardened me) looked to have been dumped there.

As we drove the road kept narrowing and both men were discussing how it was really treacherous. I looked out the window and the trees were right there, so close I could touch them. I saw their white trunks in rows. They resembled bars as if I were in a jail cell.

We came to a sudden stop. There was a metal foot bridge so the truck could not pass over. My husband wanted to keep driving to see if the truck would make it. I screamed in fear and my husband snapped at me really loudly for being a “back seat driver” saying, “STOP DOING THAT!” I was embarrassed for having let a scream escape but I was scared he was going to attempt to drive over the bridge. He didn’t, though. He stopped.

After he yelled at me I jumped out of the truck, tears welling up in my eyes from hurt feelings and all kinds of other unrelated emotion. I ran down the road in the opposite direction, back up the mountain road. The dark haired man got out of the truck and ran after me. I was thinking as I ran about how he (the dark haired man) would never do that. I sent a mental thought to the dark haired man saying, “You would never treat me like that. You care about how I feel.” I could feel his concern for me as he ran behind me. All I wanted was to be with him and I was thinking, “I can’t do this! I can’t do this!”

I woke again in tears and rubbed them from my eyes but they kept seeping out despite my efforts. My heart was aching when I woke. I heard, “I am always with you.” It didn’t help the ache.

Dream #3

This was a short dream. I was with a group and we were all being lined up. It reminded me of PE class in middle school when we would like up for dodge ball. I was told to stand at the end of the line and face the opposite direction than the rest of the people in line. My husband was next to me. When I turned the coach (which sounded like my husband) told me to turn around and said something crude related to balls. I can’t remember what he said but when I followed instructions and turned around I became furious with him, so angry I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Red-hot anger. I turned back to face him, this time to my left where my husband was standing, and said, “I WILL NOT be treated like this!” I could feel his humor in the dream and the anger I felt melted into grief and I began to cry, again sobbing so hard it woke me up. The feeling I had upon waking was how unfair everything was, how unjust to be belittled because I am a woman.

Dream #4

In this dream I was inside a large bathroom. The toilet kept squirting water out of the top, soaking the walls behind it. My husband was inside repairing a section of the wall and I told him about the water squirting out of the toilet. He inspected the wall on the opposite side of the room, the tile and the patch in the wall he had just completed. I told him to look behind the toilet. Instead he kept focusing on the patch in the wall. When I saw it I could see between the wood and noticed it was not a good patch job and would need to be torn out. I suggested we put a huge window, a stained glass window (spiritual healing and enlightenment/guidance), in its place. I got on the phone to order one and someone began to ask me questions that made no sense. I realized I had blanked out in the middle of the conversation and had no memory of what was said. The man on the phone seemed to indicate that I was not suppose to know the information I was asking for. I apologized and hung up. My husband was staring at me after and questioned me. I swore I had no idea why I had been on the phone, saying I was trying to order a stained glass window.

Then there was a hole in the wall where the patch had been. I could see outside to a pool full of kids. It started raining so they all started coming in through the hole. The kids were little, one a toddler girl. They carried towels with them and I helped them dry off.

Eventually there were kids everywhere and I felt overwhelmed and wanted to get out of the now cramped space. It was frantic feeling. Since I could get out I turned on a computer to do something on it and the kids began to ask to get on it. I remember relaying to them how they always wanted what I had, asking them, “Can you let me have something for once without trying to take it from me!?” They didn’t listen, though, and kept demanding what I had. They were all around the computers playing games and I watched continuing to feel overwhelmed.

When I woke from this dream I wasn’t crying but I felt suffocated by the dream experience. I realized it was very much how I feel in my day-to-day life as a mom and wife. Always giving up things for others. Give, give, give. I have to sneak down to the kitchen to grab a snack and hope my kids don’t hear me. If they do, they want whatever I am eating, nothing else will do. If I want to go for a walk alone I have to sneak out, otherwise I will have company whether I like it or not. It is a constant struggle to find time alone, to have something just for myself. Even my husband takes his share of my time, my effort, my body. What is left for me? Not much.


A song was and still is going through my head. The lyrics I hear are – “Here’s to better days”.

This song is also coming to mind, though it has no lyrics. It is just a nice one to meditate to. Enjoy!

A Heads-Up from My Guidance: Possible Future Encounter

The tarot readings I did for myself yesterday prompted further explanation in dreamtime last night. I did not ask for elaboration. In fact I didn’t even wonder or attempt to think on the readings much past what I blogged. Here is the post for reference.

