Curcuma Longa (Turmeric)

I wanted to write very briefly about Curcuma Longa, or Turmeric. In case you don’t recall, on the 18th of February, the night I had the lucid dream which resulted in the Union, Curcuma was mentioned to me by my counterpart. I didn’t tell you all, but the next morning the first thing I did was run to the Vitamin Shoppe and buy some. I have been taking it daily ever since.

I did little research before heading to the store other than checking very quickly to make sure it did indeed have spiritual relevance. Sure enough, I discovered that it aids in the cleansing of the chakras, the subtle energy body, and the nadis.

One article suggest using Turmeric in conjunction with a regular Yoga practice:

  • Pain and inflammation: Yoga involves asanas (body postures), some of which are not easy in the beginning. Yoga practitioners, especially in case when one is just starting, may face pain and inflammation due to asanas. This is very similar to when one starts to jog / run, there are muscle, joint pains initially. Turmeric with its amazing healing properties helps body in these situations and keep body fit for yoga till the body gets used to it. Use of turmeric ensures that one can continue with yoga with ease and for longer duration. This may also help in attaining perfection in asanas quickly. I know a few yoga instructors who advice their new students to drink turmeric milk before sleeping in case they feel mild pain rather than applying external ointments.

  • Purification : Yoga stresses a lot on purification of body and mind. Through asanas one can cleanses not only body toxins but also attain peace. Turmeric also plays a similar cleansing role inside our body and assists yoga. A body free of toxins remains healthy and also fit for yoga.

  • Improves flow of vital energies in body : According to Mr. Prashanti Jager, turmeric also increases the flow of prana (vital energies) in our body. It also helps purification of vital energies.

  • Well known and safe : There can be many more reasons why people prefer turmeric over other herbs, one is that it is one of the safest herbs and also a long track record of providing health benefits (thus well established).

Another article revealed why my counterpart was talking about India when discussing Tumeric with me. It is used as part of Ayurveda.

From an Ayurvedic standpoint Turmeric can additionally be used:

1. As a blood cleanser.
2. As an anti-inflammatory.
3. For nutritional support of the Spleen and Pancreas.
4. To aid in the metabolism of Protein.
5. As a metabolic balancer.

From a spiritual standpoint, Turmeric can aid in:

1. Cleansing the charkas.
2. Cleansing the subtle body.
3. Cleansing the nadi’s (the channels of the subtle body).
4. Cultivating relationships with feminine form of divinity.
5. Cultivating feelings and awareness of prosperity.

I  can’t say I have noticed any significant difference from taking it daily other than accidentally staining my clothing a bright yellow. 😦 However, I trust that it is doing its work. Why else would it have been brought to my attention?

 

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Dream: How to be a Good Wife

Happy Leap Day! Are you finding this day any different energy-wise than the last few days? I am, though not too much so. The first clue was that I could not get to sleep last night. There was a crackling, elevated energy that made me feel excited. On top of that I developed a mild chest cold which would cause me to cough as soon as I relaxed. 😦

My daughter, who is 7 years old, was also unable to fall asleep. This is the third night in a row that she has struggled with insomnia. She is only 7! I feel so bad for her. She will try with all her might to fall asleep and then be torn up in tears over her inability to sleep. When I ask her what she is thinking about it is usually some book she read at school, so nothing that would cause undue stress.

Now that I said that, she has also came home from school last Friday covered in hives. She had them on her stomach, her neck and her back. And these aren’t normal hives, these are huge (more than a hand’s width across), raised welts that are hot to the touch. It took three days of prescription Cortisone cream and allergy medicines to get the hives to go away. We have no idea what caused them.

I think my little girl is going through this ascension right along with me. 😦

For me, the ascension symptoms have not been on my radar, too many other crazy things going on to care. What I have noticed is that when my Team tells me I am “resting”, which they tell me I am doing now, I end up sick! Last time I got the stomach bug. Now I have a chest cold. Grrr. On top of that I think I had a fever this morning upon waking – hot/cold flashes. 😦

Just because I am resting doesn’t mean the work stops. Oh no. I got my fair share of it last night.

