My Kundalini experiences have been intermittent as of late. I will get spurts here and there but nothing like the near continuous rumblings I had in 2016. For the last few months I have noticed a pattern, though. The Kundalini makes an entrance during specific phases of my moon cycle around ovulation and then again around menstruation. The time frame she chooses is interesting as I have read that for women Kundalini does tend to be more active at certain times in a woman’s cycle, specifically during spikes in estrogen levels (which would be around ovulation).
Currently I am approaching the end of my cycle, around two days from the end in fact. All has been quiet since mid-month when I ovulated and had a spike in Kundalini dreams that woke me up with uncomfortable root chakra activity.
Early last night I had a Kundalini visit that was unusually powerful. Thankfully I was so deep in sleep that I never became fully lucid.
The Kundalini presented itself via a connection with one of my guides. This is not uncommon. We were together having a conversation I can’t recall completely now. I do know this guide’s name was “Chris”. His appearance is blurry. I believe he had dark hair to his chin that was sorta messy. I also see him as muscular, though I have no specific memory of this either. In fact, I cannot recall seeing him even once in the encounter, though I do remember him being present. However, I recently had an OBE where this guide presented himself, so I have an idea of what he looks like.
To describe what I felt is always difficult with the Kundalini energy. There is nothing in my life experience, and I mean NOTHING, that even comes close. In the dream I recall talking to this guide one minute, standing next to him casually enjoying a conversation, and the next being literally overcome by a powerful sensation in my root chakra that surged upward ferociously, devouring any resistance I might have had and putting me completely out of commission. The Kundalini did not feel like I have ever felt it. My root chakra seemed to move upward and take over all of my lower chakras. It literally felt like my entire lower body became my root and the sensation of having a body at all was gone. I also have a vague memory of my guide pushing a “button” prior to the Kundalini rising.
As I was standing when these episodes would incite, I do not know how I didn’t fall to the ground! In those moments it actually seemed like I levitated and lost any recognizable form. The Kundalini would surge for what seemed like an eternity, I would lose myself to it and then it would subside. I would return to my conversation and then it would come again. And again. And again. Each time it surged it was like my entire body was orgasming! I could feel a central canal of energy extend up to my heart. It was like my vagina extended all the way to my heart! I know, weird, but like I said this was unusual even for me. My entire lower half felt like my root/genital area and was super, super stimulated to the point that I am not sure how I didn’t die from it. lol
After 7 or 8 rounds of this energy rising and receding, I finally began to have more lucidity. This is when I remember talking with my guide and discussing math of all things. lol My only specific memory here is of the number 38. I can still see it vividly in my mind as it was white outlined in silver floating in front of my eyes. I reached for it and touched it even and it converted into an equation of some sort, one with a square root sign. This is when the last surge of Kundalini energy hit and put me out of commission for a while. When it receded I began to wake up.
While in the in-between I received a message from my guide. He gave me the name “Chris” and another word came up but now all I remember is that it began with the letter “r”. I believe the word may have been “restore” but am unsure. I do know that I was being told why he was assisting me and that it had to do with some improvements being made as I saw the Kundalini as scrubbing/cleaning my energy body.
When I woke it was 1:30am and I easily returned to sleep because I had a feeling of being drugged. I had to get out of bed to get a drink, though, because I felt parched, and prior to sleep all of my lower chakras were active and felt merged as one with a comfortable, warm energy. I experienced the same raw ache I tend to get after a Kundalini surge but it was not uncomfortable as it has been in the past. The last thing I recall before slipping into dreamland is the energy reaching my lower heart chakra and the warmth of it spreading outward.
I woke at 5:30am with no dream recall and feeling very drowsy but rested. A song was on my mind – Human – specifically the part, “I’m only human after all, don’t put the blame on me.” Wide awake but wanting more sleep, I tried to settle down. That last thing I recall is the clock saying it was 6:03am.
OBEs
Over the next hour I had several projections. The memory of the first few are hazy but I do remember sitting up out of my sleeping body with each of them. I also recall traveling to a city, flying high over it and seeing the stars in the night sky. When I dropped down near the ground to investigate I entered an open mall type setting but it was unfamiliar, like in another country. The entire time I was conversing with someone I could not see but could feel, happily jabbering about looking for someone. In retrospect I believe the person I was looking for was him because it felt like we were playing a game of hide-and-seek.
I went up to several people, talking to them and checking to see if they were who I was looking for. I recall a jeweler being one of them and another being some guy just walking along the street. I purposefully walked instead of flying. Somehow I knew it was not acceptable to fly where I was even though that is how I arrived. This was the longest of the OBEs. I went into several buildings, spoke to many people, and explored the place like a curious child would. The whole time I was talking to my friend – a guide I assume.
In another OBE memory I sat up out of my body and wandered my house but the house was nothing at all like the one in this reality. On the second floor there was a veranda that overlooked the city and the views were spectacular. My husband was in the OBEs situated inside the house. I would see him working on the computer or walking around. I also saw my daughter briefly. When I saw them I would talk to them, always happily, and they would greet me and act normal, as if nothing were out of the ordinary.
I remember specifically one time sitting up out of my sleeping body thinking I had finally awakened from all the OBEs. As I wandered the house I noticed things that were out of place and became very tired. I told my husband I wanted to sleep, went back to bed and then “woke up” again to realize I was projecting. lol Projection within a projection. 🙂
As I neared the end of my projecting my memory of them increases. In fact, the second to the last one I was telling my invisible guide friend how I was going to focus on remembering them because “it was so beautiful” and “amazing”. lol
OBE: January 1st
The second to the last projection began the same as the others. I sat up out of my sleeping body and looked around my bedroom. At the foot of my bed was a chest and on top of it a basket lined with fabric. Inside the basket were library books and a note that said, “Due January 1st”. I thought it odd that it was there and when I read the note all I initially recalled was “the 1st” but my friend said, “January 1st” and I saw it in my mind’s eye at the same time.
Taking note of the message I moved on, gliding toward the kitchen. I remember being fully aware that I was projecting and not wanting the experience to end. There was a brief fear that I would lose my perceptions because they were so acute but I never lost lucidity. It was so real and so exciting in that moment that I felt giddy like a child.
