4 OBE’s and Unsettling Message

Woke again at 5am. Seems to be the pattern these days.

Dream: Exchanging Glasses

When I woke I was having a dream of being with my “partner”. I don’t remember much of our conversation but we were lounging on a bed together next to busy area with a coffee machine (awareness) and refrigerator (accomplishments) with glass doors. At one point I remember ripping a bag of cereal (new stage in life) and it scattering all over the floor. I didn’t clean up the mess but left it there. The cereal looked like tiny pistachios (difficulties turning into opportunity). As I was leaving (waking up) my partner asked me to give him his glasses (new/different perspective). I had been wearing them and put them on a shelf. I retrieved them and gave them back to him. He was wearing my glasses and took them off and handed them to me. I put them on and the realization of what I had just done woke me up.

Unsettling Message

As I woke I was feeling weird and a bit panicked for no reason. Still very tired but unable to sleep, I remained partially awake because my “partner” from my dream was discussing things with me. I can’t remember it all but healing was part of it as was my present life situation and feelings/emotions. Familiar feelings of apathy and depression were visiting again and though they were easily shrugged off, their presence was unsettling. It made me feel like a failure and, as such, I wanted to give up. I was asking to go OOB and not come back.

Then, my guide said something then that was unexpected. He said, “When you have your heart attack….” I can’t remember the rest word-for-word (as you can imagine) but he indicated that clarity and a spurring into motion/action would be the result. This is typical of near-death experiences (or close calls with death) and makes sense, but the information pulled me completely out of my reverie. I said, “I thought it was a stroke?”, remembering the dreams and earlier messages I had received. The response was that the distinction was not important. In all honestly, it is to me, though.

I tried to ignore the message and return to sleep but there was a nagging that said, “Pay attention” and “Let’s talk about it.” I said, “I thought stopping birth control resolved all of this……and I’ve been eating better, exercising, not smoking, doing everything right…..(long pause)…..will I be okay?” I don’t think I wanted to know the answer, though, because I can’t remember the exact response but the feeling I continue to have is that it is not a big deal in the larger plan that is my life. However, I was thinking, “I will be damaged goods. A 40-something-year-old with a heart attack/stroke record already?”

My thoughts were then directed to May and then on to “six months”. Interestingly, August is 6 months away – my birth month.

By this time I was wide awake but the conversation continued. My guide/partner asked me, “Why do you want to be [in the in-between] (can’t recall his exact wording) to communicate with me?” I said, “Because then I know I’m not inserting what I want to hear. It is less adulterated.” He responded with, “We are One.” As if that explained it all clearly;  to me, though, it was confusing. Ultimately, he explained that we had merged successfully. I wondered when, but could not pinpoint any particular time. I must have slept through it. The whole walk-in/soul-exchange plan came to mind and I pushed it away but not before understanding how it all fit in this strange life experience I find myself in.

Our conversation continued. I kept asking why my partner couldn’t be here in the physical with me. He said, “I am”. I wondered what he meant but I fell further in to a trance-like state, shifting seamlessly into a dream-like reality as images replaced words.

4 OBE’s

Completely lucid, I felt to be in my bed only the room was my room at my mom’s. I was laying in the supine position with my arms over my head. Energy was building around my crown to an extreme and it traveled down, wrapped around my face and then went down my spine toward my chest, filling that area as well. It was a wonderfully relaxed feeling.

Buzzing with energy I heard noises from the other room. Children’s voices and music playing. I knew it was my family awake early and ignored the noises-off the best I could. I was still talking with my partner/guide but I can’t remember what we were talking about.

At one point I sat up and out of my sleeping body. I lingered there sitting on the bed as I took off what felt to be a giant pillow from my face. My vision was clear but shifty and I continued to feel strong vibrations/energy all over my body.

I went toward the door noticing just how vivid and real the experience was but lost lucidity almost immediately shifting back into my body that was laying in the bed.

Back in my body the noises-off were loud again and I shifted immediately back OOB. This time nothing barred my vision and I was able to go out of the bedroom into the living room. My children were inside with my husband sitting at a kitchen table. He had made them all French toast (life satisfaction) and I thought it odd and wondered why he would do such a thing. Also, the table was in the wrong place. The room was lit with a golden, shimmering energy. I walked outside and it was a bright, beautiful sunny day but the brightness was so intense I lost visual and went back into my body.

Once again laying in bed I lingered for a while, enjoying the soothing energy. My crown and third-eye area felt expansive with a peaceful, warmth. It was amazing!

I decided to go OOB again and lifted easily OOB, floating to the door and out into the living room again. I ignored the activity there and went to the front door. It was locked and I said to my guide, “Why did you lock it? I want to go outside. Do you want to show me something? It will unlock.” I unlocked it and went outside. It was still dark out and I remember commenting on that.

Outside I floated for a bit and noticed a massive building to my left. It was like an entire city! I have never seen anything like it. The building spanned acres to the left and right of my mom’s house and appeared to be floating just above the ground. It towered for at least a hundred feet over the tops of the trees.

I lifted myself up to get a better view and was awe-struck by it’s beauty. It was pristine! White and glistening as if made of diamonds or crystals, its walls and rooftops seamless  – no points or jagged areas.

I felt to be pulled up toward the stars and did not resist. As I soared higher I saw the city was more expansive, spreading out in all directions with trees positioned throughout. It was as if I were on another Earth/planet.

I went further up, stars swirling around me as I lost my sense of direction. My astral body felt to be tossed and turned as if going through a vortex. I held on, though, never losing touch with the experience despite my vision blacking out. I completely surrendered to the feeling despite it being disorienting. Never once did I feel fear.

I felt myself vertical again and the movement ceased. My vision returned and I was in a blackness surrounded by stars and galaxies. My body was then shot straight down and I knew I was heading toward a deep, dark lake. I felt myself enter the calm waters and I opened myself up, taking as much water into me as I could knowing that holding my breath was unnecessary. I could not die.

As I breathed in the water I felt myself go deeper and deeper straight down and then float softly back up like a buoy. At the top I knew not to struggle and let myself just float there staring up at the stars. The whole time I was talking aloud about how I knew not to struggle, I knew to just float without resisting and completely expected to be in the dark, calm water for an infinite amount of time. I remember wondering, “Is this all there is? Is this my eternity?” With this I fully accepted the void as my infinite reality. I was 100% okay with it.

The lake seemed to expand around me with no shore in site. Like I was lost in an endless sea of darkness. I continued to float full of acceptance in the middle of the expansive blackness. A round, white object was floating to my left as if to offer support, but I didn’t take it.

Then the water began to recede, or maybe I moved. Land appeared and I could feel sand beneath my feet. I crawled, water-logged, onto the shore and looked up. There, towering over me, was the magnificent city I had seen floating near my mom’s house. I felt a sense of “arrival” as I stared up at it.