Last night my husband and I got a date night. This is a rare thing, so we took advantage. All through dinner I kept seeing familiar faces in the people around us. This is not normal for me and I took notice. I never spoke to any of them, but their energy screamed at me from all the way across the diner. One woman I knew was a teacher. I looked at her, felt I knew her (which I didn’t) and then her energy said point blank, “teacher”. Huh? Did she just talk to me?

There was a young man who I also thought I knew but he was much farther away. I could sense his insecurities. Weird.

As we left the diner there was a group of people talking. I felt I knew them, too! There was a little girl with them. The mom, who was the one I really recognized, said her middle name was Journey. So cool!

So the whole night I was not really focused on my husband like I should have been. Too many distractions! And then, on the drive home, I was blankly staring at the signs and buildings when there was this orange hotel sign that stood out to me. I clearly read, “Dangerous”. I did a double take and looked back and it said, “Oakwood Suites”. Huh? I told my husband and laughed it off saying, “I guess we shouldn’t stay there”. lol

Turns out my husband got mad at me after that because I was upset over a white lie he told. I don’t know if that was what the warning was about or not.

goodwifeguide

Dream: How to be a Good Wife

When I went to bed I had been thinking about my marriage and how distant I feel from my husband. I try not to be this way but unfortunately it is the way I feel. Although last night ended on good terms, I was thinking about some strange occurrences during the day.

First off, a couple of times yesterday, when I saw my husband, I saw him differently. It was like when we first met. His energy is so radiant. He literally glows. And his eyes, wow. He has blue eyes but his left eye is 1/4 honey brown. It’s called heterochromia. I remember having the urge to hug him, but I resisted. At the same time during the day I was having thoughts of leaving him. This just goes along with the weirdness of the entire day, though.

So I asked for clarification on why I was so split about my marriage/relationship.

I ended up in a dream where I was learning how to be a good wife. LOL I remember being in my grandparent’s old place and seeing a manual set before me. It was titled, “How to be a good wife”.  I don’t recall what was inside of it, but it reminded me of those 1950’s advertisements that showed women as completely subservient to their husbands. My reaction to this was all-out rejection.

The solutions to my predicament all started with R’s. I don’t remember all of them, but they were written on large pieces of card stock with the R very prominent.

I suspect this dream was directing my attention on stereotypical beliefs that have been passed down from one generation to another. My grandmother was typical of the 1950’s housewife – she stayed home, cooked, cleaned, served her husband and children, and sold Avon. She and my grandfather were married over 60 years! My mom, on the other hand, was a single parent and the only one in her family to go to college. Not only that, she got a Master’s degree. She use to tell me a story of how her dad (my grandfather) told her, “I’m not wasting my money on a girl” when she asked him to help her pay for college. She was very proud of rising above the limitations set upon her.

So I was raised seeing both sides – the subservient housewife and the independent career-woman. Which I am? How confusing. Being a woman is confusing! On top of that, my husband was raised in a household where his father was 100% in charge and his mom very subservient. They were hippies, though, and never married. Plus his dad always had multiple women in addition to his “wife”. Yeah, very unconventional. Our backgrounds create the perfect conditions for complications, don’t you think? Hahahaha

 

Solar Plexus Acquisition

More puzzle pieces are coming together.

During the night I witnessed something peculiar. From this observation I was able to deduce that many of my spiritual experiences and communications over the last year or so have been solely for the walk-in. I simply intercepted them or was allowed to perceive them/experience them as well. With that, I can clearly distinguish those communications meant for me and those meant for her. This alleviates much confusion on my part.

This morning’s observation was meant to show me what is occurring and though it felt as if it were me involved in the activities, it was in fact the walk-in.

What I observed was very strange and involved a sensation that is unlike anything I have felt thus far. I seem to always be saying that, too. It seems that there is no end to the “new” sensations!