I went out double glass doors in the kitchen out onto a veranda that overlooked the city. It was dark and the night sky was dotted with stars so brilliant that I was blown away by their beauty. I began to sing about the sky and the sunrise and sunset. As I sang I flew up into the sky to look down on it all. As I rose I paused to look closely at the leaves of the trees nearly and delighted in every minute detail of them. They seemed to sparkle and the green of the leaves brightened substantially.
While in the sky I paused, controlling my ascent before I ended up in space, and looked down as I sang about the sun rising. The dark sky began to lighten with the first rays of the sun. I knew I was controlling it and delighted in this, quickly shifting my song to sunset and watching it grow dark again.
I was pulled back toward my physical body and I felt a distinct shift in vibration. I shifted back into the scene of my bedroom and started over again.
OBE: Meeting
I moved back toward the veranda but cannot remember how I got there. All I recall next is sitting outside face to face with a man. We obviously knew each other because I was completely at ease with him and there was a strong bond of friendship between us that could be felt.
My memories here are mostly of him sitting there cross legged and completely naked. lol His nakedness was not my focus, though. In fact, I seemed not to care at all that he had on no clothes. He was talking to me like an old friend would seeming to be asking me for advice. Yet at the same time I knew he and I had been assigned to one another for a period of time. He was assigned to me to help me and I was assigned to him to help him. In fact, I remember saying to him, “They assigned me to you.” Who “they” are was not discussed.
As we talked I was very close to him. My treatment of him was like I would treat someone I loved dearly. I was caressing his cheek with my hand and stroking his hair. At the same time I was taking in his appearance. He reminded me of one of The Beatles – his hair was long and black and messy and he had a pronounced, large nose. He also had a slight beard that was long enough for me to pass my fingers through. It grew straight rather than coarse and curly.
He said to me, “I wonder what it will be like to meet God? Do you think he will approve of me?” He seemed very pensive about this and genuinely concerned that God would not be happy with him, who he was or what he had done. I thought about his question and moved closer to him because at this point I had moved away and sitting across from him again. With his question I looked at him and understood his concern thoroughly. In that moment I could see all of his mistakes, all of his “flaws”….. all of his humanity. I said to him, “I don’t think God will be upset with you. He created you as you are, so why would he not approve of his own creation?” My friend smiled and seemed reassured but I wondered about his question.
I remember briefly wondering, “Why would he ask me that? Doesn’t he know that we are God?” Yet at the same time I knew the question was also meant to make a point. He wanted me to see that I, too, am only human. There is no shame in being human, in making “mistakes”, in being what God created me to be.
There was so much power in that moment. Not power as in feeling powerful, but power as in awareness. This man, whoever he was, was my friend and teacher, as I was also to him. It is intriguing to me that I knew about our “assignment” to one another. I also knew this assignment was temporary. The feeling between us, the feelings I had for him, were unique. Unique in that my reaction to him was intimate and familiar yet nonsexual. Had the human me been in attendance I would have felt uncomfortable and likely sexually attracted to him despite him not being my “type” at all. He towered above me – he was at least 6’3″ – and was broad shouldered and muscular, so he likely would have intimidated me as well. This is probably why he remained seated.
I knew he appeared to me completely naked as a means to share himself fully with me, without pretense. Completely “exposed” and vulnerable. I don’t know if I was naked, too. Probably since I seem to delight in it while OOB. lol
Afterward
Not long after this conversation I returned to my body, the song Human still going over and over in my mind. Settling into my body I felt slight vibrations and, though I tried to linger in the in-between, I woke fully because my first thought was that I needed to remember.
The man from the OBE was present upon my waking. His energy was to my left and I recognized him immediately. I had asked prior to sleep that I project or at least have an experience that would make me smile because at the time I had been feeling homesick again. I thanked this man – guide, friend – for giving me something to smile about. The feelings from the experience are some that I will forever cherish because I don’t have any relationships like that in this physical reality. Gender roles and sexual urges inevitably get in the way of that kind of intimacy and love. If only I could shut those things off and push taboo and belief out the window. To be able to be completely exposed and vulnerable with someone like that is so beautiful and right. What a wonderful gift and lesson he provided me.
He told me that we would meet like this again, though he said it could not be often. I understood why and didn’t object to it. Just knowing more meetings would come was enough for me. There was a sense that we were helping one another, but I am not sure exactly how or toward what end. I asked him if he had a physical body and he said, “We all do.” This came with an explanation without words. The closest I can come to it is our multidimensional nature. I asked if we were going to meet in physicality and was told, “No.”
I inquired about the part where I said, “They assigned me to you.” Who were “they”? I said, “Are they the Council?” His answer was to suggest I not try and understand via the human mind. He said it would be impossible to get an answer I would be satisfied with.
Even now I remember how his naked body looked. I recall the broadness of his shoulders, his black chest hair and how it extended down to his male parts. I even remember his male parts. lol Mostly I remember being in awe of his form – of the human form. How perfect it is! He really was quite beautiful and I mentioned this to him saying, “It is funny but had I seen your picture or had you walked past me in a crowd I would have thought you plain and maybe even unattractive. I would have not given you a second thought. Yet when I was close to you I saw you as beautiful because our connection is beautiful.” It was obvious to me that it is not appearance that determines connection but something much deeper. Not only that, but this connection can exist with any “stranger” if we allow ourselves to look beyond this physical facade.
After this meeting I feel different. I finally don’t feel alone. It is a relief because I have felt so very alone – abandoned – Â for about a year now.
Today the repairman is returning to finish the repairs on my broken refrigerator. He needs to replace the heater and thermostat so it doesn’t freeze up again. When he left last Friday he asked me to unplugged the fridge 8 hours before his arrival today at 9am. That meant either turning it off before bed or waking in the night to do it. I opted to wake during the night. Prior to bed I asked for more clarification as to what is going on with me. Still feel unsure of this “process” I am going through.
I meant to wake at midnight using my internal clock but ended up waking at 2:30am instead. After unplugging the fridge I was wide awake and it took me some time to settle down. I should have known I would end up going OOB, but I didn’t ask to do so.