The scene dematerialized and I was back in my bed with energy surging through my body. I shifted immediately OOB again and traveled back into the living room to focus on my children who I had previously ignored. There I found my children happily playing with all kinds of toys (domestic joy/harmony). There were also other children in the room who I didn’t recognize. My husband was in the center and to his right was a Christmas tree (family relationships/domestic stresses). I went up to my middle son and gave him a kiss on his forehead as I told him, “I love you.” I looked down at the small child next to him and ruffled his hair. Then I walked around looking at the toys scattered here and there, noticing the tree and wrapping paper. I said to them all, “Look at all these wonderful presents (recognition of gifts)….but it’s not Christmas…..”

I went back in body and lingered there, enjoying the energy sensations and hearing noises-off. Eventually, though, I realized the noises were real and that it was time to wake up.

This song was going through mind, specifically: I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.



OBE and Message: Propitiatory Flushing of System

It’s been a crazy busy day today so am just now getting to record this mornings adventures.

First, though, I took my NASM personal trainer certification exam this morning at 11:30am. I was not as prepared as I would have liked to have been because of all my mommy duties and such getting in the way. I also kept putting off studying because I just didn’t want to. lol I didn’t get to study until late last night and got too tired to continue. Then this morning the kids were making so much noise that I opted to drive to the test site early and study in the car. I studied maybe 30 minutes and then went in to test. Finished the test in under an hour and then was handed this:


They couldn’t tell me my score because only people who fail find out how many they missed (huh?). I suspect that I got around an 80% based upon the questions I was unsure of. Overall, the test looked exactly like the multiple practice exams I took when cramming. Good thing I have a great memory! 😀

After the test my husband and I went to visit my BIL and SIL who just welcomed a little boy into their family on January 27. He weighed just under 8lbs. I got to hold him for a bit and he is so sweet, but what little newborn isn’t? As first-time parents (both in their 40s) they have been majorly stressed over everything but seemed to be adjusting.

When we arrived home we picked up my nephew for a sleepover and now it is already dark. The day slipped by much faster than anticipated.

Dream and Message

I was awakened at 5am by a dream in which I was at a job interview inside a school. The woman interviewing me was very nice and told me there were plenty of jobs available. I remember saying I preferred an elementary school and her mentioning how my DAEP (district alternative education program) experience would be helpful.

A male teacher entered the dream and it shifted dramatically. One second I was in the school and the next I was saw the male teacher standing by a concrete column under an overpass (critical life junction). He was holding a blonde, female teacher’s hand when a massive flash flood (emotional overwhelm) came through and pummeled them. He tried to hold onto her but the gloves (caution) she was wearing slipped off her hands and lost her. Within seconds the water disappeared and it was bone dry. The female teacher was nowhere to be found and the male was bruised up. All that was left of the teacher was a red coat (protection).

Then the male teacher was talking to me about the school where we worked. I saw in front of me a map of the inside and the three stories. In the center of each floor there was a cafeteria (issues). I was told that we would meet on the top floor. We discussed my memories of the school and I mentioned how this new school had a class to teach students how to bake cakes (something eating me up inside). Then there appeared a vision of a three layered, chocolate cake. It seemed that the cake represented the “floors” of the school. The male teacher said to me, “Remember, you go straight up.” When he said this my lucidity came on suddenly and I knew the cake was the body and the path I was to take was straight up and out.

Not sure what to think I began to wake up with questions. I heard, “Propitiatory flushing of system”.

For some odd reason this message really freaked me out. Nonetheless, I returned to sleep quite easily.

OBE: Out of Place

I was in my mom’s house inside the bathroom sitting on the toilet (release of emotions). To my right was a portion of stale (old, forgotten) hot dog (sexual desire). I fiddled with it and it stuck to the counter. I remember thinking, “Ewww” and wondering who would leave food by the toilet. When I got up to flush the toilet the tank portion was wobbly and off-center. I corrected it and left the bathroom to go to my bedroom.

Inside the bedroom I stood and looked around curiously. The entire space began to vacillate and shift, the lights seeming to almost strobe. I remember thinking, “I can leave my body.” So that is what I did. I walked right out of it and stood facing the window. Everything was bright gold, shiny and brilliant but did not hurt my eyes. My vision was perfect. I was able to distinguish colors that normally I would not. I also think I was perceiving sound with my eyes, which I have done before. It was as if all my perceptions were tuned up and super keen. When I tried to move it felt like the entire room moved with me. The constant shifting became noticeable on an energetic level – like I became the room and the room became me. The vibrations were revved up to an uncomfortable intensity and my vision was moving/shifting with them. If an energy body can become dizzy then that is what happened to mine. The feeling was uncomfortable and foreign and I thought, “I don’t want to do this.” I backed up and into my body which was waiting sitting on the bed.

There was a nearly indistinguishable blackness, like I blinked, and then I re-entered the dream, stood up and walked into the kitchen. There was a man sitting at the table about to eat coconut (leisure activity needed) cereal. I suggested he pour coconut milk on it. He did and tasted it. I don’t think he liked it.

I woke up hearing part of a song going through my head, “I’m way too good at goodbyes….”

A strange feeling accompanied it and I remembered the message I had gotten earlier and seeing the black cake from the first dream. I wondered about the message and heard, “Proprietor.” I thought maybe it meant that propitiatory was the wrong word, but upon inspection they may be interchangeable. It felt, though, like I was being instructed on where to go at a certain moment in time. And when I sought out my guidance I felt a familiar sensation, one that indicated I had many more guides around me than is usual.

Hints of Something to Come

After a little over 24 hours of feeling like I was finally getting over my cold and intestinal problems, I was hit in the middle of the night with a resurgence of intestinal issues. They continue with less severity this morning as I hack and cough up the last remnants of the cold I had.

On top of it all my acne seems to be returning. Same spots, same weird, tiny bumps that don’t go away. I realized this morning that the acne spots first started after I moved to this house/location and I have been sick much more frequently than any other time in my life. Makes me wonder if there is something here, something in the water or the house itself (physical, emotional, spiritual) that is triggering these physical reactions in me. It is, by the way, a #11 address. hmmmm

Hints of Something to Come

I had some odd occurrences yesterday that I should mention before I go into my dream last night.

First off, two days ago while running errands I once again had one of those near-panic attacks, well more than one. This time, however, I recognized something – well some things. The panic attack episodes started after the heart connection in 2015 and escalated to the point of making me feel almost incapable of going out of the house. When I have them it is as if a switch is flipped and I become overly aware of my surroundings, like waaaay too open and overstimulated. It seems like part of me arrives or awakens in this body unexpectedly. I feel her arrive. Then I hear/feel that part of myself begin to worry and panic similar to waking up in a bad dream and not knowing how she got there. At the same time a calming energy seems to descend and I hear/feel myself being consoled and reminded it will pass. Then the anxiety passes and I return to a normal feeling as that other part seems to leave. It is so weird! But now it happens so frequently that I am use to it and even though the anxiety still comes on it never lasts or sets in fully. I never know when it will happen, just that it will happen when not inside my home.

I wonder, who is it that is panicking? Is it even me like I assume? Or someone else or some other aspect? Is this part of the soul exchange process somehow?