I saw before me a vortex of spinning, brilliantly yellow energy. Above it and below it were smaller balls of energy that appeared white in color. This is when it got weird. It seemed as if another energy was dipping into and out of this yellow energy. Each time this other energy dipped into the yellow energy I got a very strange sensation. It felt like my entire nervous system lit up with a very slight electrical charge. I could feel it to my core. It was not unlike the feeling of a needle being inserted directly into a major nerve. It reminded me of when a dentist numbs an already partially numb area in the mouth with Novocaine. Ouch! Except this was not painful. It was also similar to holding a paperclip to an electrical outlet and feeling the slight surge of energy in your fingertips – but this was all over my body. Yeah, very uncomfortable.

I woke up feeling that groggy, drugged feeling I feel when I have been in a very deep slumber. My memories were foggy yet I was able to recall what exactly had been occurring while I slept. The yellow vortex was my solar plexus and the sensations I felt were a result of the soul exchange process. It was not fully revealed to me what this process was or why it was happening until I began to channel a post in my other blog.

You may have noticed that my other blog is very different already from this one. I cannot post to that blog as “me”. I try and then am shifted immediately into this other personality, one that is much different than I and which speaks very much like energies which I have channeled in the past. My third-eye and heart light up simultaneously and out comes the post. I am allowed to pause in the midst of the transmission. I do this sometimes to get my bearings and make grammatical changes. Otherwise, I am disconnected completely from what is written. I am often blown away by what I write because I am not consciously allowed to know until that point.

It is bizarre and a bit unsettling. Today, after posting to my other blog, I got very anxious and felt strange. My energy felt as if it was bouncing off my shoulders. I suspect this reaction was in part due to the “new” information being processed by my current personality. I was easily able to shift into a quiet space but the memory of the reaction is still very real and strange.

Oh this is so damn confusing! How am I even here and functioning at all I wonder?

Connecting the Dots

After writing my last post I realized that I did not explain something very key to this process I am going through. In reading my post I saw how similar it is to someone who is about to commit suicide. I assure this is not what is happening, even though it seems similar. I am fine. In comparison to other points in my life which were like mountains in their enormity, this is a hill.

This is not the first time I have been at this point in my life. I went through a similar process during my Dark Night. All of the memories coming up for review are ones I have already confronted and handled. I made my peace with my past a long time ago. That doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt when I look at it. Right now I am letting go of the residual attachment and emotion I have to these incidents in my life. It is a relief to release them. The more honest I am about my past, the better.

Right now I am uncertain what is at the end of this road. Although I am being told this is a walk-in/walk-out, the idea is still very alien to me in many ways. Remember, the walk-in has been with me throughout this life as my Companion. He came into this life with me. To me, he IS me. We are not separate and he has always been there. I trust him wholeheartedly.

Part of me thinks that this process is merely the obliteration of the Ego, the crumbling of the illusions I have built my life around. Whether this is the case or not will be known soon enough. I will say that I woke with a strong desire to write a farewell letter to my family and also a letter to the Walk-in. Why do I feel this need? It makes no sense yet at a subconscious level I am accepting that a big change is about to take place and in not knowing what I will be like when it is said and done I feel I need to prepare. Weird, but apparently this is not uncommon among walk-outs. No, I haven’t written the letters yet, but I am certain it will come in the not too distant future.

Connecting the Dots

After I wrote my last post I had a near panic attack and asked for the walk-in to take over. Within minutes I was listening to music, cleaning house and feeling clear headed. No anxiety feeling. Information that was not previously available came pouring in and the dots began to connect.