OBE: Visit From MIL
I vaguely recall rising up from my body in bed and traveling downstairs to the kitchen. I was not fully lucid when I did so and believed I was awake repeating the steps I’d taken earlier in the night. When I got to the kitchen I saw that someone had been there and plugged the refrigerator back in. This upset me and I tried to figure out what had happened. I noticed some things laying here and there (bags and such) indicating that my mother-in-law had paid us a visit after we all went to bed. This isn’t uncommon for her so made sense. She often leaves us loaves of bread and other groceries for the kids and will clean up the kitchen if she has the energy.
I turned toward the living room still upset over the fridge but I never unplugged it. Instead I noticed there was an opening in the living area where normally the fireplace would be. Another entire room extended for many feet and the floors of both were carpeted. Instantly I knew something wasn’t right and said to myself, “This is a dream”.
Nothing about the feel of my energy body or the dream really changed after this realization. I already had my full perceptions but had just not been focused on them. My vision was the one I was most focused on at the time anyway. It brightened slightly and I decided to explore this new section of my house.
I floated into the new space and noticed someone sitting in a chair facing away from me. I recognized my MIL and went up to her. Facing her confirmed it was her and I remember speaking to her but she just stared at me zombie-like. I remember saying, “Wake up! You’re asleep!” She didn’t respond, just stared into the distance as if preoccupied with something else. My last thought before returning to my body was that she looked so similar to what she looked like in waking life.
When I came back into my body it was ablaze with a comforting energy. I was surprised I had gone OOB and amused that my preoccupation with the coming appointment and refrigerator had been the focus of the OBE. All I wanted was to get some much needed sleep so I turned to my side and drifted off.
OBE: NOKEY
Again, not fully lucid, I walked into a gym (apply what has been learned) that was familiar. Inside things had been moved and the equipment that was there before was mostly gone. I noticed people standing on circles (cycles, repetition) painted on the floor. They were spaced as if in some kind of grid and all facing in the same direction. Not letting this bother me, I went toward the dumbbell rack but did not use any of them. Instead I was holding onto what resembled black, weighted handcuffs (feeling held back, trapped). I was talking to someone doing exercises with them but can’t recall what I was saying.
A man approached me and asked me when I would be done. I remember being irritated at him but finishing quickly. When I got up I sat in a chair and got out a computer (information). On it I could see the entire layout of the building. Circles represented each person and they moved like chess pieces (loss of control).
A man sitting next to me spoke to me about the ceremony that was going on. One of the owners of the gym was retiring (transitioning, endings) and they were setting up for a celebration. I saw the owner as he walked in. He was graying and had a pleasant face and energy. Someone asked me to put away my computer, so I did, opting to get out my phone which was the size of a tablet. The man had mentioned a word that sounded like Jockey – NOKEY – so I did a Google search for it. The results showed information about baseball (contentedness and peace of mind) and I saw a large 15% that took up my entire tablet.
A woman rudely interrupted me telling me I had some nerve still using my cell phone when the celebration was about to begin. She demanded I leave, saying I had broken the rules and was no longer allowed inside. I stood up and told her it was fine and that I wasn’t a member anyway and had just come in to check it out but found it changed and unusable. I was just as rude to her as she was to me.
She followed me outside. Her demeanor changed when we were alone and she turned more friendly, apologizing for the changes and asking me for suggestions to improve it. She asked me what gym I frequented that I liked. I thought about it and said, “Lifetime Fitness” (which is a gym in real life but one I’ve never been to). Something about saying this brought me into full lucidity and the word “lifetime” echoed in my mind.
I turned and walked away. When I looked to where I was heading I saw beautiful green hills and a vast, sparkling lake. There were people here and there seemingly floating across the fields and water. The sky was brilliant with a rising sun whose rays were illuminating everyone with a silvery sheen. The whole scene sparkled like a million jewels.
I noticed a man was with me at this time. It was like the woman had morphed into a man. He remained with me and spoke with me for the remainder of the experience.
I stopped, filled with awe and said, “It is SO beautiful!” My heart began to overflow and I burst into tears. The scene changed and I could tell I was shifting away from it. In front of my eyes gray clouds floated in and covered the brilliant landscape. Tears poured out of my eyes, my body shuddered with intense vibrations and my heart stung.
In the in-between I lingered for some time. I could sense the presence of someone to my right. The vibrations were still strong and hypnagogic images of millions of tiny, yellow circles flooded my vision, pulsating and breathing in unison. I was still crying, my heart inundated with energy and my entire body pulsing and vibrating. My tears were a mixture of joy and grief. I understood the messages from the OBE and the male presence acknowledged this.
He said to me, “I’ve loved you for a long time.” It reminded me of the song that had been sung to me only a few nights prior: “Don’t you know I’m in love with you. I will be with you for a long time”.
I asked him who he was and the name “Chris” came to mind. Not recognizing the name I just allowed the comforting vibrations to wash over me. He spoke to me at some length about my sadness and exhaustion, telling me, “We will help you” and “It will be okay”. Throughout his messages tears would erupt sporadically. He said that my grief must be experienced and not suppressed.
At one point there was a brilliant circle of light that I identified as a full moon. It got so large that it took up my entire vision and it seemed to intensify the vibrations. Eventually I realized it was not the moon at all but a giant light. I had seen it before while OOB and usually it is associated with E.T.s.
While we communicated two songs came into my mind. The first was the song, All of Me and the specific part I heard over and over was, “My head’s under water but I’m breathing fine. You’re crazy and I’m out of mind. ‘Cause all of me loves all of you……’Cause I give you all of me and you give me all of you.”
The other song was Hold My Hand. “I’m ready for this” repeating over and over.
It didn’t take long for me to understand the second OBE. The messages were obvious. The scene at the gym is me being tired of repetitive cycles, feeling trapped by them and looking for a way to end them. The NOKEY word is actually – No Key – no admittance, no entry, no access. I can’t go where I wish to go. The 15% is still a mystery. I suspect it may indicate my “battery” level, how far I’ve come or where I am at currently in whatever this process is. Maybe I am 15% way through a process that will bring me peace and contentedness? The “Lifetime” reference is to this lifetime.