Then, two nights ago as I was watching Netflix (Shannara Chronicles this time) out of the blue I could feel the feelings of my Companion wash over me. I could feel his love and admiration for me and began to giggle out loud as I was embraced by his energy. As energy spread over me, I looked down at my body and felt an overwhelming attraction to myself, as if I were in love with my body, with everything that I AM. There came with this a sense of playfulness and joy. I felt like a child in a sense but also extremely attracted to myself in a sexual and romantic way. The playfulness was the strongest and I ignored my show, closing my eyes and surrendering to the feeling. My whole body was tingling and blissed-out and remained that way for some time.

The overwhelming attraction and love for myself was so unusual for me and I thought to my Companion, “I am feeling what you feel for me.” He said to me, “I am YOU.” In hearing him say this I knew he was right and what I was feeling were my true feelings for myself and all that I AM. I can’t explain it any other way because, as is the norm, words just aren’t enough. I felt for myself a twin flame/heart connection kind of magnetic attraction and did not reject it but fully surrendered and accepted it. There is nothing in this physical world more beautiful and …… I AM.

I managed to fall asleep with few dreams. The dreams I did have are similar to the one below, indicating an internal separation in process. It is hard to explain but I actually built a fence between myself and my “sister” in one dream and in another I was taking care of baby peacocks (birth, new growth), keeping them from being eaten by cats. In another I was with my “crazy” sister. I spent a long time consoling her. She felt everyone was abandoning her, she was all alone, unloved and had no friends. She was highly self-destructive and deteriorating quickly.

Image result for congratulations text pic

When I woke there was no lingering in the in-between. I was wide awake and thinking of my dreams. There was a peculiar feeling I couldn’t identify. Out of the blue and barely noticeable there came a vision in front of my eyes. A very small word outlined in a glowing white box: Congratulations. This caught me off guard because I was not in the in-between. I wondered, “Congratulations for what?” I heard back, “You have surpassed hurdles unseen.” Not able to identify these “hurdles” I went back to thinking of my dreams. Then I heard, “We have something to show you.” I thought, “Okay” and then went back to thinking of my dreams. lol

Another vision came to me then. I saw a pile of stuffed toys, all of which were action heroes – superman, batman, spiderman, etc. It was odd and I wondered about it. Then the Coldplay song came to mind, “I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts…..I want something just like this.” I laughed aloud at this but recognized my subconscious created it. It wasn’t a message from some “guide” but from ME.

Again, though, I heard a message, almost indistinguishable, come through like a conversation I was having. I heard, “Tomorrow” and then after a couple of minutes, “Some of the benefits and securities will be refined.” Considering how odd the message was, I figured it was time to get up and face the day.


Dream: Get Out!

This dream began with me being in a hurry to get somewhere but not really worrying about being late. I kept telling myself, “No need to rush. You’ll get there when you get there” which is how I have been handling lateness in my waking life for sometime now.

I went into the bathroom and prepared to take a shower. What is odd here is that I had with me all my personal toiletries in a bag despite there being an entire set already in the bathroom. Both sets felt like mine but when I saw the set in the bathroom I dismissed it knowing my set was better suited to me. I took my shampoo (new image/self) and toiletries and replaced the other toiletries (old image/self) one by one.

I vaguely remember taking a shower (spiritual renewal and forgiveness) and feeling each distinct stream of water hit my face and body. It was a refreshing, calming feeling – a familiar feeling. In the background I could hear voices speaking to me like distant memories or echoes. They were asking me questions in a disapproving tone and judging me for my actions and decisions. It felt like these people were my physical family – mother and husband specifically. I ignored the voices, though, and focused on the warmth and comfort of the water.

Then I was inside a house selecting clothing (public self) to wear. The entire time my mother (mother aspect) seemed to be shadowing me, asking me questions and judging my actions in a passive-aggressive way. She kept suggesting this or that but never directly saying she disapproved. The main thing I remember her saying is that I would be late if I didn’t hurry. Again, I ignored her, focusing instead on the clothing I would wear. I couldn’t find what I needed, though.

I left the house I was in and headed to an apartment. The apartment was very nice (life improvement), nicer than any apartment I have ever lived in. Two bodyguard-looking men (feeling insecure or unsure about life) met me there. They wore all black and had ear pieces in. One handed me a cell phone and said, “Looks like he’s following through.” I read what was on the screen and said, “Yeah.” The screen had a legal letter and I remember it said “petition” and “claimant” on it and that my husband was accusing me of being “homosexual” (self-love, self-acceptance) as a reason for divorce. There was a feeling of finality here as well as Knowing of what was to come. The sense was of my entire life crashing down on me but I was in total acceptance.

The bodyguards also mentioned to me that I was behind on my assignments. I acknowledged them and then rushed to the closet to look for a shirt. My mother intercepted me though and began to make ultimatums to get my attention. Her main upset was that I was behind on my assignments and would ultimately “fail”. She told me she couldn’t accept my behavior anymore and insisted that it was time for me to “get out”.

I went into a huge walk-in (may indicate soul exchange) closet (unveiling of previously hidden aspects). I looked through the clothes but couldn’t find what I was looking for. There were many long, sleeveless dresses (feminine), some dress shirts and a bunch of trousers. The shirt I had put on was long-sleeved (protection from adversaries) and too hot (heated emotions) but all the clothes in the closet were also too warm for the weather. Eventually I opted for a wrinkled (wisdom, learning from past), indigo (spirituality), short-sleeved (freedom) blouse noting that it was too dressy for the pants I was wearing. I put it on not caring how I appeared and left.

On my way out I heard my mom yell angrily, “Get out and don’t ever come back.” I knew she meant what she said but felt I had to do what I was doing regardless of what she thought. There was a Knowing I didn’t belong there anyway.

Then I received notice from my teacher that I was failing her math class (lessons in logic), the last class before I received my degree. The class end date was in 4 weeks but on the calendar in my mind I saw the month of July which is much further off than 4 weeks. I was told that I would have to score a 103 on the final to pass the class. I knew this was impossible. The most I could possibly score was a 98 and even that was unlikely. I remember sitting at a picnic table (unity and togetherness) in a park (period of readjustment after serious personal conflict) telling a man that it was okay if I didn’t get my degree. I already had a Master’s degree and so another one wouldn’t make much of a difference. The man said to me, “But you are only one class away from finishing. If you stop now you will have to start all over again.” I didn’t care.


I woke up in an alarmed state thinking, “Oh shit.” It seemed like the dream was about going over choices/decisions and the aftermath that would result. I was so self-assured in the dream, easily ignoring all the “voices” of disapproval and judgment. The decisions I made in the dream involved very out of character things for my personality. It felt like a complete disconnect from the important people in my life. The disapproval of my mom was the main “voice” of disapproval I heard though other family members (sisters mostly) were audible as well. If my mom were to issue an ultimatum like that it would devastate me – or would it? Even as I type this I am feel able to accept her doing something like that. Huh?