A recap in photos – Top is the full reading and bottom is the response to my question, “What do I need to know”:


Dream 7/20/18

The dream started with me in a movie theater (protecting myself from the emotion of the situation) with a man. He felt like my husband and even his looks were similar but his hair was lighter in color. We were not alone in the theater but sitting far enough away from others that we had privacy. I felt his hand move onto my leg and down into my crotch area. I remember meeting his hand with my own and holding it. I turned toward him and he kissed me. I kissed him back and then we kissed some more. The make-out session was short-lived, though, because I stopped it and said, “Someone will see us.” It felt like we weren’t suppose to be anything more than friends and that I was trying to hide that we were.

Thankfully the intensity of this part of the dream did not bleed through into the physical (thus the movie theater). There was a very strong attraction akin to a heart connection and a heightened awareness throughout.

Then I was with a group of students in a room. I remember the teachers whispering about me and a boy. There was a male teacher particularly concerned that me and this boy may be getting romantically involved. It was inappropriate for us to be together because he was so much younger than me. They watched us for a while and were unsure as to whether they should contact our parents. Instead they opted to observe us. We were always close to the point of touching but did nothing beyond that.

At one point a female teacher entered the room and called the boy’s name. He went to her and she began to take him out of the room. I ran up to them laughing and joking about the situation, saying that he was in 8th grade and then becoming confused and talking to myself saying, “Wait. I think he’s nine so he must be in third grade.” The teacher gave me a very serious look and took the boy out of the room.

I spent quite a bit of time trying to determine the age difference in the dream. I only got as far as to determine I was 18 and he was 9. I remember doing the math 18-9=9 at one point.

Then the dream shifted and I was in another room sitting on stools at a rectangular table with other students. The table was long enough to accommodate at least 10 of us. I sat facing the students and a male teacher walked out of the room leaving us alone to talk. One student was discussing an assignment and how when one student completed an assignment (in this case an essay) the others all had to complete theirs or risk failing. It was like there was no due date until one student completed the assignment. Domino effect comes to mind here.

I interjected and said, “Really? That’s interesting. I just completed an essay assignment.” The boy looked at me and said, “That’s not good. We could all fail now.” I told him that I had just done it because it was there and needed to be done. I hadn’t put any thought into it. It was easy. The boy was concerned about grades and had a very pensive look on his face. I said, “Don’t worry about grades. It doesn’t matter what grade you make. Once you graduate you won’t care. Trust me.”

The others in the class seemed concerned anyway but the subject changed to graduation. Another young man was expressing his worry over graduation. He said, “I don’t have anyone. I’m all alone.” He was concerned no one would be there to celebrate with him. In my mind I saw a visual of a cliff overlook. There was a blanket laid down and stuff indicating a picnic for more than one person but there were no people present. I asked the guy, “No mom? Dad?” He shook his head at both. “No pets? No dog? Cat?” He said, “No.” I laughed and said, “No pet rock?” lol He didn’t find it funny. He hung his head and I could feel from him how alone he felt. I told him, “You won’t be alone. We will ALL be with you.”


I woke up with the first two dreams on my mind despite them being earlier in the night. I knew the movie theater scene was intense and indicative of an intense heart connection. The dream after indicated that there was a connection, too, but with someone younger than me – 9 years perhaps.

Then I considered the tarot reading I gave myself indicating a “moral” situation would arise. My mind went to all the scenarios I could conjure. It seemed like I was to meet someone and they would be younger than me. This I don’t want.

An in-between “dream” came to mind from January, 2018 where I was shown three men. I don’t believe I wrote it down in this blog so I will include it now:

I was in the middle of my mom’s living room. To my right, sitting on the sofa, was a dark haired man wearing a dark t-shirt and blue jeans. He was very lean and seemed tall. I knew him to be a man of few words.

To my left was a younger man who was fair haired and quite intent on winning my affections. I knew him to be much younger than myself and it felt like he followed me around like a puppy dog. It was quite a turn-off because, though I was flattered, I was not interested in him. He was too naive and inexperienced. I thought of him only as a friend.

I was sitting on a sofa that is not in my mom’s living room in real life. To my right was the man from an earlier dream. I could see him clearly. He had reddish blonde hair and acne scars on his cheeks.

A young, dark haired boy around 13 years old was talking to me. He pointed to the dark haired man and said, “Isn’t that ______?” He gave the man a name that sounded Spanish in origin. All I remember now it that it started with an S. We talked about him for a bit and I remember saying that “S” didn’t talk much and was very intense. His personality was not suited for me as a potential partner because I liked to have long philosophical conversations (lol) and needed someone who would carry on conversations that sometimes lasted for hours.