There was a hell of a lot of energy swirling around me after the last OBE. The entire experience left me unable to return to sleep. I have no idea who this “Chris” person is, either. He was on my right, which suggests he is not a guide. My guides are typically to my left. His messages indicate he knows me, loves me and wants to help. I did not feel any particular connection to him, though.
My considerations now after these experiences are that I refuse to read anything into any of it, no matter how profound. Even if my heart blasts open again and the bliss is all encompassing there will be no reaction or longing or hope this time because I know how destructive the after-effects are. To attach to the feeling is destructive and I don’t think I can survive another round. I pray God spares me from ever feeling it again.
Just a little update on my husband in Clearwater and what happened with Hurricane Irma. Yesterday I texted him since he had not been in contact with me and the silence was unsettling. He texted back this when I asked him how he was doing:
“Very little action here in Clearwater at all. It is quite boring. It’s absolutely hilarious watching the media on TV! They are so disappointed and working so hard to try and find negative things. One of them announced that 5 people had died and then somebody had to come back later and say they had died of natural causes not related to the storm!”
He had been hunkered down on the third floor of his hotel with other guests waiting for the storm to hit like predicted but it never did. The electricity never even went out! Turns out the hurricane was downgraded to a CAT1 around the time it hit Tampa.
I posted this update on FB and got many responses indicating relief. Several people mentioned how all the prayers and manifestation efforts were the cause. Honestly, while I don’t doubt prayers and such helped – positive intention does help – my intuition from the very beginning, even before Harvey hit my own state of Texas, was that all the hype over these hurricanes was unfounded. I believe what my husband insinuated in his text says it all – the media wants things to be negative, they want people to be in fear because fear equals higher ratings.
Dream: Medical School
Last night I requested a meeting with my Council to help me better understand my current path. Though I did not have a lucid dream or OBE of such a meeting (didn’t request one either), the following dream indicates such a meeting did take place.
I was in a hospital (giving up control of one’s own body, seeking healing) setting with a group of others. The group was quite large, maybe 30, and we were all students but also teachers in our own right. There were teachers/mentors present who were leading the group there as well. I remember a woman and I having a discussion about my experience with babies. This surprised me at first but then I remembered I had been tending to a baby (new beginnings, innocence). During this conversation she mentioned our residency and that it was our first year. I told her I didn’t want to remain past that year. In this portion of the dream I felt very out of place, unsure of myself and surprised I was in medical school.
There were portions of the dream after this that are hazy. I recall being inside a large hospital doing my rounds. I saw a woman who had a rash (doubt/indecision, “rash” decisions) all over her body. I applied bandages and ointment to the rash (trying to resolve or heal the results of the decision).
The next thing I recall is boarding a plane (connecting with higher aspect of Self) with the rest of my group. We were going to a doctor’s house in Florida. I remember seeing this doctor (emotional and spiritual healing is needed). He was tall with light hair and glasses. My invitation was a surprise and it felt as if the doctor only invited a select few and that I should feel honored that he selected me.
When we arrived at the house I remember seeing that it was right up next to the water. The water was dark (the unknown, mourning) and areas had eddies and whirlpools indicating a strong current (emotional turmoil). The water made me a bit nervous because I knew we were set to go out in a boat (coping with/expressing emotion) and I did not want to drown (become overwhelmed by emotion).
Inside the house it was very nice, very much a man’s home. The floors and walls were wood (emotionally numb) and wood paneling. I remember being inside all alone and wandering around looking in each room. The kitchen (emotional healing) struck me as interesting. It was spotless with marble counter tops and sleek lines. What was really odd is that it had four stoves (developing awareness) and ovens (passion, loyalty, warmth, togetherness, devotion) and I remember thinking, “Why would anyone need that many ovens?” There was an area to the left where there were no cabinets under the counter. I looked and saw a tiny door on the wall at the back. I laughed and said, “That’s a gnome door!”
Eventually everyone came inside and began to mingle. I remember seeing three large jugs of soda (rejuvenation). Students were getting drinks from them. I recall getting Dr. Pepper (Dr = healing needed). Then we were preparing to go onto the boat (coping with/expressing emotion). A woman came up to me and mentioned that we were both wearing white (purity) shirts and how that would not be good if we were to get wet on the boat. I said I might have a black shirt and dug through my back. All I could find was a navy blue (openness to guidance) one.
As I sat waiting with the others, the doctor came by and whispered (listen more carefully) to me something about how he was going to “cook (desire to be loved) my meat (matters, issues needing resolution)”. I assumed he was talking about steak but was surprised because he came up and put his lips to my ear to whisper it. It felt very intimate. While he did this he stuck a small folded note (message being relayed) into my hand. He left and I opened the note. It was in my handwriting. It looked like a worksheet (life and lessons in life) and I remember completing it prior to arriving. I saw several equations (solutions to waking problems) I had worked through with their circled answers. I wondered how he knew it was mine. The girl next to me said he had grabbed it from the other table where I had been sitting. Looking at my answers and hers I noted a difference. I got the answer of 76 and she got an answer of 75. I looked at others’ answers and most got 76 like me. The number was so prominent that it woke me up.
Considerations
The feeling I had when I awoke was that the 76 had to do with the year I was born. It reminded me of something that happened yesterday. I found four scratched off lottery tickets on the ground. I picked them up to throw them away and felt I should check them first. I discovered one had the number 41 as a match and was a $20 winner. The 41 seemed significant and later I recognized why – it is my current age. So it seems the 76 and 41 are pointing to me and my life.
The dream also reminded me that I knew on my 41st birthday that this year was different. I actually woke up that morning thinking, “This is the year I will die”. Lately my dreams indicate I am considering exiting this life, even practicing my own death. Recently I also had a Knowing that I will be off the spiritual path I was on from 2014-2016 for a year.
It felt like the above dream was indicating some in-depth healing and learning at other levels. My guidance and I were discussing this healing, how much time it will take and where it will lead. There is also an indication that I anticipated the problems I am currently experiencing and worked out solutions for the problems ahead of time (worksheet with math problems).