After my awakening in 2003 I was heading down this same path. I entered into the Dark Night almost immediately after and was reviewing my life constantly whether I wanted to or not. I made huge leaps and gains and was at the point where the merge with my Companion could be initiated. That is when I changed my mind. I had freed myself enough that I felt I could handle more of life and allow myself to be loved. At the time I was thrown into confusion because I had felt my life was “over”. It is a hard feeling to explain but it feels like life is complete; all planned lessons learned. Once I accepted the new timeline it got easier. I didn’t have much time to get in all that I wanted, so things moved very, very fast. And then the familiar feeling of being done came back. It is an unmistakable feeling. When asked what I wanted, I never had an answer. The only answer I would give was, “Nothing, I feel done.”

I’ve had questions from the beginning about my Companion. I am told he is a part of me, like my other half but then I am told I have other, other halves. How is this even possible? The Union dream I had really threw me into confusion-land because I met one of my counterparts yet he didn’t look/feel like my Companion. WTF?

warning

The best explanation I have gotten thus far is that we started as One, then split into Two and then the Two each split again. This happens exponentially as each of us matures. So all this Twin Flame nonsense is wildly distorted. Technically, we can have a never-ending amount of Twin Flames if you consider just how frequently we “split”. What I was shown is that my most intense connections are now Four. This only means that the point of experience for me is now located within the first couple of divisions. Meeting any of the other three would create one hell of an intense connection. I experienced one and I will tell you that it should be illegal. Do not try this at home. Adult Spiritual supervision required. LOL

The spider web analogy works well here. At the center are the main supports and all others branch off from them getting ever wider and adding more and more branches. We can choose our experiences to be at any point on the web. We are all of them, all the time.

Yeah, no wonder I was confused! Add to that the experience of the Union (or whatever it was) and it is no surprise that I want to walk-out.

 

 

Life Review Panel

After several days of being in a strange calm and having this other aspect (walk-in) in primary control, I am finally being allowed to express to you all what is happening. It is not that I was being commanded to be quiet. This isn’t it at all. It is more like I needed to Be quiet in order to Allow, Reflect and Process.

Even now, though, it is hard to be in the forefront of my own mind. I begin to type and my mind freezes; blanks out. I feel I am not suppose to go too deep into my side of this journey; that there are certain limitations to be upheld. Even those last few words weren’t mine, yet they came from me. I can’t figure out how it is possible for such a thing to happen and just considering it causes me concern. Too much of my Christian upbringing interferes with my logic. It is like I panic and think, “I’ve been possessed!” Yet I know this is total nonsense.

You can see how completely insane this all sounds.

What I am allowed (I hate using that word) to communicate is what happened this morning. So that I will do.

Life Review Panel

When I woke up this morning I knew I had been in a discussion with my Panel, though the word panel was confusing to me. I had only ever heard Council so I knew this was something altogether different. I saw the Panel in front of me as I tried to get my bearings. It was just a flash of memory but then something about that flash brought on everything we had been discussing all at once.

Tears began to pour out of my eyes.

Memories followed. Memories mostly from my childhood. So many memories that I cannot remember them all in the order they were reviewed. It is like pictures of a photo album flipping page to page so fast I cannot keep track.

I grabbed hold of a belief/decision I came to long ago. The decision/belief was, “Nothing good ever lasts”. There were other similar ones like,”I must reject others before they reject me,” and “When I’m happy I get hurt.”

Memories (in no particular order)

I remembered when I was very young, maybe 4 or 5. My mom was laying in her bed and opened her arms up to me inviting me to snuggle. I hesitated. In my mind I remembered receiving both love and hate from her. The feeling she sent me was never consistent and the hate/anger she sent was so unbearable and in direct opposition to the feeling of love. It hurt. I decided then and there never to accept love from her again. I told her, “No” and when she reached out lovingly and hugged me close, I pushed her away.

Then came all the memories from the divorce. Oh I hate those memories! Mom telling me bad things about my dad. Dad telling me bad things about my mom. Mom probing me for answers after I would visit my dad. Me in tears every time I had to go on weekend visits with my Dad. Dad breaking into our house and stealing from us, from me. Dad telling me he would not take me home.  I was so terrified I would never get home that I memorized the 1 hour trip to my Dad’s and was able to show my mom how to get there when she couldn’t find him. Only a traumatized child could do something like that.