After waking and while getting my kids off to school, I was wondering, “Okay. It’s tomorrow but nothing happened.” Not long after that I realized a song was going through my mind over and over, “I gotta feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night. Tonight’s gonna be a good, good night…..” 🙂 I’ve been feeling like dancing all morning. lol





Kundalini Dream – On to the Fourth Clearing

Had trouble falling asleep last night. I was wide awake and had activity in my heart and crown chakras. I opted to meditate as a solution but it didn’t help. Instead I got more intense energy swirling and my mind was really active.

My guidance came through at one point and informed me that I had a surprise coming soon. I replied, “Okay. I would love to meet God in an OBE….or have another blissgasm.” I heard in response, “Soon.” I thought back to them, “Soon? Your soon? That could be a year or more from now.” They replied, “No, yours.” I thought, “If it’s my soon then it would be tonight.” I felt a time period of three days from that point and accepted it.

Soon after I drifted off to sleep.

Kundalini Dream: History Class

The dream began inside a typical high school or college classroom environment. The color of everything had a golden hue to it. I was sitting in a desk in the first row probably three or four seats from the front. A male teacher with brown hair was up in front of the class. He looked to be in his mid-twenties to early thirties and was quite “normal” in appearance. My dream memory of him reminds me of a Ken doll – very clean cut and nicely dressed.

The teacher instructed the class to get out our textbooks and go to page 240. A female student sitting to my right looked over at me and gave me a look that said, “What are you doing? Do what the teacher says.” I ignored her and made no move to get my textbook which was sitting on the left side of my deck. It seemed like I was the “bad” student, which is the opposite of how I was in school growing up.

When he noticed I was not following instructions he called me out, asking me if I understood his instructions. I said, “Yes, I did.” He said, “If you don’t complete the assignment you will receive a zero.” I said, “I don’t care. I’ve already taken this class.”

There was again a look from the student to my right. She had dark hair and mocha colored skin and seemed very concerned for me. Something about her changed my mind and I exhaled as if saying, “Oh alright. Fine. I’ll comply just for my own amusement.”

The teacher began to talk about the chapter we were in. It felt like the first chapter of the textbook despite being on page 240. I don’t remember looking at the textbook but listening to the teacher. His words slowly shifted into visuals in my mind as he spoke. His questions to me eventually morphing into my own voice as if I was talking to myself.

I could see a giant landmass and was asked to identify it. I responded, “Pangaea.” We discussed the biological organisms that occupied Pangaea. He asked me, “What did they consume?” I gave him the name of some algae but I don’t recall it now. I only remember seeing them as if under a microscope.

There is just memory of being fascinated with the subject, the ecosystem and organisms. It seemed like I was learning a history unknown to man and so my full attention was on every detail. Sadly, my memory of these details is gone now.

Then I was talking to the girl next to me about lunch. I asked her what the lunch was like. Did they have enough food or would I be hungry when lunch was over? I specifically asked if the cafeteria served food on trays or if we could go from station to station and fill up our trays as many times as we liked. She confirmed that it was the latter and this satisfied me. I felt like the school wasn’t so bad.

We must have been released for lunch because I was in the cafeteria walking alongside the girl student. I don’t remember eating, though. Instead I ran into a guy I knew and followed him to a find a private place to talk. He and I were long-time friends and lovers and our intention was to sneak off someplace and fool around. lol

I can’t recall what he looked like now but I remember that when we met up we immediately embraced and kissed. The weird thing is that when we kissed he seemed to put his finger in my anus. lol When he did this the energy in my root chakra began to build up and my throat chakra lit up as well.

Surprised I pulled back and asked him, “Why did you do that?” He said, “I like it.” It felt like he wanted my permission to continue to do it. I said, “Oh okay. If you want.” lol

Then we were in my house (my Soul/Self) and I was undressing in the bathroom (purification and self-renewal). The door was open and I could see into the bedroom (intimate part of Self). The house felt to be mine specifically, not my parent’s like one would assume considering I was just in a school environment. Again everything had a golden hue to it.

As I stripped off my clothing I remember my friend calling out to me from the bedroom. I yelled back that I needed to pee. I used the toilet quickly and looked down at my feet preparing to take off my socks (warmth and comfort). My socks went all the way up to my knees and were a mottled brown and made of a thick material, like wool, so very warm. I decided to keep my socks on and knew my friend would do the same. In fact, I had a “memory” of us together both wearing socks and nothing else. lol

When I went into the bedroom my memory of the dream goes dark. All I recall is the effects of our lovemaking – energy swirling and intensifying in different areas of my body. I felt something inserted where my anus would be on my physical body. At the same time it felt like something was inserted from the opposite side but not in the vagina as one would assume, but higher up where my pubic bone is. When the two met a very pleasant energy resulted and felt to roll and rumble in a big, swirling spherical mass of energy.

At the exact same moment something felt to be inserted in my throat region only it was not down through my mouth as it was the last time I had this kind of “work” done. The trigger seemed to come from within. If I had to say where it originated from I would say my spine, up near where my neck meets my head.

These two areas swirled so intensely that it began to wake me up but not before I noticed other chakras activating, specifically the heart, crown and solar plexus.

I shifted in and out of the in-between, the energy continuing to swirl and expand. I was too aware, however, and ultimately had to shift position. Usually shifting position stops the energy, but this time it continued on for a bit after.

kundalini (2)

Music Message 

My “friend” from the dream was with me when I awoke meaning this particular guide was also my dream “lover”. I connected the message prior to sleep to the activity of the Kundalini and thought, “This must be my surprise.” I suspect that the “three days” is also relevant but may only be related to the full moon and eclipse on the 31st.

It was 5am and I was still tired and so rolled over to attempt sleep. But my mind was on the dream and on something I had considered last night. I’ve been waking early quite a bit, usually between 4:30-5:30am. Afterward I cannot return to sleep but linger in the in-between until I finally wake. I thought it may be a good idea to take advantage of that time by inserting a spiritual practice of some sort like meditation. So, that is what I did only my left nostril was completely clogged and really irritating me. Have you ever tried to meditate with some physical ailment like half your nose clogged? Nearly impossible!

So the meditation part went out the window. My left nostril has been clogged from the beginning of this cold but lately it is only when I am laying down. So irritating!!!

I lingered in bed and somehow drifted into the in-between long enough to recall a conversation.

My guide and I were discussing the Kundalini process, specifically the clearing of the heart chakra. I was told the 4th clearing was on its way. There are 5 total I think, so this is good news (I hope). The history of this clearing was also discussed. I remember saying to my guide, “2013-2015” and knowing it was a preparation period leading up to the first heart opening. I don’t recall specifically when my heart first “opened” but I recall that after the birth of my youngest in 2014 that the Kundalini began to rev up. It seems the trigger for my heart opening was getting pregnant in 2013. Prior to that I had a trigger in 2002-2003 – divorce. Then the heart connection was the trigger at the end of 2015. So that’s three “triggers” and three heart openings. I wonder if I will need a trigger for this one?

In recognizing just how very long the Kundalini process had been going on, I became a bit discouraged. I said, “It’s taking forever.” My guidance replied, “You will complete in this lifetime.” My response to this was, “Then I will die, right?” lol I saw myself as being a very old woman so death would be the logical next step. My guidance remained silent. So I said, “What is the point then?” – meaning why do all this work and then just die when it concludes?!