Things are finally settling down here after several days of crazy up’s and down’s. My joke has been that our family garden gnome has been wreaking havoc on our household. 🙂 Anytime strange, unexpected or unexplained things occur the gnome is who I blame. I tell my kids he sneaks out of his potted plant and wreaks havoc on our household while we sleep. They enjoy the laugh, as do I, and it helps relieve tension and make light of things. He’s like our Elf on the Shelf only he can come out anytime, any day, not just at Christmas.
So what has our little gnome been up to lately? First, my husband left for Clearwater on the 6th despite knowing Hurricane Irma was heading straight for Florida. I tried to get him to cancel his flight but he insisted saying it was unlikely he would be affected. Since he has left he has since realized he will likely be in it’s path. The last information he gave me was that his hotel was sandbagging and taping windows in preparation. He is in a voluntary evacuation zone and his hotel is one of the designated shelters. He will be staying to ride out the storm. If they insist he evacuate he will likely head north to Georgia and stay with his aunt and uncle.
Then, the morning of the 8th, sleep still in my eyes, I was pouring milk into my middle son’s cereal and clumps rather than milk came out. Ick! Spoiled. Okay. So out came the other gallon of milk. Lumps. Ugh! Neither was set to expire until the 18th of September so I knew something was up. My husband had mentioned he thought the fridge felt warmer a few days before and I hadn’t noticed. So I went to check and sure enough it felt very warm. Crap!
The milk went down the sink, the kids went without cereal and I put ice cubes in the fridge since the freezer was still good and cold. I spent the rest of the morning looking for a repairman. Thankfully I found one but not after several early morning phone calls.
The whole day I felt off, as if the other shoe would drop any minute. When the repairman arrived he located the problem right away and went to defrosting the freezer. As he was leaving we were talking, me relieved the issue was resolved. I said, “Well it could have been worse. Our a/c could’ve gone out.”
Later I went upstairs and found the a/c thermostat was offline. It was an error message I hadn’t seen. When I saw it and it was unresponsive my heart sank and the words I had just said echoed in my head. I had to call the thermostat company and go through all kinds of steps to see if I could resolve the issue, even calling my BIL in to help. By this time it was near 9pm and I was exhausted. I ended up bursting into tears because the day had just worn me out. The a/c issue was not resolved, it was not the thermostat but we were too tired to try and figure it out. Thankfully the cool front meant the a/c was not needed while we slept. My guidance was saying to me, “Don’t worry” sending me calming waves of energy that I listened to. I could feel the issue would resolve but despite this I could not help but be overwhelmed from everything that had happened that day.
When I woke the next morning the thermostat was miraculously on but set to “heat”. I adjusted it and it showed no issue – like nothing had ever happened. I was suspicious. The night before I had called the company that installed the a/c and made an appointment. I decided to keep it. When the repairman arrived he said the drain had clogged, switching the unit off. Turns out a clogged bathroom sink was the culprit! Stupid gnome! lol 😉
Now maybe all of the above is just normal and I shouldn’t have gotten upset, and honestly I normally wouldn’t, but for some reason that day did me in. I kept thinking about my husband being gone and so maybe on a subconscious level concern for his well-being was seeping in. There were, however, other issues bubbling up in dreamtime around the same time that likely were affecting me, too.
Dream: Dissed
I was standing in a crowded room wearing a white, no-frills wedding dress. I do not recall seeing or even looking at the groom but he was there. In front of me was our minister who was a female and very nice. There were many unknown people – friends – in attendance, but it was a small crowd. The time for the ceremony was quickly approaching but my mom was still not there, neither was the rest of my family. The minister urged me to continue anyway. It was 1pm and that was when the ceremony was suppose to start. Yet I was against it, wanting to wait. She told me the storm likely caused traffic jams and that they may not get through for hours. I asked if they could wait. She said she could.
I borrowed a cell phone and called my mom’s number. My older sister picked up. I could hear sounds of water and splashing in the background and knew they had opted to stay and swim rather than attend. I pushed it out of my mind hoping there was another explanation. I seemed to wait forever for my mom to get on the line. The longer she made me wait, the more sure I was that she was purposefully not coming to the wedding. I recall seeing an old family friend of my mom’s enter the church at the time and found it odd that she would be there but not my own mother.
When my mom finally did get on the line she was not very communicative. I asked her if she was coming saying, “We’ve been waiting for you!” She said she wasn’t coming. She didn’t say much else, communicating most without words that she was not in agreement with my marriage. I suddenly knew all that had transpired and why she was being so awful. She had allowed my sister and her family to live with them for many years. As a result I had not visited as often and so my mom had some resentment for that. At some point I had divorced my husband and met another man and my mom was not in agreement with how I handled the situation. I had been in love with another man while married and though I handled it appropriately and did not wander from my marriage, she didn’t like the new man nor did she like that I left my family/husband. So she was purposefully boycotting my wedding.
Sadness swept over me when I realized she was not coming and doing it on purpose. I felt cut off and abandoned. At the same time I had a “let her go” feeling that was stronger than my wanting to attack or defend myself and/or my actions to her, become bitter/vengeful or try to get her to understand. I hung up the phone and let the situation go but the feeling of sadness didn’t go away.
I woke up, eyes still closed, surprised and not knowing where I was or who I was for a moment. I searched in my mind for a focal point that made sense, a memory of date/time/location. What I recall of this time is seeing flashes of yellow tinged “memories”, like I was traveling along a memory path. I found a memory linked to this life and when I opened my eyes I wondered what I had just seen. It felt like a premonition.
Dream: Disturbing Facial
In this dream I had gone to get a facial. The women giving it to me seemed nice and I was making conversation. She had a peculiar look about her and I was curious. She was giving me a facial of some sort and I remember after it was over asking her about herself and her being quite closed mouthed. She made it seem like she was not allowed. She looked like she may have been a transgendered person because though she appeared feminine she had short hair and some masculine qualities. She had gotten her breasts done and was showing them to me through her clothing. This caused me to be more curious but she would not let me get too close and always backed away from me.
I left and when I returned at another time I found some suspicious activity going on in the same place. There were men with tattoos who seemed menacing and they were asking me if I wanted some of their “services”. The feeling was it involved drugs and sex but there was no evidence.