I remember crazy energy and emotions bombarding me all the time. No one ever told me what was going on. No one helped me understand. That is when I started begging God to let me die. I thought over and over, “I wish I were dead.” These thoughts have never really gone away completely, either.

As any child under similar circumstances would do, I began to act out. I got more spankings than I can count and was so defiant I  would laugh at my mom when she spanked me despite the pain. I didn’t want her to win.

I remember my mom being so fed up with me that she started threatening to take me to an orphanage. She even showed me a flyer about a boarding school for girls. In one instance, on a road trip to Houston, she stopped on the side of the road and made me get out of the car telling me she would call the orphanage to come get me. Talk about traumatizing! I really thought she was going to leave me there.

It’s not like I was a good little girl, though. I was awful, really. I did awful things. I thought awful things. I use to purposefully do things to get my little sister in trouble. I carved her initials everywhere and cut up my clothes so she couldn’t get them as hand-me-downs. And the thoughts I had back then, no little girl of 7-8 should ever have such thoughts. I was truly disturbed and defiant.

Though I was a straight A student, I went to the principal’s office every single year until I was a freshman in high school. Usually it was because I would tell off a teacher or refuse to do what they asked me to do. When I was 7 I was so horrible one day that I got “the paddle”. This was back when corporal punishment was still allowed. My mom witnessed it. It was humiliating. You know what got me there? I chased down a boy on the playground and kissed him. LOL

Then there were the memories of how I never had friends and the friends I did have  I mistreated. There was the friend who I beat up in the bathroom when I was 4 despite the fact that she was almost a foot taller than me. Then there was the friend who I was mean to all the time when I was 8. I made her cry over and over and never felt bad about it. I thought it was fun (WTF, right?). This all reversed flow on me later on, though.

And I don’t even remember everything from that time in my life. I believe I disconnected from everyone and everything in order to protect myself from all the pain. Everything in my life was destroyed. It is no wonder I decided that happiness = hurt, and decided that anything and everyone I loved would end up hurting or rejecting me. My solution was push everyone away. Reject them first. And when I did allow love into my life, I always knew it would not last, that it would be taken away from me and it would be my fault because I am no good, worthless and deserve it.

Yeah, disturbing.

If you have made it this far, thank you. I am sorry for all the negative history regurgitation.

Questions

After all this memory influx, I was asked, “What do you feel is your greatest life accomplishment?” Without hesitation I answered, “My children”.

Then I was asked, “What do you feel is your greatest life regret?”

This one took me a while but I eventually answered, “I didn’t live. I was too afraid to live.”

Ultimately, then, my greatest regret is succumbing to fear.

They then asked me, “What lessons do you still have to learn?”

And I knew the answer instantly. “I still need to learn how to be alone.” Yay! I am guessing my next life will be fun. 😦

 

The Void

I’ve entered the Void. Honestly, I don’t think I really have ever been here before. Not like this anyway. It is a place that I am being taught to Allow. From within this space all flows freely. It is not pleasant but it is not painful. It is utterly lacking yet exceptionally creative all at the same time.

I spend most of my days lately listening to music, focusing on my children and enjoying nature when I can. Anything else takes too much effort.

Standing Alone at the Edge of the Void
About Spiritual Emptiness or the Void

 

Under your spell again.
I can’t say no to you.
Crave my heart and it’s bleeding in your hand.
I can’t say no to you.

Shouldn’t let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can’t let go of this dream.
I can’t breathe but I feel…

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can’t say no to you,
And I’ve completely lost myself, and I don’t mind.
I can’t say no to you.

Shouldn’t let you conquer me completely.
Now I can’t let go of this dream.
Can’t believe that I feel…

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It’s been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I’m still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
‘Cause I can’t hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
’cause I can’t say no.

Recent Dreams

I am writing these dreams down to have an account of what is occurring in my sleep. These are the main ones I remember.