It seemed like things could move faster, in fact I knew they could. All I needed was a catalyst. I wondered about it, then. Previously I was told two are better than one, meaning that two working together toward similar goals allow for acceleration of the process. Working as a team the two propel one another forward. Working alone takes longer.

Not longer after these thoughts a song came to mind – “I walk alone…..”:

So guessing that I am out of luck. No physical connection with another human walking a similar path is coming along to propel me forward this time. Sigh. That trigger was so much more fun/interesting/exciting than divorce or pregnancy.


Recovery Needed

The purging continues. It feels like the moon has been full all month! Waving my white flag over here.

Yesterday I was led to read some older posts in this blog, some from last Fall, some from this month. It occurred to me that this particular purging cycle was pointed out to me in September last year. I mention “Capricorn” both in a lucid dream and toward the end of the post.

…..when I awoke I recalled seeing stars in the sky, as if being shown astrology and the time of the year when Capricorn rules. I also recall saying something in astrological terminology to the man. The term I used was “aspect” but I can’t make sense of what I said. All I recall is that I said some aspect would affect me and it is related to Capricorn.

Then there was the goat reference brought up recently which has been following me around since 2013. I had been looking at my Twitter analytics, checking out my top posts, and was focusing primarily on those posts. I found a recent OBE where I assumed a goat was running toward me but it was two dogs. These reference go all the way back to last summer. Love how my dreams reveal future events, I just wish I was able to recognize all the message at the time they are given. So frustrating! But then, even if I knew, would I be able to do anything about it? No.

So goats, Capricorn, hmmm maybe there is a connection? The experiences in the post I quoted above was intense. I appeared to be planning my own physical death. What is interesting is that yesterday, when I re-read it I had been thinking of all the recent physical issues I’ve been having and thought to myself, “Maybe this is it? Maybe I am dying?” It sure felt like it.

Dream: Blankets

I don’t remember many of my dreams but the last is vivid in my mind. The dream began with me being oriented to a new job. It was in an education setting but I was not a teacher. I seemed to be assisting with various tasks, things I didn’t want to do. The lady I was assisting gave tests to children. They were simple tests where the child looked at card and gave the name of what was on it. The cards had pictures of various vegetables on them, specifically zucchini squash. I saw the results of some of the students’ tests. One in particular had a very low score while another had a very high one.

My job was to prepare the cards. I walked toward an area of the office with a huge Rolodex full of cards inserted in plastic sleeves. Somehow the Rolodex hit a cabinet and the cards scattered all over the floor. I got upset and overwhelmed and so just left the mess for someone else to clean up. I didn’t get in trouble for doing this.

While working at my desk I saw my file along with some others in manila folders. I noticed that it had my previous job title written next to my name. It said, “Secretary”. I knew my current position was not secretary (need to ask for help) and that when I was rehired I had to take a lower position. It wasn’t a punishment just a condition of my employment.

Then I was as if a blank screen came down on the current scene and when it was lifted I was elsewhere. This time I was in a living area with family. It felt safe and comfortable. The lights were off except for the television screen which was about to play a movie. My ex-BIL was there visiting. I sat on the sofa bed but then had to move to avoid the blanket (security, love, protection, warmth) he was about to put on it. I mentioned the blanket and he said he always brought a blanket so that he would be more comfortable wherever he stayed. I remember feeling so much love for him. A beautiful feeling of safety, warmth and love spread over me as if I were snuggled in the blankets he had laid on the sofa. Memories of when he was in my life, married to my sister, and all the good times we had together came flooding into my mind. He was always so pleasant and accommodating. Never once complaining of my presence or making me feel unwanted in their house. He was/is a good man.

There were thoughts then about how I missed him and those times in my life. I began to grieve and tears poured out of my eyes. I remember feeling an abundance of feelings and having two different sets of thoughts. One grieved for the past another was grieving for the loss of my security blanket – the love, friendship, safety and Divine connection of Home.


When I woke up I was still crying. The only reason I stopped crying was because my nose was so stuffed up I couldn’t breathe. There were two distinctly separate feelings of loss. As I consider the feelings, which are still very real to me, my mind is blown. It is so clear to me what I experienced/witnessed that I am not sure if I should be happy and relieved or freaked out.

While laying there considering my dream experience and the grief I felt, my guidance was nearby. I shifted in and out of the in-between as we talked. Much of our conversation is lost to me now which saddens me because I had some really cool messages/realizations during that time. One I only half remember. In it I was placing a stamp on a letter to mail and said aloud, “This is my last stamp”. Then I recognized what the stamp represented and told my guide. I was like a child in class who just understood the lesson and proudly states their understanding to their teacher. I said, “I created that visual and the stamp represents _________! I did it!” My guide said back, “Yes you did. Very well done.” lol

I remember asking my guidance for help. The tears, the intense dreamtime work and my life feeling so very wrong lately is starting to get to me. Everything feels so absolutely wrong!

The number 54 was another vision I received. You can read what it means. I don’t have the energy to write it out right now.

Recovery Needed

The physical symptoms are beginning to take their toll. I weighed 128lbs when the sickness began and this morning weighed 124lbs . I look like a skinny, sickly, bony anorexic! The intestinal issues are better but still there. It is like my body can’t tolerate anything I eat, no matter how healthy or wholesome. I don’t know what to do except stop eating most every food I have been eating. But I have to eat something!

This morning I thought, “There needs to be a place where people like me can go to recover. Like maybe an ascension recovery center or a Kundalini recovery center….. Just a spiritual recovery center.” In my mind I was thinking of what it would be like – a place where someone could go to heal and process for as long as it took. There would be no expectations, no specific schedules, just a quiet, safe place with provided meals, individual rooms and tons of nature and space. Like a retreat but specifically focused on those struggling with what I am…whatever that is. There would be support given, but what kind I am unsure.

I asked my guidance for insight, whatever they could give. My guidance said, “Acceleration” which I understood as, “Your path is accelerating.” I was like, “Huh? WTF! Why!?” The response was that I had agreed to it. Ugh! I would do that, wouldn’t I!

I couldn’t go back to sleep. It was 5am and I was wide awake. This is day…IDK but it’s been going on a while. I hate morning “briefings”. I want to sleep!

As I lay there I began to think about the spiritual recovery center I feel I need right now. Long ago, during my first awakening, I had a business concept, a plan, that never came to fruition. The name of the business was, “Azna Spiritual Salon”. The concept was a place where all spiritual services were accessible, like a beauty salon but catering to spiritual needs. “Azna” means “Balance” but I can’t remember in what language now. I will have to go look through my journals from that time period.

This morning I was thinking, “I could create a spiritual recovery center focused on what I am going through right now. There will be more going through this and they will need a place to go to recover. Somewhere safe and quiet.” But my thoughts went to, “What am I going through exactly? And how the hell can I help others if I can’t help myself? I don’t have any idea what to do to fix myself! Until I do, I can’t help anyone else.”