Also, I sensed from “S” that he was interested in me but not pursuing me. Very nonchalant in his demeanor. The message from him was, “If you want to be with me, you have to pursue me. I won’t pursue you and am completely happy without you.” He was projecting this attitude with so much force it was like he was trying to convince himself of it. This was a turn-off to me because I need to feel desired. My suitor should pursue me at least a little bit. It can’t be a one-sided thing. Plus, the attitude of “I’m happy with or without you” repelled me. I need to be needed – my purpose is “to help” – and his attitude said, “I don’t need you” – his energy practically screamed it.

The dark haired boy then said, “What about him?” I looked at the young fair haired boy and saw him in a car (life path) driving on a highway. He seemed to be traveling parallel to me (parallel path to my own). I could see him inside the car only the back end of it was missing (incomplete path) and the front dash (interested in status and goals) was much longer than what a real car’s would be. I knew the “kid” was reckless and determined in his affections and that his interest was in me. He was too young for me, though, and I could sense his expectations and desires. It didn’t feel like he was only focused on the pursuit of me but more like he was nearing obsession and unable to control himself or his emotions.

I told the dark haired boy almost immediately, “No.” lol I knew I should stay far away from that boy.

All that was left was the man I was sitting next to. I snuggled close to him and felt safe. There was an odd feeling that though he was not my first choice he was a good choice. I could not determine much about his personality from his energy other than the “safe” feeling. His energy felt like cool, calming water washing over me.

There is more about the above dream but I won’t go into the details other than to say this was a glimpse into the planning of my future in this body. Contracts were being “reviewed” and I was being shown both past and future (pending) contracts.

When I woke this morning I put 2 and 2 together. I think I am being prepped for meeting the young “boy” mentioned in the dream from January.

This morning my main worry was about encountering someone with whom I have a strong heart connection with. If I should meet such a person I am not sure how I will react nor do I know if I can go through it again.

I heard from my guidance, “Weak” in response to my worry and knew that I was/am. If around someone with whom I have such a connection on a regular basis I think it would be very difficult to control myself.

I hope the “moral” dilemma apparent in the first tarot spread does not test me to the point that I cannot resist the advances of this man (if that is what it is). Based upon the dream insight about the young man, he will not give up easily. I could sense his pursuit of me and his obsessiveness. Not attractive or good. I hope it doesn’t arise from my response to him indicating my own interest and openness to explore our connection. That would mean it would all be my fault for leading him on. However, I may not have much control over that because if it is a Kundalini connection the young man may be pulled in and obsessive because of that.

I will take the tarot spreads and last night’s dream as a warning and “heads up”. When/where this will happen, IDK but my guidance made sure to tell me, “When you meet you will Know.” Yeah. Another one of those messages! I will likely be caught completely off guard. God.

As I lingered in bed I had a vision of a bath tub full of clear water. My first thought was “emotion” but then it could also be cleansing. It just added to the overall message. Emotional intensity. Test. Connection. Moral dilemma.


My first decision in response to this information was to tell my husband about my dream, the tarot spreads and what I believe my guidance is telling me. I made this decision because previously I did not do this and it blew up in my face. So, if there is another heart connection on the horizon I will be completely open and honest with my husband about it from the get-go. My intention is to make it known to this guy right away that I am absolutely not interested in exploring the connection. NOT AT ALL. I will be nice about it but I refuse a repeat of the past.

Interestingly, my husband’s response was, “What I am getting is that this is going to catch you completely off guard.” LOL I said, “Yeah, most likely.” He then expressed how he believes that such an encounter will only strengthen our relationship. Whether he will respond in such a way when/if such a connection comes about, I don’t know but I have hope.

Of course this could all be nothing and a test in and of itself. I will put it on “the shelf” and leave it for now and continue to pray that no such “test” is coming anytime soon.


The Lost Wisdom of the Grail Telesummit

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Tuesday 1st May Richard Beaumont Human Design
Wednesday 2nd May Jeremy Rye Finding Your Answers in the Landscape
Thursday 3rd May Sarah Negus 6 Steps to Self Mastery
Friday 4th May Davyd & Emma Farrell The Importance of Psychic & Energetic Hygiene: Know Your Doorways
Saturday 5th May Adam Apollo Sword & Chalice: Remembering Our Purpose Through Surrender
Sunday 6th May Diana Mossop Phytobiophysics:  The Power of Plants
Monday 7th May Kara Gilligan The Magdalene Wounds: Reclaiming Lost Sacred Feminine Wisdom to Heal Your Life
Tuesday 8th May Patrick MacManaway The Blessing of Water – How Well Aimed Love Can Save Our World
Wednesday 9th May Oliver Huntley

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