When I returned again there was a man passed out on the floor who had been given a drug of some sort. I watched them do the same with another man, tempting him with some large, green drink that caused him to immediately pass out after he drank it. The man had hundreds of dollars in his pockets but they didn’t steal it. Instead they stood staring at him and laughing.
That was when they took me and had me lay down on a table. They showed me some “ingredients” to make feces – a white, crumbly clay was one of them and some dark soil as well. They took the mixture and shoved it down my throat asking me how it felt/tasted. I immediately got up and retched, coughing it out and then asking for water to wash out my mouth. I had to swish water around in my mouth several times but could not get rid of the grit left from the mixture. The men were laughing at me.
I left in a hurry and brought back someone to show them what was going on. When we got there they had cleaned out the room and it was empty and spotless.
I ended up at my mom’s making myself lunch and getting ready to head to school. My sister, cousin and mom were present and I knew things were much different than how they are in this reality. My cousin was building a house on my grandparent’s land but had run out of money. My mom was to live with her. My grandfather was still alive and had been grumpy about helping build the house. My mom was not happy and very miserly. She was single and old and my sister was not like she is in this life but seemed independent and helpful. I recall making my lunch for school and then trying to leave but my car was blocked by tons of other cars.
CARIBBEAN SEA – SEPTEMBER 8: In this NASA/NOAA handout image, NOAA’s GOES satellite shows Hurricane Irma (C) in the Caribbean Sea, Tropical Storm Jose (R) in the Atlantic Ocean and Tropical Storm Katia in the Gulf of Mexico taken at 15:45 UTC on September 08, 2017. Hurricane Irma barreled through the Turks and Caicos Islands as a category 4 storm en route to a destructive encounter with Florida this weekend. (Photo by NASA/NOAA GOES Project via Getty Images)
Considerations
When I awoke I felt like these dreams were either me visiting alternate timelines or the byproduct of some lesson/discussion going on in dreamtime. I felt like the first dream was a premonition. It felt very much like premonitions, do. The quality of them is different from regular dreams but it is hard to describe. It is like a “pay attention” feeling.
The other dream seems to be me confronting a part of me that is distasteful to me. It goes along with the ghetto dream I had not long ago where I visited a part of myself I felt was “unclean”. There is an inspection needed of the parts of myself that are lustful and sexual. That part of me tends toward addiction and seeks out pleasure over pain. Lately I have had images of sexual scenes in my mind that come out of the blue. They are quite orgy-like and likely from another lifetime, though I am not certain. I have a curiosity about them but do not linger on them. However, I am having a lot of root chakra Kundalini activity that makes me especially sexually aroused for no reason. I suspect the dreams, visions and sexual urges go hand-in-hand. Yet I cannot help but wonder if I have gone “sexually insane” or maybe I have entered into that talked about “sexual peak” that women in their 40s experience? There is from this unintended burst of sexual tension both an interest and repulsion in reaction to these sexual urges.
With all of the above going on in dreamtime it is likely it is bubbling up into my consciousness during my waking hours and influencing me more than I know. The hurricane and it’s path toward my husband does not feel to be an issue and overall I feel calm about his situation and know he will arrive home safely, though maybe a bit delayed. Last night as I was considering the three hurricanes now in the Gulf, the massive 8.0 earthquake that hit Mexico and all the fires in the Northwest, I can’t help but feel like my early premonitions of Earth changes are slowly coming to pass. My guidance has long urged me to “stay put” in Central Texas because it will be “safe”. I have seen the coastlines of the U.S. in visions and was told it was not advised that I live near any of them. On one coast the threat of earthquakes is high, on the other ocean surges will engulf the low lying areas time and time again. To think of it all made me shudder. No wonder I have been so uppity the last few days.
Another interesting night last night. I suspect the full moon again.
Dream: New Controls
I went into an office building inside a skyscraper (high ambitions) for a job (looking for direction and focus). While inside I met up with a woman wearing professional attire – gray and blue suit, high heels. She dropped me at my designated area and told me there were five openings and assured me I would get one. She hinted that the manager position was a likely fit.
Inside I was handed my packet complete with shirt, hat and shoes for my uniform (need to belong). I took it and left without question. The lady met me outside the door and asked me what position I got. I told her it must be a position lower than manager because I was given a uniform. I showed her and she seemed disappointed. I was also given a round telephone for communicating with the office. The feeling was the job was technical or something but all I recall is looking through the phone and noticing it needed to be programmed and did not look nor work like other cell phones.
As I was leaving I opted to take the stairs instead of the elevator. The stairs were in the center of the building and where the treads should have been there were straps. I opted to just slide down (letting go of control) and landed on the bottom happy from the ride.
At the bottom I ran into a woman with gigantic balloons (dreams, hopes, ambitions) in all shapes for her son’s birthday party. A gust of wind came and she lost hold of them and they scattered. We were inside a tunnel (exploring subconscious) so they just spread out. I grabbed several for her. I remember two in the shape of Corvettes. I helped her to her car and she thanked me.
Then I was inside a car and my mom was driving. I was in the seat directly behind the driver’s seat holding my new, circular work phone. It morphed into a steering wheel (control over direction of life) and I began to drive while my mom drove. This caused problems and the car went out of control. I remember thinking, “I should just let her drive.” So I let go of my controls and sat back.
Then for some reason the driving shifted to me and I happily used my new controls which were not attached to the car. It was difficult to get use to because it caused the car to fly (in charge of life, happy). I remember running into guard rails more than once but not being upset by it but laughing it off. The new controls were blue (spirituality, optimism) in my hands and seemed very futuristic. I remember someone being there to guide me on using the controls.
While I was driving I began to notice an energy in my root chakra. This shifted the dream and I found myself inside a sparkly white bathroom (renewal) cleaning it with white rags. I saw the tub faucet and noticed it had blue (spirituality, optimism) wash cloths (new transition) draped around it. I went up to investigate but the sensation in my root chakra grew more and more intense and woke me up.
Kundalini and New Chakras?Â
When I woke up the energy in my root was explosive. It shifted out and then upward into my chest. It felt like a very pleasurable energy bubble that breathed in and out. I drifted into the in-between where I was shown the circular control (the phone and steering wheel from the dream) and then saw what looked like a V shape. Up one side of it were 7 circles set along a geometric plane. I recognized them to be the chakras. The root was at the vertex of the V and I understood that another whole set of chakras went up the other side of the V. I assumed this to mean that I had two whole sets of chakras and was learning how to control the new set.