I received information recently (when I can’t recall) that soon, in the near future, there would be a big wave of people going through what I am. They will need help. It feels like part of my job is to determine what that help looks like. To create a program for recovery. Hahaha It seems so absurd to me because if I knew how to help I would be helping myself right now.

What I do know is that I need to find a place to recover. Whatever is happening to me requires this. So if you know anyone who is willing to take me in for a month or so, someone who lives in the country or near lots of natural beauty, I would love to find a place I can retreat to and get myself sorted out. I know I need to just be for a while, and not just a day or two. I need a long while. So wherever I go, whomever helps me, needs to understand that I won’t be able to help out other than to to pay for my food and lodging. The energy must be high and the people high energy as well – empathic like me and understanding.

I laugh aloud to think any place like this even exists. I am not a rich person, in fact I have little money of my own, so not sure how I will repay someone for their hospitality. I will just leave it to the Universe to sort out I guess.

This song was repeating through my mind again, specifically, “Don’t know what I’m gonna do about this feeling inside. Yes it’s true – loneliness took me for a ride….”






Unexpected OBE and Dream: Labels

Had another episode of intestinal upset yesterday which put me out of commission for half of the day. I must have pushed myself too hard thinking I was “all better”. Despite early morning signs of recurrence I opted to take a run. This was a bad idea. I pushed myself to run a little over 2 miles and paid for it. My heart rate took a while to recover and I felt nauseous for the first few minutes after stopping. I convinced myself that I was okay to run “slow” (10 minute mile) but obviously my body was not ready yet.

So the rest of the day was spent lounging about and reading through old blog posts from another blog I have. The day was nice so I even threw a blanket out on the grass and soaked up some sun with Monty for a half hour or so. Spring-like weather again here in Texas so I am taking advantage of it.

I continue to follow the Full GAPS diet to the best of my ability. Yesterday I popped a grass fed beef chuck roast in the crock pot along with lots of veggies to include potatoes. Potatoes and sweet potatoes are not allowed on the diet but I can’t quench my carb cravings without them. For dessert we had a GAPS friendly chocolate cake topped with almond butter icing. The kids weren’t impressed (not sweet enough) but it tasted awesome IMO. I’ve been making a new recipe pretty much every day partly because I like to cook and partly because every meal I prepare leaves no leftovers. lol If you want to see what I’ve been up to you can find me on Instagram.

I’m especially proud of the yogurt I’ve been making. I bought a yogurt maker and have thus far made two batches with success. Today I’m straining the most recent batch to make Greek yogurt – my favorite. I will be experimenting soon to try and get a batch of sour cream made. We go through tons of sour cream in my house.

For my first breakfast I have homemade yogurt with berries and a glass of fresh squeezed apple-carrot-beet juice. It seems to make my tummy happy. I then have another breakfast a couple of hours later with more substance. I haven’t given up my coffee but I suspect that it is the reason my stomach has convulsions (lol) in the morning. You’re probably asking, “Why the hell are you still drinking coffee!??” Ugh, because I LIKE it. I’m also still holding out hope that my issues are caused by a virus. I’ve had one like this before and it lasted 10 days, which is not uncommon. Today is day 8.

My cold is pretty much gone except for a stuffy nose upon waking. Glad to be rid of it but seasonal allergies are bad right now here in Texas due to a sky-high cedar count. We call is “cedar fever” and it really seems like a full-blown cold minus the fever and body aches.

I’ve decided to stop taking BC and see if it helps with the heart palpitations. So far I’ve already noticed a HUGE improvement. For example, just last week I was experiencing several an hour. Now I can’t remember the last time I felt one. Maybe one time yesterday? Not sure.

Dream: Labels

Long, intricate dream with message/counsel from my guides at the end. More “dream lessons” or “class” for me. Yay?

The dream began inside a very dark lit room. I was with a group and we were reviewing a band and discussing songs and eras to our liking. This band was an old one but I can’t remember which band so I will say it was Chicago since, well, it’s old (to me anyway). I remember looking at decades and stopping with the 1980’s since that is when I remember the band first entering my universe. Of course, it was around well before that. Just a little factoid about me – Chicago was the first ever concert I ever attended. Ha! I got a t-shirt and wore the hell out of it and thought I was super cool to have gone to see them in concert. lol Makes me ROFL now because I was such a dork.

Anyway, the group of people I was with were old compared to me and it was very obvious in the dream. One man in particular kept catching my eye, not because I was attracted to him in a sexual way, though. I was just overly interested in him and thought he wasn’t bad looking for an old guy. lol

At one point everyone in the group was working on Lego (pun to “let go”) puzzles, building various craft. I had an incomplete set, or so it seemed, and gave up quickly saying, “I don’t like Legos.” lol

Then we were all sliding down a slide (loss of control). I remember turning around as I slide down and laughing as I smiled at the old man who had caught my interest. I turned back around as I got to the bottom and then jumped up onto my feet in a successful landing. The old man landed roughly, flying right into the wall. lol I remember asking if he was okay and he nodded. This part of the dream was quite fun for me and also funny because of the man’s fall.

Next I was laying in my bed facing the wall. Next to me was the old man and it felt like the rest of the group was also in bed with us. I could hear the man’s thoughts and feel what he felt. He had quite a bit of interest in me. I slid as far away from him as I could. Though I was attracted to him I did not want anything to do with a man his age. He began to gently touch me, nothing sexual but loving. I remember freezing at his touch and panicking a bit especially when he touched my upper thigh and I realized I must be naked. The entire we were telepathically talking to one another but I only recall feeling uncomfortable with the situation because of his age.

Eventually he wrapped his arms around me. I gave in and melted into his arms. It felt so wonderful and safe that I couldn’t help myself. The me that was worried about his age didn’t care in that moment. In my memory he looked to be in his 60’s.

Then I was with the old man in a room. The room was reminiscent of another time, maybe the 1800’s, but I’m not sure. It was like I was instantly transported to this time/place and with this shift I became a different person. Past life memory maybe? IDK.

I sat quietly in the corner of the room while the man met with other men. It seemed to be a legal affair and the men all felt like lawyers. I think they were drawing up a contract.

I was dressed in a gown fitting of the period I felt to be in. I could see the window sill and there was a man outside cleaning the window. I commented on this saying, “What is he doing so high up?” The old man chuckled and said, “We aren’t high up. This is the first floor. Remember?” I took a breath and remembered. No, that was my old room, not this place. He said something to me then like, “You must have really kept to yourself.” I nodded and said, “Yes, I didn’t get out much.”

As I sat there another woman came up to me. She was wearing a fancy, vivid blue gown with lace around the bodice. She was absolutely stunning. Her hair was brown with ringlets coming down around her temples, just a few though. She smiled and got close, whispering in my ear, “You make a good couple.” Her words indicated that she thought the man and I were married and that she completely agreed with it. I looked at her shocked and said, “Oh no! He’s old enough to be my father.” Her smiled disappeared and she said something like, “Well, it’s okay if you are. At your age anyway.” I remembered I was an “old maid” and that I should be grateful that any man wanted me. The feeling was strange to me, though, and I knew I was dreaming because in my current life I was never an “old maid”.