Dream: Missing the Bus

I am at my mom’s house. Things don’t look right. It is as if someone has moved in and changed everything. The land next door, the land I use to own, was purchased by a man who left an old, deteriorating school bus on the fence that divided the properties. I am angry at him. He has ruined the view with an old, abandoned school bus!

Then I am wandering around on my grandparent’s property near their front gate. I feel I am waiting on the school bus. I don’t know how I got there, though. I turn and walked up their driveway. I hear the bus pass by and I turn and watch as it heads down the road.

I missed the bus. This makes me feel very sad.

Dream: Loving Self

I am in a parking lot. A young, disheveled looking woman approaches me. Her hair is dark, short and messy and she is very petite. She appears to be homeless and seeing her makes me nervous. Will she try to attack or rob me?

She comes closer and I suddenly feel huge amounts of sympathy for her. I approach her and tell her it will be okay. I lean in and kiss her gently on the lips and tell her, “I love you”. She is still cautious but I am set on taking care of her. I offer her a small bottle of shampoo and say, “Here. You should wash your hair.” She takes it hesitantly and we go into the convenience store and to the bathroom which has showers.

Then I am in the shower washing my hair. It is as if I become the homeless girl. As I wash my hair I see her being approached by two men. They mean her harm and I am frozen with fear. I look in the shower stall for something I can attack the men with. I can’t find anything and feel helpless to help her. One of the men comes toward her. He is tall and thin but very alien looking, his legs and arms much longer than they should be. He is either naked or wearing a gray jumper. In fact, all of him is gray. He also has no sex organs. This shocks me into wakefulness.

Dream: Choice

I am inside a very brightly lit school building in the administration section. They have asked me to work there as a teacher teaching middle school Science. I know I can do it but I have no desire to do so. I tell them that I would likely start a fire with the students when we did a lab. They reassure me this would not happen. I don’t believe them.

I then remember I can take the job of counselor and speak to the principal about this. He is sitting behind a desk and looks me up and down. I feel judged and can hear others – teachers and staff – whispering behind my back. I think, “I don’t have to deal with this anymore.” I walk out of the office.

In the hall area is a man I am very drawn to. He is different, not like these people who judge me all the time. He is openly accepting. He is also very artistic and can spend hours creating works of art. I feel drawn to him. I just want to be around him. When I am with him I feel calm and at ease. It is as if he compliments me in every way.

He is carving a sculpture out of a head of cabbage. I look up at it. It it about the height of two people. Despite being light green in color, it looks nothing like the cabbage it is supposedly made out of. What is interesting is that it is composed of geometric shapes. So beautiful!

I stand very close to him. I can’t stay away from him. He has such a wonderful feeling and energy that radiates off of him.  I openly admire his artistic ability.

The people at the school make fun of us. I turn and look at them all with contempt. How could they be so cruel! I am prepared to defend him to my own detriment. I yell something at them but he redirects my attention away from them and I am completely calmed by him. I know they don’t matter. All that matters is us.

Eventually I get this feeling that I have to get out of there. I can’t stand to be around all these people and it is as if the man completely disappears. The urge to run is so intense that I begin to frantically search for the exit. I see it and run for it.

When I get outside there are lines of cars barely moving. I have to zigzag through them to reach my truck which is on the other side. When I try to find my truck, I can’t. I keep seeing it in my mind – black and shiny. Why isn’t it where it is suppose to be?

Symbolism

School bus –  an important life journey is needed for personal growth
Missed bus – indicates an aspect of one’s life is out of control
Passing bus – going against the crowd or on the wrong path

Shampoo – self-growth, presenting a new image of self to the world
Hair –  sexual virility, seduction, sensuality, vanity, and health
Shower – spiritual and/or physical renewal and forgiveness

Whispering – represents one’s own insecurities and anxieties
Line of cars/traffic – frustration that life is going too slowly or unsmoothly
Cabbage – reminds us not to waste time on petty things

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