I continued to feel energy all over my body and it was mostly very pleasant but not so much that it made me squirm. It seemed as if the energy of the root chakra just expanded upward to include all of my chakras except for the last two. While the energy moved around I saw geometric, 3D shapes coming into my body from above. Mostly I recall seeing triangles a couple of feet larger than my physical body. They shifted position as they came closer and then “clicked” into place.
In one instance I was being shown how to activate my chakras. I was told to focus (touch) the palm of my right hand. When I did an electric pulse of energy shot up my arm and went directly into my heart chakra. My heart chakra felt to expand a bit and the energy inside was electric and warm to the point of almost being uncomfortable. In my mind’s eye I saw an electric field generate inside my heart chakra that looked like something from out of a science text book. There were points connecting to points and they were all lit up in a neon green color and sparking as tiny points connected and reconnected almost like brain neurons. I was in awe of what I had just done and this woke me up completely. I laid in bed for a while after just enjoying the energy moving around and through my body.
When I was fully awake I remember Knowing that the shape of the new phone/control was purposeful. Cell phones are normally rectangular. This new “cell phone” was circular and looked like a futuristic make-up compact. The entire dream sequence and subsequent Kundalini activity was like a course to get me accustomed to something new about myself.
After a two month WP break this morning’s activity prompted me to shift back here. Why? Well, you’ll see, but mainly because while I was in the midst of the lucid dream below I remember saying, “I need to remember this, to write this down and share it”.
If you’ve been following me on Blogger then you know what’s been going on these past couple of months. If you haven’t been, sorry, I’m not going to do a recap except to say spiritual experiences have been low, dream recall almost nonexistent, and focus has been on physicality and living life.
Up until two nights ago things have been quiet in dreamland. Woke up a lot last night. Assuming it has to do with the full moon.
Lucid Dream: Message
I was in school but can’t recall now the specifics of the situation. The next thing I know I am in a room that has no form or features and is dark except where I am. It is almost like I have a dim spotlight on me. I feel a distinctly familiar feeling and think, “I am about to meet someone.” The feeling brings on full lucidity. I think to myself, “Capricorn” and quickly conclude he must be a Capricorn. I’m not sure why I think this but I have no doubt of what I Know.
The feeling intensifies. It is the feeling of connection to another and it is strong, but not so strong it scares me. I can only describe it as an all-over body vibration where mine and the other person’s vibration aligns. The feeling is like my body is a living symphony where all the individual instrument parts are being played perfectly. My soul was literally singing.
A man appears from the shadows. When I see him I know he’s the one I’ve been feeling. He says to me, “I have a message for you.” Inside I begin to freak out a bit, anticipating the message and wishing he had not said that word “message” because it makes me anticipate what is coming next. I expected to wake up because I could feel my anticipation rising and my nervousness taking over. Yet I didn’t. Instead, he approached me and placed his hand on my left shoulder. It was so solid and real it surprised me. I looked up at him and could see him clearly. He was no one I recognized. In fact, he was quite plain in terms of human appearance with small red bumps (pimples?) covering his face, but the feeling I got from him was gentle and loving. He had medium brown hair and light eyes. In recalling him now he could have passed for my father in his younger years, though I did not see my father in him during the experience.
I wait for his message and he draws closer to me. He gently pulls me toward him and we hug. I feel every bit of it as real as in the physical yet this doesn’t wake me up. The hug is so wonderful, too, reminding me of how hugs felt when I was a child after being lost for a while.
When we are done hugging I keep looking up at him, focusing on his face trying to memorize every detail. He says to me, “You are better than this. You don’t need him.” I feel instantly humbled by his statement. It was like I had expected him to say it and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I replied, “You’re talking about (insert person’s name) right?” He says, “Yes.” I hang my head and say, “I know but it is so hard. I don’t want to be here. I can’t do this anymore.” He says, “Why don’t you leave then?” I say to him, “I don’t think I could do that.” He says, “Why couldn’t you?”
I have to interrupt the dream here to say our conversation is not what it seems. Don’t draw any conclusions here thinking we are talking about my husband because we aren’t. During the conversation I did mention a name but when I awoke I understood it to mean I don’t need anyone – male, female, or otherwise. When he says “Why don’t you leave?” I interpret it to mean “leave this life”, not a person, place or situation. In hindsight I believe the conversation has multiple meanings referring to multiple situations in my life.
There is a discussion then about my time on Earth and the choices I have made and the choices I have yet to make. Most of the specifics are lost to me now but I recall seeing a block resembling the days on a calendar but I think the blocks represent something larger, maybe years or lifetimes but I’m not sure. I recall knowing I could finish early, two blocks early, and that it would be okay if I did. The feeling I remember having the most was complete exhaustion and wanting to exit this life as soon as possible. There were so many words exchanged here but all that is left of mine is a feeling of being unable to progress past a certain point. If I had to put it into words it would be that I just can’t push past my feelings of responsibility towards those I love or past the feeling that whatever I do, I lose. I remember the man being very sympathetic and there being the message from him that I knew this might happen when I planned this life. We don’t always have the strength in life that we think we will have while we are in Spirit. The feeling of disappointment in myself was very strong. No matter how hard I try to do what I came here to do, I seem unable. It’s as if that part of me is broken.
The next thing I remember was him asking me, “How do you want to go?” I contemplated this aloud saying, “I don’t care” because I just wanted it over with, then changed my mind because I saw several scenarios flash through my mind – car accident, freak accident, suicide. Â I saw my family’s reaction to these and it wasn’t good. I told him, “I prefer to go in my sleep. An aneurysm maybe…something that won’t hurt and won’t traumatize my family.”
Then I heard noises-off. It sounded like my daughter calling my name. By this time I was laying down with the man, curled up inside his embrace and very comfortable there with him. Safe. I knew hearing her meant he was about to go. I told him, “I don’t want you to go yet.” But I called back to her and felt his embrace around me lighten until it was gone. Yet I could still hear him. I asked him, “What is your name?” He said, “I have many names, as do you.” I understood this meant so much more than my human mind can comprehend yet in that moment I had no confusion whatsoever.