Conversation and Message

I entered the in-between a bit shocked at what I had just dreamed/experienced. I was filled with the most uncomfortable feeling, one I have felt before but much stronger than this. The “split” feeling. Ugh. I also had the familiar warmth spreading from heart – the beginnings of the heart bliss.

A male guide was to my left and he asked me, “Do you like labels?” When I heard his question I knew why he was asking me the question. The dream was all about the label of “old” and my considerations of old age. It did not take long for me to answer, “Yes. They help make sense of things.” I saw a visual as I said this of categorizing things in life by giving them names and labels, putting everything into a white box with a nice, clear label on it and placing it in its correct place. He asked me, “Why do you like them?” I said, “They organize things. They make sense and make life safe.”

I thought about it and thought, “Labels are good.”

There was a pause and then he said something I can’t recall but it was with irritation like, “Cut the bull shit.” lolol Then he said, “Labels don’t suit you.”

We had a long discussion then about how putting labels on life and trying to organize everything in life is an attempt to control life, to make life safe and expected. This is why it didn’t suit me. It as suffocating me with sameness, with the illusion of “safety”. He helped me remember that coming here was meant to be exciting, fun – an adventure – not a repetitive, miserable, boring, experience focused on avoidance of everything unexpected or “unsafe”. He said something like, “Why not take a risk?”

There was also discussion about what I thought “old” meant. What did I equate with the word “old”. I listed off what came to mind – Decrepit. Unable. Wrinkly. Boring. Life is over. Waiting to die. He asked me, “Do you think you are old?” My answer came immediately – “Yes”. Then I stopped short in surprise and said, “No. No. I’m not old!” In my mind I saw the man in the dream and said, “He’s old. I’m still young.”

Then I was asked to think about when someone was old in comparison to myself. When they are 50? 60? 70? I thought about it. Hmmmm. So I thought about it in the context of a romantic relationship. Would I be involved with someone who could be my father? Like that old man in the dream who had to have been in his 60s? My immediately answer was “Yes because it doesn’t matter how old in years he is if I love him.” And this I knew was true and had been in my life thus far. I have dated men much older than myself without any issues with their age or their looks. One was 15 years older than me and age was never a consideration. Yet he was in his 40s at the time and so really didn’t look “old” because he wasn’t yet, not in terms of physical appearance anyway. How would I react if the man I loved appeared old in comparison to me? Could I see past the wrinkles and sagging skin and other flaws that comes with age?

Each time I considered it I was pulled back to the feeling, the beautiful connection and love. Ultimately I decided that appearance would be the last thing on my mind if I loved him like that.

The conversation shifted then because I touched on the feeling of loneliness I carry around with me. My guide asked me to focus on it and on how I ultimately responded to the man in the dream, giving into his embrace and melting into it. I completely surrendered myself to him. It felt right. It felt like that was how I was suppose to feel in a man’s arms. I’ve lived my whole life never feeling like that in a man’s arms. I’ve always kept my guard up, never felt completely safe.

My guide said, “You’re lonely.” I said, “Yeah, yeah.” lol This we already know now let’s move on. I’m tired and want to sleep.

Unexpected OBE

I shifted deeper into the in-between, floating right on the edge of sleep. I was asked to take a good look at myself. When asked this I was standing in front of a mirror and saw my face clearly. Then something caught my eye and a fluffy squirrel (message to have more fun, take life less seriously) was crawling around to my left. I turned, noting the squirrel as a message, and looked at myself again. I saw every detail but what I noticed mostly was a mature beauty I hadn’t seen before. I also noticed that my eyes were deep and penetrating…..and full of loneliness. It was like my eyes were forever searching. This must be why I have been told by others that my eyes drew them in, why I have been told that my eyes are “wise” and “older than my years”.

Then a small, sphere of light flew into my view. It was made of all colors, but mostly I recall a vivid blue and a flash of white. It was alive with energy and about two inches in diameter. When I looked into it I could see pictures. It drew me into it and before I knew it it was taking me with it, flying and zipping along through old city streets filled with ancient buildings.

Eventually the sphere took me to the end of my mother’s driveway. It grew larger and opened up. Then I was floating there looking at the insides of it. It was like looking into an open skull. The inside was tan colored and dry and when I peered into it a memory of this lifetime sprung into being.

The memory occurred in the very spot I was visiting – the end of my mother’s driveway. I had been followed home by a classmate. I was getting the mail when he rolled down his window and asked me if I wanted to go dancing with him. I didn’t think and blurted out that I wouldn’t, I would never go “hick dancing”. I laughed uncomfortably and he said, “Oh, okay”. He drove off and I repeatedly criticized myself for saying such a stupid and mean thing to a guy I actually liked. In fact, I liked him a lot. So much that for years I would watch him get on the bus and fantasize that he would ask me out. Then when he did ask me out I was too proud to go dancing with him just because it was country dancing. WTF was wrong with me!?

Then my memory shifted to meeting him after graduation. We attended the same college and by chance bumped into each other – twice. The first time he was with a blonde girl and very happy. The second time he was sad because his girlfriend had just broken his heart. I was nice to him, listened and told him it was good to see him and that I wished him well. At the time I had already met my soon-to-be husband (now ex). The thing is, that husband was 100% country hick. I mean country dancing, country music, boots – the works.

My memory shifted to another meeting with this guy. We were at a street dance in the town where we graduated. I had taken my fiance and we were dancing in the street. Afterward the guy walked up to me and we talked, catching up again. He was still single and had bought property in the country with horses, etc. He asked me about my fiance and I told him we were to be married. I could see the disappointment on his face. Deep inside I was disappointed, too.

The memories were instant and so were the realizations. How did labeling effect my life path? What would my life have been like had I not labeled that guy a “country hick”? Did the label perhaps get in the way of a potentially good relationship? My conclusion was that it had. I had liked this guy since freshman year. My senior year he finally asks me out and I slam him. Hard. And the thing is I lied to him when I said that. The reality was I was terrified to go out with him because of what people would say. I had a reputation to live up to and I was all “grunge”, not “hick”. The me now yells at the me then and says, “Who the f*&^ cares!!??”

Every single time I saw him after that awful put down his eyes told me everything. I am sure my eyes told him everything, too. I could see into his soul it seemed and it told me he was a good man, loyal, loving, big heart, etc. And he never held what I did to him against me. He was always seeking from me some hint, anything, that invited him in. I sensed it every time and I never gave him that invitation. Never.

All because of “labels”.

I’m such an idiot.

Lesson learned. Again. The light took me to a hotel room. There were computer desks lined up against my bed. I looked around at the people sitting at the computers. There was a young boy being disruptive. I offered my help to the old lady that was there. When she looked at me I suddenly remembered the sphere of light. I thought, “Wait a minute. This is a dream. I can go OOB.”

I immediately stood up and out of my body. When I did this my face was covered with something. I ripped it off and saw the entire hotel room. My bed was at my feet. The covers were all messy and formed a pyramid in the center of the bed. There was another bed next to mine unoccupied.

The room was dark but I could see everything, so it was just low light. My vision was clear and I didn’t hesitate to head toward the door despite the window being right next to me. As I passed the bathroom I realized I had something tight around my mid-section, just below my breasts. I tugged at it and it fell to the floor. I was very aware of being completely naked as I reached for the door knob.

This is when my breathing became very obvious. My nose was clogged and it felt like I was struggling to get enough air. I paused thinking, “I can’t have a good OBE if my body is struggling to breathe.”

With this thought the scene seemed to dematerialize right in front of me. Then I was in my body and my nose was so clogged I had to change positions to breathe.

Music Messages

Two songs came to me after I woke.

All I can say about this song is, “Damn.” lol I never knew the lyrics before and reading them was like reading a message written just for me. Wow.

This song was playing in my mind in the background but only the chorus.

Man, all these songs make me feel old…..HA!

Image result for memes on being old

Image result for memes on being old

Image result for memes about old age


Purge Surge Day 3

Riding the wave is taking on a whole new meaning now that I have given the intense emotional purging I experience a name.

Surge – a sudden powerful forward or upward movement, especially by a crowd or by a natural force such as the waves or tide.

Purge – to make free of something unwanted.

I know you know the definitions but sometimes writing them out is needed. It is in this case, at least for me. It just occurred to me that all this time people have been using the phrase “ride the wave” and I just accepted it without really grokking it.

I get it now. Yep.

Last night I had yet another purge surge. Lucky me.

Dream: Kill the Goat!

The dream began with a trip to the beauty/barber shop (looking to change direction, inspecting sexuality). Inside I watched a young boy get his hair cut by a beautician who was rather large and smoked. I only remember her from the neck down which is odd. She was smoking a cigarette the entire time and seemed pretty bored/apathetic toward life. She only took off a little bit of the boy’s blonde hair. While I waited I notice both her and the other beautician did not shave their legs. I even noted it in the dream thinking, “Hmmmm. Guess I am not alone.” lol

Then I saw my brother sitting by a computer in the adjacent shop which was nearly deserted. I asked him what he was doing there and he said his boss asked him to bring in his pet. I saw an old, brown pony (playful aspect) in the isle. When I went over to it, it struggled to get up as if unable because of its old age. I let it be and walked back to my brother but the pony got up and followed me. Turns out it was not old age but enormous testicles (raw power, energy, sexual drive) that hindered its movement. lol

I went outside to leave and walked to the end of a parking area. For some reason it turned into me following a group of young boys who were getting into trouble. They took me to a field where there were two very large men. One man had in his hands a rifle (power, aggression), the other a crossbow (combination of male/female energy). The men had with them a decrepit old goat (lack of judgement, desire, lechery) that could not stand. The whole situation seemed odd to me.

I watched as the men shot at targets. The first man hit his target right in the center blowing a huge hole in the chest area. The other man shot his bow only he missed the target and the arrow flew farther. The kids were chanting, “Kill the goat! Kill the goat! Kill the goat!”

I ran over to the goat to check on it. He was laying on his side but still breathing. He had not been shot. I helped him up onto his feet and he seemed better. The goat was a typical billy goat with go-tee and horns. His coat was white with a few large, black spots.

Dream: Obstacle Course

The dream flowed into another dream where I was with a group heading through an obstacle (hardships in life) course, only it seemed like a path to an unknown destination in the dream. A man led the way and we went through twists and turns, over raised platforms and under bridges. At one point the man warned it might be too difficult to go on. The ground was very muddy (spiritual cleansing needed) with sinkholes (uncertain about relationship). Unconcerned, I walked through the mud without incident. The man raised his eyebrows, impressed but I still felt it was no big deal.

As we came to the end we rested for a while. Most of the group were women but they remain faceless to me except one woman in particular. Everyone was congratulating one another and I noticed this woman was particularly critical of me. She said some nasty things to me like but I can’t recall exactly what she said. They were insults, though, and she looked directly at me with a snarl on her face and satisfaction in her eyes. She meant to hurt my feelings and was delighted to see me react in surprise.

I stopped and faced her, her wicked smile was piercing. I said something to her like, “Thank you.” It was her time to be surprised. She said, “What? You like what I said? You approve of it/me?” I said, “Yes, of course. You are showing me attention when no one else is.” The minute the words came out of my mouth I felt a heaviness in my chest that spread outward. A realization hit me like a ton of bricks – I seek out attention/approval and am so desperate for it that I will accept even the most negative and destructive of attention, when no other attention is available. Then I cling to it desperately even when more positive attention is available.


The minute the realization hit me I broke down in tears, sobbing so heavily that it woke me from my sleep. The tears continued along with an awful feeling. I remember asking myself, my guides, am I so desperate? Do I do this!? I knew the answer….Yes, I do.

I lingered in the in-between for a while, still upset by the dream and feeling like the lowest form of scum.

I was pulled into a visual of a very large blender. Trash of all types was being put into the blender – old, useless furnishing, boxes, and other large items crammed inside. The blender was turned on and the trash mixed up. Then I heard a very loud cracking noise and saw the glass of the blender split in a starburst fashion. The blender stopped and the sound startled me out of my reverie.

I couldn’t return to sleep after that. The sound was extremely loud and real and the image unforgettable. I knew it was a message. You can only shove in so much crap/trash  before it breaks you. Yep. CRACK.


As you can tell, my guidance is laying it on thick right now. They are really working at getting my attention. It worked this morning but not sure it worked like they want. I am confused as to what it is that I need to do. I hear them loud and clear, but WTF DO THEY WANT ME TO DO!?!

In looking at the first dream, the message about the goat stands out above them all. Long ago (2013), I got a message in an OBE – “The goat will bite you.” It never really made much sense. Goats symbolize so much! My final conclusion was to go with the dream symbolism of the goat – desire, lechery and sexuality, but honestly I never figured it out.

Now in this dream the goat is nearly dead and kids are yelling, “Kill the goat!” I save the goat and it seems to revive. The dream message leaves me once again perplexed. If the goat is a bad thing, which I assumed since the OBE with the original message was before some extremely difficult times for me, then why would I want to save it?

So maybe my idea of the goat symbolism is wrong? IDK but I wish the damn goat would go away already. lol

It bothers me that my guidance was so insistent upon me hearing them that they would startle me awake with the sound of a cracking blender. It was so loud and realistic!

What is interesting is that I had gone to sleep feeling like I was being sucked into some kind of deception/mental instability again and that I needed to stop analyzing my dreams and even forget them altogether because it was doing me no good and causing me to have “crazy” ideas.

Music Message

On top of all the cRaZy, I had a song in my mind. Only one part – “I want something just like this…” The music was full-on, too. Listening to it makes me want to just dance… 🙂 If you haven’t guessed I’m a fan of Coldplay. lol Doo doo doo doo doo doo….I want somethin’ just like this….doo doo doo doo do doooooo. hehe

Oh and physically I am doing much better today. Still some slight congestion and a tiny bit of cramping pain this morning but so far no diarrhea and feeling pretty good. 🙂