I lost some lucidity then and had a dream-within-a-dream. I saw a blonde woman resembling me. She laid down behind the back wheels of an SUV placing her head right behind a tire. The car backed up and crushed her head. The people inside the car panicked and got out. I was watching from a distance and saw the woman rise up out of her body and watch.
Then I was talking to the woman. We were face to face and I felt overwhelming love for her. I put my hands on her face and looked at her, smiling. I don’t remember everything we said but I do recall saying to her, “I love you” and my heart overflowing with love for her. We embraced and then I woke up feeling myself settle back into my sleeping body.
Even after I awoke I could still sense the energy of the man from my dream. He was still around me so I asked him again, “What is your name?” I felt a reply and slowly it formed in my mind – Sebastian. The sense at this time was that I was surrounded by love and it’s form is incomprehensible to my human mind. What I see in my dreams and in visions is nothing compared to the true forms of these Beings. I heard, “We are Many” and took a deep breath. Elohim. I knew They would come back. But I was/am so tired, so completely spent energetically, spiritually, physically, emotionally, that the thought of being “crazy” caused absolutely no reaction in me.
I couldn’t sleep afterward, tossing and turning because I was trying to remember as many details of the experience as I could. There were moments when I would drift and get visions, flashes of names or scenarios. I saw the name, “David” written clearly and remembered an entire dream from many nights before. Then I heard Ezekiel, Gabriel, and other Biblical names. I began to hear an old hymnal – Ten Thousand Angels – “He could have called, ten thousand angels, but he died alone for you and me….” I knew I was being told I had angels watching over me.
OBE: Over and Over Again
I almost got out of bed at 5:30am because I was so wide awake but instead I closed my eyes to meditate.
The next thing I recall was being inside a school sitting at a desk. I knew I had missed many classes. There were several “bad” students present. One male student was sent to get my mail and deliver it to me. Yet he didn’t give it to me but kept it and went through it. I went up to him and said, “You know it’s a federal offense to take someone’s mail.” Eventually I got my mail back and pulled out a large, wooden “S”, from inside an envelope. I knew it represented my last name.
My teacher told me that I needed to update my computer. I had a laptop in front of me and told her I had already updated it from home. I went to a seat and sat down for a while after that. The seat reminded me of a seat in a movie theater. As I sat there I entered into a meditative trance-type state. I can’t remember what I was thinking until the vibrations began to wake me from my meditative state. They were super intense, wrapping around me lovingly centered around my heart. I wanted to sink into them and let them take me away, into oblivion, when I thought suddenly, “I’m having a stroke.” Then I realized the energy and vibrations I was feeling were indicative of being OOB. I sat up and out of my dream body and faced myself, touching my own shoulder. I don’t remember looking at my face just being aware of being outside of the body I had just been in.
I immediately felt freer and happier. Looking to explore, I wandered out of the large, movie-theater-type place and into another room. Inside I found a large group of people standing together in formation seeming to be rehearsing something. They were all wearing what appeared to be costumes of other-worldly creatures. Some looked to be from the Renaissance while others looked like fairies or creatures only found in fairy realms. My attention went to a very tall, handsome man in front of me. I can’t remember his costume now but when I saw him I was intrigued. His eyes and mine locked and I smiled. I stood and watched them practice for a while, relaxed and enjoying myself. All of them were a good foot or more taller than me.
Then a young brown haired woman approached me. We knew each other. She began talking to the other me who apparently had followed me into the room. I interrupted their conversation and said to her, “It’s me. She (the other me) is me. You and I know each other, too.” The explanation continued but is lost to me now. Apparently I am able to split off from myself and interact independently of my other selves. This time I remember seeing the other me but now all I remember is a blur of her blue shirt and her shoulder length hair which seemed light brown/dark blonde.
I told the brown haired girl, “Come with me. I want to show you some things.” The girl followed. I was laughing by this time and jumped up into the air with her. I said, “We can fly, you know.” We lifted up and then drifted back down. Taking her hand I lifted her up with me and then we laid on our backs, floating. We glided for a while, facing the ceiling and then going through the windows out into the night. We could see the sky full of stars and I was laughing and singing by this time as was my friend.
We continued to float and then began to fly out and over the fields. I was singing about life and how we as eternal Beings live forever, experiencing lifetime after lifetime. The fields below me turned into giant life stories in the form of realistic books built into the scenery. The hills seemed to come alive with moving pictures of lives from different times and places. I sang, “We do it (life) over and over again….” As I sang I turned the pages of the Earth-book showing life after life after life. I did all of this full of a child-like joy.
It was around this time that I began to come back into my body. I felt the familiar energy of re-entry and my heart was beating rapidly.
A song was in my head when I woke up, “I’m still breathing. I’m still breathing. I’m alive.”
Putting it Together
The “Capricorn” reference was related to the month of December, not the man in the lucid dream. I don’t remember when I realized this but when I awoke I recalled seeing stars in the sky, as if being shown astrology and the time of the year when Capricorn rules. I also recall saying something in astrological terminology to the man. The term I used was “aspect” but I can’t make sense of what I said. All I recall is that I said some aspect would affect me and it is related to Capricorn. My feeling upon waking was that it would happen in December and I felt a bit sad because that time of the month has been bringing all kinds of crap into my life since 2015! I wish I could just skip the month this year rather than face whatever it is bringing me this time around.
I also want to reassure you all that though it appears I am planning my own demise, I do not feel upset, sad or otherwise concerning the conversation with the man in the lucid dream nor did I have any such feelings during the discussion regarding exiting this life. It was just a matter-of-fact conversation, like I got a sneak peek into what goes on in dreamtime – the planning and such.
There was also a message in the lucid dream I forgot to mention. I was told, “You are primed”. I have heard that before and so my reaction was not positive. I understand that it means I have been prepared/prepped for something – a task, situation, or experience.
Finally, there was a return of that familiar E.T. feeling that I have not had in a very long time. It is that multidimensional-connected-Source-Love-Oneness feeling. lol Hard to describe.
Living Life in Between 